607 - HAPPY HOURWEEN 2025 *Horror Movie Theme!*

13:28Robbie:No, he doesn't. I'm a nonce, mate. What? Use that as the clip at the beginning, Pete. No, I think Pennywise is Peter. No, no, because in the second film, when they're all adults, he goes for them as well.

13:40Jaack:Child murdery, yeah, but let's not smirch Pennywise's good name and call him a nonce.

13:44Robbie:I wouldn't say he's the greatest horror character, though. Nah. Who is? Elmo?

13:50Jaack:I'll tell you a horrible film. Pet Sematary. That's creepy.

13:55Robbie:Also a Stephen King?

13:56Jaack:Yeah.

13:57Robbie:I went to the cinema to see that and I can't remember a single second of it. It's just a bit, ooh, yeah. Is that where all the kids wear the animal masks, walk around a cemetery? I don't remember that.

14:08Jaack:Is it?

14:09Robbie:I don't know what the fuck it is. I don't think I've seen it. There's a Treehouse of Horror episode.

14:12Jaack:I've read the book more recently than I have seen the film, but it's, yeah, it's like there's a Pet Sematary but then they come back to life and then put the kids in the...

14:20Robbie:Right, well, let's move on. on from that because it's clear that Naomi and Robbie are not good at talking about that because we don't know anything about any horror films. But you know Ghostface from Scream? No. Scream. Oh, yeah. Does he actually do that? No, that's from Scary Movie. Yeah, but you know what he looks like because of that. They did that in Scary Movie. You know him? You know loads. Poltergeist? Don't know what they do though. The one where the woman walks down, what's the one where she walks down the stairs and goes, I'm going to suck your mother's cock. Sounds like I might be scary movie No, that's a real horror Oh, that one Is it you?

14:58Robbie:Exorcist, yeah What do you say? She goes crazy I don't know, I lost only in the 90s Right, what does the exorcist woman say about cock? Stick your cock up her arse, you motherfucking worthless cocksucker Told ya, I knew that bit Your mother sucks cocks in hell I remember when I was

15:29Robbie:When I remember I was a kid and I put that on And my mum said I couldn't watch it anymore After that line It was weird because she was fine with all the Why was she doing lines whilst watching it? Right on this sheet Stevie I was going to say it's weird because she didn't mind me watching This fucking horrific horror film Because I was talking a sucking cock Oh sorry I did the code She didn't like that Stevie, on here, it says that you've got some two-minute things planned. The two-minute thing was that. I've got a... I found three Halloween jokes I thought you'd like to lighten the mood before we get into it.

16:00Robbie:Why have you done this? Because I thought Halloween needs humour. We don't want to just only talk about murder and death and horror. Okay.

16:06Jaack:Okay, lighten the mood, which has been so serious up until now. Okay, so I'm going to lighten the mood.

16:10Robbie:We're going to start with, what do you call a ghost's boobies? Wait, wait, I want to get this bad. I fucking want to get this so bad.

16:19Jaack:What do you call a ghost's boobies? Titties.

16:25Jaack:You're close.

16:26Robbie:Am I? So I've just said titties. Yeah. Titties. Don't I know? Titties. What do you call a ghost's boobies? Paranormal entities.

16:36Jaack:Yeah. Yep. Yep. That's lower the mood. Yeah.

16:41Robbie:You can use these for your friends as well if you want. Anyone listening? I don't think they want to. There's a maniac living in our neighbourhood. he goes house to house leaving severed body parts on the doorstep he gives me the willies

16:54Jaack:that's quite good

16:55Robbie:yes yeah you couldn't stop yourself then could you

16:59Jaack:it's just funny it's just it's just the concept of handing out a severed cock

17:02Robbie:yeah he gives me the willies like he scares me and you would be the kind of person that would give giddy over the willies I would be yeah yeah and then

17:09Jaack:thanks

17:11Robbie:save the trip to Asda okay last one for you why don't witches wear knickers oh I got this I got this because they like their pussy on the broom. So they can get a better grip on their broom. That's vulgar. That's vulgar. I meant the pussy cat sat at the back.

17:36Jaack:You've actually said it like that.

17:39Robbie:You're grim. They like pussy on the broom. They like get better grip. What like a claw.

17:49Robbie:Sorry, we shouldn't joke like this around women. Sorry. Oh, that's fucking gross. Which joke was the best of the three? That one. He likes the pussy. I think it's so Willie's he likes pussy.

18:08Robbie:That was good. That did it. It did lighten the mood. You were worried it wouldn't, Robbie. Okay. Okay. Do you want me to lighten the mood with something? What are you doing? My nose is just dripping. Yeah, I've got an itchy nose, but I can't do any nose blowing. And my wig's falling off now. But usually this is the way with the Happy Hour Halloween specials. We do progressively get more...

18:28Jaack:We did great for the first 30 seconds.

18:32Robbie:Stevie, you remember last year? Yeah. You brought us in some one-sentence horrors. I brought you in some two-sentence horrors. Okay. Can you explain to the listeners what these are? So, two-sentence horrors... I can guess. Can you explain it then? about horrors, mate.

18:48Jaack:You explain it. It's a horror with just two sentences.

18:51Robbie:Because didn't they say that the world's smallest... The shortest one is... The shortest ever horror story in the world... Is six words long. Right. Which is, for sale, baby shoes never worn. That could go shorter, though, couldn't it? Two words. Dead baby. Can you... All right. Dead. Yeah, but... The son of bin Laden's dead. That's not sad. I'm sure it is for Mrs. Harler.

19:20Jaack:Baby. Makes me sad because of the dead baby. Yeah, but you need to know the baby's dead. I think you guessed my reaction.

19:28Robbie:Maybe you just really don't like babies. Okay. Okay, so last time I brought you some two-sentence horrors so I thought I'd try and treat you to some of those again and see if you are terrified by them. Can we rate these? I'd like you to rate each one and then this year I've gone a little step further and I'll explain when we get that. Oh, okay.

19:49Jaack:Let's rate them out of how, we'll say how full of shit our pants are after you've told us them. Okay. Deal?

19:56Robbie:Yeah, as I just pull snot from my nose. Okay, two sentence horrors. The night my friend's twin died, she was so emotionally fraught, she asked me for sex as a distraction. Afterwards, she said, if I survive the separation surgery, would you like to do this again? Oh, no. shag the conjoined twin whilst the one twin was dead that's not consent is it? didn't shag that one that one dead they might share one they might share one they might share that bit did you write these?

20:31Jaack:that's quite sweet no I didn't is that sweet? well a little bit how's it sweet Robbie? because she's sad her sister's dead and he's looking after her sister dead sister now it's not really a problem for her because she's dead

20:46Robbie:I think if Fiona's if she lost a sister and then she went let's have sex now I'd go get your head checked

20:57Jaack:grief does funny things doesn't it?

21:01Robbie:do you know what I mean? yeah it would be a weird but especially if you're still attached to dead sis yeah right that wouldn't be nice how much shit is in your pack you said it was quite nice I didn't say it was quite nice not coming there

21:12Jaack:you did you went that one's quite nice

21:14Robbie:sweet oh sweet yeah um pants dry clean dry dry okay clean pants so it turns out you can feel everything that happens to your body after death i suppose i should be flattered my husband still finds me attractive after all these years oh god oh god a lot of necrophilia yeah two for two

21:35Jaack:not really shitty more just like weird i have specifically chosen the weird ones because i

21:41Robbie:He's quite into necrophilia. Did he search necrophilia? He just looks at his favourites. Well, when we do this one, we'll find out if the next one's necrophilia, won't we?

21:50Jaack:Why are you talking like that?

21:53Robbie:I'm just saying, if there's more, that's not on me.

21:56Jaack:Sounds like you're talking in a police interview. If you're going to look through my heart, you'll find if the next thing is necrophilia.

22:02Robbie:How are your pants off? A little bit pooey. Not nice, that one, is it? Not great. Because she's dead, but she knows. They're not really pooey,

22:09Jaack:but I'm just it's more like my head's a bit like why is Stevie just looking up necrophilia

22:12Robbie:yeah I'm more confused at the context behind the joke rather than the jokes they're not jokes they're horrors it's not really scary now I know that it's not scary it's just weird yeah okay next one then no necrophilia well don't spoil it oh no you want it do you no I just want to see where it's going we got used to it now

22:30Jaack:okay we didn't want it first but now

22:33Robbie:you missed our daughter's first words while you were out he told his girlfriend she watched she watched her boyfriend's bloody finger emerge from her baby's mouth like a tongue working the mouth as he repeated mommy is a cheater

22:51Jaack:what how's that thing what he's using the baby as a puppet he's killed baby using his puppet

22:57Robbie:mommy's gone out cheated on him he's gone baby puppet now so maybe he maybe he's realized baby not his because she cheated. So you go back. Either way it's too far. It's too far that. Yeah.

23:14Jaack:How's he done this?

23:15Robbie:Do you want me to repeat it for you just so you can get a full picture? I'm visualising it. You missed our daughter's first words while you were out, he told his girlfriend. She watched her boyfriend's bloody finger emerge from her baby's mouth like a tongue, working the mouth as he repeated, mummy is a cheater.

23:30Jaack:So as you put the hand down to move in the mouth to the tongue. Oh, I

23:33Robbie:imagined that baby's arse.

23:35Jaack:I think he's made a hole in the back I don't think he's gone all the way through

23:39Robbie:Well if there's already a hole in the back, use that I'm out That's one of the worst sentences you've ever said

23:47Jaack:on this podcast Halloween app I'm fine then It's all a bit spooky No, it's not spooky, it's just horrible But yeah, okay Well, again Do you know what the worst bit about it is?

24:01Robbie:The worst bit about it is the phrase working the mouth

24:04Jaack:The worst bit's killing the baby

24:06Robbie:Gotta say

24:07Jaack:Much worse Okay

24:09Robbie:Pants?

24:10Jaack:Pretty pooey That one's not nice, is it? Yeah Like half a Like a chocolate log Okay Honey

24:18Robbie:Is our kid finally cured? I anxiously ask my wife As soon as I arrive home You tell me, she said With a comforting smile While pointing to a prosciutto-like dish On the kitchen table Cured meat No, no, I got it. They've turned the kid into ham. You like that?

24:41Jaack:Yep. Yeah.

24:45Robbie:It's a play on the word cured.

24:46Jaack:No, no, I got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thoughts? Preferred dead baby? I thought it was going to be more... Like, how long has he been away? I think it takes quite a while to cure a ham and she's prepped it and everything like that.

24:57Robbie:Well, it's only got two sentences, so I can't get full backstory. That one is quite good. That is quite good. It's got like a punchline, that one. Yeah, you were never thinking cured. No, I was. I'd guessed it. Oh, had you? You guessed prosciutto the second I said it.

25:08Jaack:I thought it was going to be covered in salt as you were doing the curing process sort of thing. So I was thinking that.

25:14Robbie:My brain didn't go there. I thought baby's permanently ill. Yeah.

25:19Jaack:I've had a lot of criticism in the past when I've gone into my creepy library and there's been a lot of child death. Yeah. This is very child death.

25:25Robbie:That was two child deaths, two necrophilias. So we'll see who wins at the end.

25:29Jaack:Yeah. great episode of Grandstand This

25:33Robbie:start on the next one ever since mum died dad had become more and more despondent until he stopped taking my calls I finally had to break his door down and politely remind him that he better fucking answer or he's next shit that's crap do you not get it? kid killed mum now threatening dad I apologise Yeah, it's just, whoever wrote that, it's a fucking do one. Got a couple of really shit ones to give you. Oh, great. Cool. I opened my eyes during surgery. The surgeon whispered, you weren't supposed to wake up yet. Is that it?

26:14Jaack:Is that it? That happened. That's a shit anaesthetist.

26:18Robbie:Yeah. Okay. Every night I find muddy footprints leading from the basement. I don't have a basement. That just doesn't make sense. what are you doing why did you start with a good cured one well flip that in halfway through why are you just chucking in random like you okay okay so what I've actually

26:36Jaack:it's like going 3-0 up in the world cup final they're just bagging in their own goals giving it away yeah

26:41Robbie:I think I found those ones after finding the good ones and I thought I put them in I forgot to put them at the start it's like going I was on a plane that was full of murderers except I was actually at home and there was a plane murderers or a plane plot twist yeah my baby's ham okay is it bad i quite want some ham now it is if it's baby ham baby bear ham not okay so when i was doing the research for this one i found a progression from two sentence horror called third sentence worse and what these are is two sentence horrors that people submitted but then one of the comments someone will try and make that story longer with one more sentence but like then this account has found those comments and attached it to the first one to be like that makes the story worse so worse as in it's a worse story or it gets even more horrific so you could go like

27:41Jaack:surely it's got to be the horrific one otherwise it's easy to make a story worse

27:45Robbie:well let me give you the first one so you could go I slept with a mother it was my mother she's dead my dad made me yeah yeah okay for some reason when you said my dad made me I was picturing it you were just saying like you're alive because you're your dad my dad made me fuck my mum good I wanted you to say the full sentence that's nice to know so I'll give you the two sentences I'll do a pause and then I'll add the third sentence can we guess the third one Yeah? Yeah. I'm in. I'm in. Now I'm interested. Now I'm listening. This is the game. So I'll do two sentences, both guests from each year, then we'll do the third.

28:27Robbie:Yeah. I put my face against the aquarium glass to get a better look at the exotic fish, but my son grabbed my sleeve and said to stop because it makes the fish nervous. He said he knows because that's how he feels when the man outside his bedroom puts his face against the window at night. That's your two sentences. My son was a fish.

28:49Jaack:so I filleted the cunt.

28:53Robbie:He said he knows because that's how he feels when the man outside his room puts his face against a window at night. Yes, but we've both paid for the view, I think to myself. What? Don't understand that. Don't get it. Did you know that psoriatic arthritis may progress over time and could cause permanent joint damage if left untreated?

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30:37Robbie:He's putting his face against fish glass aquarium. Son's going, Dad, stop it. That scares the fish. And then... So Dad's rented out his son to be looked at by... Exactly. Oh my fucking word, that's Blake. Yeah, worse. See, that is bad. He lets man pay him to look at son through window. Right. You can formulate sentences, mate. Third sentence, worse. I'm trying to make you understand. easier if I speak caveman talk with you okay fair enough Jack's fluent in caveman yeah okay my son was a fish let's see if you can get this one I grabbed a knife to defend myself from the attacker anything to keep my dad from my sister's room although my sister loves it stay out dad I'm in it I grabbed a knife to defend myself from the attacker anything to keep my dad from my sister's room he tried to persuade me into sharing her but I want her just for me I've aguero'd that I've aguero'd it yeah I'm getting this, I'm getting the way I think I know how Stephen King thinks now I don't think these are Stephen King I think Stephen King's writing these stories same genre yep I promised my daughter that I would take her anywhere she wanted to go when she turned 16 I was emotionally unprepared when she told me that she wanted to go to heaven, but I knew what I had to do.

32:08Robbie:Oh. Heaven nightclub.

32:13Jaack:Oh, you think the third line is heaven nightclub?

32:18Robbie:Formulate a sentence, Jack. I was emotionally unprepared when she told me that she wanted to go to heaven, but I knew what I had to do. I can't get it. I can't do it. I'm sorry.

32:28Jaack:Send her brothers and sisters too.

32:30Robbie:She was almost finished with the special last breakfast I made her when she told me heaven is a new mall that opened up across town Oh!

32:40Jaack:I'm Stephen fucking King! Not far off Yeah, that's the same thing, mall, nightclub You just said the words heaven nightclub He didn't tell a story

32:51Robbie:He had the idea that heaven, she didn't actually want to die Yeah, I'm grasping it You were getting there, not quite so

32:59Jaack:not a horror because that's making it better like oh sorry there's a misunderstanding don't worry about it

33:04Robbie:no but he's already killed her he's killed her he said she's just finished the last breakfast she said she wanted to go to heaven he went right eat some of this then poison

33:11Jaack:well we don't know it's poison imagine if she made you a nice breakfast before I kill her no because he wrote have your pass on

33:16Robbie:then I'm going to stab you he wrote special special breakfast poison breakfast

33:20Jaack:yeah well here you go you like waffles I made some waffles special yeah it's got strawberries in that there you go that's nice anyway I'm going to stab you in a minute because you wanted to Oh no dad I'm talking about this Oh sorry misunderstanding Glad we cleared that up

33:33Robbie:The moment my dad says he's going to stab me If you think that's what you want

33:38Jaack:Then he's maybe being a good dad True

33:40Robbie:Okay I'll give you one more I'm going to say it's 1-0 to Jack So Robbie this is your chance to bring it back I'll let you go first 2-0 Daddy please it's me Sarah The teenage girl cried out I want to believe you but I just don't know who you are I replied, cocking the gun in my hand. The Waterfront Nightclub.

34:04Robbie:Sorry, what was it? Daddy, please, it's me, Sarah, the teenage girl cried out. I want to believe you, but I don't know who you are, I replied, cocking the gun in my hand. I don't really understand this.

34:17Jaack:I don't get it. I don't get the story originally. Yeah.

34:22Robbie:Daddy, please, it's me, Sarah. Stop saying it. We don't get it. So, so, so, Sarah's saying it's me. Sarah's saying it's me. He's saying, I don't know who you are. So he thinks she's a bad person, so he kills. What's the second line? Oh, I want to believe you, but I don't know who you are, I replied, cocking the gun in my hand. That was when I knew my dad had dementia. She falls down lifeless, her blood pouring down the bag of Alzheimer's medicine she brought for her dad. I'm made for this shit.

34:53Jaack:Yeah.

34:54Robbie:I'm born for this.

34:56Jaack:I didn't really understand what was happening.

34:58Robbie:I found my niche. You have found your niche. That was very good. Next Halloween, you need to write us some three-sentence words. Okay. Worse. I wrote a two-sentence one about your story. What story? You know the one that you did on Tuesday? Yeah. It said, two-sentence horror, if you go down to the woods today, you're in for a big surprise. Bears. I forgot about the bears. Good. but if anyone's not heard that that'll make no no sense I quite like that they were quite good I want you to write some for us next time okay yeah I think you can do well next year yeah you seem to get you seem to catch on to it don't let Robbie do it next year I will write five three sentence worse stories okay three sentence worse stories Robbie come in alright bruv

35:47Jaack:alright

35:48Robbie:not seen you in fucking ages love

35:50Jaack:what are you what are you up to you want something Yeah, I'm just here with my mate Beetlejuice. All right, Beetlejuice.

35:57Robbie:And we were just wondering, actually, why are you looking quite attractive today? Thank you, I've done my makeup. What have you got down here? Sick.

36:08Jaack:Super sick. Cool.

36:12Robbie:He's still running the old...

36:15Jaack:Yeah, yeah, got plenty of books and all that. Are you interested? Yeah, it's been a while since we've had one, and there's been a big demand for where we're from. A little bit... One thing you need to be concerned, though.

36:24Robbie:Is it child murder?

36:26Jaack:No, no problem. But you've got... You seem to have clean pants. I must warn you, if you come in here, you're going to shit yourself in my creepy library.

36:40Robbie:I like it. I don't know, though, because normally you look quite ugly, whereas today you look fit. So I don't know how I... I can't get scared and poo myself if I'm looking at a hot chick.

36:50Jaack:Improved fashion sense as well. will remind you that in the film, Regan is 12. I've never seen it. You did start this episode by going, I'm a nonce. Yeah. So, okay. That's good to know. I'll just carry on being a sexy child then. Right. So I've got a story for you. I've been through the archives, picked a lovely little one that I think you'll enjoy from one of the alcoves. Okay. In fact, down towards the back of the creepy library. It was covered in blood. I've cleared the blood off so I can read it to you.

37:20Robbie:Because it's a Halloween special today, we need it to be extra, extra spooky, if possible.

37:25Jaack:Yes.

37:26Robbie:Yeah?

37:26Jaack:It's from the extra spooky section. So we might shit ourselves, though. You will shit yourself. Do any children die in it? I don't know. Okay. They don't on this one. You don't know or I don't? They don't die in it.

37:38Robbie:Right, okay. Okay. Something happens to them, though, doesn't it? Yeah.

37:41Jaack:Well, there aren't any children involved in it.

37:43Robbie:Right. Let's open the book, then.

37:46Jaack:That's a book noise. There's a cat on the book. Meow. Get off. Right. Anna, wake up. My angel is here. What? I eased while I opened until I was squinting at my brother. I would have opened them further, except I couldn't. He was shining a damn flashlight in my face. All right, there are kids in there, but not dead kids. Yeah, anyway. I shooed my little brother away that night, barely even bothering to look. That was the biggest mistake I have ever made. my mother had always been abusive that's great in quotes in quotes yeah so what does that mean she hasn't or she was she was abusive for lack of a better word she would yell at us demean us there was never a shortage of nasty words as far as verbally abuse goes mum was dead on physically it's where the line gets blurry she hit us for sure that's not blurry it was quite abusive doesn't it I don't think you need to put that in college yeah but the times she did were few and far between and honestly didn't really hurt us mum's abuse was mostly mental

38:55Robbie:like as in mental abuse not like not that fucking abuse or mental

38:59Jaack:I'd argue all abuse is mental yeah abuse is abuse isn't it yeah the worst was the time Brian let the puppy out he'd just gotten the dog for his seventh birthday we hadn't even had a chance to name it yet. He said he thought it would be a good idea to let the puppy go exploring. The puppy was hit by a car almost instantly. Mum dragged Brian out to the curb and screamed at him, look at the dog! Then threw him to the ground and left him sitting there crying. How old's the little kid? Seven. The mum's screaming. Mum's teaching him life lesson. Let dog out, dog dead. Look at dog. Look at what you've done.

39:34Jaack:He sat there crying. She stormed upstairs and disappeared into her bedroom. Later, she came down, dressed in her work clothes, ordered me to keep an eye on my brother and informed me that she'd be working a double shift and wouldn't be home until the early morning hours. Then she drove off without saying another word to Brian. I went out to him and asked him to come inside, offering him an ice cream for the freezer. He stared at the dead dog for another minute, gently crying and holding his scraped knee. Wordlessly, he came inside. I couldn't get him to talk to me at all that night. He sat on the couch, blankly staring at the cartoons I'd put on.

40:07Jaack:Eventually, I eventually got bored watching him. I went to my room and talked on the phone to my friend Lisa for a good hour. By the time I came out, Brian wasn't on the couch anymore. After a minute of panicking and searching the downstairs room for him, I heard his voice. Listening carefully, I realised it came from outside the house. He was sitting on the kerb next to Dead Dog, looking up and down to his right. Did you just say Dead Dog? No, it was Dead Dog. It would be fair if I said Dead Dog. It was, wasn't it? Yeah, it was good, yeah. Dead Dog. looking up and down to his right as if he was speaking to someone slightly taller than him.

40:41Jaack:Relieved, but still angry. I went out to him. Brian! Wait, wait. Do you get it? No.

40:47Robbie:Are you following what this is?

40:49Jaack:You can say it out loud. It's fine. Do you think it's Family Guy?

40:54Robbie:Brian. Is that what you're trying to say? You just said Brian. There's a dog. No, no, I thought it was Simpsons

41:01Jaack:because it said Lisa. Oh, Melissa. she's got on the phone so I'm called Lisa Lisa's not really in the story

41:07Robbie:because they're family guy and they're called over to

41:10Jaack:yeah we're trying to work out what's happening and we can't well the dog's not Brian because Brian's the boy still eats the dog what? have you been on the fumes as well? yeah did the dog have a name? no I just said dog no dog hasn't got a name just said dog

41:25Robbie:so this kid's killed the dog right?

41:27Jaack:well he's let the dog out yeah

41:29Robbie:and dog got run over

41:30Jaack:dog has got run over

41:31Robbie:yeah and then the mum screamed at the kid and like shoved his face into the corpse of the dog. Yeah. I think the mum's got anger issues, if I'm totally honest. Yeah, then the kids come in and not said anything despondent and just been watching cartoons. I love that you love the word despondent now. Yeah. Kids feels bad. I said it earlier. You said it in your story yesterday or the day before as well.

41:50Jaack:Kids been told it killed dog. Kids said it killed dog. Killed like dog. But now he... Feels bad. But now kid outside talking to someone,

41:58Robbie:but you can't see someone. He's just looking up at something.

42:01Jaack:Cool. Could be crouchy. Brian what do you think you're doing Sorry I saw There was a lady next to the dog She said she was an angel She said she was helping him You can't see angels They're invisible They watch over us but they're air coloured No they're not They're white Yeah but they're invisible Just get inside it's time for bed I got him in his pyjamas not bothering to make him brush his teeth or shower Good man

42:30Robbie:No this is his sister Yeah, good sister then. Bad sister.

42:34Jaack:Well, I mean, the kid has been upset by the dog. Brush your teeth, though. You can get cavities. Yeah. Well, okay. She has got an explanation if you'd like to hear on. Yeah. I was only 13. I wasn't about to force him to do anything.

42:47Robbie:You only had to wait one more time.

42:50Jaack:Brian and I shared a room, which I hated. So I went to sleep in mum's room until she got home. She got back about 3am and kicked me out of her bed. Sleepily, I snuck down the hall to our room where I heard Brian's voice. Is it beautiful there? I stopped dead in my tracks and listened. I thought maybe he was using the phone, which he wasn't allowed to do so late at night. I also realised the light was on. It was shining out from under the door. It sounds really nice, but the puppy is dead. He's hurt really bad. How can he be happy? Won't he be sad forever? He paused. Oh, I get it, I guess. Can you tell me more stories about heaven, though?

43:27Jaack:I listened for another five minutes, but he didn't say anything else. Eventually, the light turned off. I snuck into the room quietly to see that Brian was either already asleep or pretending to be. Ignoring him, I crawled into bed. He's dead. Kids died. No, Robbie said no kid dead. No kid dead. The next morning, Brian had all sorts of stories to tell. Because he's alive. Why are you taking the moral high ground? You've made this run for your own bag. No, no, no, no. It's fake news. He just wouldn't stop talking the entire time we were getting ready for school. and there are these really pretty tall flowers that are even bigger than me, and animals all over the place, because all animals end up there.

44:07Jaack:Even my puppy. Oh, my puppy. He's not hurting anymore. You don't get hurt when you go there. Nothing ever hurts again. And he was interrupted by mum, who was coming down the stairs. Oh, she's going to hurt him. Jesus fucking Christ, will you shut the hell up, kids? I swear to God, if you say one more word about heaven, I'm going to sink your dumb ass up there. Wow. They did say, mum, some of the verbal abuse was mental. Yeah. That is mental. I'm having flashbacks. Yeah, I was going to say this might strike close time.

44:38Robbie:Next time you have to do her a bit, slur her a bit. Okay.

44:40Jaack:Jesus fucking Christ, Jack, will you shut the hell up? I swear to God, if you said one more word about heaven, I'm going to send your dumb ass up there. Okay. Painful. Mum made herself some coffee as Brian and I sat in silence. She poured it in a thermos and then pointed to the garage just for us to get in the car. We did. As you drove to school, everyone was silent until Brian, very softly, and I cannot stress, by the way, how mental this story is about to get. As you drove to school, everyone was silent until Brian very softly said, she says you're not supposed to use God's name like that. Brian's the dog, though, isn't it?

45:17Jaack:No! That's Family Guy. The dog's dead.

45:21Robbie:You threw your head back so fast, your wig almost came off.

45:25Jaack:Dog dead. Dog's not speaking. He's a Brian, then. He's the kid. Little brother. Right. Right. I'll say it again. Brian, the little brother, very softly said, she says you're not supposed to use God's name like that. What did you just say to me, goddamn kid? Brian exploded. You can't say God's name like that. Mum exploded right back. Throwing the thermos over her shoulder at Brian. It smacked him right underneath the eye and coffee poured out of it and his shirt. It wasn't hot enough to burn him. It was barely even lukewarm, but he screamed anyways the problem I've got here thermos flowers are fucking great and that would keep it warm a day at least a day?

46:06Jaack:oh thermos that might have been yesterday's coffee nope she made it this morning for the thermos flowers unless she left a lot of time or thermos from Timu or had iced coffee yeah fair enough why would it be lukewarm though? cold brew but it's a hot place don't know not important Shut the hell up You're not fucking hurt He's a lot at his face She's just mental She's a cunt She's just thrown a fucking thermos flask at kids Horrible bitch Brian The way she put At the beginning Abusive She might not be abusive I might be harsh But she also throws A thermos flask at a hot coffee At a seven year old Lukewarm coffee Lukewarm Brian pouted And quietly whimpers and quietly whimpered for the duration of the drive.

46:58Jaack:We got to school and he jumped out of the car. Wait, said Mum. She pulled his soccer jersey out of the trunk and handed it to him. As he changed out of his freshly stained T-shirt, she said softly, I'm sorry, Brian, but you shouldn't talk to me like that. He nodded at her, still teary-eyed, with a slight red mark on his cheek where the thermos had hit him. Fucking hell. He ran off towards his class. Bye, Mum. Love you, I said. She nodded back, a little teary-eyed herself. So she feels a bit bad. I don't think that's an excuse, though. It's not an excuse. No. I'm just saying what's going on. Yeah.

47:30Jaack:I know Mum always felt bad. Oh, it tells you anyway. I know Mum always felt bad when she exploded. She just got too angry sometimes. Still, if she could have just controlled her temper, Brian would still be here. But then again, if I'd done a few things differently, Brian would be here too. When she picked us up after school that day, she was as nice as she... No, I told you, no dead kid. Yeah, she stabbed him, but he survived. when she picked us up after school that day she was as nice as she could be she brought Brian's favourite chicken sandwich meal from the fast food place across town and even went out of the way on the way home to get our favourite kind of cupcakes from this special bakery Brian seemed happy enough but he stayed silent as he ate as we all sat in the living room together watching his favourite movie the one about the lost little clownfish

48:19Robbie:Finding Nemo yeah it's Finding Nemo I was absolutely buzzing to get in there with that. Oh, really? And you just ruined it. I apologise.

48:27Jaack:I was so ready to say I know what that is. I'll do it again, you can say it at the time. Watching his favourite movie, the one with the clown. Finding Dory. No. Oh, fuck. I had one go. No, it was it. It. I was really cool. He got the clown in it. Oh, I thought you just did one with a clown fit.

48:46Robbie:No, I just changed it. Oh, okay. He changed it. It's a clownfish. I'm so high. And then you forgot it wrong. Clownfish. I'm so high. Finding Dory

48:52Jaack:Finding Nemo

48:53Robbie:Finding Nemo

48:54Jaack:Right You're not getting another chance Mum fell asleep on the couch And Brian whispered for me To come to the room with him I went And we sat on my bed Anna My angel says She can make it So I never have to hurt again Brian please don't start this again Please Anna listen He begged I don't want to be sad anymore I don't like when mum gets mad The angel says She can make it So mum will never be mad again And I'll never get hurt again and I want her to do it for you too. She says she can. She says you're still innocent enough to go too. Where are we going? His face up. Someplace wonderful. And it's not like we'll ever see mum again.

49:32Jaack:The angel promised. Heaven nightclub. It sounds like you're talking about heaven. We can't just run away and go to heaven nightclub, Brian. You have to die first. Anna! He said consentingly. Of course we're not going to die. My angel said so. Yeah? And how can you just trust everything she says? I sarcastic started rattling off cliches. You just know, you can feel it in your soul, you can see it in her eyes. No, he said, matter of factly, she doesn't have eyes. I scoffed and rolled my...

50:01Robbie:What, the angel doesn't have eyes?

50:02Jaack:No, no.

50:03Robbie:So it's a demon? Fuck him with the wrong kind. Fuck him with the wrong kind. Do demons not have eyes? No. Famously.

50:10Jaack:Don't they? No.

50:12Robbie:If I know demons. Can't be that famous. Never heard it. Do demons have eyes? What?

50:17Jaack:Who are you talking to?

50:19Robbie:Demons. You're an odd, demanus, have A's. Sorry, I went Spanish.

50:23Jaack:Okay, Brian, the little brother, not a dog, says she doesn't have A's. I scoffed and rolled mine. Okay, that's enough, Brian. Angels have A's, go to sleep. Not these kind of angels. Not the kind in charge of showing us heaven. They use their hearts to see, just like we're supposed to. That rendered me speechless. He beamed at me and said, I'm going tonight. I'll wake you up when she gets here. He did wake me up that night, and I pushed him away, thinking he was just playing make-believe. The kid's going to kill the sister. I've cracked it.

50:54Robbie:I told you, no dead kids. Well, the sister's older. They might kill mum. Yeah, they're going to kill mum.

51:00Jaack:He did wake me up that night and I pushed him away thinking he was just playing make-believe and that he'd go to bed soon enough. But an hour later, I heard my mum scream and the door slam. I find mum out by the kerb sobbing uncontrollably. There was a car up on the sidewalk parked on top of our mailbox and Brian was in the street lying in the exact same spot the dog had been in. Dog dead. Kid dead. What? Kid dead. Wait. You've killed the kid. Wait. I'm not going to describe it. I'm sure you've seen a squirrel in the street before all stretched out and dirty flattened in some spots and swollen in others bleeding everywhere road kills bad enough to see.

51:35Jaack:Well this this was my brother. A drunk driver hit him the driver was arrested and my brother was buried closed casket two days later. Kid dead. Yeah I lied. You fucking lying bastard. I lied. Why can't you find a story

51:48Robbie:without kid death?

51:49Jaack:Yeah. Do you want to?

51:51Robbie:You're a psychotic bitch.

51:53Jaack:Because that's the creepy library. You want creepy or do you want no kids dead because you can't have both? The preacher at his funeral talked about heaven. He said how all little boys and girls go there, how they never suffer and they never hurt and they never feel pain. And he talked about how they're not truly dead but they live on in our hearts and have their new life in heaven. I'm not sure what would have happened if I'd gotten out of bed that night. I don't know. if I could have stopped it from going outside. I don't know if I would have ended up splattered across that kerb too. I just wish I could forget the whole thing.

52:24Jaack:More than anything, I wish I could forget that blinding white light that shone in my face when I peeked at Brian in the middle of the night. It had to have been a flashlight. It really couldn't have been anything else. Whenever I look back at the memory, I can almost picture a pair of dark red lips, a sliver of a nose, but no eyes. I can't remember any eyes.

52:44Robbie:so it's the demons come back this time for the sister angel angel that's not an angel though it's a demon they've that's that's the twist stevie me and like me and stephen king have hypopadhyped over this me and stephen king theorize over this at times and i think from what the artist is trying to say in this story is that all the way through you think the angels helping the boy get over the traumatic abuse um deep embedded within the the boy from the from and the mother is actually a demonic creature. Or it is an angel, and that angel's taken him to heaven to get away from his cunt mum. Or maybe the monster

53:21Jaack:all along was his mother.

53:23Robbie:She's the demon.

53:24Jaack:And the fact that he died is irrelevant.

53:25Robbie:Does it ever mention whether his mum had eyes? Well, she did, because she was driving.

53:31Jaack:She threw a coffee at him and got him, bang on. She knew she'd done it. Demon. No, mum had eyes, I think. Mum. To be honest, I just like the mum character in their story. It's so aggressive, though. So aggressive. and I like that she wasn't sure if that was abuse but hey, that could happen, isn't it? You try and go, maybe it's not that bad but it is.

53:48Robbie:Yeah, it's only years on when you sort of do therapy on Zoom in lockdown that you realise.

53:53Jaack:That is actually a bit much.

53:54Robbie:Yeah. Yeah, well there you go. He's managed to crowbar it in once again, the child death. Not sure how I feel about that, Stevie.

54:01Jaack:I expected it. If we do a proper episode of Creepy Library, I promise you less than 50 % will have child death.

54:08Robbie:Okay. Still quite a big hit rate though, isn't it?

54:10Jaack:Less than 70%.

54:12Robbie:okay alright so three stories one more they went all have child death okay I liked it

54:17Jaack:it was good they might all have child death are we closing the library today yeah that's it for today because you've not paid your fines for the books you borrowed last time I didn't borrow

54:28Robbie:any books you read them to me I actually didn't want you to read them and you insisted on it

54:32Jaack:yeah well I I've left them around your place when I was reading to him can you bring them back

54:37Robbie:why are we doing your work I've never taken a book out yeah I don't like your books they're shit They're not shit. Too much child death.

54:43Jaack:You just don't like them because you don't like children dying. Yeah. Well, that's on you.

54:49Robbie:Yeah, Pennywise. Creepy library's shut. Creepy library's shut. This episode is brought to you by eBay. I love eBay almost as much as you love football cards. And I do love football cards, Stevie. You've seen my house, haven't you? I have got piles and piles of collectibles. The annoying thing is, though, I've got quite a few swaps. Well, seeing as it's free and pretty easy to sell on eBay, why don't you just sell some of those cards? There'll be loads of people out there who want some of those. That's a good point, Stevie White. I mean, I love all of the cards, that's why I collect them, but when you've got two of the same one, that second one is just not as special to me as it could be to someone else.

55:26Robbie:Well, do it then. Why are you still talking to me? Whack it up on eBay and get some of that money. Yep, I'm already dreaming of the bids flowing in. When it's this easy to sell for free, you can't help but say, when it's eBay. excludes vehicles and business sellers.

56:07Robbie:or at a store near you. This episode is brought to you by PayPal. You know how a mom's bag has everything? Sunscreen? Snacks? A stapler? The new PayPal app is like that, but for your money. Shop, pay, manage your account, and earn rewards all in one place. And with purchase protection on eligible items, biometric security, and pass keys, you're protected at every step. Download the new PayPal app to get started. See paypal.com slash protection terms Alright, well there we go How full is your nappy, Beetlejuice? Um, I wasn't scared by that The mum was the scariest part of that story Yeah It was really about the mum for me, that story Yeah, I related to it Yeah, it was quite sad Because you're a bad mum Yeah, I'm a terrible mum I'm a terrible mum Now Stevie, apparently you've got some pens and paper for us, haven't you?

56:59Robbie:I have Are you ready? I don't know what I'm saying What? I didn't tell you about this I've planned a little Halloween quiz for you

57:07Jaack:Thank god I thought for a second it was another legend

57:09Robbie:Based on the start of this This might not go down too well Because neither of you know anything about horror stuff And that's kind of what this quiz is I'll give it a good damn Great go

57:21Jaack:I'll give it an alright go

57:24Robbie:I've only got 12 questions So it shouldn't take too long 12 questions Each one's got three different parts to each so 36 in total is that far too long no no I'm joking 12 12 questions nice and easy some of them we'll see how much you listened in previous happy hour episodes very I'm fucked

57:48Jaack:some episodes I was not in

57:50Robbie:no you were involved in all of them but they're not all happy hour based but a couple of them would have helped if you listened to a previous episode so yeah there's some you aren't in no no no No, only like two or three of them in a previous episode you were in, I would have given you the answer to this. Okay. Like question one, you'd know the answer from an episode from last year's Halloween special. Oh, okay. Right. Question one. Yeah. You can play along at home as well. Let us know if you do better than both of these two. The big Halloween quiz.

58:20Jaack:We'll do all the answers at the end. We'll do all the answers at the end. Right.

58:24Robbie:Question one. What vegetable was originally carved into jack-o'-lanterns before pumpkins? I used to know this. I saw you should know the old story, didn't I? I told you it on last Halloween. Yeah, but I knew it anyway. No, I told you the whole story of the fella with the devil climbing the tree and the coin. Oh, yeah. That was really good. Stingy Jack. Yeah. Stingy Jack. Start giving him clues. Me? I'm giving the quiz master clues. No, he's giving you clues by saying, yeah, Stingy Jack. The story. I told you the story. Yeah, but I don't remember stuff. Okay. Ah. Come on. What vegetable? Just pick a vegetable if you're not sure, but you've got to pick...

58:58Robbie:Can I pick, like, three? I'm between three. No, you pick one. You pick one. And maybe just go for one that isn't... Not obvious in terms of... Like it's not... Alright, just... You know what I'm trying to say. I'll put two. No, put one. Okay, you can write down two, but then make sure you only say, I'm going to come to you first, and you've got to say which one you're going to go for. Okay, okay. Question two. You'd also know this from Halloween two years ago. Okay. In the Addams family, what is the name of their severed hand companion? Great question. great question okay big fuck is called I don't want to give it away do you know this?

59:38Jaack:yeah do you? I think so

59:41Robbie:what do you think it begins with? what letter? no I'm not telling you fuck off you mean the letter? no I'm not going to give you the letter like you want to win this shit

59:49Jaack:no yeah I want to get one right and this is the only one I'm going to get right no honestly you've got a chance here right

59:56Robbie:can I just quickly say I think it's something like don't say well he's already written his answer it's like the thingy

1:00:03Jaack:write down whatever you think it is

1:00:05Robbie:you're the answer at the end it'll be it's the thing I can't do it right he's changing his answer

1:00:16Jaack:I'm writing number three you're a little slight

1:00:19Robbie:number three are you ready? yeah what colour are pumpkins when they are not ripe? nice easy one for you I might have seen one of these I think I've seen one of them You've definitely seen a pumpkin not ripe before I don't like them anyway so they're always not ripe That's not ripe You'd say not ripe But ripe I'm high Number four, what unlucky event is said to happen If you break a mirror

1:00:51Robbie:Superstitions episode It's a horror thing What happens if you break a mirror You just get unlucky get an ike oh yeah right okay yeah but you gotta say it needs to be specific yeah got you okay number five what famous vampire hunter appears in bram stoker's dracula just think of a famous vampire hunter what's the name of a famous vampire hunter famous vampire hunters i know one i know two one of them's this answer one of them's that question six which you'll know from sexy urban legends episode one what are the famous magical trousers from icelandic folklore that are made from human skin called fuck me oh oh yeah got it Got it.

1:01:47Robbie:Next. Question seven. Which horror movie franchise features a doll named Chucky? Chucky was the original idea for you to be this year, so I don't know if you looked into it. What is the film called that Chucky is in? That's so obvious. Write it down then. It's literally called Chucky. Number eight. In The Simpsons, Treehouse of Horror, what are the alien duo's names? Oh, good. I love The Simpsons Put a Little Simpsons one in there for Jack I actually don't know if I know it though Robbie you'll definitely know number 9 What English legend tells of a ghostly black dog that haunts roads and graveyards Which English legend?

1:02:29Robbie:David Attenborough? Of a ghostly dog Of a ghostly dog So tell me your question again What English legend tells of a ghostly black dog that haunts roads and graveyards Robbie's mentioned it on a recent episode actually Question 10 Who directed the horror films Get Out, Us and Nope Got it So easy If Robbie hadn't got this pathetic Question Are you good? Question 11 The term poltergeist Comes from German What does it mean? Oh I reckon it's like fucking shit shitbag ghost or something like that write that down then yeah it'll be like naughty ghost and question 12 in German folklore who is the Christmas demon that punishes bad children German folklore I told you about this guy on a Christmas special okay I think I've done well here 12 yeah that's 12 yeah I think I've done alright here yeah you're done yeah we're all done okay I think I've done alright okay question 1 Jack we said we'll come to you first because you said you've got two answers I can only accept one of them so say which one you're going to go for.

1:03:44Robbie:Why don't you ask Robbie first? Because you've got two answers and I don't want you to go yeah I've got that. Yes thank you. What vegetable was originally carved into jack-o'-lanterns before pumpkins? Carrot. You know when I was going pick a vegetable I was trying to say like melon then pick one that's a good shape. Potato. How are you doing it to a fucking carrot? I've got potato. It was turnips. Okay. Good job I put turnip then. Question two was in the Adams family What is the name of the severed hand Companion Robbie? Thing I put the thing That's from Fantastic Four No but I'd go What would you write?

1:04:23Robbie:The Jack? I actually can't accept your answer His name is Thing If you wrote the Jack I'd be saying no So if you said what indie band is Luke Pritchard in And I said Kooks Unfortunately it's the Kooks Yeah, I would say, unfortunately, you got it wrong. What, if I said kooks? If you wrote the Oasis for Liam Gallagher, I'd say, sorry, you've got that wrong. All right. You can't just give yourself a tick, cunt.

1:04:48Jaack:Cross him out. Force him. You ain't got a pen.

1:04:52Robbie:Yeah, he's done it. What's happened? Nothing. I'll break your pen in a minute. Question three, what colour are pumpkins when they're not ripe, Jack? Yellow. Green. Green. Oh. You haven't got any yet. Gardening question. He's just gone, I thought I did well. We're a quarter in. he's not got a point. You haven't. You've got none. I said the thing. Yeah, exactly. And then you gave examples of how wrong you'd got it. God, that's annoying. What unlucky event is said to happen if you break a mirror, Robbie? Seven years bad luck. You get unlucky for seven years. Yeah, we'll take it. Two out of four. One out of four for Jack.

1:05:26Robbie:Question five. What famous vampire hunter appears in Bram Stoker's Dracula? I nabber. I don't know any vampire hunters. I put Buffy. Buffy, no. It was Van Helsing. That was the only one I knew, Buffy. You know Van Helsing? No. You've never heard of Van Helsing? I've heard of it. What?

1:05:46Jaack:SpongeBob. SpongeBob. Did that drinking in a race song? Okay.

1:05:53Robbie:Question six. What are the famous magical trousers from Icelandic folklore? Necrobats! They are called Nabrok. So we don't get it for Necrobats? I also accept Necrobats. Oh, okay. I wrote both down just in case any of you wrote Necropants

1:06:08Jaack:sounds like a fun kids show doesn't it yeah I mean it's like Captain Underpants spin-off Necropants

1:06:14Robbie:okay over halfway how are we looking so far boys Jack's got

1:06:17Jaack:one two three four and Jack's got two yeah

1:06:20Robbie:two if you're being an anal little cunt about it yeah I'm being an anal little cunt yeah I'm happy to be that question seven which horror movie franchise features a doll named Chucky Jack Jack go on child's play child's play yeah you ain't got child's play uh and you pretend you didn't know you're the one who's just called chugger it's just called chucky you pretended you didn't know i'm trying to get into writing chucky you're the one who pretended you didn't know so i didn't

1:06:49Jaack:he didn't act anything you did what you're accusing me i wrote down child's play because

1:06:53Robbie:i know what the film's cool okay you were doing child's play in the simpsons treehouse of horror

1:06:59Jaack:what are the alien duo's names i don't know i don't well i'm not cheating i've written the words down i don't know but i know it's something like i've written zorg and zag but it's not that

1:07:08Robbie:kang and thang kang and kodos so no points for jack then no point i get one obviously i've got one of the aliens no because you have a half you can have half i'll take a half but you are taking off the full one for the thing or you can have half for the thing because you've only got the thank you thank you bullshit i'll keep things exciting towards the end what english legend tells of a ghostly black dog that haunts roads and graveyards? Black Shuck! Black Shuck. Did you write? Black Shuck. Old Tyke. Old Tyke. He literally mentioned Black Shuck like three days ago. I knew it was something like that.

1:07:48Robbie:Question 10. Who directed the horror films Get Out, Us and Nope? Is it Jordan Peele? It is Jordan Peele. A little slug, yeah. Robbie's fucked you at the end.

1:07:58Jaack:I saw something the other day that I just mentioned I think he's got a new film coming out.

1:08:02Robbie:I did. Yeah, it's really correct. Jordan Peele, I've put it. 11. The term poltergeist comes from German. What does it mean? Naughty ghost.

1:08:11Jaack:I've guessed unwanted guest. Noisy ghost.

1:08:14Robbie:Oh, that's a half a point. No, it's not. I got ghost. I got ghost. You're not having half a point for ghost. Stop writing point five. Right. And in German folklore, who is the Christmas demon that punishes bad children? Hitler.

1:08:33Jaack:Krampus, sorry.

1:08:35Robbie:I'm sorry, I have to take your first answer, so no points for Robbie.

1:08:39Jaack:You have to give him written Krampus. I've given him written Krampus, mate. Krampus.

1:08:43Robbie:Okay, so what does that leave you both on? Well, I don't know, because you're just changing them. No, come on, what have you got?

1:08:47Jaack:Well, I've got one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. They've got 11 and a half. You didn't get an 11 and a half. What did he actually get? Give him Bob Larson. Don't give him any other thing.

1:08:57Robbie:1, 2, 3, 4, 5 6.5 Right, so you know horror a bit better than me No, I just know that pumpkins are green Robbie, here is your prize What is it? It's a big medal Can I eat it? Yeah, it's a chocolate coin Number one prize for quiz winner Can we half it? Jack really wants his halves You're not getting a.5 for it, mate, no

1:09:18Jaack:You can have a bit of it You can have your proportion of it Which is slightly under what I get I'm worried you're going to stick it up, though You can have that much.

1:09:28Robbie:Oh, thank you. That's actually very generous. That is generous. There we go. Look, I thought a prize for a win in a quiz on a Halloween episode felt like candy was the right thing. Perfect. Was it good? Are you guys going trick-or-treating this year?

1:09:41Jaack:Yeah. Oh. Not for me personally. I'd take Isaac, though, yeah. I'll either go or I'll do the... We have to divide up. One person has to go with Arlo and one person has to stay to give out treats. Right. What's your favourite? I used to prefer staying in because I didn't want to go outside, but I quite like going outside. There's one house near me that does really well. I like to see that every year. Really? Yeah, probably like smoke tunnels and stuff that you go in. That's cool.

1:10:07Robbie:There's a house near my sister's that does like a whole, you can walk through, they're like an events company, and you can walk through their garden and they have all dressed up people and stuff scaring you. So yeah, I think I'll take Isaac again this year, but I don't know what he wants to dress up as at the moment. Probably something to do with Five Nights at Freddy's. We spoke about this before, but what's the oldest you can really be like before you start not wanting to go? I'd say 12-ish. You get some teenagers come around. Yeah. They just want chocolate. They just want sweets and chocolate, yeah.

1:10:35Robbie:I don't know where it gets a bit weird though that you're still doing it. Yeah. You're at 22. Am I out? Yeah, you shouldn't be going unless you're taking a kid with you. I ain't got a kid, mate. You've got a niece. Oh yeah, but... I've got loads of you and I'll borrow one. Can I borrow one? Just get some chocolate. Oh no, whatever. Arlo. Yeah. Yeah. You can also just go shopping, though, and get yourself some sweets. True. That's good being a fucking adult, I'll tell you that. And you don't like sweets. You want chocolate. So it's better for you to just buy something. That's why we've had this bowl of sweets on here the whole time.

1:11:06Robbie:Right? None of it is that good. All right. Fuck ye.

1:11:10Jaack:Last time I do anything nice in a pod. Is that what you... Did you get them, Stevie? Yeah. Thank you. I'm eating them just to get the taste of chocolate in my mouth now. Sorry.

1:11:18Robbie:You don't like the taste of chocolate?

1:11:20Jaack:I like the taste of chocolate, but it's like... My mouth's a bit chocolatey, so I'm trying to eat Haribo. I'm just throwing more sweets at the problem. I like these ones. These little lollipops.

1:11:29Robbie:Why'd you get confused by what that was? Well, because I think they had a name, like Chuppa Chuppa or something like that, don't they? Maybe.

1:11:34Jaack:Why were there love things in there? Love hearts. They're not very... They just came in one of the bags.

1:11:41Robbie:They're quite candified though, aren't they? Right. Would you like a fucking... Keep forgetting my laptop's not connected. Would you like a horror story? Why don't you just connect your laptop to the internet? Yeah, I always try and it just doesn't work. Would you like a horror story? I love a horror story. Right. Are there any dead kids? No, but... I said that as well. Guys, can I just preface this, right? This is serious for a minute. I know we're all having a laugh and a joke on this Halloween. Can I just say that this actually has very, very, very real themes?

1:12:13Jaack:What does that mean? The themes are all real. Did they actually happen? Yes or no?

1:12:21Robbie:Maybe. I'm going to say yes. Maybe. We shouldn't laugh at it. Well, this is just a proper real horror story to sort of wind down this year's pod. No ghosts. No ghosts. Right, so this was posted on Reddit six years ago under the subreddit Creepy Encounters by somebody called Ravenously Red. That's not a particularly long story, but it's a very interesting one. As I said, it's actually a bit scary. So today... Real? not not real not not real real so real though we'll see no but you've seen i've seen it's real thank you so why don't i'm so complicated to find out funny is it that his medals just not sitting right yeah this is all just trapped in your hair so tacky right oh you're silver so today has been a particularly slow day at work and i've been killing time reading these stories maybe enough time has passed that i can share mine i had this friend who was really into the occult

1:13:24Jaack:you know what that means yeah it's like like demonic stuff isn't it yeah unfortunately i was

1:13:30Robbie:the one who got him turned on to it we had a mutual appreciation of the paranormal and all things weird so i thought the subject would interest him he started going deep into the subject to the point where he wouldn't talk about anything else he would actually interrupt the conversation and force the subject back to occult matters. Rude, but sometimes people go through phases where their interest is all they want to talk about. It was a mostly forgivable offence. I think I should mention that this particular friend didn't have a very large friend circle. His depression and introverted nature kept him inside a lot.

1:14:00Robbie:He didn't have the best luck in relationships with women, his world was kind of small, and I did enjoy hanging out with him, and so I did my best to be a good friend. I didn't want to just brush him off because he was acting a little weirder than normal honestly for the longest time he was just a totally normal guy we'd chat and play games together on the playstation sometimes we'd go see movies with my boyfriend accompanying us we all hang out at the park we went swimming overall we had a good time hanging out things started to go downhill when he started to smoke dmt we spoke to we spoke to dmt about dmt we did didn't we what's dmt roughly then can't remember he told us about a lot of drugs which one's dmt hallucinogenic it's the one that gives you kind of like that near-death experience sort of thing isn't it literally the chemical that you only get when you're born and you die why do you want that don't know but this guy loves it personally i think psychedelics are amazing tools that can offer insight into your life but they should be treated with respect my friend got to the point where he was making it himself apparently an easy thing to do after a miaga amount of research

1:15:03Robbie:Do you want to try that again? After a Miaga Fucking hell Make America Great Again

1:15:11Jaack:Make Eastern America Great Again Go on One more time

1:15:17Robbie:I've never seen that word

1:15:19Jaack:You know the word You know the word Just say it You don't know how it's spelled

1:15:23Robbie:Miaga

1:15:23Jaack:There we go

1:15:28Jaack:He's making it himself What's for a meager amount of time? Small. Oh, okay.

1:15:34Robbie:So he's making it himself. Your meager penis. Yeah. Yeah, this guy's making DMT himself. After a small amount of research online, you're just like, I can just do this at home. Yeah. He started smoking it daily, multiple times a day, which I don't know about DMT. Yeah. Or do I, Georgie?

1:15:53Robbie:It's the Pennywise thing. Oh, okay, yeah. I'm Katiewise, aren't I? I'm Katiewise. I'm Katiewise. Sorry, gotcha. um for those of you who aren't familiar with the substance dmt when you smoke it you get transported to a different world an entirely new plane of existence your body and yourself don't exist anymore you're just exploring this alternative reality dreamscape my personal experience with it led me to seeing a dragon once in this kaleidoscope of a cornucopia people see all kinds of things they're weird yesterday because um i did that i had that thing happen to me by the way where i saw a word for the first time then i saw it again about two minutes later and cornucopia was the second time i saw it i'm just thinking that it's amazing that you didn't

1:16:32Jaack:get you couldn't say meager but you could say cornucopia yeah i found out what that was yesterday

1:16:36Robbie:literally googled it and then read this story and cornucopia was in it what is the definition of cornucopia it's uh cornucopia like um can't remember i think like a yeah like a like a hubbub stuff. I reckon that's what it says on Google as well. So maybe you'll see the word meager again tomorrow. Maybe. Cornucopia is a symbol of plenty consisting of a goat's horn overflowing with flowers, fruit and corn. Yeah. Right. That's made it more complicated.

1:17:08Jaack:I don't think that's what this, I think this is just a

1:17:10Robbie:like a hubbub of things. Yeah.

1:17:12Jaack:Thank you.

1:17:13Robbie:So imagine what that does to a person when you're smoking it 30 plus times a day surely that's not even feasible remember i said real he started telling me things like he was the reincarnated osiris he said he was seeing egyptian come on that's now you're taking the piss you know how to say that that word there yeah hieroglyphs i don't know why he said it with that accent but yeah hieroglyphs okay you know what hieroglyphs are? That's my first time ever seeing that written down. What? What is happening? What? You know hieroglyphs. We learned about them in school. I know what the word is, but how would I know that when I'm reading it?

1:17:55Robbie:It's going H-E-I-R. You've even read it out wrong. He said he was seeing Egyptian hieroglyphs all over the place. I've read it right. No, I know, but you're going hieroglyphs. Hieroglyphs. He said he was seeing Egyptian hieroglyphs all over the place in Walking Life. Apparently, he had long conversations with entities in his bedroom even when he wasn't smoking DMT. Of course I was very alarmed to hear all of this and told him he needed to take a serious break. No drugs at all for a few months so he can find a footing in reality again. At this point I was still hanging out with him because he obviously needed some help and like I said before he didn't have a lot of friends that could give him that.

1:18:33Robbie:He was also the black sheep of the family so I knew he wasn't get any kind of support from them at home. He was really close to his sister and I did reach out to her on Facebook to express my concerns. I pushed her to talk to him into getting some psychiatric help because he was slipping past the point of no return. I'm not really sure if she took my messages seriously though since we didn't really know each other. Plus she is at least six years younger than us and possibly didn't grasp how serious this situation was becoming. In any case I'll jump forward now to the part where things getting really would start getting really creepy.

1:19:04Robbie:My boyfriend had made arrangements to hang out with our friend at the park. I didn't really want to go because i felt like i needed a break from him and his nonsensical ranting i just couldn't deal with it on this particular day my boyfriend said he wasn't that bad at all and we went away anyway we went to the park and he was his usual self ranting about egypt and made up gods that only he knew the truth about he also had this large hunting knife that he kept fiddling with the whole time we were on the walk just in a park yeah he told us that he'd been using it in ceremonial magic and that it helped to banish negative thoughts.

1:19:40Robbie:It made me extremely uneasy. He would do this thing where he would take the knife and make stabbing motions near his heart or head like he was mock-stabbing himself, all whilst holding a conversation with me or my boyfriend. I think we are both really on edge and didn't know what to say about it. I tried to distract him from doing it by bringing up other subjects that might interest him, but he kept on with his ritual. Keep in mind, we're walking on a trail, so it wasn't like we could just say goodbye then and there. We had to walk back to our car to drop him off at his car. My boyfriend had the bright idea that we should get some lunch after our walk.

1:20:15Robbie:Even though I was doing my best to give him that look that said, no, you crazy fuck, why do you think I want to spend any more time with this nut? Show me that look. We've all been there, haven't we? Yeah. Fuck off. Fuck off. He's going to do another rubber legend.

1:20:33Robbie:But it must not have been very effective, or my boyfriend was choosing to ignore it. Not sure. Either way, we ended up getting in the car to go get lunch. In the car I was driving, my boyfriend was in the passenger seat, and our weirdo friend was in the back. As we're heading through a busy part of town where all the shopping and restaurants are, I hear the distinctive sound of a belt buckle coming undone. Then I hear the worst sound imaginable. What's the worst sound imaginable? What do you think it could be? It's time for ebonition. Well, he's just undone his belt buckle. Yeah. What do you think's going on in that back seat?

1:21:07Robbie:This episode is brought to you by PayPal. You know how a mom's bag has everything? Sunscreen? Snacks? A stapler? The new PayPal app is like that, but for your money. Shop, pay, manage your account and earn rewards all in one place. And with purchase protection on eligible items, biometric security and pass keys, you're protected at every step. Download the new PayPal app to get started. See paypal.com slash protection terms.

1:22:00Robbie:issued by Goldman Sachs Bank USA Salt Lake City Branch.

1:22:03Jaack:Terms and more at applecard.com.

1:22:09Jaack:Maybe he's going to be a swacking noise as he whacks with a belt.

1:22:13Robbie:Remember, he's got a knife and all. Maybe he's got a knife. Maybe he's going to strangle him. I peek back out of the corner of my eye and my suspicions were confirmed. This crazy fucker was full on jacking off in our backseat.

1:22:25Jaack:Okay.

1:22:26Robbie:That's not the worst imaginable. No, not when he's got a knife. that'd be that's one of the best outcomes

1:22:32Jaack:really if she thinks she's going to get stabbed if she thinks she's going to get stabbed because he's got a knife and he's taking his belt off oh thank god he's just wanking I'll say what you mean that's a good way to look at it I mean glass half full

1:22:45Robbie:pants all the way down bare arse on the seat beating it so hard it was like he wanted to rip it off instantly I felt sick to my stomach and all that nervous energy I had throughout the day popped into my head what's her boyfriend doing? he's in the passenger seat on his phone and she's seen it in the mirror. Cuck. Yeah, but he's beating it so hard, he's trying to rip it off your ear. Where's this guy again? I've forgotten who he is. A mate. Their mate. Their mate. Yeah. A friend. Yeah. She says, I was trying not to shake and trying to ignore it as I drove through heavy traffic. I kind of had a freeze response, I guess.

1:23:15Robbie:The whole time I kept thinking about that huge arse knife he had in his pocket and obviously he was completely off his rocker now. I was afraid to say anything or confront him because I didn't know how he was going to react. This part is nuts, but my boyfriend didn't seem to fucking notice. And the whole time, he kept rambling on about God knows what. I couldn't listen because my thoughts were 100 % focused on driving and trying to act like I didn't know what was going on in my backseat. Would you notice on the drive home? Me and Stevie. If he's driving, we're just wanking in the back. No, actually.

1:23:45Robbie:No, I wouldn't. And I know that for a fact because one of my mates got wanked off when I was driving in the back of my car once. Which one of us? And didn't tell me until about 10 years later. what yeah yeah Wanked Off by who I like this is genuinely true story yeah not Mac Bean Jack Dean Jack Dean didn't get Wanked Off no that's not believable Mac Bean might have I was driving home from a music festival and I had my mate in the back seat and he had a girlfriend with him at the time and didn't obviously didn't know anything just fine and then Joe took him home fine and then

1:24:21Jaack:was anyone in front seat with you yeah someone in the front seat with me

1:24:23Robbie:and I remember I was knackered but I was just like driving home and then Who was it?

1:24:29Jaack:Just have interest. I'll tell you off, bud. Put it out of the mouth and tell us now, because I really want to know to imagine it.

1:24:36Robbie:I met them years and years and years later in the waterfront, and we were having a conversation, and they said, yeah, I got wanked off in your back seat. What if they just randomly told you this? Well, I'm sure we were talking about wanking. Yeah, obviously.

1:24:48Jaack:No, I'm sure we were. Night out of the waterfront, why wouldn't you be? Why wouldn't you be in a nightclub?

1:24:55Jaack:I can't imagine we were talking about anything other than wanking. I haven't seen you for years and he's wanking

1:25:02Robbie:anyway carry on he's wanking their friend is wanking in the back seat boyfriend not noticed person driving we get to the restaurant and my boyfriend jumps out and runs inside to grab food I'm left alone in the car with our friend and I try to act like I'm browsing on my phone when really I'm watching and listening as hard as I can why we don't talk my boyfriend gets back in and I complain that I'm tired it's been a long day, just drop him off so I drive back to our friend's car and he doesn't get out of our vehicle he just sits there

1:25:35Jaack:have you stopped wanking now?

1:25:37Robbie:I don't know I think he stopped wanking

1:25:40Jaack:did he come? she hasn't said

1:25:44Robbie:maybe they haven't noticed Robbie this is real

1:25:49Jaack:he can still come if it's real comes real Jack it's imaginary

1:25:56Robbie:you should know more than anyone me? why should I know more than anyone? you always say you come a lot I do not oh quickly wrong one volume oh I'm fine with you saying about my premature ejaculation great what I'm saying is I come gallons that's the reason I'm saying that was unnecessary

1:26:26Jaack:less of that petty wise can be very touching petty wise petty wise when you watch how she jizzes

1:26:32Robbie:he can be very touching the back of a car right so my point is I know from personal experience you don't know if someone's coming in your back seat of the car of the car did he come in the back of your car? bro, what's she just going to toss him off and then not make him finish? might be hard to finish in that scenario you can hear you talking i need to find out what happened actually it was an old car it was fiona's car why is the car relevant i don't care what the car you're in he just went what so she didn't know i went f's car that was before i knew fay right i passed my test when i was with fay so it was by the way

1:27:14Robbie:yeah um yeah my boyfriend gets back i complain i'm tired it's been a long day is tripping him off. So I drive back to our friend's car. He doesn't get out of the car, right? I have to get a little bit rude and ask him to please get out and go home. He gets out of the car and walks over to his passenger side. I start getting really scared and as I suspected the worst. He pulled out... What does he pull out? Gun. A gun. I thought he was going to pull out his knob again. He pulled a gun out of some kind of bag that he had on the seat and he just walks over to our car with it. I don't know why the fuck I did this but I was so pissed off I just got out of my car and walked right up to him.

1:27:50Robbie:I was maybe three foot away and could see it was a loaded nine millimeter. I kept asking him over and over, what are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? Because apparently that's all my brain could think to do. I told him to get in his car and go home. He never said anything during this whole time, just kind of cried and had this weird look in his eye. For whatever reason, he got back into his car and drove off. I told my boyfriend, obviously, we are never hanging out with him again, and that I didn't ever even want to talk to him anymore. No contact, nada. A few months pass and occasionally he messaged me through the PlayStation or text my phone.

1:28:23Robbie:He says a lot of random stuff and I just ignore it. It turns out he moved down to TN near Nashville which is obviously a...

1:28:31Jaack:Tennessee?

1:28:32Robbie:Yep. I don't know why he moved. He had a roommate and I think their girlfriend lived there. I'm not really sure about the situation. I think maybe he's turning his life around and getting a fresh start down there. I think it's best to cut all contact and let him regroup. I'm not interested in any kind of friendship with him and I know he needed help beyond what I could offer. Again, I reached out to his sister and let him know that he had a gun. She managed to get it from him somehow, but it did little good in the end. I get a call around 11pm one night that wakes me up. It's a man claiming he's a detective in Gallatin TN and my heart skips a beat.

1:29:06Robbie:I start sweating and immediately ask what happened. Apparently, my former friend stabbed someone to death on Halloween day. I don't know all the details and the articles about it are kind of sparse this whole thing is really surreal and I'm just left feeling lucky that I didn't get shot last summer and then the reason why this is so so massive on Reddit it's got so many upvotes loads of people reaching out for support asking if they're okay and stuff like that because I'll be honest when I first read this last night I'm thinking oh this could be a creepy library this yeah it feels like no sleep the reason I think it got so popular is another Reddit user called Gorbo has said is this him with a link and it takes you to a link which is Gallatin News which is obviously the town or the thing in Tennessee it's a genuine community newspaper oh right the article was written on oh no that's just today's date that's just the date that was written and now as we speak and yeah there's a picture of a guy Six years ago.

1:30:09Robbie:Six years ago this was. A gallanty man has been charged with first degree murder after police say he fatally stabbed the roommate with a kitchen knife on Halloween. I've read the article. I won't go through it all but it is pretty fucking morbid. And apparently him and the roommate were just friends and then out of nowhere he goes up to the roommate puts him up against the wall says quit playing games with me. Bosh. Done that. So that's pretty morbid. That's mad that like that person's figured like found out that's all happened like a year on from their friendship and then put the story on Reddit.

1:30:39Robbie:And then it's only from the Reddit that somebody's found that article and gone, look, that's happened. Yeah. That's why you got to be careful. What would you do though? Because if I started acting like really fucking bizarre to you, at what point do you actually go like, right, we can't actually stand for this anymore. We have to, you have to take me to the popo.

1:30:57Jaack:It's hard for him because he's got to go back to boots. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? You get a lot more leeway with him than me. Fear be homeless. That's not employed. He's not going to dump you in. Yeah, true. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, you kind of get away with it, don't you? If you keep yourself sensible around me, you'll be fine. Right, yeah. As much as metal as you want. Get all the cars.

1:31:19Robbie:But he didn't... The year before, obviously, the final bit, he didn't... Obviously, he did some creepy things, but I don't think he did anything the police could do anything about. The police don't seem to do much about stalkers or anything, do they? They say, like, we can't do anything until they actually do something. It's like when that guy threatened to petrol bomb my old flat, do you remember? Yeah. And he posted my address online. I went to the police station about it, and Tartan said, and they said, until he does something, we can't do anything. It feels that wouldn't be the case now.

1:31:46Jaack:I just feel if that happened now, they'd do something.

1:31:49Robbie:Do you reckon? But this was only about six years ago.

1:31:52Jaack:Yeah, but you hear a lot about people just saying vague threat type things, or saying things on the internet and then getting arrested.

1:31:59Robbie:Yeah, true. True. I've got a story I'd like to quickly tell because I feel like I got the vibe of the weekly stories slightly wrong because I thought we were going for more realistic ones and then I felt they were more ghostly than I thought they were going to be so I did have a second one ready that I thought was clear that I guess didn't happen so I thought maybe I could read it to you so this did happen or this didn't happen I think it's more of a creepy library type thing it's on no sleep though so it shouldn't take me too long to read out the library haven't returned yeah exactly i'll return it after this if you'd like it it's called how do i get my girlfriend to knock off this annoying habit so i've been dating my girlfriend for almost a year and last month we moved in together maybe that's kind of fast i don't know my parents sure thought it was everything was great in the beginning we get along really well and we've never had more than a brief argument but then she started whistling it's so dumb i know but she's just always whistling this weird song and it really gets on my nerves.

1:33:02Robbie:My mum kept telling me that once you move in with someone, you discover all the quirks they'd be hiding from you. And it's not like I didn't expect that to be true, but for some reason, this is just an ongoing issue with us and I don't know what to do. My grandad whistles all the time and my nan says it's fucking annoying. Is it annoying? Well, I don't mind. I think it's quite a jaunty little tune, but... Maybe your nan wrote this. Well, it's his girlfriend, isn't it? My grandad's a man. Didn't want him to find out on the internet. Yeah, it's supposed to say this is your nan.

1:33:27Jaack:What? Let's assume this. Yeah, let's read this as a for sure.

1:33:30Robbie:I'm trying to now imagine this is my nan talking about my granddad. Yeah. So why is my granddad a woman? No, because she's done that to hide her identity. Because he dresses up. He's in a dress. My granddad is dressed as a woman. He wouldn't do that. He hates that.

1:33:42Jaack:Well, that's what he says. Maybe this is why he says that, because he likes it.

1:33:46Robbie:Yeah. So, yeah, picture that. But it's your nan's put it online as the man to protect her identity. So just in case your granddad. So is my granddad trans in this? No. Trans dad. It's just wearing... No, it's good though. No. All right, we'll forget it. We'll forget it. Yeah. Because it's got complicated in my head. At first I would just hear her whistling when she was showering. It was kind of cute, like her own little bathroom theme song. I didn't recognise the melody, but it was very distinct. I would love it if Fi had a theme song. Yeah? Because every time she'd come in the room, she'd just go, I'm Fi.

1:34:21Robbie:I think that'd get annoying. I would never get boring for me. There you go, Fi. Did it? Did it? I'm Fi. That's every time from now on. Yeah. I didn't recognise the melody, but it was very distinct. I could mimic it from memory if I wanted to. In fact, sometimes it gets stuck in my head and it drives me a little bit crazy. You know the type. After a week or so, I asked her what the song was and she just laughed. I'm wondering, like, maybe she came up with it on her own. Something that she does absently, especially once she started doing it more. Like, I'd be reading a book and she'd be on the computer and she'd just start whistling.

1:34:51Robbie:And I tried to ignore it. I seriously feel like a dick for being so grumpy about it. So it is actually like a melodic tune. It's not like a whistling from the nose. No, she's whistling, but it's the same tune every single time. A bit like when I do my Strictly. Yeah. Exactly like that. But she's just doing that constantly. I seriously feel like a dick for being so grumpy about it. And I know she wasn't doing it to annoy me, but she'd just go on and on. And it would pull my attention away from whatever I was doing. So I finally said something a few nights ago. I was going over some legal documents for work and she'd started whistling like crazy on and on.

1:35:27Robbie:And I'm just trying to block it out, but it's seriously excessive. Like, I know you guys are probably thinking that I'm overreacting, but it felt like she was whistling it right into my ear and it just frayed my last bit of patience. As calmly and as nicely as I could, I called out to her and asked her to quiet down. She didn't reply. I asked her again and she still didn't answer. So I left the bedroom and found her in the living room watching a movie. She wasn't whistling anymore. And for some reason, that really irked me. It felt like she was messing with me and she looked over at me like she didn't know what my deal was.

1:35:56Robbie:I asked her if she could stop whistling so much and she told me she wasn't whistling. Now I get that maybe she doesn't realise she's doing it but no one whistles that much and doesn't notice. It's not really like her to mess with me like that and I don't know what she's trying to get out of this. I thought maybe she was just teasing me or playing a joke but she had to see how annoyed I was. I asked her again just not to whistle so loudly and she didn't answer. There was tension in the room and it felt like our first fight since moving in together. Even though she didn't whistle for the rest of the night I couldn't focus on my work anyway because I was upset about the confrontation.

1:36:26Robbie:Then, of course, the next night she was whistling again. I hear her when she comes home from work and she keeps going on for at least an hour. What, an hour of whistling? Hour of whistling. That's annoying. I didn't want to have another fight, so I just hung out in the bedroom and listened to her move around for a while. I felt like I was blowing things out of proportion, but honestly, how hard is it just to not whistle all the time? It was no big deal when it was now and then, but I feel like she whistles more than she even talks to me now. I'm up sitting in the room thinking about that, and that's probably why I was so worked up when I finally came down.

1:36:58Robbie:This is like peaking, but with whistling. Yeah. Kind of, yeah. My wife whistled at me. She was cooking dinner, which is sweet, but she was still whistling. So I said softly, Hey, honey. Fuck up, you cunt. Hey, honey. Maybe we should put some music on instead so you don't have to fill the silence with whistling. I tried to play it off like a joke, but I knew she'd probably see through it and get annoyed again. she didn't even turn to face me just huffed and kept cooking after a minute I told her I was sorry about the other night but the whistling just sort of strikes my ear wrong and if she could try not to whistle so much and so loudly it would make my life a lot easier I feel like I was being fair and I know it seems controlling and nitpicky but it was bothering me a lot we all have our things you know I try not to chew loudly at a table because I know it bothers her so why can't she just stop whistling sometimes for me

1:37:45Jaack:maybe she's a referee or works in footlocker yeah

1:37:50Robbie:but she totally freaked out she turned around and told me she wasn't whistling and she didn't know what my problem was at this point i don't get why she was doing this it obviously wasn't funny for either of us and she seemed genuinely upset so i don't know why she kept provoking me i asked her what her deal was and why she was so defensive and stupid about the stupid whistling and she told me to shut up she told me she was sick of talking about it like i was the one being unreasonable i never get mad at her but i just snapped i told her to stop whistling before i lost my mind she called me crazy just because i was getting a little bit upset and somehow that was all i could take i grabbed one of the cast iron pans from the stove and swung it at her head

1:38:28Jaack:as hard as i could whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa i rest of me for him i think he's the lunatic yeah maybe that was the kettle going off yeah maybe she's a kettle does it say she's a kettle she's

1:38:42Robbie:She's a mouse. Okay. All right. She fell over and I smashed her head on the counter and smashed her head on...

1:38:49Jaack:I watched it. Finish her!

1:38:53Robbie:She fell over and smashed her head on the counter, but I swung the pan again before she hit the ground. I think I hit her maybe three or four times. I don't remember, but I feel horrible. There was blood everywhere. Her jaw might be broken. No, I think it is for sure. I couldn't believe I'd lost my temper like that, and I have no idea how we can move past this. I feel so ashamed for letting things get physical, regardless of how much she might have been provoking me. But here's the kicker. She's still fucking whistling. And I asked her nicely to please stop. He's got tinnitus. But now she won't even pause.

1:39:25Robbie:For two days, she's just been lying on the kitchen floor with her eyes rolled back and her mouth hanging open, just marinating in congealed blood. And she's still fucking whistling. I don't know what to do. I don't want to break up, but this is just too much. I just need her to shut up. just shut up just shut up just shut up just shut up she needs to stop whistling because she's taking

1:39:45Jaack:it far too far and she's out of order if i've understood this story correctly she is out of

1:39:52Robbie:order he's he's he's in that turny yeah the first comment is i don't think she was ever whistling this is probably just a psychological thing because she said she wasn't whistling the whistling's all in your head yeah that's exactly what it is yeah he could have he could have tinnitus, can they? I like when people on Reddit, I don't know if you've noticed it, if you do ever read the comments on the no sleep stories and stuff, where people just take it really seriously. Like that person being like, oh, it's just all in your head. They're talking to the person as if they haven't just written a story.

1:40:22Robbie:But they're not going, you've just murdered her. They're trying to give a genuine thing. Other people on here, you should have wore earbuds. You wouldn't have had to think about breaking up with her, or even less, strike her with a pan. Good point, good point, well made.

1:40:34Jaack:That's like chat GPT's on.

1:40:36Robbie:I totally understand what you did. Whistling is one of the most annoying things a person can do. It's nails on a chalkboard for me, so I totally get smashing her with a pen. Oh, wow. Maybe just drag her outside or something. I mean, the whistling has to stop, really. I hate to break it to you, bruh, but she ain't the one who's whistling. Oh, they're saying he's whistling. Yeah, or it's in his head. You two are really fucking bad at conflict resolution. Come on, dude. If she says she isn't whistling, then she probably isn't. Why would she lie to you? and what's wrong with her anyway? Instead of acknowledging that you hear a whistling and then going from there, she flips at you?

1:41:10Robbie:How the fuck have you two big brain mediators made an entire year into a relationship? Christ almighty. That can't actually be someone being fuming. That's got to be someone doing a bit.

1:41:18Jaack:Some people are really thick though. Not on Reddit. Not on our Reddit, but on this Reddit.

1:41:25Robbie:Yeah, oh, someone said take the kettle off the hob. Good. At least you went for the head. Sounds like a Black Mirror episode. If that was on a Black Mirror episode, you could see that happening. couldn't you? Yeah, but I think you'd clock on pretty quickly, wouldn't you? That she's not doing it. Now, good story. I liked it. I didn't see the twist either. I just thought she was. I thought there was a chance she could have been a kill. When I was reading through that and it got to the bit where he just killed her, I was like, whoa, fucking hell, that came out of nowhere. There was nothing built up to the kill.

1:41:50Robbie:No. And I liked that. It's very good. Now, all week, we've been finishing these episodes on happy hour listener submissions, haven't we? They've been getting in touch with voice notes about their scariest ever thing. Now, when I went through these, one struck me as like quite clearly the scariest one. I teased it in yesterday's episode. And this is from somebody called Rosina. Rosina? How would you say that? Rosina? Rosina, yeah. Rosina Leanne. She sent a two and a half minute long voice note. And as I mentioned in yesterday's episode, there are videos from her baby monitor of her child that back up what she's saying.

1:42:30Robbie:So I'll play you the voice note. we'll sit we'll listen and then i'll show you the videos and i'll put them up on screen as well yeah for the audio listeners i mean i'd like to think you were probably watching this one anyway because we've dressed up the set and we're in costume but if you have then gone back to listening come back and watch when jack says the video is going to finish on this story from rossina leanne so you can share this video um but basically this is my son and he used to suffer from like seizures and stuff so i that's why he's got cctv in his bedroom so i could watch him and um if you watch just like one night his arms like fly back behind him and it looks like he's dragged out the bed um really freaked me out so i phoned the vicar the vicar yeah um so i phoned the vicar and asked him to come out like that day um he came out he brought with him frankincense um and a literal gallon of holy water that looked like I've been to the petrol station um and then he went into my kid's bedroom and was burning the frankincense um and like chucking holy water everywhere um doing that you know all that good stuff and then he asked if he could pray over my son and I was like yeah you know at this point try anything I don't care anymore um because I had loads of spooky stuff happening in there like doors slamming and all bits and bobs I was like yes whatever bless him um so he gets some holy water and draws a cross on my son's head and literally like something from the exorcism my son's head literally flew back and this demonic sort of scream um came flying out of him if you weren't there you probably don't believe me but it was the scariest thing i've ever seen in my life um and at that moment it's actually what made me sort of start to believe in like christianity and religion because i was like well this this is not normal um my husband cannot remember it at all even though he was the one holding my son.

1:44:19Robbie:He cannot remember it ever happening. Doesn't recall it at all. I've got to stop it there. That's mad, isn't it? He's holding a baby during an exorcism and doesn't remember it. Yeah. Now you'd remember that, wouldn't you?

1:44:30Jaack:Well, we did have the twist. Is she the lunatic? If she hits you with a pen now.

1:44:37Robbie:I asked him and he was like, yeah, but I've seen it, I recall it. But my husband has absolutely zero recollection of it. And then we did eventually move. and I have another video which I will also attach which basically is my other son, my oldest he's in bed asleep and it looks like sort of like a ball of like energy sort of like bounces on him and then it turns into a hand, okay you have to see it to believe it it turns into a hand and then like looks like it tries to grab him it's super freaky and I will add that too and I keep waffling so I'm just going to send it happy Halloween guys right so i love that she's got video evidence yeah so this is so this is the video of the boy and it does look insane because right at the end it looks like the boy stopped trying to stop the thing from doing whatever it's doing right with the hand so i'll play that now it's only five seconds all of a sudden and then he's like whoa i don't want to fall out yeah yes that's creepy and then yeah it's like he's gonna randomly fall out of the bed just like yanked downwards my only thing is are his feet pressed up against the wall that's what that's just the kid moving in bed

1:45:53Robbie:isn't it though I think he might have just kicked against the wall maybe maybe I wouldn't call a vicar if I saw that do you want to see the orb then the orb that turns into a hand so this is their other son I'll show you after Robbie but look this is the kid right and then look look what is that bouncing thing there look that yeah and then it turns into like a hand and then it floats off that's weirder right that's

1:46:19Jaack:weirder yeah you see this one so far I think she's a nutter

1:46:24Robbie:she's a happy hour listener that's why she's a nutter

1:46:34ball that ball turn into a hand there and then the hand

1:46:41Robbie:zooms away. That's the creepy one. Because what is it, though? What could it be, though? It looks like smoke. Yeah, I don't... The kid's vaping. I feel like on all these like fact or fiction TV shows and stuff, they always disprove like orbs in video and stuff, don't they? Yeah. I don't even know what an orb is. I thought I saw one once when I was a kid, but it was just a crackhead. It could just be in your eye. Like just little floaters in your eyes. So you can see it and we can't. Yeah. but we can all see that yeah but that could be in the lens of the camera what would be a nothing like a bit of dust or something oh you reckon I know that it looks it does look like a hand which is strange

1:47:19Jaack:she's a poor quality video isn't she can't really tell

1:47:22Robbie:neither of those would make me call her vicar no I think she's gone

1:47:25Jaack:vicar too early oh really full exorcism yeah yeah fair enough like your first one baby running around in bed and she's gone let's get the holy water

1:47:35Robbie:and the husband not knowing remembering that's creepy as well that's creepy how does the husband not remember because it didn't

1:47:41Jaack:because she's imagining it like that's not you think she's mentally unwell this lady I don't think she's mentally unwell didn't say that I think maybe she's you said she's a nutter yeah okay yeah I think maybe she's a bit of a nutter no I think I'm not sure that the I don't think anything's happening I don't that other video too hard to tell what's going on there always tell where the baby is and what

1:48:01Robbie:yeah I think the baby the other baby one I feel like because he's sideways in the bed already yeah arm comes up and then gravity's making it go down because he's off the bed. And I think he's kicked in the bed. It's just what baby's doing. Babies move a lot.

1:48:14Jaack:Move around a bit.

1:48:15Robbie:I think he's almost kicked himself off the bed and then felt the feeling of falling. So gone, oh. Well, I think it could be a ghost, Racina.

1:48:22Jaack:Well, I think the husband doesn't remember it because he's gone, that's just a normal baby. Doing normal baby stuff.

1:48:30Robbie:But the husband doesn't remember having a vicar round throwing water everywhere.

1:48:33Jaack:No, the husband remembers vicar.

1:48:34Robbie:No, he doesn't. He doesn't remember any of it. He said he doesn't remember the moment he was holding his son when his head flew back.

1:48:41Jaack:So husband doesn't remember the vicar being there at all?

1:48:44Robbie:No, we do need clarification. Is he saying he doesn't remember the baby acting weird in the exorcism or is he saying he doesn't know that the vicar was there at all?

1:48:51Jaack:I thought it was he doesn't remember the vicar being around.

1:48:53Robbie:Yeah, that would be mad. Yeah. But if he just doesn't remember the baby going...

1:48:58Jaack:That's what I thought it was. And that's why I think she's a worried mother and that's a good thing. I shouldn't have called her a nutter.

1:49:05Robbie:Right.

1:49:06Jaack:Because you're not a nutter, you're just a concerned mother. Yeah. But a bit overly worried, perhaps.

1:49:12Robbie:And that's when I don't remember him being weird, do you?

1:49:14Jaack:Yeah. Yeah, right. But sometimes the mothers are right. Slam! Sometimes the mothers are right, though, because I remember saying Kitty was all right when she'd looked like... And Bev said, I think she's hurt herself, and turned out she'd broken her arm. Oh, really? Yeah. When you thought she looked all right. I was like, fine, but then she was in bed, and she had, I think, something wrong with her arm, and then she just... I don't know how old she was, she's probably about two or three and then she just got one arm just picked the other up to move the other arm like that with her hand we're like yeah let's take it to the hospital oh wow with a

1:49:43Robbie:little arm oh bless her sometimes mums aren't right though because i said to my mum i was looking out the window when i was about six and i kept saying pig pig pig i lived in a council estate in norwich my mum went it won't be a pig won't be a pig i went to pig pig she came up to the window looked out the window what was in my garden big pig why was there a pig in your garden escaped from a from a farm van driving down the road. Nice. That was a big pot belly one as well. Big black pig. That is cool. There we go. This has been the Happy Hourween Halloween Special 2025 with Regan, with Stevie Juice, and with me, Katie Wise.

1:50:22Robbie:Why don't I get a different name? Yeah, you didn't get a name. Yeah, what do you want? Robbie and Regan. Is it Regan or Regan? Either way, sounds quite similar. It's probably Regan, but we've been calling him Regan. It's probably something... It's spelled like Megan. Sexist. Now, let's redo the whole ep. Okay. I'm conscious to call you that.

1:50:40Jaack:If we all just say the word sexist, then Fika just added it in. Yeah, sexist. Sexist.

1:50:46Robbie:There we go. Have a good Halloween, guys, whether it's been or gone. Have a great one.

1:50:54Robbie:Thanks for listening. We will see you in a few days when it'll be November and it'll be really getting festive. See you in a bit. Whether it's been or gone. Enjoy! That was fucking disgusting. It was a ****.

1:51:09No.

1:51:10Robbie:Believe that.

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