586 - WHAT WILLY COOK 2.0 - Molested In Morocco, Duck Feet Doritos, & He HATED Our Gift To Him!

27:59Yeah, sort of. Are you thinking of oyster? Why are people eating this, though? No, oysters, they're all a bit similar. It's all like shellfish. But clams are, I think clams, you wouldn't eat like a raw clam. Wouldn't have any of these. Why are people eating raw shit, though? Just whack it in the oven for a bit. I quite like a bit of sushi. Do you? Yeah. But for me, it's all like... With horseradish. I've said this before, but it's all like... See, I agree with vegetarians. I think what they're doing is the right thing. Right, okay. But I'm so sort of ignorant that I'm kind of like, well, I don't agree with eating animals, but I fucking love getting it.

28:40Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's a lot of people. Yeah. And then when I'm eating a burger, it don't look like a cow. That's true. But when I eat a fish, that looks like a fish. Yeah. Well, some of it, it will be fish. A lot of it will be fish. Brawns, that's the whole thing, isn't it? That's the whole thing. Yeah. I like them. I think they're good alright there we go I can't do it I'll put them away don't go to Portugal you'll hate it all the seafood's really nice so yeah become a member of jackandstevie.com and watch us go to Nando's yeah that's gonna happen and that's content contentment I think I've probably done about three vlogs in Nando's over the time so they've probably already seen it well one of your most famous pictures is you at Nando's eating a sweet corn I don't know who that fucker is eating corn on a cob I don't know who that prick is but when we first told that on the pod seven years ago, right?

29:29That was one of the first steps. He got in touch two years later and said, that was me. I was just munching a corn. He took a fucking photo of me and it went. Can I see it? I need to find it. Google jackmating corn. Is it funny? No, it's just me. It's just because I had a big underbite, so I was probably shaving it off. Oh, God. Was this a case of cyberbullying then? Yeah. I think it's just someone took a photo. I think she just searched jackmate Nando's and it's all the same picture.

30:03You are really going for it there, to be fair. And that haircut is mental. You look like Daffod Thomas from Little Britain. What is that? It's like a platinum quiff. Jesus Christ. He needs to put that up on the screen. That's nuts. I'm not trying to be rude, but that is... You said that was seven years ago, all right? Seven years ago, I... No, I was very handsome. Much better looking, actually. I've really... I've gone downhill. Final one, final one. What's the best smell? Oh, mini eggs. I spoke about this on Russell Howard's podcast because it's fucking... It's mini eggs. Mini eggs is such...

30:46That smell is like... I love mini eggs. Well, that's why I brought this up because I didn't know it had a smell... I love mini eggs. because I didn't know they had a unique smell. Yeah, they do. But after hearing you on Russell's pod, I Googled it, and they actually do have a smell. It's not just like the smell of chocolate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's an actual thing. I think he said, isn't it vanilla and something else? Yeah, I can't quite remember. It's an actual thing. Do you drive? I do. I've got you a gift here, and it's a mini egg chocolate car... Air freshener. ...air freshener thing. That is unbelievably kind.

31:19Thank you very much. I have no idea if it will smell like what it's saying. I'm going to have... Let's have a win for that. There's only one way to fucking find out, eh? Let's get our nostrils around that bad boy. Evening. Buyer's remorse. Buy a new car? I'll be moving in. Let's get started. Sorry, I think there's been a mistake. I bought it from Carvana. You what? Yeah, great price. I even have seven days to love it or return it. So there's no... No, no buyer's remorse. More like buyer's rejoice? I guess I'll let myself out. Congratulations. I mean it. Buyers rejoice. Buy your car today on Carvana.

31:54Limitations and exclusions may apply. See our 7-day return policy at Carvana.com. Gray roots entering the chat? Uninvited? Garnier's got you. Garnier Color Sensation Root Retouch covers up to 100 % of grays in just 10 minutes. No ammonia, no mess, and the color lasts up to four weeks. It's as easy to apply as shampoo. Plus, it's vegan and cruelty-free. 10 minutes sensational colour sensational price with those savings your next girls night is basically free find your perfect match at walmart.com or at a store near you fuck that's fancy

32:32oh fucking little disappointed I don't know if that does smell like mini eggs oh no hang on wait we need to we will parfume mini chock eggs we will slander this fragrance fragrance you can go and fuck yourself I don't think are you meant to soak it hang on a minute unscrew the cork remove the plug screw screw the cork into the carfume bottle tightly and ensure it's fitted correctly shake the bottle gently oh you've not done you've not done all the rules yet give it a chance what you gotta do I didn't know it was like it came with a fucking 12 point oh so he's gotta unscrew it alright okay what is fucking going on here then did you know Mini X had a unique smell.

33:15Yeah, I love mini eggs. I love the smell of them. Yeah, they're so nice. When you first open a bag. Mottle it up. He's tried. Put it in a car air freshener. Oh, bloody hell. This is going to beat the... I think the... I've got a car freshener in there at the moment that's shit and piss flavour. Stinks. Those two things aren't known for smelling nice. I can't get rid of it. It's meant to smell nice. Probably smells nice to someone. Is it meant to smell nice? I keep getting zero star ratings on my Uber thing. Terrible. Why are you driving Uber? Extra income. Yeah, fair. Influencing is not going well.

33:56How about Pleasant Homeware? Is that going well? Terrible. Terrible. How's the instructions on this going? Right, so unscrew the... Yeah, bad. Unscrew the cork. Remove the plug. Remove the plug. I really want this to be good. You're probably only the second ever guest I've ever got a GIF. Oh? No. No. Shake the bottle. I thought you had it. You can't shake it with the... Hang on. Hang on. Fuck you. This is stupid. Screw the... Oh, okay. Oh. Oh. It looks fancy. Screw the cork. Tightly. And ensure that it's fitted correctly. Okay, that sounds tight. That's tight. Give it a shake. Give it a shake.

34:46This is fucking tense. Hold the bottle upside down for five to ten seconds. Oh, it goes into the... Oh! The desicc of the cork begins... I can't believe how on edge I am. So it soaks the wood of the cork. Fee, this better have dramatic music. That's how the smell comes out. So it's starting to soak it, and then you turn it back the other way not to waste the liquid. That's probably five to ten, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. I can smell it over here. Yeah. That smells like mini-eggs. I'm sorry that does smell like I can smell it from here that is mini eggs what the fuck close to mini eggs I'm not going to say it's dead on mini eggs but it's close it's close it's close is it close it's close it's definitely not bang on how does the smell come out that well I know it's pungent I can't imagine that's good for me to have on my hands but as I said

35:40now hang your carfume inside your vehicle or attached to the vents. Hang that on the line bike on the way home. I'm going to. You know what? You've done all right there, John. Hang on. Then it says, repeat step four every five to seven days to release the fragrance. Yeah. That's just the bit where you turn up and down. I'm not driving every five to seven days. I'm going to routinely forget to do that. My car's going to stop smelling a mini egg. Well, that's better than smelling shit and shit. After six weeks of use, please remove your car fume to prevent oversaturation and leakage. Right. but it's already fucking late.

36:13That's very generous of you. Thank you. I'm going to take that home. I might actually hang that in my house. It smells of cheese at the moment. That's really weird. I can smell that quite a lot from here though. That's decent. Yeah, it's definitely strong. Yeah. I'd warrant that you could probably use that on a bus. Yeah.

36:33Right. A bit about you. Yeah. There's a hot festival in town. Yeah. What? I forgot what it's called. It's called A Willie Nice Day. A Willie Nice Day. Yeah. What is it then? Is this a day fest in London? You put it together. Yeah. So we did the third one on Saturday, and then we did one the year before and one the year before that, and it was called A Willie Nice Day. Because I used to do pop-ups where I'd cook, and then I realised that I was doing like two days of prep for each one, and we'd just sell like one item, and then it would be just like one day, one venue. people turn up get the food have some people djing or whatever yeah and then i was like do you know what i do really like cooking but in the time i've been doing cooking stuff i've met so many people that have actual like businesses that like have like cafes and restaurants and fucking go to festivals and sell food and stuff so i was like why the bloody hell am i bothering doing that why don't i just try and get like five food vendors yeah mates who are djs to dj and then do like a day festival at a bigger venue.

37:41Where do you do it? It sounds amazing. Well, we did one at Two Tribes Brewery. Okay. Two Tribes Campfire and Brewery, which is by Kings Cross. So we did the last two years there. And we did this one in Stratford by the West Ham ground, actually. Yeah. Are you West Ham? Is West Ham? I am a West Ham man. Yeah. Yeah. So Riverside East. Okay. That venue. So that's where we did the one on Saturday. And then we do a Christmas one, which is called Willie's Winter Wonderland. So we've done that the last... What, in the same place? Different venues. So this is the first time we've used that one. Is this a hard thing to organise?

38:17It is a bit. Yeah. Yeah, yes. Yes, it is. Yes, it is. But it's a charity thing. So it's not like a, you know, I'm not trying to fucking rip people off. But also if you do it for charity, it means that people can't complain. Although people have complained. So there was like we had on Saturday. well basically i kind of wanted to i was it was a lot of work doing pop-ups like two days of prep and then doing the pop-up day and i'd just sort of be like going around saying hello to people having a drink which was really really nice but i was kind of like actually these mates of mine that are doing cooking stuff like they're doing a lot better than me like why not just be like try and get more people in people come and like do like a food festival with good music going on at the same time and then i was like i don't really feel if my mates who are doing the food are taking their own money that's good and they can donate to the where the ticket sales go which is always a charity like we've changed charities over the past few years yeah but like i feel doing it as a charity event is a it's it's it's better i think because like the guys that are cooking they can take they can give as much as they want but like if all the ticket sales are going straight to charity i think people i was worried that people wouldn't come if i was like well one of the reasons i was worried that people wouldn't come if i was just like oh this is just my festival come along and i'm just going to take all the money kind of thing yeah and also when i said it out loud not just then i said it out loud before i was like you know it doesn't sound right I was like, you know, I don't want to fucking try and do some sort of like day festival that's just like, oh, great.

40:03I've made a load of money and people have come. I feel like it just, it felt, I felt more comfortable doing it as a charity thing. So we've done that. But as I said, like people still find stuff to whine about. Well, what have they whined about? Well, this weekend we had five food vendors. We had one doing ice cream, one doing oysters. You would have hated that. And then one guy, a guy called Greg, he's got a thing called Old Hag, which does like Scottish food. So they were doing haggis poutine. So cheesy chips with haggis on it, basically. But using some really nice cheese from Scotland. And then Rogue Sarnies were doing a special sandwich.

40:39Then we had someone pull out. So we had some guys called Cowboy Pizza come in like last minute. And it was great. Everyone seemed to be really happy on the day. There was a huge queue for the sandwich. and I think people were just like, we want the sandwich so we're not going to go anywhere else. And I had like three or four messages being like, well, this is fucking stupid. You can't even fucking sort your own food out at your fucking festival. And I was just like, do you know what? Respectfully, fuck off you little prick. Because I've sorted this all out and the vendors have sorted themselves out as best they could.

41:14Everyone going to the sandwich meant that you could have gone somewhere else. There were some queues, but like, get a beer, stand in a queue for fucking half an hour. Just chill out. If you didn't have to queue, we love queuing in the UK. It's our thing. It's what we do. You know, we love it. It's just the best. But like, it's only why people are so fucking miserable. It's like, you want your lunch. There's a massive queue for it. I'm sorry that there's a massive queue, but maybe going forward, learning from things like that, having more savoury food options, like larger things. I don't know, but you build on every time.

41:52Why was the sandwich? Is the sandwich a particularly good sandwich? They do make very good sandwiches over at Rogue Sarnies. They're in Bethnal Green and they make like those loaves, sort of loaves of bread, but like a ciabatta type roll, but it's like a pizza dough sort of thing. So they had that and it was stuffed with like fried chicken. It was really good. Right. It was really good. Well, that's worth queuing for. Yeah, well, exactly. I think no one was complaining about the quality of the food. But yeah, people are fucking miserable and you can't please everyone. You know what people are like on the internet.

42:21They'll always have something to say. But if the guy that sent me that message is watching this or listening, I honestly hope you step on Lego, you prick. When's your winter one? We're not doing it this year. Are you not? Oh, you're off to... Well, I might do it. You're off to that massive country. I'm off to that massive little old New Zealand. But we might do it. But we haven't decided yet because we've just done that one. so I want to do it but as if we can find somewhere that's close to Christmas but whilst I'm in the UK preferably. Fair enough mate, fair enough. But actually in two days time I think it's two days the day we're recording this biggest festival in the UK is going on.

42:59Which one's that? Oh! It's Feed the Rat Festival. It's Feed the fucking Rat Festival. I saw the penny drop. Oh my God. Yeah, I'm not going to make it this year. Sadly. Shame. Me and Fee have really been debating going. to it. Really? Yeah. Honestly, go. You've watched This Country, haven't you? I've only just started watching it a month ago. It's so... I'm sorry, I think this stuff's poisonous. I keep rubbing it in my face. Do you want to go and wash your hands? No, it's fine. No, it's not. It is quite strong. It's strong. I can smell it so much. I can't imagine what you're smelling. You can put it here.

43:35It's fine. I'm not going to put that in my car. I'm really, really grateful for it, but I'd rather have the piss and shit one. because that is a bit strong. It's so strong. But it's really... Let's put it in the bin. Not in the bin, but like... It'll make the bin smell nice. Good point, actually. Maybe buy the bin. Put it in the bin. No, I'm not putting it in the bin. It's£100. Put this shit in the bin. Is that recycling? Yeah. Yeah. Oh! Skiddy. No, you should go to Feed the Rat Festival. Norwich have their own one that me and Fee went to this year. Oh, Norwich has an annual duck race. Oh, I saw that.

44:23You posted something about 20 ,000 ducks. That's a hell of a lot of ducks. In the river. Pollution there, isn't it? I take them out. Well, they get a big net. Yeah, they don't leave them in there. Oh, do they? Well, obviously. Where do you think they're going? I thought they just sort of set them free. They're plastic ducks. They're not real. they don't need to be set free. Well technically I think they're rubber aren't they? That's the one. I mean I don't mean to chip in here and try and be an expert on the Norwich. Who won? What was the grand prize? Well I went to the first version they did one about a month earlier.

44:55They did a warm up they do a tester didn't work well see how it goes. Didn't work well it was a very calm day. They all kind of just congregate Yeah the river didn't really have any flow and on the day or the day before they were like oh we're going to have to go from the opposite bridge because we think the water's going the other way now and they tried it they just didn't move they were smacking them with like trying to get them to move first prize for the big duck race because I went to the big boy you went to the warm up 500 quid 500 smackeroonies for the winner me and Fee bought two but the thing is they don't tell you what your one is how much was it for one 10 quid I think 10 quid for Chazza though it was 2 quid oh it was 2 quid it was 2 quid why don't we get 5 then I was going to say that would have been I would have spent 10 quid on that I spent 10 quid on that for a few of them that's a piece of shit mate no offence honestly it's really kind of you to get me a gift but that really does smell bad because it's not the more I'm smelling it the less it's smelling of the nice thing I like about mini eggs and it's got that sort of Marks and Spencer's chocolate smell like cocoa powder yeah it's more that than vanilla there's no there is no balance I think I'm putting you off your love of mini eggs aren't I no I'm going to go get a bag now.

46:09Can you still get them? I don't know. I thought they were, yeah, maybe they are only Easter. Surely they sell them all year round but you just... I think you've got to find the right place. You've got to find the right place. You're paying premium that season, I think. I thought that was nice at first. It's so strong. It is strong. Can you not just smell it constantly? And it is too sweet. It smells like a child's birthday party. It's like a snorted hot chocolate. It smells like... what is that powdered hot chocolate called that's like the blue one? Do you know the one I mean? It's like a blue powdered hot chocolate and that's exactly what it smells like.

46:48You've hurt my feelings there. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Next time, bring me some ham. Fuck off with that. Now, Will, when you were last on, you told us about a kebab that you said was blisteringly dank. Is that how I described it? Yeah, it is that, definitely. and it was in it was a Doium Grillhaus in a place in Berlin I can't quite remember the Kreisberg there you go there you go and since then Stevie and I have started our new project it's like a bit of a travel series bit of like a challenge series it's behind a paywall and we that'll get the views in six quid a month you can get Netflix for that now you can have Netflix and some videos of Jack and Stevie you fucking loser no offence not you guys but the guys watching at home respectfully respectfully

47:44you can watch Arrested Development you can watch Stranger Things all the Harry Potters are on there I think and then for the same price two videos a month from Jack and Steve I think I'm selling it what do you reckon you're going to cut this aren't you I'm not going to cut this do they get to watch us eat a kebab yeah exactly Well, actually, because this is behind a paywall as well, isn't it? What, this? This one. No, no, you can get Spotify for free. Oh, is this on Spotify? Yeah. Sorry, I thought this was a paywall episode. No. We don't do paywall happy hour. Oh, I just talked about getting molested.

48:17This is a main... This is happy hour? What the fuck do you think you're on right now? You said before we started, this is nothing to do with happy hour. No! You were being sarcastic because the big sign that says happy hour was there. No, I was telling you about our series. Oh, rice pudding. I really put my foot in it. Jesus Christ. I thought he's going some places today. He said, have you been molested? He's chucked my gift in the beer. Crap gift, I'll stand by that. Respectfully, again. Respectfully. That's happy I've worked with. Okay, nice. Okay, well, happy to be here. Thanks for having me.

48:55He's realised over halfway through the episode what he's on. I am so sorry that you got molested.

49:03and that I thought that I'd fucking put fucking 11 a refue on that one Jesus Christ you thought no one was listening you're just getting 200 ,000 200 ,000 minimum this oh right well hey look God what can you do right so for the price of one Netflix subscription people can watch us Netflix is like 12 quid now actually yeah good point well priced actually if anything it takes it up to a nice round 20 a month so 12 plus 6 so we I think if you want two screens it might be 14 I don't know we decided to for episode 5 I think it was no Paul it doesn't matter relevant we decided to go over and try this yeah and at the end of this video at the end of the video it's just gone out every episode it's called Gold Envelopes every episode it's dictated by these gold envelopes who gets to choose what we do.

50:00So if it's me, I'm usually stitching Stevie up in some way and vice versa in a way. We would like you, Willie, to pick what we do for our next episode if that's all right. Yeah. So you've got three envelopes there. Pick one at random. So it's going to be Jack picks, Stevie picks, or both picks. I think I've had the last three in a row. You've had three in a row. Jack's made me get a shit tattoo of lad, baby. Yeah. Took me for a nice kebab. So I'll take that. Sorry, are we going to talk about the kebab? We will talk about the kebab after this. Don't be worried. I don't want us to just gloss over that because as I said, it was stupid.

50:31Blisteringly dank. Blisteringly dank. Blisteringly dank. So what have we got in here then? This is for the next episode. Come on! We've not had one of these before. This is first for the series. This is both. Both pick. That means we can actually talk to each other and make the decision on what we do. We can put our heads together and come up with an idea. So this is basically, this whole jackandstevie.com thing is a place where on the pod over the years, we've repeatedly said, we're going to go do this thing. but there was just no benefit to do it or no budget to do it. Now we've got both. And that's the whole point.

51:01Do you know what all cost fuck all? Nando's. Feed the Rat Festival in two days time. If I didn't have a fucking shoot on Friday, I'd go. Yeah, I'm at a Bear Grylls festival. Well, hang on. Is it all day? The shoot? Yeah. It's here. Well, yeah, but the Feed the Rat Festival is at 8pm on the 8th of the 8th because it's eight minutes past eight on the eighth day of the eighth month. It's in the Eden and whereabouts, is it? You could get... You've got a car. Yeah. We've got a car freshener now. But you could get there, in theory, from London. You could get there in... I reckon you could get there in two hours.

51:42That's way longer. Maybe less. I thought you were going to say 20 minutes. It's in Warwickshire. It's very near Stratford-upon-D 'Avon. do you want to go and spend the night in Warwickshire you could spend the night at the Halford Bridge Inn which is where they do the celebration for the Feed the Rat Festival are there going to be rooms available at the end possibly there's like six rooms but the only people that go are the people that live in the village and the nearby villages I might have to go and do this you know you both have to go and do it surely I think we'll have to do it next year no I'll go this year do our both pick on your own take Jack Smith take willy you'll have a lovely time just give me the top what is it again what happens there some guys that grew up in the village where I grew up that are like I guess they're in their late 50s now maybe they used to probably smoke a lot of weed and one day they had this idea that they were going to start this festival where everyone goes up the pub on the 8th of the 8th drinks loads of beers goes down to the river and then one of them dresses as a viking and they throw cheese in the river and it gives you the gift of eternal life for a year, providing you go back the year after.

52:57So you get it for a year and then if you want to top it up, you go back with cheese and everyone goes down this hill, down to the river with torches on fire. It's so weird. But I don't know if there's any real history behind it. I think these guys were stoned and they made it up. yeah but how many people go we have these cloaks is that a cloak or is that your jam it's not really a cloak it's not really a cloak it's not really a cloak it's more just oh I'm thinking traitors no it's not traitory it's just you know just fire sticks and then you drink a load of beers in the pub before go down do the thing march back up and usually they put some nice food on and people drink it it's quite a nice thing it's just a very strange like very hyper local village tradition I'm gonna do it honestly it's worth going and seeing.

53:47I mean, I think the last year, like people come from as far as Shipston-on-Stowell, which is three miles away. But I'm pretty sure like most years they'll do like 60 to 70, 80 people, you know. Wow. It's not like, like people from Stratford-upon even don't go. Put it that way. Seven miles away. Word does not travel fast around there and it doesn't travel far either. But yeah, you could go there for that. Right. Shall I do it? Go for it. You can vlog it. You can just put it up as a bonus video. Vlog it. People will be like, what the fuck is that gun doing? Our series is just doing things he's telling us.

54:24We've got Nando's to fall back on at least. How was the kebab? Well, let's go back to it because you inadvertently, accidentally made me look a fucking idiot. Because you told us to order. This episode is brought to you by PayPal. You know how a mom's bag has everything? sunscreen snacks a stapler the new paypal app is like that but for your money shop pay manage your account and earn rewards all in one place and with purchase protection on eligible items biometric security and pass keys you're protected at every step download the new paypal app to get started see paypal.com protection terms this message is brought to you by apple card with apple card you earn unlimited daily cash back on everyday purchases like groceries, merch, or tickets to the game.

55:18Plus, it can be used anywhere MasterCard is accepted. No matter your team, no matter where you shop, AppleCard is here to help you tackle game day. Apply in the wallet app on your iPhone today. Subject to credit approval, AppleCard is issued by Goldman Sachs Bank USA Salt Lake City branch. Terms and more at AppleCard.com. Sierra has all the best active and outdoor brands for the super athletic stuff, like running gear for cruising up the trail. Woo! And the super athlete-ish stuff, like fishing gear for chilling by the creek. Nice cast. Fitness apparel to push for higher reps. You got this. And golf balls priced so you can afford to lose one.

55:58Or a few. Head to Sierra or Sierra.com for the brands you want at the prices that let you do it all. From athletic to athletic-ish, Sierra's got it. Don Amit Brot. Yeah. Yeah. I've gone in. And I said to the man there going, our friend has asked us, and I felt awkward. So I went, like, Donna Mitt Brot? And the guy just went, Donna with bread.

56:24Every time I've been, and I have been like five times, did you go into the restaurant and you go to the hole in the wall? We sat inside. Okay, so I've never eaten. I've eaten outside, but I've only ever ordered from the hole in the wall bit. And you go there, and the guys do not speak English. or they won't speak English. But it doesn't matter because every time I've been, I've been with this, or at least someone that can speak German. Right. And he goes, whatever, and then it comes out. But it is just that. Yeah, Donna with bread. But he actually looked at me like, Donna with bread. You thought it would be like...

57:01The thing is, I don't like that though, because I mean, I don't want to slag off the people that work there, but if you go and try and use a language in a different country, it's a respect thing and at least you're trying. You know what I mean? We have a terrible, terrible, terrible reputation as Brits for being tourists. Six beers, por favor, in fucking Benidorm. That's what we do and it's embarrassing because you should try. So I feel like that would piss me off actually. I will say it was the weirdest little place. We got an Uber there. We couldn't fully get there because there were roads closed so we got an uber like halfway and we had to walk some it's like just off a big weird like roundabout yeah yeah because when we walked there we were like i've and then we had to go to the roundabout to get something else you told us to get did you do that as well we did it all yeah i preferred that yeah that is good yeah that is that is that's like that's a bit more of a treat though do you know i mean that's like the guy that told me about that was a chef in um it's sadly not there anymore there's a restaurant called Lodenstein or Lodenstein and it was like a bit more of like a fine dining type thing and we went and chatted with them after we'd had a sick meal there.

58:15I was like, where do we go then? What's like a, you know, what's the hot tip then? He was like, right, go there, ask them to fill the Lammeson with the Donner meat and get all the pickles and all the salad. Yeah. Because it's like a pizza that they sort of wrap and put the Donner meat in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But way thinner. Way thinner, yeah. If it was a pizza, that would be like epic mealtime shit. That's back in the day, isn't it? You want to know... So what we did when we went, we did the kebab, we did the lameschen, and then we decided to try a couple of other German things. What was your favourite thing you tried?

58:46Well, you're going to hate me. Well, hang on, sorry. Before we skip on, the kebab. Yes. Did it change your life? Yeah, it was brilliant. It was very good. Yeah, we gave it... What did we give it? Nine? 9.5. That was the highest ranked thing we tried. That's strong. Okay, right. Yeah, we ranked... We did four things in a day. Okay. And that was the best one. However... Stevie, was that... I liked the modern him. I thought the sauce they put in it was incredible. Unbelievable. Like a creamy, spicy. It was insane. I had a cold that day and I could barely taste anything. So my favourite thing of the day was like a four euro fucking curry verse that I got from a truck outside the Brandenburg.

59:21He loved curry verse. Just because it was the only thing that had a bit of a... Wait, so your favourite thing was the kebab but it was also the lambagen but it was mainly the curry verse that you got from a little... Yeah. Right, yeah. And it was just one of those, like, curry seven or whatever they're called. The things that are everywhere throughout Berlin. Yeah, that was the only thing that could make me feel. Was that with, like, little chip potatoes or something? Yeah, yeah, yeah. With the powder on it. And then the last thing we tried was a schnitzel, wasn't it? Pork schnitzel. Yeah, nice.

59:48No. No, bad? Well, he said it was way too salty, and that was probably because I put loads of salt on it. I went to the toilet, and I came back, and I'm like, fucking all this is salty, and he tried it because I put loads of salt on it. Cheers. But they didn't do us... Is it meant to be pork or chicken? I think Wiener schnitzel is usually veal. Yeah, that was an option, but that wasn't for us. Like a pork schnitzel is a pretty common thing in Germany. Right. In Berlin, I guess. I think the Lammersen was unlike anything I've had before. Yeah, I feel like we would have disappointed you with our knowledge of what we were eating.

1:00:18Right. I love the Donner, which you made us, was the main thing you wanted us to try. Donner Mitt Brot. The bread was lovely as well. Way better than just the pita bread you get in kebab shops here. and that sauce was just it's cool because it's like it feels like it's like a quarter cut out of a circle do you know what I mean it's like a triangle with I don't know would that shape still be a triangle triangle with a curved bottom like a baby not a baby belt like a Jerry Lee like a pizza slice yeah I'd say so still a triangle yeah what a so technically yeah it's not a straight but you know what I mean and then having that as like the little it's all the cabbage and the bits that you have with it though.

1:00:58It was banging. It was incredible. We're not just going to keep asking you for recommendations, but if you had to send us somewhere else to try something else. Not seafood. Not Portugal. It can be anywhere in the world. Yeah. New Zealand. A New Zealand pie. Go and eat pies in New Zealand. And if I go to New Zealand, I will make an effort to speak their language. Yeah, well, it's fucking Maori, so. Oh, is it? Well, it depends where you are. I mean, obviously, it's a bit fucking... I thought it was just English. Well, no, because it was Maori. I think the majority of New Zealand speak English because of colonisation, unfortunately.

1:01:35But, you know, Maori is the native language, isn't it? But, yeah. I'm going to learn a few bits. Yeah. I can't actually remember. Kia Ora is hello, I think, or good day. That's like a greeting, which is like the Maori thing. But then, to be fair, most places you go in and you say hello, you're going to get a response. so it's pretty universal but yeah so what food thing in New Zealand should we try it? Just pies well there's a lot the thing is I didn't know much about like the food scene there before we went and then we booked it and I was like because we wanted to go to Lord of the Rings places oh yeah of course we went to like Hobbiton and stuff but like yeah the pies ended up being crazy and they do have pretty good seafood there I'll apologise for it on behalf of the New Zealanders.

1:02:26Really good seafood. They're surrounded by it. But yeah, I mean, we went to this one restaurant that was like, it's just been put on like the world's greatest restaurant list. I can't remember which one, but New Zealand's like never been on that list before, but there was a restaurant called Amersfield and it was like this ridiculous fine dining. Like if you've seen that film, The Menu. Yes. It was a bit like that. It was a bit like that. And there's a restaurant called Noma, which is presumably what that was based on kind of thing. Very, very out there, like serving like a beef tartare thing or a venison tartare in the horn, sorry, the antler of a deer.

1:03:12And they'd like scooped something out, made this little hole and then like obviously disinfected it. And then they had this, like they'd fill it and then put this spray over it. So it just looked like you've had an antler plonked on your table. And then he goes, that bit there is where you dig in and then you eat it out of the, the whole experience was insane. And like, there's a, uh, Island on the South, off the South coast of New Zealand, where there's a bird, it's called a Titi, um, or a mutton bird is what the translation is, but that it's like a seabird. and mutton bird is like the bait it's like the young ones of it and they go i think you can only go there if you're part of a very specific maori tribe and one of the men one of the uh dishes on this like 30 course menu which was crazy uh was the wing of like a tt the tt bird wing and but it was done like a like a kentucky fried chicken wing with like ranch and like hot sauce oh wow And it was just insane.

1:04:20What, and you've got to try this? Yeah, because it'll be like one per person per dinner because they can only harvest them a certain amount, certain time of year. And then I think they preserve them for a little bit in like lots of soul. But we had that and just everything was, it was nuts. But I find that a lot of restaurants can be quite, like when things are a bit over the top and things are a bit too fine dining. I mean, I like food. so I've been to a few of these places because I'm obsessed with it. But sometimes I'll sit there and I'll be like, this costs a lot of money and I'm quite bored and I'm not.

1:04:56It's all quite tasty, but the experience is just like, it loses steam sort of thing. This didn't at all at any moment. I think I'd like that. I think weirdly, because I'm quite a fussy person as we know, but I think I'd give something that's like that kind of weird a go more than I'd give oysters a go. Do you know what I mean? I do know what you mean. Because it's like the experience of it. Whereas oysters, I'm just like, I can have them whenever I want. No, I know exactly what you mean. You probably wouldn't do like a bush tucker trattle on I'm a Sleb or something like that, but you might eat, I was going to say a dog's cock, but it wouldn't be a dog's cock.

1:05:34If you go somewhere really fancy and preparing something that's like made of bugs or something. Right, I might give that a go. Do you know what I mean? What would you say is the weirdest fucking thing you've ever eaten? um i don't know if weird is even the right term but like the most unusual the most rare i mean it was probably at that restaurant i mean the tt wing was pretty crazy the um he also did this thing that was called like the a duck's foot but he'd made it like basically like a dorito he's i let me see if i've got a picture of this because i like one of the worst the worst dishes I've ever heard is what Alfie said to us before about his granddad.

1:06:17I can't remember what it is. Do you remember the monkey thing? No. I'm going to tell Will about this. Did you eat monkey? So our other co-host Alfie. Right. He's Indian. I think I met him briefly at the end of the last one. Yeah, you probably did. His granddad in, I believe this was India as well, was out for a meal, posh meal, where they had this delicacy. It's one of the worst things I've ever heard. There was a round table with a bit cut out of the middle of the table and was eating monkey brain. Oh, I have heard about it. But it was live? What? Yeah, and it had to be like sedated. I swear that's in like Indiana Jones or something.

1:06:57That's nuts. Yeah, that's pretty crazy. I feel like I don't remember being told that. Yeah, I've said. If that's not true, then blame Alfie. That was one of the desserts. That looks like a duck's face, but it's not a duck's face. What is that? What is it? It was like an ice cream dish, but they'd made like a shell that you could eat and made it look like a duck's face, basically. But what? And they like serve things like this. This was like this was eel, actually, but they served it like with the eel skeleton like around it. Oh, my God. It looks crazy, but I'm trying to find the fucking. That was that was the titi wing and they serve it with the fucking actual wing of the bird.

1:07:37Oh, Jack, you couldn't do that. Coming out of it. Oh, my God. You could not eat that. It was really good. Wow. But I can't find the... It's just hammering home what it is. In many ways, you've got to respect it. This is what you're fucking eating. Yeah, every time. This was it. So this was the Dorito that was made of a duck's foot. Oh, no, you couldn't do it. No, all it was was like crispy duck. Yeah, but you can see the nails and shit. No, he's made it look like a foot. Yeah, so that wasn't actually the talons of a duck. I don't know if my mind should get past it. I mean, it was a fucking journey.

1:08:11And I've sat for five hours in a restaurant before where it's been like fancy because I've really wanted to try something. And I've been like, God, this is great. It's tasty, but there's no theatre. Whereas that, we were there five and a half hours. Nice theatre. And I was just like, the whole way through, I was just like, wow, this is crazy. But yeah, that was - What, just intense flavours and stuff? Well, the flavours were amazing. I was eating things that were like species of bird and stuff that were like totally endemic to New Zealand. And also like power is like a sea slug and the Blackfoot power is like completely endemic to New Zealand.

1:08:52Like you can only get it there. And this guy made, he's called Vaughan Mabby. Maybe? Mabby. Maybe it's both. But he made this dish that was like, he got it. it's imagine like a it's not like a scallop but imagine like a scallop sized thing like a little cylinder and he'd cut like loads and loads of slices one way turned it 90 degrees loads and loads of slices the other way poured hot fat over it and it had gone up like a hedgehog and then he'd made this sauce out of the liver of the power and it was like fermented and it was fucking delicious but like how this guy had like thought to do yeah it's because it's like you know like brilliant food is it can be just like a bit of steak or a bit of chicken cooked really nicely served really simply that's enough that's a wonderful thing that's always going to be a wonderful thing but like someone with like the the mind of like a an artist or like a mad scientist and being like oh i'm gonna try this or like i think he left something and he'd like forgotten that it like fermented and then he like put his finger in and like tried it and was like, this is fucking great.

1:10:04Like, yeah, the whole experience was absolutely crazy. That does sound like the menu. It was a bit like that. And I was also a bit like Nicholas Holt, like, oh my God, this is fucking sick. Thank you. Well, actually, I think I did maybe say thank you, chef, at one point. But yeah, it was nuts. I love it. I love it. While we're on the topic of weird foods, I've got a weird named food quiz for you two to go head to head on. Okay. So the quiz is called... Am I doing this? You're both in. It's called Silly Billy versus What Willie. Fee coined the name. Right. Good stuff, Fee. So what are we doing?

1:10:37So what are we doing? So we'll go, rather than writing anything down, I'll ask Jack the question first because you're more likely to know the answer. Right, okay. And Jack will give his answer and then we'll go over to you. You might not know some of these either. I've never even heard of some of these. How many of these do you think I'll get? I've got 10 foods. All it is is the name of the food. You tell me what that food is. So he's going to get all of them though? I think you might get three. I'd be shocked if he does, because, well, then again, you know what. Yeah. Okay, starting with, what is spotted dick?

1:11:05A little trip to the doctor's, me thinks.

1:11:12I don't know why I said that. That was good. Fuck yes. A sponge dessert with blueberries in it. It's pudding, yeah. Is that all right? Spotted dick? Pudding, yeah, it's pudding. Spotted Dick is a traditional British steamed pudding historically made with suet and dried fruit that's fucking banging that funny name as well no I meant Spotted Dick point for both then number two what is Bubble and Squeak my nan makes this as well it's fucking rank it's like potatoes that are like old that she's left for days and then all random shit just shoved in it. Yeah, cabbage. Mostly potatoes and cabbage, I think.

1:12:02Is it? Bubble and Squeak is a traditional British fried dish of leftover vegetables. Name comes from the popping and squeaking sound that densely packed vegetables make as they cook under pressure. I used to hate it, but I don't mind it so much these days because when my mum used to make it, it was just potato and cabbage. I used to be a bit funny about cabbage, but actually I really like cabbage now. I don't mind cabbage now I'm the same so two for two does give you the toots though I'm smashing this number three what are lady fingers fuck knows do you know I'm I feel like I feel like I do know but I feel like I might be wrong is it not like the I'm doing that is it not the thing that you'd make like tiramisu with they're like little sponge fingers that is what they are yeah Naples biscuits or sponge fingers the ones you get in the bottom of a trifle yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:12:54Yeah, we go three against two now. What are singing hinnies? Oh, I've got no fucking clue. Gotta be Scottish. I'm going to say a, like a, like a, maybe like a bowel bun that you take. As opposed to a bowel movement, which is what I thought you were going to say for something. Like a Scottish, Scottish, bowel bun, Japanese. Yeah, that's not Scottish at all. But full of haggis that when you take out the oven, like the air compresses and that's the singing. No? Okay. That's a no then. You've got nothing on the song? I have no idea what that is. A singing hinny is a type of bannock, griddle cake or scone made in the north of England, especially Northumberland and the coal mining areas of the northeast.

1:13:35The singing refers to the sound of the sizzling of the lard or butter in the rich dough as it cooked on a hot plate. In Scotland, they're known as fatty cutties. Oh. Fatty cutties. Never had one. Fatty cutties. So still 3-2 to Willie. Number five. What is an egg cream? egg whites isn't it just custard egg whites and milk mixed together an egg cream is a beverage consisting of milk carbonated water and flavored syrup which is typically chocolate or vanilla as a substitute for an ice cream float despite the name the drink contains neither eggs or cream i think i'd like that someone's trying to pull the wall over our eyes with that one Yeah, it's like a chocolatey milk in a way.

1:14:22Maybe you would like it. I do like chocolate milk, so yeah. Still three too. Number six, what are angels on horseback? Angels on, oh, I know this. It's a little date or a cranberry on a slice of brie or cheese. I think it's, well, there's devils on horseback and I think that obviously they're a different thing. Is Angels on Horseback like a date and some cheese wrapped in bacon? So Devils on Horseback is what, a date wrapped in bacon or something like that? Yeah, yeah. Angels on Horseback is the posh version of pigs in blankets. It's oysters wrapped in bacon. Oh, fuck. You might like them. Yeah, I actually don't love a cooked oyster.

1:15:05I actually think they're better raw. They taste a bit weird when you cook them. And raw bacon's not good. Although, I had a fry... Yeah, raw bacon's crap. once I had a pack of raw bacon sorry I want to say have you ever seen Bad Santa 2? no I didn't even know there was a Bad Santa 2 Bad Santa 2 and the little sort of like chubby kid with the curly hair right what's his name Herman Merman there's a bit in it where he says one time I ate so much turkey bacon I didn't poop for two weeks for three weeks and it doesn't make sense but I feel like if you ate a raw pack of bacon you probably wouldn't well you probably would be you'd be shitting for two weeks for three weeks okay still three two last few rounds are in a struggle what is head cheese oh that is a oh let if you know it let jack go first the weird layer of that is weird as well did you google what a weird yeah the weird layer of thing that goes on a milk when you leave it out in the fridge for two days three weeks good use of two weeks for three weeks good use of logic no it's a um it's like a like a terrine like a pate type thing they use it in um like a banh mi you know like the vietnamese sandwich like quite often it will have like bits of of head cheese in it but it is cheese no no no sorry it's a it's like a meat terrine oh it's a meat jelly or terrine so it's like a pate in a way um like jellied meatloaf It's made from the flesh of the head of a calf or a pig, typically set in gelatin.

1:16:36It's usually in cold, at room temperature, or in a sandwich. Despite its name, the dish is not a cheese, and there's no dairy products. What is all this shit where you go and watch egg cream? It's got no egg cream. Whey! Well, you still got it. So four or two, will it? Yeah, I had it in a banh mi once. Apparently, it's quite a big thing in Vietnamese sandwiches, but it was definitely made by the French. why sounds fucking gross of course it's the thread it does say that they use doesn't commonly include the brain eyes or ears but it can use the tongue because they're putting that in other weird shit probably number eight what is scotch woodcock are these all foods or could that be a drink well there was one drink but they're all mainly I think this is a stick of cinnamon that they pour scotch over I think that's the woodcock yeah a scotch woodcock I mean, scotch is when you wrap something with sausage.

1:17:38Scotch woodcock is a British savoury dish consisting of creamy, lightly scrambled eggs served on toast that has been spread with anchovy paste. Oh. You like the sound of it? I don't hate it. I don't love it, but... Give a Scotch woodcock a go. I would love to. This one you should get. Still 4-2 to Willie. Well, I can't win now. There's only two more. Well, you can equalise. Right. Right. What is a cannoli? Oh, type of long pasta. No. Filled pasta. No. It does sound like pasta. Yeah. But I think it's like a, you get it when you have a coffee. It's like a baked good that's like a cylinder and it's filled with cream and stuff, like creme pat type-y stuff with like sprinkles on it.

1:18:25That's what it is. Yeah. Sicilian pastries consisting of a tube-shaped shell of fried pastry dough filled with a sweet, creamy filling containing ricotta cheese. Final one, what is a Dutch baby? Michael Van Gogh.

1:18:44Do you know what it is? That was good. He does look like an enormous baby. Do you know what it is? Oh, actually, I think I do. Is it a type of like pancake? Smashed it. You know your food. It's a big one that's got berries or jam or something in it. And it's, yeah, that. A Dutch baby pancake, sometimes called a German pancake, a Bismarck, a Dutch puff, a hooligan or a hootenanny, is a dish that's similar to a large Yorkshire pudding. Yeah. And they can be sweet or savoury and can be served at any meal. It's a pancake, but they make it in the oven rather than on a pan. And it looks like a giant Yorkshire that you can fill with loads of shit.

1:19:21You know your food, Will? I've eaten. I'll give you that. on Saturday it's my first day off in a very long time and I am going to make the thing that you do that I've done before goulash goulash goulash I'm going to do a what will he cook's goulash you couldn't remember the name could you I'm going to send you a picture of it I'd love that which will mean nothing I know I like it when you send me the pictures of the ham and the goulash which is the only two times you've said that have I done goulash to you before I think you did goulash oh I might have done goulash before I'd like another I'll do a new thing do you do it with the potatoes as well, with the boiled potatoes or you can't remember.

1:19:57Because I've got, I quite like, like boiled potatoes are a bit shit. Yeah. But if you boil a potato and then let it cool down and then peel it and then you toss them with butter, salt, pepper and just parsley. Yeah. It like absorbs all the flavour. I think it's quite nice. I'll do that then. Yeah, give that a go. I'll do that. You're not going to remember that. Simple but tasty. I will do it. two things I like I'm not looking at my watch because I need to go I was just going to post an Instagram video at five then we can carry on chatting no we're done oh we're wrapping up yeah we're done you're a very funny man I've laughed a lot thanks I've enjoyed also laughing with with and at you mainly at we're mostly together I think yeah you know it's been it's been nice I cannot believe you thought you were coming on for something behind a paywall I think it's because I did it the other day for someone's podcast oh right I went on a podcast and it was like a paywall podcast and then when you were like did they pay you for that?

1:20:56no I feel like if it's behind a paywall you get paid yeah surely you get paid for something behind a paywall alright I'll send him an invoice it was more of a chat yeah so was this yeah but we're not paying yeah sorry I'll send you an invoice this isn't behind a paywall oh right okay well there we go thanks to the general public that's how we get away with not paying you we've got to both pick got to both pick hero this has been Jack Mates happy hour podcast with me Jack Mates It's Stevie Y and the brilliant What Will He Cook. Thank you, mate. Thank you for having me. Off to Nando's. That was fun.

1:21:29Oh, that was good. Oh, God, that molestation story, eh? That's a good one. That's so funny that you thought... Fuck.

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