623 - Problematic Presents, Waterpark Weirdos, & Passport Control Problems (All Caught Up!)

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1:11jack mates happy hour yes guys welcome back to jack mates happy hour podcast look at us now who would have thought it's me robbie and stevie and we've done it we fucking got it boys it looked like a long hard road but 2026 we are here clap for 2026 oh well done robbie thank you well done mate well done you're batting me were you worried yeah I've been worried for a long time you looked at my teeth then have I got food in it no it's hard not to look at them this is my insecure moment oh I go really big for the first minute yeah then I lose all you did say in the group chat that you're going to make the podcast a bit more tender this year so we shower insecurities more early on well yeah I'll show you my first insecurity yeah I've been trying to grow my hair okay I mean I don't think taking the hat off shows it's best can you just do something with it well i've not styled it or all i've done is just not an haircut in months i don't mind it i mean let's see like the thing about growing your hair as somebody's growing his hair a lot you have to do a bit more or you look like if rob beckett fuck forrest johnson yeah which is kind of the vibe of the minute right so the face didn't help when you looked at me but i've not done anything on my hair i didn't do a face i just looked at you what do you mean what do you mean the face didn't help i looked at you growing your hair you still have to have haircuts yeah all right you you you just say i'm growing my hair and then they help but they you can't just grow all your hair at the same length or it looks weird does it look weird yeah really weird yeah so what am i supposed to do now well don't get the hairdresser and cut it all off no yeah i will well then it doesn't matter but if you want to grow your hair don't let your hair don't go oh I don't want to grow my hair now because of this go I'm growing my hair how can we have you got like end game I don't know no I don't have an end goal but how long did you want to grow your hair to is there a hair think of a hair someone with longer hair that you like you like that Kurt Cobain one don't you yeah but I can't do Kurt Cobain you look sick as Kurt Cobain he wouldn't be Kurt Cobain he'd still have that face no I could try I could be grungy and shit yeah but how would you be grungy I'd probably just lean back in my chair a lot wear stripy jumpers that are a little bit distressed.

3:23I think... Cut off at the end. Yeah. I think I'd give it... You'd fall off your chair a lot. You'd be good in grunge, I think. Yeah. I'd be like... You could definitely... You'd look good, like, with the hair... Maybe over your ears, like that. Oh, shall I? Yeah, do that. That's me now. Okay, right, do it. Go to the hairdresser. Yeah. Go to Barbara, go, I want to look like this. Make a picture of Kurt Cobain. Say, I want to look like this. He's my uncle. And see whether he knows who Kurt Cobain is. Kurt Cobain he will know because my hairdresser's pretty he loves music well a lot of people know who Kurt Cobain is well then take a picture of your uncle and say I want to look like Kurt Cobain what shall I show him that if that's what you want is that the I do that shall I yeah you'd look so cool like that I wouldn't look cool like that well we'll find out yeah the only way to find out is do it we're recording this on a Tuesday I got a haircut booked on Friday okay this is all for now no but are you not gonna no because you can go to and go I want to look like Kurt Cobain But the only way to get that is to leave it.

4:20No, it's not. This is what I'm saying. You have to cut it as you go. You can't just go, there's bits in between long hair and short hair. You have to go and have haircuts in between. You don't just have a haircut and then in four years you're like, No. Especially when you get your haircut, you do like really short on the back and side. So your top's way longer. His top isn't going to be way long. That's going to be cut differently. So you need the top to start matching the sides and back. But there's a lot more, yeah you'd need to get it cut as you go oh i can't do it boys take that picture in and go i want to look like this event i want this hairstyle eventually right what can we do in the meantime so i don't look like this yeah it'd be great i see give it a go if you want to put your face into it so you know i just worry that if yes when this episode goes live whoever's watching this right now should be able to see an image of jack's face on kurt cobain i'll do it i'll do it and then people can I just feel that I'm going to spend like a year growing it out like that right and then I'm going to look at it and I'm going to be so depressed with the results that I will actually become Kurt Cobain write really good music yeah or just cut it yeah yeah do you know do you know why Smells Like Teen Spirit is called Smells Like Teen Spirit I feel like you've told us this on the pod before I haven't haven't because I only learnt it the other day so impossible I feel like we've heard this on the pod before Maybe she's told us before I told you why Green Day is called Green Day And I told you why Two Door Cinema Club Are called Two Door Cinema Club I have never told you why Smells Like Teen Spirit is called Go on then Because a girl was mugging him off at school And she said Teen Spirit is apparently like a very cringy aftershave Like an old spice Oh nice And she said oh That smells like You smell like Just tell people you told us this I haven't I feel like I knew that You know that If someone finds a clip of me saying it Then I will literally put a shotgun in my mouth because I might have forgotten.

6:14Have you got any other band names that you know? The thing is, I always get people say to me, oh, Robbie repeats stories all the time. But no one never gets criticism. I go, have I told you this? And you go, no. They go, Robbie's repeating stories. They go, I fucking asked them and they get off scot-free. They haven't been listening. We didn't listen first time. We forget what we say. Do you know? Yeah. Do you know why? That's why I'll just be getting a haircut on front of it. I'll completely forget about all that. Do you know why Bastille are called Bastille? it's a French I know it's a French it's like the French independence day it's like a day in France and I think Dan from Bastille's birthday is the same day good reason Franz Ferdinand, why do you think they're called Franz Ferdinand because they like going to France they're not called Franz Ferdinand and them and Vinic yeah that's correct actually Robbie Williams is called Robbie Williams it's not his real name is it no it's not he's actually robert that is it's a short version of robert you're a robert aren't you yeah i just never think it when i look at you do you ever think steven when you look at me i think a lot of i think looking at you but it's not steven why do you think the vaccines are called the vaccines one i thought you were going down a different tangent no no because they were the vaccines before covid yeah there were other vaccines yeah the first ever vaccine in 2019 yeah but now like like vaccine like vaccines are like always been like a crucial part to like human survival yeah but now we live in this world where there are some people who are just like hate them the band or the actual vaccines like now it's like you're a nutter if you they think the nutters think you're in that if you have the vaccine so i want to live what's this got to do with the band has anyone seen a show called uh chad powers it's on disney not even like it's it's it's like some guy who's this um american football uh quarterback yeah and he's like got the top of that college the biggest game in the college he's basically a prick and um he uh does loads of other things he fucks up in the last game as well he gets hated by everyone so much that he can't make a come back in here right so he eventually goes with prosthetics to try and make break back into it anyway um but in that um well one a hawk tours in the first episode wow so which is quite funny yeah um but also like there's this kid that he's he's knocked over and was really rude to like that and he was really he was ill with cancer he dies and and in it he keeps referring to the covid vaccine all the time so like this he goes yeah there's a kid with cancer knocked over he He goes, he died the other day.

8:57He goes, the vaccine? He goes, I don't think so. He just keeps referencing COVID-19 every now and then. It's such a funny, weird thing to keep bringing up. That's going to be so outdated. Yeah, but it's funny because it's already outdated. Because it's like, he's already making these... Because no one talks about the vaccine now. He goes, there's a vaccine. Well, people on Twitter bloody do. Yeah, they do, but they're nutters too. Well, how was our Christmas? Because the tinsel's been torched. The turkey's been tarnished. The festivities are done. Why did that one have an F? You've gone TT, TT.

9:32All right, the tree's been trashed. Finished. Just festivities are finished. No, I was doing TTs. No, I'm just saying you just do it a little. Are you okay? Yeah, why have you got a can of water? It was on my desk, I was like, I could have it. You went, yeah. I genuinely don't know how you opened that. Doesn't it say open? I'm going to see. It just says ox on it. Oh, no, there's a tiny thing saying open. Wait, this is perfect visual content This is like when you give a monkey Oh, that's wrong No, it's just a tiny hole He's done that wrong It says open on it He's done it the wrong way It fucking says open This is like when you give a monkey a square circle triangle No, no, no, no Pull the tab back on itself now That You got this, Dad And now pull that towards yourself Dad, you got this Away from yourself now no no no no no no he's saying about the chuckle brothers the bit that's facing me imagine i pull it god this is content welcome back guys welcome back 2026 that's much worse than a normal bottle of canopening device terrible terrible yep and there we go he's got it it's water that's really hard to drink yeah that was left over from last year so there we go um how was your christmases is all good?

10:50Yeah, really weird for me, but good. I went on holiday for Christmas this year. Yeah, that is odd. That is odd. First time I've ever done it. Never done it before. Same sentence twice in a row. Well, we're back. Still not Lancer podcast. We're back. Yeah, strange. So we celebrated Christmas Day on the 22nd of December. Oh, yes, we look a bit weird, didn't we? Oh, no, we had no choice. You know what I mean? I'm just crazy. I'm not like the other girls. If you go 10 a reef, he's 11 a reef. I just went Tenerife I just went Tenerife, that's where I went I thought you went Lanzarote No, we went Lanzarote Oh, you actually went to Tenerife?

11:28Oh, that's brilliant So obviously Isaac, we had all the Christmas presents and stuff at home, but we're not going to take them all over to Tenerife with us, so we said let's do our Christmas day the day before we fly so I had my mum over and we had Christmas dinner Did it feel like Christmas day? Yeah, because no because i'm trying to think i don't know what to think no no because i did stuff in the morning my mum didn't come around until two but like i went for a run stuff in the morning so it didn't until my mum came it didn't feel like it was christmas day right but once she was over then it felt exactly how a normal christmas meal would be if your mum comes over in june does that feel like christmas anytime i see my mum it's christmas yeah yeah it's only because she's listening so yeah we did Christmas Day on the 22nd it felt fine it was nice but then we flew on the 23rd and got to Tenet Reef on Boxing Day you're brave thought the rails would be closed wouldn't they then got in the sail if you had to go do it properly you'd go well we can't go because all the trains are off oh I'm so confused what you were going on about I was like the 23rd's not Boxing Day we need to really mate I'm lost People are just off now.

12:46I don't know what to say, to be honest. We flew on the 23rd. We got there. It was like 22 degrees, 23 degrees. It was lovely and sunny. I'd hate that. This is meant to be cold. Yeah, it was. But it was really weird because it was Christmassy over there still, like big Christmas trees everywhere. And like, so even it was... Sandmen. No, not real. They were like big inflatable snowmen and stuff. Yeah. Have you been to Tenerife before? Never, no. first time I basically googled where's still hot at Christmas and it just said the Canary Islands and Jack and I went to Lanzarote a few months ago so I was like I'm not going back there wanted somewhere new never been to Tenerife Ariane lived there for a few months like 11 years ago 10 years ago so she said she'd like to go back so I went let's go there how?

13:33she just went over there to sing for a bit sang in different places around there so yeah went down to the south because it's warmer down there so I chose it based on warmth and had a really nice time it's hard for an awkward up because it's when things go wrong it's easier to talk about things in it rather than just going that was nice christmas day went to cyan park world's highest rated water park like 10 years in a row best rated water park yeah best best day ever yeah weird christmas day was it busy yeah yeah it was still surprisingly busy. It's quite a big thing over there, I think, that people like to go on Christmas Day.

14:13Really? The foreigners, obviously, like the people on holiday. Alright, mate. You've got Tommy Robinson over here. Because I'm the foreigner. Has some self-respect. So, yeah, it was busy, but it was so fun. Really, really enjoyed it. It's just, it was unusual. I had this, Isaac came over to me at one point. He was, like, playing in this wave pool thing. And Isaac came over and went, I don't think it's anything weird. but some man's just said hello to me and Merry Christmas, bud, in the water. Was the man in the water? The man was, it was like a big pool and like the guy was in the water and went past Isaac and just went, Merry Christmas, bud.

14:51What do you think? Is that weird, Robbie? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know the scenario. It's a bit odd to a random kid. Yeah. And it's like, bear in mind there's kids everywhere because it's a water park. Yeah. But none as fit as Izo.

15:07What would leave that in 2025? so he's the nonce so anyway unless it's a massive plot twist from your childhood so isaac says that and he's a bit like i don't know what's just happened he found it a bit unusual but then about 10 minutes later some random guy comes up to me and goes oh stevie isn't it i really like the podcast and he went i just said hello to your boy i can't tell if it is weird yeah it is weird yeah you don't get straight up to the nine-year-old do you yeah fine you can make small talk with the nine-year-old when you're talking to the three three-year-old three-two-year-old he like walked away and me and Ari I'm like I don't know that's a weird situation isn't it that is a bit odd but I think he was well he might be watching now so let's not be gathering too much well let's be honest alright it's weird mate I'm in the right place I think he's he's obviously got nervous and he thought This would be really chillax of me if I just go and chat up a kid.

16:15He's in a swimming pool. I bought you both back a gift from Tenerife as well. Oh, now I feel bad. I've been away twice and I've never put you anything. Well, Robbie, you said before the episode you might wear a hat in this episode. You changed your mind. So here we go, boys. Oh, thank you. Thank you very much. I'm going here next week. Are you going to go to Stone Park? you've already got the hat thank you yeah is this a brand deal no like seeing Robbie in these colours and that hat it's weird at the exact same time you look nine years old and 58 like oh yeah I suppose yeah I can see it yeah it's um yeah I've got to look a bit like if Joe Biden went to Simon Park you know what I mean like you see an old really old man and they've gone or Larry from Club of Enthusiasm I like it.

17:09You're that Steve Buscemi meme. Oh, yeah. I wish it was a brand deal because it costs a bit of money to go there. But yeah, I just thought they were basically a euro when I went, the boys were like this. He's undone a bit when you tell us it's only a euro. Second gift. What? I got you a second gift. Have I undone it now, Robbie? Is it a bill for a euro? When you two... Why are you looking at yourself? You look great. I look like that movie director, Ron. Ron. Howard. I love Ron Ron. Ron Ron Ron. I do Ron Ron. When you guys went to snow bombing together, you came back with a little joke that you loved saying.

17:50Some of you good memes recently. How did I remember that? I was mad. Got you both a little key ring. That is cute actually. That is cute. I love memes. I do love memes. Good ones. Who's buying that? Me! Sorry, that. Have you seen the good memes lately? It's still one of the most I've ever laughed. I couldn't even get my words out trying to say it. And now you've got a key ring to commemorate it. Thank you. When I saw it, I was like, these boys need this key ring. Thank you, Stoog. I feel bad that I didn't even consider buying anyone any games. Oh, that is cute. Merry Christmas. Thank you, mate.

18:26Thank you. Yeah, ultimately, Slyon Park, best place in the world. I'd go back every day if I could. I love a water park. That is so strong. I have a water park What's better? Give me something better than a water park Handjob Handjob at Sion Park Yeah Definitely not a brown peel I don't know And then I'll get I'll warn Jack in a park I'll get him to say Get a handjob And I'll shout Yeah Get a handjob at Sion Park

19:01Honestly Are you going yeah? I'm going mate You're not a big thrill seeker though, are you? No, I'm not. You sounded such a cunt. You're not like a big thrill seeker like me. I have Christmas on the 22nd of December, mate. Whatever it is, it gets my plug going. It was so, so fun. Talking of key rings, look at this. I actually have it. Fee, would you go to the car? Yeah, sure. Can you go get the key ring out? Just sit there. What was the... you're annoying us your presence whilst he goes to the car say don't show us wait until we see the real thing i've got um a couple more things on tenerife outside of like it was just a good time kind of similar to keyrings mental magnets and like stuff you could buy in like the tourist shops there was insane cocks everywhere yeah just honestly didn't expect that just big wooden cocks, cock, bottle opener.

20:06I've seen that. Fine, yeah. Isaac is finding them funny. Yeah. And we'd laugh every time we saw him. You could get like a cooking apron, massive tits on it, like coming out with a big cock. That is funny. That is funny. We're laughing at that. But then we were spinning one of the magnet things. They're like, oh, lovely Tenerife magnet. This one's got sand from Tenerife in it. Turn to the next one. Just full frontal men and women. What? Who's buying that? just women kneeling on the beach fully naked photos as well proper men cock out who is buying the magazine's cold I'm not buying I'm just good magnets magnets for your fridge Robbie I almost bought one so I thought that would be funny to give to you guys but I was like it was funny to be like oh funny wooden cock but when it was the real cock that's too much isn't it and they're on the same display same display kids can see them you're looking at like just a lovely one that just says Tenerife with a little gecko on it or whatever you turn it full frontal.

21:03I used to go to Henry when I was a kid. I think that was the first time I ever probably saw breasts. I wouldn't be surprised. That's probably why I get horny every time I walk past the fridge now. I don't know why I said that.

21:22Why I've just said that. I was just thinking. What's the joke? There's no other reason. Did you buy any of the magnets? Nah. You just love the fridge. Oh, so the joke was the fridge magnets, but they weren't there. No, the fridge makes them think of magnets, which makes them think of boobs. So were the magnets, the first boobs you saw were on magnets? Right, okay, yeah. Yeah. Right. Is that... It's... It works. It's words. Yeah. That is words. Talking of the wooden cocks, though, do you remember on the Halloween, when we did Halloweek a few months ago and I said about when I used to go around to get, when I was a teenager and I was smoking weed.

22:07The chair. And I went around the chair, yeah. That's just unlocked the memory for me and I've never told this on the podcast. Sierra has all the best active and outdoor brands for the super athletic stuff. Like running gear for cruising up the trail. Woo! And the super athletic-ish stuff. Like fishing gear for chilling by the creek. Nice cast. Fitness apparel to push for higher reps. You got this. And golf balls priced so you can afford to lose one. Or a few. Head to Sierra or Sierra.com for the brands you want at the prices that let you do it all. From athletic to athletic-ish, Sierra's got it.

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23:25ready pg-13 maybe inappropriate for children under 13 then wooden cocks why'd you have to do that with your hands because that the the guy who tried to make me buy a chair well i did buy a chair but the gut that guy he had a cock bong a what a cock bong a cock bong so it was like the cock would go and you'd like that and you'd see the i didn't do it but it wouldn't matter if you did we're not going that's gay but yeah he had a cock bong why I don't know he'd obviously been oh why not Stevie yeah oh maybe ask yourself why you think that's unacceptable he loved Pennerif the same reason as why have you got a cock bottle opener like why why are these things why is someone wanting going this bong would be so much more fun if it was shaped like a cock well cocks are funny aren't they like they are ends really on the situation give us two situations one funny one not funny uh funny magnet not funny if the guy in the pool had his cock out

24:30hello i've got one more thing i'd like to know this works for any holiday any time of year towel etiquette i would love to know what the correct towel etiquette is in a hotel hell because the place we went was hell i have an opinion on this that's this is what can i can i tell you what this was like first or no actually let me tell i'll i'll let you know whether you would have liked where we rude yeah nearly knocked over the canos that would have been a shame my laptop's there sorry mate yeah and also you disrespected this hat i'm also gonna swap my hat for the new hat too see how many hats what we can change oh cool go on what's your opinion on towel etiquette when you're on holiday i think there's nothing more cringier and there's nothing that shows our nation as a work as a poorer nation than when people rush to the beds to put the towels down i think just chill the fuck out there should be a there should be a way in which you're randomly allocated to your your thing the place i went you definitely run you definitely run to the no yeah so we arrived at 3 p.m on the first day obviously the pool was just rammed so there was nowhere to sit other than a couple of beds that were in the shade and they weren't going to get any more sun for the day yeah on day two with we the next few days we basically had plans to go out but every morning we'd go down for breakfast like 8 a.m yeah pretty much all the beds already taken 8 a.m yeah but there's no one on the beds no one on the beds just towels not just towels people have paid for pegs that clip the towel on top of the bed so that the towel can't blow away like they're that forward with it because they want their spot because they On one of the days we decided we were going to stay in the hotel.

26:13So I was like, oh, we're just going to have to get a bed early. It's the only way to do it. I went down, managed to get three beds that, what I didn't realize, the reason they weren't taken at 8am is because they don't get the sun until after midday. So we were there from like nine in the morning. Just no sun. And then once the sun came in, that's why they weren't. But there were ones that were in the sun for ages, just towels. For the whole like three hours. Came to about two o 'clock and they came back and they were speaking to each other and they were just like, yeah, we've just been at the beach all day.

26:42It's like, you've left your towel then knowing you were going out to the beach for the day so that no one else in the hotel could do it. Next day, we had plans to go out, but Isaac woke me up at 5.30 in the morning and I was just up. You went down. No. Yeah, you did. No, I didn't go down. Yeah, you did. I'll tell you what I did. From our front door, I could see the pool. Right. So I thought, 5.30 in the morning, I'm just going to have a look. Opened it, 80 % of the bed's already taken at 5.30 in the morning. Is that not mental? surely good hotels clear these away yeah if you get ones that will go if you do tell it's getting it's getting launched mate yeah you're not allowed they don't leave them there overnight or anything they're all completely empty at night so these people are setting alarms and going down just to put it that and then going out for the whole day they're cunts yeah awful isn't it it's so fucking weird it's fucking weird and it makes and it's one of the reasons why I tend to avoid package holidays because I don't want to have to get up early to put a fucking towel down yeah so I'd rather go somewhere that's either got enough beds or that has a policy where they will remove towels from things.

27:43Why don't they just, if you're that sort of, your holidays revolves around the sunbathing. Go to the beach, lay on the sand. Yeah, but they did. And they left towels on the bed as well. So they went, well, go to the beach for the day, enjoy the sun at the beach. Then when we get back, we've guaranteed our four beds that we've got here as well. There's a viral thing, isn't there, going around at the back end of last year of like all the holiday makers. They like kind of open the gates to the sun lounges at some point. and they all just rush through and they're all quickly like sprinting to get it.

28:12It's the opposite of what I want on holiday. Yeah. That sounds stressful. It's the furthest possible bit. It's like getting stressed out. Oh, I can't really enjoy this. Yeah. And also it's boring laying there doing nothing. Why are they rushing to do that bit? Yeah, there was one family, the ones with the pegs. Every day we'd come back and they'd be on the same, they got the same beds every day. I don't know how they kept managing that, but every day they'd be there. So they weren't just doing it and going out for the day. But I think four days straight, I just saw the same family in the same place.

28:39fair play it's your holiday you do what you want you've earned your money you spend it how you want but personally I couldn't think of anything worse than going somewhere and just laying on the same fucking bed for a week getting skin can yeah you don't want a skin can you do not want I wouldn't be ideal any cans I don't want final thing I went for a run when I was out there but I didn't plan where I was going and I walked fucking crazy isn't he mental 22nd thrill seeker didn't know where I was going so i just i just ran along the beach basically but i ended up on that you know hawaiian shirt or something i ended up on this trail that no one else was around but they were like you're the only one there on the whole trail there was literally no one on this track because i don't think i don't know if i was meant to go up there because then i saw like sheets covering a day at a police court no this is what i was when i went up there i just there was no one around i I saw like all the cactuses and stuff.

29:35And then I realized that's like, that's the Jay Slater area, isn't it? It's all, that's where he went. When I saw the cactuses, my head was like, I was going, what the fuck? I don't think I should be out here. That scared me a bit. Did you say it was here? Of what? You weren't there. Well, what are the sheets hiding? Oh, there's no, I think the sheets were like homeless people. Oh, for God's sake. Yeah, you just in a cactus, mate. So you went up a hill and you went, oh, this might be... But no, there was no one around. And it was like, when I, I don't know, it creeped me out quite a lot. and I was just thinking, this is, go missing up here.

30:05Is that, were you in the same part of the island he was? I don't know. That's the worst story on the pod. That's the worst thing in the history of the pod. Where was he? That is the worst, most tenuous thing ever. Was he South Tenerife? Went missing in the remote mountains, rural De Tano National Park, near the village of Masca. Near the village of Masca, right in the middle of the country. Nah, I didn't go there. i just scared me did it you saw a cactus mate no and that was alone i was alone up there you weren't you ran you well you ran up there you run back yeah but i didn't know who else could be up there not just later but i'll tell you that miles away anyway um what did fee get from the car fee got this fee got me is this worth it this is not worth it no this is not worth it it's just a little thing but christmas hat this is no no no no so this is the difference in uh so my granddad got me a key ring for christmas yeah right and on it it says this it's lovely words right it says i can't promise i'll be here for the rest of your life but i can promise that i'll love you for the rest of mine wherever your journey in life may take you always be brave and strong believe deep in your heart that you are smart and capable of achieving anything your heart desires whenever you feel overwhelmed always remember whose grandson you are how big's What is this fucking keyring?

31:28Like from Stonehenge? Oh my god that's small writing. Right like that. That's beautiful yeah. Fiona got me a keyring. Is it a wooden cock? Why are you struggling to get it?

31:45Chicken nugget. What the fuck is that? Chicken nugget mate. Why have you put it on your keys? Chicken nugget. And look how hyper realistic that looks. it's mad that that's the one you put on a key cheers granddad but I've got a chicken nugget thanks where is your granddad's one in a drawer you've already gone and that's why you're not engaged to your granddad she knows what you like you got yourself a keeper there what is that man right boys boys I've also got something else I need to tell you i don't know if i've told you this yet christmas day sorry boxing day right fiona and i always do our presents for each other separately like on the next day when it's just me and her because we hosted christmas this year in our house yeah so we waited for people to calm down and then the next day we sat cross-legged in our pajamas on the floor and gave each other our presents now I'm quite a good present giver I got Fiona some what's it called you do it drill no it goes in the hair shampoo Dyson hair wrap that's the one a few months ago on the pod Alfie was saying that he got Ali one and I was thinking I've already got Fee one so I kept quiet not about the money or anything like that but it is expensive what are we talking I think I paid$300 $3.50 for it.

33:16I just think I'll get a better one, but I won't.

33:21Fiona can get her an iPhone, to be fair. Oh, well, there you go. Yeah. What, a new one? No, I just found it. Yeah, a new one, yeah. Do you know what Fiona got me? It was my main present. Chicken nugget catering? No, that was my secondary present, although that is better. Oh, no. I'm so worried. Fiona has this thing, right, where she gets me like an experience every year, right? Okay. Some are hit, some are miss. You hate experiences. No, I don't. You literally don't like doing shit. You hate forced fun, and that's what all experiences are. A couple of years ago, she took me and her to make our own baubles.

33:56Right? Sounds like that's for her. So that was all... Take you and her, though. That's kind of like if you also got yourself a Dyson Air thing, whatever it is. Do you know what I mean? That's like... What do you think? She should have just got me the ticket. Yeah. Or got you two tickets and go take who you want. Genuinely. Don't mind if it's not me. Save that thought. Okay. Save that thought. so a couple years ago we were on the industrial estate poking these things in the fire blowing making our own bauble right they hang proudly on our tree now fine glass blowing glass blowing was it good? it was alright hour in and out done bosh that's good yeah I'd love to do that yeah I'd love to give glass blowing a go this year okay this isn't gonna be well because he did not want us to keep talking about glass blowing main present envelope pull it out barcode experience I'm going to a farm in the middle of March to learn how to make my own sausage.

34:59Now wait. I've done that before. I've done YouTube with tubes. Right. She's not got herself a ticket. You have to go alone. You have to go alone. She's got me one ticket. One ticket. And it's 30 miles away. That's so much worse. So I have to drive on my own. On a random day. What day of the week is it? It's like Thursday or something. It's like back in the middle of the week. You can't plan anything that week now because you've got to go make a sausage. Someone goes, you want to go away to do something? You go, no, sorry, I can't on Thursday. I've got to go on my own to make a sausage. She's basically given you that and gone, fuck off for the day.