Mortal Kombat w/ Cameron Esposito (Classic)

18:40Okay, got it, got it.

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21:37Jason Mantzoukas:That's Babbel, B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash bonkers for up to 60 % off. Rules and restrictions may apply. Can I ask a quick question? Oh, yeah. What was Sonia? Was her name Sonia or Sasha? Sonia. Sonia. What was their occupation in the real world? Special forces. Sonia is like a policeman. She's got the shotgun in the beginning. It is confusing why their job description involves, because it feels like maybe they work for the government. But like deep ops where you just run into space. Where you're just like, my job is to run at this ship. I have the big app. I don't have any connection to anybody else.

22:18Wait, I have a real question. She has radioed anybody from her question. Her boss.

22:23Jason Mantzoukas:But her boss, the guy that she's with, the guy she's with who doesn't get on the boat, when she runs towards the boat, he literally says it in this tone of voice. Hey, Sonya, don't get on that boat. So like, oh well, oh well. There she goes. So maybe he's the guy that has to go back to their boss. Just like, I don't know. She ran into some mist. She got into a fog boat. Why did the other guy, sorry, don't know any of their names. Why did the other guy want to fight her so badly? Who? Metal face? Not metal face. I don't know. By the way, this is from the Mortal Kombat wiki. Sonya Blade is a female soldier who's a member of the Earth Realms Special Forces Unit known as the Outer World Investigation Agency.

23:04Jason Mantzoukas:The OIA. And so she's sort of like a DEA agent of the outer world. Like a men in black. Yes. Sort of a predictive of that. Yes. What? Okay, that's really. So, but when the other guy says, I don't want you to harm her, I just want you to humiliate her. Oh, oh, you mean. What was that about? The head bad guy, the bad guy. Yes, the main bad guy. Saying some. There's like some, like a rape setup going on there. Really? Really disturbing. Pretty over the top. That was humiliation? Well, they took her out of her short shorts, which he was fighting in her short shorts. And then they kind of dressed her in like a princess outfit.

23:39Jason Mantzoukas:Yeah. For no real apparent reason. Couldn't figure that out. But I was like, was he softening her up so he could blast her? Like, what's the deal? Oh, didn't it feel very wrong about that? Yeah. Well, and then the friends come and save her. And the guy who's been flirting with her the whole time goes, nice chest. Nice chest? No, no. He says nice dress. Dress. Oh, I thought he said nice chest. Nice dress. And I thought to myself, who on earth says chest? Who would? Who would be like, instead of saying nice tits or whatever, who would be like, hey, nice chest. I will say that this is my issue with that character.

24:19Jason Mantzoukas:Everyone that was there was a fighter of some kind, right? But everyone was protecting her like, let's not beat her up. Let's not touch the girl. But she was a fucking very good fighter. Well, they brought her there because she was a good fighter. I was happy she at least got some punches in the face. That's nice to see when there's a chicken. I do think, though, she is like the Angelina Jolie variety. of female fighter. Yeah, but that's what I had a problem with because she was really, all of a sudden she was like this woman in distress. Whereas she had been such a badass the whole time. I agree.

24:51And she was screaming and flailing about. It was very strange.

24:55Jason Mantzoukas:And by the way, you want to know who was up for this role originally? Sharon Stone. Who was the woman that played it? This is actually Pete Sampras' wife. Her name is Bridget Wilson Sampras. And Dina Meyer also from Battlefield, or what is it called Starship Troopers. Those are the two that turned it down. Do you guys recognize her from Billy Madison? Yes, that's what I remember. She's like the hot chicken Billy Madison. That was a formative person. Oh, yeah, 100%. You know, with the hot chicken. For all that come on. Yeah, I was like, and by the way, she seems so humorless to me as a character.

25:30Jason Mantzoukas:At one point they make a joke about, I wrote it down, she's always taking Johnny Cage's jokes as being like. Serious. She doesn't get humor. Apparently her partner was killed by Kano. Her partner's killed by Kano. And from that point forward, she only has a bloodlust for revenge. And cannot entertain jokes. Cannot crack a smile. All she wants, she will shoot up a nightclub. She will do whatever it takes to kill Kano. And then she snaps his neck with her legs. And I was like, this is some cold ass shit right here. I feel like it's more of an anti-feminist. Women that fight are not fun. They're not nice to you.

26:14They're not nice. I agree. And I felt like they shot that fight scene in... I mean, I did appreciate that she got punched in the face a few times. Me too. But they really did shoot it in these weird close-ups that you never really saw her. No, no. And I slowed it down, by the way.

26:29Jason Mantzoukas:Because I wanted to see him connect. She did all of her own fights. All of her own stuff. And that showed, though. But how could you have slowed it down? because the fight sequences in this film were already so slow. I disagree. I disagree. The most telegraphed punches. That was so crazy to me because they would always slow it down. I was like, but you're not doing anything. Like when she flips over that guy, I was like, why are you slowing down this flip? It's not like she's moving so quickly. Many people were able to duck. That was a big move to get away from. And every punch is very easily blocked because it is set up and then very slowly executed.

27:05And like the special kind of magical moves, they give them like plenty of time to set up where it's like, I'm calling to the gods. Ice thing is forming in my hands. Like stay over there and look at it with your eyes. Can I ask this? Why wasn't any of the, why weren't any of the mortals? Like why wasn't Johnny Cage or Liu Kang or Sonya or any of these people surprised when there was a four armed man? when people could summon electricity. I mean, as far as we know.

27:40Jason Mantzoukas:They didn't flinch at all. As far as we know, this is not a world that they were accustomed to. Johnny Cage was not like, oh, I know there's an other world. And by the way, it wasn't also made clear if the boat was in the air because there was so much fog or if they were on the water. Do you know when he looks and the compass is going crazy or whatever, do you think they were on the Lost Island? I thought they were on the Lost Island. John Locke was one of the fighters. How fucking awesome would it have been on Lost if they just walked by and, like, there was a Mortal Kombat happening in the background?

28:08The others were just, like, all those other... If, like, the man in black and Titus Welliver, or Titus Welliver and the other guy there, when you flash back to them, they are just Mortal Kombatants? It was never a polar bear.

28:21Jason Mantzoukas:It was Sub-Zero the entire time. Well, it did seem like even if they didn't know this world existed, they were very used to the idea of like magic and powers. And like that wasn't new information for anyone. But I think it was new information. I think it was supposed to be too. But it should have been such a huge... No, you guys, you could tell that they were surprised because of their sassy jokes. You know, like that. Whenever Johnny Cage was like, that's just how he interprets the world. He's just like, oh, this again? I got to carry my bags to the other world? Johnny Cage. That's his way of going.

28:53Jason Mantzoukas:is my favorite character. And his love relationship with Sonya was not ever set up, right? I mean, like, they had like a couple... I think what they wanted was that, like, Sam and Diane type of, you know... But then all of a sudden he's like, I'll never let you get out of my sight. And I was like, wait, what just... Did we miss like a fight? I want to talk about him... You belong to me now, woman. ...he was throwing his autographed picture at the end of that fight. Now, he had those on him. How about wearing the sunglasses to the other fight? Those are five... How about this was during a time, though, I feel like in like the early 90s, there was this real sort of like a lot of actors and movies were portrayed as just the worst douchebags in the world.

29:35Like that was during that time where it was like you were a movie star in a movie playing a movie star. Yeah, you were getting handled pretty. We also need to go back to the fact that the whole reason he's there is because he like definitely reads tabloid articles about himself. Even when they're in Chinese.

29:54Jason Mantzoukas:Yes. The tabloid article. What he is, his character's arc is that the tabloids are saying that he is a fake karate fighter. He's like, I can't stand it. I'm a good karate fighter. And that's where he goes. Can I actually play this clip from the movie when his master comes to tell him to fight in this tournament? You'll get a sense of the movie here. Take a listen. I see the press is still giving you a hard time. Yeah, they think I'm a fake. Johnny, you're one of the best martial artists in the world, and I can help you prove it. Prove it? How? A tournament. The tournament. It's held once a generation.

30:36The best fighters in the world are invited. You win the tournament. You win their respect.

30:42Jason Mantzoukas:They'll tell the entire world that you're the real goods. That is the premise. I wish, though, at the end of the movie we had seen, you know, printing presses putting out some new articles. Because it really didn't seem like the word was going to get out. Maybe in the sequel. Maybe in the sequel. The sequel does pick up right after this movie. I want to just, before we get away from Johnny Cage, because there's something very important. Did you guys notice anything about that director that was directing the movie? Oh, yes. Who did it look like? Oh, the director? Yeah. Steven Spielberg. Right. Now, did you be very surprised to know that apparently Steven Spielberg is a big Mortal Kombat fan and was supposed to make an appearance as the director in the movie, but scheduling conflicts forced him to back out at the last minute.

31:27Jason Mantzoukas:Wow. So he was lined up. Steven Spielberg could have been in this movie. That would have been unbelievable. I wonder if he's bummed listening to this show right now. He listens, right? He listens all the time. You know, I also think that somebody should tell Johnny Cage about PR. You know what I mean? Just let him clue him in. You can get people. Because he's kind of going for this word of mouth element. That I feel like, you know, it's like invite some reporters on set. And just have them watch you actually do it. Because he is actually here. Yeah, there's nothing about, it's very easy to prove that you're not a fake karate.

32:00Jason Mantzoukas:Yeah, do an expo. Do like a martial arts expo. Right. Anything. Show people that he's not a sun person. Almost anything. That would be the easiest to find. Or, to be honest, enter a difficult to locate and or prove exists other world fighting competition that nobody is aware of. With no specific name. Right. In the hopes that the people there will then spread the word. Yeah, they're going to talk about it. But for all intents and purposes, that is impossible. Because everyone will be dead. Except for the one winner, in theory. To be fair to this film, we will say that the guy was a face shifter.

32:46Jason Mantzoukas:It was actually Sang Sum who came there and pretended to be his old man. He was tricking all of these people into coming to fight by appealing to their problems. But still, the premise of why he went remains the same. Well, look, if your teacher, if your sensei told you there is a thing, you might go. You may not ask him too many questions. How come none of the guys from Cobra Kai were there? they're not the best fighters. Yeah, they're not. But again, does anyone, all right, so this is my question, and this may be infuriating people at home. Is there a reason, I don't understand, like my idea would be that there would be somebody from every realm, and then whoever won the tournament would then be able to take over all the realms.

33:32You're now kind of describing the plot line of Ed Brubaker and Matt Fraction's Iron Fist series, which is multiple realms. Each have a fighter, and all those fighters have to fight each other. Okay. And they all have special powers which pertain to each of their places of origin. Got it. Which is a way better version of this. Yes, kind of like The Last Airbender, which was, again, one of the worst movies we've ever seen in our entire lives. I think we could even take this one step back, though. Even the way that the people in this movie are delivering the word fighter makes that sound like it is a baby.

34:09Did anybody, was anybody like, he's a great fighter? In the movie, the fighter, that sounds like a tough thing to be. In this movie, it sounds like a vague description of nothing. Where are they fighting? He's a fighter. He's a fighter. He's going to fight.

34:25Jason Mantzoukas:And it's also such a weird assemblage of people. Like an actor. I don't know what John. A special ops person. Yeah. What a Liu Kang. I don't really understand what he does besides tucking shirts into jeans. Oh, my God. But we have yet to touch upon who I found to be the most bizarre person in this movie, which was Christopher Lambert. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I mean, there's a fucking Highlander in this movie. There's a Highlander. And he, Lord Raiden. What's going on? Who is he? Is he cross-eyed? No. Well, it would be hard to know if he's cross-eyed because you can't stop thinking about his accent.

35:00His accent. I mean, you can't focus on his face because you're trying to close your eyes to figure out where he's from. I can't tell if he has an accent. He was talking baby talk the whole time. It was a fascinating performance, though. I will give him this. I really could not take my eyes off of it. Tell me more. Every time he was on screen, because I really did have trouble paying attention to this movie. So I am a little lost on a lot of this because it really just didn't hold my attention. But when he came on screen, I was interested.

35:27Jason Mantzoukas:Well, he's always popping up. He's always popping into everybody's conversations. And then he's presenting stuff and he's like, ah, you're finally learning. But he's never presenting any. Like everyone. At a certain point I was like, oh, he's going to train them. He doesn't train them. At a certain point I was like, oh, he's going to be the Obi-Wan Kenobi. Like he's going to have to fight the big bad guy. Like Vader and Obi-Wan's fight and sacrifice himself. Nope. He like disappears for the. Is he a character in the video game? Yes. Yes. Of course. I mean, everybody is. What does he do in the video game?

36:02Jason Mantzoukas:Shoots those laser, the lightnings. I think the lasers are his thing, or like the lightning. Oh, so he does fight. He has laser eyes. Do you think any part of your fixation with him has to do with his unusual hairline? It's very possible. Because I think he has one of the more unusual hairlines in movie dumb. Like, it's kind of a Frankenstein's. Yeah, but like any movie you've ever. No, that's just natural. But that's somebody's job to make a wig look good. I mean, you can't just chalk it up. The look on June's face for the line, that was a wig, though, was chriceless. Come on, Carl. That was a wig, though.

36:35Sweetheart, that was a wig.

36:41His, I mean, I don't really know what's going on with his hair, but I will say, I have seen the Highlander series. Yes. It's as confusing. I agree with this. Should we do Highlander on this show? I think we should definitely do Highlander on this show. Should we just do every Christopher Lambert movie? That should be our live show. Also married to Diane Lane for a very long time, I believe.

36:57Jason Mantzoukas:I love Diane Lane. My issue about him, too, is that it clearly Raiden, or at least when I played the game, was an Asian man, hence the rice paddy hat. Yeah. And I feel like anyone else wearing a rice paddy hat is offensive. I do feel like, I don't feel like. Also, the wig was like, it's definitely a wig. Listen, that could be a wig or not. I mean, but like. You think he could grow that length and thickness of hair? Yeah, I think he grew that up. Uh-huh. No, not in thickness. Welcome back to Wig Talk with June Diane Rayfield. If you have done a wig for Christopher Lambert, we want to have you on the show.

37:32Jason Mantzoukas:You know what? If you're a working Hollywood wig artist and have worked with Nicolas Cage, Christopher Lambert, or anybody else, please call us. But I do see what you're saying, which is that the wig is following and mimicking a hairline that's already there. But it's just pretty shocking. It's pretty straight across in a way that hair, you know, doesn't ever grow. There is something amazing. I want to talk about, and this I think kind of sums up his character. So Raiden is this character who is, you know, the mentor, the Mr. Miyagi of this, who gives no information. Mr. Miyagi, you can at least look back and go, oh, well, he, the wax on, wax off, taught him this.

38:07Jason Mantzoukas:Everything that Christopher Lambert said doesn't make any sense. The best thing I think that sums up this whole character is at the very end of the movie, what he says to these characters that just had a battle to the death. Here, take a listen. I've got to tell you something You guys did great Bow to me What is it? The Emperor You weak, pathetic fools I come for your souls I don't think so This is a big, violent action movie And he just basically goes You guys, you guys are so good I'm so proud of you guys Great job Like, it's just like, it's such an unclimactic ending of a movie. It's like a ruffling of the hair almost.

38:54Yeah. Hey, you buddies. And he gives them a little rucky. He did it. And he has the kind of opinion where he's kind of like, I always knew you could do it. I don't want to. But it's like, no, you've had nothing. He didn't really assemble these people. He has nothing to do with their success. No. He didn't train them, nor did he impart anything of particular value to them. Well, I thought he trained one of them. I thought he trained.

39:14Jason Mantzoukas:Liu Kang? Yeah. Didn't he? I don't know. I couldn't tell. I mean, and by the way, that was how the movie was supposed to end, with him just going, I got to tell you guys something. You did great. Credits. And then they added on a little bit more because I think it tested so poorly that they were like, whoa, you can't end. Well, and all those children ran out. Where were those children? Where did those kids come from? Was it a school let out on this crazy, mysterious island in Bizarro Land? And again, I'm not quite sure if this island existed on Earth. Maybe those were the kids who were going to spread the word about the actors.

39:45Well, he's got that army on the islands, and they've got to fuck something. So there must be concubines, and those girls get pregnant, and those kids no doubt become the next wave of the slave army. It's like the army that Khaleesi hires. So that's the baby of the Khaleesi? You could cut a nipple right off. I did like Princess Katana. Anyone?

40:07Jason Mantzoukas:Yeah. I thought it was pretty confusing that she fought. What's his name? little puff hair and then nothing happened how was that they fought for a second but it was not to the death when she was telling him wait when she was telling him what to do they were just like goofing around what was going on there that's the other thing I have an issue with this movie sometimes they're tournament fights and other times they're just fighting and like it's like oh when that army attacks the three of them when they're kind of snooping around the mysterious mountain like that's not a that's not a fight that's on record that's sort of like an extracurricular fight And why did they keep on saying that it was going to be, there were going to be terrible consequences if she got together with, what is his name?

40:53Didn't they also say she was 10 ,000 years old? Yeah, she's 10 ,000 years old. What? Oh, she was looking great. Her wig was great. You know what I mean? She was a great wig worker. Was it a wig?

41:01Jason Mantzoukas:No way that she is 10 ,000 years old. You don't know how supernatural powers affect. It could be the opposite way, you know? Maybe. Like Mork and Mindy, Jonathan Winters was a baby, but he was an old man. Oh, that's interesting. R.I.P. Jonathan Winters. R.I.P. Can we talk about the set design a little bit, too? All the sets look like an expensive but shitty... How about the crazy stairs that Johnny, what's his name, fights yellow guy on? Yellow guy in yellow suits. I think this looks like a He-Man play set that you had at your house that they were like, does anybody have anything they could bring in?

41:35Our budget is low.

41:37Jason Mantzoukas:Well, it was like, this is somebody who makes a home haunt. It looks pretty good. It's like, I'll put some purple light here. and you can't really tell if that's a refrigerator. The grapes are eyeballs. Stuff that looks like cobwebs and a couple of fake skeletons. The most upsetting thing was when that guy was eating the chicken wing. The cyborg guy? Yeah, the turkey leg, whatever the hell that was. It was disgusting. I hate miked food sounds. It was disgusting. I found that really sexy, actually. The amount of food on that table. And why was he by himself and not at the banquet? Well, because that was a scene where they needed to send up all the exposition of the entire movie.

42:11They? He said everything in that entire scene. It was crazy. But also that banquet that he's having follows the banquet where they bring in a ton of food. Yes. A ton of food. Crabs. Then they throw all the food on the ground. That's the beginning. That just seems to be not right.

42:32Jason Mantzoukas:It's kind of like welcome everybody. We're going to have this great tournament where we fight to the death. It wasn't the dessert. It was literally, they served it, flipped over every table, and then one fight happened where a guy just shot an ice bolt at this guy. And that was it. And he's like, okay. And now everybody go to bed. Go to bed. Everybody go to bed. It was like the worst first night at Hogwarts. You know, when all the food arrived. I thought it was like an Indiana Jones in the Temple of Doom thing. You thought it would be like. Monkey skulls? Monkeys are monkeys. I guess that's what they were trying to show, like the cruelty of them not even getting into food.

43:06and then this guy having that entire table to himself. I really was trying so hard oftentimes to tell, who are the bad guys exactly? I don't know. And what is their... Kano and Forearms, to me, seemed to be the henchmen for the main bad guy. But they were just meeting for the first time in that scene. So I was like, what the fuck is this? I don't know. I mean, this only happens once a generation.

43:38Jason Mantzoukas:And was the 10 ,000-year-old woman, like, a bad guy who was helping the good guys? I think that they were, like, keep an eye on the 10 ,000-year-old bad woman because she's the only one who could possibly defeat me. So she was an ally. So they needed to use the clear CGI character, which was another amazing, like, we don't have enough money. Oh, the salacious crumb character? They have this, like, little reptilian, like, this little lizard. and that's one of my favorite scenes in the movie when the main bad guy goes up to a lizard statue and is like, keep your eye on her and take a look at her.

44:08Jason Mantzoukas:You don't know what's going on. Then he fully exits frame so that the statue can come alive and be like a many-toothed terrible monster. It is interesting, just to go back to the Goro scene when he's introduced and you see him for the first time and they're eating and he's not eating because obviously he's got great abs so he's really restrictive. Oh, totally. It's just like a very high protein, and he has to work out twice a day. And like before seven, you know. I think absolutely. But then also whenever they do close-ups of his hands, what I love about his hands is that they look like the exact same gloves that like the Ninja Turtles made.

44:45Totally. Wore in that Ninja Turtles. They're weirdly the exact same thing. I think they just sprayed them. I think they just sprayed them down. They were like, cut off one of those fingers because I think the Ninja Turtles have four. Amazing. These guys have three. This guy has three. But otherwise, it was like a real recycled look that I appreciated. I wish I could have seen him actually hold a drumstick. Also, when it's a man in the suit, he does this one move where he raises his arms above his head, and the two sets of arms are connected. Yes. So when he raises one set, the other set automatically goes.

45:18It's very cheap costume design. And so they repeatedly go back to him, and all he's doing is just raising his arms above his head. But the second set of arms is very meekly following the first. It's amazing. Well, I've got to say, I didn't feel like they used and capitalized off of those forearms. I mean, there was that fight scene.

45:35Jason Mantzoukas:But that fight scene, okay, so he's built up as this big guy. He's like the unbeatable guy. They're like, oh, we're all going to get killed by forearms. And so Johnny Cage immediately just punches him in the dick. Is he wearing sunglasses at that point? The glasses have been broken. At which point Christopher Lambert punches a guy in the arm and he goes, yes. And then he goes, I'm sorry about that. And I felt like that was one of the biggest reveals of the movie was that Goro is anatomically correct. Because I was not anticipating a penis. I was like, no way this guy's got a dick. But here's my issue.

46:12I didn't think so, yeah.

46:13Jason Mantzoukas:He punches him in the dick and he goes down like, oh. And then Goro is literally doubled over for, I would say, a good 15 to 20 seconds. Johnny Cage does nothing else. The guy is bent over. He runs upstairs and decides to create this other plan of running off a cliff. But the guy, he has the upper hand and does nothing. You're absolutely right. It is a fight that is, there's so much build up, I feel like, to Goro fighting any of our heroes. What we think of as our heroes. Oh, they're our heroes. They are ours, I think. I feel a certain ownership of them. you know Johnny Liu Kang Sonya Sonya love them all Princess Katana too I mean she's complicated but she's ours I couldn't tell exactly if she's but I felt like she was one of us anyway so Johnny Cage is like you know what I'm gonna fight Goro and they're like what you're gonna get killed and he's like I've got a plan and his plan is punch him in the nuts and then lure him outside so you can throw him off a cliff what and by the way he didn't it didn't seem like he knew that that cliff was there the fight is such a let down.

47:22Jason Mantzoukas:By the way, when you have somebody that injured, just go to town. Go to town. Maybe he was a fake. But it is nice to see the device of somebody falling off a cliff and then the shot from above with the extra arms. When we've seen it before, like when the beast fell off the tower in Beauty and the Beast, he only has two arms. Spoilers for Beauty and the Beast. No, when Gaston falls off, he only has two arms because he's like a human person, but this guy formed as this kind of extra thing. It's nice. And I love that they had the little callback there because Johnny Cage Like, he's so upset with this movie that he's on because none of the extras are falling down at the right time.

47:54Jason Mantzoukas:Oh, yeah, right. And he goes, now you fall. And then you get to say it again to Gorham. To kids, summer isn't just time off. It's time building confidence and curiosity. But when school meals pause, millions of children lose the food they count on. Your support helps the Feeding America network nourish every child's potential. Give now at feedingamerica.org slash summer hunger. Mint mobile plans are only$15 a month. I mean, what's the catch? Well, here's the thing. There isn't one. There's no gimmicks, no gotchas, just unlimited talk, text and data, fast, reliable coverage on the nation's largest 5G network and an award-winning care team.

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49:08Jason Mantzoukas:See Mint Mobile for details. Have you ever, I don't know, put off replacing your glasses for way too long? I mean, I do this all the time. They're falling off my face. And I don't know why I'm just not simply getting another pair of glasses. I need them. But guess what? It's a process. I got to go to a store. I got the prescription. I got to mail it. I got to fax it. Look, I just want to live my life. And I also don't want to spend a fortune. And guess what? I realize I don't have to do either of those things because Zeni Optical is an online shop that fixes all of that with affordable frames and lenses.

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50:15Jason Mantzoukas:The styles sell out, so don't sit on it. That's Z-E-N-N-I dot com slash podcast promo code podcast15. Where do you think he put all of his luggage? Johnny Cage. Well, that was a great runner. Where did they stay? I don't know. What were their barracks like? He brought no less than eight suitcases. Eight, like, Louis Vuitton suitcases. Louis Vuitton, like, square, boxy suitcases. It was like a Kate Winslet gets to the Titanic suitcases situation. But that was the weird thing about that character. He alternated between being like, I am not just an actor. I'm a fighter. But yet he was also a diva-y actor at certain points, too.

51:00Jason Mantzoukas:I couldn't quite get a handle on him. And I thought that that struggle within him was going, like, he was going to have to come to terms with that. June, you brought me to one of my biggest points. This movie is all about inner demons versus outer demons. Oh, shit. But he never really wrestled with that. He was never confronted with, like, his own vanity versus his, you know, wanting to be the real thing. Was he? Well, I think when the woman is wearing the dress, for some reason. You didn't get June to report? Was he? Genuinely asking, did I miss a scene? Hey, guess what? We didn't make this movie.

51:36Stop yelling at us. Sorry. Because that would be how his character would finally come to terms with this. Well, Christopher Lambert tells them all what is holding them back from achieving true excellence and being the best. And he goes one by one and is like, you are afraid that the prophecy is true, Liu Kang. You are afraid to be whatever, he says to Johnny. He says to each one of them, and you're like, oh, okay, I guess they're all going to have to individually conquer these weaknesses in order to be stronger. Nope, not really. Okay, wait, what? The movie's over? Okay, great. I fucking hate this movie.

52:13That just made me think. I didn't realize this watching it, but now that we're talking about it, that means that he came back. So the whole reason he's there is so he can talk to people about the tournament. Do you think he came back and he was like, you guys? He would have seemed. There is. His acting career would have been over. It's a TV tournament in the underworld. Forearms down the tube. He calls his agent and he's like, get me an interview. Exactly. In the trade. I took a fog boat with some new friend. Yep. I fought a man with forearms who fell off a cliff in a magical city.

52:46Jason Mantzoukas:And a man with a rice paddy hat told me my destiny was here. A woman was 10 ,000 years old. I love thinking about those interviews. And how well his career must have gone after. Well, I guess he proved it. It was before we didn't believe it. But now. But it does prove that there were some people that seemed to be just there as spectators. They were just like, they look like dads to me. Like dads in jeans are around. They didn't seem like they were a fighter. Hey, Mitch, you going to the Mortal Kombat fight this weekend? Well, it happens once every generation. My fucking wife will let me out of the house for one weekend.

53:13Jason Mantzoukas:You got to get out of the house. This is going to be a pretty spectacular fight. Did you hear? Did you hear? Luke Kang is going to be there. Luke Kang? Yep. His brother just got killed, by the way. Me, Gary, Pete, Luke. We're all going to go. We're all team Luke Kang. Southwest going there? Southwest does not but Frontier does we got a real great gig on Frontier fog plane fog plane yep it flies right into the fog and you fly right out into the no oceanic flight 800 oh yeah I'll do it oh shit I can't remember 815 815 thank you when Goro shows up to that fight they pan across this audience that you're talking about and there's just most of them are wearing ninja outfits there's one guy in a flannel that was it that's what I saw please rewind it I rewind it twice I love that as a lesbian I have to always be on the look for flannels where are they at how the planet is.

53:56So it was nice to see. You know what? I feel like, you know what it was? I feel like they were, they were like, rolling, rolling. Oh, shit. Sound Mikey? What are you doing? You know what? We're just gonna have to shoot him in there. He's like, what? I was Mikey-ing over here. Just stay where you are. You're gonna be in this shot. Like a guy, like a grip or something was just added to the movie.

54:18Jason Mantzoukas:I need to see this. I need to see this. You got to watch the fight scenes. And they're also in the front. They're like right on the stage. Here's, Now it's time for some facts that will, I think, blow your mind, because they blew mine. What do you think the budget of this movie was? $75 million. Okay. 1995. 1995? Yeah, 95. $15 million. Okay. Yeah, I'm going to say like$40 million. Okay,$18 million. Really? Okay. Wow. Weekend gross. Opening weekend,$23 million. Wow. Worldwide gross,$122 million. This movie is a giant hit. It was number one at the box office. It was a huge, huge movie. Now, here are some facts that also will blow your mind.

55:03Jason Mantzoukas:This movie is imaginary. It never happened. Tom Cruise and Johnny Depp were both considered for Johnny Cage. Considered. Considered. Cameron Diaz was cast as Sonya Blade, but broke her wrist before the filming started. Jesus, I can't believe that. You know, I would have, as you know, like it's so nice whenever her name comes up because like she is my namesake. I mean, she's only like two or three years older than me, but my parents, you know, renamed me when they heard about her. From the mask? Well, actually when she was in Seventeen Magazine. Oh, nice. Oh, wow. That was her first modeling job.

55:38I remember seeing it in the credits in the back. I was like, rename me this, please mom and dad. So Cameron Diaz, I can't believe you're not in this movie. It would have been so great to see all that underwear dancing that she's known for. She has so many underwear.

55:49Jason Mantzoukas:So now Cameron Diaz breaks her wrist. So then they hire Miss Teen USA Kathleen McClellan. So they get her in the movie. She gets injured. And so then Bridget Wilson is the third person that they cast. Gregory McKinney replaced Steve James as Dax because he died. And then Brandon Lee was then cast as Johnny Cage. And then he died. Jean-Claude Van Damme turned down Johnny Cage to do Street Fighter. And then. I don't know. I would have liked him in this as well. I would have liked him in this. Yeah, me too. But here is the best fact of the whole movie. Now, this goes back to what we talked about earlier.

56:25Jason Mantzoukas:Apparently, get ready for this. The snake and insect action was monitored by the American Humane Association and commended the film for its responsible and sensitive treatment of even the smallest of Earth's creatures. Oh, God. Wow. So this movie got a special commendation. The animals were treated well in a movie that was about senseless murder. Oh. How do you treat a worm well? I do not know. It's just like decent dirt. You keep birds away from it. Very good question. Obviously, we had opinions about this movie. Especially if it's an early morning shoot. Because those early birds, they really get those worms.

57:04I've heard that.

57:05Jason Mantzoukas:And you can have no apples on set here. How do you keep a bird away from a worm? Is it like a dick punch? Do you think you punch the bird in its bird dick? You just slap the ears. You know what? Maybe. although I don't know how to immediately and rapidly tell the gender of a bird. If you are a bird dick puncher, we want you on the show. If you know how to train birds, hopefully through abuse of their genitalia, to not go after worms, please give us a call. Once again, we're looking for you to clarify some things we have questions about. All right, so obviously we have an opinion about this movie, but it's now time for a second opinion.

57:43Jason Mantzoukas:Hit the theme song. These are second opinions. From top to bottom, crazy movies are fun. Okay, so these are five-star reviews, cold from Amazon. One of my favorite reviews of all time is coming up. It's a little bit long, but it's well worth it. Here we go. From Laura S. This is my childhood movie. They have some good fights and some really funny dialogue for understanding listeners. What does that even mean? I don't know. This movie made me interested in wisdom. What? Good looks. and martial arts. Wisdom. It made you interested in wisdom. Just interested in it. Just interested. Want to check out that wisdom that everyone's talking about.

58:25Jason Mantzoukas:You know what I'm going to do tomorrow? I'm going to go to the library and I'm going to look up wisdom. Also, good looks. Good looks. Do you think they misspelled wizards? Do you think they misspelled wizards? I would love that. All right. Now, I'm going to read one other. All right. So this one is one of the best video game movies ever made. If you never saw this movie before and you watch it now in 2011, you probably won't like it. It's thin and you'll think it's cheesy. But if you remember how sweet this movie was when it came out and you remember Scorpion shooting his grappling hook out of his hand and ripping off his face to reveal a skull that breathes fire, then this is for you.

59:02Jason Mantzoukas:Five stars. Oh, God. I hope this person's at a better place in life. Now, here's another one. The acting, the story, the special effects, everything is just perfect. My favorite scene is when Sonya does battle against Kano, and we see how sexy she is with her nice breast. What? Five stars. Breast? Singular? Singular. You know, that scene did make me feel... Singular breast? With her nice breast. We can see how she is sexy with her nice breast. I can't believe that's what they were... I mean, she's wearing black jean shorts. That's the look. The short shorts, yeah. That's the fucking look in that scene.

59:38Jason Mantzoukas:By the way, the person who wrote this, their screen name is LB Worshipper. So, Pound Worshipper? I don't know. Chubby Chaser. Now, I... Maybe. Or a very big fan of Lorraine Bracco. This is much longer than a normal review. But I came across this one and I felt like it needs to be read. Just read it. Do you want the Mortal Kombat music under you while you read it? You may be distracting, but let's... Okay, let's... Maybe we don't have to, because it is very intense. Okay, here we go. This was written on December 26th, 2011. So it was the day after Christmas. Right after, right after. From Caracas, Venezuela.

1:00:22Jason Mantzoukas:Now, I'll be reading it the way it was written. You'll understand why in just a moment. I was a fan of the first Mortal Kombat when it came out, and I remember playing it in my 386. When the movie was announced, I almost got an orgasm. and when it came out again in VHS DVD was years from being commercial. I don't know what that means. I see the movie once and another and another time. This is really bumming me out. In fact, making an interstate trip on a bus, I convinced the girl that works on the bus attending passengers of put the movie on during travel. Yep, I carry the tape with me. So he brought a VHS on a bus.

1:01:00This is very dark.

1:01:01Jason Mantzoukas:Okay, one day the tape broke up. This is a suicide note. I'm going to be really upset. One day the tape broke up. Yep. I see movie more than 100 times and the tape got overused and broke. I cry a lot that day and even I have the broken tape with me. When movie came out on DVD, I was uber happy and bought it until I was robbed. They break on my house and take my DVD player with disc inside. Of course, I bought it again. and even today when his FX are really lame compared with actual, I still enjoy a lot of this movie. The end was great too. And when I see it, I was stunned looking that there will be a second part.

1:01:41Jason Mantzoukas:But as this time, you must know it was but dot dot dot. Stay away from that. Unless you are a collectionist of MK stuffs, buy it but don't watch it because then you will not get desires but you must punch somebody. Don't know what that means. I think he's basically saying the second movie is not very good. I was happy when I bought the... Wait, there's a sequel to this? Yes, called The Mortal Kombat Annihilation, which is what we were going to do. But I heard that we couldn't do that until we saw this one. I was happy when I bought the... Remember at the end when they're like, uh-oh, the... Well, I figured, but I didn't know.

1:02:12I knew that's what it was setting up. I couldn't imagine it was made. It felt like it could have fallen through the cracks. Yeah. Like, they'd have been like, well... Yeah.

1:02:18Jason Mantzoukas:It came out many years later. All right, so here's the end of it. Here it goes. I was happy when I bought the DVD and I see it has Spanish subtitles, because as you must know now from reading my review, my English stinks, but not so much as MK2. Slam on MK2. Amazing. So I only buy DVDs that have Spanish subtitles, and it's like some divinity don't want me to throw my money away. The MK2 movie has not subtitles, and I can't really remember what to do with my VHS tape. I really want to believe that I threw that one out the window. Five stars. Wow. This is one of the craziest reviews. It's pretty intense.

1:02:55Jason Mantzoukas:It's intense. Where is he going? I want to know where he's going on that bus. He's on an interstate trip with a VHS copy, convinces someone to get it, finds out it's going to be on DVD. This is after he finds out the movie's coming out. He has an orgasm. Then he gets the DVD. His house is robbed. The DVD is stolen. It's a harrowing tale. Then he finds out about the sequel. He kind of slams the sequel. And then he just wants to let you know that this is a good DVD because it does have Spanish subtitles. And please don't forget that he watched that tape so much that it broke. It broke. He broke.

1:03:28I'm trying to think of anything. I have not watched anything enough that a tape would have broken. I remember getting worried that my VHS tape of Anne of Green Gables was going to go. Yeah. Like, that it was actually. Because was that something also that you, like, taped off of television? No, that was given to me. It was for sale. Yes. Because I remember thinking that about things that I had taped off of television but you couldn't get. I used to tape Saturday Night Live, and I would be afraid that something would happen.

1:03:58Jason Mantzoukas:I used to fix tapes. Open up the top. Really? Oh, yeah. Oh, wow. Guys, this is the classic time. Anything that we missed? Anything that we want to talk about? Anything? I feel like we covered a lot of it. The one thing I feel like I would be remiss if we didn't talk about is that one scene in the beginning when Liu Kang decides to go fight in the tournament. Monks murmur. He's like, I'm going to fight that tournament. and the monks are like, ooh. I think monks should not be gossiping amongst each other. That seemed like an odd thing for monks to do to kind of have a little coffee clutch. It was so much.

1:04:26This movie was so bad. I think that my favorite part of this movie is that whatever that guy's name is, Liu Kang, is fighting the big bad guy. Yeah. And the big bad guy turns around about two feet from him and then turns back around and he's his brother. Oh, yeah. If you watch this movie for any reason, fast forward to that part, just so that you can see Liu Kang go, wait a minute. I don't think you're my brother. He just saw him transform. Yes. And still in his mind. He watched him transform. In his mind, there's a chance that that is really his brother. And the brother tries to prove it by saying a line that will live with me for the rest of my life, which is, remember when our parents died?

1:05:05If the movie had ended on that, I would have been a five-star review myself.

1:05:11Jason Mantzoukas:You would have written it on Christmas Day. I would have written it on Christmas Day. Oh, my God. That was a great little reveal, too. Oh, man, the brother, the dead brother. None of it pays off. None of it. Would you guys recommend? Now, here's the thing. This movie's on iTunes, and you can't even rent it. No. iTunes, you could easily... I paid$15. I paid$9 on iTunes for it. How did you pay$9? It was only$9 on iTunes. I think it was... I think I paid$15 on iTunes. You didn't get... You got high definition. Oh, yeah. So I bet it looked better. I bet it looked better. It looked amazing. if amazing looks like garbage.

1:05:46So would you guys recommend

1:05:47Jason Mantzoukas:just watching this movie? Never once ever in your life. No. I think you can fast forward and find some fun stuff. I think if you can just find that scene of the brother, that's going to stick with you. And also that flannel guy. The flannel guy. I'm actually interested in going back to see it. Christopher Lambert. This movie is bad. This movie is bad, guys. There's no movement in this movie. The fights are lateral and boring. I don't necessarily believe in piracy, but somebody should pirate that section and put it on the internet and then all of our problems. Well, it's also like, you know, I mean, this brings a whole thing.

1:06:17Jason Mantzoukas:It's like making a movie out of a video game. There are separate things. Like I think you can make a video game out of a good movie, but like also trying to do something cool. Like when Liu Kang's move in the video game is like he flies forward and his legs are kicking really fast. But in this movie, when he's flying forward, he's like almost, he's sitting and his legs are just moving like really quick. It's not impressive. It's almost anything but. It seems like almost like a sketch. Like you would see it on a Saturday Night Live. I feel like if you had a watch, this at this point, watch the Raid Redemption.

1:06:44Watch like a really good martial arts, fighting combat movie that would be like, or any of like the Tony Jaa movies or something. I'd recommend Haywire. If you like Sonya in this movie, why don't you go watch a real M &A lady? Take some people down to side. Great, I love it.

1:07:01Jason Mantzoukas:Does she have a sense of humor? She's a terrible actor, but hey, what the heck. She was on American Gladiators the reboot. Well, this is so much fun. Karen, what do you have that you would want to plug and tell us about? So I have two podcasts of my own. Oh, great. And if folks like this, I also do an action and sci-fi movie podcast that's called... What? I didn't know about this. It's called Wham Bam Pow and that's why I said this is in my wheelhouse. I fucking love this shit. The end. What else we got, guys? Anything? Jason, you still in The Dictator? Yeah, I'm just getting word now that I'm still in it.

1:07:34Oh, good. That's great.

1:07:36Jason Mantzoukas:Yeah, yeah. My voice has now been dubbed. but your body is still in it my body is still in it but I've been told that my voice has been entirely dubbed alright that's okay but with a dog's bark oh wow so my character has now been reduced to being an animal in the movie apparently I haven't watched it it's an interesting performance my comic book Alien vs. Parker is coming out on February 4th the trade paperback read them all in one sitting June what the fuck do you want to talk about oh shit I don't know oh shit June did you want to yawn on mic? Don't you have a DVD coming out? Oh yeah, Ask Backwards is out on DVD January 28th and available on iTunes.

1:08:18There you go. I'll also say go see Ride Along. Oh yes!

1:08:22Jason Mantzoukas:Jason Manzoukas, writer of Ride Along, a huge hit. Yeah, it is. A giant hit. Now, are you going to be riding around like a helicopter fueled by champagne at this point? Yeah, how do you think I got here? It is not a good technology. Is that actually true? Yes. I did write a version of that. You wrote the first version, right? I wrote the middle version. I flipped out because I walked by one of those big bus ads, and I saw your name on the phone. I was like, wait, what? And I texted you immediately and did not hear you talk about it. We were vacationed together. Sure, it's true. And didn't even hear you mention it.

1:09:00Jason Mantzoukas:Nope. You are a mystery. Yeah, guys. All right. But check it out on my Twitter. No, you do not have a Twitter. I still don't have Twitter. But how did this get made as a Twitter? You can follow us at HDD, whatever, you know the initials of a fucking show. I'm on Twitter at Paul Scheer. At Miss June Diane. Yeah, and I'm at Cameron Esposito. Great. Not on Twitter. All right, that wraps up the show. And a big thanks to everyone that helps us out here at Earwolf. Brett, our engineer, our amazing people online. Avril Haley, who pulls all of our clips, she's amazing. Nate Kiley does a lot of the research, getting in deep on the Wikipedia pages.

1:09:38Jason Mantzoukas:Leanna Waldron, designing cool shit that goes on our Facebook pages every single fucking day. And Katie Dyer, who runs our official How Did This Get Made Twitter. That's right, we have a How Did This Get Made Twitter. Do you know that? It's at HDTGM. HDTGM. Did I say that right? I think I did. All right, so that's all I'm going to say for the end of the show. Thank you, everybody, for listening. Thank you, everybody, here at Earwolf. We'll see you next time. Bye-bye. I wrote a little song to remind you, Choice Hotels gets you more of the experiences you value. The Cambria Hotel's got it all. A rooftop bar, have a ball.

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