599 - FOUR(SKINS) IN A BED Part 2! - Who Will Be Crowned The Winner?!

22:35Sunday. I like the way... Definitely Sunday. Definitely Sunday. See, I like the way that you're reading all these things. And in your head, you're thinking, we know what the fuck any of these are. Oh, I can say bunny man. No, no, no. I can picture it. It's a bunny. Okay, goat man. It's got my teeth. A goat. Moth man. I'm not doing this every day. Slender man. The thing you get from the game, yeah. Slender man actually scares me. That is scary. You said that was so cute. No, that was like brain rot. Slender man actually scares me. Skiddy. All we have in our house is, Italian brain rot at the minute on the screen.

23:14Really? Always love it. Is that that? Playing some games. What? He said that. That was my boomer-ish thing. Italian brain rot. It's like a thing at the moment. Italian?

23:28Robbie:What's happening here? It's like your granddad. Brain rot? Italian? What do you mean Italian brain rot? Kids at the minute are into Italian brain rot, which are all these little character things that have a little catchphrase. What, like Mamma Mia? Sort of. Yeah, Bombadino Cappuccino or something like that. It's Tongue Tongue Shakur. That's one, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's bad. It's weird. It's honestly mental. It's bad stuff. I thought we were into shite. Brain rot is the new thing. Like, Skibbity Toilet was brain rot. Yeah, but now it's Italian brain rot. Which is quite cool and indie in a way. Yeah.

24:02A specific niche of brain rot. Nice. When I was a kid, we were just into Skibbity Toilet, nothing else. Yeah. Good old British brain rot. Very main. Or American, probably. Yeah.

24:12Robbie:Wow. I thought like to me, to you was brain rot, but chuckle brothers. That was early brain rot. Nah, that's a catchphrase. That's a completely different. That's a beautiful bit of writing. I think that's what brain rot is, just catchphrases. Brain rot. The duck song would have been brain rot. No, that's too creative. Gummy bear? Everyone loves magical Trevor. No. What was our brain rot when we were younger? This podcast is something like brain rot. Crazy frog brain rot. Crazy frog brain rot. yeah yeah okay next one so I'm in necropants because you've chosen Sunday the next question that you're who's necropants are you wearing was that the next question previous guest hey is it flipping hell wouldn't you rather a snuggler fit what because that's just not going to make I don't no I need space you're just going to have a long bit of skin how do you know his isn't the same size he's just slotting it in true we've never seen Stevie's yeah no why have you said that like you've all seen each other's yeah so i say mine yeah yeah anything i think i think if he had a monster penis he probably would have told us because he yeah he does go on all that stuff about himself i'd have found an excuse to get that out yeah yeah what excuse oops it's like i'm changing my pants i'm like oh sorry my pants have come down yeah what is that yeah how's a broken arm tripped over my cock again yeah yeah yeah so next question that you're about to ask me is do you want me to tell you?

25:42Robbie:I can see it if you want me to read myself the question I'll do it because it's more professional that way so what are you like as a host then? Answered that, that was the whole Mothman Slender Man stuff what are the beds like there? the rooms it depends which room you get the rooms are themed after well known urban legend stories that you might have heard me tell on this podcast so I'd actually like to offer you each a chance to choose which room you get to stay in so you'll all get different but fun experiences. Alfie, what room would you like to stay in? One, two or three? Two, please. Okay, room two.

26:14This is a room that makes you feel at home. It's not just another copy and paste hotel room. This feels like a proper bedroom. One you'd be proud to call your own. And the best feature, this room comes with its own dog. I love dogs. The dog is super friendly and loves a cuddle. And as you drift off to sleep, our good boy will help ease you off into dreamland as he licks your hand to reassure you he's still there. I genuinely need that if I'm staying on my own. I need to stay here. A little dog to lick. That's beautiful. So just be sure to keep your eyes closed if you feel that licking in the night, though, because we can't guarantee it'll be the dog-giving comfort as this room is based on the urban legend humans can lick too.

26:53Robbie:Oh, it's that guy that cackled early. He's just like, great callback. That's a very good callback. That looks genius to the listeners as well because you've called back to last week. or they forgot it and they've just lost on everyone I'm going to creep up until last week now I'm just sneezing bless you so you've got Humans Can Lick 2 I don't get I haven't heard that one what's that? quick synopsis quick synopsis it's about you've got a dog at home and there's a maniac on the loose that you've heard on the news and you fall asleep with your dog licking your hand and then you get woken up by the sound of your shower dripping and you go into your and you can still feel a licking on your hand you go into the bathroom and there's your dog's been hung up dead and the blood's written on the wall saying humans can lick too.

27:38So the person's killed your dog and has been licking your hand.

27:40Robbie:Is that real? Did that actually happen? Yeah, in Iceland. Never go to Iceland. There's a tradition in Iceland. Did that happen, Stevie? It's an urban legend. Yeah. Yes. What? It's based on a... Do you know what urban legends are? Not really. Have you ever seen Crime Watch? Yeah. They were all urban legends in that. No, they weren't. Yes, they were. They become urban legends. Yeah. Because they're real. over the years. Robbie, room one or three? Let's go for room number three, please. Room number three. The final room will take you back to your childhood. It'll give you that nostalgic feel as you settle into a nice night in your very own childhood bedroom.

28:16Robbie:1910s. Beautiful, really. Robbie's wouldn't even have electric. I wrote that on here. I wrote... I actually wrote, for Jack and Alfie, you might have a Super Nintendo or a Sega Mega Drive. But then he's chosen this room so it works so perfectly. You know, you could have just said, picked one for us and just said ignore the numbers couldn't you? No I'm doing it right it's nice. After a nice evening of reliving your youth you can settle into bed and try to sleep. Noises in the night might wake you up as you notice a creepy clown doll in the corner. Too scary to look at you might want to reach for the phone and call reception to take the clown doll away only to be told we don't own a clown doll.

29:01and this room is based on the urban legend of the clown statue a quick synopsis babysitter goes up to check on the kids notice there's a creepy clown in the room goes back downstairs calls the parents and say do you mind if i move the clown statue in the bedroom and the parents say we don't own a clown statue goes back up kids been killed is this whole episode just your way

29:22Robbie:to start telling us urban legends again are you already told these ones are old ones yeah i haven't told these ones on the pod. Oh, wow. I'm not. The lick one I did OG, like with Doody and Loz. I thought that was more recent because I thought you'd won that. Long time ago. A clown statue, I don't know if I've ever told. So just to say, we're not actually getting haunted then. These are just little themes. My staff are helping do this. How can you guarantee the dog's going to lick my hand? Train dog. Is he going to go in and see a dog that's been hanged in his bathroom and blood everywhere? Fake dog.

29:54Fake one, obviously. I don't want that in there. Can you take that out, please? Dog dream bed. That should make me feel uncomfortable. Dog's actual dead. Dog dead dream. Which leaves Jack with room number one. Yeah, the one I wanted. Here you'll enjoy a fairly standard looking hotel room with all the usual amenities. You'll have a nice flat screen, smart TV, and a beautiful waterfall shower in your en suite bathroom. This is perfect. However, this room has a foul odour. Despite the best efforts from our housekeeping staff, we just can't seem to shake it. The bed frame is handcrafted from sycamore wood and the mattress was a lovely memory foam super king.

30:25but just be careful where you lay as certain parts of the mattress might be a little lumpy as this room perfect this room is fashioned you know i love a lumpy mattress oh you do ripped and done for your pleasure this room is fashioned after the body in the bed urban legend this one is a true story happened a couple of times in american hotels where people have been killed in hotel rooms and they've cut open the mattress and hid the body inside the mattress and then the body's been found days later by someone who's gone into a room to stay and been like, this room smells really bad and the bed's uncomfortable.

30:58Surely they'd know who it was though based on who booked the room at that time. Back in the day though, you weren't leaving all the same, you'd just pay cash and never even get the details. Exactly. Some TripAdvisor review that and that you're leaving. I found a dead body in my mattress. Yeah. Yeah, it's happened a couple of times, like genuine stories. So there you go, there's your next one. So that's your three rooms.

31:15Robbie:This episode is brought to you by Airbnb. I swear you were telling me that you met Alfie in an Airbnb. Not technically, but the first week I ever met Alfie, we went away together and we actually stayed in an Airbnb in Liverpool. So the first time you met Alfie, just you two went and you just met for the first time and went, let's go share an Airbnb together. No, it wasn't just me and Alfie. There was a few of us. We traveled up to Liverpool and we got an Airbnb because unlike a hotel, we wanted to all sort of stay in the same place together. And it was pretty good to be fair. Fee had somewhere to do her makeup we had a kitchen uh we had a massive sofa it was it was a good weekend um but it was a bit strange because i didn't really know alfie that well but we got close on that on that week and he got an invite and i didn't must have been lost in the post well then i hope i get an invite to the next one where are we going yeah that's uh that's already booked me and alfie and a few other friends are going to brighton for the weekend again airbnb can't wait Did you know that psoriatic arthritis may progress over time and could cause permanent joint damage if left untreated?

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33:42Robbie:Okay, so Let me get this right Have I got a real dead body in there? No, again, none of this is You're pumping a bad smell in There's a real stench of death Yeah, that's real I love that Pigs Sorry? Dead pigs from the Mythbusters So he's got like a corpse of a dog in his That's a callback from three weeks ago, mate Have I got a dead kid in mine? You've got a clown statue You've got just a clown statue But I haven't got the bit after they go back No, because you're the kid So I've just got a clown That's actually quite nice Yeah, but that's a Your stinks of death and shit Yeah And he's got a dead dog in it No, no I'm staying in my room And remember your clown isn't actually a statue That's a real person just sat watching you What, a little sword?

34:25So this is real? No, it's like a life-size clown. How big is this clown? Life-size, like... Has he got his stella?

34:33Robbie:Is he wanking you off? What, like a depressed bloke dressed up as a clown? Yeah, just like that. I wish I had that room. I would win that guy round. Yeah, I quite like my room. You genuinely like my room. You'd be going, we're performers. Me and you are performers. I've done what you do. Do you know what I mean? I'd be getting... What's the next question? Right, so we found out what your rooms are like, Stevie. Yeah, you've all got your own bespoke room there as well. Yeah, we know what the bed's like and the sleeping arrangement. So now we'd like to know, are there any rules that us three as guests should know?

35:05Once you're in your room for the night, you can't leave until breakfast. Fucking hell. Sorry, you just have to deal with that. I'm photophobic, mate. You've got to deal with that smell. What happens if I leave? I do. Dead. Wow. You're supposed to... You'll be the next body in the bed. How do you kill me? um we well i can i can let you know what happens in a later bit okay so you'll have to just worry about that all right brilliant just stay in your room basically it will link to the entertainment

35:38Robbie:okay so if i go in my room and i'm like this fucking reeks it stinks of death i can't leave otherwise i'm gonna be adding to the smell but well okay look you can leave but it changes the the cost of the hotel. So I've got at the end, when I tell you my costs, I'll tell you in a bit, if you, cause it's a haunted hotel, the whole idea is that you're going there to be haunted. If you don't make it through the night, you have to pay more cause you've failed the haunting. So what is it? We pay him or we die in? Cause there's two. You're not going to get any money out of us if you kill us. Yeah. Well, I'll get everything in your wallet.

36:09Robbie:Nothing. You just pay more. Okay. So you don't die. I'm not going to kill anyone. Cause it's all fake. It's not a real dead dog. Is that just a bit of a joke? I was just I think he sounded like that bit was real for a bit and now he's backtracking because he knows he's losing the ring because he actually wants to win yeah look at my cost the shit I said I didn't have written down look at my notes if you make it through the night if you leave before breakfast that was my two things for the price okay I couldn't see it because you were covering it up I was trying to cover the prices I didn't want to ruin the it's the only bit I saw okay what's the next bit what's the next question Jack if your Airbnb had a secret door where's that leading well St.

36:45Moor's Castle where this is actually has its own oubliette. What? Some made up words. So it's a type of dungeon. Oubli what? Oubliette. God, that's horrible.

36:57Robbie:Come on, you know your oubliettes. It sounds like a taxi service you can only get with female drivers. Sounds good. That's a brilliant one, Jack. So an oubliette is a type of dungeon that's only accessible from the ceiling. So there's no way in or out other than above you. And St. Moors actually has one of those that they used to use as punishment if people were being naughty. So you want to get out of your room, you have to go through the room. No, this is the secret door. Ah. So this is a separate part. So the only way out is how you get in. So we've got that in St. Moore's Castle already, but also each room has its own secret passageways behind the bathroom mirrors to pay homage to the urban legend of the Candyman.

37:35Okay. Another true story. What would I do? Just go in there and look at the bathroom? So Candyman, back in the urban legend, is saying his name three times. but it appear in the mirror, like Bloody Mary as well. In, I think it was New York back in the day, old, big old flats that they used to build had gaps between the rooms behind the bathrooms that robbers would use to come through. And there was a story of someone actually coming through the bathroom mirror and killing the person to rob their stuff. What I'm saying is, what use do I get out of going behind the mirror? Why do I want... You can go into each other's rooms.

38:12Why? Stella? You see me getting wanked off by the clown To be fair I would go have a look Would you? If he was getting wanked off by a clown would you want to see it? I wouldn't want to but if I had the If I was like you can go look at that now So you would want it? That is wanting to No it's not it's like I'm more want to than not want to You're telling me right If I went Jack you'll never guess Robbie's getting wanked off by a clown in that room I'd watch any of you getting wanked off by clowns on my life right now he's passionate I would not look you would if I went into your room and went well you'll never guess what I've just seen please just come here I can picture him

38:54Robbie:getting wanked what would you say you'd go I don't want to say that I'd go that's kind I'd go I know that's not leaving anything up to the imagination I know what that's like yeah but it's funny do you really what if I go it is not what you think then obviously I'm going to want to see what that means and then you look and it is what you think. You're not be human. You'd have to go and have a look. We'll have a look. That's the most out of pocket way that meme phrase has been used ever. It worked off by a clown. Wow. We'll have a look. So yeah, you can use the secret door to go to each other's rooms if you want.

39:33To be fair,

39:36Robbie:I think I'm being a hypocrite. Go on. Because when I watch the Garrett video and when that come out, come out. when you hear when I heard that I was like let's see what that's all about so thank you him getting fucking hand me off thank you good yeah then yeah I probably would yeah there's just something weirder about it it's in person though yeah if you went I've got a video yeah but you're looking through a mirror I feel like just looking at a screen boy yeah it will look like a little screen yeah yeah I'd have a look me and you giggling through in the mirror it'd be brilliant okay so in my B &B I have hired a staff on the front desk we have the wonderful Beth Darlington an expert in exorcisms and the paranormal Beth will tell the history of the castle and how to survive the night in your room so he'll give you little tips how to deal with his smell how to deal with the clown I've been getting wanked up can't remember what was in your room the dog enjoy the dog dog you've just put her in there because you know Robbie's going to pay extra our concierge is the ghost challenger Richard Case he can help you with any creepy going ons what am I talking about creepy going ons shut the fuck up you want to win I'm being the host I literally I would have why didn't you say shit mate we've all made our shit because bloody that's what you're supposed to do make it shit I'm doing the one thing you all hate for the creepy going ons and we also have what creepy going ons putting flair into it fuck yourself we also have the most you've been excellent today Alfie you literally sang the whole welcome to the house of cum song yeah you've been really good today and a week ago yeah appreciate it we also have the most famous paranormal investigators of all time Ed and Lorraine Warren known for their work with the Annabelle Doll the Amityville Horror and the Enfield Poltergeist and they're just sat in a corner in case anything scary happens that we didn't plan right they're both actually dead so what in the real world who are those two oh right We can magic people back alive in this.

41:40No, they're dead in my hotel. Are they actually dead or are they models? They're dead. I have their actual bodies. Are you going to commit to that or are you going to take it back? I have their bodies. Okay, brilliant. Getting shut down.

41:55Robbie:Okay, what's the next question? So we know where the secret door would go. Yeah, we know my staff. We know your staff. what's the entertainment or evening activity? We hold a nightly seance. Okay, yeah, that's on brand. Which is a nice opportunity for you to be able to speak to loved ones or maybe even witness a demonic possession. No. No, no, no, no. Okay. This is your chance so you could try and speak. The thing is, because we've only got Beth and Richard who both told us they don't really believe in any of them. Beth believed a little bit. A little bit, but I can't guarantee that we're going to get to speak to the person you want to speak to.

42:35right because who would i want to speak to we've got one bonus person in there who's your mate who knows who does this kind of thing but i'm not going to say his name in case i get sued what let me work out who that is oh yeah no he's in there he's helping out who's who is this should i be getting this it was a while back but someone went on a date with him someone went on a date with him and i messaged you to say all he did was complain about you

43:09Robbie:oh that weird fucking psychic cunt yeah he's in there too yeah that's weird because when you said mate i thought you meant mate not weird oh no mate well no so he's a weird celebrity psychic that's not okay because he can help right yeah but we can't guarantee you're gonna get to speak so who would you like to try and he can't help can he how can he help he can contact the dead Jack. He can contact the dead, can he? Out of everyone to have ever lived on the planet. Him, Beth Darlington and Richard Case as a team. With the dead bodies of the others. Right. So you can all choose to contact someone but you might get possessed by a demon instead.

43:48You couldn't pay me enough to ever do one. Would you do it? No, not for a million pounds. Would you do a Ouija board? No, couldn't pay me. People did it at my school and I just at lunch and I was like, I'm stormed off. Stormed off? Yeah, I was fuming. That's so angry. I was fuming. Why? Don't summon the dead! Genuinely, I was like, I don't believe this, but on the off chance, can we just go play footy or something? Well, we've said this before. The off chance is the scary part. Yeah. But 99.9999, not happening, is it? No, I'm not up for it.

44:18Robbie:Who would you talk to if you could just pick anyone? Dead. Yeah, that is the morbid bit. Yeah. I'd probably want answers to, like, an unsolved mystery. That's good, Jack. Yeah. Maddy. what if you try and she doesn't reply then I'll be like she's here let's hype up the search a bit more or Bobby Moore how does that feel what's that unsolved mystery of Bobby Moore coaching tactics how does that feel he's like I do have the option to help find Madeline McCann but I'll probably just speak to Bobby Moore or the fella that was in the submarine ooh okay yeah but what if he just goes you know how they said it all failed did because I was using a PS2 controller yeah but Odegaard would want to go how did it feel apparently didn't he turn into like atoms in like yeah so he wouldn't have felt anything would he that's a complete waste some bloke I didn't even know I was dead mate it's news to me fair enough I need more time to think before I lock in that that's alright we can move on you asked it that's a good question me okay next question is big question what item do I leave in each guest's room you ask she's just doing his own interview now I'm trying to get the episode to win I just want the episode to finish I leave the top drawer of all hotels you find a bible so next to that I've also got a bottle of holy water and a wooden crucifix just in case you do get possessed you can all help each other out because if Alfie gets possessed you can use the walls behind the mirror to get into his room past Robbie getting wanked off is Robbie helping or is he too busy?

45:52he's too busy but you can throw holy water on him

45:57Robbie:okay right So your whole thing's got a theme. I like it. I like it a lot. I do like it as well, Stevie. So what do you serve for breakfast, Stevie? Before you have breakfast, I try and make sure you have a good night's sleep. Okay, yeah, of course. Which I don't actually do because if our guests leave having a great night's sleep, then my staff haven't done their jobs properly and that means they're going to get left in the Oubliette for a week as punishment. So my staff are going in the Oubliette if you guys sleep well. That's illegal, isn't it? What? Just sort of entrapping people and keeping them as slaves.

46:25That's probably illegal, isn't it? No, they're not. They're punished. They're being punished. That's what I mean. Keeping people. We're trapped all night, aren't we? You're paying for it. Yeah, but to say if my staff don't work well enough, I'm going to trap them and help them in prison. Remember what, Ublia is a prison you can't get out of. Ublia is a dungeon that you can only get out of through the ceiling. So there's no ladder for them to get out.

46:44Robbie:So you are forcing your staff to work there the whole time? No, only if they do a bad job. They can leave. Who are your staff again? Beth Darlington, Richard Case. So poor Beth, you're going to trap a... You're going to trap a woman in a dungeon. And you won't let her out until she does a good job. Yeah, but luckily they all do good jobs, so that's never a worry. Probably is a worry to them. Yeah. Slightly. Yeah, they're not happy though. No. They're not happy. Look, I'm not there to make people happy. I'm there to give people a bad, horrific time. It's a haunted hotel. So we get a shit night's sleep.

47:19Robbie:Yeah. We're fuming in the morning, but maybe breakfast can pick us up. For breakfast, we serve a lover's stew. You like a good stew? yeah what's one yeah what's a lover's so it's a playful share it wouldn't we yeah you you guys would um it's a playful dish based on the urban legend but based on the urban legend which tells the tale of a man so hot hurt by his wife's affair that he kills cuts up and cooks his wife's lover and serves him back to her as a deliciously seasoned dish so there's a bit of human meat in this no human meat is used in our kitchen Why are you winking? No human meat. What is the meat?

47:56Robbie:What is the meat? Not human. What does it taste like? Human meat. Is it human meat? No. Why is this weirdly believable? You'd do something. Just to win. I'm going to win from human meat. No. No. Got me under duress. Doesn't count. There we go. You're going in a nubliate. Alfie's in a nubliate now. Okay, I still don't know what that really means. Okay, right, so love a stew for breakfast. Who's one notable person that has stayed in your Airbnb before? Well, an array of famous urban legends have stalked the halls because they know about it. They want to get involved. Loads of the sexy ones that you and Robbie know about.

48:40Perfect. Yeah, Madam Coy Coy, she's been there. She's probably in my room. All over that, yeah.

48:46Robbie:And then... Just suck them here.

48:54clowns ranking them off you're getting sucked off you're all right i was just a dog um so they've been there and then um and then also mr t and cilla black fucking hell she's barely been dead five years not together Mr T in there? I don't get that one. No, they're just being there. Why? Why Mr T? Why have you picked Mr T? They just both really liked it. Is that how they died? Is there a reason why Mr T is there? Mr T's alive, isn't he? Why have you picked Mr T? Mr T died. Did he? I was just trying to think of two completely random celebrities. They're both dead. I didn't mean to. I literally just...

49:37Have they died in your hotel? Nah. Nah. I couldn't think... I just needed two completely random celebrities is that you got to be why the fuck have you picked them and they're the first two that came to mind?

49:47Robbie:Did you know they were dead? No, I knew Cilla Black was because she looks like my nan. Mr. T's alive, there you go. Oh, is he? Yeah, he loves it. Good on him. Right. When did he stay there then? Because he lives in America. Yeah. Famously, he's not getting on any plane. What? That's good. The A-Team reference, hanging on a plane. He does that. I thought you'd done something. When did he stay? He, Adam Radcliffe. He was dead, isn't he? Well, no, she just checked it. It doesn't matter. Adam Radtick throws him over. Oh, okay. Matt is fine. Matt is going to be a minister. Yeah, and then that's it.

50:20And I charge per night. Are we thinking of Hulk Hogan? Yeah, probably. Hulk Hogan's dead. Yeah. Is he there? No. Has he ever been there? No. He hates it. Yeah, charge per night. It's£300 for the night or£1 ,300 if you leave before breakfast.

50:37Robbie:Okay. What? £300 for the night? For the night. But if you don't stay the night, because the whole point is that you're not meant to leave your haunted room, your stinky room, your clown room and your dog room. $300 for the night, but$1 ,300 if you choose to leave before breakfast. So what you'll need to do in your note is state whether you're going to stay for the whole night and then pay according to that. So I'm aware of the stipulations of leaving the room before I book to stay at the hotel. Yeah, so you know it's better to stay money-wise, but if you could please write, would you stay? and then your money needs to compare to either 300 for staying or 1 ,300 for leaving.

51:15So yeah, it's more expensive.

51:16Robbie:What happens if I don't stay at the hotel? At all? Yeah. This is irrelevant. You pay zero. No, the whole episode's pointless if you don't stay at the hotel. Why are you crossing the whole out, Jack? They put not staying at the hotel. Oh, am I not allowed to put that either? We have to stay there. Yeah, you've got no choice. So the only decision... If you choose what we pay, it don't have to be 300. I can say£2. No, no, no, yeah, you can say, but I'm saying can you please state whether you're leaving or staying? Because if you say£2 and you leave, you've undercut me£1 ,298. But if you stay for the whole night, you've only undercut me£2 ,98.

51:54I've already sealed my envelope, I'm staying. Yeah, because you're getting wanked off by a clown, Robbie.

52:01Robbie:So if I don't, right, sorry. So if I don't stay the whole night. You pay£1 ,300. But I don't have to, do I? because I can pay you what I want yeah yeah but I need to know to compare it because the whole point is that we need to know how much you've underpaid by so if you leave or overpaid yeah I'm not hopeful Robbie but also can I just state we just managed to go through that whole bit and I told you guys about 12 different urban legends yeah you did was that your aim that was my aim I just want to see how many urban legends I could tell you about throughout that whole always got to win somehow that's all I can even if I lose I've won yeah You absolute cunt.

52:39Robbie:You're welcome. Okay, so your scores are in. They're locked in, in the envelopes. The last stop in. Yeah, and now the last stop of the podcast, Robbie Knott. Yes. How does it feel to be a hotel owner? Very exciting, because mine has an incredible twist that will happen very soon. When you ask her name. Well, so do you want me to take over the questions here, Jack? Yeah, because I was bad at that. Yeah, well, the first one is, what is the name of your B &B? B &B. But B-E-E and B-E-E. Oh, what a buzz. B and B. He gets it already. It's always going to be B-themed. Okay. Let's see what happens. Okay, Robbie.

53:25Where is the location of your B and B? It's out in the countryside, and it is a wonderful building that is shaped like two giant Bs where the hotel is within. I've not decided yet whether they're going to be like two separate bees next to each other but you sort of move in between two rooms where they're like conjoined twin bees

53:44Robbie:so this hotel doesn't exist yet yes but it's unfinished so we could turn up and construction's happening hang on I've just got a text it's two separate ones who texted you? architect at this time Mr Bean what? or her yeah and this one is a man though oh right fair yeah you know him yeah I know oh cool mr bean right so mr beans made your hotel and then two bees side two bees next whatever i said then yeah that yeah i went with in the end i feel like i don't need to ask the next question but what is the theme of this bees bees this is very very bee heavy and a really fun nice place to be around bees at be around a little joke we do in the hotel um because i mean the other members of staff and um everyone really has a right laugh there um because it's all the things it's such a nice thing obviously bees are very important there's like fresh honey for you in reception as you go there if you want there's loads of lavender to attract bees and of course a beehive in every room so what was that last bit no that's mental what was that last bit uh i think it was what did i do i think it was lavender to attract bees i think no there was one more honey in reception no that's a nice it was about the bedroom just yeah every room will have a beehive in it see i couldn't stay there because i i don't like the smell of lavender what about the yeah and you're in the bedroom might pick you off a bit i'm sorry i was still thinking about the honey in the water that sounds delicious um whereabouts in the bedroom is the beehive well we're not really on to that bit we'll talk about the rooms properly then we're just giving a little teaser of what's to come okay well what's what's one thing uh about your b &b that makes it stand out to visitors before you answer that can i not just question when you were designing i think you've like a true youtuber yeah you've thought of the theme first very much show if i'm now entitled yeah why didn't you design the hotel to be like a beehive and then all the different rooms were little that'd be so sick hexagons that'd be so so good they need to do that well well maybe with maybe you have jumped a gun a little bit here because there is more stuff later on right but the outside of it certainly is beach age i think you'll agree is more visually exciting in a beehive.

55:54No, I would... Sorry, if you saw it as a big sort of wooden hive thing, big wooden building, what, like a normal house, or two giant fucking bees, I think I know what's better. How big are these bees? Massive. How big? How many rooms are in a hotel? Eight. Four per bee. Four per bee. Okay, so about the size of my castle.

56:16Robbie:Stop flexing you've got a castle. Give the fuck off with your castle. Ever since you got that castle, you've turned into a right cunt. Yeah, you're right. continue being right I thought you were your Tesla um yeah um so yeah so what makes it stand out you say apart from being two B's yeah well as you were in your room you and you in the hotel oh this is quite nice what's that noise that just randomly happened a little fluttering of wings what the hotel what hold on hold on how was he Did you say the hotel can fly? I said the hotel can fly

56:58We have given up We've given up You're right Steve You don't have to go far Where's it flying? It just goes up in the air a bit Just hovers Yeah But you don't know when It's like a wave machine A pool that just randomly goes off It just hovers for a beer And you hear everyone's like Yay The hotel's flying

57:18Robbie:Well, can you give us an idea of how regularly this is? About every hour. That's loads. How long? So often. About five to ten minutes each time. How high? Yep, a lot like that. How high? How high up? And how still is it? It's fairly stable. You're not falling out or anything like that. It's fairly stable. It's quite good. But you probably only go a couple hundred metres off the ground. Pointless. A couple of hundred metres? It's quite cool. It's so impossible. But generally... What? That is quite cool. You don't know Mr Bean's architecture. Well, actually, it's scientifically impossible that the bees should be able to fly.

57:57Robbie:Scientists cannot work that out. So Robbie's theme is so embedded within his hotel. A lot of lore here. A lot of science lore. I like it, Robbie. I like it a lot. Thank you very much. What is powering the flight, can I just ask? Is it the wings themselves? The wings of the bee. Tiny wings, right? That shouldn't sustain the body. You wouldn't think so. Scientifically, how have you managed to do it? Well, that's it. Bee tech. Yeah, BTEC. BTEC. You've done a BTEC. He's got a BTEC. I've got BTEC and BTEC. Yeah. Just because I can't really remember actually, Stephen. Could your castle fly? No, I couldn't.

58:29You had to check, did you? I'm going to have a look. Interesting that. So yeah. Yeah. So that is, I think that might, the question was one thing that was in stand-up to Vistas. I think that might qualify. Yeah. So what happens if we turn up and it's all going up in the air and I'm like, fuck, I've gotta wait 10 minutes before they let me in five five probably five minutes really also you're looking up you're probably going wow yeah like you could do 10 minutes if you turn up and there's a flying hotel you're not gonna be like oh for god's sake i wanted to go and yeah you'd be like fucking hell arianne that hotel's flying yeah yeah doing yeah no i probably do a pretend like lifting it yeah yeah yeah very good thank you how do you greet your guests robbie uh great question uh steve um fine i i will greet everyone arrive that arrives uh that's nice in a beekeeper's outfit whilst all the staff dance in bee costumes and i'll say our catchphrase okay oh here we go welcome to b &b where you'll never get stung financially what does that mean then because that implies they'll never get stung financially right that would make me financially is weird though no because that's the joke it's like oh you know if you're saying i got stung so there's a chance we could get stuck not financially mate no yes didn't you not hear the phrase physically not physically in the wallet no

1:00:01okay thank you thank you what are you like as a host robbie whimsical okay and mysterious Can I be two things? Can you give us an example of how you're both? I can give you up to three examples I'd like all three So every time people see me around there I'm doing a little slightly sort of whimsical thing Maybe I'm like carving something out of a bit of wood That's whimsical He's making a heron Why is he making a heron? Why are you? Mystery Maybe I'm flying a kite Okay. That's an unusual thing. I don't think that's very... It's quite whimsical. I don't think that's whimsical or mysterious. I think you're just flying a kite.

1:00:45Dressed as an astronaut. That's really weird. Yeah, thank you.

1:00:50Robbie:Yeah. But an olden days astronaut to keep the whimsy. Are you an astronaut or a beekeeper? Beekeeper. But I'm doing whimsical things. And the final one, maybe I'm just stroking a sparrow. Why does the sparrow want to... Why isn't it flying away? Who knows? Who knows? What the fuck? Yeah. That is whimsical. Why is the hotel flying away but the sparrow isn't? Yeah. Very whimsical. I don't know what's happening. Very whimsical. Whims its wings. Mystery. Have you drugged it? Whimsy. Is that it for what you're looking to host? That's the three things, yeah. Okay. How do you sound? How do you talk? Ooh, who knows?

1:01:31Robbie:Okay. Like that. Like that. Okay. Okay. What are the rooms like? Gray roots entering the chat? Uninvited? Garnier's got you. Garnier Color Sensation Root Retouch covers up to 100 % of grays in just 10 minutes. No ammonia, no mess, and the color lasts up to four weeks. It's as easy to apply as shampoo. Plus, it's vegan and cruelty-free. 10 minutes. Sensational color, sensational price. With those savings, your next girls' night is basically free. Find your perfect match at Walmart.com or at a store near you. This episode is brought to you by PayPal. You know how a mom's bag has everything? Sunscreen?

1:02:12Snacks? A stapler? The new PayPal app is like that, but for your money. Shop, pay, manage your account, and earn rewards all in one place. And with purchase protection on eligible items, biometric security, and pass keys, you're protected at every step. Download the new PayPal app to get started. See paypal.com slash protection terms. Okay, so every room, and Jack pre-empted this slightly here, very high ceilings. This is a massive bee. A honeycomb-style thing on the bed, on the wall, and all the beds are in the little bits of honeycomb. So massive honeycomb, climb up, crawl into your little bed there.

1:02:53Robbie:So quite small spaces, really. They're quite big. It's a hostel. It's like a pod thing, but that's only the bed bit sort of thing. it's that sort of thing so but you're only in there with your friends and family whoever you put the room with oh so it's fairly big how many beds in each room about 60 what you have as many of your friends and family as you want we don't dictate how many friends you have up to 60 what if I book it on my own that's fine yes you can choose you can crawl up to whichever one you want so he pays for all 60 it's the same price whatever but you're not you're not I'm so confused so there's loads of beds am I sleeping near strangers no you're sleeping in Wait, no.

1:03:30If you know she brings strangers with you. You have to pay for the full 60 beds. You pay for a room, and it happens to have 60 beds in it, but it's fine. So I thought we weren't going to get stung financially. You're not. You don't know how much it costs, do you? Okay, well, this also doesn't feel as bad with the beehive being in the room, because 60 beds, that's a massive room. It's a massive beehive as well. Oh, fuck. Fucking big beehive. Okay. Tell us more about the room.

1:03:53Robbie:What about if I want to have someone else in my bed, though? It sounds like a lot of room. They're quite big honeycombs. It will be tighter than a normal double bed, but I mean, that's part of the fun, isn't it? All we're in a little thing together. Right. It sounds quite enclosed for you, Jack. Yeah, it does. I don't know if you'd like that. You can put your head down the open end if you want and fall out. Near the bees, though. Yeah, near the bees. How high up is the highest bed? Very high. What? 60 metres. Have you ever had any? 60 metres? Yes. Have you ever had any deaths? Nope. I only got finished about 20 minutes ago, if you remember.

1:04:25I've never had anyone stay there. You'll be the first guests. okay so we could die everyone could die what if i'm in the top 60 meter high bed and i'm about to try and get out at the exact point the wings start flapping and the thing flies yeah that's a helpful you'll hear the wings first yeah what if i'm asleep and i ain't got time to react then you won't be getting out of bed he's got you there jack that's a good point would it not be wise you could have come back with sleepwalking but you didn't Could there not be a little alarm, just like a beep or something like that? That would be weird and annoying.

1:05:00It's less invasive than it flying. Does it fly throughout the night? Whimsy, mystery, yes. Tell us more about the room. Okay, so that's kind of it. Yeah, the beehives are quite a big part of it. There, it's just there. I mean, that also comes into the what do I leave in each guest room later on sort of thing. But yes, it's mostly big honeycomb wall and a big beehive.

1:05:28Robbie:Is the wall made of honeycomb? No, it's designed to look like it. Is there like a TV in the room? No. Oh, no entertainment. So you watch the beehive. Is it good Wi-Fi? No. Terrible. No Wi-Fi. When you say big beehive, how many bees are we talking? Thousands. What, in each room? Yep. Tens of thousands, really. Okay. Is the queen bee in there? In the middle. You won't see her. Why? She's in the middle. unless you put your hand in i wouldn't do that because we tried that on the some of the days yeah i mean they're not cunts they're just bees aren't they just bees you you treat them well you'll probably be all right what's the one rule of your bnb um let me find that here because i went down here uh it's be yourself seems like a slogan like a pr so be e e yourself yeah i don't B-E-E yourself so like be yourself but also bees

1:06:32whimsy whimsy mystery what does it mean your whole rule is just be yourself what if I don't like who I am he's coming to escape yeah escape himself then you can be yourself and turn yourself into like more of a bee than the actual disappointing Jack

1:06:48Robbie:I can become a bee myself the options are the options are either be yourself Don't like yourself and become a bee. Be a bee. Be yourself or be a bee. Try and get into that. And fuck the queen bee. To assert dominance over the other bees. I think I'd get stung. Oh my God, imagine. It's Willie's tasteful. Not financially. It's Willie's tasteful. Imagine you left as king bee. Yeah. Okay, now I'm warming to the weather. Jack's become king bee. Anyway, let's crack on, because I don't want to be droning on all day. That's a bee thing, but you might not know that, because you're not clever. I don't know that one.

1:07:20I'll beehive. Good. If your B &B had a secret door, where would it go? Action and emergency. Because quite a lot of people do get stoned by the bees. I know I tried to gloss over that earlier, but there is a real problem, it turns out. Because the bees have gone fucking mental since we locked them in a room. Yeah. Okay. 20 minutes ago. I mean, honestly, it is. 20 minutes ago. Yeah. I've been getting texts every few seconds, messaging on the fucking Slack group flying in here, and there's, oh God, there is a lot of TikToks going up about it. it is not yeah it's just a joke from later but don't worry but yeah

1:07:59Robbie:oh is it yeah it's alright it's alright it's good though it's good though it's good it's good that we're all on the same wavelength yeah slightly different delivery but yeah so what was the next question who have you hired as staff and what is their role great great question Stevie thank you for that thank you can I guess someone who might be working there yep Mel B sure yeah that's better than the first one I said we'll delete we did have former Everton footballer Peter Beagree but he's been sacked and Mel B's in there now he's receptionist he was and Mel B is now the Bee Gees they work in the kitchen all of them yep well it takes quite a lot to do all the food right okay and Beyonce she cleans the shitters she what as in the people who shit or the the toilets people shatting them oh she's not wiping her ass is she alright with that because I imagine Beyonce probably is used to a sort of more luxurious way of living.

1:08:54I'll just text Mr. B. Who else was there? The Bee Gees and Mel B. Or Peter Bigger, depending who turns up for work today. Lambie? The Beatles? Lambie will probably be there, yeah.

1:09:06Robbie:Have you not planned that yet? He might come along later, maybe. Okay, Michael B. Jordan as well. What's the entertainment or evening activity? I've got some music tonight. Change every night, of course. Bee Gees? no not actually not be Beyonce would be quite a good seller yes she's busy mate because someone came in it was curry night and she's got a lot of work to do because it has a fucking state back there well 60 beds per room is a lot who's on tonight Phoebe Bridges Phoebe Bridges okay is that it? tonight it's quite good entertainment it's quite good booking for an insane hotel of bees 20 minutes ago he's got her in the opening night he's got Phoebe that's pretty good plan B who's the next night?

1:10:00the Bee Gees who's going to cook the dinner? while the Bee Gees are performing I'll have to you'll have to I guess so yeah day after that I'm going to have you just text Mr Bean and check because Beyonce could do it but then you'll have to clean the shit yeah I mean it's honestly their estate she's gonna be busy all week I think three more nights maybe Bridges again actually oh okay and then final two of the weekend this is the big one Beastie Boys Beastie well no because one of them died

1:10:34Robbie:yeah I'm just not sure one of the 11 are they no but the other they were still fine with keeping going and the Beatles you could have done oh the Beatles would have been amazing I'm not gonna get the Beatles mate how's that gonna work Paul McCartney they're not going to do this tribute band Beyonce the Bee Gees and Phoebe Bridges are played in one week yeah we're going to get Paul McCartney mate leave him who were your weekend acts Saturday and Sunday what's that who were your weekend acts because you're giving us five I don't know mate I don't know I didn't think I'd get that many questions on it what item do you leave in each guest's room right well obviously there's the functioning beehive which is class it is becoming a bit of a problem with the bees so we thought we'd give a bit of protection for everyone obviously not that so you've got like a cricket bat that you can hit any bees that are being annoying that's going to fuck off the other bees yeah that is happening could you not just remove the bees seems like this hotel would be amazing if you remove the bees I don't know just a suggestion we have discussed that on the Slack group I'll be honest I don't know how you're going to get them out because you go anywhere near those cunts and they go mental.

1:11:47Robbie:Aren't you a beekeeper though? Yeah, but mate, they'll go through your fucking suit. Because he's got an astronaut suit. He's got the long ones. It doesn't matter. You could go have a lead suit and they'll get through them. Right. Okay. The bees are putting me off a bit. Yeah, they will do that. Is it just the cricket bats? That's the only protection, yeah. Yeah, okay. So how do you make sure we have a good night's sleep if we've got all these bees in a room and 60 other people sleeping at the same time? What does... What's... what's really nice and thing that helps some of the babies get to sleep sometimes adults as well if they have trouble sleeping white noise white noise machine what's more white noise than just a little I was thinking that I did think that yeah I mean as long as they don't know you're in the room they will leave you alone like the screams of the other guest through the room yeah that will be a problem but there's so many bees you probably won't hear it okay oh there's that many bees there's enough bees definitely take how many bees you think and 10x it because there are a lot of fucking bees.

1:12:46I'm picturing loads of bees. Should I still... Yeah, I don't know. You know the green pile

1:12:49Robbie:where the guy sprays out all them bugs? Yeah. And it's rapid. I don't know that, no. I'm imagining that. I'd imagine more, I reckon. Yeah. But you're king bee, Jack, so you're fine. You're fucking queen bee. Your really only option is to fuck the queen bee. And I wouldn't put it past me to try. Yeah, you probably will try. It's getting to where that's going to be the challenge because they are mental. You've got to fight through worker bees. I'll let you know how I get on. All right, well, that's that then. Okay, what do you serve for breakfast, Robbie? We've got a bee-themed menu. Beans on toast.

1:13:22Good. Bee-acen sandwiches. Oh, that's the one. That's the one. You can't serve that. You can't serve bee-acen. Why? Because you don't want hot food. Okay, how about some musbee? That sucks. I even had to write muesli in brackets, because I forgot. Musbee? Yeah. There must be more food-based things. It's all organic, though. Don't worry, because you know what we say here at the hotel? Be yourself. No E numbers, but plenty of B numbers. What are B numbers? It doesn't make sense. I can't get that one, no. You shouldn't look into it too much. You just go, oh, that's whimsical. Yeah, okay, that's a whimsy again.

1:14:02Robbie:Why don't you serve, like, BBQ? Brilliant. For breakfast? Yeah. Weird. All right. Thank you. It's actually really hard to find. Breakfast foods with B. Beans. It's beans, isn't it? Weet the beet. No, yeah, you're right. Weet the beaks. Weet the beaks. Geek, beacon. Honey nut Cheerios. Honey. No. We don't have any. He ran out. Fair enough. And then who's a notable person that stayed in your B &B, Robbie? The child who fell into Harambe's enclosure came with their family. Had some bad luck with animals in the past. would they bring well there I'll tell you what they can call out now we're not shooting the bees we would have a chance so but they seem to be having a nice time anyway but not they just got here not sung yet then are they in their room yet no the hotel's up in the air they're waiting for it to come down how much do you charge per night Robbie um well it's well first of all I'll tell you how you book you can use the app Be Real which I got cheaply because it's it's not that popular anymore it's fallen off no one really got that into it it's a bit pretentious and also it is worth booking on that because you can use your Nectar card to get points okay so you didn't like Honey Nut Cheerios but you like Nectar card Nectar card we like Mr Beast could have worked that £16 ,000 a night what?

1:15:33sorry about that? what did you say about that? just give you credit cards fine what did you say? £16 ,000 a night you just said no we wouldn't get stung financially? That sounds like I'm stung bad. When you work out how many bees you get per penny, that is a fucking good deal.

1:15:48Robbie:I don't want bees. That's the worst bit of your room, mate. This is going to be awful for you because it's fucking expensive and there's loads of bees. 16 grand a night. 16 grand a night and there are fucking millions of bees and they are cunts. Okay. Shall we write down what cost? I cannot believe how you've thrown that away. yeah is there any wiggle room on that before i 16 000's mental we i'll be totally honest with you we ordered the bees before we found out it was a cost to buy bees we need to recoup okay i um and we need every room full i just want to ask you this i have a browser extension on my computer that gives me coupon codes yep any ideas what one honey honey honey yeah uh i've run it through your hotel yep has it given me a discount at all yes what do I get off 16 ,000 pounds oh my god fat off is so good yeah yeah yeah I use a pouch as well also is a good app extension right so what am I paying what am I paying I just don't know so 16 grand a night yeah I quite like it it is good right I think I'll go for this okay I am done I tried so hard to give a straight face so it can fly even on the same thing I was like what the hell is this okay the scores are in we have our four envelopes in front of each of us this is a big moment been waiting weeks for this one week Alfie would you like to go first mate so my hotel costs£2 ,000 a night Yeah.

1:17:32This first one. This is from... Can I have a look? That's me, that's me. Jack. £2 ,000.65. You've overpaid by 65p. I've paid you back for the crisps. Thank you. You've paid my full amount. You think it deserves the full amount? Otherwise you would have just put 65p because you've accidentally put 2 ,065. so I'm going to win because I've got an overpayment.

1:18:04Robbie:I'm so happy. I was just paying him back for the crisp. No, no, you haven't. You fucked up. Has the money left my account yet? Yeah. Did you mean to just win 65p? I spent it. We needed this. The family needed this. How much was the room? £2 ,000 and Jack has paid me£2 ,000. He meant to do 65p. Alfie's going to win now. That's good. Well played, Alfie. I'm up two grand. I really like the hotel. I meant to do that. Thank you so much. They are always so wet. It's disgusting. You fucked it, didn't you? Yeah. Who's this one? This one's from Stevie. Okay. Stevie's paid£10. That's an underpayment. That's an underpayment of£1 ,990.

1:18:46So that does leave you on... Oh, and£50 for the eggs as well. So you actually didn't pay for your breakfast. No. That's okay. I understand if you want to leave the breakfast. Yeah, I didn't have any breakfast. I didn't pay for the breakfast either. Okay. So what were your reasons For the underpayment The whole thing Can't remember it It was the comfort one I remember the cum What didn't I like about it The towels

1:19:13Robbie:The baby monitors in each room You're creepy You're letting the place down I'll be honest that will be reflected in I think you're playing the game A little bit Hotel nice Price. Host. Weird. Okay. We'll take that on board and we'll try and... Oh, and clean the fucking towels. Yeah. We do. We have never had any complaints about the towels and we do actually clean it with an industrial cleaner, as you know. Yeah, stop. You've got your fucking money. Shut the fuck up. What you got there? So this is obviously Robbie's payment. Robbie, what have you paid, sir? Robbie has paid 65p for the crisps. So, you know, you can pay him back in real life because I actually did go out and buy them.

1:19:58I didn't even pay for the I didn't pay for the brownie though Why didn't you want to Creepy, horrible Me or the place Me or the place Place was horrible Place stank of wet towels A lot of it just sounded really unpleasant

1:20:18Robbie:I do appreciate you massaging my arse You said you hated that before Yeah I thought It was a bit intrusive But once it was in there it was quite nice and I eventually managed to come in Robbie's arse. So it was nice. We actually... That means a lot. Oh, and I hate the name. People haven't listened to the last app. Mental, isn't it? Okay, well, there we go. So what does that leave Alfie on? Right, so do you want to crunch the numbers? Because you're the only one who's... We'll choose a calculator, won't we? Okay. Yeah, so I overpaid by 65p. So we're 0.65 up. I really appreciate that still. Thank you so much.

1:20:53You're always welcome back. Thank you. Always welcome back. don't bring the cum bucket though all right it was an accident i'm too grand in the hole

1:21:02Robbie:um robbie uh underpaid no you underpaid by 19 1 990 yep and robbie underpaid by 1 999 and 35 pence which leaves a total of a minus 3 000 100 and 88.7 so it's done on a percentage so two four six grand we'll work the percentages out of the end yeah because that is going to be boring that does sound complicated yeah right okay jack's turn now it's time for mine so my hotel was 600 pound a night and who's this one from stevie steve this is from stevie i think okay that's spiteful what is it okay it says um that he's not paying anything and he's taking the tenner. Okay, that's... So he's made£10 in my room.

1:21:58Robbie:Yeah. Yeah. Well, the issue is when I booked in, I just happened to book into my own room, which was traumatic for me. Yeah. It was full of holes and my neighbour kept going in. Yeah. Right. Is that not a home comfort? No. Okay. I don't think it would be, no. You got unlucky there getting that one. Yeah. Because you had a one in four chance. No, it weren't great for me. If I got your room, I might have doubled the pay. Right, but you got... I understand. So can you see, like... But thank... But I'll take the tenner. Did the tenner help? Yeah, help back then too. Right. Okay.

1:22:34This is from Alfie. Fucking hell.

1:22:38Robbie:Oh. So cute. Oh, he's paid me. He's only underpaid me by£480. He's paid me£120. he said he got the dean room lovely but full of bugs he said host I found very creepy and too much any questionable what? what does it say? questionable stuff questionable stuff yeah no you don't have questionable stuff I will relay that feedback back because I've not been too sure on them myself I would come and stay again thank you I didn't realise he was creepy what room did you get? the dean room Yeah, there we go. He gets the nicest one. Nicest one, but still only 120. It is full of bugs. Full of bugs. It really was lit.

1:23:24Robbie:And then Robbie paid me for staying in my hotel.

1:23:35What's he write? I can't remember.

1:23:36Robbie:It was a week ago. He's paid 600. Full price! Right, full price.

1:23:44Robbie:happy to pay to get a free tenner

1:23:55Robbie:it's really good minus 10 oh yeah minus 10 so minus 1 ,100 1 ,100 nice okay okay next up is stevie okay this one's gonna be a bit more confusing to work out because it is going to be based on whether you stayed the whole night or not. Oh, fuck me. Okay, first one. Not staying Danite. I'm guessing that's... That's me, I'm not staying the night. Not staying Danite. Yeah. £20. Yeah. So a full night was£1 ,300. Yeah. So that's minus£1 ,280 I've got from Jack. £1 ,280. Yeah, I thought I couldn't pay nothing. Not a solid start. No. No. And then Alfie. How much? £12 ,000 and what? £1 ,280. Alfie's not paying I think he said not keeping up with new dog I actually scribbled this for I forgot I wouldn't be reading this so I've done scribbling I said not putting up with dead dog dead dog not putting up with dead dog don't want to get haunted don't want to eat human you imprison your staff all fair points didn't stay the night it's us minus 1 ,300.

1:25:12I like to think that you're going to do one of those things on TripAdvisor when someone slags a hotel off and the owner goes and replies to it. Thanks. You know, thanks so much for taking the time to give us feedback but you don't like eating humans. Okay. And Robbie has said he will pay £100 for the room but I'll give£300 as a tip for the staff. He was the clown? The clown? The clown. A little bit for Beth as well, mostly clown. Right, okay. Well then that's a plus 100. Is it? Yeah, because 300 for that and 100, the room was only 300.

1:25:44Robbie:But are you getting the money though? You're not getting the money. Yeah, you're not getting it. Your hotel's not getting that. Oh, what? Have you got some kind of dodgy labour where you take all the tips in? Give me one of those. What you've actually done there is given me 300 and treated them to a little trip in the Oubliette, Robbie. And that's on you. He's a dictator. He's a dictator, yeah. So that's minus 2 ,580 plus 100. So that's minus 2 ,480. Not looking solid. No, Robbie, let's see what you got, mate. Okay, I'd love to. Right, this first one is from someone called Stevie. That's me. It was nice to meet a fan.

1:26:20Robbie's cost£16 ,000 per night. £16 ,000 divided by£60 ,000 is£266 ,67 per person. I'd pay£200. Well, you have to pay the£16 ,000, so it's£200 from that. Well, no, I was thinking if I could get 59 friends with me that are all willing to pay£200 each... Yeah. You'd be short of 50. Okay, yeah, so I'm 15 ,800 down. You've underpaid him by 15 ,800. Yeah. Well, because I checked, it's£266 per person in the room. How much? 16 ,000 divided by the 60 that fit would leave£266 per person. And you've only paid 200. Well, I pay my share, almost. Why are we getting punished for having extra beds? Because I can't afford 16 ,000.

1:27:04Robbie:It is mental that we've got to bring 15 ,000. 16 ,000 is a lot of money. Yeah, it's a lot of money, mate. It's a lot of money. A lot of money. I don't know if you think so. Right. Alfie's paying 200. What the fuck? Yeah, weird. Love. The novelty. The novelty, thank you. Bit pricey? Yeah. Yeah. Really good without the bees. Yeah. Now that it's bedded in a bit, I do think that... Is there any wiggle room on that, Robbie? No. We will never be able to get them out. I was thinking I'd pay the 200 to experience the flight of the hotel. Yeah. And then I'd probably leave. It's worth 200 a night. Yeah, I'd stay.

1:27:41When you go in, the bees do sort of cover the doorway bits. It's quite hard to make. You can't touch things either. You can't really go out. Right. I'd treat it like the London Eye, though. You go in, have the experience, leave. This is from Jack. This is mine, and I have paid. A very generous£12 ,000.

1:27:56Robbie:What's your thinking there behind that? I just thought most of it is brilliant. It's fun. You're whimsical. I know. I am, right? I want to find out. I want to know more about you. I want to know about the sparrow. what were you making out of wood? There's questions that I want answered. What I don't like and I don't want to just seem like we're piling on one thing. Can I guess? Cleanliness. Is it the honey? Would you rather have a manuka? Think about where the honey's coming from. It's the bees, Robbie. It's the bees, mate. So I do feel brutal because I've paid $4 ,000 under. okay yeah i think as a percentage that's how little of the hotel i don't like but i mean robbie look at that it's only like what minus 30 000 odd in it 35 600 there we go mate yeah that's not bad yeah that's fair enough okay i've got the list here so in fourth place unfortunately was uh robbie knox at the b and b yeah i think to be fair i think the only reason he's very good see he likes it only the staggering cost if it was lower I paid the most for yours but you've still lost because and so did Jan because you just made it too expensive get that price point down and then maybe honestly I've just heard another test it's going up you said it wouldn't sting us financially that was not true it turns out it's going up loads yeah in number three is Alfie Alfie well done mate I think you guys played a game personally but what do you mean do you think I've paid the game did you You're lucky you went last.

1:29:32I'm not speaking to you anymore.

1:29:34Robbie:You're lucky you went last. Have fun. You'll always have the memory of needing my arse. You're not welcome back. Okay. In at number two is Stevie White at the last stop in. I'll take it. I'm happy with that. Did I also get the tenner added onto my nice stole from yours? Yeah, you got a tenner as well. Thank you, mate. Oh, did I add the tenner on? Would it make a difference? So you have a minus of 2 ,480 And I have a minus of 2 ,471 No, I've won by loads actually 1 ,100 was my minus So we're all losers But I've won the four skins in a bed Thank you You have to buy yourself a trophy Yeah, I'll go to Tesco And I'll get myself a trophy on the way home Do Tesco sell trophies?

1:30:20Robbie:Any feedback for me to take on going forward? You know what was the annoying thing? What's that? The thing going off every five minutes. Yeah. Get rid of that. No, it's just in the middle of the night for five minutes. Every five minutes, you said? No, it was in the middle of the night for five minutes. You have to hear a word from our sponsors. I would have paid you more. And I don't get to control how many of them we put in. Oh, okay. Yeah. Cheap labour costs, though. Yeah. Yeah, poor staff as well. Maybe change the staff up a bit. Yeah, maybe give back a bit. Oh, what's happened? You got a text from me.

1:30:49It was wasps. We got wasps.

1:30:52Robbie:Oh, no. Fuck. Can I have my 12 grand back? You okay, mate? Mr. Bean's fuming. Idiot. Cheers, boys. Nice cutting, Matt.

1:31:13Fuck. Responsible to so much death.

1:31:17Robbie:It's a fucking massacre down there. They're fucking awful in September as well, aren't they? Really bad.

1:31:28Robbie:Jack makes happy hour.

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