646 - Our Greatest Ever ‘Would You Lie To Me’ ft. Matt Richardson!

27:06Just shooting the shit, man. Having a great time. So why are you in the bath? I'm not naked. I'm just sat in a bath, fully clothed. No water. No water. So you're in a tub. Where in the world is this happening? This is happening in London, in a hotel in Soho. Okay. So what were you guys doing before you went to the hotel? Drinking. Okay. And I was being given relationship advice by Paddy McGuinness. Were you with your partner? You're now wife at this time. And he was telling me I should break up with her. Really? Yeah, because I was on the telly and I should just go around and like have as much fun as possible.

27:40Right. I really love her though. And he's like, don't worry about that, mate. My dad said the same thing to me when I got with Fiona. He was like, you're jack, mate. And back then I was getting about 100 views. I was like, well, good for him for believing in you though. Yeah. But he's basically going, fuck her, I'll shag about some. Yeah, I mean, so I do, I do.

28:02Family tradition. and yeah and he was sort of going don't don't don't be how old are you and i was like i'm 24 and he's like go and enjoy yourself son is that relation oh i was making them jokes about fee thinking she was around their editor and she's just come back in the room so she's gonna be a nasty shock she edits it back anyway i know but i thought if she hears it live she'll get that i'm just adding a bit of fluff, but... Now she thinks she has actually... True! Fee, I've just been saying about how I cheat on you all the time. All right, well, I'll hear it back in the end. Right, where were we?

28:39Is that relationship advice, though? Yeah, I think I'd just gotten with her, and I was going, oh, you know, she's great, blah, blah, blah. And he was like, what the fuck are you doing? No, you're young and on television. Go and enjoy yourself. Right. Has she met Paddy McGuinness? Never, no. Okay. Had you met Paddy McGuinness before that day? This is the only time I've ever hung out with Paddy McGuinness is when I was in the bath. That's where he was giving me the relationship advice. I didn't even meet him at the drinks. It's just all of a sudden I'm sat in the... Do you know when you're at a party and you just need a moment to yourself?

29:10Yeah. And I was quite drunk, so I was like, oh, just sit in the bath for five minutes. And Paddy McGuinness just wanders in and starts telling me how to live my life. What was Keith Lemon doing? Just sort of Keith Lemmon-ing in the corner. Yeah, that track. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Like, it was sort of, yeah, it was very surreal. Was he in character as Keith Lemmon? You can never tell. Like, it depends, I think. What's your perception? I'm not sure if he was. He was just sort of, like, chipping in. But then also occasionally he would be going, I've been with my wife since we were teenagers and I love her very much.

29:40Right. And sort of disagreeing. It was like, you know, the angel and devil on your shoulders. One of mine is Paddy McGuinness and the other one is Keith Lemmon. Everything is screaming lie to me. Oh. You were going to say true, were you? See, I've met Paddy McGuinness quite a lot when he came on Soccer AM I could see him saying that I mean, of all the celebrities a man behind the curtain here that's quite helpful I think it's true but I am pussy bitch You are pussy bitch Paddy McGuinness is a dog No, I did not say that I said he's got a good sense of humour and he can make a funny little joke They're Stevie White's words And he also thinks people should put it about a bit.

30:25Damn, that's words. Okay, Laddie McGuinness. Good. I like that. Put that on your TikTok. You know what, though? Split second too late. That was the only issue with that one. Fee, can you just tighten up that little gap in the edit? You got used to being able to redo TikTok, shouldn't you, Gow? Yeah, I have. What about John Bishop and all of this? John Bishop. wasn't there. Who did you say was there? Kevin Bishop, the child from Muppet Treasure Island. What's that? What do you mean, what's that? I don't know who that is. Muppet Treasure Island, the film that makes Muppet Christmas Carol look like the shittiest film of all time.

31:05Never seen it. Tim Curry playing Long John Silver. How old is Kevin? A full adult at this point. Okay. Why is he that? He's friends with Paddy McGuinness. Hopefully. Oh, fuck off! Why would you say hopefully? I'm going to stick to my guns, regardless of Pussy Bitch's input, and I'm going to say that's a lie. Matt, is it true that Paddy McGuinness, or Laddie McGuinness, once sat with you whilst you were in the bath? It's true, fuck you. This is setting up nicely. It's 2-1 with five to go. Didn't like the hopefully there. Little... That was good. I think that's what won him round. I'm learning. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

31:48I feel like chat GTT. Didn't fall Pussy Bitch though. Didn't fall Pussy Bitch. A lie within the truth works well. But like you said, you've met the man. Yeah. I can 100 % see that conversation. Yeah, yeah. Why didn't you take on board the knowledge there from Pussy Bitch? Because you said you don't want me to constantly just go for it, and then if it was wrong, so I'll stick to my guns in that one. Fair enough. Fair enough, fair enough. Fair enough. Next up, Matt, is this one here. I woke up to get a drink and randomly found a celebrity in my living room. Who's the celebrity? Connor Maynard. Okay.

32:24Okay. Why was Connor Maynard in your living room? I'm still not sure. Okay, so you woke up. What time are you waking up? Like one in the morning just to get a glass of water. Connor Maynard's in your living room at one in the morning? Connor Maynard is sat in my living room at one in the morning. Alone? He was when I walked in, but it transpired he was there because a girl I lived with had brought him home. Oh. Okay. Not your partner. Not my partner. No, no. She hadn't brought Conor Maynard. Like, mate, she's 5 '9". What's she going to do with him? He's like a beautiful little smurf. He's a tiny little man.

33:00Is he? Yeah, little. See, before this conversation, I would feel like you wouldn't have a clue who Conor Maynard is. Mate, I worked on ITV2 for years. Are you joking? I've interviewed Conor Maynard about his music.

33:13What did Conor Maynard say when he saw you? He just... Yo. What? Yo, dude. Who do you think Connor Maynard is? That youngster. He's like, all right. Are you crazy? I don't know what one of his songs is. That's the one. You must be smoking if you start again. There we go. PRS, you'll get some of that. And, you know, I think, because I had by this point met Connor Maynard before, but not in my living room. So you know when you meet someone out of context? Yeah, yeah. And you kind of are trying to work out who the fuck they are. But that's happening to me. So he's going, hey, man. And I'm like, you're in my house.

33:51So I lived with my friend. We grew up together. And we moved to London at the same time. We shared a flat while she was working in a normal job. And then I think, I guess, brought back Connor Maynard to shag him. Did she shag him? I went back to bed. Right. You didn't bring it up the next day? No. Oh, yeah, you'd bring it up the next day. Yes, but I'm trying to be respectful to both Connor Maynard and... Oh, fair enough, fair enough. Yeah. Yeah, they, I think they bumped the uglies. I don't even know, like, but what weird is that? What a disrespectful phrase to you for someone you're trying to be respectful to.

34:27They bumped the uglies. The thing is, though, she is six foot, so I guess it just looked like a squirrel trying to get a nut out of a hole in a tree. Yeah. How have you gone from trying to be respectful to say those two sentences back to back? Oh, I don't know. It's good for the clips. It's changed out. That's what I've worked out on TikTok. Do you still speak to this, friend? Yes, she was at my wedding. Okay. Connor Maynard was not. No? Right. Don't get an invite. What year was this? God, this would have been 2015. Was your friend single and ready to mingle, or was she in a relationship? Yes, she is very single and ready to mingle still, I think.

35:07Right. She's very nice looking as well, Sarah, if you're out there. If you want a boyfriend, I'll find you one. I didn't know if she had a partner, but Paddy McGinnis was in the bath telling her to go. I actually just left Paddy in the bathroom. Had you been out drinking? I hadn't. And also, she doesn't work in showbiz, which is like, it didn't make sense why... How would she have even met? Exactly. And even to this day, I don't know where they cross paths. I don't see how you wouldn't have had this conversation with her. You've known her since you were a kid. You've moved to London together. You live together.

35:40And after the situation's happened, in which she's with a man you've interviewed multiple times, you've not been spoken to her afterwards and been like, how'd that come about? I was just like, was that, the next day I was like, was that Conor Maynard? And she's like, yeah. And I was like, okay, cool. Fine. I'd want to know so much more. Would you like to know? Just like, how'd you meet him? Because you've met him. But also, I think it's funnier that I've just got no clue. I think it's funny. Like, for me in my own head, if I knew that they'd been like, oh, he helped me with my bag on the tube, I'd be like, oh, rubbish.

36:12Right, yeah, right. It feels like Connor Maynard was manifested into my living room. Yeah, and not having all that extra information does make it easier to lie about. But also, she isn't in showbiz and is not that kind of... It wasn't the kind of person I'd put her with. That was what made me feel weird about it. Did you sit up talking to Connor when you saw him or you just went back to bed? No, we had that sort of like, hey, and he's like, what annoyed me is he went, what are you doing here? I'm sorry. but I've just woken up to find Britain's Justin Bieber in my living room, and you're angry at me.

36:48Good. Right. Because she obviously hadn't gone to him, oh, I live with, you know, Z-list presenter Matt Richardson. Right. Which also makes me think maybe she's embarrassed of me. Maybe she is. No, she wouldn't be now. Look at you now. Look at me now. Yeah. Right, okay. Everything about this screams lie to me, but he said Connor Maynard so quickly and with such confidence, and that is the last person that would come to my head if I had to lie about this. Which would be great, wouldn't it? Yeah. Yeah. What are you leaning towards, Pussy Bitch? Well, Pussy Bitch is the least convinced by any of these either way.

37:23Pussy Bitch was thinking... Pussy Bitch, by the way, talks about himself in the third person. It's a cool new thing Pussy Bitch is trying. I'm loving this Pussy Bitch. Pussy Bitch, which I've leaned into surprisingly quickly because of how demeaning it is to me. Pussy Bitch has forgotten now. Pussy Bitch thinks it's true. True, yeah. Yeah, I think saying Connor Maynard that quickly is fucking mental if you're lying. Sorry, Connor Maynard. So I'm going to say true. You locking it in? I'm going to say true. Okay, Matt, is it true that you once woke up and found Connor Maynard in your living room?

37:57It is true, yes. Come on! That would have been phenomenal. If that was a lie, yeah. I felt like you were so close to getting that one over the line. At the end, I started to flounder a little bit when you were saying you hadn't asked any follow-up questions. I didn't though. I still don't know where they met. Oh, really? Yeah, I think it's hilarious. I don't know, he was there. Do you reckon? I want to know. Probably like she was working for maybe like, I don't know what she was doing, but like some club or something, you know, like a party of some sort of magazine-y thing. I don't know. Did you ever interview him again after that?

38:30No, I've never seen him since. Have you not? No. Wow. Both our careers fell off, so like. Right, next one, Matt. Louis Walsh is genuinely the reason me and my first girlfriend broke up. Wow. Have you ever met Louis Walsh? Yes, I worked with Louis Walsh on The Extra Factor. Of course. And loved him. He was a great guy, but we didn't really ever recover from this. Oh, okay. So how long had you been with your first girlfriend? I'd been with her about 18 months. So she was from my hometown, and then I was like gigging, and then I met her, and then I started doing telly while we were together. Did she meet Louis Walsh?

39:13Yes. This happened at one of the live shows. So I'd known Louis for a few months. What has Louis said to break up the relationship? Louis. So we'd been together and I'd been away loads. So this was my first TV job, The Extra Factor. And like, I'd been away loads and like all of a sudden was doing television and she was paranoid about me going and cheating. With Louis Walsh? With Louis Walsh. Louis Walsh and I are now married. That's what's happened here. So, and I'd been sort of talking to them because she'd been like ringing me when we were doing stuff all the time, being like, where are you, who are you with?

39:46You just said Paddy McGinnis, who's got some advice, chill out. Yeah, fucking chill out. And then what happened was is I finally brought her to one of the live shows and Louis thought it would be funny to go, oh, you're not the girl we met the other week. Because that was his sense of humour. Like he was always doing shit like that. And he said that to her and like, we never recovered and we broke up three weeks later. Like she just wouldn't believe me. It was, even though she was like, I can't prove it him saying that and I was like he was fucking joking and he just she wouldn't believe me oh that is mental the problem with it is is she was already insecure right about it so that then meant like she he just confirmed what she thought she knew even though it wasn't true wow did he apologise no he thought it was hilarious that we broke up over it like he didn't and look the thing is I was 22 she was 21 we were still living at home with our parents like we weren't mature enough to go oh that's just some guy joking.

40:40That is a thing that people joke, like, that is a joke I've heard before. Yeah. And that was him. He would all, like, he is, what you see of Louis, he's, like, really funny and will say really inappropriate things for a laugh and he doesn't care if it upsets people. Right. And this is the only one I was ever the victim of, but it did, you know, she was the love of my life and I've never quite gotten over her. Sorry, Sam. How was your wedding? Beautiful. Lovely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Didn't say the wrong name, thank God. Abby. but yeah so she came it was the only time she'd come and I think she felt really out of place anyway and like uncomfortable because it was a world I was in not her and it just was fucking awful did you have an argument on that night then or was it like after the fact no what happened was so this was at the end of the show so like we're in the bar having a drink and I was going home anyway and back to the hotel and we went back to the hotel in silence and then she went to sleep woke up early and was like I'm going back to Oxfordshire because we were in London and then didn't really speak to me for a few days and I tried to salvage it and go like, look, let's just forget it.

41:40It was a bullshit thing he said. She just would never let it go. And then we got back together a bit for about a week and she just couldn't get over it. Wow. And I let her like, even to the point where I was like, you can look through my phone, you can check everything. Like, I just want to be with you. Don't let someone else ruin it. It's really frustrating being broken up with when you've cheated when you haven't cheated. That's like getting a sexually transmitted disease from a coat hanger. Like, it just doesn't, you've not even had the good bit. Or from a koala. Yeah, I mean, I would rather get chlamydia from a koala.

42:13Yeah, they're literally my favourite animals. Yeah, and like, and then I, and when I told him. What are you trying to one-up him? They're my favourite animal? I actually like them a lot more than you do. Yeah, I've actually got loads of coat hangers. And then I said to Louis, I was like, oh, you made that joke. Like, she broke up with me. Like, what can I do? Can you say to her that you were joking? And he was like, it's too late for that now. He's like, just let it go. He goes, you're better off. Don't worry about it. Like, he was so, like, flippant about it, and that really upset me. When was the last time you saw Louis Walsh?

42:38Like, at the end of the show, I've not seen him in, like, 13 years. Right. Wow, so he's literally just ruined your relationship and then left. Yeah, and he'd been like, we'd really gotten on till that point, and, like, and he thought it was funny, and I think because we were young, and, like, we're still living at home with our parents and stuff, he didn't see it as a proper relationship. He was like, oh, you know, you'll have others. How do you feel looking back at it now? Um, yeah, because then I met Paddy McGuinness and took his advice, so. I was gutted about it and I really liked her, but actually, like, it was probably going to end over something like that anyway, because, like, I moved into this other world that she felt disconnected from.

43:13And, like, I wanted to move to London and do all that and she didn't want to do it. So, like, I imagine it was going to end within the next six months. True. Yeah, it's true, isn't it? So, if this is a lie, he's taking his acting up a big, big step, because this is very convincing. Yeah, very, very good. A nice story. Well, not a nice one. A sad one. but true. Are you locking it in? Yes. Matt, is it true, did Louis Walsh cause you and your first girlfriend to break up? It is a lot. Come on!

43:46Any trick in that at all? No, not at all. I didn't even have a girlfriend when I was doing that show. That is very good. No, that's, well done. Right, thanks. This could be the comeback of all comebacks from Mr. Richardson here. It's three, two. So that's five down. We have got four to go. Right. Very good. Yeah, honestly, me i i was like wow louis walsh is a cunt lovely man delightful man really nice guy right next one i have a list of every celebrity i've ever met in my phone and a scoring system for each one well this is obvious what you need to do here isn't it well i don't want to share it and it's it's for tiktok so i've written stuff like because i've talked about the rudest people i've met so what i've done is gone back through every job and who i've worked with so i can make videos about who was nice and who wasn't.

44:32How does the scoring work? So it's easy. You've got how nice they are to me. Out of 10? Out of five. Out of five. How nice they are to me, how nice they are to crew. Yeah. If they've got any bad rumours about them, like if there's anything bad, that knocks off a couple of points. Like, you know, if you've heard something dodgy and it means that I can do this scoring system, it's for a new thing I'm going to try on my TikTok. Can I? And I'm not going to explain to people. I'm going to go, people are going to go, name a celebrity and I'll give you my score. But I won't tell them how it, I will be like, they have nine points but I won't say what they've lost points on and stuff so people can work it out for themselves so I don't libel anybody so Louis Walsh must be on there Louis Walsh yeah so Louis was lovely so nice to me five out of five easily nice to crew five out of five so there we go okay but didn't you say there was a third category no there's and then they might lose points if like I've heard a rumour or something but this is all things I've experienced first hand is Jack on there?

45:25Jack is an eight wow wow he's lost Mark I'm lower than Louis Walsh. Five out of five to me, but I don't like the way he talks to you. Yeah! I love that. Love how quick that was as well. So I'm losing points even for joking. Yeah, because you're a 10, because you're delightful to him, and he kicks you... He's not a fucking celebrity, mate. That's fair. I mean, we're pulling at the thread of celebrity here with a few other people on my list, don't worry. Honey G is like minus nine. I was about to say, who is the lowest celebrity on your list? Honey G's a zero, just because she's my nemesis. But then also, like, oh my God, Iggy Azalea Zero, she was rude to everybody.

46:03But then I've seen people be really nice to, like, if you're on something with them, they're lovely to you, but not very nice to crew. They're the worst. So, like, a load of the Towie people I've met are in that category because they're nice to me, but they're horrible to a runner. Right. So they're all in the fives. A lot of the reality people are fine, and then it's the two-facedness that I'm trying to play off. That was something you said on your TikTok that I completely agreed with as well. I find that the more A-list someone is, the nicer they are. It's the lesser status celebrity. Yeah, yeah, and there's loads of comedians.

46:32I haven't finished the comedians, but there's loads of comedians, and a lot of them have lost points because they're nice to me now that my TikTok's going well, but have been rude in the last six months. There's a couple who, you know how your career's going because of how nice they are to you that week. Oh, wow. None that have been on your show. You get really nice ones on your show. Right. How many would you say are in your list at the moment? So I'm building up, I'm probably about 45. Okay, you've probably met hundreds. Yeah, it's taken me ages. so what I've done is I've gone back through shows and there's people I don't even fucking remember meeting because like I did when we did like even the X Factor or Shins you go and you've interviewed people on the radio and you go I don't even really and it sort of jogs the memory of going oh yeah I did interview Lee Mack or this actor from something Zac Efron zero really?

47:17rude to me rude to my producer when I interviewed him Zac Efron's on a zero what was that for? the Ted Bundy film he did oh wow that wasn't that long ago no it was when I interviewed him do you know what I've just had like a moment of realisation about this whole conversation. We're just having this conversation like it's 100 % a real thing. And it's just suddenly clicked in my mind, all of this could be a lie. I know that's the whole point of this show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I was just so engaged in this conversation. I was just going, hold on, this might not even be real. Right. And then I'm just double guessing my life right now.

47:45Look, the thing is, this might be one of the few ones that if it is a lie, I am going to do it afterwards if I've not already started. Jack's just given you a TikTok. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's going to get commission. Well, great. You get 20p. Yeah, mate, it's shocking the money on there. And he's a 10. You know the way to get money on TikTok? You've got to sell shit and do lives. And I'm not doing that. Nah. It's degrading. If I open TikTok at some point and I see you getting commissioned for some pickle or something. Guys, someone at TikTok needs to be fired because this is so cheap right now. You've got it down.

48:16And you open it and it's like, it's tatting it from the Betterwear catalogue. It's like some electrolyte tablets for four quid or something. This has to be true, doesn't it? I don't know. Are you leaning the other way, pussy bitch? I think. Sierra has all the best active and outdoor brands you need. From athletic stuff, like a full-court pickup game, swish, to athletic-ish stuff, like a half-mile stroll. Get those steps in! And for morning hikes up the mountain trail, good pace to nighttime ghost stories from the camping chair. What a twist. Whatever level of active, Sierra loves it all. Head to Sierra or Sierra.com for the brands you want at the prices that let you do it all.

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49:27This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Listening to this podcast instead of doom scrolling? Smart move. Another smart move? Getting help from one of State Farm's 19 ,000 local agents when you choose to bundle home and auto. Bundling. Just another way to save with the personal price plan. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings, and eligibility vary by state. Careful because you lose some points. Well, Pussy Bitch thinks if he's got 45 people on the list, he's been around for a bit, that's the thing.

50:01But I'm working on it. It's not finished. I'm working on this. But I can't believe you're in the top 45. Because we've done this recently. I knew I was coming on. It's a recent thing. So I've been going back through, but I'm going chronologically backwards through stuff. Yeah, and we follow each other. And you've got to remember, like, I'm not really on telly anymore. This is as close as I get to famous now. I don't think he's going to take marks off for Jack. I think he knows. Yeah, but I think that could just be a joke. That could have been a little bit of banter there. Jack is a 10 because he's had me on this show a lot.

50:28He's come to see me live. Also, it's weird because like... So he's not an 8? No, he's not. Jack would be a 10. It was a joke. But also, I'm not putting people on that I feel like I know. So I was doing a joke about these, but I feel like I know you too well now to put you on an objective list. And no one's going to ask about me. This is for people that aren't in my phone book or in my life. This is for people I've met, like Mary J. Blige, for example. Like shit like that when you've interviewed them once, what they were like. I'm going to stick with true I think it's a lie okay okay Stevie's got the overriding answer so he said true annoyingly Matt do you have a list of every celebrity you've ever met in your phone and a scoring system for each one no I don't of course not that would be insane are you going to do this on TikTok now look if things get desperate and I start scoring celebs I've met three I'm trying to do this thing where I'm like only saying nice like if people ask me about because people are like have you met blah blah like and I'll do a video on like Well, the Teletubbies.

51:26Good. Really good. He's a horrible cunt. Zero. Zero. He made me finger a different woman. Tell you what, the things he eats, handsy. Yeah. Handsy, and then makes you watch it back on his stomach. He's mates with the ghost nods. Yeah. Right, okay. That was mwah. Thank you. Yeah, I'm trying to be nice, because people ask me, they're like, have you met blah, blah, what's like, blah, blah, like, and I'm like, I don't want to, like, I don't want to say. The drama is what gets the views, though. Yeah, but I'm trying to not do that, because someone was like, oh my God, I love Ellis and John. Have you met them?

51:57What are they like? I'm like, Ellis James is lovely, and we'll leave it there. Right, it's 3-3. This is drama of the highest order. Matt, have a look at that one, mate. He's very good at this. Yeah. I was once paid£64 ,000 to tell some jokes specifically about tennis. What's this? At Wimbledon? No. Okay, was it for a business? Yes. What was the business? A beer. Okay, where was the venue that you performed at? In London. And they made me sit on an umpire chair and tell jokes about tennis. How long was your set? An hour. And you had to stay on the umpire chair for the whole hour? Yes. Yeah, I was on an umpire chair for an hour.

52:48Just doing tennis jokes? Doing tennis jokes. So you wrote an hour's worth of material about tennis? Yes. Did you? 64 grand! Give us some tennis jokes. Surely you remember. I remember one of them. You're not forgetting that. I've been going to hours worth of material. You must remember one of them. It was such a horrific gig, I can't remember any of them. I feel like you'd remember it more if it was that horrific. Yeah, but it was a humiliating experience. Why are they offering you this money? Because they're trying to do... You know what it's like with any brand is obsessed with doing something weird or different.

53:21Trying to like make a splash. And it was originally, they were like, oh, come and talk about tennis, about Wimbledon. It'll be really fun. Just funny tennis talk. And then you'll be with other people. Originally, they promised me this thing and it ended up just being me sat next to a screen of Wimbledon things, telling jokes on an umpire chair for an hour. How many people in the crowd? Sorry. um like 200 but but also they haven't been told it's happening it is not a gig they've just gone we're gonna put you somewhere where they're showing tennis and just go for it mate were there any tennis players there yes but not the second show there was a tennis player what what i had to do it twice same hour this well yeah so they were like originally they were like, oh, it'll be you and other people.

54:12And then they were like, oh, we'll bring in a tennis player. Federer? No. Nadal? Yeah, no. I don't know any more fucking, hang on. McEnroe? No, his name. What's his name? He's foreign. Roderick? Stefan Edberg? No. Djokovic? No. Old, he wasn't like a cool current one. It was older. Boris Becker? More in the ballpark, I think. He'd won Wimbledon. Oh. He'd won it before. That was the point. and everyone was informed that he would be there. And then it was just me telling jokes for an hour. So the crowd's there for him, but they get you. Well, they're there like, so it's for a beer who, Stella, I think sponsored, yeah, they sponsor Wimbledon.

54:54And it was for them and it was in this bar thing they'd set up for people to watch Wimbledon. And then they were like, hey, and they hadn't told people this is happening on this day. The first people knew is when they went, please welcome Matt Richardson. And they sat me on an umpire chair. So I couldn't even be on a stage like hiding. I was visible to everybody. Well, presumably you didn't already have tennis material on your set. No, no, it was written for it. So how long would you say it took you to write an hour's worth of jokes about an entire hour-long show about tennis? Do you want to know the truth?

55:21They gave me two weeks. It was two weeks before and they went, you're doing this. This is the money. And I went, well, I can't afford to not do it. And I got another comedian to help. Why do tennis players never get married? Because to them, love means nothing. Is this thing on? Where were you when I needed you in 2017? Mate, I know. I'd have done it for fucking 61 grand. So you'd have made a three grand skimmed off the top. Yeah, fine. Just so I can get a full picture of this, when you say an umpire chair, you mean the high up one. Those chairs. You have to walk on to the stage. It's not even a stage.

55:53I have to walk through a crowd sat on blankets, drinking Stella and all that. Climb up a little ladder. Climb up a little ladder with no introduction and then just go, hello, everybody, and then start doing something that I was promised they would know about. And what's playing on the screen? the Wimbledon oh well so an actual game is on it's on a giant screen next to me and they like you're just talking over it and they don't even turn the noise off of the commentary you can still hear it it can't be true can it because none of this can be true you can't do an hour of that content and not remember one of the jokes I think it takes a long time to write an hour's worth of material presumably for comedians maybe not for you well it depends on the quality I suppose yeah I think this is absolute bollocks I think it's absolute bollocks so I'm going to say lie.

56:38Matt, is it true, were you once paid£64 ,000 to tell some jokes specifically about tennis? Yes, I was. That was fucking insane. From where you went down. So the first day was, they were like, oh, it's you and Goran Ivenicevic. I was trying to be like, oh, I don't know who, I don't remember the tennis guy. Goran Ivenicevic, they're like, so you're going to do alternative commentary on the thing. So he did like this photo shoot me and Goran, and then I get there and they go, oh yeah, he doesn't want to do it today, so it's just you. and like what they'd done is gone, okay, so they said, oh, maybe get some tennis jokes.

57:10So it was an hour of alternative condimentary and I was meant to be kind of interviewing him and going, oh, so why is this so good? What are they doing wrong here? And I had like some backup jokes and I was up there for an hour and I'd written maybe 20 jokes and then I'm just going, that looks like a good shot. I don't know anything about tennis. Oh, wow. And they just left me up there high and dry because he didn't want to do it that day. It was 64 grand though. Yeah, that's mad. Yeah, I mean, you forget about that when you have a business class on your holiday, don't you? What do you call a woman who stands in the middle of a tennis court.

57:36And that next one. They were better than that. Right. But do you know Glenn Moore? The comedian Glenn Moore. So Glenn Moore wrote these jokes to me to just have some bits when I was up there. And then he didn't show up. He's brilliant. And the jokes were good, but no one had been told what was happening. And even when we did it with Goran, they were like, it's Goran Ivedisovich. It's just all these people in Flatiron Square in London going, okay. Not asked. Yeah. It's good money though. Fuck it. It's a shit, mate. Perhaps I've got more money than cents. What time does... What time? What time does Sean Connery turn up for Wimbledon?

58:06Ten-ish. Ten-ish. He's dead, so... Is he? Do you not know that? Sean Connery? Yeah. This is how I find out. Are you joking? Are you doing another truthful lie? I have no... Is he dead? Yeah, he died, didn't he? Like, not that long ago. Did he really? Or am I wrong? No, he is dead, isn't he? God, the lies on this side, I don't even know what's happening in my own life anymore. Didn't he die like three years ago? It was quite recently, I think. He died in lockdown. Halloween. I don't know why that means anything. committed to that James Bond costume, wasn't he? Zombie James Bond. Right, so it's 4-3 to Matt, two more to go.

58:38To win this episode, you need to get both of these right. Fuck. If I get the next one, I'm... You've won. You've won, and then we play the last one for fun. But Matt, there you go. I once met Cliff Richard at my uncle's funeral. Did your uncle know Cliff Richard? I assume so. You fucking want a question? I guess he's not just showing up, is he Cliff Richard? Did you speak to Cliff Richard? Oh, sorry, I thought it was a wedding. Did you speak to him? I was quite young, so I just remember being told, that's Cliff Richard, like I knew. Okay. Sorry for your loss. Thank you. It was a while ago, yeah.

59:16You still hurt. Yeah. Was that it? I thought you were going to ask him a question. Yeah, I appreciate it. Thank you very much. I didn't know he was like my great uncle, because obviously that's more age. He sounds great to me. And will be remembered. Oh, lovely. Okay, so was everyone aware Cliff Richard was there? Was there any reaction when he walked in the room? I guess so. I guess I don't remember the reaction when he walked in. He wasn't like a pallbearer or something. He just was there, and I, at the wake afterwards, chatted to my mum and dad, and my mum and dad were like, that was Cliff Richard.

59:47I'm like, who's Cliff Richard? The guy going, uh-huh. What? Did you just do Elvis? Was that Elvis? Yeah. No, I was saying Cliff Richard be rude to... Oh, it was Cliff Richard being rude about Elvis, wasn't it? Yeah, saying he didn't want a photo with him because he was fat. That's what I've got mixed up in my head. That's funny. But in my head, I obviously know who Elvis is, but in my head when you were saying that, I was picturing Elvis at your uncle's funeral. Elvis was not there. Right, okay. No. There was maybe, I guess, a couple of people from The Bill. How old were you at the time? Nine, ten.

1:00:21Why from The Bill? My great uncle was in showbiz Was he? Yes What was his job? He was an agent Okay and you said in this And he also ran some butcher shops Irrelevant I reckon I can't imagine that's how Cliff Well he ran them in Surrey So maybe he was Cliff Richard's butcher Okay I don't know But he also was in show business And he was also an athlete What? So hold on So he was in show business He ran a few butchers and he was an athlete. He managed comedians in the 80s. Then he set up a chain of butcher shops. But before that, he was a boxer. Was he good? Yes. How good? What level? European heavyweight champion.

1:01:08Fuck off. What was his name? Richard Richardson. No, I can't. What? Oh. That kind of information just fucks the whole thing, doesn't it? But no one called him Richard. He was Dick Richardson. Of course he was. Dick Richardson, boxing legend. Get your sausages from him. It's like a slogan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come and get Dick sausage. Black eyes and black puddings. I don't know. You said you met Cliff Richard. Yes, so I was like night. So like, he was like, oh, hello, blah, blah, blah. When I was with my mum and dad and my mum and dad were like, he didn't go, hello, I'm Cliff Richard the singer.

1:01:45But my mum chatted to us and then left off into the wake. I tell you my pussy bitch is working Go on pussy bitch Pussy bitch thinks it's true and the reason being Jack didn't really know who Cliff Richard was and thought it was Elvis so if he's written it he'd probably have known he wouldn't have been imagining someone else No I wrote these Oh you've really got into that I didn't even notice that because I was I was going to think it was true but he's put in some lies like sprinkled in stuff can you do that no you can't but I don't know I don't know like the butcher stuff and all that just none of that seems believable but Jack but then has Jack fucked it and now it all tricked us because he knows who Cliff Richard is yeah but he also well maybe he could also write the name Cliff Richard thinking it was Elvis it wouldn't matter he is stupid yeah okay we're gonna say true no no we're gonna say lie because Jack is stupid I'm gonna say true because he's I'm gonna My head hurts now.

1:02:49I'd say true. Fuck. I'd say true, but I'm just pussy bitch. I just, all this butcher, like, the Cliff Richard part is weirdly not the most unbelievable part of this. It's the butcher sausage athlete. But I think that's so, like the Richard Richardson thing, I think that's true. Because otherwise you'd make up a different name, wouldn't you? Yeah, but then that's the thing that gets in your head, Robert. Wow. This is drama. I'm going to say it is true. Matt Richardson, is it true, did you once meet Cliff Richard at your uncle's funeral? Yes, I did. Dicker Richardson was European heavyweight champion, fought Henry Cooper and won.

1:03:34Is that really true? Yeah, yeah, yeah. My great uncle, my dad's uncle. Wow. And then he managed Freddie Star in the 80s and then set up a chain of butcher shops in Surrey. What a man. oh right this is all and he's not my most mental relative he's your most mental relative my mum's cousin oh that's my mum ringing me now obviously she knows we're talking about him my mum's my mum had a cousin who committed a mass murder in America went to the house he grew up in shot the family that lived there and the dogs no way she messaged me recently she went here's a true crime podcast about my cousin wow yeah fucking hell right time for the final I should be on who do you think you are?

1:04:15That would have also been a great truth or lie. I forgot about that. It's hard because he goes, can you tell me? You're like, yeah, shit, let me just think of some stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Right, the last one. So this is all to play for, isn't it? This is all to play for. This is 4-4. Matt's given you the biggest test so far, I think. Yeah. I've really enjoyed it as well, lads. It's been really fun. You've been a real test of my abilities. You've been really good. This is the last one. I once bought 50 baby bells from Elton John I think it's a lie because it doesn't know how to say baby bell it is weird written down though because it's only got one L in it what was the circumstances here?

1:04:55it was for a consumer rights show I did on E4 did you say for Elton John? no from Elton John why did Elton have 50 baby bells? so it wasn't, it's kind of like the way it is it was for someone who worked for Elton John's like foundation or whatever like all his business we were trying to buy weird things from businesses to prove that like money laundering was easy and proving stuff like that so we were ringing up businesses trying to sell them to sell us fake things to prove that money laundering is easy in like barber shops and stuff so elton john's business agreed to pretend yeah his management company rocket man management that manages artists we were trying to go oh we want to do this with you and buy some merch or whatever but can you put it down as baby bells on the invoice like the point was we were trying to how easy it is to convince businesses to participate in something they don't know about is that not illegal yeah but because it was like a consumer rights thing and the police were consultants on the show like it was a an awareness thing i did what was the show it was called money talks and it was an e4 thing and it was all about like you know digital money and um money laundering crime and cash stuff like that it was three episodes so did you meet elton john no because this was on the phone we did all this right have you ever met elton john I love to meet Elton John but I do love a baby bell okay he said that he just put it in again just to go I can say it okay okay I also love bells you know you can get the big ones have you ever seen those where you get normal sized baby bells you get big ones never seen a big one what are they just called bells well yeah they're like these giant cheeses like wrapped in all the stuff they're like a giant baby you can't call it big bell can you can't call it no hi I'm interested in buying 50 big bells from Elton John ooh yeah it was basically about how criminals can confuse people into doing something that benefits them but not the company and then they're liable for stuff.

1:06:38Yeah, would they not have got in trouble for this or because it was all within the show? So basically someone at Rocketman Productions owned a share in the production company so the head knew about it. Okay. But the person I was dealing with didn't know about it. And I got sacked because of you. They got sacked because of me. So what's the thing you're trying to show up? You're trying to get a company to sell you something that isn't real and then you kind of are sending the money. I don't know, it was all very complicated I wasn't the money expert. I was just the guy doing the prank things. Does everybody understand what you just said about that thing?

1:07:09Exactly, and that's why you're vulnerable. You would be a perfect target for these criminals. Okay. So could you explain it one more time? No. Tom. So we were saying, we want to buy some merch or something from you. They're like, yeah, yeah, that's fine. We'll send you an invoice for, you know, and we'll send you an invoice. So we'll buy merch. Yeah. And then, like, we get an invoice. You get an invoice from... We get an invoice from them. Yeah. And they were like, but you need to not make it out for the merch. You just say it's Baby Bells. It's Baby Bells. And we're just picking random things to make it out to.

1:07:42Why would they agree to that? That's the point is, you're trying to get companies to like, Ben, you just go, yeah, we'll do it just because it's easier just to get this person done and sell you the money. They just want the money. And then you use the merch and then you claim you've oversold it on eBay for like thousands when we bought it for a few quid. And that's how you can claim you've got this money. It was part of a process of getting money. What was the TV show called? It was called Money Talks. I like that. What you've done there. See if he forgot that. I believe the TV show. Well, you think...

1:08:10He just said he wouldn't sprinkle in truths with a lie. No, but I don't think that's doing that. It's not the spirit of the game. I think he's... The TV show's real. It's the last one, though, so, you know, fucking... Yeah, everything's out the window. So you're thinking this is a lie. Well, I don't know, Stevie. I'm just pussy bitch. I was heavily on the lie at the start, but he's given us so much information about this TV show. and I don't know how any of that would come to his head. Angelica Bell and I did it together, and she was in the office, like, with people, working out what happened after I'd gone through to them.

1:08:42TV show's real. I'm not disputing the TV show. I just don't think he knows a lot about this scam. I still don't. I wasn't the person to know. I also think as a presenter of a show like that, he doesn't need to. There was a money expert on it, some guy who worked for, like, a bank and then worked in fraud that dealt with all that. How much would you say you know about urban legends? he never fucking listens to a thing you say so does Matt need to know all that shit he's just there to be the face of it should really though Matt's more professional than us though yeah but then like look they've obviously got budgetary problems if they're hiring me you've got 64 grand for a fucking tennis thing there you're overcharging that's clearly fraud so let's get him in on that it says on the invoice hang on it says baby bells it was for Stella oh Stevie what are you going for you're a lie aren't you pussy bitches are a lie I couldn't be certain I was going to say true but I don't think Robbie's got one wrong I have got one wrong okay fine this one I've got mostly I'm mostly correct he's trying to make me go first I don't care I've got fucking 50 baby bells at home yeah let's just call it a draw I'm going to say true Stevie said true Matt, did you once buy 50 Baby Bells from Elton John?

1:10:03No, Money Talk isn't a real show. I've never worked with Angelica Bell. The only thing I think that's true is Elton John's record label is called Rocket Man. That's the only thing I think I've picked out of somewhere. Also, Angelica Bell is the same as just Baby Bell.

1:10:24That's where my brains got her from, isn't it? Oh my God, that's generational. it's a 5-4 loss first person to beat Stevie at Would You Lie to Me great work though that was really fun really good work I was really floundering on that last one I'm not going to lie you saw straight through that do you know how good you were at that right that last one I wrote that lie and I was thinking Matt's not playing it in the spirit of the game because he's talking about a real show he's done with Angelica Belt it was all fictional that's brilliant that is actually incredible how do you feel Stevie? I feel a worthy winner yeah lie I can't true that is true with that ability to lie I can see why your girlfriend didn't trust you she didn't exist I've never been out with anyone with that name Matt where can people see your stuff I'm sure they all know who you are now TikTok Matt Richardson 3 same on all the social medias and Matt Richardson Comedy on YouTube I'm going to be putting a special up soon oh let us know and we'll share that all over our socials Matt you're a legend we love you this has been Jackmates Happy Hour Podcast with me Jackmates Stevie White Matt Richardson and Pussy Bitch yeah see you in a bit Oh, generational.

1:11:28Well done, mate. Mate, I loved that. That was so much fun, guys. You were great, Adam. I loved doing this. That was really good. It's really funny because, like, online people go, what's it like? Even when I did it last, people going, what's it like doing that podcast? It looks like the most fun ever. I'm like, it is the most fun. Oh, bless you.

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