668 - We're All Wart Up Baby, All Wart Up!

35:57You put a lot on.

36:03That is good. Sorry, listeners. We're just watching a man eat mustard.

36:16It goes away and comes back. Oh my God. Oh.

36:28It goes away and then comes back. It hits you in the nose. Why is he licking his finger? That's good. I don't know if it's just because it's the Coleman's obviously a Norwich thing or just an English person watching that but I just it just really tickled me I love watching that Kalani ghost hunter guy now because he came to Norwich yeah have you seen him never heard of him and then I saw him everywhere because it was all Norwich stuff he's massive there's yeah there's a guy called Kalani ghost hunter I think he's British no American and I think he does um I think obviously he does ghost hunts but I've never seen one of them he now does like food reviews but he's really got his finger on English culture so he gets it yeah so he comes to England and he'll like bring like an american girl who he's seeing or something and then they'll try food and he'll he'll get it so he'll go like oh with the roast with the with the lamb you have to have some mint sauce and and these yorkshire puddings are better when they're like they're like he knows everything he says quid and he says more like english term but he'll just show like random americans and they'll just try our stuff for the first time and i'm fascinated watching people who have never had like monster munch like try monster munch and stuff so he's good i should try and get him on near at some point yeah well he went to norwich and he fucking loved it just every video i saw him talking about norwich he's so positive he he he loves it he goes everywhere but he he'll go to like random places so he'll go to like lancaster or like i don't know he'll go to cromer for example yeah but what he he said norwich is one of his favorite places in england and he said about how it's the got the most medieval buildings outside inside europe yeah something like that it's nuts but he's he's a pretty cool guy I emailed him the other day and just said like your stuff he said thanks did he reply he said thanks maybe if he's in we can get him in my grand had come around my house the other day have I told you about the problem that I've been having with bat boxes what's a bat box I've got a bat box on my house that I didn't even know I had is that for bats to sleep in yeah I didn't know that was a thing well you just nailed it mate well that's an assumption but I don't know why that's a thing but why you keep your cricket bats in why are you putting that on a house Well, apparently, one in, I think it's, I might be wrong, but one in two houses, new builds need it.

38:40So my neighbours don't have it, but they do the other side, because I went round and had a little look. In February, when we had the ice and the snow for a bit, apparently, so where the new builds are so badly built, they built this back box on the side of my house, I didn't even know it was there, and it froze, and then it defrosted, and the cement hadn't been my granddad reckons they hadn't they hadn't put something to like pop it in so the cement had fallen out yeah right around the side of his back but really high up and it happens to be on the side of the house that isn't my drive okay my neighbor's drive yeah and the guy knocked the neighbor knocked on my door and was like cement keeps falling out your house and my part my car there i'm worried it's going to hit my car so i was like all right cool i'll get it sorted and he was like soon as you can please so four months later i emailed them that's good of you and um we emailed like the housing insurance people whatever turns out they couldn't come and fix it because the damage wasn't more than three thousand pounds so i don't really get what that means uh email taylor wimpy of course they don't fucking reply because they're cunts um i back what kieran carlin was saying i know you're off for a brand deal they're cunts don't I've never heard a positive word about them.

39:52They're cunts, right? Maybe you could hear a positive word if you put the right influence to Taylor Wimpy. So my granddad's come round. We asked the window cleaner if he could do it. He couldn't get up there. So I asked my granddad. He said he'd hire a cherry picker. I was like, fucking hell, it's a bit long. Is there any cherries, granddad? We're just going to fix the back part. Good. Is there not just a big ladder to get up there? Stevie, it's fucking high up. Do you live in a skyscraper? Three stories, mate. It does have a lot of stories. It looks like a normal size house. But yeah, I get it.

40:25Can I show you a picture? Can I show you a picture of a scale? Oh, no. You can't really tell. But that's like, these are the bat boxes. See the cement there? Yeah, three bat boxes. See the cement there? That's how it should look. Cement between three of them. Yeah. So it's like, no ladder will get up there. Okay. So my grandad comes around one day and he's like, I'll fix it for you. And yeah, I said, I don't want to jerry pick her though cost too much to hire and he goes i'll sort it and he comes round and he has got three massive i'm talking about 10 for each these are bits of wood and he just nails them into each other to make this really fucking long bit of wood like that goes down the road he's not gonna be able to climb it no right and and i'm like how are you gonna do this and he's like i'll get it i'll get it and i'll knock it like that and i thought fucking hell how are you doing shit like this anyway you pick the neighbour's car is still there right so is he trying to twat the bat box off he's trying to twat the bat box but what's that going to achieve twat box we need the cement out so we need to make it fall so then it can't fall later on does he want the bat box to fall no he wants the cement that's wedged in the tiny gap between the bat boxes to fall but surely the cement is a part of the thing keeping the bat box there he reckons it needs to be refilled but you need to get that old cement out first so the problem number one either way you've got to go up yeah he's not getting a big stick with cement on it he said you don't need to fill that until the winter he said during the summer that'll be fine to have that gap there so he said let's just get it gone because the neighbours pressure me now because it has been four months and I have been doing very little so then he gets this stick and he goes right walk it he tells me to put my foot on one end and to walk it up like that but as I'm walking it up it's wobbling everywhere because there's only a small bit of timber and it's wobbling like this and I'm thinking fucking hell I can barely see the top of it.

42:18And then it just snaps halfway and it goes straight towards the neighbour's car, which is the main problem. I'm there and it is only a thin bit of wood, so it's not heavy, but I just grab it right at the last minute and I'm like, fucking hell. I'm like, Grandad, I don't think we should do this because the whole problem is him getting his car batted up. And he went, that'll be fine, that'll be fine. So I'm like, right. He puts it back down on top of the bit of wood, nails another nail into it. And I'm thinking, fucking hell, it's already weak now it's already broke when it was at its strongest and then and then he goes that's because you were standing on it I was like you asked me to put my foot on it but whatever so then he just picks it up I swear right he pulls it back and bear in mind it's right up there you can barely see it and he just swings this bit of wood like a baseball bat mate right he swings this bit of wood it flies it pings perfectly on the bit of cement bash come straight down.

43:17He goes, done. Snaps a bit of wood in half, puts it in his van, gone. Grandad's a mental. That's good. That is really good. I doubted him as well. I doubted him after that first little hiccup. He's not the cleanest of hits. He had a misplaced pass coming on in the 80th minute, but fuck me, did he head at home. I was so expecting him to hit the back box and the whole thing fall out. Yeah. I was in the car. No, Titch brought a bird in. Bird. Oh, upgraded. Life did. From Meister Bird. fluttering but last flutters fucked up fucked bird yeah I went there but Fiona showed me a video and also why does she keep filming it?

43:56She's sadistic yeah I know she's fucking odd mate but she she brought the cat brought a mouse in the other day and the mouse we have got this little box it's like a little decorative box that you can just put like trinkets in and stuff but we've had it on the floor because we've got these two bits of flour shit she brings them like a tit's bringing mice home but you bring a decorative flower home you bring back pokemon cards lovely house but it's like two bits of fern coming out of the decorative box feathers yeah two long feathers right on the floor she can't judge if she's nicking feathers out of an owl and tit had brought this mouse back and we don't know how it happened but the mouse got in the box Don't know how it happened.

44:45And Titch couldn't get in the box because it was too shallow for her head. So we came down and we could just hear this mouse squeaking for ages and couldn't work out where it was. And about an hour later, we just found a little mouse in the box. So we set it free. But bringing the bird in, that's the last straw. You listeners have followed me on this cat journey from not having it back. You hate cat now. I hate cat. Are you just not fond of Titch anymore? I will give her attention and I will be nice to her. but deep down it's like I don't like when I look in her eyes do you know what will clear out cat dream what dog dream I know what's the latest I was googling last night again I'm so tempted I just I'm just still I'm just still worried of the logistics of it I'm worried about the I'm worried for feet I I just went on a I am I'm serious I'm worried for feet I am not that the dog will attack her I'm worried that she will be left doing dog logistics yeah I just went on a stag in Bristol for my friend and they got a puppy a few months ago and their lives seem to kind of revolve around this.

45:49It's like having a kid. And they work from home and it still seems to be every single day they have to do something around making sure this dog's going to be okay. Even the stag revolved around making sure dog was going to be okay. And stuff, it feels like... I've got to get back to my dog. Yeah, exactly. So we couldn't just go Barcelona for pin check? No, you don't live... because fees at home that's the problem you just right yeah right it's a feed problem right but it's because of me because of dog i just don't think you live a life that caters to any dog of any kind no it's just everything revolves around this thing which is lovely but you'll get to i think you'll love it for a while and then it will get to a point where it grinds on you and it will become the new titch where you're going fuck why did we do this and you've done it by then titch every now and then i call her and just to put the boot in a little bit not physically obviously metaphorically I call her bitch wow that's an insult because you're calling her a dog as well I go bitch want some food there's a pouch still nice but there's malice in your voice and she never picks up on it no by the way the reason that's my only sentence about the stag is because it's just the least staggy group of guys ever.

47:08So there's not a single story worth telling. Not a single story you can tell, eh, player? Have you seen that video online? Oh, mate, you need to... Right, it's weird because this ties everything we've been talking about on the podcast. Two lads go to Barcelona for a staggy. Have you seen? No. And it's gone far. The comments on it are fucking brilliant. Right, now I understand some people don't drink, right? And sometimes when I go away and I just drink, I do come back and I think, bit of a wasted trip, right? I would like to see more culture and engage in that kind of stuff, right? I also don't think there's anything wrong if you are the party kind of.

47:39Yeah, yeah. What I hate is a bit like the Stephen Bartlett thing recently where they shove the sobriety down people's throats. These two lads have gone away on a stag do. And they drink. They do drink, but they only drink. And the guy was like, here's everything that happened on the stag do as two guys who just wanted to enjoy it. And it swipes lots of good food, museums, one drink just to enjoy it with meals right and they're talking like that and memories that will actually remember and stuff and all the comments are just like you the effort you've gone in to show your wife this is funny they've had the maddest time ever because because we we did like carry i've literally got age we have to make a reel Sierra has all the best active and outdoor brands For the super athletic stuff Like running gear for cruising up the trail Woo!

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49:53If there's a skin infection, tell your doctor your medical history, muscle or nerve conditions, including ALS Lou Gehrig's disease, myasthenia gravis or Lambert-Eaton syndrome, and medications, including botulinum toxins, as these may increase the risk of serious side effects. Why wait? Ask your doctor, visit BotoxChronicMigraine.com, or call 1-800-44-BOTOX to learn more. The group of people we were with just aren't the type that make you dress up and all that kind of thing. So it was quite standard. We met at like 9 a.m. for breakfast. I had a beer there already. Did you? Yeah, it's not a beer.

50:21Were you the only one that had a beer? Yeah. Were you really? Yeah, I was. What the fuck are they doing? They all had a couple of beers. Which I like judging, but what the fuck were they doing? They all had a couple of beers the night before at poker. Were they feeling ropey then? Slightly at first. They got way better straight after. We then went and - A bit helps you out though, doesn't it? I don't know. But we went to a driving range. I'm shit at golf. I hate it. Just did not enjoy that. It's because you're not good at that. If you carried on being good at it, you used to hate running. True, true.

50:47But then we went and just did bowling and stuff. the only thing i do have is actually a story of someone else's stag is when we went to the bowling place um i wrote everyone's name on the thing and because matt it was matt stag but there was another one of his friends was called matt so when i wrote everyone's name to give to the people to put on the board rather than writing matt twice i just wrote stag just because that's an easy way to differentiate but when i handed it to the woman she went which one's the stag and i went oh matt over there and then she was like matt's on there's a matt on here and i was on a separate mats and then she went you lot don't look like a stag group and i was like yeah we're just we're just not the kind of people to force each other to dress up and stuff and she i was like do you get a lot of stags in and she went we had a weird one the other day and i was like what happened she went stag came in crawling on his hands and knees oh god collared and then it turned out they gave him a shock collar and they were making him crawl everywhere and the guys just throughout the day all had an app on their phone where they could just shock his fucking horrific as they're going on throughout the day and as she's telling me this jimmy savile walks in literally the next thing i see is a stag group walk in and jimmy is the main interest next thing i see is another stag group walk in and there's just a guy dressed as jimmy savile and all we made matt do is our friend got him a t-shirt of the university he went to in america just a t-shirt that has the logo of texas thing on it i think i'd rather go the savile one yeah i don't want to go in the dog one yeah i don't want to go to your one i want to go the savile one we drank loads and had fun went to flight club and all that i stayed out until like 4am that doesn't sound fun yeah bro i got you a fucking t-shirt oh no what's he gonna say mr raper I think even Matt was surprised even Matt was surprised he was like I thought this was going to be so much worse you've just given me you get a sharpie I go sorry Matt I'm just going to write Mr.

52:49Ray Ply Robbie what have you been up to mate I went to Netherlands as discussed earlier lovely I went to The Hague beautiful beautiful city I love the Netherlands this is one of my favourite countries lovely people love mispronunciations of names but yeah went there on the Hagel's we went to went to an art gallery nice so have you seen the girl with the pearl earring have you seen that I've heard of it that painting that was there so it's live quite good when you see a painting you know live how big is it the earring or the painting the painting because everyone always says Mona Lisa's tiny I've seen this that's about that size not TB yeah why is it a famous painting that's not the actual one it's a well good painting apparently can't really tell the difference that's like some AI enhanced one that is the painting i don't know if that's if that's a different version of it but yeah apparently he's like the master of light the guy i think or something like that so he's very good as the light great name oh well where where the light shines i think he was well good at painting light back in the day okay yeah um uh and also there's what else is there the goldfinch is there which i know because there's a book the goldfinch that was one of my favorite books by and that's the the whole plot of the books about a boy who is a terrorist attack and he takes the in the aftermath he takes this painting what and that painting's in the museum yeah so is it like a really famous museum like the louvre i think it's it's a i think it's a big paint it's a big museum for sort of that dutch golden age have you always been into museums or is this a thing that came with i think i don't think i was particularly when i was younger i think i started like i like going to to them a bit i'm not going to go to everything but particularly there's if i'm there i'll go and see one museum there's a few museums there particularly with the kitty and bev would have gone to more as well i would have done it but the boys weren't that keen on it so they like to look at a bit museums i feel like i've got getting into them a bit now i feel like when i was younger i'd hate the idea of going to one yeah but now my timeline of the museum is fiona will suggest going to one i think that i can't think of anything worse yeah i go because I have just been drinking for three days wherever we are, so I feel like we have to.

54:58And then my attention span's low, and then I see a few things I like, and my attention span goes way good. I'm high, riding a high of fuck, this isn't actually shit for an hour, and then falls off a cliff randomly, and I need to go to pub. Yeah, you need consistency when you're like... Yeah, an hour's plenty of time for me to spend in an art gallery. I wouldn't spend more than an hour, I don't think. What's the best museum you've ever been to? This goes to the floor. And the listeners, have a think. Are we including art galleries and museums? are talking about here museum art gallery let's bundle it all together i went a couple a year or two ago with bev to bilbao we went to the guggenheim there that was spectacular explaining dumb terms big museum yep man yep built museum right nice museum yep nice building yeah man called Frank.

55:48Ooh. Museum. Yeah. Rejuvenate city. City. Bad. Bit bad. Right. Museum. City better. Bring life. Me come. Yeah. Other people like me bring money. Yeah. Money makes city better. People happy. Yeah. Art nice. Yeah. The end. Okay, I get it. Nice. Okay. And that's the Guggenheim one. That's the Guggenheim in Bilbao, yeah. So that's, the building's incredible. That's your number one. What's yours? That's my favourite. I don't know if a museum in particular, but I quite liked, I said it on here before, but like Robbie just said, seeing something you know in real life, I really liked going to see the Last Supper painting.

56:33Oh, yeah. What, in the Pristine Chapel? Sistine, but it's a different thing as well. Sistine Chapel's the painted ceiling. Oh, yeah, that's banging. That's class. I did see... Do you know who painted that, by the way? How they got that high? That was my granddad with three pounds. Just a paintbrush on the end. That's the gig at home, by the way. That's what it looks like. It's class, isn't it? It looks like my sort of tray where I keep my pots and pans. I've not seen that, but I imagine it. Was it made by Frank Gehry? You could have just gone to Jack's. Yeah, I could have done. What's yours? 9-11 was class.

57:06Excuse me? Can I reword that? Yeah, but what about museums? The museum was shit. no the 9-11 museum was class obviously tragic and sad but that was pretty intense when you go in there you've been yeah when you go there they put you into like a theater room straight away curtains come back make you relive it uh and it's george w bush giving a talk to the to the to us actual george or like no and then a guy comes in it's on the screen no i know but like have they made him film no no it's the actual footage oh he's telling you that story oh like you've like it's just happened yeah and then the cia agent comes in yeah yeah yeah the plane has hit the tower yeah yeah yeah so that was that was a good one yeah uh robbie you might be proud of me i went on a pub crawl on my own the other day yeah hang on how do i feel about this i feel like alfie now he has to analyze himself am i proud um proud of you because you did something on your own and you would have normally have not done that or proud because you think i drink on my own all day you like norwich pubs i like the rich part i didn't let the fact that the people i was with going home put me off drinking okay yeah i like this yeah tell me through what tell me through how you ended up on this pub crawl i went to watch the champions league final with jack smith at uh riley stevie joined for the last part of it uh and my other friend jamie and then they weren't drinking they were all driving and i'd had about five pints and i had nothing on the next day and i thought let's go for it i'm enjoying this yeah and then everyone was going home and i thought sun was out we've had a heat wave recently and i had i had about an hour and 20 minute walk home yeah and i just i didn't plan on it but i just started walking i thought i'll just walk and see how far i go it was a little bit tiddly life was good walked past the stanley thought could do one could do one it's great yeah went in had one sat there just on the phone outside on the bench started to walk home again the brickmakers hello not really my scene that's not your vibe no went in that's like a biker place there was like a rock night on there was someone playing a couple of lads came up to me started speaking about the podcast that was good had a pint with them it's good that I like that I like a little solo pint occasionally that's how I became friends with Darren Huckabee he was bumping into a pub when I was for a pint on my own is it?

59:23yeah I'm not sure I knew that I'd met him once on a podcast in London and then after I moved to Norwich I'd been watching, as soon as I remember, it was Man U Wolves and the Murderers. I think I just went in. I think I was on my own there as well. I think I'd been out with the family during the day. And we were going back to the kids. I said, I'm actually going to watch the end of the football. I can't remember why I was particularly interested in Man U Wolves. So I went to watch the end of that. And I thought, I'll just walk back. I walked past a pub on Bank Road and just popped in. And then I just heard and go, oh, look who the cat, what the cat's dragged in.

59:55I said, I don't know, mate. It was a bird. I've been there once, and then, yeah, just drank me for a few hours. Drinking on your own is probably a good thing. Well, this is a thing, right? I think I'm doing the natural drinking progression as I get older. Yeah. So I've had my 20s, and I've had some wild nights. Yeah. And don't get me wrong, they still creep up from time to time. Oh, you can still do them for another few years. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There'll be a few festivals coming up this summer. You'll be getting a text. Text or voice note? How bad are we talking? Text. I'm not voice note here.

1:00:26Not voice note here. I'm liking four pints. Four pints is great. I'm liking four pints, and I kind of want four pints every day. I don't. Yeah. I don't. That bad. Famously do not. Famously do not do that, yeah. But we went last night at Half Yacht Planet, and I had two pints. Yeah. Fucking glorious. I used to not like beer. Now I love beer with my whole heart. That's what I love now. I don't like getting hammered. I'm like, no, no. Yeah. But like a little afternoon. Yeah. I think three or four points. It is nice when it doesn't ruin the next day. Well, you've always been a pioneer of the early start, early finish.

1:01:02I'm with you, brother. I'm with you. So two examples. One we spoke about on the pod a few weeks ago. Stevie and I randomly got hammered in Riley's about four, about six weeks ago. Bank Holiday Sunday. Bank Holiday Sunday. So much so. Sorry if it was you I was telling. No, it was Alfie. Yeah. But so much so that I didn't know how hammered I was. And then we were playing pool. And then I left, got a taxi home. The taxi driver was talking to me. And I got that really like wet mouth. where you're like, oh, this is bad. And the whole car was spinning, and I felt atrocious. Got home, went to have a bath.

1:01:33Bath too hot, almost throw up. Stumbled into bed at like 10 p.m. Fiona was like, you all right? I was like, I'm going to bed. Went to bed, had 12 hours sleep. Woke up. I promise you I did not have an ounce of hangover. Because I had 12 hours sleep. And then the other day, I was saying about my pub crawl. Probably had about eight pints, quite a considerable amount of pints, I'd say. got a fucking hench Mackey's order when I got home then the next day had a family barbecue around Fiona's sisters right as rain so I have conquered drinking there's times there's times when I'm like oh man if you hang over you think oh god maybe I should stop drinking that then the other day I just had a few pints it was like a daytime thing it was sunny a few minutes of the day and I was like this is unrivaled this is so nice and fun I kind of want a pint now isn't it mad that you can do that and it doesn't ruin your next three days of life.

1:02:26I'm going to have a pint at 4pm, I reckon. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm going to theatre tonight. Are you? Yeah. I'm going to theatre club. I, real quick, have we got time for one last little thing? Yeah, I've got a little thing as well I want to tell you, boys. Go on. I'm in a current dispute. Nope. Karen White. Karen White's back for now. Fuming. You can have Isaac on the weekends. Bad mood. Bad mood. Heat wave. Bad heat wave we had. Yeah, English homes, not good. Yeah. So fucking hot. Day one of it, I saw it was coming on the weather thing. So I was like, you know what? I'm biting the bullet. I said I'd do it last year.

1:03:03Thought it was too much money. I'm just going to go for it. Put£200 into a proper aircon unit. Right. That's a cheap one. I was going to say, I'll be honest. I know you were messing it up. £200 seems cheap. It is cheap for an aircon. I didn't know that was something you could get. Yeah, so it's like a pipe goes out your house and then you've got like this thing that you can, like out the window and then it comes with the things that seals the window still my dad's got one it's fucking amazing how much did you spend i think he got like 16 grand i think he got like a four or five hundred pound his is huge for some reason mine isn't as good his is huge but like improper you can you feel like you're in a fridge within a couple of minutes of it so i was like you know what i'm just gonna with this heat wave coming i'm gonna get it next day delivery b and q i was like i looked on amazon and i was like you know what i'll go to something i can trust it's nearby if i need to get it but they don't do them in store so i'll order it online next day delivery ordered it monday first day of heat wave i've got this sorted tuesday onwards fine tuesday bearing in mind this is half term yeah we spend the whole day in waiting for this thing because we're like i need to wait for this thing it just never comes for fuck's sake and i look at the uh thing dhl who's meant to be delivering it and it just says delayed and i was like okay i'll come tomorrow then wednesday of half term spend the whole day in doesn't come by saturday five days after i ordered a next day delivery thing it's still not come so i call b &q and they tell me oh that's actually through a secondary seller so we we have nothing to do with that now so i ordered it from your website it's on b &q website so yeah but we don't sell that it's a different company so you actually have to contact the seller you can go on your email and you can find a way to contact on the next day And then she went, oh, but they will take 48 hours to reply.

1:04:46It's the next day delivery. So on the Saturday, I message, I get a message on, and I say, cancel it, I'll order from someone else. This is stupid. Like the whole reason I went to B &Q was because I thought I was getting it from B &Q. So I just wrote, cancel the order. Don't care about it anymore. It still just says delayed on DHL. It doesn't say any other information. And they replied 48 hours later on the Monday saying, oh, the delivery people have it now. So if you don't want it, just turn it away at the door. That's it. No proper, like, blunt message. And I was like, you're fucked up here. And nothing else.

1:05:18No apology or anything. Just turn it away at the door if you don't want it. The person sending you that message doesn't give a shit that you know that. No, I know, which is frustrating. It starts pouring down now. It's a little bit warm, but pouring down. Take it back and bring me a heater. It's Wednesday today. Still on DHL. Just says nothing. Still says they don't have it. Contacted DHL this morning. And the hotel. they don't have it so she's messaged me saying they've got it now you'll get it delivered i don't i've spent 200 pound on nothing you'll get your money back yeah i don't know what's happened like i don't get why i can order free b &q it's someone else completely who will take two days to reply if i ever want anything for a next day delivery thing that i'm now on day 10 of will b &q be hosting other products on their website and then taking a commish i guess so i guess that's what they're doing but i literally scrolled through all the ones on amazon and was oh you know what it makes more sense for me to do one where i could actually go if because that's an awkward thing to post back to amazon but i could just take it to being cute if i need to turns out i fucking can't basically ordered for amazon anyway so he's told us about him ordering a thing that didn't come yeah warts yeah um bike me bike me you stag do this is like a reminder a little bit and all that very much more time to mustard what's everything mustard I think what I did that you'll like, Stevie is I went I got new glasses now which I put them on do you all see them?

1:06:43I see your bins I see your bins I'm only going to use them for driving but I brought them with you today because of theatre later where'd you go? is this theatre club day is it? when I got I went to Cecil Cecil Amy Amy yeah know it well but I went and how do you know it well? just know someone that works there okay well someone Cecil oh I only know Amy thoughts? don't mind can you push them down on your ears properly please good yeah don't mind them there you go yeah they fit your nose very well thank you yeah fit your nose very well um but i when i when i so i got in got them did my eye test and all this and ordered them then i had to phone them up to come in and collect them you don't have much of a prescription i knew this would happen no but like i'm wondering why why you got them like what why did they convince you to get them what do you mean why do you just don't have much of a prescription do i do i do i know not for reading a long distance so like with driving i find them easy with driving okay so i've had guys before um but my prescription changed not by much but a bit um but then so i found out spoke to a guy at the optician to um arrange to collect them and i said he said what's your name is probably nuts and he said oh um he said oh yeah that's fine you can coming this afternoon he said by the way love the podcast it's probably the guy i know is it the guy maybe yeah do you know his name no okay why are you gonna say no i just know a guy that works there okay yeah have you got any stories about this guy no so he said this and then i said um i said oh yeah don't worry now that i've you know it's a shame i'm getting and i said i've a bit banter with him i said shame i'm getting this because now when i wear them on the pod stevie's gonna talk loads of boring optician shit to which that just happened um but then i realise oh this guy can't take that the opticians and I'm calling it boring opticians which is cool by the way yeah that's funny yeah look good when um the reason I mentioned like the small prescription getting glasses because you're boring it was a big thing when you worked at the opticians that like people say all the time they got like upsold and did all these things you know I said I took Ariane and Isaac for their appointments recently Ariane had a small prescription that I said to her I was like you really don't need it but if you think your eyes get tired at the end of the day or whatever they they could be helpful she went back on her own and bought some and she came back with a 400 pound receipt and i looked at the lenses and everything and i just said cancel it now they have upsold you to the max it was mental they got they thinned her lenses and i was like she she has next to no prescription just enough to slightly sharpen things and just make her eyes like not have to work so hard throughout the day so she called them and contacted she called them and said i want to cancel it i've spoken to someone who knows about glasses and the manager called back the next day and was like my staff would never upsell you and i proper snappy and snarky did you go on the third no i just she just said okay but arian was just like killed her with kindness she was like okay no that's fine i still want to cancel because how it worked when i worked at the opticians is you've obviously got sales goals but not as a person but as a store that we didn't get commission or anything but if they made that 400 pound sale the day arian went in they'll get that 400 pound that day but the day she cancelled first thing in the morning that means they're going to start that day on minus 400 so the manager would have obviously been fuming for that but like she was like i've got new power yeah yeah well that's how it worked at our store but then it was like so like she was probably like we'd never upsell you and i was looking go fuck it you barely needed glasses yeah and she they sold her this plan that you pay off over two years and all this stuff and i was like you have completely rinsed her for these things so i was like there's a lot as well yeah yeah the frames were 100 with lenses so you've got to think she got two pairs the second pair was meant to be half price so you'd think that's 150 total somehow 400 with a discount it said pre-discount over 600 for someone who had the smallest prescription so I was just like just cancel it I don't even care how annoyed they are wow well my last thing I went to the O2 the other day to watch the Premier League final the darts fantastic hell of a final hell of a day every single leg of darts that could have been played could have been played yeah mad because both semifinals were 10-9-10-9 then the final was 11-10 uh and then afterwards really fucking cool especially me someone who loves darts i um went to the after party uh oh yeah so when i was watching the darts i was watching it with the family of um luke littler and luke humphries and luke littler's uh brother-in-law put his number in my phone and he said i'll text you where we're going to go after so i thought brilliant that'll be fun so um put put the number in found out where it was swanky hotel sky bar went in there humphries came in had a little chat with him he was obviously devastated but such a lovely bloke yeah um it was it was quite mad because he was going on about how and i spoke about this on double tops but he was going on about how heartbroken he was to lose it in that fashion to lose the title to luke now and then as he was talking he was really gutted luke littler's walked in with the trophy and the whole bar just stood up and clapped him and stuff and he's with all his family it was a nice moment and humphries was the first one over there to give him a hug and a hand shake and a lot of people says say on like twats online say that humphreys does it for the cameras but it's like there's no cameras here he's going over but it's weird that he went up to you and went talk about that on the podcast yeah yeah yeah but anyway the the reason i bring this up not not just to flex i was at cool pie was um at the end uh so i get on really well with luke's dad um littler's dad um bucky and like we met him when he came to do happy yeah stuff like that and he's just a normal bloke and um we we were chatting and then the bell rang at this bar for the final order and i said bucky let me get you a drink mate i've not got your drink before so i get him a drink i'm going over to get my drink and then i see littler sat there and i've not spoke to him yet so i was like buck it i'll get him a drink so i go over pat him on the back say congrats on that and he sat there with a whole circle of family i go luke let me get your drink mate and he goes all right mate nice one yeah i'll get um double malibu lemonade i was a bit odd fair enough whatever and i go what does your mum want so we go mum mum what do you want she goes double malibu lemonade i'm like i can see where you get it from fair enough and then because i've asked two and there's like eight other people there i'm kind of like i'm just gonna take them so i went around the whole group and i was like right what do you want what do you want what do you want only person i hadn't asked was luke's girlfriend faith because she wasn't there at this point yeah right so i go up to the bar relay the order and helping me as dad and then the total comes up i can't quite remember but he was it was over 100 pounds it was like 119 quid last ring spenny spenny round spenny but i like luke littler it's giving me a lot of moments come on this podcast at least i can do as i'm there at the bar this guy turns to me and he was just like uh i don't he wasn't even a he hadn't even been to the darts right not a darts man yeah and he goes are you with luke littler and i go no i'm not not with him but i'm i know him yeah he goes are you getting them drinks for him and i go yeah he's 19 that was the problem and then he goes i don't say that obviously i'm like yeah yeah and then he goes can i pay for him and i go nah mate it's honestly it's fine he goes i won't even go over there so i'm like nah honestly mate it's fine he goes i just want to tell my mates at work tomorrow that i bought luke littler a drink and i'm like mate like i really don't want you to pay because it's 119 quid or whatever and then as i'm saying in it um luke littler's girlfriend comes around and i promise you i did not intend for this to happen but i just turned around i was like faith what what do you what do you want she says what she wants as i turn back he's paid for it he's tapped his card and just walked off and just gone he hasn't even gone over to like littler and said they're from me oh littler must have been buzzing though that the guy did did you tell littler so i put them all on a tray and i just went over and I went, there you go, guys.

1:14:31Yeah. Sorry, I'm already paid you to get one. Call him back. Can you get her one too? But I was just like, because what do I say in that moment? By the way, this random guy that you've never, I don't even know his name. This random guy. So I genuinely wasn't just trying to pass it off as my own, but I just thought, I don't know what to say. Barely even exchanged words. Just gave the drinks, was the legend, and went off into the right. There we go. Give me the green light.

1:15:03It's been Jack Mate's Happy Hour Podcast with Robbie Knox, Stevie White and Jack Mate. We'll see you on Thursday for a guest step. We're all caught up, baby, all caught up.

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