Muffin-Top MAGA

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30:26That's prettylitter.com slash hadit to save 20 % off on your first order and get a free cat toy. That's prettylitter.com slash hadit. Pretty Litter cannot detect every feline health issue or prevent or diagnose diseases. A diagnosis can only come from a licensed veterinarian. Terms and conditions apply. See site for details. Okay, and I have a couple of other news stories. Here's one. There are more privately owned guns than people in the United States. The United States has an estimated 400 million firearms in a country of roughly 335 million people. This makes us the most heavily armed civilian population in the world by a large margin.

31:19This is insane. Insane. What bothers me so much about this, I mean, there's a million things, but when I look at the rights that are being taken away from people, start, you know, reproductive rights down to drag queens can't have drag shows in certain towns. Books. Books. And yet if OK, the Supreme Court just said, well, we're, you know, birthright citizenship. We're going to put some limits on it. But by God, those constitutional rights to guns. Nobody's saying a word about that. And that is unbelievable. If nothing shows how much people value death, it's guns. It's a death cult. It is a death cult.

32:02I mean, it's really like when you look at it, it's just crazy because they were pro-life. And it's like, no, you're not. You're absolutely not. Like to think about the response, when I think about all of the shootings are horrific. But when I think about that Sandy Hook and these little kids, five and six years old, got into like a bathroom or closet. So there was like 20 of them in one space. and the shooter with his assault rifle took out all of them with less than five seconds. We did nothing. Nothing. We did nothing about that. That is such a deep moral flaw in this country. And every MAGA Christian that says that you're pro-life, fuck you.

32:42No, you're not. You are pro-death. All of your policies are pro-death. MAGA, the whole movement and all of the policies are a direct attack on poor people. Right. All of it is an attack on poverty and keeping people more impoverished and making them suffer more. There's nothing about MAGA Christians where they ever want to assuage or comfort those in suffering. It is abhorrent. I've totally had it. I've totally had it too. And Sandy Hook was over 20 years ago. And we've still done fucking nothing. Think about all the people that have died since then. So many kids at school shootings. It's horrible.

33:21You know, I mean, if you're a mother in the UK or France or Australia and your kid came to you and said, I want to be a foreign exchange student. I want to go to the United States of America. As a mother, you would say, over my dead body, are you going to a country that cannot keep kids safe at school because they value the gun lobby more than they do human beings? That's exactly right. And I wouldn't let my kid come here. No. All right. Kylie, do we have any callers today? We do. I'd like to hear from the callers. Up first, we've got Coleman. Hi, Jen. Hi, Pumps. It's me, Coleman, the gay triad from North Carolina that you met at the DNC.

34:05Yes. My I've had it is I've had it with these Christian nationalists that have a sticker on the back of their car that says Christian conservative Republican. And then it says in that order at the bottom of it. Nobody gives a fuck. Nobody cares. Nobody cares to read your bumper stickers. Nobody cares that you have an American flag posted on the back of your car. We already know you live in America, bitch. Like, take it off. Take it off. Actually, you know what? I just hope somebody rear-ends their ass at this point. I mean, you know, I can't stand these people. Oh, now they're giving a thumbs up out the window to a Cybertruck.

34:44I cannot make this shit up. All right. I love y 'all. I'm driving to work and I was listening to the pod and had to turn it off so I could record this I literally I can't do this that's really funny like we already know you're in America right you're driving a car it's like when people sign their text messages like yeah I know I have your name programmed you don't need to sign your text we know you're in America you don't need to put your flag up oh my I see I'm a bad person probably I mean I feel guilty because the indoctrination in school the pledge of Allegiance, America's the best, all that, because I have like cringe city.

35:21When I see an American flag in somebody's yard, I immediately assume they're MAGA. I immediately assume they're part of a death cult. I immediately assume they're white supremacist, like homophobic, misogynistic. That triggers me like a cyber truck now. Here's the thing about patriotism. And it's the thing about like, it's like basically a mental health type thing. If you force people to love something, that's not healthy. You know, you lead by example. If we're supposed to be, if you want to feel pride about the United States, and there are times like during the Olympics and we have this great athlete and the crowd shouts USA and you feel like, oh my God, I love this gymnast or this ice skater.

36:03This is fantastic. Our fabulous basketball team, you know, they make me super proud. But there are other times where like it's the people that were taking the American flag to beat up cops at January 6th. And then this is the thing that I don't like. This whole like dark MAGA coded shit that goes on where it's like the American flag and now it's black. Have you seen this? It's like black tone. With gold now. Got some gold trim. It's just too much. And these MAGA Christians in particular, everybody knows my ongoing problem with them as well as Pump's ongoing problem with them. These people are really ruining everything.

36:45They are. And they're nosy. They want to get up in your business. And I've never seen a group of people so obsessed with gay sex in my entire life. I think gay people don't even think about gay sex. They don't. As much as MAGA. They don't. And gay men think about gay sex all the time. But I'm going to tell you who trumps them. MAGA. men and the amount of talking and thinking that they do about gay sex is just about the gayest thing I've ever seen in my life. A hundred percent. But in terms of the bumper sticker, the only thing that's missing is guns at the end. Like that's the only, like some of the bumper stickers say that like God guns and country.

37:21Right. Yeah. I mean, there's, there's a lot, I saw in the airport, you see a lot of this MAGA coded merch and you see this like guns and God. Right. You know, I'm a big boy and I like wear a grenade logo. And, you know, and it's always Cresty McCresters McCrestersen with a muffin top that does that. I can assure you it's more than a muffin top. And they're gyrators. And I'll tell you what else I can assure you. We've got little dick energy just oozing off of these people. I'm just going to go there. And the pot bellies make the penis seem even smaller. I guarantee you, I would bet you all of my kids' lives that 90 % of these guys with their fat belly and their MAGA homoerotic shirts can't see their dick if they're not bending over.

38:05You know they can't. They can't. They cannot see them. They can't. Uh-uh. But by God, they want to talk about it and how big it is. Ugh. Ugh. Repulse. Just the thought makes me repulse. Okay, next up, Kylie. Okay, next we've got Joey. I'll tell you what I've had it with. I have had it with the protesters outside Planned Parenthood yes clearly most of them have never touched a peen or a vagine so where the hell do you get off motherfucker tell me what I can and cannot do with my body you stupid virgins you don't have to worry about it nobody wants to fuck you she called the Planned Parenthood protesters virgins.

38:55You know what? That is such a good insult too. What's your problem? Virgin. You virgin? Nobody wants to fuck you anyway. Why do you care? You know, it's so fun. You know, when you think about Kylie and I, we saw this sign where, and it reminded me of Kylie's girlfriend, Anna, because Anna, when we're, you know, talking about like Trump or like when we played the Indiana Pacers when Oklahoma City beat them in the deal. She's always like, their uniforms are ugly and they're skanks. And so there was this meme, like real childish, and it's something satisfying about, you know, doing that. There was this meme and it had a picture of Donald Trump and it was like, he is the ugliest, skankiest twat on the planet.

39:36Just something real immature. So I think that that's something we can do. Look at you, you skank virgin. Virgin skank? Yeah. Like when Moses Mike starts talking about all the anti-gay stuff. What's your problem? Virgin. Right. Yeah. Gyrating virgin. Your little gyrator version with your little muffin topping or micropene. Your little handheld penis. Thumb held penis. Your little, your little pinky penis. No, it's really, you know, the amount of damage that's done to this country. And I think it's a culmination of things like some people's parents weren't nice to them when they were growing up.

40:17So there was a feeling of inadequacy that then translated into the bedroom. And the inadequacy piled on. And they're so fucking mad about it that hurt people hurt people. So we have the MAGA abuser party that just gets off on abusing everybody. And I'll just tell you what, I always think back to the Republican National Convention. Always. When Grindr crashed twice. Twice. And it takes a lot to crash Grindr. I would assume it's a pretty highly used deal or app or whatever you call it. And it crashed two times? Two times. Twice. Yeah. So yeah, there's just a lot. I think there's a lot of inadequacy.

40:58I think there's a lot of small genitalia. I think there's a lot of self-loathing. And a lot of urgence. And a lot of urgence. And I just think, I know everybody says I talk about it all the time, but I think there's a direct correlation in how men, if they are secure and if they are insecure, and if they know they're a shitty lay with a tiny penis, I think that spawns a lot of the hatred and the meanness and the cruelty. I mean, I just think you can just, you know, I see a cyber truck, I immediately know small penis. You see a big fat truck with extra big wheels. I know instantly you're small.

41:39And I I think these men don't get it. They're advertising it. It oozes off. It does. Their compensatory compensatory measures that they take to hide the penis by blowing, you know, enlarging other things around them is a huge reveal. All right, Kylie, who's next? OK, next we've got Anthony. Someone called you pussy pumps. G.C. Jen is the best. Hey, my name is Anthony. I live in West Hollywood, California. I fucking love you guys. your fucking gold what i've had it with is i travel a lot for work and people are just always saying to me have a safe flight and i'm like yeah i fucking better have a safe flight what the fuck else kind of flight am i gonna have right um i know it's well-intentioned and i appreciate the concern and care expressed but it's i find makes me panic when there was none but But what I say now is I hope you have a comfortable flight or a cozy flight or a relaxing flight.

42:44But it's basically like, hey, don't die today in the metal tube. Right. Yeah. What about just have a good flight? Have a good flight. Hope nobody farts their way through your flight. Oh, my God. Did you see that on social media? Yes. Where there's a guy in videos and they're all on the plane and the lights are kind of dim. And he goes, whoever's farting on here, stop farting on the plane. Yeah, because you love potty humor. 12-year-old boy has nothing on me on that. And then I saw somebody made a meme of that and then panned the camera over to a Frenchie underneath an airplane seat. And I thought, boy, that's right.

43:21Oh, yeah. That is absolutely right. But, you know, here's the thing. Flying nowadays, like I never in my entire life in 54, 55 years. No, 54 and 11 months. It really never. I never. Wait, your birthday's in February. No, I know. But I'm saying like up until Trump took office and all this shit. Are you 55? I'm 55. I was in 55 in February. Okay. I just wanted to check again. Fuck you. My kids say, mom, you look great for 60. I'm like, you fucking asshole. but um i never worried that my plane was going to crash and now every time i'm worried about a flight i'm like this could crash like we have bozos who have fired yeah all the people we need i mean biden says at the end of his administration we need to hire 2500 more air traffic controllers and what does fucking elon musk and trump do they fire 700 straight off the bat i mean it's it's kind of scary.

44:22And our flight kept getting delayed the other day. And it was like every flight was delayed. And there was a big group of people. And Emily's like, why are they delaying all the flights? Of course, I'm like, because this is Trump's America. And nobody gives a fuck about the American people as long as the billionaires get to fly on time. They don't have enough air traffic controllers because Trump fired them all. That's why we're all delayed. And she looked around. And then I sat down in my seat and she texted me. She goes, I think that was aggressive. Okay. I have several questions. Did you say it that loud?

44:56Yes. I was mad. Yeah. Okay. And was there any observable feedback around? People were looking at me. There's no question. I should have turned around and been like, fuck everybody. Did anybody like come up to you and say? No one said a word. I think I was like, I was in Houston. okay here's what i wish here's what i wish would have happened so desperately i wish that somebody would have taken their phone out oh my god i wish they would have and then you would have been because here's the deal the you would have been like a liberal savior while at the same time like the lips of tiktok would be like white liberal woman unhinged in houston international airport and it would be and i mean i could sit here and just do the podcast and people posting that i think we could get the remainder of the year in because that would be gold nobody filmed it nobody said anything to you no nobody any dirty looks there were looks i would say more like more than just like and that was the mean face versus just oh god she's talking loud kind of Is she going to go full unhinged?

46:16I think that was what we were waiting for. But I didn't. I was just like, that's why. That's why we're all sitting here waiting. And you look up and every single flight's delayed. That's fucking why. I will just tell you, and we've talked about this before, ever since he got elected and they gutted the air traffic controllers, more of my flights that I've been on have been delayed than on time. Yes. And in Biden's America, it was very rare. And the delays were maybe an hour at most. I've spent in this calendar month alone, 20 hours in LaGuardia Airport with delay, delay, delay, delay, delay, delay, delay.

47:00And then finally, the flight get canceled and I have to go back into Manhattan. But I asked the guy at one of the lounges, I was like, what is the deal with this? And he was like, we don't have enough air traffic controllers on the eastern seaboard. it happens all the time no shit you know why it's fucking trump and elon musk wanted to cover up all of his starlink bullshit and now we're all the we're all the collateral damage but don't worry his fat ass can get on air force getting ready to be qatar and elon musk can get on his jackrabbit learjet to go put all his petri dish babies to bed at night or whatever nobody gives a fuck i have another question okay so sometimes that you know when we're preparing for our other podcast ihip news i get on elon musk twitter to see what he's up to and he always posts these pictures of his rocket his space x rocket and they clearly look like a penis i mean just by nature rockets are phallic right agreed but this one particular image that he had it's like a camera shot going down and it's like this hard rock cock.

48:05I mean, I was, I was just like, wow. I mean, that's just, it's a camera angle even made it even more phallic because it kind of had like the head on it, the rocket. And then I remembered that story and I didn't know if this was tabloid or truth, but don't you remember that story that we unearthed in the bowels of the internet about Elon Musk having a botched penile implant surgery? Here's the thing. I don't even have to know about the botched penile implant surgery to know Elon Musk has a penile problem. I look at that cyber truck and I look at his behavior and I think this man has a very small penis.

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51:19The ASPCA is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance. All right, listeners, summer's here and we're all chasing something. I'll tell you what I'm chasing is a better forehand. you all know I think I'm really good at tennis and my tennis merch and swag that I wear directly impacts my game. That's why I cannot share enough with you how much I love Bombas socks. Seriously, they are so fantastic. They wick the sweat. They help keep my feet cool. They fight blisters and they make specialized pairs for hiking, tennis, golf, you name it. Bombas is simply head to toe comfort. Plus the best thing of all, they don't just feel good.

52:07Bombas actually does good. And this makes me feel so good about purchasing their products. One purchase equals one donated item to someone who needs it. And I think that's just really neat. Listener, head over to bombas.com and use the code HATIT for 20 % off your first purchase. That's B-O-M-B-A-S dot com code HATIT at checkout. Bombas dot com and be sure to use the code HATIT. You guys, when Pumps and I, we go to lunch together a lot during work days because we'll do our news podcast and then we go to lunch while Kylie and Seth edit it and then we come back and we film this podcast and commercials and a bunch of other stuff.

52:48And so when we're out driving around and if a cyber truck is by us, I mean, it doesn't matter what we're talking about, what we're doing. Pumps is immediately enraged. She's like, oh, my God, look at that fucking asshole in that cyber truck. Look at him. Look at him. Look at him. And it's just like, I mean, you were so pissed off about cyber trucks. Oh, I'm so mad about cyber trucks. Here's the deal. I'm even mad about Tesla. Yeah. And that started out to be good for the environment. Do you know what happened to me one of those times that I spent like 10 hours in LaGuardia? And it's like my flight was supposed to leave at 1 p.m.

53:24At 9 p.m. they canceled it. So it was delayed 30 minutes, then an hour, then two hours, blah, blah. When I left LaGuardia to go back and get a hotel room in Manhattan, I ping an Uber and guess what the car is? A Tesla. It was a fucking Tesla. And I just got in that Tesla. And here's the thing about Teslas that I want to say. They are like driving around in like literally a little mini Coke can. Yeah. The doors aren't heavy. The seats are not comfortable. They're not that great of cars. Like I don't even know what the whole hype is over them. No, I don't either. And it was funny because when we were in New York last week, we were getting in the Uber and I thought, what are we going to do if it's a Tesla?

54:06Because we've gotten in a thousand before the Trump administration because we were on 200 flights in a year. Maybe one was late, maybe two. Tesla's all the time, especially on the West Coast. And so I just thought, would I get in the Tesla? I mean, I did. But you'd been in the airport for like eight hours. So that – I mean, like at that point you're worn down. Like you are beaten down. But even on that trip, I Ubered a lot of times and I rode in a lot of different Teslas. And I, you know, I don't like it. It reminds me of Elon Musk. It makes me think about the botched penile surgery, which doesn't make for a pleasant thought while you're driving through Manhattan to think about this chubby billionaire that rips everybody off.

54:54With his hair. Ran around on stage high on ketamine with a chainsaw. And somehow and then he's jacking off in all these Petri dishes, giving all these women pregnant. and somehow that he's got some botched penis, you know, and then I'm driving several blocks in Manhattan. I'm thinking this isn't healthy. This isn't how I should feel. I have to share one more thing with you all before we close. So something is completely happening to pumps that is hilarious. So she said to me the other day, she goes, I swear to God, everywhere I go, if it's a grocery store, at the gym or at a restaurant, wherever we are, I think, oh my God.

55:33that guy looks like Don Jr. Yeah. There's Eric Trump. There's, and we're like in Oklahoma City. And so she said like this guy at the gym looks like Peter Navarro, who's the, you know, tariff guy for Trump. I thought I saw J.D. Vance at a Thunder game. So Chris Kuntz, I mean, like all these political figures, I think I see them. I'm like, something is wrong with you. So Chris Kuntz is a good Democrat. No, he's a good Democrat. So we're driving through this parking lot the other day on our way to lunch, and she just looks at me like it's perfectly normal and she goes we're in Oklahoma City Oklahoma she goes see see what I mean there's Don Jr.

56:08and then we just drove on and picked up our

56:13conversation. No it's bad it's really bad and I just want to say for the record and I my guess is Jeff Bezos probably is not well in doubt all his rocket obsession he's got the new why with all maybe not but some of the billionaire stuff i think that these people they start feeling delusions of grandeur that they're so important because people just give people with billions of dollars so much difference and they are treated differently and more special and then i think they get bored i think they're bored i think they get bored and they feel like they need to do things so it's like elon musk obsession with going to mars and you know jeff bezos had you know sending gail king and katie perry into space is stupid i mean who cares like who cares you know it they just do this shit and then at the end of the day i do think a conversation we need to have is about capitalism and capitalism allows for a lot of poverty yeah democratic socialism allows for wealth, but it doesn't allow for poverty.

57:26And I have moved further and further to the left because I think I bought into the democratic narrative that, you know, maybe being a democratic socialist was too extreme. And that's just propaganda that it is because really it's not extreme. Caring for everybody in the community is collectivism, making sure people live with dignity and have a livable wage. The number one way to prevent crime is to defeat poverty. You know, the answer to a lot of the problems that we have is to cast a war on poverty. And instead, we, you know, we enable the rich to make the poor poor. And anyway, I just think that I am a total democratic socialist because I think that if in a democratic socialist country like France, Germany, basically all of Western Europe, you have people that can have wealth, but they pay their fair share in taxes.

58:31Everybody has health care. If you're super wealthy and you want a private doctor, by all means, get one. but the poorest person in your community if they get cancer is not going to go bankrupt and so i don't know i just i think that the capitalism and having like so many billionaires with all this wealth is really kind of gross it's so gross and i had that same thought i watched that uh are you a democratic socialist yeah i'm all in because on fox news they keep playing like this is what say his name for me because i was uh um zoran mandon zoran mamdoni okay i'm obsessed you're obsessed and said like on foxes are like he wants health care for everybody he wants rent control he wants people to be able to buy groceries i mean it's just like oh that sounds so fucking terrible god kids i mean like in oklahoma we turn away free lunches we would rather kids starve but my one thing i was just gonna say and i know we're trying to wrap up But I watched that Titanic thing, the submersible, the submarine deal.

59:37What I came away with is billionaires get fucking bored. That's what I think. They're just bored to tears. That's what I think. I think they're bored to tears. And then there's this expectation on them. What are they going to do next? What's the next? What's the next one? And here's the thing. It's not that they're a lot smarter than everybody else. I mean, it's not that these people, their IQ is 10, 20 points higher. They're probably just better deal makers at the right place at the right time. Now, somebody like Bill Gates that created that kind of software that revolutionized the way people conduct office through Microsoft.

1:00:11You know, there's obviously a lot of intelligence. There's Steve Jobs. Yes. But I think that sometimes, you know, Jeff Bezos, it's a really smart business, but it's a hustle business. Right. And he hustled and made that work. And I give him credit for that. Totally. I do too. But I don't know that Jeff Bezos needs to have$400 million, billion,$400 billion,$400 billion. I think it's obscene. Here's the thing. I would have zero issue with Jeff Bezos having$400 billion if he and Amazon and his related companies paid their fair share of taxes. Agreed. They paid their percentage of the infrastructure that they use.

1:00:48And if they paid their workers, if their workers could have the benefits that he enjoys. And I'm not saying they have to have yachts and do bubble baths with their girlfriend or whatever. I'm just saying if they could have a livable wage where they had dependable health insurance, they had child care options, family medical leave, all the things. I wouldn't give a fuck if he had$100 billion. You know what? We would be such better billionaires. I would be a fantastic billionaire. I would. If I owned Amazon or Tesla or Microsoft or whatever, I would want my obituary. and the Wikipedia page about my company to say, not only did Jennifer accomplish all of these things, she was a pioneer in making sure that her employees received the exact same health care that she did.

1:01:42And they received livable wages, holiday bonuses, four-day work week. Really, I would want to be revolutionary in the ways that helped human beings, not with the rocket shit. I would want to do something that really left a generational impact on society. You know, bouncing a pop star up to space for 10 seconds doesn't do anything. We've already been the moon like before I was born. Right. Like that's just kind of like old news. But he could actually leave an imprint that left generational wealth and happiness and serenity. And they don't do it. And it's just gross. All right. Listen, we've got to cut.

1:02:22Okay. All right, guys. Listen. That's all we have today. We could go on and on. We'll continue this conversation later. If anybody knows Zoran Mamdani, please have him contact us. I need him on the podcast ASAP. I've already reached out to our booker to reach out to him, so we might already have it done by the time this airs. You could direct message your friend Alex. Ocasio-Cortez. I just love to give you a shit about that. My BFF Alex. The next time she's on, I'm just going to say Miss Alex. All right. Do it. Tell them. We will see you next Tuesday and Thursday. I always get, I hate you so much.

1:03:02I'll tell you what I've had it with. Let's hear it. I'm at it with that. Listen up, patriots, gaytriots, and natriots. We have a new podcast that has dropped. It's called iHip News. It's Monday through Friday, every day, 15 to 20 minute hot takes on the political landscape of the United States of America, always served with a side of petty grievances. We are on all the available platforms, Apple, Spotify, Google, whatever. You get your podcasts and YouTube. Please go rate, subscribe, and review so that we will chart upwards with America's greatest legal mind. Pumps, what does an eagle say? Caw-caw.

1:03:45A little bit more enthusiasm. Caw-caw. That's it. That's the patriotism that this country needs right there.

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