Fox Interns, Start Your Engines

0:02Jennifer:So are we supposed to start the podcast? Ready? One, two, three. Patriots, gay-triots, they-triots, black-triots, brown-triots, and any of the triots I might forget. We love you. And these fascists can do what, Pumps? Fuck off! All right, Pumps, what have you had it with? today, Jennifer, I've had it with so many things. Like I could start right now and never take a breath because I have a litany of habits. I'm just going to go with the one that has me the most hot and bothered. And that is you go into an app and it says you have to update this version. Okay, it's fine. You want to brag about your new technology?

0:47Fine with that. What bothers me and what I've had it with is once you update the app, then you have to reenter your username and password and you don't get the life hack of your phone just putting it in for you. This happened to me this morning. I can't get in to a banking app that I've had for 16 years because I don't know the fucking username and ID. Well, I don't know what I had for breakfast, okay? So let's start there. So that's my problem. But 17 years, I don't think anybody should be expected to remember something for 17 years. So now what has to happen is I have to get my fat ass into the car and I have to go to the bank and I have to tell them.

1:34And they're like, oh, you can just send it to your email. No, I can't because fucking hackers hacked into that email. And now I don't have that email anymore. On top of that, the new email that I had that Kylie set up, I'm going to have to tell them is 69 at the end. Then after all of that, I'm going to go back and use the same app that I've been using for 17 years. But I have to do all that and spend my whole day fucking with it. Because nobody wants the customer to be able to use anything easily. It's just a fuck you, fuck you, fuck you if you're a user of an app. And I've had it and I'm sick of it and I'm tired, tired, tired of it.

2:16Don't help me with technology. Just keep it the same.

2:20Jennifer:I hear you. The complications with managing a smartphone can be overwhelming, especially at your advanced stage. And so I have incredible empathy for you. The whole password thing and logins, the point that you make about an old email address, that's where it gets you every single time. Every time? Because I have an old email address that was entered in like in 2009 when I first got an iPhone. And now I don't use that email any longer. And then there's some rogue app somewhere. But the stuff that's supposed to make our lives easier sometimes makes it far more complicated. And it's phone updates, app updates, computer updates.

3:10Jennifer:The updates are never updates to me. They're down dates. They're down dates. You're right. It makes it harder. Yeah. They're not improvements. They're not. They're not improvements. months and I've also had it with my forehead and I'm this close to going to get bangs today because the older I get, the bigger my forehead gets, the saggier my boobs get. And I just, I feel like. Stop it. Stop it. You just called yourself a badass. You just critiquing your appearance all the time. We spoke about your bikinis the other day and you just bashed your stomach. You in the last two years have lost a hundred pounds.

3:48Jennifer:You look incredible. Be kind to yourself. I know that, but don't you exercise? No, I think you look gorgeous. Quit micromanaging your appearance. You look better now than you did at 40. You look awesome. Quit being so mean to yourself. Quit micromanaging your appearance. Like I said, you are getting up there and you look incredible. You look a million times better in your 50s than you did in your 30s and your 40s. You take incredible care of yourself. You are sober. You exercise every day. All of the things you used to do brow beat me for exercising now become a part of your everyday life used to brow beat me for being you know particular about my meals and now you're that way your skin looks incredible your hair looks incredible your figure looks incredible don't be so hard on yourself quit calling yourself old quit calling yourself fat quit picking on your forehead i've had it that's my i've had it be nice to yourself well thank you jennifer i really appreciate that because every time i look at this, I just think your forehead is growing.

4:52Jennifer:No, it doesn't. Stop it. Stop. Stop fixating on yourself. You look great. Stop it. Don't be so narcissistic about your parents. For fuck's sake, stop it. Stop it. I've had it. I've absolutely had it with that. Be kind to yourself. Be kind. Think about where you were three years ago and where you are today. It is a 180 degree turn. well thank you and you know that so stop stop nitpicking yourself it's not healthy and i'm not going to tolerate it at all mad at me not really it takes too much energy to be mad at you pumps um okay the uh i don't have and i've had it other than you being not being nice to yourself um but that i've had it that i want to do today is a, I get it, I guess, or I'm into it, hit it.

5:43Jennifer:I hit it. So there's this, there's this accepted rule in the world that, that the DMV is a miserable experience. And all of my experiences at the DMV until yesterday have been that. Miserable experiences. Yesterday, my son and I went to the New York DMV at 145 West 30th Street, the express DMV. We filled out all of our paperwork in advance online. We booked an appointment. We walked right in. We scanned the code for our appointments. They gave us a number and I was like, here we go. Set down less than 30 seconds. Our number was called. We took our photographs. They sent us back down with the same number.

6:33Jennifer:She's like, you need to go and sit back down. They'll call you up again now that your photo's done. So I was certain that that's when I was going to sit there for hours. Again, 30 seconds. a gal named Jackie with a smile and a can-do attitude helped us and not only that they have a DJ an assigned employee that plays a playlist and it was like soul hip-hop rhythm and blues and I mean Jackie and I as we're doing it we're both kind of bouncing the whole time and then I look over at my son Roman we're all and I go who says the DMV isn't lit so I want to say this to the city of New York City, to the state of New York, the efficiency, the workplace environment, the can-do attitude, allowing your employees to play great music, to make a workplace that exudes joy in a infamous, infamous, miserable place like the DMV.

7:35I am now looking forward to losing my

7:39Jennifer:license so I can go back and see Jackie and we can bust out a couple of eight counts because from start to finish, going in and going out was a 10 minute deal. Really? Yep. 145 West 30th Street, New York, New York, Jackie. You know, very few things do I love more than efficiency. And it sounds like this was just a masterclass on efficiency. It was incredible. How nice to hear that. How nice when your government works for you, when it is run efficiently, where the employees are happy and you go into a workplace that there's nothing sexy or lit about the DMV, but I'll tell you the employees at 145 West 30th Street have made it as such.

8:22Jennifer:I had the best time at the DMV. I got a little exercise. I popped out a couple of eight counts. I made a friend in Jackie. I had the, it was high times. So I'm not going to be negative this episode. I've decided because of my experience at the DMV. Yeah. I mean, that really makes me happy because I'm fondly remembering my DMV appointment. That was the carpet was so fucking nasty. I probably could have gotten a disease just looking at it. The lines were slow. We are still check marking off on paper. I don't think there's an option to fill out online. So I, I am very jealous and congratulations.

9:02That just sounds fantastic.

9:04Jennifer:It was incredible. It was just an incredible experience. Kylie, have you gotten your New York license yet? I have not. I'll tell you who to go to. Jackie. Jackie. 145 West 30th Street. At the DMV. I'm kind of excited about that. That makes me kind of want to do it. I'm just telling you, I mean, it's incredible how efficient it is. And that's why I think people like with Zoran Mamdani, it's like, everybody's like, oh, he's going to do all this shit and Sharia and all this crazy, you know, just conspiratorial, you know, how scared MAGA is, or, you know, shit their pants about comedians and all sorts of shit.

9:37Jennifer:But he's doing things where he's showing that government works for the city, like the potholes and things. Obviously, the DMV is the New York state. But when you see a state that funds these agencies that we need, We need to make sure people have licenses. We need to make sure their identification is legitimate, et cetera, et cetera, where it's funded and it is not a miserable experience. Then it makes you realize, OK, I'm going to work. I'm going to vote for politicians that will deliver for me. So it almost makes you think it's intentional in a state like Oklahoma to underfund the DMV so that the electorate hates the fucking government all the time because they're incompetent.

10:16And so I just want to say blue state, blue policies, great DMV.

10:22Jennifer:That's all I'm going to say. It's anecdotal, but I'm into it. I want to go back. I'm going to lose my real idea as soon as I get it. Why don't you come with me? Just throw it away the minute you get it so you can go back. You know, Kylie, I don't really like to go out. I'm quite agoraphobic in the evenings after I filmed, with the exception of walking my canines. So that might be a date for us. I'll chaperone you to the DMV to see my friends. I think we found a way for us to just hang out. You can introduce her to your new chosen people. You know what my favorite part about that is the DJ. Because music does, like, it just kind of, it's hard to be mad if music, good music's playing.

10:59Like elevator music, not talking about that. But like fun music, it's hard to be mad and stuffy about that.

11:06Jennifer:I agree. All right, Kylie, what do you have for us today? You know what, I've got to hit it today as well. Oh, good. It is all the right wing headlines that have been going on about you two. Oh, good. I love this. I collected a couple for you. Okay. The first one is from Mediaite. And they literally wrote in their headline, quote, he liked cock dot dot dot and he liked killing. Jennifer Welch mocks Lindsey Graham after his death in shock rant. Where's the lie? That's what I thought when I saw this. And where's the shock? I will tell you this in terms of positivity. I have seen a million people talking about Lindsey Graham.

11:49And 100 % of them, like, he was gay and he shut the door on gay people after him. So I don't even think, like, classifying the fact that Lindsey Graham likes cock, that's not shocking. Everybody knew about it. And he advertised on Fox News he's into killing. So the fact that this was a shock rant, I agree, was completely disingenuous.

12:13Jennifer:I completely agree. I'm just like, where's the lie? And why is this newsworthy? And why are y 'all playing possum? Why are you acting like dumbasses? I mean, everybody, even Republicans, everybody on the planet says, of course, Lindsey Graham was gay. It's a known secret. There's the whole ladybug reporting. Then there's the the actress, Jesse James Rose, that came out who, you know, nobody has fact checked it. And I believe her. I believe her that Lindsey Graham paid her a stack of cash while he was dressed in his red panties and hired her to do sex acts on him. And I believe her. And I think that there is an abundance of these.

12:47Jennifer:And I mean, clearly, all he talked about was killing his big war hawk on the planet. it. I'm just, I appreciate the media attention on these things. And I would like to give a shout out and a welcome to the New York Post interns that are watching the show, and especially a shout out to the Fox interns that started watching our show. So that Greg, Jesse, and others have something to talk about other than the fact that your political party is a anti-family pro-pedophilia death cult guys all right here's another one um i really like this one headline is crusty white person jennifer welch says crusty white people need to embrace multiculturalism oh burn burn okay and then we've got another one here jennifer welch is jealous of erica kirk because she looks like a shriveled turnip and nobody loves her that's it you was here's this Sam J.

13:47Jennifer:That's the author. Yeah, this is from Twitchy, I believe is the yeah, I'm so jealous of Erica Kirk. Every day I wake up and I'm just like, Oh, my God, I want Erica Kirk's life. That looks incredible. Yeah. I mean, she really leads by example, because I definitely want to be Erica Kirk. You know, here's the thing, Jennifer, I just want to go on record that I love you. So somebody loves you. Me. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Okay. And then pumps, you're not in the clear. I've got one for you. It says screechy insufferable woman casually admits on podcasts that she hated being around her own children.

14:26That's true. That's a hundred percent. All of it's true. Screechy insufferable. I didn't want to be among my kids. That's true. I like them way better now.

14:37Jennifer:Oh God. But, you know, it's just so fantastic that they like the critiques like that. They think it like hurt like that. That would hurt our feelings or that that they think like every woman wants to be like Erica Kirk. And it's just the two different realities, like nothing in any of that, even remotely. I think my blood pressure went down. I think my beat per minute went down because it's so not newsworthy, any of it, nor does it rile me up. But I was tagged in something on Instagram the other day. I went ahead and re-shared it, but it was like some right wing rag. And it's like Jennifer Welch says, raising your children as Christians is child abuse.

15:25Jennifer:And it was the conversation that we were having about evangelical Christianity. and telling your children that they are born bad and that if they do not blindly obey their parents and their pastor and their megachurch pastor, by the way, and God, that they're going to burn in hell forever. And I'm going to say it again. I think that is child abuse. And the evidence ferrets that out. There are group after group after group after group of ex, called exvangelicals who have religious trauma and religious suffering. So you can all you want try to make me into the boogeyman on this. But the fact still remains that these people have been abused and they have still been traumatized.

16:09Jennifer:It's kind of like your fool's errand, MAGA, with trans people. You can try to erase them all you want to and bully them and diminish them. And in your mind, you think you're going to defeat them. But the fact will remain trans people exist. And so the fact remains that the megachurch boom of the 80s is doing incredibly abusive work to people that it takes decades for them to reconcile and deprogram out of. And pumps can speak to that. Still working on it. Let me just tell you something. It's when everything you've ever known and been taught, when you figure out that it's bullshit, it rocks your world.

16:56It rocks who you are, what you think. It causes great angst and shame. Like, how could I have been so stupid? When you have critical thinking on points A, B, C, and D, but you are so willing to throw that away on other points. That creates turmoil and unrest and sadness and anxiety and just an all over unrest in your inner soul. And then not only that, when you figure out this is not going to work, this is not real. I've been doing everything I'm supposed to do and I'm in a thousand times worse position than if I would have been logical and critically thinking my whole life. not only do you have to deal with the ramifications of your choices, then you have to deal with the ramifications of your, and I'm not an existential person necessarily, but you're, you have to say, okay, everything that I thought about the world is wrong.

17:58And now I have to review and reperspective the view of the world. And then that includes looking at the people in your life that indoctrinated you with that. And then you have to suffer with one thing that was so important to my mother. It's something that we can never be aligned on. Something that I know would cause her so much harm and hurt. And I have to be on the opposite side of that. That is not fun. That is very hard. I have cried many tears over that. So it is lifelong. It is not easy. It is painful out the gazoo. And it makes you feel like a dumb shit on top of everything else. So I know that this is real because I have been in therapy over it for over a decade.

18:57At least eight years on this specific topic.

19:01Jennifer:Yeah. Yeah, I think it's really sad. I think that obviously growing up in the Bible, not only you, but other people I've known. Some people kind of early, like Kylie, you know, in college was kind of like the sensing ride and moved on. But the people who go later in life like you, it's even harder to unpack. And the shame that the religion puts on you would far supersede the shame of being brainwashed and indoctrinated, in my opinion. Shame that if you have a lustful thought. Shame that if you are not, quote unquote, obedient to God. That to me is the far more damaging component of shame, the brainwashing component of the shame, than any shame you would feel afterwards.

19:45Jennifer:So think about it in those terms, because the shame that I saw you carry with your religion was far, far, far, far, far, far bigger than what I see now, because I don't really see any. No, I agree with that. But I think another thing that you're indoctrinated with is shame. Shame becomes your passenger as a child, because God reads your thoughts and he can tell you what's going on. You know what I mean? And that's the abuse. That's where the abuse is. That's it. It's just it's to me. It's incredibly abusive to tell a kid if you don't believe this way, if you don't think this way, Satan's going to torture you forever.

20:21Jennifer:And I also just think it's weird as shit to start talking about sex and abstinence with like a five and six year old and all these evangelicals do. It's weird. OK, listener, I'm going on vacation next week and I wanted to buy some new pieces. I think we all like to do this when we travel. You want to get a new little wardrobe hit for your trip. Right. And that's why I love Quince because vacations are expensive and you can't just buy a bunch of clothes too. So Quince delivers the best items, timeless. I recently bought their 100 % European linen pants and they are fabulous. I got these washable silk camis to go with them.

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23:10Jennifer:That's homeserve.com slash hadit for 50 % less savings compared to renewal price void in Florida. Okay, speaking of weird people, let's talk about Katie Miller. so Katie Miller attempts her first ever solo episode of her as we like to call her podcast here fireside chats with Nazis podcast she's a new mother so surely she has a lot to say about the love and laughter in her home uh no that's not what she talks about she's coming unhinged right now about let me check my notes here listener Grey's Anatomy let's play the clip So in the beginning of Grey's Anatomy, you have a gay actor, but you have no gay characters.

24:01About two to three seasons in, you start to have a lesbian couple and a lesbian actor. And then probably in the 2010s, that's when you start seeing a gay marriage. Then you see gay adoption. And then you start going. And I'm going to pull this open because I actually have, I noted this the other day. By 2017, we had a trans man. In 2018, we had multiple different deportation themes with ICE officers in Grey's Anatomy. In 2021, they started to show Black Lives Matter riots where you had people actually being injured by police officers and the demonization of police. In 2021, you also had white men apologizing for being white to black actors.

24:44In 2022, there were multiple characters of different ethnicities and body types. This is when we're supposed to celebrate the fatness of America and this body-conscious lifestyle that has since been a relic of the past thanks to GLP once. And this is where you deviate from Hollywood as a society, from what it looks like as America. Because why are they pushing this on you? Why are they pushing that everyone should be gay and lesbian and transgender? And that's when Hollywood stopped being about entertainment and started pushing their political beliefs on Americans. And so that's what I've done with my postpartum life thus far.