617 - Weird Christmas Traditions From Around The World!

33:13I will write jokes about the food that I'm eating. Give us an example. So like, here we go. I've given you, here's a chicken gyro. Gyros. I don't know, because I need to go back to my drawing board, literally, and write these up. Are you going to write them? But how can you write before you eat them? I will write like how a heckler does. If it's a good gyros, I'll say this. If it's a bad gyros, I'll say this. So if it's like, for example, bad sausage roll. this is the worst roll I've had since I got Rick rolled in school what if it's like somewhere just in the middle oh this sausage roll is so warm it's name is probably Luke warm so today we're doing more so than jokes though I will have a catchphrase do you already have the catchphrase?

34:06no but you know Gary hates always goes and as always let's give it a go and I like it okay then you got that fella from Norwich but it's not about how it looks it's about how it tastes yeah who's that Tom Farage just does food reviews on TikTok he's a lovely guy but he just doesn't just I'm eating this eats it that's that but it's all Norwich as well it's great for us is it Alex is it Alex someone I don't know I'm going to do a food review with someone oh it might be but it's great for us because like he's doing food that we can go and eat easily. But when I see like big, like massive food reviewers, I'm like, that's in Scotland.

34:42I'm not going to go eat that. Yeah. So it's quite handy. So you've got all them food reviewers, obviously, Blue Van Man used to always say, get them out! Like,

34:54because he didn't like pickles in his burger, Steve. So he said, get them out. What's your catchphrase going to be? I'll go. When are you going to do, when are you going to deliver the catchphrase? Just before I eat it. I might go, I'm going to scram that. Don't do that. That's quite good. No, it's not quite good. Just fit it in seamlessly in the context. So talk about some other stuff and then just use your catchphrase and then carry on. So here we're trying out the new festive toasty at Starbucks. As you can see, it has bechamel sauce in it. I'm not usually a cheese lover, but hidden amongst the turkey and the cranberry.

35:29Might disguise nicely in there. I think. I'm going to scram that. It is good. It is good. Yeah, you're in. it works in context it works in context would you like me to do one yeah i would love to do shall i do it on christmas day and the first thing i review is my mother-in-law's christmas yes yeah and at the table in front of everyone with no warning you're gonna go thank you for the meal i'm a scram now can you please no can you please do one before before this episode comes out so people will watch it and think what the fuck is jack doing on the way home in birchie yeah new kfc christmas burger and i'll do it yeah yeah i'll do that put it out because people would have gone what the fuck is this yeah no context that'll be on my tiktok that'll be on my tiktok i'll do it on the way home they'll go back like a couple of weeks or whatever yeah and i want to see you guys comment on it that's so good yep there we go well that's our festive for called up baby we were talking about your traditions.

36:32While you're talking about this, whatever this is, I'm just going to text my mum and try and get the recipe from Mr. Hutley's Christmas drink because she might have contacts. Oh, cool. If we can make this happen, I'm so intrigued to try this. Sounds like a lovely cocktail. Okay, so today we are doing unusual Christmas traditions and you guys have obviously just told me traditions that you do already. What I'm going to do is go through a few traditions from around the world and I'm going to ask you guys whether maybe this is a tradition you could see yourself and your family doing in future of years.

37:02Maybe it's something you might want to get involved in. How about if we decide whether we want to do it by, if we don't want to do it, we say, I'm going to ban that. And if we do want to do it, I'm going to scram that. Well, you don't want to scram it because they're not all food ones, are they? No, but scram, like, yeah, I'll have a nibble on that. It's weird just talking to you whilst he's just on his phone, isn't it? I'm trying to find out this, I'll forget otherwise and we'll be here next year and I'll tell you the same story. You justified it, brother. You do you. Shut the fuck up. Kind of don't want to do it until he's off his phone.

37:30Is he still talking? I think because he's a bit autistic. Can you still call me autistic?

37:38I'm on the podcast. Which is good. Does your mum listen to the podcast? What do you think, mate? Obviously not. She's a... Was that surprising? Yeah. She'll watch your food reviews, though. She's a sexy old woman. Do you think I'm going to tell her about this? Can you ask her if she'd watch my food reviews on TikTok? Okay, I will. And if she says no So what if he says I'm a scram that Before he eats things Let me do one thing at a time I'll see if she replies Should we just go silent In the pod for the next two minutes That's alright I'm going to get a Pepsi anyway So Shall I have a Pepsi?

38:16Message sent I know you'll never get a response Okay Before you do your first one I've got an ice cold That's lukewarm Can of Pepsi Max here Guess what I'm going to do with it Open it I'm a scram that It's annoying already actually no no it'll force that one can you scram drinks scram just food anything down his throat mate you can scram anything I'm gonna scram that so

38:48I'm gonna scram that you hate it yourself then didn't you this is gonna be some horrific use the word expose eh when you're caught on secret camera in a minge den saying I'm a scramnat

39:04that's fucking horrific why have you become the I'm a scramnat fuck guy if you just dipped into this podcast just before that there that makes no sense at all you're a minge den so I'm gonna scramnat I think you have to create a new TikTok account just called I'm a scram is it that or that I'm a scramnat I think you should do it on his main feed I'll do it on the main feed yeah imagine I've become the scramnat guy You are going to become the Scrandat guy. It's a Scrandat. People are going, oh, so I'm like, Advent Counterpoint. Now you're going to become the Scrandat guy. I don't know what's worse.

39:38You've got to be like the boxing announcer stuff. You start off like, let's get ready to rumble. Then they have to open it. So they're like, let's get ready. I'm a Scrandat.

39:52Like that, after a while. I'm a weird fuck. Weird thing that I wrote in front of the mic with his tongue out as well. You've got to commit to it, haven't you, Stevie? Yeah, commit to the bit. Okay, so unusual Christmas traditions. So, Robbie, as I was saying when you were messaging your mum... You sound like a joke from the 90s. When you messaged your mum. I've got a few traditions from around the world, and I'm going to tell you about them, and then maybe this is something you might want to start having as a tradition in your household back in England. i can't get as much to where we are now this is our happy hour universe okay so in previous years just a quick one we've spoken about um japan before haven't we as a yeah yeah we've mentioned japan once before i'm gonna just quickly go this to every single fucking episode i've had to make sure but i think you probably have a one point reference japan we've spoken about the Japanese tradition of having KFC at Christmas time before haven't we?

40:55are we familiar with KFC? for anyone who didn't listen to the I think this was last year we must have spoken about it I'll give a quick rundown of it so this started in the 70s and sorry I've still got a cold you're about to see how bad the cold is in the Christmas specials you get really sad and every time there'll be a new car I'm keeping that in that was funny so in the 70s Japan had no established Christmas dinner traditions and Turkey wasn't widely available so Takeshi Okawara the manager of the first ever KFC in Japan yeah but he had the castle yeah good you thought that was going to be bored when you first started I was like no I knew it was going to do that and I was thinking oh actually no that is the same name yeah let's find Takeshi's castle way on Yeah, he noticed foreigners in Japan were looking for a substitute for their traditional turkey dinner, so he saw a market opportunity and began promoting fried chicken as a Christmas meal, creating a popular party barrel.

41:58In 1974, KFC launched the National Kentucky for Christmas Campaign, which firmly cemented the tradition. It's now estimated 3.6 million Japanese families purchase KFC Christmas meal between December 23rd and 25th. If you're KFC, you're buzzing, aren't you? Yeah. You are buzzing. I like KFC, don't mind it. But I would absolutely hate it if that became a tradition over here. Yeah, same. Well, they have to order it sometimes in November. They have to pre-order to say that they're going to have the Christmas meal. It's that popular over there now. Because when I saw that online a few years ago, I thought that was bollocks.

42:32But it's actually a thing, isn't it? Yeah, since the 70s. And also, this is something genuinely I thought this. I didn't realise that until probably I was about maybe 17, that the rest of the country eats turkey at Christmas. genuinely what do you mean the rest of the country so turkey's like a christmas thing right yeah everyone has i didn't realize until i saw it i think it was on like gavin and stacy christmas special back in the day what did you think i thought only people in norfolk had it because i knew we lived with bernard oh yeah matthews i was gonna say bernard manning yeah he's just a weird old comedian yeah yeah that's dutchy yeah bernard matthews i thought that i grew up thinking I used to my granddad used to always say Bernard's down the road like that so I used to think that was only in Norfolk but it's a country wide thing yeah and beyond really America I think they probably that's more Thanksgiving isn't it has it been Thanksgiving yet yes when was that November late November I think last weekend in the actual time not in the real time that this is going out so that's why do we not I know I know what Thanksgiving's about but it means nothing to us does it no no because we're not involved in it but like I don't even see it really come up on because there's literally nothing to do with us that's like when we have fireworks night I don't give a fuck do they?

43:52no when I did my Christmas cracker video last year Americans didn't understand it I didn't realise they didn't have Christmas cracker they were going I expected you to pull out a bag of saltines and stuff like this what? because they're thinking like the biscuit crackers they thought when I said I spent£700 on Christmas crackers they were watching this going fucking hell these must be unbelievable biscuits I didn't know they didn't do Christmas no I didn't know I didn't know that. Imagine when they see the ones you got from Lewis. Yeah, I miss those like that, yeah. Okay, so now we'll go on to the ones I've actually got on the list.

44:24Some of them are quite short, and we can just quickly discuss them, and then some of them are a little bit longer, but you'll see why. First one's a short one. In America, they have a tradition of the Christmas pickle. Have either of you heard of this? No. No. So it's an ornamental pickle that's placed on their Christmas trees as one of the decorations, like a bauble, but it's an actual pickle. And is a pickle what we know a pickle as? Like a gherkin, yeah. Yeah, so on Christmas morning, the first person who can find the pickle on the tree receives an extra present from Santa Claus or would be said to have a year of good fortune.

44:54Santa's already been by that point, though, so what's he have to come back? How's that work? Does he leave an extra present and go, this is for whoever gets a pickle? I guess so, yeah. So it depends. He'll have to do a gift that kind of works for every person in that house. Yeah, that'd be hard, wouldn't it? Yeah, but he's Santa, so he probably smashes it. He knows what he's doing because he's a pro. he's good at giving presents. In your household what's an item which could be universally loved by everyone in there? Like what would be a safe bet? I don't know. I don't know if anything would matter because we've got it's a nine year old boy a 32 year old man and a 31 year old woman.

45:27Sausage roll? Your nan sausage rolls? Maybe. Yeah we'd all like a sausage roll. Those vegetarians don't work for us. Metvox or matchmakers? Arla doesn't really like chocolate. Does he not? Not that keen on it. He will eat it occasionally, but he's not that into it. Crisps? Bag of crisps? It would have to be something quite basic, wouldn't it? To be able to match. What about a Cluedo? Yeah, a board game or something could work. Yeah, but then that's a present. It doesn't matter if you win it, because everyone gets to play that. Oh, you want one just for you. I'm not even going to look for the pickle, mate, if I'm just going to get to play Cluedo anyway.

46:04That's a good point. I'm just going to drink pints with Darren Uckerman above. So, a place called Berrien Springs in Michigan has billed itself as the Christmas Pickle Capital of the world, and they held a pickle parade from 1992 until 2005. And it stopped, I don't know why. But then in 2021, after a 16-year hiatus, they brought back the pickle parade. You were doing a little pickle parade in Tottenham running down the road, weren't you? You were a little pickle out. Stevie West pickle parade. The weird one about this tradition is nobody seems to know where it actually started. Americans seem to think it was a German thing called Weinachtskirche, but the Germans claim to have no idea about any of it.

46:48That's all right. No one wants to claim the pickle. No one wants to claim it. That's a fun tradition, though. So Christmas pickle, would it be something you'd want to put in your household? A little pickle on the tree? Spare present? 100 % I'd be up for that. I'd be intrigued to know if the pickle parade's any good. Where is it? Michigan. Michigan. Maybe that's a video for the future. Just go to the pickle parade Yeah, how about we pick one of the So are there all these things you could do today? If you could fly there, yeah It would be this month Well, I have no idea what's coming up So one of these today, we'll pick And we haven't filmed our Jack and Stevie video yet The Christmas special And we have to do it So at the moment, we're going to the pickle parade Somebody's a fucking mental Let's do it, I'll shake on it now I'm scared Come on We're doing one of these okay oh no okay so we're going on to wales next okay this already let's do this one then yeah you're getting physically assaulted yeah fine so this one is called ivary lloyd the mary mary lloyd it means gray mare so it's popular in south wales during the 19th century the tradition features a real horse's skull usually decorated with coloured ribbons and rosettes and with glass bottle eyes.

48:08The lower jaw is fixed on a spring which shuts the mouth with a loud snap and brings the creation to life. A long white cloth is draped down the carrier so it hides whoever's holding it from view. Do you want to have a quick look at the picture of what this looks like? Yeah, I imagine it's quite haunting to be honest. It's creepy as fuck. It's like a death horse. Yeah, that's exactly what it looks like. Oh my God, that's horrible. It is genuinely properly terrifying. is that a real horse's skull there yeah that's horrible mate so this is this is like a big thing in wales in like rexham it says south wales so no so the the varilloid was a tradition performed at christmas time by groups of men who would accompany the horse and its travels around the local area the group would typically include someone who carries the horse a smartly dressed um person known as the leader who carried a staff a stick or a whip and individuals dressed as characters such as the merry men who played music and punch and judy the men would i hate punch and judy well you'd hate this yeah i fucking hate punch why do you hate him that's a lot of anger towards i really hate it i hate the way they look i hate the way they sound they're always bickering honestly domestic violence as well yeah i really can't stand it if ever i'm at like a shit seaside fair and there's one there i i don't know what it is right but i don't like the way it looks right so here's um do you sometimes you know imagine it next to death horse yeah no that i don't mind but do you ever get like you know what i don't know if this makes sense i said this to fear the other day you know when people say like thursdays are blue like or brown i hate that as well yeah but you know like how if you look if you watch a film and there's like a really cozy christmas scene on you might start to feel cozy yeah that i so this like i have this trait where I look at some things I'm really affected by how they make me feel you might be autistic so I'll give you an example have you seen the new squid game no the challenge thing no you don't know when they play marbles I've not seen any of it I've not seen actual squid game there's not a spoiler at all but there's a scene where they play marbles right game yeah and the set that they have there is like like a desert sun sky okay they're playing it in the sand and it makes me feel ill I don't know what it is but the the set makes me feel ill.

50:26Because you're ginger. It's stressing you out. Yeah, I don't know what it is. It just gives me shivers and stuff. I don't know what it is. And what we then... Punch and Judy. Punch and Judy gives me the same feeling. So are you saying at the moment you'd rather go to the Christmas pickle parade over this death horse head with Punch and Judy? So that's not the end of it. The men would carry this horse and visit every house or pub in the village. Every one? Where they would request... I didn't know about it. Where they request entry to your house through song. The householders would have to deny them entry, again through song.

51:03And then the two sides would continue their debate in the form of a musical battle, which is known as the punko or punko. This would continue until the people in the house run out of excuses to not let them in. And then they have to let them in and provide them with ale and food. Should we give an example? Jack and I have opened the door. you're the thing sing as a song well it's a specific song yeah no make up your make one up well I can't I can show you the song I've got it well sing it then I can't because it's Welsh well sing it make it up then just do I think I've got it final bit is once inside the entertainment continued with the Mary Lloyd running around neighing and snapping its jaws creating havoc and frightening children and perhaps even the adults while the leader pretended to try and restrain it so you've had to let this horse into your house is going mental and the guy with the staff is pretending to be like, stop, stop attacking everyone.

51:57Why? And then the Merry Men who were there would play music and entertain the householders. Are Merry Men pissed men? Yes, they're like the, the, yeah. Yeah, they're just dancing and singing and stuff. Is that what Merry Men is? Merry Men? I don't know. I imagine they are pissed. I would think they'd do the same. Isn't it like, is it Robin Hood's Merry Men? Yeah, I am Merry Men. Were they pissed up? Probably. Yeah, yeah. Everyone's pissed up. But then they leave this house and go on to the next one and do it all over again. quite get tedious quick yeah and then i've i've i have got a why didn't you sing us a song well i've got it but i don't know the how it goes make one up give it a chance to just give a nice little bit where you like sing a little yeah little thing and we sing something funny back it's hilarious it might be shit though so you don't want me to give you i don't give a shit mate i just want you to try yeah it says well gentle friends here we come to ask may we have leave to ask may we have leave to ask may we have leave to sing and we have to sing a song back you can't come in our house because my friend gary's taking a shit taking a shit and we've got a box of trojans and butt plugs and shit you can't look at so your mate's taking a shit and you're trying to have sex stuff yeah no you sing a song back sing back come on that sounds like i'd love to come in there i really want to be in that house i'll watch your friend take a shit and then we can use the butt plugs together.

53:17I don't think that you should do that because our friend is very angry and he might beat you up. And we're busy shagging. Again, that's kind of why I want to come in. I've got a big horse. He'll bite your chin. I don't want to know about your big horse because I'm already riding mine. That's me. He's bumming me. This is why Alfie does the music on the podcast normally. Would you like to hear the actual one? not really it's not that good is it i think it needs to end with it's me he's bumming me okay go on me he's bumming me okay this is this is a um this is the i think i think spotify just told us like what i'm going through fifth or sixth year or whatever it is with only podcast that's got that i'm just saying it's me he's bumming me thanks spotify Merry Christmas everyone Okay Last bit of this Very Lloyd Is this

54:23If it wants to look Yeah and it's not working It's not working You can't hear anything Stevie One fucking moment mate I still can't hear it It's just not working It just says live broadcast Maybe I've checked it before No I checked it before I've listened to it Have you, actually? Yeah. If you're not going to... I can imagine it's exactly our song.

54:51Every now and then I forget you're wearing a jumper with loads of me's on it, and I see you go, oh, that's my face. It's quite cool, actually. What's the favourite you on that jumper? I was just thinking that. Just got an ad. For Travago. It's just not letting me play it. Well, that was shit, wasn't it, Stevie? That was really shit from you. I don't know why it's not working. Right, well, I guess we'll just carry on with the ep. Give me one second to try and find it. Fuck you. The issue is, is people have written songs about it that aren't the actual song. Right, is that the specific issue? Welcome on in the West, we're based on the New West.

55:33Welcome on in the West, we're based on the New West. Welsh.

55:43They've come to your door. They're saying, here we come, dear friends, to ask permissions to sing. If we don't have permission, let us know in song how we should go away tonight. I have no dinner or money to spend to give you welcome tonight. And then they keep going back and forth. Tell someone who says they're bubbing their mate. What's this got to do with Crimass? They do it at Crimass. They do it at Crimass. What's that got to do with the festivities? I don't know, mate. It's Wales, isn't it? Fair enough So far Christmas pickle top of your list Yeah we're still going for pickle hunting Sorry Wales Okay the next one is in Venezuela From athletic stuff like a full court pick up game Swish To athletic stuff like a half mile stroll Get those steps in Head to Sierra or Sierra.com for the brands you want At the prices that let you do it all From athletic to athletic Sierra's got it Brussels clean up nicely at Sweetgreen.

56:41Maple glazed, roasted, and edges perfectly caramelized. Sweetgreen's fall harvest is back on the menu, and the season's most overlooked little green vegetable is dressed to be devoured. You know what to do. Order on the Sweetgreen app. Get business done with the new American Express Graphite Business Cash Unlimited card. With unlimited 2 % cash back on all eligible purchases. unlimited 5 % cash back on flights and prepaid hotels booked through American Express Travel Online and a flexible spending capacity that can grow with your business you'll have the confidence to keep building apply today and earn a welcome offer of$1 ,500 cash back after you spend$50 ,000 in qualifying purchases on your new card within the first six months of card membership terms apply, learn more at go.amex.com They have a tradition of all night roller skating Oh, I'm bad at skating, but I do like Venezuela What's your favourite three things about Venezuela?

57:36The Vuzelas South Africa Have you just said that because it sounds like Venezuela? Enna Valencia And your third one? I'm not sure he plays for Venezuela I'm not sure he does And the family guy character called Venezuela Okay Consuela Oh fuck hey i shouldn't put you on the spot yes sorry i don't know anything about venezuela no but you like it is it near brazil uh up a bit i think it's not a million miles away yeah women are attractive so i imagine they're quite attractive in venezuela there's currently talk in the news that america might do airstrikes on it so probably not the best time to go but are the women attractive i don't know you'll be surprised how they sound very odd how attractive would a woman have to be for you to risk an airstrike.

58:31Honestly, not that high. Yeah, not that high. If you're willing to talk to me, I'm there.

58:40So, this tradition is known as Las Patanatas, and it began in 1950s and has become a beloved Christmas tradition in Venezuela. From the 16th to the 24th of December, people roller skate all night long, and then they make their way to church for the 5am or 6am mass. I'm out. It does sound like it will be full of hot women, though. Don't count me out just yet. The mass is known as Misa de Gallo, which is a rooster's mass. The roosters believe to have crowed to announce the birth of Jesus. So that's more to the Christmas Eve, isn't it? I'm not a rooster, but I can't make a cock rise. What? Roosters don't make cocks rise.

59:21Don't just shrug. Leave it. It makes sense. That's not the... it's an all-night festival where most roads are closed overnight and people wear festive clothing and lots of treats and hot chocolate and coffee are available many children would receive roller skates rollerblades and skateboards as gifts so that they could take part when mass is finished families convene in the street and at each other's houses to share food play music and dance at the moment that's the most visually appeasing video we could do it's a yeah it's just a roller skate party all night basically that does sound all right actually i did you used to go funky monkeys Yeah, I did.

59:57That was good. That was a roller skate. I can't skate. Soft play. No, I can't skate. I remember this well weird time. So Funky Monkeys for, I don't know, it's a very Norwich thing. It's a roller skating rink. Yeah, soft play. And yeah, but the roller skating rink in the middle as well. I presume it's the roller skating element that you're talking about. Yeah, we're not going to soft play, Jack. Okay. So this well weird time I went there when I was a kid. You know when Peter Andre became big again? I don't know if it's because I'm a celebrity, get me out of here or whatever. Yeah. and like mysterious girl i can't imagine what this story is gonna be well you know mysterious girl was suddenly like in the charts and everything and like everyone was loving it i was in this royal skating rink and you know the dj there even to this day they've always got someone who's proper like it's like chirpy mr chime would love to dj there and we were just going in circles they went okay everyone get off the the rink unless you want to take part in this game because that's like when the better skater should stay on the game was to go around the rink and then take it in turns to go up a ramp and jump off the ramp, so you've got to be a solid enough skater, and land on the Mysterious Girl disc until it breaks.

1:00:59What? I've told you, it's the weirdest thing they made us do. And they just played Mysterious Girl over the speakers. So everyone's going, trying to break this disc by landing on it with roller skates. Surely the first one that lands on it is going to break the disc. No, I'll throw a missing. Depends how solid you wear it's skating. So it's about the aim, not the power. Yeah, but you've got to fully break this disc. That is weird isn't it Did you play it No I wasn't a very competent skater Right Still not to this day I think I'd be shit at this Yeah But you were quite a big kid Yeah Maybe You probably would have Smashed the disc first time Yeah but I wouldn't have Been able to get the ramp Or smash the ramp Yeah okay Venezuelas Roller skating You still more towards The Christmas pickle though Yeah We need to have a look at Photos of the pickle parade Don't we Yeah I mean one of these Better be fucking brilliant because I'm shitting myself now.

1:01:51Okay. If they're all shit, can we just cut out the bit where we agree to go to one? No. I think the next... I'll be the whistleblower. This doesn't affect me in any way. I don't want to make you go to fucking pickle parade. I've just scrolled the next one with just dude. Oh, okay. It's in Norwich. It's in Ireland. Oh, okay. In Ireland, they have a tradition. They get lashed. Called go to Sydney Sweeney's Pussy Palace.

1:02:26i'm all giddy on pepsi i'm quite giddy today i think we're quite giddy yeah i like it this one's called the 12 pubs of christmas oh brilliant sounds like a video i do yeah the 12 pubs of christmas is an irish christmas christmas tradition in which participants visit 12 different pubs in a single day having a drink at each one. We've lucked out here. It's typically done as a social outing with friends and often involves dressing up in Christmas themed costumes. The idea is to have a festive and enjoyable day while also supporting local businesses. Some people also incorporate additional rules or challenges such as requiring everyone to finish their drink before moving on to the next pub.

1:03:05You do anyway. That's not a rule you've incorporated. You need a drink mate. I'm just doing am I getting in each pub? Or you could assign a specific drink to each pub. There's no set rules, so you could kind of make up your own for the 12 pubs of Christmas, but it's usually a good idea to have some basics in place. Some of these are the more popular rules. Everyone must wear a Christmas-themed jumper or dress as Santa or one of his elves. There's a silent pub, a pub that will be assigned the silent pub. The group is not allowed to talk when inside. Don't know how you'd order the drink there. No swearing.

1:03:39That might be part of the fun. Yeah. Go Wetherspoon's doing the app. That's smart, that. No swearing. Bad language is not allowed, either in a single pub or 12 pubs. No toilet. None of the group were allowed to visit the toilet in one of the pubs. You piss up a bin. Guinness only. Only a pint of the black stuff is allowed to be ordered. Easy. Left-handed. Drink using your left hand only. I usually do. Left person. Feed the pint to the person on your left. There sounded loads better to explain the rules than just go to 12 pubs. Yeah. Carol singing. each person sings a Christmas carol or a snippet in a pub.

1:04:13So basically, but we can make up our own rules. There are no set rules. Can we go out for drinks the week before Christmas in Norwich? Why do we just want to go out to the pub? With us? Yeah. Why? Because I'd like to. Did you not just hear about our night's out, mate? Yeah, we're bleeding. I know, but I want to help. Are you good at the career paths football game? I'll be off before then. that's how we start why don't we go to you know we've talked for ages about doing the cold plunge thing and sauna yeah we'll do that yeah finishing at like 11 and then just having like a daytime drinking yeah be full of Christmas cheer every merry when do you want to do it alright are we booking this in now yeah we're booking it in now it's fun isn't it yeah just a little the listeners will appreciate this they know okay I can do from what am I going to do how about Friday the 19th I love that we're just doing this on the pod.

1:05:09Friday the 19th? Yeah. Yeah. Fine. From 11 onwards? Yeah. And Robbie's buying all the drinks. Nope. Robbie's buying all the drinks. Well, we'll decide on the day, but we'll do a vote. We'll do a vote. Okay. As long as it's fair. Yeah. I vote democracy, I suppose. I vote Robbie. Yeah, I vote Robbie. But we'll wait for the day and we'll decide the way for Robbie. Sorry, did you just say you were going to vote for me? Yeah. It sounds like you might have already made it up, like deciding what you're going to do. No, no. We'll do it on the day. It's just going to pick, yeah. but I'm on the day I might vote you but I might also vote Jack yeah what was that at the end I said 12 pubs of Christmas in Ireland sounds like a lot of fun yeah I'm so sorry I thought you said that you can basically make up challenges in each pub yeah and then obviously like the rules there's also punishments so then but it's things like down a full pint in one stand at the front of the bar and announce yourself oh attempt a handstand no longer allowed to speak for the entire duration of the next round so yeah things like that but we can make up all of our own things but the ultimate thing of the 12 pubs of Christmas is just go to Ireland anywhere in Ireland it started in Dublin but go to somewhere in Ireland go to 12 pubs in a day and just drink a pint in each one I don't think I could drink 12 drinks in 12 pubs in a day I think I'd be paralytic it would be a struggle I just burped then and I've only had half a Pepsi I'll give it a go though I'll give it a go yeah I don't think it's but yeah the Irish are obviously better at drinking than us.

1:06:34That's a brilliant tradition, though. That is a great tradition. Yeah, I like that. Well, then that's top of our list now, isn't it? Yeah. That's top of our list. Right. Okay, next one is Norway. This is a really short one. No way. They have a tradition of hiding the brooms. That sounds more Halloween-y, if I'm being honest. Yeah, weirdly. It's a short and sweet one. On Christmas Eve, all over Norway, people will hide away all the brushes and brooms in their houses, and they do this because they believe that on this night of the year, witches and bad spirits would turn up to do mischief. So to stop the witches from being able to fly around and doing the bad things, they hide their brooms.

1:07:08What, on Christmas, though? Christmas Eve. Why is that not a Halloween thing? Or they just don't want any bad shit going on Christmas? A lot of countries have the negative sides of Christmas, like obviously Krampus in Germany and Austria and stuff like that. So there are some negative sides to Christmas that they try and fend things away. They still do the Krampus traditions in Austria now, don't they? Yeah, it's been watered down a bit, I think, over the years. Yeah, because, you know, like back in the day, I reckon they probably used to whip people's arses and shit, but now you can't do that.

1:07:37Well, I've got a tradition on here that they've had to drastically change because it got in trouble, which is actually the next one. Is it because of woke? You tell me, Robbie. I'll explain it to you. I definitely won't be telling you because it's going to be horrific, isn't it? I'll explain it to you and you tell me if it's woke. Okay. So this is in Germany. It's actually just on a small island just off the north of Germany called Borkham. Called Belgium. Or called Britain. Let's go to Stevie's house. This is called the Class Home Festival on Borkham Island, which only has a population of around 5 ,000 people and they follow this tradition.

1:08:15Outsiders and cameras aren't even welcome for this and it's an event that's only for the locals. The festival has a tradition on the Northern Ireland of Borkham and takes place every year on the evening of 5th of December, so it's already happened this year. For around 200 years, six young men dressed as Klaasom and a man dressed as Vyfka. So seven men then. Which is a female. Oh, what? So six young men dressed as the men and one man dressed as a female have been parading through the streets on the island on this evening. The selection of the men who are allowed to perform as these Klaasoms remain a well-kept secret and is only revealed to them shortly before the start.

1:08:57You don't know you're going to be it? Yeah. Oh, interesting. But they all go in the hopes that they could be it. So it's like traitors, but one of them has to cross-dress. Yeah. Yeah. So the classrooms are dressed separately at different locations before they settle for their companions, and their destination is a large depot of the Borkuma-Kleinbahn railway, where a central part of the ritual takes place. On a stage, to the exclusion of women and strangers, only native male islanders are allowed to participate in this. so everyone's allowed to go who lives on the island but only men can be dressing up and doing doing the stuff um the roles and the leadership of the year are determined in a symbolic battle the classrooms then parade through the island accompanied by a great deal of public interest okay so that sounds okay so far yeah yeah yeah maybe a little bit sexist as part of the annual tradition women were spanked on the buttocks with a cow's horn the tradition created a wannabe spanked the tradition created a major controversy following a video report from public broadcaster ndr at the 2023 festivities in which the class homes the young men wearing traditional costumes of sheepskin and bird feathers chased down and hit women as part of the celebration I'm not sure about that one no in the story two male reporters attempted to film the festivities using their cell phones they easily filmed the daytime celebrations when the community gathered around the young unmarried men dressed in the traditional costumes but the party continued into the night and the reporters secretly filmed a group of so-called catchers as they chased women and held them while the classrooms hit them on the buttocks with a cow's horn people around them including children cheered as one woman was being hit and she didn't want to be hit no that's pretty bad doesn't sound great that is no is that the one you're gonna do yeah imagine we did that wow well in the report they included wow like that wow that'd be class you sound like no like wow it'd be cancelled before we even left but it sounded like you wanted to do it but you just couldn't because of woke no no i would not want to hit a women good that we'll start okay good so in the report they included anonymous interviews with three women who had actually participated in the ritual and now they condemn it the women explained that as children they were brought up to believe that it was an exciting game of hide and seek and that was part of the islanders shared identity which is why they willingly took part in the ritual as teenagers but the association now admits that the tradition can be seen as controversial and beatings with cow horns were part of the tradition in the past and in individual cases in recent years they said we expressly distance ourselves from any form of violence against women and apologise for the historically based actions of the past years.

1:11:53So it's still going. They're still doing it. But they've, from 2024, so only last year No more cow horn hits. There's now a zero tolerance policy. You can't even fucking hit a woman in the arse with a cow horn anymore. Against her will. Yeah, without her kicking off. Apparently some of the... That used to be a proper island. Yeah. Apparently it used to like bruise and it'd hurt for a few days after. Fuck. That is a privilege. Where I grew up on the Isle of Sheppey, weird, I've got a story that follows on from this. There used to be, every year, there was two main sort of social events. There was the Christmas lights switching on and a parade through the town in Shinnes.

1:12:31And in the summer, there was a Zulu festival. And what this involved, this was, I swear, every year when I was growing up, there were a group of men who would be the Zulus who would essentially black up and go around the street in like rags around them white men in black white men in black yeah because there weren't really any black people in the Shepard of the 80s and they would go around the street with spears and like sort of like fur sort of like rope like something from Africa from these films and they'd go around going ooga booga ooga booga with buckets demanding money and this went on for a while like this was going on until the 90s where's the money going then charity right probably hopefully race and awareness charities yeah i don't know what the charities were but it was good it was going to charity but they were doing this and it went on to like the 90s i remember i was working at tesco when they were stopping it so i must have been at least 16 so we're talking like yeah into the 90s here and and at the time did they stop it because they knew how weird and outdated.

1:13:34Well, they said, bads. A bit much. Let's change it into a pirate festival. So they sort of changed it to that. Some of the Zulus were like, we quite like big Zulus. And so it was like a pirate festival, so for a bit, but there were still like a few people who would dress up as Zulus. Wasn't great. Don't know what happens now. Now there's no existing Zulus. They've all died out. I don't know, should I Google it? Traditions must be really hard to like break to people who are that like minded. Like the fact that this Borkum one, they've gone until 2023, still going, yeah, just smack them with a cow's horn.

1:14:16Mental, innit? I think we get away, not that you want to get away, but people get away with more stuff based on tradition. Yeah, just being like, well, that's what we've always done. That's fine. Yeah, you can just change it. Like, marriage. Where are you going with that? But like how it's like, like, oh, you have to do it in a church and stuff like that. Oh, yeah. It's like old fashioned, isn't it? Yeah. What year, I've just looked it up, what year do you think the Sheppie Zulus were forced to disband? 1995. 2015. Fucking hell. What? They kept going. And for 86 years, there's a photo there. Oh, wow.

1:14:55That's better than it was. Right, yeah. because I think they've now gone a bit more like fancy makeup when it was just just to be blacking out. Yeah. So, The days of being terrified by wild-eyed warriors during the carnival week are over. The Shepi Zulus are announced they're hanging up their spears and disbanding after 86 years. Secretary said, It's a very sad day for us all, but nothing can go on forever. The writing has been on the wall. The all-male group has dwindled from more than 30 in the heydays of the 70s to barely a dozen. Still quiet. There's still a lot of people willing to do that.

1:15:28The father of five blamed the demise on stifling health and safety regulations and the difficulty of recruiting new members and he admitted that political correctness had also taken its toll. Oh my. The Zulus who wore fuzzy wigs and blacked up to click for charity during carnivals and special events were subject to ferocious social media backlash five years ago. This is 2010. Mr. Cruikshanks records, I told the men not to respond to criticism but at the start of the summer carnival some refused to take part but that's not the main reason I'm giving up. He had his spinal problems for wanting to call it a day.

1:15:58Fucking hell. So yeah. I like how even as he's gone we're not doing it anymore. He doesn't want to say we're not doing it because we're wrong. Bad back. Bad back. Bad back. Face celebrate the article through. We aren't allowed to walk in the road collecting money anymore and one year we're made to wear high visibility jackets. Well, that's not what Zulus do. Okay, I'm going to give you two more Christmas traditions and then we can pick which one we're going to have a strong feeling it might be Ireland. We're off to Dublin, mate. Okay, the next one's from Ukraine where they have The Legend of the Christmas Spider.

1:16:30oh i don't like spiders no no so in ukraine it's common to see spiders and spiderwebs dangling from christmas trees they could be gold silver or a whole range of other colors some may be bejeweled while others are plain they're part of a holiday tradition that began in the late 19th or early 20th century and the origin seems to be from a folk tale called the legend of the christmas spider yeah story here for you here's the legend of the christmas spider A poor but hard-working widow once lived in a small hut with her children Is this a widow as in an actual widow or is this a widow spider? Good, but actual widow I think what Stevie's doing here is trying to tell us an urban legend No, it's not an urban legend Is it an urban legend?

1:17:13No, it's not an urban legend It's a folk tale Is that just a different word for an urban legend? No, it's really short Just let me tell the story I would have finished it by now if you just let me tell it Do your fucking urban legend A poor but hard-working widow once lived in a small hut

1:17:29Same thing.

1:17:55enjoyed. From then on, they never lived in poverty again. What, because there's some cobwebs on the tree? Which turned into gold and silver in the sun. That's nice. A nice story. That is a nice story. Bollocks, but... But because of this folktale, spiders are now associated with good luck in Ukraine, so it has become customary not to remove cobwebs over the holiday season. So if you see actual cobwebs, you leave them up. It's thought that that will bring good luck for the new year ahead, and not getting rid of the spiders also acts as a symbol of gratitude representing the appreciation for the family in the folktale for the good fortune of the spiders generous actions to give them happiness after receiving the gift of their webs i think it's good that spiders are getting a good rep because even though i don't like them i think they do good for the world but they're quite cool like i was looking at like just i'm going searching online about like the decorations there and like on their trees they'll get like massive like baubles shaped as like spider webs and just big spiders on their trees and stuff.

1:18:49That's quite cool. Which looks a bit different, but it's, yeah, cool. I was watching a spider make its web the other day. It's classic. How long would you say you sat and watched it for? Five minutes. Yeah. It's interesting. They can do a lot in five minutes as well. Yeah, they really can. I've seen them, yeah. And it made me feel bad because you watch them do all that and sometimes you're just like, oh, there's a spider web on here. And you think, oh, some spider did that for ages. I know you can't leave that forever. Yeah, I will actively try not to destroy a spider web if I see it. Yeah. It depends where it is though, doesn't it yeah yeah obviously if it's on your fucking toaster yeah yeah why is that the first place you thought of a spider web being i just thought somewhere i need to access that for bread get the bread out of your toaster that's where you store it but like the other day i was taking the bin out and it's near sort of like my garage and then i was like pushing the bin out and then i realized that there was a spider web from the garage to the bin and i just left the bin for a bit for you can have another day of that if you want oh you're still gonna ruin it well yeah i I have to take the bin out.

1:19:45I'm not letting for that pile up. Fair enough. I hope Spider sees this, mate.

1:19:53Remember that? We used to say it all the time, didn't we? Not Spider, but yeah. You had to clarify. I'm not Spider, mate. Okay, I'm going to give you one more from Spain. Oh. Is the 12 Pubs of Christmas going to get a little bit of competition? I don't know. It's going to have to be something to be drinking in a pub in Dublin. It really does depend on how much flights are, I think. This one's called Tio de Nadal, Christmas Log. The Tio de Nadal is a piece of wood from a tree trunk. Ideally, it needs to be around 30 to 40 centimetres long, and the log is often supported by two wooden front legs whilst its bottom rests on the floor.

1:20:29So can you picture that? It's like two legs at that, and then the log goes back like this. Okay. So a gap underneath it, lifted at the front. What, a tree log? A log, yeah. How do you make a log do that? So it's a normal log. Yeah. And then you'd just attach two sticks to it. Ah! So it's got like two legs at the front. So it's like a bear trap. Yeah, yeah, think of it like that. In the old times, an old log was placed, an old log was all you needed, but modernly the logs come with one of their sides painted with a happy face that makes them easier to be recognised as the Christmas log. The log is also covered with a wool blanket.

1:21:03To be faithful to Catalan tradition, families would start feeding their Christmas logs from the 8th of December. Catalonia Christmas logs eat anything, potato peels, vegetable scraps, cookies, nuts, tangerines. Just make sure to leave all of its food on a small dish or saucer next to the cagatillo overnight and the next day the food will be gone. So in your house you'd leave it food obviously the parents. So it's a similar premise to leaving food for the reindeers. Yeah, kind of but you're doing it for like two weeks leading up to Christmas. Typically on Christmas day or Christmas Eve, depending on the family, the log will start feeling cold.

1:21:37So this is the moment you cover it with the blanket, leaving only its head and legs visible. And the idea is that the Christmas log needs to be comfortable to poo.

1:21:47What? The kids are given sticks and they hit the log with the sticks while singing a song that asks it to poop presents and sweets, sometimes under the threat of some kind of punishment if it doesn't poo. Fucking hell, they're bullying it to shit them out a gift. Would you like to hear the song? Yeah, feces piñata. God, I already love it. another trivago ad

1:22:18poop log

1:22:25don't poop sardines they are too salty poop churron they are better poop log poop churron If you don't poop I will hit you with a stick

1:22:51I used to have one of these What? What? What? Yeah You used to have a shitty stick Well I'd run it Whatever they're called A poop log Yeah but in Barcelona Did you? Yeah So this is a real thing Yeah You can buy them in shops You sound like I've made it up Yeah, I know most of your stuff sounds brawls. This one is actually real. Ask me about it, Jack. Yeah. Little stick, had little eyes on the front of it, and two little front legs, like he described. Mine was only about that big. And would you hit it with a stick? I never really hit it with a stick, I just had it. Did you know you should hit it with a stick?

1:23:22I knew the idea was that it was shat presents, but I didn't put a blanket over anything. That's unbelievable. Yeah, so there's different versions of the song. One of them, I've got a little, yeah, it says, Shit, Tio, hazelnuts and nougats. Do not shit herrings, for they are too salty. Shit nougats, for they taste better. Shit, Tio, almonds and nougats. And if you don't want to shit, I will hit you with a stick. Shit, Tio. Wow. It's a bit intense, isn't it? That is probably one of the most fascinating things you've ever told me on the podcast. Yeah. So after the song is over, the blanket is lifted to reveal the presents that have been pooped by the Cagatio.

1:23:57The pooping log poops small presents that fit under a blanket. Puzzles, crafts, supplies, clothes, books, anything that goes into a small box. chocolates candy sugar confectioners the pooping ends you could the pooping ends when you lift all right sorry glad you got permission the pooping ends when you lift the blanket and nothing's there anymore because the pooping log has pooped everything there was to poop that's unbelievable the real i don't doubt the authenticity of the things you tell me but i imagine that like these websites could be talking about something that happened in the 80s no one does anymore so when robbie said he's been there and done that well i could have been in the 80s to be fair it kind of there's only festivals there the 1780s it validates it yeah final little bonus thing this is also in Spain really tiny they also like to hide a little figurine called El Cagana in nativity scenes and it's a man taking a dump what is it with a Spanish and kids have to search for him like a little where's Wally in the nativity they like their pickle but they have to find the shittle mate they're mental oh and they put that next to the brand new born baby jesus yeah new baby jesus new jesus just dropped that is not that's offensive that's so good the virgin mary's laying there just giving birth and she's next to a stool from that shitting spaniard stevie in tottenham I don't know why they like poo in Spain well we're off to Dublin I think but the shitty stick in Barcelona sounds fun we could do that here though smack a stick and hope it drops presents out I enjoyed them that was fun thanks that was fun it was a giddy episode wasn't it yeah it just felt good didn't it yeah it's good it's good there's five or six crazy tradizzies from Stevie White there it's been Jack Makes Happy Hour podcast from me Jack Makes Stevie White and Robbie Knox and we'll see you in a few days for the Christmas bash.

1:25:56Looking forward to it. Getting over thinking about it. Oh, I hope you're alright, mate.

1:26:06I got teal! How mental is that the end teal? Yeah! Parts everywhere.

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