656 - Exposing Our ICKS To BambinoBecky!

22:45I was like, the whole day, try not to die. What were you? But no, she didn't mean anything by it.

22:54Jaack Maate:How did you choose who got which room? Because that's always a contentious issue. Yeah, I know it is. It was just who wanted to pay what? Oh, really? You pay more for the bet? Hierarchy in the flat. But then how do you work out the splits? I'm really getting into it that way. So how much you pay? What's the address? No, so from where the girls were before, they were like, I'd rather pay this much. I'm like, well, that makes sense. If that room's a little bit bigger, I'll pay a bit more. And that's it. Who's got the best room? Me. Yeah, I know, but I shouldn't. It's got the XIX deal. Who's got the worst room?

23:28Eilish. We call it the Goo Goo Gaga room. Goo Goo Gaga. The baby. It's a small. Do you know what? She's made it look stunning though. I don't know why I said it like that. But she, yeah, she's got a small room. But she, you know, the living space is lovely. So she's in there all the time. What was the thought process behind, or was it for a content house? Or was it just like, we're all friends? It feels like a weird group. It's such a weird group. Basically, we were all just sat in the pub and I said, oh, I'm sick of living on my own. Because have I told you my two-year plan that didn't quite work?

24:00No, what was that? So I moved in on my own. And I thought, in a year now, I'll find a husband. And then I won't have to pay such£15 million a month for rent. Didn't happen. Thought, try another year. Didn't happen again. So I said, I need to move in with people. And they said, my contract's run out. Yours has run out too. New year, Stunt Peg walks in. She goes, I'd like to live with you guys. I said, do you? And there we were. I painted a picture there. It was good, didn't I?

24:30Jaack Maate:Yeah, I felt like I was there. Yeah, you were there. So Stump Peg was the last one through the door. She was, yeah. I'm sure, no, it's lovely. You should, all four of you should do a podcast. No. Oh. Never think about it. We'll think about it. That's on the cards, isn't it? I think the idea of us sat on the balcony, just debriefing what's been happening in the flat because there's something every day. Yeah. It would just be fun. So, yeah. That would be good. It's like a nice informal one. Have you got a name for it yet? Yeah. Oh, so this is a thing. See, I'm always thinking, cogs turning You are, you're always a content game, are you?

25:03Jaack Maate:Yeah, what are you calling it? Can't tell you yet I don't know, when's this out? Probably about four months Nah, soon, because we honestly need women on Need women, oh, I love women Yeah, how many women you've had women on lately? Nah, people Not since Sophie Lloyd She's good, isn't she? People are kicking off now People are kicking off, so I got on the blow to you Becky Oh, yeah, no, first things Me again Are you still a girl? People don't realise that we're getting rejected by women. It's not through them so many DMs. Women don't want to come on the wank pod. We call this the virgin table and we call ourselves the foreskin.

25:42Jaack Maate:So I'm like, hi, I want to come on. No. Who could you ask? You're the best we can get. Oh, get Aayla, Sean. Do you like Lord of the Rings? What? Lord of the Rings. What's that got to do with her? She does loads of Lord of the Rings stuff. She knows everything about it. So you could just ask her about that. And she's got a dog. why didn't you say yeah she's good right who else do we like not making a great case for women at the minute no what else we did just have Bevo on the case no time for her and our Lord of the Rings knowledge this guy's swallowing potatoes he was respectful towards women he was actually not his mum we need a female that is do you know what it is tough now I'm actually sat here thinking about it it's not you haven't got to think of a female you've got to think of a female who's willing to sit in a room with us who's going to fit this fucking stupid humour well Stumpbeg she's been on she's been on yeah Oh, fuming now.

26:32We've exhausted our options. Yeah. L's? You've had L's on? Yeah, it should be none. Been on.

26:38Jaack Maate:Propel Fitness Water. With Gatorade electrolytes, zero sugar and vitamins, Propel hydrates better than water to help you get the most out of your workout and get back to your best self. What propels you? Propel with Gatorade electrolytes. Fall has never looked or tasted this good. Sweet Green's fall harvest menu is back with seasonal favorites dressed to impress and made to be devoured. Warm roasted sweet potatoes, crisp apples, maple glazed Brussels and crave worthy flavors in the autumn harvest bowl, maple glazed salmon plate and roasted bacon Brussels side. The season's most desirable menu has returned to Sweet Green featuring fall's best dressed.

27:20Jaack Maate:Make your move. Order on the Sweet Green app. This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro plans. You been up to anything else? charity match darts are like the darts now Jack you're well into the darts yeah I just think it's a perfect sport yeah because it is a sport what did you say earlier?

28:07game we had someone earlier say it was game but I just think they're such likeable characters they're hilarious

28:13Jaack Maate:who's your favourite darts players? pick two my favourite is Johnny Clayton just because he oh hello I've never met him I really are it's just so nice is Gezi your second are you just going for the Welsh boys he reminds me he could be like James Bond so he scares me a little bit yeah he's nice though isn't he but he's just really quite quiet and quite stern once I spoke about Wales to him it was all happy days I really like Luke as well you know yeah once you talk to you Littler yeah Littler Humphrey's very quiet reserved do you think yeah maybe I've just you know I think he hates you maybe he hates me yeah MVG you like him yeah I love MVG probably will no I'll marry him that was a joke that was a little joke no he's a good lad oh everyone in darts is good I find yeah I've always said this and I like footballers are a fucking nightmare but darts players are good and also obviously bunting oh bunty boy sweet sweet man called me um maniac why where's that maniac I was like I've only met him once what are you doing to them I love that you've got that reputation aren't you just doing uber eats content yeah that's what i like about them like you said about footballers sometimes they're not they're not all in to do the the content but yeah they seem quite happy to do it what what do you have to do what kind of stuff you eat the food with them and that we just play a game of darts in a restaurant don't laugh it's a serious job and then uh we walk out with the food and that's it do you eat the food yeah eat the food it's nice like i don't know why we're doing it but it's good fun that just sums up all of our careers yeah yeah oh that's good fun i um just realized i remembered i made an absolute fool of myself the other day again what can you remember that time i spilled that coffee all over the person in tesco yeah yeah and she kicked off yeah on the last day of um half term the break sorry the school holidays i said to isaac um what do you want to do it's the last day off and he just went can we go Cosmos?

30:17In fact, that's easy for me. We've got a great choice of things to do. Cosmos. All you can eat food place. Asian fusion. They used to have one of them in Swansea. Yeah. And it got rid. But it used to be amazing. Yeah, so we basically went there. Yeah, I'm not in memory. Firstly, I had a weird thing happen to me that I was trying to get Isaac some pasta, but the guy next to the pasta at the lasagna just wouldn't rotate slightly. So I was clearly trying to lift it and he just wouldn't move. So his plate, if I tried to lift it, I would have tipped his plate. And I was like, kind of stood there awkward.

30:46and eventually he moved it so I lifted it and I just went oh sorry mate and he looked at me and just went you will be sorry if you eat that what's just happened oh my god he's giving poison I can't tell if he was threatening me or if he was trying to make a joke at the food but I'm like you're eating the food I don't understand what happened and then I walked around the corner and I put some mayonnaise on my plate but it wouldn't come out so I smacked it on the table he went that's not mayo you will be sorry if you eat that nothing to do with him But the mayo wouldn't come out. So I smack it down and then squirt it onto my plate.

31:22And then I want a little bit of barbecue sauce. And I think in my head, I'm just going, oh, the mayo didn't come out straight away. So I'll just do the same for the barbecue. Smacked it. Oh, God. Didn't realise it was upside down. It sprayed up in the air. And I didn't realise. And I'm going to squeeze. Stop going. And I just feel something all hit down my arm. My arm is completely covered in barbecue sauce. and I hear someone just behind me just go, I think he's just squirted me with that sauce. And I turn and there's just this lady there holding a plate, caked in barbecue sauce. Oh God. Luckily all over her skin rather than her clothes, which is a weird luck because like - I'm lucky I've got it all over your skin.

32:03You'll be sorry. Weirdly lucky because I've not ruined her clothes at least she just wiped that off. But I was just like, oh my God, I'm sorry. And I didn't know how to react. So for some reason, I thought the right thing to do was to go, but look how much you've got on me. I felt so uncomfortable. I was like, yeah, I win. You think you've got it bad? That's what I was trying to do. I was going like, I'm covered in it. I'm sorry, but look. Completely all my... I felt so awkward and I didn't know what to do. And I just went, I'm sorry. And she went, that's okay.

32:34Jaack Maate:Did she work there or not? No, she was just... She was holding her food, trying to enjoy a meal. And then I looked... No, it's not on the ceiling. barbecue all over the fucking shelf up above me. She's usually just gone up to the nuggets. Got the nuggets. Scrape it on her arm. Getting some in you. Right, I think that's about all the time we got. Yeah, thanks for that. We're all caught up, baby. All caught up. There we go. I love that. That's a thing. What are we doing today? So a while ago, we did an episode. I say today, we're halfway through. A while ago, we did an episode where we discussed icks.

33:08The things that people hate about, not necessarily just the other opposite gender, but things that basically gross you out about other humans. And this actually came because two Halloweens ago, our makeup artist. That's how we count time. That's how we count time.

33:23Jaack Maate:Two Halloweens ago. Two Halloweens and one Easter egg. Before St David's Day. How old's your son? Two Halloweens and one Christmas. By the way, that reminded me. Keir Starmer, right? What? I can't remember the context, but I got a banging comment, right, on a Keir Starmer video. Because he was going, he was talking about something, like, I can't remember, so let me make up the context, right? But it was like, yes, my son, he's a bit nice of me, isn't he? He's a bit like that, actually. So he was like, my son, who's 17 and a half, is blah, blah, blah. And I commented, who the fuck counts in halves when you're at 17 and a half?

34:04Jaack Maate:I said, he's not a kid trying to get into Chessington, blah. like what dad goes he's my daughter Becky she's 26 and a half that is weird sorry anyway two Halloweens ago the reason I said Halloweens was weird is because the makeup artist that day was telling us about her life but she said I've got this huge list of icks and that gave us and she said some funny ones didn't she I think she said about people who like go up the stairs on all fours that's a good one I like doing that though I love that you're the ick jack like a gorilla do you do that no we don't have stairs in the flat how do you what floor is your flat on can't say that can i how high up then like quite high but you could do it up all those stairs oh yeah suppose in the in the stairwell yeah so she told us about this and we thought it'd be fun to do an episode on x last time we got our viewers to submit some and we basically decided whether they're worthy right or whether that's a them problem today we're gonna do that with each others guys i'm so excited when you text me about this i thought i'm all in you're all in what does x mean to you then stevie white i'm just trying to get no icky bambicki what me when i have a biscuit

35:19because i'm not i've got no leg to stand on on this because can you imagine how much i've given people the ick surely yeah so anyone listening right now comment down below comment down below a way that Becky has given you the it. So far. In this app. Yeah, in the last 10 seconds. Just all the comments like Bambino Becky. The way I've got a list. You've written out a list. Yeah. So before we actually started, we did send you a message talking about your flatmates, asking if you could ask them for their it. Shall we start with theirs? Oh, have you done that? Have you done that? Have you? Yes, of course I did.

35:50It was a group project, if you don't mind. Shall we pick one of them, then do some of ours, and we'll go back to them throughout? Yes. I think we end on Neve Yeah we end on Neve Yeah because hers is hilarious Okay right Perfect Okay so this actually shows That we're all quite different people Who do you want to start with Lizzie or Eilish Who do you prefer I think we go Lizzie Because if not she's going to fall asleep Before we get into her Wake up Lizzie Okay so Lizzie She is 24 Yeah Don't know why that's relevant But here we are No I think age is relevant Yeah it is Yeah because it might be less Yeah Okay so number one Running with a backpack on Comma Especially if running to catch a bus or train, full stop, ew, full stop.

36:31Jaack Maate:Oh! Running with a rucksack on. Yeah, I can get, I can see this. I can see, bounce, oh. That's a mig. That's a mig. Stop. You're really not aware of your surroundings. No, I'm not, I'm not. You bounce up and down, backpacks going everywhere. And if the backpack's too big or too small. Or too high up, I guess. You look like a little turtle. Yeah, if you pull those little tag, little things to make your backpack up high. Fiona's bag is always so tight. Stop wearing it then. that is it you are it that's it i'm a big old sping baby that's a good one yeah a lot of people say running for the bus is an ick yeah like running to catch a bus but with a backpack is so much worse even if you see the bus pull up and you're you won't run you're with me it's a tube yeah but i will say it's either a massive ick or massive aura points if you get in as it closes.

37:24Jaack Maate:Yes. And it's something like that. I was going to do that anyway. I do always think that. The worst thing is when you run and the doors are just still open, so you just have to walk on and then it stays open for work. I always think with the tube one, when people run for the tube, I'll look up at the thing and go, there's another one in two minutes. Like, chill. We're on borrowed time, Stevie. Okay, she's got three, so I'll do the next one. I don't get this one. Okay. But I'm happy for you, Lizzie. if he has if he has overly wet lips why are they so wet?

37:57Like a glossy lip Yeah but or is she saying when they kiss? No she's talking because she had someone on the telly the other day and she went why is his lips so wet? It's like when they're like glossy That's a good point

38:10Jaack Maate:It reminded me of something that literally happened to me yesterday so one of my veneers broke and I had to go all my crowns and I had to go back to get it fixed and I was in the guy's office and he was trying to whiten my teeth, right? And he'd put these cotton wool under my lips and I had to have the UV light on it for so long that for 15 minutes, like my mouth was wide and then my lips went numb. And then after I was like, what, like whites and stuff. And then I was talking to him, like just about to leave. But because my bottom lip was numb, after I was looking him dead in the eye and I just felt a bit dribbled.

38:46Jaack Maate:Yeah, horrible. what's worse uh overly wet lip or really dry cracked lips oh overly wet yeah i'd say so because then you know cracked lip that's just yeah but i can't remember but i keep looking at it i keep looking at the split yeah but that's due to like weather and like you could use chapstick and stuff that's not a constant is it whereas wet lips is probably you're always like that wet lips no excuse for it cracked lips you might be out in the you might be hard as geezer yeah yeah yeah Yeah, it might have been grafting. So, yeah, fair enough. Finally, sorry, that's... Oh, my God, guys. And it just happened to me.

39:21What? Imagine me on a date, right? And I've got to do this. What is that? What have you got? The little octopus suckers on the back. Yeah, it looks like I can put it up wherever. Oh, that's good. Yeah. For audio listeners. That is it. Do you want to explain what just happened? The suction thing on the back. Yeah, she's got a suction pad on the back of her phone to attach it to things. Yeah. But how often are you using that? All the time. But the noise is gross. Has that happened on a date? Yeah. And someone said, that's an ick. Really? Yeah. But also, if you're in the middle of Soho, not that I ever really go there, and sit like this.

40:01Imagine a thief trying to steal there. Couldn't. It'd be hilarious. Yeah. Go on.

40:05Jaack Maate:That's the same energy as Velcro. Yeah. That's why it's an ick. I've got another one to write down. Anyway, the final one. On the second one, Are we saying we're counting wet lips as an ick? Yeah. Wet lip. Yeah. Ick. Yeah, see? Okay, number three. It has navy blue bedding or only one pillow. What? Have you not heard about this? No. And all the girls can vouch for this. If you've ever stayed at a man's house, circa maybe like 18 to the end of 20s, it is a flat bed, one pillow and a navy sheet. What do you mean a flat bed? It's like squalor. What's the other bed meant? All beds are flat. Yeah, but it just feels so flat because all you have is one little pillow.

40:51Jaack Maate:I'm the opposite of that. I have about nine pillows. Oh, see, it's lovely. Is that right? That's brilliant. I like to be able to move things off the bed. Yeah, yeah. I don't even have them on the bed. I just put them on the floor and then get them back. Is the navy blue thing normal as well? It does give end of life care, doesn't it? Navy blue sheets. What colour are your bed sheets? my favourite ones are emerald green where do you live he's got all his pillows on emerald green like weather and heights it's got like a forest it's got like a bottom of it it's got like a forest on it it's made in like little dives oh my god where do you have this from there's a good bit of kit where's it from Dunhill Mill so that's lizzie for you oh they're good they're good i rate that lizzie yeah i rate that lizzie um stevie do you want a few do you do a few of yours yeah um okay so sorry i was just my marathon medal stevie's got cock oh all right that's oh sorry um okay like that by the way that's what i've been looking at for a while i shouldn't say that's on an audio platform just I've just said you've got a cock cock.

42:12Jaack Maate:What is that? I've been out for a while. Don't know. Seems fine now. Okay. Yeah. So I haven't done mine specifically about women or anything. Just about like things that really piss, like make me feel like, oh, I struggle to watch if I see it happen. And it makes me like crawl inside myself. It's not like fingers on a chalkboard though, are they? No, but it's more like, oh. It's like, oh God. Yeah. It's a weird feeling. I think if you're with someone, I think you have an ick limit. so I think like if they that part like Fiona's probably give me the ick in 11 years probably about 15 times 15 but I reckon you have like a hundred yeah and if it ever hits a hundred you're like I'm done now I'm out I also think once you're in a relationship with someone things that might have given you the ick before you probably don't even think about because it's them doing it you're like oh you don't even it doesn't hit you the same as if it was a stranger doing it you can get away with way more than my ex could get away with because I didn't want to be with her.

43:07That's it. Like for girls, I've noticed that if anyone's trying to break up with someone, they'll come to me and be like, and then he did this and he gave me the egg and I'm like, oh, he breathed. She existed. She's like, yeah. So yeah, that's the thing. I've got, this is one from when I used to work at the opticians. Okay. That's an it. That is an it. Not having a real job. Sorry, right? No, just working at an optician's. Why? You wear glasses sometimes. I need them. So one I hated was when other employees would call up sick and they'd put on a sick voice. Oh, yes, God. I hate the fake sick. You can be sick and speak normally.

43:48But for some reason, everyone has it ingrained in their brain that they can't call up and go, sorry, I feel sick today. They have to go, I'm so sick. I can't make it in today.

43:57Jaack Maate:It's so overdramatic. What's it called? Amateur dramatic. Yeah. it always just like it just made me think so much lower of that person i'd see in the next day or whatever oh you sounded much worse for one day of sickness yeah people on their deathbed speaking better than that although i was meant to go for a roast with alfie on sunday and he was ill yeah and he said i'm i feel shit i'm gonna take a covid test and then we went on fortnight and he went on the mic and he sounded fine yeah because he's which i rated because i was like i was like that's better that he's not going if he was on sorry if he was on the island going oh i need a half shield They're in Loot Lake.

44:32Jaack Maate:I'd be like that. The whole time. Get off Fortnite, mate. We've got to play Fortnite. All the time. I always forget. Yeah. OG? OG. Or the new map. The new map. Why do you play OG? I'll have to dabble. No build OG. Yeah, no build. 100%. I've been playing with me, my sister, Alfie, John Beer. I'd love to play with John Beer. Look at your eyes light up. Yeah, she lit up for John Beer, didn't she? Gone. Did you hear the podcast with him? I did, of course I did, all two You know he can speak Spanish and he reads Waddle and I See, I didn't like that he went to the singles night but we'll talk about that You don't like the Hoggaret stuff but you think the reading It's endearing You're his perfect woman, aren't you?

45:19Jaack Maate:What did you want to say when you texted me the other day? I don't know I don't know if he's got we've got permission to leak this text but oh it's but oh no let me find it oh god so i basically saw a thing popped up on instagram here we go and it was like a post that said hey bro let's have some brews and tap on tap and put our hogs in a finger trap so put your penis in a finger trap together and it was this yeah like that little image there nice chinese finger trap is it chinese finger yeah it's like the finger traps and then but they're putting their penis in instead of fingers penis trap yeah we get it and i just said i feel like your mates would like this and he replied mate i've done this before exclamation mark second message with my mates exclamation mark exclamation mark oh he's excited about it i'm thinking oh that's funny yeah that's an ick that's an ick you know going off your one going back to your one saying talk him ill yeah yeah so again my ex used to do this it would cringe me out when she'd be tired and she'd talk tired so she'd go yeah i can't because i'm a guy because even when i'm so tired i'll just go i'm fucking now i'm knackered yeah i can't because i should go to bed yeah it's not that much energy to talk yeah yeah oh i do hate that yeah true good one yeah okay um yeah i think something that's really annoying me lately is uh whisper videos like they're like asmr but people who do a kind of like asmr video and it makes my skin crawl because they talk into the mic like that but they're so little headphones yeah and they're so close to the mic that they're louder than if they just spoke at a normal distance yeah but i think that's you need that they want the pop they want that kind of the whisper voice welcome back lizzie the whisper voice goes absolutely for asmr like when people tap their nails on the shit yeah pisses me off anyway gross really but that whisper thing oh it's just it's so performative and shit but they're doing it for that yeah for nutters that's like wanking over it that's like going to see a therapist and going you're really performing to me right now no they're they're telling you what they're giving you know they do it to help people don't they what they're tapping a product going look at my new lipstick it helps people what who's that helping i i think are you not on about the asmr videos where they're like i'm gonna help you drift off to sleep no I'm talking about people who do like...

47:53Jack loves Ace and Malek. I'm talking about people who do their makeup and they'll go, ooh, here's my new lipstick. And now I'll put it on my lip, like that. And they're whispering the whole time, I've got a new makeup brand. They're not helping people go to sleep. It's weird men watching that shit. Yeah, this is true. But there's two realms here. The sleeping one and then the people who do it as like... I can't do the whisper. Because to me, like to sleep, it would have to be gentle. the second you put your lips to the mic and you're speaking quietly you're louder than if you just said it gently.

48:25Whisper from a distance. I don't get that one but you're allowed your opinion.

48:28Jaack Maate:You're allowed your opinion. Right, let's have another one of your pals. Okay, we're going to Ailish. That is gross. It's awful, it's so about it. It sounds like Velcro as well, it's really weird. Ailish Morrison. She's, okay. Okay. Crossing a busy road to retreat because of traffic. So you go to walk and then a car comes, you've got to walk back. Oh, that's good. Yeah, that's good. That's an ick even for the person who's doing it, though, I think. I think you go, oh, fuck, I've done that. Yeah, that's good. This is embarrassing because this actually happened to me this morning. And as I was reading them, I went, yeah, you've got...

49:06I went, oh, white foam at the corners of your mouth. Status unforgivable. I had toothpaste on my mouth.

49:11Jaack Maate:That's making me nervous. Toothpaste, I think, is fine, though. Yeah, but I was reading it and I went, yeah, that's really funny. She went, oh, Beck. Unforgivable. Bum crack out and they're unaware or they do a hop to pull their trousers up. Status unforgivable. Hop to pull the trousers up. I don't know if... I'm not a bum crack guy. Are you a bum... Do you like bum crack? No, no. Are you into that? No, I mean like, are you somebody whose bum crack goes out a lot? No, I think I'm very aware of it. I tend to... The second I can feel a bit of air now, I'm like, oh, sort that out. No one needs to say that.

49:44Yeah, I'm not.

49:44Jaack Maate:I'm constantly... And I wear my trousers quite high. High. Yeah. Yeah, I think Simon Cowell. Yeah. If you think about people you spend time with, I bet someone instantly comes to mind if you think of a bum crack guy. I'll tell you a bum crack guy. Go on.

50:03Just a belt. That's all we need. I've not even said anything or mouthed anything. We can all think of a bum crack guy. There's always one in there. God bless. That's so fake. But yeah, that is an ick. Yeah. Because you're so aware of it. I find it the same, like people who wear their trousers below their bum. Yeah. So it's just out. I remember seeing something of Justin Bieber recently. I'm thinking, just pull your fucking trousers up. It's like that by his knees. Yeah. Comfortable. No, all cool. It's not even cool, mate. Stop. Okay, we've got honourable mentions. Yeah. Okay. Ballot points. Long toenails.

50:38Cut them. Yeah. Yeah. Not liking coffee. I don't care for coffee. I don't really care for coffee. I don't get how that's an ick. I don't think that's an ick. I think it's like oh should we go for a coffee oh I don't like it I'll have hot chocolate yeah that's it that is I love a maca that one's in it have a hot chocolate

50:52Jaack Maate:but I also think you can flip it and you can go when people make matcha their personality oh matcha like grass have you tried it Fee loves it it's that whole personality I think the opposite on that as well as people who can't live their day without a coffee that's an ick as well I need coffee I just grow up do you know what is the biggest fucking ick that I do just having a monster energy drink every day I don't understand how you have so many I have one a day sometimes too do you it's mad I don't know the weekend the white one yeah the white one nuts yeah it's mad isn't it and I wonder why keep getting stomach pain you're full of monster full of acid acid battery acid scared of dogs yeah massive and finally resharing emotional reels on Instagram that is tough yeah because I don't know if some people can see that you know when you reshare it it's just on your profile but I will say that I have actually clicked that button so many times accidentally.

51:49Jaack Maate:I've been back on Reels before and gone, what the fuck? I think it is. Yeah. I'll get notifications saying someone's liked your reshare or whatever. And I'm like, I've never ever purposefully chosen to share anything on Instagram unless it's to my story. I've never clicked that thing. It's in such a stupid place. Just when you're swiping, you accidentally hit it all the time. Yeah. I've actually just remembered something really horrific. Go on. I was doing this thing where I had to give my phone away for a week. You know, a bit of fun. and I oh my god I got a message just before I gave my phone and I went what and it's like loads of text being like did you mean to reshare that I was like oh my god went on to my profile imagine if this was an hour later it's one of them it's one of them like street interviews where it was like when the fridge protects the snack and it was like you know it's going and it's really bad it was like this like horrific um manosphere sort of thing about a girl who was yeah when the a girl was a bit bigger than her friend oh right and he was trying to chat up the friend and he said when the fridge protects how long had you how long had it been when you said it could have been for a week imagine if i kept my phone away i was mortified so thank you to everyone who said about that i'm gonna tell becky that i want you to bleep the names in here you'll like this because you remember when I was obsessed with

53:12Jaack Maate:my favourite time I don't know if you remember this bit of the story but me and Albie because we used to watch that all the time we used to ironically hate watch it and I took a photo with him I won't say where and all the people involved in it liked it and I took a screenshot and I circled all the people involved and went to send it to healthy but i put it on my store

53:43what were they thinking you're like some super fan oh my god he really loves that we've liked it yeah look i'm flying in mate wait did anyone call you out on that no no i was at

53:56Jaack Maate:uh but i was yeah i came to block that i love stuff like that god it's so bad Propel Fitness Water with Gatorade electrolytes, zero sugar and vitamins. Propel hydrates better than water to help you get the most out of your workout and get back to your best self. What propels you? Propel with Gatorade electrolytes. This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports.

54:40Jaack Maate:Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro Plans. Fall has never looked or tasted this good. Sweet Green's fall harvest menu is back with seasonal favorites dressed to impress and made to be devoured. warm roasted sweet potatoes, crisp apples, maple glazed Brussels, and crave worthy flavors in the autumn harvest bowl, maple glazed salmon plate, and roasted bacon Brussels side. The season's most desirable menu has returned to Sweetgreen, featuring fall's best dressed. Make your move, order on the Sweetgreen app. It was horrible. I think I've told this on the pod before.

55:20Jaack Maate:I lose sleep over this, right? I had two mates when I was younger, both started with the first Same first. I'm going to change the names now. Say Bill and Barry, right? And I'd fell out with Bill big time, right? And I was a nasty little fucker at school. Yeah. Bill was a bigger lad. And I called Barry up, right? And I went, that Bill, he's a fucking fat prick. I hate him. And I'd accidentally called him. And he answered. And I'm saying it about him to him. And he went, sorry, what, mate? And I was like, yeah, you are, isn't you? You are. And I had to hang up the fire. you're a prick what do you do it's so easily done as well isn't it I know I know oh yeah that is tough and then 10 years later he robbed my house so don't worry about that like Bill Bill me and Bill oh right okay they're good they're good they're good we're fine she's done well eh let's have some of yours Jack yep so I had a housemate that used to do this when somebody would order a food like a Chinese takeaway and they'd be in the kitchen and they'd be plating it up and they're eating it as they're plating it up.

56:28Do you know what I mean? You do this. No, that is nuts. Like, just have five minutes.

56:33Jaack Maate:Yeah, chill out. Chill out. Yeah, it's not going anywhere. Yeah, no one's stealing it. That used to grind my gears. That's like a predator mentality. Prey mentality. Yeah, taking it away. You should have seen how we ate it all. Oh my God. When people say, I just say it how it is. No, you're a cat. I just say it how it is. There was a girl on the... it's such a shit defense isn't it yeah you're just going i just i was hoping they'd be like oh he's honest i know you're being a prick yeah fia and i were on a train home maybe two months ago do you remember that girl fie and there was this heavy girl and she was just like yeah yeah fuck it what girl chavvy girl there was this heavy girl

57:18Jaack Maate:and she was going yeah yeah fuck him none of them like me because i just say how it is I just put it on my Facebook status. I was like, oh, imagine what smut she's got on there. Smut. Why is that the first one to come to your head? Imagine the smut. No, just like really horrible stuff. Smut isn't horrible, is it? Smut's like sexual. Oh, is it? Yeah. Yeah. Smut's like fairy porn. Fifty Shades of Grey. Oh, is it? Oh, I thought smutty was like grotty. Like, look at all that grotty. It's like sexy, but like. Yeah. Oh, I don't mean that. you've gone oh imagine the smutty stuff on her face have I just I've got one more here when people wear comfy clothes like tracksuits for a short haul flight I do that yeah we could be going to Dublin and I am in full tracksuit neck pillow face mask does it not take you longer to get to the airport than the flight itself yeah 100 % but it's comfy I don't like being anywhere that's not you know what not comfy yeah no i'm exactly the same i like to be comfy all the time yeah i'm exactly the same if i'm uncomfortable in any shape or form i whinge like a little bitch but what you're wearing jeans on a plane no no no no if it's less than two hours i'll wear jeans yeah now it gets too claustrophobic on the old legs wear wider jeans i've got a 14 and a half hour flight coming up yeah tomorrow yeah yeah mad and i might i'm trying to think what is the best thing I can wear with that?

58:49Jaack Maate:Joggers. Joggers. You've heard of Wee Willie Winky? What? The guy who wears the long nightie with a snoring hat. You can wear that. I've got a picture. I'd love to see that. Yeah, full nightie. Yeah, go on. Would they let you on a plane in a nightie? Yeah, as long as you're covered. Yeah, true. I've got a picture of him, but yeah. You what? Wee Willie Winky. Why have you got a picture of Wee Willie Winky on your phone? It'll all be revealed soon. I don't know. I'll just say how it is you can go like this oh not that one like that oh that is actually so cosy imagine you go on the plane with a little candle it's like Scrooge isn't it do you find that you get too hot on planes or too cold because I always find I get way too hot and then when it goes night time it's way too cold too cold yeah oh it's long in 14 hours is that your longest flight I know you did Australia but did you do the layout yeah those would be longest this one is a very very niche one and then we'll move on to someone else after this but I was at a breakfast buffet in a hotel a couple of months ago and it was just like a premier inn or something.

59:52Jaack Maate:And there was this woman, a bit like... Oh, always one of them, innit? That's an egg. That's why they won't come on. And she was spending ages trying to find the perfect egg. And I was just like, pick a fucking egg, mate. What, as in just look? Like looking... Oh, no. And I was just like, get on with it. She was probably there about 45 seconds. It was doing my head in. So women trying to find the perfect egg. Yes. So specific. Sounds like a book, doesn't it? The woman who tried to find the perfect egg. By Dr. Z. Fiona's actually sent me a couple about you. What? Just now. Specifically about me or about men, Fee?

1:00:30You. You. Specifically about you. Oh, I'm sad. The first one says... I hate when people say that. I'm sad. The first one says... Cook, bro. When he shaves his snail trail and it grows back all spiky and it feels like sandpaper. Sad face. Oh, Fee, I'm sorry about that. You get sore ears.

1:00:54She gets sore ears. It is. But that means, no, but if her ears touching your belly button.

1:01:02Jaack Maate:Yeah, I can't. Sore ears. Sore ears. She's listening to the baby. He's kicking. It's just a monster. That's fucking horrible. That's great. Sorry about that, feet. No one's sandpick. What's your manscaping like? It's all right, why? Well, because she's saying, so what are you shaving? Are you doing a little shape? Are you... Oh, yeah, landing strength. I shave my chest and my belly and that, yeah. Completely, like bald and then... Yeah. Fair enough. I'm just intrigued to know. Do you fancy Jack? No, I'm just intrigued because I don't know. I need to know. I don't know if people, I never know if people are just fully shaved.

1:01:45I'm hairy. Yeah, I know. I'm hairy, man. I'm hairy. In the morning, I'm hairy.

1:01:52Jaack Maate:I'll trim it, but I'll never go full shaved because that's uncomfortable. No, once you've done it a few times, it's all right. Fair enough. Never thought hair removal, give that a go. No, I never, no, never fancied it. I once hair removal creamed my mate. Matty, big boy. Meat. My meat. this is why we can't get women on your five if you just said that i'd be so happy i just hair removed my meat i once did it to my mate patty that six foot five rugby player beast of a man hairiest back ever we were going to ib for anyone's back to not be hairy so put all the hair removal cream all over his back and it comes with a scraper so you leave it like 10-15 minutes and I'm just scraping his hair off of it yeah was it good yeah mad stuff but I am going wow that's commitment of a friendship that that's amazing don't speak to him anymore no he ripped the head off a chicken classic and then the other one Fee sent me she says you can't pronounce these two words ooh so can you just read those they're just the worst mosaic mosaic oh that was good yeah lottery how do you actually say it mosaic mosaic and lottery lottery lottery lottery lottery lottery yeah lottery I think that's just a bit of a Norfolk thing isn't it mosaic lottery mosaic is that not right mosaic mosaic mosaic I'd say lottery I'd say lottery I wouldn't say lottery I'd say lottery have you went to the lottery when I was a kid my cousin went I've said this before but she went I can't say Liverpool watch this Lithopool I went you literally just said it when you said that was a nickname do you know my auntie can't say magician she just goes magic man same thing saw a magic man the other day Fiona's dad says animal says aminal and crinimal crinimal it's harder to say that crinimal it's quite cute are you crinimal?

1:04:02Jaack Maate:I've got one here I've just put paddle paddle what is a sport? thank you no just one day I want to get into it and I think it looks fun, but some people just make it their whole thing. It does seem to have just... I'd love to play it, but it does seem like that's all people do now. Yeah. See, that's exactly what you said. I don't like things I don't know much about. Yeah. So I'll... Yeah. Put it down. Run a marathon. Fee, you know you did some icks about me? I've got some about you. I've got three. Oh, she only did two for you. I think of another one. A couple's counselling, this is. It makes me ick when you eat a jack of potato and you leave the skin on the side.

1:04:46Jaack Maate:On the side? Not even on the plate? No, she hollows it all out. How do you hollow a jack of potato? The skin's quite thin. No, this is a sweet potato. Oh, okay. Skin's the best bit of a normal jack of potato. Or she leaves the ends of the cucumber or the carrot peelings on the counter. I hate that. Just not on a chopping board? Yeah, they'll be on the side, but they're just all there and they're just fucking going mouldy over the day. one thing i hate that this is horrible you might do this i don't know but when women aka fee put their toes in them spreading things oh to paint them like and they're all sprawled out like

1:05:25Jaack Maate:do you do it i hate it um it reminds me of and this is so niche do you remember in the simpsons in one of the treehouse of horror ones where i think bart turns into like this little creature Wait, I do have to show this. I don't know if I've ever seen toes in them. I've never seen toes. Ariane doesn't paint her nails, either of them, because she plays guitar, so she can't. Oh, I suppose. Toes in spreader. Doesn't play guitar with her feet. Is it called a spreader fee? It looks like that. That is gross. That is weird. Yeah. So, I get my toenails done as of late. Right. I don't know why. I just enjoy it.

1:06:03Jaack Maate:But you go somewhere for that, do you? Yeah. When did you start? It was when I went away. I was like, oh, I'll be, my toes will be out. And they, respectfully, they look like, bless you. Thank you. They look like monster munch. I was like, I need to do something. I'm bad. So when I got them done, they looked great. But now we've got a bit comfortable, me and the nail person. So he'll do my nails and my toes at the same time. So I've just got a picture here. I'm just on his lap. What? What's just on his lap? Look, there's a little toe. oh what so I'm just like this what and he doesn't mind nah that's his job but normally they've got them on like the spa foot no it just what does he just move it and put it there yeah and he just picks them up they're here and he's going what do you talk about nothing we don't speak that's really weird isn't it and there's a big window and everyone's walking past and I'm like that that's so funny it's about 40 minutes of silence Is it awkward or not?

1:07:04No, I mean, we don't find it awkward, me and him.

1:07:08Jaack Maate:Do you just scroll on your phone? Yeah, phone. We've got some songs on. Does it cost much for that? God, yeah. I think nails and toes is about 80 quid. Is it really? It is. Fucking hell. I know. I'm glad I don't do mine. I just fucking bite them off. Do you bite your nails? Yeah, all the time. Is it ick? Yeah. I used to bite my toenails off. And then I've got one more for Fi, because I've got the jacket potato, I've got the toe spreader and this one does it all the time when she has to do a little bit of difficult driving. So she turns the radio down. It makes you see better.

1:07:46Jaack Maate:Tongue will come out. It'll be reverse. Turn that down. It's just fucking living talk sport. That's my, I have the same concentration phase. Whenever I'm really focused on stuff and I don't realise that my tongue just starts going out. Yeah. That's horrible. Yeah, I don't do that. That is a weird thing. I think a lot of humans do it. It's a strange thing that we've just done. Yeah, it's weird, isn't it? It's a focus on, I don't know. Have we had any of yours yet? Come on, Bex. We haven't. Would you like mine? Yeah. That's what you just said. Okay, so top one is, when you have three kids and a wife, but take me to Lapland to meet Santa.

1:08:22Jaack Maate:He has caught so many strokes. I'm only joking, Rob. We had the best time. We had the best time. No, okay, so my actual one is, have you had a play in Crack the Egg? No. Right, so picture this. If you want to get over someone, this is my journey of how to do it. Think of them on a trampoline curled into a ball. Yeah. And all their friends are bouncing trying to crack the egg, trying to make them break apart. You never played that as a kid. No, okay, I get it. They're on the trampoline like this. I get the game, but how are you getting over someone doing that? Because I'm thinking about them doing that and it's terrible.

1:08:57Oh, you're not the egg. Oh, no, they're the egg. And who's jumping on the egg? Or their friends.

1:09:00Jaack Maate:Are you jumping? No, because that's worse. I just think if I walked out. Is it worse to be the egg or the cracker? I think all of it is terrible. That's so neat. So specific. Playing crack the egg. No, but thinking about your ex in that situation. Think about it. And they're like really trying. Yeah, that's good. I see. I don't think this is bad for us because like, I think typically I'm bigger than a partner. Like they're smaller. So when they've bought a ball, it's quite cute. Whereas if I'm the one being. is it for me to be a little spoon no that's brilliant i think that's great is it yeah okay like a backpack anyway um koala this happened the other day and i thought it was it struck something within me and it happens to me all the time you know when there's a group setting and everyone's talking over each other and then someone goes oh my god the other day say like i'm sat here with someone they go oh my god the other day and everyone looks away and they're not listening so then they tell you but you were there and i'm going that happened and i was like did you not say i was there no well no they knew i was there and they were like do you remember that yeah that is so good because you're both just sort of playing that don't you like i know you know go a bit louder to try and and then yeah it is all good if you try and repeat a story back to someone that was in the moment.

1:10:23Oh, it's awful. Yeah. And just a little one by you. When guys wear T-shirts are a bit too small. Like your one the other day.

1:10:33Jaack Maate:God fuck's sake. Jack's got his T-shirt, isn't he? He's done that on bird. No way. That episode hasn't gone out yet, has it? No, probably not. No, it has. It's 420 Blazer. Alfie, me and him reacted to a video I made years ago. And he said, oh, he said, you used to piss me off so much. You never wear T-shirts that fit. And I was like, oh, right. and he was like they were always too small and I never said anything and I was like well now I've got a complex and then I was on this shoot right yeah woman who's like professional presenter and I walked in and she went how come this was the other week she went how come your t-shirt has never fit you and I went what I was like he told me that I was better at that now so that is like a real complex and I've just said it as well this t-shirt's all right yeah you bought this one I went, I'm going to get you one at the right length, mate No, it's lovely, though No, that's a compliment Why did you get me there?

1:11:24Because you're like the libertunes And it's longer than others I think no, that fits you lovely Does it? Yeah, and they did tell me to say that, so Did they? Fiona did, does that? Fuck's sake

1:11:34Jaack Maate:That was great, because I had that It's good fun You pulled the wool over my eyes A punter That's so good That's good Oh, God Fiona's got one here that says Saying ow when peeling off a plaster Ow Yeah, ow What about a Velcro wallet? Oh, that's good. Yeah. Are you having your keys on a chain? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Let's just remind me, I keep just looking at the headphone dangling out of her pocket. Yeah. Look at your pocket here. Why is that funny? That's an ache. The headphone dangling out. What about, right, when you're speaking to a boy and you can see that they're typing, stop typing. Like, just stop.

1:12:14Wait for me to leave the chat. What? What? Okay, you guys have been in relationships for too long. Say it's like, say like Hinge or like WhatsApp or something. If I'm typing something and then they start typing back, oh, leave me alone. But you're typing to them. Yeah, but I'd like to at least have like, you know, a little breathing period because now they know I'm typing. I need to go to bed. I don't get it. Why are you typing then? So when he starts seeing the little dots there. No, I know, but why are you typing to them? Well, to answer what they've said before and then they're already... Oh, they're like double messaging.

1:12:47Jaack Maate:Oh, is that double keen? It's just, it's like, oh my God. Like, leave me alone for a bit. Suffocated. Right, right. We probably should. Look, beggars can't be choosers at this point. That's no wonder your two-year plan is fucking work. You're typing. Even your 10-year plan. I don't know if this, I think Ariane got the ick of me, not recently, a couple of months ago. She was like busking in the middle of Norwich and I went to pick her up and helped her get all her equipment and as I was helping her pack down, a guy came over and referred to me as her dad three times three times he went your daughter's really good no and i just i didn't have the heart to like say anything like yeah yeah cheers and then we kept kept talking he was going i was telling your daughter earlier i was going please can you stop doing this and he went no she's really and i was going i can't tell how bad like am i really old does she look really young she has got quite a young uh she got excited then She's quite young looking, isn't she?

1:13:42Maybe not too young, guys. Three times, Debbie, just kept going, your daughter. Oh, my gosh. And I was like, and I think that made us kind of think this is a bit gross now. I can't believe it. I love that he kept saying it. Yeah, I love that you've... I just couldn't say anything either. You've never told me that. Yeah, I was, oh. It wasn't until I was writing this out, I'm like, that was gross, actually. Oh, that's good. That's not an ick. That's just really funny. Yeah, she brings it up all the time, which is great. I bet. It's the grain of the beard. So much. Papa.

1:14:08Jaack Maate:Yeah. Papa John. I can age terribly. Just make it. I don't know. No, I forgot. He's terribly meant. Right, should we finish on Neves? Yes. Yeah. Fiona's got a good one here real quick. Let me just, yeah, I was going to say. Oh, we've got loads of me. I do just have to say one, which burns me so much, like to the point where I can't, I have to go home, is, you know, like bar fights, but the person's not involved and they have to then go and get involved. What, to break it up? They go, don't get involved. I'll just go why are you getting involved it actually makes my skin what has this happened before loads of times any time not all of a sudden you're involved in a bar fight no but if there's something it's a commotion they're like I'll go sort that out yeah that no that is correct you're not involved leave it mate that is horrible and they're going you know like that in between the person you don't know them oh god that's horrible that's fair Fiona said when they're sitting on a chair and they have to sit with their knees locked together to hold a plate of food on their lap oh oh it's so uncomfortable as well that's how like matt hancock i imagine would eat yeah yeah i am well one weird one i've we've spoken about before not on the podcast i don't think but americans ordering food absolute wankers what do they say just americans they just they're just so so rude uh i'm gonna get it yeah let me get it never please i'll thank fucking um i'll get that never can I it's just I'm having that and that's why that Big John thing went viral because he just had he just had normal polite manners he's in Dubai and he's ordering he just says thank you and everyone was going he's so polite I said this to John I said you weren't doing anything mad no he's like no just being a bit polite but what's weird is American servers are so far the opposite way because they want the tips that when it's an American server with an American order that's such an imbalance like basically acting like you're the nicest person ever and then being so rude to them but still having to go oh did you enjoy everything yeah yeah oh like i said i've said that to john at the fight right and then the next day i was in euston station i was at burger king and i was and next to me was this american guy ordering food and because i was with my cousin when i was talking to john i was like voice noting him because i wanted because he went i'm gonna get the chicken rye out and i'm gonna get this so i was like fuck i'm gonna voice record this can and just as i turned the voice record on he went thank you buddy man thank you have a great day and i was like

1:16:39right this has been fun um i've had the best time shall we have a favor of sorry this is something that just came to my mind i used to be friends with someone who always referred to his parents as mummy and daddy oh and he was like mid-20s i mean daddy that's horrible that is gross isn't it can you tell me and i believe well hs ticky tocky did it didn't he as well oh yeah he said in the manuscript have you not seen

1:16:59Jaack Maate:the manuscript documentary I have I have at the end he's like mummy I don't want to juice mummy that's an instant like oh grow up oh god oh no yeah hell no yeah we've got to finish on Neves though because I'm so intrigued by this you are going to be blown away because it's just such a her response so I put in the group chat from Stevie your message and she went don't have icks just don't like humans to begin with and that's it

1:17:32I was genuinely expecting her to be like, oh, I hate it when they don't know this niche footballer.

1:17:37Jaack Maate:Yeah, yeah, yeah. She was like, should we come up with some? I said, no, that's perfect. Yeah, that's good. Yeah. Oh, there we go. It's been good fun. Becky, thank you for coming on as a host. I'm glad I loved you doing. We just rope you in now. That's what we do. You did say on a podcast not so long ago that I was in the high pecking order. Yeah. Like you said, number five. Yeah. You are the fifth skin. That's what we call you. I was above Robbie Knox, I think. Yeah. Oh, I've got one of Rick that Jack does. Shortens words that don't need to be shortened. Like, it'll be like, I'm stuck in traff.

1:18:06Just say fucking traff. I think it makes me look cool. But sometimes, sometimes, he'll shorten it and then repeat it. So I'm stuck in traff traff. That's harder to say than traffing.

1:18:17Jaack Maate:I'm stuck in traff traff. I'd go, this was a good, lovely little pod pod. Oh, you do say pod pod. Breaks your heart, doesn't he? Right, here we go. This has been Jackmates Happy Hour. Hopefully we've given you the ick. I've been with Stevie White and little Beck Beck over there. See you next time. Yeah! Let one rip. Oh, that was great.

1:18:45Jaack Maate:Jackmates Happy Hour. I didn't like what you said, Odin pauses, about the future. This is the love story of real hinge couple Odin and Edward, written and read by me, Curtis Garner. Listen to the free audio book now.

1:19:21Jaack Maate:apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at chatgpt.com by selecting work mode available on plus and pro plans.