669 - Michael Phelps Is A Chode (ft. Very Drunk Stevie)

31:24No, because I'd be in hospital. Yeah, because the difference is that one of them will die and the other one will only die if I drown. But the golfing quality between you as a non-swimmer versus Michael Phelps and you as a non-boxer versus Floyd Mayweather, what's the bigger... I think both of them would be awful. I don't think any of them are going to go and wonder who's the best. But I think I think Floyd Mayweather would beat me up I feel like this might come to the argument of what was the competition against him Floyd Mayweather? No, no, about Phelps, because I don't know enough about this is so hard when we don't know the stats, yeah it is a shit one because yeah, just plow through it Phelps Phelps obviously got more golds than anyone ever yet at the Olympics but do we know enough about his records, like have his records been broken?

32:16Have people been better since? Well, Michael Phelps had that weird wingspan thing. Have you heard about that? Massive arms? Yeah. Wingspan fact. Let me tell you this. Look, Tommy Fury. He's got well long arms, hasn't he? That's our thing. Whenever there's photos of him, his arms are mental. Well, listen to these facts, right? So his wingspan, right? He has an arm span of 6.7 feet. His arms are longer than his height. I thought the whole thing is that your arms are meant to be your height. His height is 6 '4", so he's wider than he is tall. And there's some mad stat. He's a chode. He's a chode.

32:57Yeah, Michael Phelps is a chode. Can we call the episode that? He also has... You'll have to do your own research because I can't be bothered. That's on you! Well, no, I haven't researched any of these. I'll just put names there. All right. He also has some mad thing. I bet he can hold his breath for like fucking four hours or some shit fuck off, no he can't no he can't do your own research but he can hold his breath for four hours you can't do your own research and give us a pack that's the most mental thing ever do you have to do your own research but he can fly like a bird I read that he's got like lungs like a dolphin where have you read this?

33:40Google I got felts for me Phelps over yeah yeah I'm going to go Phelps sorry boys this is tough I realise Djokovic versus so Novak Djokovic versus Wayne Gretzky Gretzky I know nothing about Gretzky so I was going to be Djokovic I don't think any man has ever dominated a sport like Wayne Gretzky Phil Taylor Phil Taylor is Gretzky baseball no ice hockey ice hockey yeah right you talk about yourself I'm going to get you to a proper who was the other Novak Djokovic Djokovic I don't know why I really liked tennis when I was older younger yeah I was older oh I'm done I'm done I don't care you choose Djokovic what were you going to say about it I loved tennis when I was younger but I really really liked Federer and Nadal I loved that whole thing and then Andy Roddick came in with the mad so loved that whole thing and I don't know what it was about Djokovic I just really disliked it and I think it was because he was kind of ruining what those had well he was the new yeah and I think I really liked that and then he'd kind of stopped those finals happening so I really disliked that but he was just incredible and he went on to surpass he's got more grand slams than anyone else he's the best tennis player ever if you go on accolades he's got 24 grand slam titles and he has an Olympic gold medal and holding the world number one ranking for a staggering 428 weeks and I think the difference with him as well is that he could do it on all surfaces whereas Nadal was known so much for clay yeah would you think gretzky could only do it on ice yeah yeah what do you do clay yeah imagine how good he'd be at tennis though on ice i reckon he'd beat jugovic on ice tennis on ice yeah i would watch that tell us about gretzky then so when gretzky so you get you get points in ice hockey for assists or scoring yeah gretzky is the leading career points scorer and assist producer in nhl history so he's top of both and he has more assists than any other player has total career points so he's had more assists than anyone's had goals and assists combined right he's the only nhl player to total over 200 points in one season a feat he accomplished four times wow addition he scored more than 100 points in 15 professional seasons at the time of his retirement in 1999 he held 61 nhl records 40 regular season records 15 playoff records and 6 all-star records yeah that is good here's my argument against it that is good how many people cared that much about fuck me you'll never go to Canada mate you'll never go to Canada this is my point the fact that you've specifically had to mention Canada in the 90s when he finished his career how many like with Littler coming into darts since Littler's joined darts it's exploded no matter where you go you're going to find teenagers who are so fucking good at darts now yeah kids whereas when taylor was a player teenagers they're never going to play because they're not at the pubs yeah in the 90s did anyone care that much about ice hockey so his competition was so so small in comparison to all of people that were professional ice hockey so whereas if he was a professional now would he pull out those same numbers he might still be the best right now but a lot of those would probably be a much narrower margin what do you mean i don't what you're saying as in he less people were interested in it because so many less people were interested he's the best of the best at that time whereas when you've got better players around you it will then make it harder because they're also going to be getting those stats yes he was incredible and amazing at his time but when there's other players who can also hit close to that your numbers are going to be smaller no one's come close to that because so many people are playing it now that it's being spread out more there's not a standout player now so much isn't i don't know i don't know it's hard to argue i just think this i think personally obviously jokovic is the probably the greatest tennis player of all time but the second and third are quite close to him whereas gretzky the second and third um i think it would have been a better matchup to actually put him against phil taylor because they're two people that heavily dominated their sport but we haven't that's not how the is gone i'm gonna go wayne gretzky oh i'll go gretzky okay just giving an argument for the other side now this next one i've got a controversial take for um usain bolt versus tiger woods oh one's a runner olympic champion the fastest man ever over 100 meters and although that looks like that's going to get beat soon are you excited by goot goot yeah yeah really excited by goot goot yeah really am great name yeah i thought it was gout gout is it it's goot gout in it i don't know i was getting my big gout i saw some negatives about him recently because he was uh too quick no he raced noah lyles who's one of the best in america right now and i think because he lost everyone's going oh he's not that good and they're all going yeah but noah's one of the best in america right now and this kid's 19 right yeah like compare him to the at the same age he is currently faster than what noah was at the same time yeah exactly so people really struggle to comprehend the comparison yeah pretty much like what we're doing when we're comparing a swimmer with a boxer.

38:55Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But they're comparing the same thing. Yeah. Yeah. They're pairing apples with apples. Just one apple's a bit older. We're doing oranges. Yeah. I filmed you saying Bolt once. He was sound. I know. Yeah. I know you did. Yeah. You big fan of him? Yeah. Is that going to sway your decision now though? Well, maybe I have to sit this one out because I'm biased. So you're going to say Bolt no matter what, aren't you? Yeah, but Tiger was a bit of a shaggy though, wasn't he? Hold on. Is that leaning you towards him? I think he's saying Bolt. I don't know. I'm saying a million percent i am saying tiger woods well why a million that's very heavy tiger woods dominated the sport right of golf like and golf i imagine golf is so hard to be good at right because it's i know you're doing the same thing but you're doing and again i'm a complete novice i don't know what i'm talking about but like you're having to you're having to drive you're having to putt you're having to do all these different types of swings way more variation yeah yeah you you have to account for wind all this kind of stuff he won the masters a couple times didn't he or however many i don't know right but then he went away didn't he and he had all those problems right got a lot older and then he come back and won it again in like 2019 or around then like so to go away for so long come back and then dominate the field again i think it's impressive also tiger woods pga tour 2004 and 2005 best games yeah so good Usain Bolt he's just running isn't he yeah he's just running quick quote of the episode yeah Usain Bolt he's just running he's also like I remember when I was when I was there I was looking at him I remember just thinking you're like the best human there's ever been like physically like you're like the best one yeah of all time yeah at like something that's so like a key thing everyone should run at some point yeah and you're the best person that's ever been at that.

40:49Do you know what Usain Bolt says he's never run 5K? Yeah, that's mad. I've got a better 5K time than Usain Bolt. Yeah, yeah. But then I'll argue when you watch Soccer Aid no one goes, wow, it's Usain Bolt. You're not getting excited by him. I think they are. No, no, no. But in terms of like, oh, he's incredible at football. Oh, he's shit at football. He's still alright. He's alright at football. He's not like... I'm comparing him to Perlow. Do you know what I mean? How goes Tiger Woods at football? Yeah. We'll never know. He's been smart by not playing. We can't bear him. I don't know if this could go either way, to be honest.

41:23I mean, how much has Tiger Woods dominated it? I mean, how is he compared to Rory McIlroy, for example? He's had all the games, though. It's like going, who's Tony Hawk and skateboarding? You can't do it. He's got the games. Yeah, but name another skateboarder. You go Tony Hawk. I get that we know Rory McIlroy now. Good. Yeah, good. We go, name other golf players. Rory McIlroy. scotty scheffler scheffler and then ever yeah jack jack jack nicholson early owls nick faldo uh but like when you when you go to name other runners oh no just saying that yeah i don't know many runners noah lyle's have another one of those yeah tiger woods is one of the most successful golfers in history holding a record tying 82 pga tour wins tied with sam sneed and 15 major championships he is one of only five players to achieve the career grand slam and famously held all four major trophies simultaneously a feat now known as the tiger slam so tied i will say two things he said tied with one other and then held with five others well he won the masters in 97 01 02 05 went away and came back and won in 19 that's quite sexy yeah his wife didn't like Bolt's not tied.

42:45Does drink drive though. Yeah, and his wife's probably not. I'll go Usain Bolt. Oh, you pricks. I'd have gone Tiger Woods. Okay, we've got two more. Let's rattle for them. Pele versus Serena Williams.

43:04It's hard because you don't see that much footage of Pele. I'm just relying on my granddad telling me how good Pele was. My instant reaction is Serena. Yeah. Because I just think for tennis, no one's compared to her since. It will take a long time for anyone to be able to. Whereas with Pele, you're constantly throwing him into debate. You're constantly going, Pele or Maradona, Pele or Messi. You're always throwing him at someone else. You can't with Serena Williams. You go Venus, but obviously wasn't as good. And then any tennis player since hasn't ever leveled that at all. She won. she spent 319 weeks ranked at world number one she's won four Olympic gold medals she's completed the career gold and grand slam and similar to Tiger Woods in the last bout the Serena slam is when you hold all four major titles simultaneously I'd go Serena straight away Serena over Pele such a weird sentence I need to wee we'll carry on while he does that Is there another one for this?

44:12Well, boys, just hold on a second. Just hold on a second. Sit down quickly, Steve. You know how we've been doing all this debate and then we do the quarters and the semis and the finals. I'm going to tell you now, there's probably somebody who just wins it flat out. Messi versus Jim Thorpe. Jim Thorpe does win it flat out. He does. Who's Jim Thorpe? Who's Jim Thorpe? I don't know who Jim Thorpe is. He's doing a joke. Who's Jim Thorpe? Jim Thorpe wins He's the great, let me tell you about Jim Thorpe Do you want to go for a wee? Really badly Jim Thorpe wasn't just good at sport He was basically elite at everything Right?

44:49Go for a wee You make me excited about who Jim Thorpe is You tell me about Jim Thorpe while he's wee No, you can't find out If Jim Thorpe Goes into the next round, you tell me Jim Thorpe's beaten Messi, I'm telling you Right, who is he? I'll tell you when he's back Oh Okay, you're back from the toilet and you're straight onto a Thatcher's. Legendo. What did you say? Legendo. Oh, I like it. I like it. That's fucking awful. No, that's good, that. He's still doing his huge brandy, isn't he? He's undermining the other side of the other things. Famously a lovely drop. Right, so what? Is it in date?

45:29Oh. Don't dip it up like that. What? What? It went off November last year. It's drinking your pussy. Mate, it's vile. Genuinely, I tried that and I was like, what's wrong with that? It went off November last year. Look at the bottom of that. 11, 2025. Why have you given me a drink that went off last year, Robbie? Mate, it tastes grim. Get him a Jack Danielson. Behind the boxers, Robbie. Look at him helping. There you go. Jack Danielson. That'll be right. It's full of sugar coke. Where the fuck are these coming from? This went off in 2024 Look at the date of that I know I'm not drinking Look behind the boxes there Look behind the boxes there Robbie What do you want behind there?

46:16I want the best I want the best after We're keeping this in the pod We're keeping this in the pod What about that Thatcher's This is mental What else is behind there? Mate Try that and tell me Okay try that and tell me if it's good and I'll drink it.

46:39Okay. That is grim. This is horrible, horrible peer pressure. He started doing it. It's him. It's not me. I'm saying no. You're saying just drink. Lads, I'm very aware we're about 40 minutes into this. So, right. Messi. Went off last year. That's fine, mate. So the final round here, right? Lionel Messi, right? Won the World Cup. One of the greatest, the greatest footballer to ever live in my opinion. He's playing against Jim Thorpe. You want to know who Jim Thorpe is? Yeah. Arguably the best athlete of all time. Okay, Jim Thorpe wins. Jim Thorpe wasn't just good at sport. He was at basically everything.

47:17Born in 1887 in Oklahoma, he had a tough upbringing with personal tragedies, but showed insane natural ability early on. Don't tell us the childhood of any of the other stars. I know. I need you to know about Jim Thorpe. Jim Thorpe became world famous at the 1912 Olympics when he won gold in the pentathlon, won gold in the decathlon, and dominated so heavily that even the king of Sweden told him, sir, you are the greatest athlete in the world, right? It gets better. It gets better, right? So when he finished at the Olympics, he decided to start playing football. Yeah, obviously. Soccer, as in?

47:55No, American football. And he became a pro footballer, right? And played in the top league for a team called the Canton Bulldogs. He was so good, he became the president of the NFL. Hold on, hold on. Surely the president of the NFL isn't great at the sport. Well, he was, right? And then after that, he was like, I'm so good, but I'm a bit bored. He decided to play baseball. And he was signed by a team called the New York Giants. I can't tell if you've made someone up. I can't. This feels like you've made someone up. Jim Thorpe. I'm Googling him. How did his baseball go? Jim Thorpe. He played for the New York Giants, right?

48:31It feels like you're just telling a fake story of this man who's done everything. Look, I've got him on here. I've got him on Wikipedia. Thorpe with the Canton Bulldogs, right? These are all the teams he played for. The New York Giants. He played for the Tampa Cardinals. Yeah, no, he's not lying. He's not lying. Coaching. He is. So he won the Ohio League three times. He was in the first ever all-pro team. He has done everything. NFL statistics games played 52 started 37 three gold medals baseball career that is mental he is sorry I don't think we need to do the other rounds on mine he is the greatest athlete to ever live Jim Thorpe winner yeah Jim Thorpe Jim Thorpe yeah no matter who you put him up against Jim Thorpe wins yeah because he's done multiple sports it's like the argument people do in football where they're like oh he's done it in all these other leagues yeah he's done it in other sports could he do it on a rainy night in Stoke Could he beat Floyd Mayweather in a fight?

49:26Probably not. He's dead now, obviously. Could he beat Wayne Gretzky and Suna Williams in a doubles ice tennis game? Yes, I'd back him. Okay, Jim Thorpe wins then. Right. Are we just saying sports Jim Thorpe wins? Yeah. A man we've never heard of before this episode. He's the greatest athlete of all time. Go on, Jim Thorpe. Good journalism, Jack. Thank you. Thank you. I don't know if I'm sarcastic, but I'll take it. No, it's good. Go on. What's your category? Am I going? I don't know. I think we've probably only got time for one more haven't we Robbie's got to get trained I've got to get trained what if I do a quick one I'm drinking a golf thatcher's boys alright let's do it because I'm trying to hear you talk go on thatcher's boys I've got a good category if you take if you take five big glugs of that you can do it big glugs how do I just define a big glug you know you know a big glug one big glug two big glugs that was a really big glug I do not condone this behaviour Yes you do I do, I so do Right I burp loads Okay My category You said you got a really highbrow one My category is potatoes Interested So mine is Ways to consume potatoes Eat them Shut up your ass that's the first one bebo no it's like different ways that we can cook potatoes and go wow they're they're so good okay okay right so stevie's category is different ways we can cook potatoes and go wow they're so good i think we can give it is pretty quick yeah yeah round one is french fries versus boiled potatoes oh so easy and at the classic the french fry no matter where you go French fries, fucking beautiful.

51:17Yeah, although a boiled new potato. I do like a boiled, yeah. Well, you know what? Come around my house next month because I've got loads of first-sali potatoes that get me ready. Have you really? What are you dishing up with them, though? That's the... Well, well. Yeah, but no, but we're going... The thing I will say... You know what I might do? Wait, wait. I will say in this round, I don't care what you're serving with the potatoes. We're talking pure potato. Yeah, yeah. You can't go, oh, French fries are great with a burger. So it doesn't matter. So these are salt-free French fries? No, no, no.

51:43Can you salt? No. can you salt them oh right so that's fine then no you can have seasoning but you cannot the burger is irrelevant yeah yeah no one mentioned burger though right yeah what are you having with your boiled well what I might do is in the fridge at the minute I've got quite a lot of pesto from my radishes I made radish top pesto yeah I could put a bit of that in them maybe just a little bit of butter I think I might start making my own butter yeah fuck me so that's quite easy to make butter I think is it You need a cow, mate. You need some cream. You can just get the cream right with the cow.

52:17You should get a cow. Can you leave a cow on your allotment? No. French fries versus boiled potatoes. Fries. Boiled potatoes for me. If you said chips, different. French fries. That might be later. Fries you can get anywhere. I'd go fries. So French fries wins that round. Curly fries versus hashish. I'll tell you right now, I don't like one of these things.

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54:17I'm going to guess it's curly fries. Yeah, I'm not a big fan of curly fries. I like a curly fry, a little spicy curly fry. Can I ask why curly fries taste so different to normal fries? More batter. But is it not just a fry, but curly? I just think they look different as well I've always thought this The ends are kind of like It's a good texture Yeah It's like a spring Crispier Sometimes I'm going hash brown I love a hash brown on a fry up One of the best bits American hash browns are weird aren't they I love them though I do like No I'm going to get a crispy fry I think A curly fry I hate a curly fry Which I find really weird No because I love a fry I don't know why I really dislike a curly fry Okay Are you hash brown?

54:57I'm going hashy I love a hashy I love a hashy she's going against Robbie every time no no I'm not trying to I'm just being me fine hey okay big one game's a game innit game's a game I love it potato waffles birds like potato waffles they're waffly versatile yeah we're going waffles versus crisps one million percent crisps crisps I went through so many bags of them yesterday it's a joke potato waffles how many bags? no I haven't how many is a joke for you? you ate nine bags of crisps yesterday what did you eat? I ate eight bags seven bags of Walkers and then I How are you not 17 stone? I'll just have to offset it we're running I did a bag of McCoys and a massive share bag of Discos so I'm going to go Discos are good Honestly my mouth was like the fucking Sahara Discos are the most powerful crisps Yeah I know I know I know they should be running the country yeah Oh so are we just Chris Is that the easiest round ever?

55:52Yeah Chris Tear waffles are good by the way Chris are winning a lot I will say since I don't think I've properly had waffles since I was a kid. Isaac has them all the time. He fucking loves them. My kids love them. Every now and then I'll just have a little nip. I'll go, they're amazing. Really? Mate, potato waffles are so good. A little bit beans. A little bit beans. Beans and eggs. Stop touching me. You're ill. Stop touching me. You're ill. I'm going to Barcelona. Beans and egg on waffles. Yeah. Well, we can add beans and egg to this. No, I'm just saying. God, you are just mean. I'm just mean.

56:27Fuck you both. Mashed potatoes. Crisp one, yeah? Crisp one. Crisp one. Mashed potatoes. I love a bit of mashed patat. Versus wedges. Look at his eyes. He's fucked. He's gone red. I'm on 10. I've had 10.5. 10.5 units. And this is two. And this is... And I've had half of that. I've finished half of that, by the way, already. You know, you're a kid at the party and there's some drunk relative who's talking to you it's weird. Yeah, yeah. He's touching you and shit. Yeah. I've finished over that half of that already. I'm getting fucking mashed potato. This is fake. What was it up against? Wedges. Yeah, mashed potatoes versus wedges.

57:04There's no better meal on the planet than sausage, mash, beans, brown sauce.

57:13Good luck. Good luck staying at the hotel with you tonight, Jack. I did that away from the cat. I would say I'd like some onion gravy on that as well. Yeah, I don't have gravy on hers. I can't do gravy. You can't add it. Okay. mash then mate mash although plain mash is probably not great yeah I'm not a big fan of if you make a nice creamy mash yeah um roast potatoes oh versus dauphinoise potatoes roast yeah roast no debate needed you guys are quick on it dauphinoise Tory cunts what is a dauphinoise potato they put usually like cream on it and they there is no roast that yeah but it ain't no roast is it no roast no roast patatas bravas oh oh interested versus potato skins I think they're level no so brav is easy I think are you getting the sauce that comes with the potato brav is you need the sauce with the potatoes brav is yeah but that's kind of what it is isn't it yeah that's why you need it mate yeah but I'm saying you get it all together so when you think that's what we're asking yeah so yeah you do can we have the can we have the potatoes brav is with the red and white sauce and can we have the potato skins with like some cheese and bacon lard on yeah right okay yeah because that's how you are served it normally no one's ever gone here's a potato skin that's empty I make well good potatoes skin.

58:25Do you? He did. He did when we were there. Keeps touching me. That's weird. Right. I say I do. It's not a jealous recipe. Okay. Yeah. So what are we saying? I'm going potatoes bravas. Yeah. Yeah. I love it. I'm going to Barcelona on Wednesday. Looking forward to eating some potatoes bravas. So good. Yeah. This is a big round. Unless I'm ill. Jacket potato versus Fee loves a jacket potato. Chippy chips. What are you allowed? What's your jacket potato sample? What are we getting here? beans well you're talking this is this is where potatoes get difficult we're talking like what you'd normally have with it as well so like with a jack of potato if you're a tuna mayo man you get that with your jack of potato what the fuck what I'm not saying you eat it on its own am I I'm allowed to have tuna mayo and a jack of potato but I can't put anything on my boiled potatoes I have to just have just freaking pure potatoes what would you have on your boiled boiled potatoes come lonely butter you come lonely Butter, maybe Fine, you can have that It's too late now Too late now Yeah, but like All these other things Like you naturally Like Chippy Chips You're not going to have them Without some vinegar Either way, it's chips Yeah, yeah It's Chippy Chips Chippy Chips I fucking love Chippy Chips I get Chippy Chips on the way home Oh, that's a banging idea Chippy Chips What, in London?

59:44I can't imagine they do it It's a good choice Chippy Chips are very good Half ten Chippy Chips Dream dead, isn't it? Chip dream dead Yeah, Chippy Chips are very good What do you prefer? Is it like gravy or curry sauce? Oh. Curry. I like a curry sauce. I think gravy is the end of the night thing. It's like night out, french fries gravy. It's winter time for me. Chippy chips, curry every time. Croquettes versus Hasselback potatoes.

1:00:15Croquettes for me. I like the softness, the crispy outside, the soft inside. Particularly if it's a croquette that's got like bacon or something in it. I'm with you. This feels like something you've never had either of. I've had a croquette, mate. Have you had Hasselbeck? No, I'm from a council estate. I've had croquettes. Did you... Were croquettes like a massive thing in my house when I was a kid? What, they're wheeling out the croquettes like special occasions? No, but like just a bag full of these shit potato things just chucking in the oven. You can eat them. And you thought I've never had a croquette.

1:00:41No, that's what I was wondering. Was that a normal thing? Yeah, yeah. Big bag of like 50. Great, aren't they? With beans. I love they're crispy on the outside and they're fluffy, cloudy on the inside. Okay. Big round then. So we're saying croquettes over Hasselback. French fries versus hash browns. That's a big round, isn't it? Hash brown for me. I'm going to go hash brown. I'm going to go hash brown. Why would I want french fries? I'm going to go hash brown. There's too much potential for bad french fries. French fries get a bit colder, shit. You still get a cold hash brown. I don't know if it's the last couple of times I've had McDonald's, shit.

1:01:17Their fries are normally the worst McDonald's I've ever been to. there's that new mouse hold one we've flagged that off on here before but it's but I went to one recently with Isaac and I tried the fries and I was like what the fuck there's something really wrong with them at the moment yeah hash browns though unanimously clear hash browns over french fries that's a big ground McDonald's do a good hasher you know yeah don't do it too bad I gave my friend Meg's on the school run today I gave her a bag of my pesto yeah not a euphemism so yeah and she got a McDonald's hash brown on the way there.

1:01:52She just dipped it into the pesto. Oh, wow. Wow. Do you know, I'll tell you who else does a really underrated hash brown. Wetherspoons. Oh, really? Yeah. You'd be surprised. Crisps. Yep. Is that your answer already? Yep. Versus mashed potato. Crisps. Mashed meat. Wow. Wow. Okay. Love a mash. What are you going for, Stevie?

1:02:16I think I would go crisp. Yeah. Just so much fried. You're never going to have bangers of mash ever again. It's the best meal ever, but I could live without that sooner than I could live without crisps. I will say, have you eaten a packet of crisps today? Yeah. Have you had mash... What fucking rule is that? Why is he touching me like this? He's getting angry, isn't he? Yeah. I've not had mashed potatoes today, mate, no. Too early for mash, and it's too early for super-age. Roast potatoes versus... potatoes brazos potatoes brazos I think if I was Spanish I'd be saying potatoes brazos but I think roast potatoes are a staple of the British diet I love them I go potatoes brazos because they're just like small roast potatoes anyway aren't they I like the sauce imagine Christmas day without a roast potato that would be sad imagine a trip to Spain without potatoes brazos could do it could do it have paella I'm going roastie I'd go roastie I think roast potatoes if cooked well are one of the best things ever.

1:03:16Yeah. Well, give us those four winners and we'll put them all together. We've still got one more. Oh, fuck me. Chippy Chips. Yeah. Yeah, winner. Versus Croquettes. Chippy Chips. Yeah, it's always Chippy Chips, wasn't it? So we've got crisps, Chippy Chips, hash browns and roast potatoes. Chippy Chips. That's not how it works, Robbie. I think we can do it like that. We just pick one because we're aware of the time how this is running. It's hash browns versus crisps. Crisps. crisps crisps i'd go crisps and roast potatoes versus chippy chips chippy chips oh i'd go chippy chips i would have probably maybe gone roasties but but yeah i've been overruled yeah i think chippy chips are just universal you can like you you're not going to the beach and asking for roasties are you you're getting them specifically on a sunday yeah you're very specific on a roast i'll tell you what i now know what the final is and i think this might be the toughest thing anyone's ever asked.

1:04:12Chippy chips versus crisps. Straight for me. Chippy chips. No, I'm... That's so difficult. Sorry. I love chippy chips, but it is like when we said earlier, like the fact that you can do it... I'm going crisps. You're stuck in your teeth. Yeah, but then you have a bit later on. Choice. True. It's too much pressure. Well, maybe just hurry up, whatever it is. What did you say? Chippy chip. Crisps. Crisps have won. Yeah. Is that just because I was rude to you? Yeah. He's going to pitch it. Crisps won because Robbie told me to hurry up. Crisps is the winner. So, so far this episode, we have got Jim Thorpe versus Crisps.

1:05:02They will be pitted against dogs and caffeine in the final. But Robbie, I'm very intrigued. we don't know what list you've come up with i'm so excited have a guess stevie what you think robbie's come up okay it's robbie um women in their 20s sorry i've had a few all right i think you're gonna either done vegetables right or you've done supermarkets smells oh that's so you is one of them women in their 20s they all are different women in their 20s. I need to get them into a battle, don't I? Yeah. Or you could just do 1v2v3v4. I'll tell you what, why don't I get you to pick numbers from 1 to 16?

1:05:47Great. Like an FA Cup draw. I'm going to run into it. Like an FA Cup draw. So 1 to 16, different smells. Jack, you will be drawing the home teams. Stevie will be drawing the away teams. Kick me off with a 7. Sweat, in brackets, fresh. Right. So not stale BO. Like someone's just been running or something like that. Sweat. Is that going to be good? Versus two. Petrol. Oh. Easy. Easy. But sweat is, it depends on the situation. I'm sorry. No, no. There has never been a positive situation where you've gone, I love the smell of your sweat. Yeah. If I work out at the gym, I go, yeah. Yeah, like, yeah, I'm fucking.

1:06:29Or if you're. You don't. You don't. You're pummeling abroad. Have you ever. Yes, Jack. what all the audience were thinking yeah how am I the one drinking yeah no no I'm sorry have you ever been in a petrol station and thought that's rank no I fucking love petrol yeah there we go then he does famously I think I'm going to go you said pummeling broads yeah I thought you were saying pummeling pummeling I thought that whole time you said bubbling abroad. I thought you were so specific. I don't know, John, that one. I was like, that's so niche. What's the way to read? In my head, he's gone, if you're bubbling abroad.

1:07:28Robbie. Robbie, what for you? Oh, he's travelled. What's the winner then? Oh, petrol. Petrol, fine. Petrol, babe. Broad. It was a broad. Okay. You're fucking up your head. Okay, so petrol. That's too much drink. Pick a number, Jack. Let's go for number one, please, Robbie. Cut grass. Oh. 16. Fire. Ooh. Does fire smell? Barbecue, mate. Yeah. Yeah, barbecue. I like the smell of fire on a barbecue because I like the meaty smell. So I'm just thinking of fire. No, but just shut around a fire bonfire. I've got an easy one here. I think if you've been around a fire or a bonfire, the next day, you know you stink of smoke and you're always a bit like, oh, that's quite annoying.

1:08:16Whereas cut grass, unless you're like you, but you struggle in it, you're fine. So I'm going to go cut grass. You can wash your clothes. It's not even sweat. You wash the sweat off. I know, but in the moment, a fire is lovely, isn't it? Is the cut grass wet or dry? Where do you want it to be? Because when it's wet, it smells a lot better. Yeah, it's really strong, freshly cut as well. Moe has just gone by. I'm going cut grass. It would probably make me itch, so I'm going to go fire. Robbie, you're the decider. Well, I think I might have just got hay fever this year. I'm fuming. So maybe I'll go fire as well then.

1:08:49Hotless. Fire, yeah. So fire's through. Okay, next numbers. Let's go for number four. Tomato plants. Nine. Nine. Baby's heads. That's a great one. Thank you. I can't think of the smell of either. Baby's heads do smell quite fresh, don't they? They're unbelievable. What is it about it then? What's on that? They smell brilliant. Is it like what a sort of like biology's done over time to make us care for our baby? Maybe. I think babies are overrated.

1:09:23I think they're underrated. Babies. Okay, mate. I think... Thanks for that. I mean, they don't grow tomatoes, but they are quite cool. I think everyone gets excited by a baby. Right. Let's just go. They're Frank, aren't they? No. They are Frank. No. They're like little aliens. Everyone goes, oh, that's such a cute bit. No, it's not. It's fucking Hank. All babies are gross. We're not talking about whether or not they're gross. Yeah, but I'm not going to smell. Yeah, but I'm not going to look at the shit and go, that smells nice. I've not really ever smelled a baby's head, but I know it's meant to be good.

1:10:02Oh, they're so good. Yeah, but you can't judge them. But I also don't like the smell of tomatoes. They smell too acidic for me. No, they're nice. Tomatoes are sweet. I'm going to go... This is tomato plant. Yeah, I go tomato. Yeah, the tomato plant smells amazing. Bubba's head. Tomato. Robby? I love baby's head, but I also love tomato plants. Tomato plants. Wow. Yeah, there we go. Fuck the babies. Give me number 10. Jesus Christ. Give me number 10, please, Robbie. Mint. 11, my lucky number. Coffee. Oh, easy. You don't like the taste of coffee, though, do you? Not the taste. I'm not a big fan of either, but when I smell coffee, I think I like it.

1:10:41Yeah, the smell of coffee's unreal. If you've been out, staying around someone's house or something the other way, and you come down there, and you can smell that wafting through there. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I think mint can hit you a bit. Yeah. You know in That's So Raven when she predicts the future and it goes whoof in her head? That's just happened to me. And I've just had a premonition that coffee's going to win this entire round and coffee is going to be the winner of two categories. Yeah, caffeine versus coffee. Which makes this all redundant. But anyway, we'll carry on and we'll see how it plays out.

1:11:11Okay. I'm going to go coffee. I love the smell of coffee. I think coffee's better than in. But just not quite remember because it's not the smell, but if you had coffee things in a shower gel, it wouldn't make your balls tingle. Like a mint one. Yeah. Yeah, but I don't like that. I like that. Perhaps I'm surprised. Coffee wins. Give us some numbers. Five. What's left? You have three, five, six, eight, 12, 13, 14, 15. 14. So five is the C. Okay. I think it's a piss. I think you're thinking of piss. What did you say? 14. A wet dog. He really is a great eye. I'm going to go the C. I'm going to go the C.

1:11:59Wet dog, I think, stinks. Yeah, it does. I was just in there, rogue. You're correct. Wet dog gone. Wet dog gone, yeah. But the sea's nice. If you're at the beach, you can talk about the salty, fresh air. Yeah, I like that. No, sea's nice. Not wet dog. 15, Robbie, please. Wet paint. 13, Robbie. Red Bull. Wet paint. Oh, shit. I hate Red Bull. Wet paint feels like project almost finished. What? Wet paint is like... Did you say wet paint smells of a project almost finished? Yeah. Why do you turn 80 when you've done something? One of my things for the last episode of things I've changed my mind on was DIY.

1:12:40Oh, okay. But I didn't talk about it. So I like... No, I like wet paint. I like wet paint. I also like this red bull as well. I'm going to go Red Bull. Red Bull makes me think of... Wings? No, it makes me feel sick. I hate energy drink. If you smell wet paint too much, it can give you a headache. Yeah, I hate that smell. I'm going to go Red Bull. A bottler. No, canner. I think wet paint makes me smell it and feel like a hospital. I've almost finished. I've gone off that. Three, six, eight or twelve? Twelve. Twelve is Lynx Africa. Eight. Eight is five yards. Oh, easy. Oh, Lynx Africa. Lynx Africa.

1:13:18Straight away. Lynx Africa. Yeah, I really like Farmyards are gross I like farmyards actually What, the hay in that? Mate, the shit is the issue Yeah, the manure It is a bit of the shit The hay isn't the problem It is a bit of the shit Yeah, true, true It stinks of shit, Robbie It doesn't smell like human shit It doesn't matter who does the shit like It smells like the outdoors I don't care which animal did the shit It doesn't matter who does the shit Because if you walk past and there's like Animal shit is just as bad No, if you walk past and there's like a horse has been by there's like some horse dog it's not the same as if a man has shat it outside your house both bad yeah both bad let's go links here I think you're all wrong that's mental and then that leaves the final match up between freshly baked bread freshly baked bread and oranges Oh, that's the tightest one

1:14:23Stevie talking about his girlfriend Wife Because, you know, you're a peanut Freshly baked bread oranges For me, it's freshly baked bread every time I love fresh bread Oranges makes me feel of cinnamon and that kind of smell No, no, no, no It makes me feel of oranges Or cinnamon As long as I squeeze in some orange juice I think Are you smelling that? they just cut the orange open they're squeezing out the juices I'm a jack bakery you walk into a bakery yeah this is so Norfolk centric but I went in Roy's this morning right like Roy's of Norwich so like on Angler Square Way and even their bakery from Roy's yeah just smelled amazing I'm gonna go bakery yeah fresh bread is amazing okay I'm gonna do these next round I'm just gonna do the ones that next each other on the list yeah so we've got I've finished my drink we've got Petrol versus freshly baked bread Bread Bread What was the other one?

1:15:18Petrol Ooh both good Petrol No bread Yeah because again petrol could give you a headache Give you smell Yeah Tomato plants or the sea Ooh Oh shit for me The sea I think The sea's nice I like the sea I would have gone tomato plants I would like the sea The sea's one Coffee versus Lynx Africa What about Lynx coffee? No not the question But yeah It's a good question Coffee For me coffee Yeah links for me coffee red bull versus fire fire fire makes you feel like you've done shit cavemanus freshly baked bread versus the sea bread

1:16:01coffee versus fire coffee that's big and the final is freshly baked bread versus coffee I'm going to go bread I'm going bread I walk downstairs Yeah go on Robbie It's Robbie Howard It's Robbie Howard I've come downstairs What's that Oh someone's got up before me I'm staying maybe I'm staying around At someone's house What's that Oh I was having a fresh Lovely fresh pot of coffee A little cafetiere Oh Oh look at that Okay wait Oh Yeah good Oh I've woken up again What happened It's Groundhog Day Walked downstairs But it's not coffee What's that Is that They're just opening the oven From the smell of freshly baked bread Is wafting out No bacon smell, just bread There might be some butter on the side though Sausage bat No sausage No it's not You get a sausage with your coffee too But no bread Bread I was going coffee all day every day I would have gone either way Bread is one and I think that's a fairly apt way to end it because I need to take you now to get some bread.

1:17:14Let's save you up. I need another can. We'll take you to the pub. Can you get me one that's not gone off? No. Guys, we're going to leave it there because this guy's off his fucking nut. Is my tongue still blue? Yes. That's the bluest thing I've ever seen. Get a shot of his eyes. The best athlete in the world is Jim Thorpe. The best kind of crisp. I don't blame you. That's me. The best kind of potato is the crisp and the best smell in the world is freshly baked bread. That is hard to say. We'll see you in a few days or a few weeks, depending on how long it takes this man to sober up. Freshly baked bread.

1:17:47Breaked, baked, freshly baked bread. He can't do it either. Come on, let's get you some food. Kebab?

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