645 - The BEST Urban Legends EVER? (Urban Legends World Cup)

32:59And then these guys pick the winner of those urban legends who will go through to the next round. Yeah. So when we get to like the next round, it will be all the countries that have already won. But a different urban legend from that country. So when we eventually get to the final, it will be, how many rounds will it be for them to get to the final? Three or four? We're going to do four rounds of Group 1. Four episodes of Group 1. Yeah, there'll be about seven episodes in total, I reckon. But I mean to win the World Cup, how many matches have they got to win? How many Urban Legends? Three or four, yeah.

33:29So they've got to have three killer Urban Legends from that country. Good. Yeah. So far, in Group A, we had Iceland go up against Nigeria and Iceland won with Necropants. Oh, I like Necropants. Classic. Yeah. We had the Philippines who beat Serbia with the Mananangal. Can't remember that one. You like the name of it. Yeah, clearly. I liked it then. Still do. And Brazil lost to Venezuela as Venezuela had El Silbon, who was a really tall, lanky man. So you guys did pick a man in that one. In Group B, Group B, we had Sweden beat Costa Rica. That was Skogsru. That was the hot blonde lady. Australia beat Peru and Australia was the Yaramayahu.

34:18Ah. That little red toad thing. Yeah, yeah, I remember. And then we had the Jorogomu from Japan who beat Thailand. And I've put a little thing in brackets because you guys called that one the horse spider. Oh, I do remember something. It's me. I remember the first one. Necropants, I remember. Yeah. The rest, meh. I just can't remember them. Yeah. I'm an old man. I'm old man. I'm old man. Okay. I haven't actually put these countries into a wheel. So what we're going to do for this one. Can be asked. I forgot I needed to do it. What I'm going to do instead, which makes it more interesting for you guys.

34:56Robbie, I'd like a number between one and six. Just to manage expectations. I don't find this more interesting. Five. Okay. So Robbie has picked Guatemala. Oh, okay. Okay. And Jack. One, one, always one. You have picked Pakistan. Okay. So we've got Guatemala versus Pakistan. Am I rooting for Pakistan? Well, no, because you've both got to choose. Well, you can if you want to go into it like that. I'm impartial. Yeah, I'm impartial. Okay, so who would you like first between those two? Shall we go Guatemala at home? Yeah, Guatemala at home. Robbie picks the home teams, I pick the away. Okay, so Guatemala is El Sombreron.

35:39Okay, it's about a hat that you wear on your head. called ron somewhere ron yeah it's a ron the hat that the guatemalans put on their head it comes to life and it eats all the head lice off your head right and it's got big tits and then in the night time it spits out all these lice at the children's face and then suffocates them with the tits is that right

36:10imagine is it imagine okay next one he appears as a short man dressed in a black poncho thick and brilliant black belt and boots which make lots of noise when he walks and most notable of all a large black sombrero that obscures his face in shadow can you please make the noise it makes when he walks. How can a belt be that? How can a belt be brilliant? That's a brilliant belt, mate. It's thick. Look how thick his belt is. That's like one of those weightlifting ones. Those boxers. He has often seen... You can hear the noise. Because he's just walking. No, but the belt's making noise. I haven't got any metal to make noise.

36:52But you can't do the sound of a brilliant belt. Go on, you do it. What? What was that? How is that about? No, exactly. I've given up. Clank, clank, clank, clank. That'll do. More of a spanner. He is often seen riding horses with braided tails and manes, and he is also said to braid the hair of the stray dogs when he wanders into a town if no horses are around. That'd be cool to see, a dog with, like, braids. Well, Elson Breron can sort you out with that. What, so, braids, are they like dreadlocks? what are they like? Braids. You know what a braid is? Like Lara Croft? She has like a braid in the back of her hair, doesn't she?

37:36I don't know. You get the hair and you do it in... You get like three bits of hair. Link them in. Got you. I think so. I think I had a brat stop. My sister had a brat stop. That we used to braid the hair that she used to braid the hair of. Nice. He is most infamous for courting young ladies who have long hair and big eyes. when he spots a woman he likes he follows her and attempts to serenade her with his silver guitar aww a little romantic yes so far trying to picture him hat guitar really brilliant belt brilliant massive brilliant belt I'm picturing Post Malone massive sombrero Post Malone yeah yeah any woman who responds positively to his advances will become relentlessly perused by this figure perused?

38:24I think I meant to write pursued Yeah, that would make a lot more sense. He will continue to serenade her late into the night and even braid her hair when she's trying to sleep. If the woman allows her hair to be fully braided by Elson Braron, she will become forever bound to the entity, who will from then on scatter dirt and pebbles into all of her meals so that she can never eat. What? So he serenaded a woman in a lovely, charming manner. Yeah. He love-bombed her. Yeah. Well, I think that's negative. it has negative yeah I think yeah that's what you're saying no no no no love bombing what are we talking about love bombing Robbie's used that in the correct term love what he's done all this really nice stuff up front and now he's putting rocks in her food that's what love bombing is I thought oh love bombing is when you give so much to someone like so much love and affection and nice things yeah because then once they're like so infatuated with you you can then do all the negatives well you can't but then do all the negatives So if I start being a prick to Fiona next week, Start.

39:28I've love-bombed her for 11 years. No, because you've never really been that. I've been ideal, but perfect. You've never really done the love bit. I've done that. Yeah, you're just bombing. Honestly, I've done that. 2019, we went Nando. Seven years. Got engaged. So yeah, he's love-bombing her. He's serenaded her with a lovely song and then instantly gone, I'll have pebbles and dirt in your food, but I'll braid your hair when you're sleeping. I think that's cute that he's braided the hair. Big stones. Milba, that's a big takeaway for me. And she wants to go to sleep. She doesn't want her hair braided.

39:59If I went to sleep, woke up my hair was braided. Yeah, but what if you tried to have a meal and it's just full of dirt? I hate that. That's what I've got into the max. Yeah. I get it. In other legends, El Sombreron is also known to threaten lone travellers he encounters in his journeys between towns, particularly young men. These travellers will usually describe spotting a small dark figure in the distance all dressed in black and bearing a large black sombrero. Upon noticing the traveller, the figure will brandish his pistol and call out to them, threatening to pull his pistol on them if he catches them.

40:34Do you know who I'm picturing there? Because always when you do these, I picture something. You said Post Malone? Yeah, no, I fucked him off now. Do you know that, I don't know if it's Disney, but he's got like a white hat and he's got like an orange moustache and he's got a gun? Yeah. That fucker. Yeah, I don't know what he's called. Do you know who I mean? I know what you mean, yeah. and he's like a cowboy but he's like and you can barely see his eyes his hat's like down there he's got orange mash I don't know what he's called he's like a loony too loony too yeah I don't know this is who I'm picturing but with black yeah he's black he's not he's not he's like all black yeah yeah the silhouette of him is what I'm picturing so he'll pull the pistol on him if he catches him he proceeds to chase them relentlessly vanishing only once the traveller manages to reach a populated area although El Sombreron is known for his relentless persistence there are a few known ways for girls to free themselves from the goblin's harassment.

41:25Goblin? He's a goblin. Yeah, I should have. Don't mention that, by the way, mate. Also, he's a goblin. He can fly. He can't fly. Well, we don't know yet. You might tell us. He's a goblin. Yeah. Girls can give him a piece of black cloth and soap. They ask him to bleach the black cloth with soap if he wants to be reciprocated in love. This way, he'll go to the river in an attempt to wash the cloth only to give up after being unable to cleanse it fully no matter how hard he tries. Right. Oh, she's thick. Yeah. Thick cunt. Thick cunt. Thick cunt goblin. Thick cunt goblin. Another way to ask Elson Breron to fetch...

42:04He's as thick as his belt is. Another way is to ask Elson Breron to fetch you water using only a net. He is one thick cunt. He is so thick. He's probably the only way. There's loads of ways you can trick him. Essentially, this entity can be tricked into attempting to complete a fool's errand if he believes he must accomplish it to demonstrate his love. As a last resort, women can also cut their hair so that he's no longer attracted to them and stops bothering them, because if they do listen to him, they will surely die. Gail Porter's safe. He's the one at the building site being sent for tartan paint, isn't he?

42:44Yeah, that's exactly what it is. He's a thick cunt. 11, another one who's safe. 11 from... Gail Porter's safe. Oh, you're saying people with short hair. Yeah. Frankie from the Saturdays when she went through that phase of short hair. Pixie cut. So just women with short hair, they're safe, are they? Jada Smith sorted. Yeah. Slap him. Take my wife's name out of your fucking mouth. Fucking hell, we're so with the time. Did you speak like that? That sounded like... Oh, that right? I was doing the cowboy. Oh, okay, right. Yeah, good, good. Okay. Take Bill Smith's name out of your fucking mouth. yeah we're doing we're doing 2022 this is so complicated so that's el sombrero he's basically little goblin fellow massive sombrero fit goblin we get it brilliant belt braids your hair yeah yeah sticks dirt and stuff in your food and quite easy to get away from him though i liked him because he's not horrific i mean he's not he's not killing people that much yeah a lot of these have been about child murder in the past yeah which i am against right yeah same yeah but so This fucker just puts some stones in your oatmeal.

43:49But if you don't know how to get rid of him, you'll die of starvation. Yeah. Can't you just eat around the stones? No, he's filling it right up. It's more stone than oatmeal. Yeah. You're trying to find some oatmeal in your stones. Yeah, it's quite easy to get rid of, isn't he? They just go down and get us some water with his neck, can't they? Get us a pint. Okay, so that's Robbie's shout. Robbie, you went for Guatemala. Jack. Yeah, this is my boy. you've gone Pakistan with the Pishal Perry okay good name deep in the heart of Pakistan there are whispers of a terrifying demonic woman on moonlit nights in the Kargan Valley she stands by the side of the road in a white dress, her hair going down to her waist eyes like coal in 2017 a mechanic finished his shift and started the short drive home this is recent then, she's knocking about now he knows Well, you'll get that He noticed a lady shivering by the side of the road He pulled over to offer her a lift And she climbed into the back seat The driver pulled away And noticed the car instantly felt colder He looked back at her in his rear view mirror To see her face looked smooth With no discernible features As she thanked him without moving her lips Feeling scared, the driver decided to turn Thank you Thank you, Harry Hots No, it's like she managed to speak into his mind rather than...

45:16Thank you. I don't think you should do that. I was picturing a hot Pakistani woman. Now I'm just picturing an ugly one. Sorry, Jack. Is that the problem? She's got no mouth at all. No mouth? No understandable features. Only through the mirror. He said face completely smooth. So no eyes. Face like a plate. Yeah. Yeah. She looks like a knee. She's still got a minger. But yeah, Jack, please. Does she still have a ming, Stevie? Yeah. Cool. Okay, so he gets scared because he noticed she didn't move her mouth to talk to him. Yeah, at the fact she's got no fucking face. It's quite scary, yeah. Like, women that can't talk back, keep talking.

46:10I'm fucking I'm fucking flying At the back of the stars Shall we lads Hey A bit of peace and quiet She's still speaking Just no mouth movement None of this Loads of that Loads of what Jack None of this Loads of that For the audience None of this Loads of that For what None of this I'm going like mouth And cymbal in my hand Like no ya Loads of this I'm pointing down towards where a crotch would be What do you mean crotch would be? You have a crotch A vagina I'm being horrible for the sake of it Last year of the Spotify deal He notices that in the mirror Feeling scared the driver decided to turn To check his eyes weren't deceiving him But as he looked down he noticed the woman was barefoot And her feet were facing backwards He slammed on the brakes And noticed a strong burning smell before hearing something crawling along the roof and the windscreen cracks.

47:07Is she just back to front? Because then she wouldn't have... She shaved her hair off to get away from that sombrero. No, she's got long hair. Oh. Said long hair down to bum. Yeah. Then no. No. So, windscreen cracks. Next day, the mechanic's car was found with the engine still running. The door opened with footprints leading away, but the footprints were backwards. So, footprints leading to the car. But away. Think of it. no how do you know how do you know they were leading away because there's only one set of footprints yeah and they're facing the car but there's no one in the car i don't understand which way these footprints are going they're going they do look like they're going to the car so how do you know the footprints are leading away because no one's in the car sometimes i'm really smart out of nowhere no one's in the car so maybe they're thinking this person walked backwards if i went to my car right it was snowy and i found loads of footprints to my car i wouldn't go someone's walked backwards away from my car you would if no one's inside your car and there's only one set of footprints they obviously tried to get in the car i'd go they walk forward and then backwards and then the same footprint and then tiptoed back on their footprints not therefore creating a new footprint that's a lot of effort yeah legends say she is the spirit of a woman who died tragically it is believed that the pichelle perry has two forms in most stories it appears as a beautiful woman and targets vulnerable men.

48:30That's me. You are vulnerable. I know. She is able to disguise everything about herself except her feet, which point backwards. In some stories, witnesses claim that they have seen a female transform or morph into a demonic creature that's 20 feet tall with a long face, long fingers, hunchback, bloodied clothes, large circular eyes, and messy hair that covers most of her face. 20 feet. five times as big as that shit now he's good at maths yeah people say that you can survive the P-Shall Perry by not responding if you hear a woman crying alone at night I'm not going to ever do that because I'm a nice guy what would you do if you heard a woman crying alone at night alright darling would you you need a hand you need a hand I'll take you back to your house I think you're the reason she's crying

49:27so don't respond if a woman's crying alone at night avoid isolated roads late at night and never look back if you hear footsteps behind you that's hard it seems like this has been made by an attacker if you hear someone following you in a dark alleyway just never look back all right because i won't be there yeah yeah that's good a common detail is that she appears as a woman in distress to lure someone closer and when they realise her feet are turned backwards it's too late. Right. So that's the Pichelle Perry. Okay, so now we put the Pichelle Perry up against the little cowboy guy. El Sombreron.

50:06So Guatemala versus Pakistan. I will say in episode two, I don't think we did it in episode one, I can't remember because I don't have the scores, but I do have the score lines written down in episode two. You said how close it was between them. So it's up to you if you want to do that again. I'm a big fan of Thick Cunt. Yeah, I am. I'm glad you said that. I like that he's thick. Yeah. He's like, he's obviously a prick because he's putting like food shit in people's meals. Yeah. But he's thick, so it's kind of like, oh, fine, I'll just have a haircut or have this net prick. I'm with you. I love that they're, I think you made a really good point where, is this what you said when you said that he's like the new employee?

50:44Yeah. Yeah. Go and get a spirit bubble for my spirit level. Stuff like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So he's quite charming. He doesn't kill. Well, he starves you to death, but you're probably going to get away before them. Yeah. You can never eat food. But if you're an adult, if Fiona died, because she was hungry, because I kept putting stones in her oatmeal, there is a bit here that just goes, go and get yourself a fucking burger. No, because stones will always go in it. Oh, in everything. He's a bit like... Is it everything? He's a bit like a Zen pick, isn't he? Do you know what I mean?

51:23You could go on him for a bit. And then, when you think I'm looking all right in this dress, haircut. Yeah, but imagine getting down to the weight that you want and then having to shave your head off. No. Just give him a net. Some women look beautiful like that. Fair enough. Okay, so what are we saying? You both going out some bra on? We're going out some bra on, yeah. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was a bit boring, wasn't she? Yeah. Just like got no face and just packed his feet. Like, if it was just like, like someone in the street, you wouldn't look twice. What do you mean? What? Like, if I saw a tiny little Mexican, Guatemalan, sorry, with a gun, breaking someone's hair, drinking pints from there, I'd go look at that.

52:12That's class, yeah. If I saw a woman, who went and took her shoes off, Yeah. Can I look at your feet in there? Yeah, she's got backwards feet. Yeah. Got it. Easy win for Saberan. Are we giving it a scoreline? Are you just happy to go? I think it's a fucking thumping result, aren't you? 4-0, 5-0. Yeah, 5-0. 5-0. 5-0. Don't think that he'll necessarily triumph if he was to go against some of the classics we've had. No. But he's a strong, strong contender for the final. Okay, so that was 1-5. Yeah. Robbie, who's the home team this time? 4. Four, which is El Trauco from Chile. Ooh, and I'll go for a two.

52:52I like that noise. And two is the Pontianak from Malaysia. Ooh, Pontianak. So we are going Chile first with El Trauco. El Trauco is a small... Little Mexican man. Okay. Quite a button. this one a bit dark mate you've got loads that are killing kids and that so don't worry about that what could it possibly be El Trauco is a small ugly creature often about 80cm in height it's often seen leaning on a magical cane called a pawaldun as the creature has no feet it must rely on the cane to walk it's quite cool I like this guy I'm not saying like it because what Steve said a minute ago but he looks cool I'll nail my colours to the mast okay you love this guy I love this bloke you agree with everything he does so far yeah he leans in the cane so far or are you backing up for the whole thing I've had some gruesome ones on this series yeah I think it'll be fun okay the Tralko's cane can also be transformed into a stone axe if the creature wishes that's honestly cool that is so cool yeah with which oh yeah walking stick have I I'm like, whoa!

54:13Yeah. Are you liking this fella now? I like his demeanour. His aura. He's got aura. I like his aura so far, yeah, yeah. He's got aura. The axe is so powerful, it can cut down any tree in three blows. Gee, imagine that a year, Lottie. Fuck. I'll tell you what, he's getting more than three blows when he pulls that out, isn't he? There's not much I wouldn't do for this guy. It's also known to wear a conical hat made of a kiloneha plant. Right, don't know what that is. I imagine it's... Conical hat, I'm thinking like a Dunst's cat now. I think more low, like the... I need to picture it. Like Raiden from Mortal Kombat.

54:50I'm thinking more like that. Oh, okay. All right. Like a flatter, but still conical. Okay. Little triangle hat. Yeah. The people of Chile fear the creature because he has an insatiable sexual appetite for unmarried women, especially virgins. There's not necessarily anything wrong with that at the moment. He likes women that are unmarried. He's not encouraged people to cheat. No, that's fucking... The version of things is a bit of a red flag. It's a bit odd. Tralko hangs from the branches of trees waiting for women to come into the forest alone before fixing them with his hypnotic gaze. He's got a bunch of gay people.

55:38Hi! the four puffs and a piano from I don't know if you say that anymore can you what do you say? four puffs and a piano I just wouldn't do you know what that is? from Jonathan Ross yeah take up with Jonathan Ross not me it was their name they called themselves that oh you can say it yeah yeah I think do you put me in charge? so he's waiting in the trees for lone women to come into the forest and he hypnotises them the trial co are irresistible to young women due to its sexual potency his aim is to impregnate them I don't agree with everything that's fucking done he wants to settle down he's not just no no no Stevie he's not just like a one night stand thing he wants to like get them pregnant and start a family with them a loving family he's not going for married women he wants to find a nice single woman and get them pregnant Sounds like a ledge.

56:37Sounds like a really stand-up member of society. Aims to impregnate her. After finishing, the... Finishing? The monster returns to his wife, Führer. What? Oh, no. An unattractive, sterile creature. That's just unnecessary detail, isn't it? It was bad enough. What's the sterile mean? Unable to... Can't have children. Oh. Yeah. So that's it. His wife can't, so he's going, I'm just going to go to all these other women. that's their arm meant clean like he does as well okay unattractive clean why yeah yeah does it say whether she can have children or not or whether she's just very clean doesn't state so maybe let's say she's just really clean okay yeah she's a clean munter and she she's not attractive yeah she's not trying we can't really spin that at all can we she's rank really ugly but has loads of baths yeah it's not only helping i can use the entire radox it's not only women who must fear the trauco but rather anyone who enters his forest he's able to deform the face or break the bones of a man just by placing his gaze on them yeah i'm leaving it yeah i'm leaving it however it is possible for the target of the trauco's affections to avoid him the creature will often enter the house of its potential victim and makes his presence known by defecating on the threshold it's your fucking neighbour my neighbour's not the one shitting you don't know that on camera they say don't shit on your own doorstep they do the trial co will go I'm here I've just shat on your doorstep or going into the person's dreams.

58:23Okay, getting a bit silly now. Yeah. Burning the trial co's droppings are said to ward him off. His shit. He set his shit on fire. So if he does his shit outside your house and you burn it, then what happens? Stinks. He won't come back. Oh, maybe that's what I need to do. He needs to do just set fire to the shit on camera. How amazing if you're the urban legend guy and you actually have been haunted by an urban legend. I'd love that. That would be weird. And then you get into it coming one day wearing necro pants. It's also recommended that the woman who the trial co intends to seduce throw a handful of sand at him, at which point he'll become engaged in counting the grains and the victim will have time to escape.

59:07Why does he want to count the grains? He just can't help it. He can't help it? He can't help it. He sees the grains of sand, he has to count them. Is it an OCD thing? Because we shouldn't make fun of it if it's just a mental health thing. He's fucking women. what you don't want to true I've got OCD and I don't fuck women so you've got a good point there yeah okay I'm not gonna I don't care what's wrong with him right because there's a lot wrong with him okay doesn't some autistic people they fixate on stuff like that like counting stuff yeah maybe maybe he's autistic still not an excuse did we know good point can still be a cunt yeah is he was he having non-consensual sex with these women he's hypnotising them to do it oh fuck me Yeah, I didn't really notice that then.

59:52That's because you guys focused on gays. Has he got red hair?

59:58The other thing you can do is if you can land several blows on his cane, he feels anything that happens to that cane. The cane's the mega axe as well. Yeah, so if you can make him count the grains of sand and then destroy his cane, he'll die. Kick his cane in the balls. So he's a bastard. He's a sexual deviant, but he's got his weak points. Yeah. So I reckon he's not scoring well in this. No, well... I like his cane, but I don't think that's a reason to defend her. If he was a more prolific sexual assorter, would you give him higher points? No, I'm losing points for that. Good. You've lost me at that.

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1:02:04Yeah. You didn't tell us that. No, you didn't tell us that. There's nothing really that wrong with wanting an unmarried virgin. That's weird, but there's nothing wrong with it, really. But a teen... It's likely created... The whole urban legend was likely created to explain teen pregnancies. how old is he doesn't say because if he's like 19 and the women are 19 then that's fine but not fine he's hypnotised him yeah not fine not fine but fucking we'll walk on a tight road but I think I think because he's got a cane he's probably going to be old enough to be in the Epstein files it is funny but in all previous urban legend where it's been woman tits out luring men in we've been going legend woman man goblin thing luring women in uncomfortable to talk about just fucking get us cancelled already because I don't know what's right I think this guy's wrong I know he's wrong but I have been buzzing about the big titted women yeah because they're luring men in this guy's luring women in he's bad they're all bad, all these are bad the Sombero guy's alright he's just braiding hair he just likes doing hair things because the creature's irresistible they've created this irresistible thing to explain the teen pregnancies and then the girl in the village wouldn't be blamed and wouldn't have a stigma attached to her.

1:03:28So that's why they've gone like, no, it's not her fault. It's not her fault, she just got assaulted by El Tralto. That's supposed to be good, is it? It's not her boyfriend, nope. Ask the people of Chile, Robbie. All right, I'll take up with them. Yep. Who's he playing against? So Chile... This is my one. ...was going up against... That's not my one. That was Robbie's one, that one. No. Chile is going up against Malaysia. Okay. And this one's called the Pontianak, also known as the Kuntilanak. Okay, two words I don't know. Thanks for clarifying. Well, in Malaysia, it's known as the Pontianak. In Indonesia, it's known as the Kuntilanak.

1:04:13Well, let's go with what the Malaysians say, because it's their thing. Yeah. Pontianak. Pontianacs are women who died during childbirth and are also known as vampiric ghosts. They are active at night while during the day the Pontianac spirit resides inside banana trees. Pontianac only appears under the full moon and typically announces her presence with the cries of infants or feminine laughter. It is said if the sounds are quiet she's nearby but if they are loud she is far away. Some sources also state that a dog howling at night indicates a Pontianac is present, but not too close. If the dog whines, then the Pontianac is near.

1:04:53Its presence is also said to be heralded by a floral fragrance, identifiable as that of a Plumeria flower, followed by a stench similar to that of a decaying corpse. There's so many horrible parts of this, and then also, like, banana trees. Quite nice. Yeah. Chills out in banana trees during day. Yeah, nice. cries like a baby or a whining dog and stinks of dead corpse at night. And he's dead. Do they do anything? What am I picturing here? Woman. Quite a hot woman. Are you ready? Yeah. What are you picturing? Woman. The Pontianac is often depicted as a beautiful woman with pale skin, red eyes and long black hair.

1:05:36Pale skin, red eyes, long black hair. Okay, I'm picturing... pale skin long black I'm picturing a Zooey Deschanel type of character in my head okay but a hungover one because she's got the red eyes I like that she's up to the time she's been in the waterfront has she? yeah she knows her way around propaganda I'll give you more to imagine Zooey Deschanel I was like wow I was there that's what I'm talking about well she was there no he's he's making up a story in my mind Zooey Deschanel's been to the waterfront that makes her more attractive Yes. He's trying to picture it. Okay, so that's what your image is so far.

1:06:15The Pontianac is also described as wearing a blood-smeared white dress. Oh, no. That's a bit sad now. And it can change into a more monstrous form where she captures her prey, which is typically men or helpless people. On both of them. You might get captured by a Pontianac. Twice. Because she is bloodthirsty and has a carnivorous nature, a Pontianac can also appear as a beast or a ghost resembling Dracula. They also have long, sharp nails and have an awful stench. They really stink. Yeah. They mention that a lot. I mean... They smell nice at first. Yeah. Yeah, but if you go waterfront, you do stink after.

1:06:54Yeah. I want to know what a Plumeria flower smells like. That might be like shit as well. Yeah, because... It might be how it smells lovely, but it doesn't. Yeah. Sweat. the Pontianac kills her victims by using her long fingernails to physically remove their internal organs for consumption I would not like that I'll go and offer I can fix her

1:07:20in cases where the Pontianac seeks revenge against a man she is said to eviscerate the victim with her hands if a victim has their eyes open when a Pontianac is near she will suck them out of their head tuck what out of their head? their eyes so she just comes over and goes what are you thinking? nothing what are you thinking Jack? nah I'm actually not into that shock the Pontianak is believed to locate her prey by the scent of their clean laundry because of this some Malaysians refuse to leave any piece of clothing outside their homes overnight so it's like a genuine fear of theirs so they might not leave their clothes to dry just in case a Pontianac comes.

1:08:03They're walking around with wet clothes, are they? Chafing. Imagine the chafing. No, they just make sure they dry it in a day. Ah, fair enough. Touche. Yeah, you got me there, brother. To fend off a Pontianac, you must plunge a nail into her neck. Fuck. It is said that as long as the nail is there, she will turn into a beautiful woman and become a good wife. Are you doing like a fingernail? No, like a nail. Oh, okay. So if a nail's in her neck, she becomes beautiful and a good wife. so I'm picturing a stinky Zooey Deschanel that sucks the eyeballs out the top of your head but all you've got to do is blitz a nail into her throat and she'll just Zooey Deschanel, we live and breathe and a good wife, so I don't know if that means bam, you're mine now I don't want to own a woman yeah, weird that you would bring that up but you kind of are, because if the only reason she's with you is because nail and neck no, that's the only reason she's not kidding you Yeah, yeah.

1:09:00To be honest, if Fiona tried to kill me and I knew popping a little nail in there would sort it out, I'd probably do it. Sorry, Fee. So along with that... That is true. Yeah, that's me or you. The Indonesian kuntilanak is similar to the Malaysian one, but commonly takes the form of a bird and sucks the blood of virgins and young women. Oh, you'd be fucked. Yeah, you young woman. the bird which makes a k k k sound as it flies may be sent through um yeah it might make women fall ill what's the bird saying k k k sounds like the sort of when pharrell does those like backing noises on songs a bit like that okay okay the characteristic symptom um makes the woman fall ill and the characteristic symptom being the night vaginal bleeding when a man approaches her in her female form the kuntilanak suddenly turns and reveals that her back is hollow much like the sundell belong the prostitute ghost with her large gaping hole on her back so i'm just saying if this one wins we've potentially got prostitute ghost with huge hole in her back coming up in a future round just throwing that one in there so this one so who's the prostitute ghost yeah what's that it's called sundell belong oh so that's coming up and well you can't be unfair you can't tease the other one you're saying this one's similar to that well I think it's time for us to vote and then the Kuntilanak can also be subdued but plunging a large nail into the top of their head so not neck on that one this urban legend over in Malaysia and Indonesia is such a big thing that there's over 30 horror movies surrounding it it's too many they made a lot and also horror movies were a big thing over there and then the government didn't like horror movies said for a while you can't make them so they stopped being made and then they've slowly come back in over the last like 20 years or whatever and they brought 29 more in.

1:10:57They did fucking loads they've done so many. Right so we've got the woman you have to nail to stop her killing you and then what was your one Robbie? Not my one but he was the guy who was a bit. The rapey guy. A little bit rapey yeah. No he was one telling us No he was very. The rapey guy told us a story about the guy who did other things. Go on carry on. his phone he didn't quite get that no i'm just ignoring robbie this is a tough one because i'm not particularly enamored by either no i don't think they have the charm of thick cunt yeah we liked yeah the five um i've got i think i've got a winner in my head i think i've got a winner oh it's the bloke mine's the woman wow mine's the woman just because i in my head i've got more of a visual Zooey Deschanel with a big...

1:11:50Yeah, you just quite like... With a big what? Zooey Deschanel. Zooey Deschanel, don't you? Yeah. I do. A Zooey Deschanel that can suck eyeballs out. Yeah, I'm like... Yeah, I think... But you guys have to decide. I quite like Zooey Deschanel as well. But what about the Pontianak? Nah, I think he's too... I see too much of you in him, so... No, that's El Trouco. what I said what about the Pontianac I don't care about Zooey Deschanel in this situation no so which one are you saying what about the what Pontianac I'm saying who's that that's the Zooey Deschanel one oh yeah I like that cool yeah we're going to go for that one I think I think what Scraper 2-1 win again to run a play yeah or Pens yeah oh it's group stage though isn't it it's a group stage okay 2-1 2-1 win 1-0 down for a long time but sort of got nicked it at the end How's this working?

1:12:46Are they playing against each other in a group knockout thing and then this is going to go forever? It's just going to be all knockout and then... It's going to be years. All knockout and then next round just knockout again. So next time all of the countries we've had will go into the wheel and they can just... So they don't have to play like a round robin in this group? No. No, no, no. Oh, yeah, yeah. And you can have pens. No, it's instant knockout. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, you can have pens. Yeah, you can have pens. Do you want pens then? Yeah, please. What we're saying, 1-1 pens winner.

1:13:12Yeah. Yeah. And the pens were 28-27. kept scoring yeah for some reason or 1-0 after an hour I wanted to go on for a while yeah okay that leaves last one last round that leaves three and six who do you want to be the home team Robbie three please oh I was going to pick three three is the Dullahan from Ireland oh you've got an Irish we like the Irish don't we big fan of the Irish I'll have six then Stevie and six is the Impendulu from South Africa oh you've been there I've been to Ireland too. Oh, okay. I've been to Ireland. Never been to Ireland. I thought you were surprised by that. Oh, really?

1:13:49Yeah. I guess South Africa. Okay, so the home team is Ireland. This is an urban legend who is probably one of the most well-known urban legends in the world ever. Pac-Man. No, the Dullahan, also known as the Headless Horseman. Ah. Everyone knows the Headless Horseman. Right. I don't know the name. What? it's like does the bloke go like that yeah with Ed oh yeah it's half horse yeah is he half horse I'll be honest I thought the doula was gonna be a woman yeah sorry maybe more women in future what just a dick around maybe I can't make any promises right go on then my dad said to me when my first girlfriend left me maybe more women in future can't make any promises okay the doula hand Yeah.

1:14:42No locked gate stays closed when he approaches, bursting open to let the doula hand through. As he makes his way through towns and villages after dark, the people hide behind their curtains. Can you do this in an Irish accent? I feel like this is one of the accents you're allowed to do. Can't do an Irish accent. No way. What? Neither can use, that's good. He makes his way through towns and villages after dark, and people hide behind their curtains, because if anyone was to look at him, they'd be immediately blinded as he whips their eyes out with a whip made from a human spine or by throwing a basin that's cool that is cool that is cool yeah what's that whip there's that leather nobody human spine oh that is good or he'll throw a basin of blood into their eyes but ledge yeah that not as cool but still cool he has basin he has the ability to washing up yeah okay like a bowl yeah he has the ability to speak only once per journey and that is to say the name of the person whose life he wishes to take.

1:15:43Imagine hearing that. And then you just get whipped in the eyes with a spine. The eyes with a spine? Yeah, he says it takes your eyes out with a spine. Fucking hell. Alright, he's got a bit. He's a dog. He's cool. Once the doula hand states this name that person's soul is called to death and there is no defying this call. He's commonly portrayed as either riding on the back of a black horse, also headless, all riding a black carriage that's pulled by six black horses. It's said that these horses ride so quickly and ferociously that fire emanates from both of their nostrils and their hooves. You're going to get any cooler, Robbie.

1:16:17And their hooves as they strike the ground. It's like a ponytail. It's like a real-life rapidash. It's not looking good for the final one, is it? No. We'll have to hear it out, though. So fire coming out of the nostrils and hooves as they run. This guy might fuck it up. He might start doing great. Or the other one might be a woman. No, he's fucked. He'd be able to make my woman who looks a bit like Zoe. The carriage that some believe he rides is made of coffins, tombstones and bones, indicating his evil intent to take innocent lives. I'm sorry, if you saw that driving down the road. Yeah. Tombstones, bones and all that.

1:16:56Coffins, like, yeah, that's fucking stupid. I'm going to draw this guy. Yeah? Yeah. This guy's so emo. I was waiting to my chemical romance yeah that's exactly what I was going to say he wears a long black cloak that flows behind him as he rides through the lands and he's known to hold his severed head high into the sky in search for souls that he wishes to take so when he's doing all this on the horse no head he's holding it up yeah looking around like that yeah his severed head has a terrible appearance covered in rotting flesh that gives off the strong odour of rotting cheese and with the complexion of stale dough.

1:17:32I'm lactose intolerant. Still would. His mouth is split into a terrifying grin as he finds joy in taking the lives of others. His eyes are lit up with an evil fire and are darting back and forth, constantly looking for victims. The only thing that frightens him is precious metal, which when thrown on the ground before him can cause him and his horses to suddenly stop in their path and turn to flee. the period that when this story first got like really popular families were likely to actually own gold so they were told to use the gold to frighten him if he called upon their houses that's expensive though to get him away isn't it yeah but it's life or gold isn't it yeah this depiction of the headless horseman is believed to have developed as the embodiment of the ancient celtic god of fertility cromdev cromdev demanded human lives every year to be sacrificed in his name and the method of sacrifice that he asked for decapitations in the sixth century when christianity came to ireland sacrificial rituals were condemned and as christianity grew in popularity they stopped altogether so this is when the story then spread that the doula hand decided he needed to take his own form on earth because humans weren't giving him heads anymore he went i'm gonna go to earth as you pricks aren't bringing me any heads no humans not giving me heads i'll go take my own right and the myth of the doula hand has evolved into many different depictions of the headless horseman and various cultures the legend of sleepy hollow johnny depp movie is that that is that the hoolahan well it's it's the headless horseman in america they say it's a soldier who lost his head in the american revolution and he rose during halloween but i believe the doula hand came long before that story he's also found in a number of german stories such as the tales of the brothers grim and other german stories tell of a headless horseman who blows a horn to warn huntsmen not to ride, as death will befall them that day.

1:19:27He's a cool fucker, to be honest, Robbie. He stinks of cheese. Apart from the fact he stinks of cheese. Yeah, I hate cheese as well. And his head's decaying a bit. Just his head, though. Yeah. But he might smell like fire and ash. No, he smells like cheese. No, just his head. Yeah, but if you came in here... I quite like melted cheese, and if he's got all this fire around... He might smell like pizza. He'd be like a flying fondue. Ooh. Is he a flying fondue? He's a flying fondue. Can we call him Flying Fondue from now on? Flying Fondue-le-han. Yep. Be shocked if he loses this unless he's a woman.

1:20:008-0 win. Let's just quickly hear this one out. Yes, hear the last one out. That's the first time Robby's ever wanted me to tell an urban legend. Yeah. He's got to say... If the next word... If the next word he says is the urban legend, he, then this guy won. If he is the she, then we're like, Okay, play on. She's not looking good for the Duhula hen fondue. Fondula hen. Where's Fondula hen?

1:20:34South Africa with the Impendulu. The Impendulu is a human-sized bird with black and white plumage. What do you mean by bird? Yeah. It has the ability to manifest itself as lightning. Still quite cool. In some accounts, it takes the form of a rooster, but in others, it has peacock feathers or even a red-tailed beak and legs. The Impandulu has the ability to turn into a beautiful man. Right. Where's Fondus one? Where's Fondus one? Yeah. Listen to the rest of it. Lightning strikes. He turns into a beautiful man to seduce young women. Yeah, I mean, it's... It's going to take a fucking miracle. It's most infamous for its first for blood and pain, which it is known to take from humans, birds and cattle.

1:21:22Impendulus are like vampires sucking human blood until their victims die. If its attacks did not kill, it would leave its victims with infertility and tuberculosis. Steve, can I just stop you for a second? There is no chance this one's going to win. And you're wasting everyone's time. I've not even listened. Nah, nah. I heard man, and I'm still thinking of the fondant. I heard a little bit after man, but I've forgotten it. It has the ability to bring rain, bad luck, and cause people to have sex. Oh. Cause people to have sex. What do you think? Hang on a second. It's one of these World Cups where they have like 12 minutes injuries.

1:22:00We've just come back out from the tunnel. What does it bring on Solskjaer?

1:22:07It's a bird that can cause lightning strikes, turns into a fit man to seduce women. I don't care about that. and he causes people to have infertility and tuberculosis. Right, pretty much how all my... So can't get pregnant. If he's not doing that, he has the ability to bring rain, bad luck and cause people to have sex. Right. Sorry, how bad luck and having sex? Yeah. Like, which is it? Oxymoron, am I right? Yeah, you're not wrong, brother.

1:22:39Impendulu have been known to carry off unprotected children and steal milk from households. Fucking absolutely opposite of Queen's Dairy. It's a real mixed bag, this guy. Yeah. It's all been shit apart from getting rid of fuck. It's like you'll get laid, but your cereal will be fucking dry. Yeah. The flap of its wings is the source of thunder and it can shoot lightning from its talons. Do you know what? It is quite cool, Robbie. It is quite cool. It is just quite cool. Does it stink of cheese? No. What does it stink of? Occasionally, it doesn't say. occasionally it will strike the earth as lightning and it lays an egg where it lands oh wow he's come down egg right yeah so it can be caught either by catching it at the moment it strikes so just as it's about to head around you've got to quickly grab him I wouldn't back yourself because it's either catch it or dead or if you can find the underground cavern and get the egg I like this yeah Imp and Dulu are frequently the issue here is that because of the random number choosing we've put two good ones up against each other did you say something about him doing something to kids by the way I wasn't really listening steals them steals kids what does he does he give them back does he cook them a leg Imp and Dulu have been known to carry off unprotected children okay we need to know a little bit more though yeah we do I mean is he just taking them to the library?

1:24:09Yeah. Get some books out? Cooking them an omelet? Impendulu are frequently the familiars of witches and are passed down from mother to daughter as they are immortal. However, should a witch fail to pass hers down, the bird will become an isholagu, a masterless force with chaos and destruction. While it is a familiar, it can be sent to wreak havoc on the witch's enemies. However, if it's not kept fed, it would ensure the witch's death. In some accounts, the Impandulu and the witch become lovers. It's often seen riding on the... He's fucking a bird! No, because it turns into a beautiful man. And it's often seen riding on the back of a hyena...

1:24:50Oh, fuck me. Fuck you, Fondulad. Do you know what? This is the hardest decision I've ever made in my life. Yeah. The Impandulu's body and eggs have many magical properties. While often eggs are destroyed, they can also be used, along with glowing fish and other ingredients to create a potion that causes lightning to strike an enemy. So if you get his egg, you can make a potion, launch it and throw lightning at people. This one is the most Pokemon-like one I've ever heard. Can you eat the eggs? Yeah, of course you can. It doesn't say. Why not? Its fat could be used as a medicinal remedy. Furthermore, its flesh could be used to discover thieves.

1:25:28However, it's... It's making shit up now, isn't it? Thieves? Yeah, yeah. It's flesh. Have a look at that. I know, he's nicked your bike. I know shit outside your house. It's not thieves, is it? Bloke. However, it's difficult to get these ingredients. The lightning bird is immune to gunshots or stabbing and it can't be poisoned or drowned, but it is said that it could be destroyed with fire. So Dullahan, Wesley Dullahan, Fondoo, going up against this, might have the edge because he's got fire coming from his horse. So this is how my brain went. Fondoolahan this cool fucking spine whipping horseman headless horseman but also stinks a bit of cheese I thought nothing could beat that I'm willing to look past the smell of stillness I was thinking though the cheese is his weakness yeah it is his weakness and then we've got this new fucking knocking about this sexy bloke that turns into this electric bird that throws eggs the other way round the boss of his bird turns into a sexy bloke Jack I will say one of the websites I went on to read about this one had a giant picture of Zapdos that's what i was picturing yeah they had it it's a pokemon but they had that electric bird it's telling me about the urban legend and it's just like i was like oh and and i do you know what god i cannot believe we're doing this this this is like this is why you need seeding in the world cup because yeah this is like luke littler going up against luke humphries round one of the world championship i think the issue is is if both of these went up against el trauco and and Pontianak, those two countries would be out, and these two would both be through.

1:27:04That's the magic of the draw, isn't it? Yeah. It is the light of the draw. I'm gutted that one of these has to lose. You have to say goodbye to one of them. I think we independently do our scores, Robbie, in our minds. So we're not swayed. And then these are the two legs, and we take the aggregate. Oh, you've got to say them at the same time, then, because you might be swayed by what he says. I will lock mine in, and I will not change it, no matter what. I promise. Okay. This is a good way of doing it. What are you going for, Robbie? Is it Fondoolahan or is it Zapdos? Okay, I'm ready. Yeah, what are you going for?

1:27:37I am going 2-0 to the one that makes people have sex. The second one, whatever that is. Not Fondoolahan. Wow, you're going away from the spine whipper. Yeah. I'm going for... I'm going to be honest. It was the fact that it makes people have sex and that it rides a hyena. I'm going... Weirdly, in my head, I was always thinking 3-0 to the first one. I was. I wasn't, I wasn't. I was genuinely thinking 4-2 to Zapdos, the second one. Wow. So. 6-2. 6-2 for a game that was pitted as like the Battle of the Great. But do we then have to half the scores? Because this one's had two games for no reason. Yeah.

1:28:193-1. 3-1. Although I think it makes more sense going 3-2, because I think it's been a battle of greatness. But we didn't say that. Yeah. Yeah, you've got to stick to your guns there. 3-1. I'm going to put it out there my favourite urban legends of all time I think that when we were taking the piss a few of these ago I didn't actually find the urban legends that good I was just like it's a fit woman I like the idea of me shagging them in my head if I'm being honest I mean and Zooey Deschanel was different Zooey Deschanel I'd still partake right I would but I'd also love to see that Zapdos bird fire an egg my way yeah but on a hyena on a hyena it's good because I think here we've had a couple of winners that aren't just sexy women yeah that's what I mean I'm not being blinded by tits like a normal being blinded by lightning because there weren't enough tits yeah no mention of tits in this one last round remember woman through tits over shoulders that was quality so if you've somehow listened to all of this without listening to the previous two 577 and 602 technically doesn't matter listening to these in order but I think these episodes can be judged on how memorable they are and I think there's a lot of little characters in that I will remember.

1:29:35Yeah, but I think that a lot I can only really remember Necropants in the entire team. Yeah. The whole last seven years. Yeah, and that what was that? There was another thing, but I can't remember what it was called. The swonk? No. The toilet that we'd sit on and... No, Rougarou. Oh, Rougarou. Yeah, it's only because we were going to go there. Yeah. So, there we have it. In this round, we had Guatemala versus Pakistan, where else... Wait, wait, wait, wait, because no one gives a fuck about the names can you give us our little comical names that we've made up? Give us a rough description like for example in the last one you'd say like hyena riding sex maker so with Guatemala versus Pakistan we had little Mexican he wasn't Mexican though was he?

1:30:18No but we'll give you the example don't give us a country just say we had this for this you still want to know the country? No, we don't. I don't give a fuck now, mate. Little Mexican man beat... Oh, it was Guatemalan. Beat women... Little Guatemalan Mexican man. Little Guatemalan Mexican man with massive hat and a braiding hair in sleep, throwing sand, beat woman with backwards feet. But maybe she was just walking forwards. See, I'm picturing it now. Five nil. I'm there. I'm transformed. You've got to sell it better. Yeah. Second round, rapist closely lost in penalties to Zoe Dejanelle. I'm out what's the one for me final round Zapdos beat Wesley Von Doolahan best time of legends ever thanks for listening

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