652 - 'Would You Lie To Me?' with Special Guest DANIEL SLOSS!

0:00Yes guys, welcome back to another guest episode. One of my favourite little sub-series that we do here. It's that game show, Stephen. It's called... Would I Lie to You? Would You Lie to Me? You idiot. I don't want to get sued. We're getting sued now. It's called Would You Lie to Me? And we bring back some of our favourite guests from years gone by on Happy Hour and we get them in the studio and play Would You Lie to Me? And this is our biggest ever gap between guests, I think. Yeah, the guest today was maybe in our first 20 ever. Yeah, I think 2019 we had this man on. It's Daniel Sloss, the Scottish comedian, the very funny, the very dry, the very honest Scottish comedian, Daniel Sloss.

0:42We don't only play the game though. Before we get into that, he tells us all about his new love for Ark Raiders. And his new love for his children. Mainly Ark Raiders. Not his new love. I think he's always had love for his children, but it's mainly Ark Raiders. It's Ark Raiders. and Would You Lie to Me with Daniel Sloss.

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2:33Tonight, we feast. An offer you can feast on. Sell your car today on Carvana. Pick up fees, may I buy. Hello, guys, and welcome back to Jackmates Happy Hour podcast. Now, we've got a full house here today. We've got Robbie Knox in a lovely jumper. Thank you, my mum. did your mom did that yeah i was gonna say because it does i i used to knit and it's yeah yeah me and my friend got into a very one night on a lot of cocaine we were like at new year we were like we should try and beat each other at something this year yeah but it's got to be something neither of us had done before so we got into knitting is it hard it's very hard yeah yeah yeah but like the goal was for like the end of the year to knit each other a christmas sweater and his was unbelievable Like he knitted an image into it, which he had to like work out the pattern using like Microsoft Excel and stuff.

3:21It was just a shitty cream one that looks a bit like the Grinch. Can you still do it now? I reckon nothing is, nothing is wonderful as what your mother has done. But like. Is your mum on cocaine? I think so, yeah. She normally is. Yeah, yeah. She does it really fast. She's fucking pegging them out. If I had to picture two guys sat in a room together doing cocaine, knitting is the last thing that would have come out of that. Well, so it was like literally the next day we had like a train to Manchester and like we'd watched a bunch of YouTube videos that I had before trying to fucking get it. We bought our wool and we're doing it on a train and we sit down and this like fucking big old Manchester pensioner looks over at us.

3:57She was like, never in my fucking life did I think I would see two hungover like people in their trains. Nick, what are you doing? So like we told her exactly what happened and she found the funniest thing in the world and she sat with us on that entire train journey just fucking teaching us how to... Because the YouTube videos were too fast for dumb men, right? Netting tutorials on YouTube. They're like, you do this, you do this. I'm like, I need you to do it. Like, this goes here, and then this goes here. Because I'm a dumb man. You need to explain it to me incrementally. And we couldn't do it.

4:28And then we're just this fucking angel in disguise. Sat with us for four. She was buzzing, man. I don't think she ever expected us to teach knitting. She found our calling. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We were just drinking tinnies and wine. She was like, this is great. It's Daniel Sluss, by the way. Dan, we just want to say, mate, thanks for coming back on. You were one of our first ever guests we ever had on the show. Yeah, that was a long time ago. 27th of May, 2019, so almost seven years ago. We'd only been going six months at the time. Yeah, Dan was episode number 35. And this one is likely to be around 650.

5:03Fucking hell. That's too many episodes. It fills it. Yeah, we run out of stuff to say a long time ago. That's why we just keep copying other formats. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Today we are doing... I'm recycling your guests. Has anything new happened? Well, you say that. Your life's pretty fucking different now, isn't it? Yes, yeah, yeah. You've been married. You got married. Been married, made it sound like... Still married, yes. Love of my life. And two children. Yes, boy and a girl. Wow, congrats. Is that the thing people say, congrats? I'm very... What? No, because I'm still very much like... What do you think?

5:37Oh, sorry, mate. My life is not... I'm still fucking hungover. so like what do you i'm trying to be i'm still hung over you'll be you'll be hung over as a dad um yeah man it's the best but like i was it i feel like it's different but i wanted to be a dad forever yeah yeah yeah yeah so it's everything i dreamed of and more like i i found the sacrifices a lot easier to make because i was because i've been thinking about them for 10 years i meet some parents the way they talk about their fucking kids it's like did you not do any research on what children want oh we literally we did an episode with a youtuber one of our mates called Danny Aaron's recently and he said that having a kid was like originally like the worst thing that ever happened to him.

6:13And there's just dumb people being like, well, I'm not getting any sleep. And you're like, yeah, famously. Yeah. Like you, you, you, you didn't read our book. Like you didn't speak to any other, you didn't speak to your parents, what you were like as a fucking baby. Like me and my wife went in with like, like being like, this is going to be a slog. This is going to be hard. This is going to be challenging. And then it was a fucking breeze and we loved it. Was it really? We had good babies. We had really good babies. they slept pretty fucking good straight also my wife chose to uh chose to and succeeded with breastfeeding right and that's a fucking what a dream that is because if they don't right which for there's a number of reasons why you wouldn't breastfeed obviously as a dad you're trying to get to 50 50 your job is like baby's crying in the middle of the night you wake up you go down you heat the milk up you start together none of that because i'm in bed baby wakes up crying this is right there this is right fucking there i can't i can't help i'd love to help you know i'll feed it into the mouth but no my wife was just able to just take the baby on so and then you know baby just fucking falls asleep put it back in the crib we they were tough nights of course yeah we you know yeah we loved it how old are your kids now uh boys four a girl is 18 months 18 months okay so that that's the hard part over now yeah like the worst bit is obviously the worst bit for the women is obviously the pregnancy and childbirth childbirth does not look fun it's a real fucking design flaw that's what you realize when you're in the room you're like fucking this this is proof that there is no god because like if there's there is a god that's not i don't know like how upset you were that eve ate a fucking apple but like your revenge your your sick twisted revenge for this one woman 3000 years ago is to make sure make all women push a human being out the smallest hole of their fucking body you insane you can't you sadistic um uh so that sucks childbirth sucks obviously and then like women have a sort of my wife my wife doesn't remember the trauma of childbirth because they have a chemical in their brain that like once they give birth, their brain was like, if women remembered childbirth fully, none of them would give birth again.

8:12I have thought that before. I've seen that really shitty argument that idiots use online where it's like, what's more painful, childbirth or getting kicked in the balls? And everyone goes, well, no one chooses to get kicked in the balls again. But what were you saying about the chemical? There's a chemical dumping. And sometimes women don't get this chemical dumping. They get a chemical dumping in the rain that basically erases and sort of reduces the trauma of the last however many hours. And when women don't get that, which is common, that's what PTSD is. That's like postpartum depression. That's where that comes from.

8:40It's like they're just remembering all. And obviously, like my wife, both times, I see her screaming, going through this pain, getting through it. I'm there. You know, as a man, as a father, during childbirth, you're the most impotent person in the world. There's nothing. You're the most useless person in the fucking room. Yeah, what do you do? Because your wife is there doing an unfathomable feat of strength. Yeah. and I encourage. And then there's these midwives who know everything that's going on and they're talking her through shit. And you're just there like this big dumb cunt. I'm proud of you.

9:14You're the best. And she's like, shut the fuck up. I'm like, I thought I should shut up. I feel like I felt like talking would be the wrong thing to do. And then they say, do you want to cut the cord? You're like, I'll give you that. No, no, Josh, you're the fucking doctor. What are you talking about? No, you do all of it. I don't want to do any of you. Do you want to come down and see? No. I want to stay up here with the love of my life and be like, this is terrifying that you're doing this. And then the baby comes out and yeah, she just completely, she was sitting there, she was like, that was so easy.

9:41And I'm like, I was with you. None of that was fucking easy. That was all, you hated all of that. He's like, no, don't be silly. It's like this instant fucking thing. And then it's like, obviously you're never allowed to complain about it as the dad because obviously women do all of it. But like, when I talk to other dads, it's we remember the war. Like you speak to other, like when mothers will rightfully be like, oh, fuck it. He's still traumatized from the birth. You're like, yeah, fuck. I don't have that chemical dump. I remember. You have this self-preservation thing in your brain that makes you forget.

10:14Whereas I just remember every second of them. It's terrifying. My wife lost a liter and a half of blood in seven minutes during childbirth. They take my son out. They cut the cord. They hand it to me. And they're like, hey, this isn't nothing to worry about. We just have to take her through to the other room immediately. And I'm like, aye. Fuck off out of this room. and just for 90 minutes, I'm just sat in a room with my son. Just feeling like, fucking. Wow. Is this, am I a widow? Is that what's happening? They come in and they give you toast. They're like, is everything okay? And I'm like, you tell me.

10:47Where's my wife? What's going on? Fucking hell. Was that your first kid? Yeah, yeah. And then my wife comes back in, drugged up to the fucking eyeball. She's like, where's that baby? This is a great day. This is an awful day. How did you feel going into the second one then? Remembering all of that? So like my wife rightfully making fun of me and laughing at me the whole time because like I was so much more, I was so much more nervous because like, you know, again, I know there's nothing I can do. The most, the best thing I can do is to be a present husband, right? Is to just, and to like feed off of her vibes.

11:19There'll be times when she wants me beside her, encouraging her, saying stuff. And then I got realized that when she tells me to fuck off, that just means fuck off. Like you can't take it personally. with the second one there was four hours where i was playing red dead redemption 2 on my steam deck and she was watching the olympics and because there was just like a really boring four hours and obviously before people get angry i was like can i play my game she was like yeah nothing's happening right and then um and then they well she got the she got the fucking epidural which sucks to get like it's mental that like is that the needle in the spot yeah so it's a painkiller and in order to get the painkiller they do it in the most painful way like it'd be like hey before we give you a vasectomy we're gonna numb the area but the way we're gonna numb the area is we're just gonna fucking punch it until it doesn't feel anymore and like that's the that's the medicine like oh we know childbirth sucks we know it's the worst pain in the world so what we've done is we've invented the second most painful thing in the fucking world do you want that ladies um it's a real fucked system um and then like with my second kid they woke us up for like for my daughter's birth like it got to like two in the morning my wife's contractions were miles apart and she looked at me she was like just close your eyes if you can get any sleep just get who knows how long this whole thing and then my wife fell asleep but apparently three hours later the midwife came in at the tap my wife was like cara the head is there and my wife was like oh should probably wake him up then.

12:46So I like wake up, they're like the heads there and I'm like, oh, okay. So we got like another fucking two hours. I'll probably like sneak a coffee at some point. Nine minutes later, I was holding my daughter. Fuck. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And same thing again, my fucking wife who's just gone through this war, this battle with her fucking body, just this chemical dump in her brain. She's like, I think I was easier than last time. I'm like, well, you lost less blood, but we were like, we've been in here for 16 hours. Like they had to numb the entire bottom half of your fucking body wow she said with the with the epidural she was like genuinely could not feel i think like it was literally like she knew when she was pushing yeah when she was contracting the muscles but in terms of like the page she was like that fucking thing fucking fell out and i was down there i can show you did not fall out that was a lot of fucking pushing wow wow you you delivered to your kitty, didn't you?

13:40Not intentionally. It just came really quickly. Fuck, what about? Well, we just got new carpet, so we put my wife in the upstairs bathroom. Yeah, of course. So we didn't make a mess. But we'd been given a couple of different car seats by friends in our first one. So, and I put them in the shed. We better go to the hospital because it seems to be going along quite quickly because they tell you not to go at first, don't they? You've got to wait for certain minutes. So I was in the shed going, oh, I wonder which one of these to get. that one's a bit cleaner but that one's got better safety features and then I'll go for this one I went back in my wife's going Robbie Robbie and running up the stage the baby's here there's a head sticking out died 999 and before the guy answered the phone this baby just popped out and called to it just delivered a baby but then for my wife she's got the problem is that everyone's going to me going oh it's amazing you delivered a baby like she had the baby I will be taking the blood yeah she gave birth to her own fucking hell that's wild did you have to so when you were holding Kitty did you have to cut the no they said three times on the phone do not cut the umbilical cord I don't know what bloke in the past has just got his Stanley knife out I know what you're going to say next he's fucking did it with his teeth just barely get the dog in did you now Dan we always start with the same question when you first came on we didn't have this question I think we spoke about meal deals or something you don't remember you think you did that was all you said about the first we want you to imagine a place called the Happy Hour Hall of Fame you could submit any item into that place something that means something to you can be a place a person a feeling a thing what would you like to put in i'll just put in something i'm hyped about right now go on just uh just in the moment obviously i hope i don't have to caveat this with my aunts would obviously be my wife and my children but uh when my wife and children go to sleep um i'm never more excited for that moment because it means i can finally log back onto arc raiders and go top site um arc raiders is this computer game has come out i've not been this addicted to a game since i was i don't know like 15 16 years old with like halo 2 or odst like i love my wife spending time with her and getting to know her is some of the most fulfilling moments i have as a husband the second of her head i'm like here we go do you know are you familiar with this i've not played it i've seen it though how many hours are you putting into it and this is as a father this is as like a full-time Present father.

16:02Present father, loves his kids, makes his sacrifices. In the space of two months I've sunk, I would say, no less than 48 hours. And that's me going from, I'm never doing it during the day. Of course I'm not doing it during the day. I'm doing it from any time from fucking 8pm to like two in the morning. And like really making deals with myself about like how much better of a father I need to be the next day. I'll be there like half past one being like, we'll go topside one more time. you'll get into bed call it quarter to two we'll brush our teeth in the morning it's fine let's and then the kids are going to wake up at half six and I'm going to have like a fucking caffeine drink beside the bed so that there's no me waking up grumpy or whatever because I can't I can't let these bad decisions are made like I could go to bed at 10pm what is the game what's the premise then the premise of the game right is it's 30 minute fucking rounds you either choose to go in with gear that you already have you go to the surface of a fucking planet there's a bunch of big robots called the ark there you're trying to kill them for the bits you're trying to loot buildings any gear that you get while you're topside you have to extract with that gear you have to get to a hatch and get out and if you get killed in the round any of your gear on you is completely lost right so sometimes you'll come in with like lots of guards you're going with your best stuff and you'll get fucked up and you'll be like i just lost fucking everything and then sometimes you'll go in with nothing and you'll loot so much stuff from either robots or other players and you'll leave massively in profit but it's like this big social experiment because it's all close comms and it's all like trust so it's like you'll be in a game and you'll see someone over there and you're like hey man are you friendly they'll be like yeah i'm friendly and you'll both have your guys and you're like well fucking i don't know how friendly are you like and like you can have anywhere from people who specifically go around the game resurrecting players bringing like helping them get out safely Why are they doing that?

17:53Just because they're good people. Okay. Just because this is a social experiment. And also we are all everything. I have had games where I will go in and like be very, I'll see somebody, some newbie taking down a big bit of arc. I'll help. I'll not want any of the little more. You guys have that. That's fine. And then there's other days when I'll be a extract with someone and there'll be a tingling in the back of my head. Like the voice of Gollum being like, he's got good look. He's got good look. Like fucking, I'd want to, Like it really like, it shows you who your true guy is. I've done some really fucked up things in this game.

18:25Really fucked up things. Like I once got to Extract and there was like a fucking guy there that had been taken down by Ark. But he was fine. He was just waiting for the train to come. He was going to crawl out and be safe. I run down. I kill the Ark that kills him. I'm like, hey man, I got your back. I'll cover you. Some other guy comes down the stairs, starts trying to fucking shoot him. I shoot that guy, finish him off. The guy behind me is just spamming like, thank you, thank you. I'm like, no worries, buddy, no worries, buddy. I get on the train. I'm like, come on, but I'll get us out here.

18:52And he doesn't crawl in. I'm like, hey, man, I've had your back. Come on, you're in. And he just fucking hesitates. And that hesitation, I was like, he's got something unbelievable on him. The fact that he's not immediately come to me with trust means that he thinks I'm a rat. And I fucking beat him to death with a hammer. Oh, my word. Did he have something good? So much stuff. So much stuff. Yeah, man, he had so many blueprints on him. and like a bunch of stuff I needed. And the whole time I was like, buddy, I'm not sorry for this. I've said some really, like if my wife heard the things I've said to people who've done the same to me, like the amount of times I've been ratted, right?

19:30Where like somebody, it's part of the fucking game. I extract with someone right at the end, they fucking shoot me in the back. I'm like, fuck, I mean, I was going to do that. So fair enough, you can't get too angry. I've said, and I regret this deeply and I understand how inappropriate this is. I caught myself saying this and the screen went blank because I just died and I saw my own reflection after I said these words. But in speaking to this guy for 20 minutes, I helped him take down a fucking bastion. I let him leave with all the fucking bastion cells. We extracted her together. He shoots me in the back of the head.

19:57And I said, hey, father to father, I hope your kid dies. Oh my. And then the screen went black and I saw my reflection. And I was like, I should probably not play this game for a couple of days. I'm trying to bend down. I think I'll just report myself. i've seen see i've seen clips of this yeah it seems to be everywhere and i just i don't know how you get how do you play how do you get it well you have to start playing it yeah you play fortnight it's on playstations xboxes yeah he's sold it well hasn't he yeah download it give yourself fucking three and also like you'll end up in friendly lobbies at the start right most people in this game are fucking good and it's like if you're friendly most of the time yeah it'll put you into fucking friendlier lobbies.

20:43But there's only one way to get into PvP lobbies, and that's to start fucking killing guys. Yeah. Does your voice get recognised? Have you ever had it when you're speaking? No. How famous do you think I am? You've got a fairly known voice. That's what I worry about. Take us the tour. Morgan Freeman over it. Yeah, no. No fucking voice. yeah I mean no I've never been recognised in an online game I just worry about it on Rocket League people because my name is just my name yeah you were spotting me with my name Stevie Little White it's just my name on there but last night someone wrote Jackmate to me on Rocket League when I was playing they just type in the chat and Rocket League's known to be really toxic and then he was just being really mean to me afterwards kept telling me I was rubbish that's really mean That's why I'm not willing to do any of this.

21:42Like everyone who plays this game, there's this understanding which is like, look, when you hurt my emotions, it's gonna be five seconds. Where like I'm not expecting a betrayal. And I get a betrayal, of course I'm gonna say horrific things during that time. And there's just like this real standard understanding amongst gamers where it's like, look, you know, don't, you know, don't hold what I say against me in my worst moments against me for life. It's like you're venting, you're letting it out. It does sound really good. It's the best game in the world. Move on from Fortnite. Yeah. No, I can never move on from Fortnite.

22:12I'm 33 now and I'm still bashing out. Do you play Fortnite? I used to back in the day. I loved Fortnite for a fucking bit, but this scratches an itch. Does it? The way that Fortnite never fucking did. What is the actual premise then? Do you level up? Yeah, you level up, you build up your benches. So obviously you're going in, if you want to go in with better gear, instead of starting with the shittiest weapons, you can build guns on the outside to take in. and in order to build better guns you need to have better benches and in order to get better benches you got to kill certain robots in there to get their parts so sometimes you're with your friends you're like we're going to go in with like big fucking i'm going to spend like a hundred thousand i'm going to pimp out my phone i'm going to and then you get fucked up instantly and they're gone forever then are they gone forever and it's it's gambling it's like this the man the feeling of the feeling of extracting with like heaps of stuff like when you're with two of your boys you're playing fucking trios and like you've ratted another you stabbed a group in the back you took all of their fucking gear you took down something big you've got a bunch of blueprints you've got a bunch of stuff that you fucking and you get to extract and you get out fucking man it's like leaving the casino a millionaire it's the fucking best what's it like on the other end of it though when you're leaving and you've lost everything oh and yeah man i've look i've said if you think what i say to strangers online is horrific it doesn't compare what i tell my friends who've let me down mid-game.

23:33One of my friends, he isn't even overweight, but we just make fun of him for being overweight. He's not at all. It's just, you know, we just want to be toxic to him. I told him that I was going to slit his throat and drink the chocolate milkshake out of his esophagus because he caused us to lose a game. Well, that is one of the best answers we've ever had to a Hall of Fame. Now, Dan. gray roots entering the chat uninvited garnier's got you garnier color sensation root retouch covers up to 100 of grays in just 10 minutes no ammonia no mess and the color lasts up to four weeks it's as easy to apply as shampoo plus it's vegan and cruelty free 10 minutes sensational color sensational price with those savings your next girl's night is basically free find your perfect match at walmart.com or at a store near you Sierra has all the best active and outdoor brands for the super athletic stuff, like running gear for cruising up the trail.

24:33Woo! And the super athletic-ish stuff, like fishing gear for chilling by the creek. Nice cast. Fitness apparel to push for higher reps. You got this! And golf balls priced so you can afford to lose one. Or a few. Head to Sierra or Sierra.com for the brands you want at the prices that let you do it all. From athletic to athletic-ish, Sierra's got it. Propel Fitness Water. With Gatorade electrolytes, zero sugar, and vitamins, Propel hydrates better than water to help you get the most out of your workout and get back to your best self. What propels you? Propel with Gatorade electrolytes. We are playing today a game of Would You Lie to Me?

25:14It's a never-before-seen concept, bulletproof. So you're going to be playing against Stevie, ultimately. you're going to have nine statements nine prompts some of them will be true some of them will be lie and you have to convince Stevie of the opposite way if that makes sense now how many times have you been beaten Stevie? so I've got the so far you've played example Max Fosh Alex Zane Andy Goldstein Danny Aarons and Matt Richardson now six episodes how many times have you been beaten? we need to double check this really but we're pretty sure it's only Matt Richardson so far so the only comedian on the list yeah yeah yeah so that might mean today how good are you a good liar?

25:50I don't think so. I think for a while I thought I was better than I was, but my wife tells me that I have such resting bitch face. And she's like, if you hate someone, you don't even have to tell me. I'm no one from the way you look at them. So maybe I'm not as good at lying as I thought I was. But this could all be part of it. And Robbie is like, how do we say it? Countdown, you've got Susie Dent in the corner. And she adds a little bit of flair. I don't think I'm going to be like, I'm not about that. you've got the nitted job you're here to ultimately help Stevie but Stevie has the ultimate decision we were calling you little bitch or pussy bitch pussy bitch I'm his pussy bitch so sometimes I'll refer to pussy bitch if I need help cross interrogation are we ready to go then yeah I am worried now as I'm going to be asking Daniel questions that I might just be thinking he hates me I just said yes straight away so that's good you'll never know Right, so the first one is, if you can just read that please.

26:51Oh yeah, I helped set up the Floyd Mayweather Conor McGregor fight. Wow, wow. It's a strong start. Okay, yeah, where do we begin with that? How has this come across your desk? It's more like what part of the dominoes I set off. Okay. I was a big Conor McGregor fan back before all of the rapes. it's the right time to support him yeah yeah yeah look i before back when he was just a fucking like you know uh 20 year old who was knocking cunts out left right yeah talking a lot of shit i really liked that part of his career and then he became who he is now and i've not been a fan of him since then uh because i think he's a despicable human being um back in the hype fucking days i would watch all of his ufc fights um whenever i was over doing uh the conan ebrian show in america the booker of that show is one of my good friends and i would take him to ufc fights just to watch in bars and stuff all the time yeah and i would talk about how excited i was by the prospect of conan mcgregor just knocking everyone out left right and center and then i think it was before the chad mendez fight the booker from conan was like the UFC have asked if Conor McGregor will be on the Conan show do you think he would be good on the Conan show and I was like a hundred percent he's funny as fucking interviews you tell him not to swear he'll be fine you know he's manning for the camera and I was like okay a week later I wake up from my house I've got a phone call from uh I've got a voicemail from my friend who books Conan I answer it it's a voicemail from Conor McGregor thanking me for getting him on the Conan show and saying he's heard you know heard of my stuff he's heard of my big fan he hopes to meet one day that episode uh of coding is where he made fun of floyd mayweather for the first time started calling out talking shit floyd mayweather later said in an interview that was when he when he heard mcgregor saying all that shit about him that's when he mentally agreed to the fucking fight okay okay can i just say like i know if this is a truth or a lie and if this is a lie that is the best yeah that's incredible i mean that's i yeah just so much although he's now got in my head a bit you can't you can't pay attention to jack i'm the little minx here i was straight away well that's got to be true because that's the most convincing story i've ever heard yeah because the first sentence obviously isn't exactly that but you have created the beast essentially there then sometimes sometimes the lies are within other truths yeah but that's a little bit shittier yeah you can't it can't be too much there like it's just see my what was he doing when when was the mcgregor mayweather fight 18 no no no it was pre i hadn't done fucking netflix at this point fuck it might have been 2016 wow it was that long ago yeah okay so yeah that was pre it was a long current mcgregor fuck see normally i'd be able to ask more questions You're just giving me so much information there.

29:52It's just, if that's a lie, then I'm never going to trust another word you say. Bear in mind, there's also some important context to this either truth or lie. Back in my 20s, I was doing fucking heaps of cocaine, so I've learned to make up lies. You don't have any idea how many asses I've got. Would I just talk shit up? I believe you, because you ended up knitting jumpers. Have you got anything to add to that? I don't know if we can. I just think it's a very, very convincing story. It seems quite believable. It's not so much that he's gone, oh, I've tried out my hand at promoting. It's believable.

30:31You've put McGregor in a situation which caused him to talk shit, which led on to a massive fight. I think the only option is either that it's a lie within a truth or it's just completely true. I will say now, none of these are half truths. That is probably true. Yeah, true. We'll say true. Dan, is it true? Did you help set up the Conor McGregor fight? Well, I claim that I did. I think if I was to approach either McGregor or Mayweather with lawyers and be like, I believe you, I'm entitled to a cut. I think they would successfully sue me. That's a great story. And then also probably beat me up, rightfully.

31:07So Conor sent you a voice note, did he? He sent me a voice note, which obviously now, you know, I don't have to fucking delete that. There's no flex anymore, is there? Yeah, no, it sucks when your fucking humor is trying to be shit people. It's great, though. Right, okay, next one. See, yeah, because I thought the way you reeled that off was so good. I thought you might think it was a lie. Well, the only issue you've now given yourself is you've reeled off a truth so easily and well that if you now get a lie that you're stumbling over, but now he could double-blah and stumble over the next truth.

31:39And I also thought maybe comedians are better at the lies because they can take like a small thing that's happened to them and flesh it out for a bit in the story. But we'll see. This is the next one. Okay. I've performed on the pyramid stage at Glassbury with the band Biffy Clarnall. Okay, what year was this? Still back in my drug-taking year, so Jesus, anywhere between 2013 and 2017. Okay, and when we say performed? I mean, I was on stage with them. And like, I mean, you know, miming. At no point did they hand me the microphone to sing along with the songs. And also, like, I think when I walked out and there was such a little reaction, I think they were more happy to have me in the background.

32:20And we've laughed about that since because one of them is a big fan and was like, do you want to come on there? You know, because I was at Glassman performing, so they got comedy, that's there. Had you met Biffy Clara before that day? No, I'd only been, well, I'd been speaking to them on Twitter back in the day and X and stuff, because I think they'd seen me, I don't know, on some fucking Scottish thing. background they're Scottish yes yeah they are okay there's a link so that's good so would Jack have come up with that link I don't know do you see I think that would be I don't believe you I reckon I'm not playing the game mate yeah but you are in a way you are in a way we shouldn't say that though we've also got the album where the album cover is the jigsaw piece on the side of their thing and one of my most successful specials is jigsaw so you're saying you also helped them on that album well even though that album came out when I was 14 years old and I hadn't done stand-ups.

33:15I think my talent just is generational and I think they sort of got vibes from that. Okay so how did it come about that he's asked you to come up on stage? I messaged him being like Ewing Glassbury he went you were in the pyramid stage and I was like well I'm obviously doing a smaller stage and he was like do you want to change that and then it was just sort of like you know he was bluffing me out until i was like i'll come on i'll not sing because i you know i can't fucking sing um and i'll obviously not do any jokes because i can't imagine but he was like if we've got lots of scottish fans there surely if we like have other scottish people come out and we celebrate in this moment this will be exciting and when we go there there was nobody cared there was cheering but they were already cheering uh it's still on iplayer oh Oh, ooh.