678 - Things That Turn Us On... (Oppos-icks 1)

26:04She went, that's not Steve Bracknell. I thought, who knows Bracknell more? Me or you, Fee? Right? Like, we met Bracknell in America last week, right? I was like, I fucking, I said, so I didn't get angry. I went, well, I know it is Bracknell. She went, no, it's not. I said, why are you digging your heels in? It's not your area of expertise. What, Bracknell? Where's Wally with Bracknell? She got up. She went to the TV. She went, this one? I went, yes, you've got your finger on Steve Bracknell. Not the first time I've ever said that. And then she filmed it as if to be like, I'm going to show people this, just to be how wrong you are.

26:43Can I show you the video? And we'll overlay it. I was going, Fiona, I was going, on my granddad's life, that is Steve Bracknell. I don't need to go that far. I'm showing you now. Imagine it wasn't. I knew it was, though, because I know who Steve Bracknell is. yeah it's Steve Bracknell so hold on your reverse was when it is just Bracknell isn't it but your reverse is when they're happy to be wrong no no no what happened after that because then she just went oh right she went on google images and went he's got a different ear like look at his ear there that picture is 10 years old why are we analysing Steve Bracknell's ear can you re-read your reverse when they accept to be wrong happily.

27:31Doesn't sound like she is. She's Googling. She's saying he's got a different... But I thought to myself in that moment, if you just said off the bat, that is Bracknell, you know Bracknell, I'd have gone that sexy. Oh, so she wasn't at any point. No. What happened when, how did it come to be that she accepted it? I went on Bracknell's Instagram and he put a picture up of him celebrating which matched the two people he was next to on the screen. And what did she say? She went, oh, wow. God, I don't look like Bracknell. And then you went, yes, it does. Yeah, yeah. And we continued this until the moment I left today to come in.

28:02Yeah. It's 14 hours of breath now. Yeah. And then that's all I got. Yeah. Did you feel good being right, that moment of proof? No, I didn't, because it wasn't like it's a 50-50 debate. Yeah. That's like if I said to you, look at that TV up there, and you went, it's not TV. I'd be going, why are you saying it's not TV? Yeah, yeah. I know who, yeah. Yeah, and the other two I... Technically, that's the monitor. Does it actually run television? Yeah, it does. I'd say it's a monitor. No, it does run TV. What? You've got a TV license. It's got an aerial. We don't use it. No, that's what I'm saying. It's not a TV then.

28:34Well, it is. It's still a TV. You can't legally watch TV. But it's still a TV regardless. See what I mean? Oh, here we go. Here we go. God. You guys need to chill out. It's a TV, all right? Just be happy knowing you know it's a TV. I don't... Okay. I don't think mine are that weird. Right. My first one is something you're actually quite good at, I think. It's, I like it when people remember people's names straight away. I have that on my list. Really? And use them a lot in conversation. You are good at that. Yeah, you are. I honestly appreciate it, boys, but I am fucking bad at that. Really? Yeah.

29:05Okay, what you are good at then is always asking people for their name. I often go, sorry, mate, what was your name again? Yeah, I think, but you're quite good at it, like, just straight away asking their name. Right, right. But I'll always ask, and then I'll just forget, and I could be in the same conversation a few minutes later and be like, fuck, I don't know what this person's called. Doesn't it feel good when someone goes, cheers for that Alfie? Exactly. And I'd love to be that person. You do like that, don't you Alfie? Yeah. Oh, I've never done that. I've never used someone's name. It's an actual thing people really like when they get their name repeated back to them.

29:36Yeah, well that makes sense. So I like it when I see other people who can do that. That was a good one, Stevie. Yeah. Nice one, Stevie. I like that. My next one is, I like it when plates get rinsed. Straight after eating. Yeah, straight after. I hate it. I did a joke about, I said, like insulted. Yeah. It was good. As in you were rinsing the plates. Yeah. Yeah. You get that? Yeah. But what I meant is straight after eating, I cannot stand anything more than sauce or something on a plate that just gets left next to the thing and it's so hard to get off afterwards. Just rinse it. I'm not saying you have to wash it up.

30:12Yeah. Just give it a quick rinse. Rinse it. Get it gone. Leave it next to the sink still, but just get rid of the harder stuff that will make my life easier in the future. I agree. I agree. Big fan of that. Yeah. And then also on the cleaning one, recycling well. Big and I'm very good at holding boxes down small and squashing things small to maximize how much stuff I can get in. I'm not arsed about recycling. Like I do it, but I watched this thing once where it was like, it showed you how much impact you make if you recycle your whole life. And then you go to like, and then they showed you like how much energy and like wastage there is in like Las Vegas every hour.

30:52And it's like, if your whole household, I'm making this up, but it was something along to the effect of, if your whole household recycles perfectly your whole life, it would be like, it would offset like two seconds of Las Vegas wastage. See, that to me makes me, everything's litter. We're fucking litter. The bloody cities are litter. Our houses are litter. we're all just chucking stuff on the earth and then are you alright I'm sick of life give us one of yours that might cheer you up when someone opens a can with one hand oh that oh that's great I get that that's great but then also it's like they don't then put it down and go it's like all one hand all one go and then just drink it yeah that's fucking good that is nice what in skullet or not what like finish it if you said in skullet it's like where's that and finish it No, no, you don't need to finish it.

31:48No. No, no. Do you like a big gulper? What? He's offended. He's gone. The gulper's gone. No, if I sat here with a can and just went drunk at all. I would say that icks me. Does it? Chill out. What's the rush? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, I used to live with someone who would get food and, like a Chinese, dish it up. I'd eat it while they're dishing it up. Yeah, what's the rush? Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Take your time. Take your time with food. Right. You're right, mate. So you just put the aircon on and that. Oh, that is really nice. That's an opposite. When someone's good at using names to new people.

32:26Wow. Yeah. You had that as well. Yeah. You've been on the same Google. When people are super relaxed on flights, like really relaxed. You're not. That makes me feel safe around them. if the person next to me is chilled then I might fit it doesn't turn me on I'm not turned on up so if you're ever on a plane and Alfie sits next to you and you're chilled I'm really chilled on flights so if we sat next to each other would you be erect? I wouldn't be you'd be so chilled if I was erect it would not be to do with you I would just be erect for some other reason I'm really chilled because you're comfortable around I'm making you feel good I actually really don't think I could get an erection on a flight I'm so on edge the whole time but I'm so chilled next to you you're going fuck he's making me feel better look how relaxed he is got me bricked up I'm flat can't be bricked up no don't mind bricked up at him being relaxed that's a good one two car ones okay one one hand reversing that was in the list from the reddit lot like that yeah arm on the back of the yeah rear seat yeah that's hot that's good that's good I reckon you do that I don't do that if he looked backwards that would be harder for him because he's got a camera oh right yeah so that's an ick I've got a camera I've got a Tesla that's an ick that is an ick yeah that is an ick however is it still a turn on so to speak if it's a woman doing it because I think it's a little bit like geezer bird what's geezer bird it sounds masculine it's masculine it's a masculine thing no I like it and me as a straight man I don't really want see that so if you saw Fee going hang on a sec cunt you've made that more masculine would you be like oh god if V ever helped Laurie pull out what do you want her to do be a bit flappy I don't know sorry I don't know yes damsel it up I'll come in and help so do you like it when she turns the volume down so she's like that she's got one hand to the traffic right and she's in the middle of the road and she's going keep going mate yeah you got you got miles son nah I'd hate that I'd hate that That would ick me up.

34:40I think I would like that. Taking charge. I like it when something wrong with my food and Ali complains. No, no, no, no. Wow. I don't like that. Why is she complaining for you? Because I will just eat a pile of shit. And she's going, I know you don't like that pile of shit. It's raw. I will say it. Right. Yeah. Yeah, no, I don't like, I don't want to just flap at it, Fee. Really? Flap at it, yeah. Oh, I'm the total opposite. I would be flapping at it. well I said on our Ick's episode that it gives me an ick when Fiona turns the music down when she's doing a manoeuvre but that is flapping that is flapping that's too much flapping, there's a middle flap you need you're hard to please aren't you so you want this sort of niche what?

35:28no no no she's doing well to put up with this is that what you mean? yeah yeah yeah um my other hot driving thing this is probably more if another man does it to me but like the perfect nonchalant thank you for letting me go that's fucking like the perfect amount for me right it's this it's the one hand again leaning back and it's and it's maybe just or with the other hand the hand not touching the wheel it's either that there's two right Like, other hand like this. Yeah. Yeah. And you know the Vuj smile always going about where your lips are like this? Like that. Or, yeah, it's... Peace sign.

36:14Peace sign. No, no, no, no. I'm holding the wheel and my two fingers are going up. I'm not doing the peace sign. I'm not doing the peace sign. I was about to say, I've got into a really bad habit lately of either doing two fingers or just one as a thank you. I'm just doing that. No, I think if it's with a smile, that's hot I don't think you should ever do a thank you as a one finger but you should do thank you received as a one finger so if you're waiting there and you're letting on your hill and you're letting them come down and they're going thank you, thank you you can one finger acknowledge it you're welcome, you're welcome you can't say thank you with one finger I think that looks passive aggressive yes you're right do you know what I do, which I do at the worst I wouldn't find this hot I go like painful face and hold my hand up like thank you like you feel bad that you go cheers mate sorry about you don't deserve it yeah sorry mate maybe yeah you need to think horrible isn't that's an it yeah look on the inside you deserve to be let go yeah maybe i just feel like they are going who is that holding me yeah but they're not but i'll also i'll also sometimes if it's like a really long one try and relate to them and i'll do like an eye roll like thank you like i'm the third person that's thanked you in this queue you don't need it but i'll do it because i'm polite and i'm mr chime you're chiming at the wheel chiming yeah i'm not i'm not i'm i'm mr mime chime yeah i'm mime it's even worse yeah i'm my me's yeah yeah wow yeah i knew you were beta i didn't know it was that bad it's got worse it's got a lot worse right my baitness and i actually to the point where i I actually am trying to sort it out now.

37:57Right. How are you doing to sort it? So let's just do that. I called someone a dickhead on the way here. What? But once they got on the tube and it was closed and they were going away. So it's a bit bitchy, isn't it? There was only one space left because it was so round and he got on. And then the doors shut and I went, you're a dickhead, mate. What's he done wrong? As he was going away. What's he done wrong? Yeah, what's he done wrong? It was my, he pushed in front of me. It was clearly me next. He pushed in front of me. He pushed in front of me. Was there not enough room to squeeze one more body on that?

38:25No, no. He got the last one and I went, like that, and he didn't look round off his phone and then he looked up and I went, dickhead. Like, again, Mr. Mine. Well, a minute ago you said, you're a dickhead, mate. Yeah, I lied. Let me tell the truth. Give me a chance to tell the truth. You're catering in the middle of a story. I went like this. Would you know I'm saying dickhead right now? I went, no. Nah. What would you think I'm saying? Did I look like you said, yeah, yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, because you need to go dickhead. No, I'm not there yet. It looks like you're going, don't worry, mate, I'll get the next one.

39:00Yeah, yeah. You have a good one. I had a go at someone in the airport recently. Okay. An old lady. I thought I'd start there. Right, okay. That's good. No, that's good. So I can at least run away. She had a stick. Work your way up. Yeah. How old? 80. Why'd you have a go? Old American woman. Because I was at a connection and I was really sort of, I was fucking grumpy, to be honest, and I was scared of getting on this next flight. And we were in a queue that was blocking her way on her little, she had like a chauffeur bloke. And there was no way I could move. And he was going, yo guys, can you move a little?

39:33And I was going, sorry, man, I literally have nowhere to go. And then she started going, waving me on like this with a sour face. I went, I'm not, I went, I don't need you to wave me on. I went, I don't need you to wave me on. And she went, she started shaking her head. I went, look at her shaking her head. Alfie, why couldn't you move? Oh, bat. I couldn't physically move. And then when I could move, I contacted with her, went so slow. I really had had it by then. Wow. So where was she trying to go? Doesn't matter. But I was like, let him do it. It's not your job to usher me along. You're not the bloody royalty.

40:12That's right. Even if the Queen did do it when she was with us. Yeah. I would move. Yeah, you would move. It's fucking mental. It's the Queen. even though I know she's just an old woman, but it is the queen. That's an ick though. It's an ick when people try and take authority into their own hands. Yeah, she icks me. Did anything happen from the people around you? They went, God, she was so grumpy. And then this guy went, take it from me. This was good. This just completely took the sting out of the whole situation. He had his wife, who I guess am like 60, and he goes, yeah, American women get a little bit cranky as they get older, apparently.

40:51I was like mate you're class actually I needed that what so the other people oh everyone agreed with me on your side yeah everyone did she must have been a bitch for you to be in America and for a brown man to get Americans on their side in an airport you've smashed that because best believe some of the people in Texas did know like the face no they would have gone in that airport seen you yeah shall we listen to shall we read some of the Reddit ones nice yeah throw up oh gulp no he's saying he's insinuating they're scared that you're brown Americans I reckon anyone on the flights I got was like fuck well there will be some racist deep American what will there be me no you're asking will there be any secret closeted racist in Texas but think that I'm a terrorist no probably not too weak but you can be any size and have a bomb can't you it's a good quote fucking hell mate yeah that's really fun okay I don't know why that offended me the week here's some from our redditors we'll do shall we do the same whether we agree or not say yeah we get that shall we say does this ick us up or brick us up yeah okay we're gonna decide if we get there might be some by the way that fall in the middle somewhere.

42:17Yeah. But we can decide whether we're just flaccid but happy. Ambiguous instead of ambivalent. Yeah, carry on. Doesn't matter, does it? Do we agree? Yes or no? Why can we never just do that? I don't know, slogans are funny. He just wants to get nice words in. Yeah. I'm a wordsmith. I'm Picasso and Shakespeare. When they walk up the stairs two at a time. Nah. What? I think all men do naturally. Like a fucking bunny? No, like you take two stairs that's how I always walk up to that I thought you meant like a bunny as well no no I thought you meant with a mate why is that hot no you skip a stair every time I always do that it's so much easier to do that I imagine when you're shorter it isn't it's hard depends on the stairs honestly if I do it it looks like I've got something to prove do you know what I mean like oh he's trying to be like do two stairs he's not you know I'm fully I'm splitting that's not I do think sometimes when I'm doing it does it look weird to others No, it depends how big your gait is, doesn't it?

43:17Yeah, I think maybe it's fine, but I would find it weird if I saw a short woman trying to do it. Yeah. I would go there trying to prove something. Were you going to say man then, but then you worried that it was going to offend Alfie? Well, he already insulted himself with it, so I was just trying to think of a scenario. I probably wouldn't find it as weird seeing Alfie do it, because you're not that small. No, but if it looks like it's effort, ick. But we're doing it because it's easier. Effortless, yeah. It's so hard being small. You can't do anything without someone going, that's because you're small.

43:46I think it's actually funnier to watch us do one step. That looks well. I find it when I'm doing it. I'm like, why am I doing so many steps? How tall are you, mate? Come on. Are you this giant now that can't do one step? You can do one step. I wouldn't look twice at you, mate. No, I can't. Him, I'd go, that looks weird. You, fuck off. I said I feel funny doing it. Well, you shouldn't. It looks totally fine. I didn't say it at you. I said small woman. You were pointing at me the whole time, Stevie. And I followed up. I knew who you were talking about. Did I follow up with the sentence, Alfie's not that small, I wouldn't find it that weird.

44:18Do you truly believe I'm not that small? You're literally about four inches shorter than me. You're not some weird five foot two kid. Sorry to all those out there who are five foot two. Yeah, Jesus Christ. That's worse than anything I've said. You can't just say that and make it true. You've been very sexist this episode. So do you get bricked up at people going two steps at a time? Not me, because that is me. So it'd just be a bit arrogant. Fair enough. So this is one in the middle then, surely. No, actually, no. It wouldn't give me the ick. I wouldn't go, that's cool. It entirely depends on their height.

44:54This person says, when I see someone being amazing at anything, doesn't matter who it is or what it is, I'm on my knees. It's not ideal when a very good plumber or something comes round. How can you tell that a plumber's amazing? I don't know what's going on over there. Yeah. if they get your tap working quick. If they just went with a hammer, I'd go, oh, he knows what he's doing. I'd go, I probably didn't need to call him out. Waste of money. I wouldn't know. A plumber could rip me off so easily. But you've made a good point originally there when you said, I don't know how, I wouldn't be able to tell if a plumber was amazing at their job.

45:33Yeah. But maybe it's relative. Like if they see it as like, fucking hell, they smashed that. But then this person said, I imagine it's a female if I had to guess, but so she's gone. I'm on my knees. Yeah. So she's gone. When someone's amazing at anything, anything is. Hot dog eating contest. Yeah. Joey Chestnut swallowing 67 fucking hot dogs in an hour. It's impressive. It's gross. I'm not getting bricked up at that. That's gross. It is gross. Mate, you think of blowjobs? It's also Joey Chestnut with his gob. I don't know what he looks like. No, he's not a looker. Is he not? I don't know who that is, to be honest.

46:13He's the world's hot dog eating champ for like 19 years in a row. But yeah, something mad. He's just won it again on July 4th. But Beard Meets Food, like I think he's brilliant. I love his videos. I watch them like when I'm hung over. It's gross to watch. I'm not going fucking hell. That's got me bricked up how he's swimming that mile long lasagna back. You're watching it from a straight man's point of view. What, you think women watch Beard Meets Food and they get... They might do. He's quite hot. What's bricked up for a woman? What are your wording it?

46:44Dunno. Think. I did. We've got time. Give us a look what was running through your mind. Their nipples get bricked up. It's not quite as catchy as bricked up. They get nipped up. Nipped up is way better. A lot better, yeah. We got there in the end. I like how you've tried to avoid anything else in there. Yeah, I didn't want to go down to this. Their nipples get bricked up. Is that where we are? Do you get impressed when you see people who are amazing at things? Welcome back. Sometimes. Yeah, chance. Imagine if Fee, right, was unbelievable at high jump. I'd be proud of her. Would you go, core? I'd go, I'm going to support you on every single one of your high jumps.

47:27So it's like, it's mad that she wouldn't return that favour when I'm playing Sunday League. I think it's quite sexy. An all-new season of the Hulu original series, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives is now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney+. Four years ago, we were just making TikToks. But it feels like there are no friendships left in mom talk. You act like you're better than everyone. You're not. I can't trust anyone in this group. She's just dead to me. There's so much the public doesn't know. Watch the new season of the Hulu original series, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. Now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney+.

48:02For bundle subscribers, terms apply. ouch this knee is killing me but i can't stop training the marathon is in two weeks let's get on zoc doc and find a doctor to take a look at that for you okay here's a review dr crowderick really takes his time no i don't have time uh what about dr charles his patients say he can help find a quick fix and he's in network great now we're talking book it booked one mile down 19 to go. Bring it on. You've got options. Download the ZocDoc app today.

49:00plus i i think ali at ali in professional mode is quite sexy right what like let me help you do this and that we're just like i don't know i've never really do you see no but like if we bump into like there's been a couple of times where she's um like she's a nurse right and she's seen someone with a rash and gone like oh that's that right or like friends of us like yeah what does ali think of this yeah and then like she can she helps that's quite that's quite sexy that is good it's having a level of expertise about something you don't know yeah yeah yeah it's like um fiona's sister's recently got two guinea pigs right and fiona loves guinea pigs was brought up with them had loads can tell you anything about guinea pig she went out it was a surprise fiona didn't know that they were going to be in her sister's house she's gone over she's picked her she's obviously like in awe of these pigs, picks them up.

49:57Little niece goes, they're one years old, right? She's just chatting shit. She don't know, right? And then, but Fiona's gone, oh, I don't think they are. I think they're probably a couple months. And then Fiona's sister went, yeah, they're eight weeks. And I was like, oh, that was good. She knows the breed. She'll go on. The weight of a guinea pig. What? She knows the weight of a guinea pig in contrast to age. Probably size, wouldn't it be? Not weight. I thought she was feeling it. She's not done it last two months. Yeah, but she can also see it. She's not done it for eyes, right? Yeah, she's, yeah.

50:23reason I went with weight. Yeah, it's odd that. But she'll go, oh, that's a Rhodesian Ridgeback. Wow. She knows dinosaurs as well. Wow, that's cool. That's really cool. Okay, next. This one's weird. Probably a smidge of autism. But that's fine. You didn't have to clarify that. No, that's fine. I like it. I like somebody having a super interest. I was going to say, I like someone having a smidge of autism. I like it when a girl tries to hold a fart in, but lets out a little puff. Loud ones are a turn off but the little puffs get me every time. Fucking gross. What? Girls farting now? Anyone farting.

51:02Me farting's gross. Have you farted in front of Fi? Yes. Has Fi farted in front of you? It's horrible. Sometimes I don't like to but if I can't, if I'm getting bellyache. It leaks. It seeps out. Yeah, it's a seeper. Like a flipping gas leak. Horrible. Yeah. Nice. Does she fart in front of you? No, never. Because she knows you don't like it. I'm starting to really worry about this this poor girl she farts she's got so why does she fart how do you know because she's human okay geek I was a geeky to know humans because she's human you're pretending you know women loads what would happen if she farted in front of you I wouldn't care has she never would it go would you be a bit every now and then but accidentally and how do you react I go I don't care I don't care I don't care.

51:49Is it not funny because you never hear it? So when it does suddenly happen, you're like, oh. That's like you're making it a big thing now. Yeah. Yeah. Don't worry about it. Yeah. It's all right. Is it that kind of thing? It's all right, babe.

52:07That kind of thing? You're never living down.

52:16Honestly, I'm surprised it's taken that long. long for something to come up with a quack joke the quack's been on my mind for so long if this was pitch side right and i was leo baker garrett's been quacking can you imagine if you said this on pitch side and you were phil baker you would not get out of that pod alive we've done one we've done one 20 minutes later garrett would be in my fucking ear i wish he was here oh i'd love to see it we should send him this after you know get him on the pod right and then do like cutesy things you do and you've got to tell him all the icky things you do. Fuck me.

52:52I bet he does as well though. Yeah. He's got a partner, hasn't he? Yeah. Liv. Let's get her on. And ask about the stuff that Garrett has. Oh, that would be great. That would be so good. He's handsome though so I reckon he can get away with it. Imagine Garrett quacking at you. I'd go, oh, next. That one's, that one's an idiot. Weirdly, that's the one that's going to, the small fart thing we're making, yeah. If I see someone trip We're just having a chat, aren't we? If I see someone trip But they catch themselves I'm into them immediately Nah, you've fucked it already But that's a recovery I don't think you can save yourself from a trip You don't trip, do you?

53:35I trip Really? I've never seen you trip, ever Have you not? I don't think you've ever fallen A trip happens, doesn't it? You're a tall guy, you don't trip a lot I'm an ick when I trip I over exaggerate every time whenever it happens in front of people my first reaction I'll always just go oh my god I almost died I just say that every time is it to like lighten it around obviously I have not almost died but it's the first thing that comes out every time you know one of them laughs where it's not real do you do that oh god I almost died do you do that yeah that's me exactly Oh, I do that laugh all the time.

54:17Yeah, that's not a brick for me. No, that's not a brick, man. You're not a tripper. When someone is waxed and the stripper's pulled off and they flinch slash twitch a little bit. That's niche as fuck. That's so niche. Why are you looking at people getting waxed? Are you a waxer? Their partner? Yeah, maybe. But they don't want them to not react at all. Because that's too, yeah, that's psycho, yeah. Or it's like trying to prove a point. Yeah. You've got to react, haven't you? No, but can I just say, that has given me one. That's made me think of one. Oh, that's given you an impression. I thought you were going to have I'm finally...

54:52Can I just say that's given me one? Can you imagine? What's it given you? So, like, Fiona will moisturise like legs, toes, everywhere like that, right? I go like, this is how I moisturise, right? That's fucked. That's so horrible. That's how I moisturise, right? Feeble elbows, neck, right? Everywhere. And I'm like, that's nice. That's quite normal. Is that not just because your partner's creaming her body? That is literally what you're watching, right? No, no. Cause it could be like, that's not unusual. No, no, no, no, no. Cause it could just be arms. But that's still, but I'm going that self-care.

55:39That's not what you're doing. You could do that. I'm going that self-care to a level in which I could never have about myself. Moisturising your elbows. I'm not sitting there fucking like that. I'm not doing that, am I? I don't give a shit if my knees are rough. She's so lucky. Do you know what I mean? But I guess it does have to be a woman because... What if I did it? What if I... Nah. Let me tell you this quick, right? And I'm going to call him out, right? Josh Poisey. Click right. Yeah? he's got three names um he'd been on the pod right a good mate of mine went to japan with him right we're in a bar we're speaking to these random women who were traveling um japan as well and uh i've looked over and i will never wrap my head around why you did this josh but he's getting them and obviously we're just talking to two random girls there's nothing weird right but he's got his arm out and they're feeling his inside of his forearm like this right i don't know we're drunk right but i look and i go what the fuck's going on there and he goes mate i'm proud of it right he goes i've got the softest inside of my arms of any man and i felt it and i was like that is soft but it's odd that you care about that why is it soft because he said he moisturizes all the time but that's an it's not everywhere else yeah surely that's it was just that bit there it was just like but can i feel your bit there i'm hairy though so yours is quite soft actually but look I feel mine is quite rough.

57:06Mine's rough as fuck. It's not rough. Is it not? I don't even want you to go near mine. Mine's all... Can I feel yours? Oh, mate, it's so rough, though. You're hairy as well. His is softer, but yours is quite nice. No, mine's not nice, man. No, it is nice. That's so rough. That's a lovely forehead. Six out of ten. Is it? Yeah. Thanks. That's a positive. Yeah, so if boys moisturise bad, women moisturise good. This one's too specific. Why do you care how they react to getting waxed? And also, why are you seeing them getting waxed all the time? Yeah, that's odd, that. Yeah, getting waxed, ick. We have some very strange listeners.

57:37We knew that. I saw a girl split the G and I fell in love. That's a bit like your... Burger. Yeah, which is weird because then you're saying all about, like, I don't want them to help a lorry parallel park. Be happy for burger. There's a limit. Because I'm not sexist at all. So it's like I'm not just going, don't do male stereotypical things. You can do some, but my brain will like or hate it. Thank you. Thank you, Lord. Sexy man. But my brain will love or hate it based on how the brain is. So burgers are right. Split the G? If Fee split the G? I don't love it. Okay. Actually, I will say this.

58:20If you're doing it, if I go to the pub, right, and Fee doesn't drink, but she just randomly splits the G, I'm like, yeah, that's decent. Fair play to you. Because you've surprised me. Okay. Bambino Becky splitting the G? Fucking hell. have something else about you. Right. You'd expect it. So you like the element of surprise, don't you? Yeah, well, that's what it was. Why would it not surprise you if he was backing up a lorry? Surely. Yeah, it would, but I'd just be like, oh, you're doing too much. You're not a traffic officer. So you're saying no. I'm going to go into the scenario you are. Fucking, what are you doing?

58:58Doing my editing. Split the G good if it's a surprise and it wasn't expected. Yeah. All right. How about you? Surprise the G. Neither here nor there. I'm not a big drinker, so it might intimidate me a bit. Yeah. And be like, oh God. If Ali came home and did her completely normal routine, but sat on the bed or the chair next to you and opened up a pint of lager, booze campo, and necked it, but didn't say anything, is that net positive or net negative? Negative. What are you doing? Why have you suddenly started necking lagers? What if she went, I've had a hard day? Need a bath from steam? But why are you suddenly...

59:36Are you okay? What's wrong? Something's not right because you don't even like beer. Okay, yeah. It's a suddenly, isn't it? Because it's such a big change. What if she started going... She just went, oh, I needed that. It would just be such a change in character. All right, then let me rephrase it. What if she came up to you and went, ow, I've had a really shit day at work. Yeah. I just fancy a beer. I'd laugh and go, that's so funny. let's go let's go baby why is it funny why is it funny that a woman wants a beer it's not as funny that she wants a beer if my mum my mum drinks beer if my mum said it I wouldn't think twice but if I said it Ali would laugh if I said to imagine me coming home and going fucking hell should we go get a beer should we go spoons and get a beer should we go that is so funny when you get home can you try this yes can you film it and we'll put it in I'll record it.

1:00:30Yeah, just go, it took me so long to get home. Like, the pods weren't that great. I just want to go get a beer. She'll go, what? Will she? Oh, I really want to see it. She'll go, what? If I did that to Fee, she would not bat an eye. Yeah, but if I said, I want to go for the gym and have a gym meal katsu curry, she'd go, yeah, I've got it in the fridge.

1:00:52Yeah. So not too fussed about the split and the G. And if you went home and said, oh, I'm just going to go and watch the playground over the road for a while now. Not bad an eyelid. Yeah, fine. It would be like she barely even heard anything. Did you come in earlier? That's prime time for the park. Men covered in blood and men that grunt rather than speak. Doesn't do it for me. Nah. Why are they covered in blood? I get the grunting. It's very cavemanic. They would love rugby players. Yeah. All in the mud, all bloody. Their ears look like cauliflowers. There is another one that says men who look like they've been in a zombie apocalypse.

1:01:29that's the rugged look isn't it yeah dirty yeah do you know what like fee won't mind me saying this and you can cut it out if you do fee i think we said it on here before she's got two celebrity crush well she's got loads but like the two odd ones are joe marler yeah and jordan pickford very different they are but when you think about the mentality of them right yeah so so like jordan pickford acts how joe marler should act and joe marler acts how like dainty goalkeeper shit out like joe muller's very timid very fair-hearted emotional like nice bloke joe jordan pickford's that kind of thing so i get both elements even though yeah you know what i'm saying yeah yeah yeah they're both sick i can get why they're kind of sexy to women i think some people look really good rugged yeah like in zombie apocalypse but i just feel really scruffy when i do it you would look good you would look really good yeah so i just when you were fat and bald with a beard oh you had a bit you did mate slide me off all time yeah funny that's what mates do but you you did look like a lumberjack yeah yeah i'll do um by the next time we're all in together i will not shave at all just let it all grow wow that's not what i said though is it i'm not doing that shade your head i'm not doing can you get fat and bald again i would love it prefer not I'd get bricked up.

1:02:50I'll do it. Okay. Time for two more, I think. Okay. When a fully grown man sits with his legs crossed like you would in assembly at school. Nah, I think I'd make you look juvenile. I can't do it. It's a bit childish. It hurts my knees too much. Past it. I'm past crossing my legs. I've got a mate called Jason and he's never ever been able to cross his legs because he's got a condition with his kneecaps where they don't bend that fast so he's never been able to cross his legs. I'm still crossing on the reg. Really? Yeah, most days. I can't. Most days I'll cross. Why are you on the floor so often?

1:03:21No. Comfy. Have a sit down, yeah. Yeah. Sit on the bed, cross-legged. Can I ask a question? Absolutely. And I'd like you to give me your honest opinion on this. I thought about this recently, right? Now, this is interesting. And like, I don't think it's that odd, but if I shouldn't be doing it, just tell me, right? You know when you're, right, think of it this way, right? Busy airport, right? You're a kid. Your mum and dad and that are sat on chairs. You're just sat on the floor, right? You're sat on the floor, maybe back to the chair like that, playing your switch, right? fine yeah 15 year old you're sat on the floor going through some football cards fine yeah i i am still very much a floor sitter if i need to be right at this age yeah now when i think back to being 15 if i saw a 33 year old man sat on the floor i'd go because you imagine when you're a teenager you imagine people our age to be in like suits yeah full job right yeah but i still see myself as like a 20 year old yeah yeah so when i'm sitting on the floor like there's been times I've been in airports hung over and I've just laid on the floor?

1:04:21Yeah. Is that fucking odd? Like, are people going, what the fuck's going on there? Is it not? I think I feel like that at all. No? If anything, you're saving a seat for someone that wants a seat. Do whatever you want, mate. Who's going to make you feel bad about that? No one, but I'm just thinking... Someone made a comment. No. Airports... It was an old lady. Oh, I know that. Airports, airports especially, no one will care. Right. Because in an airport, no one around you will know what journey you've been on so far. You might be in between a second flight. You could be anything. You could have any reason to just want to lay down.

1:04:55Yeah, should grown adults sit on floors? I think some areas it might look a bit weirder. If you're queuing at a bank. Oh. Weird. Context is everything in life. But you know when you go to a music festival? Look at that. You go to a music festival, there's a big queue of people maybe to get in or out. There's some teenager sat on the floor. bags on, maybe have a little Alka Pop. If men are doing it, if I went there and I saw Joe Marler with his legs crossed, can of beer, I'd go, get up, Joe. You've got to have something about yourself. I think, again, it would depend on how quickly that queue's moving.

1:05:30If that awkward shuffle when they sit and then the queue starts moving and they don't want to fully stand up and they just shuffle forwards and then sit again. Yeah. Sitting in a queue for me is unacceptable. And actually, you should go to the back or just wait if you don't want to queue like everyone else. Yeah. well we were in a really long queue after Disneyland a couple of months ago and we just didn't move for ages Ariane and I stayed stood up but Isaac sat on the floor that's his child that's okay kid absolutely fine no adults sat on the floor but like if Ariane stayed stood up and you sat down mental no I think fine as long as one of you in the group stood up just one of you has got to be stood up to show everyone else like we are ready to go but do I not look pathetic that I've just gone I'm going well that's what my point I sat down whilst trying to check into a Vegas hotel once whilst Fiona stood up pathetic Awful.

1:06:17Awful, awful, awful. Everything in this episode's not looking good on you. No. I love you, Fee. She's definitely just quacked back on the edit, haven't she? Like, while she's typing. That's rapport. That's why we work. I'll put a ring on that one day. You already have. Yeah, I'll put a ring on it. You've literally put a ring on it. Putting the ring on it as the engagement part. Let's not say it. It is the finger, by the way, not the person. Yeah. Putting a ring on it as the engagement part. Yeah, well. did that 18 years ago you'll be Miss Quack one day oh my god can we leave it there Mr and Mrs Quack imagine the IDs Quack Quack mate like it's this quirky thing and then Vic is like do you Fiona take Jack Dean to be and she goes Quack and then you go Quack back what an idea what an idea to say like I am here yeah and I'll always be and I'll always be Quacking back if this was in a rom-com fuck me the women would be nipped up over that.

1:07:18Nice. Gushing. No, that's too far. We'll leave it there. Yeah. I'll read one more to you. Oh, God. This is really weird, but I once couldn't work out maths to something really basic, so he used my fingers to count. He asked me to put all of my ten fingers out, and then he was bending them back to count the numbers for me. It was so attractive, but so weird. It wasn't like a weird sexual thing, but it was attractive. I get this. I get this. If Ali did that to you and you're going, oh, Ali, what's 10 take away three? Give me your little digits. You get your penis out. Mate, come on. Little. Come on, mate.

1:07:57Go on, carry on with you. It is little. That's why I've taken offence to that. It's like the golf. Like if you're teaching someone how to golf and then you get behind them and you do the golf, that's what that's like for me. Oh, like the mentoring of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a bit like Ghost, isn't it? And it's like, I'm so comfortable with your body that I'm going to use your digits. Making a pot out of clay, hands round. Yeah. What was that little thing you did there? Did you just squeeze the breast? You did, you did. You just squeezed her breast. You did, you squeezed her breast without consent.

1:08:31My hands are on her hands and I'm going... No, Jack, her hands were there and then you moved back and you looked at me with a smile and you squeezed her breasts without consent. And she didn't like it. She's told me. I might be sexist, but I'm not a groper. Unless they're fit. He's ruined it. Do you like men who are not afraid to stand up to their mums? Because that's on the list. Yeah, but I don't think there's many of us. You what? Yeah, that's good. Jack stands up to his mum. Yeah. He doesn't. He doesn't talk to her. No, he's a coward. He's standing up, he's running away. No, I know. That's how I do it.

1:09:09That's how I do it. If you're going to be on the pod, come back and talk on the pod. That's how I stand up to her. I go, Mum, I don't like your actions. I'm out of this house. I'm out of your life. God, this is getting a bit fucking... It is a bit much. I told you we should have finished it five minutes ago. No, I know. No, I know. Quack. He's over there.

1:09:34Jack Mate's happy hour. Ow, are you doing a squash? Yeah. I'm just going to pop out and get a beer. I've had a bit of a long day. I think I might get a beer. What are you talking about, Alfie? I might just go get a beer. Absolute shit.

1:09:52That went well. An all-new season of the Hulu original series, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, is now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney+. Four years ago, we were just making TikToks. But it feels like there are no friendships left in MomTalk. You act like you're better than everyone. You're not. I can't trust anyone. in this group. She's just dead to me. There's so much the public doesn't know. Watch the new season of the Hulu original series, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers. Terms apply. Ouch. This knee is killing me.

1:10:29But I can't stop training. The marathon is in two weeks. Let's get on ZocDoc and find a doctor to take a look at that for you. Okay. Here's a review. Dr. Crowderick really takes his time. No, I don't have time. What about Dr. Charles? His patients say he can help find a quick fix, and he's in network. Great, now we're talking. Book it. Booked. One mile down, 19 to go. Bring it on. You've got options. Download the ZocDoc app today.