Big Feelings, Little Men

0:02So are we supposed to start the podcast? ready one two three patriots gay triots they triots black triots brown triots all the MAGA ice lovers hateful sociopaths that are trying to tear this country down can do what pumps fuck off I think I'm gonna start doing fuck off with the bird one yeah I like it I like it the ever evolving fuck off. Thomas, what have you had it with? Okay. What I've had it with is, well, let me set it up. I've had it with not being able to get my colors done all over the internet. Everyone I know is talking about how good their color is when they've had their colors done.

0:50What colors? You know, like they tell you, are you a spring? Are you a winter? Are you a fall? And if you're a spring, you wear these colors. And if you're a fall, you wear these colors. And I believe it works. I 100 % believe it works. I have emailed like six different people to do it. And I can't get anybody to email me back. The one girl that emailed me back was$550. And I was just like, that's too much. So what I've had it with are trends that I actually want to be a part of on social media. And I cannot be a part of it. So I hate being outside being cool when I'm at least trying a little bit.

1:32Okay. I have a lot to say about this. This is a resurrected thing from the 1980s. And there was a book called Color Me Beautiful. And my mother, Linda, was all about this. And you can go, I'm sure, onto eBay or somewhere and buy the book, Color Me Beautiful, and you can do your colors yourself. and this was before the smartphone devices when we would go shopping in the 80s which my mother would always would always go to the mall because she'd say well darling I like to get a little exercise too so we were always at the mall and she would have in her purse the color me beautiful book and so if I wanted to buy something she would I was a summer I am a summer and my mother would whip out the book and she'd go I'm sorry honey that's not your color because it had all of the colors on it.

2:19I think you're probably a spring. Just for my it's been years and years since I looked at color me beautiful book, but color me beautiful. World Wide Web. Okay, I'll just charge you 50 bucks, not the$550. That's fair. When it comes in. I'll even I'll sit down with you. I'll do your colors. But this is a resurrected stolen thing from the 1980s. Somebody's acting like they discovered. And I just want to shout out to my mom, Linda, who watches the pod trailblazer. Yeah. Because I had my colors done when I was just barely off the teat. I was in grade school and my mother diagnosed me as a summer. We went shopping accordingly and I bought the clothes accordingly, lived by it my whole life.

3:02All of these people catching on decades and decades later with these racket$550, you can't get an appointment. You can, I'll do it for you, pumps. We're going to order color. Thank you. I remember I knew that it had been recycled because I remember people knew what their colors were a long time ago, but I never had mine done. So I didn't know. So I'm not one bit shocked that Linda was on the cutting edge and thank you. I'll take you up on that. Yeah. Kylie, can you Google and find us an image of color me beautiful? The book is kind of, you know, my mother was an atheist. We don't really have the Bible in the house.

3:37color me beautiful was opened up all the time like a southern baptist goes to church she was she was all in on it uh vanity took a front row seat at the uh at the household growing up i'm kind of jealous you've had it your whole life because i'm kind of afraid what my closet's going to be like everything in my closet is going to be the wrong color here's the deal too like i also just sometimes hold something up when I'm in a store. And if I think it looks good on me, that's all I cared. It might not have been my color, but you know, all this shit's a record. There it is. That's colorful. Beautiful.

4:16Carol Jackson. That was the Bible in my house. This book went with us everywhere. Everywhere. This book went with us. That is it. Discover your natural beauty through the colors that make you look great and feel fabulous whatever your style mood you'll glow in your thirsty special colors color me beautiful this was it this was this was the bible while you were going to bible study talking about hell and demons torturing you this is what my mom and i were doing and just feeding that feeding capitalism my mother and i were not doing premarital sex no i was saying i was talking about premarital sex while you were doing colors.

4:58Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. All right. Um, let me tell you what I've had it with. Um, moderates. I've done this before, but I think it's time to resurrect it. It's time. Just like somebody who right now is like, you know, I think both sides just crazy. I'm just down the middle. I just want something normal. And I'm like, okay, number one, quit being a pussy. Number two, pick a side. Number three, stand for something. And number four, quit contributing to this narrative of this being a fault of allowing this to be a false equivalency, giving a permission structure. Because this is not wanting equality for all is not parallel with what they're doing right now.

5:45Those are not two different sides. One side wants equality for people, um, embraces multiculturalism, embraces, uh, economic development, wants everybody to pay their fair share in taxes. Another side is for recreational cruelty, sucking up to billionaires, lying and saying immigrants are taking your jobs while the, it's really the billionaires that are making all the mass firings and replacing everybody's jobs with robots. And so it's just like, this is not the time to try to pretend like you're this reasonable, rational person, because any stance that isn't, I oppose this regime with everything in me is irrational and unreasonable.

6:26There is no, like, I think the whole idea of like moderate is something that's like made up to try to placate to conservatives, like, because it still has so much footing in conservative politics, being a moderate does. and instead then it branches like people who care about equality as somehow that's some radical thing or income inequality like caring about that as a radical thing um saying that billionaires need to pay a billionaire tax which will affect their life zero percent and then they all act like they are oppressed victims and then you've got people that are like i love capitalism but they have zero capital to defend these billionaires.

7:13Right. You know what I mean? Somebody who's making like 50, 60 grand a year is like going to go to bat to make sure that some asshole billionaire named Peter Thiel, who's an evil demon queen, who has a side hustle of giving lectures about the Antichrist, doesn't pay more in taxes. And here's the thing, it won't affect his life at all. If he paid more in taxes, it would affect, it would do so much goodness for our country. But it's just crazy i've had i've had it with them i completely agree i just want to just for our newer listeners that haven't been in since the jump i want to tell a funny story about one of our live shows one time in the podcast jennifer got a review that called her a centrist she doesn't get you can call her anything on the planet she doesn't give a shit but no zero fucks to give this review called her a centrist.

8:10And I mean, she was fired up matter for months. For months. For months. I couldn't let it go. Fast forward to a live show in Memphis, Tennessee. I'll never forget it. And two of our gay triads. Huh? Nashville. Oh, what'd I say? We haven't done it. We haven't, have we done a live show in Memphis? No, it was Nashville. You're a hundred percent right. It was Nashville. in nashville they bring her a shirt that says centrist she gets wound up all over again these two fucking hot queens just hot gay men too just you know and they thought it was just i go fuck you guys and they just been over dying laughing he's the best troll on the planet it was yeah nothing fires her up more than calling her a centrist Yeah, it occupied a lot of real estate in my brain for a long time.

9:02But here's the thing that people have to understand about like political gradation. So in Oklahoma, I was a liberal, which to the people around me, they translated as like a radical communist. and I wasn't as progressive as I've become. I've become more progressive and I've been super liberal my whole life, but I've become more progressive. I would say more deprogrammed to corporate propaganda from the democratic party and corporate news. But still like it, it's interesting. Cause like coming up to New York up here, they're like, we can't stand Kathy Hochul. And I'm like, that's so sweet that y 'all don't like your democratic governor.

9:47And she lets you have abortion and she, you know, tries to do things and it's so darling that they're so mad. And then like there's primaries that are going to happen at midterms and it's like one Democrat against another Democrat. And in our state, it's like, I mean, they are wound up about Sharia law in the state of Oklahoma. And I just want to tell you, there's barely a Muslim population. It is the most cracker ass, cracker, white, salting shit. There's the east side of Oklahoma City. Oklahoma City is still very segregated. And it's so regressive. And so if you're even slightly center left, comparatively, they think you are this radical Shiite liberal that is trying to put Sharia law into everything.

10:43It's crazy, but it did offend me. I still, I could still, I was offended by that. Okay, I just have to, I just remembered this when you said that. So I get a text the other day. Of course, it takes me forever to find it because of the stupid update. And it is the Oklahoma County election board asking me if I would be interested in running for office. They need Democrats to run for office. Oh, fuck. Can you imagine? Can you, there's a, okay, there's this commercial of a guy that's running for governor in Oklahoma. I don't know, some nut. And of course his whole platform is anti-trans, all right?

11:21And so on this commercial, he like cuts a banana, like takes a knife and cuts a banana and the inference is like, you know, whacking wieners. and it's like that's why when i'm in new york and people are like we've got a primary kathy hochel i'm like y 'all are darling so sweet that we're having such a rational conversation about is she too big of a corporate dim and should it's so realistic it's so rooted in reality and then you get to these red states in the exact same country and it's sharia law wiener whacking nutball crazy town shit while these all these republicans do is just lie to their uber religious cult base and the and the cult base just laps it up we need to fight for elon musk he's oppressed all right let's do it let's get an army together let's do baby all right welcome to i've had it america's top dei podcast i'm jennifer and i'm not a centrist i'm angie hpic head beaver in charge and chief penile shamer and chief oh god that last episode that we did was so therapeutic pumps i agree and i just thought it's been a i want to be a peen i like it i know i know and here's the thing like we're dark woke now not woke and so if somebody says i think it's inappropriate and you guys are not true progressives because you're shaming penises, then I'm going to say tough titties.

12:54And they're going to say, you shouldn't use titties in that reference. And I'm going to say double tough titties, titty twister. Double down. Yeah. Because it's just like, this is just quit policing each other. If we all agree Trump's a nut, let's just power through. And if it makes us feel better in the interim to talk about the fact that in our opinion, we have diagnosed Stephen Miller with an inverted penis that looks like a vagina, then that's just something that needs to be shared with our listeners because it feels good to say that. Yeah. Especially the way he acts. Yeah. I would say this.

13:28Every, most women that I know are far more pulled together and less hysterical than Stephen Miller. So a vagina might do him some good. Agree. 100 % agree. He is so hysterical that it's just unbelievable. And he's so submissive. I mean, it's just such a submissive little twat. All right. Let's check in with Kylie, the chief lesbian of the United States of America. Hi, I'm also not a centrist and pumps. I have bad news. I got that text as well. And I responded and said, I'll do it. So I think we're running against each other for Oklahoma congressperson or something.

14:16that's it that's what they are for democracy guys that's tough times like tough times they're randomly robo-texting people saying anyone bueller anyone anyone anyone will run for office somebody's probably all liquored up like let's just robo-text it Fuck it. Fuck it. Okay, I've got some reviews for you. This one is five stars. It is amazing. It's titled Review of the Podcast, and Cheryl writes, these women are mentioned a lot on Fox News. So I go listen now, and I expect a disaster, but they look way better than I thought. The Botox is a little distracting sometimes, but overall they look pretty good and definitely not how they were described.

15:09I don't agree with anything they say in the politics, but I give five stars to be honest since I do watch more in a hate-watching way. But they are funny to me and I laugh sometimes, at them and with them. Just being honest, they deserve it if I keep watching, but entertaining sometimes. Thank you. Cheryl Belcourt, I would just like to say thank you for that. That level of honesty is very rare in conservative circles to just say, you know what? They're Botox, which we're both guilty of. Why do you think we crank out so much content? Somebody's got to pay for this shit. Right. It's jarring. But they're not like the hammered dog shit that Jesse Waters claims they are.

15:51And I laugh from time to time. I hate watching them in general. They're morons. But, you know, I put my time in here. And so I'm going to give them a five stars. So Cheryl, kudos to you. And I just want you to know we're saving you a seat over in the anti-cult party. And I just think you should just keep listening a little bit, Cheryl. Just keep listening. Cheryl seems to me to be resistance curious a little bit. So good for her. Good on her. And thank you for the review. I wonder if she could run.

16:20And how could she be considered a liberal? I bet they would take her. I'm sure. Go ahead. The left, the most liberal candidates I've gotten to vote for in the last couple of Oklahoma elections are just Republicans that are running as Democrats so that we could beat the other person. Like that's as liberal as it gets on a high level. It's insane. It is so insane. People don't realize how insane state politics are in places like Oklahoma. And it's just the insanity of how the number one goal is who can out crazy the other one. And the MAGA shit that y 'all are seeing that's happening nationally long before Trump descended from the escalators, this has been happening in red states.

17:11This level of crazy town politics is not new in the least bit. They have been this batshit crazy and mentally deranged long before Trump. Yeah. Okay. I've got another five-star review. This is from Jules and it's titled the only thing that's worked on my mom. She says, I'm in love with this podcast. Not only does it feel like therapy for me while fascism spreads across our country, listening to you both dissect what has been going wrong in our politics, like two friends gossiping about a partner underperforming in bed has been so helpful in making my mom finally understand my opinion slash criticisms of the Democratic Party.

17:51She's now open to democratic socialism, in part from your podcast. You have such excellent guests. It's an easy podcast to a boomer white lady who voted for Hillary and not Bernie. The fact that you both admit that you've been on a political journey for the last decade is something people can resonate with. And overall, it just gives me hope. Keep up the good work. I'm now an evangelical spreading your words and podcast to everyone who will listen. that makes me happy i mean we're pretty awesome they just review after review after review even the haters even the haters we look better than they thought hey you know this to our newer listeners this is something that is hilarious so we we go on tour and our people that help us set it up they're like we want to put you on tour and we're like nobody will show up they're like you might be surprised.

18:42So we were surprised. We go on tour and, um, the, we would have these like VIP meet and greets. And then every single person that came up to do this would see us and they would go, Oh my God, you guys look great. You look so much better in person. And then I go, I mean, and it was like person after person, city after city, venue after venue. time and time and time again. So what I have to say to all of our listeners, viewers right now, it only gets better from here. We're going up. We're setting expectations. Even the haters confirm it. We don't look near as shitty in real life as we do right here, right now.

19:32Naturally, we blamed Kylie for looking like shit on TV. She had to have put some terrible filter on us. Still has it, obviously. Okay, I also want to give a quick update from our last episode on Melania's documentary that we covered. Oh, yeah. It is expected to lose over$70 million at the box office. It's projected to earn around$3 million, and the film costs roughly$75 million for, I believe, like Jeff Bezos, right? Isn't that who fronted it? Yeah. I just thought that was a good little update. it's beautiful here's my thing when i'm going through social media now there's just so much content about how shitty this documentary is and i just it's like i want to bathe in it i don't let me ask you this let me ask you this if you could go see it you didn't have to pay any money and you could be in full-blown incognito in the theater would you do it i kind of think i would real talk i've given some real thought right but like you could never be seen no they're like buying a ticket to a different movie because i do not want one dollar i don't want one streaming minute going to it i don't want dollar but i i have given a lot of thought buying a ticket to a different one sneaking into melania just because i'm sure to hate watch to hate like cheryl hate watches us yes but i'm not gonna be as nice and pragmatic as cheryl though yeah that's why that's why i think we got to run cheryl in a red stick cheryl's our gal yeah um no i've thought about it but then you know here's the thing here's exactly what happened we sneak in and then it starts and then like five ten minutes into it you're just like this is insufferable just like when you see her on fox news and she's like my husband is an unifier my husband unifies people in the country and we don't want the violence in the street.

21:34And I speak eight languages and I've lived in America and fuck the Christmas. My girlfriend and I quote her Christmas book reading all the time in our house. Does Santa see in the dark?

21:51Does he wear night vision goggles? That was so bad. It's so funny. I have it memorized. So bad. As a parent, you want to teach your children to avoid the mistakes that you made as a young person. And I have found the way to do that, and that is with Chime. And I'm showing my kids how to use it too. It's banking made better. Chime is not a bank for the 1%. Chime is a bank for you. And the one thing that I really like about Chime is no overdraft fees. no overdraft fees, no monthly payments, and it helps you track your financial progress and build your credit. The new card that unlocks safer credit building and cash back with every day spending together at last.

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23:46All right, listener, long work weeks and busy weekends leave me feeling and looking so incredibly depleted. That's why I've discovered, and I'm dying to share with you all, Prolon's five-day fasting mimicking diet because it works at the cellular level to reset and rejuvenate you from the inside out, supporting sustained fat loss, lean muscle metabolism, slower aging, which really interests me, and even glowing skin. We've all set health goals to lose weight, exercise more, eat better, but without a plan, they often fade. That's why Prolon is so helpful. It is a plant based nutrition program featuring soups, snacks, and beverages designed to nourish the body while keeping it in a fasting state, triggering cellular rejuvenation and renewal.

24:35I'm so grateful that I introduced Prolon into my nutrition regimen. I'm already seeing great results. Ready for your own reset for a limited time prolon is offering i've had it listeners 15 off site-wide plus a 40 bonus gift when you subscribe to their five-day program all you have to do is visit prolonlife.com slash had it that's p-r-o-l-o-n-l-i-f-e.com slash had it to claim your 15 discount discount and your bonus gift. Prolonlife.com slash had it. Okay. I've got a couple of news stories for you before we get to listener voice memos. I love this story. UK schools will introduce lessons to teach boys respect for women and girls.

25:24UK schools are set to introduce new lessons teaching boys the importance of respecting women and girls. This initiative is part of a broader effort to promote gender equality, challenge harmful stereotypes, and encourage positive behavior. The lessons address key issues such as consent, empathy, and equality with a focus in fostering mutual respect between genders from a young age. Love it. This is so important, I think. I really do. And you see, I think it was Norway, they have empathy classes in primary school, and it's the happiest place to live, the kindest place to live, you know, all of these things.

26:03I hate to say this, but I think this is what we're going to have to do because generationally we are seeing less and less respect for women, less and less respect for other people, like the dehumanizing that's going on. And the fact that there are people that are justifying it. I think that teaching empathy, teaching respect, I think that is really important. And I wish we as a country would get there. But again, that's after we solve all, you know, the gun problem, and maybe that would help with the gun problem. I don't know. But I just I would really like to see something like that here. Who wants to volunteer to go tell the Christians?

26:43I will. They need to know because at the Christian schools, they teach the opposite of this. at the evangelical Christian schools. They teach Christian narcissism. Women should submit very regressive things. And I think that in raising children in general, we have to be really cognizant of especially what our children are engaging with on these devices. And I mean, I will just say like every couple months, I just do a little check on who my kids are following. I want to know who they're following. I want to know what part of pop culture they're tapping into. And my kids are at the age where I still think young adulthood is some of the most important times to parent because you're starting to separate from the family.

27:40And I just want to make sure my kids, my boys know, like respecting other human beings and not being a participant in toxic online bro culture is so important to me as your mother, that you are the person that defends the people, the marginalized people, that the people in the bro sphere are bullying. It's so incredibly important to me. And I think it just never stops. I mean, I think probably around like 30 or 35 possibly, but I mean, I'll tell you what, if my boys were following some anybody in this bro sphere, it would be crawled up their ass and I would pull out a chair and sit there and park.

28:22I would make it so insufferable for them. They would want to cancel all of their online social online stuff because it is just unacceptable to me. It is unacceptable to participate in a culture that props men up in the sense of faux masculinity where they all worship this weird sociopath and then just this the constant both overt and covert diminishing of women that happens in these spaces and i just i i just think it's so incredibly important and it should never stop no i i agree with that i think that generationally we're seeing it more and more like out in the open and and again i grew up an evangelical christian where misogyny and internalized sexism i grew up with that i thought that was normal you know you have to really work at it and it's easy to lapse back into it it's so easy it's wild you know this is funny listener sometimes wanted to go to law school which is a cool thing for your daughter doing her mom opposed it yeah because being a teacher was a better helper, uh, job, which helper meant to my husband.

29:36And I just want to go on record. I fucking hate kids. Like I barely liked my animal. And so, you know, whatever. Oh, speaking of a bitch. I hope to God, I hope to God that part right there gets cut up and put on the five and your parents are sitting at home fucking freebasing Fox. It's always my face on there saying it. And I hope to God, I mean, Greg Gutfeld, Jesse Waters, please, with everything, I mean, please cut pumps saying, I fucking hate kids. I barely like my own and put it on the five. I would pay a lot of money to watch your parents' reaction to that as they're sitting at home freebasing Fox.

30:17I would, I need that kind of entertainment right now. Yeah, that would be great. I was, I was going to say this just kind of on that same sphere. I forgot to mention it to you. Okay. So with all the snow and people are iced in, kids can't go to school. I mean, I have never been happier that my kids are adults until a snow day comes. And then it's just an extra layer. When I got my roots done, two ladies had their little kids because there was no school. And I just was like, I'm so happy my kids are grown because snow days were terrible back in the day. I mean, they were just terrible. Do you remember what I did?

30:56You have to tell it. It's so good. Okay. So there's a horrible snowstorm, ice storm in Oklahoma, and they come so infrequently and everybody is so incredibly ill-prepared mentally, psychologically, the city. There's zero coping skills when this happens, zero, the entire place melts down. So all the snow and ice comes and And the principal at my son's school was pretty good about like, listen, I'm not closing it down. Everybody freaks out over this. And so I'm on the phone. She's like, my kid's school closed. I was like, not mine. My kid's school is not closed. And I was always the first mom in carpool line.

31:40I was the first to drop off the first to pick up. Right. And so imagine that me being that type A. Anyway, I'm sitting there waiting. I'm on the phone with Angie and I'm like, well, nobody's here. And I said, you know what? They're probably running late because I'm like, denial kicks in. I'm like, they're probably running late because of the snow. And then finally, and she's on the phone, she's like, you're fucked. You're fucked. You're going to be in kid jail all day with your kids. And I fucking love it. You deserve every bit of it. You twat, you tried to victory lap on me. I'm so glad this happened to you, which I deserved all of that for the record.