Underworld: Blood Wars LIVE! (Classic)

25:27There are those guys.

25:28Jason Mantzoukas:But that is The Underworld. They are part of The Underworld. The Underworld is vampires and lichens. People don't know they exist. They're like the wizards in Harry Potter. The muggles don't know they're there. I've never seen it, Jason. No, but Jason, she hasn't. But she promises one day she will. Jason, but the difference with Harry Potter. I'm so fucking mad right now I am so mad Our dear friend Daniel Radcliffe was on this show

26:04Honestly, I'm going to experience the Harry Potter series with my children I think that's good I support that But I was going to say the difference between Harry Potter and this is that Harry Potter there's a world that we can't see kind of behind, like there is a whole society. Oh, I'm not saying they're equal. Okay. I'm just saying like it, I suspect the lichens and the vampires exist in our world, but people don't, like we're not seeing news reports about another vampire. Okay, fine. But in the world of the movie though, they could be sitting right here. On the table? Like on stage with us?

26:46Yes, they could be anywhere. Is that what you're saying? Where are my lichens at? See, that's about the right amount of lichens. Where are my vamps at?

26:57But that's the weird thing because the movie looks so dark, so post-apocalyptic that it feels like, oh, this is a time in which all these humans are done. I mean, there's also such a mix of technology and machine guns and swords and daggers that it's really hard to locate where we are. Self-propelled bullets that looks medieval in its design. It has a little rotor on it. And if it was moving that quickly, he would have been dead. There are bullets that have UV rays in them? Oh, that was my favorite part of the movie because you needed to tell the audience what was going on. Because he strikes her with nightshade.

27:41She's on the ground. She's in pain. And then he goes, UV bullets. Okay, weird. And then he kills everybody. But if he just started killing people, you'd be like, what's happening? He needs to say, okay, to be fair, don't freak out. I'm going to kill them with UV bullets. Now, we still haven't gotten to the bottom of why those two can be in sunlight. Yeah, can somebody concisely tell us why can Kate Beckinsale... Kate Beckinsale is not a hybrid, and nor is... Hold on, hold on. This gentleman knows. This gentleman is going to represent everybody in the audience. All right, sir, tell me, why can she be in the sunlight?

28:22So in the second movie, the leader of all the vampires and the werewolves gives her his blood, which lets her walk in sunlight. Wait, in the second movie, there was a leader of both vampires and werewolves? That's Bill Nye, right? Derek Jacoby. Derek Jacoby. Derek Jacoby? Jacobi?

28:47Yeah? So, he dies and gives her his blood, which allows her to walk in the sunlight. So within the context of these films, at one point, Lycans and vampires were both controlled by one person? So he was the father. They had brothers. So there was a vampire brother and a werewolf brother. And... Can you believe you guys have watched all these movies? What's wrong with you? This movie is... Look, it's layered. We shouldn't be able to jump in at number four. But I just didn't ask about that because I just felt like, okay, she can do that. Like, it just felt like you got it. And I also had a problem with the end of the movie when the Lycans attack the fortress.

29:36They go inside to blow out the windows. I'm like, shouldn't your approach just be let's just blow out all the fucking windows? I was like, just come in from the windows. It would have been a cooler visual. If you're Lykins, and they seem to have access to pretty high-powered weaponry, call in a drone strike. Boom. Drone strike. Boom. Whole thing done-zo. They're all in one building. Wipe out that building, and they're gone-zo. Well, the problem is they can't kill Kate Beckinsale because they need to know where... They did, only after they found out that she actually, truthfully did not know where her daughter was.

30:20Well, that's a good... Thank you. But, but... Thank you. But, June, we're talking about the attack after they knew that. Yes. She's dead, by all intents and purposes. This is when she comes back with frosted tips and is like, and is like, I can do invisible shit now. No, she becomes like Ezra Miller from, like, the DCU. she's flashing around like and they don't explain it they don't explain anything I think that's what happens because the Khaleesi can do that trick as well so I think because the Khaleesi sends her into the spirit world she comes back and is like oh I can fuck Edmure Telly all the fuck up because I can do Khaleesi shit now I can walk straight out of the fire and you know once she went into that I'm assuming she went into one of those cocoon raps the mummy world yeah and then which is a whole nother world next to the underworld that's what did they call it it was like the in-between world or some secret world secret world secret sacred sacred you know you know the guy that writes these writes them in like an afternoon i actually worked with the guy kevin gravo who created this world he's a very cool guy.

31:42And the first Underworld is very good, right? Or... What? There's no way it can be. It's Bond 5 sequels! Jason, it's gotta be... So has Resident Evil! I can't tell you the difference between either one of these movies, besides the fact that I guess it translates internationally really well. When this movie started, I genuinely said, oh, not Mila Jovovich. Because I thought we were going to be watching one of that. I thought it was fully going to be that. Oh, wow. Have they ever intersected? That's a movie. Mila Jovovich versus Kate Beckinsale? I mean, Alien versus Predator. It should be like Resident Evil versus Underworld.

32:30I'd love to see that. This movie franchise is so interesting that Kate Beckinsale left and then someone just replaced her, right? And then she came back again. Who replaced her? Oh, there's a prequel. Yeah, she's like, I'm not doing it anymore. She was originally married to the writer-director of this, Len Weissman, or just the director. And then they got a divorce, and I feel like she's like, I'm out. And then she came back, and then Len Weissman's like, she's back, and we're going to do another movie. And she's like, no, I'm out again. So she really teeters in and out of this world a lot. Well, they really set it up at the end.

33:09I really thought the daughter was going to be an integral part of the story. I thought for sure we were going to see the daughter come in as part of the fight at the end, and she's going to have mega powers or something. Nope. No, we never see her. And I was a bit confused. She keeps on saying that she's lost her daughter, that she never had her daughter. Did she ever get to spend those formative years with her daughter? Well, in the flashback, the daughter looks to be about 10 or 11 years old. Do the movies traverse that time? Or do vampires age quicker? I need a Resident Evil expert. Do they age slower?

33:52She's frozen? Okay, so is that why she slipped? I'm assuming that's why she slipped into the ice to freeze herself, right? I literally, I wrote down here, thank God they keep on saying everybody's names because that really was helpful to me. Like, right, Marius, got it. Samira, got it. Elder Voldar, got it. Varga. By the way, did you like the danger room that they had in here? There was a moment where they're all shooting like hologram lichens and there's no movement in their body. It's like bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. bang. No one's moving. I feel like they didn't understand what the CGI could possibly be.

34:38So like, just don't cross. Straight ahead. Just stay. We'll put something in. Just like, look straight ahead and shoot. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. And she's like, you have to, you can't just shoot at them. You have to know where they're going. But they don't move. They just, there's no like crouching, side swaying. Nope. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. And that was a great setup for the end where basically Kate Beckinsale just continually just grabs guns off the wall to fire. That was wild. Because here's the thing, they can't, neither vampire or lichen can be killed by, I mean, I know vampires can be killed by a silver bullet.

35:20A vampire could be killed by a bullet that has a UV bullet. And I assume a werewolf could be killed with a silver bullet? or if you rip out its fucking spine like Mortal Kombat. I was like, what? That got me. What? Yep. When that happens, I mean, let's just play that scene. That was way around. And this is a little mashup of it for you to enjoy with the inspiration.

35:51Can you pause for a second? I mean, look how dark this is. We're in a theater where you should be able to see it. It's an enormous screen. People lit this movie. People were hired to hang lights. Okay, okay. We'll save money. We'll save money by not hiring anyone to do lights for at least two movies, and then we can make it all back. All right, so she rips out the spine.

36:39I mean, that Mortal Kombat is brighter than the actual movie. That is like an 8-bit video game that is more clear than the$40 million movie that was made last year. Yeah, that was like, you really, I really, and to be fair, I watched most of this feature film on my phone, as it's intended to be watched. I'm sure the filmmakers are loving that. But I was like, no, what's going, whoa! when she's just holding the spine. Brutal. Like, that is a savage, savage move. So her memory gave her that power? What? Hang on. What now? What are you saying, Paul? Her memory gave her power? Yeah, because when she sucked her own blood, she was like, got it.

37:38Like, and then she ripped out. Am I right or wrong on that? Should we bring someone up on stage with us and just have someone sit here? I mean, ladies and gentlemen, Kate's back in sale. Wait, but so she just has that power inside of her. I don't know how she was able to punch through his back and rip out his spine. but it didn't seem like that power came from anywhere but just within and sheer will well what I'm saying is her memory made her so pissed off she was like fuck this guy she went for it I'm not saying like it gave her like the incentive to go to fired her up it was like a psych up song like a Taylor Swift psych up song it's like she put her earbuds in and played something like really high energy.

38:38Shake it off. What I was trying to figure out was why when Edmure Tully comes and starts to fight her, he transforms into his lichen form, and she says, what are you? Why? I didn't know, because that's why I was asking about this subspecies, because it seemed like he was a little bit different. Well, he had more of a human face. he has lichen blood isn't he lichen? hybrid blood Michael's blood he has Michael's blood he's got like a store of Michael's blood that's what he's running out of Michael is the hybrid just like the daughter and that's why he wants the daughter's blood alright

39:29Jason Mantzoukas:wow I'm not gonna lie guys I'm not gonna lie I am shocked. This tour has destroyed me mentally. And quickly, physically. So, okay, so he just needs more. But what does he ultimately want from the experience? To be a hybrid? He shoots it and acts like he's on drugs. That's what confused me. I was like, is he a junkie? Or is he, like, getting something from this? and now it's clear he's getting something from it. Right, he's turning into... A more powerful creature? Yeah. A hybrid creature? That's Marius. Does he have... Yeah, does he have... Marius gets to turn into a Na 'vi at a certain point.

40:17He's like seven feet tall with weird features. We're just piling on other movie TV references. I love this. Okay, okay, so he... So both... Okay, okay. So both Kate Beckinsale and Marius both have, they are each a lycan and a vampire, but who both now have drank the blood of each other. No, because Kate Beckinsale's not a hybrid. She's not? No, Kate Beckinsale. She's pure blood. But she made a hybrid baby. Yes. She's pure blood, though? I don't know, because she can walk in the sun. I think she is. But she got the power. Why didn't they play Walkin' on the Sun? Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam.

41:04No, Walkin' on the Sun. But no, she is... Ladies and gentlemen, Smash Mouth. No? No? You don't want to sing? Okay. Well, okay. They just want to watch the show, Jason. They just want to watch the show. Yeah, they just let them enjoy it. So she's a pureblood who is given power by the elder, not Bill Nye, but Derek Jacoby, to be able to walk out in the world because they needed to shoot some stuff during the day because Kate Beckinsale was getting pissed off about her shooting schedule. And then she met up with a lycan. They had a baby named Eve. That is the most powerful baby because she's a pureblood and he's a lycan.

41:46So that baby is the first hybrid. No, because Michael's a hybrid. Michael's a hybrid. Guys, we've been here for an hour. We haven't even... This is crazy. I feel insane. This is crazy. what's gone on. I feel like lost. I feel adrift. Can someone succinctly break it down? Is there a person You can. Okay. Come over here, sir. Alright. Here we go. Another underworld expert. Sir, how are you? Alright. So break it down. Give us the facts as we need to know. Come closer to me. Here we go. Because I can't reach you. Here we go. I'll hold the mic.

42:23Jason Mantzoukas:I'll hold the mic. Okay. So in the fourth movie, she gets blown up with Michael, and then they get frozen. She wakes up 12, 13 years later, finds out she has a daughter who is a hybrid. Oh, so she... She didn't know. So she didn't know she had that child? She had no idea. She gave birth frozen? What a dream. Wait, just let, you know. So she was pregnant and then blown up. I guess. So he said, I guess, when I said she was pregnant when she was blown up. Well, because she says, and that makes sense for that voiceover, because she says, I did not know I was pregnant with his baby. Now I'm understanding her detachment from mothering a bit more.

43:10This is making a little bit more sense. So what are they after?

43:14Jason Mantzoukas:What do we want from this? They want to all basically be hybrid so they can be super powerful. But then if they're all hybrids, then wouldn't they all just get along? Possibly. I don't know. Because if they're hybrids, then they're both. And at the end, they do have that party where they all bring out those old school coffee urns. Yeah. Yeah, what was that about? Yeah, what was that about? Do you know? I have no idea. All right, Paul, let him go. All right, thank you. We just had the big battle. we just had the big battle great work we just had the big battle everybody needs like we got to spark up these percolators and start making some coffee i mean that ending but they make blood well god i mean when marius says to kate beckinsale it did make me laugh when he says all all i want is her blood about her child right it's like that's a lot buddy doesn't you're asking for a lot.

44:18Doesn't he want her blood in order to wipe out vampires? Right? But he will be half vampire. No. I don't get it. I don't get it. Here's the thing. I'll be honest, because I suspect the audience is like, this is not that complicated. It is. Because every single person we've brought up disagrees with everybody else. Every person who comes up to explain this to us says two sentences confidently and then they start to trail off well it's like this movie is like catcher in the rye it's open to your interpretation this is like yeah no that's not

44:58Jason Mantzoukas:the way i see it i mean no one knows no one knows how did this get made is excited to collaborate with audible audible has a massive library of audiobooks and ad-free podcasts now i am a giant audiobook fan because audiobooks help you get way more out of your day. I'm able to kind of check in when I'm in the car. I love an audiobook so much so that I actually created my audiobook, Joyful Recollections of Trauma, to appeal to listeners of audiobooks. And that's what Audible is known for, right? They have this range of amazing titles. There is something for everyone, like The Deal and Heated Rivalry.

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46:13Jason Mantzoukas:Sonos is more than just great sound. Right. It's as important as your furniture or as your art to say who you are in your home. It changes the experience of every single room. It's the ability to take a kitchen and maybe you put on a little bit of John Williams music and all of a sudden you're a chef in a movie and you're cooking better than you ever cooked before. I love the idea of changing my mood with great sound. And that's what Sonos does. You can also even hook up your Sonos speakers together to play music all around the house. You can have it follow you from the kitchen to the bedroom, into the living room.

46:52Jason Mantzoukas:I mean, it changes every room that you're in. I love my Sonos. I mean, I've been a Sonos supporter back in the day. I mean, back in the day when we were still using wires to hook up speakers. But right now, I got the Sonos Play. Sonos Play is like carrying a home theater system with me wherever I go. We were watching movies in the backyard, and I brought this sucker out there, and it sounded like I had installed about eight speakers in our backyard. It was unbelievable. The Sonos Play, better than any speaker that anyone has ever given you in your life. That's what I'm going to say. Anyway, here's the deal.

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48:15Jason Mantzoukas:Domain registration, hosting, website building, business email, Wix has everything you need all in one place. There are no extra platforms, no confusing setup, no separate logins, plus the first year prices and renewal prices are shown up front so you know exactly what you'll pay today and next year. So claim your domain at Wix.com slash domains. That's W-I-X dot com slash domains. I, um, for a movie that seems, for a movie that seems so simple, it's really confusing, needlessly so. Um, I was not sure, and again, to be fair, we have not watched movies one through four. So we've missed certain components that are, I'm sure, integral to the storytelling.

49:04Well, here, let's... Vis-a-vis Michael and the elders. By the way, I mean, she says the entire movie she doesn't know where her daughter is, she doesn't know where her daughter is. How does she find her daughter? She finds her daughter, I think, through someone's blood? Does she lick someone's blood and find out? Or did she find it through that spirit world? The spirit world. Psychic plane. Psychic plane. Psychic? I'm hearing psychic link. I'm hearing spirit plane. I'm hearing... You motherfuckers don't know. That's the thing. Boston, that's Boston for you. I fucking know. I fucking know everything.

49:44Fuck you. I'll tell you what's up. And then, guess what? They don't know jack shit. This is the end of the movie. The monologue from the end. I think we should try to break this down a little. She holds the head of Marius up. It looks like something you would find in a Halloween costume shop.

50:13That's the funniest thing about this movie. There are people who are fighting with big-ass broadswords, and then people are just like guns, like bam, bam. Like there's a person fighting off a machine gun with a sword, like a shield. Like blocked it, blocked it, blocked it, blocked it also if if because like so much of the gun fight is done with real regular bullets rather everybody's just getting shot and like squeezing them out yeah so why not if you're the lichens why not make every bullet uv every shot's a kill shot it's expensive yeah they just don't have access to those resources they are sending people to norway to scale the the ice but no one's buying those tickets to that norway train they they got it at a bargain that's a week are the lichens um are the lichens like hurting for cash look all i'm saying is that the vampires are probably using hotel tonight they're getting on that train they're just finding a little thing are we sponsored by hotel tonight don't worry about it anyway i don't think we should be your leader is dead

51:26take your wounded leave leave that's a voldemort line straight up sad like in walking out is pretty amazing just kind of like boom boom boom like honestly if you're gonna walk out, like, transform back into a guy. Yeah. You know, and just kind of, like, walk out, like, with some dignity. Here's a question before we watch the rest of it. Are all werewolves men? I think... Yes, yes, no, no, no, yes. Love it. Love you, Boston. Never change. Um, here we go. Here's more of the monologue. I have lived a thousand years. I may live a thousand more. By the way, it's weird to whisper. It's weird to whisper your VO.

52:20You know, like... Because now I'm leaning in to hear it. You don't have to whisper. It's to us. Is it so that, like, the other people watching the movie won't hear? Like, this is not... This is not dialogue to anyone. Yeah, here we go. Or I may die tomorrow.

52:41But I no longer fear death. for I have known it once already. By the way, I'd argue that she's had it twice because wasn't she blown up in an ice plane too? She's always dying, it seems like. This score is also very Game of Thrones. I am reborn, and my eyes have been opened to the sacred world and to the promise of what is yet to be.

53:11There is no beginning. there is no end. There is ending. The coming. So is she in the sacred world right now? No, that's in Norway. That's where Khaleesi lives. I know, but that's also where the sacred world is too, right? Because, I mean, that's where she gets put into... Oh, I see what you're saying. I thought you meant, was she like... Astral projection. Mentally, because she's in the, you know, meditation mode. So the daughter just is there the entire time? How? Where did the daughter come from? I mean, it would be so much better to be, like, on a beach in, like, you know, or something like that.

53:46Or, like, at Disney World and her daughter's, like, you know, running the Matterhorn or something. If this movie ended at Disney World, if the only link to, like, contemporary culture was at the end, Theo James goes, we're going to Disney World. And then they are just at Disney? That'd be pretty great. I would love it. And all of a sudden it's shot really well. Like fully lit. I mean, there's so much to talk about, but I want to get to the audience and see what you have to talk about because clearly you're also confused. Let's go out here right now. All right, so let's just see if, you know, if you had to be a lycan or a vampire, who would you be?

54:30Kelly, are you a vampire, a werewolf, or a hybrid? No, thanks.

54:39Great answer. And your question? So there were multiple points where she was like fondling this hair circle. A lot of hair from her daughter. And I just, I don't like it, but I don't understand it. And it's just. Where did it come from, that hair? She just found it and somehow knew it was her daughter's hair. Well, and she was also super surprised. Like, oh shit, I found this hair circle. But then there's whispering, but then she hides it. Yeah. I don't think it was like intended to be a circle of hair. I think it just kind of fell into that shape. Oh, see, it looked to me like it was like a, it was like almost like a number of strands of hair that had been like worked into like a circular shape.

55:27No? Yeah. My question remains, if you're a vampire and you find a hairbrush, are you like getting all these images at all times? Like if you brush your hair and more than one person used it? Well, yeah, I didn't know those rules either because she seems to get information from just touching the hair. Obviously, when you taste blood, you get information. But also, does the evil vampire, the female villain, when she kisses the other female vampire, does she know that she betrayed her from that kiss? Is there, like, any context give you... Does any context give you... I don't care. You know what?

56:05I don't care. Don't even answer me because I don't give a fuck. All right, who in the balcony, I'm here in the balcony, ma 'am, would you like to be a vampire, a werewolf, or a lycan, or none of the above? I would like to be a twilight vampire. Ooh, sparkly vampire.

56:26Thumbs down from people in the balcony. Fuck. Okay, so my question is, I'm hoping there's some nerd that can answer this, that's bigger than me, that can answer this question. So the whole premise of this movie is that Edmure Tully needed Kate Beckinsale's daughter's blood because she was a hybrid. Why didn't Edmure Tully, who was a lycan, just bang his vampire girlfriend and make their own hybrid? I have the same question. Do you have the answer to that? I have the same question, and I love that because my question was going to be, why haven't they been doing that for centuries? Does anyone have an answer to that?

57:09Does anyone have an answer of what you do? There's some clown in the back here who thinks he knows something, but I don't like it. Paul's in the balcony, so chill out. All right, hold on. I got this guy. All right, sir, you think you can answer this? I believe so. I watched the wrong movie because the poster was so dark, I couldn't read Bloodlines. Blood War. Wait did you watch the Netflix show Bloodlines? No I watched it with That's like when I was on Veep my mom watched every season of Madam Secretary and it was like you're not on it I've watched it I'm like well what do you mean she's like well they put the dog and I go there's a dog on Veep.

57:50Yes the dog. Oh, I love that she stuck with it. She likes it. Okay, so you can't just make a hybrid by having a vampire bang a werewolf. It doesn't work that way. There's a special bloodline that has to come from. In the original movie, Scott Speedman comes from the long line of these people who can be the hybrids. So it's like a dog show, almost. That kind of, like, you have to have the right connection. I see. Very much like that. So in the original movie, Jason, you're going to like this. Michael Sheen bites Scott Speedman. So there's another British actor. He bites him. And then later in the movie, he's shot with bullets filled with silver nitrite.

58:37And as he's dying, Kate Beckinsale bites him. So she saves him by turning him into this hybrid. So it has to come from that line of blood. Got it. Got it. All right. Fair enough. Ma 'am, your name, what would you like to be, and your question? I'm Casey, and I suppose I'll claim the like and claim. Okay, great. And then tell me you're the bloodline. Oh, you're the bloodline. Really, really drilling it down. It's just a little thing, but I'm so hung up on where the flying hell did the horses come from? Yeah, great question. Yeah, I was curious about that as well. Where and why horses? Couldn't crack it.

59:27I didn't like this movie. It's funny, I came into tonight having enjoyed this movie quite a bit. Now that I've been forced to talk about it for an hour and 20 minutes, I think I hate it.

59:43We talked about the cunnilingus scene. What's happening right now? Boston is so... I don't feel safe. I don't want to be forced to talk about a cunnilingus scene. Boston, that's what... That's Boston, though. I don't want to answer those demands. Aggressively horny. That's Boston. You! You! Hey, you! Talk about eating that puss! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Excuse me. Talk about that fellatio! Hey! Excuse me! What's your fucking problem? Here we go. Oh, you, ma 'am. Okay, yes. your name your creature and your question wendy vampire because well they're the heroes okay so in vampire lore you all

1:00:36she gets it okay in vampire lore they're dead how do you have a baby boom she just through some knowledge. I guess it's part of the hybrid part, right? So, are you saying that vampires never procreate? Or can't? They just, they're sexual, they don't have sex for, there is no, huh? Huh. Huh.

1:01:10This town, man, this town is the fucking best. Well, that was a journey out in the audience. This audience is obsessed with oral sex in the least sexy way I've ever heard. So today when I was watching this, I asked Averill, I said, Averill, can you just do me a favor and cut together a compilation of something that I noticed in the film? And she said, yeah, I can. and she put it together, and I want to show it to you right now. Here we go. His blood could end the war. We're finished with this war. Losing the war. The war. War. The war. This war. This war has followed you here. This war. The war.

1:01:54War. Damn war.

1:01:59A lot of war talk. It comes up a lot. Obviously, we had an opinion about this movie, but there are people out there with a different opinion. It is now time for second opinion.

1:02:14I actually need some audience participation. Can you guys give me a snap? Gonna go at this beat. One, two, three. How's a disaster? Failure. Box office bomb and a flop. Film dropped in the middle of the roster. Spot a movie. Listings without making back. It's dig me an ear budget. Turned out to be your favorite and you love it. The$5 bin at Walmart thought it would sell if it was buried deeper But being a lot cheaper, you thought it was a keeper It made Jason a weeper But I guess you found this movie's message made deeper Well, the word got around They said, this movie's insane, man Took it to the internet to see who felt the same, man Looked at low reviews and then decided to reclaim And the world's gonna know your name What's your rate, man?

1:03:03Five gold stars on Amazon I gave it five gold stars on Amazon And yeah, I know you think I'm really wrong But just you wait, just you wait

1:03:19Give it up for Lauren, she crushed it That is amazing Balcony monsters Balcony monsters Wow, Lauren killed it Great job Underworld Blood Wars, there are 1 ,285 reviews. I believe that is an all-time high. 53 % are five-star reviews. I'm going to say prepare yourself. Some of these reviews are a little problematic.

1:04:08And this is showing you where we're going with the first one. Written by Joe Kate Beckinsale. More like Kate Sex and Sale. Is that S-A-L-E or S-A-I-L? Like, let's go sex and sale? It's sex and sale, yeah. And it goes, better than the previous movie, but not as good as the first two. They stayed true to the sexy vampire ladies, but it's hard to replace Victor as an antagonist. Remember when Victor said, what's this ruckus? Five stars.

1:04:53This one is written by someone called Gamer Dude. And Gamer Dude writes, chick movies are so sexy and beautiful. Five stars. Oh, and that's a gamer dude. Interesting. This one is written by 3G Honda. Can't go wrong with Kate Beckinsale. Hot, hot, hot. Five stars.

1:05:18And this one is... Wait, can I ask a question? Yeah. Is this movie where Kate Beckinsale and Michael Sheen met? Oh, they had a child together. That she does know about. I think so. She does know about her daughter with Michael Sheen. The hybrid? She knows where she is. I believe so. Yeah, okay, good. Sorry, Paul. A note, please. This is written by GreatLady5260. I have completed this series now, five movies, and I've enjoyed these movies. First, I'm into vampires. and second, I think these are some excellent vampire movies. An interesting exploration into the relationship between vamps and lichens, a.k.a.

1:06:04werewolves, their history. Characters are so easy to get to know and the action starts before the title of the movie is revealed so it gets you right into the action. This is the case in all the movies. They have a film noir look to them which I found added flavor. I keep on hoping there'll be at least one more with the daughter, a hybrid who's revealed in the fifth film, you like vamps or werewolves, you will like this. Five stars. I don't like people that call them vamps. Not interested. And then the last two, Hugh Maron writes, if you're into vampires and Kate playing Selena, then this movie is for you.

1:06:46Five stars. If you're into Kate playing the character in this movie, then yeah, it's definitely for you. That's not something you get in other films. I'm kind of into when Audrey Hepburn played Selena. Well, Kate Beckinsale did play Selena in the follow-up to the Jennifer Lopez Selena movie, I believe. Too soon?

1:07:16Not soon enough, sir. This one's written by Heather Paul. I loved it. Like the rest, it was a little different, but just as good. And I can't wait for another exclamation, exclamation, exclamation, all the way through the page. And for those people out there bitching about, you know, the story. It's fiction. It's action. Kate's hot. It's kick-ass vampires and lichens. If you want a friggin' story, then sit with my wife and watch Lifetime. Five stars.

1:07:59Is it possible all of those reviews are from Boston?

1:08:08Underworld Blood Wars comes in at a brisk 91 minutes, I would say, after you take out the credits and the top, which is about four minutes of exposition. We're in rockin' 80-minute territory. Came out in 2017. and the budget was$35 million and the worldwide gross was$81 million. I feel like these movies must do huge business abroad too. That's why I feel like there's so little dialogue and so much just action nonsense. Yeah, I totally agree. This movie came in 80th out of all the movies made in 2017. It ranks fifth out of all five Underworld movies and domestic gross. The order there is Awakening, Evolution, The Original, Rise of the Lycans, and Blood Wars.

1:08:57The top three movies of 2017 were Last Jedi, Beauty and the Beast, Wonder Woman. This movie was beaten by The Fate of the Furious, The Great Wall, and Triple X, The Return of Xander Cage, Valerian, and Geostorm!

1:09:14But this movie beat The Snowman and The Disaster Artist. the tagline is I know, well there we go, it's an independent the taglines were protect the bloodline is that what this movie's about? I don't think it is I mean, unless you're, unless Theo James represents the bloodline and they're supposed to protect him but that's not what the movie's about we haven't gotten any closer to it, you guys. I will leave this confused. Yeah, we're wrapping up and we haven't gotten anywhere. But what I think we've taken away from it is we've all kind of enjoyed it. We've all had completely different experiences.

1:10:04I'm not even sure we all watched the same movie. I think I'm in an active blackout. I feel like... Or I may have passed. I'm not sure. I like the contentious relationship of the creator of this franchise, Lynn Weissman, and Kate Beckinsale. And now that they are not together, the fact that she is in and out of this franchise, he's like, you know, like I said, will she come back? Will she not? We don't know. And I'll be there. Well, now I guess they could make the movies about her daughter if they wanted to. They could age it up and have the next, you know, five movies be starring that character, I guess.

1:10:47Right. I guess. I mean, I do think, I don't know, I joined some of these reviewers in feeling like Kate Beckinsale was a perfect, like a perfect vampire warrior. Like she's British and has fine features and yet she delivers those fight sequences so well. I agree. To me, she's like the perfect, there is no Underworld series without her. Wow. I'm going to say it right now, having only seen one. Wow. Huge, huge, hot take. I love it. Two things I want to tell you before we kind of wrap it all up here. This is the first time ever a Resident Evil movie and an Underworld movie both had been released in the same month.

1:11:32So they're getting closer to franchise. And the next film will definitely tell us where Michael Corbin has been since he disappeared. wait he's not dead michael's dead we saw him in a flashback die they say he'll be revealed where he is why was remember when they are fighting and kate beckinsale accidentally gets edmier tully's blood on her lips and she sees his whole life and is shocked by it why i think she just didn't like having blood on her lip. Like, if you ever got, like, it's like someone, like, you know, giving you a hug that you didn't want. You're like, uh, I gotta see your whole life.

1:12:16Oh, yes. That is, that is the story of the meet and greet.

1:12:25Um, Jason. Doesn't she learn in that moment that it was him that killed Michael, or maybe not? Yeah. I think that's what she's surprised by, and that's what gives her, didn't we go over this already? What's happening? Sorry. No, it's okay. It's okay. We're in a fever dream. Is this the end or the beginning of the show? I don't know. It's all a parabola now. So, Jason, would you recommend this film? Probably not. Probably not. It is not, I mean, it's not, listen, it's not super long. It doesn't wear out its welcome. There's some fun, action-y, set-piece-y nonsense. In that regard, it's fine, but it's not...

1:13:12It didn't have the juice that I wanted. It never got so bad that it got really fun. Right, I agree with that. It kind of walks this line, this has been more fun talking about it. I said to you afterwards, it percolated with me. This movie stayed with me throughout the rest of the day, and I kept on thinking about it and going, yes, right, I'm confused. But when I was watching it, I was not enjoying it. Yes. I mean, I don't know. I didn't. I think I enjoyed it. I think it went down very easily for me. There were things I really liked. I loved Kate Beckinsale in it. I loved Samira. More like Kate's sex in sale.

1:13:57Was that her name, Samira?

1:13:58Jason Mantzoukas:Yeah. Well, Samira was the one that we really didn't talk about. We didn't even talk about it. I thought she was incredible. You know what we didn't talk about was that oral sex scene. Oh. Well, during that scene or right before it, when she says to that other guy, whoever he is, when she says something along the lines of don't think you could hurt yourself, she delivers it so well. I mean, I loved her character. Yeah, she was great. She was so great. I liked all of that coven that's her and Charles Dance and Randall Tarly and all of those. I thought that scene where they're bickering with each other was awesome.

1:14:40Like, that was... They do a good job getting good actors. Then they give them absolute trash to say, but they make it work. They do make it work. But Samira, like, she really does, like, even her death, when she opens up the window and she finally sees the light and then that fucking sword comes out of her mouth, I'm like, yeah. It was great. A lot of people are getting sneaky killed. Like, they're like, I did it. Ugh. A lot of swords through the back. In this world, when you are stabbed or whatever with a sword or your throat is slit with a blade, blood pours out of your body at a rate that is shocking.

1:15:20Like Charles Dance gets stabbed and his mouth opens and blood pours out like the scene in Carrie. This goes back to do they have a circulatory system? That's what I'm wondering. Because maybe it's just like one bag right here. Right. That's what I think it is. Is that their feed bag? Yeah. Maybe. Are they like squirrels storing blood for the winter? It's like when you go out and you see one of those skeletons trying to have a beer. Wait, what? You know, like a skeleton. You know, in those cartoons, like one of the skeletons trying to have a beer. What cartoons are you watching? Where skeletons have a beer?

1:16:00You know, you get like, you know, Manny and Jack and Carol, and they go out to the bar, the three skeletons, and they order their favorite drinks and they're on the floor, you know, because they don't got anything in there. But they still want to drink. They want to have fun. Okay. I feel like this is a cartoon someone showed you in the back of a bike shop. That's a different strokes molestation episode joke, everybody.

1:16:33um well people uh i think we have covered everything we need to cover have we um and with that we say good night boston you did it boston you fucking did it

1:16:47Jason Mantzoukas:that's our show if you are listening to us on apple podcast or spotify please rate and review us and make sure you are subscribed to our feed and have automatic downloads turned on in the show settings. It helps us. And we also just simply appreciate it a lot. We'll see you next week. Bye for now.

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