643 - Disturbing Facts That Will Blow Your Dick Off!

30:55Go on. Robbie and I have a thinking point. Okay, Alf? I don't get who... Is this bride receiving teeth? No. She's having all her teeth removed. Having her teeth taken out. Yeah. I reckon teeth are shit then, because you haven't got dentists. Yeah. Teeth are shit, get rid of them. Yeah, less pain. Happy birthday. Yeah. In the Victorian era, dental health was very poor, toothpaste wasn't widely effective, sugar consumption had risen, and dentistry was still primitive. As a result, many people had severe tooth decay by early adulthood. Among some wealthier families, there was a practice where young women would have all of their remaining teeth extracted in their late teens or early 20s and were given a full set of dentures.

31:32Fake teeth? Yeah. Imagine how shit they must have been back then. Because you know how technology's come on a long way. Has it? Yeah, isn't it? What? You don't think?

31:44It's getting there. It does feel weird here with a dark fight on. It's getting there. Few years out. Yeah. Dentures are easier though, aren't they? Yeah. Than like veneers and crowns and stuff. They'd have been worth fucking buy a bloody mansion. Okay, so that's number two. Yep. You did the teeth one for teeth jokes and just admit it. I didn't. It was just in the book. Wait, it's working. In 2004... You're even being cheeky like Adam Rowe. You are being cheeky. You are actually being cheeky. In 2004, partygoers on Lake Travis, Texas, apparently... There's number three. You've got to say number three.

32:28It was number three. It was just a thing that happened. You want me to read it? Don't get sulky. If you want. Go on, let's read it. It's a simple one. It's an art form. So you'll be all right, is what you're saying. In 2004, partygoers on Lake Travis, Texas, apparently hoping to catch a glimpse of nude sunbatvers. What are we doing here? Crowded on one side of a floating barge. This prompted the ship to capsize and dump all 60 people into the lake. Two people suffered minor injuries. Like, if this is counting as a fact, literally anything that's happened you can do the fact. I don't even think that's that interesting.

33:05Fact it rained today. I can think of way madder stuff I've heard than that. This is, what is that? They're trying to look at breasts and penis. but they all went to the same, all 60 people went, there's a nude beach over there. So they walked over to the side of the bar. They all found out at the same time. Well, it was moving and they were like, by the way, there's going to be a nudist beach over there. So all 60 people went over to the other side and because the weight distribution was so bad they all tipped into the water of the bridge a barge what's a barge like a boat yeah so they're on a boat tits on that side go to go towards tits to look at tits it's out penis home they've gone penis home penis home i'm trying to work out the direction so that you know starboard out whatever home now everything penis tits one side penis tits out sea or whatever other side They've all gone to the tit side.

33:59They've all gone there. The boat's way down because they're also into the tits and penises. And two people suffered injuries. Yeah. Boats tipped over. They're in the water. Two out of 60 is not bad, is it? It isn't. Robbie, if someone said to you, you can have a look at a load of tits over there, you've got one in 30 counts of getting a small injury. Tits. Would your eyes, well, it's a bit of strange, but would your eyes not be more inquisitively drawn to the penis? I'd have half and half, I reckon. Would you? I'd take it all. I'd take it in the beautiful tableau in front of us. Yeah. Have a look around.

34:32I think I'd settle on the tips at the end. I would have a look around. Why, would you? I think I'd just be looking at all the men. Right. Was that the response you had for that one? No, it is, because it says the accident occurred during Splash Day, a semi-annual event hosted at the Clothing Optional Area by the Austin Tavern Guild, a gay and lesbian bar association. Ah. So the... Alfie looking at Nob's works. men were running over looking at the dicks and the women were running over yeah but the straight if there's any straight men they might be just looking just to see if what you've got going on is normal yeah or they might be looking at lesbians I don't really see a lot of straight men look at lesbians do they?

35:11oh no sorry what? sorry what? you mean gay men I thought you meant I thought you said gay men look at lesbians and I was going why do gay men look at lesbians? what's the next fantasy? is this what you wanted? That's exactly what I was hoping for What the fuck is happening? This is not an art form What the fuck is happening? The other week we were going like Do you know what? It would be a really good run of shows lately Look at this We've fallen off a fucking bar How long we got to drag this out? Genuinely, Amori We're on number four Can someone just fucking check the Cross-wise refund policy Next You've all got cats, kind of Would you like some cat facts?

35:52We literally all have cats When does it go to cat facts though? This is so messy. Yeah, it's random. It's a complete mess. But there's two have not been facts. They've been things that have happened. Don't blame me. Blame 323 disturbing facts about the world. The second one was the Victorian teeth. I'd say that's a fact. Like this was a thing. I would say the teeth one is the only good one so far. Yeah. Right, because when we first did these last year. Aren't you saying that people with dementia fighting each other is not a good one? Well, when we first did this last year, we kind of wrapped it up under the premise of like, oh, we're going to tell you some cool facts today that when you're in the pub, you can tell your mates and you'll have a bit about you.

36:34So far, you're going to go to the pub on Saturday and you're going to go, our two dementia patients were beating the shit out of some fucking... Bring the mood down, wasn't it? Yeah, they're going to go, right? And they're going to go, oh, also in America, there was a nudist beach and loads of lesbians fell off the side of a... You go, what the fuck are you talking about? The lesbians fell off the side. But the only good one so far is, did you know, in Victorian times, it was often a gift on your 21st birthday to have all your teeth removed? And not for the reasons you think. Yeah, not for blowjobs, for teeth decay.

37:07One about a cat. Great. Globally, cats kill billions of birds every year and have led to the extinction of at least 33 bird species. Not shocked at all. There are some people in the world, in other countries, where they think it's immoral to have cats outside because of the damage to bird populations. Some people like America. It mentioned it in the thing about this, that it said cat owners should be better at stopping their cats from killing wildlife. I don't know how you do that. Didn't cats start outside, though? Where's that weird? You just fucking let it in. No, I like this. Come on. Cats predate houses, don't they?

37:52Probably. Cats were probably about before there was indoors. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, caves, maybe. Yeah, or saber-toothed. So cats were living for probably hundreds of thousands of years outside. We built the house and then brought them into the house, but their DNA probably says they should be out the house. Yeah. Yeah, am I right? Killing. Yeah. What? Yeah. So why should we stop the animal circle of life? I think it's just harsh on the birds, isn't it? No, it's not. 33. There's probably more cats than there should be because we breed them. Yeah. But then also, there'd be loads of wild cats just...

38:31You wouldn't breed... Fucking each other having cat babies. There are in some countries, aren't there? Yeah, whereas in our country, there's a lot more spaying. I have thought this before. When you have wild animals, why are they not just unlimited wild animals? Why? Because no one's telling them to stop mating. Really? Well, yeah. There's predators and stuff. And hit by cars. A mouse will sometimes have like six mouse babies, right? Yeah, and then a cat will eat them, so there's not too many. Yeah, your cat. I think nature handles all that shit for us. For us. Pretty cool. Yeah. That's pretty cool, actually.

39:05Yeah. Because I just thought there must be one animal that just knows how to survive. Human. So why is there not millions of them? Human. There are. there's literally millions, billions of humans and of other animals. I just think, why do we not go outside? It's like a sea of all mouse. Because the cats eat the mice. What about the ones who live in the sewers? They're in the sewers. Yeah, they're avoiding humans, so you're not going to see them. Yeah, I'm just surprised that we haven't had to do more to keep the populations down. Well, they've just explained. The animals are doing it for us. Fair enough.

39:36That's the next fact. Great point, mate. Great point. Yeah, really good. There was a 2014 study that claimed domestic cats have the urge to kill humans and would do so if only they were bigger. Nah, don't believe it. Do you ever feel like your cat wants to murder you? Not my titchy girl, no. Fluffball's a cunt. Yeah. Mine have never scratched or bit at me once. Fluffball's only cares. Internet Explorer is a good guy, but Fluffball will only be affectionate if you're getting ham out the fridge. Is that boy and girl? Both boys, brothers. You just said that if she's getting food out of... Did I? I don't think so.

40:13Oh, sorry. Sorry, everyone. Sorry, Guy Tide. I miss gendered your cat, right? What? He's misgendered his cat. Why would I see my cat's gender? It's not told me. Good point. You did. You said she. I rotate between them because I don't know the correct answer. Because my cat's not expressed an opinion. Fair enough. Anyway, so they quite often bite me because they're cunts. how many times has your as fluff ball I couldn't remember which one fluff ball more like it'll be it'll nibble your ankles because it wants stuff but it won't give you affection unless generally you're getting it food and it'll lie on the floor being like really cute oh really yeah that's a roll around or rub against you and all that just because you've got ham really that is smart no ham internet explorer legend right what will Inti be up to cuddles really it'll come in it'll sit next to you, come in for cuddles.

41:08Love strokes. Love strokes. Didn't you get them both at the same time? Yeah, brothers. I wonder why it's so different. One's a cunt and one's not. Jesus Christ. That's fascinating to me, the psyche of a feline. Yeah. Well, this is from a study at University of Edinburgh. Right. And it said they compared the personality of his domestic cats to African lions, snow leopards and Scottish wild cats. And the study found that domestic cats share similar personality traits with lions, including being neurotic, impulsive and dominant and the study noted that domestic cats have high levels of insecurity, anxiety and suspicion of people.

41:43Yeah, see that I'd understand but I don't know how you can never get an animal's motive. You can never ask an animal what its motive was because you read that as oh, they want to kill people. You don't know that. It's saying it has the same instincts as the bigger ones that would kill people. Yeah. How do they know? It's not just thinking. Well, I like that. I like, yeah. How do you know that? I guess we can never know anything about animals. Or each other. I saw a thing on the way here. That's a theory, isn't it? Well, it says from a study. On the way here, I saw a tweet about, you know, the new dinosaurs thing on Netflix?

42:16Yeah, I was watching it last night. One of the tweets was like, how do you know from like digging up some bones that this dinosaur used to like doing a mating dance? And that is weird, isn't it? They don't. So why are you watching it? Are you qualified enough to say they don't? Right. I'm not going to blow my own trumpet here oh my god mate please I promise you right I predicted so much that was happening in the dinosaur thing maybe you just know stuff no no no right so I know how to kind of like how to like structure storytelling right like a little bit right so when I watched it last night and have you seen it no I haven't where's the Morgan Freeman dinosaur yeah and then there's like this little dinosaur right and it's running so this is the premise one dinosaur let's call him Mike right Mike has a family yeah but Mike's getting a bit old but this family are like all the women that he wants to fuck, right?

43:08You've lost me. What? He's making an incest. Can you start again? Sorry, right. So Mike's got this like hub of people, of dinosaurs. His kids? No, no. He's just like, that's his pack, right? His pack. Okay, his friends. And they're all chica. So there's not his family? No, no, not his family. Sorry. So Mike's there and he's got his bitches and then this intruder comes in and goes, Mike. What's his name? and Steve so Steve's going they're mine now he's younger he's fitter and they both use their heads as the ramming things that's their technique then Mike goes right I'm going to get Steve away because he's an intruder and he runs to get Steve but as he's running there's a stampede of all these bigger upper dinosaurs running but he's dodging them like that he's running through to get to Steve and I said to Fee he'll get knocked over once this is what will happen he'll get knocked over once then boom he gets knocked over and he rolls on his back like that and I go Fee didn't I She's just trying to enjoy the show Pause it Watch this He'll get back up And he will not get knocked anymore Like that Bang Got through to the other side Exactly how I said And then I said He's going to start fighting off this Steve Steve's going to have the better of him And then eventually Mike's going to win Spoiler alert Steve has the better of him Steve's about to kill Mike What the fuck has this got to do with anything?

44:30what's this got to do with what stevie was telling us that you guessed something that would happen in a netflix show that's not real because he's saying we have no what that doesn't prove anything remotely relevant here's a completely unrelated thing that shows how good i am i missed the dementia i missed the dementia fight one you might as well have gone i scored a great girl last week. I don't know. But he's saying that we don't know what dinosaurs did. And I'm going, no, we don't. And I'm saying, but they're telling us. But you seem to. That's fine. But why do you need to say and also, I guess what happened is.

45:13Because that wasn't dinosaurs. No, because we're going, they're pretending to know. But how does them, no, no, no. There's a difference between scientists knowing about mating calls from Bones and you guessing an animated thing. Yeah, I'm going, they've made up this narrative. A team of Netflix. The story you're watching is fake, obviously. They're just letting you know what they would have been like. Yeah, but how do they know that Steve had a... No, they don't know that, but they know that based on other animals now that they'll be fighting for the pack and stuff like that. Well, it did surprise me because Steve was getting the better of Mike and Mike didn't actually beat him up.

45:50It didn't surprise you, you just said you weren't surprised. It's the opposite of being surprised. How does Mike get the better Mike didn't. Mike was about to die and he needed one more hit from Steve. And as Steve went to do it, a Trinosaurus Rex came and ate Steve. Oh, this sounds shit. But what's dangerous is that makes you not believe science. I just think we write it all ourselves. How do they... Yeah, the dinosaurs didn't write it. Today, dinosaurs are... You have no idea. They reckon dinosaurs are probably feathery. Before we gather bones. so alright how do we know when you see the big have you been in Natural History Museum and seen the big dinosaur all the bones there they make sense right that probably is the the frame of a dinosaur right but how do we know they didn't have all these big rubbery bits yeah I know like big ears and fucking shit like that that disintegrate over you how do you know the big the big bang happened I don't certainly next fact Stevie I like that though are you enjoying the dinosaur show I know what you're saying.

46:53Brilliant. Okay, let's go back to one that isn't really a fact, but it's like a thing that happened. I hate these ones. I'm fucking having such a horrible time. What's the time? In May 2020, a five-year-old boy was pulled over by Utah police while driving his parents' car to California to buy a Lamborghini. The boy had$3 in his pocket. Oh, he shouldn't have been out because it was COVID lockdown time. Terrible. What, the five-year-old was driving? Yeah. How do you reach the pedals? Do what Milhouse does in The Simpsons. No, I want Stevie to answer because he's researched. How do you reach the pedals?

47:28Five-year-old Adrian took the family car and was only caught when police in Utah State stopped him on the freeway. A patrolman spotted the SUV weaving across lanes at 30 miles per hour and issued a traffic stop, duly obeyed by the driver. He was shocked to discover the child behind the wheel who said he was on his way to buy a Lamborghini. The boy told the police that he'd left home after his mother refused to buy him the luxury vehicle, which sparked an argument. How'd he reach the pedals? The boy was sitting at the very edge of the seat to be able to reach the pedals. That's crap. Yeah, there's a YouTube...

48:02You can watch this all on YouTube. You can actually see the dash cam footage of the car pulling over and stuff and him going up to this five-year-old boy. And he's like, I just want to go buy a Lamborghini. He just had$3 on him. But then... What, he can talk? It's five, mate. That's just... He's just driven a car on a freeway at 30 miles an hour and you're worried that he can talk. That's absolutely insane that you think a five-year-old can't talk. You think kids at school just go, bye! You have a niece? Hi, is she? Can she talk? Can she talk? Yeah, quite well. Did you think she was 20 at uni?

48:38You think she was just gifted? In my head, I just imagine nine. What, with your niece? Yeah. Could you picture her driving? Arlo's eight Does she look older than Arlo? Nah I just think all kids are nine Isaac's nine Yeah, alright, fair enough So she can, full sentences on that then Yeah, can your niece? Can she, Fee? You speak to her Yeah, but I can't remember whether she goes I want food I want food sounds right to me i genuinely can't remember if it's full sentence or not well this five-year-old you're not doing full sentences or not are you five this five-year-old made it about five minutes away from his house which is a long time for a five-year-old to be driving a car and not crash into anything nobody was hurt and after investigating the incident the county attorney's office determined there was no evidence of neglect or inappropriate action by the parents both parents were at work when the boy took the car he was being watched by a 16 year old sister who had fallen asleep when he made a break for it so how's he put the how's he got the car going i'm guessing it's just a start stop oh fair enough and then it'll probably be automatic as well they don't really do so he got so he got going a bit then yeah he managed five minutes and he got onto a freeway going 30 miles an hour but you can actually watch the dash cam footage of him driving around.

50:07What was his name? Austin. I really appreciate you trying to flesh this out. Adrian. Yeah. It's really nice and good podding. Yeah. Because it's like painful, isn't it? The questions you're having to ask. What's his name? The questions you're asking just make him tell the same things repeatedly. As a five-year-old driving a car. Are you into it? Yeah. Promise me. Yes. I don't give a fuck about how old the cat was or whatever. Yeah. I think you're getting into your own oh, I can't enjoy this. I've just told you a five-year-old boy was driving. You're like, No, I don't care. Maybe you're just being a miserable...

50:38You'll both be a miserable little bastard. I don't care, no. Do you care? I cared, but then it's like all of this extra stuff. Right, you don't want... The facts about it. All right, just give us three, but we can't ask any questions about it. Now you'll see how it happens. I was into the... I was into some of them. I weren't into that one. I felt like we got as much as we could out. What's his name? What was his name? I asked his name because he said, you can search up on YouTube. So I said, retell me the name and I'll have a look at that on the way home. You didn't say that. No, but because he asked I'm asking all the listeners out there.

51:07I apologise. I apologise. I was wrong. I do three in a row, no talking. Okay, the next one's quite long, which has all the information in it. Which is bad timing. Do a different one then. Go back to that one. Okay. Sierra has all the best active and outdoor brands for the super athletic stuff, like running gear for cruising up the trail. Woo! And the super athletic-ish stuff, like fishing gear for chilling by the creek. Nice cast. Fitness apparel to push for higher reps? You got this. And golf balls priced so you can afford to lose one. Or a few. Head to Sierra or Sierra.com for the brands you want at the prices that let you do it all.

51:44From athletic to athletic-ish, Sierra's got it. This episode is brought to you by Palmolive. Family time isn't just the big moments. It's weeknight dinners. Sitting around the table, everyone talking all at once. So when the plates are empty and the sink is full, use Palmolive Ultra. Palmolive's most powerful formula removes up to 99.9 % of grease, leaving your dishes sparkling clean. And the new convenient pump makes cleaning even easier, so you can spend less time tackling dishes and more time together. Shop now at palmolive.com. Chronic migraine is 15 or more headache days a month, each lasting four hours or more.

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53:00Tell your doctor your medical history, muscle or nerve conditions, including ALS Lou Gehrig's disease, myasthenia gravis or Lambert-Eaton syndrome, and medications, including botulinum toxins, as these may increase the risk of serious side effects. Why wait? Ask your doctor, visit BotoxChronicMigraine.com, or call 1-800-44-BOTOX to learn more. I bet you're going to want to know more. Yeah, this is a good test, actually, Stevie, because this will test our bias. Yeah, but this will test our bias, whether we're just being dicks. In 2012, a woman on a visit to Iceland took part in a major mountain search operation for a lost tourist.

53:33A few hours later, she realised that she was the missing tourist everyone was looking for. Next one. No, I was wrong. I was being an arsehole. I know, I apologise. That is good. I was just being like... Wasn't I? What a fucking arsehole. Sorry, Stevie. I hate that. Next one. We'll never know. No, the rest of them are quite long. Can I guess what that one was? Yeah. so now he's in now he's in but you know I don't deserve to you're right I don't deserve to but you know all the information how do you know the information how does that happen explain us the news story then she's not realised that she's the one that's not so when she turns up and she starts helping why are people not going fucking hell Janine we're looking for you she's on holiday they don't know she's called Janine well they've got a picture of her otherwise how'd they know how they look for her she's gone along there's people looking for someone I'll help and then it's them they're looking for because she's not phoned in for a bit is that it no it's actually worse than that they were all on the same bus together and the bus drivers done a head count and thought someone was missing and she's helping them find someone that wasn't there basically when they stopped to pull over for a second she decided to go to the toilet and freshen up but whilst freshening up she changed her clothes and when she came back everyone was looking for a five foot two asian woman in dark clothes but she changed into light clothes so they had a five foot two asian woman with her with them because she was in the wrong clothes they're all gone we need to find this woman yeah because no one thought is it this five foot two asian woman honestly the the search stopped at 3 a.m when she was like i think it might be me you're looking for wow that makes me worry about if i need to be searched for someone i love oh shit no one even knows who they're looking for what well like if they couldn't find her and she was there, how were they supposed to find someone that was missing?

55:23Because they were going, we're looking for an Asian woman with light clothes and she's there in dark going, can't be me mate. But the fact no one deduced it. But what if I'm in that situation and I actually am lost? No, people know who you are, you're a known person. It's her fault for not speaking up. She should have spoken up. She didn't realise. Maybe she just liked the thrill of it. All these people looking for me. She's an idiot. Well, you're in. You were in. Yeah, you were chiming. No, I flipped. I flipped. I was trying. I was wanting it to be shit. Yeah. Which is a terrible... I don't want it to be shit.

55:58This is how cults... No, Robbie, this is how cults start and, like, supreme leaders brainwash their... Is it? Their people, yeah, because I'm going in with a predisposition wanting it to be bad and then I'm fitting it around my narrative. I'd fucking love this not too bad. I cannot stress how much I'd like to do this. I think you're going into it too miserable. Your brain wash. This one will blow your socks off. I'll be your lawyer. Have any of you heard about the suicide plant before? No, but... Is it from the thing that they have in White Lotus? I don't know. I'm not seeing White Lotus. Oilers?

56:31There might be some people out there that's in the end of White Lotus. The suicide plant, dendrochnide myroids, also known as stinging brush, mulberry-leaved stinger, gimpy stinger, I knew you'd laugh at that one. They actually call it gimpy gimpy as well in Australia. or Moonlighter is a plant common to rainforest areas in Indonesia and northeast of Australia. That's probably... People probably hear that, can't they? I was just relaxing my head on the mic. Carry on. When touched, it delivers multiple stings with a long-lasting neurotoxin that's so painful that people would rather kill themselves than live through a few days of excruciating pain.

57:09A bit like a scorpion sting. This is worse. and then a further several years of lesser pain. If the tiny hairs that deliver the stings are not removed or are buried in the skin, the pain will continue for years. The pain, which has been described as feeling like being doused in hot acid and being electrocuted simultaneously, is so bad that people have been driven mad by it and have resorted to suicide. Horses stung by the plant have literally thrown themselves off cliffs. Wow. That's a good fact, though. Yeah. That's brilliant. Not that gimpy now. Gimpy gimpy. The plant's called gimpy gimpy. We're doing something wrong there, giving it a light-hearted name like that.

57:50Yeah, I know. Gimpy gimpy, that sounds cute. It's like having a mate who's a little bit rapey, but you call him like cuddle cuddle. Gimpy. Yeah, that's not bad. What's next, cuddle? Cuddle. So on this one, there was a...

58:10What was that?

58:14on on um on the gimpy gimpy there's a a guy called ernie rider a conservation officer with queensland parks and wildlife service was slapped in the face and torso with with the gimpy gimpy in 1963 and he said for two or three days for two or three days the pain was almost unbearable i couldn't work or sleep i remember it feeling like there were giant hands trying to squash my chest and then it was pretty bad pain for another fortnight or so and a stinging persisted for two years and recurred every time i had a cold shower there's nothing to rival it it's 10 times worse than anything i would i would toppy toppy myself would you i thought you were gonna like top the damn it yeah no i what two years of constant stinging how likely are you to run into it why am i using that to win wars to win wars yeah drop it yeah drop that over it's quite a long winded way to win a war isn't it just wait do you know what i mean yeah but you haven't even got to commit murder then they'll do it themselves it's the perfect crime it's not moral i wouldn't say it's moral no war is moral you could argue yeah but isn't it more effective to drop what just to kill them straight outright i don't know i don't want to get into it it's horrible actually yeah it sounds horrible but how i wonder how big a problem this is it's in australia should i try Yeah, like how many people are...

59:34How many people a year get gimpy-gimpy'd? Yeah. Can you get gimpy-gimpy over here? Or is he just hosting the Have a Word podcast? You see, they always talk about... You are really going for this guy.

59:49It's common and widespread in rainforest areas of North Queensland, but it becomes rare towards the southern east end of its range in New South Wales. Oh, yeah. Can you imagine that? Oh, fuck. It's bad if you get a stinging nettle. Yeah. I've got gimpy-gimpy. I think that's enough for me never to live in somewhere where it is. Do you know what I mean? I'm quite timid with that kind of thing. I know they say we shouldn't make things extinct, but we should definitely get rid of the gimpy. Yeah, there's no benefit to it, is there? Is it a massive plant? Yeah, it can get quite big as well. What does it look like?

1:00:18What colour is it? Green. I'm going to grow something a lot more than I've thrown your face.

1:00:25On Wikipedia, gimpy gimpy. Oh, yeah. It just looks kind of like... Oh, my God, that looks like any other plant. You'd never know. Oh, no. That looks like a dock leaf. You'd never know. Imagine you get stung by a stinging nettle and you start rubbing that on you. Yeah, and it's just making it worse and you think it's the original nettle. So you're rubbing and you're rubbing. Yeah, you put more and more on. So, John, I know the worst part about it as well is if you're near it for long enough, it can be slightly airborne and it can get down your throat and cause issues inside you as well. That would just kill you at that point.

1:00:55I like living here so much. Yeah. I'm scared to go to Australia because there's spiders. Yeah, you have to worry about the plants as well. Oh, is that where it is? What? Is it in Australia? You said Australia. No, I said I'm worried of going to Australia. But now he didn't know. Oh, okay. No, it's also there. At least it's just one place for you to avoid now, really. Yeah. All in one. Aren't you travelling there at some point? Don't know. We'll see. Not anymore. Yeah, yeah. Maybe warn him about the gimpy gimpy. I will do. Imagine if you've got gimpy gimpy stone. Every episode is just like, ah.

1:01:28Everybody has a prize. How much? Just to put a little bit of gimpy gimpy on your finger. No price. Well, they said doused in acid and electrocuted at the same time. Is what they're saying the pain is like. How would anyone know what that's like? No one's ever been... No, I could. If I can't handle playing Reading and Leeds... Yeah, but that's a mental battle as opposed to a physical. That would get mental for me very quick. Yeah, I've got another story one for you. Okay. Not a fact then. Well, it happened. Factually, it happened. This one's in the Guinness World Records. Okay. Hey, this doesn't step on the individual's toes, mate.

1:02:02No, it's not about a person. In June 2014, a small plane crashed on a routine trip across the Congo. The pilot, co-pilot and 17 passengers all died, leaving only one survivor to tell his unbelievable story. Apparently, a fellow passenger had smuggled a live crocodile onto the flight in his luggage. When the crocodile escaped, panic ensued, crew and passengers stampeded to the front of the aeroplane dangerously shifting the plane's weight and throwing it off balance leading to the fatal crash so you look what what you you breathed i thought you were gonna say something you looked at me and went i don't know what do you want us to say about that no don't flip now don't flip because i've just flipped you what do you say when he tells you to shit individuals that they're shit yeah we're allowed yeah we're he can take feedback.

1:02:57So it was a croc on a plane. It was a hidden crocodile on a plane, but yeah, it's actually in the Guinness Book of Records. How'd it get on there? What's the record? Someone brought it on. Mental. Someone took it on. Guess what the record, each one of you take one guess at what the record was. Most plane crashes with a crocodile on board. Highest plane crash that someone survived. Highest animal attack. First plane crash caused by a crocodile. That's not a world record. It's on the website. You can literally find it. But I don't understand why that's a record. It's not. It's shit, it's not. It's not.

1:03:32It's not. So what are they playing at? But they put loads of random shit in that. Like most Ferrero Rocher is eaten in a minute. It's bollocks. No, that is a record. Yeah, but it's bollocks. Because then I could just go, well, all right, no one's done it with Twix's. I'm going to do it with Twix's. Yeah, you can just do stuff like that. You can just say, I want to make... I want a record, yeah. But who's... I've got the world's longest fingernails. But who's decided to put this in? That's quite a good one, yeah. Who has decided to go, that should be in the Guinness of Greycraft? A survivor? That's not the first thing you'd do, is it?

1:04:01No, not the first thing. I must call Guinness. Sad part to the end of the story does say the crocodile was among the only two passengers to survive the crash. The croc was killed afterwards using a machete. Oh, shit, why? What, because they... Because it killed 20 people on a plane. I didn't mean to. The croc's done nothing. No, but you're... The croc has done nothing here. Yes, but you're stranded with a crocodile right there. You're probably scared, are you not? It doesn't say who killed it. This is from the Guinness Records website. But yeah, crashed into a house. No one was in the house, luckily, so no one died.

1:04:34On to the next one. Okay, you've lost me a tad, but I am still in. I want you to know that. But that is just... I don't like the really depressing ones of... Why are these in a book? Gympie Gympie was good. Yeah, because it was called Gympie Gympie. No, I think also it was a fact. Benjamin Schreiber is serving a life sentence in an Iowa prison for murder, but attempted to file an appeal for his release, arguing that he has already served his life sentence, despite spending less than 25 years behind bars until that moment. Because he already died. He's a ghost. Schreiber had a remarkably interesting and possibly unprecedented argument.

1:05:13In 2015, nearly two decades into his sentence, Schreiber temporarily died and was brought back to life during a bout of severe septic poisoning. Since he was technically dead for a short period of time He argued that it already served his life sentence That's just shit That's just a load of shite That's a good argument I think it's a terrible argument Go on, theorise Because a life sentence is He died Until you die And he died But then he didn't come back as somebody else It's still his life He didn't die People always go, oh they died for five minutes Yeah, but he didn't die-die. He did die-die.

1:05:53Yeah, release him then. Have him out in the world then. No, I don't want him out in the world. I think he's nasty. Do you want to know what he did? Don't go too far. He was sentenced to life without parole in Iowa for bludgeoning a man to death. All right. Was the man Hitler? Yeah. No, because it was 1996. Okay. Was it one of the Spice Girls? I think it's something from 1996. I don't get... I don't massively get the argument because then it's like a loophole, right? He's trying to loophole. He's trying to loophole. Yeah. Well, the courts were kind of like jokey back to him as well because they said, judges said Schreiber's bid, while original, was unpersuasive and they said that he was unlikely to be dead because he signed his own legal documents in the case.

1:06:41Yeah. So they've gone, well, you're not dead because you've signed that paper. It's a bit of flair though, isn't it? I like he's wasted a bit of time there. Yeah. When you're in prison, you've got a lot of time to waste. He had a nice day out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah? Like, if I was in prison for life and I realised that I could argue something and get me a day in court, I'd just do it, even though I know I'm still going to be bad. Have a little look out of the prison van and go for a drive. Yeah. Have a look at some different faces. Or would you be more like, oh, I feel bad now because I'm in prison.

1:07:06I've sort of forgot about it. I mean, if you're in prison, you get used to it. I think I would be like, that's like me and my colour blindness. I won't put the glasses on. Then I'm going to have to take them off and go back to my shit, colourless life. Have you tried the glasses? No. can we do it in the pod? yeah imagine if I saw yellow completely different you probably do if you was in prison for 50 years and at 25 years in they let you have two days just at home but you have to then go back and do another 25 years would you accept the two days or not? yeah it's two days where I'm not dropping the soap isn't it?

1:07:42stop dropping it I like it butterfingers you have two days off and then showers I don't think I would because then you know what you're missing yeah you wouldn't want a reminder I don't think the cat would be there after 25 years well she's gone back to her yeah if you're going to be there forever if you're going to be there forever for the rest of your life in this prison yeah I'd have the two days off 25, 25 you're fucked but I might get out just for a little bit at the end how long is it 25 50 in total a life sentence is 50 years no in jack's made up scenario that he's created life's 25 years but you know back to back lives why do they call it life if it's not life stupid isn't it i think a lot of the time it's in life but there's a minimum amount so it's like life with like an eight eight year minimum or something like that does anyone get no life mate you do get whole life sentences some people get like eight life sentences which is like 25 times 8 It's always weird when they do that isn't it Just say you're not I think that's for justice for the families and stuff Yeah I know but it ultimately means the same as saying by the way he's just going to die in prison Just say that by the way People who get whole life tariffs I think they call it Let me have a look Why do they not just say no matter what you're staying in prison until you die You don't need to go you've got 300 years Yeah because if they say like oh right Alfie's staying in prison until he dies and then when he's in prison he kills someone it makes no difference yeah but when you get given 300 years it makes no difference they know that regardless yeah because they'll add it they'll go now it's 325 how many people in the UK do you reckon are serving as of 2023 2025 whole life orders so the most severe punishment requiring offenders to spend the rest of their life in prison with no possibility of parole how many roughly 40 oh I was going to say way higher oh like 1 ,200 no less than 100 really 70 yeah Regifone well I said 40 off the dome 70 what?

1:09:54I would have said like yeah a thousand some would have had them famous killers like Rosemary West Levi Belfield Wayne Cousins Lucy Letby yeah what and this means like not getting out whole life forever you're not getting out 70 in the country I feel like there'd be way more but I guess that does yeah I guess maybe there's not that many horrific things at least only the big serial killers the worst of the worst but there's there was some oh this is no horrible nice way to talk about this but there's loads of people in the country that have killed someone right murder quite a few and there was someone on that list who's who I think was just like a single person killer who was that so Wayne Cousins wasn't he he killed the lady didn't he he was the police officer wasn't he oh yeah yeah yeah I think it was that cunt yeah So how come, like, how do they decide, oh, he gets this full life, but all these other murderers...

1:10:48Maybe his from, because he was from a position of power, like things would have played into it. It's so weird. I don't understand any of the court system. They should just all get life. All of them. If you take a life, you're in there for life. Forever. Not, oh, 25 years, then see how you get on. No, that person you killed will never, ever get a nice bit at the end. your dad would still be in prison. Well, he didn't go down for murder, though, did he? He went down for manslaughter. But then what's... So then isn't the line then going to be really hard to... Murder? I think the line probably is already.

1:11:23That's what I mean. So if you were then to make it so solid, it'd be like, how the fuck... You're then going to have to decide... I just think if it's murder, you're in forever. If it's manslaughter, then obviously you need to do... You need to do some time, but you didn't mean to kill that person. It's hard, and that's why we didn't... Well, I didn't study law, guys. Shut up. When you said we, you then pulled out as if one of us might have. You might know a bit more than me. No, not a thing. Never know a bit more than you. Did you say law? Yeah, horrible. Horrible times. Okay, on to the next one.

1:11:54This pod is fucking weird. It's the way you say something mental and you just go, yeah, horrible, that. And there's a little science from Stevie Gage. Oh, right, that's right. It's quite deep. No, you said horrible. Try to get back into it. According to a 2002 study, medical errors and wrong side surgery, orthopedics, one out of every four orthopedic surgeons with 25 years of experience has operated on the wrong limb. Oh, I like that. If I don't like it, it's awful. And I'm so sorry to interrupt. One in four. So it says two. Doctors can't be that bad. The National Institute of Health says 21 % of hand surgeons, 50 % of spinal surgeons, and 8.3 % of...

1:12:38The wrong spine? I guess the wrong part of the spine. All right. And 8.3 % of knee surgeons surveyed have reported performing at least one wrong site surgery during their career. Fucking hell. They went right on you, didn't they, now? Yeah, when I had my knee surgery, they did a massive arrow on my left leg to be like, this is the one. like because i think that they do it on all surgeries like they'll put a big arrow to be like there don't get the wrong side when i got my wisdom tooth removed i went in and i my left one had been hurting and my right hadn't and because it was booked up a year before i could not remember what one it was and i went in and they said so we're taking your right one out and i went it's my left one isn't it and they went well what one is it and i went no you are right it's my right when they went, well, we need to be sure what one is it.

1:13:30And I was a bit like, you should fucking know. But you're the one who's feeling the pain. No, a year ago. Yeah. Why are you taking it out now then? Because it's out. No, but why? On its side. It was going into the other teeth. It was horizontal going into the other teeth. So what's wrong with your left one? That's just like a normal bad one. This was like a really bad one. What I'm saying is I could have easily said to them, No, it's my left one. And they would have done my left one. Someone should have written it down. Yeah, that's what I mean. So I was choosing. So maybe that's happening with these people.

1:14:06I don't know what one is. In this National Institute of Health thing, they haven't done it separately, but those percentages also include wrong patient surgeries. Oh, God, that can't happen. Can we cut this out? Pardon the pun. Like, let's stop making those mistakes. Oh, I thought you were going to save that and you were going to cut something out of the pot. I was like, oh, what's he going to say? It's going to be good.

1:14:34So say I needed a knee op and then I go in with Fi and she's helping me into the hospital and then they just anaesthetise her. No, it would be more like if there's another patient. You're just like... It'd be if there's a few patients in the same place so they might accidentally do your knee surgery on another person. It's got to happen. It's like a paperwork thing, isn't it? and then you're put under. Well, I think that the thing of like babies being given to the wrong families and stuff has happened like more times than they'd like to admit. It's like some really messed up things can happen.

1:15:07You must sue them for so much money. Can you sue if you get the wrong baby? I would never know if I got the wrong baby. What would you do? You're ready to do an A test at some point, don't you? Or if it was a different colour. What would you do? I don't know if we've spoken to this from a podcast before, but 20 years in, you've had a kid for 20 years. Oh, no, no, no. let's go 10 years whilst it's still a kid. If you've had a kid for 10 years you find out that your baby was swapped at birth but you've now raised this kid for 10 years but your biological kid is with another family. Would I swap back?

1:15:36You both found out and yeah, what would you do in that situation? Depends on how much you've fucked this kid up. If you've been, if the kid's decent you'll go, I'll go stick. Yeah. If the kid's a bit of a prick anyway you'll be like, but you'll never know your kid. Can we see the other one? Oh, the final box. Yeah. That's tough. I think you want to see the other kid. Can we just have a little look at him? He looks... What time do you go to bed? What if that other kid's in West Ham Academy and your kid is shit at football? Doesn't sleep, all that sort of stuff. Nah, I think by that point you're used to your camp.

1:16:07I think I'd be like... Do you want to swap? Nah. I don't know if you... What would you do? Because then at that point it was kind of like you've adopted a kid. Keep your kid but make friends with the other family and see that loads. You can't just swap, though. No, you can swap. Otherwise, every time you meet a partner, a woman that's better than your partner, you just swap. What if your kids are really racist? They don't exist to the rest of us. What if your kids are really racist or something? Horrible. Really nasty person. Why has Jack raised a racist? Yeah. Okay. What? He follows me on Twitter?

1:16:44Do you know what I mean? If he's just turned out, he's gone down the wrong way, he's horrible this kid. You hate this kid. My kid would never be racist because I'd bring them up to know right from wrong. And they'd be around me. Yeah. Uncle Av. Yeah. They'd call me up, wouldn't they? Yeah. Definitely. Yeah, I'd treat them to respect you. What if they said the slur at me? How would you discipline them? That's how he treats them, gets them to respect you. I'd say that's out of order, mate. Only I can say that. Why, Daddy? Because he is a human being and he should be respected the same as all other human beings.

1:17:15But he looks all funny and brown. I don't like the look of it. He is funny. He's hilarious. his personality but and also because he's brown that's a good thing but why why would it be good but why why to me is he is very handsome people go on holiday and pay a lot more for them kind of complexions but why are you i'm confused because now you're saying are you gay do you like brown men yes and there's nothing wrong with being gay or brown why are you with mummy then because i like everyone everyone is sound mommy's not brown shut the fuck up little cunt good now this kid's got paranoia now because he's not brown and he thinks i'm inferior yeah no you fuck the kid up there you go get the other ones and you've done and you've got kids yeah you've told your kid that you're in love with men and you don't love their mum anymore i don't know what to say to kids not that just say don't say that again it's wrong don't say that again.

1:18:16Well Jack's not even aware that a five year old can talk so you're probably fine. I didn't know you would know. We'll leave it there shall we? Because I don't know. We had a good run didn't we gents? We had a very good run. It's been a really good start of the year. I had another aeroplane crash run. Go on read it as we just walk off. In 2014 three people using a flight simulator were killed in a plane crash. I wish I was. I fucking wish I was. I wish I was using an interesting pod simulator They died when a twin engine Aeroplane whose pilot was also killed Crashed into the building of the flight training centre That's just not funny I didn't say it was funny did I?

1:18:58That's probably not true So they're doing a flight sim They're doing a flight simulator inside a building And a plane from outside has come and smashed into the building And they've died They don't even know it was happening What are you going to get? Yeah I got a couple more if you want that You've really let yourself down Right so I don't know where we are Late March, early April That's about the time in the year Our run came to an end In 1695 Marjorie McCall caught a fever And believed to be dead It's got to be some sort of quality control Nah, nah That's long gone mate I enjoyed it No you didn't I did say it was hard remember guys podding is an art form tickets for our show whatever cross wires thanks

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