Ring Out the Bullsh*t

0:02So are we supposed to start the podcast? ready one two three patriots gay treats they treats black treats brown treats and anybody who is a bigot can fuck off that was good thank you i hear pumps doing her fuck off like in my sleep i i've had a lot of study time it's happy new year's eve eve this is kylie and i'm seth and we are filling in for the uh sheriff of i've had it and the head beaver in charge they are on a well-deserved break yep this week so you're going to be seeing more of us and we're going to do our very best it's some really big shoes to fill yep they get up here and they knock it out and they make it look so effortless they really do and they just expect us to be able to have the magic that they have.

0:58So after this episode, because this is our very best effort, make sure you leave five-star reviews for us so that we can come back next year and get our two little producer episodes. Yep. Let them know that we've got the magic too. Yeah. Okay, Seth, what have you had it with? I've had it with Snapchat. That's such a good one. I hate Snapchat. I fucking hate Snapchat. I never use it for anything. I never send Snapchats to anyone. only thing i use it for it's got a bunch of pictures of my cats on there throughout the years them growing and memories the the the memory thing that's the only thing that i use it for but snapchat has recently been sending out uh snaps they're not really sent to you it's somebody's it's some snap influencer story and they're giving them cheeky little captions like our little secret like a notification is popping yes a notification that just looks like a normal snapchat notification and they put the person the little influencer's name at the top so it looks like you're getting a snapchat from susan and it says a little new year's gift for you with a little heart and i'm surprised that they have not ruined marriages or ruined relationships or they have I'm sure they have at this point, but I'm surprised there's not been a lawsuit.

2:25That's such a good habit. I hate Snapchat so, so much. I don't know. I can't believe people still have it. Mine got hacked a while back, or it was, like, threatening that someone was hacking me. And the shit on there from all of my college years and shit, I was like, no one can see this. So I just deleted it. It could still be there, but, like, I don't have access to it. And maybe someone else has it. It's just floating around. Yeah, they've just got it. but I always back when I was on the scene dating uh when anyone would come up I had I remember one girl at a club she came up and we were chit-chatting and then she was like what's your snapchat can I get your snapchat and I was like oh fuck how old are you one and two no like that's an immediate red flag yeah instagram's better phone great snapchat no yeah I would delete it but it's just those those dumb ass memories that are on there and it's like two phones back some of them are yeah i need to just go through save what's usable and then just of your cats yeah save the time lapses of my my babies growing up but that's it what we're gonna do today we're each gonna kick it back to some of our favorite moments from 2025 so seth you can go first so one thing that we noted when we sat down to record this is how hard it is to come up with hadits and we're just coming up with a couple and these ladies come in every single day and have tons of stuff that they've had it with which is a skill of an in of itself it is i'm always so impressed uh so i am going to be showing some of my favorite hadits from the ladies this year i've had it with um white people that triple trumped, that have the nerve and the audacity to walk into a Mexican restaurant, a Chinese restaurant, an Indian restaurant, go to perhaps their gay hairdresser, white women that may use a gay makeup artist.

4:36I really genuinely believe that if you vote, if you triple Trumped, then you are all about preserving the lack of culture in white America that has led us to where people go and Bible thump with their AR-15s. Like that's the only thing that I see when you get all white people together in the United States, there's no culture at all. So they have to go borrow culture from people. Even the word woke, they've borrowed from black culture. I went to a Mexican restaurant with my parents, my son, my husband over the weekend. And there's just all these MAGA looking people in there. And I thought, you've got a lot of fucking nerve coming in here.

5:19Coming into this Mexican restaurant where every single waiter, obviously English was their second language, served with a smile. They run a great little local business. And Oklahoma City is a better place because of these hardworking immigrants that come in here. But I cannot imagine the horror they feel when they are driving to and from work, when they might have a hearing on their status, legal status. I can't imagine the people who've already been taken from their lives. And to see these fat ass pink arm, teeny weeny beta pricks with their ugly ass wives walk into this Mexican restaurant and sit down and smile and be friendly.

6:10I don't think you should be able to enjoy anything but Cracker Barrel. Get your fat asses over to cracker barrel. Quit watching NBA basketball. Quit watching sports that are dominated by African-Americans. Quit going to Mexican restaurants. You want white culture, you go fucking live in it. You live in it, bathe in it, go to do all the white culture stuff, get your Bible thump on, go get in the duct tape at the mega church after you watch your mega preacher drive off in his Rolls Royce and then go to the shooting range and go shoot shit, but do not participate in any of the shit that makes America cool.

6:52And what makes America cool is multiculturalism. And if you want to triple Trump and you want to browbeat DEI, you want to browbeat gay people and you want to browbeat black people as you've been doing for 400 years. And you want to browbeat this generation of immigrants that come over here and open up businesses earnestly, pay their taxes. You want to demonize them and call them rapists and felons and all this shit when the felon is the teeny weeny mushroom cock piece of shit cankles mctaco tits at the top of the ticket i have fucking had it from top to bottom white people that triple trump should be banned boycotted from enjoying the best thing that america has to offer which is multiculturalism get your fat asses out of the mexican restaurant get your fat asses over to Cracker Barrel because nobody wants to see your fucking smug ass, teeny weeny, pink arm, big gut around.

7:50Nobody wants to see that shit. No one. I completely agree. I want to take it a step further. I want the women, the triple Trumper white women. Yeah. I want, if you want to be in the golden age, then I want you to give up a credit card in your name. I want you to give up the bank account in your name. And I want you to be completely beholden to a man. I don't want you to work. I want you to stay home and make cornflakes from scratch for that fucker, because that's what you're voting for. When they're talking about the golden age and let's get make America great again, they're talking about you having less rights than men, not be able to have a credit card, not being able to own anything in your own name.

8:33So triple Trump, country club, Christian white women, you should have to forfeit those luxuries. I completely agree. And I think they should probably have to give a couple of blowjobs a day too. I think that's fair. Yeah. You know, like if your whole thing is you're going to service these men, uh, then, you know, they know better and you're going to throw, uh, other people's kids under the bus just because of the color of their skin. And you think watching Candace Owens makes you a little bit less racist. fuck you. And I just, I just, I cannot stomach what this horrible white culture is doing to the best parts of America right now.

9:16It is just unfathomable and how smug they are and how hateful they are and just how God awful the architecture is in the churches that they frequent explains a lot to me. And I know I always go back to that, but there is no culture in white America except for dump truck, life church visits and Bible studies, combined with going to the shooting range and then watching Fox News and being a piece of shit. Okay, I've had it with two things. I've had it with change. Like I'm not good at change. I'm not a good adapter. I'm very ritual, you know, routine oriented. So kind of had it with everything changing in my life, but I kind of like it too.

9:59So I've had it, but then I kind of like it. and then I've had it with frogs. And I know that's a random, sorry about my glasses. I know that's random, but for some reason, I have all these frogs in my backyard and I'm constantly saving frogs in my backyard. I'm like having to get them from Ollie. I'm having to wash his mouth out because he gets them. There's been a few frog corpses. I've done all the research on the internet. I don't know why I have so many frogs. I don't have a pool. I don't have a lake. I don't know what's happening, but I'm being like infiltrated by frogs. So I've had it with frogs.

10:31And the frog corpses, has your dog killed them? Yes. I've taken away probably five frog corpses in the last month. Frog homicide in your backyard? In my backyard with the foamy mouth. And then I rescue him and I get rid of him and he goes crazy where I got rid of him, like underneath the fence or taking him out. One I thought was alive when I rescued it. Turned out the next day it was a corpse. I mean, it's just, I don't know what to do about it. How many frogs are we talking about at any given time? He traps at least two a day. I don't know. Why do we have so many frogs? It's weird. I don't know.

11:11That's, I guess there's a lot of frogs in the suburbs. I guess. Gating communities in the suburbs are just full of frogs. Yeah. So I don't like it and I don't like change. What's the change that happened? Okay. And I know this is stupid because all I do is bitch about, I like my alone time. My kids screw up my routine, but this is what I don't like. So Sam is now officially a Texas resident. And I just thought he's never going to see Matilda Denise when she's little. Like he'll never know her as a puppy. And that's been hard on me. Like him being gone forever. Like when he's at college, I'm like, yippee-ki-yayah motherfucker.

11:49But he is now a member of the Texas population with the driver's license. and like he'll never Matilda Denise is so important to me he'll never really know her as a puppy so that kind of makes me sad yeah yeah I can hear Matilda Denise snoring right now but I mean don't you think that's more so just that his childhood is over yeah yeah I mean there's I mean I think there's grief in that I mean there's that's one of those compound emotions where you're sad that his child is completely over but also really happy for him that he survived you he actually is a decent human despite this mother. Okay.

12:25Let me tell you what I've had it with. And you experienced this with me. And I just want to bring this to everybody's attention because we have to move and we have to move fast. There is something going on at arenas or venues that host people for like, let's say a basketball game, a concert, a tennis match, et cetera, where you go to the concession stand and you buy a bottle of water. And then the concession stand worker says, would you please remove the lid and hand it back to me? And they're basically making you buy a bottle of water and then give the lid back to them because they don't want the lids in the arena.

13:12There is no good reason. There is zero reason for this, that you would take somebody's lid. Because here's my thinking on this entire thing. The reason why you get the bottle of water is you can screw the lid on tightly, stick it down. If somebody kicks it over because people are up and down going to the bathroom, in your case, going to scrape your tongue and gargle Listerine, all this stuff is going on, right? And this bottle has no lid on it. So it gets knocked over. And then you got some klutz that comes by and then bites it. The lawsuits are going to be far, far worse. So I don't know what the reasons are, Kyla, if you'll start researching, Googling, I can guarantee you there's not a good reason for this.

13:58It's not like you're outside at Madison Square Garden and some bird is flocking in and choking on the water bottle lid. I mean, we've already, we're already drinking out of plastic for God's sake. Right. We're, oh my God, the lid is the problem. And this has happened to me. It happened to me once at a tennis match in at the labor cup in London. I couldn't have my lid on. And then when we went to the Oklahoma city thunder versus the New York Knicks for the permanent record, the thunder annihilated the Knicks and the New Yorkers were really, really salty about it, which gave us a lot of bonus points in that regard.

14:37But I ended up, I never drink soda ever, ever. And I ended up drinking a Sprite so that it could have a lid on it because I didn't want this rogue water splashing around pumps. You know, you've trip and fall all the time. I did that for your safety. Right. No, totally. And I've done, I've had that happen to me too. And what I can't get over is why are you taking the lid off the water, but allowing the lid on the soft drinks? Like, I don't understand that. That makes no sense. There's no symmetry to that. I don't, I don't know who started this, but here's what I predict. I predict there were some people scrambling jets around the table.

15:17Oh yeah. And they were bored and they decided that they were going to commit violence that day and they took the lids away from all of us and then just snowball effects and then one arena does it another arena does it another arena does it and here's what's going to happen hide and watch you're going to have all this spilled water all over the place and then all of a sudden you're going to have broken hips broken wrists broken a lot of stuff concussions yeah banging on the steps and then there's going to be a class action lawsuit. And let me tell you who the attorney for the class action lawsuit is going to be.

15:53It is going to be America's legal eagle, attorney at law, Pumps. Well, I would say I'd probably be more likely to be a litigant and one of the claimants because I did when I got a water at a soccer game in London, no lid. I put it underneath my seat. Knocked it over. Immediately knocked it over. Got my purse all wet, walked through it. I'm surprised I didn't fall headfirst down the stairs, but I do. It worries me that it's like, I'm going to slip. And now I'm like, because I did fall the other day, I'm super paranoid about it. So I just threw the water away. I was like, I cannot be trusted with water.

16:31Let me ask you this. In the lawsuit that is going to be imminent, that we're organizing, can you both be a litigate and a lawyer? You know what they say about that? A lawyer that, okay, a lawyer that represents themselves has a fool for a client. So I would say no, I could either be the lawyer or the litigant. Because you're no fool. I'm no, well, that might be an overstatement, but in that particular capacity, I'm no fool. Welcome to I've had it. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. Kylie, what'd you find out about the lids? I found out that it is because it's a safety issue and people use water bottles with the lid on tight full of liquid as weapons bullshit okay but here's the thing why couldn't you use a bottle of soda for the exact same reason because they give you the lid with the soda well because i think then you can beat but here's the thing here's that's the dad that is no good reason because what's going to happen are these slips we're going to have concussions We're going to have broken wrists, broken arms, broken shoulders, broken hips, a lot of things.

17:41We're going to have a lot of medical problems. And I just want to say right now that if this happened to you, contact, what's your meat curtain? Meat curtain, me ma law firm. Isn't that right? Meat curtain, me ma? Or no, is it me ma meat curtain? Kelly, what is it? What was it? 1-800-MEAT-FLAP? Meat ma. Meat ma. Meat ma. 1-800-MEAT. People even made jingles for this. Meet Curtain Law. Yeah. Okay, here's the deal. I think I could take a beating from a water bottle. And I think I could, maybe I'd get a bruise or two. I think I could survive it. I think it's more dangerous to slip down those stairs in an arena.

18:26I do too. It makes no sense. I want to know who came up with this idea. I want more information. And it's not just the United States, because this has happened in the UK and the United States. And I'm just going to tell you right here, we have had it. We're not going to stand for it. And in Trump's America, if there's one bloody thing the Democrats could do, if you could just give us one little victory, get us our caps back on our water bottles, for God's sake. Let's start small. Yeah. Just small changes every day. Yeah, that would buy me about 10 hours of not worrying. Maybe five. I was going to say, it's a lot.

19:06Yeah, it's generous. Yeah. Okay. Obviously, Cracker Barrel. Cracker Barrel. That was a whole ordeal. But pumps saying that she's had it with change and then following it up with frogs is the, it is a window into what we, the pumps that we see every single day. Oh, yeah. Saying profound statements and then following it up with the funniest thing that you've ever heard. And it all connects into our brain perfectly. Yep. And half of our job, Seth and I, is deciphering an Angela Don text message. It's like somewhere between hieroglyph. And like a ransom letter. Yes. Yeah. Like the different magazine cutouts put together.

19:53Yeah. Okay. I love a listener voice memo. Seth and I have the privilege of digging through millions and millions, picking out some of our favorites. And so I'm going to play you guys a couple of my favorite listener hadits from this past year. Okay, Kylie, what do you have next in store for our listener today? We've got some voice memos today. Excellent. We're going to kick it off with Tammy M. Hey, ladies. So I'm sitting here listening to you guys talking about titty baby whiny MAGA people. Now, let me just go from a different perspective. I cannot thank these alpha male MAGA people enough. You don't understand.

20:37The more they bitch, the more they complain, the more they whine, the stupider they look, the dumber they look, the more alpha they look in putting women down. It has caused a massive growth in the late in life lesbian community. They have dried up more straight women's vaginas than any other movement on the planet. It has opened more doors for these late-in-life lesbians than ever known possible. So on an opposite note of you, I thank these MAGA whiners because they've set the bar so low for me as a lesbian. All they have to do is hold the door open and their panties drop. So the pumps is two seconds away from dipping her toe in the lady pond.

21:21And these MAGA alpha male are just ready to push her in. So thank you, men. I think, Kylie, you couldn't have picked a better call for what we just discussed about lesbians masquerading as asexuals. I mean, that was just like serendipitous. Yeah. Yeah. So I think that she has a really valid point. Totally valid. You know, Dylan, my son that just graduated from Syracuse, he has this friend who he graduated with. Her name is Mary and she's like a TikTok famous comedian, right? So she comes into Oklahoma City last weekend to do a comedy show. And she was telling me she met up with this guy in Brooklyn.

22:01And it was like the crunchy, cool part of Brooklyn where it's just assume you're liberal, blah, blah. And he's talking about like how he thinks Ella Imhoff, she is the stepdaughter of Kamala Harris. And she has a knitting group. And they were talking about how that's cool. And if they ran into her in Brooklyn, that would be cool. Well, they end up doing a little slap and tickle. and then it's revealed later that he's maggot gosh so he cosplayed being a liberal to get laid but he's really maggot so mary was just you know she was just a wreck about this and i'm like well i mean mary this is where you know this is a problem because you just can't unfuck somebody right you're stuck you know and that's one of the hardest things of young adulthood is realizing you can't unfuck people you know get all liquored up something happens can't unfuck them no and then you see them and you're just like oh my god why did i do that the extra layer would be you got tricked fucked into maga that would be bad yeah oh yeah i think you could fall prey to that in the heterosexual community in oklahoma city that's why i think the lesbian community in oklahoma city might be a little bit more politically warm waters for you.

23:17Yeah. I mean, I think I'd be hard pressed to find a super liberal guy around here, like single, not married, since that seems to be my type, you know, that whole thing. I just think - Wait, what's your type? I said not married. Since my last foray ended up being married unbeknownst to me. So I'm saying, you know, all the qualifications that I would need, I feel like it'd be hard pressed to find it. I do think it'd be easier to find a woman. Yeah. Okay. Kylie, I've got one from Jay. Okay. I got one. I was just listening to your last, uh, I hip news and you guys were talking about Jesse waters and how he always is talking about like, you know, you can't use a straw this way.

24:00You can't sit this way. You can't, you know, act this way if you're trying to be a straight man. And as a gay man myself, I do remember feeling that way. I remember before I came out thinking, oh my God, if I sit this way, people are going to think I'm gay. If I, you know, if I do this, people are going to think I'm gay. You know, like if I drink out of a fucking straw, people are going to think I might be gay. So I think Jesse Waters is just projecting. And like, Queen, come out. You deserve to be out. But like, if he ever came out as gay and still acted the same way, girl, we need to boot him down just like we did Caitlyn Jenner.

24:48Fuck that bitch while we're on the topic. Love you, gals. Bye. Okay, Jay, I think that's so spot on. And Jesse Waters' pursuit in confirming his heterosexuality and masculinity, we too here feel like it is a huge red flag. But having your personal story added that you specifically the things he said, you did those exact same things before you came out. Just another tool in our toolbox here to help understand the psychology behind the abusive trauma that he projects onto his viewers. And I will die on this hill. I believe that so many men in the MAGA movement have been turned on or aroused by a penis before.

25:39I'm not saying they're gay, but I'm saying there has been some porn watching, some bi-curious, maybe some are closeted. But I agree with you, Jay. They need to come out. And it's just horrifically sad that the Jesse Waters of the world earn millions of dollars and Rupert Murdoch earns billions of dollars at your expense. And that is something I will never stop fighting for is equality for the LGBTQ plus community. I agree with you 100 percent. I think that the and we've talked about it ad nauseum, but the more you have to tell people and let them know, yes, I'm straight or yes, I'm this or yes, I'm that.

26:27You're it's an internal dialogue. You're telling yourself and you're trying to convince other people. And I completely I mean, I completely agree. I think the personal experience lends credence to what we've been talking about. OK, we've got Ryan. Hello, Blessica. Hello, pumps. Hello, Kiki, the magic lesbian. Hello, Seth, the DEI hire. This is why I'm coming from you all the way in Orlando, a section of Florida that does not identify with being in Florida. I fucking had it with bumper stickers that say my cat is a Republican. My dog is a Democrat. First of all, your pets can't fucking vote. And even if they could, they wouldn't be voting for a goddamn Republican.

27:13it. Right. Stop it. Stop it. It's enough. Have a wonderful day. Thank you so much for being you. You know, I think this is a really good point because I think if animals could vote, they would clearly never vote for Republicans by virtue of the fact that the Republican Party just appointed the Secretary of Homeland Security, one Kristi Noem, who when she's not playing dress Dress up, which she does all the time, which is fucking wild, like the super high cabinet position in the United States of America. And this woman rolls out, you know, we're talking three, four dozen different costumes this woman has.

27:52And before being in this position, she played up dress up as like a dentist. I think she's got some sort of dress up porn fetish. I promise you. But I digress. Yeah. But she shot a dog. Her family dog. A dog named Cricket. A dog named Cricket that was her pet. She shot the dog. And prior to her, one presidential candidate that was beaten by one Barack Hussein Obama, and this GOP candidate's name was Mitt Romney, whom I affectionately referred to as Mittens, he tied his dog to the roof of his car and went on a road trip. So Republicans have a history of not understanding how you're supposed to treat animals, which comes as no surprise to me because they treat women like shit.

28:34They treat black people like shit. They treat immigrants like shit. and they treat gay people like shit. So dogs and cats and all that would just be right in there. So no dog or cat in their right fucking mind would ever vote for a Republican. Unless they were like the Caitlyn Jenner of dogs. Just like a dog that hates being a dog. Right. A dog that hates being a dog. Maybe it's a weenie dog and it wants to be a golden retriever. Yeah. It could be. Teeny weenie issues. A teeny weenie issue. You're right. There's a lot of teeny weenie issues out there, especially in MAGA. But here's the thing, too.

29:07And I know I've said this, if you've heard it once a thousand times, not only did Christy know shoot her dog, her parent, I mean, her children's dog, their pet, she put it in a book and told people and the other people that read the book, nobody ever thought like, I don't think you put that you, I don't think you tell everybody that you murdered your family pet. so nobody around her thought it was a good idea either advanced her career Donald Trump was like you fucking shot your dog come over be a cabinet secretary yeah be in charge of FEMA when people lose their houses and their pets you're the perfect person to help yeah it's crazy it's fucking nuts it's fucking crazy the Republican Party is a death cult it is it is a death cult it is just an absolute death cult they want women to die they don't want people to have health care they want to um somebody just recently died in ice custody and that piece of shit tom homan was like yeah people die in custody who gives a shit that joni ernst she's a senator people die i mean they're just they're an absolute white crusty death cult with clarence thomas and caitlin jenner as their little tokens right all right amazing i'm looking forward to listening to a lot more yeah in 2026 and you guys the way to get to the top of my list some people have figured it out i'm a pretty easy gal with a lot of ego is to say something nice about me kylie i'm in top of the first off let me say your tones keep me yeah just just start off with kylie we can trim that before it gets to the ladies but that's how you get it it is how you get a scene yeah it's the way to my heart okay you guys happy new year's eve eve uh we seth and i will be back on new year's day so that the girls can continue having a break with their gorgeous families and seth tone we will see you next tuesday thursday or both listen up patriots gaytriots and natriots we have a new podcast that has dropped.

31:26It's called iHip News. It's Monday through Friday, every day, 15 to 20 minute hot takes on the political landscape of the United States of America, always served with a side of petty grievances. We are on all the available platforms, Apple, Spotify, Google, whatever you get your podcast and YouTube. Please go rate, subscribe and review so that we will chart upwards with America's greatest legal mind, pumps, pumps, what does an eagle say? Caca! A little bit more enthusiasm. Caca! That's it. That's, that's, caca! That's the patriotism that this country needs right there.