581 - Robbie Is Hiring Hookers, Jaack’s New Dog Dilemma, & Stevie’s Deformed Skull… (All Caught Up!)

34:57Do they? Yeah, they need to get out and go for a walk. Probably they could go at a decent pace, tortoises. I've never heard that. No, it's against everything, I believe. My nan had two before she passed and they lived in a garden. What happened to them? One got done by a seagull. Done by? I don't think it jumped him. Come down and sweeped it up. Why was the other one? The only little. I don't think the other one could live without him. What? Killed itself? No, it borrowed itself in the ground. Never to be seen again. Hibernated. Never to be seen again. Well, I never saw it again. But after my nan died, I had no reason to.

35:31Okay. Well, flash, that wasn't what happened to flash. But a lady's like, this is bad. Like, I can't do this. What I really need, what I'd love is if there was someone... Who's got a red belt. No, no, no. What would be great is someone if you could just come in, like someone I could pay to just come in once a week or something and just take Flash for a walk like Bev's like I've got a 14 year old daughter she loves animals she'd take Flash for a walk so Kitty literally today is taking Flash for a walk for the first time and thus getting us one step closer to being Flash's next owners you are in line you are we're not yet but we're working our way yeah because we're working our way this is like a succession this is there's people moving there's plays everyone in the area making their plays trying to get there.

36:20And then my friend Meg who's one of the mums from school she was saying that she's in line to inherit a tortoise called Bludwin. Bludwin? Mate, pigwidgeon needs Bludwin. Well, Bludwin Bludwin I don't know if Bludwin and Flash would be either mates or enemies or what but I don't know what Bludwin is because I've never heard of the name Bludwin before but Bludwin's 80 like a bit of a spring chicken compared to Flash. Yeah, how old's Flash? 100? 100, yeah. And Tudwin's gonna live like 150. Flash live through the wall, mate. Flash will live to yeah maybe a little bit the other one maybe I don't know exactly the age but Flash will probably they live to about 150 Flash might more than likely will outlive me so can I make a play?

37:01you can do but I reckon Kitty might also outlive you you can drive a blood win so Mexican and Herod Blodwin we're going to try and get Flash we might have like cool old be like cool old tortoise people and all this stuff so that would be cool wouldn't it but i think we're discussing the name blodwin because i don't know any blodwins i don't know any blodwins we see what if there are any blodwins yeah but i want one blod is an incredible name blodwin is a welsh name meaning white flower derived from blood owl and when it is a feminine name with a rich history particularly in wales it is associated with the sacred blood owl flower oh but you see it made me think that maybe like blodwin was like really popular at the time because it's like 80 years later whatever bloodwinds were so there might be in like a hundred years time there might be loads of like um tortoise running around called like pikachu and stuff do you know i mean because it might be things that were cool at the time yeah or happy hour yeah maybe i like that this hundred year old one's called flash yeah that's cool yeah that's so good well has he always been called flash or is it sort of evolved oh yeah we don't know if the name changed as far as i know it's the birth certificate as far as i know he's always in Flash but I'll try and do a bit of reset was he Flash before Flash?

38:14yeah when did the Flash 1948 why would you were you talking about you were talking about the superhero Flash yeah 1948 why would you ever have that in your brain? let me have a look when what's Flash Gordon is that different to Flash? when did Flash Marvel come out? DC when did Flash DC come out? I said what did I say? 1948 1948 probably before 1940 I was close so he could have been Flash before the Flash was Flash I'm going to do a history of the name Flash. I'm just going to write that into Jack Gupiter. What was I going to say? I guess they could just go and he's moving as fast as a Flash. Like, they could have...

38:51It's just a term, isn't it? I don't know if he didn't understand why Mangled... Oh, you want to know when Flash Gordon came? No, no, I was just wondering whether the name Flash has any origins, but I don't know what it was. Either way, I've made good progress in my attempt to become the next owner of... Next guardian of Flash. I'm excited to see if that happens. You don't own Flash. You merely look after Flash for the next generation. He passes through, doesn't he? Yeah. That's what it is. I like it. If you do get it, there's a strong chance Flash is dying within your bloodline. You don't want to be the one to kill Flash, do you?

39:22I'm going to kill Flash. I'm going to kill it. If anything, we're helping Flash live longer by giving him exercise. What goat? Flash is the goat of Tordes. Until we meet Bloodwin. Yeah, Bloodwin could surpass. Don't say until, because if you meet Bloodwin, you like Bloodwin more, but you get Flash, you're going to be pissed. Nah, you get both. Get both. I can't get blood win while we're talking about animals dog dream dead not dead dog dream dead not dead not dead dog dream was dead dog dream very much alive the story of this comes from the car when we were discussing this and Fee was basically telling you that she didn't want to get a dog and you're having a really serious conversation but every now and then me and you would just go dog dream dead because we couldn't have a serious conversation but how come Dog Dream's not dead because it seems when I was a passenger in the car that Dog Dream was very much he really did not want dog so let me lay out the foundations I really want a dog I've grown up in a house with dogs my whole life early days Dog Dream alive yeah Dog Dream alive I really want a dog I've grown up with small dogs my whole life we're talking Chihuahua we're talking Yorkshire Terrier we're talking King Charles Tortoise all them bad boys and then now as I'm getting older I want like a medium to larger sized dog so i'm talking border collie i'm talking australian shepherd that kind of thing fiona's not ever had a dog but she loves the ones that she sees at my nan's house okay so i'm trying to like i've been trying to like spring around like swooner with the idea of a dog okay yeah i'm a dog groomer but not the type that's useful but it didn't seem to be going too well last we knew no but then last time we knew it was dead it was like no dog driving dog dream dead Fiona likes the idea of having a dog, but she says that the burden of having to take it for walks and shit, she's like, I'm not going to pick up that burden if you don't want to do it.

41:12I can tell, from a casual observer in the car, I think Fiona's concerns about the dog were that she was going to be left with the dog while you go and do cool things. And I don't think there was a groundless. No, no, that's very much justified. Yeah. I think that might have been the main concern of that, which I fully understand. But that's why I'm surprised to hear Dog Dream alive. Well, out of the blue, she came to me the other day and went, I don't mind the idea of a dog. and I was like oh okay okay were you like we've got to play this cool Jack yeah I was like well I don't want it now so okay not cool dog dreamt dog dreamt again I played it really cool I just sort of got up went round the desk onto the floor and just started break dancing yeah that's not cool I um no so I said let's google it we were googling it having a little read about bits and bobs and uh shh however she did say she was keen and then a couple of days later went but i'm still not going to walk it yeah is it really your dog if you're not walking it no i do feel like if you got a dog the way we heard the conversation it very much be your dog primarily yeah my dog but i think these are the type of person that once not too keen once there will fall in love with it instantly her whole mindset will change however what happens in situations like we've got loads of festivals coming up and stuff like what yeah you're away for four days.

42:32Are you just chucking it at your nan's? Is she okay with dog for four days? This is my nan's door. Open, dog in, shut door, go. Have you asked your nan that? My nan would love it, mate. Have you asked her? Is she okay with that? Shall I call her and ask her? Yeah. If you want to see if Dog Dream alive, just say, I want to get a dog. Sometimes I go away for five. You said you want to go on a three-week holiday soon. Yeah, all right. What happens then? You can go in kennels as well. I'll see what my nan says. I'll tell her I'm on the pod. This might be shit.

43:08Piled off by me and Nan. Nan Dream Alive. Oh, oh, oh, what's happening there? You alright Nan? What's happening there? What's happening there? You alright Nan? Wait a minute. Yeah, I can hear you. How are you? You alright? I'm alright. Didn't I know I told you about you got a parcel? I don't know Nan. I'm just recording the podcast at the minute I'm sorry Dan No that's alright I called you I've got a question for you Your man just hung up on you She thinks she's offended me I called her She's apologised I've been hung up Yes Call her back Oh that's so sweet Don't dream dead She blocked my number Oh that's so sweet She's just gone to your dad.

43:59She's gone. That cunt wants to palp off a dog on me. I know it. Oh, you've called her and she's apologised. Try one more time. Oh, one more time. Throw the phone in the sea. Oh, mate, she doesn't want dog. Dog dream dead again. Dog dream dead again. So what's the latest with dog? Googling. We're in a Google process. Is Fee on board with the Google process? Yeah, I think we're going to aim to get a dog before winter. And if we don't like the dog, kill it. No? Sorry, I thought I was going to say. We'll put it up on eBay or something. Right. You know when you get a dog, the people selling the dog have to agree to give you a dog, and if you're going to put it on eBay, you're not going to get Dog Dream dead again.

44:44All right. What do we do if we don't like the dog? Do you want a dog? No, I don't. And I'm happy knowing I don't. You know dogs, it's not always smooth. You don't just get a dog and dog is cool. You have to train dog, and sometimes dogs are going to be a bit needy. Oh. I just worry for the amount you're not at home yeah then my nan will have it I'm going to say nan do you want to co-own a dog do you want to co-parent a dog yeah it feels like she might be co-parent yeah which half does she get you don't want back half will you both be alright picking up the poo all the time yeah I picked up shit before mate why have you said that like there wasn't a dog there I keep seeing lately people just leaving dog poo in the bag.

45:28So they've gone through the effort of picking it up and tying it in a bag and then just leaving it on the floor. Because there's no bin around. Well, they just don't want to carry the shit. No pocket. Just leave it as the shit. Don't do it. I'd rather step on a bag. No, but it's funny that they've been willing to do that element but they're not going to carry it. That's good though, isn't it? That's not good. Take it, will you still? All right. Don't call it. It's going to be you, isn't it? No, no, no. I will clean up my dog's poop. Definitely. Are you going to call it Lodwin? Yeah. I've got a few names Go on Have we gone through the names before?

45:56I can't remember Right Ralph I like Yeah we have We have Because they were all saying Vic Star or someone had the same Oh yeah We did do this We did do this But anyway I'm going to call it Buckbeak Done Buckbeak? Yeah What's that from? Harry Potter HP Okay That's a horse Respect That flies I really insulted Jack the other day Because Jack was I can't remember why But he randomly asked me And I think it was me and Jack Smith And he said What's the best moment of Harry Potter And I just said When Buckbeak dies Spoilers spoilers man I'm sorry if they've not seen Harry Potter 20 years after it I'm just gonna watch it out loud I'm gonna tell him there's no point now yeah don't tell him that I feel bad so I need to call my name one more time welcome she's actually blocked you dog dream dead she's blocked you family life dead are you even up to anything then yeah I've got a couple things I wrote a little note in here oh you're gonna like this actually oh actually on the way here you know how many fucking road ragey people we saw weird today weren't it angry I had a guy fuming with me yesterday.

46:55I was just, you know, very Norwich-based, but you can get the idea of it. You know, just after Carrow Road, there's that bit that bends round to the left. Which way are you coming from? Carrow Road on my left. She's coming from station. Yeah, from station. Straight forward, you go over the little bridge, and then that turns left there. You can turn right there. You can turn right at specific times. Yeah? I needed to turn down that road, and I stopped there with my indicator on, and I'm waiting to turn right. 20 seconds. Van behind me goes up on the curb and just drives past. Doesn't say a word.

47:27Next car goes next to me just as I'm about to turn. He goes, it's no right turn! And he's seething. And I've never seen someone that angry whilst being completely wrong. How do you know he's wrong? Because there's a massive sign on the corner that says no right turn Monday to Saturday between these hours. Oh. I did it on a Sunday. Oh, right. So it was a Sunday anyway, but it was also only during rush hours. I'd have got out and battered him. Well, I was turning right as it happened and I was like, did I hear that right? And Ariane was just putting her thumb up at him, smiling at him. But I was so, so angry to be wrong as well and it made me quite happy.

48:03Some people are angry behind the wheel, aren't they? Yeah. It's like when we were on the way here, weren't we? We saw the biggest mega road race. I was sure there was going to be a crash. What, today? Yeah. Because there was two cars arguing. You had a BMW and then you had a guy in the light next few days. Skoda. They were probably veering into the same lane trying to jostle each other out. That was mental. Pretty much trying to knock each other off the fucking lane. It was crazy. But really what they were doing is just weaving into each other's lanes so they could argue with each other. But I don't get the risk.

48:30They're going 70 when they're doing that. This is British. This is a British problem, I think. Because we recently was in Germany. Yeah. And we were driving on the Autobahn. And I was driving for a long, long time. And then towards the end of my shift, I was like, I indicated right. checked my right hand mirror but I didn't realise there was a car in my blind spot and I've come over to go in the lane obviously thinking it's a free lane but it wasn't it was a car right there and the guys beeped at me loads to let me know he's there and I shat myself gone back into the middle lane put my hazards on like apologised and the guys like flashed me twice as if to say like don't worry about it like he wasn't doing it aggressively he was like don't worry about it and then he overtook me and didn't look at me or anything didn't have a go at me if that was in England someone would be going you fucking prick I made an error and I apologise for that greatly Well, you saw a couple today of people throwing their hands up and stuff when Fee was driving as well for no reason.

49:22I know. It's me and you. What the fuck are you doing? We do, Fee. Come on. We're not rude. I just feel like we need to chill out as a nation. We do. Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot going on, aren't there? It's exhausting. I always remember that story you told moons ago about the guys on the tube that were arguing with each other. Yeah, I love that story. Yeah, do you want to tell it again? It's been a while since you told it. Yeah, I've told it nine times before. Do it again. Yeah, no, I like it though. Yeah, I'm like Al, and he was on a he got on the tube lives out Walthamstow Way and he got on the tube and there was sort of banged into someone or something like that just an accidental thing and this guy was like watch it mate he goes don't fucking do anything he's added words he tells each other to fuck off and all this but then they had like 25 minutes or something like that just next to each other on the tube and he just got right to the end of the guy into central London the guy just went I'm really sorry I've been having such a bad morning I'm really sorry he goes I'm sorry too yeah he goes and I was he goes do you want a hug he goes yeah he's had a little hug I think that's such a lovely story people just have got things going on in their life they're not nasty people they might just had something bad happen just I think in the moment people get that angry and then realise afterwards we said it about the cars today they were basically veering into each other about five minutes later we still see them near each other and they're just not even paying attention to each other anymore but yeah that wasn't the only traffic based thing so I went to the dentist you're going to like this traffic's not the right word I had a dentist appointment which I want to tell you about on the walk down to the dentist appointment saw a crash like an actual guy flies off moped crash and it happened this far like as far as me and Robbie I'm walking down the road and I'm talking to Ariane and I just hear this huge noise and I look to my right and this guy just flies over his moped moped on the floor he's laying on the floor and i'm like what the fuck do i do cars obviously he's gone into the back of a car um because the car stopped on the road on my road so mopeds fault mopeds completely mopeds fault because he's gone into the back yeah yeah yeah and he's um and i did notice moped on floor had phone holder so i'm guessing he was looking at his phone or something and wasn't fully paying attention but he's a young boy um we help him get up and the guy's just knocked out of the car which i thought was quite weird and we're kind of like waiting i'm like i don't know what meant to do i was in a rush to get to my appointment and i was like are you okay and he was like yeah no i'm fine and then the guy gets out of the car but just doesn't say anything and he just like waves his hands around still not speaking at all and then just points at his bumper which has like a crack down it really not that bad moped in much worse state yeah but he points at the bumper and the boy just goes well yeah look at mine right but the guy just doesn't reply and i'm like and i'm trying i'm gonna like do you guys need me for anything like i don't know if they need state i don't know how it works for the insurance i was like do you need anything from and they just wouldn't they just neither of them spoke to me i don't know if they were like shocked by it or like they didn't understand i need to go to my appointment then i just walked off but when when i walked back after loads of bits of the moped were just all over the floor why is the guy in the in the car not talking i don't know i was well confused he might not have spoken english i don't know he was just like just hand gestures and like pointing but it was so weird and the boy seemed like he was a bit in shock but I was just like, I don't know what I'm...

52:41What is the right thing for somebody who witnesses that? I think he could offer to be a witness. You could say... So I said, do you need anything from him? If they're in shock, you probably need to... I'll just give you my... Here's my email address. Drop me on message. I think that's what you do. You might want to ask Rabbit because he'll know more than that. Jack just said if he's in shock, you're meant to give him a handjob. I think that's what you have to do. I don't think it's in the highway codes but I will... It's not raw, it's like etiquette. Let's get Adrian Flux on the phone. All right, let me call him.

53:11They've probably blocked you. I am freaking out that my nan hasn't replied. Oh, she's called me back. She's called me back. But I'm on my phone. Nan Dream Alive. Right, shall I ask her about this vlog? Go on, try one more time.

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54:07No matter your team, no matter where you shop, Apple Card is here to help you tackle game day. Apply in the Wallet app on your iPhone today. Subject to credit approval, Apple Card is issued by Goldman Sachs Bank USA Salt Lake City Branch. Terms and more at AppleCard.com. Sierra has all the best active and outdoor brands for the super athletic stuff, like running gear for cruising up the trail. Woo! And the super athletic-ish stuff. Like fishing gear for chilling by the creek. Nice cast. Fitness apparel to push for higher reps. You got this. And golf balls priced so you can afford to lose one. Or a few.

54:46Head to Sierra or Sierra.com for the brands you want at the prices that let you do it all. From athletic to athletic-ish, Sierra's got it. She's apologised again. Hang up. Oh, sorry. I called you again. Come on, man. That's fine. That is fine. Hello, Dan. Yeah, what happened there? The bloody phone went dead. Oh, did it? I charged that probably, yeah. Oh, fair enough. Now, I'm just on a podcast. I'm just having a debate with the boys. I want to know, if I got a dog, would you look after it? Of course. There you go. Right, so a few questions. What if it was a bigger dog? How big?

55:29Imagine Rosie times three. well that is a vegan isn't it so what so what sort would that be then like a border collie or something if you want me to yeah right and then so how long do you think you could look after the dog because what if i got a dog and then i had to go away well i'd have a woman what forever oh well i thought you meant just for a weekend or something yeah what if i went away for a week though

56:01yeah two weeks

56:07what's the limit what's the limit that's what we're trying to work out

56:14bad signal man bad signal classic oh sorry I'm going through a tunnel rusting paper no the bad signal I'll call you later oh alright then alright bye bye conveniently she could reply at the end

56:32crystal clear there when she could get off the phone

56:37yeah alright yeah I'll speak to you later Jack don't dream alive-ish it didn't sound as confident as I think you were in your own head about it oh she said yeah of course I would I think she will look after it but what things could you ask your nan and she's going to go no Jack not loads she'll probably help me hide her body yeah you look after this gun for a couple of days yeah so dog dream alive dog dream alive dog dream half alive so how was the dentist you still got the world's outest teeth well this is I was a bit scared I'm I'm why were you scared I don't know I get really anxious about the dentist for some reason because teeth are so hard you're worried you're going to break their kit and they're going to sue you yeah basically but I I thought I could see problems with my teeth and I was like I just need to go and get it looked at if not it's never going to happen what sort of problems I thought I could see like little holes in some of them where I like open bottles with my teeth and stuff stop fucking doing it then well so I thought fuck I'm going to need some fillings so I was going into this how often do you open bottles with your teeth?

57:40once a week no when I was drinking more more it would happen more when you were drinking you quit drinking no but like when I'd like pre-drink and stuff what the fuck are you talking about then? when I was drinking because you're not currently drinking No, when I pre-drink, which I haven't done for a long time, because I don't have pre-drink. I normally just go out to the pub or whatever, and they actually open them for me, which is nice. Right, okay. But, like, so I haven't done it for, like, maybe a couple of years, but, like, I did, I noticed, like, these weird shapes in my teeth, and I was thinking, fuck, I need to get that looked at.

58:09And I was worried I'd need fillings. And I was thinking, this is going to be a pricey dentist trip. So I went, and then, so basically, what it is, is Arianne's told me this before, but I grind my teeth in my sleep. You are such a cat, isn't you? And I don't know. I didn't know I did it. She, the dentist told me I got little teeth. What? Because I grind them so much, my teeth are shorter than they should be. Micro teeth. And then all these where I think they're holes, they're not holes, they're shaved down teeth from how much I grind in the night. So I'm having to go back in in a couple of weeks to get a mouth guard made for me that I have to sleep in with forever.

58:54That's an ick. You are a walking ick. Yeah. And so I'm going to have a mouth guard made. Well, at least they won't be grinding. So I'm going to have to have that mouth guard. So they've got little teeth because of that. Could you have got little teeth? Yeah. You've got none left. Little stubs. I didn't realise. The thing is, I don't know I'm doing it. I'm asleep. I pick where they would have started. that's the only reason I think jacks are so big it's like yeah it's like the photos of you for a while ago where your face is big your teeth are probably in proportion there and now as you've lost the weight you've grabbed your teeth down to the back so no one's noticing it as much but I got that and then also she went it's quite weird how deviated your teeth are what does that mean?

59:38my top teeth are four millimetres shifted across so they're not wonky mouth yeah but I thought it's because I've got broken nose She said no. Dodgy jaw. Really? Front teeth, top teeth though, which is your skull. Like this, if that bottom jaw was shifted, fair, that that can happen. Mine's just wrong. Deformed face? Deformed skull face front. Wow. Skull face front? Like, that is a cross. So what's happening? She just went, that's weird. She didn't say anything. That's not nice. Can't do anything about it. Well, she told you that then? Yeah, but that's what my teeth were because I had a bottom jaw that was wonky, but my top jaw was also off as well.

1:00:17I've got Jack's, I didn't have his Pez bit, but I got the, I didn't have your big jaw, but I got the weird shifted top teeth. All right. So I don't think I can do anything about it. I don't think I can do anything about it. No, you probably can't. So I've got little teeth, deviated little teeth. Fucking hell. Which I don't feel great about. Right. But I've got to go in. It doesn't matter. No one notices it. No one's gone. Yeah. Now that I've mentioned it, I probably shouldn't have said anything. But yeah. Why are your teeth looking at me, mate? I got all these, they're not holes, and they're just going to look like that forever.

1:00:48You have to sleep with a mouth guard forever. And yeah, so I've got to go in to have it made for me, and then I've got to go in a week later to collect it. So remind me, why do you think you've got hard teeth? Because I was opening bottles of them. Yeah. It seems like you've... Oh, I feel like you're grinding down your own teeth. Your teeth are so hard, they're breaking your own teeth. Exactly. Yeah, it's like diamonds. Only diamonds can break diamonds. Exactly, I'm doing that with my own teeth. I don't feel teeth sensitivity. I bite into ice cream and shit. I just thought these are all right.

1:01:16I'm grinding it down. You told me the other day you now can bite into ice cream. I never used to be able to. I now I've got fake teeth. I can bite through ice cream and it does feel kind of sexy. So here's the thing. I know why I've got hard teeth or why I think I have hard teeth. She told me I've ground my teeth down, grind that down so much. The nerves are on the end of your teeth and they've protected themselves. So now I don't feel things in my teeth because I've grinded away at the nerves. holy shit I don't know how much I'm grinding my teeth in my sleep that's probably because you do MDMA every day just at home but surely your jaw's swinging on that the teeth couldn't be further apart tell me that I don't know I've never done it mate so you'll be I do it every day right fair but yeah so I've fucked it basically yeah mouth fucked little teeth but once I start I'll show you my mouth guard when I get it I'm not that bothered mate I know what it is I had one other weird thing happen Go on.

1:02:11So Bev and I had a week of going to gigs. That's not the weird thing. We went to different gigs. It was gigs that we could have just gone to Glastonbury, but instead we went to Dublin and then Glasgow to see gigs. Oh, okay. Weezer and Dublin, Alanis Morissette in Glasgow. Nice. We're going on our way to Dublin, going down to Heathrow Airport. So we've got the train down from Norwich. We're a bit giddy, a bit excited. We're sat in chairs. So it's a four seat. We're sat opposite. People get on later on. the Ipswich, whatever, we move up. People can sit there. So we're sat opposite like this. A few jars?

1:02:43No. Maybe a coffee. Okay. Jar of coffee. Yeah. Jar of tea for Bev. Doesn't drink coffee. Not important. So we're there. Getting off at Stratford, we're going to get the Elizabeth line over from there. Get to Stratford. There's a woman sat next to me there. She said, so I'll get up and get my bag down because I've got a laptop I had there. So I put a laptop in the bag. Quite obvious that I'm packing up my bag to get off of this. woman no reaction so I've stood up with a bag I've got down I've got everything down so the coat's on the seat and I can't really sit back down said I'm we're just getting off here do you mind if I just get past and she said oh I'm getting off here I'm getting off here too and alright cool and she just carries on sitting there on her iPad like I mean while Bev's got out and Bev started laughing because she was going on and she's like sort of in the eye of it like that what?

1:03:32and so she's just sitting there just doing stuff on her iPad like that I said um so then then ver's just down there she's absolutely pissing herself because i'm like stuck behind something like that and like we are we're getting towards the station but still not it's not like last minute but i'm like i've got a big bag it's quite busy yeah it passed like this i don't i can't risk this and miss my flight no right because we weren't getting here we're getting a city airport that's where we're getting off to stratford yeah um so like after a bit i said sorry can i get past she goes i'm getting off here so you're here i'm getting off as well um i will be i went my wife she said my wife's over there i'd quite like to stand with her she said i'll get off in a minute i never around looking like i was i was like i don't know can i please get past she went but i said please can i get past do i have to climb over this table plays it in front so eventually she did like this but we go that's mental isn't that mental I don't know why but that is one of the most peculiar things it was so weird I've never heard and it wasn't like to the best of my she wasn't walking with a cane there's no reason I thought she physically couldn't get up or anything like that and she seemed to move quite fine afterwards I think it was a weird power thing or something like that but it was just like if she'd said I'm sorry do you mind doing the way for saying I've got a bad hip or something like that I've got no legs yeah if she had no legs I'd have noticed she had legs but wasn't that just a bit weird I think she we were just sort of laughing and after she moved otherwise I said thank you so much for your kind just moved on I was going I said was that just me was that mental that's absolutely insane we found it so funny I get that she said it the first time because like obviously you're about to move and she's gone well I'm getting off as well and then you can carry on I assume then you you then pack your own bag up you start doing something but I'm literally stood up and it was the train sort of stopping as it's getting towards so i know i stood up there for like i've stood there for over a minute before and she was just there on her ipad before i said something really unusual really unusual but they're the kind of little moments in life that i love i loved it yeah loved it really good on my own would have enjoyed it as much because bev had seen this we could share that yeah this has happened i find weird things always happen on trains yeah i stopped getting them no surely you want them for the stories yeah no one of one of the last there's not really much of a story in this but one of the last times i decided i couldn't get trains anymore is i got on really early one morning to go to london for a brand thing and a guy opposite me knocked his coffee all over my lap that's like like like a load like loads a full coffee and oh sorry mate like that and gave me two tissues and i just thought what the fuck am i supposed to do with that you can't go get some more tissues yeah yeah yeah i had to go up in the toilet trying to put my lap under the thing.

1:06:21Not much of a story in it, as I said. But there you go. I stood in human shit on a train the other day. What? You stood in human shit? Yeah, it was. I'd been filming with Lloyd. I was on the way. I had a few drinks. We were filming with Lloyd at the country's best pub on the way home. Went to the toilet. I was like, you know when you go to the toilet, this toilet absolutely stinks. Someone just had a shit on the floor and I stood in it. Fucking bizarre, mate. Fucking rank. So I then had to like, I was hammered on a train. It's that really bad train that goes across the country to Norwich. The other one that goes all the way from Liverpool.

1:06:49It's horrible. It's rank. Yeah. So I'm having to like clean my try and clean my shoe under a tap in a toilet that stinks of shit whilst I'm a bit pissed on this again this is fucking bleak. So I can see your point about trains but that's that train. I find that like when you go into a public toilet and there's like shit on the floor or high up on the bowl I'm like what are you doing? I never understand how situations like that happen. Who is who are those people? Who's missing the toilet? Yeah are you getting through life? Yeah Unless they're doing it on purpose surely Have you ever been in a public toilet and you've looked on the back of the door and there's shit marks on the door where someone's grabbed shit and rubbed it on the door nuts i've seen that twice yeah i've seen that twice that was me yeah you launched your shit at a festival right there's we'll leave that there it's been fun catching up with you boys i've uh i've not really got much to it i've been to vegas oh yeah how was that yeah really good really good my my favorite time i've ever been i've been eight times my favorite time i've ever been went with my cousin sunny yeah what i see you all the time mate when we went we were yeah you see sunny all the time and also we went and fee came and your sister came and callum came which part of that is a positive wow oh yeah wow sending that clipping that sending it to charlie well she listens so you ain't got to send it all right yeah charlie's a knob no it was really good played the world series again my fourth time first time i ever played the world series i went out in day one second time i went out in day two The third year I played, I got to day three.

1:08:19Can I ask a quick question? Yeah. Don't interrupt this before I forget. Is Charlie still in Toronto? Yes. Okay. Because I'm going to Toronto. Can I hang out with Charlie? Yes, you can. Charlie, if you're listening, can I hang out with you in Toronto? Carry on. When are you going? Well, if you're a burglar listening to this, my mum's coming to house sit and she's Scottish. So don't try and use this to burgle my house. Yeah. So with that in mind. Give me a rough time frame. A month's time from now, I'll be there. A month today. Yeah, perfect. Have that, Burglars. In November. Third year went out third day, and then to get to the money, you have to make it to the fourth.

1:08:58So what do you think happened? Made it to the fourth. Went out second day. Oh. Yeah, reverted back. It was a real shame, because you start off with 60 ,000 chips, and you get loads of big blinds for that. You get like 300 big blinds, so you can just play as little as you want and coast through and i basically tripled 2.5x my stack early on got to like 140 or something and i was like i could actually probably make it to day four if i just coast and um i was like i was at one point i checked the app it's all on the app now since gg brought it but i checked the app and i was 114th chip lead i want like 9 000 players wow and i was like fucking hell this is good and um all i needed to do was just play safe play safe play safe and the second from the last hand end of the day i lost pretty much all my chips being stupid i got pocket aces and i tried to slow play them right and a guy was just and then i and then was just chucking like little bits and raising raising the guy was calling me every time i basically hit flopped a straight right and i just everything i was putting in was throwing away yeah and then third when i went back for the second day obviously the 88 cameras are filming me and i went back for the second day with less chips than i went through to the second day last year with and you can just come in on second day can't you yeah and last year last year when i went through with so few chips i actually made it through to day three and it was like a great comeback so this year i was confident i was like i'm gonna actually pull it back third hand of the day i was out i sat down and i was out within four minutes that was a bit embarrassing that was a bit embarrassing i had ace queen suited put it all in got called with jacks and that was that but um i'll tell you what i did do over there it was fun i met up with a previous happy hour guest who is on that wall stevie white yes jason coon what a guy one of our favorite people poker player third all-time in the money list took he picked me and sunny up in a cyber truck how was that that was insane it was mental because we had to go to this like posh golf course out of the way of yeah like vegas in the middle of nowhere sort of thing gated sort of community thing it was fucking beautiful and we were there and um within like two minutes of us standing on this golf course we already had someone come around on one of those golf buggies and just basically ask who we were and what we were doing because they could just tell that we're not yeah yeah but then like we didn't know what car jason would be turning up in so like a porsche would turn up and we'd go oh is that jason no and then a bentley would turn up and then cybertruck turned up he was like hey guys like because he's just the loveliest guy ever took us in got in the cybertruck you've just said he said hey guys because he's the loveliest guy ever he greeted us he's a very friendly guy and we got in the Cybertruck and he can literally just go press a button and it's just completely autopilot.

1:11:42First time I've ever been in a car it's completely autopilot. So you can sit there read a book if you want. With your eyes on the road. No, you don't need to though. No, you don't need to but you should. He said that people get in their Cybertruck and hit home and go to sleep. Surely there's got to be a legal... It's one million percent. It's 100 % autopilot. No, I know, but I've also seen the Cybertruck crashing when trying to park. Yeah, but so you're going to get them outliers, but they're very few compared to... Yeah, I know, but that's why you shouldn't sleep. Yeah, you probably shouldn't, actually, but the percentage of autopilot cars crashing compared to human error crashing is like, it dwarfs it.

1:12:24Are you allowed to go to sleep, though, or are you supposed to have? That's what I'm saying. I'm not sure he went to sleep. No, no, no, I know. I'm fucking all boring with you, but you got in the car and he goes, I'm out of the house. Go on when you're ready. I don't know. I don't know if you are. I think legally, surely you still have to keep your eyes on the road. Well, we stopped off at Whole Foods at one point. And we were in the car park. And Jason was just like, he said, oh, I need a supercharger. So he just clicked on this car parking space. Just crossed his arms like that. And it just went around this car park, like quick as well.

1:12:56Like quicker than you would do it as a human. But it's confident in its abilities as a computer. and then it like it goes i'm pretty confident my pollution's computer it would go in front of this space and it reversed back into this space this supercharger space like quickly and i was like oh my god and i was like jason do you not get worried that that's gonna crash he was like sometimes you get worried but it never does like it just it knows what it's doing and it goes to naught put naught to 60 in like 2.2 seconds or something crazy. You put your foot down and your head goes back on the thing like that.

1:13:31That was pretty cool. But he took us to his office. You can't get them in this country, can you? No, too wide. They're massive. Apparently, the reason why you can't get them is they're too pointy. Yeah, I think you said that, yeah. I saw them in Mexico when I was out there. Did you? Yeah. I didn't realize how huge they were. Like, I've obviously seen them online and when we were in Vegas last year, I saw them and I was like, fuck it up. Yeah, massive. But he took me to his office and I saw all his trophies and that was really fucking cool. I saw all his... He's got like a room where they're all just stacked up and you've got the WSOP bracelets on there.

1:14:04One was made out of actual gold. It was fucking incredible. What are the other bracelets made out of? I don't know what the... I know the bracelets are what you get from winning tournaments, but I just picked up that they're all like a jewellery of something. Yeah, maybe they were, but he said this one's actual gold and stuff like that, which is... Makes it sound like it's up as a fake. But what I will say is, like, there was a bit... So, obviously, Jason's super healthy, right? Like he's got like a diabetic. So my sister's type one. So she's got one of those Dexcom things in her arms that take your blood sugar.

1:14:29And I noticed at one point he had it. And I was like, shit, I never knew he was type one. Like fucking hell, that's something we can bond over. And Sonny actually asked him, went, oh, are you type one? Because all our family are pretty much type one. And he was like, no, I've just, I invested in one because I want to keep track of my blood sugar and stuff. I was like, fucking hell, this is a bit like, you know that fella in America who's like trying to de-age him. Trying to be like 20 when he's 40 something, 50, yeah. Yeah. and then um so i said to jason johnson yeah yeah something like that but jason complimented me when i see him when when he come on the podcast if you watch it back i'm a lot fatter so when he saw me he's like oh you're looking great and i said i don't feel great because i've been eating loads of shit over here and then he was like well we'll we'll get you fixed up we'll take you somewhere healthy and in my head i'm going fuming wish you didn't say anything aren't you yeah i was like take me denny's jace please yeah but so he can't imagine he eats at denny's he probably doesn't But we was walking through Whole Foods and he picked up these shots off the shelf, these turmeric ginger shots that apparently meant to be quite intense.

1:15:27And he was like, there you go, boys, get them down. And he just chucked them. What a son he's saying. A son he eats everything, doesn't he? He's so good with like, just random, like weird shit. Yeah, try anything. But he's just, this is how cool he is. He's cracking turmeric shots in the middle of Whole Foods, pre-purchase. I thought, fucking hell, let's take some balls. And he gave it to me and I thought, I'm just going to have to do this now. so i just had to firm it done it actually didn't mind it what the taste like it was all right ginger turmeric yeah i don't know turmeric tastes like but what i will say yeah so then so we did that that made me feel quite good and then we went we went for um nice anyway you feel good we went for a little breakfast um how did that make you feel yeah good well the healthy place we got to the door of the healthy place it was closed forget it oh you've had a lovey love i know another spot around here it was like we're walking through beverly hills this place right beautiful and he said i know another place through here so it's not as healthy but you can get healthy stuff we don't have to worry about that did you feel the pressure that you needed to order something healthy not really i got a brisket hash which was like potatoes eggs and brisket and shit um anyway the thing was so he's just wearing his sandals his flip-flops but he's playing a 50k tournament at midday and i thought fuck imagine that just like casually entering a 50k tournament and then we pull up in the truck at um the horseshoe hotel and he's just chucked his keys to the valet like everyone knows jason we'll sort your car out for you and then he goes around to the back gets changed into his trousers and he zips his gg jacket up and all of a sudden he's a poker player me and sunny like walking into a casino with jason coombs like the coolest feeling it was like um seen from a movie where it's just like slow motion everyone's just looking at him as he's slow motion zipping up.

1:17:09He didn't win the tournament, unfortunately. I had a look. Obviously, we both follow him on Instagram. The amount of times it pops up that he's just won this mad tournament now, it's just constant. And I think he won like two big tournaments literally just before that. Back to back. It's crazy. Imagine being this good at poker. This is like a$3 million win. Yeah. So, obviously, we spoke about this when he came on the pod, but lifetime total earning, 66 million. right this is without cash games as well so he was saying that he's played with like elon mask and shit like that and uh these are his latest wins so what's the what's uh we won't say the date but so well what date did you see him mid july early july early july july july july june the 9th he's won 1.9 million in a tournament june the second he's won 50 grand may 27th 300k May 23rd 3.3 million so within three weeks he's won over 5 million how much is he spending on entry fees he's on there yeah so the 3 million one he bought in for 157k but he's turned that into 3.3 million but you're one of the ones that he's not winning I'm not I know he's good but what I'm saying is how many I'm wondering how much of his profit yeah that's a good point but I mean you're going to you're going to struggle to spend more than your cash in there.

1:18:33Yeah, I reckon you're not doing it if you're not. I've lost 17 million this week. Probably not doing a$150 ,000 buy-in if you're not going. Do you know about diabetes then? Do you know my favourite thing about diabetes? I know you had one. Yeah, I do. It's the way people with type 1 diabetes throw people with type 2 diabetes under the bus. They basically, they love it, don't they? They go, diabetes type 1 diabetes though. They're basically saying, not like the lazy one. yeah they're basically because type 2 is reversible and you get type 2 by eating a lot of sugary shitty foods basically i'm not sure exactly things but i love it's certainly so is it with being a bit big i mean being a bit fat yeah yeah yeah and then type 1 is is literally just your fucking pancreas going i can't they can't they get in so quick to tell you that they've not it's not my fault they're like not my fault this one yeah but the thing is so i we probably spoke about this on the pod but when my sister got type 1 it was really bad she almost died she was in the hospital for ages because uh the doctors didn't know what was wrong with her so her organs just weren't working properly i'm probably butchering this but then and then when she found out she's type one obviously your life changes you have to inject insulin fucking 20 times a day all this shit and and a common thing with this and i imagine it's a common thing whenever somebody gets diagnosed with something like that not just type one but you can get depression yeah because it's like changing your whole life she wakes up four times in the night all this stuff and one of the most annoying things for her was that my nan just like treated her like it was like a type two and so so my nan didn't understand it my nan went well she did eat a lot of sausages when sausages aren't even sugary so it wouldn't even be that um but anyway some other cool little things i saw aguero yeah over there was playing poker okay didn't talk to him didn't talk to him He was playing poker.

1:20:21I can't just go up to him. Saw Phil Helmuth. Yeah, big poker player. Daniel Negreanu. Big poker player. Phil Ivey. All the goats. Saw all them. And then there was one... Oh, and then one night we were eating our steak on the strip and watching people go by. I saw Dan Bilzerian. Oh, really? You know that fella? Yeah, I've not seen him pop up on anything for ages. Now, right. He probably is just having a good time, right? He's probably just having a good time. But you know how on his Instagram it looks like he has the best life in the world right well considering what you think a best life he just posts a lot of women he's around like naked women all the time he's got yachts he's got money he's got he's that quintessential uh i'm that rapper lifestyle without playboy type thing yeah yeah he was on his own stumbling about on the las vegas strip or like bumping into people and that and i tell you what you know surprisingly tall surprisingly small yeah tiny oh really Tiny I was shocked To the point where I was like I don't even know if that's him Can we find out his height please Yeah Please can we find out his height And he has got like a mullet as well And it just What we call him tiny Let's use Let's use Alfie as a guy 5 '4 I would guess he's like 6 '4 Yeah right Taller or smaller than Alfie Same as Alf Same as Alf Tiny Tiny No he is Yeah He's 6cm shorter than me He's 174 centimeters mate because he's all muscly but because he was he looked all little yeah i wasn't expecting that yeah that's quite funny yeah that's why he's doing all that

1:22:01that's quite funny yeah yeah oh bless him i know i know and now it just goes from being this like oh he's probably a bit cooler than me to going oh mate it changes everything it's so weird i've always had it in my head whenever i like i think i've said it on here before but whenever i picture like a celebrity, I always just picture them to be above me. Obviously Dan Bilzerian is a whole other thing. But like, I always picture them to be above me. But now that I'm a fully grown adult and I'm above average height, when I do meet people, I'm always like, oh, this is unusual. So Dan Bilzerian is this big muscly man with all the girls.

1:22:35Just feels weird that he's that small. If he came in here as a guest, we'd have to help him get up on that chair. That's crazy, isn't it? Yeah. That's crazy. But there we go. It was a good trip. It was good fun. You're not getting him on as a guest. no I'm not getting it I was a guest but there you go that kind of sums up doesn't it it don't matter what people look like on Instagram in person short short as fuck alright with respect to my short kings there we go this has been Jack Makes Happy Hour Podcast with me Jack Mate Stevie White and Pig Widgeon we'll see you again in a few days au revoir au revoir yeah mixing it up mixing it up

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