Small Peen Regime

0:02So are we supposed to start the podcast? ready one two three patriots gaytriots vatriots blacktriots browntriots oh and all of maga can fuck all right pams what have you had it with okay i've had it had it with up to my eyeballs in shit with my iphone being updated it's not authorized and I don't know what's happening after an update. It's hard enough for me to keep up on a regular basis what goes on on that phone, not to mention that then it updates and I wake up and it's like, oh, you've updated. You have to use your passcode. And then I get in there and like, I can't find anything. My text messages are all messed up.

0:49They say it's time sensitive. I go in there, I answer. I realize it's like from four months ago. And then on top adding insult to injury, I hate Tim Cook. I think he sucks so bad. So that gives me an extra resentment. And then I pop up today, you're getting an update tonight. I don't know how to stop it. I don't know how to stop the updates, but I'm sick of it. I've had it no more. No, it's terrible. It's terrible. It's never, they never update things for the better. I feel like it is a, one of these things where you have a lot of hipsters that work at Apple, who are like, we need to have a meeting and they're on zoom calls, they're scrambling jets, they're pulling stuff out of the parking lot.

1:32They're showing, you know, let me show you, let me pull up. Here's the hyperface. Here's what you did now. And this is the over complication, complication. Sorry, guys. We do a lot of podcasts. This is the overcomplication of all of this, uh, too many meetings. And I think that sometimes people talk too much and communicate too much and try to invent shit to do that doesn't need to be done. About four updates ago was the best version of the photo album they've ever had. And since then, the photo album has literally climbed to the top of the highest dive on the planet, taken a huge swan dive into a completely empty pool.

2:20And I don't even enjoy my photographs anymore. I used to enjoy, I can't find them. I don't understand the ordering. I don't know why the search engine used to be at the top. Now somebody's like, I got an idea. People are like, what is it? And he goes, let's move the search engine type in to the bottom. And all these geeky McDweebersons are over there going, oh, fucking totally. that is unbelievable idea let's move it to the bottom that is fucking rad man it's just enough and you know what i'm just gonna say i kind of missed the button pushing the button i totally missed the button i know that's total gin gin x moment but i really liked that button i like i like the the feel and the tactile nature of pushing a button well and i felt like i had more control over it with the button like i was in charge now i feel like my phone's in charge of me it's like wagging the dog that is me which wouldn't be hard to do given my technological stuff but yeah getting another update i'm sure it'll be even more up tomorrow yeah it's it's the the relationship with the phone is it's a really tortured one it's a really tortured relationship for me um all right let me tell you what i've had it with i've had it with podcasters and podcasts.

3:39And at the top of my list would be myself. Second on that list would be you because I hate me a little bit more than I hate you. Kylie and Seth, I don't like they, they aren't, they're awesome. And they have the worst jobs in America. But I just feel like I'm just like our podcast, our podcast here to stay, or is this a phase? What's, what's going on with the podcasts? It's just, it's kind of, what is it? I guess it's the new radio, right? New talk radio. Yeah. I think it's a hundred percent radio back in the day, but what's interesting is like, nobody's watching like regular TV anymore. So it kind of feels like they're here.

4:23The news is over the news is over which but not i have news that we drop every day wherever you get your podcasts stay with us but i love that cbs is so hard with their new cbs news thing i mean that has been delicious fucking barry weiss the demon leslie from hell i mean what lesbians are so good too. If I was a lesbian, I would be furious. I would be livid about that woman because she is just, you can tell she thinks she's hot shit and she doesn't know shit from Shinola, this broad. And it's the equivalent to me of Cash Patel thinking, yeah, I'll run the FBI. I got it. Don't tee it up. Let's, let's do it.

5:15I'll run the FBI. I think Barry Wise, she had this blog the free press, and she declared like culture wars are a problem and we're the anti-woke lesbians. Let's go anti-woke lesbians. And then lesbians are like, we don't want you anyway. So she's like, well, fuck that. Then I'm going to go join Trump. And it is such a, this is, this, it's like a MAGA thinks they're so unique and they're so original and they're like a string doll. It's like the same story with every single personal panic. We're anti DEI and we're anti woke. And I think people should get their jobs on the merit. Hey, Barry Weiss with zero experience of running any news organization ever besides your own blog that you started.

5:59Why don't you run CBS news? And then you have all these seasoned, skilled journalists that work hard, like really work hard, work for months and months and months on stories. And this insufferable twat goes in and spikes the story about Seacott. And then here's the thing that gets me so hard about her. So she's this big like pro-Israel thumper, right? I would think if I was a big pro-Israel thumper, like we need to work on Holocaust prevention, I would think airing the Seacott story would be on the top of my fucking list to say, hey, we have red flags here. We have people in masks denying people due process, sending them to a concentration camp in El Salvador.

6:49This seems eerily familiar to the 1930s. But what does this fucking twat do? She spikes it and then she wants to have credibility lecturing us on Israel. Fuck off. I mean, that's the thing about evangelicals and about these far right Zionists. They have to force you to like their opinion because they're so wrong in it. And they are in such denial about how wrong they are. So that's like evangelicals. We have to recruit, recruit, recruit. Right. The Zionists. If we control TikTok, if we control CBS, if we control this, if they don't know that we're committing a genocide, then everybody will love us.

7:25It's like everybody hates you. Not because you're Jewish, because you're fucking war criminals. That's why. We love Jewish people. Your Jewishness has nothing to do with the fact that you support war crimes and war criminals. That's why we don't like you. It's that simple. Yeah, and I just don't see any difference between Benjamin Netanyahu, the way he went behind. I mean, you know, he's funding Hamas on the down low. He wants to stay in office, so he's at war. Corruption charges out the gazoo. And then you have Donald Trump. I mean, there are two sides of the same coin, except Netanyahu is, I think, more strategic and probably, as Trump would say, higher IQ individual than Trump.

8:11Not that that's hard. Well, and the problem is Netanyahu has been in and out of power for decades. That MF-er has the same line. He's been lying for years. Iran has a nuclear weapon. Iran's one day away from nuclear. Like since the 1980s. Like somebody did a hyper clip of it. And the thing that it bugs me about, like the Barry Weiss's and the evangelical Christians, and it surprises me zero. Barry Weiss's first interview was with Erica Kirk. I mean, birds of a dipshit feather flock together, right? So both of these people are sitting there and they have this arrogance about them that their worldview is just so correct.

8:54And everybody that doesn't go through their mental gymnastics of depravity and debauchery and war crimes and all this shit just don't understand it. We're too woke to get it. Right. And I just, I cannot wait for the spectacular fall of Barry Wise because it's really sad. Like 60 Minutes was a part, I mean, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. Yes. You know, my parents would watch and then I'd kind of be like, that was a big deal. Yeah, it was a big deal. And like the expose on the cigarette tobacco companies and all of that was big, big stuff. And it's going to fall. It's going to spiral spectacularly.

9:33And I hope the Ellison's, I hope they lose billions. I hope they just bought TikTok. And of course they've hired incompetent people to run tick tock i hope it loses billions and i hope that there are new platforms that come out where we have a benevolent billionaire that says look i hate these fuckers everybody bit as much as you all do and i'm gonna make a cooler tick tock a cooler this a cooler that and i'm giving you know i'm paying more in taxes whatever but we're gonna fight these people together because Larry Ellison, Barry Weiss, Benjamin Netanyahu, Donald Trump, these are the worst, the worst people among us that stand up for the worst people.

10:17Yeah. And they think we're stupid, like that we don't see how shitty they are. And it's like, hey, I know you have an inferiority complex and you think if you run CBS News or if you buy CBS News, if you're the president of the United States, nobody will know. Hate to tell you, cat's fucking out of the back. Everybody you're a fucking loser and always has. I did read that TikTok was like, and I don't know how it worked. 150%. Yes, I saw that. Pulling out, not using the app, deleting the app. Maybe that was the term, but I'm like, good. But you know, here's the thing. I remember when TikTok was suspended for like four hours.

10:55And I mean, I thought my daughter and her friends were going to just, it was like the end of the world as they knew it. I don't know enough about TikTok to enjoy it or have fun with it. So I don't understand why you couldn't just do that on another platform. But the younger generation is very tied to TikTok, but I'm with you, let's get it started. And I guess here's the thing that drives me crazy. And I just, I'd love to browbeat pick, Seth. So I'm just going to take a moment in terms of the hubris of these people that I can do it. Kash Patel. I'm a podcaster. Of course, I'm the FBI. Pete Hexeth was a reserve in the National Guard.

11:34He is running the Department of Defense, and it has been nothing but shameful. He has demoted people. He has stripped names of boats because he is such a pathetic asshole that he feel so threatened by people that have really served and done things for this country that he feels like he has to strip it like Harvey Milk, Ruth Bader Ginsburg. He is the absolute worst of the, I'm so cool. I was on Fox News. So naturally I'll kill people in Venezuela, you know, on boats in the Caribbean. Like it just, I don't understand. I really do not understand the people that I grew up with in their home, my parents, pro-military, back the blue, how they can, it is crap the bed city.

12:29Pete Hegseth is so incompetent. He is so unqualified. It just, I do not know how you support that if you say you're pro-military. He has made a travesty of all this. He is the worst of the worst hires. And then he talks about DEI. It makes me want to scream to the top of my lungs. And I just want to say this. You've heard all this shit about him. I just read an article about him, if you can't tell. He does all this shit. He has three baby mamas. He's married to one wife and he knocks up now the current wife and he's got just a horde of children. Homeschools naturally, of course. he has the signal group chats where he does war plans he includes his fucking wife which tells me she's a red flag trust him to make course he does he has to be on there and then you know what i just noticed first of all i was on katie miller's disgusting ridiculous podcast and they're draped all over each other like they're not each other's like third third spouse you know like come on his picture his official picture on his bio on social media has her like in the background I'm like, that screams I fuck around and my wife doesn't trust me more than anything I've ever seen.

13:45We have to have our wife on there because she has to monitor the text. We have to have a picture of our wife. And then when we sit by each other, even though we're old as fuck and been married to other people a gazillion times, we have to have our arms all over each other in a podcast. He enrages me. Well, I mean, in a normal world, all of this would be considered a national security threat. But in the Trump world, to your point about how can your parents think that he cares about the military, is that would require critical thinking to critique his intellect. All he has to do for the Trump people, like your family members, is tap dance on Fox News and go, I love America and I hate liberals and I hate immigrants.

14:28And you know what? I don't think our black vets deserve any recognition because I think the white vets are getting sidelined so that I can prop up black vets. And Fox News just goes, this man, you know, I'll tell you what, honey, he loves America. It's this simpleton, dumbed down, no critical thinking, target the, you know, tribal impulses of the worst traits of humanity. And this shit just rains in middle America and the cancer pumps and all of that is, I think Fox news has radicalized and radicalized and radicalized people like your parents that should be retired, enjoying their retirement. And you tell me story after story about going over there and all they do is binge walk, binge watch free base Fox news.

15:21And what a miserable existence. A lady wrote a book about this. I think it was during the George W. Bush era, maybe the Obama era, about Fox News and how devastating it was to the boomer generation, how angry they were in the polling since Fox News. They think they're about to fall prey to crime. They think that there's a bunch of people running around that hate America, which here's the thing. This was the generation that was like, I will die for your right to believe, say, feel anything you want, because that is the promise of America. And they've been so radicalized that now they want to be the thought police.

16:01They want to control everybody's thoughts. And here's what's just the biggest red flag of all. And it's like our friends, the good liars, and some of these other people that go into the Death Star and interview these MAGA people. What do you love about Trump? And I've heard it multiple times. And I go, I just love the way he, Mr. Trump loves America. I mean, he hugged that American flag. You know, the dry humping the flag. That's it. That's it. Because Fox News serves up that criticism means you're not patriotic. And then, you know, and then all these fucking dick wads are all over Facebook. I haven't been on it a long time.

16:42remember when i was all these shmohawks that i went to high school with were all like hey patriot yeah you know it's all this juiced up low t you know gyrating one pump chomp energy and you know you know you know all the ladies know you can take one look at pete hegseth you instantly know. He's soft serve for number one. Okay, ladies, with Valentine's Day around the corner, a lot of special moments start in the kitchen. Whether you're cooking for someone you love, hosting a cozy night in, or just want meals that feel a little bit more elevated, Hex Clad makes it easy. It's time to upgrade from scratched up pans and mismatched tools to cookware that's as stylish and as practical as you are.

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18:24Make sure to let them know that we sent you bon appetit. Let's cook with Hexclad's revolutionary cookware. This episode of I've Had It is sponsored by BetterHelp. All right, listener, new year, new you, all of that. I think that's too much and too unrealistic. And I have a therapist through BetterHelp. And what we talk about is maybe a new year, a less burdened you. I would like to be less burdened. I would like to be able to manage my problems a little bit more effortlessly. I want better coping skills. And I'm able to talk this through on my own terms and my own private place with my therapist from BetterHelp.

19:07With over 30 ,000 therapists, BetterHelp is one of the world's largest online therapy platforms, having served over 5 million people globally. And it works with an average rating of 4.9 out of five for a live session based on over 1.7 million client reviews. So, listener, BetterHelp makes it easy to get matched online with a qualified therapist. Sign up and get 10 % off at BetterHelp.com slash Had It. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Had It. Welcome to I've Had It. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie, H-B-I-C, B for Beaver. Let's get, there's our beaver. Let's check in with the National Lesbians Association.

19:58I'm the head one, the head lesbian. The head lesbian. Would you please weigh in on how the lesbies feel about Barry Weiss? Oh, she sucks. I mean, when you're fighting for your place in the world as a group, and then one like that gets the national spotlight, it's just the worst thing that could happen. Yeah. That little bitch, that little evil twat, I bet she has done zero coverage empathetically about Renee Good. I saw that she just had this big meeting where she was like, if y 'all don't like it here, then you just need to quit your jobs to like seasoned real-time journalists. This fucking demon twat.

20:43Did it escape her notice that one of the things the right was doing was demonizing her because she was a lesbian? I mean, I heard that from Jump. well you know she was a lesbian like that like that made a difference that she was murdered and so it's just it's unbelievable here's the deal barry weiss has internalized homophobia she hates herself because she's a lesbian and so she wants to join the lesbian haters and she thinks somehow that's going to fix her and that she's like it's just like clarence thomas the black uh supreme court justice he hates that he's black he marries this crazy ass white lady jenny thom Thomas, who was the January 6th ringleader, like that's not a conflict of interest.

21:26Like the, like the Republicans would even allow that for a second of some democratic injustice, you know, it just shows how we play two different games all the time. Wasn't she in a cult before MAGA? Yeah. She was in a cult before MAGA. This is her second cult. This is her second cult. We can't make this shit out. And his best friend, the African-American, black Supreme Court justice, Clarence Thomas's best friend, and the guy that pays him a shit ton of money all the time, Harlan Crowe collects Nazi China, Nazi dishware. and it's like oh my god i think some of these people that like live on the coast they need to come live in oklahoma with us for a couple weeks so we can really take them around some of this real hardcore mega culture so they can grasp how serious these people are about this no i agree because i just don't think unless you've been around it you get it and here's the thing for clarence thomas for barry weiss and pumps can attest to this more more than I can.

22:33How many times growing up would you hear there'd be a black person in the room and then the black person would leave? You know, I think he's really well-spoken for a black man, right? Or isn't he a really attractive, nicely pulled together black man? Or, you know, for a black lady, she's this, well, you know, I couldn't really tell he was gay. Well, Kylie sure is pretty. Could you tell that she was a lesbian? They try to diminish the person's blackness or diminish the person's gayness. And so then this marginalized person diminishes themselves and then keeps going to seek approval and a bunch of, in a room full of fucking bigots.

23:12And they're never going to get it. Barry, you're never going to be filled up. No, ever. You're never going to be anything but a soft serve one pup chum. Honestly, I'm glad you're bringing back the penis shaming. I feel like it's been a while, Pumps. You know, really, it has been. Because I look across the spectrum of all these people in this cabinet when they have those circle jerks, and I'm like, this is the smallest penis size. We're talking like two-inch slim penis size on these men because they are so insecure. Yes, Jennifer. I have a question. If you were to list in order from micropenis, being the smallest, to pinky finger penis, one, two, and three, start with pinky.

24:06Okay, so that's the biggest. In the cabinet, knowing that the largest one is still the size of a pinky on a toddler. Okay, so that's the largest. Pinky on a toddler. Yeah, go three, two, one. uh three two one we got pinky on a toddler pencil dick and micropean three two one okay you guys hang on we need this i can't keep talking about all the fuckery all the time we need some community and just making fun of these fucking droops pumps go she shines at penile shame and you know and here's the thing i really think about it like i've written it down okay Okay, so for my, I would have to say that for my, the smallest of the small, I'm going to go Rubio.

25:00He's number three? No, he's the smallest of the smallest of the small. Over Stephen Miller? Oh, cabinet. I wasn't counting Stephen Miller in the cabinet. Okay, re-scratch. Stephen Miller is probably inverted. He probably has a vagina because it's so in his, and I've had an inverted nipple one time, so I know that's true. You can do that.

25:28Pete Hexas is the ultra slim. He's the pencil dick. So tiny. Just really thin. No girth. You think they make a condom that fits something that small? No. You know how like every guy wants to buy a Magnum condom when it's extra large? And I was like, bitch, you don't need that. He goes to the extra small store. Extra thin. Extra thin. Well, we know he doesn't wear them because he's knocked up everybody's had sex with. So many kids. So many fucking kids. Okay. Stephen Miller inverted. Marco Rubio's pinky. Pencil Pete Hegseth. This is probably going to surprise a few people. I think that this is kind of a dark horse.

26:14Howard Lutnick. He is trying to. Teeny weeny? Teeny weeny. Oh, for sure. Like he can't see it when he looks down. He's just, he's so slick. He's trying to be slick. Yeah. So that's my list, obviously. What about Lil' Smokey, J.D. Vance? Here's my thing with him. Okay, just from the view. I think it's probably a fine size. It's a sport cock or something? No, not a sport cock, but not embarrassing either way. It's the way he uses it. Okay. It's bad. Like he doesn't know how to use it. He thinks that if he gets off in less than a minute, cheers. Like great. He doesn't strike me as like, Usha, you know, was that fun for you?

27:00Did you have? No, no, no, no. He doesn't care. That never comes into it. I suspect he likes to watch himself jack off more than he likes sex with women. These are just observations. I don't think he likes it. All right. Who else are we missing in the cabinet? Kylie, Google a picture of Trump's cabinet. We've got Besant. Oh, my God. Yeah, that evil demon queen, Besant, and then also RFK Jr., which I think that's Raisin. a raisin yeah and he's viagra age ish so and you can tell he's taken like some steroids with which i think causes shrinkage i know that's true how do you know that's true well i dated somebody that took steroids and i could tell yeah back in the day well i mean it's welcome to tell all without on i've had it podcast pumps has had an inverted nipple and a oh my god you know i forgot Duffy.

28:03Oh, is he tall Duffy? He looked tall and like lanky in that. See, those are always tall, skinny people. Sometimes it's always a surprise. Yeah. Yeah. So that's cabinet 101 with Ange, penis size cabinet. I mean, you just light up. That's really, you know what? I would like to officially change my grievance where i started that i've had it with podcasts i will hit podcasts because i think this is the type of content that we need um kylie would do you have any um anything to weigh in i won't start i guess it would be wholly inappropriate to talk about vagina size and lesbians i don't yeah yeah i think it doesn't hit the same no well and i just don't think men are so tied to their like their personality is totally by their totally it really is and i just think men really think about their dicks and i think a lot of the men in trump's cabinets particularly think about penis a lot it's just an observation of mine i do i think that there's a lot of i think maga men in general yeah think about penises a lot i think there's just a lot a penile thinking thoughts that go on from time to time all the time thinking about each other's penises we all know donald trump has a small penis because stormy daniels told us how did i forget and she showed us like a comparison yeah she showed a little mushroom yeah she said it was a two-pump jump too all right kylie what don't you have some stories for us to go over i do we have some stuff going on that we need to talk about from the last week and this week okay so melania debuted her documentary i'm sure that's a banger uh-huh so far it's a huge fucking flop uh surprise to no one here and i've got this article from the daily beast it says ashamed melania crew members hope documentary flops so a lot of her crew has been speaking out and it says several crew members who worked on the first lady's amazon mgm doc don't want their names associated with it rolling stone reports two-thirds of her new york crew requested that their names not be added to the film credits another source yeah another source said that they wished they had had the foresight to remove their name from the film.

30:40Another told the publication they're hoping the film, which required really long hours in a highly disorganized and very chaotic environment, flops. Quote, unfortunately, if it does flop, I would feel really great about it. Well, and people that work on any movie, it's a lot of work. I mean, it is a lot of work. So that they're ashamed to put their name on it. Here's the thing. Did y 'all see on social media that like there's one ticket that's been sold in like London or something? Oh, there it is. One ticket was sold at Hoyts in Australia, which is like an AMC company in America. And I've also got reports that Melania Documentary is seeing single figure ticket sales across UK cinemas and users online, everyone flooded to their local theater online to see what the ticket, you know, how many seats were open.

31:41Oh, yeah. This is just one of like a hundred tweets. So Donald J. Trump tweets, Melania, the movie is a must watch. Get your tickets today. They're selling out fast. And everyone's responding with not one seat filled in at their local theater. I'll tell you what, Melania says, if you ever want to really make a banger, I'll tell you what you do. It's you, one camera, one light, one chair, a microphone. And you put that thing up to your lips and you start singing like a goddamn bird. You sing for this country. You sing for all the times you had to fuck that man. And you've got all that orange shit all over your face.

32:21You sing and you sing for freedom, sing for everything. and that bitch would sell out. This isn't cutting it. Nobody's buying to this. Number one, you're not that interesting. That's what I'm saying. You speak seven languages. I've never even heard it, ever.

32:38These people, the Trumps, are so pathetic. It's like they're so white trash. Like so breathtakingly white trash. Like all the country club Republicans, they're all being sophisticated. Trump's so garish and she's such a performative, you know, thirst trapper with this documentary. And then let's just talk about who paid for this. I was just going to say. Jeff Bezos, Lauren Sanchez. Like at some point when they first got together, Jeff Bezos and Lauren, he had an affair that Pecker from National Enquirer, he like got the story and all this. Now listen, a lot of people have affairs, whatever. I don't like it, but I'm sure Mackenzie's like, take him, swing for the fences.