676 - Alfie Nearly Got Mauled To Death… (All Caught Up!)

30:33Eventually they'll go, or something like that. But when I tell you, like, one of them got really close to Ellis's leg and was like, like that. And they're huge, huge. They're bigger than me, these dogs. Chihuahuas. Get to the brow of the hill. And we have gone, I would say, a third of the way and just didn't know. And it was like a horror film, mate. all these dogs just start coming out of their um coming out of like their houses and they're looking at us growling for like like a zombie for like a kilometer and then we're going what the fuck do we do because these ones we know these ones are not messing about behind us so we can't really go back again we try and turn right this xl bully comes out and we're like not we just go we're not walking down there so we walk really quickly back and just go we're gonna have to like keep going and it was at that point where i start really really panicking and like genuinely like it sounds mad but like i actually wanted to cry right because like it was just it was never ending and they were all doing the same thing worst bit was we're walking past this one and this thing looked like a werewolf it was by far the biggest one it was behind a wall this owner was there the final boss of dogs yeah it was just huge and it was barking barking barking and it jumped the wall and ben shat himself and then i was like what did he do talk us through ben went ben was just like oh uh oh fuck like fuck fuck fuck like that so then i'm like i'm dead because like ben's shat himself thank god it came bounding over the owner called it back but they were all like how close did it get to you the big boy the big boy a few meters it was close but it wasn't the closest like some of them were like right you're like not looking down but you can feel them at your legs so um we end up after that one just being like we're like i'm shaking i start getting lightheaded and like in and out of this like weird black like my eye it was like i couldn't see it kept like fading black and i was like getting super lightheaded and we just um just jumped through the ditch back onto the side of the motorway and it was all right but like it was probably lasted for 20 minutes it was really long like sustained fear that's that's up there with my pork my similar yeah yeah something actually happened to you though true like i didn't actually get hurt no no no yeah don't if you're ever in curacao just get a taxi i got us a taxi back yeah did it save you any time on your walk oh no no no because it took us ages did you get your ice cream mate this is the worst thing right then start getting in my head like i cannot choose the wrong flavor here because we've just gone through that fucking went to buy chocolate and it was shit oh yeah chocolate it was shit i bottled it i imagine that is quite a good flavor there's the ice cream of shit like the boys smashed it and like i didn't what'd they get they'd got like one got like a strawberry cheesecake i think the other got like a you know that dulce leche which that looks so nice but i was like i was thinking in it i was going i need chocolate because i'm just a banker it's a banker and it was shit and i was so upset i can't imagine it would be shit no it was mate it was crap pistachio ice cream's banging mate it was just chocolate with like very little pistachio and it wasn't a good chocolate how was kura saw overall then yeah like we had a really nice day at the beach there was like pigs at the beach which was really cute the game would it be no so we went to just down the main street bit proper world cup fever it was really beautiful place really nice people was it germany yes we went then we went to that oh right okay um which was amazing yeah it was amazing so we went as curacao ultras basically there was none in our they were all over the complete other side of the stadium it was us and this one guy like a few rows in front what with all the germans yeah yeah yeah and they were giving him a lot they were asking him to sit down and did you have curacao our tops on and stuff we had no we we were all in blue right um the tops were so expensive that it a theme of this world cup i don't know about you but for me was even if i could afford that i'm just not doing that yeah it's two fingers up at infantino yeah it's in it's disgusting yeah actually it's morally wrong yeah so um we yeah we went to that game that was so good when curacao scored it was just did you go nuts or were you not allowed no we went nuts we went absolutely nuts yeah um but yeah some of the german fans were asking this guy to this curacao fan to sit down and he was just like i'm sorry i can't yeah that's good um yeah brilliant game was that the was that the best place you went um The best game was...

35:39Yeah, that was the SoFi Stadium, wasn't it? Yeah. No, that wasn't. That was USA... Yeah, that was the best stadium. Right. That's an incredible stadium. So then you went from there to LA. What was LA like? Where did you stay in LA? Fucking hell, where did I stay? Was it hotels or Airbnbs? Oh, we stayed... Oh my God, we stayed in this Airbnb, be but it was really really creepy and we watched back rooms in the cinema and then all had to sleep in the same room because we were so scared you wouldn't know the movie back rooms but you had separate rooms yeah so i had a double to myself i was like no i'm sharing with you ben so i went in with ben it was so creepy what was creepy about it i got some videos of it it was like creepy um pictures on the walls like old sketches and then this weird like very patriotic but it would be like an astronaut but it was a skull like the drawing would be an astronaut it was like why are they on the wall yeah it was so creepy where was it like in LA um do you know it was quite near a bit of a dodgy area actually saw a skunk walking down the street I loved that absolutely loved that did it sink it didn't do it's musky thing yeah I would have loved that what did you think of LA on the whole then yeah good yeah the Mexican fans were good um what game was it you went to see uh the first USA once was that Paraguay.

37:04They smashed them. Yeah, good game. Amazing stadium. Really enjoyed it. I didn't enjoy so much. Like, I'm quite miserable in terms of like, she's miming. Do you know what I mean? I point stuff out like that. Oh, so you saw the ceremony then, the opening ceremony. Shakira, was it? Katy Perry. Oh, was it? Katy Perry and a little boy. oh did you mind it she had a little boy with her who knows i don't know it's just little singing boy and then these two guys oh one her boy no i don't know who it was to be honest right good singer um and then your mate ted lasso came out and did a speech at the start did he that was sick yeah that was so did he do it as ted lasso or as jason it was as himself but he was very ted lassoy yeah right yeah it was great yeah um did you find la to be like vice city the pier we went to the yeah yeah that bit is cool yeah people don't like la do they they say it's a bit grotty there are i didn't really did you go on santa monica yes boardwalk with the muscle beach and stuff yeah and i went to do you know the bit that was maybe slightly grotty was like where all the stars are.

38:21Hollywood is shit. I found that quite underwhelming. We didn't do Hollywood, did we? We didn't do that element. We didn't go to Hollywood, no. I thought it was going to be way more of a thing, but people don't give a shit about the stars. They're just walking over. I thought there'd be people taking pictures of Marilyn Monroe, but I'd just be walking like, oh, that's Marilyn Monroe. It's cool to point out someone you know, but no one gives a shit. It's full of drugs. It was sad. There was a lot of people in not a good way, actually it was really hot i felt bad i felt really bad did you go to hollywood sign i saw it so i didn't go up to it but i saw it yeah small wasn't it it's well small it's big if you go to it isn't it i've only seen it from a distance it is quite it is quite big if you get up there is it you're seeing you're at the bottom of the i thought it was going to be like the h was the size of a jumbo jet do you know i mean or like a big wind turbine it'd be like quite a few people tall though isn't it yeah each letter you can see it from pretty much all over l i just thought it'd be like insanely massive yeah i wasn't just i was really cool to see it that's what that's exactly what we thought about the statue of liberty really statue of liberty these things are huge yeah well didn't we realize that it's like less than 100 meters yeah so it's like usain bolt could run up the statue if it was a straight line run up it less intense wow yeah that's just not wow that not that big and that includes the base yeah like she's even smaller obviously yeah no it's weird because these are such iconic landmarks that you've heard about and seen in movies that you big them up yeah yeah i saw uh one thing i did see was we went to this event at um it was a michelab ultra event at the pier and kevin hart compared it did he and he walked right past me and ben tried to get a picture with him and he didn't do it oh what did he say he uh he was walking through with his security and ben just ran up and went kevin kevin like kevin kevin and he just looked up and was just like i don't know just like hey and then just just like he was at quite the pace right to get onto stage and just didn't so ben should know yeah yeah people well like people were going up to him but he had this like the security guards were massive yeah well that's the thing about kevin hart people actually think he's going to be small he's actually six foot eight oh it's a security massive yeah yeah yeah was he actually tiny he was frustratingly not that much smaller than me how tall is he because he's always spoken about being this tiny he's not that he is smaller than me but you would say you're about the same height which is kind of upsetting because he's known you know i think he's five three he's pretty good looking is he yeah he looks like he he does have money but how does that smell five foot two oh he's he's that's arianne's height that's tiny yeah oh god how tall am i then well you're 5 '5 aren't you maybe you just never got close enough it's three inches well go on what i was gonna say it's three inches a lot massive watch massive um you're not 5 '5 you're not 5 '5 you're not 5 '7 aren't you the hospital measured me you're 5 '5 mate yeah yeah have you thought you were 5 '7 this whole time i thought you were my rule was always five seven on the dating apps i'm actually five six but i wear like air forces brown sugar's five eight brown sugar's tall mate he's a tall guy but uh yeah so that was cool was this from erring good was he yeah was he funny he wasn't trying to be funny it was very american and like they wanted him you're not getting kevin hart there he he would I imagine that what people say, like, he had great energy.

42:06It was like, ladies and gentlemen, like, yeah. That's good. I felt like Kevin Hart was in the room with us. It was a good impression, wasn't it? I was quite starstruck. Did you find that kind of stuff quite cringey, though? The Americanisation? I weirdly, I find some of it cringey, but I weirdly quite like all that. And you wouldn't think that of me. No, I wouldn't. But I think we are negative, and I am the worst in the world for that. I hate Americans. But there was quite a few times where I'm at a game, the US fans do something, and then I immediately have this reaction of like, but then I'm like, actually, what is wrong with that?

42:47Why? No, I'm the opposite. I'm still very much cynical, but... Really? Like when we went to England, Panama, and it's loads of Americans shouting USA all the time. Yeah, that was annoying. But we... USA weren't playing. Yeah. They did the USA National Anthem and asked everyone to stand on their feet. Yeah, I'm not going to get political. Some of that stuff I find really odd. Yeah. And actually, I had a few very worrying chats with Uber drivers, which was like, your perception of the UK is not correct. In what way? They just think we're like... I mean, I don't want to anger the people that already give me shit on it.

43:30their perception of the UK is like, I don't know, that we are very heavily censored. It's the same country that doesn't let people in if you insult Donald Trump. So there was a taxi driver who was very concerned that if we tweeted certain things, we were going to go to jail for the rest of our lives. And I was kind of like, no. no actually yeah so it was weird why do they have to so like maybe I'm just going to look a proper silly but you know when we hosted the Euros yeah Spain beat Germany are we playing God Save the King before that game I don't think so I really hope we didn't no because that's how I would expect it to be no country would do that but they played the usa national anthem when we were in there didn't they i don't know i really want to tell you this one thing they did but it is it's probably too heavily political but there was there were things where i was like that's so mad that you believe that go on try me

44:47there was like i don't know there was this one guy talking about guns and it terrified me oh i hate it really terrible he was basically hinting at the fact he had a gun in the car and that we were very unsafe not having guns where we are it was just a bit where was this in la this was yeah this was la but our houston hotel in texas it were to get into the hotel you had to go through like an airport security looking thing and the guy was like does anyone have guns on you me thinking it was because he'd be like you're not allowed in but he has this little box so I'd put your guns in before you go for it freaking hell it's a different world when you're actually for the most part other than things like that you just don't think about it do you yeah imagine we were around people that had them you just don't consider it you don't think because then I started deep into Niall our camera guy like does everyone just have a gun in this hotel yeah they probably do I guess in certain places like San Francisco I didn't think about it all day and then there was just that guy that walked past open carrying one.

45:51I didn't see that. Yeah, yeah. That was the only time. But other than that, I think some people who don't go, have never been over to America naturally just think guns are everywhere. Yeah, but they probably are, but you don't see them. It's not legal. It's concealed. Concealed carry, yeah. Yeah. But you don't see it. It's not actually a worry. Yeah. I think you get the caricature of Americans. Most people I met were just very chill, nice, normal people. I don't think I met any bad people. No, I wonder what the English one of that is. what do you mean like the english stereotype that they expect to meet and then they go oh actually everyone's just like us they're just normal everyone's normal don't know like a road man i said yeah yeah you're gonna get your phones 100 robbed if you're in london yeah that kind of thing yeah i spoke to a little old lady in a post office in new york yeah and she asked where i was from and then i was like i'll just um like 100 miles away from london and she was like no where exactly because i've just been to england and went to loads of different cities i went to kent i love that went to York, like saying all this.

46:49And I was like, oh, from Norwich. And she's like, oh, in the little lump bit on the right. And I was like, yeah. And she was like, I was so worried. Like when I was going over there, I didn't know if I should lie and just tell everyone I'm Canadian. So I thought everyone was going to like egg me. And I was like, honestly, like the internet has fucked like everything. She was like, yeah, I try to stay away from it. It's just these huge influential people tweeting stuff that's not true. I think that it comes down to the majority of Americans are fine, but I will die on the hill that as a nation they're just a bit cringy.

47:20Yeah, I can't do let's go defense and shit like that. Yeah, but throwing beer at Box Park. Yeah, that's cringy as well. We are actually pretty bad. Yeah, and the German Bombers song and shit like that. We can be cringy. I think we are quite bad. I'm like... From athletic stuff like a full court pick-up game swish to athletic-ish stuff like a half mile stroll. Get those steps in. Head to Sierra or Sierra.com for the brands you want at the prices that let you do it all. From athletic to athletic-ish, Sierra's got it. Propel Fitness Water. With Gatorade electrolytes, zero sugar, and vitamins, Propel hydrates better than water to help you get the most out of your workout and get back to your best self.

48:03What propels you? Propel with Gatorade electrolytes. This Labor Day at Lowe's. Get up to 45 % off select major appliances. plus deals on select materials and tools to keep the job moving right now get a free dewalt 20 volt max battery two-pack when you buy a select dewalt 20 volt max tool at lowes we have what you need to keep your job moving battle through 913 while supplies last selection varies by location see lowes.com for more details that's what i mean we're probably seeing the worst of But the biggest difference is, I think, I like that as a nation we're quite self-deprecating, whereas I don't like how much they think that their country is flawless.

48:51Yeah. When it's so flawed. I don't think the normal ones think that. Do they not? No. I think it's probably the same both ways. We're only seeing what the internet says. Anyone we met, if we were self-deprecating or anything, they'd just be fine with it. They'd just think it's normal. Yeah. What was it like being in Texas? Yeah, it was good. it's so big all these places are so like it takes ages to get to anywhere yeah well isn't it true that like the UK can fit inside Texas three times yeah I think so yeah but the way they talk about another part of Texas is how we would talk about like Scotland it's so big yeah because I really enjoyed Texas though the food was really nice did you go to a barbecue yeah did you yeah yeah yeah I got the shit it's big time oh too rich it was too rich I was about to I bet you're glad that you eat meat now but i was glad but it was a lot what's that go on talk to us through what you had so i had pulled pork no what i got this like brisket thing yeah it was like this it was really tender it was bloody oily and then it was like they were just like do you want this with it do you want this and i just kept saying yes then i think what didn't help was i thought something with sour cream but it was ice cream what what you want ice cream with me so like i had my brisket had my two sides i was like a mac and cheese and a creamed corn a lot of cream yeah yeah yeah and to see what's going wrong actually bread then i got my barbecue sauce and there was this other thing which looked like it was putting like this creamy sauce in like sour cream and then i did it and then i just kept dipping my mate i was like oh this is so sweet you were putting ice cream on It was like soft serve.

50:33When you just had it. Well, I was like, you know, when in Rome, maybe this is how they have it. No, they don't put ice cream on brisket, mate. Doesn't taste good. I wouldn't recommend that. So did you eat much of the brisket then? All of it. I ate all of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was so nice. Brisket's incredible. I had another brisket in LA, actually. Did you? At the market there. Okay. And it's just like half a flipping cow. You can never just like... You've really flipped, haven't you? Oh, that's terrible, mate. You were veggie for, what, 10 years? I was vegan for four years. Fuck me. Yeah, now you're eating brisket in Texas.

51:11We've won him round. Yeah. We've won him round. I don't know. It's not right. I don't think it's morally right, but I just, you know what? I'm a shithead. You are? I just am a shithead. And I do loads of stuff in this life, which is shit. Quick question from your experience of being in so many different places in America. What do you think of the food overall? I think the fast food's a lot better. Isn't it mental, though? Like, we need to address this now, because we had Dominic Mysterio on recently. Yeah. He was proper slagging off English food. For the most part, American food's quite shit. You go into any bar, and they just have nachos, chicken tenders, chicken wings, mac and cheese.

51:51The Mexican in LA was hungry. Oh, I bet that was good. Yeah, but it was always a one-time-like good, but you will in England, but they're not looking for it the same way we're not necessarily. But the pizza in New York was that one thing. Yeah. It was amazing. Yeah. Did you have much pizza? I didn't have a single bit of pizza. I came back and I was like going through a valley what I had. I was like, oh, I didn't have a single bit of pizza while I was out there. Mind you, LA and Texas is not really known for pizza. If I was in New York, I'd have got a pizza. Yeah. A brisket. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was trying to be authentic.

52:18Went to Olive Garden. Okay. Fucking hell, mate. That's the Italian, right? Yeah. Unlimited breadsticks? I was, when I say like I was full, I was unwell. I was so full. On the unlimited breadsticks? Yeah, I got the light meat. So you get unlimited breadsticks and unlimited soup. Yeah. But the soup is like, you have the soup and it's got like pasta and meat in and you're like, oh, I'm full. And then they bought, I got the, there's like a light menu, which isn't a light menu. It's like the portion size you'd get at Pizza Express. And the main menu was twice the size. That's mental. like when you get a medium coffee from starbucks over there it's larger than our large coffees the portion sizes are mental it's good i really enjoy being out there and experiencing the food how did you find the tipping culture um do you tip you a tipper i am but it depends i had a very rude experience at the airport on the way back which i really bottled but and ended up tipping for a bottle of water from a waiter that basically kicked me out that was a bad one kicked you out oh he's done though she wound me up so much that i actually i mean i obviously didn't say anything but i was really i was so upset what happened so i had a really long wait for my plane this was a houston airport coming back to england yeah i came back for a few days and they i i thought oh the game's on there was a gay like brazil game on i'll go watch and just have a couple of pepsi max's and a bottle of water so i went in she was like this was quite scary uh like i'd say like half mexican half american woman and maybe like our age ish bit older 30 something she was like oh you just order on the app so i ordered and then my drinks came and she went food in a minute yeah and i just had a chick-fil-a so i was like oh yeah maybe she was like just let me know if you need any help with the menu but you'll be getting food in a minute yeah and i was like i i don't know and she was like right like that slammed the menu down stormed off and just started really loudly bitching about me to the chat what what's she saying oh we're just letting guys come in here and have diet pepsi's watching the soccer now oh and i was like oh shit i was so embarrassed yeah i was so embarrassed you've done nothing wrong i was also at an airport yeah it felt like a spoons a bit right but then anyway so i'm then like i ordered two cokes to try and like up the bill a bit and a bottle of water i was trying to up the bill and like she was like a shark circling me she came back so any news on that food food later yeah no and i went i then went i was actually kind of just helping because i had my laptop i was like i was kind of just hoping to do some work and maybe just have a few drinks like i'll order a few drinks she went right well it's just usually you order food in a dining restaurant no way and i went oh i'm so sorry i'll go to the bar and she went um no bars are for alcohol drink alcoholic drinks only so i was i then in the most annoyed i can get to a stranger when i'll just go then and she went oh no no no i went no no no i'll go i'll go i'll pay the bill and i'll go um oh you can't and then i just couldn't work out how to pay i thought she was going to come over she came over and i was like can i pay she was like it's on the app paid fucking tipped her for the waters on the air you had the easiest out ever holy fuck you tipped her yeah that's very beta of you she'd be like i'm shortening that there was she must have came over four times she was really cross yeah you've done nothing wrong though i thought i was so upset mate i was so embarrassed as well because all the other people were looking she was being quite loud and then i had to like slink out of this place i'm like oh mate if i i probably wouldn't have said this but i would have loved to have told her to fuck off oh i got annoyed i would have loved that Our last day in New York.

56:32That cunt. Oh, yeah. We should save that for when we do an episode on American Stories. Oh, God. Because we're these at this as well. Can I quickly hear about, just really quick, that apparently you nearly got in a fight at the game. No, this isn't in... This is the England-Mexico game. In England? Yeah, we went and watched it in The Murderers. So I'm in The Murderers, yeah. I'll quickly say, I know we're very far into this episode. We're not specifically talking too much about football because the World Cup hasn't ended yet. so we're not going on to scores or anything we don't know who's winning or anything oh shit I've got to go get my train can you quickly tell me this we're in the table in the corner watching England Mexico murderers I've gone down to get a drink I'm going sorry sorry like getting past everyone on the steps everyone's fine like I'm high-fiving a lot of people like whatever as I come back I go sorry mate sorry and this guy in the chain just looks at me and he goes don't fucking come past again and I went you what?

57:27and he went don't come past again I went well I might need to have a drink mate so we'll see won't we and then he went and then he went you better fucking know I went what are you gonna fucking do your twat like that right carried on walking and I knew the people around me I'd already spoken to him they know I'm a nice person so I just uh and then he shouted something like come outside I went fucking go outside look at you with your chain you prick like that was he big he wasn't small but he was going he was uh I went showing off in front of your fucking missus fuck off you knob like that sat down at the table and then these two lads come up to me and were like, he's been a fucking dickhead all night.

58:01I was like, our lads sit on this table. So they sat on the table with us and then about 20 minutes later, England have scored, right? The whole pub's going mental. I go back down and I'm like, I'm going to walk past him. So I go past him, I go, sorry, is this all right? Fuck off. Yeah. He's not saying, oh, by the way, the bouncer came over and was like, I'll get him gone. Which one was it? I was like, no, don't worry about it because it's England. And then, so the last thing I do is when I walk back up, I go, look mate, I go, we're all English, would you like a kiss and a cuddle? Like that. And he goes, go on then.

58:32So I went, fuck it, go on then. And I just hugged him and he kissed me on the head and then the last bit, we've won, we're all jumping up and down and I just ran straight over to him. I just started shadow boxing. What was he doing? Just done it back. So all's well that ends up. What the fuck was he thinking at the start? Jack got his number now. No. Oh, fucking hell. He's on the Christmas special.

58:53oh fuck I've got to say the murderers for that game it's the best fuck me England Mexico we were all just on the edge of our city every person was amazing we've got Norway next you listeners probably already know what the fuck that's horrible they'll know the end of the world cup probably this is probably about three weeks ahead aren't we you've got to go mate he has genuinely got to go mid pod I'm just chucking stuff at the cameras now you alright mate do you want to carry on for a bit yeah sorry guys Alfie did tell us today that he was coming in to record but he had to be gone at a certain time he's got a prior arrangement it's 9pm it is 9pm and it took us like three and a half hours four hours to get here today yeah so it's not been ideal but we'll carry on talking for a minute blame the bloody roads you've just got me and Stevie now you've got handsome and me if you just want to turn it off now you can handsome and me I was just accepting it I literally meant...

59:48Did you not mean to be? No. I thought you were just being nice. No. That's so funny. You're stupid. I'm a fucking idiot. You are thick. What have you been up to then? This is weird. I've done something that I've not told you about. Kissed the boy? And I liked it. I have... Okay. A while ago, for a... I don't know if you remember. It was probably about six months ago. I said a funny Jack and Stevie video would be that we apply to loads of game shows. And this is the video. It's just a bonus video, but we apply to loads of game shows. and then the payoff would be hopefully we get onto a game show but then we just never did it yeah i still think that's a funny concept we get on a game show well i've applied for one for us have you don't know whether nothing will come of it probably but it's just funny to say on here anyway i so thought you're gonna tell me you got us on a game show you're actually telling it's kind of pointless we got on pointless pointless celebrities um no i've applied for us to go on bullseye i'd fucking love how good would that be the bullseye back it's gonna be series two i thought this is the one i would love that freddie flint off hosts it that's like the perfect show for us as well i'll tell you an issue is is it is it um celebrities or no just normal right i'm not fucking applying to celebrities no no no no no but hear me out here right so i think so like i would love to go on traitors right yeah i'd love to go on traitors now here's the thing I'm not famous enough to go on Celebrity Traitors yeah right I'm not Nicole Milano no and I'd say he's the lowest of the people that have been on maybe yeah I don't know who's been on it well we don't need to rate him but maybe like I don't know much about Kat the musician okay but like I'm not that famous yeah but then I think are you about to say what I think you're about to say no no no no I don't think I'm too famous for the normal one but But I think the producers wouldn't want somebody on the normal one who has a following.

1:01:45So sure, have 20 ,000 followers and do fashion or have this and do that. But can you think of an exception? Is there somebody on that? Like, let's put it like people in the, a lot of people our age in the UK know who we are. Whether they follow Happy Hour or Give a Shit, they'll know who we are. So we wouldn't get on a normal show. well your logic behind that is that you never see it happen yeah my thinking is that's because no one's bothering to apply surely no no one's out there bazinga he likes darts doesn't he he's not applying for pointless but none of these people are bothering pointless pointless fucking bullseye you've got pointless in my head thinking of rich osmond but i think why what would be the problem When I did the, signed us up to it, it asked us loads of questions.

1:02:34It's quite funny. Like it's saying, how did you meet your, the partner you want to do this with? And I'm like, oh, I lent him a Batman costume. It's quite a good, solid application really, isn't it? Did you mention the podcast? Yeah. It says, what's your job? Right. So I said this, but like, surely just no one in our position is applying to these things. And surely it's only a good thing. I just think there's something, I think, so like, you know, I don't know, but you know, are like shit shows now like big brother no one gives a fuck about big brother right no not anymore the normal version of big brother yeah so so they want eccentric characters to go on they would love a big youtuber to go on that show right yeah but i so i don't know why there hasn't been more so i think there must be something in producers heads that are stopping semi-famous people from getting on the normal versions of shows i think it's that semi-famous people don't want to do these weird shows right so who's who's trying like are there many people in our position that are trying to go on bullseye will they think as you just said you're not famous enough to go on pointless celebrities but then would these other youtubers and stuff think they're too good to go on the standard yeah they would there'd be a lot of that i'd go on yeah i'd love to go i'd go on anything standard yeah because i'm nothing yeah i just want bullseye such a funny concept yeah I love, I used to, I remember back in the day, the old school Bullseye, you'd always see clips of it.

1:04:01Yeah, you got your bendy bullies, they're yours. If I could sign us up to a show, surely Bullseye is the perfect one. I would love to do it. I mean, as I said, I've just applied. It means nothing. I'm probably going to say this now and you'll never hear anything else about it again. If we do get on, you listeners will be the first to know. It would be amazing, wouldn't it? And how funny would it be? Like our listeners would all be like, fucking hell, they're on Bullseye. I know. Well, like talking of shows and I won't reveal it, but I was close to getting on a show this summer, weren't I? I can't remember.

1:04:29Do you remember? I had the, they came to me. Yeah. It was a big show on terrestrial television and they came to me. They said, would you like to do it? I said, yeah. They gave me the dates. They said, we're going to jump on a Zoom next week. We're going to talk through it. And I was like, holy shit. This is like the first time I've done something like this. In the end, Danny Aaron's got it. pick another youtuber they've got a list so maybe you're at the bottom yeah they've gone through yeah danny might not have even been at the top i know but his eyes at the top it's funny though because jack smith danny's manager who we know friend of the show uh i messaged him and said oh this show wants me to do it and he was like yeah yeah yeah he said um he said danny's got a call with them next week ah you knew it straight away my call was on the tuesday his was on the monday when i joined the call on the tuesday they said to me by the way just let you know this opportunity's gone now but i thought we'd just have a chat anyway so i'm sat there all right thanks yeah whatever's good isn't it you know what we're not anything to do with it but maybe we should have never got fat danny in old studio we made him we made him we made him um just another a little bit of waffle before we wrap this peculiar ending to a podcast up.

1:05:46You see a lot of me, don't you? Fuck, it's so much. Too much. We just spent a week in America together. The day after we got back from America, we went up to Sheffield together to do the live show. You will not be seeing me for a long time in September. I'm going to Australia. Court case has come through, has it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They caught me nonsense. Wow, they're doing old school over to Australia as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. We're going to start sending all our bad boys back there. But yeah, going to Australia for three weeks. I don't think, since we've started this podcast, I've not seen you for longer than two weeks at any point.

1:06:21No. I couldn't picture that I have. I think the longest I've gone away is probably two weeks, if that. Yeah. When did you say you're going? September. I go to Portugal at the end of August. Holy shit. Might be four weeks. Might be a month. We're not going to see you for a month. That'd be weird, wouldn't it? What are you... Is it going to have to be stevie.com as well? Yeah, well, no, no. We'll have to work around it. so pre-record loads of shit you're going to it for a wedding i'm going for a wedding yeah i'm going to see my cousin he moved out there i'll just film the wedding i'm sure matt will be all right with it that's content put that on there yeah there you go here's my mate's wedding in portugal yeah why not a six pound a month well spent in it should be a good wedding but what do you mean should be a good that's an exciting wedding oh in portugal i'm not just going church next to me else no but i would not put it past us to do that but we're gonna we're gonna pre-record some episodes yeah well we've already done by the time this goes out i imagine it's around about the time this is the first time we've not been secretive about our videos like we spoke about download because it's hard when we're doing things so publicly to hide it as well like when we went to pluckley and stuff no one's gonna know yeah but download was every people we met loads of people there and in america we were there for a week and obviously we wanted to post whilst we were there so yeah i don't know at the time of this going out i don't even know which videos have gone out no trying to get ahead of things now both for that and for happy hour yeah well we are going to have a break in uh in september we've not done one at all we've not had a single break from posting this year i believe that there's a thing called sort of like quantity fatigue where people need to catch up on episodes i think with the world cup just haven't been as well i think a lot of people will have prioritised watching the world cup over podcasts i know i definitely have i've been i've not even listened to like peter crouch podcast which is about the world cup yeah um so when we go away um fiona bless her edits all the time we can come here and do this but she's editing all the time so gonna have two weeks off posting in september we will let you guys know more when we know it but we will have a little break but um yeah i'm looking forward to it it's gonna be good gonna get a camper van and drive about three weeks is a long time long time i might get sunburned More than likely.

1:08:27And September as well, surely? That's getting into a really hot season. That's their spring, I think. Yeah, but their spring is hotter than our summer, isn't it? Yeah, but... You're not going to cope well. What part are you going to? Flying to Sydney, then getting a hotel, then the next morning flying to Cairns. You went to Melbourne? I went to Perth before, which is Western Australia. Oh, so you're actually doing a completely different part? Yeah, and then get Sydney to Cairns, and then we're going to drive from Cairns all the way through Australia back to Sydney to fly home. That's cool. that's such a cool journey looking forward to it I'm probably going to vlog it all that's September as well so what I'll be doing is Isaac would have just started year six so probably just been in the school run cool mate cool you could take him in a camper van walk him it's not far okay well there we go it's like Yama versus Tokyo all over again well I will film it and I'll come back with lots of stories but that is for another time this has been Jack Makes Happy Hour Podcast this was Alfie coming on to tell us his America stories I'm sure he's still got more.

1:09:26But as we said, we just got fucked in the bottom coming here, didn't we? Yeah, traffic fucked us. Traffic. London traffic. We have been fucked by it so much lately. I know. Like horrific. It's like the sun's out and everyone just gets in cars. It's weird. We live two and a half hours at a push away from the studio in Norwich. It took us over four hours. It's been taking us four consistently a lot lately. Not good. So he would have been here and he would have been telling us some more. but he's on next week's episode in which we are going to discuss the opposite of X so the things that make you go no we're actually doing the things that make you go oh quite like that things that turn you on that can get you bricked up so enjoy that we've already filmed it it's an absolute banger we'll see you next Monday when we will be with Alfie but from me and Stevie see you next time it's been a pleasure Jack gets turned on by some weird things yeah man not weird is it It's not normal.

1:10:23All right. Sunday.

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