580 - EXAMPLE V - Masked Singer Secrets, Visiting Chernobyl, & Settling The Alfie Beef…

26:44Someone's been there. But then obviously the war's kicked off. So now it's like. It's in Ukraine, isn't it? Yeah, it's in Ukraine. That was one of the maddest places I've ever been. Walking around with a Geiger counter and you're measuring... With a what? A Geiger counter. I don't know what a steak fritz was, mate. It measures radiation. Right. Wait, is that a big suit? Yeah, the way that radiation is, it's kind of weird. It's sort of like, you can't see it, but you could be sat here and there'll be a sort of a bubble of radiation in the ground, in the air, and the Geiger counter's like going off, as in like you get out of there because it's, you know, potentially going to poison you and you're going to be sick later in life or whatever.

27:24But you can stand five meters away and there's no radiation. It's really weird. It's not affected by like wind. It's not blown around or it's not moved by rain or earth. It's just in areas. So you could be fine sat here, but in front of the table there could be a blob of radiation. It's mental. Yeah, I can't wrap my head around. But yeah, I shot a music video. It's on YouTube. Like what we made was the name of the song. Example what we made and I'm walking around Chernobyl and, you know, it's ghost town. So like hundreds of thousands of people just upped and left because of this explosion of nuclear reaction.

27:56Do you not feel nervous when you're walking around? Well, you know, they were like, it's a place to go. I mean, this was before I had kids, so like, it's just like, it's a life adventure. Yeah. But I've still got like comics, like, you know, stuff that I took from classrooms. Because you walk into a school and then all the pens and pencils, there's like half-drawn pictures on the table. fuck off really and then you go into like what was the old school gymnasium and there's like a tree growing through the wood in the ground so someone's been there for like 30 years so like the glass is blown in and then a seed's come off a tree and planted into the wood of the yeah the basketball court that's mad would you go um that's a Jack and Stevie video right there everyone goes now don't they well no you can't go now why can't you go well because of the war you'd have to wait until the war ends I don't think we can stop the war.

28:46That was at the start of my career. And then in 2015, I went back and played Kiev for a thing called Atlas Festival. And then there was like 30 ,000, 40 ,000 people there just like raving in the middle of a park. And then when this war started, I remember turning on the news and there was like, this missile hit this spot in the middle of Kiev. And it was about 200 meters from where I've been performing. So to have that full spectrum of, you know, in terms of mad places I've been, been to chernobyl before it was a thing yeah then been to ukraine and performed at a festival and now it's like a war-torn country and that place where i was performing at a festival was is there anywhere you haven't been that you want to go what countries yet and i'd love to see a bit more of africa um you know not just like going to do a safari i'm actually seeing africa so somebody was like 50 something countries there like to explore i've been to south africa and i've been swimming with sharks and stuff and um and i've been to like egypt and morocco and so on but I don't really feel like that's real Africa compared to.

29:46Yeah. Where'd we go? We went Africa. Tunisia. Is that real Africa? Yeah, I guess so. I just feel like, you know, like the north of Africa is Africa, but Egypt and Morocco are a bit more arabesque. And then like in the south, it's like, you know, like certain countries are a bit more like colonial history and past. So the cultures maybe associated a bit more with like white rule and so on. There's still remnants of that. But there's so many beautiful places I'd love to visit in Africa, but it's just like you very rarely in my schedule anyway just go I'm just gonna go to Uganda you know yeah I'd love to see an example gig in Uganda though yeah well no but that's the thing is most of the places I've been are usually for a day or two yeah so I only ever see the hotel and the festival and the airport so I don't so everywhere I go I'm just like Wikipedia and the hell out of it because I'm like I'm probably not going to see much I can say I've been there yeah but have I actually met the people yeah well that's what I was going to ask you about festivals you've obviously done pretty much every festival every festival known to man but do you you don't really get to enjoy the festival do you you're like there you do the show you go I mean like Glastonbury this year we arrived at like 2pm and walked around for about 5-6 hours but as you know it's like a town but what you're out you're out mixing just like yeah yeah I mean I tried to wear a disguise I wore DJ Y's hat and then forgot that I've got massive teeth and my arms are covered in midlife crisis tattoos and apparently I walk a certain way.

31:12Yeah. But yeah, it's all good. I was just having a couple of photos in there. It's quite nice. But most festivals, you know, you're allowed to get there at like six if I'm on at eight or nine. And then by the time I've got there, you just kind of want to decompress from the drive or the flight. Yeah. And then before every show now, I'm stretching. Right. Yeah, you're doing your squats. Are there any festivals you haven't ticked off yet that you really want to do? I mean, I always wanted to say I played Reading and Leeds, which I'm finally getting to do this year after like 18 years. We're doing good doing it as well.

31:41Amazing, man. Well, we're just going to stand up and talk some shit, aren't we? What days are you doing? I'm doing the Saturday at Reading. Reading? Sunday at Leeds. Same. Same. Uh-oh. Yeah. We'll be following you. Go on. We'll probably have a beer at some point. Yeah. Custard out of Elliot's finger. No, I'll give you my mouthwash finger for that. If you've been camping as well, you might want the mouthwash finger. Mate, we're going to put you on the spot here. We know that festivals up and down the country love you and that you don't have your favourites, but we're going to make you have your favourites.

32:13We're going to get you to blind rank these 10, I think they're all UK-based festivals. So is it like a UK-Scotland sort of thing? Yeah, I think so. I don't know. How do you want to judge this? Do you want to judge this on what the crowd was like when you performed there? Do you want to judge it on the overall thing? I think it should be a mix. Yeah? Because sometimes it's not about the biggest crowd and it's not necessarily about the weather or what other activities and sights there are at the festival. It's just like the whole vibe. Yeah. Because I just think the best festivals, whether it's music or the food or the comedy or the camping or the location, it's just a mixture.

32:44It's like, how magical is it? How magical is your festival? Okay, so you're rating these based on magic. Yeah. You always have massive crowds at festivals as well, don't you? Yeah, yeah. I like to try and, you know, where we go, try and set records. I think we had the biggest crowd at Shangri-La or Ever at Glacier this year. Fucking hell. And it was at 3am. Yeah. Amazing. Amazing. Right, okay. Do you want to do the order? Do you want to read them out? Okay, so first festival. victorious. And this is a one to ten. This is one to ten. Where would you put victorious? That's Portsmouth, isn't it? Yeah, so I've played that twice.

33:14It's like in the middle of Portsmouth Town Centre, isn't it? Yeah, it's a strange one. It's right on the coast. I've only been once. It's mainly a sort of rock indie festival. Yeah. Kings of Leon this year. Yeah. I got a great reaction there. I'm going to put that up. I don't know what else is coming. Eight? Eight. Eight, okay. Number two. It's not a festival anymore. Sundown. What do you mean it's not a festival anymore? They've got rid of it, cancelled it No they cancelled it It's gone yeah, last year I believe it's the last one Sundown's like, there's nothing wrong with it It's not bad You can sag it off now, it's gone It was a good time but it wasn't exceptional But I don't know what else is to come I'm going to put that in nine Tramlines Tramlines is good fun Where is that?

34:00Tramlines is like Sheffield I'd say Chumwines is great times there especially I'm usually the only dance act on why what kind of music is it? indie bands and rock bands because that's Arctic Monkeys yeah it'll be like solo guitarists or bands Chumwines is five four Glastonbury Glastonbury should be number one for everyone because it was extremely magical I played Glastonbury 13 times in nine visits. Fucking hell. 13 gigs over nine visits. What's what? Since 2007. What do you think it is about Glastonbury that makes it magic? Everyone's just happy. Yeah. And it's chilled and it's just, it's good vibes.

34:42Like Glastonbury in the sun is one of the best places in the world you can be. Glastonbury rain and mud is one of the worst places, you know, because it's like a mini town. Yeah. So it just doesn't like life itself. Like everyone's happy when it's sunny and when it's muddy and rainy, it just doesn't function. I think it got way too hot this year though. yeah it did I got a bit of sunshine can't win can you I would say Glastonbury it's exciting arriving but also it wears you out it's a real on the senses an assault on the senses yeah so you can't wait to leave you know nothing wrong with it it's just it's a lot that's exactly I'm going to put Glastow so I don't know what else is coming but I'm going to put Glastow two I knew you were going to go two Fee already had a mouse on too as well i could see it another festival that i don't think is anymore no v festival v festival was amazing like v festival was the first festival that paid me a proper fee like when i was um you know like pretty much broke and i've been chipping away at music for five six years and then watch sun come up came out and won't go quiet and kickstarts and like i went from earning you know like 350 pound a gig to like seven grand a gig yeah i'm going back to like 2010 and 10.

35:57Yeah. Now you don't get out of bed for anything less than 75 grand. Don't take that. He's just talking shit. He's speculating. Speculating. I love getting out of bed, but I just got to be the right man. V Festival had some amazing moments, man. I can't put it at number one, but I mean, there's moments where there were like 60 ,000, 70 ,000 people and every single person in the field jumping up and down going crazy. Like, you know, Comma Stages burst into tears of happiness. Really? Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah. As in, that's the best feeling in the world. I've never felt that. So that's magic, and you're rating this on magic.

36:30V-Fest, I'll put it at three. Oh, okay. Right, that's five down, five to go. You've still got one, four, six, seven, and ten left. Latitude. You've just done it, haven't you? I'm going to go latitude at four, because I don't know what else you've got coming. But latitude is unbelievable. I've never been, which is mental. It's like everything from kids with their mums and dads to teenagers in mosh pits to, you know, to musos, to like old ravers, to hippies. Like, it's just a really nice vibe. But like, if you see that video I just posted from the other day, it was like 40, 50 ,000 people and every single person was having it.

37:06Beautiful. So yeah. Isle of Wight. Isle of Wight. You've got one, six, seven and 10. This is tough. Isle of Wight, I'm going to go six. Okay. Okay. So you have - Not bad. it's like it's nowhere near as good as Glastow, Latitude and V but it's not at the wrong end of it it's like I know I'm going to go out of the way and have a great reaction and it's going to be a good time but it's like it's sort of like safe it's good fun but it's not like some crazy air of magic and edge right but it is it always delivers it always gives you okay so I've got one, seven and ten yeah so next one you're doing this year haven't fully done it but you performed last year a little bit didn't you Reading and Leeds so you did Reading a small amount?

37:52Yeah. I mean, they've never booked me for 18 years so I'm going to put them at 10. You're booked this year! Yeah, I mean, I had a lot of fun there before. But, yeah, there are... Had you been there a lot as a festival? I've been there like four times. But, I had a great time. But also, it's one of those great places, every time you see footage of Reading and Leeds, it's like, you know, the main audience is like 18 to 25 and it's almost like you see people who aren't that good and the crowd of mushing to him. Right. And I'm like, I'm glad you lot are having fun in the crowd. But he's not that good.

38:28She's not that good. So do you reckon when we do happy hour there this year, they'll probably mush to us? Probably, yeah. You'll probably walk on stage and if he lifts up his t-shirt and you get a cardboard cutler of what he used to look like. They'll go, he's a wibbly actually. He's a wibbly. He'll be a huge, yeah, he's a wobbler and now he's a wibbly. He'll be a huge mush bit. Right, we've got two more. Have I got one and ten left? no no they're 10 1 and 7 1 and 7 oh this is tough Creamfields Creamfields

38:57Creamfields is great it's amazing because it sells out every year without them even announcing the line up which says a lot about their branding wow it's like Glastow yeah maybe I should have a Glastow one I don't know what's last though we've been quite nice they're all decent festivals Creamfields is amazing but in much the same way it's sort of like Isle of Wight it's like it's great it's really well organised and the crowd are lovely it's massive you know there's like 90 ,000 people every year absolutely having it but it's not like one of those ones where I come off stage like shaking with happiness I'm going to have to put them at seven No, number seven Okay, number ten So, number one for you that leaves We Are Wirral Festival Brilliant Is it good?

39:42This is my favourite of all time

39:47Just the name alone it's like where are you and who are you and they're like we're Whirl are you we are Whirl so just from that from when I heard the name of the festival I was like you've actually managed to get it out of me it is my favourite it was actually it was Transmit but I just changed it at the last minute Transmit would probably be number one really? anything in Scotland above everyone else ever Scottish crowd best in the world really yeah wow like jokingly I would have put Wirral 10 11 I mean it's still good fun no mate I've played 1500 gigs like no offence to Wirral I think this is their first year or whatever but transmit anything Scotland would be 1, 2, 3 right I'm sure I've asked you this before Scotland mate I put a gig on sale in Edinburgh 3000 tickets in a few hours Glasgow 3000 tickets in a few hours a common stage at like 3pm or 10pm to 5 ,000 people or 50 ,000, they go mental from start to finish.

40:50They don't even have to say, let's fucking have it, or who's ready to jump, or who's got the energy. They don't even have to say it. They're just going. It's almost like some of my songs are part of the national anthem or the national curriculum. Big up the Scots. Big up the Scots. Mate, you've also... I'm actually happy with that list. I wouldn't reorder that list. Shall we do a rundown then, Stevie? Yes. What are examples, official blind ranking of UK festivals? So at number 10, Reading and Leeds might change once you've performed there this year yeah number nine sundown eight victorious seven cream fields six isle of white five tram lines four latitude three the festival two glastonbury and one we are we're transmit transmit i'd actually say i wouldn't swap any of that decent what so if we offer you one swap now you're not changing i wouldn't swap anything really transmit is number one yeah if you run up by my manager my tour manager and my dj and my photographers anyone who knows me and is they'd probably agree with that.

41:47If you asked all my closest friends, you asked my partner, you asked like my mum and dad to take those and write, I think it would be very similar. Maybe like four to seven might be slightly different. But the top and the bottom would probably be... You don't know this. I've actually already sent it to your mum. Okay. And she's replied... Here we go. How did you get in touch with my mum? She said, I don't have anything to do with that ugly bastard. Oh, brilliant. Nice. Well, now he's growing his hair. That's how you should look, son. now you look like my boy see I told you didn't I son since we last saw you you've done a big a big TV show yeah yeah you know what I'm talking about Masked Singer yes yeah I can't believe it because I'm like I'm not anti these shows you know like I mean I wouldn't go on I'm a celebrity because I don't want to eat fucking worms and shit oh you'd be good on there though you know your way around I was just like being in your back garden no but I honestly wouldn't go on there I mean I say that I mean if I was completely broke In fact, you know, I wouldn't.

42:44There's other things I can do to make money. 300 bags. I just think that show is really, really... Anyway, it's really embarrassing, isn't it? 400 bags. Why are you saying it like you're actually offering it? We can get you on a celebrity book. If you wanted me to go on that, they'd have to offer me a million. A million quid, and I'd go on it. And they're not going to do that, because I think the best paid people maybe get 300, 400 grand, but I'm not going on that show. Is it just because of the eating element? It's just salad behaviour, isn't it? Everyone on there is... It was all drippy and stupid.

43:14I'd pay you to go on it. Everyone just looks really desperate and like, in a real crisis. Desperate, you're going, I'll pay you to go on it. What about old Harry Redknapp? He was great on there. He loved his rolly polies. You've done everything else. It's like, I'm not having that show. I don't like it at all. I'd love to do the dancing on ice thing because I'm really good at ice skating. Are you? And I reckon I could still, it wouldn't affect my career. I wouldn't be like, that was a bad man. You know what I mean? Like, gun fingers. The way I'd ice skate would be like a baseline. Right, okay.

43:40I think there are certain shows that boost credibility and I think that is one as well. Yeah, but I wouldn't want to get injured. Like Bake Off, I think that would boost you. Yeah, Bake Off is like, it's also for stand up to cancer so no one's going, I can't believe we did Bake Off, that's uncool. Have you done it? For cancer patients. Yeah, you spoke about it last time. I won it. I won my heat. Oh yes, you did. You did. But yeah, I was asked to do a Masked Singer and I went around and asked all of my sort of, you know, like other, like musician mates or, you know, like management and agents and everyone was just like, it's a no brainer.

44:11Got to do it. Yeah. Because I'm like, Big show, isn't it? And then it's like, I'm actually in my comfort zone a lot of the time, you know, because I love being on stage and I love performing and whether it's 100 ,000 people there or 200 people, I love it. I love entertaining and I love going on stage. And I do it like, it's, you know, muscle memory. It's like second nature. I don't have to think about it. The toughest thing is the travel and the jet lag and the hotels and sitting in cars and that because it's just boredom. Whereas actually performing, I love. whereas the masked singer, I didn't really, I knew obviously what it was about, but then you get to pick your own songs.

44:44So, you know, you pitch to them, they'll last for like 20 songs you want to sing. And then some of them might be done before, some of them they can't get the license to. What, did you sing your own? No, you just do other people. That'd be pretty obvious. My thing was like, a lot of people who go on there have got amazing voices. Like they're usually like soul singers and they're like pitch perfect. You know, they're never out of tune and they hit every note. Whereas I know that I've got a powerful voice, but my voice, I can also do loads of different, like I can do loads of different accents. So when I was on this, I just sat down with him in the first meet and I was like, I want to rap in an American accent and I want to do like blues or grunge and I want to do country and I want to do pop and I want to...

45:23Just to throw him off. Just to throw him off, yeah. What songs did you do? This episode is brought to you by PayPal. You know how a mom's bag has everything? Sunscreen? Snacks? A stapler? The new PayPal app is like that, but for your money. Shop, pay, manage your account, and earn rewards all in one place. And with purchase protection on eligible items, biometric security, and pass keys, you're protected at every step. Download the new PayPal app to get started. See paypal.com slash protection terms. This message is brought to you by Apple Card. With Apple Card, you earn unlimited daily cash back on everyday purchases, like groceries, merch, or tickets to the game.

46:06Plus, it can be used anywhere MasterCard is accepted. No matter your team, no matter where you shop, Apple Card is here to help you tackle game day. Apply in the Wallet app on your iPhone today. Subject to credit approval, Apple Card is issued by Goldman Sachs Bank USA Salt Lake City Branch. Terms and more at AppleCard.com. Sierra has all the best active and outdoor brands for the super athletic stuff. Like running gear for cruising up the trail. Woo! And the super athletic-ish stuff. like fishing gear for chilling by the creek nice cast fitness apparel to push for higher reps you got this and golf balls priced so you can afford to lose one or a few head to sierra or sierra.com for the brands you want at the prices that let you do it all from athletic to athletic sierra's got it uh i mean like so i did um because when i was a kid i was in musical theater just like a local drama group um and i was oliver in oliver's fist and i used to get in trouble like the director because i'd be singing everyone else's lyrics even when it wasn't me so you know like fagan would be up singing his pick a pocket and i'd be starting stage going um so i did pick a pocket you know like in this life one thing counts in the bank large amounts or i don't think so that was the first thing i did on my singer yeah obviously in a big bear suit yeah so straight away all the judges were like it's got to be someone from theater or opera or something because even though I've got a deep voice, most of my songs are sung sort of mid-range, like quite comfortable, you know, like, you want me to come over, I got an excuse.

47:42They're usually in keys where I feel comfortable talking. Yeah. Whereas when I was doing Fagin, it was like, you got to keep a pocket full too much. And you get to do, roll your R's and so on. Yeah, yeah. But then week two, I did Miami by Will Smith. So he was like, here I am in the place where I come let go. Miami, the beach in the sunset low. every day like a Mardi Gras everybody party so the judge like there's a different audience every night yeah all right you know so you might film Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday but you'll see that every Saturday yeah but it's a different audience every night so the people in the audience there's a lot of kids they haven't seen the one you've done before so there's a chance they might not know Will Smith Miami yeah and they're voting for you but there's also they haven't seen what you did last week so the judges are like what because they're expecting to come out and do that Fagan shit well no like The audience have no idea who you are or what you're going to do, but then the judges are looking for clues.

48:37But then I did like Tender by Blur, which, you know, Tender is the day the demons go away. But the best thing about that is where the note goes really low. So it's like, love's the greatest thing that we have. I'm waiting for that feeling. So I get to do loads of octaves. Oh, okay. So you can see the judges go, who the hell? that's the he did Will Smith and then yeah right and then is that so it's really it's just it's just really fun to be messing with them and then I think the one just before I got voted out was like Shaboozy you know a bar song someone pour me out another whiskey oh yeah me and Jack Daniels out of history my baby want a burkin so I was basically still a different accent every time yeah like trying to hide the fact I couldn't sing you can sing no I mean I've got I've got a powerful voice but it's not like particularly tuned for but is that hard then because like you say with your songs you do them kind of in your tone of voice so did you have to then go in did you well they give you vocal coaches oh um like really really high end vocal coaches so you know you start every session on zoom or in the room with them um going through like warming up your voice on the piano wow 15 20 minutes just vocal warm-ups and then once you've got your song that you're going to do they then work out the key so they'll move the song up or down like 70 times to fit you to fit your voice um so much that goes into and then but then like a lot of the people like i think obviously like davina's been on the show for ages so she knew and she commented one night and she was like that's hard to do in that outfit and it was like so i had this bear head and it had like the ears were you know like air air release if i want to have a look at this and then the mouth but they had to cut another like 14 holes in the the head because it was so hot because i'm obviously like i'm in there singing yeah all this carbon dioxide coming out but no oxygen coming in so I was actually in rehearsals having like little panic attacks where I had to just stop the song and I was on my knees like just needing to get out of the suit thank God I had strong ankles but no seriously it was a real workout and then you come off and then you've got like one girl just to give you water and there's another guy with these fans like shh and they're like freezing cold towel out of a bucket of ice and there was another guy on this season, Wolf and he had a similar thing where you've got fake fur in a costume and then the sort of character outfit so I was Shakespeare so it was like a Shakespearean bear so it's a bear costume all the fur with a Shakespearean outfit on top so it's a costume on a costume really isn't it yeah like the sweat that was coming off me my heart rate was getting up to 160, 170 by the end of each song fucking hell yeah so you say when you're in rehearsals like you're getting because you're rehearsing in the bear costume yeah yeah so you get super hot but obviously in rehearsals you can stop and take the head off well no you can't because no one on the show is allowed to know you are so there's people deal with you day to day everyone's got like your go-to production team so there's a guy you know one girl brings you coffees and lunch and there's another guy and he walks you from your car to you know to your dressing room and in between all of this you've got a hoodie on black hoodie that says don't don't talk to me and then you've got a balaclava and then a visor so you can't show any skin no one knows if you're black or white or you didn't know tattoos or anything like that so you're moving around everywhere like that until you get to your dressing room in your dressing room you can take everything off and as soon as it's time to go down for camera rehearsal or perform they knock on your door give me a minute get all the stuff back on your gloves blah blah blah and so the people doing your costumes and the sound they know what you look like and then your runner right assigned to you to give you food like a chaperone or something so out of on set there might be 150 200 people you know lighting electricians caterers the vocal coaches know you obviously because they're doing vocal coaching for everyone yeah but out of that maybe 150 200 people there's only 10 who know who all the celebs are so you didn't know who the other celebs were and they're trying to keep you apart and even if you're walking along and you wave or use them like they give you a real telling off no don't speak don't let them so i had no idea fucking hell it's like a military operation isn't it yeah but it was like it was fascinating i found all of that more fascinating i mean i loved being on the show yeah and i knew that when i got back because I was shooting in the UK and I was, kids were back in Oz and my missus Daisy was pregnant at the time and I was away for like three and a half, four weeks.

52:53Yeah. Did they know you were there? Yeah, they knew that I was there but what it is is like, I'm so competitive. There's like 12 people on there. Yeah. So I was like, if I get through the first few shows, I'm going to want to win it. Yeah, right. And I got down to the last five but I was like, really, like once you get, you know, you're not voted out in the first three or four shows. You're buzzing. You want to, you're like, you take it, at least get to the final. Yeah. And I was one show off the final. Oh, shit. Were you up against, was it Macy Gray? Macy Gray was in the sing-off against me and she got voted off because they were like, we don't know who Bear is.

53:24They didn't know it was me at this point. Yeah. But they knew it was Macy Gray. So we're going to unmask you just because we know who you are. Yeah. Whereas we don't know who this guy is. So we're just going to let him keep singing. And then she goes, that's when she got in a real mood. Have you seen this? The first time ever. It's like she's fuming that she got voted off. No. Yeah. It's really uncomfortable. Storms off. No. So you're meant to, like once they say you've been voted off, on TV they see, you know, you just sort of walk off and then you reappear instantly and take your mask off. But there's actually probably an hour between that.

53:52Right. It's TV. Yeah. You actually walk off and then have a little debrief and then they do your hair and makeup and then put the mask on loosely for the unmasking. She just stormed off, didn't want to come back on. Did she come back on? I don't know if it was like she was competitive and wanted to win. But she was so unhappy that she'd been found out. And then whilst they were interviewing her, she was just like, no way and you're kind of like oh you're spoilsport I saw that clip go everywhere so I was like I'm just going to listen to her you can tell it's her straight away like the second she starts singing because the only song I know of hers is the I try to sing about it even when she's singing imagine her doing one of my songs and the love kicks that chicken basically how did you guess it was me um but yeah I feel a pain because when you've gone for all the hassle of rehearsing for months choosing your songs and you're excited to put your coach it's like you must know you sound like Macy Gray but I just sound like a singing pub landlord you know what I mean that's what you should have done I think it's a pub landlord it's Al Murray it's Al Murray you know what I mean you should have come out and just started singing in Macy Gray I think she thought it was a singing competition more than like trying to not let people know who you are so it's like you're actually a bad singer she's like what do you mean I'm as good I'm as good you sound like one of the Muppets I don't upset her anymore good here's my dumb question of the app right last singer do they vote you out because they know who it is or because because they don't like you singing not I mean I'll answer this differently because I was one of the worst singers on there but no they every night the audience vote so they have a keypad to vote and what they after a while they were saying it's like look there's a lot of kids here the kids will just vote for their favorite costume or whoever sings a song.

55:44No, because it's a different audience every night. Yeah. So it's not like there's no continuity between the people. So they have no idea what you've done for the previous three, four weeks. Right. So that is one element of it, which isn't that great. Yeah. But I think if you've got a great voice and you pick songs that everyone knows, even kids, and then you've got a really interesting costume. Yeah. Like a bear is not, I love the bear, but it's not that interesting compared to some of the other people, you know like some of the other costumes are mental I'm looking at yours now yeah it's cool it's got that fucking but it was really I mean I it was really warm in there really warm what could can you pick your do you sit down with people and they can pick your they'll pitch you like three or four ideas one of the other ones I got pitched was like a washing machine so I would have been I would have basically had my legs in tights with a sort of foam washing machine on with clothes hanging out and I was like how have you related that too.

56:39You didn't fancy that? Not that I look like a Shakespearean bear but I look more like a Shakespearean bear than a washing machine surely. Maybe they're saying you're washed. Oh, okay. Thanks though. Sorry mate. What about when you get from the place to the studios? Is there much privacy there? Everyone just gets their own room. But I mean like when they send a car for you. So you get in the car and then the drivers like, sometimes there's drivers who don't care and then sometimes there's drivers who are like really serious and he's like, do not take off a mask for five minutes. I was like, in the back of an S-Class Mercedes.

57:15Can I take off? No, you're not yet 6.5 kilometers from studio. Back at Chernobyl. Yeah, so they've obviously signed NDAs as well to say. I thought the whole thing was fascinating. Yeah, it is, it is. It's fascinating to learn about it as well. Who found out it was you then? Well, Mo and Maya Jam. I've met Jonathan Ross a few times. The host I know pretty well because I was in a film with him. And then you've got Maya Jammer and Mo and Davina. And Davina, I've seen over the years, on and off, like random places. I saw it. Calvin Harris' show in Ibiza the other year. We had a good chat for an hour.

57:56So you kind of just think, I've been that close to someone, they must know it's me. Whereas Mo, the comedian, knows my voice really well. And then Maya, I've met loads of times over the years. so she must have just got the clues, the Nando's. There was a Nando's clue and a Kickstart's clue and a Fulham clue and all this. But there was one night when just Mo and Maya were like, that's example. Not like we think it's example, like that's example. And Mo was like, I know this guy because he's my friend and it's the way he stands. And I was just like... How do you stand? I stand like me, don't I? With my knees.

58:27You're going to see that? No, but obviously, you know, I've finished my song and I'm like, I don't know. but you know he's talking and like what do you think the dick it is and I'm obviously there just it's a normal stand I mean this is how I think I look from the bare shoes Mo's obviously gone I know that from the way he stands but that's what he said that's annoying to get caught out because of that isn't it well I think it was the clues and my voice maybe once you think you know it's someone even if you can hear them doing a different impression right oh so they're interviewing you are they no no you're not allowed to speak and there's all these clues that come up you know that you have to pre-record with a...

59:03Don't the clues get, like, really obvious? But would you know your partner, right, or do you know him from... If they were here now in, like, a camel suit or a bear suit? Would I know how you stand? If you went into the middle of Norwich tomorrow and I was dressed as a camel, you would not know that was me. You wouldn't get a jack in that, innit? I thought we'll find out. No, but for instance, you know how, like, he's on here and you see him all the time and he's like... Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but I'm just saying, for instance... I know his mannerisms. If you were in a suit and you weren't allowed to speak, but you were here sat down or stood up, you'd probably do things with your legs or your head.

59:34Yeah. After a while, he's... Yeah. Yeah, I'd pick up on Mo. I don't even know Mo's a comedian that well, and he's... Mo Gilligan's like, yeah, that's him. Yeah. Yeah, I reckon I could. Really? Because it's not... Obviously, it's not just the way you're stood. It's the movement and everything. But to be fair with Mo, he's a comedian, and a lot of his stuff is observation, right? So it just goes to show you how much the really good, successful comedians study people and things. Pick up on the nuances of your mannerisms and stuff like that. Yeah, I thought that was really quite mad. If you were on Masked Singer, Steve, what would you dress up as?

1:00:01A jelly. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I'd be the Pixar lamp. Tall. What? That wouldn't work. You wouldn't fit in it. How would that work? What? I'm fat, am I? No, just a Pixar lamp. It's quite a thin lamp, isn't it? Yeah. Big head. Little pole. Wow. Sorry. So we're back to it. Alfie's back. Alfie's back. Brilliant. He's going to mute you on Instagram after this. You've got more of these now. Last time we saw you, you'd just got into tattoos. Yeah, I've got so many now. They all used to mean something and now they're just whatever looks cool. Can I ask you about them? Have you got any that are private and I shouldn't ask about?

1:00:35No, no, well, fine. I mean, they're on me, aren't they? What's this number? 200682. 20th June 1982 and then my three kids' birthday is under there. Oh, nice. But it looks kind of cool like I've been to prison, which I haven't, but people go, oh, he's all right. He's a bit rough. Yeah? Yeah. What's that? When I went to prison. Oh, yeah, nice. Nah, f***. Oh, I almost said. I've never said on the pod before. bleep that thing I almost said oh sick yeah yeah nice go on talk us through some more top tens what do you mean top tens six three two number one number one oh sick when I got an honorary doctor of music well what's so with the top tens I get what you mean one but quietly yep okay go on kickstarts yeah unorthodox yeah change the way kiss me stay away we'll be coming back say nothing what's the dash dash though just uh the years alright Right.

1:01:27That's sick. Honorary Doctorate of Music from University of London. Nice. Does the same person do all these tats? Yeah, but I've had like three people work on me. Nice. That's for Evander. The boxing gloves of my oldest. Yeah. The Holyfield Evander. Yeah. One of my lyrics, Live for Now and Forever Giver. A latitude and longitude of Brisbane on a palm tree where I live. Pride is the Devil, my favourite J. Cole song. Just some Star Wars stuff and my favourite films like... Donnie Darko. From Donnie Darko. Is that Star Wars Stormtrooper? It's like a little Minecraft act. Yeah, my seven-year-old, I was bored one day.

1:02:00He went, can you get Minecraft pickaxe? I went, all right. And then, yeah, my chest and back are covered now as well. They're all films and dates. And I've got a gladiator helmet. Can you see that one? The gladiator helmet at the top there? I think so. Yeah, that guy there. Yeah, yeah. I mean, yeah, my legs are all covered. What made you, what? Midlife crisis. No, I've always wanted tattoos. And then I thought, I'll just get a few. like when I was in quarantine during COVID I went back to Australia and they made you stay in a hotel room for two weeks just by myself and it was like I just got into this weird sort of rhythm every day of like alarms going off like I spoke to some mates in prison and I was like how did you get through it and they were just like get up, yoga you know watch this read this have a wank like do some weights you know spin bike, stretch FaceTime, go to bed so I just kind of got in this and then whilst I was in there I was like when I get out I kind of was in the middle of going through separation, divorce so I was just like what do I want to change about myself and do when I get out that I've always wanted to do so it was a real good reset of the rain and one of the things was I'm going to get some tattoos How old were you when you got the first one?

1:03:09This was like three years ago I got 118 tattoos in three years Are you going to get more? Well I said no a few years ago and then I got some more the other week Have you got any regret? No I love them all I've got loads of regret I've got one Yeah, show him this Are you a big fan of the creator Lad Baby? Do you know Lad Baby? Yeah I've got Live Laugh Lad Baby That's horrible Your missus has to see that when you're naked That's horrible I didn't know I was getting it Jack took me to a tattoo parlour And blindfolded me And then I just got that And he got me this That's amazing Are you a big Simpsons fan?

1:03:48Yeah, I like Simpsons So I got Moth That's really cool So Bart's getting it in the first episode and Marge pulls him away. So it's going to say mother and she pulls him away too quickly. So it says Marth. Yeah. And it's no secret that I don't have a great relationship with my mum. Ah. So he got it as life. That's wicked. So you got a nice one and he got a horrible one. Yeah. I've loved it basically. I've shown you this one before, Yeah, love that one. Can we pick a tattoo for you? No. I've got Lego Batman. It's quite cool. That is cool. I got a Mako shark just one of an apex predator are you sure you don't want a lad baby tattoo you remember no fear the skateboard Leon you haven't seen films have you oh the astronaut David by Michelangelo Iron Man why can't we pick one for you get a little HH tattooed for happy hour episode 6 I'll have a tattoo live on air whilst we're chatting you should have got a place to end that you should get on it so we'll be here and there'll be someone here going I would like to know what it is please yeah I'll get you a little pot of custard custard yeah we're getting called out for that at the minute what's that happy hour HH but you know what HH stands for don't you

1:05:12see no one does so it's fine yeah that yeah it's not good not great we might add a little p we'll add well if when you get yours done we'll add a little p to the end of ours yeah a little p so it says hhp happy hour podcast rather than just hhp right mate this has been fun number five you got the fistful now I love that we're gonna do we have to do number six now because of tattoos yeah that's that's you've just that's how you've weaseled don't do one with Tom Grennan getting tattoos first no way he's got loads of silly tattoos like me as well you've weaseled your way back in haven't you that was you didn't I they're fuming what's coming up for you what's coming up for you just gigs mate non-stop gigs I'm doing the JLS tour in November yes we saw a massive billboard for that on the way here they don't release music they don't do any appearances they just do an arena tour every two three years and they all sell out and it makes them a load of money and I'm the support act how did that come about 18 arenas they're doing are you do you know the boys how did that come about I've met them loads over the years but it's just it's just some people are just complete anomalies you know like N-dubs hadn't done anything for 10 years and they came back a few years ago and sold out everyone was like who's going to go and see N-dubs and they sold like three or four O2 arenas in London that's Oasis I know there are different animals I don't think people go like Oasis blur N-dubs that was the argument wasn't it that's why I don't want to get a tattoo off you like you think N-dubs and Oasis are similar well we're going to get Na Na Na tattooed on you so you're fine there we go this has been Jackmates Happy Hour podcast with me Jackmates Stevie White and the brilliant example we'll see you next year for the 6th when we'll well we've got a year to work out what we're going to get tattooed on him and it will not be good can you work it out please can you do it I was just going to say wobbly wobbly cheers mate amazing

1:07:09Jackmates Happy Hour perfect that was lovely brussels clean up nicely at sweet green maple glazed roasted and edges perfectly caramelized sweet green's fall harvest is back on the menu and the season's most overlooked little green vegetable is dressed to be devoured you know what to do order on the sweet green app hi there i am fully charged and here to tell you toy story 5 is now on disney plus it's been too long cowboy. Woody, Buzz and Jesse are back for a brand new adventure with some seriously cool new tech. What? Holy butterscotch! You said it Jesse! So save your batteries and watch the global phenomenon at home.

1:07:53And the best part? It's perfect for the whole family. Power up your movie night and watch Disney and Pixar's Toy Story 5 now streaming on Disney Plus. Rated PG.