589 - Never Have I Ever...

31:21And they've got this big gazebo and they've got a big tent. And there's only a tiny little patch of shade right near their tent. and that's I'm going to overheat at this point. So I'm like, I just need to like lay on the floor with my head right near their tent. And I go to do it. And this guy goes, the fuck's he doing near our tent? Like that. Magician guy goes, oh, come on, mate. He's just finding some shade. Like I could hear him say that. So that's quite nice. And then he sat there and then I had to listen for 20 minutes as this guy, one was questioning why I'm that close to the tent, even though they've already been told.

31:50And then he started telling people for 20 minutes about how he doesn't drink. And he was going, I don't drink. I don't put them toxins in my body. like what are you drinking there like what is that rum why would you even put that and after a while I was like I'm going back in the fucking oven because it's filled my head in people get very funny over their territory don't they yeah it's really weird but I'm not I'm just on the grass I'm not saying you're in the wrong mate thank you do you know what I was woken up did you hear Saturday morning at 8am I was woken up by a harmonica 8am can I say probably one wait put that away one thing I'll say one of the best harmonica players I've ever heard.

32:27My God, he was talented, but I just looked and went, fucking 8am. No, I think that's... But I was listening going... Not at 8, Jack. Yeah. Not at 8 on a festival. I'm glad he was good because we were up so late. I was just like, fucking hell. But there was a bit of me going, that's good. Pete Goffey goes... Yeah, if he plays harmonica, it's brilliant. I don't think it was him. Respect to the... It's a hard instrument to play. Yeah, incredible, but timing. It's a rude instrument to play at times. Yeah. I think any instrument's rude to play at eight in the morning on a festie. What about harp? Yeah.

32:57Sleep sounds. Actually welcomed. Yeah. Yeah. If anyone's out there and you play a harp, get yourself to a festival for that reason. Yeah, they don't even start music on the main stages until like 12 o 'clock. So you're not one on that. Okay. Should we do the app? Are we all caught up? We're all caught up, baby. We're all caught up. I like how we don't even do it anymore. That's honestly dead and gone. Have you ever? No, never have I ever. Never have I ever. Why do you look so shocked there? Because I slagged off the jingle. You just said it's gone. I know, but I feel like the guy, I feel like I'm doing...

33:29Are you having a laugh? I feel like I'm doing a catch. Andy Millman. Yeah. Evolve. Do we kill him today? Nah. Is he having a laugh? No, I don't want to be on the pod where that happens. No? Do it on a Robbie pod.

33:43Okay, right. Never have I ever. So some of these are going to delve deep into our psyche to find out how we grew up, right? So it's a never have I ever But also kind of not Because we're not doing The drinking aspect And also you're not Going to say things We've got some waters We're 32 now We're not going to do The drinking aspect And we're also not doing The whole concept Where like I'm meant To say something I haven't done To see if other people Have done it You're just going to List things off Are we being honest? Yeah As honest as you can Bloody well be Yeah I'm going to be Fairly honest Why have you asked that As a question Because the only other Option is to lie Yeah So you've just said to us, are we just lying?

34:22If there's something like really bad in there that I've done, I'm going to say I haven't done it. And I'm just going to preface that. That's more of it. Because I'm not...

34:35Has it? No. You're great.

34:41I can't do it anymore. We're not cutting this. Okay, you'll be waiting a minute because it's gone. What's gone? You fucking swallowed your tongue They don't want this in Leave it out You got some dribble on your beard Not in a good way I feel so sick I think they do want this in Never have I ever fucking made the other two hosts skin crawl I have done that You have So we'll start off with Never have I ever cried Are you right? No Never have I ever cried over a movie and you know what the follow-up question is going to be awesome yeah guys yeah not the best follow-up question is it why are you just coming for me

35:34he has to do a certain level of presenting to keep this together and we can't take the piss every time okay sorry I picture you'd cry over a movie yeah I have done yeah I've spoke about it what movie? Rugrats oh yeah a classic a classic Alfie story are you somebody that if you go into a film knowing it's emotional you're sat there thinking I'm going to cry at this no no no if it takes me by surprise so you know like comedies or even like thrillers or something where you're going in with a certain like I'm going to laugh or I'm going to be and then there's a heartwarming bit. I'm fucked, man. I remember back in the day, all the Derek scenes would get me.

36:19Yeah. Because you're going in expecting, like, The Office and extras and then there's some, like, emotional scene. You're just like, oh, fucking hell. Carl Pilkington's put the painting on the wall. Yeah, that's exactly it. It's because Carl's so cold throughout it and I'm not going to fucking do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When he shows a bit of raw emotion, he shows humanness, isn't he? I guess because you can't prep for those moments, can you? Whereas if you're going to go and watch PS I love you you're going into it I would never cry at something like that you see it would be like Rugrats mate I'm going in I'm watching the Rugrats movie yeah you are a kid though aren't you at the time no no oh I don't think you told us how old you were how old were you I would say I was about 20 years old fucking hell on my own unemployed what did you cry at were you crying at your life really though no no no it was the it was the scene where such a nasty question yeah yeah it's really cutting actually that's what the mental breakdowns are for I cried because they basically they think they're getting this wish from this wizard it's actually one of their dads with like some half a car on his head or something that makes him look like a wizard and they wish you're going to have to watch the film they basically wish to get their dog back which they lost which defended them against a wolf I feel like you're getting emotional now it fucking killed me mate it killed me why's your dad got a car on his head he was looking for the kids and he smashed the car up I can't quite remember but I just remember when it was like almost misdirection because you the whole time they're lost in this forest they're going to wish to go home they're going to wish to go home then they're about to get eaten by a wolf the dog saves them falls in the river you think the dog's dead and they wish to get the dog back with their one wish okay and I was like when expecting that Chucky or whatever his name is you know his name you fucking got more about you than I thought.

38:11Yeah, that's fair. That's fair. I cried my eyes out on a plane once, but I was sat on my own. And I really had to try and stifle the tears. But, you know, the more you try to stop crying, it comes out. Makes it worse. Follow-up question. What movie was it? It was a good question. I don't know how you segue into that, but that's brilliant. It was the one where Lady Gaga's with Bradley Cooper. You love that film. Why have you said it like you don't know what it's called? You're trying to be cool. It was something about wishing for a dog back. I can't quite remember it. No, it was... Spoiler. Kills himself at the end.

38:48I've never seen that movie. Well, no, you don't need to. There's a bit. There's a bloody bit where she's playing the piano and she's thinking about her relationship with Brad and he comes behind her. This is metaphorically. He's not actually there. He's dead and gone. But he come behind her and he drapes his arms over her and he starts singing with her as well. I don't know what it is. That made you cry. Mate, honestly. That would never get me. Something like that. Watch The Star Is Born. I'll watch it. I promise you I'll watch it. No, because now I'm going to go in. I'm not shaking your hand.

39:17That's what I thought you were saying. I'm going to go in now being like, I'm not going to cry. I'm not going to cry. Yeah, you're too prepared. Let it come. I promise you, you will. I just laughed. She said, let it come. It is an emotional film. 50 quid. Great soundtrack. There's no risk for you at all. Right. You don't have to pay me anything. If you cry, fine. Right. Because I don't want that twist in the deal. But if you don't cry, I will give you 50 pounds. And you just have to be honest with me. I cried. All right. I swear I'll do it. All right.

39:49I once was like really sad in life. And I cried at this boy getting an Iron Man arm. What? He had one arm, this kid. When they gave him an Iron Man arm? No, real life. Real life. Did they call it Iron Man arm? Yeah. Was it like Iron Man, the character? A pathetic lip. Are you trying to go? So he got a robotic arm? No, he had one arm and he met Robert Downey Jr. Okay. And they'd made him this bionic arm. Not that he could use day-to-day life, but like a fun little thing to put on and piss about with. And they gave him this arm and he was like, felt obviously, I've got two arms again. I'd plod my eyes out.

40:28That is real start. I remember crying it this morning with a host that I'm not going to name and Holly Willoughby. Right, okay. They were doing a segment on bullying. miss mum called in and she was like my son's getting bullied every day at school i do not know what to do like he's coming home crying he's so depressed and the and the sun goes on right it's actually making me sad just thinking about it because i just thought fucking hell people are so nasty but they're like what do you like like what do you like what can we do for you what are you into and he goes i like doctor who and when he said i like doctor who i fucking cried because I like Doctor Who and it's okay to like Doctor Who.

41:07And then they're like, I will take you around a tour when they next film. We'll take you around the set. And just how he said it, he was so embarrassed to say it. Yeah. And it, oh. He shouldn't be. No, just fucking let him like Doctor Who, you bastard. Yeah. Like those, that was probably like, I don't know, 10 years ago. The people bullying him because he's a bit geeky and liking Doctor Who are probably doing fuck all of their lives. Yeah. And he's probably got, doing something really good. That's a great speech. the cynic in me the negative to that whole thing is that by having your mum and you go on oh yeah to talk about getting bullied yeah you're getting more bullied for that have you seen that clip on this morning with a kid who's talking about how he gets bullied or it's called like i can't remember but it's like my own own dad bullies me something like that yeah what happened that is the best i don't know what it is tell me that's like accidental bren that is so bren and he sat there and the dad's going no this is how we teach him like he likes it and then they go what does your dad call you and he goes like i'm making this i'm gonna butcher this but he goes like big ears ugly boy or something like that and the dad goes see and he loves it it's the most print thing ever it's all i've butchered that google it i think he says like he's deaf or something oh he's deaf isn't he yeah and he calls me like deaf like it's so like the kid is clearly like He doesn't like that, you idiot.

42:31I fucking know people. I'm feeling, I'm such a cynical space at the minute. It's like me trying to justify bullying you for years on this pod. Yeah. I love it. Yeah. And he loves it. Talking of this morning, let's just do a whole up on this morning, shall we? Have you seen, what's his name? Cliff Richard. Or is it Rod Stewart? Might be Cliff Richard talking about how he refused the photo with Elvis. No. Is that Alison? No. so Allison's like this clip Richard and he goes uh they go you love Elvis don't you and he goes yeah and I had a chance to meet him once and he goes and I was in America and they said you want to meet him and I was like yeah that's amazing and then he goes and then I remembered that he was actually in a real bad state at this time he put on a lot of weight and he goes and I did not want a photo of me with him with all that weight on my fridge right and then he goes so I refused and then he goes and and then he died and i never got that opportunity again but he's saying this to alison hammond who's a large woman so the whole way and then she just goes well there you go that proves you shouldn't sort of judge anyone just because they're a little bit podgy should you and he goes no no he just does not get it yeah oh and the last thing i cried at once i saw a some children in a different country some part of africa who had nothing and they got given a football and they were fucking buzzing and that made me that's not a film why are we just sorry i think it's an advert was it children in aid that whole story just seems like it was up to make it seem like you're a good guy and i wasn't having it halfway through no I thought I don't even we don't even realise what we've got in this country shut up football I cried my eyes you were just saying this is like yeah I actually really care about world issues I will go one further I shared it to my status good on you mate and I went I'm sure that did a lot do you donate?

44:38of course you fucking didn't I don't know if I've ever cried to a movie you don't seem like I can't think of a time that I did. I got a bit teary-eyed listening to my audiobook on the way back from Reading and Leeds, though. What, the Goblin Sex one? No, zombie one now. You didn't cry at Shaun of the Dead. It's similar to Shaun of the Dead. It's called The Undead. In, like, book 17 or something, one of the main characters died, and it was written so differently to the rest of it, and all the characters, like, getting emotional and stuff. And I was like, this is... And then he didn't, so it was fine.

45:11He didn't die. Well, I guess if he does die, He just becomes a character, doesn't he? He kind of did, and then he didn't. That's weird. Fucking hell, I'll tune into that then. Never have I ever... I was going to put these in a will. I'm just going to pick them randomly. Lived alone. Have you ever lived on your own? I've never lived alone in a technical sense, but I've been alone a lot.

45:39That is the fact. I can't tell if this podcast is the bleakest thing we've ever done or whether that is. What do you mean? What I mean by that is I've always had housemates and stuff, but because I went to uni 250 miles from Norwich, being a uni student, it wasn't very easy to get home a lot, but a lot of my housemates and stuff only lived in Devon and stuff, so it's much easier for them to get to from Bristol. So they'd all go home over Christmas period. As I said before, I spent Christmas Day on my own, didn't I? one of my Christmas days I ordered a kebab and played FIFA on my own that's not funny that's not a joke that's sad that is fucking fun it's a time for fucking family delivery driver in a kebab topless the juice is all going over you were fat then and all weren't you if he says no now no you were fat not as I got worse after that was probably the start what made you want to order a kebab on Christmas Christmas then well I didn't get any food in to cook for myself and I was like, I know kebab shops are open.

46:39Stop laughing, actually. No, it's funny though. No, it's not, Jack. What, from the moment you woke up to the moment you went to sleep? You didn't see a single person. Apart from kebab. Did you call your father? No, I did see kebab. Did you call anyone? I called my mum, but they were busy.

46:57And why couldn't you go home? You were working. No, so, yeah, so. Your mum told you she was. Yeah. When that phone rang, She went, oh, for fuck's sake. Yeah. No, I FaceTimed them for five minutes, but then they had stuff to do. Yeah, yeah, with the family. You are the stuff they should do. Because I worked at the opticians. It was kind of like a rule. You either had to work Christmas Eve or Boxing Day. And because I couldn't drive and I lived in Norwich, I just said, look, I have to do one of them. I can't go home anyway. I'll just work them both and then someone else can have the days off. So I was just being nice to them.

47:35What did the kebab man say? I know we spoke about this before Nothing But my god he looked sad for me Did he? He looked me up and down I was in joggers And just like I don't rank I didn't even shower Because I just woke up I was alone Did you feel sad that day? Nah I played FIFA It was alright The kebab was nice as well You're not playing against anyone online Can't find a match Everyone's happy Nah you were playing all the shit people Because they've only just got given the game for Christmas You were doing it purposefully That was smart That was tactical Tactical and I'll, don't worry, I'll work for Christmas Eve and Boxing Day because I'm playing FIFA on Christmas Day.

48:09Did you get any gifts then? Nah, not on a day. No. No, because I was alone. But that's what I was like, other than Christmas Day, that happened a fair amount of times throughout my uni, like the eight years of living in Bristol because I always had housemates who had homes and families to go and see. I didn't go home too often because it was 10 hours on the Megabus and shit. I'd just stay, so I'd be in the house alone a fair amount. Okay. And that's how I'm here. I don't know. Have you lived alone? Never, mate. I've always had friends and family around me. I've lived in shared accommodation a lot, so you don't know or really see the other people too much.

48:48Is that awkward? I've lived in some places in my time, mate. Have you? I'll tell you that. What's the worst living arrangement you've ever had? Two springs to mind. One, my Manchester living. I had a brilliant time. I was with my then manager. It was the first place I moved out of home to. It was a one-bed flat between the three of us. Black mould covering the walls, big hole in the wall. I just slept on the floor for a year. For how long were you there? For a year? I don't know how I did it. And there was mice, genuinely loads of mice in there. Holy shit. Loads. Every morning you'd wake up and there'd be mouse shit all over the kitchen.

49:30It was a tiny place. It's like a bush drug a trial. It was fucked. How old were you? Like 20, 1920, probably. So just before I met you then? Yeah, so I then will have moved back and then had a look for somewhere to live and then moved to Norwich, I guess. What were you doing day to day when you were in Manchester? This episode is brought to you by PayPal. You know how a mom's bag has everything? Sunscreen? Snacks? A stapler? The new PayPal app is like that, but for your money. Shop, pay, manage your account, and earn rewards all in one place. And with purchase protection on eligible items, biometric security, and pass keys, you're protected at every step.

50:16Download the new PayPal app to get started. See paypal.com slash protection terms. This message is brought to you by Apple Card. With Apple Card, you earn unlimited daily cash back on everyday purchases, like groceries, merch, or tickets to the game. Plus, it can be used anywhere MasterCard is accepted. No matter your team, no matter where you shop, AppleCard is here to help you tackle game day. Apply in the Wallet app on your iPhone today. Subject to credit approval, AppleCard is issued by Goldman Sachs Bank USA Salt Lake City Branch. Terms and more at AppleCard.com. Sierra has all the best active and outdoor brands you need.

50:54From athletic stuff, like a full court pickup game, Swish! To athletic-ish stuff, like a half-mile stroll. Get those steps in! And for morning hikes up the mountain trail, good pace. It's a nighttime ghost choice from the camping chair. What a twist! Whatever level of active, Sierra loves it all. Head to Sierra or Sierra.com for the brands you want at the prices that let you do it all. From athletic to athletic-ish, Sierra's got it. Were you getting up and doing what? So I would, yeah. I'd get up, didn't have anywhere to shower or bath in the flat. So where were you showering? At the gym. Right.

51:35But sometimes I wouldn't even go into the gym. I'd go for a shower. Yeah. And I had no money. I had no money. I was not making any money. I was trying to do music, but I wasn't, I was releasing songs. And I remember about six months in, I got a thousand monthly listeners. And I was like so buzzing. then looking back it's like i would have made 2p that year but how are you making how way you live it how i had a job so i had a job before full-time job and then moved it was quite embarrassing so i had a full-time job which i loved it was a day center for adults of autism it's still i had so much fun doing that job and then moved to do music in manchester with this manager bloke um and then yeah just lived there ran out of money so i must have just i don't know what was in my account just lasted me for ages bleeding out yeah and then um i would go back maybe once a month and do a week working at that place again what at the in it was back in colchester so i'd go back to colchester work a week and then that money I would just try and sustain me for the next month.

52:54It was really, really bleak. That does sound bleak. Yeah, it was really bleak. That's almost as bleak as your Christmas. But the thing is, it was so fun because we all got along really well. I had no responsibilities. I wasn't really working. I did a few shifts in a pub in Glossop. And I was actually really happy at that time. Really? Yeah. Genuinely, it was class. We had so much fun. How much would I have to pay you to have that lifestyle again now? No. A month, a monthly fee. but you have to do exactly what you did back then it would be it would be so no it'd be too tough i don't it it was brutal at times like in the winter i had literally a hole where like a vent or a radio should have been in the wall and it was freezing like i'd go to bed in like two jumpers and a coat just on the sofa a fucking mice crawled around my head it was grim you didn't have a bed once i bought a bed i bought i then saved up and bought a bed from ikea which was like a pull-out sofa bed but it broke so it sunk in the middle like that i'd just be like proper sunk in the middle that is fucking yeah that's bad and then yeah the shared accommodations i had a nice one in norwich i had one in colchester which was like not so nice but i'd feel so uncomfortable living with someone who i don't know the first one i had was um the shared accommodation was a shared bathroom and i wouldn't do that again no so when i lived in norwich i was earning a little bit more so I could have like my own en suite.

54:17Right. And that was like fine. Yeah. I really enjoyed that. But yeah, sharing a bathroom with loads of other people and like. I stayed in a hotel once, didn't realise it was one of those shared ones. Yeah. So I was just in this bedroom. This guy's obviously let me in his house. And then in the morning, I remember waiting to go down to the bathroom. Someone was in the bathroom. This was only about three years ago. Someone was in the bathroom and I was just waiting while someone else was waiting for the bathroom. So we were both just sort of stood there and you're just trying to make small talk with like some tell you what number two's a stressful innit someone knocking at the door yeah you gotta get it out quick Jesus okay next one have you ever gotten excluded from school never even had a detention you just scream that don't you yeah what's the most what's the naughtiest thing you ever did at school I had a that's a lie I had a class detention but it wasn't my fault obviously the whole class had to stay in.

55:15Fuck. Why is that obviously not your fault? Because it was the whole class. I couldn't cause the whole class to stay in, could I? How can they punish you if you've done nothing wrong then? Because it was just the whole class got it as a supply teacher. Bit of a knob. Naughtiest thing I ever did, I pulled a face at one of my teachers once.

55:32Fucking hell. Might just leave it here. No. What? We're fine. I just didn't do bad things at school. You pulled a face. Yeah, and I got sent out of the class. Why would you even bring that up? Because he asked. That's not worth bringing up. What was the only thing I ever got sent out of class? What was the face? I told you about this recently. Let's see it. What was the face? Do the face. I can't remember. Do the fucking face. I can't remember. It was year seven. I'm getting scared about what this face could be. Is it something cancelable? No, I was just going up. Can I go home? What is that story?

56:08He asked. It's the only time I ever got sent out of class. That's the worst story I just had to stand at the front That's something that happens in someone's life And you just Don't even think to tell it He's remembered it Yeah I remembered it Because it was the only ever time I've been son of a class And it was a bad moment 15 years on He's remembered it What were you like outside class? Were you remorseful? Oh sad Oh my word I always thought that was the most trouble I could ever get in I'd never been It wasn't even that bad He didn't even do the hands. He just went... What context was the face?

56:46I can't remember. I thought I was going to make him laugh, the teacher, and he just went out. Oh, you weren't even doing it, it'd be cheeky. Cheer him up. It's a bit sad. No, no, I was trying to cheer you up. And he came out and he said, you don't do that. And I was like, I'm sorry. God. So your mum never got called or anything like that? Fucking hell. I got removed from a school trip. I got plenty of after school detention. and the worst one in middle school, I had to do six or 12 weeks of anger management. Oh God, what was that for? And genuinely not even doing a Stevie, it wasn't me. It actually wasn't.

57:20I'm sorry, six to eight weeks of anger management. I said I got group class detention. Yeah, I know. I said a group class detention and when I've gone, it wasn't my fault. He's going, how could it not be your fault? It was my best. Six to eight weeks of anger management. It was my best friend. It was my best friend. And I didn't want to grass him up. so I went he did it he had to go to the anger management as well so you had I was well we had a library that was at the top of these stairs and I walked around the corner and my mate at the time he was called Giuseppe he threw this boy down the stairs and I had to come around the corner as he's landed at my feet yeah and then the teachers come in grab me grab Giuseppe wow six weeks anger management wow that was intense that was intense never have I oh no there's one other thing I got told off for.

58:08Come on. Yeah. Go on. I, in my first school, Dowson actually, I think they, they always made sure you finished your lunch before going to play. And I just wanted to go play. So I threw a wagon wheel on the floor under my table and then went and played. And then I got called back in because my mum worked there on lunch duty. And she said, that was my wagon wheel. My mum got me in trouble. Did you cry? Yep. Yeah. That's sad. That's betrayal. Okay, yeah. Have you ever been in detention? Yeah, I had quite a few detentions. I wasn't naughty at all. I was like you. I really was scared of getting in trouble, but I'd get swept up in like the...

58:46I found something funny or like... If I was sat next to my mate in class, I'd always get detentions for talking to them. Were you a good kid? Sort of just like... I think I went under the radar with teachers a little bit. Middle. I was pretty good. Were you in the call group? Yeah, I was pretty cool. Were you? Yeah, I was pretty... I was like... I think if you're good at football at that age, where I was captain of the school team and stuff, then you were a bit cool. But I think if I wasn't good at football, I wouldn't have been cool. That's why I think it's actually like, obviously raise your kids to like whatever they like, but if you actively don't try and get your kids into a sport or something, I think they can get left behind at school.

59:27That's my theory. I'm just thinking it's probably slightly less cool when I started playing ukulele in assembly. Jason Mraz yeah genuinely Jason Mraz punch someone in the face oh here we go finally bad boys forgot about that didn't get in trouble for it though that's why I forgot middle of the class middle of class like we had a supply teacher and one of my friends was sat next to me and he kept doing that like what do they call it like a horse pinch oh I hate them he was doing that to me and he did it a few times I went that's hurting do it again I'll punch you in the face and he obviously thought I was joking he did it one more time and I just lashed out and just smacked her in the face his nose was bleeding he went to the teacher and she asked why and he explained like properly and was like I did that to him and she just said he did warn you wow and I was like fucking love this supply teacher yeah that was good so there we go I put my friend Westy that I grew up with he I put a hot glue gun on him stupid fucking do not condone this we were in woodwork and I thought like god how hot is this to come out and I just went like that fucking hell mate I'd be shocked I'm shocked if he still talks to you.

1:00:34I'm absolutely fucking mental. And then he stabbed me in the hand with a pencil. I'd be shocked if you still talk to him. What is this school you went to? It sounds horrible. And then, because I felt like I was hard done by, he'd made this wooden... This is horrible. I just need to cleanse myself. Yeah, fine, do it. We're not going to judge you. I promise you won't judge you. I promise. I want to get this out and say, I was a kid and I made mistakes. No judging? No judging. No, no, judge. We can choose if he's a gentleman. He'd been working on this toy wooden car, spinny wheels. Like in like DT?

1:01:09In DT, that's where it was. There's a hot glue gun, Stevie, and a pencil, right? All their pencils. I'm setting the scene. Okay. And then he stabbed me in the hand and it went in quite deep. So you've given him third degree burns. He's done nothing. They freckles. No, Stevie, look. Can you see that scar? Trying to make it hit the light. I think if you have to look that hard. He's trying to make it hit the light right there. Alfie, this was 20 years ago, mate. See that little white bit there? Yes. Thank you. That's where he stabbed me in the fucking hand, right? Oh, wow, wow. So I still got it.

1:01:38And then I picked up his little wooden truck and shoved it into the sander. It's bad, isn't it? Did you get in trouble for that? Psychotic. That's psychotic. You said no judgment. Yeah, I know, but that's fucked up. I was 13. I thought you were going to smash it up. Well, I did. I ground it. No, that's insane to put it in. That takes a while to do as well. Yeah, so I only managed to do the bumper. what before he stopped you yeah yeah it got me in a headlock did you get in trouble yeah a massive were you a bit of a mental kid i did i i got mental when i was emotional as a kid yeah did some really mental stuff i think when my home life weren't too happy yeah yeah six to eight weeks of anger management no it worked okay we've got time for two more all right two more um never have I been ghosted?

1:02:27See, I'm picking teenager terms out here because we're doing a teenager's game. You're being ghosted, you fancy a lady or a girl, and then they sort of ghost you. Or we can flip this, have you ever been ghosted or have you ever been catfished? Catfished? Oh no. I feel like I would have been. I've definitely been ignored a lot. Not catfished. Surely you've been. Yeah, I've definitely been ghosted. But does it count as ghosting if they never reply in the first place? Yeah. I think I would have more been ghosted messaging YouTubers and musicians and actors and stuff like that. When I was younger, yeah.

1:03:07I'd have been ghosted a lot. Would you have messaged people you were a fan of? Yeah, I used to email and message. What were you saying? I would sit at home and just send my music out to loads of companies, YouTube people, all of this. Try and get my music out there. And I remember I sent it. I would send like, you know, that EP we were taking the piss out of the other day. One with the lyrics. The weird. Ego, blind me, learning, find me. Oh yeah. I would send that to everyone, right? Never get a response. I got a response. You know, Tom Rosenfall, the musician. I remember, and this is actually, he's such a good guy because he was really big and I was just some kid in a village that had 30 views on, I just put them on YouTube and I sent him my ep and he sent me like two emails back being really nice being like um i uh he was like i listened to this and really enjoyed it with my breakfast oh i was like that's so nice and then about two months later i got asked to do that the voice audition and i didn't know if i should do it or not so i asked him and he was like yeah you should do it and he replied again have you ever spoken to him since no no you won't know who i am at all but like i've i was like amazed that he'd replied and looking back now i'm like that's fucking insane he replied because now people would email you like that and you wouldn't reply to them you'd ignore no one emails me no no no uh i think i told this story on the pod years ago so i'll keep it brief but i thought that you know when you're like maybe 15 and you've not even met the girl yet but you're talking all the time so you kind of think it's like a bit like i'm dating her in a way yes i used to think like that who were you dating uh well i i'm talking to her yeah i used to say yeah i'm talking to her there was that girl that i was like really besotted by for like two weeks and then i found out she was catfishing me because she wouldn't facetime me she said she worked at top shop and she and i would message her like into the early hours like and then wake up it again and then uh i kept wanting to facetime because after i must have been about 17 then because i had an iphone but i i i wanted to facetime her or video message or maybe msn or something yeah and um she would always find reasons to not do it but do you remember we spoke about this and who the picture was of yeah the picture i found this out like a year later because it came up on the news and i was like fucking hell that was like i didn't put two and I was like, that's that girl I was speaking to.

1:05:43And it was Louis Tomlinson's girlfriend. Which means you were definitely 17, 18, because he's our age. Yeah. And he didn't get famous. Oh no. Yeah. And I was like, fuck, she's with Louis now. No. That's why she didn't reply. She's upgraded. I didn't think, I didn't put Do and Do together that someone had been using her images. We've got to try and get Louis Tomlinson on the pod. You've got a connection. No. don't really she's back at top shop you're gonna try and get with her now and then um i remember i was uh meeting up with a girl for a while and um one day with this is so bleak one day i really liked her and what we'd planned to i'd met with her like three times and then we planned to go to a bonfire night together this is so sad and i went on asos and bought all new like clothes right went to my nan's was asking about what she thinks of it and then called her before my granddad was dropping me off to go and she'd blocked my number and then I was like why is this not going through and then I had a scarf on I remember it oh poor boy and then I went on Facebook to message her and she went on there not coming up at all so then I went on to like my cousin's Facebook searched her and her profile was still live so she'd just got cold feet no but she'd just tell me just blocked me on everything and taking that scarf off It was one of the saddest.

1:07:09Oh, imagine how slow motion it was. It took ages to rattle down. You've just triggered a memory in me. Oh, God. I have been really badly ghosted. When I was about 13, 14, I was talking to you. You know when, like, girls from another school would seem really cool? There was this girl from another school that seemed really cool. She lived in Needham Market, which is, like, 20-minute drive from mine. And we'd organised to meet up in Needham. I don't know. She, like, goes to the shop or whatever. I don't know. I was really excited. You know when you just walk around? Yeah, just walk about. And she had told me I'd dress somehow.

1:07:46But basically, she didn't reply to me all that day. But I was so excited that I got my mum to drive me there. And I was like, I'm going to meet this girl or whatever. And I turned up and I went to this girl's house and knocked on. And I was like, oh, is she in? and her mum and dad were like, no. Like, what are you on about? No, she's out with her mates. And then I was like, oh, right, door closed. And then I just, because I was too embarrassed to say to my mum, I just stayed in Eden for like four or five hours just on my own, just walking around, guided. Did your mum come pick you up after? Yeah, yeah, I just said, I'm ready to get picked up now.

1:08:30Instead of going, what, and your mum inevitably questioned you how the date went? Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was great, yeah, it was nice. so she doesn't know until she listens to this what did you do do you not remember what you did well like I didn't I wouldn't it was so long ago that iPhones weren't out right so I had this little buzzy like I don't know I guess I just texted my friends I don't I genuinely don't know I remember being pretty sad about it so she didn't meet you where you were going to meet no she just she just decided she didn't want to meet me but because I'm so pathetic I turned up you didn't confirm first no I don't think that makes you sweet.

1:09:08No, it's creepy. No, it's not creepy. If they aren't messaging you that day, get the fucking hint. Yeah, I should have realised. Being in the scarf is too late. Yeah, yeah. That's too late, yeah. The scarf. We're all right now. We're all right now, aren't we? Right, one more. Let's do one more. Never have I ever, this one's so niche, gotten in a car with a stranger or accepted a lift off a stranger. I have. Have you? Yeah, I'm in Tunisia. Because you abandoned me. Oh, yeah. Him and Fi abandoned me. So when Hardest Giza finished his run, it was in the northernmost point of Africa. Yeah. And there was just nothing there.

1:09:47There weren't roads that led up or anything. We managed to get a taxi from the main town we were staying in to a point, and then you had to walk a few kilometres up this road to get to the point. But then you then couldn't book taxis back. And there were obviously so many people there that we bumped into Stevie Black and you ended up in their car. And they only had space for two. There was me, you and Fia. They went, we've got space for two. We all just looked like that. So Stevie went, I'll start walking. So I just start walking on my own. All these cars just driving past. Who was I with? I was with just someone else that was there.

1:10:23But we were just walking and all these cars are going past. And eventually this random car just stopped with these three Tunisian fellas in it. And they were just like, are you going back to this town? I went yeah and he went get in I was like cool just me and the other fella got in together and I was just with these random three two-hissing fellas were you worried though? were you worried like you don't know these guys they couldn't sort of murder you I felt the atmosphere at Hardest Gieser's like end was good enough that the only reason anyone was in that region was because of that because there's no other reason to be up there well they could they could have gone there's a lot of tourists they don't know the area we could rob them oh it would have been fucked but it would have been a nice way to go i remember once i this is fucking horrific but i was in thetford place where my dad is from and uh i went and i was only just turned 18 and i went out and i was drinking you know when you're young and you drink all the spirits and the vodka and it's fucking horrific and i was off my face and to this day i can't i don't know who this person was but i was i was walking back i kind of knew roughly where my dad lived i was walking back and i remember it's about three in the morning and his car's pulled up and knew me and went jack do you want to lift and i went yeah all right and i texted my dad and said i'm worried i'm in a car with a stranger and he went and he my dad was texting me get out then who is he i can't remember why i didn't ask him and he and the guy drove past my dad's drive and i went it's here it's here and he put his music up louder and driving right so i'm 18 at the time i remember thinking as a really old man it's probably like a 30 year old bloke he on the sesh or whatever.

1:11:58And I kept going, drop me off, mate, drop me off. And he's going, nah, it's all right, it's all right. And I got scared and I got out of the car and I remember I texted my dad in my drunken state something like, said he won't let me out, he won't let me out. And then I was thinking, this guy's fucked me. Like, I'm like, he's taking... So as I got out, I text my dad, the guy's fucked me.

1:12:20And I didn't even think of it. And then I got back, I swear, That's how you tell him. I got back to my dad's house, half three in the morning. He was stood outside in his boxes and he went, what the fuck's happened? Like that. And I went, what, what? And he went, what's happened? Who is he? And I was going, I got out down there. Are you hurt? Are you hurt? I was going, what the fuck? And he went, you might have to prove this, but he went, did he f*** you?

1:12:51Why did you use that language? I mean, he's f***ed me. Like, I just, I was just, how did you get out uh he dropped me off at the shops the guy needed to go to the shop so he must have said i'll drop that is weird he wouldn't it was weird and now to this day because i know a lot of people in fetford that could be any one of my uncles or cousins and i can't get around going are you the guy that fucked me no no you can't are you the guy that took me to the shop yeah have you ever got in a stranger's car no i remember a boy from school when i was about year seven did it and they did a whole assembly about it the next day it was raining on the way home and they were like uh will has got into a stranger's car it's really really dangerous and i was like shitting myself it was just an old woman because it was raining oh but i ever since then i was just terrified yeah i would never ever get in someone's like a stranger's car ever on that do you ever do it the other way like when i've been driving around norwich if it's like hammering down every now and then I'll see someone walking in and I do just think is it weird if I just offer this person yeah I think that as well and I always just know I'll look like a nutter yeah every time but my brain will always go there's a car seat in the back what if I just go I've got a kid and like I don't know what then it's like you're trying to protest exactly I'm not gonna yeah I never know if it's the right thing to do but I always just think like they're getting soaked I'll just happily just give them a quick lift wherever they need to go but I will just look like a nutter yeah you should go I've got a kid and then when they get in go he's in the boot he's in your belly

1:14:24there we go on the serial killer thing I know you hate dreams I had the weirdest dream that kind of you'll both like last night I don't know if I should because I've been ill before I went to bed they're doing a new Netflix movie about Ed Gein yeah so he's like known as the serial killer who basically he was the one who took off the flesh and made like lamps out of it and stuff. So Texas Chains of Massacre is because of him. Because I read this right before bed, I must have been thinking... Good. I must have been thinking about serial killers and stuff. I had a dream that Away Days were interviewing Ted Bundy for some reason.

1:15:04I'd be jealous if you got that game. Shirt shopping. I don't know. But for some reason, Ellis asked if I could look after Ted for the day before. And I ended up having a scrap by Ted Bundy. Fucking hell, did you do him? No, because he's Ted Bundy. And then he killed someone in front of me. And for some reason, I had to defend him. I don't think he meant to do that one, to be fair. When I woke up, I was like, what the fuck is going on in my head? Why have a way doesn't Ted Bundy even linked? Why am I, it's like - He killed you? No, he beat me up. And you were going, he didn't mean to. And then we were in the Bowling Greens in Norwich.

1:15:43The old bowlies that I used to play football in as a kid. And we were walking around there and he turned around to this guy and he was holding this like stick and it stabbed the guy. So it seemed a bit accidental. And then when they came, I was like, look, I know he's got a history, but this one I don't think he meant to do. But then he had to go and do shirt shopping. Oh, fair enough. Honestly, I woke up like, fuck, there's something wrong in here right now. If you really wanted to do him, you should have pulled a silly face at him. That would have showed him. Yeah. You'd get in trouble though for that.

1:16:09That would have showed him. Probably go to jail for that. There we go. Alfie, Stevie and Jack here on the Jackmates Happy Hour podcast. We'll see you in a few days. We can do more Never Have I Ever. So we only did five. Fuck it up. We can do later on. We chat too much shit, don't we? It is drivel. It's absolute drivel. See you in a bit. Thanks for listening.

1:16:30Jack Mate's Happy Hour.

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