Size Queens Against Fascism

0:00You didn't start a business just to keep the lights on. You're here to sell more today than yesterday. You're here to win. Lucky for you, Shopify built the best converting checkout on the planet. Like the just one tapping, ridiculously fast acting, sky high sales stacking, championed checkouts. That's the good stuff right there. So if your business is in it to win it, win with Shopify. Start your free trial today at Shopify.com slash win. so are we supposed to start the podcast ready one two three patriots gay triots they triots black triots brown triots and any other triots that we're missing out just know that we're here for you we love you and every single triple trumper we've obviously spoken about the administration i just want to go at everyday trumpers just the everyday americans that vote for Trump and still defend him can do what pumps pumps what have you had it with okay what I've had it with and I mean I was so incensed there was smoke coming out of my ears what I've had it with is when people bring their toddler to a primarily adult event and expect other people in the stadium to babysit their child while they're drinking and having a ball.

1:29Their kid is running around and everybody else in the section is responsible for this child because the parents, okay, so what happened? Game seven of the Thunder game. Western Conference Finals. Western Conference Finals, big game. These people sit down within the first quarter, this little girl spilled three drinks and i just want to say this little girl is adorable so we had to bring everybody down to clean it up three times which means you can't see but that's fine it's fine to bring how old what age are we talking about here two she had a paci so two pacifier at game seven okay okay then she started getting antsy they load her up with cotton candy and then great idea loose and she's walking up and down the stairs.

2:19She's hanging on the, like the things that you hold, like the, the rail that you hold, you know, the little flashers they have attached to the hole. She's licking it. Perfect. The girl in front of me, she must've played peekaboo with her for two quarters. Enabler. Enabler. The NBA people, they were from the NBA because they had on their NBA gear. They walked down, they pulled the usher up and they said, this, we can't have this. This is unacceptable. This is unacceptable. Before they had even touched the court, the kid was back out there doing it. It got so bad at one point, somebody from like eight rows up who I guess knows the family came and got the little girl.

3:06And then she screamed and bawled the entire fourth quarter. And here's the deal. This little girl could have burst into flames and the only people in the state, the stadium that wouldn't have noticed would have been the row of her family. And I just thought, how fucking entitled are you that you bring your child to an event? You ignore the child the entire time so that everybody else can babysit it. I have had it. I had had it with that whole thing. Other adults do not want to babysit your child at an adult event, whether it be a moving, a sporting event, a restaurant. Unless you bring a babysitter, do not bring your child, get a babysitter at home.

3:55It was the most egregious lack of parental supervision that I've ever seen in my entire life. Well, I was at that game as well. And you were sitting across the court for me. I did not see the toddler terrorist, which you're speaking about, but it would infuriate me. I myself was screaming and bawling through the fourth quarter. But obviously there's a larger issue here. And it is this, there's this new trend with young moms and dads where they want to take their kid to everything. And there's certain things your kids shouldn't go to, like game seven of the NBA Western Conference finals. If your child has a pacifier and wears a diaper, it's utterly insane.

4:45And the way these parents, and I've seen this happen, They think their kid is so cute. So everybody does. Everybody does. They project that onto everybody else, which makes me hate a toddler, which is not a good position for the parents to put people in. And I hold the parents accountable. I think her days of terrorizing are only going to get worse with parents that are not reigning this in. And if you can afford, you were in the lower bowl, you had great seats pump. So if they're sitting by you, these were pricey tickets. If you can afford to go to game seven of the NBA Western Conference finals and watch Wemby, an extraterrestrial, kick the thunder's ass, you can afford a fucking babysitter.

5:28Not to mention the time. This game starts at night. These kids need to be in bed. I completely agree with you on this. I've had it with toddlers, but I've more so had it with parents that enable toddlers. And then whoever the sports fan was at the game that was playing peekaboo with the kid, it lulled the parents into this false sense of security that the child was entertaining and everybody thought the child was cute. And I think that we, as a unit, are the iHipsters here. We need to let parents know, and I don't care how fucking cute that kid is, we have to resist in adult restaurants, adult sporting events.

6:10We have to resist enabling. We have to literally look at the child as though it has Ebola. Well, let me tell you what I did. She came over to do PQB with me and I looked at her and looked at her mother and I go, no. What did her mother do? She didn't fucking care because the girl in front of me was babysitting her. Were they sitting in front of you or behind you? They were across the aisle from me down one row. Wow. Yeah. I've had it with that by proxy. I don't like this child, but more than anything, I don't like those parents. I just think it's bullshit. It's bullshit. When people have to pay that much money to go to these basketball games and you bring a fucking toddler.

6:53It's not Chuck E. Cheese. No. It's not the playground. It's not a ball pit. You can't do that shit. No. If we were at the zoo, I would expect it. I'd probably play fucking peekaboo, but we're not at the zoo. Let's not get carried away, Pams. True. Fair. Let's not get carried away. I could not get over it. Probably part of my ire was that the Thunder was losing. But by the time the game was over, my head was spinning. This happened to me recently at a recent basketball game. There was a kid sitting in front of us, grandstanding, had no business being there, turning around, making eye contact with everybody, unsolicited eye contact.

7:34And that's the thing. These kids like laser lock on the people that they know. And kids always laser lock on me. And a mother on an airplane, I play peekaboo. I do everything because I've been that young mother before. But I've never been the young mother that took a snotty nose toddler terrorist to an NBA basketball game. I would never fucking do that. Never. Never. And I will just tell people at home, surprise of all surprises, Jennifer Welch is a baby whisperer. I mean, legit baby whisper. The kids like me. They do. The kids like me. You don't get to pick who loves you. And the kids love me.

8:12They do. You just love. They really do. The kids see something in me that pumps doesn't.

8:20Let's move on from these terrorists. I've had it with men getting rid of all their body hair. And let me give you an example. I was recently with my husband for game seven. and he likes to parade around the house with his low body fat topless and he shaved his fucking armpits. Really? I just think it's a bridge too far. I mean, he's a Gen Xer. He's heterosexual. Yeah. There's just certain areas that men just need to have hair in my opinion. And I just, I just, I think you got to have your armpit here. He claims that there was some deodorant debris with the hair, like deodorant debris caught in the hair.

9:05So he just eliminated the arm hair. But what's so hilarious about it is we're sitting at the kitchen island eating and Roman, my youngest son is the one that noticed. And he's like, dad, did you shave your armpits? Which was perfect, right? It's just getting trolled by your youngest son. So anyway, I just think the hair removal has gone a little bit overboard. We are, we have hair. It's just a part of it. I just, I think that everybody's going a little bit too hardcore on the hair removal, particularly men. That's funny you say that because I was just watching a new show last night with my kids and I noticed the guy had no armpit hair and I just couldn't quite figure out.

9:51and the guy was, I mean, maybe older than us. He's an actor. Don't, don't, do you have a frog in your pocket when you say older than us? Well, I mean, like I think in the sixties, not fifties. Right. I just want to make sure that listener, that any new listener we have knows that I'm significantly younger than Angie. I didn't know how I felt about it. It kind of gave me the... That's kind of how I felt when I saw it. I just thought how, what are we doing here? What are we doing? What are we doing? Why are we shaving off all our hair? Like what's going on there? And I just find Josh's reasoning somewhat suspect, like get in the shower, wash your armpit hair.

10:35I doubt. Here's the deal. It's not believable because we know that with Josh, there are two speeds, accelerator smashed to the floorboard of the car or screeching on the brakes. Those are the only two speeds this man has. And it all started that afternoon at Best Buy when he got the manscaping consultation at Best Buy to manscape. And now he's catching up for lost time because he was like, how am I the most vain person in the world that takes care of every little aspect of my body just now discovering manscaping? So now Now we're going overboard per use and we're shaving the armpit hair. And Josh doesn't listen to the podcast, but something miraculous is happening.

11:22So a lot of people in Oklahoma City listen to the podcast. So when Josh is at the courthouse or at a restaurant or the gym, people go up to him with updates about me talking behind his back on the podcast. So to my friends out there that listen and run into Josh Welch in Oklahoma City, walk up to him and say, God damn it, Josh, grow your armpit hair back for fuck's sake. Yeah. No, I agree. Because he won't listen to this episode and who can blame him? But anyway, all right. Welcome to I've Had It, America's Top DEI Podcast. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. Kylie is here. Kylie, what kind of reviews do we have for today?

12:01I've got some good ones today. The first one is five stars titled Thank You Ladies and Green Colorado says, You two bring me back to being a little gay gossiping with my aunties as a child. It's so refreshing to hear no bullshit common sense intertwined with a deep love and respect for each other. The podcast makes me so happy. Please keep it up. How nice. Green Colorado. Love it. Right back at you. Yeah. It's good shit. All right. Do we have another one? We do. This one is Pump Up the Gen. Five stars from Adrena. And she says, I have a 16 month old in the midst of kid jail and listen all the time.

12:37my husband picked up talking points to bring to his Trump public Trumplican co-workers. I wanted a political podcast that was about that fight, fight, fight. But for real, I want to join these ladies on the patio chairs, put gloves on and smoke a cig while calling out people in power and holding them accountable. Jennifer has the ability to predict the future and surprisingly not gloat. I don't know if that's true. I don't know. That's totally not. I think she's being facetious. I think she's totally being facetious there. I think that's deadpan humor via a review. I would never get over the fact that I predicted an attempted assassination in response to bad polling.

13:12So glad I found my community of consensual ball grabbers and look forward to these ladies leading the charge and smacking these politicians around when the time comes for government to correct, prosecute, and guardrails to be rebuilt. The rapid fire questions to politicians. Jen's efficiency at the finest. Jen, pumps and crew, love you all. I'll tell you what, when I saw that ball grabbers, y 'all know what I thought about. let's say it all together matt schlapp matt schlapp the conservative christian and his wife mercedes schlapp that gets all liquored up and sexually assaults conservative men we will never quit talking about it matt schlapp and i just sometimes i just want you to call me and just say schlapp the way you say matt schlapp schlapp yeah matt schlapp and mercedes are praying through all of his sexual assault allegations it's interesting it's just interesting that he's always grabbing penises for an alleged heterosexual when he gets liquored up it is interesting some interesting some might say he's in the closet yeah i don't think we can confuse uh sexual predators with uh homosexuality No, no, no.

14:27I wasn't saying that, but obviously he doesn't like Mercedes as much as he likes penises. I think when rubber hits the road, we're not thinking about anything on Mercedes. One million percent. I think we might be thinking about, yeah, men and Mercedes. Yeah, agree. Okay. I have an update regarding the beagles that we have been covering from Ridgeland Farms or Rigland, Rigland, Ridgeland. I can't remember how to say it. Anyway, Okay, so they rescued 1 ,500 of these beagles, and they received national media attention. 650 dogs remain inside the laboratory, and July 1 is now approaching, and advocates believe this may actually be the most critical moment for these beagles yet.

15:16Many people understandably assume that the story ended once the rescue faced, once the rescue headlines surfaced. But in reality, there is very little public transparency about what will happen to these remaining animals. Advocates and volunteers are increasingly concerned. I'm sorry, listener. I'm really tongue-tied today. If negotiations fail, the 650 beagles could be quietly transferred to another facility, sold through brokers or resellers, euthanized or kept at Rigland for future in-house research contracts. So here's what everybody needs to do. Here is a list of action items. If you're in Wisconsin or if you're just a human being that cares about innocent little beagles, call Governor Tony Evers, the governor of Wisconsin.

16:12And his phone number is 608-266-1212 to request an executive order directing the remaining dogs to shelters before July 1st. Again, Governor Tony Evers, release an executive order immediately to save these beagles. We're all having to deal with all this abuse of MAGA and all these fucking pedophile protectors. Can you at least, I believe this guy's a Democrat, can't you at least save these beagles and not bend over to this corporation that abuses little beagles? Again, Governor Tony Evers' phone number is 608-266-1212. iHipsters assemble, flood the phone lines, tell this MF-er this is one good thing, bipartisanship that we can have in the United States.

17:09We have got to get these 600 something beagles. Listener, think about how much you love your dog or your cat. These beagles have lived in these little cages and they fall prey to all forms of abuse and we have to get them released. So that's just a little update on the beagles. Now we're going to move on to some stories that I want to share with pumps. Listener, I don't know about you, but when I get home from work, I like to wind down, put on my PJs and then nestle up with a throw blanket. And the quality, the texture, the weight of the throw blanket is so important to me. I've been particular about this my whole life, and I'm happy to share with you, I have found my number one favorite blanket from Lola Blankets.

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18:40And after you purchase, they'll ask where you heard about them. Please support our show and let them know that we sent you. Wrap yourself in luxury with Lola Blankets. All right, summer is right here. And I know a lot of you are probably stressed with all of the financial situation going on in the country. Can you afford a vacation? Well, you need to set up immediately Monarch because Monarch is the personal finance app that tracks everything, accounts, investments, saving goals, and spending. Get your first year of Monarch core for half off just$50 with the promo code HADIT. Most apps only tell you what you've already spent.

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20:06That's 50 % off your first year at Monarch.com with the code HATIT. All right, pumps, a TikTok creator named Anwar White coined a term called catching print. Okay. You got it? Catching print. Catching print. Lailed it. A trend where women and gay men try to estimate a man's penis size by reading the outline through his pants. He broke down how he has this down to a science in a viral TikTok with over 8 million views. Pumps, get locked in. Here's the TikTok. Oh, yay. Okay. Girl, so here's the guide to catching print because the girls couldn't see it. So I want you to see it. We have three types, type A, type B, type D.

21:05Type A is where the peak is above the actual mid-inseam, right? This is like your four to six inches. And then you have type B, which is right at the middle to the bottom of the inseam in the middle actual diagram. This will give you six to eight inches. And then the D type, it's either flat like a Ken doll or it's rounding out like a little banana. That's type D. That's eight inches or more, sweetie. Do you hear me? This is the one that you need. Save this video so you can always come to it. screenshot this so that you can always have this as a quick reference guide. All right. So moving along with this great research here by Anwar White.

21:47I mean, this is the type of scientific study that we are laser focused on. And everybody knows our size queen pumps who hasn't been laid in at least 5 ,437 days is laser focused on all of this. Women, Angie, have declared a winner of the catching print. And let's compare what a liberal man looks like. Here's Jon Hamm. And if you can see how that is, that's the D. It's below. So we're looking at an eight inch plus situation here. This is a liberal man, never voted for Trump. and now an alpha clearly. Now let's compare John Hamm's giant monster cock to that of J.D. Vance. Pop this up. I can't even.

22:40It's invisible. This looks like it's above mid here. I'm thinking that I'm thinking, wait, this is a three to four incher is my estimation. Kylie, will you enter that into the permanent record next up we have lady graham oh boy uh this is definitely above mid here oh my god lady graham no wonder he's a bottom allegedly um i i mean i'm going three inches here i think this explains a lot all the chicken hawk shit talk that he does now we know. It's obvious. Let's go ahead and take a look at the Queen of America, Donald Trump. Ooh. Do we have a crotch? Oh, wow. Yeah. Stormy Daniels was right about that.

23:31Let's take a gander at Ted Cruz's crotch. Oh. Yeah. These are micro penises for sure. I think that all of their cocks lined up in a row would be as large as Jon Hamm's penis, in my opinion. And finally, let's check out Moses Mike grinder. There's a little grinder. Oh yeah. That's way above mid, way, way above mid. Now that I saw that, I can't see it. I'm going to every man I look at, it's going to be right there. All right. So as you can imagine, pumps, the men are not coping well with a newfound public focus on their size. And the New York Magazine just published a deep dive into the panic. Pop this up.

24:21The big little penis panic. In the age of looks maxing Trump and catching print, which we all just learned together as a class what catching print is, men have seized on an enduring anxiety with new energy. And let's do a, here we go. Here's the part of the article. I live in fear of someone saying I have a small penis, says John, a 30-year-old aspiring actor. There have been so many cultural signals in my life that say there's something special about having a big penis. That's long been the case for men, but it's true. We've never been more comfortable talking about size. people are disconnecting from reality whether it's from looks maxing social media dating apps or porn says evan goldstein a manhattan surgeon tiktok is filled with young men talking about porn addiction masturbation addiction and viagra use which has never been more in demand especially among younger generations in a survey on penis size conducted in february 67 percent of respondents admitted to lying about their size.

25:38Notably, Gen Z reported the lowest confidence in their penises. Men don't know they're normal, says Dr. David Schaefer, a midtown plastic surgeon who specializes in penis augmentation. I have to reassure a lot of guys, he says, they come in and they're average or above average, but they think that they're smaller. In the past few years, Schaefer says he has filled 5 ,000 men who often keep their work private. The inquiries come in at two in the morning. I imagine they're in bed wondering, how can I increase my manhood? According to Chris Bustamante, who runs a girth enhancement clinic. The majority of his patients are average size.

26:31The men he sees, he says, are rarely seeking to enhance their performance in the bedroom. Rather, they're simply looking to look bigger. The finance bros in the locker room, the gay guys in their Speedos on Fire Island. Both want to look as packed as Jon Hamm while walking down the street in their sweatpants. It's something you can't talk about, says Steven Snyder, a sex therapist and relationship therapist. It's like a low IQ. It just happens sometimes. In his patients with small penises, he says he's observed Napoleon complexes and what he calls compensatory masculinity. Generally, they're miserable.

27:19You can be the best orange in the world, he says, somewhat blithely. But if they want a banana, it's not going to work. So several things to unpack here. First and foremost is, I love this for me. Our whole lives, how big are your boobs? Do you have cellulite? Do you have a gut? Do you have a thigh gap? Is your ass high and tight enough? Is your vagina tight enough? It's constant. It's a constant onslaught. Furthermore, Gen Z is the first generation that has had unmitigated access to porn. And all of the porn addicts, it's my understanding, maybe pumps can help fill in here, are pretty well endowed.

28:11So I can imagine they feel rather insufficient if they're watching porn all the time, you know, with all these monster cocks going crazy on their phone. Yeah. Porn actors, you mean. Porn actors have big dicks. Yeah. Of course. Yeah. Okay. Here's the thing. I have been saying the compensator, they're overcompensating. I have been saying that for so many decades now, monster truck, big tires on a track, a sports car, like a bright orange t-shirt with an eagle and a grenade. right and so now everybody's learning that not the sex therapist finally just said it out loud we've got a cult of men with small penises and they love trump because they think he has a big penis the stormy daniels said it's a nebbin so i love this that we're finally talking about this um that the science has caught up with my theory i mean my son and i were driving by there was a bright orange Lamborghini on Sunday.

29:13We were driving by go, what does that car tell you about that guy? And he goes, I know mom, a small penis. And I was like, I'm just glad you know. I'm just glad you know. I'm glad you can spot it from the road. So yeah, this is obviously been happening for decades and I'm so glad it's now in print. We have scientific people saying it's true. So one woman interviewed for the article says talking about men's bodies feels like women's reparations and asks of men, what did you expect when you created this hellscape? And I would even take it further and say, what did you expect when you voted for Trump and you have, as Angie mentioned, all of these big trucks with big giant flags in them with truck nuts hanging off of them.

30:04And everybody has to wear their big boy t-shirts where you have the American flag with the black line through it or the American flag with the blue line through it. You can't just live. No, I support law and order. You have to put it all over your clothes and you have to have the eagle and all the shit in your bio. Your bio is the Trump, Trump, Trump thing. And also when you vote for a man that gave a microphone a blowjob on the campaign trail and wears a full face of makeup every day and you think he's so alpha and you watch Fox News and you think Jesse Waters and Greg Gutfeld are alpha, the only conclusion the rest of us normal people can draw is that you all have micropenises.

30:46Stephen Miller being the ringleader of the micropene brigade. I mean, when I think of micropenes, I think of Stephen Miller. Like you said, Greg Gutfeld, he needs a bra. He's constantly talking about how ugly women are, how women need to do this. Donald Trump constantly calling people ugly and fat. I'm like, I don't get it. Do these people not have mirrors at their houses? That's my first thought. Like, does Donald Trump not have a mirror? He is clearly obese. And all he talks about is fat people. I'm like, are you kidding me? This is what psychiatrists call delusions of grandeur. Yeah, that's the truth.

31:26All right. In response to this, some men are taking matters into their own hands. Pop this up. Ball maxing. The risky new trend where men are inflating their balls. Men are injecting saline into their testicles to make them look bigger. Inflating their scrotums from normal size to as large as grapefruits. The effect lasts 24 to 42 hours before the fluid is reabsorbed by the body. Doctors warn it's quite dangerous. potentially causing infection and long-term damage to the male genitalia. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. You know, I, they've been giving injections in the vagina for years. Like really, what kind of injections?