682 - MORE Things That Turn Us On... (Oppos-icks 2)

31:45So I went downstairs, completely naked and put a Yorkie in the microwave. And I want to know... Not a dog. It's a joke about you putting a dog in the microwave. And I want to know, we have a little cat cam. That would have seen me doing that. Oh, God. Was it attractive? I saw your butt. Mm-hmm. Oh, God. Why did you click on it? And me, because when I took the Yorkie out of the microwave, if I knocked a pint glass and it smashed everywhere and I went, I can't deal with that. And Fee went and... Oh! God. There's another Yorkie.

32:30That is fucking horrific, Dan. That is absolutely horrific. Two's a bit much. Go have it in gravy. No, he's talking about Yorkie chocolate. Oh my God. This whole time I thought he was talking about a Yorkshire pudding. You put a Yorkie in the microwave, you fucking weirdo It melts What? I am absolutely mind-blown that you put a chocolate bar in the microwave It melted On a plate? Yeah And what, you eat it with a spoon? No, I only put it in for 20 seconds And do what? Makes it easier to eat What did you think he meant when he said there's another Yorkie? That you went down and your bum hole looked like a Yorkshire pudding and i loved it like a big gaping yorkshire pudding that makes more sense what are you talking about a shit what are you on about what are you on about with the yorking and you had a shit in there yorkshire pudding's better in it

33:42But why do you need chocolates nice or hard? I keep the Choccy in the fridge. Yeah, same. I bought 24 Raisin Yorkies. Nice. To give to a gift to John Kern when he comes on the pod. It's an in-joke. Not between me and him, but between his stand-up. And the episode didn't come to fruition, so I've had them in my fridge. They've been in there for two months, rock hard. I get home, want a bit of Choccy. microwave slam door open microwave lovely and melted only a little bit still got the core in it can you still if you touch it does chocolate get on your fingers oh yeah yeah you can't so I grab one bit get a bit of mucky fingers and then just like fucking hell no that's not the same as putting a tea towel over your shoulder you and mucky fingers and you Yorkshire pudding out but are we all agreed tea towel over the shoulder is so sexy That is an opposite.

34:35Yeah. And also, it's kind of, I think it's sexy universally. I think it's sexy if you're Marco Pierre White and you're cooking up a risotto, or if you're just got your first job in McDonald's. So they're young then, yeah?

34:56Oh, I found out the other day I enjoy watching my wife eat Nutella out of the jar. Nah. Nope. With a spoon? I assume with a spoon. Fine. With a finger. God, no. I don't think it's a turn on. I don't think it's a turn off. Sometimes I see Fiona eat a whole apple strudel. What's wrong with that? Mate, a whole one. Mate, it serves eight and she will sit there. It's this big. Have you seen that? It's like a keyboard. She's eating a keyboard of apple strudel. It is nice. I've seen she eat like half a plate and it takes her seven hours. Oh, Phoebe, she'll get it done in an afternoon. It'll be an afternoon shit.

35:32She's just sat there the whole time. laptop like that strudel like that the whole thing i come back and i'm like surely that was cream or anything no dry oh that's straight in bosh bosh madness not turned on i'm not turned on i'm not turned off i'm fascinated you're intrigued yeah yeah someone put a joke in this obviously meant to be a joke at robbie go on the welsh accent does things to me as a 50 year old bloke Good, good. I like it because it's not too... It is a bit on my nose. Sometimes when I sleep with my boyfriend, I imagine he's a woman instead. I get it. Men are rank. Women are beautiful.

36:11Shoot me. You know what I mean? Like, sometimes I think of stuff I do, and I think that's... I am rank. Like what? Just in the night, I've been doing a lot of farts. Smellers. no I don't know but I did the loudest one the other day yeah and Fiona was just like what are you yeah what did you what what give us a situation it's not funny anymore I do them sometimes I was asleep but she said I did like the loud loudest one and it like shook the foundations of the house and then I was just like woke up and she told me and I was embarrassed but oh you feel awful don't Yeah, and I thought, why are you with a man?

36:54Get me gone and get a beautiful woman. Okay. Fair enough. This one, this was big over the World Cup. I've seen it a lot. Whatever Harland is doing. Oh, yeah. I know exactly what he's doing. People went mad for Harland. I think you've got a bit of this about you, Mr. Dean. What? I thought it at the time. What? it's big men that could destroy you what not in a sexual way in what way like this like um it's like a gentle giant thing right you if you wanted to go skits in this room and there's nothing any of us could do about it and you could knock us all out but you're cuddly you're cute thank you and that is attractive is harland cuddly yeah that's what people are liking he's so big right big and strong he's like muscly and on the pitch he's like very physical but then that i think people like seeing him off the pitch being cute yeah he flicks his hair yeah when he when he takes out and he like cuddles people and like and that is attractive have you seen like because that's a thing at the moment like have you seen that the meme instagram is cool because no you have you not seen this i have not either so it'll go mate it's everywhere right so it'll go So you might post, say you want Harlan to comment on your thing.

38:15You will go, you'll have a photo of like your runner's medal and you'll go, Instagram is cool because you can just post your marathon time and a bloke called Erling will comment nice and he finds them all. You go straight to the comment and he comments nice. I've seen pages with like, or posts with like 800 likes. Instagram's cool because you can upload a photo of your wedding from 2019 and erling will randomly just compliment your shoes and you'll go in the comments and he's commented nice shoes there was one the other day and this was how good it was and it was like they were to proper like pushing it because they were like instagram's cool let me make that up instagram's cool because you can show your new yellow shirt and erling will comment about how that shade of yellow suits you and oh and then they added a bit uh he'll comment within two hours right and then he'd commented 19 hours ago right like saying like nice yellow and then he commented again going sorry we're sleeping wow so he's just like so it's funny yeah yeah he's a relatable guy oh yeah it's definitely him it's got the take it's erling it's his picture you go on it he's got like 79 that's why his followers are going mental at the moment can we show you some yeah right carry on with the pod and i'm gonna slowly i'm still gonna be engaged in the conversation but i am just gonna go on my feed and just scroll until i find one okay right cool well so harland we're all agreeing is a legend see why people are liking him i think he's an absolute legend i like it when someone refolds the clothes after picking them up in a shop i do that as someone who used to work in primark i'm all over that i do that because my god primark you've been.

39:57It's a mess a lot of the time. I just don't think I can fold very well. I don't fold them well, but I try. And that's fine. You're not expected to be able to do it if you've not been taught the technique. But people who pick it up and just throw it back as a bunch. That's just rude. I think you could say that with anything, even a can of beans. What would you do with that? Well, if you put it in... I did do that the other day. I picked something up and put it back in the wrong shelf and I felt bad. Yeah. Why are you doing that? Because I get embarrassed about going all the way back. I've just randomly come on my...

40:24I bet this is going to let me down because it's got so few likes. Since Erling Haaland's chronically online, commenting we want to wish him a happy birthday, I hope to surprise my son with a reply. I think this one will let me down because I think four hours ago. See, just everyone's tagging him though. So surely he's going to see these things when loads of people are tagging him. I just think it's nice that he's taking his time out to write nice on stuff. Connor, you post something and see if he does. I do think it's a bit cringey. Yeah, they just want a comment from Erling Haaland. I didn't like the, there was that trend, wasn't there, being like, oh, I'm on an eight hour flight.

40:58Let's see how many footballers will comment on this video whilst I'm flying. I hated all that. Yeah. Yeah. Not a fan. So, yeah. When someone does something silly, like walking into a door, others may find it an ick. But if it gets a laugh out of me, then that's attractive. Yeah, but that's, so they walk into, walk into a door. Accidentally. Yeah. You doing it? No. water. There's the Yorkie. Fucking hell.

41:32Accidentally. So I guess it's clumsiness. I do think that is quite attractive. A bit of clumsiness. Yeah. It's a bit. That was attractive. You getting me a water without me asking and I would like one. That was hot. Cool. You read my mind. Nice. You're really flirting with me. This last five minutes You've honestly been all over. You've been on my nuts, bro. Lost it now.

42:00Like, that kind of sexy clumsiness, I see as a bumbling British gentleman, like Hugh Grant. In Love, actually. It's a bit also like in the old, in a lot of like the American teenage, coming of age movies back in the day, it'd always be like the artsy girl or whatever who's always tripping over herself and stuff. Yeah. All her papers are flying everywhere. Yeah. The lockers, and she's quit picking them up. But as she picks them up, she gets up, and then the guy she likes is already there. You dropped your pen. Oh, and she does this with her. Oh, thank you. Sorry. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. See, that's a beautiful scene.

42:38And then she has a makeover, right? And it's a prom, and she has a makeover, and she's done it for him. But then he's like. He's not into it. He's like, I liked your glasses before. Yeah. What? My. yeah we should write this honestly it's probably been done it's been done it's been done yeah but we should write it again yeah so the clumsiness and it stopped us before when we wrote extras no I know the clumsiness came from those films isn't it like people do go that is quite nice yeah yeah I'm purposely clumsy every time I eat I spill food down my throat yeah that's not doing that's different like spaghetti and shit that's so different that's so different you always spill food on yourself look at all these stains covered in stains all on my shorts.

43:21That's like bumbling Englishmen. Big, isn't it? That's like Hugh Grant to Matt Hancock. Do you know what I mean? They're both bumbling Englishmen but one of them's rank. Do you know what I mean? You're Matt Hancock. I got that. Yeah. I got that, cunt. Yeah, you did. Of course you did. Yes, I never once thought hmm, Hugh Grant in this situation. No, but I thought what if you thought he's saying I'm the Hugh Grant. Sometimes I'll spill a bit of spaghetti beside I face. See if she's into it. Do you ever do it bare chest? Nah. That would be horrible if you were to ever do that. I have spilt like, I have spilt bean juice on my lap before in bed.

44:03What do you mean? Naked lap. Naked lap. What do you mean beans in bed? I don't know. I've had some rough times. When was it? Four weeks ago. What? Rough four weeks ago? I was hungover and I just got, and I was really hungry and you need salt when you're hungover. So I went down and said, had a tin of beans with mini sausages in and picked the bowl up to finish the bean juice. And went down my belly. What is that gross as well? My belly. Awful. Before getting into bed, when a man empties a variety of things from his pockets, like a wallet, not loose change, keys and a phone, no idea, but it's definitely a thing for me.

44:44Yeah. Security. It feels like a manly thing, doesn't it? She's going, look, he's got his own car. Yeah. Because in house. Because in money. Yeah. And he's now getting up next to me. It's a security thing now. I'm deep in that. And the watch is like going, like jingling, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he knows the time. Yeah, he knows the time. He does know the time. Okay. An all new season of the Hulu original series, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, is now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney+.

45:13Jaack Maate:Four years ago, we were just making TikToks. But it feels like there are no friendships left in MomTalk. You act like you're better than everyone. and you're not. I can't trust anyone in this group. She's just dead to me. There's so much the public doesn't know. Watch the new season of the Hulu original series, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. Now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers. Terms apply. And we're back. Streaming on Peacock. May I present to you the award-winning staff of the Toledo Truth Teller. Slap me. Let's jar something loose. Ay, yes! I like that. The certified fresh series returns.

45:48Jaack Maate:You're a boss. You always like this? Soars is just like, oh no, this is mad. Oysters, everybody. There's a certain satisfaction when you work with someone. Maybe we could be a family. You sadistic pig. The Paper. New season streaming September 9th, only on Peacock. This show gives me a reason to live. This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports.

46:30Jaack Maate:Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro plans. This is completely irrelevant. Just whilst you were talking about what your algorithm is, have you guys seen Jimothy? No. Who's Jimothy? All I'm seeing are my... I'm surprised you haven't seen it. Is it? You love an animal. have you not seen the latest like new animal to drop give me a clue give me a clue i might've seen it it's a raccoon yeah i've seen it the best thing in the world isn't it i think so is it um america yeah seattle and it's what i've seen it what does it fucking do runs about and does something i can't remember what it does it doesn't do anything it just is it's got a um like a birth deformity where it has a really short spine so the reason i wanted to bring this up on the pod anyway is because i haven't seen it if we didn't have camera phones this would be an urban legend like people would be going have you seen that creature like you just have no idea oh my god i need to show you is it happy it looks fine but there's videos of it when it was a baby there's videos of it now it just keeps popping up on everything oh my god where did i put it no you seen he dobbin no i'm sending you that let me tell you listeners I've said raccoon, I'll tell you about E-Dubbin.

47:44Look at this. And how would you not think? Oh! That's too cute. That is cute. Is that not the maddest thing? It looks like a little monkey. And there's videos of it when it was a baby. Oh my God. It can't walk right. No. I like that guy. I like that guy. But my feed right now is just Jimothy videos. I like it. Why is it called Jimothy though? Don't have a great name. It's already had a hard start to life. Let's not call it Jimothy. People will start to take the piss. I like Jimothy I like the name there's something a bit funny about it you would actually if you saw that and you were a bit like high or something and that ran across the road when you the only time you see it you would actually think I've just seen a weird you wouldn't think it's a raccoon I've seen a demon yeah that would easily like it'd be a cryptid I could be telling you stories about Jimothy on here now why is it cute though I don't know because it's tiny and fluffy yeah I think raccoons are quite cute anyway aren't they but then you've got this like tiny They're not the ones who stink, are they?

48:42Skunks. Skunks, yeah. That is skunks. E Dobbin. There's this bloke, right? And he'll probably kill me for saying this. He's a nutter. And he's on... You can keep it in. You can keep it in. You can keep it in. It's my opinion. He shares his. I'm going to share mine. He's big on TikTok now. Massive. He wears these metaglasses and he goes about. And he believes... And he's not trolling. I promise you he believes this, right? He believes that the mountains and the Earth's face are fossilised dragon bones and skin. So he goes, if you look at, he goes, it's all there. He goes, if you look at the Grand Canyon, that's dragon wings that have died and petrified and gone like that.

49:24You can see, like, not the gills, but like the print on them. I would love that to be true. How big would that dragon be? But the reason why I think people like watching him, and he is odd, is he will because he's so confident he'll go about his normal life and interact with the world which is fun to watch uh but he like he has his meta ray bands on but i like that he doesn't bring up all that stuff until about halfway through the conversation so you get to watch him go up to these like there's one where he goes up to this old couple is he going up to him to tell them no no so he felt he that's like his opinion on stuff but he interacts with the world that's just what what he does.

50:04He films his day-to-day stuff. So he'll be walking through the street and he'll see this old couple. He'll go, all right, how are you? Have you gone on a hike? And they'll go, yeah, we're going on a hike. How long have you been hiking up here? And talk and it'll all be nice, right? And he'll go, I'm going to go shop. Do you want a 99? I'll get you a 99, like that. But then he'll go, by the way, he goes, I'm into mud fossils. That's how he always starts. And you see them and they're like, oh, okay. Like think he's a nice, normal guy. And then he'll go, because you know that's all dragon bones, don't you?

50:29And the way he goes in, the best thing about the clips is just watching these normal people go, all right, and you can see the micro expressions in their eyes. Yeah, that's all dragons, all that mountain, that is that dragon's bone, that's an ankle bone down there. And they're just going, okay. And it's the most fascinating thing ever. Is he big? He keeps getting his camera shut down. And then having to... Why? Yeah, bleep this feet.

50:58wow uh the next one is tree surgeons that would be that's sexy isn't it just handling big stuff you know the darts ref you know jack darts ref yeah our mate who does darts content get this right lost a lot of weight now right wasn't normal and traditionally like mr handsome in the same I know that sounds nasty but but get this right so he used to be a tree surgeon right so I was like alright he's got a bit lost loads of weight now yeah played darts to quite a good level got dartitis so he can't throw anymore learnt to play with his left hand whoa and now wins darts tournaments with his left hand that's cool I'm putting it out there sexy yeah yeah messaging no he'll listen to this he loves happy hour so Jack you're sexy yeah You were never ugly, but you are sexy now.

51:52The tree surgeon does add a bit, doesn't it? That's nice. Yeah, that's a nice bit. I'm picturing like, I'm picturing like on like some kind of like rope and pulley system, like halfway up the tree. And being able to do it. Lumberjacks. Yeah. Yeah. Isn't that that guy? Any jack. Isn't that that guy who was like huge on TikTok or whatever, and all he does is just cuts wood, like just axes through wood, but he's crazy attractive. because I was like, you've just reminded me of something I find fucking sexy. And I was telling you this the other day. I am obsessed with this guy on Instagram who works in a smokehouse in like Idaho or something.

52:31And he speaks to people and he cuts the brisket at the same time. I think it's all just me and the juices. And he's really friendly. And he's like, what can we do for you today? Pound of turkey, pound of brisket, no problem. Some burnt ends, like that. And he just puts them on the plate. And when he does it, that does turn me on sexually yeah have you ever got bone over it nah she needed to know you really like the food though is it the smoothness I like him though I like watching how he talks and they'll come in and go I've seen your videos on Facebook ah cool gotcha nice one pound of brisket today oh he's so focused on the job yeah he ain't interested in that shit no he is he really gives back no he's not mate that's arrogant actually okay do you get that with any other food people I love all the foods.

53:18But Gary Eats didn't fit, is he? Spud Bros? Is that his name? They're not turning me on like he turns me on. You want the meaty boy. Oh, yeah. It's the meat. It's the manly meat chopper. It's the handling of it. It is the meat. Have you seen the guy? This icks me a bit, actually, even though we're not on an icks episode. The guy who does the pizza. Have you seen? He'll throw it around loads. Kind of like he's doing tail throwing. He's kind of doing that, but with the go of the pizza. He's making it real thin and quick. I think the first time I saw it, I went, oh, it was quite cool. And now it's just every...

53:51It is performative because of what he's doing, but I just hate it when I see it now. I can't do it anymore. It would be to a specific song and he's like, I just can't do it. I think we need to stop. We just put a pin in the word performative because people keep using it as an insult. We live in a social media age where everything we do is performative. This is performative. This is performative. Posting an Instagram photo is performative. Commenting now is performative because you're wanting people to see your comment. Anything you do in the public eye is performative. So why are we using it as a stick to beat people with?

54:26I always thought performative was saying something you don't really believe or doing something you don't really believe. Well, that's like white knighting, isn't it? Yeah, that's how I see performative a bit more. But you know when they say, like, Declan Rice is being performative for the cameras? He's an athlete that people pay thousands to watch. He's performing. No, but then that sentence goes more along what Alfie's saying because when they say that, the reason they're saying that is because they don't think he's acting how he actually wants to act. Oh, wow. But what they're trying to get at, though, is that he knows the cameras are on him, so he's acting differently.

55:02So that's where it's like you're being performative. I agree with you. I think everyone's saying everything's cringe. Yeah. Then it's actually, do you know what? It's all fucking cringe. We're all cringe. Even the people saying that stuff is cringe is cringe. because you you know when um you remember sorry the old um chelsea manager yeah you know when he won the fa cup or whatever and he got the the medal did you see when he got the medal and they're all all his team are chanting and he's looking at it like that he's like an old man looking at the medal like really reflective if rice did that they'd be saying it's performative yeah but isn't that isn't that one of the things rice did was it like the champions league ball or something I remember when they qualified or whatever and then that was one of the things that went viral.

55:46Looking at the ball? Something like being all like, oh, that's what they're, but they're always, you're always going to be able to pick out on something if you're looking for it. Yeah, I do think there are performative things. I do think it exists, but I think it's overused. I think maybe it should mean more what you're saying, where performative in the sense that you're acting differently to how you actually want to act. So it's more like white knighting and lying. Just spilt water all down on himself, hasn't it? Oh, did you? loves that. Water's alright, doesn't stain. That's giving it a wash.

56:17When a guy catches something with one hand. Yeah, that's nice. He almost caught it with one neck. That was amazing. Sorry, I forgot about you. Yeah, you want to catch? Go.

56:32No, now it's over and it's what, Jack, don't you dare because you've got a bigger throw than me. Bigger throw. I don't need a big throw to go there. I want to watch that back because from what I saw, that was quite icky. Honestly, Alfie, I forgot you had a bad hand. I thought you were going to be really sexy and just catch that. What a bad hand. Why didn't I go with this hand? Yeah, that's what I thought. I didn't throw it hard either, did I? No, no. I'm not nasty. I did that the other day. Ali threw a rice cake. I said, can you pass me one of them rice cakes? They hit me between the eyes. How she launched it at you?

57:05She threw it overhand. I thought it was going to... We both thought it wasn't going to go that far and it just struck me in between the eyes. How far away were you from each other? Miles. What? It was such a good play. He was in snowmuckage. He was in Ipswich. Mate, might as well have been. Other side of the living room. Like that. I was just like that. I went like that through my hands. Did it hurt? Yeah. That's why you've had that mark on there the whole day. Right, one more. I haven't, have I? No. I don't think this one is entirely controversial or groundbreaking but I love when people have a huge obsession with niche things and are able to project that onto others.

57:41Sitting down with your mate or partner as they recount small facts about things you had no idea existed is absolutely class. You always say you like this. Yeah, I like it. That's it. I think we spoke about this in the background. Yeah, that's not niche. I saw a comedian. She said that men are funny because they will just sit in pubs and say facts. Yeah. We do do that. I love stats. I love stats. They're good, aren't they? They're so good. This is a mad stat from the World Cup. This was true going into the final. I don't know if it stayed the same, but of any outfield player that have played more than 90 minutes in the World Cup, there was something like 658.

58:23Do you know from one to 658 where Messi is on the list of how many kilometres and distance ran? Solo. He must be solo. 658th. No way. No, outfield players. Yeah, he was the lowest. That's why they're saying he's going to play in the next World Cup because he's made his game so that he doesn't need to be as athletic and cover as much ground anymore. He's just walking about. That would be men if he is playing, wouldn't it? Can you imagine? Do you think he will? What's your prediction? Yeah. He'll be 42. I think he will. I think he's like a god in Argentina. I think if he wants to, he'll be allowed to.

59:01Do you think he'll just play like a bit part, come on last 10 or whatever, see what he can do? I don't know. He kind of played like he was only on for the last 10 anyway. I know, in the final he went missing, didn't he? No, but throughout the tournament. I think there's still glimmers when he gets the ball and beats a player. It looks different to how anyone else does it. Yeah, he was the best ever. Got a long one. Go on then. Hi fellas, I've never gotten involved in the asking the audience to write in segments for the pod before, but reading this prompt about niche opposite Ix, I immediately had one in mind.

59:32Welcome. nonchalant backflipping i'm not welcomed him he's been welcomed oh sorry i'm not i'm not talking about those wanky parkour people who film themselves in public jumping off walls and running about getting in the way of the general public they suck i'm on about people who don't show off or tell you they can backflip they'll just reveal it's a skill they have randomly one day as if it's the most normal thing to be able to do it's an athletically impressive thing to do and a great party trick to pull out when people are least expecting it. But only when the backflipper is casual about their flipping skills.

1:00:07Nonchalance is the key to the opposite ick. Hell yeah. Yeah, but that's less about the backflip and more about having a very highly trained skill. Yeah, because speed backflips all the time. And I remember the first time a clip came up with him backflip and I was like, that's a cool backflip. Now he backflips in every single clip. I don't care about seeing it. Yeah. Do you have anything in your locker? what that I can do that I'm really good at you just bring out and people be like whoa he can do that not really like weirdly I can do quite a few good magic tricks can you? that's hot yeah thanks what about you?

1:00:40we know you can sing we know you can act we know you can dance we know you can rap what can't you do? you're a good cook no awful right fucking terrible mate dog shit absolutely dog shit okay what's your hidden talent then? my hidden talent would be um that little body of yours sorry what did you that was nonchalant what did you say that he said that little body of yours that little body oh god no it's nice i don't know okay this this um one ends with a fun little side fact i have to get away from that a fun little side fact the moment i realized i fancied my now boyfriend was at a festival when stood amongst to a group of friends chatting and drinking, he took a step out of the group to do a backflip and then rejoined the circle as if nothing had happened.

1:01:31Genuinely the sexiest thing I'd ever seen. Bonus impressive points because he did it with a lit cig in his mouth. Fuck, that is cool, but I think it's still... I don't think that is nonchalant. I don't think that is nonchalant. He's waiting until he's in a group of people. And he's randomly, without saying anything, just walk up, backflip and come back in. Is that performative? Is that performative? Yeah. Yeah, it is. That is. Yeah. But what is the point in having that skill and never showing anyone? Yeah, I used to have a mate who would do them on nights out all the time. Oh, it gets boring. I went to Kendall a few years ago, and I was walking from the campsite down to the toilet.

1:02:07It was about one in the afternoon, and this guy came up to me, and he didn't say a word, right? And he had a ciggy in his mouth, and he went, beckon me over. The whole exchange did not say a word. I've gone over. And he's got, imagine, a bit of string that goes into a triangle at the bottom, right? and the triangle's got like a bit of a platform on the bottom of it right imagine imagine a bit of string with a snooker triangle on it right and i've got a pint in my hand and he goes come here he gets my pint he puts it on the triangle balanced and he slowly starts spinning it spinning it spinning it and then he gets it to the point where he's spinning it like full 360 and then he brings it down slow again doesn't spill a drop and he just gives it to me and walks off that's so sick I don't know if it was the coolest thing or the oddest thing I've ever seen.

1:02:54Maybe a bit of both. A bit of both. Yeah. That must have ruined your drink, though. Yeah, it took all the fizz out of it. Awful. I fucking dashed it straight after, yeah. Awful. I went up to him when you owe me a new one. Do you know when you're with another one? Someone who's really good at fighting but never fights. Yes! Isn't that so sexy? That's a great one. That's because there's a little bit of like, you're like, that person. Like, he could. He could just muller everyone in here, but he's not. Chooses not to. Yeah. I got started on as a kid and my cousin Rhys just come bulldozing out of nowhere and just fucking smacked this guy.

1:03:25He deserved it. He was beating me up and I was just like, I never knew you had that in the locker. That is fit that you've done that. So you just call your cousin fit? That's so... Stop making things weird. You're the one saying it. It's your nan's privates. It's your cousin's now fit. I don't know what to think. We're not making it weird. You're saying the things. Alright. I like unconventionally attractive professions. Managers, just something about the shirts and beekeepers, because I know they're probably very caring and environmentally conscious. Also, train drivers. Think of the money and their home a lot because they're always on strike.

1:04:06Oh, come on. So we'd probably do the housework. I'm cabin crew, and I get the ick with straight cabin crew. It's very rare to see. They always make it known that they're straight, and it's just the thought of them shuffling along with a trolley and their apron pouring tea and coffee. Cabin crew give me the ick. Do they? Yeah, they do. All of them? Just a lot of them, yeah. Because it's artificial niceness. They don't want to be nice to me. Hiya, do you want a really tiny little apple juice that you might need four cups of to wet your mouth? Like that kind of vibe. It's like, I appreciate you doing a service, but it's very, okay.

1:04:41I heard one on one of my flights in the World Cup proper slagging off the people on the flight. She went, there's a load of fucking idiots on here today. When I went to the loo at the back. They all must be like, fuck these people. They keep ringing the bell. It's really annoying. Well, they're doing a service job, essentially, but in a position where they'll never get tipped. Yeah. So it's like they still have to do all the same nice things waiters and waitresses will do, but get no extra bonus. I feel like people are really ready to be rude to them as well. Yeah, because if they're slightly delayed, they take it on them even if it's nothing to do with them.

1:05:18You get a lot of nice ones. You do get a lot of nice ones, but I just think maybe it's not on them as a profession, actually. It gives me the ick when you see someone who's got a job where they have to be nice to you. Yes. Because it's like you don't want to be nice to me, really. Maybe they do, but do you know what I mean? Some of them might just be nice people. American servers give you the ick. Yeah, it's cringy. That's my point. It is, yeah. All right, one more. Whatever it is, give it to me. Okay, this one actually gives me the ick but I think you're one of them Having their files on their computer be an absolute mess is weirdly adorable No, it gives me the ick and Fi's the worst for it Really?

1:05:54Fi's the worst for it Have you got your laptop there, Fi? Yours isn't clean though, is it? Yeah Is yours tidy? Let's see yours Mine is so, so tidy Mine's immaculate Yeah Can't handle it It's folders within folders within folders I've got so many tabs up That's awful mate See what I'm saying Change the power Why can't you get I can't do it Stevie That's quite messy Jack You've got random screenshots all over your desktop Why aren't they in a folder Let me show you Fee's No I don't want to embarrass Fee She's getting it

1:06:36That That is shit That is shit Sort it out Single PNGs on the desktop What's wrong with a PNG? Just organise them Oh fuck off with your PNGs One more Tying their shoelaces with the bunny ears method I just know they're singing The little song in their head whilst doing it Nah not for me What is the little song? I don't do bunny ears method No do you not? No. No, I don't. I do one loop and then wrap around a loop. Yeah, I do that. I do that. Bunny Is feels like kids' way of doing it. I wonder what the song is. What is the Bunny Is song? Isn't that a part of Big Daddy, where he teaches the kid in Big Daddy to tie his shoes?

1:07:23It might be. I think it's a part. I know there's a Bunny Is method. I've never done it, though, because it feels like you've got to create two loops. No, yeah. My hands aren't big enough. My hands aren't big enough. One loop. I never will. One more, because that was poor.

1:07:37what what is it

1:07:49get off me to read it what are you into yeah you read it don't read it ahead just say it

1:07:59giant cock sized thumbs nah fuck yourself mate boobus pussy lips. Fuck off. That's fucking the scuff. Can I be honest? That only says giant cock-sized thumbs. No, it said bloody hell. Get that on camera. You'll throw something. Oh, God. Boobus.

1:08:29Jack Maite's happy hour. An all-new season of the Hulu original series, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives is now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney+.

1:08:39Jaack Maate:Four years ago, we were just making TikToks. But it feels like there are no friendships left in mom talk. You act like you're better than everyone. You're not. I can't trust anyone in this group. She's just dead to me. There's so much the public doesn't know. Watch the new season of the Hulu original series, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. Now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney+. For bundle subscribers, terms apply. Hey, first time? Love those sneakers. Thanks. Depop. Got them cheap. Oh, yeah? Okay, downloading. There's loads on there. Wow. Wish I'd had this last week. I just paid full price for mine.

1:09:19Oh, right?

1:09:21Jaack Maate:And you can't get these ones anywhere. Find what you want for less on Depop. Oh, sneakers worn once. Excellent condition.