Support Your Village with Regina and Reina King

28:30You think you apologize more? You think you apologize more? I don't. I think you apologize more. You do? I was actually going to say the same. Oh, well. Okay. Because I feel like we we're so sensitive to each other because like there it's just hard to even just imagine doing anything without her so when we know that we've disappointed each other it just it's an unspoken apology I think that's not really we both kind of I'm sorry it's not really those words it's it's It's the gesture It's the gesture And we do sometimes You'll call Or I'll call And be like You know When I did And you'll go Oh Regina And vice versa That's true Yeah I think we had a moment like that Not too long ago That's why I was like Why you look the other way Yeah I guess it is It is a balance Yeah It's a balance with us With So much And so thankful To have that Because A lot of siblings I'm sure you guys have heard I mean we talk to sisters And sister and brothers And they don't get along with their siblings In that way So I feel blessed To Have a other half She wrote a poem about it in high school Oh really Do we have the poem?

30:07Is it still top of mind? We do not have the poem Who has the book? I have the book and didn't I bring it to you? Remember, I took a picture. So you did a book of poems? My school. Oh, and it made it into the book. My school did a book of poems. And the different students. And I'm trying to think what grade I was in. Was it seventh? No, I was older than that. I think it was like ninth grade, I want to say. Okay, I'm wrong. All right. Once again, and I'm sorry. I'm wrong. I'm sorry. Moving on. It was Regina Silva's class and it was seventh or eighth grade. But they had all the students do poems and they compiled a book.

30:55And my poem was called My Other Half. And it's still. I still have the book. She still has the book. She didn't know I had it. And I didn't know she had it. A month ago. Yeah. I thought that was packed up, disappeared somewhere like with the yearbooks that you don't want anyone to see. But I would say those words that I spoke in that poem then are very much still fitting. And still of the time and of the moment of what we are. What do you think it was that your mother did to foster it? Because, you know, I think a lot of times sibling rivalry is coming from somewhere, right? because I think it's so easy to unintentionally, as a parent, pit one against the other just because of lack of awareness or, you know, one child might be technically easier on that parent than the other because personalities, you know, parents are people too.

32:02And if you have more than one kid, you may click in a different way with the other. And if that's the case, maybe some of that, you know, sprinkles out. Yeah. So I just wonder if there's anything to say about it. I think that's your mom too when you say, I mean, we were going to, you may not want to, but you're going to your sister's recital or this thing. She was always making sure we were in situations that we had to do things together. So. So in addition to always, I like, I used to feel like Raina got away with everything. But says the lady to my right. But I feel like my mom really made sure that she treated us individually.

32:54Like I didn't feel like I was treated like Raina and Raina didn't feel like. She saw you both. It was really like our punishments were different. You didn't have the rice punishment, did you? What was the rice punishment? Oh. Aya liked to tell the story. Okay, please. Oh, you want to tell the story? We're calling on that town for the rice story. Yes. Because Reina is probably not going to tell it all. It didn't have to be rice, I guess. Yes, that's the reason why I said Aya, because I don't want you to have some revisionist history. so we shared a room and Raina is clean but Raina's messy okay yes and so we kept getting in trouble well you know we are for the world yes yes now I'm talking about as kids as kids as kids but you're clean you're clean you're not dirty and messy that's that was she's messy was that a backhanded compliment that's a backhanded

34:00And we kept getting in trouble for having a messy room. And it wasn't my stuff. And I'd be like, Mom, it is not my stuff. I am cleaning it up my side. And then I started kicking it to her side of the room. So you see the difference. So finally, my mom was like, all right. Every piece of—if you don't have this room cleaned up by whatever time it was, everything that I pick up, you're getting two licks. because you know that's when whoopings and it came out to like 92 I was about to say she didn't need to give two licks it was enough clothes yeah you're a lady I'm like it came out I was like what's happening I'm like yeah I'm like one look you got to the 90s it was like what are we doing here like how you say where was Reina so I'm in the room and she's counting and I was like whoa wow Now I'm feeling bad Like I darked on her And now I'm Man And so She started Proceeding with the spanking And I guess my mom got tired Raida got tired My mom was like Okay You can Kneel My mother had read That in China They discipline their kids By kneeling on rice Yeah So she said You can kneel On rice For 10 minutes or we take a break and you get the rest of these licks.

35:26Dag, that's just, that's commitment to the licks. And Raina was like, I'll take the rice. I'll take the rice. And I was like, I just knew, I was like, if only I knew that I should have just got the rest of the licks. Like you could have been finished. I might still have rice imprints in my knees. I felt so bad for you. Oh my God. How about your mother researching Asian punishment? You know, I mean, it's like that. A teacher. It's just like, let me find some really good stuff. I like that don't work. Right, right. So was it effective? Did you clean up your mess? Oh, yes. I did once I could walk.

36:08Okay, yes. I needed a minute to compose myself. So now you all have been in this business for so long. I'd like to hear from you. What are some of your favorite projects that you've worked on? Can you say that or is it too hard? Oh, no. I want to hear that. Please say boom dogs. Please say boom dogs. You're not sacked. As an actress or as producers or director, because it's a... I'd like to hear the whole gamut. Yes, I'd like to hear the whole gamut. I always say my favorite project is the one I'm working on now because we've been blessed to have done so much that some things I don't even remember.

36:55So it is tough. I can tell you the things that people the most talk to me about that they've loved is Boondocks. That's like at the top. Watchmen. That is Barack Obama's favorite. Is it really? It is, yes. Oh, wow. He loves that. And I guess somewhere between 227, Boys in the Hood, and then Jerry Maguire. What about you, Raina? It would be Scrooge. just because, I mean, Richard Donner, the director, those were like, that was a Matt and Alphie Woodard. That was Carol Kane. I mean, it was a master class, like I said, for a very young girl. I'm Richard Donner. So I have a thing with socks. Okay. I love socks and I like new socks.

38:11If I could wear a new pair of socks, 365 days a year. How many socks do you own? I have a lot. I actually had to buy order online these little square boxes that have like, you know, 24 compartments and they're stacked. I've got short ones, long ones, thick ones, anklets. I love taking new ones out of the package and I got that from Richard Donner. Oh my gosh. He always had on a new pair of socks and he would donate because he would wear socks once and donate it. And I'm like, I just want a different pair of socks. I'm going to have a sock collection. Exactly. You didn't want cars. Raina didn't want cars.

38:57She wanted socks. I wanted socks. Designer socks. When I wash socks, I'll look at her and I'm like, yeah, it's just time. If I get three wears out of a sock, It's like, no, no, no. We are done. On to the next. I find other uses. You use them like the dust. The duster, dusty windowsills, you know, rags. I actually. That new sock smell. Nothing like it. Nothing like it. Coming out of the package. That sounded. I miss it. Is that right? But it is so right. You are so right. When it arrives, you're just like. Yes. Exactly. I have made it. Exactly. So yeah, I would say as an actress would be, and to sleep with anger just because Danny Glover, that was a bit of a masterclass too.

39:54And then as a producer, that's hard. I would just surely only because it was something that we had been fighting to do for a decade.

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44:22Here at IMO, we also like to take a listener question to give our humble opinions on. And the one we have here is particularly ripe for that sibling dynamic we've been talking about. Hello, Michelle and Craig. I'd love your advice. I want to build a better relationship with my younger sister. but we're 27 years apart in age. She's 10 and I have a 6-year-old who is one of her best friends. I feel lucky that I grew up with my older brother. We had that typical sibling relationship and he's been the one constant process in my life. I want my sister to have that same sense of connection but it's harder for her because everyone around her is older and those who are closer in age to her are really her nieces and nephews.

45:11We're also very different. When I was her age, I was more of a tomboy looking up to my brother while she's girly, loves makeup, and is already on social media. The tricky part is my dad and stepmom are older, so they don't really know how to set limits. For example, they let her join TikTok with no parental controls, and it's hard to even explain those things to them. Sometimes my brother and I try to guide them, but I don't want to cross the line into parenting her myself. So my question is, how do I build a stronger sister relationship with her while still respecting boundaries and not slipping into that parent role?

45:5027 years. Well, Helen, I think that ship has sailed. I mean, if I'm being completely honest, I mean, 27 years. I mean, I think that the best you can do is remember that relationship and those things between her and her brother, those sibling things, and try to encourage that with her son and her sister because they're four years apart. So they actually are more like siblings. I just don't think that you should be trying to be the sister. I mean, you are the big sister, but you are in so many... And I mean, Craig and I can attest to this. In a lot of ways, even when you are the eldest, you do have some moments where you are kind of like, not the parent, but you're making the decision for both of y 'all, you know?

47:02And so, I just don't know that it's actually possible to try to not feel that bit of parental responsibility with a sibling that's 27 years younger. But you can try. You can try. You can be sympathetic to it. You can be sympathetic, but you know, what are those things? She said 10 years old? She said 10? I think she's 10. She's 10. On TikTok. So 27 years in front. Yeah. So, yeah, I was going to say what those things that a 10 or 11 year old are into or might want to do and experience, how you can experience that with them in more of a sisterly fashion opposed to a motherly fashion. I think maybe also a conversation with her parents or their parents is necessary because she's being 37.

48:07It sounds like from what Helen said is that she's much more aware of the dangers of being exposed online. in a way that an older set of parents can't. Don't think of yourself as a sister. Don't think of yourself as a mother. Think of yourself more of the auntie. That middle ground. Because the auntie is, the auntie helps. What do y 'all think? Well, I was going to have you start because you actually have kids with a pretty broad age range. Yeah, but it's 16. and 30. Yeah, well, so it's 13 and 30. 32. My oldest to my youngest. Your youngest, okay. So that's why I'm like, you're in it. Yeah, I'm in it.

49:06You're the old parents. The interesting thing with my kids are my younger kids have always viewed their older siblings as siblings. Even though they were 16-ish years older, they've always viewed them as siblings. Even now as adults, they are siblings. They treat each other like siblings. And it's a real cool dynamic. So the older ones never had to sort of be the parents because we were the parents. So they could take on that sibling role. And believe me, I have used the older kids to get certain messages across to the younger kids. Love that. Because as you all know, you get tired of hearing the same voice over and over again.

50:03Yeah. And my wife and I, they're tired of hearing us over and over again. So every now and then we'll be like, hey, talk to your little brothers. Same message, change the voice. Just change the voice. And surprisingly, it can be more effective. So did your kids spend time in the house together? So really our daughter, who is 29, was in high school. Was just going into high school when our two younger ones were born. So they spent some time. Now the older one had gone away to prep school and then to college. So he didn't spend much time in the house with him, but our daughter did. And as a result, those two always viewed her as the conquering hero of the family.

50:54It's been really interesting. And she was a basketball player. Well, so was Avery, too. Avery was, too, but they never got to see her play. Right, right. But they had those common interests, which Helen is saying they don't have. She has no connection other than blood. Never lived together. Yeah. So it just feels hard. It feels forced. That's the word I think I was going to write down. You don't want it to feel forced because it won't work for either one, especially the 10-year-old. I think this is where the typical family construct, the titles, the names, they don't apply, right? So biologically, yes, you were sisters.

51:46But I think Helen would be helped if she thought about the village, right? And that she is a part of the village. And what does it matter what you're called? You're a part of the village, right? Because it takes a village. And, you know, in our family, we had aunts and uncles that were 10 years older than us, right? They were the younger siblings of our father. And they are 10, 12 years older than us. They felt like brothers and sisters when we were younger, right? It didn't really matter what the title was. It's the thinking about everybody circling as a village to support the kid. Right. Right.

52:40And that the relationship has to look a certain way. Like you're right. The ship has sailed on a sisterly relationship between a 37-year-old and a 10-year-old. You've had different experiences. You're not sitting and coloring. You're not. And that's okay. I do feel like one of the things that's really cool in Helen's situation is that she has a six-year-old. And, you know, I'm guessing we don't hear, we didn't get the breakdown of their entire family dynamic. But it sounds like the 10-year-old is the last child of the parents. And we don't know whether it's a step-parent. Of a step-parent. Or their state.

53:23Or what that is. Right. But a six-year-old's have a 10-year-old aunt. but it's kind of cool because that is like a sister you know what I mean and I think that there's a blessing in that you know in having and especially you know being a girl you like being the big sister giving her opportunities to feel like she's the she's not the baby she's the you know I don't know again I don't know their dynamics Yeah, I think that makes sense. It's like, you know, thinking about things like instead of Helen trying to force the relationship, it's like, what ways can you integrate your younger sister into your life that makes sense?

54:13Because you can't come in with a place of, I'm going to tell you about yourself. Like, you can't come in as the parent, right? And so that should free Helen up to be like, well, maybe I'll just be someone in her life that she knows and trusts. Right. If she's thinking along those lines, that takes the burden off of let me fix this. If she can just get to the place where her little sister enjoys her. Right.

54:48You know, whatever you're focused on right now, work, family, big goals, there's never a perfect time to feel your best. There's just right now. AG1 has honestly been the easiest, most impactful habit I've added this year. Real sustainable health isn't about perfection. It's about consistency. And AG1 keeps it simple. Multivitamin, pre and probiotics, superfoods, antioxidants, all in one scoop. And AG1 is the opposite of complicated. One scoop, eight ounces of water, about 20 seconds. I drink mine first thing in the morning before coffee, before the phone. It's become this little micro habit that sets up the whole day.

55:34And the new next gen formula has more vitamins and minerals than ever. Clinically proven to help fill common nutrient gaps. I use this every single day and you should too. They've got original, citrus, berry, and tropical. And I'm an original and citrus guy myself. AG1 has over 50 ,000 verified five-star reviews and comes with a 90-day money-back guarantee. Go to drinkag1.com slash IMO to get their best offer. For a limited time only, get a free AG1 duffel bag and a free AG1 welcome kit with your first subscription order. Only while supplies last. That's drinkag1.com slash IMO, drinkag1.com slash IMO.

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57:19All right, so here's what I'm hearing from the three of you for Helen. Ship has sailed. That's definite. We all agree on that. But drop the labels. Yeah. And be present. But don't parent. Okay, little Mr. Summarization. I mean. All right. I'm getting good at this. I see. That's the best one. I see. That is the best one. I am old. I get a friend of mine. Now I am. No, so one more thing, because we wanted to talk about me and you. Yeah. So special on so many different levels. And so in preparation to talk about me and you, I went online to order myself some orange wine. And the bad news is it was sold out.

58:16But the good news is it was sold out. That's great. Fantastic. But we were able to track something down. We're going to do our own. Me and you. We got this. Look what we got. Syrah. We got the Syrah. We got the Syrah. This is at the end of our day, so I might just... This is a new strategy. So we have never had wine on IMO. Thank you. Wow. So I want you to tell us about B &U, and then we will toast. Yeah, okay.

59:02thank you, first of all. We got tissue right here, mama. Yes, you still have some right next to you. That's okay. Keep that close. Yeah. I mean, this, I've never gotten a chance to say, I want to say publicly to Malia and Sasha for being great friends of Ian's. You know, we didn't even know. We didn't know. We didn't know. You didn't know they were friends. That's what Mish said. And Ian's cooking dinner. And he's telling me he's cooking dinner from Sasha, I think, first it was. So I'm just thinking it's some girl named Sasha. Which it was. That his friend is dating. That his friend is dating.

59:50And so this feels like it's beautiful to be able to be sharing a bottle of Ian's wine with you all and my sister. This came from just trying to find ways to, you hear people talk about what their kids are doing and, you know, Ian and I, our memories kind of stopped for a bit. And so trying to find ways to create new memories with Ian. And Ian introduced me to so many things. And one thing, and Malia and Sasha will tell you this, when Ian discovers something, he wants to share it and he wants to tell you all about it, you know, with just everything. And you may not even like it, but you'd be like, you know what it is, this might be something here.

1:00:52And it kind of came to me that, Ian, we're going to make a wine. And so this journey started from him introducing me to orange wine. I remember the moment at a restaurant called Kismet. How about that? And to shorten the story, we came up with this label from, I was going through one of his journals and trying to find what, just trying to find little messages from him, you know, and saw this little M that he had drawn real small. And I was like, that M, it should be the M from me and you. And so that M is the beginning of that. So I had an artist who is an amazing artist who created the album covers for Fleetwood Mac, the Thriller album cover.

1:01:56So I know that was Ian. Like, yeah, look who's doing my life. And he created a font from Ian's M. And so that's how we landed there because Ian is an artist of all different modalities. And so it felt like I wanted it to be a canvas. And that's how we came up with the brushstroke and splatters. Because a lot of his artwork has splatters. He liked to do that on his art. And so I said I was going to make a long story short. No, take your time. This is wonderful. Make a long story longer. I'll make a long story longer. It's worthy of, it should be a long story. And the orange wine sold out. and I don't know what I was expecting, but I knew that, okay, well, we need to continue on and how do you continue in this social space knowing that we're going to make more wine, but wine takes time.

1:03:04You can't brush those grapes. You can't brush those grapes. That's the beauty of wine. And so I came across this Syrah, a taste of the Syrah. my winemaker let me taste it. And I tasted it for the first time with Raina. And I was kind of concerned, like, you know, people know this brand so far with the orange wine. We still haven't reached everyone. But this Syrah is really beautiful. And Raina was like, my nephew would want this. And so we ended up doing a holiday release. And it kind of serves as a way for us to have Ian as an embodiment of some ways of all of those joyous things about Ian during the holidays.

1:04:03So it felt appropriate for the Syrah to come out during the holidays. you know, Malia and Sasha met Ian at sort of the beginning of their lives here in LA. You know, and it's a scary time for a mother to send your kids off. I was grateful that they were living together. But, you know, when you know your children are in a place, in a new place is when they have community, you know, and our girls are good community builders, but you don't know. I mean, they're who they are and it's LA and who are these people? And your son, your nephew, was that first bright light of connection for them here. They spoke to us so glowingly about all the things that you know that are special about him.

1:05:07You know, his creative mind, his openness, you know, the way he makes people feel special and seen. I want to, I think we talked briefly at the CAA conference, you know, but we were in the middle of a thing. And I just wanted to, you know, tell you that his spirit is here with us. I know you all feel it. You know, we feel it. I didn't get a chance to meet him, but I feel like I'm meeting him all the time. And I just am grateful to you for raising a young man that provided that space for my girls. Thank you. And we are honored to... Love that. To toast to Ian. To Ian. to community to sisterhood to sisterhood to brotherhood this is this has been a beautiful conversation you guys you are amazing and everybody me and you hold on we'll let you know IMO to me and you this is I love a red oh yeah thank you thank you so much for being here we could talk to you guys awesome you know I mean we're building family here so it's like you know we're just gonna keep crossing paths yeah we were we were we are intertwined trying I mean our paths were crossing before we even knew that they were that's right you know with the the the things the spirits that are the most near and dear to us.

1:07:04We're connecting us.