585 - FourSkins React To YOUR Assumptions About Us...

23:59Robbie:you're being very honest and vulnerable with us here and i appreciate that i'm gonna be real this whole episode really real um what was the other thing is i did have mold i did drop the curry i did let that guy hit my car yeah you did get you did get mugged outside the studio i did get mugged yeah you actually went back and met him yeah that was that was all true yeah yeah i actually get this person's assumption. Yeah, actually, yeah. I do get it. Because I think... Now I think about it, that does sound mental. Yeah. So he goes from doing nothing to the maddest thing. But I try and avoid anything happening to me.

24:29Yeah, you do.

24:30Robbie:I told my nan about this story about Alfie getting mugged because she said, oh, I don't go to London, get mugged. I said, this happened the other day. And she went, what happened? And I couldn't quite remember what happened. I went, he went back and he found, the guy met him in a pub and the guy gave him the phone back and then asked if he wanted to go for a beer or something like that. And as I was saying it, I was going, this sounds made up. It was insane. But it happened, didn't it? It happened. Yeah. It happened. One of the stories that I've told on the pod that a lot of people thought I made up is when I gave them two chavvy guys, a little bit like Sainsbury's.

25:03Robbie:That happened. I think, Stevie, you've been with me. Oh, it's going to sound cringe, like I'm trying to go like I'm a kooky guy. But you've been with me enough to know that I get myself in. Weird stuff does happen around you. I don't think I've ever lied about it and all caught up. There's nothing too exciting. I've changed names. Oh yeah, yeah, but that's fine. Use brevity in stories to make them more succinct by taking bits out. Yes. I think if we were going to lie about an all-quot-up, surely we'd try and make it more exciting than the stuff we do say. Well, that's why sometimes we go through lulls where people go, oh, the all-quot-up are shit.

25:36Robbie:It's like, yeah, because we have normal lies. Yeah, we're telling real stories. Stuff doesn't happen all the time. Today I've just been to the physio. And that made it in. That gets in. Imagine what I did. I look through my calendar for ages there must be something I've done my shoulder hurts a bit so that assumption's incorrect I think we're all saying incorrect on that one correct yeah do you remember the one where I had the argument with the guy in the car yeah and everyone thought you lied about that that is because that's something like you remember in the last episode I told you that story about what happened to me outside Wembley yeah that's probably the most extreme story I've had people will definitely believe like think you've lied about that oh no obviously I was going to say the opposite I was going to say because obviously we've only just recorded it we don't have the feedback yet I think people believe some stuff that are way more extreme.

26:19Robbie:Like sometimes when I get called out for that never happened, it is the most believable thing. I got in an argument with a guy in traffic and he kept shouting at me and I'd done the windows down. I can't remember exactly what I said, but I said, you look like fucking Hulk Hogan, you prick. Because he had them tiny little Hulk Hogan glasses and long blood. And everyone was going, he didn't say that. I was like, why is that? Yeah, why wouldn't you do that? Something I wouldn't say. I'm nasty. Yeah. Okay, on to the next one. I am very bad. Jack is the type of guy to rather get in a car crash if it meant he has extra leg room behind the driver what?

26:53very niche that one

26:55Robbie:I'm going to get less though aren't I? no so you're saying you'd rather the driver is uncomfortable driving so they're driving in an uncomfortable position that's why they've crashed just because you want your leg room probably yeah this is based on I think when you made him sort of seats nine times on an aeroplane yeah I didn't wait for 15 hours because I felt too rude I have apologised for that. And I think you do post, whenever you get on an aeroplane, you do tend to do a little post about how much leg room you don't have. Yeah, that's just me going, look, I'm tall and handsome and sometimes these seats don't.

27:23And in shape, yeah.

27:24Robbie:Yeah, thank you. That's all right, mate. And wear fitting t-shirts. Very good, very, very well fitting, yeah. Thank you. Sorry, are you doing the assumptions or is it? Just a little bit. I think, I get where they're coming at. Like, I will admit this, guys, this is safe space, right? I am very fucking melty at not being completely comfortable. Yeah. I can't deal well if I am 5 % uncomfortable. Yeah. I lost my favourite pillow at Glastonbury. I take it everywhere. How did you lose a pillow? I take it everywhere. It got separated in the mosh pit.

27:59Robbie:Apparently it was in the car, then it weren't in the car, and there's been a whole thing about where it was. I lost it. I'm now blaming, this is why I've got this shit neck, because I lost my pillow. If it's too hot, if it's like 19 degrees in a hotel room, it needs to be 18. I'm very much this fucking horrible little cretin that needs to live Don't say that by yourself. I'm like an amoeba. I need to be under the right conditions or I don't thrive. Yeah. So you'd be happy for a car crash as long as you've got a nice leg room. Don't want a car crash. Let's not talk that up because I spend a lot of time in cars.

28:28Robbie:I spend a lot of time crashing cars. Yeah, you do that as well. But I will take one for the team as well. When? Yeah, when? Fuck off. We went on a 35 hour car journey the other day. Yeah. I was very insured in my car and so was Jack Smith and I did about 90 % of the driving. Yeah, because you're comfortable with your legs. But the one time you sat in the back you whinge the whole time. Get going, I'm so uncomfortable. No, I did not. That's slander. Is that a lie? That's a lie. That's a lie. Tell him it's a lie now. This is a safe space today and we're being... Yeah, we're being real today, mate.

28:59Robbie:You did. You were uncomfortable, weren't you? No, we're being real here, mate. I'm sorry. Come on. Come on. Then what can we believe, eh? Yeah. I can't believe that he was comfortable in the back. They can't trust us, mate. I'll stop listening. You know there's a lot of leg room in the back. Yeah, there is. Thank you. Not like the old car. My God, we had some bad journeys up here, didn't we? Oh, I hear that car. Think about the Yaris. Alfie has to hype himself up in the mirror before each episode saying things like, you got this, champ. Not for the pod, but I do, I have done that. You did positive affirmations.

29:36No, I try and, I really try and just not be hyped for anything and not be too high, not be too low. Thank you. You have well classmate. I take that as a compliment. That's what I'm trying to do. Looking forward to the wedding night. There has been times, for example, before my gig, I was really hyping myself up. How were you doing it? Like to the mirror? I was in the soon before I came on the stage. You don't know because you didn't go actually. Sorry. That's not, I just forgot you didn't go. So I'm explaining it to you. no that wasn't a dig we're being real I was back so backstage at that venue it's like it's almost like a cupboard and then you walk on stage the band walked on and then I was like like come on come on like really trying to get like pumped up

30:25Robbie:that was getting me hyped watching you do it that was good that wasn't it yeah I need to bring that back down because I don't like to do that did you have that same attitude on stage or were you then very much like no I came out there's a video of it I come out really like yeah yeah and here's molehills yeah bring it down don't like to be high all the time uh yeah so for certain things i will for a pod you can't come hyped on a pod no you'd be all like it does we do sometimes we'll when we're getting the mood out we will be like yeah beforehand and think come on let's start now because we're yeah in the car on the way down if it's been a bit mellow for the first hour we have to try and make that last hour have a bit of spike even in here we'll be there we'll be having sort of we're not ripping into him we used to do our vocal warm up didn't we where we go wanker Stevie is a wanker yeah I would I would do like they are right I would look in the mirror and say you can do this what about a pod about myself but about certain things not a pod but like maybe if like a guest came on that I was really nervous about then I might do that yeah I'm the sort of person to do that yeah there we go correct assumption yeah Robbie Bobby sleeps naked with the windows open.

31:36Not in the winter. I can so see that, man. Are you a naked sleeper? Yeah. What, under duvet? Again, it's temperature dependent. How about at the minute? Last night? Last night, probably duvet to the side, maybe bring it over during the night, maybe, I think. You're mounting the duvet? Sometimes it might go a little bit over, sometimes it'll go fully over. It really is temperature dependent in the weather. But yeah, naked. that we like wearing. Do you take your clothes off just before you get in or are you walking around naked a bit to get used to it? I don't generally walk around naked too much, no.

32:12Robbie:I sleep like face down naked and then sometimes if it's too hot, I'll just get the duvet a little bit and just put it over my bum a little bit. I don't really like the naked germs on the sheet and stuff. Penis on the sheets, no. I don't have a diseased penis. No, I know, but it's like... If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my vest maybe it's just my germ so this assumption's actually right you're a naked sleeper and windows open if it's off yeah Stevie, sorry Steve good, really enjoyed that is the kind of person who says I don't eat breakfast and thinks it's a flex yes, 100 % yeah, you actually have said that I don't eat breakfast but the guy's saying it I don't eat breakfast.

33:01Yeah. I started eating breakfast. There's another flex, yeah. I had that surreal stuff. Yeah. And then they've changed factories and it all tastes like nuts now. Shit.

33:11Robbie:Have you seen who's been promoting that? No. Who's in the advert for it? No. Danny Harmer, Tracy Beacon. Really? It's a rogue little myth. I would love to be in the advert for that. Yeah. What? What if you said that like, or the pick between me and her? I'm always eating that. What are we talking about? Surreal cereal. It's like a protein cereal. Surreal. It's called S-U-R-R-E-A-L. Surreal. I've never seen it. And it's meant to be like this, like, so Stevie was banging on about it before and I always went to get it. But when you actually looked at the ingredients, it's not actually that much better than normal cereal, is it?

33:44Quite a lot better than normal cereal, yeah.

33:45Robbie:He looked at it and went, it's got like loads of shit. It's just calorie, yeah. It's calorie protein, isn't it? Yeah. It's like, if you're going to have cereal, that's going to be a better option. You are the kind of person where if you have a protein bar, you'll tell everyone about it. I hate protein bars. No, but like that kind of thing Okay Yeah Don't like them But I'd agree, yeah You definitely have No, that's fine You've not had breakfast Yeah Okay, back to Robbie on this one Robbie is a very open-minded gentleman in the bedroom Which adds to his overall desirability There's not much he wouldn't try Anything once Twice if he likes it I assume that none of the following would be off the menu Here we go A hand Let's tick him off one by one Thank you, Lenit A hand around the throat I literally don't even want you to answer that I thought it was going to be really funny I thought it was going to be funny stuff Shearing on their heads Your own throat

34:43I'm going to get tangled up in the plastic bag

34:48Robbie:I cannot believe we're doing this You guys had given a list I thought it was going to be like I don't know, dress up Yeah, I thought they were at least would build. Unless they are building. Look, even for a penny. Yeah, go on, hand around the throat. Probably not really. You doing it or receiving? Probably not. Okay. Because I don't think it's... Know your own strength. I don't know my own power, yeah. Okay. Spanking. That's fine, yeah. Who? To you or... Whatever. Mate, my menu, when I hear this, is like a fucking Michelin style, like those limited, like you get what you... Do you know what I mean?

35:24with like three dishes on. Yeah, but Michelin star's amazing. That's good quality stuff. What are the three dishes? Missionary. Yeah, that's all we have in today. I'm crying. Hand or kiss. Kiss. I don't know about hand. Okay. Okay, you're spanking into role play. Yeah. Ooh. What sort of thing? No, no, no. Nope. I could never, ever do that. Nah. I would just cringe at myself being, what is it, like you're a doctor? In my younger days, yeah, but now I can... Yeah, not really now, but yeah. Come in. Come in, Mrs. Knott. You're a wizard. Yeah. Why are you saying come in to Bev? Well, no, I was being Robbie.

36:07I was putting myself in Robbie's shoes. I was not saying... I pretend to be Alfie. Yeah. There's only one more on the list anyway. And pegging. Yeah. I mean, never done, but... Not against. Not well, whatever, yeah. Nah. It does finish with, he's a massive hottie and Bev's a lucky woman. yes and no okay Jack regrets the way he came up on YouTube and how he was perceived by most

36:33Robbie:I don't regret it because I would not be here had I not done it but it's just like it's kind of like one of them things where you move on so far mentally from something it's like when Josh Peters asked me recently to be in his documentary about the YouTube Brit crew and I turned it down and everyone's like oh he's bottled it and it's like someone asked me this at um kendall in the crowd like did you did you bottle it i'm like well if you want to call it bottling it sure but it's like someone coming up to you and going you remember that argument you had 10 years ago about something really mundane and trivial back the points up now yeah you go oh fucking hell i just don't care anymore i can't i can't remember like i'm sure there are a lot of things i said that i stand by and i'm sure there's equally a lot of things that i don't stand by and don't care about so would i wouldn't change it i wouldn't change i think some of the videos alfie and i made which were commentary videos that i'd do that again yeah i mean when when i say i when i say i wouldn't do commentary it's like i wouldn't sit there in front of my camera and go some of the language i use was a little bit crass and a little bit on the nose but i think when we were doing our commentary videos about like mamlet hacks i feel bad about that one do you yeah i don't feel bad about other other ones we did right for some reason I feel bad about that one right because I think some of the people that we've made stuff on I think are not nice people and and I think I don't know him but I remembered he posted a video about it and I just well not about it but about the pylon and I just thought you know when you see someone getting piled on yeah and like now i would think oh my god if that was me i would i couldn't handle that as long as the video was comedy i don't think we did any yeah no we didn't do anything wrong but i think now i'm older i feel a bit i don't know conscious like maybe he that probably really upset him or something like there's a part of me that feels bad but then there's other people that i know stuff about behind the scenes yeah that i'm like we could have said way worse worse about and actually they're not nice people yeah whereas i don't know if he is did he just fuck did he just make did he just be a dick for 20 minutes yeah do you know what i mean yeah definitely yeah yeah like just to elaborate on that there's like someone we made a video on about we know so much of behind the scenes that happen from credible sources a lot of people like reaffirming the same stuff that was like too far too bad that we couldn't even mention it because we were although we were like taking the piss we we were only just like taking the piss at surface level at like little fucking funny things like jeremy lynch like uh trying to get a ball into a bucket at a charity event and then refusing to stop until he got it in even though everyone was just having one go that's funny because it's like that's ego driven yeah and other things behind the scenes where people have said certain things we can't touch on yeah so i wouldn't say i regret it but i'm sure there are elements of it that i wish i hadn't said yeah that's just hindsight of growing up isn't it yeah yeah okay so not the right assumption on that one no kind of semi right yeah okay yeah i assume that at least one of the lads have a troll account on the subreddit no i don't no definitely not but what would we be doing with it because there's no accounts on there that's doing anything beneficial for us.

39:58Robbie:You've seen some of the comments I've actually put. I have no reason to hide behind a Facebook. No, so not a good assumption. Next one has one for each of us. Robbie, can dish out jokes fine, but defensive as soon as a joke is made towards him? What? Why'd you fucking say that, you cunt? Correct. Any other? No? I don't know. I think I say things as jokes, like i don't actually give a shit that people said my clothes are shit i think sometimes people i've seen people on the reddit say if robbie didn't like that so i don't know if it's that i think yeah i think it was what i think it was because i think it's an element of like the maybe that comes across like that but i think what it was is robbie remove alfie from the situation it was me stevie and robbie that's done happy hour like for a long time yeah and it was me and Robbie going at you every week and we'd very rarely go back at Robbie yeah and then when Alfie came on then there was like an extra like dynamic then where we'd then go at everyone so there was like a shift where we actually started going probably more which probably sounded weird to the listeners and might have been a bit unusual for Robbie because it was like well that's not normally the dynamic when there's three it's quite funny to have that two-on-one sort of thing yeah like not if you mean it like not bullying in a fucking school but like that that sort of comedy trio like cut ricky and steve going at carl and stuff like that so i think there was a shift where it was like oh let's go at robbie now and then it was like felt awkward at times it's weird that there was a long period of time on here that was just attack me yeah still there but there's other when people say about the golden era they're talking about that let's go back to that jack instantly dislike someone if they don't find him funny not true not true um I was actually speaking to Fiona about this this morning.

41:52Robbie:It was like one thing is on the Reddit that actually gets to me is when people question like actually like deep, like my psyche on stuff. Yeah. Oh, you can tell that really hurt Stevie when he said this, right? Yeah. I'm like, well, you don't know me and Stevie. You don't know what we talk about off camera. Like we sometimes we say stuff on this pod. Like say I've come and say something harsh about you. Sometimes that's even pre-planned. Like I'm going to say that about you and you're going to act like this. so when they question like my morals and my motives when it comes to me and my friends that hurts me you'll never see me reply to someone going he's so not funny yeah because i don't care i don't care like you're entitled to that opinion you're not entitled to say oh he's bullying him or uh you can tell robbie hates him or yeah he thought this you don't know us and our friendship and what we have so to go back to that point i don't care less if any if people find me funny or not i'd prefer they did and i what i will say if i'm being very honest is it's someone if i meet someone and i can tell they don't find me funny my the ego in me probably makes me want to make them laugh even more it's quite anything i'll actually try try and be nicer yeah i'm kind of i want you to like me like me so yeah if anything there's that i won't i wouldn't hate someone for not finding me funny no i almost try more the other way fair enough i sound slightly quite funny when someone doesn't find me funny yeah i mean like you lean into it yeah i'm like all right cool yeah i do i do actually genuinely find it funny when you're in a situation and like you're making jokes and they're not landing yeah me and becky when the and the um are you allergic to anything thing that we were doing in harrods right that was that was that was because it was going down so bad it's made us want to do it more yeah yeah yeah it was like um fiona and i checked into a hotel the other night after kendall and then there was a woman behind the behind the counter and she was like gave me the key card she was lovely and stuff and she was like anything else and um she had just taken a cookie out of the microwave right and it was there and it looked really good and I kept looking at it and I went apparently I'll get a free cookie when I check in and she went sorry what and I went apparently when I check in I get free cookies like that and she just went oh um I've not uh and I went no no I'm only joking she was like oh okay and she didn't laugh once and I swear to god I found that the funniest thing I was saying I told you the other day but i've got this new thing that i love doing that if arianne's ever talking to someone and it comes up in conversation this is about isaac's dad whenever she goes like yeah so like before i was with stevie isaac's dad i will always jump in on conversation and go i'm not isaac's dad and it makes the person so uncomfortable and i love it and they always have like a oh fuck what have i just noticed and then yeah that's good yeah uh this one's good for me it just says stevie actually a sound guy.

44:36I think you come across nice, don't you? I do. That actually isn't nice, does it? Maybe one of us does have it all to count on. And Alfie. Yeah. Skip that one. No, go on. No, go on. I can take it. You can take it. Fucking take it, mate. That'd be nice. Can you proofread it, please? Can you just proofread it? Can I take it?

44:59Robbie:That's nice, isn't it? Oh, that's a bit harsh. Can I take it? Can I take it? Let's have it. Okay, ready? But they're just going off... Alfie. Yeah, man. He's insecure. Okay. Don't know what for. And as a result, has massive trust issues, especially in relationships. They're going at your retroactive jealousy disorder. Don't have it. Not true. Nice. Kid. There we go. Poor assumption. No, I don't have trust issues. I do not have trust issues whatsoever. Trust me. and if you can't maybe you've got some trust in you good yeah I like that okay another one for Alfie new person now so that person got all those about us thank you let's have another one then yeah go to someone else and then come back to me that's just the order they're in yeah it's weird isn't it Alfie would definitely grass people up to the police

45:54this episode is brought to you by PayPal you know how a mum's bag has everything sunscreen

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47:01Head to Sierra or Sierra.com for the brands you want at the prices that let you do it all. From athletic to athletic-ish, Sierra's got it. If I thought there was any chance that the person I was grassing up would find out I'd done that, my fear of getting hurt would mean I wouldn't grass up. Yeah. Did you go to the police about your phone? Yeah. I think it's grass. I actually don't think I did. Yeah, what counts as grassing someone up? Surely just telling... It does depend on a lot. If I see a murder, yeah, I'm going to grass them up.

47:31Robbie:That's like someone who came up to me at Kendall and said, our security guard grassed me up for having drugs. Yeah. They did their job. I wouldn't grass up if like... I don't know. I don't know. I've grassed up some lads. Robert, you want more grass about it? Yeah, it depends what it is. Grass about it. I'd be the same as you. There'd be that little thing in the back of my mind going, am I going to get killed? Would you grass someone up if you saw him nicking in a supermarket? Yeah. Fucking weird, mate. On what it was, yeah. Baby food. What it was and who it was, yeah. Mum, baby food, crying. Yeah.

48:06Absolutely.

48:08Robbie:Then definitely I would. She's not going to fight back, so we'll grass her up. Knock her out and grass her up. But if it's like a pot to Ferrero Rocher's and a scamming steak, I'm going, what do you need that for? Could be a nice Mother's Day present. But it's not somebody stealing to feed themselves. If they're stealing a loaf of bread and an egg, obviously six eggs. It depends where they're stealing from as well, I think. Yeah. Yeah. Big corporation. Yeah. Not that I would ever do that. Yeah. Ever. No. No? Okay. So what are we saying? Alfie, would you grass people up to the police? Assumption?

48:43I've grassed a couple of times, but I don't really have the need. Your fear will put you away from it.

48:51Robbie:These are good these Jack has spent less time talking to Darren Huckabee at the gym than Stevie Well I don't know because I don't know how much time you've spoken to Darren Huckabee at the gym For a long time None Definitely nothing Now I'll say something to him nearly every time I see him Yeah No I don't Sometimes I just nod Yeah I speak to him Cool that That's aura That's aura Don't have time for you today It does Yeah I'm to aura Points I realised I was accumulating very few Fair Yeah, I guess maybe I do speak to him more now. Yeah, all right. Did you write this? Because you want people to know you speak to Darren.

49:28Robbie:I do now. Still haven't. You still don't speak to him as much as Robbie? No. I've never spoken to him. Well, you might do, because I suppose I have more condensed time when I'm in the pub, but you probably see him more than I do. It's funny, because I was speaking to a boy at my Sunday League football team, and we were talking about our footballing heroes, and he said Darren Huckabee, and you kind of forget that Darren Huckabee was a mint footballer, don't you? Yeah, he's absolutely amazing. yeah yeah he's just this he's just my gym friend that doesn't i don't dare talk to yeah it's just a guy that like came on happy hour wearing halloween masks yeah and i'll be talking about football in the pub or something like that and you go yeah when you i was playing against yap stam and i'm like yeah okay yeah that was yeah it's weird we've ruined his legacy haven't we yeah i think he likes it yeah okay we're good then oh another one where it's got one about all of you other than me.

50:19Robbie:Okay, oh, that's convenient. Robbie doesn't own a calendar. He tells time by beer festivals and skiing seasons. I know when the skiing season is. It's in the winter. When does it start, the skiing season? January, December to about April, most places. Some places a bit earlier, a bit later. Okay, okay. I'm at the point now where I really want to go skiing and I spent about two hours on Sunday just watching endless shit vlogs about skiing. Really? Are you getting there? Only a few more months. Are you editing your own... Yeah. yeah i just on the robin arson youtube channel saltwater least viewed so you do own a calendar i i i use i use a um phone calendar i have several kinds of work calendar i also have a family calendar that we use um so bev and i can you put something in the calendar first you've won you've blocked that time off you go i'm going out then feed us out you've got really yeah we do you don't You can still go out, though.

51:16Robbie:No, because I'll go, I'll look, and I'll go, like, oh, I want to go to the pub play poker, and she'll go, all right, it's mum's 60th birthday party. You've known about it for months. Well, then you have known about it. At least she might be in the right. Yeah, yeah. That was a joke. That was a joke. Jack fully believes he could win The Apprentice by saying, I'm just a cheeky lad from Norwich with a dream. I do think I could win The Apprentice, yeah. Yeah? I don't think I could. You're not a businessman. No, but I think I have a knack for it, right? Okay. So I, and it's not about business really, is it The Apprentice, let's face it.

51:50Robbie:I know you need a business plan and all this shit, but really I think a lot of the tasks, right, are about branding stuff. And I think if I weren't doing what I do today, I'd like to go into advertising. I think I'd come, we spoke about this on the pod before, you made me come up with some adverts on the spot. Very hard to do on the spot, but given enough time and enough resources, I think I'd smash it. So if The Apprentice was actually not a reality TV show and it was like a system that you could go through and they actually picked a creative brain, I think I could win it. But I don't think I'd shine on there.

52:21Robbie:I'd win, but I wouldn't look good doing it. No, they don't pick the best business person, do they? I don't know. Well, Tom Skinner was in it because he was a character. Yeah, he didn't win, did he? No, but he was in it for a while, weren't he? Yeah, but they get rid of him before the important bit at the end. I think he lost five weeks in a row. That is enough to give anyone the choice. You're fired. Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. They kept him on because he's good for TV. but then when it got to the bit where it's like business plans and stuff I think I'll be good for TV I think I'm used to being in front of a camera I think I'd play the game I would be making shit up on there Okay, there we go So that one's correct Alfie refers to any mild inconvenience as a bit of a mare I don't know why but I hate that Bit of a mare No, no No, I think I overreact too much I would never say that I'm fucked, I'm fucked about everything.

53:13When I messaged you earlier about that I was in the studio and you replied, I thought you were going to say that you're going to be really late. He's going, oh, it's so hard to get a tube. They're completely shut down and everything. And then he suddenly messaged and was like, oh no, it's just got on. It's on the other platform. There's another one.

53:28Robbie:You're catastrophic, you are. Yeah. Yeah. Fucking big time, bud. So am I though. Yeah. I feel you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Panic instantly. Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck. Yeah. No, there's no build up. No. It's not like lots of things are piling on me I've got one little feather on me and I'm going get it off me yeah yeah yeah true no not true I would say not true bit of an issue I'd go in a bit of a pickle is what I'd probably say yeah okay Stevie would be the first to bring out the rule book of a game because he feels cheated yes oh yeah surely if you're playing a game you follow the rules I'd want to follow the rules I'd back you up and you're getting out I think I would back you up also you would get out first but then you don't back me up when there's cheating going on in the quizzes we have here.

54:13As soon as I bring up the... That's because that's a bit of fun. That's a bit, yeah. That's a bit of fun. If you're in a pub quiz, I'll back you up, Stevie. If we're here trying to make an entertaining podcast, I will be hammering you. Yes. Good bit of setting boundaries there, actually. Okay, I'm okay with that. Yeah, I would. I think if you're playing a game, you follow the rules. That's the point.

54:30Robbie:I think if you played against a six-year-old, and say you were playing table tennis, and they hit the ball, and they said it just touched the table, but it went over, it did not touch the table. If it didn't touch it. Really? It's the winning shot. Yeah, but it's table tennis. Do you ever let Isaac win things? I let him, I played air hockey with him today and I let him win. Do you say I let you win? No, never tell him. He definitely does say that. Never tell him. And I don't know how he doesn't notice because I go like this and I just miss the whole thing. He's annoyed. He's like making it clear to him.

55:01He's saying,

55:02Robbie:oh, no, Isaac. Oh, I could have done that, but I chose not to. He is weirdly shit. I'm well good at air hockey. so I will let them win a couple but I won't let them win overall I'll win a 3-2 but I want them to know let them go 6-0 up and then batter them way more material gets cut than the audience is aware of due to Alfie getting worried I don't think that's true do you ask for much to be cut? sometimes do you? yeah will you go direct to Fee? no I've said to you a couple of times I'm not sure about that it just gets left in anyway because you're not sure you never said get it out yeah yeah you do I worry loads because I really I think it's about that it's about that hacks thing I really worry about like a fucking pylon I just for some reason always have that worry it's like a paranoid thing but what's the what the people can only call you out for things you've actually done though yeah no I know one day they're gonna go oh Alfie's racist or whatever no but I think my theory is, like, what if I make a joke that's taken the wrong way and then it's clipped up and then it's like...

56:13I think if it's a joke, it's a joke.

56:14Robbie:Yeah. I know it's a fucking boring argument that the internet always makes. I'm sure we have. But it's like we make some risky jokes, but I think the listeners know that we're four good people. Yeah. So if there's a joke there and I think if there's, like, a clear joke to be made and you can tell we're all avoiding it, it's a little bit more awkward, if anything, because it's like oh we're worried to say something it's like it's well i'll listen to like some american comedians podcasts and they'll say something and it's funny but i'm like fuck i would never say that do you know what i mean like i would hold taylor i love all his stuff yeah i personally wouldn't say those things yeah he really toes the line yeah some people are cancelable uh uncancelable though and i think finn taylor's one of them he yeah he's bulletproof because he set his stall out from the off yeah yeah if yeah if randomly you just now said a finn taylor joke on there yeah i didn't expect that yeah yeah we should try that yeah we'll in one future episode we'll have a pre-written joke ready for you yeah i'll do it i've seen the finn taylor joke about um philip schofield not actually being a nonce but being like the closest thing to and then he goes like he goes um oh what was it he he waited so long for the boy to become a legal age he goes that's some self self-constraint he goes i can't wait for my chips to cool down

57:34Jack will intend to do something and then a minor inconvenience will put him off doing it indefinitely there we go

57:42Robbie:that's that one sorted probably yeah I get distracted a lot as well yeah so if I have like five or six things on instead of like editing this video and then doing this and replying to this email I will literally write out like half the email and then I'll do it and then I'll never really ever get any of it what's a minor inconvenience though do you know what I hate and I need to work on this. I've got terrible anger when it comes to this. When technology doesn't work, right? So it's like, say I've got to edit this video by Friday and I'm like, right, Wednesday, I'll sit down. This is the window that I've locked in to do it.

58:12Robbie:And I go on my computer and my mouse just freezes. That's getting flung. That's probably why it keeps freezing, mate. But yeah, I'm infuriated at stuff like that. Yeah, you've got a short fuse, haven't you? Yes, I have. Things like that. Yes, I have. So assumption correct. Robbie is always barefoot at home and takes his shoes and socks off in other people's houses. No. I will take my shoes off. Yeah. Because I'm polite. That's polite. And also I've got my shoes off now. Yeah. You will see, I am wearing socks. I've got mine off now. Good on you. You've got your shoes on? I have mine firmly on. I've got my shoes off.

58:45Quite. I like to keep my feet very concealed.

58:48Robbie:I take my shoes off all the time, don't I? Yeah, you do. I don't know if I've ever taken my shoes off on a pod. I thought you were going to say ever. Yeah. In bed. No. yeah he's a size three yeah i take mine off this is weird actually i take mine off at a music festival when i'm stood in the crowd do you where do you stand yeah when i stand as long as long as it's not been raining when it's dry grass that's why your socks are always rank yeah i go for a that's bizarre that's bizarre do you know what i think it is in a really weird way not to get too deep into it but like i hate feeling trapped into stuff yeah like it's claustrophobic yeah sometimes I just feel like my shoes are just...

59:24Yeah, I get that. Yeah. Don't like it. That's fair. So, assumption, Robbie, you're not a barefoot man. I don't really get... I will walk around barefoot, but I won't go and... I'll take them off at the end of the day, generally, unless there's a valid reason for removing socks. Let's do one more each. Okay, well, the next one, we'll do this one, but then we'll do another one for him, because it's... Alfie doesn't actually have a pet onion. I reckon it's a cat.

59:45Robbie:Oh, good. It's a silver skin. I don't know what they're wrong about. No. What the fuck is a cat? Have you got a pet onion? Yeah, two. Two, yeah. I like that. That was a nice era. That's nice, yeah. I assume that Stevie has bad body odour a lot. No, you actually fucking freak out about it all the fucking time. You smell good. I have a weird obsession with making sure I smell okay. Yeah, you've always smelled lovely. Is that because you were told you were smelly once? No. Because I have that. I was told I had BO at school, so now I'm well on it. No, I think because I overheat a lot, and I feel like I sweat.

1:00:16By the way, remember that. We can pick on that. What was that? Someone told me I had. They just read about having bad body odour. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Can you remember when you said the garlic thing? Yeah, the garlic thing. It really got to me, didn't it? It really got to me mentally, yeah. It really got to your side. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Write that down, Steve. Yeah. Steve, Steve. No, we're not doing this. We're not doing this. I overspray, which is probably a problem. Stinks. Okay. I assume Jack's actually an adequate lover, but jokes about being shit for the banter. No, I'm shit in bed.

1:00:46Robbie:I can't sit in bed. I'm shit in bed. Why are you? No, it just doesn't seem right. Yeah, I'm shit. I can see you being all right. I'm too panicky. Some women like that. I've never met one. No. Robbie has been pegged and enjoyed it. Fair play. We'll skip that because we've done something on that. Jack. I assume Jack stands up to wipe his bum.

1:01:09Robbie:It's a safe space. He's laughing a lot for it not to be true. I am going to say something on here that may need to be cut out. No, don't cut it. This is fine, mate. Come on. Come on. Unless you're going to say you don't wipe your bum. I do wipe my bum. Okay. Respect. I don't know if I can say this. You can. Come on. Of course you can. Come on. Fee, come in here. I want to see you close your ears. No, of course you can. You have to say this. I was 25. Oh, no. This is going to be horrific. Maybe 26 when I realized I was wiping the wrong way. What? I was wiping the wrong way. What way were you wiping, mate?

1:01:51Not It's more of an issue for women Yeah, it doesn't really matter for men Quite so much You were wiping towards Yeah Is that a big issue?

1:02:01Robbie:I think that's a big issue I don't think it is Because you get poo on your testicles No, I don't get poo on your testicles Have you got shitty balls? Have you got shitty balls? I'm just wondering Is that something that's happened to you? Sticky Steven shitballs they look like uh strawberries dipped in chocolate more tangerines so how are you wiping these days do you stand up no but i'm i've had to go on a little journey i've had to like learn you what you scutch forwards and go yeah and i don't feel right about doing it even now how do you even get the purchase to wipe that way and do you not go back to front you go under are you going up and down or are you just going you're going back to them under underwear oh you're like like this and then you're just forward yeah forward forward yeah that's mental man like an animal yeah it can't quite must be quite and i don't want to get tmi because this is disgusting and i've done the testicles thing to death is that quite hard to get clean it must take a while to get clean Well, this is not me anymore.

1:03:10Robbie:I'm a normal one. It must have taken a while to get clean. Ages. Yeah. Ages. Lots of loo roll. Going through fucking tons of it. So you don't stand up to wipe out? No, no, I never stood up. Assumption wrong. These are all about all of us about the toilet, though. Maybe you just randomly chucked all that information in when you could have just gone, no. Yeah. It's a safe spirit. I spent 25 years rubbing shit over my balls. What? That wasn't a question. I assume Stevie will avoid using urinals. I'll use a urinal yeah you're good I do if there's one there you'll go cubicle it's like a chess move isn't it you've got to find the right one I avoid them if you have to you weigh in urinals when I have to if there's a two urinal say we're in there I'm at the urinal you come into the room would you go cubicle over the other urinal yeah if the cubicle's free but you'd use a urinal wouldn't you it's just common decency no I'd go urinal what next to me next to someone if there's a cubicle free I always think to myself why the fuck has he not gone to the urinal No, but I think I'd then be taking up for someone who needs a number two and can't just do a number two in a urinal because of society.

1:04:13Yeah. Yeah, but you never know what the person next to you is looking at. You had that weird situation in Tesco, didn't you, not too long ago? Yeah, but it didn't do any harm, did it? Yeah, that was fucked, actually. Alfie doesn't know about this. I was watching him. I think I can piece it together.

1:04:27Robbie:He was weeing in the urinal. Robbie was weeing in the urinal. I was weeing in the toilet with the door open. I looked back and I just saw this very strange mat. As I walked in there, his trousers just dropped to the floor. Yeah, that was cool. As I walked past him. Not Robbie. Stevie was in there. Stevie, were you in there? No, I was in there. And he just sort of picked him up as he was looking at me and I thought, this guy's a nutter. And then he was having a wee, but we're just like, not even really having a wee. But he was just like, lent forward, just looking at Robbie's penis the whole time.

1:04:50Robbie:Did he look impressed? No, he was throwing up. Yeah. No, he was weird, wasn't he? That's illegal. Do you reckon? The guy dropped his trousers and stayed at my cock? That's normal, mate. I think you can just look at someone's knob. I don't think that's... No. One more, make it a good one. The last toilet ones quickly was Robbie. I assume Robbie would definitely invest in a proper bidet. Oh, 100%. I want one of those Japanese toilets. Yeah. They're the ones that just do it all. Yeah. All at once. Yeah, because I basically do that anyway now in the shower since I've broken my arse problems. Yeah.

1:05:19Nice. And Alfie, I assume Alfie sits down for everything. Oh, yeah, yeah. I think you've said that before. Yeah, I do, I do, I do. Okay. One for each. So the next one for Jack is Jack sniffs his dirty boxes to decide if they still have another day of wearing them.

1:05:32Robbie:I never go boxers twice, but I have, like, if I pick up boxers that are on the floor that I don't know if they've been worn, if they've come out my gym bag, I'll have to go, yeah, they're good to go. But if I know they've been on my legs before, they will not be coming on again. Okay. Okay. Fine, I think. Yeah. Just that I assume... Bad when it's not fine. Yeah. Yeah. What's that experience like? Just swear to you. Yeah. Just that I assume Robbie is a great dad. From the all-caught-up stories he shares about his kids, he sounds absolutely top tier and like the dad we all wish we had shame about his shit clothes though yeah I think I'm pretty good yeah I think my clothes are shit I assume that Stevie has a clause in his contract that means he has to laugh at things Jack says a minimum number of times an episode how bold do you think you have a contract yeah yeah that's what I thought now I think the reason the pod works is because Stevie laughs at my jokes if I just did jokes all the time and they were just flat every fucking time sometimes it'd be funny to get that thing yeah but yeah i think you laughing at it if i listen to a pod and someone says something it's not that funny but then the co-hosts crease up humans are like what they call they they hear laughter and that's why when you go to a comedy show you're gonna laugh because everyone else is laughing if you watch that same set at home on your own you're probably not gonna laugh out loud so i think you make me funnier by laughing at my jokes whether that's artificial or not i will take kit and that's half the reason we are where we are today so thank you stevie you're very well we do soccer and we used i used to always we'd be behind the camera you always be laughing at things but you'd might have written the script you knew what the joke was yeah then do it because it builds the atmosphere and makes everyone else yeah enjoy it as well that's why there's laughter tracks and so many sitcoms for years yeah and there's no contract i'm your personal laughter track yeah of course there's no contract uh okay we need one for alfie alfie seems like the sort of guy to get a good haircut at age seven and just thought yeah i think i'll have this forever i had a phobia of getting my hair cut as a child and uh had very long locks what are you scared how does your hair look like when it's long uh really ringlitty down to my shoulders yeah like that yeah like that yeah like that guy or the guy who thought he was michael jackson on pop idol don't know him yeah not too familiar that's such a niche reference right carry on i'll try and find a picture of it and when did you finally get a haircut after that uh when the girls in year seven said i looked like a girl and what haircut did you go for this one no i think i must have just got it cut you know when you just get your hair cut just so it's shorter cuts please yeah but when i was younger my dad accidentally shaved a bald patch in the back of my head because he would do my haircuts and then i went to the hairdressers and i saw this haircut i wanted which was like really short and you know you get like tram lines whatever they're called yeah had like a little thunderbolt in it and she shaved my head and left the thunderbolt there and it's like you were charging well i wasn't allowed to go to school because they they i got essentially like suspended from school because they thought that i was going to get bullied and i got abused in the street suspended for your own protection yeah genuinely and i got abused in the street twice why didn't you just shave that bit off uh because i think so much you know when like so much shit has happened i quite liked it i thought i looked like harry potter which is so stupid because he's got an actual scar of thunderbolt there and i had it on the top of my head but i'd ride around on a broomstick in my garden and a bed sheet i think i look like harry potter even i'm brown skinned electric head boy and uh yeah this woman abused i remember this woman abused me in the street and shouted at my mum because she said i looked like a nazi yeah I didn't know what it was there right should we leave it there yeah that's such a sad ending yeah I've just seen if there's any Alfie if it helps someone wrote I assume Alfie is the fittest guy on earth I've stated my source here my eyeballs right from Ali she would never say that she likes Tom Hardy does she yeah he's in Mobland no she'd like him in that very second we don't tend to watch him I have very deep trust issues We've got another like 100 odd that we could go through So if people like the episode And my sweaty palms were unwarranted Because that went too bad at all I was quite nervous, I was gripping my knees quite tightly Through that They quite like us There we go, this has been Jack Mays Happy Hour Podcast With the four skins, Alfie, Indra, Robbie Knox And Stevie White, we'll see you in a few days That was fun There we go Well done everyone

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