The Avengers LIVE! w/ Tom Scharpling (Classic)

22:06Jason Mantzoukas:Kind of like Luke carrying around Yoda in Empire Strikes Back. He rode on her back. I don't know the stats on his height, and I don't walk around feeling this. I really don't. I'm happy to accept a height disparity in a couple, you know. It's not for you. Oh, God, no! I have been out at outdoor cafes with you, and you'll point at people in the street. Well, June will point at people. No roof. We'll be out at outdoor French bistros and June will point at people and go, if they're under five feet, ew, ew, ew, ew. So it is a constant. To be fair, a lot of those are children. Yeah. She's not, you have no respect for children at all.

22:51Jason Mantzoukas:Because it's not about a man being tall. It's about just height. Do you watch Game of Thrones? No, but I know. I was going to say there's a whole Santa Stark, Jon Snow reunited this week, and she is towers over Kit Harington. Kit Harington's like, oh my god, you're back! So who was supposed to be in the movie originally? Mel Gibson and Nicole Kidman. Now, speaking of Game of Thrones, originally it was going to be directed by David Fincher, and he wanted Tywin Lannister. This was? Yes. And he wanted Tywin Lannister to be James Deed. So that guy. So it could have been him. Can you imagine? He would have been great.

23:36Jason Mantzoukas:But no, no, no, no. If it was Mel Gibson, he probably would have just teamed up with Sean Connery and been just two shitty dudes deciding to ruin Earth together. I think that Mel Gibson would have refused to have done the British accent. I think, We're like, ah, we don't need to do that. I'm a British spy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll be fine. Oh, yeah, it's me. It's me, John Snead. Here's a Three Stooges reference. Let's go. Let's shoot this thing. So the whole movie, we reveal the plot at the end, but here's something that you guys should know. The movie was 120 minutes that was cut down to 85. That's what happened, and the reason why is because they test-screened this movie to an audience of Spanish-speaking people.

24:27Jason Mantzoukas:In contended audience. Not in subtitles. And the ratings were very bad. And so the studio freaked out, and they decided to make this cut of the movie, which cut out giant, giant, giant plot holes of this, or filled in a lot of plot holes, obviously. Because it's 85 minutes, and every scene, I'm like, well, wait, how did they get there? Why did they go there? It doesn't make any sense to me. How did they get away from there? Yeah. They get away from Sir August three times? At the very least. One-fourth of the movie consists of people waking up on a couch after having been knocked out during a fight and just someone tending to someone as they wake up on a couch.

25:16Jason Mantzoukas:And you have no idea how they got there and why they're not mad. like, wait, you knocked me out in the snow, now we're here on the couch, but I'm not going to tell you that you knocked me out in the snow, we're just going to keep it real subtle that only the audience knows this and I know this, but the characters never share. Are we to believe that Uma Thurman 2 Tuma Thurman. There's two.

25:43I'm real happy with that. You should be.

25:50Are we to believe That Tuma Thurman is the result Of Sir August's Cloning program From years ago? Yes But we never really get into that, right? Because once they discover it Tuma Thurman is straight up murdered Did you, in your second viewing Did you understand? Again, I understood less of that and I just now understand that that was some clone. I didn't get that at all. I didn't get that at all. I'm sorry, do you not remember the invisible man? Oh yes. Giving us an exposition dump with files. It almost seemed like Uma Thurman knew that Tuma Thurman was out there. She had no reaction. She sees the woman on the thing and is like it looks like me but it's not me.

26:43If I saw that, I would shit my pants. But no one in this movie reacts to anything. Okay, here's the other thing that happens. When finally we see Uma and Tuma and Ralph Fiennes, Ralph Fiennes is like, I feel like I'm seeing double. And Uma Thurman goes, me too. You're not seeing yourself. You are the only person not seeing double because you are not looking at yourself. But he also says that line about five times. Yeah. Yeah. Everybody, that line is used constantly in an effort to allow Tuma Thurman to get away. She always gets away because people are like, now what? And she's like, walks right by.

27:32Jason Mantzoukas:The big flaw of this movie, well, I shouldn't, one of the flaws is that the secret service they go okay we have video footage of who they think is uma thurman breaking into this laboratory and they go you know what we need to do we need to find her and then make her a secret agent good plan yep why not just arrest her right there she is their chief suspect they have video footage of her doing it yep and they're like instead we're going to put you together as part of a super spy team of weirdos. To find you. To find me, yeah. Which they have no inkling even exists. They have no clues. Yes, and...

28:16She finds a clue. She goes to Sean Connery's house and is like, I found a clue. It's a snow globe with an umbrella in it. Now let's go to the weather store. Yeah. And price out some weather.

28:30Jason Mantzoukas:And the thing about the weather store that was interesting is he, at the end, we heard the big plan. He's going to control the weather, but it seems like he's already selling the weather. That's what I understand. What is the corporation Wonderland Weather do? I don't know. I also don't know why no one shot him when he's in front of the UN. Because he's like, at the end of that, he would hit that ball. And then everyone would be like, okay, so we'll see you. I guess we'll talk about this and we'll get back to you. What's crazier is Jim Broadbent is watching this on TV. They're at like some sort of UN type meeting, as you've seen, but with all of these nation heads, blah, blah, blah, they're all like, rah, rah, rah.

29:14He gives his speech, he hits the ball. Okay, we come back into Jim Broadbent's like bunker and the old lady spy comes in and is like, here's his list of demands. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

29:26Jason Mantzoukas:It's like when Obama does the State of the Union. Like, the minute it starts, they send it out. Sure. That would be like if Obama was having, like, a meeting with someone who was like, these are our demands for this. And then, like, a low-level person walked into the head of the CIA and was like, yeah, that guy on TV, this is what he's talking about. That makes no sense. They would have killed that old lady instantly. I felt like watching this movie felt like if you ever have like a spouse or like a friend that's like hey let's go out with all my old high school friends and they go out and they just do inside jokes the entire night and you sit there and you're like yeah I don't you're never I'm trying to cause it's like they felt, I feel like they felt like yeah we got it It would be like that if you met your friend's old friends and they were all mannequins.

30:27And he was filling in all the old jokes that they had together. And you realize, I'm sitting with my friend and six mannequins. And he's laughing at the stories they're telling.

30:45Well, if you told me this was written by like a weather-obsessed 11-year-old. I'd be like, oh, now I get it. I didn't understand that when he kisses Uma Thurman at the end to really, like, to suss out if that's Uma or Tuma, I don't understand that moment because he's never kissed her before. Right, but it makes his dick hard. Those are the lines. It makes his dick hard, and he's like, so I knew it was you. Because Tuma Thurman wouldn't be able to make his dick hard.

31:20Jason Mantzoukas:Didn't do anything for him. But to me, that was a really missed time moment. Again, structure-wise, a big fight on a hot air balloon, a big death. They come face-to-face, the guy and the girl that you've been following the whole movie. They have a big triumphant kiss. They've saved the day. And then you look, and it's like 25 minutes left in this movie. Yeah. Like, oh, oh, okay. Like, they wrote an end in the middle of the movie. Yeah. Which is bizarre. arguably. Yeah, 100 % because what then happens is pointless. Can we hear some of their sexual innuendo stuff? If this is the boot scene, I'm gonna leave.

32:05I found this scene to be so disturbing. Wait, because it turns you on so much? No. First of all, I've never seen a foreplay scene where boots are going on, not off. It was so strange and weird. But let's watch it.

32:21Jason Mantzoukas:You'd like to watch it again? Alright, here we go. Boots going on. Uma Thurman in her red catsuit. You live alone, no Mrs. Steed? Since you asked, Mrs. Steed lives in Wiltshire. My mother. I had you down as a creature of habit. A bachelor's life. It's worked quite well until now. Don't tell me you never met the right girl. Well, there's always the exception. That proves the rule? Quite. You're exceptional in many things, but duty comes first. Ew. A time and place for everything. He's putting on the boot.

33:09Now is definitely the time. I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I'm close

33:21Jason Mantzoukas:he puts it on her oh oops

33:29Jason Mantzoukas:and they both have like a very pain it looks like he's like putting it in like it's it's a metaphor for like it's like he's trying to fuck her but she's dry yes I was trying to figure out a way to say that but yeah, that's exactly it like, it's not, the boot is not going on easily well, because she's in, she's wearing a red leotard that I think is, like, footed oh yeah, she's wearing, like, a jumpsuit that has feet, like, footy pajamas yeah, so there's no, like, there's no way to snug that boot in and I'm sure that boot is not meant to go over something that is that thick No, those are thick, thick, thick.

34:13Keep going.

34:17It's not like... Like stockings. They look so... Ugh, I hated it.

34:22Jason Mantzoukas:But you've got to wear a stocking before you get a boot on to be safe. Oh, yeah. No, you've got to. You can't just go jamming a boot on like raw dog. You don't want to rock out a boot without taking some protection for your feet. Something earlier. or she mentioned she wanted a pair of boots? No, he gets them for her because they have the tracking device in them and I think he sets it up so that he can keep tabs on her. I'm telling you, this has never happened to me before, I swear. I had a hard time hearing this movie. Even now, I thought, listen to them, listen to them. I could not hear them.

35:00I can't understand what they're saying. I kept writing, nobody on earth talks like this to each other. Thank you, because I didn't get that at all, that these were, I thought he was just buying her a pair of boots. Don't you remember when they were at the clothing store having the sword fight at the beginning? That scene that started halfway through a rapier battle? Yes. Oh, yeah. No, I've been, like, just, you know, I've been here for almost a week in New York, walking around, going to some stores, doing a little shopping, getting into sword fights. You know, while they prepare my bulletproof waistcoats.

35:34Jason Mantzoukas:And I just want to reiterate this. She's not a special agent of any kind. She's a scientist who is really good at sword fighting and fighting. And she's a scientist. Because her father wanted a son. Oh, wow. Which explains it all. I guess it's time to talk about the bear costumes.

36:03this do you have a picture we can just oh I have a picture I have the whole scene because we're playing too many clips please no just a photo when this happened when this happened I gasped I could not believe this

36:24Jason Mantzoukas:Sean Connery holds a meeting in a room full of brightly colored giant people in bear costumes in like gummy bears or the Grateful Dead Dancing Bears yeah Grateful Dead Dancing Bears that's what they look like and they're giant bulky costumes and clearly Sean Connery didn't do the first part of the scene where the head was on he was like I'm not going to put on that dumb head the body language changes almost entirely if you just look at it. So for those at home, just picture... Yes, go ahead. Why does security need to be in bear costumes? Like, they're protecting the anonymity of the guys at the table, which I kind of get.

37:13But why does security have to put something on that would directly prohibit them from doing their jobs? Well, because I imagine, Once you're in that bear head, you're seeing like a tiny, tiny bit of the world. You can't pick up a gun. No.

37:28Jason Mantzoukas:You have paws. You are security. Au contraire. Au contraire. These people we see after this meeting are functioning in their bear costumes. Yes. Literally working on like a construction site in full bear costume. Like when was the costume supposed to come off? It felt like that was just for this. They're like, all right, everyone go back to work now. Go work on your science experiment. and then, you know, they're disposable too because Eddie Izzard just kind of takes his off and chucks it in the dumpster.

38:01I need you to chill out, bro. I need you to chill out, bro.

38:07Jason Mantzoukas:I'll just show you the opening of this where Sean Connery is just listen and, well, not listen, but just watch. I cannot listen. The dramatic body changer. Welcome to Wonderland weather. here in our London headquarters. Now allied with our colleagues from Broly, together we will make history.

38:35You all know who I am, and I know all of you.

38:39Jason Mantzoukas:Now, he is gesticulating there as if he's on Barney. Like it's waves and hoops and oh shucks. and then... Everyone in the bear costume is like, like, nodding along. Like, it's so over. Do you think they were told, like, to get into character? Yeah. Or did they just, like, once they have that bear costume on, like, I think that there was no way that they could take that bear head off because when he takes it off, it looks, like, it looks like, well, his head's so small in this costume. Where was it being held to? Why? Why do this? Why do this? I don't know. Why do this? he knows who they are there's nothing about the movie they don't know who each other are there's nothing about the movie that is in other aspects this playful you know what I mean like everybody could certainly wear masks for anonymity but why big giant like furry bear costumes teddy bear style bear costumes he doesn't seem to be that kind of a cheeky character like he doesn't seem to I'm not comfortable.

39:48Jason Mantzoukas:Jason is referring to his... I'm still struggling with these beds. The bed couches that we are on. Yeah, he doesn't seem to be cheeky in any way. He only seems to be intimidating in every way. There's so many better ways to hide everyone's anonymity. Yeah, and you know, part of this whole thing ties into a larger thing that I honestly wasn't sure when this movie took place. Whether it was in the 60s, Or in the 90s, except it was like in the 60s with like cool technology or in the 90s with stuff that I've kind of seen already anyway. Except for like bees. Like there's elements of this that like share, that they share with like Kingsman.

40:30You know, like Kingsman also has like their secret agents as part of a side bit that is well tailored and that's a part of how they operate and blah, blah, blah. But like, you know what's blowing, you know what will blow you away? This movie takes place in 2043. Wow. So.

40:54Jason Mantzoukas:Have you ever, I don't know, put off replacing your glasses for way too long? I do this all the time. They're falling off my face. And I don't know why I'm just not simply getting another pair of glasses. I need them. But guess what? It's a process. I got to go to a store. I got the prescription. I got to mail it. I got to fax it. Look, I just want to live my life. And I also don't want to spend a fortune. And guess what? I realize I don't have to do either of those things because Zenni Optical is an online shop that fixes all of that. With affordable frames and lenses, you can switch it up whenever you feel like it, okay?

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44:52Jason Mantzoukas:And they treat it like, oh, be careful. No, everyone tried to kill him except for the nuns, but it wasn't like... But had he shot at them, those would be dead nuns. Yeah, he did. He didn't have a gun. He fistfights everybody. Was the potted plant falling the first attack? Yes. Seems like it, yes. Wow. That's a real, that's a real like gentle assault. But it's almost like he found a mark. He, like, walked straight to a place and then had to be like, oops. Like, he must have, like, what's the plan? Like, well, if he walks anywhere near this, we're going to drop this plant on him. That guy is up there all the time through every test.

45:35And are there guys in all the upper windows with plants? Like, if he gets here.

45:38Jason Mantzoukas:And just waiting, like, oh, I wish he walked down the sidewalk because then I could do my plant drop. Also, what is that training you for? How many assassins Are using potted plant As their weapon Like how is that part of it You never know This is something I really want to show you guys I'm not even going to explain it to you Well I will a little bit Did you notice that there's nobody in this movie Nobody in the movie yes There is a grand total of I think 22 people that appear in this movie If you're not a speaking character So this is the producer that Avril found talking about, oh my gosh, talking about why it's cool.

46:21Jason Mantzoukas:Here we go. Stuart Craig and Jeremiah Chichik have created London. I would like to live in. You know, it's clean, very, very clean. There are no billboards, no signs, no traffic. It's really nice. I mean, you could get from downtown London to the country in 20 minutes. And then we see every scene in the movie where they're outdoors and there's no one. Not a person. Not another car. Just always empty. It has never ever ever shown people.

47:03Jason Mantzoukas:London Bridge. Empty. Streets. Empty. People don't even react to the weather changing because there's no people. There are no reaction shots. There's no extras in this movie. And by the way, that producer kind of being a dick, like, oh, that's the London I like to live in. Clean, no billboards. One in which a genocide has been committed against the people of London. I love London, but I hate the people, the traffic, and everything about it. I want to live in a dystopian wasteland with old cars. You would presume from this movie The only people that exist still on earth Are villains And the people that are fighting them And that's it When Sean Connery captures Uma Thurman It seems like He's like you're not going to remember I don't even understand what's going on here So he has Tuma Thurman Which as we understand her to be She's a clone So everything like Uma but not.

48:07Jason Mantzoukas:But she doesn't talk, really? She doesn't have a personality? That we know of. Sure. Oh, maybe on her downtime, she's a real cool... She's a real cool gal. I'll blow your mind and give you the fact that has been left out. She's a robot. What? I'm sorry, what now? Yeah. She's a robot, and when they re-edited the film, they thought that was too complex to introduce, so they just said she's a clone. So she's a robot. So in the first scenario where she's a robot, she just, they happen to create her in the... Well, if we want to get into what the real plot of the movie is, it will kind of throw you for a loop.

48:54Why, why try and control the weather if you can build Uma Thurman's robots? Like, if that's, if you can accomplish that, you're going to be great. Like, you can just build robots, like, forever and work towards the singularity. Like, why then be like, well, I want to control the weather. My robot will help, I guess.

49:22Jason Mantzoukas:She just seems to do, like, hard labor. Like, I mean, she doesn't seem to, yeah. But yet, you would imagine he could have sex with that robot. It's very ex machina, right? Wait, what? What? Pop, pop. No. Why are you shaking your head? Why would you imagine that? I would imagine that if you're going to build a fully functioning robot, you're going to make all the holes in the right spots. There's so many other reasons to build robots. But not a sexy robot. You could actually maybe, like, put the holes in some of the wrong spots. Just to, like, just to see what happens. But you're building a sexy robot.

49:57Jason Mantzoukas:Like, don't you think that he... You guys saw her as totally sexless then. No, I just don't think that you should assume if you're setting out to build a robot that you're going to fuck that robot. That's like... That's like kind of gross. All right, all right. It's kind of gross, Paul, that you would, like, take it to such a sexual place like that. I just am like... I'm not even sure that she was a robot. You might even just be putting your weirdness all over this thing. Just like, oh, yeah, I read this thing. she's a robot. Oh yeah, she's a sex robot. The, uh, I have some of the plot of the original movie which is the movie was to open with Uma Thurman breaking into the base.

50:42Jason Mantzoukas:We see her breaking into the base and then they call John Steed to go get her so you are on her side. Tuma. But you don't know it's Tuma. You think it's Uma. And then they had all these flashbacks throughout the movie. What about Oprah?

50:58That's a terrible David Letterman joke

51:01Jason Mantzoukas:Guys Basically I mean the plot of the actual plot of the movie seeing all the scenes that were cut out It doesn't even do Basically there was a lot more guessing if she had multiple personalities or if she was Oh so you're saying the movie could have had more guessing? Well you know what I think there was a big misstep in Tuma actually replacing Uma at one point. I feel like that was a real missed opportunity. That would have been great. I agree, that would have been very fun. It would have been a great time. Avril pointed out something to me that I thought was interesting to point out. Again, it's a very visual thing, but the fighting is very lackluster.

51:49Jason Mantzoukas:The fighting is, this is some of the worst staged fight sequences I've ever seen. It's as if I think what a real fight between Eddie Izzard and Uma Thurman would look like.

52:04Jason Mantzoukas:It's a little sloppy and shaky. So I'll show you this, just the fight scene here, because it really... You're making us watch a lot of this. Sorry. This is the fight that takes place on wires. Yeah. You shake He shakes wires violently. Climbs. And then he falls sloppy. That's the coolest moment. Now he's spinning. She crawls back. And then what is she going to do? Shake, shake, shake. Shake, shake, shake. That's the fight scene. I was up to say, if this thing, this orb, I don't even know what it is. I don't know what that thing is. What do you think it probably is? I think it's like the nucleus of this operation.

52:55I don't know what it is or what it does, but I know it's important. But if that's so important, like those cables were not on properly.

53:04Jason Mantzoukas:Those cables shouldn't be rocketing out with a couple of hard shades.

53:10Jason Mantzoukas:Does anyone, before we get to the audience, which we'll do in just a second, but does anyone want to take a guess of what happened to Sean Connery at the end when he does get hit by the lightning bolt? What happens to everybody who gets hit by lightning? they are carried into the sky by lightning. And sucked up into the clouds to then stop weather. Yeah, because that's how lightning works, like a hand from the sky. Do you also think it's weird that Eddie Izzard is like this comedian, and then they gave him like literally zero lines in the entire movie? Like, he was just to pantomime. It's like, we have you.

53:46And they also cast Sean Ryder from Happy Mondays was also one of the goons, which I think is great. But they also, like, even, like, the... The lack of people in the movie goes all the way down the line. The idea that Sean Connery's, like, bad guys is just, like, kind of six guys that look like mods, you know what I mean? Who are immediately terrible fighters. Like, his grand villain plan has, like, nobody to help him out, you know, except, like, a bunch of dummies in like a bagpipe.

54:21Jason Mantzoukas:When he's Cosby-ing Uma, the doorbell rings. He's like, oh, I have to go get it. Yeah. He lives in such a palatial mansion. The fact that he doesn't have a servant is so disturbing to me. It's like, you got to get your own door? And he's like, oh, I'm about to be the worst. But I guess I got to go into the door. Yeah, just let them keep on knocking. Yeah. Well, yeah. You wouldn't want to put your bedroom that close to the door anyway. I mean, that's just kind of an architectural problem. Oh, yeah. All right, well, I'm sure that you people out here have some questions that you need answered. Raise your hand, and I'll come to you guys right now.

55:00Jason Mantzoukas:And let's see here. All right, we'll come over here. All right, sir, what's your name, and what is your question? My name is Jack, and I'm wondering why Invisible Jones, is it? Yeah, Invisible Jones gets fourth billing in the credits at the end. Invisible Jones is the guy who does the exposition jump the reason I think why he gets it is because he was the original star of the Avengers TV show oh is it like Patrick McGowan is that who it is? yes yeah McNeil or McGowan yeah got it got it not really a funny answer but a truthful one do you think he was so old and weird looking because he's so old that they just like made him invisible it's a real insult to him to be like you were the male lead.

55:47Jason Mantzoukas:Now, Diana Rigg was like, no thank you. She passed wholesale on this movie. All right, sir, your name and your question. Go ahead. My name is Jeff, and my question is, what were they avenging? Great question. Great question. Great question. It's so true. I kept on wondering, like, did the weather somehow, like, destroy their lives? what are they avenging? It was Ralph Fiennes' parents were killed by a good movie. This is their chance to fight back. At a certain point, in the beginning Ralph Fiennes is like, oh, we're fighting our enemies if we even still have any enemies. And I was like, have they now are they so good at their jobs that they've just eradicated all bad guys?

56:41Nope. Well, no one else is left in the world.

56:43Jason Mantzoukas:The world is empty. There is only 40 people left in Britain. The tagline of this movie was, extraordinary crimes against the people and the state must be avenged. No refunds. Somebody put that at the very end of it. But here's the weird thing, too. We never saw the weather actually do any harm. Not really. Not really, as far as I could see. It just got, like, snowy. It was rainy. It was raining and it snowed. All right. We've all been through that. Here you go. Your name, your question. I'll hold the mic. Carmelina Lally. You don't have to give your full name. We're not only going to check you.

57:24Jason Mantzoukas:Social security number. One, two, three. Did anyone else think that the flower in the pot in the glass thing looked like a vagina? Great question, Jason.

57:42Here's the thing. I don't need your kind of perverted grossness coming to a family podcast, but, like, that pussy flower needed to get fucked. I mean, when he took the magnifying glass away, it was, like, red and wet.

58:02Jason Mantzoukas:It was essentially a more graphic Georgia O 'Keeffe painting. Yes. And by the way, if any of us think Sean Connery is not fucking those flowers, in addition to Paul's sex robot theory, he 100 % is. Do you think he chokes the flowers? Like, that choking thing, I still can't... Oh, those flowers are filthy. Okay, sir, your name and your question. Okay, my name's Matt, and as an English... Oh, I was going to say, you're great. You're an English person. This is going to be great. Oh, so hang on. Yeah. Will you please explain this movie to us? and what the fuck is wrong with your people that you did this that's what i was wondering do you guys is that what people think that we all drive around with cars that deliver tea and you know what if i had had this on just without the sound on i would have considered it a documentary of your life um because because you basically got you guys have inbred yourselves out of existence.

59:07There's only like 50 of you left driving around in old cars being like, we've lost our minds.

59:15Jason Mantzoukas:Just so you guys understand how much time tea is referenced in the movie, here's a quick super cut of the tea moments. Time for tea. Tea? Everyone goes home for tea. After tea. Is the pot warm? Always. More tea. I did it all! Tea? Tea? What am I doing here? Having tea. Lucky if I didn't get the tea trolley. It's a lot of tea, a lot of tea. Do you think that... Yeah, go ahead. Her accent is so bad in the movie, it almost makes Ralph Fiennes seem like he's doing a British accent. I agree with that. He doesn't seem like he's the real British guy. Halfway through, it starts to seem like he's like Frasier.

59:57He's like some smart American guy. You almost start to just assume he's kind of British also.

1:00:04Jason Mantzoukas:do you think that he dumbed down his accent to help Uma Thurman? He's like, you know what? This is not going to fly, so I'll make my accent kind of bad, too. Just smear the whole thing. If you can't come to me, I will have to come to you so that we at least sound similar enough that this is believable slash this is not believable at all. Yes, your name, your question. Name's Bill, but I need to bring up Uma with the lines of cocaine on the table that she has that if you don't notice that that is totally fucked up. Where was that? That's her first scene in the movie. She totally has five lines of cocaine Uma or Tuma?

1:00:46Uma. Tuma. But no, she totally has five lines of cocaine laid out on the table. Bro, I'm going to need you to chill out on this cocaine. And he's like, oh! I mean, all this cocaine! Right? I mean, the movie is cocaine, right? Like, this guy is in a full body sweat.

1:01:05Jason Mantzoukas:You can sit down. You can sit down. You can sit down. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! And is nobody going to do those? Like, is nobody going to do those lines? Like, can we get in there? Does anybody know where that Coke is now? Wait, do you think it was prop Coke or real Coke? What was that? Was that real Coke? We should do Coke and figure it out. I'm going to be honest, man. I couldn't focus on the rest of the movie. because I was like, nobody's doing that Coke.

1:01:35Jason Mantzoukas:So she says Coke in front of her tongue? Is that what happened? It's in the very first, when she gets the chocolates delivered. Okay. She's sitting at the kitchen counter and there's clearly just... But maybe it's like scientific molecules and stuff. Hold on. Hold on, wait. Scientific molecules? She's like testing out. What? What? I don't know. Is she a scientist? Why are you protecting her? I don't know. Scientific molecules. Molecules, like atoms and stuff, whatever. Do you think that she's doing a science experiment? Maybe. Wait a minute, though. Do you think those are scientific molecules that she's snorting up her nose?

1:02:16Possibly, like protons and ions and stuff. A really good mental state to think up new business ideas? Possibly.

1:02:23Jason Mantzoukas:I do want to talk to this gentleman here Because he has a handwritten Note on an iPad And I feel like Also a three piece suit Are you dressed for the show Alright he's dressed for the show Your question he's got a pen Alright here we go We haven't talked about How good father is blind She can fly A weather balloon completely blind Fight completely blind Get into a car completely blind. I think she's Daredevil. That was the question. Not a question. Not a question. So your conjecture is that in the movie The Avengers father is Daredevil. I'll go one further and also say we assume she is blind. They've never said it.

1:03:18Jason Mantzoukas:I assume she is likely not blind. I didn't think she was blind. Yeah, I think she is not blind. She is blind, but no one ever, there's no exposition to explain it. How do you know she's blind? I don't know, but in the bigger script they explain it, but that was a big plot point they took out. Can you be in this movie and not in the other movie for two seconds? Alright, your name and your question. My name is Corbett, and I was wondering... Foreman? Corbett. Corbett. Corbin Bernson? Corbett? he's got a question about major league three back to the minors go ahead no more like john corbett like sex of the city john corbett yes i get it i get it we got corbett corbett not corbin john corbett yes we got it we made a joke and you corrected us now corbett yes corbett everyone at home taking notes it's corbett all right here we go your question um the scene where he's um naked in the sonnet like he's clearly expecting her to arrive everyone else he was totally surprised that she's arrived but is he naked there waiting like for her that's the question is he he wants her to find him naked so is he trying to show off his junk for her because she checks out his junk she does one of those like well here's the thing she finds him naked and i think yes the intention is that he will be naked and see what she does and what she does is she walks around so that she can see his dick so i think that's them being like oh, I'll take your challenge and I'm going to try and make you uncomfortable.

1:04:51And she has, there's like more sexual innuendo like lines there that are not good.

1:04:58Jason Mantzoukas:Also, when she walks into that gentleman's club, there are gentlemen, women haven't been allowed in this club since 17th, blah, blah, blah. And, but the men react as if they've never seen a woman. Yeah. Like, oh, Godzilla, you know, it's like, which I think it would be like a little bit more subtle. By the way, that's the only reaction in the movie. Of any level. It seems like that's where all the people are. And doesn't it seem like the most uncomfortable thing ever would be to be naked in a steam room reading a newspaper? Newspaper with the ink possibly transferring. It would get soggy so fast.

1:05:35Ink smeared all over your hands. Oh, no, I can't imagine.

1:05:38Jason Mantzoukas:And he also brought his hat in there that he really cherished. Yeah. But the hat would have gotten really bent out of shape. Yeah, oh, absolutely. You don't want to get that hat real moist. You know what it is, is those lockers don't have locks on them. And he's just nervous about losing that hat. All right, your name, your question. My name is Megan, and my question is, if Sean Connery has the power of the weather at his disposal and he can use lightning, why does he send giant wasps to chase them down in the car? Giant what? An amazing question, actually. The bugs? like the remote control insects.

1:06:15That was like a real Wild Wild West giant robot spider moment. I was like, what are we doing now? Why do they have this again? Okay, here's the thing. Sean Connery has now invented a functional badass robot that looks like Uma Thurman that he no doubt fucks according to Paul Scheer. And an army of well-armed flying insects that have like machine guns on them, he is so capable with only those two things, he needn't try and control the weather. That's not a part of it. Do you believe in global warming? What's that? Do you believe in global warming? Well, no, that's... No. No.

1:07:05Jason Mantzoukas:I just realized a question I should have been asking in the audience before, so I'm going to do it with you for the first time. We have a couple more questions here, but in your best Sean Connery voice, say your name and then ask your question. And if you could do them both in the Sean Connery voice, I'll take it. My name is Peter. Oh, my God. Wow. Take a bow. Wow. Take a bow, Peter. Take a bow. First off, I just wanted to let June know that both of them are 5 '11", according to the internet. Come on. and second in the sauna he says you don't play by the rules he invited her there and he's surprised that she broke in I was just very confused amazing amazing you're going to get a free I'll give you that free poster wow

1:07:59Jason Mantzoukas:well June you just got burned how's that feel? I don't believe that I think she's I don't believe it so I feel fine somebody call Starlee Klein and let's do a follow up to her mystery show episode where she measures Jake Gyllenhaal let's get her out there with measuring tape for Ralph Fiennes Uma Thurman is a very tall woman she's probably 5 '11", sure but he is not you think he's lying upwards? yes and maybe she's lying down, maybe she's like 6 '2 but he's like that is too tall Do you think he got measured wearing the hat? Possibly. All right, who has a good question? Really, if you have confidence in your question.

1:08:42Jason Mantzoukas:All right, Sean Connery it up. Here we go. My name is Eli. Great. Are you good? Good. So the only time in the movie where we see the Black Widow Scarlett Johansson catsuit is on Tuma, and all of a sudden at the end, Uma is wearing the catsuit. How does she get it? Is she Tuma? or did they pillage the dead body of Tuma from the blame? Wait, isn't Uma wearing a different catsuit though? She's wearing a red one at one point in the movie. Don't wag your finger at me, young lady. No, I don't appreciate being scolded by girl in second row.

1:09:25Yeah, I don't know. again I think I think Uma as the actress is most comfortable in a catsuit and so maybe

1:09:35Jason Mantzoukas:she looked good in Kill Bill she's in kind of a catsuit she looks great in a catsuit do you think Quentin Tarantino when he saw her like fighting in this thing was kind of like we're gonna have to unlearn some stuff here before we start filming Kill Bill yeah that's not the way you'll be swinging a sword in this movie our final question here is from somebody that you may recognize from one of our last New York episodes. We've been talking over here, so sir, you can do your question right now. Thank you. Last year at the TMNT Secret of the Ooze episode, Adam Pally thought my big question was going to be proposing to my very embarrassed girlfriend, who's sitting here next to me.

1:10:20And last year after the show, she said, you should have done it, and I said, I know I should have. So.

1:10:49I'm sorry. I'm sorry that this is for a movie. that you only could watch 36 minutes of. Do it in a Sean Connery accent. Oh, no. And I know you wish that they did Pauly Shore's son-in-law tonight, because it's one of your favorite movies and would be perfect for the How Did This Get Made canon. So in the presence of three of our favorite people in the entire world, will you accept this mission?

1:11:22Amazing.

1:11:25Jason Mantzoukas:Congratulations. She said yes.

1:11:32Oh. That is great.

1:11:38Guys. That's pretty good. You. Kumate. Kumate. Kumate. Kumate. Kumate. Or, True Love Day. True Love Day. True love day And this is awkward and so exciting But like You guys are going to take a while to get married Like if you want to go out And hang out a little bit I'm invited? Great, thank you Thank you, I will be there That was amazing That was terrific

1:12:14Jason Mantzoukas:Suck it LA audiences, New York gets married Oh yeah Oh yeah Okay We are We're wrapping up here But before we do I want to First tell you If you want to understand How this movie Actually got made Our great friend And author Blake Harris Who's been doing These amazing How'd this get made articles Who's here tonight Blake is here He spoke to The director The director Where are you Blake? Where are you Blake? He's over there Oh great Alright Blake is over here Give it up for Blake Harris you got this director to talk about a lot of stuff one of the things he does want to do is re-edit this movie for free I don't know if he told you that so you have a very in-depth story with him you can read that on slashfilm.com but give it up for Blake, he has amazing articles if you haven't read them, they're great if if you have a question or a correction an omission, an explanation hope, whatever you want to call it, you can always leave it for us on our hotline, 619 Paul Ask.

1:13:25Jason Mantzoukas:Paul Ask. No. 619 Paul Ask, A-S-K. But if you call 619 Paul Ask. It's a different line. It has nothing to do with this show. It's just all Paul butt talk. It has nothing to do with this show. Just talking butt. Talking buns. Talking cheeks. We talk a lot about butts, but that's for something different, very different project. You can hear that on the Gimlet Network doing a whole show about asses. It's great. So you can do stuff like this. This is on every one of our new mini-episodes. Take a listen. This is what you get. What's up, jerks? It's Rob from South Bend, Indiana. Fuck, marry, kill. Dolph Lundgren, Masters of the Universe.

1:14:06Sean Connery, Inzard Oz. Or Rowdy, Rowdy Piper. And how comes it broadcast?

1:14:11Jason Mantzoukas:So he wants to know, F. Mary Kill, Dolph Lundgren in Masters of the Universe, Roddy Piper in Hell Comes to Frogtown, and what was the other one? Sean Connery in Zardoz. Anyone want to take a crack? I don't remember any of these movies. I don't. I blast them out. You are like a mind wipe happens afterwards. You're moments away from forgetting this movie. It's gone. I I I I think you gotta fuck Sean Connery from Zardoz because he's down for that. I think you gotta kill Rowdy Roddy Piper because I don't want that. And you gotta marry Dolph Lundgren because he's true of heart and he's gonna make a good husband.

1:14:57Yeah, I agree. That's a pretty good one. Except we know that Rowdy Roddy Piper is great at sex. Tom, do you see any of those movies? Look, this is the Casper Podcast Lounge This is not the Serta I'm not gonna I'm not gonna talk about filth like that In the Casper Podcast Lounge But no, to be fair If you're gonna fuck any of those folks You should do it on a Casper mattress

1:15:31Jason Mantzoukas:Alright, it is now time for second opinion First is the worst Second is the best. Where can I get opinions off my chest? Thank you, Amazon. Tea? Oh! He had a teabag! Amazing!

1:15:52Jason Mantzoukas:Amazing. That was great. Brought his own prop. That was great. Turn it into a dubstep song, Internet. That was fantastic. Love the prop. All right, so there are only 25 reviews total for this movie. Okay, that equates. So basically there are like 10 to 12 pages of reviews. This is the smallest reviewed movie ever. Nate Kiley compiled these, and here we go. Five stars, five stars. If you like subtle, dry humor, please rejoice.

1:16:28Jason Mantzoukas:Now, this is the thing that is unfortunately bad about this movie. The majority of five-star reviews are kind of like this. To be completely honest, I can't be objective here. I'm a big fan of the Marvel movie franchise. And this is a worthy entry to that canon. The action is wonderful. The effects are astounding. The humor is always on hand. And more importantly, on point. And the end tag was just understated funny. I had to go out and try shawarma myself afterwards. Five stars.

1:17:03Jason Mantzoukas:a lot of them are Avenger reviews no wait but is that from someone who watched Avengers and then wrote the review in the wrong place or watched this movie thinking it was Marvel's The Avengers no because they talk about shawarma so that has to be Marvel's Avengers oh you're right how great would it be if at the end of people sit for like two hours and 45 minutes through an Avengers movie through the credits and at the end it's Uma Thurman and Ray Fiennes do like a one minute scene. You're like... When we don't have a lot of five stars we do something called third opinions and third opinions are when we actually read the bad reviews and this is from a customer...

1:17:47Jason Mantzoukas:And it goes like this. I quit halfway through and I always finish movies. Unfortunately I got suckered in by one the great price point for a Blu-ray. Two, a great-looking cover. Three, what I heard was a plot based on a cool old British TV spy program. And five, some artificially high reviews from people... Oh, sorry, four. From artificially high reviews from people who thought they were reviewing the Marvel's Avengers movies. Save your dough. It ain't worth it. and mine's going straight to my library as a donation. Would be sad if this is the reason why Connery stopped making movies. One star.

1:18:38Did this movie come out before or after League of Extraordinary Children?

1:18:42Jason Mantzoukas:This is right before, then League followed it, and then it was done. So he has a library of donated movies? I think he means donating into his public library. Straight to the library for donated movies. Is that the only way libraries get movies? No, I think they buy them. I think they get them. Imagine that library seeing him coming through the door again with another one of his shitty purchases. This is for everybody else now. Thank you so much. Thank you. Trash. And finally, for the first time ever, a fourth opinion. This is a rare four-star review. Didn't watch it. Can't wait to. Four stars.

1:19:25Jason Mantzoukas:By Mr. Salmon. That was this December? That was Mr. Salmon. I wish that we could get a follow-up from him. Finally watched it. Pre-suicidal. I want to end, but I also want to just talk about one thing that I don't think anyone realized, because if you're like me, you shut this off immediately when the credits rolled. But they got Grace Jones to kind of do a gold-finger-esque. song. Yeah, and it's just worth listening to just for a second or so to get the idea. It's like, it's such a Bond ripoff. Strange weather. Strange weather. Strange weather. So, that is, if you want to hear the full Grace Jones version of Strange Weather.

1:20:19Jason Mantzoukas:Which we all definitely do. Anything we didn't cover? Anything you guys want to bring up? Anything at all? I'm trying to think. I feel like there was stuff I wrote down that was just all this stuff where they would put chyrons up about like who people were and like oh the ministry this is the ministry I was like why? that always was unnecessary to me I kept talking I kept taking notes about how few people there were I just want to say I'm turning this over my head I really have nothing against you know I don't I don't see height I don't see height why you don't sea height i don't they i felt like they were bad spies like when they get to every time they are forced with a decision in the field they make the wrong decision like to enter a hedge maze and then once they enter the hedge maze they're like we should split up we should split up to get through this.

1:21:21Like, no.

1:21:23Jason Mantzoukas:And then a man who's so good at being aware of everything basically lets his self get distracted by an umbrella. He's like, oh, umbrella. Where'd he go? Where'd he go? The dumbest. There's a lot of mazes in this movie for no good reason and that make no sense. Like when Uma Thurman keeps on running into the same room, I don't even understand how that works. It has something to do with the fact that there's no people left and so he has no security other than, like, creating mazes around his compound. Also, when father is trying to get away with Tuma Thurman, their mode of transport is a hot air balloon.

1:22:04What? No. It's very slow. It's wildly noticeable. You know where you don't blend in? Floating in the sky. Also, it's not a quick getaway. And the weather's terrible. Yeah.

1:22:31Jason Mantzoukas:Tom, any other, anything else that we may have missed? Just that they do that thing where when Ralph Fiennes squares off with Sean Connery, it's like, oh, a little trick I learned in Istanbul. It's like, what is that, like every British person? like, it's like Mr. Belvedere when he was always talking about just like something I learned from the Maharaja.

1:22:55Belvedere, like, was a lot in this movie. There was a lot of Belvedere references. They should have just put him in it. I love Mr. Belvedere.

1:23:02Jason Mantzoukas:He would have made a good version of Jim Broadbent's character. I felt so bad for Jim Broadbent's character. It always looked like they were putting tons of dandruff on his clothes. and it always looked like he was wearing like a wet diaper.

1:23:20Jason Mantzoukas:Well, that is it. In a sexy way, though. Tom, obviously people can listen to you on one of my favorite podcasts, The Best Show. And if they've never heard The Best Show, they can get into The Best Show by listening to The Best Show, Gems, also on iTunes, both free podcasts. Yeah, thebestshow.net. All right. Well, we loved having you here. What do we want to plug here? You can visit us on our Facebook page. You can also visit us on HDTGM on Twitter. June? I'd like to plug the second season of Grace and Frankie, which is streaming on Netflix. And also Lady Dynamite on Netflix with Maria Bamford.

1:24:06It's amazing, and I'm in a couple episodes. Yeah. I'm also a little bit in Lady Dynamite. I never saw you there. Huh? I never saw you there. I asked to not be in any of your episodes. Which is wonderful. Maria Bamford's new wonderful show that is on Netflix. And that's it.

1:24:30Jason Mantzoukas:I will plug a show that I co-created called Filthy Preppy Teens on the full screen app. What's full screen app? It's like Hulu or Netflix, but younger. Check it out. But younger. Younger It's for you kids Millennial Netflix No, it's a super fun show In the world of Gossip Girl and Pretty Little Liars And stuff like that A big thank you to Vulture Fest A big thank you to Blake Harris A big thank you to Avril Halley A big thank you to John Delore A big thank you to everybody here at Earwolf July Diaz, Nate Kiley, Marisa Zeitz Leanna Waldron Avril Halley, if I didn't say it, I said it now Thank you all in New York Thank you for coming.

1:25:13Jason Mantzoukas:The merch table is open. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. New York City!

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