Find The Can-Do Attitude with Candace Parker

29:02One of the parts of the book that really resonated with me was your time when you had to go play overseas with her as a baby. And I said to Mish and our producers when we were talking about the book, I said, you know, I played overseas for a couple of years. And if I had to take one of my four kids with me, we'd have never survived. We'd have never survived. They wouldn't have survived. I wouldn't have survived. The team wouldn't have survived. It would have been a mess. We could probably still be over there somehow. But, I mean, you took your baby to Russia. China and Korea. But you had to. That wasn't like a, you know.

29:51But I just, I would love to hear you talk a little bit about that. And how you had to go over there because that's where the money was for women. At the time. And in some cases still is. I am grateful for my mother. Because my mother made it possible for me to feel at ease with taking my baby abroad. There's this guilt when you aren't unable to raise your children the way that you were raised. That's your vision of. And she cushioned that. My mom would make home-cooked meals over in Russia using ingredients that we had to look up in our little Google Translate book.

30:47I'm grateful for her. She made it easier for me, mentally and physically. Layla Nicole, I just have to say, I undervalued the ease that she provided for me. Having her move my first love to the side, basketball was secondary in everything. And being able to take her overseas, again, I think overseas would have just been a checked box. I got over there. I did it. But looking at her, I realized this was her childhood. I couldn't just hurry up and wait and speed up time to get out of Russia. Yeah. We had to enjoy it. So we went out and we did things. We did barbecues in the winter. We went and watched the polar bear plunge where people jump in the ice and dip three times.

31:43We went and played at play arts. We did play dates. We learned about the cuisine and the food and experienced the culture. You had to meet other parents. She had to make friends. She made a lot of friends. You needed mom friends. We had no idea half the time what they were saying, but we made friends. I like the story of the first play date that she went to and to talk about that. Yeah, Layla decides to do a play date, which I put Layla in Russian school for her to learn Russian. And she taught everybody English. She's like, I can make this easier for all of us. Exactly. It was the opposite effect.

32:23I'm like, that's my kid. You put her in an environment and she's going to somehow adapt the environment. That's her. And she wanted to do a play date. I think she was like three at the time. And in Russia, all of the buildings look beat up. It's not about what it looks like on the outside. It can be a really nice apartment on the inside, but the buildings don't look very nice on the outside. So we pulled up to a building like that. Didn't think of anything of it. We go inside and there's like no floor. Like it's almost like a dirt. And then there's a center oven that heats the room, but also serves as cooking.

33:05And then there's kind of a bed against the wall. And so I opened the door and she's kind of in front of me and I can't get to her. Because I don't want her to say anything, you know? And she looks around and I'm waiting, I'm holding my breath. And I'm like, they're going to understand some English if she says something. And she goes, a dollhouse. And the two kids run over there and start playing in the dollhouse. I have to compose myself because I am just in tears. Yeah, yeah. Because that's her. And it's as a result of the experience we had overseas because we realized people are people no matter where we live, what your upbringing is, how much money you have, all of those things.

33:44And I say this, that we've been well off, but we've grinded. You know, we would turn on the water in Russia and have to let it run because it'd be yellow or, you know, we'd pull up to some places where we didn't know what we were eating. You know, and we lived in China for, you know, two years and there would be, you know, no heat or, so we've grinded. Yeah. And Layla is just, she just made it better. But I just am in disbelief of the kid because she's just, She's so special in her soul. And she taught me so much. Now, my other two, my boys, no chance taking them overseas. I realized how much of an amazing traveler Layla was.

34:29First of all, they're boys. Nobody told me this. I'm looking at Layla like, I got this together. You're like, I'm a great parent. Look at me go. Amazing parent. And then my son, my oldest son was born. He is the one that has made me realize, oh no. It's like, it's not about me. It is not about me. Yes. He is the one. Yes. Nobody prepared. The girl moms that are at the pool. I know. And they're riding quietly. And the girls are playing with their little horses. And then the boys are like shooting you in the face. And they're on like a 16-hour flight just reading and coloring the whole time. I mean, I had two girls.

35:03It was the same thing. I was like, I don't know what you mean about travel. Get them to mind. Listen, getting my son to mind. I was on a flight actually coming here. And this couple, they had three girls and she had a little boy about six months old. And the little girl was crying getting on the flight. And she turned around. She's like, look at mommy. Stop crying. I was like, if. And then the little girl stopped crying. I said, my son would have. Boys are different. I was a big like equality. Girls and boys were all the same. No, no, no. Boys have never been on earth before. Girls have been here.

35:38Yeah, they have. Girls have been on earth. And we know we're running things. Miesh used to say when the boys would come to the White House, they'd be doing what they do. And then she comes in the room and she's like, why are you guys so moist? They were always damp. I was like, why are you wet? Why are you so moist? It's because they're boys. They'd come into the White House. I mean, it's the White House, the residents. And they'd come in and they were like set five. Young. They were little. Five and seven. They would just come in and just dump in the middle of, right in the front door, trucks and pieces of trucks and Legos.

36:19You know, we're here. We're here. Here's all our stuff. We go play with this. And they're damp. It's like, why are they wet? Why are they wet? And they like smell like little wet puppy dogs. Like just little wet puppy dogs. It's like, where have you been? You said toys. That sparked my memory. I remember in 2009, it was actually, President Obama was throwing out the first pitch for the MLB All-Star Game. So he was outside with Reggie Love practicing. And my ex-husband and I brought Layla. She was probably seven weeks to the White House. And, you know, we met him and we took pictures and things like that.

37:07And I'm standing there and I'm like, oh my gosh, because I was nursing. I have to nurse. And so I kind of like talked to somebody on the side or whatever. And President Obama was like, yeah, just go in there. It's fine. Like we'll go out here and pitch and you go ahead and nurse. That's so him. I nursed in the Oval Office. Like in the Oval Office while they did pitching outside. It's like, we got a room in there. Just go sit in there. Sasha and Malia, they were cool. You know, like, I understand. Just go in there. Just in motherhood. It was, so I always tell Layla's claim to fame is that, yeah, she was nursed in the Oval Office.

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39:09In the book, but in your life, the story you tell about meeting Anya was so meaningful. It was so sweet and easy to read. It was just like, I felt like I was there. Can you talk about you guys meeting? It's crazy. We've been married five years. Okay. And I met her in 2012 just at the Olympics. Right. That was our first time meeting. And then the next year she was my teammate. And it was like a best friend where all the walls kind of came down. And she was your teammate in Russia. Yes, in Russia. Right. Right. And it was honestly her mind. I mean, we would sit around and talk about Russian history, American history.

40:03I would make her go to museums and translate all of the stuff for me in English. And it was really just built on that friendship. And I was going through a really difficult time in my life. My grandmother was sick, so my mom wasn't in Russia with me. I found myself opening up insecurities and things that I never thought I would share with someone. And it's crazy because I don't even remember the time that I was like, I like her or this is more than just friendship. Because in my mind, I was going to marry a man and I was married to a man and she was with a man as well for six, seven years. and it never even crossed my mind.

40:52And I can remember reading The Alchemist, which is one of my favorite books. I read once a year usually, and I've read it from high school because every transition, you see something different in the book. And I remember being fascinated by Fatima and The Alchemist. And Fatima was this woman that is everything he ever wanted, but she allowed him to finish his journey and working on himself and experiencing life before love, before she would accept his hand. And it's crazy because I had to work on myself before I would be open and ready. And it was a crazy time because we think it was so long ago that it was 2015 that same-sex marriage was legalized.

41:50Yep. Which is really crazy if you think about it. And so everybody's like, oh, well, this is just, you know, tell your parents, tell your friends, tell your employers, like tell all of them, it's fine. And in my head, I'm still, I'm a black woman. So I've already got two things that preceded me before I walk into a room. now it's going to be who I love. And she's Russian. And she's Russian. And she's white. Exactly. And she's white. Come on, Candice. According to my daughter at seven years old, she's like, Anya, you're not white. You're Russian. I was like, well. But yeah, it was challenging, to say the least.

42:33And in so many ways, I had to unpack this mindset that I had because I remember when fans would come up to me and be like, you're not like all the other WNBA players. you're, you know, you're straight and you're, you know, da, da, da, da. And I, in some ways, wore it like, okay, you know, type of thing. And so I had a fan come up to me while I was married to Anya and say this. And it was at that moment where I was like, I talk about my daughter being who she is and standing up for what she believes in and loving who she loves. How am I going to tell that to my sons? And I'm not even, people don't even know about their mom.

43:16You know, I mean, she was pregnant with my son when we won in 2021 and nobody had any idea that we'd been married for two years. But our kids, their safety and my daughter being able to do what I say, you know, not do as, what is it? Do as I say, not as I do. I want to do as I do. And I want my daughter to know that, you know, I'm proud of who I am and, you know, what we represent. And I love Anya with every ounce in me. I'm so grateful for her and, you know, the human being that she has allowed me to work on, you know. And, um. Well, it takes some strength on her part, right? I mean, to be married to you for two years and not to be able to say that and the fact that your relationship, your marriage survived that kind of pressure.

44:10I mean, that just speaks to the power of your love for one another and it says a lot about her. If we think it's difficult here in Russia, you know, it isn't accepted still. and her dad and mom didn't talk to her for a while. I was extremely grateful for my family because they let me go through the process. I'm sure they had opinions and I can remember when I told my dad, my dad the next day was coming to our house. So I told him last minute and he didn't have a lot of time to process. He did, but I'm one of those. Thanks, Candice. I was the collect call like, Real quick. Why don't we talk about it?

44:57And we just hang up, you know? I used to be really uncomfortable in conversations like that. And I'm grateful for my family that allowed me to have those conversations in the ways that were best for me. And I can remember my dad's remarried and his wife was like, you know, your dad was crying last night. So I'm like, I'm sorry. You know, like, da-da-da. And he's like, no, I just, I'm sad that you didn't feel like you could tell me. You know that? I bet that. You know? And so he's like, I want you to be happy. And he's like, Anya is literally the person that was made for you and what you represent and what you want to be.

45:39Like she's soft enough to cushion the blow, but strong enough to tell you when you're wrong and put you in place and all those things you need in a partner. he said I just am sad that you didn't feel like you could tell me you know and so I think as a parent it's it's allowed me to kind of step back and look at the way that you know I parent and sometimes it's not the person sometimes it's you can't you need to come to grips you need more time yeah you know and so it's just understanding that when my daughter has things to tell me You know, it's on her time. Yeah. I'm so happy that you share that story.

46:18I mean, you know, we still live in a time, no matter how far we've come, you know, where there are still families that are looking for permission structures and ways to have these conversations with each other. Having somebody of your stature be so open. and not just your journey, but your parents' journeys. I mean, we've had folks on the show before who can vocally give voice to how a parent should talk about this stuff with their kids who are non-binary, to give them the words, to help them work through the emotions. This, sadly, is still all so new. but the fact that this piece of your life is front and center in a way that is really powerful and real is gonna do a lot for people.

47:19So I just wanna tell you how proud I am that you went there. I appreciate you so much. I really do. And I think sometimes it's, you have to give people grace to come to terms with who they are first. So when supporting, and I'm no expert on this, I just can speak from my experience. I feel sympathy for the power element because I think power is sometimes the kid that requires, obviously their parents to still take care of them or whatever. Taking that and using it against who somebody is is challenging. And there's so many people that have come up to me and talked to me about their relationships and their parents not accepting them or somebody that supported them in a way that they felt seen.

48:17And it doesn't matter how much money you have in your bank account. It doesn't matter what you do for a living. This is raw. And when you are walking this journey, it's scary. And I was a grown woman going through this and it was difficult. And so I just really emphasize the importance of support. I think everybody, no matter who they are, need it. We have a guest letter. People write to us, they email us, and they come up with these wonderful questions. And then we try and give them some opinions and advice and help. And today we've got one from Jenny from New York. All right. I have a question about career and personal growth.

49:07I'm very lucky to have found a lot of success in my initial career path. I've basically been working at the same company since college and I'm now one of the youngest senior leaders at my company. But now I'm in my early 30s and feel like although I work really hard, I don't feel challenged anymore. I'm worried that after all my initial success, I'm struggling to find my future growth path. How do you build a life where you keep growing instead of just chasing one big moment? And how do you figure out how to make the right kind of changes? Jenny from New York. So we figured that fit you perfectly.

49:44So how do you unpack that? It's like, and there, and give her an answer, Candice. But you've had to, you know, I mean, you've had to focus in a lot of different ways, short-term, long-term, focus for your family? I mean, what comes to mind when you hear Jenny's question? The most interesting people I've ever met have always had some sort of challenge that they've given themselves, whether it's to work out three, five times a week, or whether a 30-day challenge, or whether it's to learn the guitar. are. I think there's that childlike mentality that some of us lose as we get older and we get into the monotony of work and all of those things that I think it can be satisfied through other areas.

50:41So if you don't want to give up your career and you don't want to completely pivot, I think it's about figuring out ways you can challenge yourself in other areas of life. And I truly believe that I spent my entire career chasing that WNBA championship. Knights waking up in a cold sweat after losses of game, you know, last second game winners, all of those things. And when we won the championship, it didn't feel how I thought it would feel. And then you really realize when people say it's not in the destination, it's in the journey. It's in that dash. I talk a lot about that in the book. It's in the dash.

51:19It's not the start or the end. It's who you become in that process. And so I would challenge Jenny, if she doesn't feel satisfied, there are ways to challenge yourself. Because when you excel in something, in a career or whatever, you have to enjoy challenges a little bit. Yeah. And so I think what it's saying, it's more of the lack of challenges. So I think it is about starting something new. being a rookie again. You know? Yeah. I mean, we all have so many chapters in our lives, but that's not how we're socialized to think. You know, I've said in becoming one of the questions I hate the most that we ask kids is, what do you want to be when you grow up?

52:10Because it says that, you know, life is finite in some way that you pick a thing and that's who you are. And the older I get, the more I realize that, no, the fun in life is embracing all the different chapters. And it takes some of the pressure off of each individual chapter to be everything because it's not supposed to be. This job isn't supposed to be your everything. I was like you as much as I wanted to be a mother. And I think being a mother is the best thing that I have ever done in my life. And I always wanted it. I had to work at it because of infertility stuff. But even that, you know, if I put my everything into that, I would probably over-parent my kids.

53:05I would probably not, I would be too invested in the happiness they were giving to me. So having something even outside of motherhood has been really important because that should be finite, right? I mean, at some point, your kids have to grow up and become themselves. But if you're so invested in it, you might delay that if you haven't thought about the next chapter after that. So I would tell Jenny is like, you're right on schedule. You know, this probably is just a sign that you are ready for the next chapter. And instead of fearing that, you know, embrace it. It's like you're continuing to evolve.

53:53And now there's something fun in figuring that out. We're getting a little taste of that by doing this podcast at our age. Yeah, yes. I mean, the best thing that's happened to somebody like me, because I've always been one. Our parents were like, try everything. Well, that turned out to be my career. You know, I started out a little basketball here, a little corporate America, a little coaching, a little front office in the NBA, administration, and now podcast host. And I can tell you, Jenny, as long as you're not afraid to start over, you can do anything. And to Candice's point about the journey, that's what you learn in sports.

54:45And not everybody learns it because not everybody wins. but what you learn when you win is that man that was good but it was so much more fun trying to win is once you get there it's great one of my favorite books and I talk about it in here it's called Chop Wood Carry Water and it's an easy read but it's about and he wants to go into archery and he wants to be a master at archery and he's going through the process and his mentor is basically telling him you're first going to learn how to chop wood carry water and throughout the book Wax on, wax off Miyagi, we got that Karate Kid mentality and it's really about relinquishing the results because you are literally at your best in decision making in competition in mastering something when you are relinquishing the actual result and you're just committing to the process.

55:53So whether it's the process of wanting to challenge yourself to be better, worrying about what you look like during that process is gonna hinder the future. And so when you're making decisions such as this, you have to relinquish the results. This could work out great or this could be the worst thing. But whatever the result of that is, I'm gonna be better for it. And I think that that's a lot of people hesitate because they're worried about what the results will end up being. Well, I hope that that's helpful to Jenny. And I know our time is short. I just want you to speak on, you know, to this audience a bit about your views of how we should be thinking about the WNBA, women in sports.

56:44I want to just give you a minute to emote a bit. Women in sports have always been judged by everything other than their sport. And you know this as anybody. I purposely wore my arms out. Yep. Because women in sports, it's be strong, but not too strong. Be competitive, but that's a little too competitive. Don't hit your chest. That's not ladylike. Like, you know, I can remember going on a date when I was in high school and I didn't want to get bowling shoes because my foot was a size 12 men. And, you know, they have the size of the back of the bowling shoes. And so I can remember trying to shrink myself to fit into a world, but I just wanted to hoop.

57:31And then the more you hoop, the more you realize there were more girls out there that were like you. And I think that's what the WNBA has done in a nutshell, is that it has made it okay to be yourself. It has made it okay to be competitive and talk junk and get up in somebody's face and be empathetic and all of those things. And I think society is ready for that more so as a result of the WNBA. You look at leadership, it comes in all shapes, sizes, fortunately and unfortunately. and women weren't considered their tone or their like, but where are we gravitating to? Empathy, care, love, all of these things that women innately are.

58:19And it was society, I feel like in a way, holding women's sports back and that, you know, it wasn't cool to wear women's sneakers. It wasn't cool to put women on video games. You know, it was all these things that women can't do. When you actually look at the numbers and it's like women are the ones that are buying in the household. They're the ones that are spending the money and have the purchasing power. So now it looks stupid, but at the same time, it is still a challenge. You know, it is still, there were so many times where young dads didn't want, you know, the girls to grow up and sweat and have muscles and things like that.

58:59And it's like, now I'm purposeful with it. Like as a kid, I hid my, you know, I hid my muscles. I hid, you know, all those things. And now it's like, I'm proud because I don't think there's one definition in what being a woman is and especially a female athlete. So with the floor, I will say there's a bunch of eyeballs on women's sports right now, rightfully so. It should be in dollars and marketing, things like that. I hope to empower and uplift the retired female athletes in the boardrooms, at the cap tables. Because as you all know, you can work as hard as you want, but it's who you know in some places.

59:46That's right. And that's why it's so difficult sometimes to get your foot in the door. And so I just, you know, it's invaluable the amount of qualities that you develop as a female athlete. And I think we're well equipped, but it's just the problem is we're in our 30s, late 30s entering into corporate America with less zeros on the end of our checks. And so I just encourage those out there to like seek out female athletes. Like I think empower, especially the retired athletes that have the skill set. They just need an opportunity. Yeah. Well, you are a phenomenal representation. You really are.

1:00:30You are an amazing woman. And I am grateful that you have shared your journey. I mean, we've only touched on it. I mean, folks really do. You need to buy the Can Do mindset. We didn't even get into the title because Can Do became your name that your parents gave you. And it's an acronym for a whole lot of, you may want to, it's community. Community, authenticity, navigating negativity, understanding the importance of the dash and creating and seizing opportunity. And there are so many gems. I mean, I started writing down quotes and I was like, well, I'm just going to be reading the book in this interview if I wrote down everything that was a gem.

1:01:17You are a gift. And I am so glad that you have found your next chapter and will continue because you're just beginning. Because guess what, Candice, you are a baby. Tell that to my teammates, okay? Because I am a dinosaur. I have to tell them. They're basketball. You are a baby. And we hope to get you back. Because again, we only scratched the surface. I appreciate you all so much. I am an avid listener. And you all just have truly inspired me. I am inspired by all that you have done and accomplished. But I think this is unbelievable. no it is you know like to see brother and sister and you know I think it sometimes we go through life I'm leaving tonight actually to go to my brother's 50th he's doing it in Mykonos and so I'm leaving tonight we're gonna go celebrate and I think over this last year I've really tried to be intentional of celebrating the big and the little moments and so I think that this is this is super special and you all should celebrate it because I mean you guys give the listeners what they want but also the amount of time that you're able to spend with your siblings.

1:02:36Oh, it's the best. It's the best. Good stuff. Even though he still teases me and I want to throw the Monopoly board in his face. And you want to hit him in the back. She does want to hit me right in the back. We'll give your family our best. I appreciate you so much. Tell your brother happy birthday. Happy birthday. He's a baby too. Big 5-0. It's crazy. Big 5-0. Well, good luck to you in everything you do. Thank you. Thanks.

1:03:05Thanks again to our friends at Progressive Insurance for sponsoring this episode. For more information, visit progressive.com slash open the house.