Surf Ninjas LIVE! w/ Nicole Byer, Rob Huebel, & Gil Ozeri (Classic)

25:01That's how they described it in the trailer, by the way. All right, so here's the ethnic song.

25:18Great lighting, this kid.

25:30This is 1993. The auditorium is really into Babara. That's a 60s song. By the way, that song, the fact it's supposed to show that he doesn't care about school has no effect on him. He just keeps... Nothing happens to him because he does that song. I was fucking pissed. Yeah, he doesn't get into much trouble. No. But I guess because he never really goes back to school. Like, that day happens, and then his father is kidnapped. And then... Oh, you mean Nick Nolte? Yeah, he was kidnapped.

26:12Are we going to talk about Tone Loke at all? It is there for the taking. Tone Loke usually makes great movies. Always picks his projects very carefully. This is odd. I was confused why, what am I supposed to feel about Tone Loke? Am I rooting for him? Like, do I want another older man to be friends with these young boys? well it's odd because ton loke is a bad cop right we already know that from the get-go like he immediately tells the kids like your father's not kidnapped he just is into bad shit and hiding out don't worry about it he's a scumbag your dad's a scumbag anyway good night kids good night he's been driving around he spent all day with those kids yeah and he's like they're scumbag And then he, well, then he just tags along.

27:19Yeah, just decides to go and then later is ridden like a sled. Yeah. Ridden? Is that a word I can say? He said he hasn't had a vacation in 17 months. And so he decides to come along on this journey. For the laughs, I think it was. For the laughs. I need some laughs. I need some laughs. You handcuffed me, but I'm here for the laughs. Yeah. And we're going to go kill somebody. I can't wait for the last. Yeah. It's a mission to kill. I'll explain it to my Sarge later. Yeah, he, okay, so then, well, I guess the other thing, too, is we got to talk about Leslie Nielsen. Yes. Oh, boy. Can we? Oh, boy.

28:01I love that scene where they're fighting, and then that elephant comes and stomps on him. And then he becomes half robot. He's a veiled Darth Vader who, at certain points, is super goofy. Right? And I appreciate that. Like, I was laughing at some of the Leslie else and stuff. But he's also running a full-on torture chamber where people are hanging in, like, prison balls. In cages. In cages. They're being tortured. Like, legit tortured and brainwashed. And he, like, also, like, hurts. Like, he hurt people. The tone of this movie has like bipolar disorder. Some of the time it's like it's trying to be scary as hell.

28:46And other times it's like so goofy. And he's like playing with the voicemail. That bit made me laugh. I mean, he makes you laugh. He runs up the stairs. I love that he was just like couldn't get wet. But his entire layer was filled with water. There was water everywhere. What are you doing? There's also a good bit where he was like, just kill him. Just kill him. Then he's on call waiting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just kill him. That made me laugh out loud. I laughed out loud at that part, too. But then you see that goofy moment, and then, like, it's followed by him gouging out someone's eye. Like, he literally then gouges out someone's eye.

29:23So you're like, what? Like, it would be like if Darth Vader just, like, murders a bunch of people and then just starts doing physical comedy. Like, slipping on his cape. By the way, I was watching this with my wife, and she happened to go on the IMDb message boards, and it said that Leslie Nielsen, in between takes, was method, and would not break character, and everyone was scared of him on set. It was like he was trying to scare them. This is the movie he chose to go method on. surf ninjas finally a part I can sink my teeth into where I can actually Daniel Day Lewis did I mean he is the best part I mean he definitely stands out as being a solid part of the movie this is Colonel Chee I guess the other part about him too that I think is simple to kind of bring up is why is he white like he shouldn't there's so many white people in this movie white people yeah for no reason like there is no like i was like oh is he like tom cruise's character in the last samurai is like like he was an american who's now been like brought into but he's a leader of these people but there's no reason to be why there's no reason why they follow him yeah it was sort of like apocalypse now a little bit like i thought he's a colonel i thought so but also the dad who takes them is also white why is he white don't know is it like a message is it or something like that?

31:01If an elephant steps on your head, do you survive that? No. Well, only one side of his face got it. Just one side? The sand protected the other side. Oh, the sand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah, whenever an elephant steps on your face. As long as there's some sand, you're all right. Wait, is that real? Yeah. Oh.

31:26Because I was taking in that information. I was like, I'm going to tell somebody that later. If you're ever around elephants, make sure that I'm saying. It's the same backstory for Phantom of the Opera. It's exactly... But now, I would imagine if he stayed in character, he'd be doing something very violent and then super goofy, like whoopee cushions and then slapping a kid in the face. Why couldn't he answer the phone with that fucking Bluetooth that was attached to his head? Yeah, he should have had it built in. What was that thing? That receptionist? Do they tell us his backstory, like how he became the leader of this?

32:03No, they just show him attacking the town. That's what I'm saying. And he attacks the town in traditional ethnic garb. So he's not coming in as an American soldier or anything like that. He already has this thing going on. And we don't even know why he wants Patu San. It's just an island. It doesn't seem to be any. It's not fair to drill down on these kids' movies. But now Ernie Ray's Jr. is being saved by his dad who is his uncle. Spoiler alert. And then they bring him into the Paterson culture. And they go to the Paterson restaurant which is introduced with someone going, don't try the chicken.

32:51And you're like, oh, this is going to be a really shitty restaurant. Nope. No, it's not. not at all looks like actually a super professional restaurant looks like a good place every dish looks beautiful they even go into the kitchen and I was like that's a really clean kitchen everything is really well plated like they're running it really well there and then they reveal to Ernie Ray's junior that he's going to marry this beautiful girl she approaches in a veil and this is the most disturbing part of the movie to me. I believe the first line was, you know what they say about girls in a veil? They wear a veil.

33:37Do better bail. Yeah, which is true. Oh, dude, better bail. She doesn't show her face. Then pick up the pace. Like, oh, hi, tell that. Get the fuck out of here. I thought it was like, fuck her quickly. No, no, no. Well, I guess it could go either way. Either run away or fuck her so hard she's pretty. I like, like, don't, yeah, don't fuck her so you have to be like, I wonder what she looks like. Just be like, I'm done. And then you're gone. And now as I said it out loud, I realized that I misunderstood it. I thought it was, if they wear a veil, do, D.O., better, bail. And I thought it was like an underage sex joke about being arrested for having underage sex.

34:24Were you high when you watched this? I just rewound it twice. I'd be like, what does that mean? Do better bail. Do better bail. Do better bail? Like, he's going to get arrested for fucking her? And now I said it out loud. I didn't talk to myself when I watched it. But then doesn't Schneider have a good one at the end of it? Yeah, what was his? It didn't rhyme. It was like... Oh, that was his joke. It was like, she's wearing a veil. You better just go to bed. I don't remember what it was. It was something really stupid. Is Rob Schneider here? If he is, I'll tell him, this is bad. What do you think is going on in Rob Schneider's mind to say yes to this movie?

35:06He's on SNL, arguably like a recognizable guy from SNL. And, you know, I'm sure that there's only a couple months to shoot stuff. Surf Ninjas comes across your desk. I think he was like, we're going to Thailand? Fuck yeah. Yes. Is there a giant staircase there? Yes. I love giant staircases. It's so odd. It's so odd. I feel like they sold him a wrong bill of goods on this movie. I feel like he didn't know it was like children. He didn't know. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait a second. You have a lot of like, you have a lot of faith in Rob Schneider's choices. Is that what's going on here?

35:47You're surprised Rob Schneider. There were so many other vehicles that he could have jumped on. I mean, look, based on his body of work, I'm like, why this one? But you've always picked quality.

36:03So then they go to the restaurant, and then magic happens, right? Ernie Ray's Jr. has never done karate before. Oh, yeah, then his leg starts wiggling. Ooh, I loved that little leg. I love that you got into his like his body and his I mean he's a man like possessed by Taekwondo but yet I'm also thinking now Adam who has the Sega Genesis which was so nicely built into the film so organically placed in the movie oh did I tell you that Sega financed the movie oh yeah yeah that's what happened and that the screenwriter had to write sequences that would be good in a video game and a movie simultaneously.

36:51Is that true? That explains a lot. I wish I had known that prior to taking mushrooms and watching this. Yeah. They got to finance the movie and they began to develop the game at the same time and then the game was released before the film and I love that in the video game Leslie Nielsen's character is like, we're gonna send them to hell like their father. Like the character is cursing in the game. The best part of that Game Gear thing that it predicted the future or whatever it is, it was always like seconds before the thing happened. Yeah, it was literally like looking at like, it's basically an iPhone.

37:33You're like looking at maps on your iPhone, but you can see the car that's about to hit you. It doesn't help you at all. At all. But it takes away some of the violence because when you watch two cops get their throats slashed, which did happen in this children's movie, on a video game screen. It's not as bad as seeing it in real life. Like, these two cops were fucking straight-up Colombian necktied, but you saw it on a little Sega Game Gear screen. There was a... What I liked about this movie, too, is at a certain point, they definitely ran out of money because they're like, you know, maybe in this sequence we'll do like the Indiana Jones effect where we'll show the plane going over the map.

38:20And the guy's like, great. How about we give you a little boat and you give you the map. And how about the boat that we put you on we do the same way we did the surfing where you fucking stand in a parking lot and we'll just whip the camera around you. Like that boat is not going anywhere. That's my problem. I like real sailing. I just thought of this. He looks, Ernie Ray's Jr. looks possessed by Taekwondo, but is Adam controlling him? Or is Adam just watching? Hold on, now none of this shit is funny. Because it seems like I would say he would... I guess my question is, Adam then just has this game gear that he just watches and does nothing with.

39:09But it builds up to the point where he actually looks out in the real world at those trees and he sees them, great graphics by the way, he sees them become surfboards so he actually becomes a seer. So he realizes his power. But yet at the end of the movie, he goes back to the game gear to start controlling it again. He's like, it was cool when I saw stuff but I'm going to go back to the thing I'm most comfortable with, the game gear. There's a gun and a game gear on the ground. He grabs the game gear. I would grab the gun. I would shoot the bad guy. I wouldn't rest my laurels on controlling a Game Gear version of the guy.

39:45Because then he starts controlling the other guy. Yeah, you're getting way too deep for me.

39:54But I like for kids that for that moment when he looks at those trees and he sees surfboards, there's like one kind of pops up and then like another one. And then they probably figured like, but there are going to be some kids that are too dumb to get what we're doing. So then the surfboards pop up closer and closer. or so. Even the kids that were born yesterday are like, oh, okay, yeah, yeah, you can make a surfboard out of a tree, okay. So then... But then it cuts to a fucking expensive helicopter shot of like 40 dudes surfing. No, no, not surfing, paddling. There was no fucking surfing in that movie.

40:29But it was from a helicopter. It was from a helicopter, yeah. That's expensive. But then how quickly did they chop down those trees? That would have been a month of work. I mean, ethnic people work hard.

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44:43It's another reference. Waldo. Fucking Waldo. We didn't talk about the sequence that drives the brother and the brothers to go. Yeah. Like when Les Nielsen comes in and basically he murders their parents. Yeah. And the uncle is telling them this story and they're rolling their fucking eyes. Oh, yeah. I'm like, what? Yeah, that drives the whole movie. They're bored to tears. To tears. They're leaning against that rock and they're like, oh, fuck. Come on. I'm like, your parents were fucking murdered. Oh, my God. Shut up. We killed our parents. Our parents get murdered all the time. We want to surf.

45:35But I don't think at that moment they believed it. They believed it? Okay. So they're like, this is just a story. Our dad's white. But why is that guy? And why was that guy ever in Patusan? It's wild. That guy was in a cook in Patusan? Yeah, and he's just chilling in a boat in that story. So he's just there. Oh, yeah, they said he was a sailor. They said he was a sailor that worked for them. But he was the same age. Like, maybe they just put, like, a clean shirt on him. And so odd that he then comes to the States to open up a restaurant that, of course, deserves Patusan food, just like burgers and shakes.

46:13So he leaves his shipping world behind him to open a cool diner? Yeah. And then they also didn't react to him, to the dad, finding out that they were adopted. Like, yeah, I found out I was adopted last night. And then they just move on from that subject. Yeah, nothing really impacts people in this movie. No, in this movie, no. When they're like, that's your uncle. They were like, great, uncle. And I was like, what? No. Well, they take a swing at a heartfelt scene on a couch at some point early on where the younger brother says, like, hey, bro, I'm feeling. He says, I'm feeling something. Like, I'm feeling not so cowabunga or whatever.

46:58And the older brother goes, like, everything's going to be chill, dude. You know, like, so they kind of were, like, trying to, like, oh, maybe we should have him be sad. but let's not have him be too sad. I'll also argue that for the romance in this movie, because I watch these movies for the romance, and I did not find there to be that much chemistry between... Those kisses were weird. Those kisses were weird. She's a bad kisser, or he's a bad kisser. Don't put it on her. Come on. I felt like she was coming in too aggressively, and he had to kind of monitor for that. She's coming in hard, and he's like...

47:36Well, more importantly, I was bummed out by the whole female empowerment bullshit message at the end where she's like, I want to marry who I want to marry. I was like, fuck, this is Trump's America. You know, I was pissed. Well, but by the way, let's play that scene where she dropped some feminism on him here. I know I talked a lot about marrying you and being queen and everything. I know, no problem. As soon as we rescue my dad, I'll tell him, and then we can go on. Johnny, listen. Look. All my life, Yeah, close the umbrella. I've been doing everything that was expected of a traditional Patousani girl.

48:12And? Well, and who do my parents think they are, telling me who I'm gonna marry? I mean, I'll decide who I'm gonna marry, not them. Bullshit. That is, if I marry. I mean, that was a really swell kiss and all, but I just didn't want to hurt your feelings about the marriage thing.

48:31He is confused. Bad kiss. Yeah, weird kiss. we can still date right he's really into her okay dude better do better bail are we sure he's 29 I don't know I think he's older but I think she was like I gotta play a little hard to get so he works a little bit so when he finally deep dicks me it's worth it right she doesn't want him to be assuming that that deep dick will come for free yeah I buy that but cause she definitely like is a little bit like Like, whatever she said to that team of guys that are going to, and I don't think this is a terrible thing to assume, gang rape her. Because she said something where all the guys are like, what?

49:16Well, I don't know if it's gang rape if you're the one saying, come here and we'll do this fun thing. Yeah, she said. And he goes, what did you say to them? And she goes, don't worry, I'll tell you on our wedding night. So I felt weird by it because I felt like she was young and those guys were way older. This movie has a lot of hard themes. If I brought my child to see this, I'd be like, how do we describe that scene?

49:44Okay, I wrote down that it was interesting that Playboys were in this movie. Smoking and Playboys, both in this movie. Something you would never see in a children's movie. Well, the smoking comes in when he's throwing the unlit sticks of dynamite. Is that what it is? Yeah. But the smoking is like a hero. It's like Rob Schneider is throwing unlit sticks of dynamite going like, I got one. And then they're like, light it. I don't have a lighter. I don't have a lighter. Somebody goes, here. The guy with the eye patch is like, I got one because I fucking smoke. But then he also says. You should always smoke.

50:18No, he says, I know I should quit. So it was like a message to America to quit smoking or save the world. Your choice. and then Rob Schneider looks into camera and is like I can't do anything about it what does he say he's like look who I'm talking to or something like that he goes you should try the patch yes he has an iPad yeah that's right that must have been right when the patch came out it also felt like honestly why did the director at that point by the way Rob you were saying that you should be the teacher in the thing that actually was the director the Great guy. Why did the director go at that point like, yeah, now we've passed the point of it.

51:02It's a patch joke. Even the writer was like, this is too broad. We have to have him look at camera to cut the broadness a little bit. We're aware of it. What child is going to go, I get that joke. What about that clip of that little, like, they do a parade, a really shitty parade. They phoned that fucking in. They phoned that in. They were like, look guys we're losing the light we got three minutes to shoot a pretty big parade scene what does the music sound like we don't know we don't we haven't bought it yet we don't know it's going to be library music we should talk about the music in this movie oh my god the opening line of this movie is turn that van halen down not van halen it's not van halen it's not even close to It's like the same, it's the director's friends band.

51:52I watched this movie with the subtitles on, and the lyrics are all like, we're gonna win the baseball game tonight.

52:05I also forgot about that line that he's gonna go back to the hood and nobody's gonna want to talk to him. I was like, why? Because you did a sport? Yeah. No, I think they're not gonna talk to him. I think they're not going to talk to him because he eats his police key and shits it out every week. That was my favorite part of the movie. Yeah, that was. Hands down. I paused it and I wrote that down. I was like, I got to remember that joke. That's like a great. Every Tuesday, he eats his police key and then sifts through his own shit. And then eats it again. And then the kid, the young kid kind of grimaces there.

52:42He just unlocked the handcuffs. He should have shit all over his hands. All over. It doesn't make any fucking sense. I mean, you could also just keep the key in your pocket. Yeah. Not going to eat it. In the wallet of the small little pockets. Just put it in there. But also, is he timing his shits? Yeah, it takes him a week. He eats his shit every Tuesday. and doesn't shit for an entire week then digs through it with his hands after he shits just to open the hand. Like the way that Rogue One bridges the gap between I guess, you know, the Revenge of the Sith and Star Wars. I would like to see the bridging of the gap of Tone Loke getting on that boat sifting through his shit.

53:27He's like, ugh! Just him as a prisoner underneath the wall. And it's wild that he's more concerned about everyone in the hood knows that he surfed than he like sifts through his own shit. And by the way, who's going to tell the people in his neighborhood that he surfed? I'm sure that's a secret you could keep pretty quiet. No one's going to sound like on the news. He says, my homies in the hood, like all of his homies are like, we don't care, man. You fucking eat your shit. That's why we don't hang out with you. We don't care because you fucking, you're a cop now. You're above us. We hate you.

54:06oh the other thing during that parade they then cut to that girl it looks like a clip out of a National Geographic thing like this little girl playing with a doll in a hut it's oddly like I was like whoa like that tonally again way off that seemed like a real homeless girl that felt like stock footage to me where they were like well we need some more kids I don't know Steve just fucking buy something throw it in there she looked legit homeless and they found like a starving child or she's a great actress I don't know. Let's talk about this final fight scene. And the only way I can talk about the final fight scene is to say Leslie Nielsen's dick.

54:43Did you guys catch how I felt like the end of the movie was Adam making Leslie Nielsen jerk off, but Leslie Nielsen grabbed such a nice handful of that dick that I was like, what is going on here? the way the way you said that is so disrespectful to dead people Paul he grabbed such a nice handful of that dick Let's see. Here, I just want to...

55:20Do you see how big that dick is?

55:30It's a kid's movie. He's not going to have a little dick.

55:36and it almost appears like the dick is robotic too because like there's a big beefy leslie nielsen dick there are we sure i thought that was i see i'm watching it i thought i guess okay i thought i was watching it i thought it was his balls but if you can That's what I thought, but you can see the dick. And you can see the balls. Look. They're almost to the left, like to the left, like our left. Yeah. There they are. There they are. Yeah, you can like see his urethra. I want this to be my screensaver.

56:22Oh. That is. Wow. I wonder if he requested that. Like, guys, use the shot that makes my dick look huge. Holy shit. This was Method also, by the way. He really jerked his cock off. Let's go to the audience here to see if you guys have anything that we might have missed. Oh, we have a lot of questions so far. A lot of questions so far. Yes. I'm going to go to first hand. All right. Sir, yes. All right. What's your name? and your best Kwon Su. I want to hear you really approach this audience and give them a nice Kwon Su. My name is Val and Kwon Su dudes! Kwon Su. Question. Okay, towards the beginning or towards the middle they show him sharpening what looks to be an electric knife.

57:18That's Leslie Nielsen's sharpening knife to cut off a guy's dick, right? Yeah, so what is up with that? Why is he sharpening? It's a big whetstone. He's just there sharpening. Yeah, he's sharpening an electric knife. Good point. I just was more concerned about what he was going to do with that knife and go, this is a children's movie. That's a good point, a fair point. Let's see. Let me go back here a little bit. All right, sir, your best Quan Su and your question. Quan Su, dudes. All right, okay. Quan Su. Quan Su. How long before that gets old? I was concerned with the transportation of goods in this movie.

58:04The transportation of goods. But the dynamite that they have is bone dry. Oh, yeah. And then at the end, during the credits, when they have the band set and the electric guitars, did they bring those ahead of time in anticipation? wait wait i love that you frame this as transportation of goods i have to get this into one big venn diagram it's transportation of goods well no i agree with you the movie is pretty solid for that one that one point uh everything else makes sense but the logistics of how goods get from point a to point b by the way when rob schneider is throwing that dynamite and they're like, you idiot, you gotta light it.

58:51That's a joke, but it's a bit of a funnier joke if he hadn't just effectively thrown the dynamite, knocked somebody out, and killed a jeep full of people. He was doing just fine. Yeah, he was doing good. And maybe without murdering them, too. Just like pushing them off the road. The explosion actually just incinerated 24 human beings. I'm looking at dueling notebooks here, and I like them both. what do you think? What do you think has the best notes? I'm going to go with you. You have a broken hand or something. You're injured. All right. That's your question. And say Kwansu. Of course. It's unspoken.

59:26I'm sorry I shit on Kwansu. Kwansu, dudes. All right. Kwansu. I want to hear it. Guys, it's a big audience. We've got to sell the Kwansu. By the way, do that anywhere else but in this room and you're not going to get shit. So, I have a big issue with the geography in this movie. Okay. In the beginning of the movie, they say that Pachu-san is 13 ,000 miles away from L.A., but it's impossible to be 13 ,000 miles away from anywhere in the world.

1:00:04But other than that, the movie makes sense. Yeah. So the circumference of the... Wait, wait. what if you're up in space? Well, so the circumference of the Earth at the equator is 24 ,901 miles. So the farthest that you can be from any two points is 12 ,450 miles.

1:00:30Amazing. That is amazing. I love that the demographic for this podcast is like college professors.

1:00:42Oh, wait, you have another point? You have another point. If it's as good as that one, I would now really think about it because you just scored so high. You're going back in. You're about to get laid. Don't fuck it up. When they show the boat sailing from the United States to Patusan, they show it sailing from the East Coast. But we're not on the East Coast. We're in LA. Wow, that's interesting too. It's good. It is good. it wasn't as good as the first one though. Let it be a lesson. You quit while you're ahead. You, yes, come on. All right. Let's hear your Quan Su and then your question. Okay, thank you.

1:01:23Okay, thank you. Quan Su, dance! Quan Su. All right, I'll hold the microphone. So, are we sure that there wasn't like a sequel that was coming and it was going to be like, Rob Schneider's character was secretly the son of Leslie Nielsen's character. Write it. Get in and pitch this movie. So he really is a king. In a way. Well, right, because she, Colonel, yeah, well. Turn off the lights again. None of this is funny anymore. did you did you did you catch the kind of the innuendo when rob schneider was like i gotta wax my surfboard i thought he was gonna go masturbate i think i thought it was oh to skip and todd who walked by he's like hey skip hey todd i thought the joke was that his board was so covered in wax that that's all he did because the board was disgusting looking as if all he did is all day just wax it up with cum.

1:02:33Yes. Oh, yeah, okay. Hey. Ponsu, dudes. Ponsu. Wait, did he say Ponsu? He did say Ponsu. Get the fuck out of here. Get out. It was Kwonsu. It was the best one that we've gotten, but totally wrong. Yes, sir. Kwonsu, dudes. Good. Kwonsu. Troy Kinney, I wanted to go back to the little kid controlling things because when they're in the restaurant, he gets a choice to choose a different animal, and he chooses the octopus. So it's like, oh, we're going to see that he's going to control an octopus. Then he has to find the octopus and then shoves it in the guy's face. Then he gets 500 points, and I don't know what the points are for.

1:03:24He seems excited about those points. But you know what? I think the best way to kind of answer that question is talk to him. Adam, are you here right now? The gentleman who played Adam. What?

1:03:35Kwan Su! Kwan Su! Kwan Su! Kwan Su! Kwan Su! What a perfect segue. Come over here. Come on over. Let's talk. I'm sorry.

1:03:57welcome thank you for coming thank you for coming tell me your name again Nick Cowan Nick welcome Nick thank you thank you for being a part of this we have rare we have all right for first first of all let's hear about it what where were you in your career when you got this movie was it like were you like was it the first thing for you let's walk through it a little bit probably the first and biggest thing. I did some commercials and TV stuff. Were you psyched to work with Ernie Reyes Jr.? I'm asking that in an earnest way. Absolutely. He was from the Ninja Turtles. That's a big deal when you're 12.

1:04:36Yeah, 100%. Anything now as you're an adult, you look back on it and you go, oh, that was suspect. A lot of the stuff you brought up, I didn't even think about until you started talking. Like, Tone Loke shitting out his key week after week is pretty fucked up. Now you have this benefit, which I think is the best part of it. You have been in Surf Ninjas, but if you walk into a CVS, people aren't going to be like, Surf Ninjas. So that's a good thing. That is a good thing. No, they would be like Quan Su. I just call that all the time. I go into grocery stores and yell Quan Su. When do you drop that on a friend, a new friend, a girlfriend?

1:05:23is it something that you lead with or is it one that you hold back because I would imagine I would hold back and then watch them like you're dropping a new smartphone every time, yeah I used to get to know people for a long time and if they brought it up themselves I'd be like, oh I was in that did you bring it up? no he did, I knew him for like a year and a half and my mind just exploded I was like, you've got to be kidding me Kwanzu do I will say this though like in my 20s I would kind of like use it on girls like and by the way you should and that was smart um alright there there well obviously we've talked about a lot of things what was your knowledge of obviously you were selling the Sega Game Gear did you get a free Sega Game Gear out of it did yeah um it's completely broken those things like suck Guys, don't get Sega Game Gears.

1:06:23Did you know that the movie was, like, as a kid, did you know that the movie was financed by Sega? No. Okay. But now, well, did you understand what you were doing? Because obviously that was a question about, were you, like, I had a question, were you controlling Ernie Ray's Jr.? Were you, like, what do you know of, what did you know, and in your actor's mind at that point, and we're talking about the 12-year-old you, what was your assumption of I thought I was controlling him you were and then you were almost controlling yourself when you selected octopus because then you picked up the octopus even though you are yeah that one's weird and who is controlling this I'm going to have to say that listener I'm pointing to Leslie Nielsen's dick listener was there talk of a surf ninjas too like on set Was that the plan or was it just the one?

1:07:21Around the time of premiere and stuff, there was kind of like talk. Buzz. I would have liked to have seen it. We could have done a double feature tonight. Yes. What was Leslie Nielsen like? Oh, yeah. Was he in character? Did he sing character? I met him once because we don't really share any screen time. So I approached him to take a photo, and I think he thought I was probably just like an extra. Wow. But did you hear from anyone else that he was in character or is that just something that... I've never heard that, no. That was news to me if that's true. But you did not have anything to do with the death of Leslie Nielsen.

1:07:57No comment. This is... Well, I'm so excited that you came here. Do we have any other questions for Nick? Do you think you want to share that we haven't asked that you think... Yeah, well, can I ask a question? Yeah. Do you surf? Do you know how to surf? Are you a ninja? No and no. No and no. They wouldn't pay for you to surf, huh? I was afraid of the ocean. Really? Did you even paddleboard? Did you get the paddleboard? We tried to do a scene of us coasting in. I couldn't do it. I'm this big now, and I was that big then. So the ocean is a very scary thing. By the way, you did a great job in the movie, man.

1:08:38I really thought you were great. I am I literally I think my quick judgment of it is I have nothing to say about anyone's performance the logic is weird it's really because I buy that you guys you had a good relationship as brothers and stuff like that my question is this though Tone Loke Tone Loke comes on set is he what's any memories any Tone Loke remember? It was really hot there. It was Thailand. It was humid. Really nasty humid. And in between takes he started singing a song about a mosquito being on his dick.

1:09:21It was like... That means his dick's out. Just out. I love it. Give it up for Nick. Thank you for this movie. Thank you for coming. You're the best.

1:09:39holy shit that was amazing so I don't think we could top Nick I mean none of your questions can top that he was fucking there he answered everything that is awesome thank you so much for coming out now before we get into the end of the show here I want to say how the movie ends which is I think one of the best things because they reprise one of the classic hit numbers from the film, and it goes something like this. So they save the day. Everything is good, and where is it? There are a few background people here in this scene that did not know what the fuck was going on. The background people never did.

1:10:28Like, even after... Well, this is Thailand, so I can imagine there's some... I mean, we're still confused about the movie ourselves, and we've been talking about it for two hours. And we talk to someone who's in it. So this is how it ends. You think, wow, cool, they won, they saved the day. Leslie Nielsen's dick got ripped off. It's a great kids movie. As my future queen and I go off to take our SATs, remember, we're all created equal. Because I was born into royalty, I'm no different from you. Put my face on a stamp, 50 cent piece, and let's call it a day. That's, by the way, a big ask. I'm out of here.

1:11:05He's like, you know, look, I don't want any accolades. Just put my name on a stamp or whatever. Giving the government back to the people. It's like Baron Trump. And here we go. So everyone's celebrating. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-brand. Look at the fucking elephant. I wonder if they got a new elephant or if that's the same one that stomped on his face. Oh, my gosh. Well, let's Obviously we had an opinion about this movie But there are people out there that had a different opinion It is now time for Second Opinions

1:11:51The movie was a piece of shit Yet this person Recommends it Tell me what is The message Maybe that art is subjective I need a second opinion That was John Lajoie with his second opinion song. A beautiful second opinion song. These are five-star reviews called from Amazon.com for the film Surf Ninjas. This one we'll lead off with is from, written by someone calling themselves The Unknown Warrior. The title of the review is awesome, and it goes like this. One of the greatest Filipino movies in the universe. The surf ninjas are not really ninjas, but Filipino warriors. And the fictional country of Patusan is really the Philippines.

1:12:54Of course, Ernie Reyes Jr. and Robbie Schneider are Filipino. The world will never understand the true power of the Filipino warrior. We are like the air and we are like the water. We are present but unnoticeable. Five stars.

1:13:19My favorite part of that is just Robbie Schneider. Robbie Schneider. This is written by Paul Jameson. and it goes like this. I guess this would be classified as a delightful fantasy full of youthful vigor. That's a pretty good guess. Pretty specific guess. I enjoyed it for what it was. Escapism. The main characters are young. Handsome. That's to you, Nick. Virile. youths who defy convention come out on top and save the world to boot all at the same time with a smile and a joke. It is, of course, ridiculous. But who cares? Five stars. Oh my God. It sounds like Tony Bennett wrote that review. Why are adults, why isn't this children like, I like applesauce.

1:14:24Mimi J got a little confused in her five-star review. My son, now 34, loved The Three Ninjas. So think how old this mom is. So she's at least 50. She wrote this July 16th. My son, now 34, loved The Three Ninjas movies growing up. And now his son, three years old, and his daughter, ten years old, love it too. Wait, the three-year-old has a ten-year-old daughter? Guys, you're missing the big part. She thinks it's Three Ninjas, which is another movie. A movie called Three Ninjas. This is called Surf Ninjas.

1:15:08The movies are good, clean entertainment without any use of offensive language, not even any gray area, which is not found in many movies today. I highly recommend it for kids of all ages. I'm glad she didn't see this movie with the dick grab rape scene house explosions. Throat slashing. And then finally, this is by a man calling himself Dorito. And it goes like this. Buy it! It's simple. Really, really simple. Buy it! If you have never seen the movie, don't worry. Buy it! You'll love it. I guarantee it. Or you love nothing. At least go to the video store and rent it. Then buy it. And if you're not gonna buy it, send me your money and I'll buy it for you and keep it for myself.

1:16:19If you see or hear anyone with a negative of this movie, it's really simple. They're wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong! Five stars. That one's perfect. When was that review written? By the way, Nick, in my research here, it says Nicholas Cowan said that Leslie Nielsen was legitimately intimidating. you've been misquoted, my friend. When was that last review written? That last review was written after Tone Loke changed his name to Dorito.

1:17:13It was written in 2003. We'll go down the 10 years after the movie came out. So we'll go down the line, and I'll just ask. So obviously, you know, we're watching this film for this purpose. There are some movies that we watch that are very good, that are fun to watch, fun bad, and there are some that are not fun bad. What would you say, Gil, is this a movie you would recommend the audience listening to watch this movie? Yes. It was fun and bad. It was fun bad. Fun first, bad second. I agree with that. I recommend it as well. Nicole? I would recommend fast forwarding it until he takes off his shirt and watching it from there because truly you get the whole story you're like alright surf ninjas they're fighting a white man great let me ask you this you don't have to answer it but because Ernie Reyes is of age now could you have a fantasy of Ernie Reyes why do I have to have a fantasy why can't I just fuck him I'll find him Nick where is he

1:18:32Nicole will be available after the show you can tell her where he is Rob to be honest Paul I prefer the book I obviously I know that and if you do prefer the book. You can definitely get the novel. Surf Ninja's the novel. Shut up! That is so fucking funny. Shut up! On Amazon. For a penny! Do you have that in case I said that? Are you controlling me with a Sega Game Gear underneath the tear here? It doesn't work great, but you can get it on Amazon for one cent used. and they got 21 copies still left. Can you click on the author's name? Oh, is that a link? It's just a screen grab. And there's one review.

1:19:24I'm dying to know what that review is. Quiet! AL singer. And by the way, just so you can see, Nicole, this is Ernie Ray's now and then. Yeah, he can still get it. He's got it. He's got it and he'll keep it. So, alright, so we all recommend it, except for Rob, who prefers the book. Obviously, if you have an opinion, we'd love to hear from you. You can call us at 619-PAUL-ASK 619-PAUL-ASK and you can leave your own opinions about the movie. Anything that we didn't cover. If you're Ernie Reyes Jr., if you're the director, you can call that number as well. If you're Rob Schneider, please stop calling.

1:20:10But let's talk about what you guys are up to. Thank you guys for joining us and how this get made all sorts. Rob, what do you got coming up do you want to tell people about? We're starting a new season of Transparent pretty soon. Yep. In February. And yeah, I'd plug that. And right now, when the audience is listening to this, Drive Share will be available on Go90. That's right. You and I did a TV show called Drive Share. Both of these people are in that TV show. Yes, they are. Very funny in that show. It's all, it's just funny people in Ubers. That's how it is, right? Yeah, it's funny Uber rides.

1:20:40Yeah, it's funny Uber rides. 130 different Uber rides. Yeah, we shot it in 10 minutes. Yeah. Nicole, talk to us. What do you got? What isn't happening? No, I'm kidding. My life's really slow right now, but you can watch Loosely Exactly, Nicole on Hulu and MTV.com. It's a super funny show. Thank you. I think it's really funny. Who knows if we'll get a second season? MTV's a mess. I'll say that because it's true. It's true. It started off, Rob and I did a show there. It was a mess back then. Yeah, it's pretty messy. We did a show paired with 3-6 Mafia. You know, they were great. A real fun sitcom-y show with 3-6 Mafia, followed by Human Giant.

1:21:24Really, two great tastes that go great together. Gil? I just wrote for a show called Big Mouth for Netflix. That's coming out soon, so look out for that. Who's in that? Nick Kroll, John Mulaney are in it. and I don't know, my Snapchat, I guess. I think, by the way, you should plug the Snapchat. It's one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Thank you. They can follow you. Gil Ozeri. Yeah. That's his name. Follow him. Follow me. And it's legitimately the funniest thing you'll see and ridiculous production value. There's a lot of production value. I don't get how you do that. It's awesome. Gil is my friend.

1:22:08I felt nervous to even ask him about certain things because I felt like I was fanning out about his Snapchat. That's how impressive the things are. I'm like, wait, how did you do that though? How did you get to LAX? You know, because it's insane. Yeah, it's amazing. He literally put himself in a suitcase in one of them and traveled from his house with his head out of a suitcase all the way to LAX and got super far into LAX. Yeah, didn't you get put on the conveyor belt? Yeah, I got put on the conveyor belt. Which is so fucking funny. Yeah. And everyone just acts like it's so, they're perfect. Yeah, no, it was a TSA agent who put me on there, yeah.

1:22:49Really? Yeah. And that's why a man checked a gun and shot people in Florida because they're doing your silly Snapchat. Sorry. You can follow us at HowDidThisGetMade on Twitter or just HDTGM and on Facebook. Sign up for our mailing list. A big thank you to April Halley, who cuts all of these amazing clips, finds all of these great pieces. Nate Kiley, who does all of our research. July Diaz up in the booth. Marissa Zeitz, who pulls this whole thing together. Leanna Waldron, who designed some of our cool, cool stuff. Everybody here at Largo. Everybody here at Earwolf. Thank you all. We'll see you next time.

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