619 - HAPPY HOUR CHRISTMAS SPECIAL 2025!

25:48Well, if that ref's out there, I'm with you, mate. I think you're doing a good job. Right, well, that's not the support that I thought I was having. You're going out in the cold and these Karens are making your life a very good one. I thought they were going to be on our side. Yeah, fucking hell. I am on your side. You are, John. Again, another fist bump, mate. On my way home from football, I saw a car completely flipped on its head as well. That was a ref fault as well. He's outside of the red car. He's done the window down. It was the ref in there. He went up refs having a bad game, isn't he?

26:17Did you walk past the car and said, mate, that guy's a good driver? What? What are you going to say? It's not him. Right, now, as it's Christmas, one of our favourite things we like to do on the podcast every year is a secret Santa. Traditional secret Santa where we've all been randomly allocated another member of the team here. Fiona's sorted it all out and we've had to cover the gifts. So shall we just go at a random order? She's just going crazy right now. Let's let Alfie go first. Alfie, do you want to go first? So Fiona's been scheming. She's put the gifts under the table. We don't know who's got who.

26:52And Alfie, you're going to open your gift or gifts. And there was a£30 limit on this. You didn't have to spend 30, did you? No. I didn't spend 30 quid. How much have you gotten? Including? It'll be about 20 quid. I spent 140. No, you didn't. I did. Did you? Yeah. You mixed them. It's mine. No, let's see. It's mine. Let's see. It's a red card. I had to. No, you didn't. I'm so intrigued. Has anyone ever seen the Office US where they do a Secret Santa and the boss gets them like an iPhone and everyone else has done like really shit cheap ones and he's gone, who's, what generous person's done that?

27:31That's totally what you're doing right now. Yeah, but to be fair, Jack in previous years has just got gifted presents, so he's just put it all together in one. Moment of joy. Unwrap your moment of joy. A Moosa. Inspired by moments, defined by elegance. Okay. This is so me. This is so me. This present is too much admin. He's got a guest who got it for him so don't make out like it's not you. Oh my God, it's all my favourite things. Beef jerky. That's a quid. This is setting up like this. Beef jerky. That's a quid. This is quite nice. Oh, my God. Pre-workout? Do you want me to bloody go mental? I might.

28:11Take it now. Oh, my God. I've never seen this flavour. Why has someone gone really nice? Skinny wafer. These are all my favourite things. It's just loads of really nice gym stuff. Wow, these are incredible macros. Got written all over them. Keto balls. This is honestly so nice. Whoever's done this. Yeah, that's too nice. That is so not the niche. I've never had one. How many fucking keto balls do you need? Not quite 140 quid though, is it? No, but that's genuinely I am really, really thankful for whoever got me this. I'm genuinely really thankful. Is it loads of protein stuff? Because I've just come out of my dieting phase and I'm going to eat all of this.

28:49You have to guess who it is now. Robbie. Robbie, did you get Alfie? Yeah. It's a protein selection box. That is so nice. Can you buy a protein selection box? Thank you. Are you touching him? I wouldn't touch me. Yeah, why are you touching him? Alfie, you didn't. Oh my God. You can just sit near him and now you're touching him. Yeah, but I really respect that. No fucking way. I'm gonna go watch my hands in a minute. Right. That's great. That's really nice. You know what, I was gonna get you, but I couldn't get it delivered in time. It was a protein advent calendar. That would've been good, wouldn't it?

29:19A little bit of protein every day, but it wasn't gonna arrive in time. That's a good YouTube video as well. Can I just say, this is really uncomfortable. Can I take this one? Oh my God, look at that. We might struggle to open our bedroom. It's quite offensive, the face-proof throat and hand sanitizer. I just caught that. Thank you. No, that's really good. Oh, what are we doing? We're going to put normal jumper on. We're going to take this. Oh, my God! That was it. Robbie's passed his illness on. He said death by jumper. That is 10 out of 10, Robbie. No, I wouldn't say... No, that is 10. It's a nice present.

29:47Can I just say, by the way, I forgot to mention, I went down to John Lewis and I got some more Christmas crackers. Last year, there was a problem with them, if you remember. I remember that. So I've asked, I've complained. No, you said on the last Christmas pod, last year you were going to get them from Jarrell. Yeah, well, I didn't because John Lewis said they're sorry and they said they fixed them this year. They're sorry that happened. So there, there. Whenever it dies down a bit, we've got a cracker we can pull. Shall we do one now? I don't mind. It's up to you. Do one with John. Do one with John.

30:16Why not do them because I've just bought them. I've just sanitised my hands. Yeah, someone is... Keep me away from him. He wants to do it. Me and you, John. So read the joke. So where are these from? John Lewis? Yeah, John Lewis. What does it say, John? Lewis. There's a hat as well, I think, in there. Why doesn't Jack's Christmas tree have any tinsel? Is that what it says? What? John Lewis? How does John Lewis... It must be Jack Frost. Why does Jack's Christmas tree not have any tinsel, John? Because he used it all as dental floss. Oh, that's... You know what? John Lewis is fucking crass. That's crap from John Lewis.

30:51They send you those out to everyone. That's really... Imagine those kids aren't going to get that. Do you know what? Whoever's written that from John Lewis, It's too obvious Because like We You know what If the teeth Is too obvious I guess

31:09John How is that crap John did you Put that in there Did you put that in there We need to dig it Why is that crap I don't get it What Look how big his teeth are Yeah but why would you Be using that as tinsel Tinsel as tooth Oh I read it wrong I got nervous No you read it right You were right I read it right I didn't comprehend it right No What were you thinking? I don't know really So do you get it now? Yeah Explain it to me The tinsel is the floss for your teeth Yeah It's good, it's great You know we're mates I can't believe John Lewis I guess the person who works at John Lewis Probably last time Most of the jokes were about Stevie's mum being Promiscuous Promiscuous And then it resulted in us not being able to make jokes about that anymore Immediately afterwards So maybe they Whoever it was probably just found it a bit harder this year Yeah, I like it.

31:59I'm looking forward to more of them. More of them. Right, okay. Do you want to do mine? Yeah, go for it. Go on, Jack. Take it away. Is it in the hit? Please. Take it away. It's just wrapped in Tesco bag. It's emotional. Stinks of John, that, doesn't it? Wrapped in a Tesco bag. It does stink of you. What does John smell like? I don't smell. Amsterdam. That's enough now. That's what she said. Up to here. Right, it's a prescription from a chemist. I really don't like he has health anxiety just remember everyone he has health anxiety what is it? that's horrific oh my god that's so shit so shit what is it?

32:38farty biotics helps prevent you stinking the place out doesn't even sound like anti fart fart that's very funny it just says anti fart on the slide oh actually oh no sorry are they sugar pills? it's a good present take one Is there anything in there? Take one. What's in there? I can tell you what's in there because I got those for Father's Day from my kids. It might be not being at all flatulent, but because they find it funny because that's the level of it. That's really nice. The worst week. The worst week. Be a bit more positive. Be a bit more positive. There's something else here as well. Right, I can see a picture of me.

33:23Oh, wow. Wishing you. That's good quality. wishing you a fabulous year I'll do it to this camera actually look at them old teeth I get the tinsel job that's nice so there's a picture of me in lockdown I was in there for 10 minutes what happened? you still managed to get under the bed you were in the duvet in 10 minutes I never reveal what happened in there what happened again? what really happened was in 2012 right Tony then we got a picture fucking hell that was when I borderline that one isn't it yeah yeah yeah good job it's just the eyes yeah then oh oh that's then there's another fucking hell who's done that he's done that he's done that and it says the real reason Doody Rhino isn't on Happier anymore 615 ,000 views I smashed it 800 now look picture picture of me meeting Fogden somewhere in the city I think that's Fogden meeting you You queued for hours Next one in May Is a picture of me and Fiona In our local newspaper When I proposed to her That was seven years ago And we are still Why does it say Ellie Goulding?

34:37It says earlier in December He ended up in a Twitter spam We've seen an Ellie Goulding After he criticised her performance On the X-Factor You got engaged And I went There's not enough news here So we need to mention Ellie Goulding What's this one? If it's the Stevie abuse thumbnail, I'm leaving No, worse It's me on the True Geordie podcast Next to True Geordie No fond memories though, Jack Yeah, exactly, it's nice to see that Nothing really against Geordie Next up is Stevie and I Having a little kiss That's before AI, isn't it? That has caused some ruckus in the football group, hasn't it? Is that legit?

35:18Yeah, because they're pricks It's 2012 Because they're pricks. A minute ago, there were legends who never said anything rude to the referee, and now they're pricks. Well, Barron, I know you're watching this. He said that they feel uncomfortable with me and Stevie being in the changing rooms now because we kissed years ago. Is that real? So we've said if either of us score now, that's our celebration. That's homophobic. No, seriously, is that actually real? That? Yes. You kissed? John, I'm sorry. You have not a leg to stand on. No, no, no, absolutely. I love kissing my friends, but I'm just saying I don't have a camera.

35:48You kiss Briggsie every time you go out. Yeah, shout out for you. Hold on, hold on. So why are you getting annoyed that we kissed in 2012? Who said I was annoyed, Stevie? Well, why are you going, is that real? Is that real? No, because, you know, the digital age, Stevie. We're moving forward, AI. No, we're moving forward. That's why men can kiss me.

36:05That's me. Who's that from? What is that from? Where is that from?

36:14Two years ago, I must have been. So for any audio listeners, There's the August picture is Robbie lent on a couch like he's on a casting sofa. And it says being a YouTuber at 46. Next up. Fuck me. Who is this? I know exactly who this is. You can't show that. Who has got me? I can't show that. Let's see. So this is some guy. I have no idea. Whoever got this, how they found this. This is a guy who gives me so much shit on Twitter. This cunt. Which one? That one who looks like me Oh my god He does He gives me shit all the time And who's made this calendar? That's so rogue Right, so that's September That's so rogue It's so crazy, what the hell?

37:02It's Fit 5, Steve In October is me, KSI I'm Alex I'm the fattest man you've ever seen Oh my god, Stevie He looks like he's been stung by a wasp I've been stung by a wasp No! so that's this is brilliant by the way this is getting hung up in here after this

37:25can you show it I'll explain it first because you won't be able to see it so my tweet it's a tweet and a picture my tweet is and this isn't a locked in tweet it says just had one of those pinch myself guests on happy hour a very surreal iconic human being in which the word legend isn't even enough and they've put a picture of Tom Sharman. How many views of that Tom's? 170. What was that? Get 124k. And we got 800 on a Jill Burt of Sylvia. What's the title of the video? Why girls were banned from Clash of Creatures. And that did 170k. And what did 800 views? What's the title? What's the next one?

38:04Am I not going to like it? December. No, it's not about you. Oh, thank God. What is it? It's me and that fella on a podcast. Gilly. Gilly, that's it. You loved him. How happy you are. You're so happy. You were trying to get on the stars to look like me. He in that photo. Oh, my God. He doesn't look like you. That doesn't look like you at all. That's when I was at my... It's like AI's trying to make you. That is absolutely brilliant. Well done. Whoever does that, incredible. Outstanding. That's enough. Is this something I should be doing now? Oh, it is. Right. Is this something I should be doing now?

38:40Bonjour. Wrapped well as well, always. What the fuck is this? T-shirt, I think, yeah. And it says on it... That's harsh. I run embarrassingly short. I think that's got mixed up, so that's yours. That's too far. I've everything said today, that's too far. That is too far. Well, someone is probably... That's got to be over the budget, isn't it? I've got to work out who this is. This could be anyone here. It could be me, because I've already done mine. I'm thinking it's either John Stevie or Becky

39:19I'll be honest I never put the effort in I don't think you do far I'm above that It's me That's brilliant I had the best time Can you imagine me pissing myself How did you even find some of those It was like the references. That's right. I went on Twitter, typed in Jack, made it, oh, gold mine. How did you know about the guy giving me shit all the time? That came up and I was, I had a field day. He made some good points, didn't he? You got so angry and he got so angry. He's a Saturday league ref. He's busy. Oh, my God, is he? Right, that's great. I love the effort. That is what we need. Thank you.

40:03John, do you want to open yours next? Yeah, where are mine? Yours should be just behind you. Oh. Yeah, it's just, Packet of tissues Oh that's mine sorry Red emblem I pick your feet Love secret Santa Here we go So it's like a card You've got like a card of some sort Oh it's got a snowman on it Talk us through it John Sorry I was too locked in there Don't bring up locked in mate Christmas gift for you It's got a little snowman on there Dear John You know man should Who's written this? What did it say? I can't read it Snowman Oh I thought it said you now Sorry I think it's a dear John Snowman Should be alone At Xmas Love Question Like no man should be alone Yeah Shame on me He's saying you're lonely Yeah Oh And there's a bit of paper here What's it gonna be John has stopped talking I've got a Ticket to A Manchester singles night For 2013 It did to me.

41:10That would be nice. Ordered by Jon Beer. That's really fucking depressing. Guys! You shouldn't have! Thank you! 8th of January if any lucky girls want to go meet Jon Beer. Are you going to go? You've got to go! You've got to go, that's going to be so good for your pod. Vlog it! You've got to go! 7.30 is pretty late.

41:39I love him. I think you have to go. Well, I know who it is. Actually, I don't know. The handwriting. I feel like you've probably got better handwriting than that. So it's Alfie. We know it's Alfie. Yeah, I wrote it on the train on the way here. Sorry, mate. Yeah, so it's Alfie. I like the snowman. Will you go? Will you actually go? I'll think about it. Please, John. That's 20 pounds. That's below budget is what it is. Yeah, but the card. The card? Yeah. No price on it? Yeah, exactly. That'll be a tenner. That's a 10 of that. That's 15 quid. It's thoughtful, so thank you, mate. Please go. Please go.

42:10Thank you, mate. John, please go. Thanks for that. Promise me you'll go. David knows about it as well. We really want you to go. He's fucking chipped in. We think it would be really good for you to go. That's come out of the pod's budget, hasn't it? No. I swear. You've paid for that. Yeah. Please go, John. Does it come out of this budget? Huh? Does it come out of this budget? What do you mean? We didn't get a budget. What budget are you on about? All right, no worries. Okay, who's next? Robbie, do you want to go next? Yeah, I don't mind. Is this mine? Oh, go on, I'd love one, thank you. Are these Robbie's?

42:47Were these you as well? No. Right. Oh, they were just actually... Can you get us a beer, Becky, please? Thank you. Okay, so... Hold on, Robbie, let's just get the beers in. I'd love that we just asked her. Can I have another Pepsi if it's there? She offered this time. Yeah, I am. I need more mixer. I just don't think this is a good look She offered I'm fine thank you so much Thank you Guys Can we just collectively agree That going forward we do not ask the lady To get us beers anymore We tell her

43:23When I said that I looked at Alfie the guy who's never been a part Of any of that Alfie do you much earn some respect to them No absolutely we should ask the brown skin guys we're all ticking a box today this is a good box ticking yeah this is already one of the best things I've ever had in my life motorway service station which is one of my favourite things do you have a favourite? it's obviously T-Bay obviously but then yeah beyond that I've got loads of respect for a lot of them out there really Beaconsfield obviously Gloucester's amazing Gloucester's lovely there's one great farm shop there's one near oh yeah the farm shop well it's got a great farm shop where Tubesie lives would you say fuck Gloucester well yeah as in like the service station not the place don't say that get to fuck mate nah fuck Gloucester embarrassing nah fuck Gloucester nah fuck Gloucester that's one and then you've got that's amazing so what is it is this like is it like top trumps for services top trumps for service stations Christmas sorted best to get another That's really nicely wrapped.

44:30That's really nicely wrapped. Did you hear that? He went, it's the best thing I've ever seen. She went, and he's seen me. One pint to add. She's trying to get her first wrap. Oh, yes. Do not edit Becky ones, please. Don't waste your time. We've done enough. Yeah, run in. This episode is brought to you by Born in Roma fragrances by Valentino Beauty, the iconic fragrance duo. Donna Born in Roma Eau de Parfum. is a feminine fragrance featuring juicy blackcurrant, central jasmine, woody cashmere, and warm vanilla. Its masculine counterpart, Huomo Born in Roma Eau de Toilette, has notes of fresh violet leaf, aromatic sage, green vetiver, spicy ginger, and mineral salt.

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45:56Someone's gone all out there. Someone has gone all out. We've got our own one of those on this episode. That's so pick me, isn't it? What is? Getting so many gifts, it's not really pick me. It's actually really nice. This is really pick me. This is cringy. I like him. This is cringy. Fucking hell, the size of that! Yeah, look how big this is. You have to get that on the train. I got a single one. Oh my God. Absolutely massive. Okay, what's this then? Quite glad I turned up today, actually. What is that? This could go either way. This could cancel out the odds if it's something really horrific.

46:26Yeah. Let's have a look Cardboard Yes Cardboard Cardboard Feeb you got some scissors On the fridge There she goes There she goes Don't worry guys I got him Poor Becky I'm at the end as well So I should be chipping in really Get those steps We are not asking Becky to do that Thank you Becky That's not how you walk with scissors By the way though Don't mansplain Don't mansplain What the hell is wrong with this guy Sorry

46:59Oh, lovely job This could be anything No, I know There's lots of things it couldn't be Like a car or a Ford Bicycle Here we go That's what you got Future wife Imagine if I meet future Mrs Beer You might do What if she's third? Let's take it I'm going to take it It'll be a good story Oh, here we go What is it? Oh my God Another rock I know exactly what that is What is that? That's me. What do you mean that's you? Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, my. That's nice, isn't it? Oh, my word. Who's done that? Lovely legs on it, if I'm like. Oh. Oh, it's Becky from Oktoberfest. I'm not even ready in that picture. I'm sort of...

47:43That is fucked up. Thank you. That's amazing. I'll put that in the lounge. Are you? Yeah, probably. I would bin it and not let your wife watch this episode. Oh, my God. Shall we open it? Oh, my God. It's fantastic, yeah. We'll lean it up. Right. Shall we get stuck? We've all had a drink. There you go, Robbie. Thank you. That's brilliant. How do you feel about that, Becky? Look at her face. I feel unsettled. Yeah. You've got two Beckys. Is it tall? It's quite tall. Is it life-size? I think it's smaller than you. I think it's life size Becky. No, because the feet are quite high up. Oh yeah. Yeah, there's only going to be life size if you put in her height.

48:31That's no reflection on you. What? Are you taking that home? Yeah. I probably might get you to drive it back because we're not getting the train with it. Right, right. Yeah. There you go. Thank you. How much time I got you? 80 quid. 80 quid. No. That was 80 pounds. That's mental, not worth it. £65, what? Weren't worth it for a joke? No. That is mental. Do you think that's worth£80? Don't worry, Jack. That is worth it. Thank you. What the hell is thinking? £65, 15 delivery. She'd cost£100 in Amsterdam. I'd like to think a bit more. I need that cut for myself. No, it's not getting cut. No, I need it for myself.

49:11You brought him. You brought him. It's all right. All right, let's talk about what happened at London. Oh, because you're saying she'd cost£100 in Amsterdam. Three camels. Becky, would you like to see us? I go on. Imagine if I had Robin. What's that?

49:39What did it say? It says basically just pull them out the bag without looking in. I'm making a scene. All right. Well, lovely bag Fucking hell Someone's really tried it Yeah It's all alcohol

49:54Can we see the bag? Yeah, do you want to have a look? Yeah Oh, it's really cool You're not able to do a 25th of December Do not Right, okay We'll allow it We'll allow it Is that a joke about testicles? Yes, yes Because I don't have them Yes Or do I? See in the comments See that's how you clickbait something JackieStevie.com She shouldn't have gone to the fridge so many times. My fucking God. I've realised what this prick's doing. This is obviously Stevie. These are my drinks from the fridge. That's cheap. That's cheap, Stevie. That is cheap. Yeah, but how much... The bag costs 30 quid. Yeah, I was going to say, how much did the sack cost?

50:32So, for any audio listeners, Becky's currently pulling out a selection of beers from her... And cocktails. And cocktails. And M &S. Yeah. And an M &S. These are beers that we have accumulated over the year that we haven't drunk that are in the fridge and some cruise campos that I bought today. And what's this thing? What's that? What is it? Stevie's not that funny. That's just a joke. I think it's a bracelet that says, please return to Robbie Knox. I've got another one. I might wear that as well. I like that. This looks like a hospital bag. Mental hospital crap. Can you put that on for me, please?

51:09Yeah, of course. You've cheaped out there. Wherever you had that from. I'm going to call him Specky. He can't even wear glasses. Still. He did. But he said Specky made his career for a bit. Big Specky. Carry on. Carry on, he said. Keep going. There's more in that. Is it just more of this? Oh, my gosh. No, because these are going to be horrific, aren't they? Oh, they're all just returned to Robin. Just in case I lose one. Oh, you could have done different jokes. Yeah. Look. Not creative. What a prick. Yep. Ruined it. You've ruined it. What a horrible, horrible prick. I'll tell you what happened.

51:47I actually ordered something two weeks ago, custom, and it's still not being delivered. What was it? Quick, tell us, quick. No, because it's not coming today. You've gone many times. You don't need to pull them all out. You don't need to pull them all out. Let's turn them. That's dry already. There's one other thing in there.

52:08What is it? And what's that? The lead. It's for a child. It's for a child. Whenever Becky gets drunk, she tends to wander off. She doesn't like you, mate. She doesn't like you, mate. What a horrible, creepy gift. You are now going to be attached to me all night. It's not to me. Actually, Stevie. Why are you putting it on then? Why are you putting it on then, mate? I'm not. You are. You just started putting your hand in it. It's for you to give to, like, whichever one of your friends you're going to go out with. No, he's changed. He hasn't liked it until he's changed.

52:49If anyone didn't pick up on that, Stevie has got Becky. It's like a spring and it has two sort of handcuffs on each. Not handcuffs. No, but that's that premise. That's what he's implying. And he's implying that he was going to strap himself to her. No, it was not. Yeah, and now we're thinking it's weird. He's like, you can just take that with any friend you want. I was never implying that. rewind it as you were explaining it your hand was going into the tub I was just seeing how it works I'm not feeling it you know how it works literally you know how it works I was seeing how it works mental mental it's not groundbreaking physics you put your hand through and you fucking tighten it oh god take the sound shot you won't go far tonight I will you yeah no it was I got stuck tonight I don't know about that yeah

53:38she's pulled back you've got loads of drink to get her drunk and then something to attach yourself to her all night. I do feel we're going to be recounting this story in court one day. It's the same kind of stuff. There were signs. There were signs. It's the same stuff Sam Pepper would have thought of. And now look what I've got. Christmas decoration. Nadoli Clown Bambino. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas in Welsh. That's really nice. That's going on. Good. That's like the guilty present you get after you've done something wrong. That's the first thing I ordered with the custom thing which still hasn't come and then literally these things I ordered yesterday or the day before.

54:16I'd ordered a special Christmas jumper which has loads of like fairy lights but each fairy light has a different face of Robbie. That is brilliant. And it still hasn't come. It's been over two weeks and I said it would be five days. That would have been great. Not like the creepy Jeffrey Dahmer gift. They were Fiona's idea. They were your idea. Now you said it you're going to actually have to order it now. I love you so much Thank you No we don't need No I want to see where I'll wear it When we film the next episode So that was for you No it was for her I can't give it to Anna Shall we open one of these He's getting upset I feel like you've attached to her again I saw my name I don't know what I was going to say Why are John Lewis writing jokes about me Why are John Lewis writing jokes about us I don't know I don't want to read it I wouldn't Why didn't Santa have any presents for little Stevie.

55:12Little Stevie. I'm actually scared. Because his neighbour had already emptied his sack. Ooh. That's from John Lewis. That's from John Lewis. That makes... John Lewis have done that. The guys who do the adverts. I think we're actually in... We're getting liable now. I've not seen the advert this year. Is that in it? It's a bit liable now. It's not really John Lewis, by the way. By the way, this is not John Lewis. They don't make jokes about... We're doing a bit. Or is it? We're doing a bit. And then for the remainder of the podcast, will still be doing that bit. So whenever you hear us mention John Lewis, it's actually Robbie.

55:43He's been slaving away. What? Yeah. Now, that's liable. It was John Lewis. Has anyone not opened? Oh, I haven't. Yeah. Were you setting yourself up? No, I actually genuinely didn't realise. It's John, isn't it? Process of elimination. This is me. Yeah, well, you know. What are you saying? What does this mean? Sorry, I was doing it for continuity purposes. Continuity? I don't know. We haven't had a break. Okay, first thing. Give me a break, John. This feels like it's going to be like a... Did you wrap these up then? I did, yeah. Can I picture you wrap it? I don't know why. I can't. This is the first thing I've ever wrapped.

56:14Because I get my mum to wrap my dad's presents, my dad to wrap my mum's presents. Ingenious, I know. Why don't you wrap yourself? And in one year, I didn't get... I was like, I'm going to do something different. And I thought, fuck, I can't wrap. So I've wrapped their presents in tinfoil. Have you never brought a present for anyone other than your parents? That's what struck me. I'm lonely, yeah. You're just single-seam. Not for a lot. Have you got a brother? I do. No. So we don't, our family's not really big on like gifts. No? You don't believe in love, you don't believe in gifts. What a fucking hollow, hollow household.

56:47I've said this on our other pod, but I was buying my dad Toblerones for years, right? Thinking it was his favorite chocolate. One Christmas he's opening and gone, I fucking got so much Toblerone. It's not even my favorite chocolate for years. Every time I went to June 3, I didn't even fucking care about it. That's why I bought you a present. Am I right in now thinking I'm the first person you've properly wrapped a gift for. Yep. That is so cute. I know. And I've made an effort and I've fucking twisted the ends and everything. This feels like a shower jam. That's something people do in their wrapping.

57:17Was that on the menu? Brilliant. Cheers. What is it? It's hair growing shampoo. I've had a hair transplant. Don't want that to go to waste, do we? That hair transplant. Thank you, mate. I appreciate that. Any order that doesn't matter? Yeah, go. As your heart desires. Fucking hell, this is hard to open. Now this one, I think would have come in handy about 25 years ago. Leave it, leave it. Sorry. Self-defense for kids. Yeah, I was just thinking if there was ever like a time machine invented, you could give it. John, John, leave it, leave it. No, no, no, actually. No, I'm so sorry, Stevie. No, no, actually, no.

57:56What are you getting out there, John? I'm so sorry, Stevie. Don't read it. Stevie, don't read it. You have to let it die there. You can't go into detail. I need him to say it. I basically thought that if there was ever a time machine invented, he could give the book to younger Stevie and he wouldn't get... I don't want to get the shot. No, no. Younger Stevie would move. The book... Okay, just... The neighbour might not have gone up to his antics. I'm so sorry, Stevie. Antics. This is you. This is my fault. This is you, Alfie. This is my fault. This is who Alfie hangs around with. It's better than a sack full of beer.

58:26It's got pictures in teaching you how to... Is that kicking someone in the books? Yeah. He probably would have liked that, actually.

58:35Slip it, clip it out. Why do I get John? Well, I could have had anyone else. Do you think mine would have been any nicer? No. Imagine him typing that in. Sounds offensive. You can get the Kindle version. There's not another thing. Oh, here we go. The online version for zero pounds. Ooh, it's a bike. What size is that? That feels big already. I'm not even like, fuck. Fucking hell, it's a sheet. What is that? That's offensive, John. Yeah, it's shit. That is offensive. It's sheet. It's fucking huge. I wanted it to fit over your jumper That's nice Nice for that Somehow that's the most defensive gift Again, all the three years ago 6XL That's good Another one of them That's three of them, three fist bumps It's a 6XL t-shirt The Rocket League logo on the front That is brilliant And it might just about fit Last year I said The Secret Santa Was the best ever I think we might have topped it I think we might have topped it That was fun The calendar was brilliant Wasn't it?

59:41Yeah I was happy with that I was a bit tight That fits like a ponche You could wear that to a festival I thought Worst case scenario Nighty I'm wearing this To the next festival we go to That's good That is absolutely Thank you John I appreciate it John No it's really nice It's alright Is that a thing? Jackson Don't spend it all at once Don't spend it all at once There we go Secret Santa Brilliant Well done boys Well done girls Really good fun Thanks everyone I'll use that I will use that What have we been up to then Anyone been up to anything What have you been up to John In the last Tell me what you've been up to In the last week I've been streaming a lot Started streaming On Twitch Yeah What have you been streaming I've been playing a bit Football Manager Do you get many viewers on there 15 Fucking hell He's double you CB Already Jesus And I'm not playing Rocket League What are you playing I don't know yeah football manager Call of Duty bit of Minecraft actually that's not better than Rocket League is it that's fucking worse that is worse and they've all got a bad rep haven't they for being what my neighbour you don't always have to go there what you know who have Minecraft YouTubers they're all a bit like handsy are they all not all but there's been a not all of them there's been a few some are fine they've probably been after you no he is a lovely man that is bleep Yeah, don't even put that in.

1:01:05Don't even, yeah, bleep that. Look at him getting all defensive. Nicest man in the world. In the world. You still watch his videos, yeah? Yeah. Yeah. Well, Isaac does. He's nine. Oh, okay. Sorry. All right. You play the game, you nonce. Hey, you been streaming? Yeah, I did a raid on John, actually. You did, he raided. You got 14 from that? A lot of you were. You did bing. Yeah, so you said 14. He raided him. I gave him another. He actually had one. Yeah, I've been a bit of football manager Thursday nights. Didn't do it last night, Demil. I still came here. Alfred in town. Nice. Yeah, started unemployed.

1:01:42Nice. Yeah. Just a couple of streamers hanging out. A couple of streamers, isn't it? Just screaming the stream. You're like XQC. Yeah. I'm like Ninja. Are you enjoying it? Yeah, I love it. He's one I know. Him and Stevie. Ninja is what I tweeted. Get kicked out of lockdown. in two years if we stream together we might get 30 people I've not streamed in two years should we all stream should we become a streamer a year and a bit stream house I've got a cat now no you haven't you don't what's new pussycat you saw it around my house no it's not your cat no exactly we both say no because it's not your cat it is my cat it's not I think it's borderline Alfie Alfie hang on let me just talk to Alfie why don't you just get Becky to get can you grab us I can send the message on if you like I'm not sure Yeah.

1:02:31Your mate's just... John, do you play Fortnite, mate? ...cat and your mate has just said... Do you want me to have a word? Becky, can I have one of the beers that Stevie gave you? Sorry, I didn't hear any of that. This one's nice and cold for you. That's because I'm in camera. A minute quiet for you, Stevie and Becky. I'd actually ordered you a Brewdog 12 beers a Christmas thing and that's not eerie. How many fucking gifts did you buy her? The Christmas jumper was 32 quid, so I already went over the thing. It didn't come in time, so yes, they'll spend another 30 quid and then one of them didn't come in time.

1:02:55Can I just... Can you have a quick word? He's having 10 minutes out. You haven't 10 minutes. He's not allowed to talk for 10 minutes. I've just said cat. He said pussy magnet. Yeah, no, you can't. It's too much. Do you know what I mean? You're annoying people. Apart from you. You'd asked him what he's been up to. So he's meant to be telling us now. Let's just talk about your cat. I've got a cat. So Becky, I've got a cat and it keeps coming in my house. You can't say I've got a cat. If you had a cat, it would come in your house. It would be your cat. In the summer, a cat came to our door. Right.

1:03:23And now it keeps coming to our door. I call it Tim. It's a girl. And every night. How do you know it's a girl? Tim. I'm like the other girls. How do you know it's a girl? I love you. He's copped the Phil. How do you know it's a girl? John. John please. John there's a woman here. How do you know it's a girl? Because he's never been on the pod. Hey! No, no, because we tried to have a little look for a little willy. Why? A random cat's come to your door and you're going, let me check if I was going to dick. And after Fi was done checking you, what about the cat? Oh, yes. See, John, that's what you do.

1:03:57I love Christmas and I'm the one embarrassing everyone can you genuinely explain to me why you've wanted to know if it's got a penis it kept coming to the door we made friends with it yeah well we thought it might be a stray so we kept bringing it in like coaching coaching it to be a legend coaching it yeah shot runs and it was it was our friend it was our friend it was our friend and I was like I need to know Tim's a boy so Fiona picked it up and a little look like Simba nothing there you're not allowed to talk do cats have like outward genitals I've never seen a cat's massive hog just hanging behind well you've got two male cats haven't you yeah but I've never I've never seen any I don't think they have dicks do they they're like Barbie aren't they well I'll be honest Barbie she doesn't have a dick either Barbie Barbie has to go I'm like Lee Mack right now someone clip this best bit Jesus yeah can we clip this bit we're going to get an Alfie's best bit John's got nothing he's not allowed to talk He's better when you're like that.

1:04:57Yeah, you're really distracted. It's weird your pod works. It doesn't. That's three in a row for you. Wow. Wow. Eze. I can't actually handle it. You're Eze in the NDL right now. Literally, yeah. NLD. NDL. Nico Defence, though. There's your four. I'm on fucking flames. And you are shabbing over it. I can't do five. I actually can't do five. Leave it, leave it, leave it. So Kat coming in, we wanted to know what it was. also I'm being a bit crude for the pod really it's a girl because it's tortoise shell and you only really get them cats in tortoise shell I'm a cat guy now so it kept coming in I'd love to check if it's true no it is true I'm telling you it's true I'm the cat guy don't say I'm the cat guy oh shut up we're as bad as each other you're on a time out time out please thank you don't say the P word here and not that one excuse me I don't hear what she said I don't think we should be clear we should be clear that she didn't say the P word no that's another P word Let's not say any words beginning with P.

1:05:56Okay, right. So Kat come in, kept laying on the sofa, right? And it loves us because it keeps meowing, right? I mean, is it scared? Say purring. It's purring. You said no P words. Shit, sorry, I'm done. Ten minutes. Then it kept coming in for months and months and months and would not leave. It would sleep on my bed. So we decided, Alfie and Ali came down a few weekends ago and it was there all evening, wasn't it? Pretty much. Well, not really. so we decided to put a paper we wanted to find out is it a stray cat or is it owned so we put a paper collar on it and said call this number if this is your cat do you want one of these?

1:06:35we've been looking at his genitals oh one of them oh I see what you mean is that what you wrote on there? did you say if this is your cat please we've been looking at his genitals turns out all this time I've been calling it Tim Fiona's been calling it Tiger it's actually called Titch and it is a girl it's a girl and the fella called us up and was like yeah this is the one weekend a year where I'm looking after the cat that's my sister's cat my sister's had it 16 years loves it and then he goes I shat myself when I saw it come back with this paper collar around his neck didn't know what was going on but we just let it in our house now and it stays at our house more than theirs now so no don't do that that's their pet that's their pet isn't it you don't have to ever get a cat you just have to treat someone else's cat slightly better.

1:07:23How would you feel if that was happening with your cat in the neighbour? I'd hate it. Which one? Internet Explorer. It's sad. Fluff, don't give a shit. Steve, get that time code and bleep that, please. I met the cat. No, genuinely. What did he say? No, genuinely. What did he say? Don't have that co-op. What did he say? Yeah, nothing. I'll tell you after. Can you please actually not include that? He's had two Dissaranos. Yeah. No, that's... I'd admit to that normally. It's not a prize moment. Can you get the text up when I text you about saying I've seen the most awful thing in the world. How am I going to find that?

1:07:53I need to tell you guys about this. I have been living with this. You've done something bad. No, I genuinely, I'm not having this up for the pod. Please believe everything I say right now. I saw the worst fucking thing I have ever seen in my life. Is it gruesome? Is it Stevie's search history? No. Wow. I don't know if I want to know. If it's about an animal getting hurt, I don't want to know. No, it's not. It's not. I need to actually have a minute. How am I meant to find this, Jack? What do you want me to search? No, don't worry. I texted you, Stevie, and said, I've just seen the worst fucking thing in the gym.

1:08:26Okay. I only went once. Bit of fun. Bit of fun. She's back. He's fancy. I love that. Hog's back. Hog's back. I was in the gym. I was in the shower, right? Next to me in the shower. The frosted glass in there is like frosted enough where you can't actually see like a penis, but you can see if you were facing me, I'd be able to tell you were facing me. Does that make sense, right? Yeah. A silhouette. I promise you on my life, guys, I saw this. I saw an old man fingering his arsehole for... I already went to the gym once. For 15 minutes. Why were you there for 15 minutes? I was watching. For 15 minutes.

1:09:08You're a quick showerer. It's pronounced watching. Why were you watching for 15 minutes? You're the weird one. You're the weird one. No, I'm there, right? So I'm showering. Don't act out. I see this guy and he's got a hand on the door like that. Because as I go in, I can see his hand on the door, right? And I'm like, why is his hand on the door? So I go in and start showering and stuff, washing my hair. And then I look, right? And he's literally got his arse up in the air, right? And he's going like that. Is he not washing his arse? Mate, that's what I thought. I thought, give it a minute. He might be washing his arse very, very vigorously.

1:09:41Is he pushing some hemis back in? You tell me, Robbie. You tell me. I don't know. I think. He might have been. No. Enough. 15 minutes and then at one point I thought oh he's done he turned he's finished soaked his hands I thought at least he's washing his hands went straight back in he was lubing up let me ask you this and this is the only thing I have against that he was doing that doing that why would he not be masturbating with the other hand he might have been we need to hold on his hand was up yeah what do you get out of just doing that doing your arse on the male g-spot was up there apparently is it apparently men can't finish from just like no-handed, I think.

1:10:20Here he is, the expert. No-handed. Take the floor. No, I think I've had. Stop saying I think and I've had. On the grapevine, if you do have the finger up your ass, you can just finish on that. No, you don't have to have like any. That's not no-handed. Something different. Yeah, it is. You use an hand, mate. I've done a no-hands. Have you? Jack's done a no-hands. No, that's actually mad. That's a mad story. No-hands what? That's like, that's showbrily. Can I just say, if my sister or my nan has listened to this podcast please skip the next minute I read online that you can do a no hands cum so I was like I'm going to try that out and it fucking worked it's just called sex isn't it no we can make your face sorry Becky get me a beer mate get me a beer while I tell you I'll make myself cum no you put these headphones on I'm genuinely I'm intrigued you put these headphones on it's just a brand deal JBL brilliant and you do and it tells you a story.

1:11:17It tells you a story. Mine was about... It tells you a story? Harry Potter? How did you find this story? The website called. No, I can't remember. This was years ago, mate. This is before I did the pod. You have to lay on your back, right? Legs are Kimball. Hands beyond you, wherever you want your hands, just not on you. And then it tells you this story and it's like this woman speaking to you, a bit like, and I'll take you out into the garden. In the garden. It's not actually, for the most part, it's not actually like a sexually graphic story. It's like a normal nice story. There's a woman that took my hand, she took me up these cobbled stones at the back of the garden next to a lake full of pike, right?

1:12:00Pike. Yeah, or carp. Probably carp. The sexiest of fish. Yeah, yeah. And then... Probably carp. And then these frequencies go through your ear. So it's like... Oh, careful, mate. Five, five, Levandowski. They said it couldn't be done. I'm going for six. And then it goes on for about 20 minutes, half an hour, and then all of a sudden it just fucking splurged. No, it actually worked. Hold on, that's weird enough because that's the longest you've lasted. So you should try that more. I can last long if it's me doing it. Rude. Well, you're not even doing it. Yeah. Yeah, maybe it's less this, maybe you've just got such a big problem with premature ejaculation you do before you touch yourself.

1:12:41Also Also that's the most mental thing I can last long if it's just me doing it Why are you going I better not come too quick with myself You're teasing yourself Are you trying to please Just chill out for a bit Why does she make you go So you're not lasting long You're just stopping If all they're doing is playing different frequencies Why does she make you go and do it in the garden Why is the story Just play the noise I'm going to Google. You didn't actually go up to the garden. Play the cum noise. That's like when you're very imaginary, Lily. The garden is in your head. No, no, I know you didn't go to the actual garden.

1:13:18You actually got up the cobbled. But why? If there's a noise that's making you cum, why should I take you to the garden? Because it's the whole erosica around there. Foreplay, Steve. Steve, Robbie, foreplay. Heard of foreplay? Bit of fun. No. Because I feel, um, I've never thought to you that. Foreplay. He gets very passionate about that. You can just jump straight in. The thought of you laying on your back Don't think of it With headphones on Just going off Is absolutely disgusting Just on your back And it's just going off That is disgusting Stevie's got it up Stevie's got it up I've just googled Audio to come with no hands Okay let's listen to it And just see if it happens Let's take the risk What if we make all our listeners come Let's take the risk Imagine everyone in Sainsbury's we have to take this risk it's an hour 13 long everyone close your eyes and then let us know skip 10 minutes in and I'll tell you if that's the one I've heard hands free orgasm hi I'm Mr.

1:14:27Scalier for the next hour we're going to share an intense you lost your virginity to it before we begin I just want to remind you that you can find more of me on Patreon from Patreon. Mistress Callia on both. Now, let's get started, shall we? Because I know you want to jump into this experience with both feet. What happened? I know you want to experience the pleasure of hands-free orgasm and of course you do. I could make a lot of money doing this. Yeah, so. Ka-ching! I want to hear the frequency. Now listen to me. Will it actually skip? No. It's achievable, I assure you. Oh, you've actually got to listen to it.

1:15:04Yeah. It's hands-free orgasm. You've got to skip to the good bit. Okay, sorry. with enough practice, anything can be made possible. Merry Christmas, by the way, guys. There was a lot of admin at the beginning, yeah, wasn't there? Yeah. Anything can be made possible. So many T's and C's in YouTube. Where's the retention? You need retention. Get a stand on the front. I'm going to choose that Mr. Beast. Okay, so. Right, guys, before we, because we're going to leave that hands-free ejaculation there. Did you see what I put on my story last night? Yeah, I replied this morning, what the fuck so because we knew Becky and John were coming on we wanted to think we wanted to give the viewers a chance to answer what they think of Becky and John so I've asked them I said what are your assumptions about Bambino Becky answers may be included in a Christmas special should we go through a few yeah so first one slag from Mega Robbie don't fuck Robbie was it actually because I was laughing at the audacity of it but it was actually yeah it was Robbie it was Robbie I rescind my laugh What the fuck is that top right one?

1:16:09Someone said, what? I'm not going to read all of them. Read it. Did you see what the top right one said? Some of them are creepy, though. Read it. It says she buys tops with incredibly strong buttons.

1:16:22It's a bit of fun. She can fit five dicks in her mouth. Reading festival. Stevie Eleven White. Yeah. This is so weird. So those two horrible ones are the whole. Do you feel at home? I love it here. So much fun on the podcast. Type of person who wouldn't tell you if you had food stuck in your teeth the whole time. Wow, Becky, rude. No, I'd tell you if you can fix it in 10 seconds, otherwise you can't. That's what I've learned. That's clever. I think she cheats at Uno. I don't play. I don't play. So defensively, not disputed the five dicks for that one. I don't play Uno. A slag of dicks by a dick.

1:17:03It's a thing I've never played because I just can't be arsed with it. I'm all the top trumps. Yeah. I like top trumps. Yeah. Should we play top trumps, John? Nice. On the motorway. She has a collection of empty tinnies on display in her bedroom. No, I've got the hardest keys of glass. Nice. But that's about it. Nice. She actually fucking despises Robbie, but feels sorry for the old bastards. Yes. Next one. No, it's not Stephen. His head? Yes. She hates the NFL.

1:17:35No comment? That's naughty. I love the NFL. I paid to go for a game. Yeah, you went without a brand deal. Yes, I actually went to a game. Can you name me 10 players? Yeah. Let's not do this. She was going to do it though. Can you name me your favourite things about an anime sex game? That's quite a lot. Save me there, thank you. That's not right.

1:18:00she isn't she isn't actually Welsh she's always the life of the party she purposely loses Ring of Fire so she can nail the dirty pint I reckon she'd be one of the funnest people to hang out with who are these Melts? everybody's image of the girl next door that's the creepiest thing, whoever wrote that Out him. What are you doing? Out him. What about this one? Dates fans in question mark, does she? Is this what it's like? She's only slept with YouTubers. Yeah, yeah. Lives in Pie Face's attic and is only allowed out when she wants pints. The rents. Sing to Tom Jones in the shower. What is the thing with you and Pie?

1:18:50Smells of beef. Two people said that at the same time. Smells of beef? Yeah. What? It's nasty, that. Got bullied at school. Happy Christmas. Right, there we go. That's some of them. They're not too bad. Not going to be Gareth. There's not going to be... You can't throw that in the hotel. What did he say? He'd be a great shag. Gareth. Gareth. Go outside. Gareth, put your grass. Then next up, we've got John Beer. There's no responses. Who the fuck's this guy? How many people said who? Gareth says he'd be a great shag.

1:19:24he loves ripping fat hoggaret oh no no no no yeah do you want to go through a few more do you want to talk about what a hoggaret is what is a hoggaret John's mates are like ultra lads no no like ultra lads like Tom Garrett's mates on that holiday video on steroids no it's so not in a bad way it's very homoerotic right the first thing he told me he can out of all his friends like 20 friends if you lined them up he could tell them apart by the penis because you actually you see he does willies I lived in a 10 man uni house yeah everyone's got their cock out all the time what? I went to uni no I lived with males did you do this Robbie?

1:20:12a hoggeret this is one of the most disgusting things his mates and I'm trigger warning this is really grim and it's borderline mutilation. They peel back their foreskin, shove cigarettes in there and light them. Fuck off! That's a hogaret. What? They get done everywhere. Do you do it? I've never ventured. It's never him. What, do I want to get a dick can?

1:20:46Not my cup of tea. You're not taking it in from your dick. What, and you just have it coming out your penis on lock and lock? Yeah, you sort of like pull it back a bit and then you put the tip in it and you let the foreskin come back up and it traps it in there and then you light it and then you fling it about. Fling it about? Fling it about? Yeah. They did it on the bus. On the bus? Yeah, the night bus. The number two from Exeter to Timmouth. There's probably cameras in that, so that'd be quite easy for the police. There's no one on it. Sometimes I'm glad I'm a female. Well, there we go. That's a clip.

1:21:16Clip out that whole hoggerette bit, please. Alfie's mate. Johnny says I have not a fucking clue who he is. Someone else put, he puts cigarettes up his willy. Why are so many people saying this? It's a big thing on our part. They love it. When he locks eyes with a girl on the dance floor, he has 3 % success rate. He's madly in love with Stump Egg. Nice. Yeah, that's it. Agreed. It's just because I like football, isn't it? No, it's because you like Stump Egg. Where's this come from? Where's this narrative come from? That was such a... What? What? I've got too defensive there Yeah You show weakness We will be praying We will be praying What is that about Stump Peg You like?

1:21:57Let's not do this guys Smart Intelligent Same thing Pretty That's really nice This is why I brought him on He's actually nice Underneath it Ignore the cigarettes He's minus 17 points He's gone up to minus 16 now You've got a long way To call him up Clip that and send it to Stump Peg Not the hoggerette bit Oliver said he had a lovely night in the red light next up. Thomas Emery says, I have no idea who you are. Actually likes Plymouth. Nah, fuck off. Argyle. Enjoys the company of woodland creatures. What's a woodland creature? Squirrels are not, I think. What's a woodland creature? Creature in the fucking woods.

1:22:39Yeah, but what, a woodlouse? What, you can't mean? What, a woodlouse? A woodlouse. Does that count as a woodland creature? A woodlouse. I've not seen a woodlouse in ages. Love an IPA in weird socks. Where'd they go? Who said that? John Newton. They're assumptions, John. So they're looking at you and they're assuming they're not... I'm just saying that's quite accurate, so it could have been a friend of mine. Oh, yeah. Who? When he went to Amp... He got a prop, no. No, no, no. His mum irons his shirts. No, I live alone. John looks like the kind of guy who would shove cigarettes at S.L. that, John, really.

1:23:12There's so many Hoggarets. Who is it? You either know or you don't know is what we've got from that. but don't do hoggaretts okay you do you are in the room with them we wrote a song about it they're not medically advised are you right mate i'm gonna get a drink all right okay pepsi max please right well i actually need a wee as well so shall we just do a cut there yeah i need a wee god for fad that's really good by the way yeah what hoggaretts trust me well i was I would love to try it, but I can't. We could get you like a... Fake willy. Fake willy. Yeah. To use. To use. How do you get the sensation?

1:23:52It's quite high. What the fuck? It's a bit weird, isn't it? I'm scared for my life, actually. This episode is brought to you by Palmolive. Family time isn't just the big moments. It's weeknight dinners. Sitting around the table, everyone talking all at once. So when the plates are empty and the sink is full, use Palmolive Ultra. Palmolive's most powerful formula removes up to 99.9 % of grease, leaving your dishes sparkling clean. And the new convenient pump makes cleaning even easier, so you can spend less time tackling dishes and more time together. Shop now at palmolive.com. Sierra has all the best active and outdoor brands you need.

1:24:32From athletic stuff, like a full-court pickup game, Swish! To athletic-ish stuff, like a half-mile stroll. Get those steps in! And for morning hikes up the mountain trail, good pace. It's a nighttime ghost choice from the camping chair. What a twist! Whatever level of active, Sierra loves it all. Head to Sierra or Sierra.com for the brands you want at the prices that let you do it all. From athletic to athletic-ish, Sierra's got it. Right, welcome back, guys. We had a little break there because we decided we all collectively needed a we at the same time. And one of us, I won't tell you who, did a no hands come.

1:25:08So, definitely me. They came. Yeah, she did. The actual beers that I wasn't meant to steal from the fridge came. Twelve beers of Christmas. And they're for you, Becky. It was the best day of my life so far. Thank you so much. Also, not to take the shine off that, but guys, what's our big tradition here every Christmas, Robbie? No, hand comes. that will be now it's the sausage rolls from Hodgson guys we have the Hodgson and Co Hodgson, I always say Hodgson because of the manager it's not doing that anymore so it don't matter I've had one of Roy Hodgson's sausage rolls on this shit we have the Hodgson and Co sausage rolls John, these are a classic here on the Happy Hour Christmas special I walked into a bakery in Aylsham one day, tried a sausage roll they were hot so I don't know how these are going to fare and it was the best sausage roll I ever had and since then, Robbie and I became friends with the guy that owns it and he cooks them I made a video on it that got over 100 ,000 views I think I might have seen the video so really eating a sausage roll and then you can go away, for example, to see Santa and it gets 20 ,000 views I had a good time, Robbie Charlie has retired now shout out Charlie Hodson good luck on your retirement and we are the last ever people to eat a sausage roll He delivered them to mine last night.

1:26:33Has Alfie ever tried one? No way. I think I did last year. We were saying that. I don't know. I don't mean. I can't remember when you were vegetarian. I feel like I did. I feel like I did. Thank you. It's all right. I've heard all about these, you know. They are good, but I'll be honest, they're better warm. They're better warm. I like a cold sausage roll. Yeah, I do. Yeah, I do. Like a spread. You like a sausage roll, John? Yeah, yeah. I can't lie. I normally get it as a snack in the meal deal. Instead of Chris, you can get like a little... So you get a sandwich and a sausage roll? I actually go for a pasta bowl.

1:27:03Okay, that's not as bad. What kind of chicken one or a barbecue? There we go. Napkins all round, boys. Napkins all round. Dig in. Al, you don't have to eat the whole thing, mate. I know you're a veggie. Are you a veggie? You just tried to be a veggie. It was a veggie. That'll do it. Oh, they're good. They are actually bad. I want to get something this size and you can't hold. Thank you, Jack. That's not me, mate. Ask the woman in Amsterdam. All right, we're not doing the Amsterdam. I mean, I did actually have to pay for them, Charlie didn't charge me but I'd like to give a little bit back A little bit back and he's a charity case He actually put the money in the charity box because he's a ledge Really?

1:27:38How much do you pay him? Do they take pennies? Oh my god that's outrageous They are good aren't they? Oh my god These are great Yummo What I will say as well these are the rock and roll sausage roll in honour of Graham Garrett made for Beach Rock Brisco Bristo I've only had a few Right What do we reckon John You like them? That is unbelievable That's so good. So good. So amazing retirement sausage rolls. The way you read that sounded like such an ad. I just want to say these are the rock and roll sausage rolls. I think everybody's criticism of sausage rolls is there's not enough meat. Yeah, these are so good.

1:28:14That's a lot of meat. Yeah. Becky, do you like them? Love. Love the sausage. Or are we just like, they are banging aren't they? Unbelievable. Yeah, they are good. That's the best sausage roll I've ever had. Oh, it's perfect. They might be bloody perfect. Yeah. You like Robbie? I mean, a little nose blow. Not great bodden, is it? But they're good. This is a Christmas pod. We do what we want on here. We do what we want. These are messy, aren't they? Not the Sausage Roll, the podcast. Christmas podcast is a mess. It's all over the place. I would be so frustrated. Robbie, I know you're a big fan of these.

1:28:46What do you think of them? Just did my first no-hand cum. How was it? She liked that. Don't point. Don't single it around. She laughed. Yeah, I know, but you've gone, she likes that I've no hand cummed. You've had it funny. He's just cummed as funny. It would be funny, wouldn't it? It doesn't usually cum. It would... What? Sorry. How would you know? I'm going to have a word then. You're making me look a swat. Have we got a sin bin? I've been in it for fucking 15 minutes. This is messy, isn't it? It's a little messy at the podcast. Yeah. The podcast, these Christmas ones are an absolute mess. I'm getting a phone call on silent right now.

1:29:27Why did you specify that? It's on silent. I'm just going to pop out and take this. All right. Santa's calling. Well, let's find out. Give us a little rating. Give us a full... I'll be his little helper. John, give us a full review of the sausage roll, please. Full review? Yeah. All right. Pastry. Sound. Flaky. Sound. Just the right... Sound. Sorry. Thank you. Thanks for that. It's very serious. Appreciate that. Perfect amount of flake. Nice little solid bit at the bottom. I like that for a bit of texture and crunch. And the inside of that sausage, fucking hell. Prompts to you, mate. Charlie Bistro.

1:30:00Do you know John's a commentator? He commentates on the football. So I can tell, can't you? I'm very good at using elaborate words. Can you give us a bit of commentary? Yeah. How would you like me to do that? Picture a goal that you can remember. Stevie crosses it into me. Tom and his over kick for Scotland. Oh, that's a good one. Do one we all know. Oh, no. No, no, let's make one up. So I'm running down the wing. I cross it in. Alfie leaps higher than anyone else. has ever leaped before for a header and header's at top corner. And Becky's there. And Becky watches. She's in goal. I'm in goal. Okay.

1:30:33Sorry, you ready? Yeah. We're about to see a master at work. Stevie White's picked the ball out in a lovely wide area. He's got an opportunity to deliver the ball. What a cross. And Alfie Indra rises higher than I've ever seen to pop back into the back of the net and give the Happy Hour podcast a 1-0 lead. That is sublime. And he's blowing a kiss to Becky. That was. Very good tone. The tone was, yeah. Very good tone. Yeah, that was a good tone. Yeah, they paid me for it. We don't pay you for it. How much? No, no, yeah. Have they not paid you yet? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They paid me. They paid me. Don't worry about it.

1:31:10They haven't, have you? Yeah, they have. Who owes you money? You're going to send the heavies round? Yeah, we'll get the bailiffs in. Send the heavies round, mate. Send the heavies round. I can go. I'm a 6XL. You ain't going to do anything. You want a fucking 6X old shirt gun? Pussy You're not allowed to say that We don't use the P word on this podcast 10 minutes That's not what people think of when you say the P word They think of your neighbor No, they're not thinking that either Everyone stop guessing what word Most of us know what word Yo, yo, yo, my G's My G's My G's I already talked my bitch How you doing my motherfucker?

1:31:56That was nearly a repeater locked in. I don't know what you mean, my little brown man. Don't tell my little brown man. Which motherfucker's left a little bit of pork right here? I'm going to scram that. Is that what a kid's saying, John? You know all about kids, bro. Scram it, mate. Father Rizmas. Can you introduce yourself to... My name, my name, my name is Father Rizmas. John, I know you never met me. Becky, you remember me. That's the last time. I'm begging you 50 quid right there, bro. For last time. But also... What was that for? I've tapped that, baby. Arborismas, that's inappropriate. Lona.

1:32:32To say that. Can you call the police? Why is that inappropriate if a man makes sweet, sweet love to a woman? Huh? You tell me that right now. Is it sweet, sweet love if you've given her 50 quid specimen? Why is he from Texas? You're calling a specimen. Arborismas. This is a nondescript accent. It seems you've got a lot more sort of... From the Bronx, aren't you? Yeah, urban American. I got a few complaints, baby. I think you might get more if you do this. You're stronger with it. I can't remember my voice. I feel that maybe last time it was more racially ambiguous. Barbarismus, you sound African-American.

1:33:08Yeah, that's my big worry about this. I'm a white man. What I'd worry is that people go, he's not actually... He's like Eminem. I'm Eminem, brother. Eminem doesn't speak at all like that. I'm from London, brother. I'm from London, brother. That's better. I think Rizmuth is American. I'm sorry, sometimes I get a little bit fucked up on my accent, brother. That's not like Andrew Tate. Yo, yo, yo, yo. Yeah, yeah. I don't know what I'm doing right now, brother. Okay. It's already got better. Okay, so this is the voice. I miss Jack, man. He was nice. She said I miss Jack. Yes, brother. Thank you, sir.

1:33:47That's for your mother, my brother. Yeah? Great, man. Yeah, from my... No, no. He just said Great Binge. He said Great Binge. I don't care who you are. That's a sin bin. Why the fuck? You tell me right now. Look me in my fucking eyes and tell me why I can't confess my love to the Squelchy Squelch. Squelch. I actually... That's actually put me on my feet. I think we actually stop now. Yeah. Squelchy Squelch is the worst thing that's been said on this. Squelchy Squelch. That's the worst thing that's been said on this podcast. I've described vagina as Squelch. Squelchy Squelch is why that's said technically.

1:34:17That's an onomatopoeia for your English language. Onomatopoeia. Why are you here? You know your man? You know that beautiful ginger man that you got right here, right in this chair? No. You said beautiful. He's butters. He's butters and clapped. Yeah. What's with James Collins? No, he's butters and clapped. I'm Sanna's motherfucking brother, y 'all. Why do you dress like your brother? Santa's out, empty his sack on a little kids and shit. What? I don't like that non shit. I don't like that non shit. No, he's not non. I'm telling you right now, he's my brother. Came down my chimney. And I'll tell you right now, we will not even get sued because that motherfucker know he a non.

1:35:02So that Jack mate fella, he's hired me today. He'll come here and give you guys a little quiz. My name's Rizmas and Riz bring the quiz, motherfucker. That was so good if you said it properly. So we're doing a Rizmas quiz. That was so good. So y 'all up for a quiz as a prize for the winner. Yeah, like a quiz. Prize for the winner. And I won't say what the prize is. Prize for the winner. Is it a fake 50 quid? Is the prize a fake 50 pound? No. You don't know what 50 quid can get you, ain't that right, Becky girl? No, but I know what a fake 50 quid can get me. Nothing. Y 'all got some pens. Y 'all got a little bit of treat.

1:35:38No, we've got nothing. Y 'all got a little bit of treat. Oh, no, here's... What's a little bit of treat? Paper, paper, baby. That's clever. Some Christmas. Thank you. Rizmus's assistant sends them in. Yeah. I got my hole out there giving all sorts of... I'm tracing paper. Take one, pass it on. Take one, pass it on. I can't take one, pass it on. I'm not going to get my name on it. Take one and pass it on. What's the state of the country in the UK these days, am I guys? John, I think Rizmus might hate you. There's a lot of tension, Rizmus. A lot of tension, a lot of tension. The left and right are becoming more polarised than ever.

1:36:09Yeah. And it's causing a lot of friction. I'll tell you who you need, my friend Donald. He's smashing it all the time. Yeah. Yeah. I bet he doesn't like you because you're African-American, aren't you? No, I'm a white man. I'm a white man from the Bronx. It's weird because your voice sounds... I'm a white man from the Bronx. Have you seen 8 Mile? No. I'm Eminem, motherfucker. I'm not Eminem. That's not set in the Bronx. No. I'm from Detroit. I'm from Detroit, Alfie. Okay? Okay, can we do a quiz? We're gonna do a quiz. Let's rock the winner. Rizma, you forgot to write my name on the top of my sheet.

1:36:40I put John, motherfucker. No, I just wrote that. Well, you've been given the wrong sheet then, evidently, John. Evidently. So we've got ten Christmas questions. I know how scared of their life. Frobby Knox, good to see you still breathing, by the way, Holmes. Did you just call him Frobby Knox? Frobby Knox. You say Throbby, didn't you? Frobby Knox. Frobby Cox. You got a Frobbin cock. Ugh. That is vile. How old's your ass now? You must be wife, so be fat. Something like that, Christmas. That is so African-American. Yeah. That's not ambiguous whatsoever. That is an African-American accent. People can speak like that where I'm from in America.

1:37:18Hold on, Rizmus. Is this your actual voice? Yeah, you sound like Jack Maid. You sound like that Butters Ute that fucking sits in here all the time. Fucking sick of it. Butters Ute. Why do you try and speak like your younger generation? Let's just do the quiz, yeah. Alfie, since I left saw you, I heard you can't marry, bro. Yep, thank you. No comment. Sorry about that. Your life must have fallen out. I'm alright It's actually really nice to everybody Lovely day out Yeah but now he's committed one ho I like a ho every day A different ho every day John I know you feel me What ho did you have today Rizmas Her name Was a generic white name Such as Emma And what about tomorrow Kate And the day before yesterday Rosie and then Letitia.

1:38:11Ooh, who's Letitia? I want to know more about Letitia. Where's she from? Sorry. Don't apologise. Six! That's seven, mate. I did six and it went under the radar. I don't know why you are showing six, but let's get an quiz. Six, seven. Oh, shit. Somehow more offensive than anything. Okay, you got ten Christmas questions. This is Father Rizmas Quizzmas Quizz. These aren't going to be nice questions, are they? Yo! John, I found your sheep. Oh, brilliant. That's rude. That's all right. That's the first time you met her. No one's a stump egg didn't like you. Yo, John! What's Christmas about, John? I don't remember.

1:38:52You're right, my brother. Penetration. But what else is Christmas about, John? Presents and then my... Chocolates. Mother fucking chocolates. So, I want to know what two colours are on the wrapper for the hazel swirl in a box of roses, my brethren. What do you call hazel swirl? On the hazel swirl. And what are those motherfucking colours? Stevie, don't look at my sheet. I heard you're a fucking cheating little bitch. What was that again, mate? I don't even know what roses look like. Hazel swirl. What? It comes to roses. It comes to roses. There's two colours on that motherfucking wrapper. What colour is it?

1:39:22I'm colourblind, Father Ismus. You are fucked, my little friend. Could I please have a point for... No. Night. Okay, we're moving on swiftly to question number two. Taylor Swiftly. What do these three names have in common? Okay, three names We got Buster, we got Edgar, we got Mars Buster, Edgar, Mars Get your answers on your screen and start looking at me, you motherfuckers You sprouted, sprouted ass Starting to write like Father Rismas I think you're quite similar to Father Rismas Buster, Edgar and Mars Mars Why do you think he's quite... I didn't know if you were saying... Moz. M-O-Z. I thought he might be saying Mars.

1:40:05I mean, M-O-Z. Yeah, I didn't know if he meant Buster Rhymes, Edgar Davids and Bruno Mars. I'm upset. Why are you upset, girl? I'm scared of you, man. Why are you scared of me? Freaking me Oprah. Women don't remember the good times? Women don't like... Oh, you do remember the good times? He's hella funny. I can't believe I'm doing this. Why are you spotting someone else? Oh, shit. That's our thing. I never spotted you in my life. I think you might have spotted that ginger handsome fella in the army. You literally pissed him. Farmerism was literally spotted me. Okay number three At the 73rd Academy Awards Which Christmas film won the Oscar for best makeup and hairstyling As well as also being nominated for best production design and costume design What year mate?

1:40:42No he didn't say to you He just said the 73rd So that's obviously 1973 No it's not They didn't start in 1900 did they? The usual fucking nut mate You might be able to work it out you silly cunt Roast it's coming again It was probably the Grinch At the 73rd Academy Award. Why do you sound like a weird virgin now? Which Christmas film won the Oscar for Best Makeup and Hairstyle as well as being nominated for Best Production Design and Best Costume Design? Swear it out. That is Paul Lung. Costume design. Let's stop with the accents, guys. I hear how bad it is when someone else does it. Let's just get it done.

1:41:20Number four. Let's just get it done. Can somebody tell me what a pig in blanket is? And before you speak out of line, John, No, it is not Becky at a sleepover. It's Christmas. That's actually too far. And whoever, and if you were in some sort of disguise, I'd tell the person in that disguise too. That's too far. I'd love to be in disguise. Yeah, you're not. But if you were, I'd be saying even as a bit, that's a little bit. Over here for you snowflake motherfuckers, maybe that's too far back where I'm from in Detroit. Alphie, I like that you stood up for me. That was very nice. That's beautiful.

1:41:50No, that's... To be fair, we literally say hogs back. By the way, I don't know why you've been writing down. and I ain't told you all the fucking question yet. You said what's the pig and blanket. No, obviously I know, you're going to know what a fucking pig and blanket is. I bet you were a liar. Oh yeah, I knew that was a bit. So, right. So, you know what a pig and blanket is? Correct, but that's not the fucking question. What's a devil on horseback? What do you call me? What's a devil on horseback? No, your accent. What's a devil on horseback? The worst part is we've done this. White people can talk like this.

1:42:21Okay. No, I'm sure they can. Now you're being racist. I'm sure Don't point at me You are being racist Okay I apologise There's American people White people That talk like this What I'm going Motherfucker Yes Okay fair enough I'm sorry I'm the one in the problem I don't know I apologise I've been educated The devil on a horse back I don't know any of these We've done that with a guest And I still can't remember it What is that bit of food Devil on a horse What did Mariah Carey Want for Christmas This is not the question I'm doing a bit of What did Mariah Stop putting questions within the intro to a question.

1:42:57What did Mariah Carey want for Christmas, John? Me. No, actually me. Why you gotta be crude, motherfucker? You can't help it. Did you say fingering? No. Why don't you just whisper that fingering? Who said that? You've made that up, Father, isn't it? Who said that? Did he actually say that? I think he said it under his breath. Clip it. I did not. If you said that, I'd be really fucking cross with you, so you better not have said that. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Okay, right. Let me get to the question now because that's too far even for Rizmas, Holmes. You feel me? That's the most... Mariah Carey's song is the most sold Christmas song in the UK ever with 3.2 million downloads.

1:43:37But what is the second most sold Christmas single of all time? If you all want a clue, I'll give y 'all a clue. Yeah, go on then. Okay, I'll give you a clue. It's the only song in the top 10 Christmas songs of all time that came out this side of 2012. Fuck's sake And there's an additional clue If you all vote You want an additional clue I'm not changing my answer But it's wrong Okay well then Let's have an additional clue Do you want an additional clue? No I don't I've got my answer locked in I'm going to give you a clue anyway But you said it's wrong Actually I think Father Risma said It's based on a film He did say We need to all approve He's got no moral What did you say then?

1:44:13Stop Based on a film mate Based on a film? Yeah Oh I don't know then I don't know Oral confidence. I don't know either. No, bring it back, Father Rismas. You identify with this guy and it's worrying me. He's like his second brother. John, what you, let me ask you this. What you dreaming of for Christmas or sad blowies, my boy? Oh, God. All at John. Every one of these has been at John. Yeah, because he knows his people. Yeah, he's playing to his audience here. Do it to someone else. Ask someone else that. Yeah, yeah. Not me. Ask Stevie. Ask Alfie. All right, ask me. Stevie's is going to be V-Bucks or something.

1:44:50You play Minecraft? Next. I love V-Bucks. He likes Fortnite. Let's get into question number six. Yeah, that's good. My eyes are closing. I need to drink more. Bing Crosby famously dreamt of a white Christmas, but we are... I'm going to skip it. Don't we all? But what does the Met Office officially recognise as a white Christmas? I'll give you a clue. Snow. It's a low bar. I know it. Do you know it? I know it. Because I learned this at school, actually. Yeah. What does the math mean? What do you mean? Oh, well done, John. I won't change my answer. What's the official classification?

1:45:32Just turn back into yourself. What's the official classification of... Go on, let's get through this bit. Okay, you're really making me doubt this. Now! He's making you doubt it. Y 'all, this is to the floor. What's Becky's favourite letter of the alphabet? Yeah, Mum. D. Yeah, that's not the question. What about that is festive, my little fat fuck? I like this guy. She might like D at Christmas. Also, why have you said little? I want to know how many are Santa's motherfucking flying-ass reindeers. But give them with a letter. D. Point for each. A point for each. and then we're moving on to 8, 9 and we'll finish on 10.

1:46:17That's how this usually works. Yeah. Should we pick up the pace a little bit? Yeah. Really missing Jack. They need to write this down. Is this question 8 now? I'm mad to miss Jack as hell, isn't it? Yes, I know. This is a two-pointer, motherfucker. Two at once. I wouldn't mind if neither of them come back. Two at once. A little bit like your mama. Okay. Eartha Kitt sang the line, Santa baby, slip... Stop trying to sing it. That is so good. Go on. Santa baby, slip a what under the tree for me. You actually don't know that. It's just a guy with a lisp in it. You dumb slugs will get an extra point for telling me the missing word and for telling me what that word actually means.

1:46:56What is that word? I always like... Oh, I might. Sorry, I'm really confused. What's the question? So, Santa... Slipper... Slipper... Oh, nearly. Slipper under the tree. for me it's weird that no one really knows what that is do you know the word? I know roughly what the word is but I don't know which there's two in between okay there's a famous Christmas quote from a Christmas movie and I want to know which character says the line Buzz your girlfriend is woof what? why y 'all look at me like I'm some fucking alien brother is it Woody? you never seen a

1:47:43There it is. Wait there.

1:47:48There's the line. He's crossed it, guys. Do it with guests. I don't want to be here anymore. Come on. Buzz, your girlfriend is woof. Buzz, your girlfriend is woof. I need you to lock in right now. Use your listening ears, okay? Five points up for grab, homie. I don't know. Fucking hell. No, I don't know any of these. Five points. Five points up for grabs. Oh, shoot, cuz. Damn, this is a hard one. What'd you call me? Stupid joke. I'm going to give you five of the best-selling Argos toys at Christmas. I swear. I want you all to put these five in order from oldest to most recent. So each of these has been the best-selling Christmas toy.

1:48:32So convoluted. No, it's easy. It's easy. Elfie, it's easy. Yeah, it's fine. Let's just do it, yeah. Right. Okay, these are the options. You got the Hungry Hippos board game. Board game? Yeah, well, press it. Am I ranking where I think they are? One to five. One being the... Let me just check that. One being the oldest, five being the most recent. Hungry Hippos, HH. Who wants to be a millionaire board game? Then you got that old school game boy. Your mum has done the game, boy Sorry, what was on before the game? I think we're not allowed to do that anymore, Rizmos I don't know if you heard after last Christmas But we don't make those jokes I'm not sure on our memes either, to be fair Did she outlaw me?

1:49:19She said she hates Rizmos Yeah, everyone hates Rizmos, I'm a cunt I'm a cunt I'm a cunt Next up we got Bratz dolls That was shit good What, am I writing these on our app where they sold? No, Becky, for fuck's sake In order of when they came out. Oh, my God. And finally we have the Rubik's Cubics. Oh, fuck. How are they so long? I'm not here. I'm not here. Guys, I'm a bit drunk. So what is the oldest? Yeah. Oh, fuck. I've done it the other way around. I know these come out a long time ago and y 'all still been sucking on your mama's titties when they still come out. John, I know you still are, brother.

1:49:57Not your own mother, but other people's mother. Frida tits. I don't even know what that means. Frida tits. Oh, fuck it. I'll put him there. Okay, we're going to do some answers right now. So I'm going to take you back to question number one. I need to know the colours on that purple hazelnut. We just said purple. Give me a Christmas. Yeah, the question was which two colours? Okay. Alfie? Purple and red? You didn't do purple, did you? I did. I knew it was purple. I don't know. I put pink and purple. No. Green and purple. No. Stevie? Brown and yellow. No. I don't fucking know! Purple and gold. Come on.

1:50:40Almost. What is it? No one gets a point. It was purple and orange, motherfuckers! That's so close, man! She wasn't... She what? What did she say? She was spicy orange. She was spicy orange. Gold. Oh, lovely. Okay, so we got three names here. We got Edgar, we got Buston, we got Mars. What are they? Rabbits. I put they all reindeers, bruv. No idea. I thought you were talking about singers. and footballers Burglars from Home Alone No you can't There's two of them What is it? But it's Mars These are all characters that have starred in a John Lewis advert Buster was the dog Edgar was the dragon and Mars was the No one's got a point so far The monster under the bed We've got a Mars at home I don't think I'm getting a point No I'm the same At the 73rd Academy Award which Christmas film won the best the Oscar for Best Maker Christmas film I haven't put a Christmas film I did wonder.

1:51:35I did wonder. Wicked. Something has changed. I left that one blank. Christmas. Sorry. Good. That's okay. I've written it off. I was going to write Wicked. I don't know if it was a Christmas film. I've not seen it. I said The Grinch. It's amazing. Stevie said out loud The Grinch. So I said The Grinch too. You get a point if you said The Grinch. Fuck. You said what? He said best hair and makeup. It's going to be The Grinch. That's what I thought about that. But when is 73rd Academy? And he was whinging. He was going, what? How are we going to know this? So I said, if you fucking think about it. Yeah, well, when you're doing a quiz, try and think about all of them, mate.

1:52:10Well, he didn't put a Christmas film. Yeah, well, he's a fucking idiot, isn't he? Yeah, I'll say that. That was Jack saying that, and that's me. What's the devil on horseback, Alfie and Jack? Do you know, I don't know, but I put a little date, like a little date, a little date. Which John will be going on on January the 8th out here. Yes, he will be. So you put a date with what, mate? Marzipan, then. But I don't know if that's what that's called. I just thought of a Christmas-like thing. I put sex position. You are... You're cruder than me. Are you the devil? Do you know what? You're grim, mate.

1:52:41You're cruder than me. Are you the horse? You're making Rizmash look decent. That's what you've paid me for. I haven't paid you. Is it a prune in either bacon or pancetta? Oh, that sounds nice. Or an egg. You're wrong. I didn't know I put Yorkshire pudding. With a carrot on the tongue. Rizmash think he's going to give two points out here. I think he's going to give one to Alfie, and he's going to give one of Robbie. What is it? It's quite subjective. It's a prune or a date stuffed with almonds. That's marzipan. Thank you. Well done, Robbie. We are cultures. It's sanitising. You guys are precious cunts.

1:53:15Sanitising me. I like that a lot. I'm going to need y 'all to sing to me right now, okay? Slipper. That's not the next one. What question are we on? That's not the next one. Number five. Number five are on. Okay. What is the second most sold UK Christmas song of all time, Robbie? I don't know. Santa Baby. John? I put Last Christmas. I did the same. Becky? You said from a film. There's a film called Last Christmas. Yeah, that's why when he gave that through, I didn't change that. I'll let it go. You're so close. If you want to build a snowman. No. Oh, that's a great guess. I'm lucky, Becky. No, don't be annoyed at that.

1:53:56That film is not based on Christmas, though. Yeah, I'm not saying that. It's based on Christmas. It's not remotely, no, it's just in snow. She just creates an ice, there's no Christmas. You should have said it's from a Christmas film, not based on a film. It's not, is it? It's just set in the snow. She's just an ice queen. Alfie Slipper. Ice queen. That's not that one. Mate, you're like three questions off that. That's number eight, Rizmo. Now we're on six, which is the net office. What's the official definition of a white Christmas in the UK? All it is is one snowflake. What'd you call me? One snowflake.

1:54:31Did you actually put that? No. What'd you put? Just that there is some snow. Now, what did you write in your sheet? Below zero and snow. But then I think it has to be snow. Snow on the roofs of the Met Office, I wrote. I like where you go. That's cool. I wrote one drop of snow, but I also wrote a no hand cum. Correct. I put one weekend of snow. Incorrect. The Met Office officially describes a white Christmas as one snowflake fallen somewhere in the UK in the 24 hours of Christmas. How fucked up is that, Robbie? How would they know? We must have had white Christmases and not even realised. Every year's been a fucking white Christmas, mate.

1:55:11How sad. I need to know how many reindeers begin with a letter D and what their names are. Robbie, you can take this one. Go on, hit me with those names. Donna. Correct. Dancer. Correct And I said Dasher Correct Three for three That's a hat trick Mal coming out of you Three points Yes No you get No one point No one point A point for each name you get So yeah three points You didn't say that before Why do you keep making it up Like you're doing the rules So I get three points You didn't say that originally So you're making it up As you go along So I get three points Didn't say that Go back V-A-R I want to know How many Asanta's motherfucking Flying ass reindeers Begin with a letter A point for each.

1:56:00A point for each. And then we're moving on to 8, 9, and we'll finish on 10. That's how this usually works. I put four, mate. I could think of them three, and I thought I must be missing one. Somewhere. I thought one was called Dixen. So do I get two points? That's what I thought. It's Vixen. It's Vixen. I just didn't say that originally. He's a lovely friend. He's on his smock. Slipper. Present. Slipper I said sneaky slipper Slipper Slipper I think it's saber Slipper I put saddle I think it's saber Like maverick saber Right Now you're both wrong But you're on the right line I wrote sable first Sable But I didn't know what a sable was So what do you think a saber is?

1:56:46A saber I think is like a stick With a thing on the end of it Lightsaber And what do you think What did you say a saddle? Saddle What do you think that is? Not a fucking clue Have a guess Like a Well, it's spelt saddle. So why didn't you say saddle? What is it? What do you think it is, Becky? Is it a saddle, like for a horse? Yeah. Is it a biscuit? Horse. What is it? Stick an horse under the tree for me now. I don't think either of you can have the point, really. That's fine. What is it? It's sable. It's sable. That's what I wrote. I'm crossed out. One letter of. I'm a nub. It's sable and it's a fur coat.

1:57:19Oh, that's nice. Look at that. Actually, not if it's real fur. It's very cruel. Very cruel. What's the name of that little motherfucker says that lamb buzz your girlfriend worth? Becky, we'll start with you. The name of the person. The person. You said the name of the film. No, I didn't. You did? You said the name of the film. I've left that one. I thought he said person. Oh, really? I've left it blank, so I'm ambiguous. I said Woody. What's his name?

1:57:45It's the character that... I think you got this wrong. It's Home Alone and it's the bully fella. Buzz, your girlfriend. What's the name of the character that said that? It's not the bully, is it? Because that's his girlfriend, isn't it? Buzz is the bully. Hold on a minute. I went the wrong way. Kevin. Too late. Shit. Kevin? No. What did you put, Jon? What's the other minion called? Minion. Wrong film. Dave. Why are you talking about minions? Kevin. The answer's Kevin McAllister. I said Kevin McAllister. I wrote health. No, incorrect. That was worse than me. How? Because you're not good on your sheet, mate.

1:58:21At least it's a Christmas film. Right, and then finally, finally. You're getting annoyed. Got the order. I've given up on the character. Good. Some of the audience. Right. So what are the five, what's the order of the oldest and newest? So I'm just going to read you it out and you can tell me at the end if you got it. So the oldest is Rubik's Cube. Yeah. In 1981. Fuck. You get a point. So angry. You get a point for each position that you get right. Okay. Number two in 1980 is Hungry Hippos. Come on. You've got a real advantage here. Yeah. That's a big lie for Robbie. He made these. He's outside toys.

1:59:04Game Boy. Yes. In 1991. Oh no. And then? Who wants to be a millionaire? Yes. Best in 2001 and the most recent in 2002 is... I got one. Five. I like that. I like that. Right, you'll do all your scores and I'll... Is that last one? It's not fucking odd. I'll go... No, I have to. I'm going to go and get Jack back in here because I feel like Santa's... Christmas has died of death this year. I need a wee as well. Easy. We break. We break. We break. He's not made for the modern world. This episode is brought to you by Palmolive. Family time isn't just the big moments. It's weeknight dinners. Sitting around the table, everyone talking all at once.

1:59:45So when the plates are empty and the sink is full, use Palmolive Ultra. Palmolive's most powerful formula removes up to 99.9 % of grease, leaving your dishes sparkling clean. And the new convenient pump makes cleaning even easier, so you can spend less time tackling dishes and more time together. Shop now at palmolive.com. Sierra has all the best active and outdoor brands For the super athletic stuff Like running gear for cruising up the trail Woo! And the super athletic-ish stuff Like fishing gear for chilling by the creek Nice cast Fitness apparel to push for higher reps You got this And golf balls priced so you can afford to lose one Or a few Head to Sierra or Sierra.com For the brands you want at the prices that let you do it all From athletic to athletic-ish Sierra's got it Who the fuck are you?

2:00:39No I just had to dip out that phone call I heard that someone Christmas was here Who's that? I've never met him No but you've heard about him We must have mentioned him He said you invited him but it's really weird because he's doing this accent that's really dodgy Yeah Which is surprising considering his accent Yeah I'm surprised you'd be friends with him as well I'm not friends with him I hate him Why's that? He said that you're friends Why don't you like him? I hate him Why? Why? What about him do you not like? Yeah. Oh, he's just because he's I just hate him. There's got to be some specific.

2:01:09Yeah, you said you didn't like him. There's got to be some. You can't not like someone for no reason. I think he tries too hard to be Eminem. He looks exactly like him. Like exactly like him. Yeah. That can't be why. Yeah. Yeah. What do you think of his voice? I think he's obviously grown up in a not so affluent. And the stuff he says about women and stuff. Yeah, that's sexist. You think that on record, you think that's sexist what he's saying? I think What that character is saying is bang out of order. And let's break the tent. It's when he says he seems to really enjoy it. I started with Rizmas.

2:01:44Someone else could do it. I've gotten from John Lewis. Rizmas FC. Ooh. Right in my ear. It's going to be okay. That actually hurt. Right, read the joke, Becky, please. Stevie's drawing a willy on his... That's a good willy, though. Oh, brilliant spot, me. What? Oh, is that this? Just like everything. what is good fun what is Becky's ex-boyfriend's favourite Christmas carol oh come all ye unfaithful

2:02:18that's horrific John Lewis that's really bad that's too real that's really bad can I quickly say before we do the quiz results we all just had another toilet break whilst we were in there I basically just went, my face seems to be rashing. And he went, oh, I put scabies on your T-shirt. And I went, mate, I would have rather just had the scabies. And he went, I've had scabies. What's scabies? I've had scabies. So for those of you that are listening, it's little parasites that live under your skin that are often transferred during sexual acts. He's had scabies. Are you a shagger? I'm going to tell you now, he got this because his friends are shaggers.

2:02:57He gets nothing. And you fucked your friends. He's lonely and he's got it because he lived with people who had it and he's trying to play it off as if he gets loads of girls and he doesn't. Is that true? Unless he pays. Fucking hell, you're meant to be my mate here. Your mates give you scabies! Well, what happened was, I'll tell you right now, I used to play with a friend of mine called Luke, whole career mode every night. He slept with a girl, he got scabies and then from close proximity playing whole career mode, I got scabies. That's really sad. That's the worst. You've caught a STD from playing FIFA with your mate.

2:03:28That career mode. It really is. It's Shaqiri, though. What a wonderful effort he had at Hull. Have a word with your mouth. What the hell? It's a basic email. You're coming. I'm not even here, am I? Yeah. I'm just trying to get in the... I feel fine. No, no, no. Oh, not Paul. You keep going with that, though. You're coming across really bad. Yeah. But you've got the last sort of bit to... Can I just... Do you want a fetch of a word? Yeah, no, you're pushing. Actually, I'd rather you didn't. I'll stay from here. Okay. You're in a room with Stevie White, and you are coming across to the biggest virgin.

2:04:00Right? Do you know how bad that is? It's got to stop. You have come across like Jay off the Inbetweeners today. Yeah. You have to stop. When really in real life, you're more sort of like Simon. Yeah. All right? Yeah. Okay. Right. Apparently, Rizmas did a quiz for you guys. What scores on the doors? It was all right. I got five. What did you get, Becky? I got five. Yeah. Three. Yeah. I got one. I thought I got nine, but I've only got eight. Hang on. Nine. It doesn't matter, does it? Eight and nine both win. Seven and eight. Nine. And the winner of this year's Christmas Rizmas quiz is Robbie. Well done, Robbie.

2:04:33That's just because I'm old enough to know when the toys came out, really. All counts, mate. Questions are questions. Steve, you've got a bone to pick with your mate there on the left, haven't you? I thought there was a prize for the winner. Yeah, there is. I'll give it to him later. Me. Penis joke. Becky. What have I done? I don't know if anyone actually knows this here. You owe me£100. Good job you love the NFL. Interesting, because that's what Christmas paid me.

2:05:03I recently had to send the government, I suppose,£100. Weirdly pronounced the N in government. Yeah, I didn't know how to say it. DVLA, DVLA, I believe. There's no N in it. Had to recently... Wait, what? I had to send the... I got a speeding ticket. And I got that speeding ticket... With a black box as well. Don't have a black box anymore. Oh, really? Take that. I do. He is the biggest virgin in the room! Your virgin just dropped. No, do you know what, I'm not a virgin, because I break the speed limit anyway. Shit, can you say that? That's the most... That's the most... That is so financially irresponsible.

2:05:43No word, you could have come out with a big word. But as I was trying to say, I got my first ever speeding ticket, and got the picture. I was on the phone to you at the time. So I was so distracted from... When were we on the phone to each other? On the way to Reading Festival. I think it's so out of order that... You think Becky owes you that£100? I love a hands-free. It's connected to... That's what I was doing while driving. That was the issue. I had the phone to Becky. Ariane was in the passenger seat. Oh, shit. Room for one more. I forgot that when you got a phone call, it covers the speedometer.

2:06:21That's quite annoying, isn't it? To be fair, shit, shit place to get a speedometer. It's a three-lane road and it's only a four-way. I've got a speed awareness course in Jan. I've got one in Jan. I can't remember. I'm doing my Jan 12th. I'm going to look it up. We're all doing speed awareness courses. It depends where you got your speeding fines. No, no, I got it in Reading, but you still do it where you're from. It's on Zoom. Yeah, but you still have to do it with the place you're from. It's on Zoom. I got mine in Wales and I had to do a Welsh one. Oh, we're not. Fuck your 50 mile an hour, by the way.

2:06:5850? Wales? The issue of Wales is the 20s, mate. Yeah. I'm not doing a speed away. That's why I'm doing one because I went over a red light with the camera. I went over 1.4 seconds after it went red. Yeah, that's... Is that a long time? A second? Over a second? That is a long time. Don't say the law is a law when you were bragging about speed. No, that is a long time. Is that a long time, you little cunt? How dare you, first of all? Go on, explain to me how that's a long time. Right. It's a fucking really long time. How fast are you going? When it's amber, you know, Jack, when it's amber, you've got to be ready.

2:07:31Right. I'm an upper gambler. I'll say green, amber, red. When I say red, hit start and then hit stop at one second. We know how long that is. Ready? Guys, ready? Hit start at red. Hit stop when you... Ready? Green, amber, red. There. That was long. That was quite a long time after. When you're moving at speed as well, that's quite long. That's enough time for an innocent person to come across. What did you need to hit? Yeah. Thank you, baby. Wow! John, I got you today. We'll say 31 years driving, no penalty points, no speed awareness. I went 35 in the 30. 35, yeah, it's terrible, that. I do regret it.

2:08:13I was only 46 in a 40. I thought you were 50. Not Robbie. Bit of fun. I regret it. 47 in a 28. I regret it. Oh, that's horrific. that's actually so disgusting thank you for the compliment that's bad that's a bad one are you 28? that's a good joke okay she's 27 as well she can't be about me thank you closer that was last year yeah

2:08:42right guys that was that planned before we get on to our anonymous questions which is what we did last year who would like to play just a little bit of fun just a little bit of fun I love a bit of fun Who would like to play Carrot in a Box? Yes, Carrot. Yeah. Have you ever seen this? No. Copyright. Do you not know what it is? No. Right, so how this is going to work. Has this been trademarked? Are we allowed to do this? No, we're allowed to play it. Right, so you two are going to play first. Who two? Lefty versus Stevie. Oh, okay. No, we're next to each other. Surely we have to do it across the table.

2:09:09No, because you're going to swap. Decide if you want to swap at the end. Yeah, but I need to look in it and see. One of us needs to look in it. You can just open it like that. Okay. Right, so shut your eyes. Oh, it's so blessed. Jack's going on about carrot in a box. Shut your eyes. Okay, eyes are shut. Shut your mouth. Shut your mouth. Shut your mouth. Right. I can sleep better. Remember, only one of us can look. Thank you, Stevie. It's like the peep shows in Amsterdam. Are they any good? Robbie, do you know what? I think I remember you mentioning it. Oh, what's happening? I didn't like that.

2:09:44Am I closing my eyes still? How pecky? What was that? Yeah, sweet. Take this. Okay. And Becky, you take this. You can open your eyes now. Now, in a moment, when I say, you can both... No, only one of us can look. Oh, yeah. Good to see you. Now, guys, who do we want to look in their box? Becky or Steven? Is there something else in the box? No, so one of the boxers has a carrot in, and one does not, right? One person is allowed to look in the box, and then at the end... Can't they feel it by moving? No, no. No, have you taped it down all? Yeah, taped it down, yeah. He's trying it anyway. Yeah. No, I saw he did it.

2:10:15My eyes are like pistols in the snow. So only one person is allowed to look and then at the end of a two minute discussion the other person's allowed to decide whether they want to swap or keep their box. I think Becky should look. Yeah, I like that. Wait, so one more time? You have a little look in your box, right? And then you're either going to have a carrot in a box or not have a carrot in a box. And I've got to tell if I do or I don't. You can lie, you can tell the truth. You want to keep the carrot. At the end of the... He's allowed a swap. So at the end, is whoever gets the carrot in the box has won, right?

2:10:47So Stevie don't look in his box? No, it's just you. I'm so happy this is happening. So do you want to have a little look in the box? I'll have a look. Only you will know in this room if there's a carrot in the box. And we're all going to play this. Why is this so funny? You smell nice. Thank you. Thank you. I'm facing down. Why would you think I'm talking about you? Because I'm smelling nice today. Okay, fair enough. Right. Okay, yeah. Right. Now, you have... Ow! You have... Let's do it to a minute. You have a minute, starting from now, to tell Stevie about your box.

2:11:18I have a carrot in my box and you need it. You can question her. Is there a carrot in my box? Probably because there's one in your box. Oh, there is one in here. Oh, no! I hated that. She just said there's a carrot in her box. And I said, well, is there a carrot in my box? And she went, well, probably because I don't have one in mine. So I can't tell if she's now completely fucked it or if she was trying to lie the first time and then she's double bluffed me. So there's a carrot in mine, because there's not one in yours, but you think, is there a carrot in here? There's a carrot in here. What's it look like?

2:11:49Wait, wait, wait, stop. Cause he knows what the carrot looks like. So don't, you can't answer that. I know what it looks like. He's a shit. How the fuck do I know? It's a carrot, mate. How is she going to describe it better than any other carrot? See it over there. Well, it's not there, is it? There's one in the box. Yeah, but which box is the carrot in? This one. Okay. Right, Stevie, that's the time there. You get to decide whether you want to swap or keep. I think her plan was to tell me it was in there and make me swap. And then she fucked it by saying the carrot's in here because her eyes are like piss holes in the snow and she's fucked it.

2:12:24So I'm going to set what you think is the other way. I think you're falling for a thousand IQ playwright. It's up to you. I'm going to swap then. And it's on you guys. Don't. That's so Stevie. I'm going to keep my box. Take some accountability. Right. Stevie, you're locking it in. You're keeping your box. I'm gonna keep my box. I'll offer you one more chance. Would you like to swap? Should I swap? I would if I was you. Okay, I'll swap. Oh! This is the worst game in the world. Bit of fun. Becky, you've played a blinder. She has, hasn't she? Well, it depends who wins though. Either way, look at him, he's scrambling.

2:12:58I'm gonna keep my box, but can I just get an idea from all you, do you guys think she has the carrot? I think she's done a thousand IQ play and gone, oh, it's not in my box. No, no, cause she said it was in her box. I think it's not in her box. Oh yeah. What do you think, John? I agree with Alfie. It's not in her box. Robbie? Becky's got a carrot. I think Becky's got a carrot. Okay, so I'm going to keep it. So let's see if us three are right. Or those three are right. It's only you who's right or wrong. We're not playing the game. Yeah, don't drag me into it. Yeah, thanks. Carrot! You're shit!

2:13:32Right. Alfie, John, shut your eyes. You're about to play Carrot and a Bob. Oh, well played. You fucked it in the middle, didn't you? You didn't mean to do that, did you? Dreams come true. If you weren't drunk, I wouldn't have fallen for that. But because you did that, I was like, okay, no, I'm going to keep it. You did very well, though. Thank you. The last sentence before she played carrot in a box was my eyes were like piss. I was in the snow. Yeah, that was the thing that helped me. That's a good game, isn't it? It is a good game. Is anyone else a bit drunk? I'm feeling it. I haven't eaten today except for that sausage roll.

2:14:02Fast, isn't it? Here we go. Indeed. You can open your eyes, boys. Oh, I know who's got it. I reckon Alfie looks because he's the... Yeah, close your eyes. Do you want John to be the one? Robbie! Can I just say, by the way, back there, I gave him to Fee. She's gave him back, so I actually don't know what won us in either. I think we should get John to do it, as he's the guest. Okay. So I'm looking. Yeah, but Alfie can't look. And I want the carrot. You want to keep the carrot. You want to end with the carrot. So don't let us see. Right. Sorry, Robbie. That's all right, he's not looking. Robbie's looking away.

2:14:36John, you have a minute. Alfie, you can quiz him as much as you can. Starting from now, do you have the carrot in your box? Do I have the carrot in my box? Well, tell Alfie. Sorry, Alfie, I don't have the carrot in my box.

2:14:52What do I ask now? Well, you need to figure out whether he has actually got it. You can ask as many questions. You both don't know what the carrot looks like. Do you promise? Oh, God. Do I promise you that I don't have the carrot? No. Oh, Christ. You can actually ask what the carrot looks like and stuff because you don't know. I saw it. Okay, right. Fair enough. In my box? No, I showed it a minute ago. Fair enough, right. Oh, that might be a clue, though. In my box. So you promised me. You wouldn't promise. I just wouldn't. I wouldn't like to do that. I wouldn't like to promise you. What did you originally say?

2:15:24That it is in your box or that it's not? It's not. And then you said, but you're not going to promise that. Yeah. Okay, I know what I'm going to do. Okay. 52 seconds. That's perfect. Smug with it.

2:15:38I think, so you said it's not in your box, and then I said promise, and you said no, which means the first thing you said was a lie. So what does that mean? He said it's not in his box, so that means it is in his box. If that's how you're going to play it. So Alfie, I'm going to ask you, would you like to swap boxes? You need the carrot in your box at the end. Yeah. All right. Oh, it's a swap. Guaranteed, yeah? Yeah. Right? And then once that's... I think he wouldn't promise because I think you're a little bit superstitious and you wouldn't actually want to... Now, I'm going to ask you one final time.

2:16:13Do you want to keep that box? Yeah, I'll keep this one, yeah. Keep the box. Alfie, can you reveal, do you have a carrot in your box? It's on this side, yeah. Do you have the carrot? Yeah. Two minutes! Yeah, I knew that. This is good. Thanks, Carrots. Thank you. Do you like carrots, Jack? Robbie. I do like carrots, Becky, yeah. What's your favourite thing on a Christmas dinner, Jack? I like the Pigs and Blankets. Of course you do. I love a parsnip. I love parsnips. I fucking love a parsnip. When the gravy goes on the parsnip. Honey glaze. Honey glaze. Come on. Very nice. Parsnips don't belong anywhere near a fucking Christmas dinner.

2:16:50Do you like turkey, Jack? I do like turkey. All right. Do you like turkey? I love my favourite. I have turkey sandwiches all the time. Yeah. Have you had, from Starbucks, the festive panini? No. Is it good? Get one. Get one. It's amazing. The eggnog lattes to die for. Yeah, okay, thank you. This segment is called Have You Got a Festive Panini in Your Box? Okay, who do we want as a collective group, who do we want to check if they've got the carrot in their box? Robbie. John. What? I'm not playing. I'm just fucking playing. He's no idea what's going on. Do we do... Should we get Robbie to question Jack or Jack to question Robbie?

2:17:23I don't know, it's quite an even one. I think Jack to question Robbie. Okay, so Robbie, have a look inside your box. Okay, but look away. Shit, sorry, yeah. Stop looking at your box. Can't help it Massive package Yep Okay ready? Go I think I know Which box is which And I'm pretty certain You've got the carrot in your box Do you have a carrot in your box? None of your fucking business I like this game Robbie Good You're just going to be Shut down right now Get out of me If I had to tell you To imagine A carrot right now How big would the carrot be? Tell me when to stop That's unfair because you know what it looks like That big That big a carrot Just tell me, I'm your mate, do you have a carrot in your box?

2:18:09I'll give you£10 if I get this right And I'll shake on it now Show me the money I can't shake on it because you're ill But I will give you£10 if this is right Do you have a carrot in your box? If I get this right, I'll transfer you£10 right now Define carrot Like a small carrot Define carrot, carrot Like a small orange If you tell me right now, I will give you£10 Do you have a carrot in your box? No. Okay, no. There was a lip quiver, Jack. I'm not going to lie. There was a lip quiver. Time. Okay. This is hard. He's poorly, though. He's got the shakes. He said tenner. He said no. I'm trying to think.

2:18:48What's worth more to Robbie? What is worth more to Robbie? Is it ten pounds or is it winning carrot in a box? There's a lot of pressure on me right now because I could be the only one to lose carrot in a box. Oh, that is pressure. I'd be gutted for you if you did, please. Yeah, I'd be. and embarrassed oh embarrassed mortified as winners massively embarrassed for him wouldn't it you're lucky I respect I know what it is this is tough I think I know right I'll tell you what I'm going to do I'm going to write down my decision so you know I'm not going to change it but then I want you to tell yours I can just imagine Robbie saying something after this is revealed right I've written I've written down what I'm going to do it's on there so what would you do I think Robbie's going to go I told you the truth of course it is bloody carrot in a box I'll take the tenner well he said no No, because he said it hasn't.

2:19:30No, he said there's no carrot. Yeah, so he's telling the truth. No carrot in his box. Yeah. John, what do you think? Has he got a carrot in his box? I think he's got the carrot in his box. So you think I should swap? I think there's no carrot in his box. You think no carrot, no swap? There's a carrot in Robbie's box. Okay. Thank you, Becky. Split. But we're both winners. The two losers think... Yeah. I don't know if that changes anything, but the two winners both think he doesn't have it. The two losers both think he does have it. So I've written it down. Who are you calling a loser, mate? I've written it down, and I agree with John and Stevie.

2:19:58No, John and Becky. No, I agree with the no swap. So I agree with you and Elfie. Oh, yeah, okay. Yeah, me and Elfie then. I am not going to swap the box, Robbie. All right. And I want there to be a carrot in there. So bad. So bad. Yes. Is there a carrot in your box? Yes. You win the tenner. Oh, Robbie. It's your box empty, Robbie. I don't think you know exactly what's in my box. Oh, Robbie didn't like that. Sad. What? What's in your box? Olly Mow's Pringle video.

2:20:29What a reference. Oh my God. Stevie's just put a picture of Becky in there when he's been around. It was Pee. Pee went, look at this. I didn't know who had what box to be fair, but when I saw you had the camera, I went, I know what's in the other one. Oh my word. That's from Robbie's diary last year. I know. I don't know, is it? I can't be an all I catch a string. I know we just found it in your bedroom. So we've got, we've got. It's a nice picture of me to be found. We've got three. We got three winners. If you and Alfie play each other... Stop playing each other. How do we do this? Do you know what?

2:21:04I'll let you two go head to head in the final. I'll let you two go head to head. I just wait for a bit of flair. I need to wee again.

2:21:13We'll go wee then. And then what? Me and Jack will play the semis. Okay, I'll wee whilst you guys... Why does he get a bye to the final though? Well, you were about to let us just have a bye to the final. I just think you two play the final. Okay, we'll just do it and then are we afterwards? Shut your eyes. If you play this strategically, he'll piss himself. I'm pissing myself now, mate. Is that what that is? Yeah. Luckily, I'm in my tent. Thank you. It's a lovely pick. He's just giving you the pick. Wait, I don't have to shut my eyes now, do I? Yeah, you do. Because I'm going to sort this out.

2:21:48You go around the corner. Just shut your eyes. What do you mean I'm going to sort this out? That's what you are, I'm going to shut it. Oh, here he goes. He's had a drink. I do not turn aggressive when I've had a drink. I reckon you do. Do you want to find out? Yeah. Owl and Pussycat mention, isn't he? Like my favourite pub. The what? Alfie. The Pussycat. Can we open now? Shut up. That's a minute. Can we open now? That's a minute silence for the Pussycat. Oh, fuck me. That's bright. Minute silence for the Pussycat. Okay. Right. Now, which one of us is looking? I think Stevie looks. I think Stevie looks.

2:22:22Yeah. Were you quizzing Becky? Yeah, I haven't looked yet. Neither has Alfie though. That's alright, you can look. Right, Alfie, you have a minute starting from now to quiz Stevie. Does he have a carrot in a box? Go on, tell me. Yeah. You do? Yeah. Swear on all your V-Bucks. I actually currently don't have any V-Bucks. Do not take it. I spent them on K-pop Demon Hunters skins. Oh, for fuck's sake. How much do you want this? How much do you want to win this? Don't care. He cares massively. Normally, Care had enough drinks, not he cares massively. I really just want to go to the toilet. So you said, yeah, you do have the carrot.

2:23:06And then you said, don't care. In the same tone, I know for a fact you do care. And you lied in exactly the same way then as you did the first time. Meaning you are lying. Okay. I just need to there's no carrot in your box so are we not swapping Alfie would you like the swap no okay wait wait what is the one I'm trying to say here can I go we you want the carrot you think you've got the carrot so do you want the swap what did you say you did have the carrot I just want a we I do want a swap no I think I just want a we and now he's set he knows I've won no I just want to go and we can I please just go and we I think you you had it right but you've asked to swap can you look in the box I go we look how happy is he I want to go Wii.

2:23:50Stevie might have played a classic here. He said he did have the carrot, didn't he? He said he did. Yeah, so I've played my game. I've played my game. Alfie, you're locking it in. Alfie, you mugged it right. Do you have a carrot in your book? Alfie, swap. This is pressure. No, he can't swap again now. No, he can. He can. Oh, can I go Wii, please? Alfie, do you have a carrot? I'll swap again. Yes! Can I just go Wii? Look, look, he's so good. Alfie, you've done it. I've done it. Do you know what gave it away was you went, you don't have to swap again now and then try to make it into a joke. I don't care.

2:24:19I genuinely just want a wee. I really need a wee. Let's swap again. You've got him. Alfie. Okay, can I go with him? Alfie's done him. Alfie, can you reveal, do you have a carrot in your box?

2:24:31Yay! That guy was wrong. I'm going to go with him. Sorry, Steve. His face lit up when he's in the box. Your competitiveness couldn't... It was... He already swapped. That's fine. No, you're allowed to swap back. Yeah, don't say to everyone, do you swap again? I literally could have offered everyone to swap back. Can I just say, you know when I gave them out? Yeah. Because I actually didn't say I don't know which one this is in. Yeah. I was just trying to put it up. Sorry. No, it's all right. I was certain it was in the other box. So when you swapped it at the end, I was going, no, Al. Really? No, like that.

2:25:02And then when you revealed it, I was like, fucking hell. Well, I wasn't sure until the swap was suggested and then he went, no, we don't have to do the swap. And his competitiveness couldn't stay in. That's like competitiveness. And then he went, carrot in a box, winner. Alfie, do a, one with Robbie. Thank you. I love that game, Carrot in the Box. It's good, isn't it? Good fun. Good fun. I won. Take it to the pub. What pub? Sorry, it's about you. Again? Yeah. Log in, brother. Do you know what? The real meaning of Christmas isn't about the jokes. Yeah, go on. So we don't need to do it. We need it.

2:25:37Do it. Why can't Becky play board games at Christmas? Go on. Because her boyfriends are always cheating, so that's just... Fucking hell John Lewis Wow John Lewis I'll be honest Just like everyone To have a nice time I prefer your adverts Yeah That's too far Yeah It's not It's not because They say Becky And you think Oh that's probably Like It feels like it's about me Yeah Have you had a good year Becky I've had a lovely year What's been your top three highlights This today When I came on in Was it March Yeah You had me on a Reading festival So that was good Oh yeah that was good Stevie do you want to explain Why you said Your assumption and I can't talk.

2:26:17Yeah, so at Reading Festival, we basically did like a confessions thing, Jack and I, and we saw... Jack and I? That's the correct way to say it. But the night before we were due to go on stage, we bump into Becky at Reading and we said, would you like to come on stage with us? However, we're doing confessions, so the one rule is we can make up a confession about you to the whole crowd. And you have to go along with it. A bit like would I lie to you. You can't say it's a lie. And Jack made up the confession last year at Reading. I was recently going through a breakup and I wanted to see how many dicks I could fit in my mouth.

2:26:50And that was it. And I said, so let's find out how many penises she could fit in her mouth. It's Bambino Becky. She came out. And what did you say in front of about a thousand people at Reading? Five. Mental. Yeah, I panicked because I had an awful case of the stage fright. Tell them. No, but I had this sort of... I was overcome with stage fright. Right. and a case of being sick about 20 seconds before. You were in a bad way. Oh my God, it was just explosive. She threw up behind stage before we went on. I could hear you talking about me while I was head in the toilet and I was like, this is the worst, but I was at Rock and Roll, maybe.

2:27:27Yeah, nice. Yeah, I hated that. Thanks for coming on. No, it was so fun. Thanks for having me. Thanks for coming on. What have you been up to then? How's Isaac? Are you all right? Why not be just normal chats on the pod right at the end? You can't just do that. You can't just do that. He's trying to like do something in the segway. He told me he's got a story about Isaac. So I thought I like. No, basically I said to Jack. Shut it, shut it. That was the worst broadcast. I know you're happily engaged, but you on a first date would be the funniest thing. Oh, give us that, give us that. Yeah, you can have it.

2:28:03I was Isaac. I thought you'd gone mad then. I said to Jack that Isaac did the weirdest thing ever. Not really. I'm very aware that when people talk about their kids, sometimes it can be very much like, this is your kid. He's genuinely done. He genuinely did the weirdest thing I think I've ever seen a human do in front of me. Yeah. Showed affection to you? It was really nice. No, John. Sorry. I was going to say, well, his neighbor showed him something. Bring it in, brother. John, only I can do that. And sometimes Robbie. And occasionally. I hardly ever I genuinely Yeah it's quite weird I hardly ever Because he's the same age I'm Cool That's weird actually Now you've really made it real Jesus Christ Because in my head When I'm doing them jokes You were never nine Yeah you're just you You were never nine It's never been nine That never happened You're just you now I genuinely picture Stevie now Yeah How bizarre is that I think Go on Paul Just say just Stephen That's bad Don't name him either because that humanizes him.

2:29:09Yeah. This is the worst Christmas special we've ever done. Talking about Isaac. Stop talking about your son. So basically, I was in Tesco. John is such a fucking downer, isn't he? Look at what he's done. I was in Tesco the other day. Isaac for a few days was complaining about a wobbly tooth. Yeah, as kids do. And then a few days later, we're in Tesco and we're talking about Christmas presents. And he's like, oh, I'd really like this. and I go yeah we can think about getting that and he turns to me in the middle of the shop and he goes you could buy it for me for Christmas or and he grabs his tooth and he pulls it as hard as he can blood starts going down his face tries to yank his own tooth out and then he can't get it out and he looks at me and just goes I was going to say or I can pay you for it with the tooth fairy's money He's mentally on my hands Is that not the weirdest thing Is that not the weirdest thing you've ever heard anyone do ever?

2:30:09Weird, but might I also say Probably the coolest thing I've ever heard Mate, if he got it out, I would have gone You've smashed that He's trying to rip his tooth out for a gag I mean, do you remember that time when I was with you And I just said that was shit and just left That's good commitment to a joke But ripping out your own teeth It was honestly one of the weirdest things I've ever seen a human do I was watching it and he was going on 20 seconds, just yanking. You let him go for a while. Because I'm going, I was like, what am I meant to do? And then he couldn't get it out. He couldn't get it out.

2:30:41He's bleeding. Stop ripping your tooth out of your own hair. He's bleeding and I'm just going, but he's laughing. And you went, all right, just give it 20 seconds. But then he just goes, I was going to say they could buy it for me. And then I'm just like, okay, I need to clean that out. And then later on, we managed to get his tooth out. But I was just watching going, I've got so much respect for that That's cool What do you think John? Don't ask him Tell us again He's had a drink We've all had a drink He's nine Well done he's nine I think it's excellent Finally guys So we Finally should we just do one more to get through them I haven't had a joke about me yet.

2:31:31Oh, here we go. Here we go. Are you begging for a joke about you, Alfie? Hey. It's more... It's more... Oh, it actually is. Go on. How did Alfie... Wait, if this is about Thogden... It won't be. I don't want to know. It's John Lewis, mate. It's John Lewis. That's my wife now. John Lewis don't know anything about Thogden. John Lewis probably... It's not going to be about Thogden, surely. John Lewis know nothing about Thogden. Visit Saudi Arabia. How did Alfie save money on Christmas dinner this year? I know what it's going to be. And I know what word it's going to be. And it's the side dish, isn't it?

2:32:06What? Stuffing. What? I don't want to say it. Make him say it. You take a guess at the punchline. No. What do you think John Lewis said? Something about Fogden giving somebody a stuffing. How did Alfie save money on Christmas dinner this year by letting Fogden provide the stuffing? Is it actually? Yeah. You've smashed that Because I could read it Through the fucking back And I got there first Because I'm not going to let you Fucking do that to me No Alfie You've actually really Disappointed me there Thank you Shit mate Fuck your jokes I thought you'd been So on fire this episode That you've just smashed it I'm not going to let you Do it to me Now you're a disappointment Have you got a carrot In your box Put your hat on down You can read backwards Is the most impressive thing About all of that Is it Yeah It's kind of emotional I can't read forwards Sorry everyone I've got a cold A little brush It's coming out of my nose.

2:32:54Right, so. Yummo. We've got two things to finish. Okay. We have anonymous questions in which all of us have been asked to answer five questions about the other person. We did this on last year's one. It was good fun with Jack Smith and Dan Greengrass. And I think Alfie's got a little treat for us at the end, but we don't know what it is yet. So. Alfie's defrosted. So I've got all the answers here. I want you to know I have not read a single one of them. I'm going to be reading them alive. They're on my sheet, but I've not read them. I've seen you reading them alive. Reading them live. So these are answers about each other and someone in this group has submitted those answers.

2:33:30We've got to work it out. Fiona, have I done this? Same. I've got them on my phone if you want them. That would be handy. That's a big part of the pod. Sorry, I thought it was a main bit where we sort of just did it by you. Oh, no, you're not. No one's meant to know. So you need to send them to Fee who sends them to Jack. Oh, Chrome Nation. So while Becky sends them, we can start, right? Okay. And we will start with... Here, it's not Becky. We will... no technology's quick these days now ravi our questions about john right so what's a secret nobody knows about john only two people in the world know what happened on his amsterdam trip this year and i'm one of them like gavin and stacy fishing trip and i shall take it to my grave well i know who it is i mean you've literally told all of us before the Yeah, now there's more.

2:34:24Okay. What three things is John allergic to? Plymouth Argyle. Showering alone. Always in there with his mate. Food. He only ate two bags of crisps a day in Amsterdam. Is that true? Yeah, well, every day... Two bags of crisps and minge. That is... I don't think they make... I cannot believe you just straight faced that. That's absolutely insane. I don't think walkers have a minge flavour. What? What did you say? What did you say? I don't think walkers have a minge. I guess I don't think, but they might. If they did, you would know. I'd have all of them. They do, prawn cocktail. Next up. Oh! Weren't you made the fear This is the smartest we've ever been.

2:35:08I just like fucking. It's me. Bring it out. Yeah, we brought a girl in and we're gone, let's talk about a ming. Let's all get a bit weird, because the woman's in. We can't be normal. Fucking hell. That is so annoying. We do this every week. Do you? Sorry Becky. You're not special. Yes I am. Get the fucking ass off. I am special. What are three things John couldn't live without? Exeter City, Pints, Hoggaretts. Why do you call it Hoggaretts though? Hog and Cigarette. Hoggaret. Hogg's a big word for a penis. It's three letters. So when you're doing that sort of behaviour... Hog implies... There's a lot coming on.

2:35:47Yeah well that's why it's not named after me. Okay small dick. self-aware right okay next up what's a killer line John likes to use in the bedroom get a beer down your neck love oh that's good it's good though isn't it his name is John Beer yeah oh okay it's good isn't it it's clever it's clever Becky thinks I'm an open are you aware of that no she went that's good I'd do that thinking it meant get a beer down you but she didn't realise his surname was beer leave it Stevie I did realise I like that surname what's something John never ever It says here Nice one has hammered him Be disloyal to a friend Most loyal and trustworthy person I've ever met True How far did you drive For my wedding there and back?

2:36:39It was about four or five hours Each way to get back to work Loyal guy Very loyal guy And I kept my promise in the carrot game Yeah you did genuinely he I mean the listeners are going to think he's awful but he is a nice person right I've got a lot about me well done John thank you well done John who do you think wrote those about you it was yeah probably out yeah okay these are about our dear ill friend here Robbie Knox dear ill friend I'm looking good old what's Robbie's three favourite chat up lines oh god sorry in advance no I know yeah Becky might have written them how about we let this old man give you a young girl rash what does that mean I have literally no idea what are you guys they're not me do you want to go to a random UK town with me and decide if it's small or rubbish probably about John these are shit not even properly written down the title like I did with mine how about we get rid of that fucking skirt sharpish.

2:37:49That's good. That's good. No, that's pulled it back. That's very good. That's pulled it back. That's very good. That's very good. Where is your skirt? The wagging finger. I've actually got a new one because that one wore out. They sent me a new one. Wore out your skirt. They sent you a new one. What's been Skirt people. Robbie's biggest waste of money ever? Oh God. Any plane ticket for Becky Stumphead or any other 20 something year old woman who ultimately finds any excuse not to go at the last minute. Oh, come on. on guys i lost my passport yeah don't emphasize it like it's not true what would robbie not want anyone to know about him he actually votes tory oh i see that do you see that yeah

2:38:32no i think you're a staunch lefty mate i don't think you'd be seen dead what's robbie's darts walkout song creep by radiohead oh that's just too much if robbie got a tattoo tomorrow what What would it be? The lyrics to one of Kanye's latest releases across his chest, in the style Jack has Ben Howard. There we go. Who do we think that is? Stevie. I think that's you, John. I thought John at first, but then I thought some of those are a bit too knowledgeable. Well, that's how he's helped with it. Is it you? Nothing to him in. No, John listens to the pod. Robbie, I'd never do that. Okay, there goes John.

2:39:07Is it you, John? It wasn't me now. I'm sorry, Robbie. That's all right. It was you, Jack. The whole time. Okay. What's the worst thing about Becky? She struggles to say no to things she won't enjoy. So she has to make up excuses. No way. No way. No way. I can't write it. What's Robbie? You know, this isn't me. Or me. Or me. It makes it sound like you've doubled up What's Becky's dating profile? Wales, Pints, Robbie In that order What's Becky's most embarrassing moment? Recording a whole episode of Happy Hour that was never released Because the cameras were a bit blurry Oh and her dating history is pretty embarrassing Oh that's a bit of a They asked for one didn't they?

2:39:59They asked for one If you gave Becky£50 what would she spend it on? Someone's put any of the following Lager, whiskey, vodka, cider white wine, rum, gin, red wine, tequila, mead, brandy pale, rose wine, sambuca, moose, shine, brisee, aferral, baileys. I love the inclusion of mead. I was a Viking. Imagine if this was Robbie.

2:40:26That's the killer of the same mead. Well, I find Robbie in that order. Yeah, I don't know. That would actually be the sickest thing ever.

2:40:40What's Becky's greatest life achievement? Having KSI throw a few hundred pounds in her face. It's a grand. Right, who do we think? Stephen. That stinks, Stephen. Mead, when I wrote Mead. I like it. These are questions about Alfie. What's Alfie's biggest worry? Carbs. But it did say something. That's, but it, but it did say something else but he oh Fiona's put it did say something before he changed it you're not better read that okay you've read it now so you've got to try and find out I said it we read it so it's up to that person if they want to say what it originally said go on who would Alfie say is his arch nemesis himself that's good that's good I tell you what I was thinking it's going to be fogged it's going to be fogged in and when you said himself that cut me that fucking cut me we got a nibble sorry sorry that's actually true that that's fucking true what's Alfie's catchphrase how many grams of protein are in that good yeah Alfie's going to prison what's the crime stealing from wagamamas oh yeah I did do that I like there's been no mention of hell yeah what's Alfie's secret fetish getting cut by Thogden oh I actually don't enjoy it it doesn't happen Who do you think that was?

2:42:05Becky. Becky, was it you? It wasn't me. It wasn't me. Robbie? Yeah. Oh, Robbie. Thank you. So what was the first one? I'll tell you off. Right, okay. These are about me. Great. What's the most about... What's the most annoying thing about Jack? Everything slash posting is runs. Last bit too hard. God, I nearly clapped. Nearly clapped. What's a nickname people call Jack behind his back? I'm Alex's mate. Oh, God. Jesus. Okay, let's get through them, yeah, boy? What does Jack look like he smells of? Beef.

2:42:50Yeah, I can see that. What does Jack have hidden under his bed? Luke Littler. What's something Jack does every single day? Stupid. Plan his next cancelable tweet. It's fairly obvious isn't it? Yeah I love you much No but the first time I met Jackie told me I'm sorry love I smell like beef It was weird Alright First time you came on It was weird It was fine because it didn't get posted And I'd eaten beef crisps Yeah you went Guilty You smell like beef It was really weird Full of beef fingers Right okay Who's left? These are questions about Stevie What's the best thing about that you just yawned there, mate.

2:43:32It's a bit boring. John's threatening these. He was buzzing to come on in. No, I'm starting because these are mine. You got me for secret. Hold on, didn't we all just get the same people for Secret Santa as we got for the questions? Yeah. Oh, yeah. So far it looks that way and you've clearly done mine. Yeah, well, I'm the only one left. What's the best thing about Stevie? His lovely newish hair. That's a compliment. That is nice. Good start. I tried to go a mix of nice and... Oh, don't say that, because that's nice. Now I know there's shit to come. Sorry. If Stevie died today, what would you write about him online in his eulogy?

2:44:11Stevie was a man I went on a stag do with. A man I... You just didn't get the idea of anonymous. Anonymous, did you? No, I didn't. Imagine if I read these first. I didn't really read the anonymous. A man I went to a wedding with and a man who beat me at darts. He was all right. I know with you. What stag do you got? Humans are sick. Oh my fucking god. That'd be a ripper. Oh my god. What's it say? I'm going to save that one to the end. So what was the last thing Stevie lied about? Saying he was any good at tension. We played that a lot. We all right. Rude. I was the host. These last two are a bit nasty.

2:44:44I was the host. If Stevie had three wishes, what would he wish for? For three more neighbours like his childhood neighbour when he was younger. And then the worst one. It's not needed. Humans are 60 % water But what is Stevie's other 40 % made up of? Don't say it Because we know what it is So let's just not say it Because that's fucking What do you think it is? Fat? Stevie Gravy? What is in my mind right now What do you think it is? Is so dark That I cannot even Oh god that's what I thought it was going to be Yeah That's horrific Should we do my rap? Yeah To finish Pardon the pun Seven Seven. Seven.

2:45:28That's actually eight. Right. Alfie's got a little rap to finish on. I'm sorry. Where's Dini gone? He's easy. You've done it, mate. I shot my eyes and he's gone. You what? I shot my eyes and he was gone. Houdini. And we got a laptop for this bit. Have you got the Toronto there, John? Yeah, yeah. It's over, mate. Thank you, mate. Oh, God. I get nervous doing my raps. Right. Now. Every year. This is like I release a new one every year, right? I release a rap. Do you get nervous selfie? Yeah. Yeah, and that's just walking to the shop, am I right? Right. For the fun, for the fun. Sorry. I like that.

2:46:05Thank you, Jack. Thank you. So I started off, my rap started off being quite PC and nice, but I realised for, to connect with the youth, they have to be very misogynistic and about sexual intercourse. Yeah, let's fucking go. And all of these things. I know nothing like that. Nothing like that. You are doing that. This is my Raph alias brown sugar So it's not me Can we wait for Stevie? Stevie's gone Stevie, you're going to miss the rap I think he's going to the toilet Did you make this beat yourself? I actually made this beat I actually made this beat guys I'm fucking buzzing I worked really hard on it There we go, to send you out of this year's Christmas pod It's Alfie with a rap This has been Jack Makes Happy Hour podcast with the brilliant Bambino Becky, the brilliant John Beer, the ill Robbie Knox, Jack May and Stevie White, who's now going to come back in to hear Alfie play us out with a rap.

2:47:04This might take a few... Wait, Alfie, before you do, one quick last cracker. One more song. One more song. And the joke is, why can't Alfie sleep the night before Christmas? Because he sat in his cuck chair while thogged and roused his wife. Okay, guys. Take it away, Alfie. Take it away.

2:47:29I'll box you up like gift wrap Ate your mum's mince pie Then I hit that Santa's getting it this year I got socks in my sock In that shit chat Yeah, nick that shit tat You're a big fat twat With a shit hat Guess I'm on the naughty list again Take the piss And then you're gonna get slapped Give this dissension They'll say that it's heavy You ain't Rudolph's nose You ain't ready Now the girl want me in her bed Cause I'm small and brown Like her teddy Playing with words Like it's Christmas morning Bailey's pouring Better get mooring And I'll get a bacon rolling When the feds try kicking my door ring Candles lit but we come to blows I got your bitch Asking for pics Saying I'm fit After my shows Call me Saint Nick Cause I got ho ho hoes I got loads of those So many fucking hoes I'm at fucking overdose They call me cold Cause I'm the fucking coldest bloke With the coldest flows Oh so sick it's gross Shit time yeah I'm really cooking with this one In the kitchen Making venison vixen I call it a donna kebab Dropping them bars like bombs Like I'm blitzing Yeah I'm dropping them bars like bombs I got their bitches singing my songs I'm like a Christmas cake Cos I got bear dates Can we Big Ben with my big dong Call me Big Ben, got a big ding Giving the speech cos I am the king Christmas card, I'm signing the ting Call me Carol, I'm making them sing

2:48:39He's as cold as ice! Wow! One take! Four points! One take ting, brother One take ting! I think I'm in love I think I'm in love You, Alfie. I've got to say, best performance you've ever put on Happy Hour. One take ting, brother. And I don't mean the rap. I mean all of it. And what was it? Eight? Was it eight you were on? Was it eight? Eight jokes. You're on nine now, mate, because there was millions in there. So you're on nine million. Ten. You are a ten out of ten. Enjoy your Christmas. Have a fucking good one. Shout out to the gang here. It's my favourite Christmas special so far. We'll see you for Big Fat Quiz of the Year.

2:49:20I'm a chill back. Riva! Stay in touch. Cold as fuck, bro. Yeah, that was unbelievable. I came no hands. I didn't know you were chill like that. You need to go and have a good hard look at yourself. Yeah, that was right. Don't say hard around him. Jon's gonna come and cry in now. Jon sent me a thrill in the week and go, is that too far? Really? Is that too far?

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