Merry Kissmas w/ Jessica St. Clair

26:43Or a website maybe. But then also it seems like Jana, who's a solid 10, and I thought she was beautiful, but 10 years older than Kayla. Of course, yes. But it seems that they maybe went to high school together because she references her being a valedictorian. Yeah, that's right. Which is part of her selling points. Of course, if a valedictorian came up and started kissing you, would that change your opinion? Jason's not going to change his opinion on this. Don't stab him. Here's the thing. I would love it. A valedictorian. I would love it. That's first in class, not valedictorian. I would love a beautiful valedictorian to start kissing me in an elevator.

27:18The minute she says, by the way, BT dubs, BTK, I am engaged. And that was fun. You're upset. Okay, just was asking. I was just doing that to distract from Mrs. Joyner. Peace. I'm engaged. I would be like, fuck you. I'm out here giving A plus kisses away to engaged ladies. OK, here's. But back to my question. Jana, I think, went to high school with Kay, although I don't know how the numbers work there. And then. Jana was a very bad student. And then. And Kayla was a great student. And then Dustin also grew up in this town with his cousin. But they don't know each other. How do they not know each other?

27:58That's interesting. None of them know each other. And Kayla could not be more famous. No, Jada knows Dustin though. Yes, because he's the caterer and they know each other from town and all that. And Mrs. Joyner knows all of them. Mrs. Joyner is like the whole town. She's in half the pursuit of everybody. But it felt like the movie wanted us to be like, oh my God, she's Kayla. and nobody seems to really know her except Jana and Mrs. Joy. By the way, they should have made Kayla the star. Yeah. And he should have been like the director and she's the star. So, cause like to be the fiance of a famous person is an odd choice.

28:35Nobody cares. Yeah. Did the movie answer where Kayla's family is? No. This is her hometown. Well, they all were at the, they were all at the feet. Seems like they're dead. No, they were all at the party though. Makes sense. Their engagement party. That was packed, and it wouldn't have been his family at the engagement party. Well, he did invite a lot of press, he said. You know all that Palo Alto press. All that Palo Alto press. To cover entertainment. The PAP, the PAPS. The swimming in it. That's the, you know, that's the... Did anybody feel this was, and I now know it was a Kay Jewelers ad, but if you told me...

29:10Oh my gosh, I'm just realizing something, that Kay's jeweler must have also paid for the bracelet. Yes. The bracelet that's the colors of Christmas. The bracelet? Ugliest thing I've ever seen in my life. What was it? Missing the color green, by the way. It wasn't the colors of Christmas. It wasn't. It was. What was it? It was red and pink. Also, he said, also, he said, it's not what you think. I wouldn't be so presumptuous. Aren't they already engaged? Yeah. Well, I guess because they broke it off, but then he's coming back. That's the mea culpa. Are those matching, is that a matching earring?

29:47That's the grossest thing I've ever seen. That's a bracelet. That bracelet makes me want to barf. This looks like a steal from a jewelry commercial. Right. When it's like, he went to the mall and we got it. But it also is a terrible presentation of it. It's a terrible box. I would think every kiss begins with K. By the way, I have a story. I auditioned for a K. Should we leave? Jewelry commercial. I feel like you and I at this point were staying in a friend's trundle bed. Anyway. Wait, hold on. What was that part of the. Jason and I for a couple months slept. I had a. I. Did you sleep in the trundle or did I?

30:23I slept on the floor. OK. It was trundle situation. Anyway, I went to a commercial audition for Kay's Jewelry. Wow. And they made us kiss or the guy did kiss me. And it was so shocking. The audition was like. Now you were in that situation. every kiss begins with oh my god it wouldn't happen these days no it shouldn't happen then we did have a union at that point they were cool with it the casting director was like wonderful chemistry this guy just rolled with it and was like I'm going in I think so but it was encouraged and I didn't like it you didn't like it that someone just shockingly started kissing you in a scenario that you didn't think was going to be kissing Was the audition in an elevator?

31:11Has anyone ever done that? I just want to know, was the audition in an elevator? You got mad at me last time. I actually don't like being pointed at. I don't like it from across the room, and I don't like it there. We should not be this close to each other. It's too close. I just keep da-da-da-da. Here's my question. that presentation was so horrible and i would imagine if k is putting that's what i mean you think k put in 100 grand but 50 grand to the last minute i don't know roughly the budgets of these movies run around uh this million dollars one to two million dollars that's the average so you're okay and you know you put in 100 grand maybe maybe 200 grand why don't you have a representative on set who's there for the commercial shop.

32:08But it should have been. That's not a branded box as opposed to... Probably Kay's Julia wouldn't want to give. That's the one at the end. That's where it's... That's every kiss begins with Kay. If you're going to see the Kay, it's always every kiss begins with... That's a trigger for me. What does it say on the bottom? What does it say in front of the ring? The Leo diamond, it says, right? Okay. I mean, the chat will tell us. Molly, what's going on with the chat? Anything? Check in with Molly. Molly cam. What do we got on the Molly cam? Hey, everybody. I'm sorry to back up a little bit, but a lot of people are pointing out that the beautiful bracelet that's the color of Christmas is actually the color of the lesbian flag.

32:49All right. Oh, I'm okay. Great to know. Is Carlton a lesbian? Honestly, if Carlton's a lesbian, that makes all the sense in the world. I would love that. Is his name Carlton? Yes. Great. I'd love to see Carlton at the end of the movie get into a Subaru with another woman. You know what I mean? Everything would kind of come. Well, Carlton is having, he seems to be having an affair now. Once she starts her affair, he starts to have an affair with the Sugar Plum Fairy. Now, I didn't like that woman because I felt like she was moving in. She was moving in on what? Our girls already cheated on him.

33:20Yeah, but she seemed a little like whatever. They were broken up. Dark haired girls, don't trust them. Wait. Hot take. Oh my God. Hot takes. These takes are incredible. So you're cool. Dark hair, girls. It's true. You're cool with a blonde. Unwarranted kisses. Yeah, they're trustworthy. No, brunette. That's why I had to dye my hair blonde. Little Mermaid. Dark hair, she's the one. I don't know if there's any footage of that woman during the dance numbers. Oh, right. These dancers are terrible. No, but some of them were at least actual dancers. I'm not saying they were good, but they were dancers.

33:58and then there was our brunette. Right. The dark haired villain who was truly like the most hilarious part. She wasn't, she was looking around sort of doing a lot of this, doing a lot of just like little jumps, like this, this, little jumps, little jumps, looking, looking. Then her role in this is to complain about all the dancers. Yeah, right. And I had an eagle eye on her. She is not a dancer because she had an acting role. Well, I mean, when you see the sets and the props all in there, then she really pops. the pear down version she should be the star there is a little old though careful careful now you can't report for dark haired girls and I agree with Paul she was grossly old first of all and I felt uncomfortable about it because between her and Doris Roberts I was like every woman in this is elderly I've never seen a nutcracker and I just assumed that the sugar plum fairy is a little girl who dances.

34:57Ew, no. Who's that girl? That's, I don't remember her name, but Clara, yeah. Why isn't she at rehearsal? She's like the queen of, you know, the other world. Angelica Houston, like that kind of a thing. What? She's not. That's a dangerous brunette right there. I've never seen the Nutcracker, Paul. I guess you were busy with those birds. This is making me like Carlton a lot more because he was just trying to cast the roles the way he saw them. He's not interested in it. This is a very pared down version of the Nutcracker. This is like when I saw Patti LuPone do Sweeney Todd and there's only two people.

35:33I just want to make sure just not to swing you back out of Carlton's favor. But he does say at a certain point, I'm the draw. Yeah. It's not about the dance. It's not about the dancers. It's about him. This is an ego's battle. But also Carlton's abusive to the dancers. He throws his script off the, you know, and in this day and age. Well, it's not this day and age, is it? It's 2017 in the movie. 2015. Oh, okay. Yeah. Different time. A different time. Was anyone surprised that when the movie started and we were about 15 minutes in, I thought for sure that Dustin was a pastry chef. Same. I have to refer to him as the baker.

36:10The baker. He only bakes. We only see him baking. I thought. And then he's baking more stuff. And I thought for a long time he was making food for dogs. Yeah. But it was to raise money for the dogs. Me too. I thought they were making dog cookies. Yes. I really want to go over the number of events that we are working toward in this movie that are on the docket. None of which are important whatsoever. So there is the engagement party, which at a certain point there's no engagement. So that sort of turns into just like a party. Which is doubling as Carlton's like a premiere party. He's invited press.

36:47So the show is open? I think it's about to. I think this is in service of that. So there's that. And also I do want to address the fact that at one point he says, we have to keep our engagement because it will help the opening of the show. Right. Couldn't draw that line. What's even crazier at a certain point is that she says we're holding off on our wedding until after Christmas because he's so busy with the show. But that means they're going to only start planning their wedding after this show. So they're like a year away from getting married. Time to make out with a lot of other guys and see if we even want to do that.

37:27See if you can beat this. So then there's also a fundraiser for the animal shelter. But at one point, Paul, you said it's not for the shelter. It's for the people who work there. No, I mean, you thought it was for the dogs. And I was saying it's for the organization. It's for the organization. Ultimately, it's for the dogs, though. I hope that money's not going to just overhead costs. Okay. It was a very nice. That fundraiser is for the dog shelter. However, they want to break up. But to be fair to June, I agree. I would love to get a look at those books. I'd love to get a look at the books for this, for this shelter.

38:04He didn't seem to make that many cookies that would actually bring in a lot of dogs and only Joshua was working there. There's another event. There's some sort of community event that they are going to, that she, she has made flyers. Yeah. What are the dog event to give out at some community event? Then correct me if I'm wrong, chat. I believe there's also something that she calls a tree event, which is sort of the Christmas market. She goes to think that might be the community, but it might also be part of the fundraiser for the dogs. There's also in a montage, a carnival. Yes. They also go to a full carnival.

38:51I think that's the pier. And that's after she just said she had the best time of her life researching the maker of the Nutcracker. Yes. We have that image, Molly. I forgot that whole story. The Nutcracker is brand new. Well, like what Nutcracker comes with like. A booklet? Well, I didn't know that Nutcrackers were so specific like to the maker. It's like you're getting all Gupetto. It's as if this man invented the concept of a nutcracker. That I want to read a book about. Wouldn't that be great? But no, this is just a store-bought nutcracker that they're pawning off as some great artisan. Oh, they also did a thing in this scene where they're texting, where each of them says aloud the text that is then shown word for word on screen.

39:37But sometimes it's different because he said, seriously, that's great. And then when she got it, just said, seriously, no dot, dot, dot. That's great. Oh, funny. But now this is what she said. She says researching Vance has been two of the most fulfilling hours I've had in a long time. Her life is dog shit. It is. She was a valedictorian of her class and she is now, she's terrible at flirting. Wikipedia-ing has been the most fulfilling time. And also he's so down on her. He's like, you write that article yet tonight? Like he's so, everybody wants for her to get laid. They want to get her laid.

40:15That's everybody's everybody in the town. Yeah. With the exception of Mrs. Joyner, who wants to make that sale. Everybody is like, let's get her coupled up. I don't know what she's wasting time. She's a bad business manager. She's out making postcards. She's engaged. I understand, but no one liked her. The cousin, her body be banging. No one cares about her. Joshua does. They throw her to this deep side part, like, and we never see them. You know what I mean? I believed in them. We wouldn't have pizza. I thought that was very sinister. He's like, want to come to pizza? I'm like, that's the last we're going to see of that cousin.

40:49Wait, you think Joshua's a BTK-style murderer? You think we never see Kim again because she's bound, tortured, and killed? I personally really liked the fact that Dustin was on her ass about doing her work. But here's the deal. I liked that. I've never seen that in a movie. She's got so much on her plate right now. It's December. She has nothing. She has nothing on her plate. That's what she's separated from him. She's paraphrasing a note card into an article for Tempo magazine or whatever. Here's a hot take. Here's a hot take you guys are not going to see coming. Oh, boy. Single on St. Clair.

41:24She has agreed to be Carlton's business manager. So, honestly, all of the duties that she's pissed about doing, that's her job. This is what I've been saying, Jess. If you didn't want it. You're saying, do you think she's getting paid for that? What if I don't see a direct deposit, if I don't see cash in my hands or in the bank, that's not a job. So you think she's working for free? I do. I do not think he's paying her. But then don't agree to it. If you agree, yes, I will do this for you. And then you disappear for three days. If I'm not being paid to go to carnivals. I have to be an indentured servant to this man?

42:01He's relying on her to get the show up on its feet. And she's out there fucking. And look at this. Even though they've broken up, he's got requests. Please pick up my favorite socks. Where are you? How come you're not answering your phone? I have a headache. I need some medicine. Guys, can I ask you a very, very, very honest question? Do you have a favorite pair of socks? Yes. Really? You do? I wore these today. Yeah, those are good socks. I do. I have a couple now of the same pair. I treat my socks like shit. I don't think of my socks in any way. I don't think of them as... No. Can I say something?

42:39And this is very vulnerable right now. Okay. Okay. I actually have, I've been on a mission just this year to upgrade my sock situation. Love this. Because I know it's something I've never paid attention to in my whole life. And you'd like to turn your attention to it. I always got them. I always, like, they were haphazard. And then what I would do, and this is actually very vulnerable, is because I didn't care about them, I never got new ones. I totally understand that. And so this year is the first year where I'm like, I deserve, I want. You had to go to a single for that? I did because it's been a very empowering thing for me to say and to feel that I deserve good socks.

43:23I love this. And Bombas is the brand to go. Wait a minute. What is this? Is this a Kate Jewelers situation? Why are you guys both saying Bombas? And you know what? Every time you buy a pair of socks they give some money to charity it's not okay no bombas does bombas does i do have a pair of athletic socks that i like that i have here's the thing i similarly a bunch of years ago just bought all new socks that were good like good socks but i don't have a faith like that's my favorite pair i just am like socks foot right go yeah you know but i don't have shitty i agree i I would expect you to have bought all of the same sock, put them all in a drawer.

44:07You don't have to pair them. Those motherfuckers are just. So you have a favorite. But he has favorite socks. But out of those socks, he's not saying, but this is my favorite. No, I think we don't have a favorite of these. Correct. Well, I think what you guys aren't maybe into is and I will say Paul got me into this. I would see that he had he liked a playful sock. Well, that's Paul. I used to, but then I was. But then I sort of got him away from that and said, like, well, you're not going to show our personalities to our socks. Yeah, she yelled at me about that. She yelled at me about that. And then I stopped the playful sock.

44:43Oh, wow. This is a very special one. I put this out. I'll allow it. I'll allow it. Only for today. But what's interesting is, I don't know if you've noticed this, but I've. Now you're taking on a playful sock. I've started to get like that Happy Sock brand. I'm like, I like those. What is going on? is this live stream underwritten by socks you know here's a cautionary tale matt lauer when i met when i met him where we used to go on yes no remember we used to go on of course i do he never wears socks ew loafer without socks that's disgusting that's serial killer you know what my barber my barber rudy told me he i was wearing my fail i was wearing i was wearing my socks up and He's like, that's good.

45:29He's like, that you pull your socks up as high as it works. If you don't, you got to be eyes out. For those men who are going socks-less into a loafer, it was such a look for a while. Right around this time, actually, like the late teens, the slightly high and a bare ankle. You like that look. With a no-show sock. Don't point at me. I do like that look, but that's with a no-show sock. Correct. I think what we're realizing, though, is... We're all touching tonight! Why do you ever burn when you touch me? I think what we're realizing is socks are your happy. And there's a lot of happy in this movie.

46:11Can we play the montage of happy? No, no, no. Yeah, this is something that I thought they were trying to make a thing, but it wasn't. What's your happy? This is a montage of... That was really... That turned my stomach. I kept waiting for there to be a threesome with the cousins and her. because she was like, look at this. Look at these cookies. They look so happy. They were made with happy. Well, the real happy is coming up. So what's the happy? This could be the beginning of a softcore porn. Could it not? We're throwing dough at each other. Oh, I got to take this thing off. This is the happy I was talking about.

46:46This is seriously happy. Here's my movie pitch. My movie pitch is, wouldn't it have been so much better if Kayla and Kim, Kim? what's the cousin's name if they ended up together because she and he have so little chemistry oh wow that's that is a deep side part um i was like oh they like kim is more interesting to me yeah is great then great i really i know you felt this way too paul so i don't want you to just i know because i know you felt this way too i thought they had great chemistry i love them together now if i was to disagree with you i would have been lying the first two times that You made me agree with that.

47:25I did feel it. You made me agree? Are you in an emotionally abusive relationship like Carlton? I love they had a great relationship and they were really good. They were really good. I love being in California. I love being out here. S.O.S. in Morse code. And it's okay if anyone kisses anyone in the elevator. Come on. Fine. Don't point. Tears sprouting out of her. Don't point. But if June wants to chase someone down the street and kiss them in a magical elevator beer, as long as there's mistletoe, I'm okay with it. Guys, did anybody say at any point in this movie that the elevator was magic? No.

47:55Yes. Doris Roberts. Doris Roberts says, you know, they say, not that it's magic, but they tell stories about this elevator. This elevator has a story to it. I think it was meant to be a magic elevator. I think it's soft magic. I think it's soft magic. I actually also think. That's what I tell the ladies. You're about to see the soft magic. Merry Christmas. Okay, close your eyes. The hard magic, ladies. Merry Christmas. Happy Blue Year. May you have some hard magic in your future. Now, I will say this. Isn't that what they call that stuff you put on ice cream? I will say this. I want to talk for a second about the elevator in general.

48:36And I think that maybe the best person to hear it from is one of the stars of the film. Oh, no. Brant Daugherty. We were able to get him on the show. So this is Brant. Hey, jerks. uh what's up brandt dardy here you probably recognize me better as the star of merry kissmas wanted me to share some anecdotes asked me what uh kissing doris roberts was like is it weird that there's mistletoe in an elevator all amazing questions none of which address the point this movie was written by an insane person i looked up her resume and it turns out She's written exclusively holiday films where the leads kiss in an elevator.

49:17And I'm like, what the fuck happened to you in an elevator? Anyway, the movie was directed by a man who couldn't give half a shit what happened. Oh, wow. He's really free. What are we doing here? And he looked up from his phone and went, I don't know. I looked right down. Oh, fuck. Oh, wow. Doris Roberts. She leans into me and she goes, Brandt. I'm going to try something. And I was like, say less. You may have my body. And so unscripted, she pulls me and kisses me, slaps me the fucking tongue, and then slaps me and walks away. Anyway, the movie makes no sense on a cellular level from moment to moment.

50:03The fact that you've watched it and can highlight that I am supposed to be in an elevator but I live on the first floor. Like, I can't tell you how much I fucking love and respect you guys, because this is exactly the kind of critical minds we need watching this film. We need people who can understand the madness. And I feel like you see it. I love him. I love you guys. That was like the longest cameo of my life because you hit on a very niche subject for me. So, jerks, possibly including Paul, I love you guys. You have an amazing, amazing Christmas. Please look up the writer of this movie and let me know, has she branched out at all from people making out in elevators?

50:41Because I hope not. Well, thank you, Brent. And so now I'm going to say. He's only gotten better looking. What did I say? He's only gotten better looking. He's a star. We broke Oscar Isaacs on this podcast. And I feel the same way about Brent. I'm going to devote the rest of my career to making that guy a star. And casting him opposite June and I. So now do you understand why she kissed him? Life's to be lived in which we just make out with him for like four or five hours. Let me just say that Brant was also in Fifty Shades Free as Sawyer. He's the bodyguard that Christian hires for Dakota Johnson.

51:14Okay. I do want to bring up one thing that Brant said, which was that Doris Roberts improvised the kiss. No, I think she improvised in one take the tongue and the slap. Okay, got it. Like the K. Jewelers guy. Similarly. Yeah. Okay, got it. Because I was going to say that's a major. No, no, I agree. I thought that at first, too. Doris Roberts, for sure, needed to just update her SAG insurance. I have been in some interesting movies with older, more well-established actors who clearly don't need the money, who just say, you know what, let me just do my hours. Right. Come in, come out, and then we're done.

51:51Okay, got it. All right. So she's clocking hours. 100%. Wow. Wow. One day of shooting. What if I told you, though, she was getting paid in gift certificates to Kay Jewelers? Oh my God. My God. I, this was, that was, these two things both rock. I know. I'm really like, I had a note that just says I like him. It makes me want to do all the other elevator writer movies. Well, by the way, I will say this, that Brant also wrote the first parody Christmas movie for the Hallmark channel. cool. Yeah. In 2019 called the Christmas Christmas movie. Cause I also, I feel like we haven't spent enough time on Kayla.

52:27I really liked Kayla. Yeah. Yeah. We have nowhere to go. The only complaint I had about her is she didn't turn off her phone notifications. Oh, well, this is an issue. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do have this issue. I think that if you don't know to turn your notifications off when you're with a group of people, you are meant. I don't care. These are word emails that she should be handling. I don't care. You can still get those notifications and have your phone on silent. But this is 2015. Yeah, they didn't know how to do it. They didn't have that option there. I found that to be insane, to go on a romantic date with a prospect, a post-engagement prospect.

53:04Dates, prospects? A post-engagement prospect? Yeah, she's a prospector looking for gold. To leave your notifications on? Well, also, Brant is so sweet. He's always like, you should take that. And that's why. That's your ex-fiance. And I love that we're just calling him Brant now. I love Brant. I love Brant. When she describes to him that her relationship is over and she says, I'll describe it in Twitter size, 140 characters or less. And I was like, what? What? What? What is this? Seriously, why does she go back to Carlton? For no people? Why? People make decisions in this movie for no reason other than plot.

53:42This is why he says, and this is why I think probably her parents are dead at a very young age or something. And she's looking for love. but he says that you're more important to me than work and that's what she's been waiting to hear is that she's important right because she's like kind of threatening him like I'll break up with you and then he was then he said but I love you and then she was like now you're confusing me but the final thing that makes her come back is he says you're more he said you should get back to the ballet and he says you're more important to me than work that's how bad her self worth is well because if I were her I would look at Brand and say Okay, he also really cares about his work.

54:20He wants to open up a restaurant. Yeah. I don't think he's going to be opening up a restaurant anytime soon. Really jumping in from like baking cake. We saw him make zero food beyond cookies that looked not good. He bought a nutcracker. He did look like what I would make. Most of his cooking was buying a nutcracker. Okay, and when they're doing... He's ideating right now. When they go to the day and they're going to do the... He's wearing the suit and this is where he realizes that they are enfianced. Um, he, he is standing in front of a table that you would think would have examples of all the food he's going to serve, but it's a roll of bubble wrap, a big brown, just box full of stuff.

55:01Like it looks like just random supplies from the shoot. You guys don't understand, like, haven't you seen Top Chef? They spend a lot of time just like writing notes. Yeah. Kind of ideating, thinking about things. I thought it would be a tasting menu though. Like they have to kind of get out in the world before they want to create something. They have to. But here's the thing. If I'm her and I am nervous that that this guy, my fiance won't commit. He's not going to nail down a date. He's obsessed with his work. And then I see Brandt and we have that amazing kiss. And he's also he's a guy who wants something out of life.

55:34He's a go getter. He wants he's an entrepreneur. Great. Loves dogs. Then I see that he's willing to adopt a dog. Oh, yeah. Marry that man. But she still goes back to Carlton. That's what I said. The sense of self isn't good. That's why. Why, though? We don't ever understand why she's making such terrible decisions. Because I want to, Jana seems to want to shake her and say, like, cut it out. But here's my question for Jana. Jana needs to get a fucking life. When Jana? Well, yeah, because Kayla is like, how come you're not dating him? Exactly. Why isn't she? I think Jana is honestly as a single white female thing to Kayla.

56:12Because why is she so obsessed with Kayla's life? Focus on yourself, Jana. Get out there. I just want to bring up one thing because as I'm hearing all this conversation, we're watching Kayla do the same mistake twice. She's with a man who's obsessed with his work. And then this guy also obsessed with his work. He wants to open up a restaurant. That's no easy task. Well, that's why he says to her when she makes those, I'm going to be honest, terrible postcards for him. Yeah, they are bad. He says, hey, don't do this. But making postcards isn't her dream. Well, designing a website is apparently her job.

56:46is getting the other guy's favorite socks. So she's just doing the exact same nonsense. Googling. So he's like, hey, don't do this for me. Do something for you. You know, do something for you. And that's when she is like and the second wish of the movie is, I wish I knew how to set boundaries. And I'm like, okay. Is that what this whole movie has been about? What the fuck is this movie now? I just understood the movie. Alright. What? This is a movie about a woman with writer's block. Oh. Okay. She's doing everything she can. Oh. She's being a businessman, an unpaid business manager slash intern.

57:25We don't know about the unpaid thing. Let's not make comments like that. He's not paying her. No. There's no way. She's doing every, even when she's in the right relationship because he's forcing her to write, she gets out of it. Yeah. She just doesn't want to see that little cursor blinking back at her. I get that. And I do understand that. I do understand. I want to see that blank page. Then at the end of this movie, she should have written the thing, I think. I think she's about to. She is about to. It's a year later. Too late, Kayla. It's a year later. He has moved to L.A. He has not opened a restaurant.

58:00They're on a Ferris wheel. They're in L.A.? Yeah, they're on the Santa Monica Pier a year later. I don't know if that was meant to be. Or is it a Palo Alto pier? Palo Alto isn't on the coast. I looked it up. There is coastline in Palo Alto. because I was like, because in the middle of that montage, what's weird is they're under a bridge. Oh, yes, they are multiple times at the carnival doing stuff that is peer-based, but they start their date montage, and he's wearing the buffalo sweater, the bison sweater, the big shaggy white sweater. I thought he looked great in that sweater. Great sweater.

58:32He ends the montage in that sweater. That's correct. In the midst of the montage, they each are wearing 10 other outfits. Yes, that's what I mean. Like, they covered a lot of ground. The montage suggests that days have passed, but they end exactly where they started. Same outfits, same day. Because I think in a weird way, they probably shot, you know, so they were like, we don't have time for this change. Nobody, if, if Brant is telling us that the director went, I don't know, and back to his phone, nobody's tracking outfits. I feel like Brant probably, and the, the lovely actress who played Kayla, they were, had to direct themselves.

59:11By the way, here we go. one year later same outfit here's what i want to say and this is important for me there is entirely too much face grabbing during all kissing in this movie every kiss is full of it must be direction because carlton does anyone was direct everybody is doing so much face like big face grabbing touching chin grabbing if someone ever touches my chin like this i'm gonna break their fucking if i ever went to grab a girl by the chin like this like you little cute i would expect to be stabbed and i would understand it yeah you would go get out of here just like slowly put it yeah like a slow while making full eye contact yes exactly just a tiny stiletto blade that you've got um it's real there's so much big grabbing of faces that i was like don't don't get girl grabby with the head but i feel like you need i think that that's a movie thing like you need to like be pulling someone because it's weird to be like it's if you don't grab when you're doing an on screen kiss i think it feels like it's just too much space to cover yeah i'd love to know how many real life face grabs are going on.

1:00:30You know, I think very few. So, so few. You think? So, I don't, I can't picture. I don't think you need to because you know what's happening. You don't need a guideline to be like, okay, let me. Yeah, it's like a, you know, an airplane. Yes. It's like, I want to, I got to put my hand on your head so that I know where to put my, so that my lips have a direction to move. It's wherever my hand is. but I feel like when someone's got you by here it's so quick that you could go snap oh yeah two hands they're doing two hand kisses they're making sure she doesn't get away Roberts is head grabbing he's head grabbing Carlton's head grabbing it's head grab city in this movie you have to because you're not sure a lot of these kisses are stolen valor kisses there's no consent this is not a movie about consent You're trying to keep people together.

1:01:26So few people in this movie are receiving kisses that they wanted. There's a lot of kissing in this movie, but many of the kisses are unprompted and surprising to one of the two parties. I think that's part of her kink, honestly. Kalis? No. Doris Roberts. The writer. Oh, the writer. Yes, I agree. Think about Dustin. Our boy Dustin, in one day, two days, back-to-back days. First, he gets on an elevator and Doris Roberts molests him. Second, Kayla molests him. And he says, why didn't I take the stairs? Yeah. Well, again, he lives on the first floor. I will say. And why did I take the elevator? Yeah.

1:02:06Why didn't I just jump out my window? Some of the face touching, I think, is maybe tied to the thematic song. I'll read you some lyrics here. It says, chasing clouds as they go by, trying to find the reason why you elevate my love. I can't wait to get across the Frisco Bay by your touch. Captivated. You're too much. What is this? These are the lyrics of it, which I believe someone's family member must have. It was, it was, it was the, the person who, the scored the film. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. But yeah, it was, yeah, it was, yeah, it's elevate my love by Brandon Jarrett, the composer of the film. Yeah.

1:02:42When they love, when they do their montage of falling in love, right. Do you think they fuck? Well, I should hope so. No, they're never fucking. You don't think they fucked? No, she's not. She's a good girl. I think she's staying over. Well, first of all, where is she sleeping? On the street? Well, she's sleeping on that sofa in that hotel room. Yes, that was weird. That was weird. It also felt like, because that cut is weird, because she starts typing, and then it's her waking up, and he's typing on the same computer. I thought he was stealing her idea. I did, too. I was like, wait a minute. Has she never been typing?

1:03:18Like, is this his story? Is this his story? It's like a John Candy Delirious movie. I thought for sure he was stealing the idea, and he was going to run off with this wild idea about Nutcracker, and it was going to be his next big hit. Oh, cool. Although that's a great idea for a sequel. By the way, I will say this. I think the reason why she had to stay in the hotel room is because it was full of cosplayers, because there was a convention in town. If you look at scene one, scene one when they first check into the hotel this is just an image one that's true throughout the movie is they own nothing they have not gotten clearance for any they are shooting in the real world in a movie with no extras cosplayers are out it feels like often times they are just existing in the world like the they have not like I believe the tchotchke store is I don't think they set decorated that at all I think they found a store full of nonsense and put it nutcracker in.

1:04:17I also think possibly the guy who plays the doorman has so much range of time. The bellhop? And he has also no magic. Combine all these, no magic. But I was thinking, is that someone's dad? He's dressed like a 1930s bellhop for no reason whatsoever. And he's working the side door. He's not working a front door. And he's the only guy. Nighttime, daytime. There's also these lingering close-ups of him. After they say that we're We're not getting married till January. They cut to him and he's like, huh? Hair, hair pouring out of his, his, his weird hat. Like what's happening with him? I couldn't make heads or tails out of that guy.

1:04:53What's going on? I thought maybe he would be the Santa Claus. Like wouldn't it be fun? He kept going back to that Santa when she says, cause this is, we talked about it a little bit, but the movie keeps giving us setups for magic, but then nothing. The wishes. The wishes. He does three wishes with that Santa. None of which comes. When she says, I want that girl. To have all of her dreams come true. I was like, okay, we're going to see that girl's dreams come true. Right. Doesn't happen. Does it, though? Because there was a moment where I thought that that girl on the bench was the dark-haired girl that was the sugar plum fairy.

1:05:28Oh, I hope it is. I think we're making too many connections. So she got, like, popped into the movie. So if that's the case, then yes, I hope that's. Then I want it to be. I know. Because that would be good. What we want is not always what happens. Okay, well. What's real. And I will say that the last Santa time, he's like, well, you'll figure it out. And I wrote, F you, Santa. If you are going to come in and interrupt me looking over a bridge and then you have no advice but to say, you'll figure it out. Good luck. Wait, how about the fact that she has twice wished with Santa and then this third time she wishes in a fountain with Santa there next to her?

1:06:05You know what I thought? I said to Paul. It's too many wishing. Too many wishes. I said to Paul, oh my gosh, she threw the bracelet away. Oh, that had been great. I thought she had, but no. I feel like there's a checklist for like all these like movies. And this writer just took all of them instead of just like, yeah, like you take four and then right around the four. But she's like, I'll do the wishes. I'll do the sand. I'll do the dogs. I'll do the cooking. But all of them only halfway. Yeah. Yeah. All of them only halfway. None of the none of these component pieces are enough. Like the wishes needed to actually come true.

1:06:41I agree. The cooking needed to be seen and tasted and eaten. Well, it makes me realize that all of the Hallmark movies we've seen with Melissa Joan Hart. Yeah, she's good. Are really well done. We've seen the best of them. Molly, I want to go to the crowd. I want to see what people are saying in the chat. Any comments that are happening? Anything that we could add to? I forgot that we've been going so hard. Have we misunderstood anything? Are they correcting us? Absolutely. Well, and I wanted to point out, and people are obsessed with this bellhop. Would it surprise you to learn that he is the line producer of this movie?

1:07:15Not at all. No, it wouldn't. Not at all. He was not an actor. No. The other thing that we've been learning in the chat about the writer of this film, who writes a lot of elevator Christmas movies, she also created a romance streaming service called Passion Flicks with Elon Musk's sister. and apparently we need to go down the rabbit hole of passion flicks because I think this is some gold wow passion flicks passion flicks I don't need to be supporting the musks no I mean yeah well you know we don't know what our politics are we don't you know interesting anything else we missed before we get into second opinion everybody's talking about how beautiful Molly is oh okay yeah take that that's it Oh, sorry.

1:08:05Was I supposed to pay attention to other comments? And that's it. All right. Well, look, this has been great. And, you know, obviously we have an opinion about this movie. There are people out there that have a different opinion. So I checked in with The Wolves of Glendale, a hilarious band. They're recording an album right now, and they put together a song for us. Cool. All when Jason and June talk a lot about what makes a movie good or not. But everyone knows they're actually full of shit. We need a second opinion. Someone that knows what they're talking about. We need a second opinion. We need a second.

1:08:50Give me a second. We need a second opinion.

1:08:59Yeah. That's hot! They're great! Love the Wolves of Glendale. They'll be at Sketchfest in San Francisco later in the month at the Great American Music Hall. They also have been doing this Iron Chef music show where they just released, they get assigned a topic and they have to write a song about it. Oh, that's cool. They did one for the Clippers. They did one for Shrek. It's been... Oh, that's right up your alley. What the Shrek? All right, so Merry Christmas. There's only one review on Amazon. Oh. One review on Amazon, and it's a five-star one. That's it. So we had to go to Letterboxd as well.

1:09:36So I'm going to go back and forth between Letterboxd and Amazon, and we'll start off with Splashpoint. It says, what a surprise to see three of Hallmark's star studs in this film. Though not the channel's hard hitters, these always bring a smile to my face. First, the very cute Ben Levine. He always brightens the screen. His star shines mid-movie as the story shifts. Who's Ben Levine? Cyborg. Cyborg. Okay. Then there's the handsome David O'Donnell who commands a wonderful presence in his scenes when sporting a beard. That's Carlton. That's Carlton. Yeah. Okay. That's Carlton. Yeah. When sporting a beard, I often do not recognize him at first, but looking more closely, his eyes give him away.

1:10:19And then there's the love. Hey, Mom, that's super quick, Q. Where's he from? He's from Wellesley, Massachusetts. Super cool. He is. That sounds about right. And then there's a love interest, Brand Daugherty, who offers the warmth that that Christmas rom-com needs. He's like the whipped cream atop a cup of hot cocoa. But I still have questions. Is it Santa, the bellhop, or Mrs. Billings, who plays any magical role in the blooming relationship? Ten out of ten stars. So it ends with a question, but... Her question about the magic did not hold her up. No, yeah, not at all. Inta Zomi wrote, technically a bad movie by all measures, but it grows on you with rewatches.

1:11:00Don't just immediately turn it off when it comes on TV. Give it some time. Give it a shot. Certain audio parts, even the fiancé's dramatic accent or the store lady's over-the-top antics grew on me. It went from a six, technically, to a nine star because they are there are some grating parts, but I really like certain scenes, so I don't want it to be lost in all my nine stars. To avoid spoilers, I'll just say the bulk of the scenes worth watching and letting grow on you are at the beginning and at the end. Now, with all that being said, this really doesn't deserve a 10 star. Nevertheless, it's worthy of a rewatch or two when you catch it on TV or in the mood for phrases and moments that get caught in your head and resurface from time to time.

1:11:4410 out of 10. When you're in the mood for phrases and moments that get caught in your head. Honestly, there was a phrase. The cousin who just loved Kim, she did say when she was really upset that Brandt did not go after Kayla. She kept on saying she's miffed at him. Yeah. She's like, I'm really miffed right now. And I don't get miffed all the time, but I am miffed right now. And I was like, wow. I haven't heard miffed in ever. Really. It's been a while. People don't use it. People don't use it anymore. It's the hot chocolate of words. Yes. It has now been normalized. You can say pissed on TV. but you can't say it on Hallmark.

1:12:19Right. Miffed. I will say this, Jason. I'm pulling this one out for you because this is, I think it's Sir 341. The subject line is love in an elevator. Okay. Living it up while we're going down. It says Christmas is filled with magic and in this movie, the magic comes in the shape of an elevator. Rumor has it that when people meet in the lift, they will fall in love. Soppy, soppy, gush, gush. Well, it's Christmas. What? Jason, did you write that? Was that you? Did I write this in an active blackout? Soppy, soppy, gush, gush. Was this written last night? Oh, my gosh. I wonder if there is elevator kinks, like if that's a real...

1:13:03We saw it. Yes, we saw it. Well, one person, I'm just saying, I think that is a thing. Oh, it's gotta be. Molly, can you look it up? Guys, we saw it tonight. No, no, it's demonstrated for sure, but I mean, like, it is very... Now we know... community. The people that love this kink are putting it into our Christmas movies. And are we comfortable with this sexy elevator play? I would love it to be consensual, is all I'm saying. I understand. I would love for elevator play to be consensual. That's all I'm asking. Maybe that's a part of what the play is. Well, I guess now, I mean, in the UK they call it lift play.

1:13:39Because I think a lot of it, too, like the jostling puts you on each other. And the lights going out. We want that. But neither of those things happen here. Well, in the clips, too, because we don't have it in this movie. In this movie, he gets stuck in the elevator alone. And he has his... He has an intercom system, though. You know how all elevators have an intercom system that drops into the lobby. And you know how you just talk to the elevator when you're stuck in it, when you just talk to it? He was talking to the mistletoe. No, he was talking to the elevator. He says elevator. He's talking to the elevator.

1:14:13He says elevator. You screwed me. You stopped me from meeting the girl of my dreams. He's mad at the elevator. Which would lead me to believe that is the magic of the movie. Yes. That the elevator has orchestrated that he's stuck there in the chair. I would love it if everybody knew that. If everybody knew that, is this real or is this the elevator's magic? Doris Roberts is like moving out and she's like, you know, I'll tell you this elevator's magic. Everybody comes in and falls in love. Or you know what would have been awesome? Every time he meets Doris Roberts out of the elevator, she's rude to him and acts like she doesn't even know that it happened.

1:14:49It's basically a horny elevator. Once you set foot in the elevator, all inhibitions are gone and you just experience love. And then in the outside world, you have to come to grips with who you are as a human being and find your way to the love that the elevator knows you already have. And the name of that movie is The Elevator. Stop, stop. Gush, gush. soft magic in the elevator get ready for some hard magic would you recommend this movie Jason? I don't know here's the thing sort of yes absolutely for the thing but if you're going to be watching a lot of us are putting on holiday movies in this season I'm going to say absolutely put this in the mix it's longer than it should be so this is a great point and I made this note so we all talk so often about how we clicked pause and how is there still 40 minutes left?

1:15:43How is this? Okay. For the first time ever, the first time I paused to say, how long is this movie? How much more do I have? I was sub 10 minutes. I was eight and a half minutes into the movie before I was like, I think this has been an interminable amount of time. Am I almost done? And I was like, oh, I've watched none of it so far. Wow, that's really heartbreaking. It chilled me to the bone. I thought the movie was over and I saw 45 minutes left. And I was like, wait, what? It didn't have moves. She breaks up with Carlton and gets out of the sadist relationship she's in. Very early on. Very early on.

1:16:21Like 20 minutes in. That's why it's so good. The pace of it is so confusing. Yep. And I would also say in these Hallmark movies that are so successful, there's an hour and a half build up to just a kiss. Yeah, right. When we blow our load, five minute to eight minute mark of the movie, there's not a lot to live up to. I know. Do you know what I'm saying? I don't know what I'm rooting for. You know what I mean? Like, they seem to be obviously well matched. So just be together. There isn't anything incredibly difficult. There's no hurdles. Really. There is no. They put their hurdles up in front of each other.

1:16:57All they need to do is choose each other. And that's it. Well, if you remember some of the very powerful moments of dialogue in the movie when she says to him, did I cross a boundary? He goes, no, you didn't make one. Again, just like that. Those are the hurdles. Those are the types of hurdles. Those are the hurdles. And think about it. In this movie, those are the hurdles. Very real life. In the past, the hurdles have been like, this is a nutcracker that has been brought to life. I am dressing in the Santa Claus. This was a dog that has become a man. And now he's like, he's basically safe. Those are the hurdles that most people are dealing with.

1:17:35No, the hurdles in this movie are like, you have intentions to be a writer and do all of this, but your counter intentions are stronger and are overpowering what you really want. And we never heard how the Nutcracker went. More subtle stuff. I couldn't believe we never saw the performance. We never saw any of that, nothing. Well, because I believe it ends the night before. she says I'm flying out the night before she goes I'm not going to see the show it's too painful and then she says to the Uber driver give me 10 minutes and then she goes into the elevator so that's the night before we're led to believe I think so of course Carlton he lives for the theater his name is above the title he is the draw he is the draw he's a choreographer, director, actor he's one of the best We always make shirts here at the show.

1:18:27And I think that, you know, bitch, that's not Christmas is definitely one. A hundred percent. That's the way to go. But I do want to just pull out that we did remake the very first shirts we ever made. This is a ridiculous cage, which the original people at Earwolf thought we were going to get sued by Nicolas Cage. And they told us we had a cease and desist, which I don't think was real. That's a nice stocking stuff. This was also very much during his very litigious period. So I think we did the right thing. Now, this is one that we also got in trouble for. This is a legitimate in trouble because it's a BB-8 and it says, what is its mission?

1:19:04That's a June shirt. But there was wrong punctuation in it. And people got angry because there was an it. Oh, because there's no apostrophe. I think that makes it cool. That's what I thought, too. And I was like, isn't that cool? It's like a little collector's. And then someone said, I will not wear a shirt with bad grammar on it. I would love it if we had a button to unsubscribe people. You can't listen anymore. Great news. Thank you so much. You are unsubscribed. So our Christmas gift to you is that you can go get these original shirts that have never been available since they were taken down and threatened legal action.

1:19:39You can get them now at our TeePublic store. But let's go through some plugs. My book is always a great Christmas gift. There it is. What a great stocking stuff. It fits right into a stocking. I'll personalize it, which I have to remind myself to go sign those books tomorrow. I'll do that. And it does feel like even just in recent episodes, you've told so many news stories. We need a book sequel. We need a book sequel. And, of course, Dark Web every Monday on YouTube. You can watch it for free if you're catching up. Rob and I, our studio burnt down. We're in the woods. Now we're in a hotel surrounded by strangers.

1:20:15And we have weird guests popping in. Jerry O 'Connell came by. John Gabrus is coming by. and then this Monday, Yasser Lester's is in bed with us. But who else? All right, let's see. We'll see by the image who's going to promote next. Oh. Nice. Okay, so that date already passed, but you can actually purchase a ticket at thedeepdiveacademy.com and re-watch this show that already happened tomorrow at 5 p.m. Yeah. So similar to how people can watch this show tomorrow. Yes, but Jessica and I tomorrow will be in the chat. So we will be watching along with our audience tomorrow at 5 p.m. Pacific Standard.

1:20:52And if you can't make that, you can watch it whenever you want. But it'll be really fun in the chat. You guys are in the chat. You get it. It's all happening in there. We'll go to you. Man on the Inside Season 2, the fantastic Mike Schur show. I'm in Season 2. Yes. I'm in Season 2. The show is absolutely hilarious and absolutely heartbreaking in turns. And it's wonderful. Percy Jackson and the Olympians Season 2. People are loving it. They have an amazing billboard. Did you see the wave? So they built a billboard that is actually splashing waves onto the side of the road. Oh, great. It looks gorgeous.

1:21:27All out. Simon Rich's play that I'll be doing on Broadway at the Nederlander Theater in the new year. Get your tickets. I'm sure you can figure it out. You're hanging out next to Ben Schwartz and Craig Robinson there. Heidi Gardner, Sarah Silverman are in my cast. Craig Robinson. It's going to be a blast. and I'll just throw out Taskmaster season 19 just because it's still up there. Why not? And the art of small talk. Guys, this is the time for holiday parties and learning how to small talk is so vital. We have an entire chapter dedicated just to that. Just to the holidays. Just to the holidays.

1:22:02How not to get stopped. You know, always have a destination. I love this book and the audio book is fantastic. Pop that audio book on during the holiday. Thank you. I want to shout out our amazing team, our producing team, Molly and Scott. The videos that they cut, the cameos that they reached out to. We want to thank everybody at Veeps, but more importantly, we want to thank our in-house staff right here, Wes and Zoe, helping us through our first ever in-person virtual streaming event. And thank you for all submitting your questions, being in the chat, for buying a ticket, watching this. Thank you so much.

1:22:36We appreciate you so, so much. This is the best. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!