American Grift Story

27:06Carmen L. D. C. Lam:It is genuinely and this is a bipartisan opinion. It's genuinely so fucking boring. So I watched it. I started it. I'm just going to run through a couple of things I noted.

27:19Jodi Sweitzer:Oh, I'm so excited.

27:20Carmen L. D. C. Lam:One, it's not a documentary. It's completely scripted. It opens with like eight to nine minutes of music playing and her just walking. This is about the whole movie is her sitting in cars, driving, trying on outfits and photo shoots, right? Not a lot of talking. And so it opens with the song, Gimme Shelter by the Rolling Stones. And this stood out to me because at one point I was listening to the lyrics and it's about like death and destruction in the Vietnam War. Yeah. And I I look at the captions that are playing the lyrics and it's her, there's a bobblehead of Trump, rape, murder, yeah. And I just thought - Irony is so lost on these people.

28:09Carmen L. D. C. Lam:So lost. That couldn't have been such an easy fix. It has to be on purpose. The opening song to your documentary is this, rape, murder, it's just a shot away, rape, murder, yeah. So I thought that was a choice. For sure. And then the other thing I noticed, there's no plot at all. It covers about three days that they stretch into an hour 44, like leading up to the inauguration. The whole thing's fake. It's three days and it's so drug out. I mean, it's hard to watch. It's super fake. And you have to watch her hold Donald Trump's hand quite a bit. And you know she hates holding his hand. We've seen her.

28:53The one thing they could not fake is they make it known that they sleep in separate beds.

29:00Carmen L. D. C. Lam:Like he says goodnight, he goes into this bedroom, she goes into that. So I thought through all the fakeness, they couldn't just fake that for the documentary. That was her line. Right.

29:10Jodi Sweitzer:She did not let people think. Let me just add something here. If there was a documentary about Michelle Obama or Barack Obama and they didn't sleep in the same bed, Fox News would go fucking life support ICU mental institution quote unquote insane asylum Hannibal Lecter shit to quote their leader they would lose their fucking oh so their marriage is a sham so traditional marriage I mean they would go fucking bananas and this is just such a minor point like I don't give a fuck if they sleep in the same bed I don't care if the president goes golfing. I don't care if the president goes on vacations.

29:51Jodi Sweitzer:Both sides take care, participate in all of that. I'm not wound up about the East Wing that much. I don't really give a fuck about the ballroom. I care about the shit that impacts people's lives. But Fox, they care about all that shit, all of it. And if a Democrat tore down the East Wing, goes golfing, does all the shit that the Trumps do, they lose their mind, but they're so biased and they're such cultists. They can't call it out. They can't call balls and strikes. They can only call it on one side. And I don't really give a shit about that stuff. I wouldn't care if the president had a girlfriend.

30:31Jodi Sweitzer:I don't care about that shit. I care about their policy and their leadership more than I do all of the superficial shit, but that's something Fox would lose their minds about. and a lot of people when they get super old like him i mean like i remember my grandparents towards the end they didn't share us the same bedroom i didn't think anything about it but i mean we have to remember he's 80 years old and they say he poops in a diaper that's so fucking gross can you imagine and like you've pointed out jennifer he eats in bed i mean i can't imagine

31:07Carmen L. D. C. Lam:okay i went to the internet to see what some other people thought after they watched the movie and so i've got a couple reviews of the movie that people left this one is five stars i watched this as a form of self-harm this person wrote this isn't mine but they saw a review that said so bad Governor Abbott walked out.

31:38Carmen L. D. C. Lam:Five stars this person reviews. I honestly didn't watch this, but I don't want to be deported, which I saw a lot of those. McLovin writes, one of the best depictions of prostitution in cinema, which it was. Yeah. And the last one someone wrote, if I was on an airplane flight and Melania was the in-flight movie, I would walk out of the theater.

32:03Jodi Sweitzer:The internet's funny sometimes. Here's what's so gross about this whole thing is this is Jeff Bezos who spiked the endorsement of Kamala Harris in the Washington Post. There was a concerted effort by these oligarchs to rally around this man who is dismantling the American economy, dismantling the court system, dismantling any form of democracy that we have. because they want to be wealthier, because he wants to have, you know, blue origins or whatever the fuck beyond Amazon. Like, can you not just say, okay, I'm pretty successful. I'm the world's largest retailer and I don't own a retail store and call it a day, go bang Lauren Sanchez as much as you want to have fun, go crush it.

32:51Jodi Sweitzer:But to not have any, and then you, you have to give him a$40 million documentary for his talentless lying wife. And I just want somebody to talk about the fact that everybody knows she doesn't speak seven languages.

33:10Carmen L. D. C. Lam:It's so true. Okay. There's a scene where she's talking to Bridget McCrone and they're discussing Be Best. Be Best was kind of a big part of this. The Be Best. The be best. And Melania's talking English on the Zoom. Then Bridget responds in all French. And Melania's nodding like she understands. And then she responds in English. And I thought what you you would respond in French. I knew it.

33:37Jodi Sweitzer:I knew it. Is Candace Owens on that yet? I'll check. Because that to me is great content for her. Yeah. Melania talking to Bridget McCrone in some sort of coded, one speaking in French, the other speaking in English. Melania is supposed to speak seven languages. Did Israel unteach her how to speak French? What's going on here? Did Charlie Kirk have something to do with this? What about the French Legionnaires? Or is the trans community attacking Melania's brain where she's unable to speak French any longer? I mean, this is an episode for Candace. We need Bride of Trump series. Oh, for sure. Okay.

34:16Jodi Sweitzer:Kylie question. Were they telling you, like, were they putting subtitles on what Bridget McCrone was saying?

34:23Carmen L. D. C. Lam:Yeah, for us, I had subtitles on. What Anna, my girlfriend, and I think is that there was a producer off camera telling her what Bridget said and translating it.

34:33Jodi Sweitzer:Of course. Yeah. So she, did you ever hear her speak any other language besides English. Not one. This has been their big pitch. Melania is this international woman, a mystery. She speaks seven languages. The truth of the matter is we found out it sounds like she was an Eastern European child that Jeffrey Epstein turned into a call girl. And then she was passed around Epstein's inner circle until Trump finally landed on her and then decided he would keeper and then they had to build up this einstein visa bullshit and she's this whole seven language stuff has been a lie a compulsive lie forever and again i'm not the one that cares about this shit that much but if if if the claim was made an extraordinary claim somebody speaks seven languages and i know that the people in smaller european countries do and i'm envious and i'm real proud of you guys yeah but because i only speak one but if it was claimed that Hillary Clinton, Kamala Harris, Michelle Obama spoke seven languages, and then you never heard them speak the other language, they would lose their mind.

35:45Jodi Sweitzer:Likewise, I will never forget this as long as I live. When John Kerry was running for president against George W. Bush, he speaks fluent French. So he is at some event speaking to French people in fluent, gorgeous French, because I think French is just such an audibly gorgeous language. Fox News lost their fucking mind because he was bilingual and so these people believe in nothing and they're compulsive liars and they hate dogs on top of the murder the war crimes and all of the horrible things that are incredibly depressing to talk about that we talk about on ihip news all the time i'm trying to keep this one a little bit lighter trying to keep this podcast a wee bit lighter but on top of all the fuckery and war crimes.

36:28Jodi Sweitzer:They're just pathological liars, provable pathological liars.

36:34Carmen L. D. C. Lam:And allegedly Marco Rubio was speaking recently and you could hear him turn to Trump and ask if and ask permission to speak Spanish. What? I haven't seen that clip myself, but someone, a listener DM'd us that. I'll go look into that. But because they brag about Melania having seven languages they hate people that can speak different languages right she's also stupid

36:58Jodi Sweitzer:i think it's hexath who just said he got up on stage with trump and he said i speak american which is not a language he is he went to harvard it's intentional stupidity it is it is a stick that they play. It is a, I'm going to be, I'm going to play stupid maggot for the day. Oh, gee, I speak American so I can speak to the rubes. It's just all such a fucking con from start to finish.

37:31Carmen L. D. C. Lam:Okay. Do we want to in the episode on a couple of voice memos? Yes. Yes. Okay. Up first, I've got one from Jake. I have had it with Manosphere, Babies, Fitness Bros, Gym Bros, co-opting the fitness space into some Republican little hate verse, which it is not.

37:52Jodi Sweitzer:The gym is a very welcoming, inclusive place. There are plenty of us out here who vote blue, who love our families, who love our wives,

38:00Carmen L. D. C. Lam:and like to work out so we can look good for our lovely wives. And I just think that the space has been perverted and I have had it with that hateful bullshit that doesn't belong in the gym.

38:12Jodi Sweitzer:Well, well, well. Is that a heterosexual male listener? Did you hear that? Oh, my gosh. I just put that together. I was going straight to the gym. Do you hear that? Yes. Very heterosexual. Real men listen to I've had it. True. Secure, true alpha males. Interesting, interesting, interesting. He brings up a very good point. That RFK Jr. has taken over that space. And the whole Maha thing is just so fucking weird. Like you're so into health, but you also are anti-science. because everything that they are doing is because of the study of science, working out, increasing your heart rate, interval training, weightlifting to live, you know, for longevity.

39:06Jodi Sweitzer:But I really appreciate that listener. Kylie, what was that man's name?

39:11Carmen L. D. C. Lam:That was Jake.

39:13Jodi Sweitzer:Jake. I really appreciate Jake. And Jake, I will tell you this. I've noticed on Instagram that my own husband has turned into quite a gym influencer and here's what happens so his trainer makes these videos of josh working out and it's like always to like really bad like white people rock music right and so roman my youngest son was on instagram and the algorithm served up a fitness video that Josh's trainer made of him exercising. It was cut. It was edited. It was put to music. Josh is doing like chin ups and pushups and like burpees and all of this stuff. My, our youngest son immediately sends it to the family.

40:03Jodi Sweitzer:I immediately open it up and share it on my Instagram story, my husband, the gym influencer. And so I, I appreciate this because my husband's a part of your movement. He loves the gym. It's a huge part of his life. It's a huge part of his recovery from drug addiction, like doing something good for your body. And he's a much happier person when he works out and he has a wonderful experience at the gym. And so this, in the aftermath of all of the MAGA fuckery, this is something we can actively start reclaiming now, but i just appreciate you jake and um i appreciate i want to have more visibility of non-maga straight men i agree we they need to be more visible in calling out the other whites just like pumps and i are trying to call out the white women um see kylie you really don't have a problem with the lessees they're pretty locked in to the cause there's a few but yeah there's you here's the thing about lesbians and i've said this a lot there's a real fine line between cowgirls and lesbians when you get out to rural oklahoma it's it's tricky it's hard to tell you grew up in rural oklahoma yeah cowgirl country literally literally um it's a weird thing.

41:31Carmen L. D. C. Lam:And I think in the Bible Belt, I'm trying not to sound like an asshole. Please do. Please do sound like an asshole. There's not a ton of gay culture, right? You're a little bit deprived of it. And so style is not something you're surrounded by, you know, in gay style. And so I think there's quite a lack of it. And I think there's a really confusing thing for people that they go through. They don't know what to look like when they realize they're gay. And there's a lot of cowgirl culture. I just think there's a weird mix. And my girlfriend and I have really noticed out on the coast how attractive and well-dressed and not cowgirl-like the gays are out here.

42:19Jodi Sweitzer:and that was okay i want to jump back to something here that you just said which i think it'd be really interesting for the listener to dive into with you and you said you don't know how to dress once you realize you're gay right explain that i think like me personally and i think a lot of

42:37Carmen L. D. C. Lam:people you like i was wearing chevron i was wearing chunky jewelry i was wearing dresses

42:41Jodi Sweitzer:because i was in a sorority you were conforming you were conforming to what you thought yeah you

42:47Carmen L. D. C. Lam:You don't figure out your style yet because you haven't even figured out your sexuality. So once you have that epiphany, you're kind of like, well, I want people to know. Like, now I want to fit into that community. And so you start to try to dress. And sometimes it goes really bad until you figure it out. And hopefully you do figure it out. Some don't.

43:08Jodi Sweitzer:Who was your first crush on a girl? What age and who was the person? Like real life girl? just whether it was somebody in a movie or real life like when was the first like real like you felt like oh I really really like this person and it was kind of like how pumps feels about that one girl pumps who is it what's her name Gabrielle Union yeah like yeah when was your first uh uh crush like pumps has on Gabrielle Union okay in hindsight I was a very big Gaga fan and I just

43:43Carmen L. D. C. Lam:thought because I liked her artistry and her music it's a very gay thing you gravitate towards that so that was a super gay fandom I had um and then celebrity wise like Cara Delevingne do you guys know who that is yeah we saw her at the GLAAD Awards we saw her at the GLAAD Awards and I also

44:03Jodi Sweitzer:follow her sister Poppy Delevingne I think they're both fashion icons I love both Cara and Poppy and nobody ever talks about poppy but she is not a bit as gorgeous and her sense of style and is right up there with carolyn beset oh yeah which i've got i had it in new york everybody's

44:26Carmen L. D. C. Lam:obsessed with carolyn beset and now everybody's trying to dress like jfk and carolyn beset instead of having their own style it's everywhere it's like covid spreading i went to on sunday i I went to the John F.

44:40Jodi Sweitzer:Kennedy Jr. lookalike contest. You went? Yes. So let me just tell you and the listener this before we take the next caller, because this is worthy. So Jonathan Van Ness of Queer Eye fame and his husband, Mark, my son's girlfriend, Sydney, and liberal progressive YouTube influencer, Jack Cocherella. What happened is I made plans with three different people. I forgot Sydney was coming to New York. I forgot that JV Ann and I texted that we were going to have a Sunday fun day. And then I made plans with Jack, uh, Cochorella, Cochorella to go to brunch. So then I'm like, Oh fuck Saturday night. So I just sent out a text.

45:21Jodi Sweitzer:Hey, everybody, we're all going to go to this JFK Jr. Lookalike contest together. Jack expand the brunch reservation. This and everybody just went along with it. Worked out perfectly. I love that. I had like a sundowner moment, totally fixed it, right? Fixed the whole thing. So Jack Cacciarella comes to my apartment first and we start walking towards Washington Square Park and we're walking down Fifth Avenue and we can hear this like rally, like a protest. He's like, oh, I said, oh my God, it's a protest. We got to hop in it. He goes, what are they protesting? I said, I don't know. And they're probably like four of the short blocks down Fifth Avenue.

45:57Jodi Sweitzer:And as we get closer, I see Iranian flags, American flags, Israeli flags, and then big posters that say, thank you, President Trump. And I was like, well, I'm not including myself into this protest at all. This looks like a really fucked up protest and I want no part of it. So we power walked past them and I looked at Jack and Sidney because we were going to meet JVN and his husband under the arch at Washington Square Park. And so we power walk down and I said, I'm telling you, these protesters are going to fuck up this JFK Jr. thing. They are going to ambush us. They are going to fuck it up. He's like, no, they'll probably break up by then.

46:39Jodi Sweitzer:Right. So we get to the contest. I see all the people, the JFK Jr. lookalike people. It's very exciting. There were some gay treats there. There was a black treat there. So people were coming up to me going, I didn't think I'd see you at the JFK Jr. lookalike contest. I was like, I'm totally, I love stupid shit like this. So meet up with JVN who like had done his hair. He fixed, this is just an aside. He'd fixed his hair like super curly. And he walks in and he goes, I'm sorry. I look like Lionel Richie today.

47:12Jodi Sweitzer:Okay. So we're in it and we're like trying to peek out and look at the, at the JFK juniors. And there's girls dressed like Carolyn, just harmless, finds a gorgeous day, like 65 degrees, no wind, gorgeous weather. And there's nothing more intoxicating than a gorgeous day in New York City. So just as I predicted, the freak show, we love Donald Trump, weird pro-war protests. And listen, to any Iranian listeners, I understand that your country is not a Mali. I do not think Donald Trump is coming to save Iranians. All right. So anybody who says, thank you, Donald Trump for anything, it's just a red flag in my book.

47:57Jodi Sweitzer:This is not a foreign policy podcast. We're just not going to get into that. So if I hurt anybody's feelings or whatever, just stick to the story. So of course, these fuckers come down with their thank you, President Trump. And they've got whistles. And I looked at everybody, I fucking told you they were going to do it. I knew they were going ambushed this competition so i never got to find out who won so jvn's like oh my god oh my god these people are terrifying so we go out around washington square park and we finally get away from all of them so i have no idea who won but i went to the contest before it was ambushed by um the iranian maga movement let's make iran great again i'm surprised lindsey fucking graham wasn't there that old queen god all right let's do another caller sorry that was it but i thought that was really fun for the listener i think that's cool that you went there thank you were the guys were

48:50Carmen L. D. C. Lam:the guys hot and did that's what i was gonna ask yeah they were all super cute and then all the

48:54Jodi Sweitzer:girls that were there watching it there was way more girls there than there was guys which i thought was really darling and so probably like from early 20s to like early 30s and they were all dressed super cute and they all wanted to get a gander at the hot single guys. I don't know. I just thought, I thought the whole thing was just darling. I loved it. I wish I knew who won, but it was, I was served this on my, uh, Instagram for you page. Like there's going to be this event. And so when I was making plans with everybody, not realizing I was, it all worked out. Everybody was a hundred percent on going to the JFK junior lookalike contest.

49:35Jodi Sweitzer:It was a great day. It was a great day for everybody except for the JFK Jr. lookalike people that got ambushed by the Iranian MAGA protest. You just can't have anything, everything. Supporters, Iranian MAGA supporters. All right, everyone, shopping for clothes is just sometimes not easy nor fun. We're supposed to think it is, and you just want to feel confident in your clothes. And sometimes you go out shopping and you cannot find anything. And if you ever wish that someone would just tell you what to wear. Well, I do. I'm just too busy to shop anymore, but I still want to look good. And that's why I love and use Stitch Fix.

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53:02Carmen L. D. C. Lam:Okay, we're going to take a call from Michael. Hey, Jennifer.

53:07Jodi Sweitzer:Hey, Pumps. Hey, Kylie. This is Michael and Gaytriot here reporting for duty. I just first wanted to say that Jen and Pumps have been huge fans of yours since the Sweet Home Oklahoma days. I think it's time for a reboot, for sure. Cut short too soon. And yeah, they keep rebooting stupid shit that doesn't need to be rebooted or wasn't even good the first time. That's it. That's what I've had it for another day. But what I've had it with these days and today is unfortunately one of my favorite artists or former favorite artists, Nicki Minaj. She has absolutely jumped the shark, if you will, and is simping the Republican Party and Donald Trump allegedly to curry favor to gain a part in for her husband's crimes, which I guess tracks to me.

53:45Jodi Sweitzer:But now every time she comes on my shuffle, I unfortunately have to skip. She's, yeah, I just can't support that anymore. Seeing her on stage with Erica Kirk calling Donald Trump an assassin as a, I guess, compliment, just, yeah, broke my heart. And now I'm also sort of paranoid that, oh, my other girlies, my pop girlies, my rap girlies, I'm worried what their politics are. Is anyone safe these days? Who is confirmed, you know, safe or who might be lurking in the MAGA corners. I don't know. And now it's really sort of contributed to this paranoia that I have that I'm going to find out that one of my favorite artists tomorrow is going to come out and support MAGA.

54:22Jodi Sweitzer:And I just don't know what to do anymore. So fair. This has happened to me, not with Nicki Minaj, but I watch a bunch of sports podcasts, and this guy I really like. And I found out he's pro-Trump, and I had to unsubscribe. Like you just have you. This movement has shown you just cannot be safe with people. The people you least expect are the most morally bankrupt, as it turns out. Yeah. Yeah, it's it's it's pretty gross that after what everybody has seen this far, whether it's Nicki Minaj. And I think obviously the caller alluded to her wanting to get some sort of pardon for some pedophile or something, which is just, you know, it's perfect for MAGA.

55:16Jodi Sweitzer:But the thing about sports, and we talk about this a lot, pumps, there's just no excuse. Like that people that are into sports need to be the biggest proponents on the front lines of civil rights and of speaking out and making sure they are good stewards for anti-black racism. And I think that if we ever get past this, that black athletes should organize and just start canceling the shit out of commentators, podcasters that supported this regime, but then profit off of sports that are dominated by African-Americans because it's gross. and exploitation of black people is just so cooked into American culture.

56:06Jodi Sweitzer:People think, oh, this guy can entertain me, but he can't have a political opinion. And I just think it's really super duper, duper gross. So gross. Awful. Okay. The last one today is going to be from Emily. Hi, Lee.

56:24Carmen L. D. C. Lam:My name's Emily. I'm from North Carolina. I wanted to call in just to share a nickname that I've come up with in the last couple of weeks or so. I'm listening to I've had it in IHIP. I think that we should call this Trump regime the United Cucks of America. And I say that because they're so happy to sit in the corner of the country in Washington, D.C. and watch their policies absolutely fuck the American people. So, yeah, I love that little nickname. I thought that y 'all would like it. I think that I was channeling my inner Jennifer Welch when it came to me. But I love y 'all and I wish you the best.

57:07Thanks, Emily.

57:08Jodi Sweitzer:Emily, I totally agree. They are cucks, all of them. That's a great word I forget about. And you know that, I mean, here's the thing. They're all cucks. And if we really had some sort of patriot in this country, this to me would be one of the most patriotic acts the tech industry could do to atone for their capitulation to Donald Trump. if let's say somebody that works at Palantir or Google or Apple were to hack into, and this is just hypothetical. So everybody calm down. All right. If they were to hack into Lindsey Graham, Ted Cruz, JD Vance, Josh Hawley, little Moses Mike Grinders phone. Okay.

58:00Jodi Sweitzer:And we We had search history. We had burner account access and they released all of this anonymously dumped it. And I also want Kanks's. Yeah, but he can't really get on the file. I think it's, I don't think hers would be that juicy. I think it would be of herself. She's got a boyfriend out there. She's texting. I don't, I think she's such an ice bitch. I don't even think she fucks, Poms. I just don't think that's something that, I don't even see her as like even wanting to do that. But I think that the biggest act of patriotism would be somebody, and I'm just saying this hypothetically, in a hypothetical situation that works for one of these companies, maybe not the CEO, but some patriot underneath with access to get all of this shit and then just release it.

59:00Jodi Sweitzer:Because here's the thing, you know, you know, it is a gold mine. We would pull, we would go live on I've Had It and pull it all lighter with paper clips and highlighters and flow charts and just fucking manic coverage, wall to wall. I would make Candace Owens go out of business. My mania surrounding the diagnosis and each little thing, each little spelling error would be so laser focused on this. I would live for this sort of patriotism. I want this information. Well, you know, we just heard like in the last week that it is confirmed that one of the doge goons, like under 25, He took every single bit of information about Americans through Social Security and put it on a floppy disk or I don't know what they're called nowadays.

59:55Jodi Sweitzer:But so, you know, that information is out there. And I would almost say it would fall under whistleblower protection. But go ahead and release it. You're covered because all of these people are committing crimes and they're fucked up. Because here's all you need to know about lying Ted Cruz. All right. on uh one of the anniversaries of 9 11 all right you know ted cruz is always like god bless donald trump god bless america support our troops you're jizzing on the flag and shit right lion ted cruz liked a porn tweet here's the thing for lion ted cruz i don't give a shit if you like porn, I don't, I genuinely don't care.

1:00:40Jodi Sweitzer:Little grinder, Moses, Mike, if little grinders out on grinder, I genuinely don't care. What bugs the shit out of me is the fucking hypocrisy. And then browbeating during the day and bullying something during the day that you fetishize at night. And that shit to me would be the ultimate reckoning of exposing little grinder Ted and all the others all the others that would be I think probably for me personally one of the more healing things one of the more spiritual things I could go through in my life is to see all their fucking shit that they do because you know so juicy I agree totally agree that's all we have please if you're watching us on YouTube make sure you have subscribed to this channel and we will see you next Tuesday and Thursday

1:01:36Jodi Sweitzer:I'll tell you what I've had it with. Let's hear it. I've had it with that. Listen up, patriots, gaytriots, and natriots. We have a new podcast that has dropped. It's called iHip News. It's Monday through Friday, every day, 15 to 20-minute hot takes on the political landscape of the United States of America, always served with a side of petty grievances. We are on all the available platforms, Apple, Spotify, Google, whatever you get your podcast and YouTube. Please go rate, subscribe and review so that we will chart upwards with America's greatest legal mind. Pumps, what does an eagle say? Caw-caw!

1:02:19Jodi Sweitzer:A little bit more enthusiasm. Caw-caw! That's it. That's the patriotism that this country needs right there.

1:02:32Thank you.