614 - Station Stalkers, Foot Fetishes, & Robbie’s Getting Groomed (A Festive Fourskins All Caught Up!)

26:29Yeah, well, we don't, but the people of men's wicky feet will probably want this. Some guy about to finish here. This is brave. This is brave. I'll tell you something. I've been playing a lot of football recently. You should see the calluses. Well, we're about to. Yeah, lovely. Fucking treat for you guys. Mate, they are massive, isn't they? Massive feet. Look at that on the bottom. Look at your feet. I really, really... No, let's have a proper look. I want all the... My feet are massive. I've got a cut on them. Mate, they are fucking huge. I know. You have a big willy, don't you? I don't. You do, don't you?

27:06I don't. You do. You always joke. Even if it's in proportion to that, it's huge. No, I don't. It's tiny. It can't be, mate. Genuinely, it cannot be tiny. Get it out. I'll be on WikiCuts. So, yeah, if you want to use that, use that, boys. Thank you. I'm hoping we like a little, you're going to throw little treats every now and then. Oh, no, whenever we see a story. This goes back to my fans on WikiFeet. Whenever we see you do a story now that your foot's in even a little bit, we know we're going to be like, he's doing that for them. I'm going to, you know how sometimes women might show a little bit of shoulder?

27:48Yeah. Chuck a little toe out. Chuck a little ankle out from time to time. I wonder if anyone's rated zero on what theirs looks like. Mine would be. Would they really? I've got broken little toes and they're a bit wonky because I never went to the doctors and it's not great. Do you think, would people who like feet stuff like the ankles or is it purely feet? Robbie? What do you imagine? I'm generally not into... I'll tell you. No, I think people like all sorts of different things, don't they? Some people... Do you think there's people who are into, like, knees? Yeah. Okay. Probably. They're into everything.

28:31Well, Fee, can I say what... Go on. What are you going to say? Don't ask, just say it. Just say it, don't I say it? Just say it. Yeah. No, because I'm going to get embarrassed. No, you don't, mate. Mate, come on. Do you want us to look away the way you say it? We'll look away. When have we ever taken this? I saw a photo of a lady's part. Sorry? Oh, mine doesn't look away anymore. Sorry. A part of a lady's body. Okay. And I liked it. Is it the knee? No. What was it? A back. Okay. Whose was it? It was just on Twitter, but it was like, when I see it I've bookmarked oh he's made it weird you are a football Twitter account I think they do stuff like that just the back how many bookmarks has that image got let me see random ones back is it because you can see the top of a bottom no I'm not an arse man is it the do you like the definition in the middle maybe is that what you like maybe I don't know No, I just said to Fia, I went, that does something for me.

29:38As in, like, are you aroused? You're a back guy. Six and a half thousand bookmarks on that. Are you a tit or an arse man? No, I'm into backs. I'm a back man. But did you get... I didn't get a semi, but I was like, I like that. Do you reckon... Why would we criticise you for that? Don't yuck my yum. I'm not yucky yum, I respect your yum. That's got 91 ,000... So you're not alone, are you? Not alone. You're not alone. Some of the comments. are you outing them now gateway to heaven typing this with my left hand you can't wank over a back i'm sorry there's a limit why you still twitter can you check biblical back shots

30:21oh god all right this one this shit would make me fold like a goddamn lawn chair what does that mean i don't understand what that would mean to talk it'd do anything for her this would change my life can you imagine being that girl reading all that like oh I never knew my bad back she's got a sexy back if there was any if you had any chance with her that's gone I don't want the woman I just admire her in the back how many times have you gone back to look at it if you bookmarked it once when I bookmarked it and twice when I showed Fiona Why don't you show Fiona twice? Have you seen this yet? She'll just show me that Jack a minute ago So three times now Robbie what are you into?

31:12Breasts My brother Wiki Breasts on the website though is it? It's well covered on the internet Don't worry mate, there's sites There's sites, oh yes What have you been up to Stevie? I know you've all seen it So I'll just quickly get it out of the way You might have noticed I'm another medal holder now Cool Done another 10k Alfie We didn't know about it What did I do last time? I You did a half massive before didn't you? So much running chat Shit running chat No one gives a fuck You really cared when I told you last time And I told you my time and you said it was good When you tell me And we're not on the pod I'm like Yeah I can handle this On the pod?

31:57Look We had these guys It's not that impressive, is it? It is. It's a very long way. I'm taking my time now that I'm doing it. What? I do a mouth and barely mention it, mate. What's this? Another 10K. What was your time, Stevie? Because you want us to ask. Last time, 54 minutes 30. This time, 51.21. Well done. Beat it by three minutes. That's good. Do you want me to talk about my feet again? Yeah. What did your feet look like? Then I did another run. Yeah. Which is this one, which I can't get out because it's so big. half marathon. I did that last year. You did that as well last year, didn't you?

32:33That was the worst day of my life. You know how you're afraid of birds? Yeah. In that episode we did back in lockdown, what did I say one of my phobias is? Can you remember? Love. Neighbours. Being wet. And I went on... This run was on the worst day ever. Last year it was as well. It was absolutely disgusting. there were areas of the course that just you couldn't do anything about so you're running through puddles that are like half a foot deep and you're just absolutely I was getting quite angry I love that you're just focusing on telling him why me? I just said I don't care I don't care though but now it feels like I have to direct you why?

33:18you can't win him round I'm trying to annoy him this is the sceptic in me I feel like you're telling us all this because you've got a time you're not happy with and you're making an excuse. Is that right? No. You got a good time? Yeah, I was happy with it. Go on then, what was it? I wanted to get under two hours because that's the thing everyone goes for. I did one hour 56, 57. That is good. Thank you. Thank you. But anyway, I was, you guys, I was a bit of a twat during the race. What? You? No. You were a twat? I was quite a bit of a Karen. Can we guess some of the things you said on your way round?

33:54Go on. I'm picturing you going, I can picture you saying something along the lines of how's anyone supposed to do this? No, I was you know I'm really passive aggressive I don't like it I don't like it when other people are rude so I'm quite vocal about it normally and try to just make sure they hear it You're a Karen No, I don't say it to them but I make sure they can hear it because I don't like people being rude You're not doing marathons, you're doing carathons That's good, Jack thank you it's good that was awful what do you do what do you do like that you just ignored it

34:35no i was basically for the first maybe 10k of the course it was pouring down rain horrific but like you could avoid the puddles up to this point so it was okay you were getting wet but your socks weren't like soaked but there were certain parts where you could easily avoid the puddles but i think i don't know if people were going for like mad pbs or something but they just wouldn't care so they'd splash through them but to the point that all this rank puddle stuff is going up everyone around it and you can see everyone reacting to it like being like what the fuck but i'd just constantly be like why are people just running through the puddles and i i'd keep making i think luke didn't enjoy getting annoyed at the other other people who were slamming their feet into puddles.

35:23But that's running, isn't it? No, because no one else was doing it. It only happened maybe six or seven times in the whole race because they're trying to zoom past people. But you're not going for world record times. You're in the fucking two-hour pen. So you're slightly annoyed that they're going past you and then they're also getting you a bit aware. No, I'm annoyed that they're splashing me. You'd fucking hate Peppa Pig. She's always jumping in bloody puddles. Yeah, I would hate her. Oh, and I had another bit where I turned into a bit of a Mr. Chime where I probably shouldn't have said anything.

35:50i um this is this is yeah i was we we couldn't find the you know those paces that basically if you stick to them you're going to hit the time you want we saw the two hour paces but there were so many people we couldn't get near them at the start so we started closer to like the two hour maybe halfway back so like two hour five minutes and we caught up to one of the paces at one point and i turned to luke as we got to him went oh we're doing quite well we're about 10k in i went we're looking to be about an hour 56 and the guy pacer who i didn't even realize he was listening to us just turned and went well no you're not are you and i was like what and he's went well i'd be out of a job if you're doing an hour 56 because i'm a two-hour pacer and i was like all right i just kind of left it and i sounds like a knobhead yeah i was like firstly he sounds like a twat yeah well well then i um dropped back to luke and i was going i swear my watch can't be that wrong like i can't be like two minutes out at this point and then i realized what it was so i went back over to him no right now you're the time he is at work as well probably trying to really concentrate yeah well he seemed annoyed even worse actually he's giving up he seemed annoyed that i'd been saying that and he was going no no and then and then he went oh maybe the course is wrong then i was okay and i went back over and went oh no we actually started quite far behind you guys so we've caught up so we are ahead and then he was like yeah no that's fair then did you feel good about yourself making the volunteer feel bad so I was right tell me I was right then I just ran past him never saw him again so yeah but he's the pacer he's not supposed to be racing you I beat him yeah you did technically I did beat him he got two hours I've dread to think in your head how many times a day you have a competition with someone who doesn't know they're in a competition quite often.

37:36Do you ever do that? Like when you're like walking and stuff you're like I want to get to that post before the car. I want to get to that. Just anything. You set yourself like a little when you're running you might do it but like you set yourself a little goal in life sometimes just like I want to get there by this. My kids and I play a great game called Car Game. I actually used to play when I was little. Good name. What you do you have to play on the right sort of road but you can't a car can't drive drive past you your only options are you can be touching a lamppost when it goes past or you can be behind another car so you're protected that's brilliant so you'll be going along and you'll be looking you'll be looking but then if you suddenly see a car coming you go car and you have to sprint to the lamppost I'm so into that sometimes they're on the other thing like my road's a really good road to play yeah your road would work well what happens if you miss it well the different versions you can play it on normal you might get three lives yeah yeah yeah you can play hardcore mode where there's no lives that's class you just go inside yeah there's some bits oh the other thing you can be on a if you're going if there's a side road you can go down that side road but then you never know because the car might turn down that side road that's risky and you can be off the ground so if there's a bench you can be you can sit on the bench but you have to have your legs off the ground if your legs touch the ground while the car's going past you're dead that's so fun yeah it's really fun what is the so is there a do you win at the end or is that if a car doesn't if a car doesn't kill you you're going to ask what the prize is yeah there's no prize What does a loser guess?

39:04Do you get a medal that you can show on the podcast? No, you just do it for the game. Love of the game. I'm going to get you a car game medal. Yeah. I don't know. Do you want one? Not really. Is the prize just playing it with your children? Yeah, the time I spend with my children is the real prize. Yeah. Apparently. Anyone out of Frankie? What? Frankie the Flamingo. No. Who's Frankie the Flamingo? You're from Hollywood. Frankie. You know I like to every now and then bring you animal stories. quite often lately yeah because we had the little the little pygmy hippo didn't we mudang mudang good memory you mentioned harambe again yeah I still people die twice Stevie once when they're buried in the ground and the second time is the last time someone says their name you're keeping harambe alive that's beautiful that's a Macklemore lyric so I'm keeping Macklemore alive oh man yeah just dropping Mac with more lyrics on the pod I don't like it well I've got a new tattooed on you I'll never get lyrics Frankie Frankie the Flamingo yeah from a zoo in Cornwall okay was a big attraction there a lot of people went to see Frankie Frankie's known amongst the community and zoo goers alike what's the other thing what the community and zoo goers yeah the community's like everyone even if you don't like the zoo if you live in Cornwall you know oh see His fame spreads beyond zoo.

40:31Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like a lovely little fella they like. Escaped. No. Been in the news. What, in the middle of Cornwall? Yeah, in the middle of Cornwall. Flamingo's gone missing. They're all going, fucking hell, can't find a flamingo. Guess where it rocked up? They were looking for it for weeks and weeks and weeks. One thing I haven't told you is that it's had its wings clipped, right? So it's not supposed to be able to fly. Why would they do that? Stop it from fucking off. Yeah. What, so it can stay in the zoo and snotty little kids can look at it and go look at the flamingo. Yeah, pretty much.

41:01It's pretty bleak. Fuck off. Yeah, it's pretty bleak. But it's not meant to fly. They've come down one day to clean it out. It's gone. They're like, who the fuck has someone nicked this flamingo? Anyway, they find it weeks later in France. What? What? Yeah. Go on, they. The flamingo is in France. I can't remember if it was in the south of France, north of France. and they legally cannot bring it back to the zoo now because there's a rule with importing birds or animals, livestock, something like that. So it's just now living out in France. What, wild? Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's lovely. Frankie is an escaped Caribbean flamingo who fled from Paradise Park in Cornwall on November 2nd, 2025.

41:49Despite having her wing feathers clipped, she was sighted in Brittany, northern France and is now considered by the sanctuary to be in the wild. That's bringing her back as logistically impossible due to quarantine regulations. The flamingo appears to be in good health with local photographers monitoring her journey. And you can get videos of her just in the wild. That is beautiful. Yeah. My auntie was a social worker in Scotland and in the 80s, she took a group of kids to Edinburgh Zoo. Right. And Edinburgh Zoo is famous for its penguins. Well, sorry, it was, I missed it. this and um so she's at these sort of slightly troubled kids along to the zoo sort of thing every day out like that uh one of the penguins went missing and they eventually on the news and stuff they found it in one of the kids baths in glasgow kid and nicked a penguin from the zoo all day no no what and kept it home put it in his bath Kept it alive in there.

42:48How would you get out with that? That's so... I think it's horrible. Yeah, it's awful. How long did he have it for? A few days, I think. I mean, I would never do it because I've got morals and shit, but I would love to do it. Well, you just want a penguin? Yeah. They are cool as fuck, aren't they? Yeah. There's rules about in the wild, you're not allowed to go up to a penguin, but a penguin can go up to you. There's like international treaties and stuff. Yeah. And to double that up with another rule, you know when um uh wildlife photography crews and filming crews film at any wildlife yeah they can't intervene right yeah they try not to don't they yeah occasionally they do don't they like some very rarely they can and so they broke a rule once the bbc filming crew broke a rule once because one you can't go up to penguins and two you can't interrupt with any animal but they were watching all of these penguins in like the antarctica like in there's like all these snow dunes and then all these penguins are in the middle of this like bowl and normally they can combat the snow quite well but how it had happened is they couldn't get out of this well and they were freezing to death and the the crew were just watching them for ages and ages like we need to do something they didn't know what the right thing to do was so in the end they just made like um like a like a shallow um slopes and they said that they can't go up to the penguin so they're just gonna have to leave them now and hope that they find that thing and they were filming them for a few more hours, none of the penguins seemed to notice and then just as they were packing up to go, one penguin found it and then they all just filtered out.

44:20Yeah, it's amazing. Why can't you go up to it? You're not supposed to, like, these camera crews are not supposed to intervene because it's wildlife. So if you see, like, a beautiful baby chick and then there's a cheetah about to get it, you can't go like that. Yeah, because then you're taken away from the cheetah as well. It's a cheetah right to get it. Like, which one's more got a bigger value in life? You can't really decipher. How interesting. yeah it is you would just pick the chick up though wouldn't you no no no no no one was watching game's the game mate yeah i suppose the game's the game how can i pick a chick up if i'm gonna go nando's you can pick a pick a chick up and take her to nando's on a on a bloody date a woman chick a nice back yeah wow kink shaming me she's into feet the perfect match has anyone done anything else then?

45:15Howard's a pub with my old English teacher Sierra has all the best active and outdoor brands for the super athletic stuff like running gear for cruising up the trail and the super athletic-ish stuff like fishing gear for chilling by the creek nice cast fitness apparel to push for higher reps you got this and golf balls priced so you can afford to lose one or a few. Head to Sierra or Sierra.com for the brands you want at the prices that let you do it all. From athletic to athletic-ish, Sierra's got it. Fall has never looked or tasted this good. Sweet Greens Fall Harvest Menu is back with seasonal favorites dressed to impress and made to be devoured.

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46:37It was quite weird. Was it weird? It was nice. Like, he just messaged me on Twitter. How are they still alive? What? Nah. Nah. Nah. Nah. There's got to be some sort of treat. If we're not allowed to go up to penguins, if we're not allowed to message former students and go drinking with them. Surely he's like 80. Why does he have to be 80? That's really good. Because you're like... You're 50. Yeah. What, you can't be a teacher unless you're 30 years older than someone? Well, he's got to be close too. He's 21 years older than you, hasn't he? Well, next. I think he's in his 60s. What? No, he ain't.

47:15He wasn't 12 teaching you English. Do you not understand how ages work? Can you not tell we're taking the piss? We're just holding you older, Robbie. I know, but I'm 14. He's just a little bit older. No, we're just holding you older. No, he's zero and he's 12 teaching you English. I'm not taking the piss. We've got a point. No, we go to a point. But like... Just because he's... he's zero Robbie was 16 wasn't he yeah yeah so if this guy was in his 20s or 30s yeah but you went for a drink with him now yeah so he's gotten older the same amount that you've gotten older yeah so he's 16 now he was 16 years older than Robbie I know but we're going he's you've gone to the pub with a 70 year old wait how old were you when he taught you back in the day I was in secondary school so 14 let's say you were 14 and he was 24 you're saying I don't know I don't know what age he was he is now in his early 60s say he's 64 I don't know I didn't I don't know his exact name and you're 48 49 so he's literally 16 years older 16 years older so he could have been 30 when I was 14 I cannot get my head around he would have been 30 yeah it does make sense I was just trying to call you old these guys come yeah these two were just yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah a bit confused so yeah so this so yeah someone who taught me could conceivably still be alive if you can agree on that i will continue so yeah he'd messaged me a while ago on on twitter chatting and he used twitter still no this is how long ago it was right but then i haven't been on twitter for ages ago so then but i think i was on blue i think i put something on blue sky or something because i had a good tweet but i don't use that so i went on Blue Shack for the first time in about a year.

49:03Right. And then he messaged me on that. He's really trying to get to you, isn't he? He really wanted to meet you. You must have had quite the impression when you were 14. Did he messaged you on Snap? No. I really liked him back in the day when he was in year eight. I wonder what he's like now. I can tell you how he remembered me. Your feet. Let's not be smutty. Sorry. Yeah, sorry. because he remembered that I when the first fantasy football thing came along when fantasy football started being a thing when I was at school in the 90s fantasy as in like no sorry I thought you said fancy a few times when the first fantasy football thing like a Premier League thing the first time it happened in the UK really was in I think the Telegraph newspaper did it yeah that was the first time it was around and I organised a league in my school to raise money for charity and raise nearly a thousand pounds wow very good That's it?

50:01Yeah. That's like a million now. A million. Yeah, so everyone paid a quid to join in. There were like about a thousand kids, all boys' school. You had a thousand young boys at your school? Probably about that, yeah. And he's picked you to go for a drink with. That we know of. But he remembered me, so that's quite good, isn't it? Didn't remember my brother, so there we go. Wow. And your brother's well into England. Yeah. How did he approach you? He went, hey, Robbie, do you want to go for a drink? He messaged me just sort of chatting. Heart mixed with him in a white van. And he said that he lived nearby.

50:29How do you know where you live? Well, he lives Because I post Because I post stuff On the internet It's not your house I don't mean he lives on my road I mean he lives in the area I went to school in Kent So the fact that he lives In Norfolk Is nearby He followed you to Norfolk It's a bit of a drive You can't be groomed You're 48 I don't know He's really like Tell him that Played the long game with you Right I can't tell anyone I can't say his name now Because you made it weird No, we didn't make it weird And it's a shame because the name had a great story that you'd have enjoyed. But now you never hear it.

51:03No, you won't get it. We'd only make it weird if he's actually a paedophile. Right. But Robbie, if you ever need anyone to talk to, I understand. We can talk about it. Right, thank you. Right. It is weird. A little bit. It is a tiny bit. What did he say? So we went to the pub. Right. He grew up in, I think, Dearham. Right. Now he lives in another village outside of Norwich. What pub did you go to? Fiddler's Arms?

51:37I thought, Joe, I'd tell this story and I can send him the link and go, look, we've talked about it. Now we can't, can we? We went to the Beehive in the Golden Triangle. He grew up in Dearham, then moved down to Sheppey or Kent. And then now comes back. It came back in the last few years, I think. The last three years. And you just talked about the old days. A little bit about that. A lot about non-league football. You watch a lot of non-league football. But I couldn't really say. I was like, not really sure what to call him. I know his first name. Can't just go first name. So I thought, I'm just going to lean into it.

52:18I'm going to stick with Sir. Went with Sir all the time. You called Sir? So I was like, what's your drink, Sir? The bar. Just made it the thing. and I said I can't go to first names too weird yeah did he tell you to call him his first name didn't really say but I just I went in early preempted it I said I'm going to keep calling you Mr. So or Sir what he didn't say oh just call me Darren like Daddy call me Daddy but did get loads of great gossip on teachers and I can't say any of it now really but lots of good like slagging off people is it sex stuff oh no not like that but more like just this guy was a dick or people Or just the fact that people didn't like each other or something like that.

52:57Look behind the curtain. I always wonder about that. Yeah, it was really good. And it didn't make you think, when you're at school, you sort of teach us like these things, but they've got their own stuff going on about all this. Yeah, they're humans. Yeah, they've got their own little things. Was there a power dynamic still? Like, would you have not wanted him to tell you? Like, were you trying to impress him? No, I don't think I was trying to impress him. It was just quite nice talking about school. Because I saw a really popular girl who was the year above me. me and Ali went for a meal and she worked there and I instantly went back to like oh fucking hell she doesn't think I'm cool yeah well then so we did that then we went in he had to get his bus to the village he lived in from Norwich Centre we were in the Golden Dragons we went into the centre couldn't get missed his bus so right I'll get a taxi and drop you off afterwards like that just give me another half hour you can't get another thing You're going to have to come back to my place.

53:55You missed the bus. Walking really slow up to it. Oh no. I'm going to miss it. I'll have to go back to your house. You're taking back to Bev. Bev, this is sir. Right. Behave. Respect. Respect. Yeah. And old gentleman. So I said, we'll go. I said, it's going to be half an hour for the taxi. we're going to get another drink. He was enjoying it. He was enjoying it. He likes to get real ales. Only pub in the area open with the spoons. The Bell Hotel. Okay. So we're talking like midnight-ish now. Right. So murderers, shut. Spoons, open. Right. So what time did you meet him? Midnight? Fucking midnight?

54:47What the hell is going on? Is this a prank on me? you're pranking me what's wrong with midnight you guys are pranking me you're telling a weird story and then you're like it's a lie you were not out of spoon with your old teacher at fucking midnight mate he's grooming you Robbie stop it midnight what's weird about that's too late well I know it wasn't a plan but he missed his bus because we were smashing pints we were smashing pints right Sorry, I respect this guy. That's a tough job. It's a little weird you're at Spoons at mid... I was thinking this was two in the afternoon. So we're in Spoons.

55:31Yeah. Same time at Spoons. UA Golf Society are there. So lots of people who watch the podcast are coming up to him and going to have photos. And he's going, what's happening here? Sort of thing like that. He knows that I do this stuff. It was also a little bit like, it's a bit weird. Yeah. Yeah. Thing like that. And he was going, this is a bit of crazy. night out. I was like, yeah, that's been pretty weird, mister. No, I can't say because you made it weird. Sorry. So, yeah, so it was good night. Is he still teaching? No, he's retired now. Do you know what? You might go and meet him, invite him to the Christmas party.

56:09Really? Oh, no. Brilliant. So let's hope he hears these clips now and then he can have a go at you and you'll be in detention. He'll find this funny. He'll find this very funny. We will not be telling about it. is he the kind of person that would find this funny or not i don't think many older men would find it funny to be you know there's a chance if he saw you no he won't find if he saw people asking you for photos there's a chance he's just gonna take a little listen anyway just go i wonder what that's about imagine this is the episode he happens to click on yeah well yeah imagine that you can imagine that when you see him at the christmas party is this a sort of thing of things were different back then.

56:51As in, nowadays... It's just two weeks ago. No, as in nowadays. If one of... Nowadays, you wouldn't do this, would you? Because of all the red tape, you can't go to the pub with the students anymore. I'm 48 years old, Alfie. No, I know, but I don't think when I'm 48, Mr. Mitchell's going to be asking me to the Red Lion. I said to a friend who I was a teacher, I went out to the pub last night I was on the school run I went to the pub last night with my old English teacher and she said that's amazing I'd be so happy if one of my kids wanted to do that in the future it's a nice thing yeah yeah but I thought you'd like that story I didn't think you'd like it that much that's made me laugh, that's made my day it has made my day we can twist anything into anything it's a little weird it's mental you're there midday I was in a pub in the evening.

57:48I did picture the whole thing to be like an afternoon. Yeah, midnight. I'm going to ask you this, Robbie. Was there any stilted, awkward conversation? No, not really. There was a lot of talk about non-league football. Was there? But no, it was nice. It was good just getting insights into behind the scenes of school stuff. Was he how you remember him to be? Yeah, a bit older, but yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he was good. Yeah, because I always liked him at school. Right. He was a good teacher. Yeah. That's quite a cute thing, really, isn't it? And we fucked it. Should we all reach out to our teachers and do this?

58:23I reckon... Well, they're probably not going to come if they hear this. I reckon, say I had 15 teachers, if I reached out to 15 of them, 14 would say, I never want to see you again. Really? Little cunt. No, but they might not, though. And one would rate me and like me. Who was that? My IT teacher. Who was that? Legend. Mr. Beckett. Was he diddling you? So he's not nice, is it? Yeah, he's touched me up. Yeah, he had a lovely back. He was cool. He let me come into... When I was naughty. When I was naughty, I used to get kicked out of other classes. And he would let me go into his class and do work on computer.

59:03Nice. That is nice. The other thing that happened to me recently, not as exciting as that, went to see Star Sailor. friends of you guys have met band in Norwich invited you all Alfie and Stevie can come Jack I'm sure you'll let me know soon whether you're coming or not

59:28just let me know when you can make it and if you've got a time machine but went to see that played big hit dedicated a song to me on stage never heard that before maybe by him I don't know probably him You were dedicated to Arlo I did listen to Arlo Yeah What was the song? Four to the floor Big song as well Said I'll dedicate this song To our great friend Robbie Knox Long time resident of Norwich Not that long time But yeah Long time champion of Norwich Yeah And this was at the UEA Yeah Did it get a big cheer? Yeah it did And I was with I brought quite a few friends I was like Eight of us And I was like I look well cool Yeah Right now Did you know they were going to do that?

1:00:11No And the rest of the band went they didn't know either that's pretty cool yeah I was like yeah that's cool though isn't it yeah I'd love that I'd fucking love that did you crowd surf no I don't think you got a lot of crowd surfing now did you go that's me everyone around all my friends were like ah I like that so I think it was a bit of the crowd like it was a moment it was a moment that is that's nice yeah I was absolutely hammered at the time it was good well yeah I bet you were going laughing it up yeah and then we we all went out yeah it was horrible we all went out to Spoons. No, to Pogba Homes.

1:00:50Pogba Homes, is that what it's called? This was a few weeks ago. I can probably make that. Cool, alright. I'll see you there. Right, have we got anything else? Have we got anything else to talk about? I've made Jack do something you guys will be interested in. Oh, so annoying, mate. So you know the Jack and Stevie videos we do, the golden envelopes thing? where we can literally go and do anything we want to do. The whole concept is whoever gets to pick gets to pick the video. I took Jack for a nice surprise. I've taken him to Germany for world's best kebab. Yep. I've taken him to Lanzarote for an all-inclusive holiday.

1:01:25Where'd you take me, you cunt? Kings Lynn. Nice. I made Jack take a manual driving test. No way. Because we've spoken on here so often about how shitty he is at driving. I thought I'm going to give Jack an opportunity to prove that he can drive. Yeah. That's nice. Is that nice, is it? Yeah. That's giving you a chance to prove everyone wrong that says you always crash, you're dangerous on the road. A freezing cold November Tuesday. I managed to get a lovely man called Alex Brundle involved, who is a British racing driver, son of Martin Brundle. He won Le Mans in 2016. Was he doing the driving test?

1:02:06He sat in the car with Jack. and I basically, obviously I can't let Jack out on the actual roads of England. Ah, because you can't drive. Because he can't drive manual, he's only got an automatic license. And I had to do six manoeuvres, whereas on your driving test you only do one. Well, because I couldn't get him to do all the main parts of driving, we went to the Adrian Flux Arena where we did the Rocket League car football, and I basically took loads of cones and made him do each of them. I made him do all of the manoeuvres that you could potentially get in a driving test. What the fuck just happened?

1:02:43Creditor in the area, it's your teacher. Yeah, I think I was leaning on my phone. Yeah, so I made him do the... He just liked your story. Made him do bay parking, forward and backwards, parallel park, the three-point turn, made him do all of that. Yeah, yeah, and it's just annoying. Was it hard? Well, it's the first episode we've done where I didn't know what I was going to be doing. And I was excited. I was nervous, but I was excited. And I was like, I had to be blindfolded the whole way there. And I thought, God, what is he going to have done for me today? Were you gutted? So how did you do?

1:03:17Did you pass? Well, I'm not going to say how I did. Oh, teaser, yeah. I thought this was something the listener, everyone has heard so many times about whether you, that you're a bad driver. I was fucking shit. There were posts on the Reddit recently. And I was losing my fucking head. And I was sat next to Alex Brundle. literally a few weeks ago on the reddit there were posts about how bad he is at driving and it was such that upset you didn't it to be fair your last car crash was not your fault and then you still have the little rats on reddit I wonder if it was though I literally was stationary at a red light and someone slammed into me we know literally I was on my phone playing football manager and someone's come and smashed me can you just let me do my subs oh he's doing a bit yeah i did not yeah and that's fucking worrying why have you just said that how worrying is it that we were all like oh god nobody laughed for like five yeah i was looking at all your reactions like yeah because i was like why are you saying that i fully believed it straight away in in um this this video we've done alex was obviously completely unaware of the podcast unaware of any of um jack's kind of driving habits and you could genuinely see he was going like, I don't feel...

1:04:35He thought Jack was joking. He thought I was taking the piss. Jack at one point was like, oh, there's three pedals. I said, oh, there's three pedals. I'm only used to two, Alex. So I don't know that there's going to be three. But he thought Jack was taking the piss every time. Yeah, because I didn't know what one was the brake and what one was the clutch. It's hard. Thanks. Once you've been told, though, you got it, didn't you? Yeah. I stalled about... I reckon I was there for three hours and I stalled at least 35 times. Okay. what just try to do the maths on it that's probably 10 times an hour there were moments where i'd say jack can you just reverse out of this space do a loop round and because he was scared of going from reverse into first gear and stalling again he just reversed the whole way around to get back into position so he would have to change gears not easier is it literally he's making it harder for himself but he just didn't want to change because i don't like the one point when you tried to reverse and it was like the most jerry like it went but he kept going he kept it He basically kind of almost kept it on the bike, like really uncomfortably.

1:05:34I just didn't know what I was doing. If there was a big tsunami coming, and the only way you could get out was you saw a car and the key was in the ignition, but it was a manual, would you be able to get in it and get away? No, I'd stall a few times, but once I get going... Yeah, you're dead. You're dead. You'd be dead. It's not going to matter for too much longer, because with electric cars, they're all automatic. Well, it doesn't matter for you anyway. My grandad always says to me, if he's talking about me and I'm in the room, he'll always go, yep, he can't drive. And I go, grandad, I can drive.

1:06:07I drive to London all the time. And then he'll go, he can't drive a proper car. That's what they read it. Yeah. You get it in real life as well. My grandad's username is Icy Grandad, don't you feel it? Before I finish, I've been cracking up at these jokes. Do you want to say? For God's sake. Maybe we should just finish now. Have you written them? No. I saw this Facebook page and this class this English class got their kids to go to the pub with them it's actually fine it is actually fine they got their kids to they were six year old kids and they got them to write jokes and I just thought I'd share some to finish this week's pod why?

1:06:56why have you said that I don't want to talk to boys about 5 % hype that these are going to be good. They're not even going to make sense. 95 % is just going to fall very flat and just be a very weird thing you've stuck on the end. Is it good, Stevie? It's so good. Is it? What do you call a fish with no tail? One-eyed grape.

1:07:23You'll get there, Robbie. That's a thinker, that one. What did a bee say to other bee? I love plants They would say that Doctor, doctor, I think I am a spoon Well sit on that chair Sit on that chair and stop staring What? Why do monkeys eat bananas? Because bananas are not afraid I'm awkward Why do you call a tiger with glasses on? a scientist tiger that one makes sense guess how many snakes there are whatever 13 wow that was out to their classmates I think I reckon they've got 20 in the class there's fucking 13 in it what did the egg say to other egg where's chicken have an egg-cellent day and then in brackets I hope you laugh out loud and tell your friends this joke.

1:08:25If your friends don't get the joke, explain the joke. It will be funny. We're not laughing, so if you could. How does lions run faster? Big metal legs.

1:08:39Why did the chicken running around scrimming? Scrimming? Screaming. Because it needed to use the toilet. That's a good reason. How many of these are there? yeah there's too many just remember they're kids yeah they're kids no no if you go to if you go to the cat if you go to the ham contest what will the man say hey you won last year you are not allowed he would say that that's quite good I'll leave that there I was laughing at them the other day I'll bring them to the pod oh shit I like them right we'll see you in a few days that's what we've been up to it's good to be back boys it's good to be back and we'll see you as the festivities continue long into December.

1:09:24See you then. We're all caught up, baby, all caught up. One-eyed great. Good. I knew you'd have your left.

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