Creeps for Christ

0:02So are we supposed to start the podcast? Ready? One, two, three. Patriots, Gay Triots, They Triots, Black Triots and Brown Triots and all of the people that sit around and support this fleabag. Cankels, McTaco tits can do what, Pumps? Fuck off! Pumps, what have you had it with? Okay, what I've had it with is when people park directly behind my driveway. If you park behind my driveway, you have over a 40 % chance that I'm going to ram in to the side of your car. I've done it three times to my neighbor. And I'm like, obviously I'm at fault, but it's like, you assume the risk. You parked your car back there.

0:49It happened to me this morning. I'm pulling out. My car like throws me into whiplash. It breaks so hard because there's a fucking car sitting right where I pull out of my driveway. The whole street's empty. Every single piece of street is available to this person. Makes me so fucking mad. I just want to go like slam their tires with a crowbar or something. Or I guess the windshield with the crowbar, a needle with the tire. Whose car is it? I have no idea. I have no idea who it is. Let me get this straight. Like your driveway, it's parked in the road where it's impeding your ability. Why don't you call it tow truck?

1:37Well, I don't know. I didn't even think about that. I didn't think about a tow truck. I know it used to be my neighbors after three times having to get their car fixed. They figured out, just put it in your driveway. But I don't know who this person is. My guess is that somebody that's at my house spending the night with Luke, if I'm guessing. But I don't know. but a tow truck that's a great idea that's kind of so you think it's your son luke's friend impeding the driveway it's a guest at your home i think but i'm not sure because they were upstairs and i never kind of changes things then that burden goes on yeah then that burden goes on luke to be a good um caretaker of his driveway well it's just it's time for luke to go back to school.

2:25He's been home like five weeks. It's time for him to go back and be a college student again. I've just, everybody's gone. You just get so - You had it with Luke. Had it with Luke. And I love him. But it's like, it's time to go home. I know. That is so funny. Okay. Let me tell you what I've had it with. Okay. Lay it on me. You go to a restaurant, it's pretty crowded, but you can see there's two or three tables available. You don't have a reservation, but this isn't the type of restaurant that you really would make a reservation. So you get up to the hostess stand and, you know, in my opinion, hostess stands are over complicated.

3:11They've added a lot of people, a lot of steps that don't need to be there, but that's another episode entirely. the hostess says we have a three to four minute wait or maybe a five to ten minute wait can I get your phone number so I'm like yeah here's my phone number and then they say okay we'll text you when your table's ready great so get the table a few minutes later eat everything's great everything was perfect the wait was only five to ten minutes got a great table got a booth Of course, I'm not a nut that sit on the same side of the booth with my husband. We sit opposite sides because we're not freaks.

3:54And leave about five days later, the restaurant violates the, we'll text you when we get your table, when your table's ready. And they start texting me. Yeah. Yeah. They're texting like, wouldn't it be great to come back for lunch and try our lunch special? Yak, yak, blah, blah. And then I get another text a couple of days later. And this is just this, these unsolicited emails that have now morphed into unsolicited texts that have morphed into spam calls where people get your information and force the capitalism upon you. I'm all for regulated capitalism that keeps people safe. And I'm talking about regulated people, not the Trump corporate dim style, like a real safe market for us to be in.

4:52I like good shit. I get it. What I don't like is forced capitalism where it's forced upon you. If I want to go eat at a restaurant, I want that to be my decision. I want to decide to do it. If I want to go shopping for a piece of furniture or an item of clothing, I don't want your business to email me about it. I want it to be my decision. The constant terrorism through our devices after they've mined our information to schlep their shit on us, I've completely had it. And then like now I'm at the point with my cell phone where I hate this number because this phone number is associated with a bunch of fuckery.

5:33There's a bunch of people that have this phone number that I wish didn't have it. There's a bunch of people, businesses that have this phone number that harass me. The same goes for my email address. So I think I'm going to go off the grid. I think I'm going to go get a new phone number and I'm going to get a new email address and only going to give both of these things to like five people. Here's the thing. I will just make this argument. Yours is one of the few phone numbers that I have memorized because I knew you before you just put the name in. And so I would really be sad if you got a new number because I actually know it.

6:06Number two, that might be a new thing because I've given my phone number before and I haven't gotten follow-up texts. So this is just the next wave of harassment by these people. But I'll tell you what, I would never go back to that restaurant again because they violated what the custom was. You want to text me when the table's ready? Great. That doesn't mean I want you to remind me five days later to come eat there. I really like their salads. I really, really like their salads. they're really really good really pisses me off that they engage in making both great salads efficient hostess stan yeah waitress was 10 out of 10 and then as a side hustle they're into text terrorism and i just i'm just beside myself like don't text me about your restaurant when i'm not in the restaurant like i'm trying to get less text messages i'm trying to get this device to go off less i want less interactions on this device i i i gave you my cell phone number because i thought well that makes sense i don't have to carry around with those vibrators around those big circling things in the restaurant that goes off here this will go oh that's great text me when my table's ready.

7:21I'm into it. It's a bait and switch. It was a ruse for their later onslaught of texting terrorism. Yeah. And it was calculated, I bet. I bet they knew going in, we're going to file this number away and we're going to get her again. But I will say, I have noticed with like people that I perceive to be really cool, mostly like millennial age, they always have two phones. So that would be a sign of - I'm going to be cool. you're going to be cool i mean i think that kind of makes you cool like smoking did and then i can find these but i think what i'm going to do just for spite moving forward i've already started doing this with retail stores when you go up they'll say we need your email address i'm like i don't want to give my email address well then you won't have the receipt like if you need to exchange it i'm like i'm not going to exchange it i do not want i just want to purchase this item i don't want any record of it that it was me i just want to purchase it anonymously i want to anonymously purchase these leggings.

8:19That's all I want to do. That's all I want to do is anonymously purchase. So I've been really like standing my ground on anonymous purchasing. And I think the next time I'm at a hostess stand and they say, we need your phone number. I'm going to say, I'm sorry, I don't get my phone number out. Right. And then the post is, is going to be like, you know, it's not her problem. She's making minimum wage or he, and so I don't want to be a bitch to them, but I'm going to say, I'm sorry, I just don't get my phone number out. And then they're going to, you know hamster's gonna start running what are we supposed to do when your table's ready right gonna have to come find me yeah because i'm not giving you my phone number because the last time i gave you my phone number and this is probably a conversation to have with your manager not you you started texting me like we were friends about your lunch specials and i don't want to participate in texting with robots i i can't do that i don't want robots auto texting me a very unoriginal message that goes out to thousands of other suckers that gave their phone number out.

9:18Right. And I don't want, I don't want to be a part of it. I want no part of this texting terrorism. I kind of think that's a good rule. Like I don't want a part of any mass texting. I don't want a part of any mass emailing. Anything you're going to do in, in mass, leave me out. I want no part of it. Bulk mail. I mean, still get all that snail mail, put a sock in it, put a sock in it. I can't take it anymore. All right. Welcome to I've Had It. I am Jennifer. I'm Angie, H-B-I-C, B for Beaver. Kylie is here. Kylie, there she is. Hello. There she is. What's been going on on the World Wide Web? I've got two incredible reviews for you.

10:07This one is five stars. And Kels Echo and Ash writes, thank God it's not just me. I've had it is the podcast equivalent of exhaling after holding your breath for checks notes several decades. Jennifer and pumps articulate the rage, absurdity, and deep exhaustion of existing in the modern world with a precision that feels almost illegal. Every episode makes me laugh, nod aggressively and think, oh, thank God it's not just me. What I love most is that they don't just complain, they validate. They name the nonsense, roast it lovingly or not, and somehow make you feel lighter afterward. Their voices matter.

10:48Their perspectives matter. And honestly, they make the internet feel survivable. Wow. God, you know, that's crazy. I mean, number one, thank you for that. Very thoughtful, very well-written review. you. But so listener, I have to kind of let you in on like, when we when you make a product, like a podcast, or this video podcast, and you just, and it's not you can't hold it, it's like in this cloud, and it goes out on the internet, and it just goes out there. A part of it doesn't feel super tangible. And what makes it feel tangible are reviews like that. I was on the subway yesterday and there's like only one seat and this guy sitting next to it.

11:33And it's, and it's, and there, there's only like three quarters of a seat, but I just left the gym. I'm like, you've got this, sis, you just burned 500 calories. You can slide right into that seat. Do it. So I slide right into the seat and I kind of look over at the guy next to me. Cause I know he's probably think, God damn it. Why couldn't you have just stood up? Right. Reason I couldn't stand up is because I did a lot of squats, but that's neither here nor there. And the guy turns and he looks at me, he goes, I love your podcast. And I go, Oh my gosh, thank you so much. I was afraid you were going to think I was a freak for squeezing into this seat.

12:04He was like, I was so glad you did. And so when, when you, when you hear that, it is so helpful because God, some days it's really hard to get up and process what's happening in this country. And I'm always in a bad mood on IHIP news because all this shit really pisses me off. Like it, the human rights violations like really affect me. I'm very empathetic about them. And it's been a lifelong thing of mine to like stand up for the marginalized and that they're accelerating the beating down of the marginalized and watching it happen. It just puts me in a really bad mood. So I told the guy in the subway, I was smiling because I was so happy that he let me squeeze in and he was a fan of the pod.

12:44And I go, Hey, by the way, I'm much nicer than my online caricature in person he goes oh girl we know that you've got to be mad about this shit you've got to be and i'm like god i just feel like when i'm filming all the time i'm mad but like out in my life i'm a really happy person but when i'm specifically talking about this trump regime and the racism and the homophobia and the indiscriminate killing of people and then the people kind of celebrating it yeah it just makes me so pissed off yeah no i completely agree and I like that he says it makes, I'm not the only one. I think that's a huge advantage of the podcast is you find a community that you're like, oh, I'm not the only one.

13:28I don't feel so isolated being, you know, a blue dot in a red state or anything like that. So I think the community part is my favorite part about the podcast. Okay. This one is five stars. More good news. It says my safe place And MJPJ writes, when everyone around me tells me to calm down or asks, why are you so upset about what is happening in this country? I turn on you guys and suddenly I'm surrounded by like-minded women who know just how screwed up this all is. Thank you for helping me realize that I'm not crazy. So pretty much exactly what you were just saying, Jen. That's the worst part right there, minimizers.

14:07One of the under talked about forms of abuse are the people who, when you were feeling massive emotions about injustice, minimize your concerns. And being a progressive person in a red state, I would be like, I'm really worried about our, you know, gay brothers and sisters. I'm worried about the increase of this. And there's just a minimizing, a dismissive form of it. And that's a real form of abuse that doesn't really get talked about when people minimize your feelings that are very sincere about human suffering. And this is something I think in white circles that happens a lot. when you have a white person who is using their allyship for good and it rocks the boat of like, well, everything's good for all of us.

15:02Why are you so worked up about this? And they minimize, or they tell you, we just disagree politically. When everybody knows, it's a lot more than that. And so I think it's a time when we see all of this mass abuse happening, when you have people in your lives that are really hurting and really feeling this, meet them at their pain, because it's difficult watching what this government is doing to people and the horror and the terror that so many people feel. A friend just sent me a copy of a text message. Who's an American born person, brownish skin. Grandparents were immigrants here from Latin American country a couple generations ago.

15:46And the screenshot said, when people ring my doorbell, I don't answer my door. I hide in the closet because I look brown and I don't know if it's ice or not. That's heartbreaking. So this shit is happening everywhere. And when people meet your outrage at these injustices with minimization, their minimization of it is an extension of the abuse. It's more insidious. That statement, silence is complicity, that is so true. And that is an area where white Americans really need to dig into because we excuse a lot from other white people. And that excusing behaviors that no other sect of people could ever get away with is your answer to the question, why does Donald Trump never get held accountable?

16:44Because millions of little, a thousand little cuts happen all day, every day, where we let our white peers, friends, family members get away with racism, dehumanization, and it's a cultural problem. It's a cultural problem. And you cannot minimize people's feelings about it because that person's feelings are correct. And the minimizers are never looked happily upon or reported robustly on in history books. I agree. There's a quote going around that I've seen a lot lately, and it says, nice people made the best Nazis. Have you read that? It was a woman that lived and she said, my neighbors, they were the nicest ones.

17:35They just wanted to stay happy. They didn't want people to be upset and just keep their life going. And the mean people made the best resistors. And I just think that's the same thing. Like you could be upset about something and you'll hear someone say like, you just need to not worry about that. You need to try to find happiness and just move on with your life. And I think it plays into that. I think that is so true. And this is a very important point that you make, Kylie, because I feel when I'm around people that make space for this, like I physically feel it. It's not a place in which I can flourish and I cannot stuff down these feelings inside of me and make excuses for polite people for the sake of being polite.

18:21but this is a real sin of of of white culture we oftentimes never call out our own and it's created this atmosphere and i think the words that we're looking for right now are righteous indignation you should never be able to grow if you are a person that is for equal rights and for human rights, your being would not grow in racist communities. Otherwise, you're a fraud. And so we have to instill in people around us, in our communities, human rights are non-negotiable. We care about human beings more than we do people. And I care about being impolite to stand up for the marginalized more than I do your feelings.

19:13Fuck your feelings. That's how I feel about it. No, I was talking to a MAGA family member last week and I was like, I'm just really, you know, this upsets me. And of course, you know, it was the minimizing, not really minimizing, just glossing over and I go, why aren't you upset? I would think you would be upset about this. And then of course, there's just no answer. Well, it's, you know, it's just not as big of a deal as you're saying, you know, that kind of thing. But I think that's what my standard line is going to be. why aren't you upset why are you not upset about this i know we've gone over it with the alligator you weren't upset about that but why are you not upset about american citizens being murdered by their government a christmas miracle has taken place so we decided to go do a live show in atlanta on january 31st and we were for sure like the ticket sales are going to be lackluster nobody's going to become, I'll be damned if it didn't sell out in like a couple of days.

20:14So the organizer was like, you should do another day. And I'm like, that's a pretty big, pretty big ask, pretty big ask for two old broads like us. Right. So we added an additional day ticket sales. We're getting about close to halfway February 1st center stage in Atlanta. And it is also a matinee because we We are going to normalize matinees. We are going to normalize a reasonable start time. We're not going to start a show at 8 or 9 p.m. No, it's past bedtime. Wake up the next day feeling hungover, strung out. Why did I hang out with all of these radical leftist, anti-fascist? We're not going to do that because we're pro-matinee, we're pro-democracy, we're anti-MAGA, and we're anti-fascist.

20:59Come see us, it's going to be so fun. I love getting together at a live show with all of the people. It's such a community. All right, you guys, I just ordered this amazing ivory boucle sofa from Article. Not only is it priced well, but the entire process of working with Article is incredible. They have meticulous packaging. The customer service is incredible. And then the selection, you guys, Article offers a curated range of mid-century modern in coastal and Scandi-inspired pieces that not only shine on their own, but also pair seamlessly with nearly any other Article product. This thoughtful design approach makes it incredibly easy to mix and match, helping you create a space that feels cohesive and stylish.

21:48Article offers fast shipping to the United States and Canada with options for professional assembly if you prefer a hands-off experience. Listener, Article is offering our listeners$50 off your first purchase of$100 or more. To claim, visit article.com slash had it, and the discount will be automatically applied at checkout. That's article.com slash had it for$50 off your first purchase of$100 or more. Okay, I'm going to switch gears just a little bit and do some news stories. A very specific millennial name has been declared as the new Karen. So people are trying to move away from Karen. According to TikTok, Reddit, and the broader internet, Jessica is now shorthand for a very specific type of person.

22:41They post long rants about minor inconveniences on social media, are always deeply convinced they're in the right. Even when they're not, they say things like, I'm not trying to be rude, but. I mean, it does kind of sound like me, except for posting long rants. I was going to say the long rant. Minor verbal. No, minor verbal. I mean, honestly, you spot it, you got it. I mean, I have a lot of grievances. This podcast is nothing short of a very long rant. um sometimes the listener gets jennifer confused with jessica and they'll call me jessica here's the thing though i i will go to the ends of the earth not to be rude to people in that make minimum wage i'm the type of person that will not recline my seat on an airplane out of respect for the person behind me because I am so anti-entitlement.

23:40I oppose that so much. And I know what it feels like for me when somebody reclines the seat. And so I golden rule that. And so the whole white woman trope of white women being super entitled, um treating their pets better than they do minorities thinking their little darling is the best on the planet not caring about anybody else's children being shitty to service people always reclining their seat you know immediately uh that's a real thing and i know these people you know like it's it's a warranted you see all of the karen's gone wild and all that stuff on tick tock i mean it's a really real thing yeah no the karen's gone wild i'm not surprised the karens of the world united to switch the name because they're just i mean and i'm a slight karen but i like to think i'm a karen for good but when you see that on the internet it kind of gives me like the x like makes me nauseous when i see how rude people are people that are just trying like you were talking about in your head it like it's not the hostess's fault she took your number but it's not her fault or his fault that they text you five days later they have nothing to do with it okay i've got some listener voice memos today oh excellent this first one is from austin good morning this is austin one of the gay triaths just calling in to report a couple of new grievances in which I have had just this morning.

25:17It is barely 7 a.m. So that tells you how my day has been going. So I'm listening to I've Had a Podcast as I drive to work, as I always do, because I have no hobbies. And as I get to, I was like, I'm going to treat myself to a cold brew this morning at Starbucks. So I drive over there and I get my little coffee. And I pay for it whenever I'm at the window. Mind you, I've Had a Podcast is still playing. It's the new episode from just this morning. And as soon as he goes to hand me my beverage, which Jennifer is talking about panties and dildos. And this guy can hear it. He kind of smirks a little bit too, because he can hear it.

25:50And I'm like, good Lord, what's with this timing? It's terrible. So that's my first part of this habit. The second part is I ordered a tall coffee, which as you might know, is a very small cup of cold brew. Not that much. I had one of big ones this morning. And then I turn around and say, can I get a straw? Actually, I would like to have a straw, because I want to kill turtles over here. And he hands me the biggest straw in the United States of America. It's longer than the Florida Panhandle. The fuck it's hanging on my cup? It is longer than twice the cup twice. I've had it with that. Such a great point that I think about all the time, but I've never brilliantly articulated like this fine gay trio of ours is that was listening to me rant on about panties and dildos, which I'm sure was a very important point that I was making considering the subject matter.

26:41However, this is a real thing that happens all the time. I am the resistance to Stanley Cups. I am the resistance to performative hydration. When people have to be drinking liquids all the time, I think I have a very storied history on this podcast of saying this is not normal. Exercising and flexing about being hydrated is a mental problem that you need to go address. There's a lot of things that you can be performative about, but being hydrated should just be a bare minimum thing that people do as human beings. So I always order small beverages intentionally so that I'm sending the message out to the world that I oppose all of this performative hydration, right?

27:28And then he's right. I have this little cup and this giant straw and the scale is so off because I think from the top of the lid to the top of the straw should be maybe about three inches. Yeah. And so I think you should scale out the straws for each size of cup. because it really kind of ruins the experience when you have this little cup and then you have this straw that's for like a big gulp, which in no other country does anybody can go into a store and buy that size of beverage. That is exclusively an American thing. That does not exist in Europe. That doesn't exist in Asian countries. That is an exclusively disgusting maximalist American thing, these big gulp type things.

28:14And the straw scale, it always pisses me off. I'm so glad he brought that up. That's a great thing to bitch about. Yeah, for sure. I always get the big cup. So I haven't noticed the straw. What I've noticed is when you get a big cup and they only have a little straw. So there just needs to be straw scaling. But here's the thing on the, you're saying dildo and panties. Every time you say panties, I don't know why, but there's something in me that bursts out laughing every single time just the way you say panties i can only imagine when you're just like going through the drive-through and somebody's saying panties and dildo don't you know the person that was serving him was like what in the fuck is he listening yeah yeah like that's a weird shit that guy's listening to this guy's a weird guy here yeah all right kylie who's next okay up next we've got gia hey girlies it's gaitri at gia again calling from new york i have just had it with these maga republicans not being able to grasp the concept that us and when i say us intellectual beings not in a cult do not ride or die for these corrupt politicians in the way that they do.

29:38And all we're hearing as the Epstein list comes out, and we all know that Trump is on it, their excuses, well, what if Clinton's on the list? Okay, then lock his ass up too. Like, they think that we're so ready to go to bat for these politicians. Like, I don't care who is on it. Lock them up. And they will just make any excuse to ride or die for this absolute citrus circus that wouldn't even spit in their direction, quite frankly. I completely agree with her. If there are Democrats in the Epstein files that knew about, covered up, participated in child sexual abuse, pedophilia, arrest them, like completely arrest them.

30:38We are not the party of pedophile protectors. That's the MAGA Christians. The MAGA Christians are the pedophile protectors. These are the people that hyper-sexualized children at a very young age, when they start talking to them about their sex lives via purity culture, before they even have hormones these people hyper sexualized children and so when they hear about this with these teens uh these girls uh the sexual abuse child children's sex lives is ubiquitous in the white evangelical christian movement it is the weirdest child sex cult on the planet and if any Democrat participated in it, charge him with crimes, expose it to the hilt.

31:32And here's another thing to Gia. We criticize Democrats, just Democrats that are nowhere near the Epstein files, like Chuckles and Hakeem, put up an opposition. This whole idea that you have to just blindly support the front runner in your party or blindly support every single member of your political party just shows that you are a part of a hive mind and a part of group thinking. You have no individuality or critical thinking of your own. But one thing that I think Democrats should really accelerate right here on is the weird, creepy, because it's the evangelicals that are excusing this, Moses, Mike, Grindr, Johnson, big Christian.

32:19These people are fucking weird with their kids. It is the weirdest shit I have ever seen in my life. So it makes perfect sense to me as somebody who grew up in the Bible belt, that these people excuse everything that Jeffrey Epstein does. It doesn't shock me in the least bit because these people are really weird about kids and sex. Well, it's almost like there is, and I, and I'm basing this off having grown up super evangelical. When you see like a man has been accused of raping a woman, the immediate thought is, well, what did she do? What was she wearing? Well, it doesn't fucking matter. None of that matters.

33:05If somebody raped somebody, it doesn't matter what they were wearing, you know, the length of their skirt and all that. And I just remember my grandparents were super into the PTL club, which you probably, I mean, it's Tammy Faye Baker, but they had like a timeshare at their place where they were, you know, doing all kinds of crimes, corruption and all that. And so I saw how they excused the behavior of Jim Baker, that he lived two different lives. And you see it with Catholic priests, like they excuse the behavior of the priest saying it's isolated. And so it's almost like growing up in that culture, you're conditioned that it has to be the fault of the victim and or it's kind of expected and you just move on and you say, well, I've been forgiven.