Self-Care for Sociopaths

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0:31Jennifer:so are we supposed to start the podcast ready one two three patriot that clap we got to start over that was bad do it again ready one two three better much better uh patriots gay triots they triots black triots brown triots we love you and all of the triple trumpers can do what pumps for golf pumps what have you had it with okay what i've had it with and this drives me fucking crazy if i thought multi-view would be a good thing like you get to watch two events at the same time so if you're in a big group then everybody's happy well then it turns out you have to get four views because then everybody gets to pick and it's like what multi-view has been ruined by spoiled people remember you just can watch one thing.

1:25Jennifer:If you only can watch one thing that we don't have to fight, but when you have a group of people and you're trying to watch something and everybody's like, no, I want to watch this. I want to watch this. And then you have to do multi-view and then no, we can't watch two multi-view. We have to watch four. Then you can't understand anything that's going on. And I just think we have given people too many choices. We've given them too much to choose from. You have to pick one, go in the other room, put on that. What? The people that you're talking about, Are you referring to your children? Yes, I am referring to my children.

1:55Jennifer:I sure am. It's like, bitch, go in your own room. You have a TV. But no, we all have to argue over what we're watching. And you end up not watching anything. So I just think it goes back to you. We have too many choices. People are too spoiled that they always have to get their way. You don't always have to get your way. Knowing you for as long as I have, it surprises me zero that you would sit in a room with your three adult children, meaning four people in total, and facilitate a scenario where you turned your one television screen into four different shows at one time, and then allowed the whole thing to go.

2:36Jennifer:And then now, days later, we have a ruminating grievance over this. It spiraled. I let it spiral. Instead of just saying, nope, we're watching this. I gave everybody a choice. You can't give everybody a choice. Sometimes you have to make choices for people. Isn't it just ridiculous that like one person's watching a movie, one person's watching a football game. I mean, nothing about that sounds even remotely enjoyable. No, because you can only hear one. The whole thing is stupid. The whole thing is stupid. Whose idea was it? Whose idea was it when y 'all were all sitting there to go from one screen to four?

3:18Jennifer:Of course you have to ask that question. Okay. So we had a debate over who was going to watch which game. And I said, well, let's do the multi-view. And then one choice turned into two choices, turned into four. And then it turned me into huffing and puffing and trying to blow everybody's house down. That's what happened. Because it was me. You're right. All these problems I have with my children, ultimately, I am the cause. I am the problem. And the listener, this has been going on for decades. She's like, my kids drive me fucking crazy. I hate my kids. They are never happy. They're never satisfied.

3:55Jennifer:I've never enough for them. And then she tells me some story. And it all starts with her giving them too many options or too much, no boundaries and anything. And then the minute she draws one, they have a stage five meltdown because they're not used to it. And then she's mad that they're mad. Yeah. Yeah, it just happens. That's just how I roll. You can even see it with my French Bulldogs. Yeah. All right. But I think multi-view is stupid as well. And I don't want to watch two different things at a time, which is why I have multiple televisions where I live. Because when I watch TV, either somebody watches it on my terms with me or you get out of my area and you go to your own TV because I'm very selfish about that.

4:46Jennifer:Yeah, that's what I'm going to start doing. I have started doing that with one of my children, but with, because the sports thing, I kind of get sucked in on all the sports. Sports are different. Sports are kind of fun to watch as a group. Yeah, but not when everybody wants to watch a different sport. Yeah. All right. All right. So I was going to tell you a funny story. I don't really have a grievance. So Josh and the kids and I were out of town this past weekend. And we go into this restaurant, really good Italian restaurant. And Josh comes back to the table and he sits down and he goes, and he's on his phone for a long time.

5:22Jennifer:And I can tell he's on like chat GPT or Claude. And he finally goes, so WC water closet? And I was like, yeah, that's what it is. And he's like, so can a boy or a girl go in there? And I'm like, yeah, a water closet is a singular closet. And it's a one shot. And he goes, why is it called a water closet? I'm like, you've been to Europe a million times. That's what they're called everywhere. Water closet. Well, we're not in Europe. Why do they have that on here? I said, what's an Italian restaurant? They're trying to be Euro. I mean, that's what Americans try to do when we try to be cool. We try to be Euro.

5:59Jennifer:He went to the bathroom and there's a water closet, a water closet and then a handicap so there's three doors all single shots right as the lady is like can a boy go in here and she was like yeah i think so so he goes in comes back spend some time with claude then loops the whole family in on it like there's this grand conspiracy of the restaurant and then he thinks they were trying to hoodwink him with the handicap one and i'm like Josh, at that point, when you see there's a vestibule and you see three doors in a U-shape, water closet, water closet, and a handicap, the brain can deduce, right, this is for a non-handicapped person, water closet, this same.

6:49Jennifer:This one is for a handicapped person. He's like, why didn't it say water closet with a handicap? I don't know. Do you want me to go with the manager? I mean, we're like 15 minutes into this conversation about this thing but i mean everybody universally knows y 'all know right water closet and he knows but he does know he's funny about josh he's the most laid back easy that is a lie well but i mean he will if he will let you tease him he's self deprecating he's so that's true but then he will fixate on one thing and then it just gets in his head and he just can't get it like the water closet why is it handicap why is it call that it's just like why do you care it doesn't matter it's so funny i want to talk to you about this perpetuating that josh is laid back he laid back in a lot of different ways not he's absolutely not he is so ocd and manic yeah but in terms of being around him like once you like the cup holder situation and stuff he laughs about it it's not like it ruins his whole day like we when we were traveling together okay I'll be married to him I'm gonna let you come stay go you go stay with Josh for a week you spin him around the block for about three or four days and then you circle back with me on this laid-back thing because myself my oldest son and my youngest son we all think it's fraud because he plays this thing like oh I'm so laid-back and honestly my niece Lauren so she uh is a legal uh assistant paralegal and so she thought well i'm gonna go work for josh he seems so laid back yeah not about work after about a week i called her and i go i'm just checking in with you on how laid back josh is she goes oh my god you were right it's a total it's fraud he is not laid back at all i was like there is nothing chill nor laid back about him i don't know he he can be he seems it's a really weird dynamic because he can put off he doesn't he doesn't sweat the small stuff right super open-minded doesn't get his feelings hurt doesn't get his panties in a wad all that shit is shockproof all of that is like a 12 out of 10 but everything else there's like a little hamster that is just wound up in his ass just running and he just yeah it's a complete lie You know, who else isn't that laid back?

9:12Jennifer:Who? Me? Here's my thing. I get revved up over the stupidest, most doesn't even fucking matter who cares stuff. And I'll go to a 12 out of 10. And then on this, I mean, I just, and I'm just like, the whole time it's happening. I'm like, why do you even care that much? And then the stuff that kind of matters, I'm just kind of like, I just have a very warped sense of reaction but the stuff I'm like not laid back about like hot queso at a restaurant it just makes me eating with you or Josh sometimes I think I would just rather not go out to eat with you guys you know maybe that's why I don't notice it in Josh because it's the exact same as myself it's a the the entitlement in a restaurant yeah oh yeah it's bad yeah it's off the charts because i will kind of sit and suffer through bad temperature of food it takes a lot for me to send food back and i always think yeah these people are making minimum wage you and josh will march up there like you are at the fucking four seasons yeah and demand josh one time i remember we went to a Mexican restaurant and sat down and he was like, yeah, we'll take chips and salsa, no onions in the salsa.

10:31Jennifer:And I'm like, that's not how that works. Like, and I looked at the waiter and I'm like, ignore him. He's a psychopath. Do not, do not, do not try to do that. All right. Welcome to I've had it. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. She's the star of the show. Kylie. Hi. I've got an, I've got an email from a listener today. It says, hi, Jen and pumps. I love your show. It's my go-to for a laugh and I appreciate so much your honesty and support of human rights. You're both hysterical and it helps me get through these tough times. So I share one of your grievances about children in inappropriate places, but I'm going to say it again.

11:05Why are there young children at breweries and bars, especially holding your kid's birthday party at a brewery? I've had it. I had to suffer through Chuck E. Cheese, McDonald's, roller rinks, and the hot-ass parks for my kid parties and these parents need to do the same. Is there not anywhere I can go where kids aren't allowed? So I've said it. Thanks for the entertainment as well as the news. Love you and your staff. Linda.

11:30Jennifer:I could not agree more with Linda. Why the fuck are you having a party at a brewery, a kid's birthday party? That makes no sense. And I think I can't even tell you how many Chuck E. Cheese birthday parties I suffered through. I mean, it's just you kind of just got to do it. it makes sense if the parents are alcoholics well okay you know maybe the parents are alkies and so they're like you know what fuck this this is hard let's just go get drunk i mean i'm not i'm not gonna go to chucky cheese and sit through that shit sober so we're gonna go to the brewery and just get hammered and maybe that's but i agree with linda i was we were on this trip that we were just at where josh discovered water closets and spent time with artificial intelligence discussing the nuances of it.

12:15Jennifer:We were in this clothing store and there was a door to go in and then there was like a window next to it. And there was an elevated place in front of the storefront window, both on the indoor and the outdoor that kind of looked like it shot through the glass. There were three little girls standing on this like it was their stage. we were sitting inside the restaurant roman is trying on clothes josh is trying on clothes dylan and i are sitting on the sofa in this adult restaurant adult clothing store no children's clothes anywhere so these three little gals that are probably age 10 and under are on the stage screaming and singing and stomping as loud as they can and it's just reverberating through the store.

13:08Jennifer:It's such a fever pitch rate. And I keep turning around and staring at the parents and they think it's just a real knee slapper. They think of these, these kids are hilarious. Look at them go. And it went on for like 10, 15 minutes. And I finally went and got the lady and go, you're going to do something about, about, she's like, we've told them twice. And I just, I think that this whole idea that a lot of parents have that, you know, I don't want to tell my kids no, it's such a disservice to the child. I mean, it's perfectly normal. I can't stand up on that stage and start going, fuck Donald Trump.

13:46Jennifer:I fucking hate Katie Miller. Fuck everybody. I want to, but my parents taught me I couldn't do that, that I'd have to get a microphone and then get an RSS feed and a YouTube channel. And it's your choice if you're here, unfortunately for you. But it's like, why are they not telling these kids like, this is inappropriate. We don't own this store. You're not going to be able to stop and bang on the glass. Like you, nobody likes this. You can't do this. I do not understand why people don't tell their kids to shut the fuck up. I don't understand it. I completely agree. And I'll tell you what else.

14:23Jennifer:I bet you a part of those parents thought, aren't these kids so darling? They are so talented. This entire store is enjoying the benefit of them singing and dancing. That's, I think, as much as people need to say, sit down and shut up, or you can't do that. People need to remember, nobody give the fuck about your kids, but you. Nobody wants to be around your kids, but you. Stop acting like it's a treat for the whole world to be around your child especially in an adult situation it's simply not jen i just there was an article that came out recently and it was like soft parenting didn't work i was like no shit shit no shit no shit yeah these kids come to their first day of work and they want like a surprise you made it on time today there's a photo shoot here's the thing like you have to prepare your kids for adulthood and adulthood is like learning how to manage boredom and actually appreciate boredom.

15:28Jennifer:Like for me, you know, kids are like, I'm bored. I'm like, I used to tell my kids, that's a luxury being bored. You will embrace at some point being bored is a luxury having nothing to do. And, uh, yeah, it's a soft parenting. And I wasn't a hard ass by any stretch of the imagination, but specifically in public, if my kids were acting out if they act out now i'm like stop it i even i even have to uh monitor pumps we'll be in these hotels walking down the hallway it's like 6 a.m we're catching an early morning flight and pumps has one volume loud so and you know how when you're in a hotel room and you hear people out in the hallway you're like god i wish the no time why she's like so what do you think the uber's already down there do you think i'm like pumps there's people sleeping it's so true there's people sleeping it's just like it takes a village we all have to live and cooperate together and if i'm being too loud or obnoxious i want somebody to check me i want somebody to say zip it i remember one time this is hilarious so pumps and i were on tour for i've had it and we're at the will rogers world airport i think it's now an international airport in oklah city and we're sitting there and again pumps was like we're like literally two inches away from each other's faces and she's screaming and I said quit screaming I can hear you and she goes I'm not screaming there's something wrong with your ears stood up and walked off and went to the restroom I loved it do you remember that when you tell me there's something wrong with my ears it's just like a year ago I don't remember specifically but you stomped up you stomped off like a twat and I just sat there and died laughing I'm not screaming and you screamed you went even like I'm not screaming there's something wrong with your ears kylie were you got up you got up in the store you weren't there it was just she and i she and i were just sitting there we were like an inch away from each other she's screaming i used to know i am so much louder than i think i am yeah i used to know when it was time for me to head out my hotel door to leave because you could hear her i heard you guys coming i always knew and i'm a heavy walker too and that's a problem in a hotel too just like a clomper yeah and a heavy breather and a heavy breather.

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20:26All right.

20:27Jennifer:The first story that I want to share with the class today. The tooth fairy is out and a new kind of celebration is in. Pop this up. Mother slammed for throwing out of touch lavish party for child's first tooth milestone. The mother shared photos of the occasion on Instagram. Let's pop this up. You've got the worst baby on the planet, Jacob. Jacob's first tooth. He's surrounded by hydrangeas. It propped up in a high chair like little Lord Fauntleroy. And here he is. She's got another wagon with baby's first tooth with a bunch of flowers on it. If you're listening, it is every bit as obnoxious as I'm making it sound.

21:18Jennifer:some commenters called the party out of touch and wasteful saying it reflects social media driven parenting that pressures parents into overspending on milestones a baby won't even remember supporters said every moment big or small is worth celebrating the parents just want to make their kid feel loved and there's nothing wrong with finding joy in life's little milestones that's the dumbest fucking thing i've ever heard i mean give me are we that bored are we that stripped of anything to do. I don't care if you put money under the pillow for Tooth Fairy. I don't care if you celebrate a Tooth Fairy.

21:55Jennifer:But this is ridiculous. And I fear that other people are going to do this because now everything is performative. Everything's on Instagram. So, you know, Jane throws the first tooth party. So then Sally and Sarah have to throw it. And then And we're just in a spiral, as it were, of people celebrating stupid things for little kids that nobody gives a fuck about. This is ridiculous. That kid in the high chair is never going to fucking remember that. Never. I'll tell you what I do remember. I do remember my mother pathologically lying to me about this experience she had with the tooth fairy. And it was detailed.

22:33Jennifer:And she would say, oh, Jennifer, I remember one night I woke up and I saw the tooth fairy leaving my room. and she had a white flowing gown and a wand. I looked under and there was a dollar under there. She told me the story over and over, right? So I was so excited. I lost my tooth. I'm like probably like five or something where I can remember it. And I put the tooth under my pillowcase and I'm just waiting for this moment that my mother had pathologically lied to me about my whole life, about the tooth fairy and her gown and how magical it was and the wand and all of these things, right? So, listener, you also have to know my mother is the most forgetful person on the planet.

23:10Jennifer:She's the smartest person I know, genuinely, probably like, I don't know a single person that is smarter than my mother. But as intelligent as she is, she's that much forgetful as well. Like she would forget to pick me up from school and shit, left me at the grocery store, like very absent minded professor type person. And so I go to sleep, put my tooth under my pillow, all snuggled up, I wake up the next day. I'm like, Oh, I never saw the tooth fairy, but I wonder if she came. And I lift up the pillow and then there's the tooth. And so of course I'm like, bawling, crying, go to my mom. And she's like, Oh, darling, she must've just been so busy last night.

23:49Jennifer:You probably need to go back to sleep. So I go back to sleep and I'm in there like, my mom comes in to give me a hug and she tries to hoodwink me. And she puts a five under my pillow and then takes the tooth at the same time. And that was it. That's when I knew. And then, and then on top of that, on top of that, you find out not only did she forget your tooth, but also she'd been lying to you. And mom, my mom listens to the podcast. So mom, how do you defend yourself? She'll probably chime in in the comment section. If she does, everybody tell Linda, hello. She's a wonderful mother, by the way.

24:24okay next story all right pumps okay everybody thinks you may have been an

24:33Jennifer:influencer of a rising trend that you didn't know about let's pop this up the influencers normalizing not having sex you're welcome a celibate porn star to an asexual ex Mormon. The internet is full of people who are abstaining from sex, and it's not just incels. Here's an excerpt. Online, the vocabulary is coalescing femcel, boy sober, opting out. Wired spoke to a trio of people who are very online about their celibacy, a career porn star taking a break from men, an asexual ex-Mormon YouTuber, and an entrepreneur who is saving herself for marriage and are helping normalize it for the masses. And I would say the podcast world's hit Princess Diana of podcasting, the star of our show, Angela Pump Sullivan.

25:34Jennifer:Here's another excerpt. The reasons for abstaining range from anxiety about the state of the world, the overturning of Roe, the current political and economic climate, to a desire for total autonomy while both genders experience similar rates of loneliness, studies have shown that single women tend to be happier than single men, possibly due to not having to deal with a disproportionate amount of household labor or deprioritize their sexual pleasure. Pumps. I just feel like a little bit disappointed that I'm not giving any credit in this article. Like I could have been, you know, Wired didn't reach out.

26:12Jennifer:So I kind of, I've kind of felt bad about that. And then I was like, yeah, I agree. It's a huge, I mean, that was a myth on their part, but all these people have such high minded reasons, like really well thought out. Mine is like, I just don't want to put makeup on on a Saturday. And you put makeup on before you have sex. No, but if I were going to, I would have, I would have to go out and meet somebody, which means I would have to have small talk, which means I would have to wear makeup and doll up. I don't have to put mine is more of just an effort related issue, more so than climate change or anything like that.

26:45Mine is just I don't want to have to do that.

26:48Jennifer:I would rather not have sex than have to small talk at dinner and do all that other stuff. Text. God forbid FaceTime. I have friends that are on dating websites my fucking age. They're FaceTiming. I'm just like you are too fucking old to be FaceTiming people you don't know. either don't be a fun hater well i just think it's weird like when you're with people and you're like hold up hold up when you were dating that married man we never last time you had sex huh we never faced him not one no because you didn't know how to do it at the time and it wasn't as common at the time it was like five or six years ago i would call you and you were on the phone with him at all times so then i had to call your daughter because i had to get a hold of you and i said no hang on hang on and i said emily what's going on with your mom i can't get a hold of her and she said oh, she and blank, she and beep talking the phone for like two hours every night.

27:42Jennifer:And I was like, oh my God, good for her. So don't be a fun hater with your friends that are doing that. No, but the FaceTime, when you're in a group of people, I think anytime you're FaceTime, like if it's your kid, they're FaceTiming when you're with them. No, like if there's six people sitting there at a table eating dinner and you're FaceTiming somebody else that to me is the no 100 % agree with that 100 % that's what I'm saying you're with your friends and they're facetiming the guy that they met online yes they're not facetiming me they're facetiming like a significant other this while you're sitting there their kids 24 7 and I'm like stop while you're sitting there they're facetiming yes are they doing baby talk no i would remember that i yeah no it was just like facetiming what are they talking about just mundane stupid shit like i'll call you back after dinner kind of stuff like nothing pressing i guess it's the thrill the chase flirting i don't know does not appeal to me i did with you know who two hours a night two hours a night two hours a night like a little high school girl what is what your daughter reported to me yeah well she's such a great reporter I'm sure she would want to rat me out in the beginning we did but like not after I thought it was sweet I thought it was sweet I just I can't find the effort right now but maybe if I fell madly in love I would 100 % you would that's the great that's the great thing about you as much as you like rail about small talk on the podcast if I'm out in the wild with you you're the biggest small talker I know.

29:26Jennifer:And I'm the problem with the small talking. Yeah. Okay. Another story. Washington Post headline. Let's pop this out. Does leisure make us happy? Often the answer is no. Psychologist Lori Santos said, we often pursue low effort activities while looking for happiness. Here's what actually works according to the research. Reporting from the article is you might think spending more time relaxing would make you happier. But recent research suggests that having more leisure time doesn't necessarily make people more likely to rate their day as happy. The research using data from the U.S. Census Bureau's American Time Use Survey shows that people were most satisfied with their days when they included an hour or two of socializing, physical exercising, physical exercise, and surprisingly up to six hours of work, though more work than this was linked to less happiness.

30:28Jennifer:I agree with this. I do too. And I think I've gotten to where I, if I don't work out during the weekday, it makes me like very anxiety prone. And I don't sleep as well at night. I absolutely like my number one priority is like when am I going to get my workout in not because I care I mean obviously I care but mostly because I'm like I want to sleep I don't want to have anxiety like if I have super anxiety then I'll go for a walk do something I think you have to be active because here's the thing if all you're doing is sitting around with nothing to think about then you're thinking about yourself and you're thinking about how nobody else is thinking about you or what you don't have so I think too much time focused on yourself makes you unhappy.