In short
The episode is a satirical roundup of political and culture news, framed through personal-development and relationship-pattern talk at the start. Topic segments: (1) Claims that Kristi Noem’s DHS-linked “special envoy” role (“Shield of the Americas”) is fake or corrupt, with reports she barely shows up; at least four officials who moved with her allegedly placed on administrative leave. (2) A video about Hunter Biden proposing a cage match with Don Jr. and Eric Trump; hosts joke Hunter would win and praise Hunter’s sobriety and emotional maturity. (3) Criticism of Trump’s reported $400M ballroom using tens of millions of foreign steel, plus tariff hypocrisy. (4) Axios reporting that Roger Stone interceded to keep Tulsi Gabbard’s job. (5) Grindr hosting a White House Correspondents’ Dinner party; hosts discuss inclusion and speculate about Republican hypocrisy.
Guests
producer Ryan Beals; other hosts are Kylie, Chrissy Ice Barbie Noem (referenced), and “Pumps and Me”/Jennifer/Lara (named only as co-hosts in dialogue).
Notable examples
“Big Titty Brian” photo leak speculation; “WWE presidency” joke; “gay candle guy” tweet about Lindsey Graham.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOTrump's Firing of Kristi Noem
1:24 to 4:23
The hosts discuss reports surrounding Kristi Noem and her controversial role.
“All right, Kylie, if you can pop this up.”
Hunter Biden's Cage Match Challenge
4:23 to 6:21
Discussion of Hunter Biden's humorous challenge and opinions on politicians.
“All right, next we have a video from Hunter Biden, and let's see what he says.”
Trump's Hypocrisy and Foreign Steel
6:21 to 8:13
Analysis of Trump's use of foreign steel and the hypocrisy involved.
“He's very sassy and he doesn't give a fuck.”
Tulsi Gabbard's Job Saved by Roger Stone
8:13 to 10:46
Insights into the political maneuverings involving Tulsi Gabbard and Roger Stone.
“We've all known people like this, or we've watched movies or, you know, read novels where a character is like this.”
Grindr's First White House Correspondents Dinner Party
10:46 to 14:00
Discussion on Grindr hosting a political event and the implications.
“So Grindr is set to host its first White House Correspondents dinner party.”
Patriotic Sting Operation Proposal
14:00 to 15:49
The hosts discuss a humorous and outrageous idea for a sting operation at the White House Correspondents Dinner.
“He says that gay candle guy says, so the Hill tweets, Grindr set to host the first White House Correspondents Dinner Party.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00You can want healthy, loving relationships more than anything, and still find yourself repeating the same painful patterns. Maybe you overthink. Maybe you people please. Maybe you shut down, push love away, or feel afraid to fully trust. And even when you know something needs to change, it can be hard to know how to actually change it. At the Personal Development School, they help people heal those patterns at the root. Through powerful courses, live classes, practical tools, and a deeply supportive community, they help people understand their attachment patterns, rewire subconscious beliefs, and create real transformation from the inside out.
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1:11All right, today we're going to bring in our producer, Ryan Beals, to present stories to Pumps and Me. We don't know what they are, and we're all going to react together. Please play along in the comment section. Ryan, welcome to IHIP News today. What stories do you have for us? So excited to be here. All right, Kylie, if you can pop this up. Chrissy Ice Barbie Noem could already be forced out of the phony role she was given after Donald Trump unceremoniously fired her. And we have some more reporting from the Daily Beast article. Chrissy Ice Barbie Noem could already be forced out of the phony role she was given after being unceremoniously fired by Donald Trump from leading the Department of Homeland Security, according to a report.
1:54Nome is said to be barely showing up at the office for her seemingly made up position as special envoy to the shield of the Americas. At least four officials who followed her from DHS into the role have been placed on administrative leave by the White House, the Daily Mail reported. I wonder why she's not showing up to work. Yeah. I can think of a couple reasons. Big Titty Brian's tit number one and tit number two. Here's the deal. If I was given a job, a made up job and it was some stupid name, I don't think I'd show up either. Like this whole thing is fake. She's fake. What I'm waiting for are the lawsuits to claim back all the money that she corruptly put into her own pocket and her friend's pocket.
2:44That's what I'm waiting for. Well, didn't Corey Lewandowski also grift a bunch of money off of all of this? They were saying it was paying to play. Corey would be like, if you want me to take this up higher, you give me a little juice on the side. So, I mean, they're both as corrupt as fuck. I think Trump made up this job for her because he has to keep people, he can fire them, but he has to keep them close so that they don't tell all. And then he has this whole, well, if you want to pardon at the end of this, you're going to have to play ball. But I think she is not showing up to her new job as Pump.
3:25She said hilariously one day as the American Avenger. You know, she with this new title, The Shield, the photo shoot opportunities for her to keep piling on to all of the costumes she likes to wear. I mean, this is a whole new ball game for her. So the fact that she is not showing up to roll out photographic images where she can dress up and cosplay tells me that this big titty Brian reveal, a lot of people suggested maybe she leaked it. I don't know if she leaked it. I think somebody in Trump's orbit leaked it. I think it was like, we've got this on you. You better play ball. You better keep your mouth shut or there's going to be more coming out.
4:12I think a Stephen Miller, a Susie Wiles, a Laura Loomer leaked the Big Titty Brian photos and story. I think that's a great guess. Okay, Brian, what's our next story? All right, next we have a video from Hunter Biden, and let's see what he says. And I think he's trying to organize a cage match, me versus Eric and Don Jr. I told him I'd do it 100 % in if he can pull it off. And if he can't, I'm still coming. And I think he's got a lot of other surprises up his sleeve. A lot of fun. And I hope I can see you guys out there. You can get tickets online right now. And I'll see you out on tour. I have to tell you.
5:02Oh, go ahead, Ryan. I was going to say, who wins in a cage match? Don Jr., Eric, or Hunter Biden? Oh, Hunter, for sure. Hunter all day long. Hunter, Hunter all the way. And I'm just going to, I'm just going to go on permanent record to say, I love Hunter Biden. I absolutely love Hunter Biden. Every single clip he's been on, uh, since, uh, Trump 2.0. I love him. I think he's feisty. I wish he would run for office. I think it would, MAGA would just go into a complete death spiral. This is the guy who they're wound up about because he has a very large penis and they don't have it. And there's video evidence of the size of this.
5:45And we have already done our own analysis as to the impotence, soft serving, teeny weeny issue that Pompst and I have diagnosed that it permeates and is ubiquitous in the brosphere. And this is a guy who has actually done the therapeutic work to get sober, which is really, really difficult to do. And when you do that, it helps you become a lot more emotionally mature. So this guy had an art gallery sale and MAGA lost their mind about it. I'm team Hunter. I want Hunter to run. I love Hunter Biden. Pumps. Yeah, I like him. He's very sassy and he doesn't give a fuck. He will go right at people and he's unapologetic about it.
6:30And that's what I like about it. He's a fighter for sure. Here's the thing that just reminded me Trump is having a cage match at the White House for his birthday. How is this real? It's the WWE presidency. Yeah, it is. You know, I mean, this is like, this is their whole shtick. It's, but I, I, I'm, I'm team Hunter. I like Hunter Biden. I really do. Every time I've ever seen a video of him, I like him a lot. Jennifer, I bet you and I could take Don Jr. and Eric. 100 % like I would bet on us in a cage match with those two. Those are the biggest two pussies I've ever seen walking the earth. Yeah, I think that would be fairly easy.
7:15Don Jr. is just a hysterical person. He's always hysterical. And then Eric, you know, I don't know what's going on with Eric. I think lara has his balls in her cleavage at all times i agree i mean i think she just stuck him right here and then goes on okay brian what story's next all right next we have an update on the ballroom from fact posts new reporting reveals trump's 400 million dollar ballroom will use tens of millions of dollars of foreign steel this comes as trump denies u.s automakers relief from tariffs for using foreign steel? Sure. Why not? Of course, let's do it. Let's do it. Let's, let's have Iran build it.
8:02You know, I mean, like this, this administration is built on lies and hypocrisy. It's never America first. They don't give a shit about America. It's always Trump first. And I get a crazy, selfish narcissist. I understand that psychologically. We've all known people like this, or we've watched movies or, you know, read novels where a character is like this. It is the people surrounding him that, what are they getting in return? Like, here's my biggest question for you guys. What is little Moses Mike grinder Johnson getting out of this? What's it, what is he getting? It's a great question. What is he getting?
8:43Do you think they have like his Google search history or they have the real porn history or is it, or do they have something on him? Cause my brain would be like, why would you been, why would you humiliate yourself run around talking about what a big Christian you are and then help cover up for child pedophilia? He, they must have blackmail information on him. But time and time again, you find out with these people, they just genuinely will completely debase themselves for Donald Trump for no good reason, for nothing for not for nothing for fucking nothing like i need to know what little little grinder is getting i need to know moving on uh we have some new reporting from axios that roger stone actually saved tulsi gabbard's job so there was some reporting when pam bondy was fired that tulsi might be next and now we're learning some more about it so trump started polling advisors on their opinions of gabbard's testimony her job performance and whether to replace her the guardian reported her fellow cabinet officials backed her as did stone when the president called him last week axios has learned rod quote roger sealed the deal he saved tulsi a source familiar with trump's thinking told axios stone declined to comment but confirmed thursday on x that he interceded on gabbard's behalf fortunately i acted in time quote You know, what's amazing about this is how you have all of these players around the president, like Laura Loomer, Roger Stone, Steve Bannon, and all of these dipshits that are pulling levers in the executive branch in that Donald Trump wants to know what Roger Stone thinks or what What Laura Loomer thinks, and this has been normalized and platformed and we all have to suffer through this.
10:37Did you all hear the story that Grindr is hosting a White House? That's our next story. Oh my God. Okay, go Ryan. So Grindr is set to host its first White House Correspondents dinner party. And we have some more reporting from the Hill. Kylie, if you can pop this up. In an interview last year, Grindr CEO George Arison said the dating app aimed to be a, quote, place that is welcoming to everybody regardless of political affiliation. Quote, no matter what their political views are, people who are gay should be welcome on Grindr and we want them to have a really good experience, Arison said at the time.
11:17Confirming reports that there was a, quote, significant spike in usage on the app in Milwaukee during the Republican National Convention in 2024. I love Grindr. I want it. I want to download the app. I absolutely support this. I love that they are stepping into politics. It seems to me like not only inclusive, but it also seems like a smart business maneuver to be at the White House Correspondents' Dinner. because if they were to follow large groupings of Republicans getting together at the same place at the same time, we see spikes, outages, et cetera. You know, you can look at turning point conventions.
12:04You can look at the funeral pyrotechnic display of Charlie Kirk. And in Arizona, I understand that Grindr was just on fire and outages in certain places there. And so I do like that they said it is a place for all gay people. And so I like that Grindr is meeting people where they are. I really think one of the most patriotic things that could happen would be for just a huge sting operation in this. And if somebody is passively in the closet, I support them. I support their decisions. It's not my business. But to the Republican politicians that ostracize gay people through legal means, through passing legislation towards culture wars, and then at night they're fetishizing the, you know, they're doing gay stuff at night.
13:00I am a hypocrisy shamer. I want to shame people's hypocrisy because the Republicans have made these culture wars, like these big things, you know, like. we're against woke trans ideology what is that what what what is that what i want to know i'm against hypocritical ideology i want to know why moses mike grinder johnson does what he does every single day and is so obsessed with pornography and then he thinks magic mike is pornography that when he's you know i just i want to deep dive into all of that what i want is a hero. I want a hero to go in and expose the whole thing. Like the screenshots with Christy Noem's husband.
13:47That's what I'm looking for here. That is what I need. I saw somebody, there's a really funny tweet, Kylie, pull it up. It's called that gay candle guy. Oh, it's right here. He says that gay candle guy says, so the Hill tweets, Grindr set to host the first White House Correspondents Dinner Party. And that gay guy candle company says, Lindsey Graham is about to be passed around like a fucking rag doll.
14:21That makes me feel patriotic. Yeah. I mean, can you imagine if we got a big sting operation with all the Republicans and Mike Johnson is caught in the act? Like, I don't think I could sleep for a week. I would be so excited. I would pull an all nighter with you with, I mean, I would have like a Homeland, the character Carrie, how she had her crazy wall. I just think, I think if we had spare time, this is what I would propose that we do. We go to the white house correspondent center, but not attend. We create incredible grinder profiles. And we are versed in all of the appropriate language to be able to do, conduct a full-blown sting operation.
15:13And we just, you know, throw the line out and then we just sit back and we just slowly start reeling them all in. I think it could be a great time and a great form act of patriotism. Yeah. Great minds think alike. I was thinking the exact same thing. set up about 100 Grindr profiles and just go up to DC and just fucking go. That would be, I would feel like that was the most patriotic thing we could do to prove we love our democracy is that. I agree. I agree. All right, Ryan. That's all we got. Okay. That was excellent, Ryan. This is our first episode of Ryan Shares the News with us. Please like and subscribe, and we'll be back later with more news.
16:03We'll be right back.
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From the publisher
Kristi Noem might lose her new job that was created specifically for her.
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