Hog Heaven, MAGA Hell

26:03Angie Sullivan:That's right. I support all of this with everything in me. Here's the thing. Like, okay, so we've got Epstein files. We haven't arrested anybody. We've got right-wing groups that are out, gods and guns, and doing all this shit. I mean, the FBI is such a fucking disaster. But we are so worried about guys going online and hooking up with trial. Like, I just cannot believe that that exists. I cannot believe the FBI is spending time on memos saying don't get caught by a trad wife. Like, fucker, it doesn't matter if you're a trad wife. Whatever the profile is, if you're being a nut on a dating app, you're being a nut on a dating app.

26:46Like, that's just how it is. And so just the amount of energy and tax dollars that have been wasted on Kash Patel's girlfriend, on extra small FBI jackets for him, on private planes. I just, the waste, the waste fraud and abuse in Kash Patel's FBI is, it's so staggering. And it is not limited because we've got DOJ. I mean, there's a gazillion things, but just in particular, Kash Patel is just the dumbest, like of all the podcasters on the planet, of all the podcasters on the planet that you could get to be the director of the FBI. He was a bad choice, even in that group, even in that group of unqualified people, Kash Patel's at the bottom.

27:37But I guess that's why he was picked.

27:38Angie Sullivan:yeah and i think what i hear from all of this and what i see from all of this is a larger narrative that we need to expose and it is that people that identify as maga whether you are the director of the fbi whether you are the speaker of the house whether you are the uh husband of christy noem these people are deeply deeply deeply sexually repressed these people are not liberated sexually the way we just experienced a master class about your wanting to pull a train with um hell's angels at a truck stop a gas station bathroom these people are so incredibly sexually repressed and this is why they hate the white liberal woman who um fucks for sport if you want to fantasizes they have crabs announces that they have their a crab survivor.

28:34Angie Sullivan:I think it would be better for you to start referring to yourself as a crab survivor for all of those that have survived crabs. But then, you know, think about this. Think about the case that's piling up. Kristi Noem, her husband, big titty Brian, right? Think about, we just heard about Lauren Boebert, Scissor City. It's Scissor City for Lauren Boebert, who is nonstop talking about God, Jesus, all this shit. Meanwhile, it's, you know, let's deep dive snorkel with my staff, no mask, and then get busted and have to pay$200 ,000, allegedly. All right. All right. So she's vaguely diving. And, and listen, I support it.

29:18Angie Sullivan:I'm for all of this shit that they want to do, but they have so much shame surrounding sex. And so then these, these brave heroes that are infiltrating the FBI by, or I guess that it wasn't the FBI, they're infiltrating immigration authorities. So basically ICE, it sounds like, ICE agents, to get them in a compromising position because they know that these men are fucked up sexually. These are not people that are liberated. This is why the MAGA movement hates the LGBTQ plus movement so much, because it's pride month because they have pride in who they are. They have pride when they fuck. They have pride when they hit on people.

30:00Angie Sullivan:They don't feel the shame that MAGA does. So whether it's Kash Patel allegedly fucking a dog and he wants to make that okay, you know, for being the FBI director of goat, whatever his animal of choice was, because God knows, you know, Alexa is probably like, I wish the goat would take it on so I don't have to do this. She'll be happy to get extra dogs to take care of that problem or these brave heroes or should i say sheroes that are putting these immigration officers in um uh compromising positions they know they can lure them in as trad wives and then say some kinky shit and these people it's going to come out but then you know their public persona is mega church god we're so tough drag queens are you know doing all this gay shit with kids and blah, blah, blah.

30:47Angie Sullivan:And that's before we even get to this fabulous Instagram account called right wing watch that all day, every day just drops a fresh supply of all of these mega morons that their whole entire digital profile vacillates between the fight, fight, fight in quotes, assassination attempt on kanks to, um, the drag Queens and the gay agenda and training, trains and kids and all this shit. Meanwhile, they get fucking arrested for doing what? Sexually assaulting kids, slipping into kids' DMs. And so it's just, MAGA is the party of people that have incredible sexual dysfunction. Yeah, that they're trying to hide it and they're trying to go underground and do it.

31:36First of all, you said not all heroes wear capes. She wrote, I wouldn't be surprised if all these guys are on Grindr too. Let's not rule that out. And then I was just going to, did you see the article about a week ago about Mark Wayne Mullins, who is the Secretary of Homeland Security from Oklahoma, that he has a weird living relationship. Yeah. Yeah, I saw that. I'm like, oh my God, it never ends. It never fucking ends.

32:07Angie Sullivan:Little Moses Mike Grinder Johnson had a roommate. That's a weird fucked up roommate. And the neighbors reported that the huge Bible thumper that Moses Mike lived with answered the door when Mike got home from work in his panties. I mean, so don't tell me there isn't all this homoerotic shit going on. I mean, from a man who has devoted his entire life to anti-gay causes, Little Grinder has. I mean, you know, there's just a real fine line between a cowboy that you see in like super tight Wranglers. I'm talking skin fucking tight, starched down the center with a big cowboy belt buckle and the shirt that's super, super tight in these boots.

32:45Angie Sullivan:And if you've ever been to a boot and scooting place, the way they twirl around the dance floor, there's a real fine line between a cowboy and a queen. I'm just saying. Likewise, there's a real fine line between a lot of country gals and stereotypical lesbians. There's just a real fine line. I'm just saying that I think the libtards are correct when they say that sexuality is a spectrum. I think that a lot of these people feel like if they find somebody attractive that is of the same sex, that they're being gay. And they're like, oh my God, that was crazy. That was gay. And then it just builds and builds and builds and builds Because they think these people are so nutty.

33:34Angie Sullivan:They think they're being surveilled 24-7, 365 by God and all of their thoughts. I mean, my God. We're governed by these dipshits. I've had it with Christians. I've had it with Christians. Had it. Had it, had it, had it. Mr. President, my company told me of the explosion on our rig on October 2nd. Causing massive water displacement and triggering a tsunami. They all heap the blame on me. Tom Cruise is. Digger got us into this mess, and Digger's gonna dig us out. From the director of Birdman and The Revenant. What would happen if I stopped doing it? You stalled, you freeze to death, that's what.

34:11With great power comes great deniability. I'm not the first daddy. Digger. See the trailer online. Only in the years October 2nd. Rated R. Under 17 on a minute without parent. This episode is brought to you by Netflix's new series, East of Eden. A bold reimagining of John Steinbeck's masterpiece following generations of the Trask family through love, betrayal, and the choices that shape humanity. Starring Mike Feist and Christopher Abbott as the Trask brothers and Florence Pugh as Kathy Ames, the complex anti-heroine determined to build the life she wants, no matter the cost. Watch East of Eden, October 1st, only on Netflix.

34:50Had it?

34:51Angie Sullivan:I think we need to listen to our callers. What have the callers had it with? Okay, good. Because I'll find a new grievance here. Okay, first we've got Jenny. Hi, Pumps. Hi, Kylie, Seth, Ryan. This is Jenny, the therapist and her therapy dog, Hazel. I've written into you guys before. I just have to share with you the most astonishing thing. I was out walking Miss Hazel, come up to this yard in my little neighborhood where I live. suddenly there's caution tape all over the front line really kind of thought something was wrong didn't know if a tree had fallen on the neighbor's house or what as i get closer there is a sign that says stay back we have noisy dogs and a sleeping baby and then this sign proceeds to tell anybody who's coming to the door what they can do if they're there for a social visit if they're delivering food, if it's a package.

35:51And anyway, I just had it with that kind of stuff. You know, I've raised three kids. Youngest one is 18. Sure. I didn't like people, you know, being loud in my actual house if a baby was trying to sleep, but to go so far as telling the outside world what they can do because your baby is inside sleeping. I don't know. I think that's bananas. Anyway, love you guys. Can't wait to see your show in DC. Thanks. Bye. Yeah, I think that's really nutty. Here's the thing. There is nothing worse than having a new baby and somebody ring the doorbell. Back in our day, or my day at least, with Sam, it was landlines.

36:30Like, so it was just ringing, ringing, ringing people. And they're being sweet, but it's like, I finally just took the phone off the hook. Now with silencing your phone, you can do that. But here's the thing. Caution tape. Do we have to go so far as to put caution tape around? And if you want to deliver a package, do this. I've seen people that just put tape over the doorbell that says, please text me if you're here. So it seems slightly dramatic. But with new parents, and I was like this, you think you are the only person on planet Earth that has ever had a baby. And your problems, like your baby's not sleeping all night, that's so unique to you.

37:13It's not. Everybody does it. Everybody lives through it. It's not great, but you do. I'm going to have to say this is too far. Just a little too far for me.

37:24Angie Sullivan:Yeah, I would say that, you know, the stickers that you see on the back of minivans where it has like a dad, a stick figure, a dad, a mom, and little kids, and then a couple dogs and a couple cats. And then also on the same car, you see like proud parent of, you know, Smith Jones Elementary School honor student. All of this lives in the same space. Yeah. All of this lives in this, and you nailed it, that people think they're universally unique when they breed and have a family and that their experiences in this are unique and that their baby's needs are more important than every other baby's needs and that their child is smarter than every other child and their family is, you know, worthy of a stick figure thing.

38:11Angie Sullivan:And what I have to say about all of this is put a sock in it. put a sock in all of the top bottom left right breeding has been around forever like literally forever and i i think that the straights uh do this the most i'm curious as we see the gays and the lessees and the lgbtq plus community have their own families i wonder if they would do the stick figure family in their car like dad dad kid i'm kind of thinking no no i'm wondering about the much style the honor student sticker have you seen the one that says my child beat up your honor student of course those were so i mean i i like that one i like that one a little bit but yeah i don't think i think the gays are too cool for those stick figures maybe maybe i'm wrong but i think just generalizing i think way too cool they're not going to get caught up in all that bullshit I do have a little slight story that I'm glad Hazel going on a walk reminded me of.

39:13So yesterday, I take all the dogs for a walk. And Blaze takes a ginormous poop. I mean ginormous. And it was a double sacker. So I go in. There's a hole in the sack. And I mean, I went right in to get it. It was so gross. Has that ever happened? And am I the only person that's ever happened to? Surely not.

39:40Angie Sullivan:That has not happened to me. And thank you so much for sharing. Let's get to the next caller. To the first Christ, yeah. Okay, up next we've got Dakota. Hi, Jen. Hi, Pumps. Seth. Hey, Diva. And most importantly, hi, Kylie. I only listen to this podcast for you. Let it be known. My name's Dakota. I'm from Seattle. And I've had it with customer service employees who are rude to me because they're mad at a customer that was mean to them before I even got there. I was just in the drive-thru and I pulled up and they're like, hi, what would you like to order? I said, oh my God, hello. So nice to see you.

40:17This is what I would like to order. Thank you so much. They say, is that all? I say, yep, that'll be it. And then 10 seconds of silence. Nobody says anything. I'm sitting here wondering, okay, does she need a moment? Is she busy in there? Do I need to pull forward? What am I supposed to do? And then at the end of that 10 seconds, she says, okay, we'll see you up here. Like loaded and dripping in attitude. And I'm like, you know, screw me for thinking that I'm going to have you read my total to me. So I know how much I need to give you whenever I get to the window or like, screw me for thinking that maybe you as the employee would say, okay, pull forward.

40:55We'll see you up here. So then I get to the window and she's absolutely rude to me. Like, won't even look at me make eye contact and i worked retail for five years i know how fucking awful customers can be and i totally get being in a bad mood after a bad interaction but one thing that just doesn't make sense is to be rude to the customers that are nice like overly nice to you you can kind of tell whenever somebody has worked in retail because they have this like sense of how can i make your job easier as the employee like i get the struggle but it always peeves me so bad whenever I'm like overly nice to an employee and they're just like opening my jaws and shitting in my mouth because they hate it on the customer period.

41:35Anyway, that's why I've had it. Love ya.

41:40Angie Sullivan:It's a really good grievance. It's very nuanced. And I appreciate a nuanced grievance like that. It's not just like, I went to the drive-thru and the lady was a bitch. There was a lot of analysis behind it. Like he opined and deduced that she was mad because the customers before him had been shitty to her. And so then he, he's taken the grenade on that. You know, he's, he's the collateral damage of these bad customers. And I appreciate how detailed and nuanced that, that is. And I, you know, I always go back to this. If, if these, the people who work in the service industry are shit on by everybody, everybody, by most importantly, first and foremost, their employers, their employers refuse to pay them a livable wage.

42:28Angie Sullivan:And then the government assists in that. Oh no, these are job creators. We can't put restrictions on them. They should be able to, you know, pay or do whatever they want to do. We don't want to have, we're for laissez-faire economics, et cetera. And then just the Facebook keyboard warriors then are like, I don't know. And so I get his grievance. I understand it because I always try to be really kind to people in the service industry and, um, you know, acknowledge because I waited tables forever and, uh, all through college. And I think it's one of the best jobs a person can have is waiting tables.

43:06Cause you really get a, a sampling of all the

43:10Angie Sullivan:different types of people there are in the world. Um, so I don't know. I love, I just love a detailed nuanced grievance and I appreciate it. Yeah. And I, I've had that happen to me where I'm waiting, like do i pull up do i not pull up like i need a little more direction but here's the deal people get treated like shit so i i i'm with you i always try to be super nice and gracious and not get mad but it sounds like he killed her with kindness even after she was a bitch to him which i appreciate too i do too all right who's next okay up next we've got kylie oh two kylie did you call in not me kylie this is a fellow kylie calling with an i've had it um this kind of has to do with the i've had it jen has about getting emails and texts from businesses after you make just like a one-time purchase i purchased a keyboard online from this business um and i proceeded to get the confirmation email, which whatever, I expect that.

44:15I then get a email from a different person that claims to be, well, not claims to be, the sales manager there. And he is thanking me personally for the order and then asks how to stay in contact with me. And what's the best way to stay in contact? What do you mean? Why would I want to stay in contact? I'm just trying to buy this keyboard from you anyway so i get that and i'm like maybe this is a small business or something and they're just like very thankful for the purchase that's not even the worst part he proceeds to call me no to thank me for the order why are you calling me no and then after the order's delivered he

45:03Angie Sullivan:tries calling me again no no why are we calling why are we calling me so that's why i've had it for today. I'm just, I'm just so sick of it. That's stalker behavior. It's epidemic. I have been whistleblowing about this type of stuff all the time. It's a slippery slope that these companies are engaging in. And it's a gateway to what obviously Kylie, the caller, you know, could seriously have a stage five stalker on her hand at this stage. How would we know the difference? Because corporations stalk us like that as well. It should feel like stalking. Let me give you a prime example. I had my annual mammogram last Friday.

45:43Angie Sullivan:It was a miserable experience. Okay. They had to smush my little titties into this thing and she didn't get it right the first time. We did a bunch of different images and they were smushed and that's hold your breath. And then you hear the machine go beep, beep, beep. Okay. Miserable experience. One out of five stars. I recommend because I believe in the power of preventative medicine, but it's not pleasant. It's not, it shouldn't be a service that you give a review for. I agree. I'll be goddamned. I get the results. Normal. Thank you. Praise Jesus. Praise be. That's the atheist. God is, God is looking over my titties.

46:30Angie Sullivan:It was a God thing. Yeah. And it was a God thing. thing and um i got a text after said miserable experience of having my tits smushed re-smushed holding my breath the beeping of the machine it's like a goddamn horror film right it's like a cia black site in these mammogram rooms where they're punching the titties right it's like basically titty waterboarding and i get it i get a text message asking me to review the experience and here's what i have to say to the people who came up with surveys stop the whole business is a fucking racket it is a fucking racket who is going what kind of motherfucker goes onto their phone after being at a CIA black site masquerading as a mammography radiology room and gets tortured and gets their titties smushed multiple times in a row while holding their breath.

47:44Angie Sullivan:And then how was this experience? Would you care to rate this experience? I would care to not remember this experience until next year. I wouldn't deny that ever happened. I want to evangelical Christian this thing. I want to pick up the rug, sweep the abuse under and roll it back down because I'm grateful for the science that we can catch and that women aren't dropping dead of cancer. But this is not a reviewable, surveyable experience, period. Who came up with all of these ideas that there's a fucking survey for that? There's a survey for this. I oppose surveys. I've had it with surveys. I think it's bullshit.

48:19Angie Sullivan:I think it's a niche group of busy bodies, yeah codependent toxic people that came up with this racket we'll survey people and we're going to charge these corporations to run their surveys racket racket racket racket racket racket and then they sit around and they scramble jets and they sit around and go okay well we were looking at the surveys and we just came up with a whole new motto and the people are saying well what should we do different than the other radiology departments we've got it it may feel like you're at a cia black site but at least you don't have cancer you know they come up with this shit And then it's just, and they're constantly just pummeling us with all this stuff.

48:57Angie Sullivan:At the end of the day, a medical visit, none of these things are surveillable. Nobody likes going, except unless you're a freak show hypochondriac like Josh, nobody genuinely likes doing this shit. Well, you like to take surveys, don't you? I loved it. I like political surveys. I don't do just like every day. Like yesterday I had my car serviced. I didn't get it. I didn't survey it. I just ignored it. I'm just like, no. But I love you like a survey. I don't know if I've ever actually done one. I appreciate that. I never that's a no for me. Yeah, I do all the political surveys that come my way.

49:31And it's interesting because it used to be more fun. I used to get surveys from like Republican and Democrats are just on public questions. But now mine are all like, do you think the Trump administration is corrupt. Yes. I mean, so now they figured me out.

49:48Angie Sullivan:This is what I'm saying. Somebody's making money off of that by asking stupid questions. Of course he's great. Most surveys are stupid questions. You may remember back to the start of this podcast, one of my original fundamental grievances that I've had forever are stupid questions. And then there's this whole movement. There's no such thing as a stupid question. Are you fucking kidding me? Stupid questions are goddamn ubiquitous. And here's a prime one. Do you think Donald Trump's a dipshit? That's a stupid question because it's asked and answered counselor. We all know. Everybody knows he's a moron, criminal, idiot.

50:21Angie Sullivan:So I think stupid questions. Okay. Here, here it is. Surveys are the monetization of stupid questions. Yes. You're so right. I oppose them with everything in me. I think they're a racket. I want to take down the survey business. I like it. I like it. Especially after doctor's appointments. I do kind of like my political surveys, but other than that, yes, I'm with you. So this, this is the first mission of the MAPA movement. Surveys. Yeah. Taking down surveys. I'm going to, and here's what I'm going to do. I'll create a survey to see what about surveys. Yeah. That would be the first project. I've got it.

51:06Angie Sullivan:I've got it guys. Hey, listen, listen, we'll do a survey about if people enjoy surveys. Surveys. Yeah. Oh yeah. It's a great idea. It's really fresh. It's really cutting edge. You should do it. Kylie, draw it up. Put it on the internet. Let's circle back with more ideas. What are we going to call the survey about surveys? You know, everybody, you know, enough, enough. The millennials have done a lot of good things, but I think a lot of this, a lot of this, there's no such thing as a stupid question. Yeah. Everything has to be positive all the time. I need some cynicism in the world. Absolutely.

51:39Angie Sullivan:I need it. The world is better with cynicism. I need it to survive. Agree. One million percent. I can't survive in toxic positivity. No. I can't survive in a world where there is no such thing as a stupid question. Ask me whatever you want. Okay. Are you a dumb bitch? Is that a stupid question? Let's talk about that. Do you want a survey on that? On a scale of one to 10, how would you think the question? rates and stupid ability are you a dumb bitch that's what i want to do i would answer the question myself yes yes i am a stupid bitch 10 out of 10 on the on the dumb just spot it you got it all right that's all we have listen i have a book around here somewhere here it is and it's close i'm so excited i can't wait to get my number six not today fascist please pre-order it it helps me a lot um and uh i think you'll quite enjoy it it's obviously more serious more political but we need this and this is a great read to motivate everybody right into the midterms put pumps back in here and um please leave us a a voice memo and you have to obviously tell kylie you think she's cool in order for her to play and she's the gatekeeper of all that and she is a fucking unhinged narcissist of the highest order.

53:05Angie Sullivan:Yeah. So you'll notice the trend in all our voicemails. You get on if you say how great Kylie is. Yeah. Then it gets played. Then it gets played. No, I'm kidding. Kylie's not a narcissist. She's fabulous. She's the, uh, she's our hashtag why.

53:22Hashtag why I'm writing that down for how to next time I get so fucking tired. She's our hashtag why shut the fuck up.

53:29Angie Sullivan:They are my hashtag why.

53:34Angie Sullivan:Are you a dumb bitch? That's how we should respond. Yeah. As a matter of fact, I am. I am. Thank you for noticing. All right. We'll see you all later.

53:47Angie Sullivan:I'll tell you what I've had it with. Let's hear it. I've had it with that. Mr. President, my company told me of the explosion on our rig on October 2nd. Causing massive water displacement and triggering a tsunami. They all heap the blame on me. Tom Cruise is Digger got us into this mess and Digger's gonna dig us out from the director of Birdman and The Revenant what would happen if I stopped doing it you stalled, you freeze to death, that's what with great power comes great deniability I'm not the first daddy Digger, see the trailer online only in the years October 2nd Rated R, under 17, not a middle without parent