630 - SHANE TODD - Growing Up In Holywood, Theo Von Garden Centre Trip, & Nearly DYING On A Film Set!

28:09Just caressed it in I've just caressed it into the corner And then What you see Like I thought it'd be like limbs Right When I scored But I look up into the stands Where Calvin my cameraman was And he just gives me the We got it We got it He lets me know we got it And then And then I was delighted That's a good cameraman Fiona Jonah, can I bring this up? I'm a West Ham fan, right? Upton Park getting smashed down, obviously broke my heart. I got the chance to play there a week before it got smashed down. I won a competition, but I put it online as if I'd been invited to play there. After negotiations.

28:47I sent them my fee, I was in. I scored a hat trick. I will say now, it was half pitch. So it was like that length way, width ways. Fiona's not been filming. Anyway, goes to a penalty shootout. I run over before the penalty shootout. I say, Fee, have you got all that? She was like, what? As I'm meant to be filming it. I'm like, why else are you here? You don't like football. Penalty shootout comes. I missed the deciding penalty and our team leaves. She filmed it. Doesn't that, that story, I know that no one's going to believe that, but I, but that happened. No, I feel you because I would go to serious lengths and have done.

29:23I'm playing another charity game. And, uh, the, there was a few ex-Premier League players playing. It was my first kind of one of these. And I scored a very good goal. No, you can beat yourself up. Yeah, a worldie. But then it wasn't filmed particularly well. You couldn't really see it. So I got in touch with the club who were hosting us to see if they could pass me on to their security team. And I got hooked up with a guy. Shout out to Burger Man on X He does their CCTV And I said Do any cameras cover the pitch? And he said yeah leave it with me And I got the CCTV of a goal That must look weirdly cool It actually looks good I can imagine that being like the video That loads on like a 2003 FIFA Helicopters over the top And stuff like that That's unbelievable My friend said he was on holiday once And he saw Abby no who is it Abbey Clancy Abbey Clancy there and he was like oh that's Peter Crouch and he's like nine at the time my mate and he's like that's Peter Crouch's wife so he got a one and penny float of balls and he went down and was doing keepy ups in front of her thinking it would get back to Peter and he'd somehow get a contract This episode is brought to you by eBay I love eBay almost as much as you love football cards and I do love football cards Stevie you've seen my house haven't you I have got piles and piles of collectibles The annoying thing is, though, I've got quite a few swaps.

30:56Well, seeing as it's free and pretty easy to sell on eBay, why don't you just sell some of those cards? There'll be loads of people out there who want some of those. That's a good point, Stevie White. I mean, I love all of the cards, that's why I collect them, but when you've got two of the same one, that second one is just not as special to me as it could be to someone else. Well, do it then. Why are you still talking to me? Whack it up on eBay and get some of that money. Yeah, I'm already dreaming of the bids flowing in. When it's this easy to sell for free, you can't help but say, when it's eBay.

31:25Excludes vehicles and business sellers.

31:52vetiver, spicy ginger, and mineral salt. Shop at Macy's.com. Sierra has all the best active and outdoor brands you need. From athletic stuff, like a full-court pickup game, swish, to athletic-ish stuff, like a half-mile stroll. Get those steps in! And for morning hikes up the mountain trail, good pace, to nighttime ghost stories from the camping chair. What a twist! Whatever level of active, Sierra loves it all. Head to Sierra or Sierra.com for the brands you want at the prices that let you do it all. From athletic to athletic-ish, Sierra's got it. So was that the dream for you then as a kid, to be a footballer?

32:30Oh yeah, and it's still, like the sad thing is, there's nothing more tragic than the fact that it still is. Yeah. It still is, and I'm 37, and like, you know, but I still like it. Don't count it out, don't rule it out. See if you said about like playing at Upton Park, you're like, we're playing, I would ask like, can I go? Right. I would go anywhere to play in any of these places. We'll have to get a game Any of those grounds Like that That is the dream It's unbelievable What are you holding midfielder then? See if it's a comedian Like if it's a kickabout like that Just where do you need me? Where do you need me?

32:58Ideally I'm probably playing on a wing Okay I'm probably playing on a wing But happy to play centre mid or wherever That's unbelievable I love it You do pick up games all the time don't you? When I'm in America especially Have a wee app for it That's the weirdest app on my phone Yeah It's called Street FC So it's like It's Grindr but it's football so it's men talking about CDW meetups but even seedier they're playing five a second it's even weirder what's the quality of football like over there well you rate yourself on the app out of five no and then you get put into those games so the trick is you put yourself in as a two and just just ruin people's death you show up as a two and then they're like what the hell and you show up in a fool like Brucey Dortmund training kit no strip on and they're like oh no I like that it's the training kit as well No but it's very mixed The standard out there But it's fun And I don't really drink So when I go on tour I do just want something to do during the day So Fiverrside's like great I was in Canada last year And there's like an app for that And like the Pickup Games And on the app There's like 500 footballers They'll randomly allocate Because you can't upload a photo So it'll randomly allocate you one And I just I was quite nervous It's the first time I'd gone down and played with randomers and I quickly signed up on the way I joined.

34:19I was looking through this list and there was loads of random footballers, all good footballers, but there was like, I'm talking, who am I talking? There'll be like a Matic or a Kovacic on there. And I looked at mine to see who I was going. And I'd got messy. Oh, yeah. And I was like, the pressure on me now because we've got messy. But they're good fun, aren't they? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, let's go back. Where were we? Can I just say, speaking of tangents, I just spotted your Siam Park Cup. I'm going to Tenerife on Thursday and I will be there was there last week I was there at Christmas I love Sian Park I went on Christmas Day now that might be the saddest thing I've ever heard Sian Park's cool every day for Christmas Day no it was great there's barely anyone put on Santa hats and nothing like just the regular gear and then just sad Santa hats it was it didn't feel like Christmas Day there was a Christmas tree at the entrance and then other than that but I bought these back for the boys before I realised Jack was going to dinner sorting the boys I never heard of them The boys being sorted out with Sam podcast.

35:19That was a Euro. Guys, guys, I know you all need to hook up for this night out. I've got you sorted. I'm not coming across school, am I? They're a Euro, so get yourself one. Oh, I will be. Yeah, yeah. Is it a little family holiday? Yeah. And I love, like, see Tenerife? Tenerife gets a bad rep. People think Tenerife should be a bit cheap and cheerful. I've been going to Tenerife since 1991. Have you? Wow. Yep. And I love it. My dad used to take me to Tenerife. Right. And I love Las Americas. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All that, across the decade. That's where we were. Man, you can't go wrong. No. You literally, you can't go wrong.

35:53Look at us, three lads just enjoying Tenerife. Mate, see, when I was, I don't know, 10, we were in Tenerife and we were down near the water somewhere, walking to a restaurant, just me and my dad, and there was a guy doing a game and everybody was watching, but it was a scam kind of thing. And it was, he had like three cups and something under them. You had to guess what's under it. and he we're walking past and he picks my dad and he goes come on come on you have to play my dad thinks he's taking part in like a show but it's it's not a show this man's just stealing people's money but my dad thinks it's a show my dad thinks he's like been almost cast to be in this my dad loves it like my dad loves a wee bit of spotlight you know what I'm hearing and and the guy is like come on you gotta put like 10 euro put 10 euro in here and my dad goes oh my dad goes I don't actually have euro my dad goes I only have these whips out traveller's checks the guy's like we'll put them in and then he does the thing and he goes where is it and my dad guesses wrong and the guy goes sorry and everyone claps like oh and everyone's feeling bad for my dad and then my dad's like rolling his eyes at me like you know what's this guy and then the guy just left and we had no spending money for this but even after like half an hour my dad was like my tea leg he'll be back he'll be back and I was like I think we've just been robbed your dad's thinking he's going on again my dad was fuming that was the matinee I'm on again you speak a lot about your dad and your stand up and he's been on your podcast as well I was listening to you forgive me I don't know the fella's name you'll tell me it was the first American pod that you'd done with some some bloke oh Ryan Sickler yes probably he was great by the way he's brilliant and on there I was hoping you could retell us the story You getting emotional?

37:42Yeah My voice cracked Just got over a cold Your dad likes being Punched in the stomach Oh man This is like His thing Do you know what it is? It's like It's like a tragic Houdini Sort of thing Like he He just So my dad's like I don't know 5 '4 or something Right He's like 5 '6 He hates it when I say it Every time I say it It's shorter But he is like 75 So he is 76 Yeah But yeah my dad's 76 and he's a wee guy and my dad still in great like physical shape my dad used to be a motorbike racer cool guy right right right and he he loves having like some sort of party piece and he worked out that his party piece is he can like tense and take a punch in the stomach from people you know so what he does is and it's actually got worse as he's got older you know he I never heard of him doing this he likes it more yeah he's getting more into it because I think he's wanting to prove more the older he gets Right He's like you think I still And no one's telling him he can't do it But you think I can't take Punching the chest Why are you not telling him I've told him to stop it So much Who are the people Who are willing to punch him Right I first became aware of it When his mate Ivan Sent me a video From a restaurant bar Kind of place Called the Bushmills Inn Up the north coast In North Ireland And it was a groom There was a There was a wedding on A guy had come over From New Zealand To get married to an Irish girl There was a wedding on And my dad and his mate Ivan Were having a food in this complex and they ended up speaking to the bride and groom and the groom in his gear with the bride watching on is just like boom laying one into my dad and then everyone does this big cheer and it's gone on and on to the point where I get DMs from people on Instagram being like is your dad okay and I go why what's wrong and they're like I've just ran into him in you know the Europa bus station in Great Victoria Street here I told him I loved him on the podcast and he's asked me to punch him on the stomach so it's like the first thing he'll ask you but the bad thing is through my pod I've got very friendly with a lot of professional boxers and that is catnip to him he's like he wants the big boys my dad's like bring it on have you seen have you seen I've seen it happen I've seen it happen what's his reaction does he just take it ice Wim Hof yeah we had a fella years ago I've not thought about this for years but it's just come to me a guy called Hakim that was in a football team I was in when I was younger do you remember him?

40:12I remember Hakim yeah and he said he had iron feet so he would get all of us and he was a cool guy we weren't like bullying this kid right he was like one of the cool ones in the team sounds like you're trying to convince yourself no no no because this is going to sound fucking horrible now right but we would stand on his feet as hard as we could with studs and he would just stand there and take it but I get it we had that because he built up muscle over the years this is a nine year old in a park. Yeah. I mean, the ultimate thing would be Dennis-Hakim-Kalab. If we could get them together and get him to repeatedly, like, I don't know, kick my dad.

40:46Yeah. If he kicks your dad in the stomach, I don't know. They'd be good forever. Yeah. But he just, like, I have no idea why he doesn't. Or maybe it's like magnets. They'll, like, repel so much that he would fucking do your dad in and break his foot at the same time. Yeah. We'll get it going. I'll speak to KSI and we'll see if we can get it on this one. That's content. Like, That is great. Let's go back to where you're from, Hollywood. I've come up with a game. This is what we do here. Very highbrow stuff. Do you want to do a jingle? You didn't tell me about it. Okay. I'll do it. It's called Hollywood or Hollywood.

41:17Yeah. Right. Quite patchy up, boys. Is it? Quite synthy. Okay. Do you want me to do it again? I would love it. Hollywood or Hollywood. So I'm going to give you seven restaurants or bars. Yeah. And I would like you, Shane, to tell me, are these bars situated in Hollywood, USA, or Hollywood? That's me doing you. Yeah. Right, okay. I thought that was another American accent. So did I. Hollywood, USA. Hollywood. That's offensive, isn't it? Can you say it? The waiters outside the restaurants in Tenerife, when they ask you where you're from, and you say, do a better impression. Because that's a thing they do.

41:55They say, where are you from? You say, and then they go, what's the crack? Right. But it's better Than that Can you say Hollywood? Hollywood Hollywood It's alright It's alright It's alright I don't like it I'm flopping I'm flopping Let's play the game So Is this in Ireland Or is this in America? Camp Hill Hollywood Organic Foods That is in Hollywood Candida Yes you're correct Correct I thought The only flaw with this game is You know it There's about 12 restaurants Oh no In Hollywood I live in sunset rooftop you think knowing the weather of where I live you think we have a rooftop restaurant you might be surprised no that's in that's in Hollywood America that is in Hollywood America sunset that's the most ambitious Northern Irish restaurant of all time I actually played this with Fiona last night I got I was reading these out and getting her to say she got them wrong and I was like this is going to go down great tomorrow forgetting you're actually from this place golden rainberg Gold This is Now this has overtaken All of those other moments Of a How the fuck did we get here moment That I'm here On this great podcast And we've talked for years About doing this And I'm genuinely Like really delighted To be here with you But the idea That we're talking about The golden rainbow Which is the Chinese We went to growing up Is so Bizarre But it's That's That's That's the Chinese People used to what they used to do is you couldn't always get taxis in Hollywood because it's a small town so after a night out if you wanted to get home but couldn't get a taxi you would do that classic thing where you would phone Golden Rainbow for a delivery oh and then just like show up before the guy got in his car and ask if you can get in yeah well he's going to your house anyway that's so fucking smart isn't it and Golden Rainbow had to really knuckle down like really stamp that out because they were getting killed with it like did you do this?

43:55I didn't do it but I know people who definitely did That's unbelievable. Yeah. So Golden Rainbow is an island. You're right. The Cat and the Fiddle. I mean, it sounds like it's from where I'm from. So. Doesn't it? The Cat. Do you want me to get one of these wrong? Yeah. Okay. Oh, that's. I think I've been there. I think. I think I've been there. Is that in Hollywood, California? No, that has to be in Hollywood. Hollywood, Aaron. Oh, you got it wrong. It's an Irish pub in California. Damn it. None of these are going to work. We'll rattle these off. I've been in all these this week Jameson's Irish pub It'd be a mad name If it was in my town That is in Authentic Irish pub house That is in That is in California I feel really bad for you Because I think you were so proud of yourself I was like I'm going to get him If you saw the size of the town You would have already thought that When we do it We're in it.

44:54We're in it. Yeah. Yeah. When we go there, we have to go to these places. Okay. We're the band on the Titanic. We are going down. Let's go down with a bit of... Well, talking of boats, the last one, Royal North of Ireland Yacht Club. The reason that I know that is in my town is I used to be a dishwasher there. Did you? Yep. Oh, wow. When I was 15, 16, 17. Right. Okay. And I... So it's a... It's very posh. So the town I'm from, I would say two thirds of it, very well to do, very affluent. And then you have like some council housing as you drive in, a big estate, and then another couple of bits of it.

45:34But Royal North Yacht Club, so the stereotype, if you said my town, people go, oh, very fancy. But that is the like place you would think of when you think of it. The posh guy. Yeah. Right. so it's like yeah it's a yacht club and it has a restaurant in it and I when I went to college a guy a girl I was working with was a dishwasher there got me a job there and it was unbelievable I loved it and then when I went full time with stand up years later after about four or five months I just I physically could not did not have the money to put petrol in my car to get the shows so I asked for my job back if I could go part time and I was like what a moment this will be when they see me come back.

46:16I was like, this will give morale a lift in the kitchen. People will love this and I'll really knuckle down. And I went and I went, said to my boss, Leslie, at the time, I was like, it's she, and I was like, it's time, time to come home. I was like, I need, I need to come back. I'm willing to come back. And she was like, nah, you were awful. Like you were real, like not good at your job. Oh, you didn't go back. I didn't get, no. Oh, fucking hell. Did you manage to get a different job? I think it was one of those things where, you know, you couldn't have scripted it where I give myself like six months or something where I need to make this work and then I really needed money to get to the places and then I got like one thing with like a local radio thing or something that paid me enough to go get by for another month or two and then it kind of went in there.

46:59And then it's spiraling in there. I had great memories in that place. You finish school and then you have jobs like you just mentioned. Then you work in a call centre for seven years, is that right? No, about three, two and a half, three. Okay, I don't know where I got seven from. Yeah. There we go. But I thought that would be brilliant for like writing material because you can be on the phone. What were you doing then? And then writing material. I go on charity stuff. Oh, okay. Just cold calling. Yeah. All over Ireland. Right. People like, you think Irish people are very friendly, love a chat.

47:30People don't want to chat like a cold call. Right. If they run into you in the street, they're in a bar or something, yes. But it was horrific. So let's get the, I want to get the timeline sound. So when you're there, are you doing your gig in as well? Oh, yeah, yeah. So when did you first gig? When I was 18. Oh, really? When I was 18. Started really young. I'm literally approaching 20 years in stand-up. Are you? Yeah, which is nuts. But then there wasn't loads of gigs, and the good thing about that job in the call centre was they were pretty good with time off. So, you know, if I wanted to go to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival or something, you were unpaid, but you could just kind of go.

48:07Right. But I would work like a nine to four shift and then drive to Galway for an open mic, you know, which is like four hours away. Fucking hell. And then home to start really early the next morning. So it got to the point where I just, I couldn't do both. So when did you make the jump from, from sort of traditional work to... I think I was 20, 24, something like that. Was there like a moment where you thought I can make this work now or did you just... No, I just had to give it a go. It wasn't like I had enough that I couldn't go to my day job. I could have it's just I wasn't energized enough to be in a position where I could get proper like comedy work or TV or anything like that right because I'd just become a bit of a rope you know you make the same call every day yeah multiple times an hour with the same script you just and then at night you gotta turn it on it was very difficult yeah well you're just knackered yeah just so tired so then even I think I had a sketch show I was gonna do for BBC Northern Ireland so I went I'll quit this job because then that's happening but then that didn't happen oh no yeah what weren't good no it wasn't good but it just how was that the first thing you've jumped to or was it shit it was shit but it but for whatever reason it just didn't get the commission right but then enough other kind of things happened you know but then it did it was up and down for obviously so many and still could be at any at any point you never I don't think I don't think it's helpful to ever take it as like I'll always be working yeah yeah consistently you know I've just been lucky last like few years especially Talking of How do I put this nicely Not good stuff Yeah You done a film?

49:45Yeah So this was a thing I think I was still washing dishes And I was going to college And I got People came around my college We were studying film Making like all behind the camera stuff And a guy came around He goes I'm making a feature film It's going to be huge He said this is like Going to be the biggest Like Northern Irish cinema thing ever a fella that you were no he just he just had just turned up just turned up it should have been the first sign to a college yeah the big coat yeah and he he's done to us what you did to Rio Ferdinand he just showed up uninvited and and he just went look I'm looking at a load of you guys like college students studying filmmaking to come and work on this you know runners all that kind of thing you know help the camera people all that so about half a dozen of us were like yep I want to be part of that that sounds great and I think I had I just started stand up or was about to anyway but then so we started working on this and making the tea and whatever and then and it was a now the thing is it was a like a zombie movie that had a lot of like fight scenes and stuff because the guy loved like Japanese cinema martial arts and stuff so it was like so the premise is it was like zombies invading Belfast around the 12th of July, which is a contentious date in Belfast because when this march happens every year, and there's always, well, historically, there'll be a lot of riots around it and a lot of problems.

51:22You see rioting happening from Belfast back in the day. Chances are it was at this time. Right, okay. So the premise is zombies have invaded Belfast, and both sides, Protestants and Catholics, have come together to defeat the zombies. Yeah. Protestants and Catholics United finally Yeah Against zombies Right Sad that it's taken that Let's not worry about that And And by the way I don't think They would come together If the zombie invasion happened I think We'd say Pick a side But But The guy who was Came around that day He was Producing it Had wrote it Was the lead in it Was doing everything Right And he realised After the first week He goes I can't also act in this It's too much So I need somebody else now I this guy is maybe I don't know 10 years older than me but I might have vaguely looked like him in a way and he went to me he went listen because we would have been doing we were making a behind the scenes documentary on it so you would mess about in front of the camera when you thought nobody was there or whatever and he went I actually think you'd be really good at doing this I had no acting experience or anything but you were kind of you knew how to perform you'd done stand stand up to it if I I'd maybe done my first gig oh okay right right so i definitely didn't have i'd never been in a school play i'd never oh you're completely new to all this yeah did you have the confidence to do it no no not really not really um as you can see if you if you watch it um so he went you you're going to be the lead in this and i went great so he had a shaved head so i had to shave my head because he already shot some scenes um and he said what's your uh like martial art what's your kung Fu background.

53:05And I said, limited, um, very, very limited to the point where I've never done Kung Fu in my life. And he went, well, I'll, I'll be your, I'll be your double. I'll do the, I'll do the fight. Cause there's a lot of, a lot of Kung Fu fight. Like you can tell now I know what I'm doing. Yeah. I'm scared. Yeah. So it shot for a few months all around Belfast. I had a budget of 10 ,000 pound. It was a feature film. And, um, at the time we thought, we, we thought this is like cinema. this is did you think this was going to be a big break you were going to be the next the rock or whatever yeah so and even when I think back to all the because you wouldn't get a script at all you would get a script maybe as you were about to start the scenes what but there was never a table read or never a it was just very much loads of enthusiastic people just doing a thing and actually and brilliant people they're like it was a load of fun it really was a lot of fun and then it got made and there was a premiere and stuff and the film was called Battle of the Bone.

54:06Yeah, yeah, I've got it up here. I've got the wiki here. Based on Battle of the Boeing, which was a famous battle in Ireland. And I went to the premiere of it and I remember 30 seconds into the premiere going, oh no. This is not what we thought it was. Right. How old are you at the time, sorry? 18. Right. In what sense? It looked worse than you expected? It's a movie about zombies invading Belfast and fighting Protestants and Catholics with a kung fu backdrop to it. That's why I was worried. It says here on the DVD cover, the greatest Irish martial arts zombie movie ever made. And that, now to be fair...

54:49That's a bit tongue-in-cheek. He knows what he's doing there, right? Well, that's fact. I haven't seen a better Northern Irish martial arts zombie movie before or since. So then by default, you are the rock of this genre. Yes. Yeah, you are. Does it also make it the worst? Yeah. If you want to look at it that way, then yes. But be careful. Remember, I know Kung Fu. I'm sorry. I don't want to lose my temper here. I'd have to get my stunt double in to beat you up. Sierra has all the best active and outdoor brands for the super athletic stuff, like running gear for cruising up the trail. Woo! And the super athletic-ish stuff, Like fishing gear for chillin' by the creek.

55:29Nice cast. Fitness apparel to push for higher reps. You got this. And golf balls priced so you can afford to lose one. Or a few. Head to Sierra or Sierra.com for the brands you want at the prices that let you do it all. From athletic to athletic-ish, Sierra's got it. Propel Fitness Water. With Gatorade electrolytes, zero sugar, and vitamins, Propel hydrates better than water to help you get the most out of your workout and get back to your best self. What propels you? Propel with Gatorade Electrolytes. Brussels clean up nicely at Sweetgreen. Maple glazed, roasted, and edges perfectly caramelized.

56:10Sweetgreen's fall harvest is back on the menu, and the season's most overlooked little green vegetable is dressed to be devoured. You know what to do. Order on the Sweetgreen app. But yeah, there was a lot, like, there's a lot of, and there's a bit of parkour in it as well. Oh, fucking hell, it gets worse. Yeah. Could you do the parkour? Again, I had someone else helping me for that, but we ADR'd the whole movie. Right. But it doesn't all like match up. Right. Like you've got to see it. Like honestly, you've got to see it. This is out there. You can see it. You can see it. Now, I remember thinking when I watched it back for the first time, I remember thinking the good thing about this is I do stand up now.

56:51So I do have this. I don't have the skills in stand up yet, but I have this outlet that I'm going to be able to get in front of this and say I've done this thing I come across as like you know it's embarrassing or whatever but I knew I could then get laughs for that yeah yeah it's a great material I think that's deprecating is what I jump to in my stand up anyway and it's probably because of that but I remember going so it was in the biggest cinema in Belfast for two weeks like the guy who made it was so passionate about it he did get it out to all these like weird festivals and all this and and he was proud of it and I remember going to see it with some mates in the cinema which never do because we were the only it was like us and like you know an elderly German like some random couple in this big giant cinema but he was playing it off an Xbox in the cinema in Belfast like through a DVD like didn't obviously have it on film and this is a humbler about 40 minutes in that couple had already walked out obviously my mates were like this is shit and they'd left Xbox Live on and someone tried to like join a game or and that came up and I was like and my mates were like what does this have to do with film?

58:00I was like this is unrelated to the film. They thought it was part of the plot. Yeah, they thought it was part of the plot. But I used to take the first times I came over to London to gig in those early years I would bring the DVD with me and I had five, ten minutes on. Yeah, that's good. And that felt like a good way to laugh with like you know. How long was the movie? Ninety minutes long. Full on. See, the last 20 minutes are in. Is it when you change the shutter speed and everything's like kind of like not blurry, but like. And you get the lines go through it. No, maybe it's something else, but it's like a crazy like white dream sequence kind of thing.

58:37Right. And at the end of the movie, the last scene, I don't want to spoil it for people. Everyone already have seen it, I'm sure. I know you have a big listenership, but the director said to me, we're filming outside this church in Belfast, city centre and if you were to shoot a movie in London some people will watch but you guys I'm sure walk past shoots all the time you sort of look over and then you walk on but if people are filming something in Belfast it's unbelievable everyone stops and looks and so everyone's looking at me and I'm standing fake blood all over this t-shirt shaved head and I'm at the top of these church steps and the main bad zombie is at the bottom of the steps and this is the moment and the director goes we're going to throw you two flag posts like with spikes at the end one is a one is a like a Union Jack and the other one's like a tricolor so like the Irish and the British flags this is symbolic cinema in his head I think he's thinking like this is the moment this is our and he went you catch them and then you're going to impale him and I was like alright so I'm thinking I've got to jump down like eight steps and he went if you could just if you do a flip and impale him that's what we're looking for and I went oh you're going to put in after me and he went no just do a flip And I was like I can't flip And he was like You don't know you can't flip And I was like He's got a point Mate this I went I'll die And I think he's probably thinking in his head He's like But this is cinema But you'll die having created One of the most iconic moments in cinema I'd be like Oliver Stone dying during Gladiator We'll keep it in your family You know Like it's amazing So in the end In the end We had to like Do that He goes all right and he was annoyed he went don't do the flipping and I was like I can't he went just catch it and then jump and heal him but see trying to not look and catch two very heavy flagpoles and then jump we had to retake that so many times and I'm standing there and you know I keep missing them and they're dropping and then I saw somebody I went to school with in and amongst all the people watching and he was just looking up at me like this

1:00:43and I was like in my head I was like you know probably thinking back to people I went to school with or if anyone had bullied me before or whatever, I was like, at least I'm a movie star now. And that was the moment where I realised. That's fucking brilliant. That's brilliant. I'm going to read... Battle of the Bum. I'm going to read a little bit of the Wikipedia here. Brilliant. So, there's a massive crew on this. Yes. And just to give you a little bit of context, and I don't know these people, so I'm not meaning to be nasty here. You're the only one with a clickable name link on Wikipedia. We'll leave it there, right?

1:01:14As rival... I tell, I brag about that all the time. I'm actually a click clickable name on Wikipedia I created the Wikipedia both the film's title and its plot timeline being set on 12th of July stemmed from King William III 12th of July 1960 Battle of the Boyne created on a budget of 10 ,000 the filmmaker chose the troubles as the film's inspiration and stated that he saw the movie as a means to address the issue of a division with a twist that shows two sides of the Belfast Sea but it doesn't address the issue at no point does it address the issue 500 extras yep there was huge cried scenes one of the biggest low budget features to have been made in the city that's what Irish Times said the release the reception Peter Dendl covered the film in the second volume of the zombie movie encyclopedia noting that it was too low budget to come across to most general audiences as much more than friends having fun around some local buildings and streets But George Clark's impassioned zombie pic gained immediate attention both for some vivaciously choreographed action sequences and for its political overtone.

1:02:20So it's not been completely slated. Yeah, check Reddit.

1:02:27We famously can't check Reddit, can we? We have a bit of a thing with our Reddit listeners. Right. Every episode has its own discussion post. Sure. And they will go through it with a fine-tooth comb. Right. This will be on there. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you got a message for our... You had Ricky Gervais people go, at last, star of screen. Like a more Wikipedia film star. A lot of Battle of the Bone fans have been waiting on this day. Waiting on this. Gervais wasn't on Battle of the Bone. Have you spoken to the creator of Battle of the Bone since? Yeah, because they... I think we did another...

1:03:02I think they went on that sort of team to do a little short films and all after, but I was starting stand-up right at that time and that confirmed to me that I shouldn't be trying to act really anytime soon. Because I also didn't do a good job in it. I'm awful in it, but I had no background in it. But, you know, they wanted to make the next thing and the next thing like that, and I just wanted to, like, get up on stage and do sillier stuff and make people laugh. Right, right. See, if people hated your stand-up, that's more personal, isn't it? But you're acting in it, so you're just someone else.

1:03:33At the time, when you finished, when it wrapped, was there a bit of you in your brain thinking you'd smashed it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've been there so many times because there was one like still like got sent around like you know and it was me like mid fight scene but bear in mind I wasn't doing any of it but for the close ups I would and it was just like it was me with a shaved head and I was like cocking my fist back about to like hit a gay and when I saw that I went oh my god I said I was like I I was thinking about like how many movies should I do a year what am I willing to commit to do I want to get stuck in a franchise or something?

1:04:09Or will I do like one big like studio movie a year and then maybe like an arty kind of one? Or what? Which non-league football team am I going to buy? So I really jumped the gun. Fucking hell. I love it. There's something poetic in that, you thinking you're the next rock and also having a rock in your pocket and neither of them being the things that they're meant to be. I like it. You didn't stop acting there though, did you? Because you also auditioned for Derry Girls, is that right? Yeah, so... I stopped wanting to do anything like that and then kept just doing stand-up. Yeah. And then would have taken notions of like, be good to get back into the game, you know?

1:04:47Never in the game. Even when you leave the acting, the acting doesn't leave you. And I basically said to myself, I need to go in a change of direction. I said, I think I'll leave the Kung Fu type stuff and I'll do more comedy because that would make sense to be in comedy. That's in your wheelhouse, yeah. so I got an acting agent and I said look if the thing is right I would love to audition and I was like I'm aware I'd be starting at the bottom a bit of a profile at home with stand up at the time I was doing big stand up gigs but I was like I'm willing to like be a bit part thing or whatever and she went great and then the first thing I was told about when I signed with this agent was there's a thing called Derry Girls coming obviously no one could have predicted the success of it but I loved the script and they said not a big role you're in it for one episode and you play a guy getting kidnapped or in the boot of a car or something but it's a real fun character and i went brilliant and sort of did that thing of slightly jumping the gun a bit i was like i could see myself in this you know feel like i can deliver the lines really well and they said the email said so it's relying on everyone having an acting background it said uh just they want you to be off book for this you can be off book and does that mean just you can improvise a bit or what does that mean off book now with hindsight what it means is you need to be off the book you need to know the script oh right right but i heard that as read off the book so i went well the good thing is i don't need to learn this because we can be off the book and i was killing it in front of my wife i was like listen to me read this and then i showed up um part of me showed up thinking like you know does battle of the bone get you you know part of me was offended to be auditioning and then you know I went okay I'll audition you know because it's like when you see like say Daniel Day-Lewis doing like a West End play yeah you're like he doesn't need that yeah yeah but he's doing it yeah so I show up and I come in with my script and I was like first day I was a bit nervous but I was like I can deliver these lines really well I've got the character nailed and I show up to a lovely casting agency Carl Strong in Belfast and they're and I can see they must audition the same people a lot so when someone new walks in there's a bit of excitement that I'm excited to be there and they were like what do you think and I was like I love it I was like I'd love to do this I like the character like go ahead and I you know I'm like yeah so what am I doing to boot this car blah blah and then they kind of laugh and I laughed and then they went can you can you put the script down and I was like I genuinely thought that was them going like you've got it you've got the role I put it down And I'm like Guys thank you very much The schedule mostly works for me But there'll be a couple of days Where we're going to have to stop Because I have five to say But But then they went No The guy went Do you know your lines?

1:07:44And I went No Because I said We're off book You know I was like He might be new there I was like You're using the lingo Yes Yeah love it And he said No that means you need to Look off the book And I said I don't know the lines off by heart. And they were unreal with me because they went, there's a Starbucks cross the road. Do you want to go and sit? And we'll fit you in later on in the day. Oh, wow. So I had like an hour. Yeah. But of course, if you're an actor, you probably know the formula of learning lines or you have a trick of knowing how to do it. With stand-up, I have a start, a middle and an end.

1:08:19Right. But I kind of know well. And in between, I - Fill it in. Just fill it in. Yeah. So I couldn't, I was looking at this page. It was like looking at maths Yeah That you don't know I look The second I got to that cafe I went how lovely of them to do that But I'll never learn this If I had 10 hours I couldn't learn it So I went back And I kind of gave it a go Oh you still did it I still did it Leave it there Nah Still did it Still did it I thought you were going to say I got a latte Fuck no Still did it But I was trying I think I put the script In the corner of the room And I was trying to I ended up probably looking Like Clint Eastwood You know I was like Trying to see it in the distance so you didn't get that I didn't get it no did that not put you off no because then part of me was like you know part of me you know nowadays I'd probably just be like that was on me but then at the time you're like you know you're like well you know who's going to see this programme anyway and then you go probably one of the biggest comedies in the last 20 years in the UK and Ireland but it taught me to make sure and I've auditioned for things maybe half a dozen times since and now I make sure that I learn it I see I can't learn scripts Are you better at learning them now?

1:09:23I am better now Yeah I think I'm less I am a bit of a daydreamer And I'm kind of a short attention span But I don't know whether to mature anything Or since my kids have been born Yeah I don't know I feel like I'm more just like Make myself do it Right You know Right And then the final thing Because you were kind enough To send me some notes over last night And one thing that stood out for me Is another audition based story Top Boy Yeah So I love Top Boy Yeah yeah yeah Like I love it Yeah Love the music in it Love the show And found out it was created by a guy Ronan Bennett Who's from Belfast Right Which is unbelievable And I'd always had it in my head That was around the time Probably that came out Where I was looking to You know Do a bit of acting And you're always thinking You know Is there a role Because so many of these Especially these gritty type shows Always have like You know An Irish mob Or a guy from Belfast Yeah Or whatever And you're like God that always seems like a fun role You know And could that be me and I did a gig in Leicester Square Theatre, did a gig and I was buzzing.

1:10:25I mentioned earlier, I don't really drink but it was my first time doing Leicester Square Theatre. I was staying for the night because I say normally I just come in and I'm like, you know the guy Tom Hanks in the terminal? Yeah. The guy who that's based on, that's me in Luton Airport. I'm just always in the airport and because that's what I used to do. I used to do a gig in London, come over for an open mic or two and then get the bus straight to the airport, have like a 6am flight. Wow. Just for years. And now you do that for pods. Yeah, yeah. Going back to that now. But I was out with a few actor friends who are from home but live over here.

1:10:59Anthony Boyle being one, who's just this unbelievable actor. And he had a load of friends who were writers and actors and all that kind of stuff. And we went to a place called the Phoenix Arts Club or something. And it's like a place for like, you know, actors and writers and all that. Stays open pretty late. And everyone's very like expressive. And like, I don't know, big characters and stuff and they just seem to go for things and they're all, you know, the way they talk to, everyone knows everyone. And Anto introduced me to this guy and he went, this is Elliot, he writes on Top Boy, but he didn't know much I love Top Boy.

1:11:31And I was like, and my mate Dave Elliot was with me and we went, we love Top Boy. And there was a character we loved in it. And we were like, we just always quote this character. And he went two minutes and he rang the guy and got a video of the actor in character, just in his house in character giving me a David shout out and I was like this is surreal and I said to Elliot I was like after a couple more drinks and I never normally do this I was like it'd be my dream to be in that show I was like that would be my dream and he went a few years ago now he went we actually have some like Irish characters coming into it like an Irish family coming into it and he's like I can't ever promise anything but you know if I find out they're auditioning for it whatever and I went I was like I think I could I could nail that like and this is sort of place where like they do stuff like this he's like if you want to show me what you've got show me what you've got and I had a few drinks I wouldn't normally do this and I was like what like if I was in Top Boy and he was like yeah yeah yeah and I said to Dave and Dave was like let's go for it and we'd had that many drinks Dave was doing it as well Dave was with me both going for it and we and we thought off book we'd had that many we were totally off book there was no book totally off our off book off our head and we forgot that he'd said about an Irish family being in it and we decided to just go roadman oh no and Dave looks like has my skin yeah and we were in this bar going up this guy and he was you tell he was a bit excited about it yeah and I was like you want me to look like you want me to audition for you he's like yeah give me what you got and he's like you know a menacing Irish guy or whatever like maybe like a real Belfast accent and I remember at the time being like oh after because in my head I was like, I got the boys.

1:13:16I'll get in the top boy. And I was like, no problem, man. I was like, you got the food? And he was like, what is it? And I went, you got the food? And Dave's doing it too. He was like, man said, you got the food? And we went on for a long time because he went really quiet, but I thought he was just into it. And I was like, he's mesmerized by this. And I was like, yeah, yeah, say less, man, say less. Why is it so high pitch? We're hyped. We're just hyped. And we kept going on like that. Right? I was like, man, so you got the thing, right? All right, all tight, my man. That's like me doing an impression of you.

1:13:55It is. Yeah, it is. And this guy, Elliot, just like stopped talking for ages. And I was like, he's fine. The next stars are talking. And we genuinely went, at the end of the night, we were like, will you give us a shout? And he was like, I'll give you a shout. boys if anything comes i think he phoned the med police but then we we were we were like in the airport the next day being like he probably meant to our own accent do our own accent and not whatever it was that we did there's a theme here that i'm i'm getting from you shane you you do stuff badly and while you're doing it you think you're incredible at it yeah but one thing you are actually incredible at is stand up oh thanks so let's talk about that because you're back on tour right yeah you're back on tour tours hold me back hold me back and you're you're in the uk in february and march february march of some european shows in there as well but big uh well like i think i'm four or five days i'm in soho theater in london oh are you which which will be put an end to my in and out even when i'm doing a tour show leicester square fly in the day fly out the next morning right but this will be actual time five days which will be great will you like that or will it be a bit annoying having to be here that long i think i'll like it because there's so many people i'm friendly with here that i never get to see and they always say if you're over and i'm like but i'm i'm just in and i only see airports right so i just i want to play a bit of five aside yeah nice can we join you for five aside i think i've that many and you probably know a lot of these guys as well now that i think we have 10 now i would say what you're saying we do us No he's saying We can't go He's already got 5v5 I thought you would go Inesco full 11 I would love it I would really love it If we could do this Let's do it 100 % Why is your tour Called Hold Me Back?

1:15:45It's kind of I don't overly Sort of theme the shows Because as well They ask you to name it So far out To the point where I've named shows And then it's got nothing To do with the show By the time it comes around Yeah But this kind of does So it's more about like Getting to that kind of age And seeing things that You know like when you maybe you wanted to get out of a fight when you were a kid and you would tell you like, you're lucky my mate told me back here. You know, you would sort of get close to him and be like, can you grab me? It's more about little frustrations I have that I'm trying to not get involved in and then I end up getting involved in.

1:16:15So some stories like that, just a lot of like real life stories. And it's been, it's been great fun. I've done about 10 shows in Ireland so far on it. And it's great because sometimes it feels like it takes 10, 15 shows to get into the groove of it. But this is probably the quickest I've felt like. Oh no, this is really fun. Is it super difficult gigging in London when you're so used to gigging in Ireland? No? Not really. I think the first times I came over here, if I put on a tour show, it was just all people from home. Oh, okay. All people from home. Right. And now it's got that mix to the point where, and I have aspirations to play all over the world, so I don't have in this show, there's not one thing in this show that you'd have to be living in Belfast to kind of get.

1:16:56Okay. Because even at the airport today, a guy was like, and I take no offence to it, a guy was like, does your material translate when you go to London or Glasgow? That's what I was thinking, yeah. But, you know, I wouldn't want it to be hyper-local, and I have done local stuff, like every comedian has, wherever they're from. Yeah, yeah. London Comics, I'll have bits about London that maybe someone in Belfast wouldn't get. But this is the first real universal kind of one. Okay, and what's it like in America when you go there? Do they understand your accent? Yeah, I go, when I first went, I was slowing it down to the point where it wasn't funny.

1:17:28like the delivery just wasn't right and now I kind of go my stand up in America is like when you watch, say you watch The Wire you don't get every word but you get enough to understand what's going on do you know what I mean? and you don't want subtitle, I don't want to have to subtitle my set but we're, I'm maybe on the edge of that, but you know in America it's not, the crowds aren't as big of course, I'm building it up and it'll never be like what it is probably here or Belfast or Glasgow, whatever. But I love it because it's totally different than different audiences. Why did you get knocked out when you first toured there then?

1:18:06Oh, twice. Twice? Yeah, twice. Twice in the same tour. The first time I'd been to one, I was in New York and I had been to one MMA class like the week before I went with my mate and I was telling a guy, so I had a couple of mates at the show who from home but live out there and then there was this random Scottish guy, like a friend of a friend, but he was dead quiet just standing near us with a drink and he mentioned something about mma and i went oh i i was i i said i've done mma but he stopped me going i've done mma once i was like i've done it once and i think i was probably going to go on to say something like wouldn't do it again like not my thing at all and had you actually done it once or are you talking about you're not talking about the i was like no kung fu would be a different uh thing but i'd gone to in MMA class and I was sort of telling him that as in like but I was really out of my depth and the guy the guy sort of joking he went he went so would you would you be good at it and I jokingly was like oh yeah yeah and then he's just come up behind me and just I'm standing there with a drink and he's just he's just put me in a sleeper hold and it's like one second and I remember just whoa and my mates were like the fuck and I went why has your mate done this and then my mates went that is we don't know him So it was just a Scottish guy Just a guy Who was just like lingering He just choked me out Very quickly Very quickly To the point where they were like He didn't really choke you out Because it was so quick And I was like No But he had He had For a split second You went down No I didn't go down But it was like Where am I at the moment What's he said afterwards Because he's done this to you He just I think he basically Just shrugged his shoulders And just plodded on But it was that moment That I was like Well at least he's their mate And they can like Then he's still to this day don't know who that guy was then I was in Boston as part of that trip and I was I had a like a medicine ball so whatever workout I was doing at the time it was like medicine ball slams you know real heavy ball you slam it down pick it up slam it again and I was in the hotel gym and it was just me there and I've gone down for my first slam but it wasn't a ball that stayed you know it was like a bouncy a wall you know when you bounce so I've but I've gone down and followed this really heavy picked the heaviest ball I could find and as I'm like this close to it it's just come back and boom hit my nose and that took me off my feet and there's blood like and I again kind of like staggering around a bit like wow what's happened how did that happen uh blood on the ground and then I've gone out to like get something to put on my thing because reception's just there and the guy working at reception was like oh my god buddy whatever and then after a minute I think I was I think I ended up looking for the guy who did it with him because I think he thought I'd been attacked and I think I was joining in looking for the guy before I remembered there's no one else involved you started walking around going yo oh mate that's unbelievable that was twice in the one week on that trip Shane you're a very funny man it's been a pleasure to have you on the show I'm sure if our listeners aren't already familiar with you you have like one of the biggest pods in Ireland don't you so plug that tell the people about that Tea With Me podcast which I would love you to come over to if you're ever and you can have your Hollywood day we'll do it Hollywood day you guys genuinely will love it and there's a bar there if you just like a pint where all the like when Game of Thrones is shooting in Belfast they all go to this bar in Hollywood because it's not more low key older bar called the Maple good Guinness you'd love that we'll 100 % do it yeah I love it but real honour to be here thank you so much for having me it's been a pleasure you're one of the funniest guests we've ever had on I'd say thank you and like I just said you're back on tour so where can people get tickets to come see you?

1:21:48shantogcomedy.com can we come? Yeah. Oh, I would love that. I would love it. Yeah. We love it. There we go. This has been Jackmates Happy Hour Podcast with me, Jackmates, Stevie White, and the brilliant movie star, Shane Todd. Shane, before we finish, we always finish with the same question. What's the meaning of life?

1:22:09Oh, just...

1:22:13I was going to say just be happy, but that's too general. Do you know what? I would say enjoy the simple things nice enjoy the simple things don't I would you know what I just had this original thought could I say you know don't go chasing waterfalls I would say stick to the rivers stick to the streams that you're used to I like that personally I don't want no scrubs different song same artist but yeah just just just have fun have fun be silly have fun doesn't matter if it's from the pyramids or not that rock is a special rock yeah there we go thanks guys see you next time lovely oh cheers that was great thank you so much thank you so much i don't think we've laughed that much jack mate's happy hour fall has never looked or tasted this good sweet greens fall harvest menu is back with seasonal favorites dressed to impress and made to be devoured.

1:23:17Warm roasted sweet potatoes, crisp apples, maple glazed Brussels, and crave-worthy flavors in the autumn harvest bowl, maple glazed salmon plate, and roasted bacon Brussels side. The season's most desirable menu has returned to Sweetgreen, featuring fall's best dressed. Make your move. Order on the Sweetgreen app. Hello. Look what TJ Maxx dragged in. The Devil Wears Prada 2. is now streaming on Disney Plus and Hulu. We are digital. We are downloadable. We are streamable. The fashion event of the year is certified fresh. Pull yourself together. We have work to do. Critics say it's smart and witty and the perfect sequel.

1:23:57That's all. Get runway ready for The Devil Wears Prada 2 on Disney Plus and Hulu. Rated PG-13.