661 - A Very Mentally Vulnerable Minute (Fourskins All Caught Up!)

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30:32Unbelievable. And now NFL Network is on the ESPN app. More football, more coverage, more ways to watch. Football's on. All season long on ESPN and streaming on the ESPN app. So, walked for an hour, right, to Shibuya Station to try and get the bullet train, right? I thought this would be worth it, yeah? Turns out the bullet train doesn't run from there. I was like, oh, fuck's sake. Ended up getting an Uber. 30 minutes to Tokyo Station. A hour and a half is taken now, right? waiting 20 minutes for the bullet train. Hour 50. Got on the bullet train. Normal train. What? Isn't it just fast? Normal train.

31:15No maglev. Because you know the magnets are supposed to make it levitate. That's not been rolled out yet. This was on a track. I was reading about the maglev on the way there. It was going, it's the smoothest form of motor transport. Because of magnets, it doesn't go over anything. It's smooth. It's the safest mode of transport. I was on it and Sonny and Josh didn't really want to go. And I was going, come on, this will be one of the best things we'll ever do. We're on it, right? And I was going, it's the smoothest motor transport ever. I'm there, I'm like this. I'm going, I swear, I'm looking at him going, it's quite smooth though, isn't it?

31:51I'm trying to say, I'd do that. It's not that wobbly. Did you realise it wasn't Maglev? I tried to do a time-lapse. I can include this, right? I tried to do the time-lapse at the window, right? and I was like and I promise you I turned and went look how smooth it is just as I said balance and it fell off because it hit a little thing it was the bumpiest it was like being on the Greater Anglia from Norwich Stone Market comfortable that's good yeah great train yeah and then I asked chat when I was there and it said not yet been rolled out Maglev so bullet trains still still fast rapid did it look fast like was it like yeah it did but oh no it didn't even look fast it kind of looked like any other train I've ever seen if you spawned me on there right yeah or if you made my train home now go exactly the same would I go you would not notice it mate what about when he gets home mate that's gutting yeah well he'd know them wouldn't he Eurostar you notice on Eurostar you're getting fast slower than Eurostar it fell how fast Eurostar I feel like we need to know this Eurostar it's called the bullet train it's got to be fast Eurostar Honestly, mate.

33:01I was kind of gutted that I'd broke the boys in because they really didn't want to be doing it. What was the destination? We literally just went out 20 minutes to somewhere just to turn around and come back. It was that bad. Oh, just to experience the train? Yeah. Literally, we had no destination. I just said nearest station. And then we went there and got off and just got an Uber back. There we go. There. Because it was quicker. Bullet Uber. They're basically the same speed. Eurostar top speed 186 miles per hour the bullet train is top speed of 200 so there's only 14 miles per hour difference between them the culture's wasted on me I'm not sure a bullet train is a culture you tried, that's good that's really good I just thought it was going to be really exciting and cool and it was just like being on the Liverpool streets of Norwich what about as a whole, as the city what did that feel, would you go back?

33:58claustrophobic So no? My hotel, I looked out and I was like, cool, look at all these ornaments. These are cool. I was like, look, someone stacked up loads and loads of... a cemetery. Okay. So you slept at a cemetery. Yeah. You've done worse things than cemeteries. You made love in a cemetery. Do I? Hey! Huh? Mamma mia. What would you compare Tokyo to then? What's the easiest way for us to get a full understanding of it? Imagine Leicester Square at night. Yep. If no one's ever going to rob you. And it's clean. Okay. And all the signs are in Japanese. So it's a better London. Were there a lot of people that looked like you there?

34:46Like, did you see a lot of... Western. Like, six foot four white men? Yeah, you see a lot. You do. Oh, I haven't told you this, Eva. I'm going to be on Japanese television. what what how we were at the Shibuya's crossing and there was this woman and she was holding up a sign and it said can I speak to you about soccer five minutes so I was like yeah you can so I walked over to her I was like hiya soccer and she was like yeah yeah yeah she couldn't speak English but the camera guy then came over and he had a proper TV style camera and he was just like hi can you tell me about these players flipped open this board he had like five Japanese players on there was like um matoma stuff like that he was like talk to me about matoma i was like oh great player scored a few goals against my club west ham um place for bright and bright and cool place in the uk i go there to play poker like stuff like this and i just went for five i knew four of them so how can you speak better on japanese television about japanese players than you can on soccer social he's fit yeah good point well made but um yeah and then at the end um while i was doing this interview these two local japanese lads i it was really actually it was quite putting me off sunny because that i could hear them asking sunny this message to my cousin because i haven't had this grievance with him till now but i'm giving an interview to what could be my breakout in japan in Japan yeah and I can hear him telling them that I'm a professional player in England and I'm like I'm trying to wing my way through this Japanese thing at the minute and then carry on doing that for 10 minutes finish they make me sign a release form I've got it's called Our World is Wonderful and it's coming out on Japan TV I don't know what we have to find this we just have someone that can find this interview and then at the end these two lads come up to me and they are the sweetest loveliest lads like most of the people i met over there were and they were like oh my god like you play for west ham and i knew what had gone on because i could hear it out the and i was just like i don't know what to do now because he's he's upon the prank on him you had to go along with it yeah i said yeah and they said why are you in japan i said travel traveling and then they said what position do you play i said cdm and then they said how old are you i said 33 and they said you still play i said yeah and And he said, wow, very fit, very fit.

37:13I said, I've done my knee, though. So you'll never see me actually play. They had a photo with me. Oh, God. Maybe they'll think, who's a player that, like, they could look at and go, was that him? James Collins? What, Ginger? Yeah. Fell about there, really. That's the issue. Anyway, that's my Japanese stories. That's brilliant. I think you've done pretty well, though. Yeah. You've got out and about a bit. Thank you. Maybe try a little bit of food Yeah Bullet train is impressive I ate a pot of seaweed and had some fish flakes in it It was new for me But you tried Proud of you I ordered some chicken and it was chicken neck Neck?

37:56What's that like? Just chewy chicken How did you know it was neck? She said chicken neck I said whoa That was a chicken She went it is done me there yeah yeah really grey and chrisly it was weird it was like they had all the animals but the weird part of the animal so that's like that's cow septum why do they well they don't it's a stereotype but now you've said the neck thing I'm like is it there was some mad shit hanging around really yeah anyway that's enough of that that's enough of that what you been up to Robbie I've been skiing yeah where you been went to verbia very posh where's that verbia is in switzerland uh it's a big sort of celebrity sort of and and rich people haunt that's not where they had that tragic fire is it no that was cram montana right uh so verbia um some of the lifts uh they have like people who's like you're like a ship would get like a godparent or something like that like the queen would have launched a ship or something.

39:05Their lifts, they have people that have opened the lifts and they're known as that lift. So they've got a proper name, but they're known as like, there's like Diana Ross has done one. There's like a Diana Ross one. And there's another one that's the James Blunt lift. Oh, wow. So everyone just calls it, we'll get the James Blunt lift up there. Yeah, because he's got, he apparently had a restaurant there and he loves verbiage. So when you mean, because when you first said, Jesus. You're all right. No, I'm not, I'm dying. When you first said that, I was imagining elevators, but you mean a ski lift, right?

39:37Yeah, ski lift. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You were still thinking elevators, wouldn't you? Yeah, that would have been fine, but less interesting. It was just randomly a bit weird. Diana Ross, there's lived Diana. Yeah, no, ski lift. So I did a bit of skiing, looked with Otto, it was a press trip. And then I also did, they had there the, Europe's highest zip line. 1.4 kilometres long zip line. How high up was it though? High. Full. Bad. How long does that take to go down? Probably about a minute. I actually left my ski tracking app thing on it so I knew it was going at 95 kilometres per hour.

40:21Does it feel like that? It's a bit like his bullet train. It doesn't really feel that fast because I think because you're so far away from the ground yeah it doesn't look like you're in an aeroplane it doesn't look like you're going that fast yeah you can't compare it but then when you look back you go my god that's miles back so it is fast it was good but yeah you don't feel quite as fast it doesn't feel quite as fast did you go on it with Otto? I went on my own so you go in you sit in a little thing Otto didn't want to do it you go in a little thing and then you just sit there and you just float off like that there's a bit of a jerk at the beginning that was quite nice wasn't it?

40:55there's a bit of a jerk at the beginning that banged my neck a little bit but then after that it was quite nice. No, it wasn't at all really. Did you feel safe? But there's one guy yeah, but one guy we're with when Superfly News I can't do it and just bowled it but I didn't feel particularly scared because you just sat there I think it'd be harder if you've got to jump off something if you just sat there and then some bloke does you just sit here. That would scare me that. Did you see any celebrities there then? No. Otto was really funny he'd go I reckon we're going to see Jack Black here every day.

41:23So specific. Yeah, he goes every day he was like Like, not seeing Jack Black yet. I'm really enjoying this. Imagine if you did, though. Yeah. But I also, such an odd celebrity to assume will go skiing. Yeah, but he's probably just in the Minecraft. Yeah, I think he just doesn't know that much. He's probably there. So he didn't see Jack Black. Anyway, had this trip really good. Going home. Flew back in. Landing quite late. Landing about half nine on a Sunday into Heathrow. so last train back to Norwich is half ten so we couldn't get back I just got to school the next day so I thought get a taxi to get us back from Heathrow from Heathrow to your to Norwich wow I mean yeah but two train tickets it was 200 quid was it?

42:11that bad yeah but hold your praise for taxi so I literally don't know why that keeps going on yeah sorry so in taxi get there so it's not too late it's probably like half like 10 half 10 by this by the way in this taxi the guy's like a bit not a brilliant driver just sort of like maybe across I was thinking it was just a bit of a shit driver very nice very polite and then he just he just seems to be veering quite a lot on this and then he just at one point he just sort of goes across just sort of just hits the curb on this side and I go whoa and I shout I go you alright so he just he goes oh sorry I was just looking at the sat nav I was like it's okay because you just went right across there like this then anyway so go a little bit further what the fuck and he's another time he's going right across towards the barrier like across the island so I say mate you alright like that and he goes yeah yeah yeah sorry and that time what did he say it was he gave a different he said it was a pothole or something like that like that I was like bloody government the pothole filling this pothole I was like, it is a pothole, man.

43:23I think he went over and hit the side of the road. Fucking hell. And like, now when I think back, I think, I should have just gone, let's get out. But first of all, you're not sure what's going on. Yeah. And then also, with a 12-year-old on a motorway. Yeah. So you sort of think, is it better? So at the time, in hindsight, obviously you're better off just to get out of the car. Yeah, right. I don't know. Just went on for a bit, went a bit further on. And like three times I had to shout at him because he was like, the third time, and by this point I was losing place after the second time he said it was a pothole he goes a pothole then he goes so was it a pothole was it then he goes yeah yeah just a pothole he goes do you mind how do you feel about if I just stopped to get a coffee I think that would be brilliant do that do that it's weird that a pothole makes you need a coffee so he stopped to get a coffee I asked him are we going to die I said I don't think so there's no idea a petrol station random I thought if there'd be a hotel or something that would have gone we'll get out here we'll just go there but then he was just going across like this and I was watching he's a little bit like that I was thinking this isn't great but I was I just could not concentrate even Otto was talking to the guy he saw what was going on he was talking to the guy to sort of try and keep him awake did the coffee help him help him then or not he just kept doing that all the way back yeah so three times the third time the third time he was going right across I was going to go oi like that and he goes oh it's this car it's this the steering's off it's just floating to the left I said well I'd lost it by this point I was going well you want to he goes you have to take the garage he goes well why don't you mention it there it's also going to the right because it was doing that a minute oh right can I say that yeah yeah he's going yeah that's because I'm overcorrecting I was going yeah but if you're overcorrecting you don't go across three lanes no you go okay I'm overcorrecting something like this do all this sort of stuff and I was just thinking this is we're getting towards Norwich getting in towards my house I bet you couldn't relax in there you were just So tense.

45:17It was so tense. Yeah. And it was, and it's easy when you're in the sort of cold light of day to say, I was generally thinking, I just don't know what to do. But I think it was, but there was the fact that he was, I was just really concentrating and shouting at him occasionally like that. Yeah, right. It was, but it was, there'd been cars beeping at him because he'd gone right across. Wow. It was like, you know, when we had that car that we were following, we thought he might be drunk or something. Yeah, yeah. It felt, I wonder if that guy was just really sleepy. Really? It felt like that, but like 10 times worse.

45:46Right across like that. So he carries on, gets towards Norwich now. So I think, okay, getting there. We're talking to this guy to try and keep him awake and all this. He goes, yeah, I've got to go to Colchester now. What? He goes, yeah, I've got to go to Colchester, pick someone up and then drive them to Heathrow. I was like, this is only like midnight or one or something like that. So I was like, I got out of the car and I was like, shots of that so I took a picture of the car and I was waiting and called 999 and said this guy's yeah they took it really seriously they were like yeah yeah they said we can't we don't obviously don't know where he is we can't we'll warn the police forces down there to keep a lookout for him and all this sort of stuff thanks for calling and all this they were really good yeah he sent us a photo of the car so I did all this sort of stuff they said you should get in touch with the car the taxi company yeah right so I did the next i just said he's a really nice guy i don't have trouble but he fell asleep multiple times on this thing just sent them the thing to him and then they sent back and they sent back an email it was at first i was reading this email and it was um and it was really serious they were like saying we take this really seriously he's been suspended by the drive from this sort of thing we're really looking into this take it really seriously on this and they went um and then right then they went um we've credited you for 40 pounds i was like and i hadn't at any point thought i got some money thinking that's much worse than not giving me any money because what You said he's like, oh, sorry, we need to kill Junior and your son.

47:15That's worth£40. Whereas if they just hadn't done that, we said we've taken this really seriously, I wouldn't have thought another thing. I probably would have booked for the company, because this is obviously a freak thing. This guy, they've sorted this out. But now I'm like, fuck you guys. You'll never use that 40 now. No, I won't. So yeah, it was an eventful drive back. That's horrific. That's a long drive as well. Was it worse than any journey you've ever done with me? yeah oh yeah was it okay yeah wow it was it was gotta be bad it was genuinely horrendous and it was just concentrating like at first we got in he had the he had the music on on the radio and at first of all i was gonna go i'm quite tired not i might want to yeah sleep in that but i thought oh no he needs this on to get him awake oh right and it was and it was it was so stressful did otto stay awake the whole time then yeah because i didn't really realize at first what was going on but as it got further on he was like really sky all right that's not nice if your son's turning to and asking if he's going to die.

48:13That's the thing. That's why at the end, going this 40 quid, I think is a bit weird. Yeah, that is a bit odd. If a kid can pick up how bad you're driving, you're bad. Yeah. Shouldn't be on the road. Not safe. Yeah. But he won't be now, hopefully. Hopefully he'll just get some sleep. Probably you might have things going on in life. You don't know what's going on. Just don't take the jobs. But just don't do that. There's a bit where you've got to go, one in the morning. Yeah. Not worth it. Yeah. but that's that's my main news a thing a small thing just a good Arlo story yeah love it Peter from Cubs the other day and he's way outside the cub hall thing and they come out he comes out and he's just messing around he goes hello sir I'm looking for my father and I said to him it's me Arlo I'm your father and he's supposed to be Jesus Christ I just walked off it was such a good I could just make a sort of slightly offensive thing to say not too bad to get told off it's like Jesus Christ did he ever explain why?

49:17He's being funny Oh that's good That's funny Shout out Arlo what a ledge You done much boy? Well mine I'm sorry You're not in a good way I'm still in my fucking head I just got a tickle and I'm like trying to listen to the stories and trying not to fucking cough Go on boy My catch-up was... What? Such a meaning. It is. My catch-up was just the complete opposite of Jack's, basically. So for Tokyo, he was going there because we were doing the classic£100 versus£10 ,000 holiday. And obviously I drew the short straw. But all I could afford to do from Norwich with£100 was drive to Yarmouth because that was only£7 petrol.

50:02On your ones? On my own. But the£30 hotel for the night. did you actually stay there yeah mate it was genuinely the bleakest two days of my life all I could afford was two days I'd have definitely not stayed when I got in there the TV didn't work the only thing that I could eventually get to work was YouTube so I watched you because I thought that'd be funny to film it is that bad I swear the reason I've been quiet is because I feel so guilty about the snooker stuff about the what stuff the snooker stuff at the start and now it's like in my head like massively no you should be I'm not even joking and then the shirt thing you were like he actually wears it yeah you've had a sting for that haven't you I feel wretched I'm not even joking I feel fucking wretched but um he's got a mini B he is he's got a mini B for Al for a while it's just so cunty do you want a mentally mentally vulnerable minute yeah let's do it oh Al's never been in a mentally vulnerable minute yeah this is a thing we do where we just open up our mind for a minute and she can say anything you want to say.

51:07Anything you want to get off your chest. Hey, can I just say during a mentally vulnerable minute, I don't think the shirt thing's that bad. It is a bad shirt. I think he wears it for comedy reasons or thing. I don't think you should feel bad about the shirt bit. All right. I think he'll know it's bad, mate. Okay. Yeah. I feel bad for saying, like making fun of Stevie for watching you. I was wrong. It's not bad that you watched. It's actually nice that you watched and it's bad I didn't watch. It's not bad that you didn't watch. No, it's not bad that you didn't watch, But it's not bad that Stevie watched.

51:35No, it's not. And it's nice that you watched. Yeah. But you were just joking. I think everyone took it as the joke. I'd like you to watch me. You know what I mean? Like, I'd feel happy if you watched me. And we do. I saw you linesmen. If it makes you feel better. That was a game. You're talking about pre-recorded things. I'm not going to get into the disagreement because I'm going to feel more guilty. This is MVM. What does that mean? Mentally vulnerable. Thank you for watching me do the linesmen. We don't do the jokes. We do nice, nice, nice things. I'm going to reassure you. I. You've been a bit soft.

52:02will be totally mentally I didn't know he was doing that even if he had I still wouldn't have watched it because I'm not really into snooker nasty not nasty you think I'm into Stevenage cunt? did you watch it? you think I'm into Eilish Morrison? I don't know are you? I'm into neither of those things I watched it okay yeah it's called supporting your pros okay well thank you for watching it if you go to Stevenage I will watch that right I just don't really like cricket and it did seem to go for quite a long time. Cricket? No. What do you want about cricket? Snooker. Yeah, right. Do you respect me now, are you?

52:41I didn't mean to. Mentally vulnerable minutes. I just want to say, I probably want to watch it, but that doesn't mean that I think any less of you wouldn't support you. If I thought this was something that you wanted to support with, I would 100 % be there. If I wanted to be a snooker player and I said this is my big break. Literally, it wasn't. Yeah, I would also say that maybe that might be an unrealistic goal. When you play in a charity game and it's recorded, I watch if I can't watch it live, I promise I promise I watch it and I scrub through when you get the ball. I'm sure there's highlights to watch from Snooker.

53:13Because I'm going really quick and then when it goes to you I play. Well, I'd watch it all. Again, I wouldn't do that. But it doesn't mean I make any less of you. If I can't make it. No, but he's saying even if he can't make it on the day he'd watch the whole replay because maybe he wants to see what you like off the ball. yeah do you want to see my movement or my proficient like my i'm just more on the more on the ball i know you're scanning do you know i mean i know you're doing that stuff i don't need i think it's okay i'm glad you liked that you did a smile like you liked that i did like it made me feel really good i don't think you need to worry about anything you said in this episode no i think you're fine a few things over the course of the last year i feel horrendous yeah come on and i tried to tell you this why are you laughing no go on it's just you got your little head up look cute yeah because I'm fucking I'm million but it's also like I feel ashamed yeah well you should well hey no it's your feelings or not at times you can feel what you want but I don't think you've done anything wrong in this I think you're fine Alfie what have you tried to tell me Jack stopped posting his runs on Instagram yeah no he has that is your fault you do know I stopped posting them before you ever said anything because when you first brought it up you went why did you post your runs I said I haven't done it in about two months oh really Yeah, and then I put one on my story the other day and tagged you to wind you up.

54:33It doesn't wind me up. Do you know, everything I say on this podcast is a lie. So are you... No, this is real. Up until before and after this section, I have lied to the audience about who I am, how I am. When I came in today, he congratulated me on the marathon. but then when I told him about the half on the pod he said he couldn't care. Yeah, but that's rude, isn't it? I'm doing little quirky bits on the pod. Is that quirky to hurt our feelings? Yeah, so I don't think... No, let's mention it in a minute. I'm being mentally vulnerable as well. Yeah, no, you have to let... I need to hear this.

55:09I don't think your feelings were hurt. They were a bit. What about when we called him a fat nonce for years? I weirdly have no guilt about that. He seems weirdly fine about that as well. That's your truth for a full era. No. Yeah, why are you... No, sometimes truths slip through the net and pod me. There's a very clear way to work this out, right? Go on. So Stevie's got a bar graph here. Okay. So does he like being called fat? Yeah. No, don't like these things. Dagger. And isn't that strange? Yeah, that is. Isn't that so strange? I don't like any of these things. We can call him nonce and he laps it up.

55:51Kind of. Weirdly on tour, like, we're brainstorming. And he's like coming up with ideas of like, you can say this to me. You can say this. And then we go, should we say you've had loads of sex? No. No, that's too far. Consentual sex with attractive women? No. Because I don't like any of these things. I'm a married man. Don't need any of that. You're also not a paedophile, though, are you? You're not a paedophile, though. When I was fatter... You've gone, I'm a married man, to explain away that I don't like the shagga jokes, but you could also go, I'm not a paedophile. Whereas I, Stevie, I wouldn't like the shagga jokes either.

56:26I would hate the pedo jokes. No, more. Because the pedo jokes... My wife would hate them so much. I would hate the pedo jokes. I'd hate the pedo jokes. Embrace the shagga jokes. Because the pedo jokes are obviously jokes. Because we're all shagga. So you are a shagga. No. No. Let me finish the sentence. Let me finish the sentence. this has been brilliant for my mental health let me finish the sentence no one's listening thinking that I've ever done that whereas the other stuff when you're going oh back in Bristol he would have done this people could go oh maybe he was like that no one's ever thinking that I've actually done the other thing what are they saying when they look at you they're thinking that goes Stevie probably does tell me what their minds are saying I don't know when they see you on the pub thinking about you in Bristol what are they going whatever you guys are saying you're saying like you being a paedophile or you being fat that's beyond the realms of possibility no but you being an absolute top shagger is something that people could believe it's feasible I'll look at you and go it could be up yeah it could be up it's feasible and the fact thing when I was bigger you guys never said it no we didn't the jokes came out once yes so that's what I mean if you would have said it when I was bigger fine but I would have been sad if I heard it I do remember making one joke which the audience didn't like but then now it's like because you're not fat it's fine see this one saying yeah yeah so are you okay is that where we are from that the run things made me feel really good but what i don't understand is when i messaged you off pod i dm'd you replying saying like you posted it to your private story and i've said post it to your public story this is making me feel terrible you just reply like laughing faces like why would you not say like you just got to him yeah why would you not say no I stopped doing that like before you even said anything no that is why no no because basically so no tell me be honest with me so I stopped is this an all club now or is this I was chatting this is a vulnerable minute I need to hear this a little minute to carry on the pod there is so much NFL on ESPN right now Monday Night Football plus pre-game and post-game NFL Live NFL Primetime everything you need to stay on top of every game every week Unbelievable.

58:47And now NFL Network is on the ESPN app. More football, more coverage, more ways to watch. Football's on, all season long, on ESPN and streaming on the ESPN app. This episode is brought to you by Palmolive. Family time isn't just the big moments. It's weeknight dinners, sitting around the table, everyone talking all at once. So when the plates are empty and the sink is full, use Palmolive Ultra. Palmolive's most powerful formula removes up to 99.9 % of grease, leaving your dishes sparkling clean. And the new convenient pump makes cleaning even easier, so you can spend less time tackling dishes and more time together.

59:29Shop now at palmolive.com. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Listening to this podcast instead of doom scrolling? Smart move. Another smart move? Getting help from one of State Farm's 19 ,000 local agents when you choose to bundle home and auto. Bundling, just another way to save with the personal price plan. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings, and eligibility vary by state. So I stopped posting them ready Christmas because I weren't running. Okay. Right? That's a good reason to not post them.

1:00:06And then I came back to the run game and went, nah, I don't fancy posting them, right? Yeah. A bit of like, every time I would post him, you kind of know it is a bit cringe. It is a bit, look at me, right? It's like posting a picture when you're sat in first class or something, but getting in first class. Right. Or A &E and people going, what's up, baby? You're not replying. But then when you said it and it really hit home, I was like, yeah. Why do you care what I think? Because you're a friend. No, but this is something I do that's worse. I will act like I'm above it, but then like try and find sneaky ways.

1:00:43of get like jokey ways of getting stuff in like what it's bragging i don't know like like i even did one today on my instagram like yeah like going from this to this it's like a really good moment to a bad moment and the first one was my goal i just wanted people to see my my goal i scored a game yeah if i was brutally honest with myself yeah how many i posted that like four times right that's too many times but it's one time and then i don't know maybe if like I've been working out I'll post like a thing from a video and it's like well that doesn't count because that's jokey and it's from a video yeah something like that comedy bit but you have your top buff yeah like that's who do you want the validation from there then good question I want to be really honest here who am I looking for the validation from uh muscly blokes

1:01:42I would have never guessed I knew it was coming and I was like how honest is he gonna be muscly men you don't want women in the DMs no I would despise that and I'm not even joking I'd be like oh fuck it's gonna look like I'm trying to get women I want fit men to tell me I look good are you getting it not really sometimes Do some men follow you? Sometimes like a PT, this is what I do it for, sometimes a PT will reply and go, looking good, man. Fire emoji. And what do you think you like? And then I look through his photos and go, look how sexy this guy is, and he is complimenting me. And I'll show Ali, I'll go, look at this guy saying I look good.

1:02:32And then Ali will go, you're gay. we need to break up because you just try it again she goes I prefer that you're showing me do you know that's what I'm doing there I'm putting all this work in and then just showing my wife pictures of men that look way better than me why am I doing that I don't know I don't know that one are you okay I don't know I think that what we've learned here is that if you do mentally a vulnerable minute with Alfie it lasts more than a minute yeah sorry I've got so much shit I don't care I've got so much shit like I have all these things at the minute i'm on so on the edge of a mini b it's like we're fucking are you what else was there uh oh no we can help no because you know what i'm not being vulnerable with with audiences anymore and that's another thing i've decided to do i am never opening up about my mental health ever you have for the last 10 minutes yeah apart from right now yeah but there's also this weird jokey layer to this which is fucking weird as well isn't it it's all very meta i'm still doing it.

1:03:35Just be real. I can't. That's not real. That was a game. Jokey. But that was obvious. I can't be fucking bothered with this shit. I just want to go fucking work at Tesco or something.

1:03:49I do not know whether to find that the funniest thing you've ever done or to actually be a bit upset. I think it's sad. Yeah. It's fucking bullshit, man. Why don't you then? You want to talk off the pod? Nah. You want to talk off the pod? Nah. You want to bottle it up? Yeah You push it right down in there? Push it right down in there Compress it Compress it I think he likes it all really Yeah why don't I? Because I'm a fucking attention whore Anyone is Because I would die I'm injecting it every day With these little dopamine like it We all are though aren't we? Yeah that anyone doing a podcast Or any form of online entertainment Is an attention whore You're not doing it for no one to look at it Or watch it or see it I just don't want to be like that See I feel like I'm less like that now though I genuinely do I know you can probably but you wouldn't be uploading this if one person was listening I'm uploading this for the money but that only comes the podcast is like where the fuck am I here then that only comes from what are you getting out of it yeah that only comes from the listens so it all it all links back doesn't it that only comes from the listens and the more listens so it's all attention is everything no but I do enjoy this loads yeah and look forward to it on the train up yeah that's the other side I do enjoy everything I do.

1:05:05It's all with my friends. All fun stuff. I just wish I never had to post it and someone would give me money just to do it. Right. But that doesn't exist. Yeah. So you have to post. Because that's not being in a tension hall. That's doing what you need to do. Lots of people do job things that they don't necessarily want isn't ideal. Yeah, but I was a little brat, like, being like, oh, I'm going to make it one day, like, all of this shit. You haven't made it. You haven't made it. No, but I'm saying that was when I was younger. That's how I would talk. what do you mean just like oh one day I'm gonna I don't know I thought it was gonna be like fucking Ed Sheeran or something oh you thought you thought you were gonna be fucking Ed Sheeran I thought I was gonna be making love to Ed Sheeran and living with him oh you never thought comedy you thought music I don't know what this is because that's mental if you thought music no I know it's not don't do a dig don't put a dig in there it's mental it's not mental it's not mental you're excellent music or enjoy your music and I think if you worked hard at it It would be more successful.

1:06:03Yeah. Better at pods. I love doing the pods, but it's just, I don't know where I am. What am I saying now? I'm sorry for the snooker thing. What bits of your life do you really enjoy? What bits of your life do you really enjoy professionally? Like, what do you do? You like doing the thing. I love doing this. I love doing the other pod, and I love going on the away days. I love it all. Well, you're doing it all then. You're living the dream. So what are you crying about? I don't like being the sort of person that wants to post about myself. But it's your job. because I want to do it because I have this weird need to...

1:06:35You want to... What's the dream, dream? What's the dream? 10 years time, what do you want to be doing? What's your day-to-day look like in 10 years time? What a question. That's a great question. Thank you. Fair enough, Joe. I like what I'm doing now. Just carry on doing it. Yeah. I'm confused what you're complaining about then. I don't want to... I don't want to want to do it. Why not? Why do you think it's not... You want to do the kind of Alistair Green comedy, don't you? I can't. I'm not good enough. He cares so little about what he does that he's not... He never comes across like, look at me, does he?

1:07:15But he does Alfie. No, I do. No, you don't. I do, Robbie. That's really nice of you to say, but I really think... No, I don't think you do. I don't think you do at all. This whole five-minute thing I've just done now, if that is how I looked before, that is gone. I look like that more than anyone on the planet. No, you don't. You genuinely don't. I can't tell what's real anymore. I don't know if what I'm doing now is real. It's all like fucking motion. But I don't know if what I just said. Because what I just said there, I knew was quite funny because it's this guy that doesn't know. But now I actually don't know if that was me or not.

1:07:54I don't know what's real anymore. No, I don't. Did I just say that to be funny? Are we allowed to be mean about this? I'm confused. No, we've got to get out of Mentally Vibrant, everyone. Are we ending Mentally Vibrant? Let's leave it. Stop whinging. Done. That's fair. Apologies for the sneaker thing. That really got in my head. That was the wow. We mentioned marathon briefly during Mentally Vibrant. Can I just ask you, I know you've discussed it on the pod before. Can I just ask you a couple of things about it? Yeah. I don't like talking about it. Can I just say, I was inspired by Stevie 11 Fitness, and after seeing, literally that evening, having seen him do his marathon, I signed up for a half marathon in San Sebastian in October.

1:08:37Nice. Excited. Everyone's welcome if you want to come. Where's that then, San? San Sebastian in Spain. It's like one of the food capitals of Europe. Oh, wow. It's supposed to be really good. And a half marathon's not too bad. You can just do that, and then you can get on it for two days. Yeah. So that's the main thing. So anyone, welcome. um can i ask you now honestly yeah having done the marathon how do you feel now about the treadmill marathon the treadmill one was easier on the day because it was not a good run i just walked and ran loads um but the recovery from that was horrific this one was way better and felt this one felt more real people seem to care yeah so because i think the difference is that you are going at a certain time that you've planned months in advance that everyone else is doing as well that you have no you have to with weather conditions and how you slept being yeah out of your control and it's just that and then loads of things can go wrong off that rather than picking a time to do it yeah now i can actually officially say i've done it and no one can complain, say no anymore, which is good.

1:09:55But I did go to Robbie's the other day and the first thing I did when I walked in is he just went and got all his medals and showed me all them. To be fair, what actually happened was he was talking about different medals and I went to get, I said, I'll show you, I was talking about one round here that does good medals. I went to get that medal and then I just put them on. I said mine had a crab on it and he went to show me one specific medal that came down with all of them. It's actually not all of them, I've got more. he's run more full marathons than I've done official I've got actual medals only one of my marathons is quicker than your one so you're oh I've got to go again haven't I no I didn't mean that was a bad thing I meant as in like that was a good time you did pretty well oh yeah I might come do the half with him in Spain do it do you know who might come and do the half cut that Katie really yeah I was chatting her online saying I'm doing this she might come got quite a good gang coming out there even Stump Egg's considering it what?

1:10:52what was that noise? that would be funny to be like really buzzing about the first one yeah it was funny yeah yeah when is it? October the 4th oh shit I can't do it what's on October 4th? I just don't can't be bothered we've got that flute we have got something thank you brother don't take we'll be invulnerable for a minute we'll probably go on to it but yeah I was I was in Yarmouth and it was just really bleak oh fair enough kind of all a yeah stayed in a hotel on my own I'll be talking about you I basically Spend an hour on it I will just quickly say because I had this budget I really couldn't do much whilst I was there and I'm alone so I'm doing all this stuff in Great Yarmouth which was slagged off on the pod many a times over the years We're the first people ever to do a video that's comparing Tokyo to Great Yarmouth What's better Tokyo versus Great Yarmouth What was better?

1:11:40I don't know I didn't go Tokyo mate I can't go but like I tried like I was doing claw machines and doing gun games and this Kung Fu Panda thing and I'm just all on my own and I could hear families having a good time and it's so depressing having to put a camera down. You should have gone to the fucking roller coaster. I did mini golf on my own because... He won. I lost as well though. I walked up to... In Yarmouth there's a place called Pleasure Beach which is like roller coaster rides and stuff and it was a Sunday morning. My hotel was 10am checkout which I've never seen in a hotel. Wow, that's really early.

1:12:14Get out. I walk up to the theme park thinking, cool, it's fine. I'll just go do that. Closed until 12. So I walk back down the strip and I'm like, there's nothing to do. Saw mini golfers open, did that, got stuck behind. There was only two other people playing, but it was just this really old woman, I'd say in her 70s, with her daughter, I guess, who was like in her 50s. And because I'm alone, I just kept getting stuck behind them. And I'd be like, I'm a prick if I ask to go in front of her. They should make you play through. That's bad etiquette. I just felt, yeah, because they kept looking at me because I obviously looked like a twat.

1:12:44So, and just setting up the camera on my own to do stuff I just don't want to be doing was so depressing. I then sat on a bench for an hour, just waiting for Pleasure Beach to open. Finally go over there and I've only got like£9 left of my£100. So to get into Pleasure Beach, you have to buy a£5 token. And then the rides cost a certain amount of tokens and I'll get five tokens. The biggest ride is five tokens. So I can go on it once. and the smallest ride was two tokens. They're the kids' rides. So essentially, I've got enough tokens to go on one ride. Would you go on the flume? I see this ride.

1:13:20The flume's gone. Completely broken down. It went a few years ago. Right. Flumin. Fuming. Yeah, good. You know those like pendulum rides that swing up and down? Oh, I hate that. But they spin at the same time and it spins, goes up and down all the way around. Full 360 and I was like, I'll go on that. Is it called something time or something? I don't know. I know the only minute. That's horrible. But I was like, I'll go on that. four tokens that's me done i'll go home after this i go up and i say to the guy do you mind because this is the first time i'm gonna have to leave the camera and not be near it just in case anything happens so i asked the guy on the ride and he's like yeah you'll just need to ask the manager of the park and i was like all right because you're the only one who wanted to go on it i'm the only one going on it and also i'm asking to leave the camera somewhere but hopefully no one takes it whilst i'm on this ride so the manager comes over and he's like i'll film it for you if you want oh amazing thank you stinky mate so bleak sorry mate can you just film me this 33 year old bloke is going on this fucking pendulum yeah don't nick the cam he takes the camera off me i get on the ride it's spinning it's going up and down it gets about four fifths of the way to the top and it starts creaking loads spin and just swings back down and just stops at the bottom and i'm like um that was short i'd not expect it to be i thought it was meant to go all the way round and i go to the guy oh you can stop recording and he goes i already have i was like okay and then he goes yeah the ride broke when you were on it uh and i was like oh okay and he said if you can come back in like five ten minutes we'll get it fixed and you can go back on it and we'll film again i was like there's not a chance of going back on that yeah so i just leave the whole park and i'm like i'm not risking for a video i'm not risking going on a ride he might i haven't seen the footage yet i haven't looked back at it but i um i just leave the park and say when i got home that night i had a dm from this guy saying i can't believe it broke when you're on it but he was like in his 50s i never said what i was doing or who i was or anything so i don't know you were i reckon someone who was younger at the park might have said why were you filming and like recognized me right but just everything that could have gone wrong went wrong it was bleak it was shit and i'm glad you had a good time in tokyo i fucked the samurai mate what's i'm a samurai that's not the Just a Japanese guy.

1:15:33If anyone wants to have sex with Jack, just pretend to be a samurai. Honestly, show him. Yeah? Yeah. You put the show in. Must have been a big black hole. That's the last pod. That was four weeks ago. Have you been up to anything? Four weeks ago.

1:15:48Yeah. Just having lots of breakdowns, I guess. Trying to think. If I've been up to anything, yeah, that's the question. We're kind of done with mentally vulnerable now. Yeah. Keep it light. You have to be happy now. When did I last talk about something I've been up to? I can't remember. Weeks ago. You've not been in. My holiday, wasn't it? Yeah. Yes, you spoke to us about something. I've done since then. Do I tell you I freaked out on the plane? No. Did I tell you about that? No. Oh, that was bad. Go on. So we were supposed to go to China. Yeah. Yeah. Ellis lost his passport. So we were like, we're not.

1:16:25Thank you. Yeah, we were like, we're not going to. Watch that. Yeah. Yeah, right. That's not stupid. Yeah, we're like, we're obviously not going to go to China without you. We actually could have, but we were like, we don't want to go to China without you. So then Ellis runs in, looks at where you can go with your ID. Turns out it's Belfast. This is actually so weird as well. Something that didn't make the video. Something really, really weird happened. So we get on this flight to Belfast. my wife's sister's fiance is on that flight randomly wow isn't that really weird yeah so paddy's on there right lovely guy um and i'm like oh then um we go up it's really really really turbulent i start freaking out instantly you're not a good flyer i hate you fly all the time and it was the most i fly like maybe three times a month it's so and like every time i shit myself so much um i just immediately tied some reason just instinctively tied my hoodie around my head yeah ellis seemed to be enjoying that yeah that everyone was enjoying it the people around me were enjoying what you were doing just then when you did yeah hiding like i like i'm in my own little bubble that will protect being a bit yeah yeah oh mate it was so honestly this was so bad i'm going please please please i'll i'll do anything just let me down like how much of that was for camera and how much of it was zero i swear and this is me being 100 real i was in tears i was so angry and upset um at what what are you angry about the situation so what was the situation turbulence and then you couldn't land right so we go to land and it's like going and it goes down and then it just like it's like the thrusters get put on that's my i've had that twice it's the best thing in the world i hated it because you know that feeling where you're you know you sense your the wheels are gonna go oh and you're gonna get that it was like getting there getting there and then like that and it'll go up again the power's unbelievable it's insane what it just goes off again yeah like it's like another take off so hot and then i'm like i'm like under this did you not know that was gonna happen no how many times did they attempt it so then he goes around the pilot goes hello ladies and gentlemen so sorry yeah he's like yeah he goes um so sorry i think as you might have felt there we tried to land but we couldn't um he's like we have very strict wind conditions at british airways um and it didn't meet that criteria so i couldn't land i'm gonna circle i'm gonna try again i'm going no no no i'm like it's obviously not gonna i'm getting really like he's well in control he's so calm i'm going it's obviously not gonna work again um i'm sure that tries again tries again no it would have been like that i was really upset tries again nearly down nearly down back up again i'm like fuck this and i'm feeling so trapped i'm also thinking you know final destination yeah they always see people from their life and they're like oh you're here oh you're these coincidences and that is genuinely going through my head like oh oh my God, it's all lined up for me to die.

1:19:41Yeah, but no offence to Paddy. Out of everyone you could have seen in your life, your wife's sister's fiancée is not the most important. But also he flies to and from Belfast all the time. So it's not... Yeah. But at the time, I'm not thinking that. I'm thinking, I've seen Paddy, I'm going to die. We then... He then goes... The pilot comes on. Yeah, sorry, we can land. We're going to now divert to Presswick. And we're like, where's that? airship scotland right oh yeah yeah yeah so then they fly half an hour to scotland um and we land in scotland and we are on there for nearly four hours without them opening a window the door anything how long was it meant what once you land you're then there another four hours four hours why it's like three and a bit so they we land and they go like we're just trying to work the pilot comes on again we're just trying to work out a plan of like what to do there's like mixed messaging there's poor air stewards that are going we don't know what's going on like we genuinely don't know what's going on you're going to get refunded for this we don't know what's going on um they then what i got quite annoyed about is there was like a whole menu for food but they wouldn't let anyone buy any food or drinks and they rationed out these tiny little water bottles two hours in and like a little biscuit and i was like i know you've got a ham hock baguette back there yeah like just let me buy it i will buy it yeah but there was just these weird rules like couldn't open a window couldn't open the doors or anything um the windows open yeah that's true they must have a vent or something uh but then uh we get a thing from the pilot saying this is about three hours in we're gonna go back to heath row and we're like fuck like this is actually so shit now like we're kind of laughing um the british airways app keeps changing so at first it said back to belfast all these other airlines are landing in belfast they're just doing it right british airways won't do it and then um yeah so they about an hour after the heathrow announcement they just go heathrow's closed which it wasn't it wasn't even it was like not even midnight heathrow's closed yeah i know they're just like it's closed he does yeah yeah they can't face certain hours they can't yeah they can't land in really yeah i didn't know You get some airports around the world are 24 hours.

1:22:09Yeah, it's kind of weird though. And then, because we could also see flights landing in Heathrow on the app. It was really weird. But, so they're like, we're going to sort you out of accommodation and you can fly back to Belfast tomorrow. And we're going, we're coming home. Like we were supposed to be flying home from Belfast. There's no point in us going to Belfast tomorrow and then just coming home straight away. Yeah. So we're like, we're going to have to find a game in Scotland, near Scotland. I get out. And this is the thing that pissed me off so much. They wouldn't let me take. So I was the only one with a little suitcase, which I could have taken on the plane, but they're like, don't take them on the plane, put them in the hold.

1:22:49And they just wouldn't let me take it out. They were just like, we are not letting any bags off this plane. We're flying this plane back tomorrow. And I'm going, I am not coming back tomorrow. Please just give me my suitcase. Please got all my stuff in. They were just like, no. Oh my God. It was really lucky Paddy was on there. loads of people have asked me how I got the suitcase back eventually yeah he flew back what because he he was on that return flight he stayed the night in preswick oh or glasgow or wherever and did he get your suit and he got my suitcase for me because he was on that plane that's so ideal yeah which was really really lucky but it was it was shit and I got really really ill from being on the right I kind of like how you're feeling yeah I was ill like I've still got I'm on flipping codeine for it I've had this cough for like 15 days now so weird I've got a cough up yeah I couldn't sleep so sorry Robbie yeah I didn't sleep until I'm alright now I thought she was jet lagged but today yeah and I didn't I didn't sleep until 3am when like my body just crashed out for 12 nights in a row because I was coughing so much blimey that's what I've been up to that's a hell of a story that hell of a story and they didn't refund the flights didn't refund the flights why just act of god didn't refund the flights didn't sort our hotels either they were taking too long we were just like we'll just get our own fucking hell what British Airlines yeah what I realised is that airlines when shit hits the fan you are rats in like this cage to them and there's no like oh we'll try and make this easier for you or like it was very much like nah you're here until we sort out what's financially the best course of action i i think what they were couldn't have just got off the plane no there was this guy being like i'm gonna miss my ferry i'm gonna miss my phone they were like not letting him off really really odd but they treat behavior yeah they treat you really really like i felt bad for this uh steward people because they were trying to get information across but they did they were frustrated as well yeah they didn't want to be there yeah well it will be business comes first won't it yeah like even even their staff won't matter as much oh yeah i think the whole working out thing was like they were just costing yeah and that was like they weren't going what's ideal for everybody they were just costing up what's the cheapest way to get everyone back and the cheapest way was really put everyone in a hotel rather than fly again yeah wow wow good story we go you flying again soon fucking horrible you flying again soon well then we flew back to scotland the week after um and then i'm flying again in uh one week i don't know where it's a mystery thing i don't know where we're going nice hopefully it's not um press wake i hope not that would really anger me i can't go to i can't go back to scotland's now like glasgow's nice but not every weekend hopefully it's not a long flight yeah right uh i think we're officially All caught up, baby All caught up One of the weirdest ones we've ever done I enjoyed it That was weird, wasn't it?

1:25:53Halfway from You had a Billy B in the middle of the pod Yeah I spent a few hundred minutes Yeah I think you spoke really well and it was funny Yeah Did I speak well? Yeah, it was good Not well, but it was funny It was confusing Yeah, there'll be a lot of people out there DMing you going, are you alright? Yeah Don't know No Shall we finish on that? Are you alright? Yeah, I'm great I actually really love my life, thank you Thanks for that an act thanks for listening and the shirt do you like the shirt yeah love the shirt oh he is lying he is lying oh I like the shirt yeah it's confirmed he's lying shit

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