641 - Alfie’s Gone Viral , Robbie Got High, & Jaack Got The Ick From His Cat… (FourSkins All Caught Up)

26:03Edmund Spoons and then getting called a pedo at a non-league game and then a song about you dying. Top three. What a three, that is. Actually, there's a TikTok I did that has 4 million views or like 5 million views, but not many likes it. It went huge in Asia, but it's because the sound I used has gone viral. And have I showed you this? No. There's like thousands of Asian people using it, But I did a filter, which doesn't exist anymore. Right. And then took the mick out of this guy doing the filter. And they're using this guy. But then you can just hear my voice at the end. It's really weird. And what's your voice?

26:42What are you saying? He is a really handsome guy. Right. And he goes, this is Sparta. And a picture of an animal's like half his face. And he gets a lion. And he goes, rawr. And it goes, da, da, da, da, da. And this big cool music. And then it's me going, this is Sparta. And then it's like a mouse. Right. they don't realise the people in Asia that it's not my clip. So they're doing the filter with his This Is Sparta and then right at the end for like one second just hear this. Thousands of times. Wow. Yeah. You've got like five mil on one clip. Yeah. Not many likes. You should keep your hood up.

27:21You're a big timer. Yeah. So can you... You sell the tickets for CrossWires. It's all on you, mate. I don't think anyone comes for me, do I? Yeah. You just said everyone went to Whitten for you. Oh, it was a bit, Steve. Fucking nobody came for me. Not one person came for me. They did. Your wife. Yeah? Yeah, true. And even that was asshole trying to get her, though. Ellis will buy you a ticket if he can't. Yeah. Yeah, will Ellis buy 10 tickets to this? Yeah? Yeah. If he's not at the World Cup, I reckon he'll come. Yeah. Are you not going to be at the World Cup? Yeah, I'm coming home for this, yeah.

27:56Respect. That is commitment. That is mental. I do care loads. That is mad. And I need this. That is insane. Yeah. Right. Grey roots entering the chat? Uninvited? Garnier's got you. Garnier color sensation Root Retouch covers up to 100 % of greys in just 10 minutes. No ammonia, no mess, and the color lasts up to four weeks. It's as easy to apply as shampoo. Plus, it's vegan and cruelty-free. 10 minutes. Sensational color, sensational price. With those savings, your next girls' night is basically free. Find your perfect match at Walmart.com or at a store near you. This episode is brought to you by Palmolive.

28:40Family time isn't just the big moments. It's weeknight dinners, sitting around the table, everyone talking all at once. So when the plates are empty and the sink is full, use Palmolive Ultra. Palmolive's most powerful formula removes up to 99.9 % of grease, leaving your dishes sparkling clean. And the new convenient pump makes cleaning even easier, so you can spend less time tackling dishes and more time together. Shop now at palmolive.com. Sierra has all the best active and outdoor brands you need. From athletic stuff, like a full-court pickup game, swish, to athletic-ish stuff, like a half-mile stroll.

29:17Get those steps in! And for morning hikes up the mountain trail, good pace, to nighttime ghost stories from the camping chair. What a twist! Whatever level of active, Sierra loves it all. Head to Sierra or Sierra.com for the brands you want at the prices that let you do it all. From athletic to athletic-ish, Sierra's got it. This is what we talk about. I can't use this fucking phone. This is amazing, by the way. What? Because he's just upgraded to the newest. I know we've said this on the board already, but you seem to struggle with it so much. I don't get it. It's not that different. I don't fucking get it.

29:50Right, here's my public service announcement, and this might ruin any future brand deals with Apple. if you are in the market to upgrade your phone and you have an iphone 14 or above don't worry about it keep the iphone 14 they've completed it at that point and now they just fuck about with it now we've got some fucking weird fucking extra button there that you click and it brings up the camera well i don't need that do i because i know where the fucking camera logo is so i'll be sitting there texting all of a sudden i've got to see me how do you press that so often i'm because I'm fucking angsty.

30:23Can I give an alternative? Yes. I'm going to take this from hot. You've turned 33 and you've become a boomer. Make this happen when I was in my late 32s. Okay, then you became a boomer then. You've lost track of technology. We could go. The world's moved on. Well, I hate it. I hate the 17. I hate it. I really do. It's pathetic. There is so much on that phone I don't get. It's so similar. Yeah. Good camera though. Good quality camera. I don't know. I barely take photos. All I take photos... Can't work it. The only photos I have on my phone are of my cat. So that's literally... You don't have a cat.

31:02I think you do have a cat. Thank you. I flipped completely. After Jack's birthday night out the other day, we went back to his to play some games. And as soon as I got in, the cat was just there. Yeah, always is. Always is. Although I think this has been my graph of how much I've loved that cat, right? I met her in the summer last year. Quite an instant bond. Love, love, love, love, love. And then it broke through the ceiling. I thought, I've never even experienced love like this. Sorry, Fee. Like how you said apart from Fee, and he said, sorry, Fee. Then the cat did something the other day. I've gone right off it, big time.

31:38What did it do? It was an ick. Yeah. Cat ick. Give me an ick, big time. It kept acting weird around me, and I was looking at her going, you're being weird. What's going on? You know when you're... I don't know all that. You know when your cat's being weird, you know it's being weird? Yeah. And then I was just like, so we have like a spare room where guests stay. None have stayed for a while, so we let the cat stay in there. It's like a little... Is it going on sweet? Living a better life than me. So the cat stays in there. We don't go in that room. But I knew something was up, so I was like, I'm just going to have to go in and see her.

32:11How did you know something was up? She was acting weird, like constantly going from room to room to room to room. I was going, this isn't right. She normally, she's an old cat, so she just lays on the bed, and that's all she does yeah and then so i went in there i haven't even told you this this is two days ago went in and i was just like right i know this isn't my space but i'm going in went in sat there stroking it and she got up straight away and went into the corner of the room i was going what the fuck she did in the corner of the room then she ran downstairs in the kitchen and i i swear to god she made a noise i didn't even know cats could make you know them viral tiktoks where it sounds like the cat's human it was like that right so she was going like like that and i was going what i ran to the bottom of the stairs i went fee fee come down here fees ran down and we're just in this cat go and just throw up a mouse honestly oh mouse without the head and at the tail and then about two seconds later threw up again there's the mouse's head dead obviously why'd you clarify that it's really good material yeah but that would it can be massively yeah so we had to clean that up and then it looked like she was we talked me through that well i offered but he was already there who picks the mouse up and that oh that's really brave and then it reminded me of your sister because it was like the cat did the shit out of her mouth it's a mouse yeah but no she's only got the mouse up it's similar isn't like a putrid stinking thing coming out no it's more similar to throwing up but then more came out and it was like a big shit she'd done like a big shit out of the mouth there we go yeah okay that bit yeah yeah and i just found it absolutely gross and then but then that night bless her so obviously she weren't feeling very well and then we were like oh she's eating a dodgy mouths yeah we we went out went for a roast or whatever went about a day come on she went and then she didn't go back on her bed because i think she had trauma of being in that room so she laid on our bed which she never ever does and i fell asleep and if i don't know what your cat's like alfie but even if i just slightly nudge her a bit she'll be off yeah she'll be like i can't i'm going and i was like nudging her accidentally just in my sleep and she proper laid next to me all night.

34:28So I think she had trauma of that room and now she wants our bed. Have you found out who owns this cat? Well, we tried, didn't we? We put a paper collar on her. We put a paper collar on her and she and then... Like day one? Early. Do you never get like, oh, we're asked where the cat is? Never, ever, ever do they contact us. They have our number. That's almost worrying. Oh, so they have got... You have made contact with them? Yeah, we put a paper collar on her and put, if this is your cat, ring this number. And then Fee got a phone call from this bloke and he he was going yes my sister's cat she loves it at 16 years and then we went is it a boy or a girl he went don't know he went i'm cat sitting at the moment but he said i've given your number yeah to the woman and then we said we'll contact us if you ever want she comes in i was a lot like and he was like all right he didn't seem that bothered he was like fair enough and now the cat is here all the time obviously not in days like this i wonder if it goes back to the it must we never feed at actual cat food you know just mice yeah so it has to we only give it like cat treats yeah because we think if you want your breakfast lunch and dinner you got to get that at your own guy yeah it's not a fucking hostel i was with jack a couple of weeks ago and his like notification for his ring doorbell went off and i was just like a girl stroke it sat on the floor stroking the cat outside his house yeah and the cat don't touch my fucking cat but the cat walked away and went towards his door and you just heard the girl go oh it must be their cat i was like oh you got validation that's yours.

35:54Yeah. It'll be sat outside my house right now. Why don't you just say on a paper collar, like, can we just add this now? Well, he's getting what he wants out of it anyway. But I don't think an owner should be like, chill with their... I wouldn't be fine with my cat staying at someone else's. Joel said that. My mum said that, didn't she? She said she'd kill you. I wouldn't be fuming at you, but I'd be like, I'm just going to take the cat in now. Do you know what I mean? Or I'd say something. Yeah. The fact they don't care It's weird to me. I have a proper routine now, though. Like, the cat will go to sleep, we'll leave our door slightly open, and then every morning at half seven in the morning, every single morning, she wakes me up, jumps on me, starts making biscuits on me, and I'm like, right, I'll get up, get up, give her treats, let her out, done.

36:36It's such a bizarre situation. Half seven in the morning? Yeah, every morning, yeah. How do you cope with that? It's all right. Your cat has given you fatherhood. Yeah. Yeah, I know. I don't mind. Yeah. Yeah. Respect. Respect. Yeah, actually respect, mate. some respect you need to cat but you're a cat burglar all the respect you're a cat burglar yeah I'll take that yeah yeah cat nap you're prouder of that than you should have been I know I liked it and you're in stripes I don't really get it yeah cat burglar's like a well known thing yeah but it's not burgling it's not burgling it's when you go into someone's house he's not done that can you only burgle inside someone's house yeah you can't burgle someone in the street no but I had a good birthday thanks for asking got an e-sports card from a nan You love esports.

37:22What's an esports card? No, it just said to the... Oh, you mean like the computer card that's about esports? Yeah, it said to the gamer in the fam. Yeah. I'm not fucking Stevie. You play Fortnite. My nan don't know that. Well, she should get your guild hoodie. And then there's a picture of like all this like, you know in like spy movies with them computers that are all like digital and coded and stuff. And then it said esports in like italics. It says to the gamer in the fam. I was just like it's the worst that is rogue sorry man it's a bad cup for me did you get anything nice for your birthday?

38:01yes Fiona got me some nice gifts she got me a lamp that I can use in the bath she said this is a bath lamp because I have a lot of baths I probably have an average about 500 a year and she was like what Robbie what? why do you have so many baths? love it you were looking at me for support and I was like, no, he does. He really has. I'm not saying he doesn't. You're saying it's weird. I'm saying it's a lot of water use. Yeah, it is. I get a lot of messages from Jack. I'll reply in a bit. I'm just having a bath again. And then so she got me a bath lamp and she was like, that's a lamp that you can use in the bath.

38:39Does it go in the water? Well, Stevie, this is the issue. I said, that's really thoughtful. Thank you. You know, I love baths and I like my ambient lighting. So I went to take the lamp into the bathroom and she went, God, that's a shock. She went, don't get that wet. I went, fuck. So you got me a lamp then? She went, don't get that wet. How does it work then? She said, you just can't be too careful. Like, be careful. Well, what does it say on the packaging? You can't be too careful or be careful. What does it say on the packaging? It's a bath lamp. But what is a bath lamp? It's a lamp you use in the bathroom.

39:09Does it have a wire on it? No. Is it just a lamp? Yeah, but it's got batteries in it. Does it say bath on any of the packaging? it just says bath lamp yes then yes would have done is it basically just saying it's a lamp that doesn't require a plug socket because there's none in your bath probably yeah is it splash proof rather than submersible trust it check the package then it can't be a bath lamp it's lamp it must be at least splash proof yeah i don't know but i think what i've got from it is if you take the shell off it it kind of it makes like water effects on the on the walls so i think it's So it's a lamp that makes a bath rather than what you can take in the bath.

39:47Well, let's put that in ranking of Fi's most recent presents for you. Oh, top. Bath lamp, chicken nugget key ring. Yeah, second. Or sausage making. The sausage making is family at the bottom. You done that yet? No, me and him are doing it next week. I'm going with him. Yeah. For a video, we'll just... Well, I wasn't going until I said we could record it. We'll film it. I'm not going. I don't want to go. She did get me tickets to go see Kings of Leon in Poland. But no tickets to Poland? Yeah, I imagine. Well, actually, it's not really bad. We need to check it, because if she hasn't got you a trip to Poland as well.

40:21Yeah, Theo, have you booked the flights? I will do it now. Oh, fuck's sake. What's that for? I can't remember what it was for now. Was it your announcement? No, what was it? What? Is there a timer? That's a real... No, I have a timer. I can't. I can't. I can't. We'll tell you after. What? Just tell me. Just tell me. Just tell me. We absolutely can't do that Whisper it to me You can bleep this V I said He didn't say that Jack He didn't say And he said We're going to set a laugh for it I completely forgot He did say that He did say that Oh right That's enough about me Come on That's your birthday Not my birthday anymore Want me to talk?

41:06Yeah Can you? Oh he's got props Greenbelt Karate Me why are you sniffing it that's my ball belt I just want you to dry your balls afterwards that's my new green belt didn't want this at my grading at the weekend distinction is that the best? yes top 5 % of the country what do you have to do at this point because I remember the last time you spoke us through like a belt it was fairly simple like dance routine yes it's a more complicated dance routine give us something come on it's a whirl Do it in front of a desk. Well, I'll do it sat down because the camera's not going to see. But the first move is a block that way.

41:48Fucking hell. Then you do like a weird thing with your arms. No, go on, do it. Just do that. Then you do weird. Give it the best you can. And then later on you're around there, you do a double arm block, then you do a spear hand strike. Why is that a double arm block? And why would someone be coming at you with two arms? Robbie, if you stand up, you'll be seen on the wide. See? Okay. Just got confirmation. Stand up, show us some moves. Are you worried a karate expert's going to go, oh, you're fine. Maybe not. I meant behind the desk. Right in this gap. You are the karate expert. So you're starting off.

42:15You're... Oh, my God. I was wrong from the start. There. And it's like this thing. Right. What's that do? That way. Yeah. Wait, rewind. What does this one do? So they're being mixed. So this is different blocks. Then you do a double block there. Spear hand strike. A little spinny round thing within this. Sorry. That's not it. It's like a dance routine. How effective is the spear hand strike in a street fight? I don't know. That tickled. Yeah. Good awareness of distance, though. Yeah, that was really good. You did learn some things that are useful. I'll show you grip things, breaking out of grips.

42:58So if you grab both my wrists, like that, you learn how you can get out of things like that. You pull them away. What are you doing? What are you doing? Nothing. Or if you want to do it instead of that, you... Yeah? That was brilliant. Thank you, mate. Oh, he's just fucked. But like, when is someone... Do you know what I mean? What are the different things? You don't just do that. You don't go home. Say it's like a street fight and I'm good at fighting. If we're like this, am I not headbutting you? Or like kicking your balls or like biting the wrists? Yeah, probably. But then this is a thing for that situation.

43:34Yeah. Like, I'm still a massive pussy. That was good. That was good. That was actually good. It all happened this fast. Where's my watch gone? He stole my watch. You cry. He couldn't stop that, could it? Ooh, spear striking. Go on, get it back off him. Yeah. Jack's a bigger guy than me as well. Get it back off him. Where is it? Jack, fucking give it some as well. You do boxing. Oh, no. Hold his wrists. Hold his wrists. Jack, hold his wrists. If he can get out of it. No, because I'm scared. Hold his wrists. If he can get out of it, you've got to give him his watch back. All right, you can have it.

44:04You can have it back. Thank you. Oh, you are a little bitch. All right. Nice, mate. Good, very good. I didn't know you did karate. That was good. But yeah, so green belt now. So you were, what were you originally? White. Yeah. Then red. Yeah. Then orange. Then orange. Then yellow. Now green. Then. You know what? Joke is, I'm quite proud of myself. Yeah. I've worked really hard at it. Right. Didn't think I'd get a distinction. Very pleased with my distinction. I get another trophy for getting my distinction. How much are you practicing at home? not much at home but I'd probably go on average about three times a week for an hour each time whenever the dinner's late wow it's a domestic adventure it is that's not funny in a few years that will not be allowed I don't think it's allowed now so anything these days he's like he's woke at it yeah the lake agenda thanks again are you going in three times a week yeah I'll go to yeah because it's on one a night every week you train three nights a week I say on average I tend to do well I tend to do Saturday and Sunday most of the time probably at least one other day but last week the week before the grade I did like four sessions can you talk me through some of the theatrical like the theatrics of it what's it called when it's like you know the performance side where you have to bow and that's sort of the traditional side yeah no literally not that whatsoever I'm sure it's very I'm going to take the bell away from you because of what you say you're not worthy of being near the belt so you're about when you go into your dojo which is generally a leisure centre do they call it the dojo?

45:43there is a special place that is called the dojo is there a gong in the room? there is no gong you can bring your own gong do you have a sensei? do you call him sensei? or her? or they? I don't generally say that but yeah they will be referred to as sensei but they generally don't have like cool Japanese names so they'd be like Sensei Jason or something like that which isn't as cool as a cool Japanese could you go Sense? also probably one of the hardest people I've met so I won't say that right but yeah so that you could say Sensei although they'll refer to different people like that yeah I guess so and then when they're handing your belt yeah okay so you'll do bowing at the beginning and bits like that and at the end do you do a funny walk with the belt like no you go over you get told what your you stand at the front you get told what your grading is and he goes I got the distinction.

46:33I will say I did get the best in my group of people grading. I also was the only adult. I was about to ask this. When you posted the photos from your first belt thing, it's quite funny because it's just you and loads of kids. Just me at my level because there's another belt grading as well at the same time. There were three adults in that group as well. Aren't they just easy to smack about then? You're not smacking kids about, no. I mean, they probably would be easy to smack about, yeah. Are there parents coming to watch them and then there's just a bloke there? I do wonder. yeah but I'm clearly with my children yeah but also I do wonder like who's looking down on who here are they looking down on me yeah like yeah okay I I yeah no I I would be inclined because they're they're probably but then also they're like my kid's hanging out with him every week yeah three times a week that's part of what's in my head then also I'm thinking or am I looking down on them because I'm like I'm here spending all this time with my kids and you're sat there on Instagram do you know what I mean am I like are they on Instagram They might be calling the police.

47:33They're searching you up on a Facebook group. So I don't think, I think it's, I'm not quite sure who's in the right, who's in the wrong. But how much are you paying attention to Otto and Arlo compared to paying attention to the sensei and doing your own thing? There is times where I have to tell them to listen and stuff like that, but generally, during the grading, it's me focused on me. Right, right. Good on you. So yeah, so yeah. How many until you get the black? so it goes from here it goes purple which I can do in another three months if I do 20 lessons in three months right then purple and white which I think again another three months I think and then once you get into brown belt it goes brown brown and white brown and double white once those I think it's six months before you can grade each time so you might not be black belt until you're like 60 well it turns out off and I go is that your aim are you going to be black belt I don't know Robbie was showing me on the way here in his Instagram bio he keeps upgrading his belt colour but it will get to a point where he's trying to show off because it's funny when he's doing the lower belts and he's going I don't know when to stop because if it's like red belt in karate that's funny because it's not impressive but if I'm like once it gets slightly good I'm like oh when do I stop because if I'm not going black belt in karate people are going I'm going to go once this fucking prick no you've got to carry on forever now okay you have to did the boys they got their belts as well and Kitty's started doing it now as well but she has a couple of belts behind us so Kitty's now an orange belt and we're now Like Spy Kids, you're all going to be...

49:00It's nice. It's a nice thing to do it all together. Are they all green, are they? Me and Otto and Arlo are as well, yeah. But then we've got... We've said it before. We want you to join one of the competitions. We want to come and watch you fight someone. We will come and cheer you on so loud. See, this one's saying. I'll call you a nonce. No, we wouldn't do that. Right, well, we're not doing that. He's not coming, actually. We'd get 1 ,200 Whitton fans. Well, we've got a... Oh, my God. We get Robbie to... Do a performance at Crossfires. oh yes please robbie can we bring your sense bring you can bring your clothes your your key bring your key yeah yeah can we have it like it's dark everyone's in the theater and then it goes like let's not go there okay well let's let's see what music we show you you're not racist yet but I fear you are going to say something racist soon.

49:56That's kung fu fighting and this is karate. It's all different. No. It's all what? All sport. Yeah. Do match the day theme tune then. You might as well. Yeah. So you come out. Hood. Why hood? I'm scared of where. Yeah. There's a point where it's like you're all right now. But the more you keep talking, are we going to cross the line? What's that? What's that? I don't understand. Did you just find makeup across your face? No. No, stop doing all of it. Yeah. It's a stereotype. Why have I got a hood? I don't have a hood. Well, what do you wear? The gi. He's shown you it before. You come out. You're like that then.

50:39If you want. Right. So you're in the karate gear like that. And then like spotlight comes on just on you. You look up. It goes.

50:50and then i do all that yeah that's fine okay cool robbie's gonna do that across the show's written yeah can we just write the show here i mean you know we're going to go because it'll be ruined but okay but that will be that's one thing can someone write can someone write that down please okay thank you there we go congratulations congrats robbie thank you very much wear that round here if you want yeah everyone know for the rest of the app put it on for the app. Yeah. Oh, he's doing it like that. I thought around your neck, like just... What? Why would he... Why would he... Just like hanging over like a rollercoaster seat.

51:24Well, that kind of vibe. Have you ever seen anything? No one's going to see it if he sits down. Be honest, have you made love in it? Excuse me? Because I'm looking at you put that on and I'm thinking you've put that on and you've made love. I've done those two things separately. Not together. In fact, as you know, this is the first time I put the green belt on How does it feel? A bit tight because I've pulled a bit too tight. And now I've sat down. Kind of looks like a green willy right now. Yeah, I'm going to take it off. What have you been up to? Not much, genuinely. What, you even got anything to say?

51:57Not really. I've got more stuff. I had a well weird situation happen the other day and I'm a bit scared to go in my house now. This episode is brought to you by Palmolive. Family time isn't just the big moments. It's weeknight dinners. Sitting around the table, everyone talking all at once. So when the plates are empty and the sink is full, use Palmolive Ultra. Palmolive's most powerful formula removes up to 99.9 % of grease, leaving your dishes sparkling clean. And the new convenient pump makes cleaning even easier, so you can spend less time tackling dishes and more time together. Shop now at palmolive.com.

52:34Sierra has all the best active and outdoor brands you need. From athletic stuff, like a full-court pickup game, Swish! To athletic-ish stuff, like a half-mile stroll. Get those steps in! And for morning hikes up the mountain trail, good pace. It's a nighttime ghost choice from the camping chair. What a twist! Whatever level of active, Sierra loves it all. Head to Sierra or Sierra.com for the brands you want at the prices that let you do it all. From athletic to athletic-ish, Sierra's got it. Propel Fitness Water. With Gatorade electrolytes, zero sugar, and vitamins. Propel hydrates better than water to help you get the most out of your workout and get back to your best self.

53:15What propels you? Propel with Gatorade electrolytes. But I was, I just pulled up outside my house to take some bags in from shopping. And I opened the door and lifted my boot up to grab the things. And I could just hear someone coming up the road screaming, like proper road man, like proper having a go. Like, listen, fucking listen to me. And I was thinking, what the fuck's happening? I couldn't tell if he was listening. he was on the phone but as i pull my bags out i opened the door to get isaac out of the car so he could walk in and as the door opens my bag splits and all my stuff goes everywhere and this guy's then right next to me screaming down the phone but it was so strange he saw all my stuff dropped stopped stopped talking just helped me pick everything up and then carried on walking started arguing again straight away that's quite nice it was really nice but also scary and I'm so confused what the person on the other end of the phone's thinking in that moment.

54:09I bet he took something. In a few days you're going to go, fancy that vegetable soup. Where's that soup? Open the cup. Oh Isaac, you have the vegetable soup. I hadn't even thought about that. He's taking the vegetable soup. I hadn't thought about that but I was scared because it was like the angriest I've heard someone in a long time. And it was just so weird that he's managed to switch that off for a second. It caused you with the stress with the bags. I was scared. Fuck him actually. Try karate I'm going to start joining I can't join your classes I'd be Mars blind now You can still come along To the same classes You'll be further down the line Because when you're You line up at the beginning In belt order And you go further down And also When you kneel down at the beginning Black belts get to stand up Before everyone else That's good That's worth keeping going for Fucking hell that's sexy Do they look stoic I don't know I'm down I'm respectful I'm not looking You don't look at them Well no Because I'm there And then they say black belt scout first so you're there like that in the row you're looking down at the floor you're in a long line aren't you I'd go like that I'd have a little look what point do you get in a line and look down because you don't come in looking down no you're getting you'll be there beforehand chatting chatting or whatever then you'll line up then you'll kneel down do your bowing and all that sort of stuff and then if you're black belt you get to get up first how long's a class?

55:26hour does it ever get boring? not really some are more interesting than others. I wouldn't say necessarily it's boring because there's always different things you can find. But generally, there's three types of things. There's kion, which is the basics or the different techniques. There's kata, which is your dance routine of karate. And there's kumite, which is fighting or sparring. What's your favourite? I like them all for different things. Kumite can be quite fun. As long as you don't get it in the face. But yeah, I like it more. Who do you spar? Do you spar? Yes, there's different things. Sometimes it's set sparring where you're doing a routine.

56:02I'm trying to have a chat with my mate and you're just giggling. Why are you giggling? Because I know what you're... What are you going to say? What is he going to say? Well, he thinks I'm fishing to say you're sparring children. Generally not sparring children. No, I'm not. You said you were the only adult there, though. You're sparring them. In my belt group for the grading, I was. But there are other adults at the classes I go to. I just love that idea of you sparring kids. Yeah, but you're not... You do it in front of the crowd. So some parent is watching their child spar you. No, I'm not fighting kids.

56:38Have you sparred a kid? Sparred? I don't think he's sparred like that. Have you had to do a spar with a kid? I would have done set sparring where you know what's happening. So you'll say you're going to do a head punch. The other person will do a block. So you have to go to an eight-year-old. I'm about to do a head punch on you. Yeah, you don't say that. you say head punch no you say Jodan because you've got to be intimidating as well you say what you're screaming at an 8 year old what's the youngest kid you have to spa you have to have the attitude in that oh you have to do it no no no you must do it he'll do that on stage we'll get him to do the full thing on stage go all out you have to you properly you really go for it no she's saying Jodan means head punch I think she said Jordan Jordan can you be right stand up so you've got to imagine I'm a child and really small.

57:29That's easy. But you've got to be menacing, right? Guys, try and stay for the camera. For the audio listeners, they're square enough. You go there, I'll go there. They're for the wide, yeah? They're like two scorpions in the desert. So I'll go, you've got to maintain eye contact, so you've got to be quite tough, okay? You ready? He's maintaining eye contact on groin blocks for kids. Right. You want to look or not? Sorry. Yeah. Sorry, sensor. This is uncomfortable. Do them! And then you've got blocked, man, mate. You're probably shouting. So what's the youngest kid you've had to do that to? You don't know.

58:00You're not... 14. No, you do that. What happens if they don't block? You got a bit of head to the... What happens if they forget to block? Well, ideally, you'll notice and stop. But depending on who you're dealing with, you'll know whether or not they're doing it. Are you not punching downwards a bit? I'm generally not fighting kids. In my grading, I'll do it with Sensei, who's like a sixth down black belt. Yeah. So he's quite, you know, he's going to block it. He's decent. That must be intimidating for you to try and be scary to him. No, but it's good because he's the same back, and then you show that you can, like...

58:37Does he scream at you, does he? Yeah. And you hate that. And I'm screaming at each other. But also, you're doing, like, you're doing, like, key eyes. You're, like, making a noise at the end. So for this grading, you're doing, like, one-step sparring. So you'll do a little Joe Dunn thing. You'll punch the head, do a head block, and then a reverse punch. So if you do a punch to my head, I'll block it, and then... Smack them right in the chest. Then you're doing a like, GAH! Sort of thing as well. Like that. Make a big noise. So you never... You can choose what... You can put your own flair into the noise you make.

59:04GAH! Can I do Harry Potter spells, maybe? How so? Go on. I'm gonna go to Harry Potter! It's a bit wordy. Yeah, it is a bit, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Can I go, OID! Yep. Can I? If you want. The most Brexit karate. That would be amazing. What are you doing, Brexit? OID! Stop the bones! oh wow how's the allotty going the allotty's good yeah uh oh did something quite manly went to uh the timber yard to buy some wood oh it was wood like that and i was like i went with my friend meg he's one of the mums from the school run actually wanted to build a raised bed as well so we went along and just got less manly and got a little mess but we were basically we were cosplaying is like like people are impressive people are like yeah I was down here like yeah I was down there on timber yard and all that sort of stuff we were saying we don't really know what we're doing but we want to build beds and woods and we got delivered where the timber yard is great question great question if you're on your phone he doesn't know how to use it you can use there's a thing called google maps if you could work a phone you'd know that I wouldn't know do you start by googling like where to get a bit of wood also my friend Alex is family owned a timber yard.

1:00:21That helps. That helps. I also Googled where it was. So you're a nepo baby, are you? Oh, here we go. This is nepotism. Nice to start. Yeah. Is it nepotism to go somewhere that someone knows? You're trying to flex, going, oh, I knew where the timber was. Turns out, yeah, your family owned big timber. Not my family. Yeah, well, you're the same thing. Definitely not. Anyway. So big shout out, Reed Brothers. Best for timber, probably, anyone I've been to. Might be shit, don't know. but the timber turned up and now I've already built one but you don't get the timber there I hey why don't we get a big 2.4 metre timber sleepers mate you can't carry that you go to the timber yard you could have done it I went there to pick it out I went there to say what I wanted and then they go catch through them they said yeah they'll deliver it for you it's too big to fit in this car that day no a few days later whenever you I said I'm I'd go I'm here now I want it now well you can have it now but it's not going to fit in the box of the signature why can't you pull up and just go big bit of wood and then they go we'll send it to you.

1:01:19You know, we did just say big bit of wood. Did you know how long it needed to be? Roughly, but then they said we've got these, we've got 2.4 metre timbers sleepers. I went, oh, in that case, I can make them. And you knew what that meant straight away, did you? Yeah. What's a sleeper? It's the thing that's underneath the railway track. That sort of bit of wood. You know the bits of wood that go under the railway track? No. They're called sleepers. Why? And you went into your allotment, you looked at this untouched bit grass, I need a sleeper here. I know what a sleeper is Most people will know what a sleeper is Hands up if you don't know what a sleeper is Three to one there sensei Yeah but I'm talking about the viewers who are educated Sleeper wood I don't get it This thing is called a sleeper There's a set size of a thing What's the point of a sleeper?

1:02:07In this case building raised beds It's a bit of wood We've spent ages on this bit of wood haven't we Yeah Crosswires.log live yeah um but went down there got all the bits and i said so like okay i'll have 12 sleepers and i want four of them cut in half because then they can be the end bits or something like that and then you might as well be speaking i understood the karate language more and then 20 minutes it took me to put one together i don't think that's bad i wouldn't know drivers that could be really you could be the best ever or crap i'm not i think i'm probably quite crap i'm that's all right i mean it's 20 minutes i'm not even doing this for the podcast now what i want to know is yeah you rock up to an allotment nothing is done right yeah how do you go well i need 12 sleepers then for what to build raised beds are you researching all this i know what i know what a raised bed is but what you looked at your allotment and you went i need to do a raised i've had a garden before and i've and i know that's sexier than a green belt yeah okay um What is a raised bed?

1:03:14A raised bed is the bits of wood around with soil in the middle, so it's slightly off the ground. Like all veg. I saw a controlled area. There we go. It's a plant pot. No. Oh, for fuck's sake. It's a big wooden square. It's a giant, all rectangle. Oh, whatever really you want. Imagine like a... Full of soil and veg. Imagine like this is the ground, right? Yeah. And then there's a square on top of it with soil in it, about this high. There's a square and there's plants in it. But why can't you just put the plants in the ground? You can. Oh, okay. I think it just looks nice. You can. And keep it neat.

1:03:45A lot of people do do that, but we quite wanted raised beds. Right. Because it's quite controlled. Okay. And I've also ordered big deliveries of compost and stuff like that. So big lorry comes with a crane and lifts stuff on it. It's not shit, no, that's manure. It's decomposed organic matter. So like manure, no manure at the minute. No shit. No shit. Strange. A man didn't come round. He goes, I'm the manure man. I was like, don't say that. I bet you were right. Did he actually? Some guy was just coming around, he just comes around, he goes, I've got loads of manure. Do you want any? Why do you need manure?

1:04:18To improve your soil. I wouldn't want to eat a carrot if it's been grown in shit. Newsflash. Newsflash. Yeah. Every carrot you've ever eaten. Covered in shit, yeah. I don't like that. You're not covered in... Yeah, we shit in your fridge. That's why you wash it. When you drop your stuff, that man, he distracted you and we went around your house and shat in your fridge. That's why you wash them, mate. Get the shit off. Are you all right with pesticides? What's wrong with a bit of shit? I'm allergic to pesties. You are? You're a sex pest. Are you? Really? So do you buy special fruit and veg? No, I just don't eat fruit and veg.

1:04:51I'm pretty sure you can buy special fruit and veg. Yeah, no, I should really. When I go abroad, I can eat the fruit and veg. Fine. Yeah. Well, the news is radishes, I think, are going to be the first available crop. So I'll bring in some radish if you fancy a bit of radish. Yummy. I've never really eaten radish. Yeah, I don't know if I've ever had radish. I've never had a radish in my life. Well, we'll have radish. and you can use the radish top so you can use it to make radish top pesto. Okay. He likes that, doesn't he? Yeah. That sounds fancy. So yeah, what I'll do throughout this year is whenever I'm doing a pod, if there's been a harvest, I will bring some stuff in and we can all have a little taste of things at the allotment.

1:05:26Maybe I'll bring some to the live show cross wires and give out, I will give out some vegetables to people. Honestly, just launch radios. Yeah. No. Yeah, no, just throw veg into the crowd. Yeah, we'll do that. We'll do that. You did that on one of the other live shows where you booted a teddy at someone's face. I've just lost potatoes at people. Yeah. It'll be like, it'll be like, what's their name in America? Chat show host. Oprah Winfrey. You get a potato. You get a radish. You get some kale. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, kale probably wouldn't ever. We can't, don't buy tickets if that's specifically what you want because that's not a guarantee.

1:06:02Yes, it is. I'm guaranteeing. What if you don't have it harvested in time? What if I don't have any harvest? When is it? May? July. July? Oh, fine. I've put the first early potatoes in the ground the other day, mate. They'll be ready back then. Cool. They'll pull a premature potato out and throw that. A premie P. Premie P, yeah. Oh, do you want a premie P, mate? It is a premie P back in Rose's head. We see. We got it down. We got it down. Cool. So, yeah, that's the allotment stuff. Do you want more stuff I've done? Yeah, go on then. Why not? How much should we panning out here? Where are we yet?

1:06:30Go on, why not? So, yeah, I've also been away on an adventure, been filming, went to the UK's highest pub. Scotland? England. Oh, where about? In the Scarful Pikeway? Derbyshire. No, higher. I'm going to say probably the Yorkshire down, I don't know what that is. Lancashire. I think it's just maybe just in Richmond. Richmond-Cumbria border. Carlisle. No. Did you have to go up a mountain then? You go up a big hill Big hill In Leicester Leicester He's just had a flashback No, Leicester No You're safe You're safe It's okay, we're all here Is it in Nottingham then? No, it's not in Nottingham Northampton Oh, yeah, Northampton Where is it?

1:07:27I just said it's the rich from Cumbria border Is that in Newcastle? I don't know what's happening now He's saying places no one knows where Richmond is he's trying to guess where it is Cumbria is where Kendall Calling is Penrith it's not, it's in a place of its own you just said where Kendall Calling is, that's Penrith give them a precise location or the pod's never going to end ok, the pub is called the Tannhill Inn just go there ok, right so, went there it's the place that you see on the news where a couple of years ago some people got snowed in there with an Oasis tribute band for four days.

1:08:05No? Yeah, isn't it? It's quite famous for that. Wow. Very remote. Great place. A little folk night in the evening. People playing. Brilliant. Really good fun. I was there with Holiday Expert, formerly known as Cheap Holiday Expert. Is that another Welsh girl? Another Welsh girl. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's the one that whenever I go, whenever I arrange this, it's the one that Becky sends weird messages going. She gets jealous over, don't she? She plays our character where she gets jealous. She's like, fine, I'll just, if you want me. Head against me. Drawing on real life and money. Trauma. I intentionally sat the next to each other at the live show at Shepherd's Bush for banter.

1:08:38That sort of stuff. Wow. But get on. They get on well. They get on real life. Just joking. So the pub is how high in the air? Great question. It's on the ground. In the air. It is on the ground. It's not like the house from up. That would be great to visit though. If you did that, that would be higher. But it's not. I'm going to say 2 ,900 foot. I reckon it's higher pubs. maybe but not in the UK he did say the UK I reckon there's higher isn't there like not in the UK there is in the world isn't there like a cafe or something halfway up or at the top of Mount Snowden I don't know there might be a top of Mount Snowden no not the top but like because you can get a train up there I'm in the UK mate I don't know how many times I can say it how do you know that though research I just reckon there's someone who lives in like like a flat somewhere high.

1:09:32Yeah, but you said a pub. Yeah, that's not what we're saying. Like a penthouse bar. And they've got a bar in there, yeah. Was it higher than a penthouse bar? Like, I've been up one at the top of, like, the Shard or whatever. Yeah. Is it higher than that? Yeah. Yeah, I think so. There is a... Oh, is it that brilliant? There's a restaurant on top of the Gherkin, mate. What? There's a restaurant on top of the Shard. I bet it's not over there. I'm selling beer. No, no. Is it? Yeah, well, yeah, this is the... This is up a mountain. Surely that's taller. No, no, no, no, no. So what's this gaff called that you're doing, Robbie?

1:10:01Tan Hill Inn. Tan Hill Inn. Can we explore why you want it not to be the highest? Right, so Tan Hill Inn in North Yorkshire is 1 ,700 feet, right? Restaurant top of Shard. It's not that. That's 528 metres. The Shard is not half a kilometre tall. Right. How tall is Shard? Not half a kilometre. How many metres was yours? 528. Okay, 310. Right. To be fair, that's not a bad effort from the Shard on flat land. No. But also, yours was above sea level. So then you've got to add on top of that 300 and 10 how high above sea level is. Yeah. Why do you hate the Shard? Why are you stagging up the Shard? We love the Shard.

1:10:48Yeah. I've never been. Have you never? I'll tell you if you want. Yeah. So anyway, I wasn't at the fucking Shard. I was at the highest pub in the UK. I had a good night, good fun. Woke up in the morning, had a shower, opened the curtains, opened the curtains, blanket of snow everywhere. Didn't know what to say. Not ah, like, I'm sitting, it's like, ah, no, I need to get home. But also, let me know where it is. Let's get a fucking thumbnail taken here, because that is a good YouTube, I got sewed into the UK's Highest Pup or something like that. We'll work it better. we'll shorten that but yeah so this is a little bit of an issue because it didn't know it was going to snow and so the guys have not a bit but we'll see how it goes eventually it did clear a bit by about like 11 o 'clock we could get out but so you were snowed in for a bit I was snowed in at the highest pub in the UK for a little bit I've never been snowed in anywhere I'd love to be snowed in yeah I haven't even that would be cool there's no pressure oh my god it's just an excuse to just do fuck all yeah no pressure when I was a kid there was like in the 80s there was like a week a famous week where it was like mental snow south east and we like snowed in for a week like you couldn't get on or off of Sheppey they closed the bridge and everything really good really good time yeah because I was like 10 it'd be like Covid but no one dying except just everyone that was a bit cosy yeah and I was because I was 10 I could go to the shop cosy'd 19 the first time I got to go to the shop on my own mum didn't want to walk down the hill so I'd go to the shop on my own with some money money to go and buy some bread and milk and stuff surely the risks that were still there would be there anyway, wouldn't they?

1:12:28Pedos don't stop because it's snowy, do they? They do, yeah. Do they? Can't drive the vans and that. Yeah, they're being cosy indoors. Yeah, fair enough. You're always just doing shit, you are, mate. I do do some stuff, but I have to for YouTube, really, so I have to do some stuff. You got anything else big coming up? When are you going to retire? Not for a while. No? No, I'm 48. No, I don't know. I always forget you're not, like, 70. I know I sort of do as well you're 50 next year yeah fucking hell 50 not out hopefully yeah wow 50 next year I'd do like a party invite with me in like cricket gear like doing 50 that'd be cool wouldn't it because when I see you doing stuff I think fair play to him still going still going isn't it that's mad is that when you see like an old guy like running the marathon or something like that it's me now yeah I sort of forget that I'm not really old but then I'll talk to people who are like middle age which is what I am and they're like why do they say you're really old?

1:13:27And I go, oh yeah. Yeah, I think of you as older than my parents, but you're not. No, I'm not. No. Like by quite a lot. Yes. So why do I think that? But there are some people that I meet in YouTube who are not that far off their parents. If their parents had kids young. Yeah, my dad had me young. Like, yeah. My dad is 55. Okay. And I think that's young. But he's got six, seven years on you, hasn't he? But Ailish Morrison, I did a video with the other day, her mum's from Sheppie and her mum is older than me but not by loads So you could be her dad? No, same age as her mum No, I'm a little bit younger but not a million miles off the age of her mum So you could have fucked up with her back in the day Yeah, if I wasn't a fucking loser Oh yeah You forgot about that, didn't you?

1:14:17Yeah, fair enough So yeah, to sum up I'm relatively old in this room but in the grand scheme of things I mean look it's getting hard to think I'm in the first half of life right do you know what I mean we're turning the corner and coming back yeah does that make you sad not really no no not really what would you say your best year was um what are we doing next time I find this really interesting you know those videos where they ask a hundred year old for advice that's what I feel like we're doing right now um best year they're all good for different reasons I think you just gotta enjoy the things at the time like being at uni great fun yeah having kids good fun yeah to say great good fun uh it's a uni i guess um no um no all good in different stages as long as you embrace the stages and i've never been sort of going oh no right here's a question and it's going to sound like i'm digging you out i'm not how do you work on iphone yeah no i genuinely do think you still care about how you look and your clothes and stuff like that don't you to a degree yeah but i think i'm not far off not caring anymore yeah but like caring is like so when do you think you'll stop get caring but there's caring and like i don't care care no but like you still get good haircuts yeah what i've learned is right i've when i was at school not one of the hot guys right now for my age i'm all right and i but this is what's happened right i've not got any better i've just shredded water but i've not gone to shit right but like loads of people age have just like not bought any new clothes in the last 30 years or they've gone bald right no offense stevie or they've got a got a beast no offense steve no offense stevie from a few years ago both times yeah um yeah but like so if you just sort of don't go to shit is that why you're singing and doing karate so you're one of the singing is just for the pod really you want to be the fit 50 don't you i want to be like not shit right yeah yeah because there's no point being shit you want to do you want to try like you've had them years and also you get to the age now where people who have just like not really tried in life like who have just like lived an unhealthy life they are starting to get fucked yeah right like you see like friends of friends who just have not yeah they're like oh god what year in your life do you think you felt like you went like start to go to shit yeah i think from around 30 things start to get a little bit worse.

1:16:47Are you finding that? Yeah. Yeah. What's wrong with you? Pre-cure after 30 and that. I literally, and I never have ever been this guy in my life, I have to wake up to go for a wee. I do, mate. Oh, mate, all the time. Mate, I'm so happy you said that. Really? Yeah. I'm so happy you said that. Wow. I've never been that guy. Yeah. You have to start to be tactical now. You have to, what I've learned now, you do a lot of drinking water early in the evening. Yeah. You don't be drinking a few hours before bed or that's wee sitting. I thought he's so young to be worrying about piss and all that. it's really annoying I take a cup of tea to bed and that's what fuck yeah that's not I've tried also around 30 there was a time like where you just stop pissing that's the end and then you start you're like oh right oh I've spoken about this people telling me to press my gooch and that's gonna help that's not gonna fucking help who's people I've been doing that a year the listeners of this fucking stupid pod I said like I keep pissing myself every time I go through a wee they're like press your gooching so for six months I'm just standing there someone's had you over fingering it up It's actually over.

1:17:45Fucking your rhinos. Just pressing my gooch in. Yeah, I know. You're pressing it in like internally or with your fingers? No, like reaching around and pressing my gooch and then nothing's happening. You're like in a public toilet just fingering your own arse. I reckon I've done that. I reckon I've done that 30 times. Why do you keep doing it? Because I'm like, why would they say this? To make you finger your own arse in a public toilet. No, I'm not. I'm not anywhere near my arse. Do you know what? But the fact you would even suggest I was going near my arse is disgusting. It's right. It's right lips to it.

1:18:17Well, it's between your balls and your arse. I must have a different anatomy because it is miles away. Can I just say... Also, people don't know that if you're in a bunch of other. They just see where your hands are in your trousers. It's the area between your testicles and your bum. Yeah. Yes, which is literally what we're talking about. I must have a flipping runway there because it's nowhere near each other. Tiny little balls. How can the thing that goes between them not... Let's be honest. Someone listening to this podcast right now was going, and I messaged Alfie telling him to press us and he's been doing it.

1:18:45I could probably find who it was and I was furious and I still am because every so often I've tried a few more hundred times and then see. I've never heard that as a thing. No, I think I've heard him say it on here but I didn't Not the Gooch thing. I just remember I had a kid at school there was a kid at my school whose surname was Gooch. Yeah, we had Did you have a Goochie? I had a Goochie when I played for Barry that our captain was Jordan Gooch. Shit, don't say his first name if I'm fair. Right. Sorry Sorry mate So yeah weeing That's the issue What time do you wake up to wee? Oh six in the morning Just about an hour and a half before the cat comes in Do you still shave your pubes in that?

1:19:28We might leave this episode here I think we're done on that haven't we Yeah keep things in this Is that manscape does it? With scissors Scissors? You trim your pubes with scissors I didn't say shit Like a little haircut That's what I thought by trim Alfie Indra and Robbie Knox Shears When do you reckon you'll stop? Like is an 85 year old really shaving their balls? Do you think 85 year olds shave their balls? I'll let you know in a couple of years If you're 85 please get in touch Press your gooch and shave your balls Thanks for listening We're all caught up baby You're all caught up Crosswise.live Or Ticketmaster

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