Closet Case Conservatives

31:51And that's why you've got all this down low porn shit going on. But I do, I think it's a hundred percent related to the churches. Yeah. Yeah. I, I, I definitely do. Okay. Moving along. So that's, what's going on with, um, Republicans, MAGA. They're watching a lot of trans porn, which we predicted. All right. Next up is straight marriage. Okay. And it's how did straight marriage become so miserable for women? And for the first time in history, women don't need men for survival. We can own property, build careers, raise children and create communities without them, which means the decision to partner is now a choice and not necessity.

32:38But even when we engage in this choice, women seem to be getting the short end of the stick. If you dig into the data, a striking paradox emerges. Married men show better health outcomes, lower rates of depression, and longer lifespans than their unmarried counterparts. Married women, however, report higher stress, less freedom, and greater dissatisfaction. What the hell is going on? relationships often function like one-way life rafts keeping men afloat while leaving women depleted what we've been taught to call intimacy caretaking appeasing over functioning is just co-dependency wow do you think that some of the backlash in the right wing is that women aren't as interested in getting married they are not interested in giving up their career to submit to their husband.

33:37They are excelling in higher education, in they are getting higher paying jobs. Do you think that that's part of the backlash that we have with all this women shouldn't vote, childless cat ladies rhetoric? I think a lot of this is, this is my own personal theory as an atheist that was raised around all these Bible thumpers. The one thing that I see super religious parents and super religious people being focused on as sex. Like my peers growing up, the conversations about waiting until they were virgins and waiting until they were married and they were going to remain a virgin until then. Of course, they were the first ones that lost their virginity, but I digress.

34:22So I think there's this inherent setup when you teach a species, which from a Darwinian standpoint, we need to reproduce and we're genetically hardwired to do that. But you teach people to suppress something that they're hardwired to do. So you have men that end up hating women because the object of their desire, so you're told from age zero to 25, it's dirty, it's filthy, you can't think that way, don't beat off, don't get a hard on, lust, Satan, demons, beazel bub, six, six, six, right? I mean, that's basically what's beat into them, you know, like their whole lives. And then all of a sudden they get hormones and they want to fuck, right?

35:03It's like the most human thing on the planet. So then they fuck and it feels really good. And then afterwards they're like, oh my God, that was dirty. That was nasty. That was bad. And so I think a lot of these things are linked. Abortion. Why is that such an issue? Why is that something that is so private? Like if somebody is raped or somebody is incest, all sorts of things that can lead them to that. I think this patriarchal system, that pregnancy identifies that woman as a slut. Like, okay, She's been marked like she has to be punished for being so sexy to us. She can't just fuck with impunity.

35:49She needs to, you know, it's a punitive thing. Taking abortion away is. I think that this whole thing about women finally getting liberated is that we're finding out that the emotional creature, the emotional gender out of the two of us are men. Absolutely. Men are far more emotional. In my marriage, Josh is far more emotional than I am in your marriage. A hundred percent. And so then how is all this linked? Trans people, abortion, women. It's all of these patriarchal structures that's also kind of, it's a very nuanced thing. And this is probably why liberalism and podcasting dies, because you have to think deeper and more critically in layers.

36:37But you have this layer of, you know, you can't have sex. You've got to be pure. Thinking about sex is naughty, dirty. La la la. Satan, right? Stop doing that. They do, though. You know, you were raised like that. I know, but the la la la demon. And then the abortion is a way to be punitive of it. And so then what's born in that is a lot of sexual shame and secrecy. And here's the thing. Like, this is why I think that there's a lot of hatred towards like gay men and gay women, because they had to go through, they had to dig through all of this shame that was projected onto them. And now like gay men are able to, it's crazy.

37:23Like they can get on Grindr and it's like, hi, how are you? They don't even do that. Want to meet up? How big's your dick? It's very transactional, top, bottom, we're not a good fit. And then they just go on to something else. And And there's no shame involved in it where our mating rituals are so wrought with shame and all of this biblical shit. I think like if we were to advance a thousand or two thousand years from now, Pumps, a lot of our problems that we are having right now are an offshoot of Christianity and religion, Abrahamic religions. I completely agree. I think if you fast forward the tape, I mean, that's why all of this is going on.

38:02Women have to be kept in their place because the Bible says men are the head of the household. And the same with Islam. You know, it's these Abrahamic religions that are inherently patriarchal. And you have like from a timeline standpoint, you have these people that are really clinging on to it and trying to keep it. It's a great way to control people. It's a great way to. It's a great thing for white men. It's absolutely the best thing for white men. Okay. Let me ask you this. Did that make sense? A hundred percent. Yeah. It's exactly what my experience was. The social construct around religion.

38:35But let's talk about this. Okay. So this whole notion that marriage benefits men more than it benefits women has been 100 % my experience. And I love my husband, you guys. But there is no question. He has been on the receiving end of our marriage. And I have drawn the short end of the stick. Not always. I'm not a victim. I, you know, none of that. But it has required a lot more handling of his issues than it has of mine. Agree. But one thing I was going to say about me growing up in a super religious family surrounded by super religious people, the gender roles, they are very ingrained. That is how they are supposed to go.

39:22Women do the laundry, raise the kids, cook, clean, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But at the same time, get an education, have a career. but you do not see men. And men are not like, I remember like my mom would say something about, like if I was going out of town on a girl's trip, my mom would say, well, do you want me to watch the kids? I'm like, they have a dad. Their dad can watch them. But that was such a surprise to her because childcare and all that is women. So all the responsibility falls on women. Now women, and this is a religious thing as much as anything in my experience, because it's from the Bible.

40:00And then you go out into the workforce and you have all those additional responsibilities plus earning money, plus balancing a career, plus getting an education. While men, in my experience, have been pigeonholed that as long as they're making money, they are required to do less around the house with the children. So that's one good thing about this younger generation is they're far less married to those old constructs of child rearing and all that. No, I agree with that. But I want to get back to the essence of the article, which is that marriage is disproportionately benefit, straight marriage is disproportionately benefiting the male and the women are left with all of the data digging into it.

40:51It's not as beneficial. I completely think that's right. I certainly know it was in my experience. and just looking at how I was raised, I can see why that happens. Yeah. And then like, if I think about my girlfriends, when I think about, there's one friend that I have where, I mean, she's a problem. She would be a lot to be married to if I'm being really objective. But in general, it always feels like men, and I think a lot of people can relate to this, in public, society has put onto them, you have to be a tough guy. You have to be, you know, an alpha male. And then when you get in private, they're really pretty vulnerable creatures that have never been able to fully express themselves emotionally because it's been shunned.

41:36Yeah. And so then the woman has to absorb this emotionally stunted male who was told, don't feel that that's not manly, that's not masculine. And they're still human beings. And so then they get in these marriages and you have this emotionally stunted male that you kind of have to raise some because society didn't allow this man to feel his emotions. And I can give you all an example about this. Like my dad fought in the Vietnam War, like many, many men his generation did. And he never really talked about it ever. He never talked about it. We knew he went there. We knew he had like awards and stuff, but he's not one of these, you know, like loud speakers about his service because that was just everybody did it except for, of course, kinks.

42:27Anyway, recently when a friend of my son's died, of my youngest son's, he tragically drowned and it was just devastating. My son, of course, just so upset that, for instance, they were three. It's just one of those earth shattering, earth shattering moments. And my dad was really worried about my son. I was really worried about my son. I was worried about all these kids. And my dad called me and I remember where I was. I was in front of the airport. And my dad, he was of that generation of boomer where you weren't allowed to really have emotions or talk about the stuff. You're a man, buckle up, buttercup, move on down the road.

43:09And so he said, how's Roman doing? I said, daddy's not doing good. I'm just so worried about him. He's so heartbroken and it's just, this thing is so tragic. It's very hard to comprehend. And my dad said, yeah, something like that happened to me. And I said, what happened? He said, when I was in Vietnam, one of my best friends, childhood friends was with me and we were actually in the same platoon or battalion, whatever it's called. And we were taking fire and he got shot right in front of me. Oh, my God. I didn't know this. I didn't either until last year. And I was just like, oh, my God. He said, you know, and I never talked about it and I never told anybody about it.

43:53And we just didn't do that. But it really affected me. It's really still affecting me. But my son experiencing the loss of one of his best friends triggered my dad. And I'm 51 years old. And that was the most real moment I'd ever had with my dad. And it was a real window for me to see, you know, what could sometimes seem aloof or detached in him was somebody really suffering with PTSD and a system that doesn't enable men to embrace their emotions. Because if he would have done that, that generation, then that's, oh, what a wuss. Right. What a sissy. and so I share that because I think a lot of us have had parents that and my dad's a wonderful father he's a great-grandfather um every every family has dysfunction every family has their their issues I share that because I think a lot of us have this idea of of gender particularly around masculinity that they're trying to resurrect.

44:58Yes. And I think men are better served when they're allowed and taught to feel their emotions. And I think if they can be more in touch with their emotions, then they can be more in touch with other people's emotions. For example, maybe a gay person or a trans person that's getting bullied. If you've been encouraged and taught to feel your emotions and not had them dismissed, and you've really been in a therapeutic setting in the home or with a therapist, then you're probably more likely to feel empathy. I completely agree with that. I completely agree with that. And I think, like you said, it's so gender specific.

45:42Men aren't supposed to feel. Men aren't supposed to cry. And I feel like MAGA is resurrecting. They are. The broken man. They absolutely are. The man where women walk away from a marriage and they don't feel benefited. And then like you and I have these, you know, nephews. My nephews are her nephews too, because that's how long we've been friends. And my nephews are now having babies. And the participation of both genders, of raising the kids, how equally divided it is, and the conversations, their millennials, the conversations they have about their feelings, it's progress. It's absolutely progress.

46:25And I don't think there's, I mean, I don't think it's a mystery why both of those men are sensitive, caring, and they want good for other people. I mean, I just don't think that's a coincidence. Yeah. And they picked women, their spouses, Shout out to Lauren and Madison. They picked women that, you know, embrace their whatever, wherever my nephews came from, because everybody comes from their own version of brokenness. Yeah. And where the these things are talked about. And I think that so much of all of this stuff that we've gone to is everybody just has been told to play a certain role. Yes. And I feel like right now we were on the verge of kind of really starting to see progress in pockets of places.

47:15And I feel like the MAGA movement, Pumps, is just making everything worse. Like even men, the progress they were making, you know, now they're bullying trans people while beating off to trans porn. I know. It's just like WWE. It is. It is WWE. They want men to be like Stone Cold Steve Austin. It's just bizarre to me. This ad is brought to you by Veve Healthcare, the makers of Apritude, Cabotegravir. You never skip your SPF and you carry hand sanitizer like an accessory. But what are you doing for HIV prevention? One way to help protect yourself from HIV is Apritude, a prescription medicine used to reduce the risk of getting HIV in adults and adolescents weighing at least 77 pounds.

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48:48If these occur, get medical help right away. The most common side effect is injection site reaction. Bring your A-game and talk to your doctor. Learn more at Apertude.com or call 1-888-240-0340. That got deep, went back to Vietnam. But I mean, I just wanted to share that with you all. I mean, my dad, it took that long for him to be able to talk about that. Well, and he's probably, I mean, the thing about emotions like that and trauma like that is it does manifest itself in some way. So, you know, him just not talking about it doesn't mean he hasn't felt it or it hasn't impacted how he has made decisions and things of that nature.

49:33He said, he said to me, I said, oh my God, dad, I'm so sorry that you've kept that in for so long. And he said, that's just what we did. Yeah. But it's bothered me. I mean, it's been, it's, it's been locked inside him, but I think it's been omnipresent all the time. And, you know, whereas when Roman's friend passed, fortunately for me, I was able to send him to a therapist. He went to therapy, you know, two and three times a week. And I encouraged him, feel your feelings. And I'd go up to his room and he would be sitting on the bed just crying. And I never said, don't cry. Don't feel it. I was just like, I'm so sorry.

50:11This is a part of the grieving process. Like I embraced that this is a part of the human experience to grieve somebody. You have to feel everything and everybody's own journey. And that is different. But generations prior to Roman, like my dad's, weren't afforded that avenue. That wasn't a way to go. And then you have all of these veterans that have all of these issues, PTSD, mental issues, homelessness, all the homeless people that medical issues. Yeah. That the Fox News hosts say that we should euthanize. A lot of these people are veterans that their country sent them over and they saw some bad shit and they have PTSD and it's just not so all black and white.

50:59Oh, this is something. I saw this thing. Pumps. What is it? Kevin Stitt, the governor. Oh, my gosh. I saw it too. People were sending it to me just like, what a fucking asshole. All right, listener. We have a governor of our state, Oklahoma. His name is Kevin Stitt. He's this big, disgusting Bible thumper. And I say that because he leads with his religion all the time. He's the one that has to talk about it all the time. Like I have no idea what Gavin Newsom's religion is because I've never heard him talk about it. But Kevin Stitt talks about his religion nonstop. So there are some people talking about homelessness in Oklahoma City.

51:41And Kevin Stitt refers to these people that want to help homeless people as goody two-shoe do-gooders. Do-gooders or goody two-shoes, like very dismissive. And that's the part where we have to like, you know, like there's something broken in him. Kevin Stitt is a broken man who weaponizes his religion to help billionaires. And then meanwhile, when rubber hits the road, he demonizes people that want to help the poor. absolutely most anti-christ politician in the state is kevin stitt i will just he's a walking advertisement why not to be a christian by kevin stitt yeah he is yeah i absolutely agree and i just the lack of empathy from christians that i love that are close to me when you press them and you realize there is no empathy there that hurts me more than any of it i think that what What you preached your whole life and what you said Jesus stood for, now you're the opposite.

52:42And you think you're right. That like you have no empathy and you don't care. And in fact, you kind of dig it. You kind of dig demeaning people. But don't you think that's the lie that you're kind of telling yourself that they preached for it their whole lives? Because you look at what this white nationalist Christianity is. It's an extension of the form of white churches that enabled KKK type stuff. And when you grow up in a racist home, and that is the underlying theme of it, while at the same time they pepper in, oh, Jesus is about forgiveness and Jesus is about goodness. You're just living cognitive dissonance all at one time.

53:25And so maybe, Pimes, it's not that it's just been revealed to you that she has no empathy, but you yourself have now found empathy and you no longer belong in the cognitive dissonance world of that. She hasn't changed, but you have. That could be right, because I will be the first to admit the cognitive dissonance that I had was off the charts. If you were going to scale it one to 100, I was 7 million. you've changed so much that listener, like I would talk to pumps about healthcare and she would look at me as cold and calloused as you could ever be just like a MAGA person. She'd say, as long as I have healthcare, I really don't give a shit if other people have it or not.

54:08Yeah. Very, very, I would talk about racial issues, gay issues. If it didn't affect her, she didn't care. And so that's why I think your story is so important. It's not that, it's not that they preached a certain way and change. You've changed. You've done this amazing, amazing work. And now you find yourself back with these people that you love and that love you, but you're a different person, a better person, an enlightened person. And you're like, oh, fuck. They're racist MAGA people. Oh, shit. I can't unsee this. And I think that's happening all over the country. Yeah, it is. I don't think it's happening to you in a vacuum.

54:53I get DMs about it all the time. But the thing that's changed is you. You're a different person than the girl I met that was teaching Bible study and didn't care about marginalized people. Now you're their biggest champion. And it's beautiful. Well, I appreciate that. And you're probably right about that at the end of the day. It's not them that's changed. That's me and my idealized version. Yeah. And that's painful. And I hate that for you. But the thing that's changed is you. I've known her the whole time. There's been zero change. I've absorbed it the exact same way across the board. You're the one who's experiencing what I experienced the very first meeting for the first time.

55:40And listen, it's really like this is a sad part of America for like international listeners. Like this Trump, it's not just that he's tearing like communities up like there's it's families. It's he's exposed the worst part of people. And then in many ways, you know, he's been an impetus for people to like really find a lot more empathy because he's so void of it. Right. You know, the reaction is, oh, my God. But it's really I feel we get DMs and emails and voice memos out the wazoo of people like pumps have these crazy MAGA family people. Yeah. I mean, that is where we are as a country, as families.

56:29And you wouldn't you wouldn't think that, you know, when you say who you voted for president wouldn't tear up a family. Like I've disagreed with who my parents voted for before. Oh, yeah. But this is so different because it is so devoid of empathy. It is so racial. It is so homophobic. It is so regressive that it's like, it's really not a political issue. Now we're talking about morals. Like you think it's okay to send somebody to Alligator Alcatraz? You're all up for that. Who the fuck are you? It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. That's the part. Like it hurts for, and I don't, fortunately my parents are really progressive, but it would, when I have friends that I know, like there's some women that I know that we play pickleball with these lesbians that are married, that are darling, that are kind, that are nice, that sadly in Oklahoma, they feel like they kind of have to un-gay themselves a little bit to be accepted by their heterosexual upper-class white female friends.

57:37And when I see them like embrace, hi, hi, it's nice to see you. I don't play with them anymore. I haven't been able to since the last election. But when I would see them embrace these lesbians who make my life better, I don't give a fuck, you know, if they're lesbian or not, actually makes me like them more because I know it was harder. Their path to be a good person was much harder than the white woman that judges them. So it hurts me when I see that somebody is capable of kindness to somebody's face and then goes to the voting booth and then consumes and salivates over Fox News where these people are dehumanized and then they don't feel it.

58:15And like it, that really, that really affects me. And so it makes me, I'm such a nut about my conviction that it makes me like, that I'm going to fight harder, you know, and you can still play pickleball with them. You lesbians, but I'm not playing pickleball with them. You're not strong enough to draw the boundary, but I'm going to draw the boundary because they're going to feel it from fucking somebody. It might as well be this white privileged woman. And that's how I feel about it. And there's a couple of people that to this day said racist shit when our kids were on that basketball team when they pass me the death stare that I give them I've seen it it is undeniable that I know you say racist shit about little black kids and I will never forget it so don't come up to me and pretend that you can be friendly and that I'm going to pick up the rug like a lot of white people do and sweep it under and roll it back out because this bitch is not doing that I'm not doing it, Pumps.

59:12It makes me feel like I need to be meaner. Kind of does. You know? Yeah, kind of does. All right. Well, we didn't even do anything fun this episode, did we? No. It kind of got deep. We didn't know this was going to happen. You know what? Sometimes we need to. Sometimes we need therapy because it's fucking crazy out there. Sometimes we need to talk about, sometimes we need to talk about shit. Everybody's going through a lot. Everybody is going through a lot. Everybody comes to this podcast for some form of respite. But sometimes the break is a reminder that we're all feeling this trauma together.

59:48Yeah. And we all are feeling this fear together. We're all seeing the same thing together. We're not crazy. And then we're capable of feeling compound emotions. Yeah. You know, that's one thing. Growing up in a super religious house, I really didn't know that that was allowed. I remember. I remember when your marriage was unraveling. I just couldn't do. I remember you having so tortured by picking just one emotion in a moment. Yes. And I remember we were sitting on my front porch smoking Marlboro Lights. And I remember specifically telling you, you can hate your husband while at the same time still feel deep love and a familial bond for him.

1:00:34You can have both of those feelings at the same time. and you were like, what? What? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you just couldn't believe it. Like that you could actually feel two conflicting things at one time. Yeah. I was, here's the deal. Not the sharpest tool in the shed. You are now. But I'm trying. Well, you know what? You were always smart. You went to law school and all that. You were just discouraged. Critical thinking went in my belly whack. Yeah, I was discouraged. All right. So thank you for being with this episode. We'll be a lot more fun next time. No, the book. Oh, talk about fun in the sun, fun in the fall, rake leaves, and read Life is a Lazy Susan of Shit Sandwiches.

1:01:19Look at our Price is Right model. It's the hottest book, the coolest book of the fall. It was the hottest book of the summer, and it's going to be the most freezing book of the winter. And everybody's buying it. Everybody's reading it. Everybody says it's the best book in the whole world. everybody says everybody does all right we will see you next tuesday and thursday

1:01:46listen up patriots gaytriots and natriots we have a new podcast that has dropped it's called ihip news it's monday through friday every day 15 to 20 minute hot takes on the political landscape of the United States of America always served with a side of petty grievances. We are on all the available platforms, Apple, Spotify, Google, whatever you get your podcast and YouTube. Please go rate, subscribe and review so that we will chart upwards with America's greatest legal mind. Pumps, what does an eagle say? Caw-caw. A little bit more enthusiasm. Caw-caw. That's it. That's, that's. Caw-caw. That's the patriotism that this country needs right there.