573 - Everybody Has A Price Part 4 - Listener Edition! (Sweat Drinking, Queue Jumping, & Confessing To MURDER)

29:00Why have you said it like that? Sneeze and put the pollen back where it came from. You're not putting the pollen back, are you? You're putting loads of shit there. Oh, it felt good though. I feel bad for you because you get hay fever and then you'll have a cold during the winter. Yeah. You spend a lot of the year snotty. Yeah. It's not nice. No, it's not nice. Are you like constantly snotty, would you say? There must be a few months where you... I reckon I'd get a good month in the year where I'm just free. You don't get hay fever, do you? No. I think I've said it on here before, but I have a theory that lighter hair to people are more susceptible to hay fever.

29:31Right, okay. Because I don't know many people with brown... Don't put us all in a box, though. Ali's got it really bad at the minute. Yeah. Itchy eyes? Yeah. I do sometimes get itchy eyes, but I won't have eye streaming, and I've never, ever had it. Isn't that weird? My cousin, whose wedding it was, gets it really bad to the point where he wakes up and he can't open his eyes because they're all stuck together with gunk. Oh, nice. Yeah, I've been there. I've been there. Did he look good on his wedding day then? Yeah, he did look good. He could blame the crying on the hay fever. Nice. That's sweet, yeah.

30:03That's sweet, is it? It'd be sweeter just to say I'm crying because I'm really in love. Oh, sweet. Yeah, but we're men. Fair. And showing emotion's bad. Yeah. Agreed. Yeah. Okay, spend a year trying to sneeze. I don't think there's enough money on the planet. Million? No. I don't think I'd do it for a million. It would be... You'd feel it all in the fucking face. Yeah, I wonder what it would feel. I think it would have to be like, never work again money. 10 mil. Yeah. Yeah. 10 mil. I'd do a mil. You wouldn't though. You'd be... Yeah, I'd probably fail. Three months in. Yeah. You'd probably lost everything because no one wants to be around.

30:44Yeah, you're not going to be on the pot now. I feel like that. That's true. You've lost the pot. Yeah, you're going to have to, yeah, 5 mil. Yeah. it's meant that you get paid so little but what other jobs could i do um you could be like a bear grills impressionist

31:05yeah there's so much money in that yeah no i just wouldn't do it let's work the other way how what's the longest amount of time you'd be willing to do it for a million. So I'd give you a million. How long do you think you could go constantly needing to sneeze? A week, but it'd be a treacherous week. Yeah, a week. Maybe two weeks. And it would just be a write-off. I'd stay in bed for two weeks. Would you? Yeah. I reckon I could do a month. Wow. Because you know it's going to end. A year is just so long. A month, you're like, I've just got another two weeks to go or whatever. Would you be able to live your life, though, normal?

31:44Yeah, but a month. I think you go into hiding for a month. For a month, yeah. It's doable. Yeah, I reckon a week. Because I think if I get two nights bad sleep, I'm all fucking sad and shit. Yeah, same. Yeah. So first one, I guess I'm having it then. Yeah, you're having it. Which is, okay. Show me what you'd look like. I don't know. Yeah. It'd be that a lot, wouldn't it? Little shakes. Yeah, you would be. That'd be well annoying. Your brother would play football. Huh? Just the anger. Okay, on to the next one. How much money to drink a Coke can-sized can of sweat? The person can be of your choosing, but it can't be yourself.

32:28So 330 mils of sweat. Anyone sweat. You can pick who. Sweeney's. Who's? Do you know... Sweeney's. I'm so desensitised that I went to Pier Sweeney, the Exeter City centre-back. That's what he means. You mean Sydney Sweeney. Yeah. Why? Well, you're going to want someone attractive. Their sweat's not going to be any different, is it? No, but if you give me the choice, do you want Sydney Sweeney's sweat? Or who? Or? Mine. Too easy. Yeah. Yeah, or... I don't know. I know who you're thinking of, just say it. Yeah, I don't want to say it. You don't want to get... you are thinking of that person aren't you you don't want another little person i don't know what's happening who did he say it because i won't say it did he get it right and he's he didn't but i get where yeah okay similar similar person's sweat would be horrible yeah it would be horrible yeah but yeah what makes sweat core magic yeah that would be gross what makes sweat horrible well you know like i'm not actually being disgusting here right but like you know when people say like the joke format is like oh i'd sniff her ass for a sorry what joke format is that what the fuck are you going on about that joke why are you making it high brow i thought you were gonna like that joke format i'll sniff her ass for a packet of crisps were you gonna say no but people go oh i would do so much to like lick the bottom of her foot or something like that not me right but so i'm saying if you have to drink a pint of sweat yeah or 330 mil actually way less than less thought and you'd go for somebody who's typically attractive wouldn't you because say like i think clean yeah but you imagine attractive people as clean don't you I suppose so, yeah.

34:34Apart from like, I don't know. I'm trying to say something. Someone that's not being cancelled, actually. You know, those sort of like dirty, sexy guys. Name a dirty, sexy guy, Alfie. You do not know why I said that. Name me a dirty, sexy guy. Alfie, who's the dirtiest sexy guy you know? Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Caribbean. That's Barry. Not that. That was a great show. You've nailed that. Thank you. I was ready to jump on. I really got myself up. I was so ready to jump over it. And there's a split second of me going, he's dirty, he's sexy, he's a guy. So you're taking Sydney Sweeney's sweat, 330 mil for how much?

35:18Because like, if you're going to make love to a beautiful woman. Okay. I'm just asking you to drink their sweat. But you're going to get their sweat on you, aren't you? Does it not make sense for you to just pick three then?

35:35yeah but this is I could have anyone's exactly it's a fine choice if you ask her what sweat she's necking she ain't necking my sweat is she I think it should be someone close to you because you can see that they are clean then you gotta look them in the eye though afterwards thanks for that yeah I think I couldn't look at thee the same if I drank loads of this 330ml is a lot what would it taste like? it just tastes like salt water wouldn't it? I think it would be quite viscous I'm going to be sick I mean it stings your eyes loads doesn't it sweat it can't be a nice thing to drink for when my own sweat goes in my mouth I don't mind you quite like it do you?

36:16it's not the worst sneezing in bushes such a liquidy bloke I've got awful gag reflexes so the thought of it make me want to throw up but maybe you're right. Maybe it isn't as bad as it. I think I'd have like something really nice, like a nice drink and I'd go. Chase it. You'd chase it. Yeah. You wouldn't want it to be sweat that's gone through hair either. That instantly makes it feel a bit gross. I don't think you get to choose. I don't think you know where it's come from. Could be arse sweat. Could be. Could be, geezer. Well, I guess how do you get that much sweat out? Surely they've just got a sweat in clothes and then wring it out.

36:55So what are we saying? Are we choosing? You pick the person and how much. yeah you do just want someone clean i don't think it matters who it is as long as it's as long as they're clean yeah go on then elf my mind did instantly go to partner because i thought i know their cleaning habits i know ali's clean there's no one else in the world i know right they're cleaning do you know what i mean yeah yeah so i think just the thought of having like even someone that's remotely estranged a sweat and I'm not choosing a family member. No. So I think I would do Ali's sweat for...

37:3710k. 10k. That's lower than I expected. Can you do your own or not? No, that does say the one thing is that you can't do your own. Okay. So I think 10k is enough for me to go, listen, I need your sweat. Yeah. How much to do ours?

37:54Why are you winking at me? It's not changing. is Megan. I think we're both quite hygienic. Well, I'll be the judge. You haven't showered since the gym, have you? Well, you have. You showered at the gym. That is a good trait because Stevie showered after the gym before he got here at the gym. I do that. Yeah, why would it? I'd be mental if I came here without showering. Yeah, but I think that's a good trait that you did that because I don't... I couldn't think of someone who wouldn't do that then. I wouldn't do it. Do you not shower at the gym? No. When do you shower then? Do you go to the gym and then not shower?

38:30Hmm. No. I'm not drinking his sweat. Yeah, you're dirty. I shower... At the end of the night. Night. Sometimes. I shower when I get a spare five. What? So you go to... Say you go to the gym at 10am. Well, like this morning, I had more of a free morning, so I showered this morning. But if I don't, I have to get to work. Yeah. If I have to get to work... Have you been here after the gym? Sometimes do you go a whole day without showering? After the gym? I see yes. I would say this. Yes. I would go further. What? I think that if I don't go to the gym and I'm not going out anywhere, I won't shower.

39:12Wow. You like that? No, I hate that. I'm just being real with you, mate. I hate that. I know you do, but I'm being real with you. I shower twice a day. Yeah, I drink Jack's sweat. You've got to let your oils. Get out of the oils. Do you want his oils? No, I'll have your sweat. Yeah, I'll have your sweat. good for you Stevie sweat tenner Stevie sweat six quid do you wear the same pants two days in a row no no way I am today and that's that's a rarity no what I will do though is the ones I wore the day before I'll wear them at the gym I'll wear to the gym in the morning knowing I'm about to get dirty yeah I'll do that I'm about to get these dirty well you're sweating in them aren't you yeah yeah I put I took some I stayed in London last night so I took a spare pair of boxer shorts, put them on this morning and there was a huge hole in like the undercarriage.

40:00I have never seen someone with more holes in their clothes than this boy. Yeah. That doesn't make it seem like you've been looking at them. No. Don't say boy either. Why are you looking at boys? That's so mad. I went round his house. All the boys have something. I went round his house last week and he was going, I've got a really bad blister on the back of his foot and he showed me and he had a sock on there and he's had a huge hole and he's like, that's why you're getting blisters. He took them off, went and grabbed a new pair of socks, put them on, just holes all over them. Did you not replenish your socks?

40:23I replenished my socks. Yeah, I bought an eight-pack of Donne the other day. Did you? Yeah, yeah. Why did that sound like a drug deal? No, that's good, though. Like, Donne's a shit brand, so you can get, like, eight-packs. They're thick, though, aren't they? Yeah, they're worth it. They're good. I'm a thin sock guy. Oh, yeah. Primark. Oh, that's where you're going wrong. Really? Yeah. What do you mean? Because yours are covered in holes. He's not showering, but you're holey. Yeah, yeah. Okay, let's move on. Well, Jack wins this one with a tenner and Stevie's sweat. I said six quid. Oh, six quid.

40:49No, no, be careful because we'll just pull it and you have to do it. Yeah, I'm not really. I want to. Right, so put a real money on it. Oh yeah, you've got to get real estate. 11 grand. What? Okay. Conveniently one grand higher than mine. Yeah. 11k and you're saying Sweeney. You're saying 10k. How could you? Oh, you actually have me for 11k. Yeah, I know you're really clean which is why I said you. Okay. And I'd say 9k. Yeah, okay. I would love to get 9k together I don't know if I could give you that much sweat though how am I doing that? I think you go in like a sauna for hours? in a wetsuit it's quite a tour for you as well I'd want 9k for you to do it I think you'd get a slice for sure I'd lose some weight I think you might be right it's not as bad as you the idea of it is horrific but I think it might just taste like salty water Yeah.

41:443.30 as well. Mix a bit of protein powder in there. I think 3.30 is lower than you think as well. Let's not go there. That's so gross. Okay, on to the next. How much to knock on your neighbour's door at 3am and confess to a murder that didn't happen? I thought you were just going to be knocking on your neighbour's door. That's going to be hard. Can you choose which neighbour? Because I have one either side at the minute. What? I have a neighbour either side at the minute. Can I choose? Yeah, you can pick which neighbour. One loves me, one hates me. You knock on the door at three in the morning and tell them you've committed a murder that obviously hasn't actually happened, but you can't say anything else to them.

42:21Well, you'll get put down. No, you won't, because you'll go to court and then you'll just go, I was just doing it for money. And they'll go, you're wasted court time. You owe us thousands in court fees. All right, it hasn't made it to court. It's just a police station. Why do one of your neighbours love you and one of your neighbours hate you? Don't know. Never got to the bottom of it. It's a parking situation sort of vibe. what negative things have happened with the one that doesn't like you not loads it's the husband that doesn't like me and i can tell he thinks i'm a i think he thinks i'm a bit soft what i don't know i just get the vibe that he's quite macho but what have you done to make him think you're soft remember one time i knocked on the door to i got a gardener in to trim our garden up and to get to our garden with all his tools he had to like go through their garden which by the way when i moved in apparently is my that's my passageway so i don't have to ask right okay but i knocked on the door and he answered it in his dressing gown i'm just painting a picture cup of coffee how old is he maybe like 45 okay and i opened the he opened the door and just went yeah like like nodded his head like like that and i went oh hello mate i'm just wondering if it's okay if um he just no cartoony yeah he just pops through your garden he was like yeah sound but like in the sort of way where he was not going to waste another word on me do you know what i mean oh and he was just like yeah almost like why are you even telling me and i was like all right cheers and just shut the door sounded like he's sounds like he lives next to the bouncer from the playoffs.

44:00Similar vibes. Yeah. Very similar vibes. So you're doing the Mr. Chime there. You don't need to chime in. I'm doing too much and I will really try and be quite, like if I see him out and about, I'm like, all right, mate, how's it going? All right. You want him to like you? Yeah, massively. Yeah. Massively. And he doesn't. And what's happened with the other one to make them like you? Our gardens are attached. This lovely old couple and we just chat all the time. About? About. Or in a bed. Like, I don't think they watch it actually. If they did, that'd be amazing when i ask them yeah we chat about like what they're up like they've just been away looking after their um son's puppy and talk about the garden talk about just life really that's really nice the guy the guy tells me about like his life he was really into motocross as a youngster and stuff nice talk about the like uh they're putting a lot of where i live they're putting a lot of like they're putting an m &s food in a popeye's is going up a new greg's petrol station we talk a lot about that kind of thing greg's petrol station petrol station with the gregs in right okay nice so we just talk about that kind of thing it's really nice i do like old people they do they do give you a better chat yeah they're lovely there's also like a stray cat that they feed and like it's always in the guy like look at what he's up to now like

45:25i used to live next door to a um old man and woman and i really liked him and we would get on and then one day i saw him uh kill loads of um birds and i thought you know for me mate john his name was how'd he kill him uh they were in his gutter right so they there was like a nestling a bunch of bird nesting and uh he would say to me oh there's birds in my gutter and i'd be like oh that's so cute john and then one day i saw he'd stuffed a tennis ball in there so i can't get out what then the mother can't get back to feed the younglings so he starved to death and he did that after you told him it was nice well i was sure i didn't say it was nice i was about nine but I was probably like that's cool yeah and then oh how awful is that yeah awful and then his wife died so stick a tennis ball at the front door didn't they I was gonna say that and I thought I'm not gonna say it yeah you see a big sparrow and you keep fucking tennis ball yeah see how you like it John that's actually really nasty no but I mean play with fire get burnt fair enough that's what they say yeah so knock on your neighbour at 3am and confess to a murder that didn't happen.

46:41Not too much for me. Nah, I'd do it. £1 ,000. That's less embarrassing than you doing the stand-up. No, I couldn't do it for£1 ,000. To the one that hates me, it would have to be maybe£5 ,000. Yeah? Yeah. 3am as well, though. Like, that's... Even if they're going, I mean, she was pissed off at me at like a 8.30am knock on the door, so... I wish I... Yeah, I've never had a good relationship with any of my neighbours. Same. Yeah.

47:16Took me a while. Normally I'd be straight on that. That's what he says. Okay. I would want... I'd want... Give me... At 3am. I'm going to be more worried about waking them up. Yeah. Than I am saying about the context of what I'm about. How would you do it? Tell me about your neighbour. I'll get into character. My neighbour, lovely fella. Yeah. Life and soul of the house, it seems. Right. And has a lot of children activity. Okay, so he's a father. Is he quite a warm person? Yeah. Hello, mate. Anytime I say, hello, buddy. How are you? From Norfolk? Yeah. Okay, so I'm getting it. Okay, cool. Yeah.

47:57So what am I doing? Knock on the door. At 3am. Yeah. Shit. I'll do it quiet. I wouldn't really want to. I hadn't heard that

48:14what was that? you've done a murder it's got to be more panicked no I don't I don't know because I pre-planned it pre-meditated hello mate hello mate I've opened the door crack by the way okay hello buddy hello it's just Jack from next door Jack yeah I'm opening it now because I know it's you are you alright mate? yes Sorry, mate. Mate, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry to wake you up. That's right. Is everything right? Yeah, everything's fine. Except, well, I've just killed someone. Right. Sorry, mate. I just not... Sorry, I laugh. Babe, go back to bed. I laugh and I'm nervous. I laugh and I'm nervous.

48:50Do you know my mate? No.

48:57My... I've got a mate. Okay. He's dead now. he come around can I make up for like a fake reason yeah he came round and we were just doing

49:11fentanyl sorry we're doing drugs right and I've given him are you alright well no I'm hearing this awful news so I'm a little bit shaken up so what can you can you take the rap do I need to get no are you calling the police don't put that thought in my head don't put that thought in my head where's this going I don't know but you haven't confessed anything yet I've killed him why I give him fentanyl we've only meant to do heroin right make it look like an accident go right go home yep okay we'll talk about this in the morning alright kids are asleep I've got loads of them I've got loads of them what and then go home this is what I'm doing go home yeah you're gonna be alright tonight can I do anything for you tonight yeah where's the body in the kitchen right okay go back in alright we'll sort this out mate should I roll him up in a carpet just don't bother touching the body I reckon just pop to bed I'm not asleep you probably won't maybe just watch something have you had a foreign bed do not watch the latest series it gets very stressful right okay and then 999 yeah oh you're straight yeah that's what's happening you niche man that is what's happening you little gruff because I've got you away from my house get him the fuck away from my half children and I've snitched you mate.

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52:01Yeah. How much have you got? Five grand. But I haven't really killed him, have I? Well, let's see. Mr. Dean, can you tell us about what happened last night? Guys, I'm going to be really honest with you. I've had a few drinks, right? We've got on our nights here a witness who said you had drugs. Yeah, yeah. Fentanyl. Feel free to drug test me. I'll pass that with flying colours. I do a podcast. Okay. You heard of it? No. I haven't told you what it is yet. Yeah, but I don't listen to podcasts. And I don't recognise you. Have you got Facebook? No. TikTok? Yeah. Instagram? Yes. Yeah, Snapchat. No.

52:35Lots of different clips go around. Who's interrogating who here? Well, you're not taking the rest. Have you got... So those social media... Yeah. We put loads of clips. They go viral. We had one about a Jolly Rancher. It went really viral a year ago. I haven't seen that. Do you know who Paddy the Baddy is? Yeah, I really disagree with his views. Really disagree. Yeah, you got him on? Yeah. Fuck off. what? You're a police officer don't really fuck off. No I'm not. Well who are you? What just happened? So would you do it? You would end up in a police I would take the five grand and I would say to the police officers guys look I'd add a drink I was doing a little dare based on a podcast game that I play can I just say you do great work I am so sorry to waste your time.

53:23Again Mr Chime trying to get them to like they're not going to like you after this. What were you about to do? There's a grand. You've just bribed the police. I've not bribed. You've just gone from not having anything to go to jail for to having something to go to jail for. I'm going to jail. I think waking your neighbour up and telling you you've just murdered someone with fentanyl is... Not jail. Yeah, but that didn't actually happen. So you're not going to go to jail for... So you can just say whatever then, can you? I did 9-11. It was me. I did it. You can, but you shouldn't. Can I go to Priz for that then?

53:54Priz? Presume. Can they prove it was you? Yeah, that's the thing. It's up to them. Start your work, feds. No, because we're saying you've said something that hasn't actually happened. Start your work, feds. In this scenario, we're saying you've gone to your neighbour and told them something that never actually happened. Now you're saying you did something that did happen. Yeah. Yeah, there's been murders, Stevie, in the world. You said the body was in the kitchen. They're going to go into the kitchen. There's no body. It was in the kitchen. I put it in the ocean. I've given it to pigs in the ocean I've given it to pigs I've given it to pigs oh you want drugs what do you mean you've given it to pigs because that's the best way to get to the body why are they in the ocean no I meant I've given it to pigs and then I put the pig in the ocean that's a double double weight yeah that's clever okay so how much are you doing it for I didn't do 9-11 let's just clear that up when you were 8 when you were 8 fucking hell that would be impressive that wouldn't be impressive but it'd be like if an 8 year old was managed to carry out stop talking yeah how much are you doing it for Alfie?

55:01you said 5k bad neighbour how much good neighbour? I like 20k I think it'd be awkward yeah I don't think I could do it I'd say about 20k I think 5k for both neighbours okay Alfie wins that one with 5k I think when it comes to Alf you're not going to value it I'd do nice neighbour and then I would feed insanity and just say that's actually quite good I'm so sorry I had a breakdown actually we really believe that they would believe it quite quickly on to the next one how much money to live with five flies buzzing around your head for the rest of your life I think you'd get used to it I think you'd come quite close to them wouldn't you I think you would I think you'd find comfort in it after a while I sleep with rain noise every night

55:49also is that what you think rain noise is? white noise is just like a low frequency buzzing isn't it? I think the five flies would act as quite therapeutic what if they keep landing on you though? yeah, fuck that and all day it looks bad doesn't it? I don't think you'd book many guests no, what if I said to him come on the pod, by the way I've got this thing I'm quirky yeah, I've got this kooky little quirk, five flies buzz around the head yeah i don't think i'd come on yeah you i think you would though you'd want to see it you'd want to see it i'd have questions like why can't you stop this no i could stop it but if i do this for the rest of my life i keep getting a solid income can do the flies ever settle or are they constantly buzzing it just says with five flies buzzing around your head for the rest of your life again for me this is there's not enough money in the world really let's see at least let's say at least one of them is always flying so when they need a rest another one's going to go up so there's always a consistent that's too much admin if you went on youtube and you were scrolling through like stephen bartlett's back catalogue of pods and he had all these interesting guests on and then you went it one was like meet the man who has five flies buzzing around his head constantly you're clicking yeah you're you're clicking on it yeah but i wouldn't want to be that man i'd be watching it thinking that's horrible and insane i wouldn't be going i'd love that it also makes you a great guest not so much a great host yeah and also you do one pod and it's done isn't it no one's got any more i'd make the book i'd make your book yeah you would yeah i'd be indra burke wouldn't i yeah you would be yeah yeah wow yeah now you'd do it for less wouldn't you yeah just to get indra burke no in all seriousness this does sound fucking horrific I think it's the sight more than the sound that would do me in.

57:39Everyone would think, but like everyone looking at you would think you stink. You smell. Yeah. And I care what people think. That's why I'm always like, sorry about the noise. Yeah, exactly. People pleasing. Yeah, I think I'd hate it. You ain't pleasing many people with flies buzzing around your head. No. Mr. Time couldn't hack it. No. I think this is, you could offer me every penny in the world. I wouldn't do it. Really? Life wouldn't be worth living. The rest of your life's a bit much, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, I think I'd want 100 mil, I think. And then that's like a mil for every year left. I don't think I could do it.

58:11What? A mil for every year left? What, are you going to live to 132? Well, I reckon I'll get to it. I'm sort of banking on I'll get to 100. That's mental. You might. Yeah, but we're free. You run a lot. Yeah. To 100. Let's not discuss my mortality. No, no, no. I've got as much chance as anyone else yeah maybe not everyone else not as much as Alfie who's a beacon of health but still well I don't think I could do this one I think my genetics actually lower my why? I don't know I googled it once and I've thought about it most days since what did you google? I think my ethnicity might I don't know there's something about cholesterol or something I don't want to think about it okay yeah I don't think I could do it rest of your life's too much 100 mil.

59:00You're not saying no to 100 mil. You'd never work again. You just go on holiday. No one knows me here. I stink. So what? But you don't even stink, which is the weird thing. No. You've got those flies, but you still smell nice. I think you would get used to them, Stevie. Would you bother getting a haircut and look nice? Or would you just be like, I will never look nice with these flies. 100 mil. I'm eating pizza every day. I'm just eating everything I want. I'm getting fat. Do you know what I mean? Sorry, Fee. Take me, flies and all. every time one landed on me that would really frustrate me no you'd get so used to it and then when you swat it's like see through you can't touch it yeah you can't you'd get used to it though and then one say them flies went one day you'd be like I miss them you would I don't know if I would you would I think I'd be buzzing next one so who's won that Jack with 100 mil because we just wouldn't do it 100 mil 100 mil if you can crowdfund that I think the only way we could get that as well as if for the rest of your life, you wear like a glass box and then we just keep refreshing flies in there.

1:00:02Yeah. Could happen. Yeah. Wow. Alfie, this one's just quickly for you. How much for Alfie to promote his music via a cutesy TikTok dance? Hmm. I feel like the amount of... What, like a really cringey... Yeah, really cringey. And it isn't ironic. No one can tell it's ironic. Do you have any new songs coming out at some point? Yeah. What's it called? Can we say it or not? Yeah. It doesn't matter, does it? Worry about, it's called. What? Worry about. Worry about what? That is the name of it. Those two words, and I think you understand what I mean. Worry about. Yeah. That's not a sentence, though, is it?

1:00:44No, that's why. Music, right? It's very hard to not make it cringey, and I've just said the name and you're cringing, aren't you? I'm not cringing. Be honest with me. Be real with me. No, worry about what though? They'll say in the song, won't they? I don't even really say in the song.

1:01:04That's like calling a song going to, going to where? Yeah. I'm going to... It's got you talking. You hate it and you're confused, but it's got you talking, isn't it? So how much do a cutesy TikTok promotion of worry about? What was that? What just happened? I was trying to think in my head, like what it would look like. Give us a little bit of the song. Maybe like, maybe like, maybe like

1:01:37three grand a post. That's cheap, isn't it? Yeah, but at least I'm making some money off music. True, true. So we'd do it for three grand per post. Do you have a limit on how many posts you'd do it? No, you get three grand a post, I'd be spamming it. Would you? I think I'd maybe spam it until the song came out and then leave it. But I think if you do one, like an isolated one for£3 ,000, that's more cringy. Yeah, exactly. Because you just do it all the time. Because people will go, oh, he's getting bad. I'd lose a lot of followers. Yeah, credibility. Yeah. Just do 300 of them, get 900k, bosh. I think maybe I'd do like one a day for...

1:02:20A year. No, no, no, no, no. I do so I could do go down that route but I've put that three grand per poster limitation on me yeah but I was thinking more like I'd do two weeks of promo and just do it every day for two weeks okay yeah it's not bad yeah and then it stops and I can just go back to normal but then everyone's got in their mind that I did do that but you're 42 grand up people forget though I've done cringy fucking brand deals mate do you remember the Rice Rose baby that was the worst ugh fuck when I finger that back then he left West Ham anyway they sent me bongos out to play mate yeah it was for the Euros and I had to play the drums they they thought it would go viral did it?

1:03:07no that's probably a good thing for you though no there was just a small corner of the internet that was like this is fucking gross and I had to play the bongos and I had to go rice rice baby do do do do do do do do do do like that and then he was obviously getting bag as well because he then had to share it and do like a little response over that yeah oh it's um that is real life everybody has a price isn't it yeah and stuff like that happens yeah because i've definitely done stuff where i'm like oh yeah but you do it yeah and that's real life i think brand deals are consistent everybody has a price like what is your limit when you're happy to promote Saudi Arabia the reason I did that though and I would 100 % do it again they probably wouldn't know how they hear I speak about it the reason was it was like a Euros campaign with Muller Rice so it's not like you're not promoting anything bad obviously Rice is getting involved so that looks cool you're interacting with him and the money was fucking Sincerely.

1:04:15So it was like, I'm going to do it. But it was probably top three cringiest things I've ever done. And there's a big pool to choose from. That's top three? Yeah. What else in there? There's got to be loads in there. You said top three, so there can only be three. That's one of them. Anything else just come to mind straight away? No, but give me a... I'll think on it. Thank you. Well, we'll go to the next one. You must have time. For me or for you? No, for me. I'll have a think as well. Yeah. This one came up loads. How much to fully release the Purge episode? Can we go over what that is? Was I on it?

1:04:54I don't know if you were on it. I can't remember if I was on it. So you know the films The Purge? Yeah. Basically, they give you 24 hours to break any law, do anything you want. There's no... Crime is legal. Crime is legal for 24 hours. That is ringing a bell. And you can do anything you want. And then after that 24 hours, nothing that happened during that can come back to bite you. Yeah. So we did an episode where we spoke about the things we do in that 24 hours. Why didn't you release it? Because you said something awful. We all said lots of things that were awful, yeah. Crime was legal. We could do anything you wanted.

1:05:26You can't have said anything that mad, could you? The episode never went out, I'll be. Can I listen to it? No. Why? Because you'd look at, especially you'd look at Robbie differently. Yeah. And me. Mainly Robbie, though. And Stevie. Mainly Robbie, though. Yeah. it was wait wait I'm sorry what what what what I just need to know what was said now this is what they say to answer the question how much to fully release the purge I was like we couldn't we couldn't that'd be career gone would it actually is it that bad that your careers would end because my mind's going to stuff that I know you can't have said you just can't have because I know you yeah we didn't say anything mental but it was a bit mental.

1:06:14Yeah. That's the best way to describe it. Yeah. We definitely towed the line on the wrong side of it. I said post it. I said fucking get it out there. Yeah. Stevie was like no. Who really did it? Was it Robbie that really didn't want it out? Robbie wouldn't let it go out. You didn't want it out. I don't think it was a great idea. I didn't want it out. It does feel like it does feel like unnecessarily shooting yourself in the air. Yeah exactly. You know one of those that you finish and you go that was not worth wouldn't that open up like funny little ones like oh I'd I don't know steal all the ice cream from Ben and Jerry's if we did it again now we could definitely redo that episode and be smarter with it I am sorry but I need to know what was said before I can move well we can't do it on this we'll tell you off the episode we'll tell you after the pod yeah but then we're probably going to record another one and I'm going to be all quiet and like do I want to do this anymore yeah well then when they see how you are on the next episode they'll know why yeah it wasn't that bad it wasn't that bad I know what you're thinking and it weren't that I'm thinking of a few things Yeah, some of them might be Let's just say Jack's friend is dead on the kitchen floor Yeah, right So how much to skip to the front of a queue?

1:07:25I've done it, boy What, just push in? Yeah, just push in Depends to what Mr Lingard wants to see No, no, that's fine Because you've been given permission to go to the front That was horrible How much to actually just push to the front of a queue? That was worse than anything I said in the Purge episode Let me tell you That was cringier than Rice Rice Baby Mr Lingard Like as a butler Mr Lingard wants to see you now You've also never said who it was I have now I went up to Alfie's pod the other day He just said it loads And we occasionally would go, said footballer We said it 20 times though How much to skip to a front of a queue where you've not been You just want to go, oh, it's taking too long No well there's got to be an amount i think i think what it's to it really depends what it's to as well yeah because if it's a queue for something that's like quite free-flowing yeah then it's better but if it's a queue to like a ride where people are like queuing for what was that little jump was it yeah um if it was to like disneyland there's a massive queue and then you're pushing to the front and you're going to get a load of shit.

1:08:38Yeah, but what if you've got one of those VIP tickets? No, because that's not pushing. You've got it. This is a place... How much to push to the front? Let's decide what it's to. We're saying pushing. Pizza parlour. How annoyed do you get... What? Such a thing that no one can relate to. Like, do something more common than a pizza parlour. What would you even be queuing for a pizza parlour? What pizza parlour? A place to get a pizza! Why don't you have to like a pizza restaurant why don't you just call it a pizza parlor what the fuck is wrong with that it's so strange isn't it it's such a weird thing to instantly think i don't think you've ever said yesterday someone pushed in yesterday i went and how did you feel awful i went to japes on dean street in london yeah so in soho i think and um i was queuing i was queuing to get the bill I'd already eaten right we're eating outside on the street and I went in to say to the guy excuse me can I get a takeaway box and the bill and I'm stood at the door because it's a wait to be seated thing and then this couple came and she went to walk past me and she went oh because she saw I was there and she went oh sorry like that and then the boyfriend sort of looked at me and just went and pushed her and I thought oh maybe they've already got a table so he pushed her in and then they just went one in front of me and I was like what the fuck oh no and the guy came and was like who's next and they were like me and then just started talking i was like what the fuck yeah you've been muddled though so that's why anything no i didn't say anything some british but and that's why you could do this for less money because yeah i wouldn't say anything either i'd be going yeah i was i was in a bnm yesterday right and the snobbiest woman with her like mum was in there it was rank she was like she must have been about 16 her mum must have been about 80 i love when you get like this oh man i was honestly i i called them out on it i'd stay Why were they snobby then?

1:10:26So there were like two queues. No, this is what I found mental. This is why I found it mental. There were two queues and it was quite busy. Yeah. And there were like other staff members kind of doing other things. And like one of them was like calling for help at the till and someone went over and the woman behind us was just going, well, it's not helping anyone, are they? Like, are you just going to go? And she'd say it to the woman. Are you going to just use that till then? And she's like going through. And then she went through to help someone else. like what helped one of the tills because something wasn't scanning.

1:10:56She's going, no one's just helping and they just don't care about the customers here, do they? But like getting really irate about it. How old was this woman then? She was about 60 and her mum must have been about 80. What did you say? I just went, that is so snobby like that. And the woman behind her just cracked up and laughed. Cause I was just, she was. Did you say it? She was doing it so. Or did you say it? I said it into the air. Yeah. Made sure she could hear it. Cause she was doing it to make sure everyone could hear her. Yeah. And to make sure the staff could hear her. And we were just going, we're a fucking B &M mate.

1:11:22Like we're just, we've been a two, maybe two minutes in a queue. That is so snobby. And then what did she say? She huffed. And then, and then, cunt, cunt. She was behind me. She was behind me in the queue. She became, she, wind chatted. No, she is, she is. But why are you going cunt? I don't know, because I forgot what then happened. So someone then opened the middle till where I had about three people in front of me. She was one behind me. she had someone behind her the other lot had loads the second that middle till opened she rushed into it and got to be the first one there wow after whinge and like that but you called her out that's pretty sexy I went that's so snobby and then the woman behind me was cracking up and she went you're not going to call us snobby when we leave are we and I went no you've done nothing wrong that's weird I don't know why she said that how you were replying it was really funny I would but you were right no you're safe actually she asked me she asked me and then I actually let her go in front of me because she only had like two things to buy.

1:12:21No, actually, you can go in front of me, but then I did say to Ariane, when she got to the front, I was going to go to the person at the ten and she'd go, excuse me, they just pushed in front of me and I wish I did. I think this went for free. That was nice, Stevie. You stuck up for someone there. It was rank. What did you get from B &M? Basically, in there, they've got these like Five Nights at Freddy's toys, which cost like£15,£20 on Amazon. And you can get them in there for like six quid. Oh, we're getting them. Which is insane. We've done the boys yet, last month? Oh yeah, mate. Flip them.

1:12:50Do not leave any for children that will enjoy them. I actually took one to the till and it didn't scan through. And I went, oh, it's£3.99. And the woman looked at me and went, this, three, nine. And I went, yeah. And I had to go back and get the label and show her because it wouldn't scan. Wow. It was a great deal. When it didn't scan, you should have gone, does that mean it's free then? That always gets them. That brings a house. I'll take this then, shall I? Yeah. I've actually forgotten about the question. How much to skip to the front of a queue? I would probably do it for 30. If we go to Greg's after this, I will skip to the front of any queue if you guys give me 30 quid.

1:13:25What? Would you just willingly just push in front of someone? A queue of our choice because Greg's has about two people in it. Yeah, any queue up there. Yeah, 30 quid. Okay, well, Jack's winning that, isn't he? We're definitely doing it at some point. Okay. One more, one more. Okay, one second. 30 quid. One more quick one because I want a Greg's now. Okay. That would be nice. I'm hungry, yeah. okay let me get a quick one how much money to never watch a football match again you can't listen to the radio or watch highlight highlights you can't play your only connection to the game would be listening to other people talk about it do you know what i feel like i've never said this in my life right but i feel like last season was the first year i lost a bit of love for it and i have always been like a don't get me wrong I still love West Ham but I was doing a lot of filming on Saturdays I was playing football on Saturdays as well I didn't get enough time to watch West Ham This does say you're not allowed to play though as well Oh you can't play?

1:14:26Yeah it does say you can't listen to the radio or watch not play either So third ball is just out out of your life? I think the playing bit is the worst part of it I could happily not watch football but I do enjoy playing it I think when the Euros and the World Cup comes around I'll be gutted That makes a big difference Yeah I think it's such a big thing in my life and I enjoy it so much that I just wouldn't enjoy life as much without it. So I'd want mental money. Yeah. You can't... Why... Do you value money more than you value your life? Like, enjoying your life? Yeah. No, I guess that's obviously why they're asking it.

1:15:02They've said football specifically, knowing... I'd just get into something else. Darts? Yeah, if you could just go all in on darts. Yeah, I'd just start watching the Pro Tours. I think... What would I... How much? Golf. I would also lose quite a large amount of my work as well. Yeah. Well, it says you can't, you could just go and not watch it because you're allowed to... Don't think that that would go down very well in the videos if I just faced the other way. I was like, sorry. At a boot camp like that. Let me know what's going on, Ben. Yeah, a lot of your work is around it. Yeah, loads. I would be so gutted if like a doctor said to me now, you can never play football again.

1:15:43Yeah. even though I don't really play that much because of my knee at the minute I'd be really upset I would be I feel like because one thing that gives me like a gutter all that I'm gutted about is when you hear like I watch Hammers chat they always talk about like potential sign-ins and they go yeah but he's 30 now like and I'm like fucking hell mate I'm 32 cunt now now I'm saying cunt yeah do you know what I mean Hammers chat yeah like what what happens when I can't play football anymore I'm going to be a depressed little Veterans League. Yeah, and then what happens when I'm 50? Walking football.

1:16:17And then what happens when I'm 60? I mean, there is a point where you might have to give it up. Yeah. You just said you want to make it to 100 as well, so you might have 40 years of no playing. I think 60. I've played with people that are 60, I think. Yeah. Like, I played in this village five-a-side when I was really young, and there was definitely 60-year-olds playing. You probably think that because you were young. There were probably about 32. Yeah, now I think about it. Yeah. Okay, I would say mega money. I'd say I'd want 20 mil. I reckon I'd do a mil. Yeah, more than that. Maybe like 10 or something like that.

1:16:54I'll take it for a mil. Are you feeling naughty? Are you feeling nice? Oh, no, no, sorry. Sorry, sorry. Sorry, I went to the next. Go again, go again. No jingle for the guys. No, go, go. Do it, do it. You're being snobby. Are you feeling naughty? Naughty. Are you feeling nice? Everybody has a Bryce, Bryce, Bryce, Bryce This has been Jackmates How you hated that, didn't you? Yeah, I was following along I really enjoyed it Everybody has a Bryce, Bryce, baby Aww I'm done See you in a few days You don't like that? Right I've got 20 bags for that

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