587 - Alfie’s Wedding All Caught Up!

29:48And then a shirt. It's just a button. It's just a button. Yeah. So then. You can't mess that button. No, you can't. That's easy. Then Ellis has stayed the night before because he lives really far away in a hotel nearby. He came for some breakfast, had some breakfast. Somehow I could eat. I usually can't eat before I'm nervous. I think at this stage I'm still like, I'm excited. I'm excited. Can I guess what you ate? Absolutely. I reckon there was salmon on that plate. I so nearly went for it, but I didn't, mate. I'm so sorry. It's just making me feel better. It was never an option. No, no, it was.

30:17Do you have porridge? No. I would love that. I don't think you had like a milky cereal bowl. Are you asking or what are you doing? He's got it in your head though. Toast and avocado. No. Eggs. I would never get that. Yes. What kind? Poached. Correct. How many? Two. Thank you. On what sort of bread? Sourdough. Thank you very much. I had about eight guesses before. And that was it maybe. I have a picture of it somewhere there may have been some bacon no you fuck with that oh I respect that yeah yeah yeah I'm not usually a bacon guy because it's my wedding day do you know me and Fee were genuinely talking about that the morning of your wedding whether because we were like what's going to be on the menu you know the important stuff yeah yeah yeah what are we going to fucking eat yes yes yes and I was like there'll be chicken Alfie loves chicken and I was like do you reckon there'll be any other meat and we were going do you reckon Alfie's ever had bacon and we were going no but as we were having that conversation little did we know you were 30 miles down the road eating two rashers two rashers yeah yeah so I had that then kicked a football around for a bit getting all sweaty yeah really bad idea I did an amazing touch honestly it set the whole day up go on I did this fucking amazing touch honestly ball gets pinged to me mate it's about shin height I spin and almost like do a croix for midair and I just flick it and the ball's almost honestly if you saw Ronaldinho know do that you'd be like that's really good even for him i was buzzing that's when you know it's your yeah i was buzzing why were you doing it you've just spent all this time on your hair thinking it's going to be fucked up and you're going to play football i love football mate i see a ball i gotta play yeah it's football's in you yeah you can't just if you see a football whose ball was it alice had one on the boot that's so on brand i know yeah and uh so kick the ball around then go back into the room you turn up with fee ellis partner rose and my cousin and my mum turns up we're getting ready in the room yeah getting our suits on yes she started getting annoyed because she was like i want to actually you know actually get ready myself today and i don't want to be i think she genuinely said to me i don't want to be ironing your shirts did she iron your shirt yeah but she offered and I said I don't need to basically she looked at it and went that needs ironing Emma Ali's brother needed a design shirt I was like just please my mum I can't do this I am incapable of doing this she did it then all the shirts started coming in she was fine with it sounds like she wasn't fine with it yeah yeah she's fine she's fine so suits on and then Jack takes me to the venue at which point I am for some reason getting emotional are you yeah wow and i don't know why because i on the lead up to this was thinking why i just why would i cry at a wedding but it was just inconceivable to me that i would get emotional that's one of the most common places people cry though yeah and i always look at do you watch love is blind no yeah i love love is blind do you watch love is blind i've randomly watched it like two days ago yeah yeah yeah so at the weddings people cry and I'm like why the fuck are you crying that's a bit different though isn't it that's well weird yeah but there's something about you just get the occasion or something or just like I just got overwhelmed by everything so on the way I can already feel myself like getting emotional I've got a frog in my throat and I'm like what the fuck is going on yeah get there and then oh yeah what song did I request in the car till I wanted to get pumped up oh my god oh my god it's such a good show well i put on she's electric because the first weekend i'd ever spent went away with alfie we were listening to that in a nightclub in liverpool and i remember alfie hadn't heard it before yeah i just never can you believe it i'd never heard she's electric yeah and jack goes like tapping along he's dressed to the joker and i remember just i remember going to jack this is oasis like what song is this it's incredible she's electric mate and I remember just being like jeez and I was so happy at that moment so when you played it in the car I was like it's full circle it's fucking full circle so that was getting me and then and then I went you will never guess what song I request when I said is there a song you want on right so you might remember this moment what's a special song like didn't know if he was going to pick like even one of his own or something like that a bit of all my friends are depressed yeah and he went he went I need to feel pumped up so i was like all right go on tell me how often he said eminem uh lose yourself right i think i actually might have said that mum's spaghetti song

35:09yeah

35:14yeah i can do this i can do this thinking about my speech arms are heavy oh it was good right fucking hell come on he did not change he just happened like that yeah yeah internally mate bouncing but i was comatized physically just couldn't move yeah um and yeah we get there my family are there i start really wanting you know like it was a feeling of like you know when you're lost in a supermarket and then you see your mum as a kid that feeling of like oh my god you're here like you're there like when everyone would turn up like when you turn up in the morning when i saw you and robbie there when i saw my family there i kept getting that feeling of like oh my god like you're here you're all here it must be a nice feeling yeah yeah i remember when i first saw you you looked terrified yeah i was yeah yeah yeah yeah and i one of my favorite people to see there was john beer yeah made such a long journey as well i didn't know he'd never done a wedding before never yeah and he turned up in a like a white suit he was terrified well it's because i didn't know what suit to wear i didn't know what the vibe was so i messaged you a few weeks before just been like oh just let me know like is there anything out of like off bounds and alfie replied to me going as long as you don't wear white or pink it's fine i saw john beer and i went alfie told me a couple of weeks ago as long as you don't wear white or pink you're fine he was in a white suit with a pink tie he was going i'm gonna go home i'm going home he was going Has anyone else got clothes in the car?

36:42Yeah, he gets stressed, John. Yeah, when he's stressed, it's fight or flight, he's gone. Yeah. And I generally did not notice, and neither did I. He told me about it the next day. He was like, oh, I wore white. And we were like, did you? Yeah. I think it was like a very light grey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He pulled it off. Like an off-white. Yeah, yeah, it was fine anyway. And, yeah, so I'm seeing people, like family members are there that I just never, I couldn't believe you two were meeting. Yeah. Like my auntie. Yeah. What the fuck? Why are you meeting my auntie? That's the one you were flirting with.

37:18She was my new best mate. Yeah. And you clicked. You never know who's going to click. Don't do you. My auntie. Yeah, we were chatting about you. And Jack clicked. I couldn't believe it. We were dancing on the dance floor. We were talking about tunes. Yeah. Like the band obviously was skipping forward, but the band would start playing a tune. I'd go over to her, I'd go, name it now. Like that. she'd get all stressed. Yeah, yeah. I was putting too much pressure on her. Yeah, probably that's not nice. Kind of ruining her night away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then when she wouldn't get out, I'd be lit all the fuck out of her.

37:47Yeah. But we were on a vibe. Yeah, we were on a vibe. And I think she'll always remember that. She will. She will. That's in there. So back before the wedding. She is actually a legend. Before the wedding. Jack was on the drink early. I cannot even remember. Yeah, yeah. Oh my God, I had a gin and tonic in the morning. Yes, you did. You were on the drinks early. I had a fucking gin and tonic in the morning. Did that level you out? God, no. Way worse. I think weddings are about having beers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't get off your head. Have a few. Get a bit more sociable. I was a little bit nervous as well.

38:21He'd obviously, he asked me to do a speech two days before. Yeah, two days prior. Yeah. Nasty. A lot of stress. That's very cruel. That's very cruel. Who was your wedding party? So you had Ellis, Jack. My cousin Henry. Was there a specific best man? because i was there i just had the three boys three musketeers just had the three dudes i i will be honest i felt like a bit of a fraud sitting on that front row nah you're there mate that was a bit like you know will who i loved a bit yeah well like he invited me to his wedding it was a special day it was brilliant and uh i went to the fucking wrong place right yeah genuinely like i i really think about this a lot right but that's that's not your fault yeah it was kind of like i've tried to explain this before but there's like two venues right and like i'll make these words up but it's like there's like a red lion or like a red cock red red lion in weymouth and then there's like the weymouth pub in like the village of red lion or something like that why do you say cock sorry why do you say red cock and then i turned up half an hour late missed the fucking speeches and shit and and then i was on the top table with his mum and dad oh and i was obviously that was an honor but when I got there, I was kind of like, felt like shit.

39:35Yeah. Yeah, but you didn't do that with Alfred. You drove him to me. I respect Alfred. Yeah, well on time. Yeah, yeah. Sorry, Will. But, yeah, then, so then. Where were we? A few pickies, I'm seeing everybody, and then we just go up. Can I just say a quick thing? Absolutely. When we all stood outside mingling. Yeah. And then I thought they were bringing around oyster shells at first. Yeah. that they were bringing round those little... Sorry? What? Would you like a little... What are they called at weddings? Oh, you've skipped well. Yeah, they didn't do that until after. Was that after? That was after, mate.

40:12I ain't eaten beforehand. I smell of beef. So he was off his... So he's saying upstairs, everyone's fetish. What are those fuckers called? Entrees? No. Hauderves? Hauderves. No, no, no, no, no. That's not what I'm thinking of. No, that's a bigger word. No, this is going to whirl a night. Mate, we're so uncultured. what those things do anyway we're upstairs everyone's seated yeah I liked my seat position because it was quite funny that I was right behind against the wall right behind all of Ali's family yeah so I was the first person in your eye line I looked at Stevie so much during the ceremony so much all he could see is Ali's family so I was like the first like person that wasn't with her so we just kept like catching eyes and every time I'd see him I'd be like yeah I'd be like a little school kid for some reason Do you not know where to look when you're there?

41:01Oh, God, no. No? Yeah, yeah, I was overthinking all of that stuff. You know, I was thinking if I was in your shoes, I wouldn't know where to look. Yeah. Because you're kind of looking back at like a real-life guess who. Yes. Of your family. And there's a lot of shades. A lot of what? Brown people, darker, lighter. You'd get to the answer quickly, wouldn't you? Oh, God, you would, yeah. Browns, down, down, down. Yeah, which is me and my dad. sister weirdly is not very brown did you notice that uh didn't no okay have another look when you see an ex that is weird to me specifically look at her skin yes right okay um so we go in everyone sat down i am now fucking beside myself oh i remember something yeah i was sat i got i found my seat i went up early i found my seat and i was waiting there and then your mum come up went jack get down there right because i've been because i'd meant to be helping you do something i didn't realize i've just taken my seat and then i am the only one in it and i thought it's a bit weird but whatever so i sat there she went jack get down there so i quickly ran so it was at the top of this like spiral staircase and i quickly like went halfway down and as i was halfway down people were coming up so i stopped like halfway up and was like oh yeah like people were just walking past then there was like ellis and then alfie and then um everyone went up and then um and then alfie's mum went oh that's good ushering well done and i thought oh no i'm literally just stopped halfway down no that sounds good i was supposed to yeah well in yeah just up there yeah just up there thank you just up there very nice mate yeah yeah very nice accidentally on shift yeah um then yeah everyone's seats i'm at the front with edwina the celebrant and uh i'm just like shitting myself just internally panicking i'm trying not to cry um i feel like i had it weirdly it felt like ages since i'd seen ali right even though i'd seen her the night before we've gone way further than that had you not seen uh at all that day then what happened when you get out of bed what do you mean i'm up they didn't know they were in different rooms they asked this earlier yeah yeah yeah different rooms different rooms yeah yeah yeah that's why that question really i'm not like no no i'm not like this like waking up like this i'm like well i'm trying my way to the door um had you been messaging yeah yeah yeah we messaged i don't I think we only messaged a few times that morning.

43:32It was really busy. So it just felt like ages since I'd seen her. And then Ben, who plays piano for me at my live shows. Yeah, we wanted him to play us down. Well, not me. I didn't go down the aisle, but play Ali down the aisle, which was really special. And so he was playing some songs and it all just like, it was filling up. Everyone was chatting. I'm looking out. I'm like, I generally cannot believe everyone is here to see this. It's so weird. And then, yeah, just internally, I'm just getting overwhelmed with emotion. And then the celebrant goes, please stand for the bride. My heart now is in my arsehole.

44:18It is fucked, mate. And I just hear like Ali's heels. Yeah, Ben had stopped playing for some reason. Yeah, I know. Well, yeah. Don't hit me. No, and then he started playing Somewhere in Ueno, which is what we planned. Cool. Great that you planned that, because it'd be weird if you just played it without. Yeah, we planned that. I do it on my own. Yeah.

44:43And yeah, then she just walked around and I just started crying. This episode is brought to you by PayPal. You know how a mom's bag has everything? Sunscreen. Snacks. A stapler? the new paypal app is like that but for your money shop pay manage your account and earn rewards all in one place and with purchase protection on eligible items biometric security and pass keys you're protected at every step download the new paypal app to get started see paypal.com protection terms this message is brought to you by apple card with apple card you earn unlimited daily cash back on everyday purchases like groceries merch or tickets to the game.

45:26Plus, it can be used anywhere MasterCard is accepted. No matter your team, no matter where you shop, AppleCard is here to help you tackle game day. Apply in the Wallet app on your iPhone today. Subject to credit approval, AppleCard is issued by Goldman Sachs Bank USA Salt Lake City Branch. Terms and more at AppleCard.com. Sierra has all the best active and outdoor brands you need. From athletic stuff, like a full-court pickup game, swish, to athletic stuff, like a half mile stroll get those steps in and for morning hikes up the mountain trail good pace it's a nighttime ghost choice from the camping chair what a twist whatever level of active sierra loves it all head to sierra or sierra.com for the brands you want at the prices that let you do it all from athletic to athletic sierra's got it um i was really good quite well yeah did you see my lip do that weird thing really embarrassed yes you saw it really embarrassed I've never done that before uncontrollably my lip was like and then she came round and I went like this made this horrible noise and I think I turned away I was ashamed in yourself yeah in myself she's not that bad no no oh god no I couldn't believe it when she walked around she's walking down he turns away and she's like I was ashamed fuck what have I done no she walked around I just couldn't believe how unbelievable she looked and I was just like fuck I just can't believe this is happening started like crying i was like don't cry in front of her dad and brother all right they're real men and you're not and um so then the net genuinely from that now is like it's not a blur like i do remember it but i i don't remember what i was feeling at the time yeah i was just so happy trying to remember how to talk when you have to say the vows i hadn't talked for ages yeah so then when she said repeat after me i was like what is gonna come out now yeah it felt very deep did it sound deep i felt like i'm feeling pretty husky right now yeah it's you i do i take the no no that's how it sounded in my head like you're normal yeah yeah i like um the celebrant took the piss out of you yes she did a little story of how we met and everything in a little short joke yeah yeah i okayed it it's all right i did yeah i okayed it i okayed it yeah did she come up with that joke though because i I love the idea that she's met you and gone.

47:48What was the joke again? She, it was something about you being taller than Ali or something. She made a joke. She said Ali was very struck by my, how tall I was or something like that. Everyone laughed. Ah, Alfie's small. Yeah, we fucking get it. All right. It's funny that she's doing that at your wedding. I'm laughing along. She was really good. I really found it funny when she explained the joke to that one thing. It was really sweet. She was like, she said the story. She was like, Alfie knew he wanted to marry Ali. and one day he went out and he was looking in all these different shops until he found the perfect one.

48:22And that night he brought home a little cat like that. And everyone was like, ha-ha, like that kind of like jovial wedding noise. And then she went, you all thought I was going to say a ring, didn't you? Yeah, she explained it. And it went to me, don't explain jokingly. I did find it weird that she seemed to think you have two cats though. What's that all about? Yeah, well, she kept saying you had two cats, but... We spoke to you on here before. Yeah. You don't have cats, do you? No. So why is she saying you've got cats? It's a family joke. It's a family joke. Okay. Right. I have these two onions, right?

48:56Yeah. And people have this running joke that I actually have cats. I never do. And I had actually a onion inspection on Wednesday. And they were totally okay with it. Because they were in the car. So they were okay with the idea that nothing's there? Yes. Your onions are in the car. My... You shouldn't leave onions in the car on a hot day, though, should you? They can go off. My mum came round and sat in there. With the onions. Yeah. To make sure they didn't melt. Don't know what happens to onions. But, yeah, no, it was fine. All good with the onions. Celebrant smashed it. Yeah. And then we're married.

49:40What else do you want to know? Yeah, what is that moment like? is it weird knowing that like this lady is now going to take your last name do you feel robbed no she should feel robbed shouldn't she she's lost hers yeah he's still got his oh yeah yeah yeah did she double barrel just no which is strict because ali's very like she's a feminist she's very independent i'm surprised i'm really glad she has because i i love that we have the last name yeah um but i obviously if she didn't want to yeah i would have taken her last name i don't give a fuck what my last name is to be honest yeah as long as it's the same i would like it to be the same yeah yeah yeah swapping would be strange um and uh and then we can we talk about the beef now yeah yeah yeah we all threw the flowers at confetti over here yeah that was nice and they brought around them little things that i thought were oyster shells but They were little handles that had food on them.

50:36And they had like a little bit of crispy shredded beef. Aren't they hors d 'oeuvres? Appetisers? There's another word for it. Entrees? There's another word. Is there? Meaning this? Volavents. No. Right, hang on. Canapés? You bloody legend! Canapés! Canapés! Canapés. Yeah, they were lovely, those beef things. Yeah. Well, nice. Yeah. Well, I don't know if I told you, I might have told you this, but like, I had one and I was like, Jesus Christ, that is the best thing I've ever eaten. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So like sweet and salty and just amazing. And then I see another group and then the lady came out that was giving them out and she gave them to another group and she had loads.

51:14I thought I might go and get one of them. And I went over and I just went, have you got any, are they gone? And she went, yeah, they're gone. And everyone had had one and I looked at the group. Were you in the group? No. And I looked at the group. I went, oh, you slags like that. But mate. Sound like you're saying it to her. Yeah. Yeah. And then, yeah. I'm not even hyped what did she do and then I went oh no sorry I'm talking yeah you always do that you do the over explaining after and it makes it seem like you did do that she might not have even thought it until you've gone on why do you do that I didn't mean it I was doing a little joke oh you slagged she took the meat to be fair not the worst thing that happened in that moment what was the worst thing Ellis standing on Ali's dress oh yeah yeah but that's gonna happen innit so I'm gonna be honest I think I've done it about three times before i was quite glad to have the heat off well this is where jack went to the your photographer and went oh do you mind if we just get a photo of the four of us explained the whole foreskins thing to this unsuspecting guy and this is where thanks to our reddit lot we've all realized you don't know how to do buttons i did my buttons up wrong and my nerves in the morning i didn't even notice on the day i didn't until the post because that's that's the that's the job of us boys to look at that i think it's my job to do my buttons up i'll take that one i'll take that one i've done it a few times but i'll tell you this yeah i'm alive i did the exact same thing with the same button and let that one at the bottom and fee saw it just before i went out and sort that out brilliant yeah and you didn't have a lady there did you because no you see your luckily during the ceremony and everything i had my waistcoat done up so you or my jacket done up so you can't in all of the important pictures you can't see what?

53:00in all of the ones with my wife I mean what did I say? important ones so foreskin's not they're the ones you fucked up though aren't they? yeah that's what I meant the important ones fucked up yeah that's what I meant that's what I meant wow yeah people were quite quick to let me know that and I was when did you realise? when people commented when did you? no did you not? oh I realised later in the day because I think Ali had gone why are your buttons still up right and I went oh oh no oh shit and then I forgot about it and was reminded by some nasty comments yeah were they nasty or were they just going to put your buttons no there was some that were like oh imagine spending all that money going through radio going to do your fucking buttons up I saw that one yeah I've embellished it it was actually but fuck you I have a comment that really hurt me and I was actually in an AI no buttons right I tried to do that for you thank you yeah I couldn't do it it doesn't work your hands are so wet and that's not the first time that's happened even on this podcast why do you keep doing it I don't know but I why are they wet now they look wet is that sweat yeah that cannot be sweat why is it that bad on your hands because I'm grippy I grip my legs a lot when I laugh oh you're doing skin to skin yeah I'm so sorry no it's fine yeah but yeah photos still look nice Alfie don't stress that out I was so happy with the photos.

54:29The photographer was quite funny with us, wasn't he? Oh, so funny. Because we explained the whole Foreskins thing to him, and later on we were trying to describe, he was asking us about the podcast, he was like, I'll give it a listen. And however we described it, he then asked if we do a gay podcast. Yeah, he said, you do a gay podcast? And we were going, no. I mean, the description is probably one where you explain it as we're called the Foreskins, and we talk about willies and wanking all the time. Yeah. yeah maybe we do do a gay podcast we kept trying to explain it to him and he'd go so it's not a gay podcast no maybe it is Ali hadn't come over until like as we were explaining it so she came over just at the moment the photographer who had only met that day has gone do you do a gay podcast because she looked at me and went what I was like yeah that's all him that is not us yeah yeah I really threw him under the bus but it kind of is us yeah I think I bring a lot of the willy stuff.

55:24Yeah, it's all right. I need to chill out on it. Yeah, we probably should. Yeah. Chill the willy. Especially when we're saying at your wedding to a photographer. Yeah. Yeah. But honestly, it was probably the best day of my life. What did you think of Jack's speech? Brilliant. Thank you. Brilliant. It was really heartwarming. I think everyone did really well and everyone got on and it's just, I was really happy with how it all went, really. When I arrived, Jack had, I didn't know the joke, but Jack had pre-warned me that there was going to be something about me in there. And Ellis did the same thing.

55:56Did he? Yeah, they'd both done it. They'd both written a joke about me at your wedding. But Ellis took his out. Easy target. Ellis' was going to be something along the lines of when Stevie saw the word groom, he got scared or something. Along those lines. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pedophile joke. That's too far. Yeah, so he took it out of his. Yeah. And then you called me fat. Oh, mine was just a very easy gag. like how do I how do I describe one of my best mates I'd probably say needy overweight and a bit of a yes man but today's not about Stevie way yeah I was very nervous Alfie because I know that a lot of the little jokes in there were just little foreskin stuff and a lot of the people that's okay a lot of the people in the room would have been going what is this no a lot of people will have listened and they know Stevie they can see what he looks like you were introduced as a comedian as well which probably doesn't help what were you doing I did enjoy that.

56:52I thought, so at the end of my speech, I thought the, the nerves are over for me now. So I'm going to cause some suffering. And I knew that like some of the older people wouldn't, they don't really understand my job. So I introduced Jack as a professional standup comedian. I forgot about that. Which is so nasty. And do you know what? I genuinely, I was nervous, right? But I wasn't shitting myself. but I remember when I got back to my table, I said to Fee, as I was walking up, I was terrified. And now it's because of that. Because of that. And then you said that Ellis has got autism. Yeah, in case he offends anyone.

57:32That was more of a general, that's actually, yeah. Yeah, it was.

57:42Because that's a joke. We cut that. That's a joke. Like, that's a joke. And so, yeah, speech is done. And ate the food. Yeah. Wedding cake. My mum had made all those desserts. Did you have any? Oh, your mum made all of them. She made all of them. Did she make the flapjack? Yeah. She made the flapjack, the posset, the cheesecake, the brownies, all these little. So my mum, that is her job as well. I love your mum's flapjack. Keep the Jack Keep the Jack Your mum's flapjack Brilliant It took me a second there

58:31The audio listeners don't know what just happened Yeah sorry Jack went to high five me I pulled out the last minute But yeah no I do love your mum's flapjack Flapjack Alfie She smashed it She did and then oh I accidentally called your mum's boyfriend ugly oh god oh for fuck's sake I didn't mean to but we were talking about the live show in Bury where you met Jack did that script that basically made me flirt with your mum loads yes and your mum was just going I was like that's fun wasn't it and she was going yeah well you're not my type and in front of her boyfriend I went what you don't like handsome men yeah that's alright he was just the next and she looked over at him and went I'm sorry I was like oh no he can take it I do like your mum a lot Great woman Yeah Very outgoing Is she looking for more children?

59:21What? What the fuck? Are you fucking having a laugh? What the fuck is that supposed to mean? He's saying he wants a new mum Not that he wants to make your mum another mum Well let's hear it from the horse's mouth Alright again I've got big teeth No I'm saying I don't have a mum You do? not really so you're not having mine in any capacity and but I got I get on with her we have a good band she said something about you yesterday yeah she came over to look after the onions no no to look after the onions and she said out of the blue what aren't Jack and Fee just absolutely fantastic at the wedding oh such positive lovely people oh she said that still buzzing buzzing like you're ushering up the stairs he smashed that yeah the way he awkwardly stood halfway down the staircase yeah no I really love you mum she's good yeah she's she's so different to me she's really confident in public yeah she's so yeah she's so funny she's a lot more confident with strangers than me she was kicking off at me loads okay for about 20 minutes she's going why are you not marrying her why and I was going look Fee's very chilled ask her she's gonna say that though isn't she fuck no don't give her a reddit account Jesus she grabbed me she stormed me over there she said maria what in front of her dragged you over to yeah what did you say i said not now this is not my day oh yeah not right now i thought by the way well we have got the phone yeah yeah you bloody chip in please yeah um yeah you should yeah it's a brilliant thing to do yeah and even just for the day yeah i did think to myself how the fuck that people go through this and then get a divorce i i just think it's insane yeah the actual day of the wedding in my mind would be a contributing factor to not getting a divorce like it would make it getting a divorce harder because because it would ruin everyone's it was magical you're just like there's so much love on the day and also everyone's turned up and seen you do that publicly so it's a bit embarrassing yeah do people do divorce parties the other way around no but that's there's a viral clip in there there's a massive clip in that Stevie where you're like opposite and you're like do you take the not to be your yeah yeah do you yeah yeah I could think of loads of jokes yeah the speeches yeah yeah yeah yeah fantastic day well thanks for having us a part of it mate it was a beautiful beautiful day I really appreciate you being there and I here's to the next few years and more what?

1:02:07is that what you say? is that what you say to a new marriage? what's happening after that? I was going to say here's to the next few years and I realised I didn't tell you so you added more and more if you fancy here's to the next few years and more years but if not we've got a divorce party sorted yeah how do you feel? You know when people go like, oh, you're 30 now. How does it feel to be 30? Never really feels any different. But it does feel different to be married, does it? What do you think? I didn't think so at all at first. No? And now it's just such a me. But you're not a very emotional, loving, caring, nice human, are you?

1:02:45No. I don't think I've ever told you this. No, I'm not. Did you do your own vows at any point? No. That was something we both were like, I can't do it. When you get married, you obviously get the vows that they make you do, which again i alfie take thee whatever so they're your vows but then most people also do like their own personal vows to each other right but and that's a normal thing to do yeah but i realized you i didn't see you do it at my wedding i've never told you this we wrote our own but because i'm not an emotional person i wanted no one at our wedding in the first place like i didn't even invite my mum until she made me i was like look i'll do it i was like i just wanted arianne there that was fine and Isaac but I was like I'll do the vows as long as no one can see us do it and the photographer was like well I need to take photos of it so I went all right but I'm not saying I'm in front of you I don't know you it's weird so he was like well you need to do something so I didn't know what to do did he leave the camera on a timer no he started doing it and I just had to say something so I did like an emotional reading of Humpty Dumpty why because I just had the first thing that came to my head and I need so I opened up my vow book and I just went Humpty Dumpty whilst trying to look really loving.

1:03:54So if any of my photos of me doing my vows, I'm just saying Humpty Dumpty. So I didn't know what to do. I'm really stressed. And was your worry the same as mine? It's like being vulnerable in front of other people. Yeah. I found it awkward doing it just to Ariane because I'm not normally like that. Yeah. But doing it in front of a photographer or everyone that was there couldn't, couldn't do it. Yeah. Wow. I didn't realise you didn't do them at all anywhere. No, I just tell her every day. Yeah. No, I don't know. And twice on a Sunday. Wow. I don't know what that means. We got any more wedding chat in there or are we all caught up on that?

1:04:22Just you now. Your wedding chat. Yeah, well, this is not my episode. That'd be brilliant. I'd love you to get married. We'll get it done. We'll get it done. I'll tell you what, shall we say within a time frame of this podcast going on? No, don't. I'll promise you before... Wait, no, because you're putting a promise on fee now. Before October. What? Before October. 2027. Two years. Two years. Can't be next year World Cup year You can Yes you can Yeah No what if I end up Going or something Yeah you'd hate to miss The wedding I suppose Yeah Yeah All that Just to be Watching England Lift the trophy Bloody hell No well done mate Thank you Howdy you You had a brilliant day Beautiful day You both looked incredible Thanks Thanks And I think we're officially All corner Baby all corner We need like a wedding That was nice I was going to say we need like a wedding jingle version of it.

1:05:22I'll be Porteous. I'll be playing you out.

1:05:27Oh, Porteous did tell me. I've ruined his wedding. I've ruined his fucking wedding. Porteous told me that he was, that's the most nervous he's ever been. Yeah, he was. He was nervous. To play like for a wedding. He did not look nervous when he was on the dance floor. I think that's what he was nervous about. Did you hear the thing with the chain? No. There was like on the wall. That's the weirdest thing I've ever seen. There was like, on the wall, there's like, it seemed weird. There was like a chain, right? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then like, with like a metal disc. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a full link.

1:05:55I saw that. You could fit your wrist in. And for some reason, he came over to me and he tapped me. And then I sort of like looked at him and he'd had his hand in it, right? And he was going, the beast, the beast. While everyone was just, just, he's classy. It was the weirdest thing. I didn't know what to say, so I just went. Classy. but when he was playing he said it was the most nervous he's ever been he told me he's done a wedding before where when he got there or just before they told him that they wanted to be watched the bride wanted to walk up the aisle to the jurassic park theme that's quite good i like that but they never told him why so he was just in there and as he started walking in he forgot it and started doing titanic and then remembered it did make me think about when i first ever came on this pod i talked about messing up that first dance and that's hit home more i thought about that quite a lot since the wedding of like, oh, that's actually fucked.

1:06:45What? Messing up that couple's first dance. You didn't know? No, I did back in the day. Did you? I did. Oh, you messed up a different couple's first dance. I played at somebody's wedding and messed up their first dance. I can't remember that. That was years ago. No, I thought you were saying you messed up your dance. Yeah. No, no, I messed up. What was your first dance song? Wilfred, Everything I Need. I didn't know it. My song. No, it's a song. No one really knows it, but I don't want a really slow thing where it's like too earnest. Your band were very good Great Yeah yeah They're splitting up They're splitting up Oh no why Really One of them's going on tour With a band And they're just Not doing it anymore It's sad They didn't tell me off once Unlike my cousins When the band told me off twice What?

1:07:30Why? Because I kept banging into the amp That would be annoying Why are you doing that? No I didn't mean to Well did you bang into their amp? No I mean They didn't tell me off once We had a great time Yeah good rapport Yeah, because you didn't bang into their amp. And the night finished on Dancing in the Moonlight. Yeah. Oh, what a banger. What a banger. Anyway, guys, this has been Jack Makes Happy Hour Podcast with me, Jack Dean, Stevie White, and the new Alfie Gru. He was Alfie Gru before. Same guy. Same guy. Such an awkward clap. Yeah, I just don't know where to go from there. Good day.

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