MAGA? I Beg Your Parton

22:32Angie Sullivan:And I put the car seat like in the high chair thing. And I sat down and I was like, I lost all of my baby weight last time. It's been four days. I just got out of the hospital yesterday. I will lose this weight. I imagine next week I won't look pregnant anymore. Are we happy? They're like, oh, we're sorry, darling. But that is it. It is a baby boomer thing. The weight, the weight police thing is such a baby boomer. The body stuff, what they were told, how they deal with it. And again, we have to live on this earth together. And I do love my parents and I love my family. And it's called the family plan because I'm on my parents' cell phone plan.

23:10So there's an element in a lot of the special is about the millennial boomer relationship. It's like, yeah, they got the money. We're the first generation to do financially worse than their parents. So how does that kind of evolve into a familial relationship? the way I'm with my parents is so different than the way my parents were with their parents. Totally. And my, you know, and like when I get to the, when I get somewhere, I text my parents landed, you know, like I don't. Still? Yes. How old are you? 41. Shut up. I'm texting them landed. I've gotten here from the phone that they're paying for the plan for.

23:44Oh, Jesus Christ. And listen, I can afford it myself. You know, I could go and pay my own cell phone bill, but what? No, let them fucking pay. I'll save them 50 bucks. Let's get into your grievances. What have you had it with? I've had it with everything. Last night, have you been to Salt and Straw? No. Salt and Straw is a unbelievable ice cream place. Let me just start with - I love ice cream. If you love ice cream - Love. You got to go to Salt and Straw. I waited 45 minutes to get to the counter. 45 minutes. Because they even have a sign that's like, try everything. As many tries as you want.

24:22Do you have sample abusers? It's not even sample abusers because they're encouraging it. And they're basically, the people at Salt and Straw act like they're ice cream sommeliers. Like they are like, well, this has a node of chocolate and this, oh, you have hints of Oakwood. And people are like getting up to the front and acting as if they are in Napa trying the Reds. You know, like, and you go, I looked at my, I was with my girlfriend last night. We're in line. I kept imagining what if I was alone in line for ice cream for 45 minutes? That would be a problem. That would be an actual drug addictive quality.

24:59I was just like, I can't believe that everyone's in on this. The people at the counter and the people trying, no one even looked back to be like, hey, sorry, we're doing 45 minutes.

25:11Angie Sullivan:So they're creating a culture of sample abuse. Yes, they're encouraging sample abuse. and I actually have, I've devised in line. I had enough time to devise. You have a resolution. I have a resolution. Here's how my ice cream shop would work. Okay, let's hear it. Salt and straw. Here are the new rules. You get three tries, but you have to ask for them all at once. So you can't go, let me try, you know, let me try, you know, the mint chocolate chip. No, this is pretty good. I don't want 10 minutes on each one. Oh, let me spread myself around to the sorbet. Maybe I'm a sorbet guy. No, no, no. You get three, but you have to announce them the minute you get to the counter.

25:56Mint chip, Rocky Road, strawberry. And then they bring you all three. And then you have to choose one of the three as what you're having. You can't – only the ones you try are the ones you can choose from.

26:14Angie Sullivan:So let's run the hypothetical. Let's say that I really love salt and straws chocolate. Yeah. But I say I want pistachio, vanilla, and butterscotch. I taste all of those and I still like the chocolate better. I can't go back to chocolate. No, no, no. You got to go with what you try. So you're the ice cream Nazi. Like the soup Nazi. I'm trying to make it some, I'm taking away this choice that we, because what's slowing up the line is the idea that like, well, maybe I'll go to the one I don't know. No, go with, you've gotten it down to the top three. And also above your head, a three minute clock.

26:51The minute, three minutes, the minute you get to the counter. I think that's way too long.

26:55Angie Sullivan:Way too long. Three, I'm giving people some grace. I'm a nice dictator. Okay, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to rush people. Three minutes, a minute for each try, I'm okay with it. Last night, I would have paid for three minutes each. Here's what I would do. Okay. Okay, my ice cream shop, I'm going to have two lines. people that want samples and people that don't. I love this. An express line. Yes. And it's going to say people who know and are ready to order and ready to pay within 10 seconds of being greeted. So let's work on this together. Now we're cooking. Right. Okay. Now, so we do try line.

27:32You get three tries, three minute clock. You can be the - Express line. 10 seconds. 10 second clock. And once it buzzes, you're taken away by armed guards.

27:41Angie Sullivan:100%. And you have to have Apple Pay ready. Right. Or if you're paying by credit card or paying by cash, it has to be in your hand. I listen. No digging, no ordering. And then the cone comes and then you have it in your hand and then you're trying to dig around. You have to be ready to order like you're ready to go through TSA. Well, this goes into my TSA thing. I always thought TSA pre, you should have it taken away. I agree. I think we should have to do. Tryouts. Tests, like a driving test. But for TSA pre. I agree. We set up obstacle courses at all the DMVs. Okay. The first stop is the laser with the ticket.

28:18If it takes more than 10 seconds, nope, you're out. Then you have to do a tumble roll and then carry your bag and put it on to the conveyor belt yourself. Can't do that. You're out. Your TSA Pre will be our fittest and most well Americans ready to go.

28:34Angie Sullivan:Ready to most prepared Americans. Totally agree. The most prepared American. Furthermore, Pumps and I have talked about this extensively. We need armpit sniffers at the entrance of every airplane. I love it. Because there is a lot of people that are either not using deodorant or they're using organic deodorant. And I love this because AI can't take away that job. That's exactly right. We need to move people from these other jobs. You know, the toll booth worker must become the armpit sniffer. Yeah, I like this. Because have you been on a plane with somebody who's wearing organic deodorant or not?

29:09This would actually make people feel better about AI. Because at least we're giving options of other jobs that are getting created. Like, at least we have other places we can go. We want to make sure. I really like the - I would sniff some armpits.

29:23Angie Sullivan:I really like the tryouts for TSA. I agree we're doing it wrong. Of course, check the criminal record. Criminal record, of course. Yeah, yeah. No, but I want a little bit of obstacle course. We need to know that somebody has earned that with efficiency. We don't let 90 year olds drive. Like, why are we letting them into the same free? Yeah. This is the whole thing was about quick and efficient. Right. And I just want, I also want at the airport, you and I fly a lot. Yeah. I want badges for people who are professional flyers. I do too. I just want a badge that I can hold up like I'm a, like a cop that's on the murder scene.

30:01I just want to walk in and go professional flyer here. because the problem with the airport is everyone thinks they're doing it right and everyone's doing it wrong no matter how little they fly yeah so there's a little bit of like it's it's like almost like schadenfreude a little bit i think i'm using the word wrong but i'm saying like it's that type of thing where it's like look at this guy but it's like you're moving slow now i think there should be a penalty box so if you do if you get to the tsa pre-line and you mess up you know doing your your ticket 30 seconds in the box and then you get sent to the because there's no shame No one knows when they're doing the wrong thing.

30:35So put them in the penalty box with a neon sign above them that says idiot. Right. And then the family's like, dad, we got to get to the gate. And the dad's like, I didn't take off my shoes. I forgot. I tried to take off my shoes in TSA pre. I didn't know they didn't do that. Like, I want that dad to feel it. Yeah. And then walk with shame the rest of the trip.

30:55Angie Sullivan:I completely agree. We were creating a better. One of my best travel days was I went through TSA. and I was ready. Of course, I had everything ready. I went through and then at the tail end, I grabbed my stuff. There's like four or five containers where people didn't get them and return them down. And so I just stacked them all up, cleaned up everybody else's mess and put it on there. And the TSA agent looked at me and he said, you're a great traveler. And I like stopped and I was like, it was like he, it's like he would have said, you're gorgeous. I stopped and I went, Thank you. So much for noticing because I want to make your job easier.

31:31Angie Sullivan:I want TSA agents to be proud of me. A TSA agent telling me that I am a good traveler, I would assume would be like heroin going through my veins. I would assume it's a similar feeling. It was the best travel day I've ever had. Another job I think we should create. Okay. When people act bad, I want to be hired as a nodder. So anytime someone acts badly at the airport and someone gets annoyed with them, I'm just in the background going.

32:03Just because when you see someone act badly at the airport, all you want is to look around and have one person go, they're crazy. I'll be that guy. I'll just walk around. Anytime I see bad behavior, if anyone makes eye contact with me, you're right. That's all people want to feel good. I mean, I have so many I've had it. Can I keep going?

32:24Angie Sullivan:Yeah, okay. Yeah, let's go on. I have your list. The iPhone. My iPhone, I need a new one. Every time I need a new iPhone, I am put face to face with how little confidence I have. Because all I can think about is that the minute I switch from this old iPhone to the new one, I will lose every password, every phone number, every memory. So I put it off. And then I'm sitting there going, Jared, Jared, you don't think you can get through this? You're a 41-year-old adult. This is the thing that's holding you back from society. You don't have the new charger because you can't even have the confidence to push yourself to the next iPhone.

33:02This is, and it's like, I don't need the iPhone to be this look in the mirror at how little, like, how little of a man I feel on the inside. And it happens every four years. I'm going through the same process of like, who am I? Jared, just do it. Just switch. Just make the move. because I do believe the minute I switch, this card will be pulled on the house of cards that I'm living in and the whole thing comes crumbling down.

33:29Angie Sullivan:So you have anxiety. Yes, from the iPhone switch. And it's only happening because of Apple. Like I would, if I could just keep the phone forever, I would never have to deal with my own insecurities. You know what pisses me off about Apple? What's that? Every, and this has been proven, but every single time there's a new phone that comes out. Do you notice your battery starts draining a little faster? I notice that. Well, we are Apple's bitch. 100%. The idea that we're operating on this earth, like on our own merits and decisions. No, Apple runs the world. Yeah. How about every time Apple's like, ah, new charger, come and buy it, you bitch.

34:12Yeah. They could switch chargers and just be like, hey, we need to make an extra billion dollars. Ah, switch the chargers. Apple, because we all go by the Apple clock. Apple could move time by a minute every month. And night would become day and day would become night. And we would just be like, yeah, Apple decided. That's what my phone says. It's 3 p.m. Right? It's true. We set our clocks. We set your watch. Look at your watch is Apple's time. Not yours. I know. I know. Not yours. You set the time based on that. That is God. I know. That is scary. It's terrifying. Terrifying. And apple literally, one second a day, the sun, you'd be like, wow, is it morning already?

34:58Yeah, daddy apple says it is. Okay, let's move. I have more.

35:04Angie Sullivan:Okay, let's move into omakase. Omakase, it's not enough food. It's not enough food. What is omakase? Omakase is the sushi. You go in the sushi place and they're like, we'll take care of you. The chef will keep bringing it out and you get like nine different, the average of nine, maybe to 15 if you go to work. And the chef picks it. And they pick it and they put, and they take the art that is sushi, which I do believe it is art. They make it in front of you and then they place it and then me, the pig, grabs it and eats it in less time than it took them to make it. Like in like half a second, I throw it in like it's an M &M.

35:42and then we get nine courses in and I'm starting to be like, is this going to be it? Is this all the food we're getting? And that's the problem with omakase. They need, I need a ball pit that I'm going to land it. Like I get so afraid of leaving omakase not full. Yeah. That it ruins the whole experience for me. The whole time I'm sitting there like, is this going to be enough? Is this going to be enough? Do you think this, to be enough? Do you ever think when you're sitting there, maybe my dad won't ask me how

36:15Angie Sullivan:much I weigh again? Do you ever link those two things together? Those two things are not linked. At all. Even when I eat with my parents. When I eat with my parents, you don't have to. The thing about eating families is that every eating family, and I say it in a special, it is all we do is eat, all we talk about food and then we are every single day we are surprised that food has any consequences at all like that is an eating family because my mom will go eat eat what are you not eating for you're not eating you sick you're not eating and then the minute you're done jared we got to stop eating like this and you're like how did what what is going on here how did this happen?

37:01How did I walk into my own intervention? It's crazy. But this is the thing with omakase is you go along, you eat and you go. And my fear of not being full after a dinner, like the fear of going from omakase to a second dinner just to make sure I don't go to bed upset. I think every omakase place should promise you a fried rice finisher. Wouldn't that be nice I do love a fried rice.

37:32Angie Sullivan:Who doesn't love a fried rice? Wouldn't that be? Little extra scrambled eggs in there. Yes. Salty, delicious. Wouldn't you feel the whole omakase experience would be so much better if at no point did I believe that I might go home hungry? If I had that fried rice finisher, I'd be like, and they go as much as you want. Because you're not going to eat that much. It's not fried rice is not an expensive item to make, especially if it's vegetable fried rice. You're going to get. So I think for the restaurants, if you promise a fried rice finisher, I think every omakase would be better. See, I don't come with I've had it.

38:11I'm not someone who complains without creating solutions. I come up with solution based. I've had it guy. That's how you know I've been on the show many times. I don't just bring an I've had it. I tell you how we make the world a better place by having armed guards who will remove your grandma from the TSA pre line.

38:25Angie Sullivan:You are a conflict resolution guy. That's right. That's me. Yeah. Okay. Let's move on to dog names that are people names. Here's the problem I have with dog names that are people names. Okay. At first, when you're introduced to a dog with a person name, you're kind of happy. Like you're like, oh, my God. You're like, Ernie? Ernie the dog? This is the best part of my day. It's whimsical. Yeah. When you meet a hot dog dog named Ernie, you go, wow. Now, I guess life can be good. There couldn't be good days. The issue I have is that when I don't meet the dog first, I was out getting coffee. I hear this woman behind me.

39:08She's going, Charles, Charles, listen to me. And I'm like, oh, good. I'm going to see this kid get yelled at. I was so excited for the show. Like this mom is going to yell at this kid and I'm going to watch with my coffee and I'm going to be entertained. This is great. And I turn around, she's talking to a doodle. Charles the doodle. And I'm like, what is going on? I thought I was going to turn around and see a kid get yelled at. It was going to make my day. Now I got to watch Charles. Charles. Charles the doodle. Are you out of your mind? Because at that point, you've just bought like a pillow that will lick you.

39:51Like that will kiss you. You just don't want it. Like you're trying to imagine that there could be a Charles out there that you could tell every – that will love you no matter what and you can tell what to do at all times. Like to me, it's like says more about the owner. You're like, oh my God, you needed a Charles in your life that would love you no matter

40:10Angie Sullivan:what? I like dog names for dogs. Like Rufus. My dog's name is – I have two French Bulldogs. What are they? Tubby. Tubby's a great dog. And then I have Cha-Cha. Great dog. to like, I would never hear cha-cha and then be like, well, someone's grandmother's getting yelled at. No. You would know immediately it was a dog. You're talking to a dog. Yeah. And I'd be like, oh, cool. Okay. There's a dog. Okay. I have a story I want to run by you. Please. What are people looking for in a significant other? And according to this headline, pop this up, Kylie. Please. They're looking for themselves. What is a doppel banger?

40:50Angie Sullivan:Experts unpack if this dating trend is toxic or sexy A doppelbanger claims that it's a clever way to refer to people who have sex with or date someone Who looks very similar to you Sometimes to the point where you look like identical twins So we have taken the luxury of creating some female doppelbangers for you Me, oh this is gonna be, I'm gonna wanna fuck me every time Pop it up. Here's, so my type. Had it or hit it? Hit it. So my type. So my type. There's another one. Hang on. Looks a little bit Rosie O'Donnell-ish. Looks a little butch. But would you hit it? I've been told I look like Rosie O'Donnell from A League of Their Own.

41:37I've gotten that comparison. Would you hit it? Yeah, of course. Of course. Yeah, you know. Well, this is, it's funny. like like listen my type is woman who debates a glp1 because it might make her ass get smaller like that's my type so like and i'm on a glp1 i say that because but i i it's sometimes you think sometimes it's like good name like is the reason we even have a conversation doppelbanger it's a great it's great it's great that's headline that's yeah but most couples people generally date someone who looks somewhat like them, like looks like family. Like that happens.

42:17Angie Sullivan:It does. And also couples end up kind of looking like each other. They might not have initially, but then they start looking more and more like each other. Like for example, my husband and me, 25 years ago, we didn't look alike, but now I see pictures of us and I'm like, you kind of blend into - You and your husband belong together. Like if I was to have like, you know, those matching games, Yes. When you try to find the matching tile pieces. Yeah. You two I would put together. Like my girlfriend and I, we look like we – I've had – you know, I just don't – bring it to when I've had it. Why are we telling people they look like – their girlfriend looks like their sibling?

42:54Like enough. Like in what world are we this honest with people? How about you shut the fuck up and let us fuck in peace? You know, like how about you let us go down on each other and feel good about it for two minutes? You know, like, I don't know these people who are like, who are in a wet dream walking around this country. But my parents look like brother and sister. Like, these are just truths, you know. And again, we are comfortable. You know, this is like, this is caveman stuff.

43:24Angie Sullivan:So do you think it's toxic? No. I don't either. And especially, it's funny, the headline shows a gay couple making out that looks like, that's the one where, you know, it's funny. like we don't think of these things until you see it as a gay couple. And then you go, you're kind of like put to face to face with it in a way you haven't been put face to face with it before. So that's like the one where like you have to go, yeah, men, people generally feel a sense of safety around someone who looks like them. That's just, that's like caveman shit. Yeah. You know, like, oh, okay. I can, especially like, who do I approach?

44:02You know, will I get turned down? Well, I won't. You know, if I think of it from like an animalistic way, you know, you go like, like what I approach. So do I think I have more in common with a woman who has 10 pounds to lose? Yeah. Because I have 50 pounds to lose. So like, I think her and I are going to like love having a fried rice after an omakase. Like any woman I would date would hear the omakase fried rice finisher move and be like, I've been thinking about that my whole life.

44:31Angie Sullivan:Do you know what I thought when you said that? What's that? I thought you just can't have both. You either have to have the omicasse. You're skinny. Or you have to have the fried rice. Immediately when you said that, I thought this is so simple for me because I would walk in and decide, do I want the sushi or do I want the fried rice? But I'm not having both. Because you're well. I am sick. This is the, you know, if I had another I've had it. You do. People with issues with GLP-1. Like anyone who has an issue with GLP-1 has never dealt with food issues. Like, I'm on a GLP-1. I think it's the best drug I have done since cocaine.

45:06And I think it's like a miracle. And the idea that you see comments about cutting corners, like, are you out of your fucking mind? My brain works twice as hard as your brain when I walk into a coffee shop every time. Like, I walk into a coffee shop. The idea that my whole life I have been debating a one ounce creamer because it has 30 calories in it that would make my coffee 100 % better is crazy. The idea of someone putting a creamer in their coffee, I'd be like, oh my God. It would be as if they walked into a room with a gun just starting firing at Wile E. Coyote with Yosemite Sam. But that is food issues.

45:54That is what the GLP-1 comes in and cures.

45:59Angie Sullivan:I've been thin and exercised my whole life. The majority of it's genetics, but my mother, the baby boomer, was taught eating. She would have always, oh my God, if I would have said both, she would have gone, oh no, Jennifer, you can't eat like that. You can't do that. Keep your figure. You have to pick one or the other. So I was kind of raised to eat in moderation. But when GLP-1s came in the market, I remember some of my girlfriends like, that's bullshit. I can't believe them. I'm like, why do you care if people are able to take a GLP-1 and look incredible? And I think it's no different from a diet or what about the people who do like the no carbs and all of these crash diets?

46:35Angie Sullivan:Like, I think it's an incredible miracle drug. Here's my, I agree, it's crazy to be against or to even talk shit on. Be judgmental about it. The judgmental part because it's not like a diet. And to me, it's the same thing as ADD medication. Right. So no one, I've never looked at someone on ADD medication and been like, oh, what are you cutting corners? Why don't you pay attention? Fucking loser. Have a little willpower. Like that's crazy. That would be a crazy thing to say to someone on ADD medication. Or on antidepressants. Antidepressants. Yeah. This isn't, and I think what it gets compared to a lot is like weight loss.

47:12Like I went on it, I'm doing my act. So the special is a one hour story. I'm trying to do this like one story. When I do comedy, I only tell stories about myself and they're always true. That's my rule for comedy. And it's what makes me love doing stand-up. I tell stories that are true and I make them funnier, but they are true stories. And I only make fun of people I know or I hope to meet. I'm not going to make fun of someone I would never meet. I just don't think that to me is like stand-up and what makes comedy fun is that there's love in it. And I'm like, I really love the people I make fun of, or I have love for them, or I can understand them, and I can empathize with them.

47:53So the first story, the story that's out on Netflix right now is my dad asked me how much I weigh at the beach. I love it. I was so – families would come up to me after the show. I don't do – none of us did this for heroics. We got into this because we all wanted to be told how great we are. It has resulted in people coming up to me being like, that's my dad. That's my mom. And it felt – That's my mom for sure. Totally. And that to me feels amazing. Like I felt so fulfilled in this weird way that I never saw it coming. And I did the show, US, Canada, Europe, Australia, New Zealand. I did it all over the world, everywhere, families.

48:31So that's why I tell people, I'm like, share with your mom, share with your dad, share with the cousin that you go and smoke weed with during Thanksgiving. Like these are the people that you want to show this special to. The new special, the new hour. So now I'm trying to repeat it. I'm trying to repeat the process of one story, blow it up, make it personal, make it fun. It's about my dad offering me his GLP-1. He offered me his Ozempic, which is like, talk about a moment where you're like, do I look horrific? Like, I can't believe I left that house.

48:59Angie Sullivan:Jared, how much do you weigh? Here's my Ozempic. Right. They're all on the same theme, but it's a new story with similar nodes. So this story now about the GLP-1. So now I'm doing On the Road and I'm going to tape another special where it's going to be about this one story about going to dinner with my parents. And then I'm – and it's like when I talk to people who – and then I get off stage. My dad offered me his ozempic. I'm like, really? And then one time I was in Arizona and there was – I go – my dad offered – I open the show with the story in the special. I get to it in the middle. I go, my dad offered me his ozempic.

49:35And I see – it was an older couple and I see the husband look at his wife and like hit her, like just like push her. He's like pointing at her and I go, what? Did you do that? And they are dying laughing. They're like crying already. I'm a man in. And the husband goes, she did that to our son last night. They got in a huge fight. I was like so happy because, you know, so much of like anger and with your family is just hearing that like no one's – No one's going to miss that. No one's going without it.

50:08Angie Sullivan:And that some of these things are kind of universal because at the crux of it, it's a sensitive issue weight because obviously being overweight is a health risk, right? And food can be an addiction. Again, 10 % right. Right. You know, when you say to someone, hey, I'm worried about you. Right. It's offensive and it's – that's why like a lot of people get shit from like online commenters. that's what they do. They try to stay in the morality zone. They go, I'm trying to help your health. No, you're not. You're being a piece of shit. You don't know me. When it's your parents. And everyone has insecurities that their parents pick on.

50:47They're not just weight.

50:48Angie Sullivan:But there's just no question. With GOP-1s and the benefits of it, the science is coming in more and more and more, and they're incredible. And if you have a child that needs to lose weight, you're going to say, hey. Here's an option. Try these GLP-1s with exercise. If you have a child that is an alcoholic, you're going to say, we might need to send you to rehab. Right. If you have a child that has high cholesterol, you know what I mean? Totally. And it's, you know, there's no good way to say that. No. You know, there's no, you know, parents and kids. It's just you care. Listen, my whole life is my parents giving me their opinions with no expertise whatsoever.

51:27And I have, but it does come with love. Yeah. So it's, I just think it's like the beautiful part about complaining about them. You know, like they, and my parents brought their friends. I remember I did the show at the comedy cellar. I was like starting to do this material. The staff was like, have they, and I brought my parents and the staff that works there is friends of mine, like family. And they go, your parents are here? Have they seen the set? And I go, they fucking lived it. What do you think? And I didn't understand it. Then I go on stage. I sit my parents in like the jump seats at the comedy cellar.

51:56and I'm going into stuff about my mom and I'm telling the stories and my mom stands up goes no no and she's trying to debate me on these stories which we still during your live show oh my god and like the the staff is like looking at both of us and I'm like that's my mom everybody

52:16Angie Sullivan:okay I want to shift gears quickly there was a game show when I was growing up a kid of the 80s called name that tune I know name that okay we're gonna start a game here and I've had it called Name That Loon. Okay, let's hear it. And so Kylie's going to play somebody's voice and I'm going to see if you can name it. All right, Kylie, what's the first one? Can Santa see in the dark? What? Try it again. Give it one more shot. Does he wear night vision goggles?

52:47Angie Sullivan:This is a layup. It's got to be - This is a fucking layup. Is it a, what's her name? The first lady? Yes! The accent gave it away. Does Santa see in the dark? Does Santa see in the dark? That's great merch. Does Santa see in the dark? I would wear that on a t-shirt. That's a great beat drop for a DJ. Couldn't you hear that like in Ibiza? Does Santa see in the dark? Santa see in the dark. Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa see in the dark. Santa, Santa, Santa. And let the beat drop. Okay, Kylie, play the next one. Okay, you got that right. I used to snort cocaine off the toilet seats. I mean, RFK's voice is like, it's one of those voices that you just, you're like, you know what RFK's voice kind of reminds me of?

53:46You ever get on an escalator that's broken? Yeah. You have that first moment where you're like, this should be moving. Yeah. Right? It's just like that first moment where you're like, I don't like how this all feels. Yes. That's how his voice feels to me. Like, I'm like, just fix it.

54:01Angie Sullivan:Fascinating that he's getting into podcasting, don't you think? I don't know. I mean, it's got to be, that's like kinks. You know, you go, I'm happy for the person who likes it. Like, if he's getting into podcasting, there's someone that's like, I don't know what that voice does for me. To listen to that for an hour, no matter what your feelings are, you have to like the voice a little bit. You have to. I mean, the worst, the most annoying response on social media is the voice. And you're like, okay, that's nothing. That's my voice. I don't know what I can do for you. But for him, you go, I'm actually overwhelmed with joy that there's someone out there that's like, because I think a lot of like, you know, your sexuality sneaks up on you.

54:47You know, you go, oh, I guess I'm into that. And you go, so there's someone out there that heard RFK's voice the first time. I was like, I don't know why I'm into it. And now they're getting a whole podcast. Good for them. Okay. Play the next one. Rest now, brother. We have the watch. And I'll see you in Valhalla. That's got to be Hegseth. Close. Because he's the only one I would know to use the word Valhalla other than Thor in the Avengers.

55:16Angie Sullivan:You were so close. Am I? Think cross-eyed. That's your hint. Cross-eyed. Oh, is that the financial guy? No. No? Is it Yosemite Sam? Cash Patel. Oh. Cash money. Cash Patel. Cash Patel. The Valhalla thing, that is a, you know, sometimes people use words that are like tough guy words. Yeah. You know, tough guy words. I always clock that because it's a good, like if someone, that's a good like way for me. I like things that let me know I shouldn't talk to you at a party. You know what I mean? Like anyone uses the word Valhalla, I'm like, no, no. No, you do CrossFit. You like a run club. We're not going to get along.

56:11Okay. Sometimes I talk to someone about something and I'm like, oh, we just, we're not going to connect. I'll see you in Valhalla. I'm like, okay, good, cool. I don't think you and I are going to have a fun conversation about spare ribs and how they should be well done if you get them as an appetizer and cut them short. That would be a lot better.

56:31Angie Sullivan:So if RFK Jr. said this, that would be a double. Well, it'd be the voice combined with Valhalla. And then I don't know if it's like a double negative. Two negatives become a positive. Maybe I cum my pants. I don't know. Again, your sexuality jumps up on you. You don't know what's coming. Okay. And then the last one, name that land. Stop. Collaborate and listen. Ice is back with a brand new addition. Oh, I thought we were finishing the song.

57:04I know that song.

57:06Angie Sullivan:Do we have any more of her? That's it. That's all I have to say. Stop. Stop. That's the voice I imagine every internet commenter has. That's it. I'm okay. I guess we agree to disagree. That's it. I'm okay. That's Erica Kirk. Erica Kirk. Oh, yes. our best professional wrestler. She loves an entrance. She said all of that stuff when she was dressed like a sniper. I don't know if you saw the video. Oh, I remember that. And then you did the copy. I did it. I saw, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I remember that. I don't know. All of this makes me laugh. You know, you go. It would be so hilarious if these people were entertainers.

57:52Angie Sullivan:Yeah, well. America is. Some of the others here have levers of power. At this point, everyone's an entertainer. Like, my dentist has to make TikToks. You know, like, you kind of have this moment where you're like, I can't believe we're all going on TikTok. Like, hey. And if you need a therapist, you can come to the dancing therapist. You know, like, we are moving towards, like, you know, there was a time when I would walk. I remember there was a time where boxers used to paint ads on their back. It was like – I remember when that first happened. Yeah. And it was like this big story on ESPN that like boxers were going to have – I can't remember the name of the company that did it, but they would do like henna tattoos on a boxer's back to be an ad.

58:42And you're like, oh my God, we're turning – that's what a race car would look like. Right. The race car is full of a million ads. And you'd be like, oh, that's kind of weird putting the ads on people like they're a race car. And now everything is moving towards that. Everyone has a promo code. If you share your blouse from today on social media, you could put a link that gets you a little kickback. Yeah, a little kickback. And it's weird. It is interesting that we are – not everyone wanted to be an entrepreneur.

59:15Angie Sullivan:I can't remember who said this, but I think it's the best idea I've ever heard, is that we should make our politicians wear sponsor patches on their suits. Yeah, I'd like a promo code to get 10 % off. No, we need to know who sponsors them. Like if it's Big Oil, Big Pharma, I think they need to wear who funds them. Right. Well, if they could give me 10 % off of my GLP-1, that'd be nice. Like if I could just hit a, if I could do a little, like a QR code. Vote for me for president and to lose weight. Well, and use my QR code. Use my QR code. And when you go to Costco, you'll get 10 % off and we'll go.

59:59I'll be like, I'm listening. At the end of this speech, you can take a picture of a QR code to get 10 % off your pharmaceuticals. All right, now at least we're getting something out of that. Right? I'm an ideas guy. You are. Conflict resolution. You know this about me. I've come on this show many times. I know. I love it. I don't come on here to just complain. Like, I have a lot of complaints, but I don't just come up with a problem. You've thought them through. I got solutions. Yeah. I got, you know, and I'm here to negotiate. That's the thing. I don't like when someone just brings up a problem and then goes, they're evil.

1:00:34Angie Sullivan:Like, our ice cream store that we just started is incredible. Yeah, we got to give it a name called Hurry the Fuck Up. Welcome to Hurry the Fuck Up Ice Cream. Yeah, exactly. All right, Jared, we've been talking about it, but tell them where to find you, to find your show, and please go watch it. All I want is for them to go on Netflix and watch the special because this is how proud I am. I know it's good. It's my proudest work. I know it's a – and it's all with love. And it's like, I say that and I'm like, you could, and I want you to share it. Like, and I'm saying this because I want to come back to your town and I want to do standup in your town.

1:01:15The goal of doing standup is to do more standup. Like all this stuff that we do, I love talking to you, all the podcasts. It's all so that people come to a live show and have fun and enjoy a night out with their friends and family. And this special is the best version of me. Like I'm not putting out something I'm not proud of. I am so proud of it. And I'm proud to be here with you. So it means a lot to have our friendship over the years. And totally.

1:01:39Angie Sullivan:I'm going to watch it tonight. And I'm going to text you after I do. Text me after the special and let me know who you thought of. I mean, my mom saving beach chairs like that. My mom goes to the beach at 3 a.m. and saves beach chairs. It's like stuff like that is like so my mom. Then I'm like every show I'd have some woman come up to me. I'm the beach chair woman. I'm going to watch it tonight. And you viewer, listener, go watch my good friend Jared Freed. He's so proud of this. I love it. I love it. All right. Thanks for coming on, Jared. Thank you for having me.