Wild Wild West w/ Kevin Smith (Classic)

19:18Jason Mantzoukas:But, so, so yeah, so there's so much to talk about here. Oh, wait, we still haven't heard Kevin's story. Yeah, so yeah, so obviously the producer of this movie, one of the - The producer of this movie was John Peters, who goes back in this town, in this business for - This is Streisand's John Peters, right? Yes, Streisand's John Peters. Hairdresser. Back in the day, he was a hairdresser. That's how he's gained entree into this business. He was Barbra Streisand's hairdresser, who then became - It's an unusual trajectory. Yeah. Isn't it weird? Especially because when you think of her hair, you go, especially then, circa 70s, it's like, oh, it's that fucking rat's nest.

19:53Yeah. Like, it's literally just a fro. Yes, it is. What work is being done there? So he was her hairdresser, and then he became her lover. Oh, really? Oh, I didn't know that. I like that you brought it down there. Then he became her lover. Interesting trajectory. Yes. And then she started bringing him on to flicks as her producer. He, like, produced A Star Is Born. He's executive producer on Caddyshack. A main event he put her into.

20:20Jason Mantzoukas:That was the boxing movie with Ryan O 'Neill. Yeah. I mean, he has great movies. I mean, American Werewolf in London, Flashdance, DC Cab, Youngblood, Caddyshack 2. The shack is back. Batman, Tango and Cash, Batman Returns. This is what I know he's definitely responsible for. The main event, because he can talk about that to no end. And Batman. He was heavily involved with Batman. Oh, really? Okay. I spent a lot of time with him because I was working. I got a job in 1996 working on Superman Returns, it was called. Oh, so memory born. Now, you weren't going to put Tim Burton in the suit. But I suggested, like, again, my opinion didn't mean shit at that point.

21:00Like, Chasing Amy, I think, had yet to even come out. I was coming off Mallrats. But when I handed in my script, I was like, you guys should get Tim Burton, man. He did a great job with Batman. Even though his sensibility is different than fucking, you know, Batman, Superman, the character. like that dude knows that because there were nobody else that you could point to to be like there's a comic book guy but at the point that i was involved with it nobody was attached yet tim burton would come later nick cage would come later on as well but when i was working on it the the i had to go meet with peters in order to go through the approval process because when he he used to run warner brothers with uh peter guber and then i'm sorry they were let me backtrack they were at warner brothers during batman movie went fucking huge over on the other side of town the japanese by sony okay and then they say we need someone to run this studio let's just turn to the premier producers who made the most successful movie of this year and they brought peter guber they bought them out of their warner brothers contracts brought them to sony and had them run the studio if you're interested in this kind of shit there's an amazing book called hit and run which is all about Goober Peters taking over Sony and running it into the ground and the Japanese fleeing Hollywood in a big bad way because they're like, this is a fool's errand.

22:14It's just a hole to put money into. So those dudes wound up with golden parachutes dropping out of Sony when it was in its worst financial conditions in years. And they landed separately. John Peters landed with an overall deal at Warner Brothers. One of the two projects he requested when he came in the door was the Muhammad Ali story and Superman. And I can't say this is why, but I've been to his office. And if you recall, back in the 70s, there was an issue of Superman where he fought Muhammad Ali.

22:45Jason Mantzoukas:Oh, no. And he had a giant blow up in his office framed of those two characters. Oh, wow. And I often suspect he was just like, what will my next two movies be? And he goes, here it is. So he was the guy. And so I had to go meet with him. And when they sent me to meet with him, I was warned, like, he's a bit eccentric. And, you know, he's going to tell you some things that he wants in the movie that we don't. But go meet with him, blah, blah, blah. You got to get, he's the guy. If he likes you, you're on the job. We like you here at the studio. He's got to like you. So you go to meet him. And he literally lives in an estate, like, here in Hollywood.

23:18It was over in Beverly Hills. That is reminiscent of going up to Batman's house, to Bruce Wayne's house. Like, large property. And this is 96 at this point. So I haven't been around big affluent properties this early in my career. This is the biggest one I'd seen. You get in and there's a fucking butler and maid and somebody parks your car and there's like stables and shit. Like grounds. It was crazy. So they bring me into a living room and he comes in. He's got his tennis shorts on and he's tan and shit. And he's very affable but very like, I know who I am. I run Hollywood kind of guy. And he sits me down.

23:55And he goes, so they tell me that you like Superman? like let me hear it I didn't see the movie and this is all coming off of Mallrats because in Mallrats I made a joke about Superman they were like you know a lot about Superman I swear that was it I met with an exec named Basil Iwanek who's gone on to do cool things I think he works with Ben on like on his last movie on the town or something but when I met with him he's a junior exec and they had a few projects they were like we've got this one called it was remember the end of the watch of the Watchmen it was based on an episode of The Outer Limits I think it was called Architects of Fear they had that it was an episode of Outer Limits that they wanted to do as a feature and they gave me a script which to this day I can't remember who wrote it but they gave me the script to read they're like this is just weird see if you could do anything with this and I read it and it was hands down one of the best scripts I've ever read in my life and I handed it back I was like this is flawless you should make this and they're like it's an art film and it kind of was it was definitely more of like a Chris Nolan type of action flick than anything else, which in those days would have been a tough fucking sell.

25:00So I liked that. I was like, I got nothing for this. I think you should just make this. And they're like, we're not going to. And they offered me two other things. One was Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian, which I was like, I love Beetlejuice, but I was like, I think we said everything we needed to say. I love this Goes Hawaiian. That was what they wanted to do. Did they have a script for that? They had one that looked like this. There was already a draft. And they wanted me to go in. I was like, I ain't gonna be that guy. Oh, man. I also came in with, like, I liked working. I was happy to be in the business.

25:28But I also didn't want to be the guy that was, like, the person I would have made fun of if I hadn't had Clerks picked up. Like, who the fuck does a Beetlejuice sequel without Tim Burton? You know, that guy. So I said no to that. And he said, there's one more that's a real long shot, but we're trying to redevelop Superman. I was like, oh, Superman. I know comics and shit. And he's like, yeah. And I was like, yeah, man. I talked about, in Mallrats, like, the Brody character is a big fan of comic books. And he goes, that's why you're here. I said, why? He goes, because someone saw Marats and said, like, you talk about Superman and a kryptonite condom.

26:00And I was like, yeah. And he goes, well, they figured you had an original take on Superman. And I was like, that's not even an original take, man. That's based on an essay called Man of Steel, Woman of Tissue or something like that from back in the day. They're like, well, I want to read that essay, by the way. I didn't know that. That's a fantastic essay. I didn't even it wasn't even based on that. Years later, somebody was like, did you ever read Man of Steel, Woman of Tissue? I said, no. They said, in it, they talk about how Superman and Lois couldn't have sex because his sperm would kill her fallopian tubes.

26:26Mine was based on an issue of a comic book, a Superman Annual, that must have been taken from that. And in the story, on the cover, I can't remember what issue it is, but Superman is making out with Maxima on the grave of Lois Lane. And in the story, one of these Elseworlds stories, he has sex with Lois Lane and kills her because his sperm didn't do it. She got pregnant, the baby kicked and killed her. so I always remember reading that issue and being like that's fucked up so when I was writing Mallrats I included the joke about like Krypton Icon and blast through her back like a shotgun and because of that they were like you know something about Superman and the something you know is sexy we want some of that fucking X-rated Superman condom shit in this movie dude turns his lights down he's just like just tell me that story again and I'll show you naked pictures of Streisand I was like can I go man this is really unnerving for me I just wanted to work on Superman but he He listens to me.

27:20I don't have a pitch. They have a story they want to do, which is the death of Superman. There had already been a script before me written by Wesley Strick, which they didn't like. And I read it, and the thing that stuck out to me was that there was a moment where Superman goes into a therapist's office to be like, I'm Superman. Yeah. And that would never happen. But that felt like a Hollywood beat. That's almost to me akin to Batman in The Dark Knight Rises. Everyone see that? Okay, but spoilers if you have it. Yeah, there you go. They're on the roof and Catwoman's with them. Oh, yeah. And then she leaves and then he turns around and he goes, so that's what that feels like.

27:58That would never happen in a million years. Yeah, yeah. He would never do that. Why would he use that voice out loud if he was alone? That's the thing I thought of too. Why is he talking to himself like that? Dude, there's nobody here. He's like, yeah, you're right. Yeah. All right, yeah. It'd be awesome if he was like, yeah, I'm so not so good. Like he has a third voice. That would be memorable, man. When people were like, holy crap. Or if he's like, oh, fuck, you really did it again, Bruce.

28:21Jason Mantzoukas:He is a Daniel Day-Lewis superhero. He gets into the character. Once he's in that costume, that's it. Once the cowl is on, it is on. All sense goes away as it cuts off the brain part, and he decides to go with the voice. So I'm sitting there telling Peters, okay, I guess if you're going to do this, you do this i wouldn't do this the kind of stuff i wouldn't you know be uh winking and knowing and shit in terms of like saying superman's going to psychiatrists so i'm all done with whatever my pitch is and again it's not really my pitch it's based on fucking the storyline they want to do which is the death of superman so he looks at me sitting on his couch big living room he looks at me for a long heartbeat man and he goes you and me are gonna get superman right you know why and at first i felt good because i was like that sounds like i got a fucking job I said why and he goes because you and me we understand Superman do you know why I said no he goes because you and me are from the streets now and he is from the streets originally I don't know where he's from but I am not came up on those hard hairdressing hard knocks the streets that led to Barbra Streisand very hard streets and I didn't want to say like I grew up in the suburbs this dude was a hairdresser neither of us know the streets and also remove that what does fucking Superman have to do with the streets the least street smart character he's just an alien so he was a guy I guess he'd come from not so much money because he talked about like you know I used to go to wherever city he lived in that department store he's like and I used to go and just look at the window displays the things they put up one of those people with nothing looks at the image of something goes one day.

30:05A very movie moment. His life is a movie. A movie moment. He, and he only brought this up because when he came in there was a setup in the middle of his living room that I swear to God looked like the floor of Nordstrom's. There was a piano and there was like what looked like a display with sweaters and shirts on it. No. What, there was sweaters and shirts on it? I'm not fucking kidding. And I thought, so I was like when we were in the middle of the place I was like well maybe they were doing some kind of benefit here or something like that. But he was explaining to me that he always dreamed about having...

30:34What? Wow. This is really crazy, though, because on Oprah, Barbara Streisand was interviewed, and in one of her homes, her entire basement is set up like a store, like a department store, where she has different rooms. Yeah, it's crazy. She came from no money? Is she one of these, like, I came from nothing and sank my life? No, she came from nothing. That is, I do know she came from nothing and had, like, a horrible mother. Yeah. She had, like, a terrible childhood. But it's a funny image to come from nothing

30:58Jason Mantzoukas:instead of just buying a lot. You create a store. That's very odd. It's like I gotta get dressed today I'm just gonna go downstairs and buy an outfit That I already own You could literally make the argument like She can't go to the store anymore Maybe she misses the experience of like Walking onto the floor so she's created Her own version in a Truman show like way But it really comes down to Like I think it comes down to We always saw This as being a sign of wealth And so once we had So much crazy wealth Where we had a house and many cars and everything's taken care of and we're just looking for shit to buy, we start buying our childhood back or images of what we think we wanted.

31:39I want to buy that Nordstrom's. And he did it. Oh my God. That would be the equivalent for me, I feel like, would be if I became incredibly wealthy and you came to my house and there was an arcade there. Oh yeah. You know what I mean? Like that to me would be the equivalent. Old stand-up games. I can't get my head around. Oh yeah. But that to me was like, oh my God, can you imagine if you had Dragon's Lair in my house? Always had access to Joust? Yeah. but that's okay but you got a bunch of arcade games in your house that's almost like hey everyone take a turn sure sure yeah this ain't like no no no what kind of what kind of sweaters do you have oh I want these none of these are my size

32:19Jason Mantzoukas:that's how he keeps himself grounded he keeps on like he never is in his size I love this sweater but it's sold out in my size he's the dude that's just like as his wealth decreases is the displays decrease. So it goes from Nordstrom to like right now in his career, he's got a Ross set up. Vileans basement. Vileans in the other room. Payless in the garage. He was a very strange man. So you're from the streets, yeah. He's from the streets, I'm from the streets. He's the one essentially says, we're going to do this. And he, in the process of the movie, he had like notes that he wanted to do, which were very important.

32:55Number one, he goes, I don't want to see him in that suit. Number two, I don't want to see him flying. I think that shit looks fake in movies. So right away, you're like, if he's not in the suit and he's not flying, is he Batman? Yeah, what do you have? Do you want to just make Batman again? I'm into that. Yeah, yeah. And then his third thing was like, and he asked to fight a giant spider in the third act. Swear to you. And I was like, really? He goes, yeah, yeah. He's going, man, do you know anything about spiders? I said, no. He goes, I watch a lot of Discovery Channel. He's going, I watch this documentary about spiders.

33:23Fiercest predators in the insect kingdom. Absolute killers. He's going, when I was a kid, I went and saw King Kong. And in King Kong, there's a moment where the doors open up and they reveal not King Kong for the first time, but some other fucking monster or something like that. He's like, it was horrifying. And I envision a moment in this movie where the doors open up and Spider-Man has to fight this giant spider. And a real spider, right? Giant, real spider. So I'm like, okay, if that's the directive, that wasn't in the death of. And I've never seen that in the comics, but so be it. So I went back to the studio because they're like, report.

33:55What's going on over there? Because already they're like, he's a nut bar. So I was like, well, he said this, this, and they go, oh, as if they've heard it before. And then I say, and then also he talks about, and they go, wait, he wants to put a giant spider in. I said, yes, how weird is that? He said he watched Discovery. He's going, John and that fucking spider. That was Lorenzo's bottom of the chart. He goes, John and that fucking spider. Is this sounding really familiar? the dude was so into this spider thing he tried to shoehorn it into the flick and I was like what do I do and they were like just call it anything but a spider and I said really and they're like just give him what he wants but do not call it a spider man research shows nobody cares about a spider and I was like okay what if I call a Thanagarian snare beast they're like perfect so Thanagarian I was like right on connects to Hawkman and shit like that and so Peters was like what is this and I was like is a Thanagarian snare beast He goes, what is that?

34:52It's like Giant Spider in DC Comics. He goes, oh, perfect. So I put that in and, you know, worked on that for a little while when I submitted the script. You can hear the entire story of that over at the first evening with Kevin Smith. Which is great. I tell the long Superman story. But in the interest of moving on to fucking Wild Wild West. Eventually, the project comes to an end for me. They bring on Tim Burton. And Tim Burton was like, I'm going to start from scratch with my own script. He brought on somebody else. My shit goes to the wayside. And that was it. Never thought about it again. I mean, thought about like, man, I worked on Superman.

35:25But I got a great story out of it. And I was telling that story Q &As for years. Then it went on the DVD. And that was, like, to me, that was the end of it. Then in 1999, I guess it was, I went to the movies to go see Wild Wild West, also produced by John Peters. And I'm watching the flick. And it is what it is. This bizarre little train wreck combination of many genres. But all of a sudden, this giant mechanical spider appears, man. And I was like, he got his spider. He finally got this spider. It took him a long time, but he got a much more expensive one.

35:55Jason Mantzoukas:And it also doesn't really make sense. Nope. It feels like, and what was so great about that story is that it is so shoehorned in. It's like, okay, there's steampunk and there's stuff like that, but now he got this 80-foot giant fucking spider. As if the giant spider, and the presumption in the movie, what the movie contends is that Kenneth Branagh's possession of this giant spider is enough to bring the United States to its knees. This one device itself will bring about the destruction of the Union. This is the equivalent of a nuclear weapon in the age of the Civil War. It might as well be. I bet that was their justification.

36:39But there's nothing to this even metaphor of the spider. There's nothing that Kenneth Branagh says about what the spider means to him. there's no connection at all to this spider that just appears. If he could, I think Kenneth Branagh would have been like, ladies and gentlemen, I have nothing to do with it. Hold on, guys. Kenneth Branagh just walked in the studio. Just walked in the studio. We have a special guest right now, Kenneth Branagh. I regret cheating on Emma Thompson so much. It's truly affected my career, all the way up to Thor.

37:10Jason Mantzoukas:It is. I mean, this spider is just, I mean, yeah, I don't know. That's the words you're looking for. It's total badass. This movie might as well be called Gears and Pointless Contraptions. Because that is, every shot is just, the background is just moving parts. Moving parts. And always just like, things are happening. A lot of money being spent in the background. A lot. No thought being given to the foreground. To the way, I almost think that Kenneth Branagh's character is John Peters. Because he's obsessed with spider. He clearly has a thing for spiders. They send a cake, a marzipan cake to the president.

37:49Jason Mantzoukas:Oh, don't touch that. And all these spiders come out. And then he has special discs made up with a giant spider on it. You have the blades. But yeah, there's nothing. His flag has a spider on it. Yes, he is John Peters. You know what's weird about that, man? like the plates that have the spider on it. Yeah. I understand that dude's rich and I understand in movies to communicate impossible wealth you see something like a giant spider. Very richy, rich style. But could you imagine it's like even down to something like this disc is meant to be thrown away and destroyed. Yeah. Like you're never going to see it again.

38:22It launches. Whoever sees it is the person that loads the disc and the next person that sees it is the person like, ah! Gets his head cut off. It's coming at them and that's that. Why would you bother to be like imprint a spider on it?

38:32Jason Mantzoukas:Yeah. Could you carve it in? It's going to cost us hundreds of dollars to do this. It's going to cost you a little more, buddy. I know, but they mean so much to me. And you're not even involved in this transaction. You're not even like, I'm holding this disc of death with my spider emblem. As a matter of fact, when he goes to kill them, he leaves. He doesn't even watch the disc get loaded and launched. That's how fucking rich he is, dude. He's just like, put spiders on everything and kill people when I'm not here, man. I do want to point out, you know, there's a part in the movie where, you know, Will Smith and Kevin Kline are caught.

39:03Jason Mantzoukas:They're going to get their heads cut off by these spider discs. And I would say one of the most disturbing parts of the movie is when Kenneth Branagh talks about wanting to have sex with Salma Hayek with potentially his robot dick, which I'll play for you right here. Who knows? I might even become familiar with her myself. That'd be one more reason for me to kill you. Oh, yes, Mr. West, I'm sure to a no-doubt, well-endowed black and more like yourself, it must seem absolutely impossible that a freak like me could fully enjoy the pleasure of a woman. But haven't witnessed my use of mechanology thus far, wouldn't you think that I could advise something for the lower half of my body that was hard-pumpin' and indefatigably steely?

39:42And, speaking of hard-pumpin', Mr. Coleman, full steam ahead.

39:46Jason Mantzoukas:What? He just talks about building a giant robot dildo to... Do you think that was consummated by the time she was left? Because she stays with him on that train from that point on. Well, she is visibly pregnant with a robot baby at the end of the movie. This movie. Does he use a robot wiener on her? Well, they've got that contraption. It just took a jump. I don't know. I wish he did. And remember, when she's trapped in the birdcage in his house, the bed has all of those sex contraptions. And she's like, I don't want to get on that. I don't want to do that. Yeah. Like, it is clearly just like robot cock sex-a-thon in this movie that we never see.

40:23Although we do see, I think we see Will Smith's balls from behind at the very beginning. That's what I thought, too. Right? Scream. We definitely saw his nuts from behind.

40:32Jason Mantzoukas:Will Smith is naked in the beginning of the movie after bathing in a water tower. He lives. He appears to live in a water tower at the beginning of this movie. They're hanging out in this giant water tower in the middle of town. It's like a hot tub in the sky. Which, meanwhile, is everyone else's drinking water, I would imagine. No, no, it's for fires, isn't it? Oh, is it for fires? I think so. I thought it was drinking water. That would be disgusting. Hey, back off, man. You're taking it into ridiculous realms. We can put out our fires with cum-drenched water, but not put it in our mouths. But yes, Will Smith's balls may or may not have made an appearance.

41:04Jason Mantzoukas:Oh, definitely. Well, there's a lot of ass in this movie, too. A lot of ass. Salma Hayek's ass, Bai Ling's ass. Bai Ling is, I mean, a real favorite of this show. Yes, Bailin, we are huge fans of Crank 2. We had the directors of Crank 2 in here, and we talked extensively about how amazing. She's in that as well? She's in that, and threw away all the dialogue. Oh, if you've not seen Crank 2, do yourself a favor. She threw away the dialogue? Oh, yeah, she threw away the dialogue. And just started saying crazy shit. She's subtitled, and she's speaking in English. They were like, well, what do we do?

41:32And they were like, let's just let her do it. Oh, you'll go crazy if you want it. It's amazing. She's unleashed. Really? It's unreal. She's subtitled. She's subtitled. Southland Tales. I was in Southland Tales as well which I imagine one day you guys will get around to I feel like we're going to have you on for a bunch of shows this is how we sneak you on for somebody else's movie and then we get you hooked just like today's movie is Jersey Girl you guys suck I guess it's my time we're doing Jersey Girl again today we have Kevin Smith back because Kevin's still not over

42:06Jason Mantzoukas:but yeah there's a lot of asses in this movie Bai Ling relatively restrained in this movie But there is some crazy stuff. And here again, the lynching scene. There's a scene where Will Smith is going to get lynched, but before he gets lynched, they let him do a couple minutes of stand-up before he gets... As you did in the Old West. Sure. Let him speak his mind! There is such a dichotomy in this movie between absolutely no attention paid to race and maximum attention paid to race in the worst way. Well, that's the strange... It's like every about 15 minutes or so, the movie drops into some real historical social context that's very dark and upsetting.

42:48And then we're lifted right at it a second later. It's the craziest. With like some goofball invention from Kevin Kline. That must have been the Pulp Fiction influence. We're like, no, we can go dark and then zip it right back to funny.

43:01Jason Mantzoukas:Well, I feel like the movie doesn't know. It feels like it's one of those movies where it's like, we're funny and we're serious. And it's too much. It's trying to please too many people. We don't know what we are, but we know one thing. We're not the Matrix. Well, there's also, in the end battle where they're in this giant spider, there's also a robot. Just a man, a Frankenstein man who is a robot that Will Smith tries to fight. He punches him in the face and you hear a clang, punches him in the stomach, clang, punches him in the nuts, clang. And he's like, uh-oh. Got a robot. and this robot's about ready to kick Will Smith's ass until for no reason he short circuits.

43:38Jason Mantzoukas:Yep. To nothing of, no one did anything to him. Oh, I know what happened. Somewhere there's about three minutes of robot fight footage that like when they test screened it eight times was so leaden they were like, just pretend it's short enough. Like we're so close to the credits. That's good enough. We've got to bring it home. Come on. I felt like a lot of times there was huge pieces of exposition missing that I was like, how did he get here? The movie appears to take place in about 72 hours. They travel across the United States by train. From D.C. to New Orleans, yeah. To Utah. Yeah, Utah. I mean, the amount of space they travel.

44:15And there is so much dramatic, slow-moving train action. The entire movie is attentive to the action as if it's the French Connection car chase. But it is slow-moving, single-track locomotives. There is nothing happening on these trains.

44:32Jason Mantzoukas:There is a lot of time. Time has passed. And now this character's on the train. Wait, how did she get on the train? What happened? They're like two days. Stella Hayek drops in on that train. There's no explanation of how she got there. Right. Yeah. I know how she got there. She was on the Dogma set. She got the part while we were making Dogma. And then she left early to go do fittings and do pre-shoot footage and stuff while she was shooting on the flick. So she'd come back and we'd be like, what's it like, man? Because again, these cats are coming off Men in Black. And Men in Black's a pretty amazing movie.

45:02But she thought it was going to be very, very impressive, as we all did. She came from our movie, went to that movie. And I remember going to see that movie and being like, I wish she'd stayed on our movie.

45:13Jason Mantzoukas:Did you have to cut her out of stuff in Dogma? No, but I got a lot of people going, like, I couldn't follow the accent. Now, in the age of Bane, I don't feel so bad. Even he was speaking English. About Expendables 2. In the first 10 minutes, like, I don't understand what these guys are saying. Really? Yeah, because it's like everyone's... It's like a lot of grumble. It's a lot of grumbling in the first ten minutes. A little low end. I did like Expendables 2 because I like movies like that, and it's dumb and fun. Should we do it for this show? You know, it would be like in the side of the good side, like the cranks and the puns.

45:46Jason Mantzoukas:Thank God this got made. Yeah, yeah. We love Fast Five. It was like, yes, this movie is insane. It needs to be talked about, but we are loving it. And, yeah, I mean, it's great. Schwarzenegger, amazing. Only talks and references to every other person's movie. Really? He says, I'll be back at least three times. Oh, my God. And references Rambo. References like, it's, the whole movie is just referencing everything that they've all been in. Tell me he goes like, yippee-ki-yay. He does. No! Yes. Really? By the way, listeners, Arnold Schwarzenegger nod in the studio. Tell me in that scene, they cut to Bruce, and you just see a little bit more of his soul dying.

46:24Jason Mantzoukas:Well, you could tell. What I felt like was this. I felt like they shot Bruce Willis out in like two days. Two? I also felt like they were like, hey, Bruce, would you say yippee-ki-yay? Because everyone's saying kind of their catchphrases. You know, Van Damme does it. Schwarzenegger. Everyone does their catchphrase. What's Van Damme's catchphrase? Like, come. Like, you know, from Bloodsport. That's my catchphrase as well. With my old lady, I'm like, come. It never works. But I try it. But everyone's like kind of reliving a moment of their past. And they were like, Bruce, will you say yippee-ki-yay in this moment?

46:56Jason Mantzoukas:It kind of fit the moment. And he was like, no. And then they're like, short saying, will you say it instead? And he's like, yeah. Give me a thousand dollars and I'll say it. Basically, Bruce Willis walks off the screen and then short saying goes, yippee-ki-yay. Oh my God, that's amazing. It's crazy. It was like, they were like, oh yeah, we'll just keep the same set up. We've got to do that movie. And maybe our guest will be Kenneth Branagh to discuss it. She knows Kenneth Branagh was doing so much wheelchair spinning in this movie. Oh my God. Oh, yeah. Kenneth Branagh, every time he's on screen, he's just spinning in a circle at all times.

47:30Jason Mantzoukas:Just spinning round and round. Oh, man. Like a record baby? Yeah. Round, round, round. Also, June, you brought up a very good point here earlier when we were talking about this. Will Smith constantly ripping on Kevin Kline's inventions that work. Yeah. So inventions work the entire time. He's like, oh, man, you and your crappy inventions. It's like, you killed a guy with his invention. You got saved your life by his invention. All the time. All the time it works. Let's try a new plan and maybe this time it'll work. It's worked every single time. Every single time. Every single time he's tried.

47:58The bulletproof vest, the flying machine and dressing in drag. You're as difficult to please as my mother. How about the weird scene? How about the fucking scene where they are comparing fake tits? Oh, yes. I love that. This is how the two heroes bond. I loved every second of that scene. And they're just like, feel my boot breast, whatever he's saying. Oh, yeah. Oh, it feels terrible. Now try feeling my... And Emmett Walsh is watching the whole thing and he's going, I knew it. You know, like so weird. Yeah, it's just so crazy because what did he know? He thinks that they're not men dressed as women.

48:28There are men feeling each other's male breasts. Actual male, yeah. Okay, all right. You're into that? You see why it's funny, right? Now I get it. Now I'm laughing. I think when you make a movie like this that's meant to be as mainstream as that, like if you're spending, there should be a studio mandate in the rule book that says if you're going to spend upwards of, I would say 100, but let's bring it down to 75, you have to have a representative from every generation that you're actually trying to court in the theaters on set when you're doing comedy so you need a 10 year old, a 20 year old, a 30 year old a 40 year old, a 50 year old, a 60 year old if you're going that's your demographic and then you play that fucking alright the boys are going to feel each other's boobs and then you go down the line, 10 year olds, is this good?

49:09liked it! totally, 20 year olds, is this still funny? pretty good, 30 year olds, how are you feeling about this? not bad I like working with an actor because suddenly you're in a seat 40-year-olds, man.

49:20Jason Mantzoukas:All right, yeah, it's a little risque. And then suddenly it starts to fall apart. 50-year-olds? You know, I could do without the boob stuff. And 60-year-olds. I liked it. Bring back that spider. Where's that spider? I liked it. But they should, man, because that's like, I saw, did you see The Watch? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, The Watch has a moment in it where Vince Vaughn picks up a rushing nesting doll and opens it, and he's like, oh, my God, there's another doll in here in his Vince Vaughn way. fine. One reveal, and I'll buy that this motherfucker has never heard of the concept of something within something.

49:57They carry this out, dude, all the way to the smallest. To the, the... Yeah. And, you know, like there's a theory of comedy where the more you do it, like it goes, it's funny, and then it's fucking dumb, then it goes back to being funny. This is the Mr. Show Thimble sketch. This ain't that, though. This is like the exception that proves that rule, because you're like, please, don't keep going. Oh, yeah. And you realize they left this in. Oh, yeah. They thought it was awesome. But if that's awesome, what the fuck did they cut out? And if you think that's awesome, you need to have a representative of every age group going like, I think this is shit.

50:30Like if you're sitting around doing the boob feeling joke and you got a 25 year old kid there, you'd be like, dude, this ain't fucking funny. Yeah. Like have him stick his fist up his ass. Oh, that's good. Let's do that instead.

50:40Jason Mantzoukas:Well, did you feel like, did you ever get notes? Like, I mean, like, I guess like the most studio, the biggest studio thing, I guess mall rats and then like cop out. Right. So did you get those kind of notes on Cop Out when you were doing it? Not until we started testing. They were pretty good. In terms of working, I always thought I was taught that the studio is a great Satan and fucking like, all they do is make crap. We make art. They make crap. And the philosophy that we were taught was they set out to make crap. They just want your fucking money. And I haven't worked inside. Like, nobody.

51:07There's no fucking, there's no Kenneth Branagh sitting in a spinning wheelchair fucking telling people, we're going to steal the audience's money with crap. they're all trying to do something that they think is good or funny or irrelevant or at least you know fucking popular or something like that. So having gone through the system with them they were lovely. Like I kept waiting for the you know aha these fucking bagels! You said there'd be everything but there's just onion! I knew the studio lied! They were lovely until post. But you check that bagel plate every day. Every day. Flip all side.

51:37Uh oh! Wait. No it's here. We're good. My bad. My bad. So nobody touch it until I check the plate. Please. Enjoy the sunshine with sales on grill-ready favorites from Whole Foods Market. Take cookouts to sizzling new heights with their marinated salmon and made-in-house marinated beef and chicken. Entertain with low-priced 365 brand chips and dips like hummus and guacamole. And sweeten every party with brown butter chocolate chip cookies. Remember to pack the cooler with probiotic sodas, sparkling waters, and more. Summer savings await you at Whole Foods Market. This NBA playoffs with FanDuel.

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52:41Jason Mantzoukas:The Disney Plus Hulu HBO Max Bundle. The best in entertainment in one bundle. This month, stream Disney and Pixar's blockbuster family favorite, Hoppers on Disney Plus. This is incredible! FX's critically acclaimed The Bear, Season 5 on Hulu. Everything's either gonna be okay or not. And Season 3 of the HBO original series, House of the Dragon on HBO Max. You have power within your cross. Get the Disney Plus Hulu HBO Max Bundle today. All of these and more streaming soon. Plans starting at$19.99 a month. Terms apply. Visit Disney Plus Hulu Max Bundle.com for details. Will Smith's character was an escaped slave at the age of four?

53:17As a child, he was taken from his family. Well, he ran away. Which is not the story of Wild Wild West, right? No, because Wild Wild West, he's a white guy. Yeah. So essentially, they're doing the story of Django Unchained. It is. Yeah, exactly. It is Django Unchained. Which, ironically, Will Smith's cast didn't want to do. Because he'd already done it, Wild Wild West. He's like, I've done this movie. It's called Wild Wild West. I'm very proud of it. I can't improve on it.

53:41Jason Mantzoukas:I was watching this movie going, Does your movie have a giant spider, Quentin? No? That's why Quentin... Quentin took so long, that's the end of Django now. The giant spider comes back. They come across... Christoph Waltz is in it. They come across the giant spider that had died in this movie, right? And they come across it, they revive it, and the rest of the movie takes place in that. What they do is they find all those plates with the spider emblem buried into them, and they build a new spider from the wreckage. I would love a weird film joke if people just started putting props from this movie in other movies.

54:13In old West movies. As if it was like archaeologists discover these plates with spiders on them. And all the ladies had spider dresses at the big ceremony. Oh, yeah. Now you know why. It's because John Peters is the producer and he's just like, kids love spiders. John Peters also, not John Peters, but Will Smith also plays Muhammad Ali in a movie. Yes. A lot of John Peters. Really? Yes. Same guy. His name's on it. Oh, that's interesting. Now, what did he have to do with it? That depends. As I said before, I know he's involved with Batman. I know he's involved with the main event because he can tell you lots of stories.

54:45But his name could be on a lot of things. He took credit for, I'm Batman. This blew my mind. I instantly fell in love with John Peters in a way of like, you fall in love with fucking wacky dictators who aren't going to affect your life anymore because you're going to fucking never be in contact with him again. I was a big Batman fan. Huge Batman fan of Tim Burton's 1989 Batman. man so whenever he talked about it i was yeah and had my hands listening and shit and he would say things like you know i was going out with vicky vale right and i was like really did you have the joker over for dinner like you could say her name dude i'm well aware that kim bassinger played vicky vale but he said this he goes uh i said one of the things i love in that movie dude is so fucking tight is when the dude pops over the wall and starts fighting and batman blocking his sword with his gauntlets and he goes that was mine and i go really he's going i brought that guy in that guy's a real sword fighter you know why that movie made 300 million dollars and i go why he goes that scene and i go why he goes because that was real jeopardy and that guy came over the wall with the swords man you got to see batman in action and so that's why that movie works that scene when you watch tim burton's batman realize it's nothing it's not the story it's not anton first city design the batmobile the moody performance by michael keaton jack nicholson's sublime joker Prince's soundtrack.

56:02It literally comes down to the guy who jumps over the wall and throws a few bad swords.

56:07Jason Mantzoukas:Not to rip on Bruce Willis, but when I heard Bruce Willis talk about Die Hard, he goes, the reason why people like the original Die Hard is because people like the humor of a New Jersey guy caught in this situation. It's like, I don't know if that's the catch-all of why that movie is successful. The Jersey humor of John McClane. He's just still went down to this. He's like, you know why that made money? because of me. Yeah. That's it. Essentially, that's what he said. And what is it about me? It's probably because I'm from Jersey. My Jersey humor, people really go like, I like that Jersey humor.

56:38Jason Mantzoukas:The end of the movie, you know, the main character has his, like, final line, like, you know, diplomatic immunity, whatever. And this one... Final line, diplomatic immunity. That's Lethal Weapon 2. Been revoked. Diplomatic immunity. This one, he just basically throws Kenneth Branagh out of the giant spider, and then he goes, now that's a whooping. Yeah. But it really isn't. It's more of like, that's a throw-in. Couldn't they have found a way to whip him with some chains? If you're going to end on a line, you should have the... Or make use somehow of him having a half body. I thought that that was going to play into his death somehow.

57:16Not at all. If only I'd had a leg, I could have lived. Every bad guy in this movie, Ted Levine, that's his name, right? Yes. and Kenneth Branagh all the bad guys have such uneventful deaths and deaths that are so circumstantial to the good guys the good guys barely do any it's almost like they were like well our guys can't really kill people so we'll have Kenneth Branagh's people shoot Ted Levine and then Will Smith can have a comeuppance with him but he's already dead and then Kenneth Branagh and Will Smith both fall out of the spider and Will Smith just doesn't save Kenneth Branagh so he dies so it's like they never, meanwhile they're shooting Will Smith shoots like 2 ,500 people in this movie.

57:57He's always killing people.

57:58Jason Mantzoukas:There's no there's no the only person he meets his match with is the Frankenstein which is not explained and then short circuits. Well and in terms of story you would think that that final beat had something to do with Will Smith like accepting industry in his life and accepting somehow that the gadgets were going to help him. No it just it boils down to race at the last moment which is not what this movie's about. Nope. Now clearly we had an opinion about this movie but there are people who have a different opinion so it is now time Time for a second opinion.

58:29Jason Mantzoukas:These are reviews called from Amazon. I just would like to read you guys this one. Ed B. writes, honestly, this is in my top 100 favorite movies of all time. Wow. Out of the thousands that I have seen. Wow. Five-star review. That's huge. I like that guy. I want to show him my work. This is another great one. Evan Orozco writes Wild Wild West is the greatest and most funniest movie in the world a true classic the best of the best Bai Ling is so sexy and has the sexiest ass buy this movie five stars and then most funniest negates that entire review I'm a grammar Nazi and most funniest he lost me at that point but it is the most funniest it is to be fair to be fair Perilous Moo writes, This movie was great.

59:22Jason Mantzoukas:The interactions between Will Smith and Kenneth Branagh are a piece of comedic cinema history. Oh my God. But it would have been nice to have a good female character. Put someone like Madeline Kahn or Bernadette Peters in a role. It would have been pants weddingly funny. Did my grandmother write this letter during while she was watching the Carol Burnett show? I was just going to say, Vicki Lawrence should be in this movie. What was missing was Mama. And he writes, Mel Brooks seems to be the only director who understands how to cast women in comedies. Five stars. Still five stars. Still five stars.

59:58Jason Mantzoukas:I have some problems, but still five stars. Mel Brooks did it. Madeline Kahn. Wow. Well, this has been so great to have you, Kevin. I was talking to you before we started talking about the show. I am obsessed with your new show on Hulu called Spoilers. This is a legitimate, I am a fan of this show. It's so fun to watch. Thank you. You bring a bunch of people to a movie, you talk about it honestly, and then you interview someone from - It's fun. It's fun. If you haven't seen it yet, you can pop over to Hulu. It's free. You can watch it. And it's - It's - We tried to do like a - Not a movie review show, but a show about movies where you could talk about movies, but not like, here's our scale, and it gets this, and blah, blah, blah.

1:00:37Jason Mantzoukas:I think it's the best way to watch a movie review show, just to have an audience. Because it's like different people, and you're like, oh, I like that guy. Or like, it's a fun - I've never seen it done. Yeah, like Siskel and Ebert were two strangers who you grew to know over years as, oh, they were reviewing movies. But it's not like they were fucking experts or worked in the business or something like that. Or people will say, Roger Ebert wrote fucking Beyond the Valley of the... I understand. I understand. He's done some work as well. But in that way, there was... Like you were listening to people pontificate.

1:01:03When you watch spoilers, it's more about like you're watching people, real people, talk about movies. Just talk about... Yeah. Yeah. And it's also kind of like the way you talk about movies with your friends where like Even shit you hate, you don't go like, oh, it was a cinematic abortion, no stars, thumbs down. You just go like, this part was awesome, this part was fucking stupid. That's what we do here. That's what we do here.

1:01:23Jason Mantzoukas:So definitely check out spoilers. And a big reminder to watch NTSF SDSUV. It is the show that I do on Adult Swim with June. This week's episode is a Martin episode. Alison Brie is in this episode. It's one of my favorites. It's called Sabathtage, A Return of Carrie Kinney. So definitely check that out at 1215. Jason's coming up in an episode in a little bit. Fuck yeah. Children's Hospital back on the air. Children's Hospital, yes. Great stuff. So check out Adult Swim Thursday night. We just had Alan Ackerman on. Who is so funny and so great. So thanks, everybody. Thanks to Brett, our engineer, Carol, and Julia, everybody here at Earwolf.

1:02:02Jason Mantzoukas:Buy our Biling-inspired How Did This Get Made t-shirts. We'll see you next time. Bye-bye.