604 - HAPPY HOURWEEN II - Warning! Bears Exist.

12:27Robbie:like that

12:29Stevie:keep going keep going go on why I think it was deeper than that

12:34Robbie:it was sexier at the start yeah yeah that's Patty Selma yeah yeah okay you're a cunt I don't know what they say to him they don't like him I don't think they say that

12:49Stevie:yeah that's the gist yeah that is the gist oh It was almost insect-like. I don't really know how to do it. That was not insect-like. Oh, yeah.

13:03Robbie:Super squirly.

13:04Stevie:Do it insect-like. Do that noise insect-like. How do you do a deep... I'd go like... Deep, rhythmical insect.

13:20Stevie:Yeah. There we go. That really hurt my throat. Yeah, mine too. So maybe Fee could take that and overlay it over the rest of the story just gently.

13:29Robbie:Right. I think she should just put that little clip of us before the intro, so the episode started with that.

13:35Stevie:Just everyone know not to listen.

13:38Robbie:Did you hear the episode last month? You know, when you came back from Canada?

13:42Stevie:Yeah.

13:42Robbie:Did you listen to that one back? I've not heard it back yet. It's so good, because in the jingle, it just cuts halfway. It goes, I love pussy.

13:55yeah insect like i don't really know how else to describe it when we were within sight of base ops the woman turns to me and her eyes are about as wide as i can imagine a human could open them she touches my shoulder and says he says to tell you to speed up he doesn't like looking at that scar on your neck i have a very small scar on the base of my neck but it's mostly hidden under my collar and i have no idea how this woman could even see it right after she says it i hear that weird coughing right in my ear and i just about jumped out of my skin i hustled her to ops trying not to show how freaked out i was but i have to say i was really happy when we left the area that night what's ops base operations right okay i reckon got her back to safety basically okay

14:40Robbie:i think she was the nutter in that but what he's hearing this oh he's hearing it as well and then it went right in his ear and how could they see the scar right okay so you know where this scar's

14:51Stevie:from it's right there again in it big furry moth yeah yes the next the next story's first sentence oh god here we go this is just bears yeah i haven't seen a lot of animal bites in my time as a search and rescue officer isn't that isn't that going to be one of the most common

15:14Robbie:It's just fucking bad. I picked these based on what I think are like kind of the... Because basically there's a whole thing I've not put any of these stories in that has a following theme. Yeah. Is that apparently search and rescue officers just find staircases in the woods. What? Like they'll just find a staircase. Like going up or down. Well, what? What? A stair's got both ways, isn't it?

15:36Stevie:How is that the question? No, but you have stairs in the ground going underground or you have stairs going up in the air.

15:41Robbie:No, like just... It depends where you find it though.

15:43Stevie:Well, yeah.

15:44Robbie:Well you're not underground

15:45Stevie:No he's going to be on ground level Are the stairs going down underground Or are the stairs going up He's not going to find it by flying or by crawling through the earth

15:53Robbie:No I just thought you come across like a set of stairs Oh right yeah

15:57Stevie:So you can also come across the top stair and it goes down Ah right I've not got any of them because I was a bit like What the fuck does that even mean But apparently it's like a whole thing where there's Staircases that they'll just come across It'll just be like say like a set of 12 stairs They'll all be different Some could be twirly, but it just ends as well. It doesn't go anywhere. It's a random set of stairs in the middle of the woods. But he keeps saying, all of the search and rescue officers know about it, and they're just not meant to talk about it and just never go near him.

16:28Robbie:But we want to know more now. Yeah, those are much better than these stories about theirs. That's all the stories ever are, though. It just says, like, you never go near him. And there was one story that said that he knew of a guy who actually walked up to the top of the stairs once, and then his whole world kind of like caved in on him and then he was just fine again.

16:49That's why I didn't add him.

16:52Stevie:His whole world. His whole world just caved in. Oh, I'm absolutely fine now. What just happened? My entire world caved in on me but now, a second later, I'm absolutely fine.

17:05Robbie:Are you traumatised at all? No. Honestly, I barely remembered what happened. Yeah. oh um my nan you know where my nan lives yeah do you remember i can't remember if i've told this on this pod before but do you remember do you have you know that weird bit around the back of her house yeah and it's like an old uh abandoned like bottle bank yeah i remember me and my cousins were playing there once and um we were in the woods because my uncle deals he used to deal in antiques so he said if you find any old bottles or anything like that bring them to him we might give us a couple quid for it yeah so we were always like in the woods and stuff like that obviously you have to be careful of like needles and stuff like that but um we we actually found because of my drug dealing yeah i have to be careful of my needles um but we we actually found like a vent thing in the middle of this woods and it had like a few stairs just going into the middle of this hole like under this shrubbery and i went down there and you'll know this is true because i've probably told you before but do you remember what i found down there Porn No worse Same same but different Worse than porn That could be anything It could be everything in the world

18:16Robbie:Same but different Drugs No same as porn but different

18:20Stevie:Blow up dildo

18:22Robbie:Dildo Dildo Same as porn but different He was right though It was the same but different I was about eight And it was a matter of Vividly remembering Because I didn't know what it was Like I knew Did you think it was an antique deal, Dave? I'll go for this. I knew it was a penis. I knew what it was meant to be, but I didn't know why that object existed, if you know what I mean. What'd you do? I took it home to my nan. I swear to God, I took it home to my nan, and my aunt...

18:47Stevie:Didn't see it for two weeks.

18:56Robbie:It's fucking vile.

18:59Stevie:That's my nan, Robbie. Saturday Saturday Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday

19:07Robbie:I went in there with my cousin waving this pink wand and a wand isn't a dildo no it weren't a wand it was an actual rubber cock but it had no destinies it weren't like a big full one it was just like a weird that's much weird yeah What was the base? No, it was like... It had no end. It was almost like, if I remember it, it was probably about that big, right?

19:35Stevie:Yeah.

19:36Robbie:And then it was like that quite thick and then it had like the veins and shit on it. But it was like hollow. So I don't know if you put... I don't know what you do, but... Like a sleeve. Yeah, I don't know what it was. It was like a cheap one. Do you know what I mean? Like you're not getting... Where was it hollow? I can't remember. Anyway, my auntie made me put it in the bin outside and then I had to wash my hands for about 10 minutes.

19:58Stevie:Surprise!

20:00Robbie:thanks for sharing that's all right so maybe that's where them stairs are going in your stories to dildo to dildo land yeah okay can you remember back at school when you'd always when like the internet became like this huge fuck we're old yeah but like you know you'd go to your mates and be like oh have you been on pennisland.com yeah yeah classic my my um my cousin alice we all had a you know when you're young and you all have your one teddy that's your your one i had a koala my other two cousins had a koala but she had a big red bear it was called sizzle right look and um we went on we went on sizzle.com in the in the family i imagine that's a porn very very hardcore pornography scared me back to the stories i was in my nan's bookmarks i haven't seen a lot of animal bites in my time as a search and rescue officer mostly because there aren't that many animals that come around the area

21:01while there are bears in the area they tend to stay pretty far away from people and sightings are highly unusual you've seen them in every story right most of the animals you'll see are small ones like coyotes raccoons or skunks what we do see frequently though are moose and let me tell you moose are nasty fuckers they'll chase after anything for any reason and god help you if you get between a female and its baby one of the more amusing calls was a guy who had gotten chased down by an absolutely massive male moose and was stuck up a tree took us almost an hour to get him down and when he was finally on solid ground again he looks at me and says god damn them fuckers as big up close they are massive apparently moose i guess that's not really a scary story I believe so.

21:45I've never seen one in real life.

21:47Stevie:I didn't know the plural of moose was moose. Yeah, because it's not meese. Mooses. Yeah, but you wouldn't say geese. You'd say goose and geese, so moose and meese. Apparently they can be like seven foot, though. That's mental, isn't it?

21:58Robbie:Like they're dinosauric, in a way. I've seen...

22:02Stevie:Dinosauric? They resemble dinosaurs. I'm not sure seven foot's that tall. It's crouchy. I thought moose would be bigger. No, but he's saying on all fours they're seven foot. Yeah, on all fours, mate.

22:13Robbie:Yeah, but... They're walking... Imagine it. That's just like that much bigger. Imagine I'm here, and a moose walks past, head up there. Yeah, that's crazy. What the fuck's that? That was a big moose, actually. Bigger than a horse. Yeah. That was just a little funny story. That one. It's also bigger than a dog.

22:32Stevie:Okay. How about a bear? Yeah, but horses are big, aren't they? Yeah. So imagine a bigger one of them. That's what I was imagining, yeah, but I just thought even bigger. What's a bear? Never heard of a bear. Don't get them round here. Just these big airy men. Okay. Of the missing persons calls I've gone out on, only a handful have ever resulted in a complete disappearance, meaning no trace of the person and nobody ever found.

22:54Robbie:I find it mental that, like, I don't know, maybe I'm just naive, but I think if you are the ranger in that area, I think you probably have one complete disappearance, if that, in your whole career. He seems to have quite a lot. I'd be going, what's going on wrong with this fella? He said only a handful. Yeah, that's way too many, though. Because you know what? Maddie McCann obviously went. No one knows, do they? Imagine if that hotel, right? The manager of the hotel went, we've only ever had four kids completely just disappear. You'd go, four kids?

23:24Stevie:Yeah, but you see people out walking in the wilderness. And it's a big area. You find them, don't you? It's a bigger wilderness. It'll be miles upon miles of woods. But all in his catchment zone. Not just him, is it? There's going to be loads of people working there.

23:38Robbie:Yeah, but these are all stories from the same fella, though, aren't they? I think we need to look into this guy. Well, listen, this one's horrific. Okay. So this is more saying, so it's saying only a handful of the body was never found, but sometimes finding a body leads to more questions than answers. Here are some of the bodies that we've found that have become infamous in our team. We found a teenage boy whose remains were recovered almost a year after he vanished. We found the top of his skull, two finger bones and his camera almost 40 miles from where he was last seen the camera sadly was destroyed so all they found was the top of his

24:17Stevie:the boy was sadly destroyed surely that's sadder what? that's sadder isn't it the boy was destroyed yeah but because he's saying they can't find answers maybe the camera would have had answers oh that's gutting that camera's broken also there's a kid's skull next to it

24:33Stevie:it's like a Nikon we found We found the pelvis of an older man who had vanished a month earlier. That's all we found. Right. Got a broken mobile phone next to it. The lower jaw and right foot of a two-year-old boy on the highest peak of a ridge in the southern part of the park. You're seeing a lot of death in that forest. Yeah. Someone's put out there, haven't they? Yeah. The body of a 10-year-old girl with Down syndrome almost 20 miles from where she'd vanished. she had died of exposure three weeks after going missing and all her clothes were intact except for her shoes and jacket there were berries and cooked meat in her stomach when they did the autopsy the coroner said it had appeared as if someone had been taking care of her but there were no suspects ever identified we found the frozen body of a one couldn't the frozen meat be the girl

25:24Robbie:would have had a parents wouldn't she no living normally no because she she went missing right She was found 20 miles from where she went missing, and three weeks later she died. Oh, right. Yeah, a reason meal.

25:36Stevie:Yeah. Maybe she's cooked someone up. Where? On a hot rock. It's in the woodlands.

25:42Robbie:She died of exposure, didn't she? Yeah. Heat. Could be a rock. Hot. Normally, I think it'd be cold, wouldn't it? Oh, would it?

25:50Stevie:I don't know. I didn't kill her. What are you saying?

25:54Robbie:I never didn't say that, mate. we found the frozen body of a one-year-old baby found a week after vanishing in the hollow trunk of a tree 10 miles from the area these stories aren't as fun for my honest ones well like i can

26:08Stevie:now see why all my stories about dead kids aren't that yeah it's not so nice yeah sorry about the library this other table can be pretty yeah it's pretty yeah sorry there was fresh milk found in

26:16Robbie:his stomach and his tongue was gone fucking hell horrific these ones i said these ones were very nice and finally we found the single vertebrae vertebrae and a right kneecap of a three-year-old girl in the snow almost 20 miles from the campground that her family had been the previous summer so all of these bodies are being found like 20 30 miles away from where they went missing too close to have that many deaths what 20 30 miles yeah that's a long distance though isn't it I don't think... Imagine if all of these child deaths were happening in Yarmouth. You'd go, what's going on in Yarmouth? No, because they're not happening in Yarmouth.

26:55They're happening in a 20-mile radius. Yeah, but Yarmouth's probably about 20 miles.

26:59Stevie:It's not, but I get what you're saying. Yeah. If they're having a Thetford Forest... Yeah. A Thetford Forest isn't that big, is it? This woodlands is over 20 miles. The biggest forest in the country. How big is it? I'll find out for you. Yeah, do, please. I don't think it's 20 miles. we know because we drive through it it's about one minute to get through it

27:20Robbie:700 miles an hour how big is that for forest approximately 19 000 hectares uh which tell me that in my yeah kind of tell us a normal person and miles distances by the way just googling is that right yeah is googling is googling all right although you are using the ai overview That just comes up naturally on Google. So just trying to work out if that's fine. Thetford Forest covers over 47 ,000 acres, which is roughly 73 square miles. What's a square mile? What is a square mile? What is a square mile mean? A square mile is a unit of an area in the Imperial and US customary equaled... The area is equivalent to 2.5 square kilometres.

28:04Robbie:Dunno. I don't get it. Okay. Irrelevant. 7th largest in the country 7th largest in the country If kids were dying all the time in Thetford Forest I'd start asking questions What have you been up to dad? Can you go hiking in Thetford Forest? These are like What do you think is closed What do you mean? No because this is like hiking and mountains Hiking just going for a walk No but they're saying There's trails and peaks of mountains And stuff here This is like, picture more like Grand Canyon shit than Thetford Forest shit.

28:38Stevie:Yeah. All right. That's what I think you need to picture. Yeah, you don't remember Thetford Forest. You don't get better than Thetford Forest. I don't know. We do. That's where I do my drug dealing. Thetford Forest. Okay. So then he adds in some stories from friends that work for Search and Rescue as well. This episode is brought to you by Born in Roma Fragrances by Valentino Beauty, the iconic fragrance duo. Donna Born in Roma Eau de Parfum is a feminine fragrance featuring juicy black currant, central jasmine, woody cashmere, and warm vanilla. Its masculine counterpart, Womo Born in Roma Eau de Toilette, has notes of fresh violet leaf, aromatic sage, green vetiver, spicy ginger, and mineral salt.

29:23Stevie:Shop at Macy's.com. This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro plans. Monday on NBC. U.S. Marshall! All new Line of Fire. The thrilling new crime drama. The world sees us as heroes, but they don't know what the job really costs.

30:07Stevie:One family of federal agents. It's one thing to put yourself in danger. It's different when it's your family. Balances duty to their country. An assassin is still out there. Stop! And each other. How do you protect the world and the people you love at the same time? Every case hits home on Line of Fire, Monday on NBC. So this is from a friend. I think she's going to be more dead kids. no dead kid stuff done okay they were out doing a recon for mountain lions because there had been on behalf of mountain lions oh let's call them

30:44good I've lost it they were out doing recon for mountain lions because there had been several reports of sightings in the last couple of days one of the jobs is to scout out the areas where these animals are seen to ensure that if they're in the area he can warn people to close and close off those trails. He was out on his own in a very heavily forested part of the park toward dusk when he heard what sounded like a woman screaming in the distance. Now, as most of you know, when a mountain lion screams, it sounds almost exactly like a woman being brutally murdered. No, I didn't know that. Most of you know.

31:17I don't know that. Shall we have a quick...

31:19Stevie:Surely for that, you have to know both what a mountain lion sounds like and what a woman being brutally murdered sounds like. I've seen enough horrors

31:25Robbie:to get where a woman clowned. mountain lions scream we have muntjacks outside ours we have those I didn't know what they were when they bark at night time they're quite scary

31:39Stevie:I saw one in the street I was like what the hell is that I saw a weird little deer thing in the street

31:46Robbie:but you hadn't seen a fucking hedgehog until you were about 40

31:50Stevie:I saw one hedgehog when I was about 19 and then I saw another one I've only ever seen hedgehogs in Norfolk

31:55Robbie:yeah it's mad I remember we having that debate I couldn't believe it do you see a lot more now you're at yours

32:01Stevie:I think I've still only ever seen three

32:03Robbie:that's mental that is mental I know we need to go over old ground I don't know the last time I saw a hedgehog to be fair mate I see him all the time I'm not with you I see what I guarantee you I see one a week

32:14Stevie:that is mental well have you got a hedgehog

32:25okay so I found a video it's got 8.3 million views titled Mountain Lion Scream and the top comment is my grandpa always told us if you hear a woman screaming in the woods go the other direction. It's not a woman that is a mountain lion.

32:42Stevie:Sounds like he's trying to defend himself. I promise it's not, don't go towards it. Don't go near it.

32:51Stevie:That's a bird.

33:02Stevie:Yeah, I'm not going to drunk you in the woods anymore. Pass around.

33:07Robbie:Holy smokes.

33:13Robbie:Imagine being in the fucking woods. That is mental. Imagine being in the woods and hearing that. Fucking hell. That actually does sound like a human. Yeah, because the tonation of each one is different. It's not like if it was kind of like, what's it called? like the same repeating. Yeah. Metronomic. That's mental. Metronomic? That is... Yeah. But it varies up, which is weird.

33:40Robbie:You just playing white noise?

33:43Stevie:It's just an image of a mountain lion.

33:48Robbie:Yeah, that one sounded more like a... Yeah, that other one was fucking terrifying. It was. So yeah, there we go. As you all know...

33:54Stevie:Could you see the mountain lion in the other one? No, it's just a guy. So it could just be a woman getting murdered. Yeah. Yeah. Wow, okay. Okay, so as you all know, mountain lion screams sound like a woman being brutally murdered. Yeah. It's unsettling, but it's far from abnormal. My buddy radioed back to let ops know that he'd heard one and that he was going to keep going to see if he could figure out where its territory started. He heard the mountain lion scream a couple more times, always from the same spot, and determined the approximate area of the mountain lion's territory. He was about to head back when he heard another scream, this time within only a few yards of him.

34:29Of course, he freaks out and starts heading back at a much faster pace, because the last thing he wants is to run into a mountain lion and get mauled to death. As he got back on the path and started heading back, the screaming followed him, and he broke into a jog. When he was about a mile from Ops, the screaming stopped, and he turned around to see if it was following him. It was almost night by this point, but he said in the distance, just before the path rounded a corner, he could see what looked like a male figure. He called out to them, warning them that the paths were closed and that he needed to come back to the welcome centre.

35:00The figure just stood there and my buddy started to walk over. When he got about 10 yards away, the figure took, as he described, an impossibly long step towards him and let out the same scream that my buddy had been hearing. My buddy didn't even say anything, he just turned and sprinted back to ops, never looking behind him. By the time he got back, the screaming had moved back into the woods and he didn't mention it to anyone else he just said that there was a mountain lion lying in the area and that they'd need to close the paths until the animal could be located and moved right so this is a scary man doing screaming yeah would you if you were a creep yeah would you go to woods would you try and act out what a normal sound would be in that woods don't know what the question is really

35:45Robbie:but um yeah but i think if you were like say you were like a murdery guy and you're just a bit murdery today but like you know like you know say you go for a run late at night and you run through a woods right yeah is there is there reason to be more scared in the woods than like are murderers waiting in the woods because there's less footfall in the woods right do you know what i'm trying to say yeah i agree are we getting scared in the wrong places

36:13Stevie:well the times i do go through a wood i don't feel particularly at night i don't feel particularly nervous do you not no because i think well there's no one in the woods are there apart

36:22Robbie:from me doing drugs um yeah i think yeah because i get more scared if i go through a woods because it's dark and there's trees and shit like that yeah you'd be dragged into a bush like yeah i don't yeah i just worry i don't like darkness i think that's the issue isn't it anywhere dark

36:37Stevie:is like an alley is the same but but if you'd be more scared an alley than a wood right yeah but Well, humans are the real threat, aren't they? Yeah, and I guess in an alley, they're more likely to be around.

36:46Robbie:Humans than, yeah. But all the time, this is why, a weird little fear of mine is things like that Tully's Farm you go to. Yeah. Because you've got all these people acting who have to scare you. Right. But surely that's the perfect place for a murderer to go. Yeah, well, we spoke about this before, didn't we? Yeah, don't like it. And there is a horror film that's based on that. Yeah. Tully's, like, you know that actors there are like trained actors or they got students that are like Yeah but all it takes is one nutter to dress up Mate it takes one nutter to get a job in Foot Locker Do you know what I mean?

37:22Robbie:Are you going Foot Locker one day? Bang! You're dead What's your point? There's nutters everywhere Yeah but I think like you can hide amongst it in those places, you can dress up as a killer and kill someone

37:33Stevie:Why'd you pick Foot Locker? I don't think I've ever been in a Foot Locker I haven't seen a Foot Locker in years

37:38Robbie:I was just looking at a random place.

37:40Stevie:Yeah, just another friend. Okay, on to the next. So this is from a story of a friend of his from someone called KD. He never puts any of their names, just initials. KD Lang. She tells me about how when she first started, there was a case that got a lot of attention in the media. A family had been out berry picking in the area of a forest very close to the entrance of the park. They had two little boys, both under the age of five, and at some point during the day, one of them vanishes. There's an absolutely massive search and they find absolutely nothing. It's another of those cases where it's like the kid was never there in the first place.

38:17The dogs just sit down and don't pick up on any scents and no trace of the kid is found. The search goes on for about two months but has eventually cooled off. Fast forward six months later and the family comes back to place the flowers at the memorial that's been set up there for their kid and they bring their other son. While they're placing the flowers, they lose sight of the kid for about three seconds and in that span of time, he vanishes into thin air. Now, obviously, the parents are beyond devastated. It's awful to lose one child, but to lose two is beyond imagining. The search is huge and one of the largest in state history.

38:49There are about 300 volunteers combing every inch of this park. Do we know what state this is or not? Never says no. Right, so you can't even Google it? It does sound like you should avoid it though, doesn't it? Yeah. But again, there's no trace of him. The search goes on for about a week with people looking miles from the part of the park that he vanished and then almost two weeks later, a volunteer almost 15 miles from a designated search area radios in that he's found the kid. And they assumed that the kid was dead, but the volunteer says he's not only alive, but he's in good shape.

39:20Stevie:He's been working on his bench press in the woods.

39:22Robbie:He's just become Tarzan.

39:24Stevie:He's like a cocaine bear, but he found back a steroids. Creatine bear.

39:32KD and her team to go out to recover the kid, and when they get there, she can't believe that this is the kid that's been missing. He is. That sounds like his henge, doesn't it?

39:41Stevie:That sounds like an umbrella. His little calf seashirt, curling rocks. His clothes are clean, there's no dirt on him anywhere, and he doesn't appear traumatised. The volunteer says that they found the kid sitting on a log, playing with a little twig bundle that's bound together with some old rope. KD asks him where he's been, who he was with for those two weeks, and the kid tells her that he's been with the fuzzy man in footlocker

40:12now kd firmly believes in bigfoot so she gets all excited and asks what she mean what he means by fuzzy was he hairy but the kid says no he wasn't hairy it's another fucking bear no no he wasn't

40:23Robbie:hairy we're just gonna call this episode there are bears about he said he wasn't hairy no he wasn't hairy well he's called the fuzzy man he wasn't fuzzy was he he was a fuzzy man

40:41he was a fuzzy man he describes a man that's blurry like when you close your eyes but not all the way closed

40:50Robbie:Robin Thicke oh yeah he says the man came out of the trees and took the kid with him deep into the woods The kid says that he slept in a hollow tree and the fuzzy man gave him berries to eat. KD asks if the man was mean and if he scared the kid and the kid says no he wasn't scary but I didn't like how he didn't have eyes. Yeah that does put me off. Yeah that's weird. KD says they had to get the kid back to headquarters and the cop takes him to town to talk to him more about what happened. She's friends with the cop that talked to him and she said that the kid described being kept in the tree by the fuzzy man had given berries whenever he was hungry.

41:25He was allowed to wander around a very specific clearing but when he tried to go further, the fuzzy man would get mad and yell real loud even though he didn't have a mouth. When the kid got scared at night, the fuzzy man made it go brighter and gave him a twig bundle. He said the fuzzy man was going to keep him but he had to let him go because the kid wasn't the right kind. Robbie, he's doing an urban legend, mate. No, I'm not. He's a fucking urban legend. No, I'm not.

41:49Robbie:Doing an urban legend. I wish I was. You fucking are, the fuzzy man. Yeah, I've never. This is purely all the same guy. You're trying to cram him in. I'm not. We did them last week.

41:58Stevie:We liked it when it was bears, but now it's another legend we're not into it. Or fit women. No fit women. You're going to say fit kids. Muscular kids. He can't or won't elaborate more on that. The cops are just sort of left scratching their heads and search for the brother is renewed with no results. The kid had no idea where his brother might be and they might not ever find him. So that's that person's one. Fuck me. Are you doing a whole series? I've only got a couple more. I told you this would be longer Right, they're bears Yeah, okay, what's the next time a bear ate someone? Okay, no, I've got a good one here Just do the good ones Okay, one of the guys I talked to told me this story We were both pretty drunk You'll see a pattern here, but we were swapping stories And he told me this While he's working No, he was out on like a There's a whole bit of a thing that I've just cut out a story cool just saying that doesn't make sense so he told me this story me and another guy were out on a field search because some campers resorted reported screaming noises at night so we head out there to look for whatever fucking mountain lion was has wandered into the area and i'm pissed

43:11Robbie:without three of that swearing all of a sudden now this is his friend telling the story he's got a potty mouth yeah so his friend's hammered at the time the time that he's told him this story but not when at the time.

43:25Stevie:So I can read that last bit again. So we head over there to look whatever fucking mountain lion has wandered into the area and I'm pissed. Oh right, it doesn't mean drunk. We've had three of them show up in the camping areas that year alone and I'm getting tired as hell of constantly having to deal with them. Plus, I don't like them anyway. They're a pain in the arse and they're loud and they scare the shit out of me. You could probably say ass. They're a pain in the arse and they're loud and scare the shit out of me. Fucking cats. Pieces of shit. this guy gets really angry yeah i'm groaning about it to the guy i'm with and he thinks it's a real fucking riot so we're all seeing these broken branches and what looks like dens and we're pretty sure we know where this thing is i call in and i tell him to confirm if it's possible which you know just means they want you to step in a big pile of shit and use that as proof i'm not seeing any though so i basically just tell him to shove it i'm done we know that damn things sounds like a prick.

44:19Robbie:Yeah, he's fucking horrible. He's aggressive, isn't he? Yeah. We know... He's protecting himself. Very unprofessional. Yeah, he just doesn't want to do his job. No. We know that damn thing's out here somewhere, even if I'm not stepping in its shit or inside its mouth or whatever. Guy I'm with wanders off to take a piss or whatever, and I stay behind watching this little burrow under a tree to see if maybe a fox or something's living under it. Because I love foxes, man. They're cute as hell.

44:41Stevie:Oh, he's actually alright. Sorry. Oh, nice guy. Yeah, oh, nice guy. But anyway, I'm watching this tree and I start hearing branches crackling and it's coming from the direction my partner went the opposite of. Now, I've got my pistol, but you and I both know that's not going to do shit against a cat. I cock it and holler for my partner. What? I didn't know that. That's easy. You can easily kill a cat with a pistol. A mountain lion, though. I don't know. What? A pistol? I don't know. Maybe he's got no bullets. He's saying he's got to use it as a... Fair enough. I cock it and holler for my partner to get his dumb ass back.

45:14Ass back. but he's too far and he can't hear me. I stand up and get my sights on where the thing is approaching and I shit you not, man, I just about peed myself.

45:23Robbie:He's been swearing all the way through, now he changes it to pee. This guy is coming towards me and he's backflipping through the fucking woods. Oh, yes. It's the hench baby. It's boss baby. It's his brother. Like, instead of walking, he's doing these crazy fucking backflips and I swear to God, he cleared every fucking log and bush in his path. It was like he knew right where he was going. I yell at the guy to stop right where he is and I'm pointing my gun right at him but he keeps coming and I just kind of lost it I shot at the ground in front of him and it was a dumb fucking thing to do but man I didn't want this guy anywhere near me when I fired he was about 50 yards from me and as soon as the gun goes off he whirls around and goes off backflipping back into the woods my partner hears my gun go off and runs back and asks what's up and I tell him there's some fucking weirdo out here hopped up on god knows what and we need to get the hell out of dodge I let the cops know what happened and I didn't get in any trouble for firing but man, I don't know what that motherfucker was on but I've never seen anything like that before shit was absolutely buttfuck crazy

46:25Stevie:Is he on forever drug?

46:29Robbie:That's one of his lies Yeah, that's scary because it's a bit uncanny, isn't it? I always find the scariest things humans can do are unhuman-like things Backflipping's weird, isn't it? Yeah because it's like he's doing it in a continuous motion. If I could backflip I'd be going through the woods backflipping. Yeah but how's he getting past every log and shit? He knows the area well. Yeah. Maybe he's just like a really great athlete. I like that the bullet goes and he just goes rather than stopping and turning around he goes like the Bart Simpson.

47:03Stevie:Do you know what there is somewhere in this woods there's like a circus training camp

47:06Robbie:and that's where

47:07Stevie:the baby's gone to that's got a hench from just doing like exercises and that's where this guy's learned

47:12Robbie:to backflip yeah this is a fucking trippy woods bro yeah yeah last last i'll do like one last little thing okay i've skipped a couple but this this one's weird a young couple out for a hike in the rocky areas of my park reported to me yesterday that they'd seen something strange out on a peak i'm very familiar with yeah they were taking turns look no he said familiar with i've never seen they were taking turns looking for a pair of binoculars when the man noticed a hiker climbing up a very steep part of the cliff face he watched the man scale the slope and it didn't occur to him until the incident was over that the person had no climbing gear.

47:45When the climber reached the top of the peak, which is about five miles away, they turned and... I told you! It's just done it to me. I told you! I told you!

47:55Robbie:The balloon's scary! From here it is! Wait for you on that seat. Yeah, you wait for your balloon moment, Robbie. If anyone didn't listen to yesterday's episode, there's a balloon on Stevie's right side of his peripheral vision and it moves because of the air conditioning, but it's next to our backpacks and it does look like all of a sudden randomly when you're reading you're looking at your phone behind it the backpack just sort of moves it's a black balloon and lights are like bouncing off it as well it's also got a cat's face on it yeah and I was a bear mate alright

48:25Stevie:never seen one so you watch the man scale the scope at the slope and when there's a man I've got confused by the balloon there's a man climbing a mountain they're looking through their binoculars and they're seeing a man free climbing up this mountain thank you and um They turn and face the young man who's about five miles away through the binoculars. He said, whoever or whatever this person... That's a good binoculars, that's five miles? He said...

48:49Robbie:Is that how good you can see a binoculars? I don't know. I think actually you'd be surprised. He said, whoever or whatever this person was, it was looking right at them through the binoculars. The climber waved in an exaggerated manner before snapping in half at the waist sideways and leaping off the peak. The young man didn't see where the climber landed, but I sent them on their way with assurances that I'd check it out. I lied.

49:09Stevie:Is he snapping in half at the waist? Up the mountain, waving, snaps in half, jumps off.

49:16Robbie:He snaps in half? The man they're watching. What, from the waist? So his legs are still there? Yeah, and then just snaps down.

49:23Stevie:And then this guy goes, I'm going to go and check it out. He doesn't go, look at the binoculars. There's some guys written on his own lips. No, because he sees it in the binoculars. Yeah. The guy waves at him through the binoculars. He's like, I'm looking at the binoculars. You're the guy. Yeah.

49:35Robbie:You start waving. So he can see these guys from his normal eyes. Yeah. from that far away. He waves like enthusiastically, snaps in half and then launches himself off the mountain.

49:44Stevie:Yeah, but his legs are left. Nah, because I don't think it means like fully ripped in part, like snapped in half but still connected. He's making that up. Does that sound like he's not? No, I picture the whole body goes. Everything goes. Yeah. They tell this. So is he just bent over? Yeah. Billy Ard. It's the backflip guy. Yeah, maybe. So then they tell the search and rescue guy and I assure them that I'll go check it out. I lied. I won't be turning in a report because there are 10 others exactly like it. The climber is well known in that area and I just don't question it anymore.

50:20Robbie:What? What? So he's seen a paranormal nutter. Yeah. A guy ripping off his own legs. And he's gone, I'll leave that. Oh, I mentioned that. Because he gets it all the time. Can't be asked to do his job. I want to know where this woods is.

50:32Stevie:This guy's shit. He should lose his job. Yeah, he's crap. He doesn't know what a bear is and he's ignoring people ripping off their own legs.

50:37Robbie:His mate's aggressive. there's a lot of death yeah that's what I mean I am right there's too much going on in that forest there is too much for one person to have these stories but then some of them are from colleagues because he goes to like a convention where all the search and rescue people go so maybe it's other areas of America as well yeah maybe it's the whole of America is a weird place so these aren't all in the same forest then it's different forests not necessarily from the friends stories right but it probably is isn't it probably is well there we go that was what do you call that what was that called I'm a search and rescue officer for the US Forest Service Crap name, give it a better name We're calling it There Are Bears Here Bears Here, Beware, Beware, no it doesn't rhyme Bears Exist, Warning, Bears Exist Warning Bears Exist, that's good No it's good, better than stories Well as always, because we did say these are going to be shorter episodes and it does not look like that has prevailed I apologise No, it's all right.

51:38Robbie:I didn't mind it, Stevie. I didn't mind it. Would you like another voice note from a Happy Hour fan? Yeah, I don't mind. Yeah, please. We will start, we will go with... We'll end with... We will end with a guy called Franklin.

51:52Stevie:It was six years ago. I was 18. And my mum and dad had gone on holiday. My brother lived at uni, so I was home alone for a week, something like that.

52:03Robbie:and the second night I was home alone, my car alarm went off.

52:08Stevie:I turned it off, that's fine, weird, went to bed. Two nights later, my dad's car alarm went off.

52:15Robbie:So I went out, switched it off, I thought, that's bloody weird. Two nights after that, my dad's car alarm, my car alarm and then another car that we got on the drive, all their alarms went off, all three car alarms went off. And I went outside with all three car keys and none of them would switch off. Every single car alarm was still going, even though I was trying to turn them off. And then out of nowhere, they all stopped at the exact same time. All of them. Every single car alarm went off and then stopped at the exact same time.

52:48Stevie:And then I messaged my dad and I was like, you'd never believe what happened.

52:52Robbie:All the car alarms went off. It's definitely a ghost because I've heard things in the house running up and down the stairs and stuff and they don't believe me. But I'm telling you, my house has got a ghost in there. I'm all right with that. I say to the ghost, you're chilling. You do what you want. Just don't disturb me. Piss off. And we seem to have an all right relationship. I know I sound crazy, but hear me out. Anyway, my dad's laughing at me on text saying it's not a ghost, blah, blah, blah. I'll prove it to you, I thought. He said, I'll prove it to you that the car are lying everyone off and that you're lying and whatever.

53:23Robbie:He gets back on holiday. The third car that I mentioned, it's a car that he had to do up or sell or something. He took me out to it, opened the bonnet. There's no battery inside. there's no battery inside the car the car alarm went off alongside with the other three so there must have been a ghost that was I don't know like a bloody car thief

53:42Stevie:in his previous life he was just having a pop but yeah that's my ghost story there we go that was good yeah spooky one isn't it spooky one I think a car alarm going off for no reason at all is always going to be scary that is isn't it because you assume something set it off yeah

53:57Robbie:so you don't necessarily think ghosts but you think humans don't you I think a lot of the time

54:01Stevie:you've just got a car alarm that's just going off something. Yeah. That used to happen quite a lot in the olden days. But then for two to happen at the same time and then a third that doesn't even have a battery. Oh yeah, that bit's spooky because of a general car alarm going off. I think I lived through a time with worse car alarms though.

54:16Robbie:Yeah, true. True. Beware, bears exist. Thanks Stevie. Thank you Stevie. We'll see you tomorrow when the week's bubbling up nice now. It's heating up and we will see you tomorrow when Robbie Knox will be in the hot seat with another spooky story. What should we do our little...

54:37Stevie:Come on, I did. Got it. Tell me what that was.

54:52Stevie:This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro plans. Monday on NBC. U.S. Marshall! All new Line of Fire, the thrilling new crime drama. The world sees us as heroes. But they don't know what the job really costs.

55:33Stevie:One family of federal agents. It's one thing to put yourself in danger. It's different when it's your family. Balances duty to their country. An assassin is still out there. Stop! And each other. How do you protect the world and the people you love at the same time? Every case hits home on Line of Fire, Monday on NBC.