608 - Shenanigans In South Africa, Stevie Glassed A Woman, & Jaack’s New Dodgy Tattoo (All Caught Up!)

0:00This episode is brought to you by PayPal. You know how a mom's bag has everything? Sunscreen? Snacks? A stapler? The new PayPal app is like that, but for your money. Shop, pay, manage your account, and earn rewards all in one place. And with purchase protection on eligible items, biometric security, and pass keys, you're protected at every step. Download the new PayPal app to get started. See paypal.com slash protection terms. Sierra has all the best active and outdoor brands you need. From athletic stuff, like a full-court pickup game, swish, to athletic-ish stuff, like a half-mile stroll. Get those steps in!

0:41And for morning hikes up the mountain trail, good pace, to nighttime ghost stories from the camping chair. What a twist. Whatever level of active, Sierra loves it all. Head to Sierra or Sierra.com for the brands you want at the prices that let you do it all. From athletic to athletic, Sierra's got it.

1:10Jack Mates Happy Hour. Hello, guys. Welcome back to Jack Mates Happy Hour podcast. It's another mad Monday. I'm here with the boys. That's why it's mad. Seven years of happy hour. what we just did 600 episodes now it's seven this is exactly seven years and one day after first ever episodes got out i don't give a fuck about i wanted to be that me because i've been south african got vifuzela so that's great that you got some of the leftover party poppers but it's not always about you i think because i knew you were going to blow that right but i think you also knew that and you didn't want the attention to be honest yeah that's why i got this is actually fiona's idea she said you should use those before he even came in with vifuzela has it has it actually been seven years of happy hour yeah seven years in one day well why here we are for seven years special just for the seven years yeah oh happy hour it's never an hour though is it it's never bang on an hour i'm gonna make an hour today's episode yeah i'm gonna play my vvc exactly on an hour what and we just have to stop yeah i like that you look at your watch and be like okay It's only a time now.

2:18Yeah, it's been about a minute. So I reckon... Well, we've got about an hour and 20 minutes worth of content. We really need to get a move on. So if we say it goes off, not another fucking word out of you. What if we're mid-story? So not even a word? It's just going to blow? We can't... Oh, no. We just stand up and leave? Oh, no. Do you have a look at the time? Yeah. We've got like just under 59 minutes left. We should get on with it, though. So you've got an idea. Right. Anyway. Okay. Well, I guess then let's cut the fluff. What have we been up to? Robbie, you're... I went to South Africa. Yeah.

2:45It's going to be better than whatever you're going to say there. Right. Yeah, I went to South Africa for three days. It was all right. How long was the flight? 11 and a half hours. Quite a long way to go. For free. That's a full day of travelling there and back. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. And you were there for how many days? Two and a half days around. Nearly three days, yeah. That's mental. Yeah, it was a work trip, innit? I had to do a couple of YouTube videos. I don't know. I chose to. You must have gone with some friends though. No, no friends. Oh no. I had a friend I was going to be going with but they couldn't make it.

3:21That's happened to you a lot. Was it a stumpeg? It wasn't a stumpeg, no. Was it Bambino? No, it wasn't. It was a different person just doesn't want to be there. No, I mean, I think it's a genuine excuse. Right, okay. Excuse just sounds like it's not. Well, on this occasion, they paid for their own flights. There was no reason for them not to go unless they just flew separately in the plane and went without me. So they lost the money on the float. They would have done, I imagine, yeah. Shit, mate. So you went on your own? Went on my own. From Gatti? From Gatti, catsick. Went there, got there in the evening, went straight away, went to sleep, hotel.

3:57Wake up next day, going to go to Vineyards to go around. Did you sleep on the plane, though? It was a daytime flight. So I had a little mini-nap, but not much. Did you, so Robbie was telling us, I can't remember if you told us on the pod or off pod, that you didn't book a pre-flight meal for a 12-hour flight. So I went and I got some stuff from Pret, right? Okay, that was good. I'd done well. I bet you ate it way too early. I ate it before we took off. No, you didn't. Yeah. I was like, you know when you do something and you're like, oh, I want to do that before. Are you having a meal? No, yeah.

4:28I've done that at the cinema before and I feel silly for an hour and a half movie. You've done that for an 11-hour flight. Turns out though, thankfully, you can buy stuff like Pringles and stuff on the flight. so it wasn't like hunger's starve so how much did you buy on the flight I brought a couple packs of Pringles yeah I might have just had a couple packs of Pringles I don't have had anything else so you were starving when you landed I was quite hungry but then I landed and it was like night time and I needed to get to the hotel so so you didn't even eat when you got off the plane no I don't think so sleep time what's that sleep time sleep time so yeah Uber to hotel my friend out there because generally the areas I was going to it's quite he's turning up his mess it's quite a safe bit but South Africa does have quite a high murder rate.

5:11Yeah. So my mate who's been there a bit said, just get the good Uber. Pay the extra few quids for like, they call it Uber Black, which means like, you know, the drivers are sound. Like they're the ones with the top ratings and that. But then aren't you like a walking peacock? What? What do you mean? Like, aren't people then going, look, he's got money, he's in the good Uber. Let's kill that peacock. I don't give a shit as long as they get murdered. No, but they might go, you're not a target. They're going to go, that peacock's got money. Nah, I don't think so. Are you in a Prius or are you in some big SUV?

5:40No, I'm in like a Mercedes or something like that. Yeah, well, then you've got money, mate. Yeah, but someone's driving it. They're not just ramming you off the road. It's not like a Grand Theft Auto. Well, that's how I imagine it. Well, then why are you worried if you didn't get a... Because I met one guy when I was out there and he wasn't staying where I was. He was out there working for a company and he was staying out in just a random town and he was told that he couldn't leave his hotel after 8pm or he'd be murdered. Fuck off. Yeah. But did you strut about after? I did a little strut, but I was in a safe place.

6:11Oh. If someone told me that, I couldn't tell if it was advice or a threat. Yeah. Yeah, I think it was advice. I think so, but I don't know. Anyway, got there, got up in the morning, and I've been told, oh, you need to have cash in most places because it's not cards. It was really hard to spend the cash. That was a lie. So got some cash out, then got picked up to go and do my wine tram. so wine tram is basically it's a tram line they've got set up just to go between vineyards to get hammered on I feel like visiting a vineyard is like a day out visiting one not if you've got a tram mate so how many are you visiting?

6:50I don't want to spoil the video but what I will tell you is how many different wines I drank 29 were you smashing? wouldn't have driven luckily didn't have to, got a tram and a bloke to drive me home at the end and a what bloke to drive me I so thought you said and a bird and a bird yeah some bird what some bird drove me over there so yeah I went around various vineyards towards the end I was chatting to there's a couple of girls who were there just chatting to them at the last vineyard and I was saying you ever know had a good day from Sweden and one of them said she said yeah I don't actually drink alcohol but it's been really nice I was coming along with her and I said how's your day going and she was at the back and she went yeah

7:35I bet after a while though of drinking all these wines you can't tell the difference between them I can't really and he went wow you can go there that's quite nice but it was a lovely day out it'd be nice to do it with someone not on your own and not to do it for a YouTube video was anyone else doing it on their own? yeah so I got chatting to this guy who was worried about getting murdered I was chatting to him but he was from Switzerland a really nice guy he was on a sort of separate on his he had a trip and he booked it accidentally with a guide to some random bloke just coming with him he goes I don't know why this guy's here but he's making me go for lunch now so I'll see you later but he was in this but I was I was chatting to him about wine and I was going oh yeah I don't really know loads about wine and all this and stuff and he asked me what I did I said I would make a YouTube video and he said oh um he said if you're in Switzerland I own a vineyard out there if you want to come to that I was like oh okay yeah I don't own any vineyards so you could probably tell me about the wine yeah right are you going to go over there I do.

8:29He got his number. So if you fancy a trip to vineyards in Switzerland, in May does like a wine festival. If you don't like wine at a vineyard, wine in for you, fella. Yeah, and you're a wine guy now, aren't you? I am a wine guy. You'd have loved wine tram. Well, yeah, I would have done. Yeah. I still hate wine. Okay. He likes to say he likes it. Okay, that's good. I drank a lot. When's the last time you had a wine? For about three weeks. When I went to London a couple of weeks ago. Red? uh yeah it was red that's the only wine i like do you know best favorite wine who's bev's my wife my mom oh oh you're what yeah i thought you're doing yeah sorry just having a poppy all of them do you know my wife's favorite wine no go on it's robbie you haven't emptied the fucking dishwasher there we go a little bit of little early misogyno earlier in the day because i always empty the dishwasher and a bird trade you own yeah um so yeah that was that was that day um Quite amoured.

9:28Went back, but good fun. Then next day... Were you hungover next day? No, not really. I went for a run in the morning. I think I stopped quite early and drank lots of water just as the day went on. I was aware I had to sort of turn this around a bit. Yeah. Next day, I thought, you know what, I want a Foo Foo Zero. If I'm coming over here, that's all I really know about South Africa. But I thought that was just... Is that actually like a cultural thing? Yeah, that's the thing they have. I thought it was just for the World Cup. I thought every shop's going to have these Foo Foo Zeros. I remember they had those like Makarapa hats, the construction helpings in the World Cup.

10:00So I was like, oh, I'm just going to be able to get them. I worked around for a bit. I thought, well, maybe then the sports shop's not there. It's around a lot. It turns out that day-to-day people aren't using that many VU's there. So I thought, I need to get one somehow. And there's the big stadium where the World Cup game's run in Cape Town. And I looked at the World Cup game past earlier. I saw there was like a security people outside. I thought, there's something to get on today. Turns out there's a football match on. So I thought, I wonder if I can get in. It was Stellenbosch v. Kaiser Chiefs.

10:25I've heard of Kaiser Chiefs. Yeah, well, there's the band, isn't there? But yeah. But this is with a Z, Kaiser Chiefs. But the band are named after them because Lucas Radaby, who played for Leeds, used to play for Kaiser Chiefs. That's why Kaiser Chiefs, the band, have the name. Good fact. What, and they were a big fan of Lucas Radaby, were they? I think they're Leeds fans, so... But, so I thought, I'll see if I can get a ticket. I don't know what it should be. Guess how much it costs to get a ticket to watch this game. It's like a cup game. 15 quid. I was going to say 20. £2.40. What? Yeah. Was it a sellout?

10:56nope but it was it was pretty full but it was also it's hard to tell the setup not because it's unreserved seating so you just go wherever you want but also loads of people just didn't bother sitting down they just stand in the aisles and stuff right how much would you have obviously because you didn't know you were going to go how much were like in your head were you thinking i'll be willing to pay this amount i didn't think that much i was afraid up to 20 pounds really because it wasn't that fast it was more i wanted to get a fufu zero and i spent more on the shirt anyway um how much was the shirt it was like normal football price it was like 50 quid or probably less cheaper than there.

11:27Right. So I went there, I found my VUBAZELA and got my shirt and all this, went to the game. As far as I could tell, I was the only white guy there. I think, genuinely, I couldn't feel the white guy in the stadium. Oh, wow. Very friendly, but I don't know whether it's, I think it might be because Kaiser Chiefs are, that's who most of the people seem to support. No one really seemed to support Stunabosch. They're from Soweto, which are black townships. I never had the shirts on and that. So I don't know if it was that or whether it's just a sport that's generally black guys are more into than white people in South Africa.

11:59I don't know. But it was really friendly. Probably the most pissed people I've ever seen in my life. What worse than Prince of Wales Road on a Friday night? Oh, different level, mate. Different level. Because it wasn't like people, people weren't fighting. Actually, there were two people just randomly fighting at one point. I mean, fist fighting the stamp. It was quite a long way away and it seemed to be all right after a while. They then just sat down like near each other and just coming on watching the game no one got kicked out that's weird it was all quite weird yeah it was a great atmosphere really fun people were just singing songs people were trying to get me to join in I saw your story of that guy he put your hat on yeah that's that little Makarapa hat the construction helmets I looked into history of it and apparently the reason they started wearing the construction helmets at games was because to protect themselves from things being thrown at games so originally there was a practical use to it and now it's but people some guy was so hammered and also I could just stay in the aisles I don't know what this is going to be like I'll sit by the aisle, and then if there's any problems, I can just nip out.

12:55Yeah. So I sat in the aisle, and all the aisles got full of people just coming down, people who arrived late. People weren't just there for kickoff. People would turn up 20 minutes into the game or something like that. People were going out and getting beers and stuff like this. You could have beers at your seat. And this guy who was actually hammered, just sort of fell on the ground, just sat in the aisle. And he could not see the game. And some bloke stood in front of him. And he went, oh, maybe that's the way. While he's laid on the floor. While he's on the floor. but also even if a guy had been there there's another guy like a foot away so he couldn't see anything anyway and then this guy at one point just sort of fell asleep on my leg for like 20 minutes so he was like asleep at me I was like well no one seems to be saying anything were you vlogging all this?

13:34I didn't vlog I did little bits and all this when you were asleep on your leg was there a bit of you that just wanted to undo your fly? what? what? I thought you were going to say was there a bit of you just wanted to stroke I thought you were going to say I would have just wanted to stroke what's wrong with you? no you never know No, I didn't really cross my mind. I'll keep that in my mind for next time. I just wanted to make it weird. Yeah, fair enough. Oh, episode's done. No, sorry, that was just a weird... Oh, it was a blur, so if Jack makes it weird. Oh, if I make anything weird. I'm a little one for that.

14:05It's a big one. I am so going to try and make this episode weird. Okay, you're making it weird now, so that's not fair. So, yeah, everyone's just pretty smashed. One guy did seem to come up and have a go at me or something. thing i don't know why he was just pointing my shirt and he seemed he seemed quite angry um but then everyone else just turned to fuck off really yeah i think i don't know if it was because i was white and it's a sort of historically all right i don't know yeah everyone else seemed really happy but people came up giving like photos with me not because i think this is a happy hour just because i've i stood out right i think like that how did it how did you feel standing out because of your skin colour um i was aware of it yeah um i didn't blow my boobs too much i've looked a bit and everyone would cheer people did love it but then also did draw attention to me so i was just i was more just like i don't quite watch the game but so after that when the guy had a go at me some other guy said i'll sit next to you move down one i'll sit next to you just so that sit in between him you and that guy did you ask the friendly guy why mad guy was having a go at you guy now the problem was like not everyone a lot of people weren't speaking english there's a lot of different languages in south africa i think soweto where kaisers are from predominantly zulu maybe i think but um so a lot of people didn't and a lot of people who didn't speak english it was quite hard to understand what they were saying so i was having a conversation with this bit for both for a bit about stuff and he was asking a lot of people know where norwich is more so than if go to well they know football oh right they'd like um like i'd like when i go to france or something they say norwich i'll say norwich they're like no i don't know what you're talking about mate no never heard of it sort of thing yeah and this guy just in a stadium in in cape town and say norwich and they go canaries okay yep that's that'd be them yeah so i think they're just really into british football yeah um yeah that's cool so um but yeah it was quite good i didn't say till the end just because i wanted to go up cable uh table mountain so um i left a little bit early uh missed the penalty shootout in the end oh what so what was the was the game a big game was it it was a cup game it was it was last 16 though it was i thought okay it's knockouts turns out there's only 16 teams in the cup i think so they called it round of last 16 i was like oh oh yeah i haven't said the best bit before the game like the um it was it was supposed to kick of a three, a five minutes to announcer came on and just said, I have an announcement.

16:37The game, the kickoff of the game has been delayed. Nothing bad has happened. I didn't think anything bad had happened until then, but now there's nothing he could have said that would make me think more that something bad had happened. Nothing bad has happened. I don't know why the games are normally kicked off and delayed if they are. I think we were just for turning up late and it was eventually half an hour late kickoff. It did feel quite shambolic in a lovely way but I'd thoroughly recommend it. They never explained what happened? No, I suspect there were loads of people coming in, I think and there were quite a lot of queues at the turnstiles.

17:12I think just lots of people were trying to go to the game and just weren't in in time. Was the standard of the football any good? It wasn't like Premier League but it was decent. Yeah, it was alright. What was the score? Was it 0-0? It was 0-0 and I'm glad I left because I left during the game and it went to extra time. There weren't loads of chances so actually the celebration wasn't that great nil-nil's a bit nil-nil but we'd have got a pen which would have been quite excited but also the fact that everyone was so happy with the first half I thought I'd probably get out of here before everyone gets more hammered right right who won in the end Selenbosch did did they yeah a real blow from my mighty Kaiser Chiefs have the Kaiser Chiefs taken over the Blue Jays now no still Blue Jays right bit of a sore point there because at the time of recording we are 2-0 down against Ellis Platt and Seattle Mariners in the conference final so that's a blow what is this the absolute fine so there's two leagues there's American League and National League yeah they're just split into randomly for no reason and this is the winner of the American League which also weirdly only has the only Canadian team in there right in the American League I guess North American so this is the winner of that and the winner of that this game will go and play in the World Series to the big game which is the big one and you're 2-0 down we're 2-0 down best of 7 oh so yeah have you got many a time though well no I don't think we have the Seattle guys well we've had two home games and now we go and do a few in Seattle.

18:30And also we have, I think the pitching lineups, the pitching matchups are a bit more in our favour than the first two. Spottled it. Shane Bieber pitching tonight or tomorrow, whenever it is. Should we just smash Ellis Platten up? I don't know if you need to do that. Let's see how it goes. I'll punch him in the head. Right. I like him, but I'll do it for you. I'll do it for you. Should we see how it goes? I'll glass him. Should we see whether they win or... What about like just a kick to the balls or something? Or I'll tickle his balls. What?

19:03oh so uh we're gonna get complaints from the neighbors aren't we this um so yeah so that was a football um well i'll tell you mountain uh when i was going there they said uh you know there's no visibility i'm sure we're fine we're up there and you couldn't see anything but it was weird because you're in the clouds it was like something out of a computer game we're floating in the clouds because it was like gardens and rocks and that but then there was a layer of clouds were below it was amazing well and it was just white you could just see white everywhere just below it was great it was like it was like you were in heaven because you just come up this cable you couldn't see any of the ground that made me feel weird it did make me feel weird yeah yeah it was weird yeah did you film film up there yes i've got video that might be out i don't know where this is going out i don't know i just went to south africa with no real plan or agenda um so yeah i did that and then yeah just popped around but you know what it is one of the best most friendly cities I've ever been to really would you go back I'd love to go back I'd love to go back to the family or anyone really it's just another human being to have a friend would be great wherever we go but yeah it was they were so friendly but not in the way like when you go to America and you feel they're off for a tip friendly and the staff were so lovely in every place like that obviously there's a darker side if you go to the wrong places but certainly the areas I was in it was fine walking around.

20:24Do you just have a load of the cash now because you couldn't spend it? No, I spent it all on presents for the kids at the airport. Oh, nice. Yeah. Nice. So yeah, good times. I love it. I really do want to know what the guy was shouting at you for though because it might not have been a racist thing. I don't think it's been racist. I think it was more like you shouldn't be wearing... I think it might have been to do with segregation. It's like this is a team for... I'm guessing. I don't know. My guess is this is a team for... He might have just really hated you on Soccer AM. He might have done.

20:56He might have come to the show in Brighton.

21:02This episode is brought to you by Airbnb. Stevie, you ever stayed in an Airbnb, mate? I've stayed in Airbnbs loads of times. Like where? All over. Not interested. Let me tell you about the best Airbnb I ever stayed in. You remember when I went over to the Euros last year? I got two tickets to the Euros final in the beautiful city of Berlin. I do remember because I didn't get invited. I went with another mate. We got the tickets quite late, so there was a bit of a scramble and a rush to try and find somewhere, but Airbnb came through. And not any old roommate. We got a guest favourite room, which was basically a complex on the top of this massive high-rise building looking over the beautiful city of Berlin.

21:40It was super, super special. I would have loved to see that. I know, I know. And you were just below the top 13 other potential friends I could have gone with. I'll tell you what though, Stevie. even though obviously my heart was broken because of the football result against Spain. Knowing I got to go back to the comfort of the Airbnb made it that little bit easier for me. Well, we've got another tournament coming up next year, so surely this time you're going to take me. Well, I've kind of already pre-empted that we're going to be in the finals, Stevie, and the Airbnb's booked and you're not coming.

22:08Let's just hope we get to see England win next time. This episode is brought to you by PayPal. You know how a mum's bag has everything? Sunscreen. Snacks. a stapler the new paypal app is like that but for your money shop pay manage your account and earn rewards all in one place and with purchase protection on eligible items biometric security and pass keys you're protected at every step download the new paypal app to get started see paypal.com protection terms sierra has all the best active and outdoor brands you need from From athletic stuff, like a full-court pickup game, swish, to athletic-ish stuff, like a half-mile stroll.

22:50Get those steps in! And for morning hikes up the mountain trail, good pace, to nighttime ghost stories from the camping chair. What a twist! Whatever level of active, Sierra loves it all. Head to Sierra or Sierra.com for the brands you want at the prices that let you do it all. From athletic to athletic-ish, Sierra's got it. I don't know that you've been up too much, Stevie. uh i've had a horrific morning yes yeah i've just been thinking about it like oh an embarrassing horrific oh i think i ruined someone's day oh we're turning up here two days ruined i um i went to tesco this morning which one uh just an express one yeah um and i was just i I saw a drink on like, there was a lady stocking all the drinks and her cart was like in my way and she was polite and was like, oh, do you want me to move that?

23:47I was like, no, that's okay. You don't need to. I can kind of work around it. And I've fucked my left wrist at the moment. How did you do that? You fucked, you were the wank. Yeah. I thought you fucked my wrist again. Playing football. I landed on it really badly, but it's been like over two weeks. So I'm trying not to use it loads and I've like got a strap, thing on it normally got a strap what strap thing i had to make i knew if i just had a strap on you would have said something yeah so have you been to the doctors and they gave you a strap thing i went to the walking center and then they told me to go and get it scanned at the hospital but i'm not sitting in a and e for five hours i've booked in with my gp but they told me just to get a strap for the time being so i've got it but i don't want to wear it on the pod because i know you guys would just rinse me so it's just in my bag um why would i rinse that's all you do Why would we not rinse you Now Yeah I had a finger cast on for ages I don't know This is like worse that you're too scared To wear a medical Go and put it on Go and put it on If it's a medical thing We're not going to make fun of you for a medical thing No I'm not It's just a big strap You can wear a strap and be comfortable I'm sorry that we've put you in a situation Where you feel you cannot have a medically essential go and put it on yeah he's going to be really seriously ill at some point like that and he'll go I've unplugged myself from a ventilator because I know you'll take the piss out of me I don't want that to be I've said no to the chemotherapy yeah because I know you'd find it an ick yeah to be fair when you were bald I did take the piss out of you yeah but so hang on why is he just putting a watch on do you need the watch on that badly that you're swapping it from one wrist to another sorry listeners this is I didn't realise as he would be.

25:30Yeah, I thought he'd just go and put a fucking thing on. All right. Oh my God, that's cringe. That is cringe. Look at that, Robbie. What is it? That's not what I was expecting. It's fucking cringe, isn't it? Fucking up. So have you injured your thumb? My wrist. All right, okay. But it really hurts. That is cringe. Thank you. So what... I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Sorry, Thanos.

26:01tell us what's happened then it's got like a big metal thing up both sides not the fucking thing the story you're telling so because i got this on i can't um like i'm trying to avoid this helps me stop using it because i forget sometimes and then like i'll open a door with it or something it really hurts so having this is like a reminder every time yeah so this this you've got the infinity stones considering you know like marvel that's good for you it's literally because he just said fanos yeah oh yeah all i know is he's got a thick uh big corner so anyway so the ladies politely offered to move this um uh car out of the way and i'm like no that's all right i can do this have you got your wrist thing on yeah yeah so she can see yeah so i've i've gone that's all right and i'm looking at the drinks and i see something at the top shelf but the only way to reach it is by leaning over this car and with my left hand it would have been much easier because i was to the left of the car but i just naturally went with my right hand and i've pulled off this drink not realizing there was another one it was like a cold coffee another one back with like a really open massive lids right um not realizing there was another one on top of it and i've pulled it the things for the one on top was fallen off landed next to her and splashed open everywhere and i'm like oh my god i'm so sorry like she's just doing her job there and she's like oh no it's okay it's okay and i was like oh sorry i got really uncomfortable i was like do you want me to do anything and she's like no it's okay and i look down and she's covered in it like it's all her whole leg is just brown from the coffee and she's like soaked from it and i just how old was she what how old was she late 20s maybe right um and i was just like i've completely imagine she's just started her shift she's soaked and gonna stink a coffee all day and i've never felt so like i feel uncomfortable if i accidentally spilled something in a shop and you hate being wet as well yeah luckily none of them went on me luckily you thank god for that what a great result yeah for everyone yeah but i was just like i've never got out of a shop so quickly oh well you just belted it no i went and oh so i went and bought my stuff from um the self-checkout and i've tried to pay and then the machine's gone put insert your pin and i thought okay so i'll do that and i put my pin in paid left and then i drive home and just as i get in my front door i get a notification it just says refunded from tesco what so then i've just i've just gone in there and it's just not charged me for some reason either it charged me and then just gave me the money back so you so you've gone in there you've abused a young lady in there i don't know you've abused a woman yeah you've lost a woman yeah and then you've stolen what did you order an order it was just a tesco I know you get everything from delivery but you can go inside shots what?

28:53it was like a delivery you go to it was a meal deal so it was only£3.85 but also £3.85 is mental now isn't it? when we first talked about meal deals back in the golden three quid and I had to scan my club card to get it down to that but anyway yeah I've paid, I've rushed out I did look over I asked, I said do you want me to clean it and she was like, no, it's fine. Well, I went, look. Yeah, she knows you're going. Yeah, do you want to rub your legs? Yeah, you've got a bit on your crotch, yeah. I meant the floor. That was all right, that was funny. I was like, do you want me to clean any of this?

29:29It's fine. But then when I looked back over to see if she was, as I walked off, I thought I'd take a quick peek and someone else was then doing her job. So she'd gone. It's hospital. I thought you were going to say when you offered to clean it, you looked over and someone else was just cleaning up. It's rubbing her leg. Can I do that? but i'm not yeah since all day i've just been it keeps replaying in my head and i'm thinking like she's she she was so nice about it but i've definitely i know how annoyed i'd be did she know who you were no how do you know that because i'm stevie white yeah very very good argument now we think about it i just don't i don't feel great about it and that's my local tesco as well I was like, I'm just going to have to always go to Big Tesco now.

30:15I can't go back in there. No, you can't. I love Big Tesco. I would have bought her, me, because I'm a charmer. I'm a charitable guy. I'm a nice guy. You know what? I like charity shops. I'd have bought her a towel. I said, clean yourself up. Where would you go on to get this towel? Tesco, mate. Tesco Express. Tea towel then. Still no. I don't even know if they had them. Tissues then. Yeah, they would have had tissues. I'd have bought her some tissues. Now she's covered in wet tissue that's stuck to her clothes. They would have had Blue Roll and stuff there. They'll have their own stuff. This won't be the first thing to get spit on a Tesco.

30:47Probably the first time someone's thrown a drink over one of the employees. I didn't mean to. What kind of coffee was it? Those, you know, cafe latte ones. Oh, it's really dairy. And it's a really big opening at the top as well. Because it's not just like a little bottle, is it? It's like an opening like that big. What, and the lid came off? Mate, it hit the floor and just exploded. And none went on you? None went on me. You've had a fucking blinder there, haven't you? no no because it's still fucking embarrassing yeah admittedly was a bit happy none of it went on me yeah but i did feel fucking awful how long did you stay there apologizing to her for oh not long i went sorry it was i felt like a child i felt like a little kid in trouble i was sorry sorry i i like i was stuttering sorry what and then what you walked off uh oh can i help you can i do anything and she was like no no it's okay it's okay she was really nice but i could tell she's fuming yeah like on the inside oh did that happen did you think this would be good for up that's what happens when something bad happens to me oh instantly because i did it recently in big tesco actually but it didn't go on anywhere i picked up like a bottle of milk but they'd stacked it so tightly in the thing that when i pulled out the one i got the one next to it fell on the floor and milk went everywhere this is this is a few months ago so why have you not improved but milk went everywhere and i felt so uncomfortable luckily no tesco workers were on there so i kind of stood over it and a tesco worker came around the corner and went someone's just left some arsehole's done this i went someone's just done this and left it but i want to make sure it gets cleaned and they were like okay thanks we'll have a look at who it was the cctv when you said that you'd ruined someone's day i didn't think you actually had but i think you have no i have and i know and it's replaying in my head and i i don't know whether i i couldn't tell you what she looks like to be honest because i couldn't look her in the eye yeah right i just because She was kneeling down when she first offered to move the car out of the way.