692 - These Real Life News Stories Will BLOW Your Mind!

29:04After nearly two years in prison, what do you think happened? I think Suresh was out of Malik, out with Malik. You might have no idea. He's a mother. She's called Malik I'm doing a pun on Malik Well I'm also assuming I'm pronouncing these correctly So I apologise It was his dog What killed the woman? No it was just a dog's bones I think they'll know if it's a human bones or a dog's bones That's not the only difference Between a dog and a human I had a knock my answer in But I thought that I'm going in my mind like Pod funny ending Not it was actually his brother Oh, no. These don't necessarily have funny endings.

29:49They would know if it was a female skeleton or a male skeleton, though. But why am I trying to guess who some bones are? No, you're not. That's not what you're guessing. What am I guessing? He's been in prison for almost two years, and then something happens. I think somebody kidnapped Malik and replaced her with some bones of another deceased person that they dug up to get this man put in prison, so new man can make sweet, sweet love to Malik. Okay. I think she just turns up out the blue and she just says, like, I just left him. What are the bones then? Human skeleton. Why is that there? They might not be relevant.

30:34She's planted the bones because she's framing him. Okay. It's a good ending. Are we ready? Yep. After nearly two years in prison, a court-ordered DNA test proved that the remains did not belong to Malik and Suresh was granted bail and released. Okay, okay. The real twist came when Suresh's friend spotted none other than Malik herself alive, healthy and eating at a restaurant. She was immediately taken into custody and produced before the court by the police. she testified that she had eloped voluntarily to live with another man and she maintained that she was entirely unaware that the police had falsely accused and jailed her husband for murder.

31:20Who were the bones? Just someone else. I can't be arsed, Jack. Hold on, you both did quite well. What, mate? It would have been an amazing story if we found out what the bones were. She's just fucked off. yeah but she's saying she had no idea her ex went he doesn't know he doesn't know she's left him he's put in a missing persons thing she's just run off because she doesn't want to be with him anymore he's put in a missing persons thing to the police because he clearly can't contact her he's then almost according to them forced by the police to just admit that he did something why would he go to the police and say she's missing if he was the one who did it this is the whole thing how is he coerced by the police to...

32:07It happens, doesn't it? Yeah, it does happen. Why would they want to do that? To close the case? To close the case. They can't be arsed working on it. Just say you've done it, mate. And they can't find Malik either, so they're like, these two things tie in together, and then now they've then got another open case because they've just assumed these bones. This is an unsolved mystery, Stephen. The bones element, yeah, but now the people we're talking about, solved. But yeah, she got no repercussions from this because she's just saying, oh, I just went off with this fella. Right. But she's going, I didn't know he went to prison.

32:37See, I think there's something shady about Malik. I don't like unsolved mysteries. I think there's something shady about Malik. Do you? Yeah. I think she faked her own death so she could live happily ever after with a new man. Who was closer there? Did you both say? I think you're closer because you said new man somewhere along the lines. I thought you did as well. What did you say? I just said she's left him. Both point. Both point? Or no point. I want no point. No point. I don't want a point. I want one. I'll take one. I don't like unsolved. Are they all unsolved, Steve? No, it's not unsolved.

33:12I've been thinking about that all night. Who were the bones? Who were the bones? The bones were irrelevant. They can't be irrelevant. Imagine it's just something the dog dragged in. All right. You happy with that? Yes. Yeah. There we go. Number three. Yeah. Am I 2-0 up? What? Why are you just giving yourself the point? I said I want us to both have points. He said I don't want a point. I still want the point. Oh, if he's having a point, I'll definitely take a point. He's not just saying you can have it. Well, I wanted it. Okay, 2-1. Can I have another one? In Baltimore, on October 20th, 2025, a 17-year-old student named Tacky Allen was sitting out...

33:50No. What's that? What's that? It's a sore. What are you doing? Trying to pinch a spot on your arm. No, I've just got loads of... Carry on. I'm just playing with my... Are you listening? Yeah. Tacky Allen. What was that? Sorry, I was way too focused on him squeezing his own arm. Sorry, Stevie. He's trying to get the pus out of a spot. I'm not. I've got like little hairs in there. I did think that's what you were doing. Sorry. It's disrespectful. No, I've got little hairs in there, so I'm trying to pull hairs out. You're trying to get ingrown hairs out of your arms. Yes. Cut all that, Fi. Keep it all in.

34:17I'm listening. I'm listening more than he is, mate. Yeah, because he's distracted by you. You're distracting me. Do you think I hear a name called Tacky Allen and I'm not instantly in? If I was a teacher... Who's at fault? Yeah. You two wouldn't be sitting with each other because you distract each other too much. He is literally... Ow, sir. Sir. Sir. Captain. Captain. Captain. Vice-captain. Come on. Come on. Come on. Let's fucking do this. Taki Allen. Taki Allen. In Baltimore on the 20th of October last year, a 17-year-old student named Taki Allen was sitting outside his high school after football practice when police cars arrived.

34:52Officers drew their weapons and Allen was forced to his knees and handcuffed while they searched him for a gun that was seen on a surveillance camera. What happened next? Oh, you're not giving us much to play with. Oh, yeah. They saw Alan with a gun. They've seen, there's footage of Alan outside the school and the camera is like, he's got a gun. So the police have turned up with their own guns. Oh my God, I know what it is. Forced him onto his knees. What? What? Have you heard this story? No, but I don't even want to say it. My idea is so ludicrous. Go on. No, you've got to. He's got a massive cock.

35:27Oh. Wowzer. That looks like a gun. What, you think he's got it out? It's like, have you got a gun in your pants? They've seen it in his tight gym trousers, and they've gone, he's carrying a weapon, and it's his penis. That would be unbelievable. I think he'd have a different nickname, though, than Tacky Allen. What would it be? Oh, has he been given the nickname after this? Cocky Allen. He hasn't got a nickname. It's his name. What is this Tacky Allen? It's his name. Why have you assumed it's a nickname? I thought they were calling him Allen, but he's like a bit tacky. Yeah, he's a bit grubby.

35:57Or like he's a bit cheesy. or like he's his first name is T-A-K-I oh his surname is A-L-L-E-N I help my uncle Jack off a horse type scenario that's what you said but you were like when I hear a name like Tacky Allen I mean yeah I was thinking it was some like we had Dirty Lloyd it was like some Gavin and Stacey thing yeah sorry sorry is that on me I don't know if I can explain that I thought that was a Dirty Lloyd thing maybe I don't know if Tacky Allen would have just T-A-K-I AI, Alan. Dirty Lloyd apparently had sex with a girl. Just pure, normal sex. And she said he had penis on his... He had shit on his penis.

36:39What? I don't know. We called him Dirty Lloyd after that. The only way that can happen is purposeful. Toilet seat or something. Sat back. Hold on. So how's she noticed? I don't know the details. I want to explore this story. This was 1999. Can you get in contact? This was 1999. You were sex, Jack. I mean, this was 2009. she's gone in and told people I had sex with him he had poo on his willy what a horrible read but then she's still doing it yeah she's still doing it I don't know if they still fornicated after that but Taki Allen I think what happened is they've gone in they've gone Allen get down why are they using his last name they don't know his name it's just a guy I've ever seen on camera I think he god this is odd because I think his is quite good the big bit it's great Stevie was too surprised by it I think it's a really good answer it's a good theory it's actually a bit annoying because that's a better ending I was not right then well you're not going to say the same thing as him because I'd defeat the point of the game I think he he so it's not going to be a gun is it I think he was carrying a pencil case okay full of guns how many guns can you fit in a pencil case no I actually I actually can't think of anything remotely interesting so I'm going to save the listeners the aggro and I'm going to sit this one out yeah that one's of course you get the point no matter what yeah thank you But if you stuck with pencil case, you probably would have done it.

38:00It's a great story that I've told there. Why? Because they've now got these AI intelligence enhanced cameras that will identify things for you. Yeah. And they're looking for the gun. Right. It was a bag of Doritos. What? They've forced the police to go out and get this guy on the floor and handcuff him because he was eating a bag of Doritos. Does no one check the footage? which what gun is blue or red ai shit well maybe it's the new there's a black ones over there the extreme heat ones yeah maybe that was what he was gun shaped are they no that's what i'm saying the the camera fucked up and i guess they don't have time to check if they're getting an alert saying this guy's got a gun at a school look oh yeah exactly i'm not gonna shit on this because i imagine schools in america are quite tense and we can't fuck around with school shooters probably why they've got the cameras as well.

38:53It'd be a quick thing. Someone can't constantly be checking, but if they've trained the cameras to be like, if you see anything that looks like this, they've got to go to it, haven't they? Just rewire your AI system and make it be able to differentiate between Doritos and guns. Important tip for you. They should think about that. Maybe when they were training it, the guy was eating Doritos and accidentally put them in the shot. And I went, I think that's a gun as well. Maybe. I will never know. We'll literally never know. And he's also got a massive knob, so I'll get the point. 2-2. I thought Captain Banch would be funnier.

39:29Yeah. Quite dark. That wasn't dark. Well, it's sort of around school shootings, isn't it? A New Zealand woman calls the police. Senior Sergeant Steve Aitken said the woman sounded like she was gagging or had a medical condition. She could only grunt, Aitken told the Daily Times. Police reported to her home and found that the 64-year-old woman... What do you think happened? It wasn't a woman. Oh, God. A lot of these things turn out to be not the thing that you set it up to be, as we saw with the hedgehog being a poo and a gun being a bag of Doritos. What? It was a hat. Oh, yeah. I've still got poo in my head.

40:10I think it's a feral pig that has entered someone's house and has managed to somehow knock the phone over with its now and dial 911. So specific, that. That's what you're here for, mate. She's doing something else. Now, you are wanting me to say that this woman, this woman that I will treat with respect... 65-year-old woman. 64-year-old, yeah. ...is pleasuring herself. I'm not wanting you to say that. He is trying to get us to say that. At 64 years old? I'm not trying... You did the tweet about your nan. How old is she? Older. Way older. That was a joke. Women in those ages don't do that. They might.

40:51How old's your mum? Not 65. How old is she? Why? Too old for you. How about that for an answer? Is she too old for herself? Yeah. Is yours? Good question. Is she too old for herself? What do you mean? Could you not give a shit if your mum was pleasuring herself? I honestly could not give bless him a shit I don't want to know anything about her I don't want to know if she's going to Chelsea Flower Show But if you heard that information That's definitely true How would you react? I don't know the woman mate What's happening? I'm trying to turn it back on in but it doesn't work Yeah because you've gone for somebody He doesn't care about Ask him about something he cares about I don't think that's what that woman was doing I think she was on a wee fit Once she called the police she's at pocket dial the police and she's doing a wee fit okay so she did mean to call the police she had mistakenly glued her lips together wow because she thought her lip she thought her glue was lip cream she's gone to use it on her lips and trapped her lips together oh my god that is horrific yeah she super glued her own lips together instead of using a knife she was trying to moisturise her lips you'd never have that problem would you Me?

42:10Because I've got no lip? Yeah. You've got no top lip. I've got no lip. It's just all skin, isn't it? I never think about it. When you say it, I'm like, what the fuck? Where are these guys' lips? What do you mean these guys? This guy. Where is this guy's lips? Move your tash up a bit. Let's see it. He does it as well. It's weird. No, because you're making it look like you've got a lip now. My tash is high. Don't pull your lip up like that. I'm not touching anything other than the hair. Just look in the camera. Leave your tash. Don't touch your face. Yeah, there you go. No lip. You just got a hole Yeah Yeah I got no lip No lip at all Are you pissing my chin No it's still my mouth Sweet chin music Can you open your mouth wide Not really Not really no What is that not wide No it's not wide That's pretty wide That's wide yeah Yeah Alright Yeah Alright back to the No top lip at all Sorry I thought you liked that story Really jarring It's really jarring me You made Robbie put nail varnish on his lips Yes So this is a similar situation.

43:11So who gets the point then, Stevie? I've said she was actually not a woman and was a pig. And he said she was fingering herself. No, he said she was on the Wii Fit. I don't know if I can give either of you a point now. No, I don't want any points. 2-2 still. Yeah. I think mine was closer. Story number five. Yeah, definitely because mine was literally a pig. What? How? You got... Sorry, sorry. I'm going to go back. Jack got the point when he said shit was a hat and I conceded that stupid yeah because you didn't go anywhere near it yeah and he's just why are we drawing now when he has literally just said the woman was a pig that's a great point but you've given the rules out now the point is out you still said she was just surely on the spectrum I'm closer yeah but I think the fact that she's there and not a pig.

44:05But the poo, he's, like, if you boil down the first one, the person has taken in something that isn't a hedgehog, not even an animal, and thought it was. Yeah. Doesn't matter that it's a poo or a bobble. In this one, the woman has meant to call the police because she's done something to damage herself. You thought she was on the Wii Fit. Yeah. Still a woman though, isn't it? It's still closer, still in the same sphere. Do you want him to have the point? No, no, it's given now, Captain Bance. All right, well, I'll remember that one. Yeah. What's that mean? I don't know. He's forgot every other story.

44:37Okay. How many more? We got four left? This is, yeah. Okay. And it's two, two. This one's mental. Could be a draw. Be annoying. Okay. In 1982, a woman boarded the wrong bus on an attempted shopping trip from Thailand to Malaysia. What? Yeah. She's getting a bus to go to a different country to do some shopping. Yeah. Fuck me. Fair enough. Probably closer, I reckon. Do you reckon? I imagine that closer than we think. On the border. On the border. Yeah. And we're back. Streaming on Peacock. May I present to you the award-winning staff of the Toledo Truth Teller. Slightly, let's jar something loose.

45:15Aye, yes! I like that. The Certified Fresh Series returns. You're a boss. You always like this, or is this just an act? Oh, no, this is mad. Oysters, everybody! Has it happened? There is a certain satisfaction when you work with someone. Maybe we could be a family. You sadistic pig! The Paper. New season streaming September 9th, only on Peacock. This show gives me a reason to laugh. I'm not giving up. I am selling the building. The final season of FX's The Bear. The restaurant is flooded. Everything's either going to be okay... No! Stop! ...or not. We are outgunned and we are outmanned. We have each other.

46:01FX's The Bear, the final season. All episodes now streaming on Disney+. At ZocDoc, we know being a healthy adult is like living in a video game. Every day has side quests, taxes, laundry, birthdays. And just when you're leveling up, you have to book a doctor. The insurance portal crashes. They put you on hold. Your doctor doesn't take your plan. Game over. We see you. So we made booking a doctor easy. Download ZocDoc. Search by specialty, insurance and availability. Book instantly. No cheat codes required. Find a doctor you love with ZocDoc. Jayana told her eight children she accidentally boarded a bus bound for Bangkok instead of Malaysia.

46:42And once there, she boarded a second incorrect bus to Chiang Mai because she couldn't read or speak Thai, could not read or speak Thai or English, the Times of London reported. She was hundreds of miles from her home. Well, you'd know, wouldn't you? What do you think happened next? She's ordered two wrong buses, accidental. I think it said she's about 1 ,200 kilometres from her. You would know, wouldn't you? She's kind of got on mega buses instead. I've got it. Go on. She gets on a plane to try and quickly get home, and she goes miles away to another country. So she's trying to do the weekly shot.

47:19She flies to London. So how does she get home? Huh? How does she get home? She just has to fly back. I'm going to go slightly different to that. I'm going to say instead of going back, she couldn't be arsed, she just settles in a new place and she makes a new life there. Oh, wow. That's sick. The woman then spent the next five years begging on the street in the city and was often mistaken for a member of a hill tribe because of her dark skin tone. Oh, that's racial as well. She was then arrested in 1987. What was that for? On suspicion of being an illegal immigrant. Oh, God. Which she technically was.

47:56All right, Farage. A legal immigrant. She's gone to another country without meaning to. Mr. Stop the boats over there. I thought you'd love boats. You're a captain. And then she was sent to social services hostel when authorities were unable to determine her origins. 25 years later, three students from her home village arrived at the hostel for training and they were able to finally communicate with her and helped her find her way home. Wow. that should be a movie yeah that should be a movie yeah that is a sick story I'm bang on I hope it is real loads of articles about it online some of these might not even be real no but there's loads of articles about it online it just sounds ridiculous to me what are we doing here man it just sounds so ridiculous to me I hope it is real wasting our fucking time it just scares me that it's not because it's so ridiculous I hope it is real well you've brought it to the pod it's in loads of articles but you know sometimes people What would you call it?

48:58I would call it Doing the Big Shop That's not good Don't act like that's good It's a fucking comedy Let's write it What's funny about that? She's been arrested Yeah but then ultimately it would work out well The Big Shop That's such a good title What was her name? Offhead Charlie Jack gets the point now too much. Jack gets the point. He said he settled in the new place. She kind of did. The title was brilliant. The Big Shop. The Big Shop coming to screens near you. Who would play her? Wow. That's a tricky question. Well, it's an option. What does she look like? Probably from Thailand. Because that's where she started.

49:53but darker. Yeah, well, darker skin than Chinese people. What are you going for? Asian female. Trying to go through. I'm worried, right? And I'll be brutally honest. I'm worried about naming someone that's not from that. We'll move on. And that is my truth. Yeah, no, I like it. So I'd rather not. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. When you search, I just searched her name and it comes up with loads about her. The NBC News says, you figure she could have walked back by now. They've just let 25 years she's been away. That's harsh, isn't it? Yeah, that is harsh. It's actually not even very funny or well thought. What, the headline?

50:47My Nan Kid Player. You see my nan? Yeah. your nan could there you go is your nan up for an acting role is she fancy it or no she's content she can't be arsed she's content how old's your nan like 87 or 88 or something no she hasn't said I'm gonna turn the aircon back on yeah I actually quite need a wig well we got three more

51:15is it funny if I give you the exact answer it's gonna be about a dead body the answer make sure you answer after him. He might guess though. It's actually a life-size sex doll. Like a realistic sex doll. Okay. Life-size realistic. It's not even for the editor's fan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Life-size realistic sex doll. I'm going to deliver this like I've just heard it the first time. I love being naughty. Okay, are we ready? Yeah. Three, two, baby. What happened on that one? I got the point. It was bang on. Got the point. You worked. You smashed it. Well done. Double points, I think. if you look in the fine print.

51:52Is that the first one that's actually been bang on? Yep. Apart from these next three. Here we go then. 3-2 to Jack. Alice Cowdery said she and her dog Sadie were walking on Tapao Beach, south of New Plymouth, in the Taranaki region, when the canine led her to something washed up in the sand. I just sort of froze and felt sick, she told Radio New Zealand. Well delivered. I could see it was definitely the shape of a torso, face down, and I could tell it was a woman's figure. I overdid it that time. Yeah, because he got the compliment, so he ran with it. I could see it had fingernails, and the toes were really realistic, so it really looked like a human figure.

52:29Audrey called police, and three officers responded. He's ran back in the performance. What do you think happened? They did stumble on the words. Right, okay, it's not going to be a human, because as we've seen, these follow one clear sort of trait. There's a twist. Yeah, and the twist is it's never the thing that says it is. I think, my brain, I don't know about you, is going mermaid. Mine was not going to something that doesn't exist. Where was your brain going? My brain instantly went to... Tortoise? That does exist, but... I don't know why she'd get confused. Let me think. So she's seen something.

53:07She thinks it's a body. The dog's found her. I think she's... She thinks something's dead. She thinks she's found a... Tortoise. Headless. I know it. Woman on the beach. What? What? A... She stumbled across something that looks just like a human but isn't a human. And it's a life-size realistic sex doll. Oh, Jacob Hawley's sex doll. What were you thinking? You had a little brain thing there. I instantly, when you was reading it, thought tortoise. You said mermaid. Yeah, but that was from more of a comedic effect. Can I just say, she did say, I could see it was definitely the shape of a torso So face down, and I could tell it was a woman's figure.

53:51I could see it had fingernails and the toes were there. Someone's been sleeping with it down the building. And you said Taurus. I think it is my final answer, please, Jeremy, is Clarkson. Is it liable to hear? Yeah, that's... Yeah. Sorry, Jeremy. Should we cut the whole thing? Yeah. Cut Fee after I say Jeremy. You said Jeremy. Yeah, and then he goes Jeremy. Jeremy. Oh, Jeremy Why am I acting now?

54:24For the audio listeners We've just cut some stuff For anyone We've just cut something Now this is funny now We've just had to cut something And I had to do The re-reaction of something And I've acted it for some reason Jeremy That would have stuck out So much What the fuck was that? He got well into it Jeremy Sorry, Sherry Jeremy. He doesn't want to be a millionaire. So my final answer, Jeremy, please, is that she stumbled across the corpse of a dead squid. You've got the curves of the woman. The fingernails were no fingernails, but the suckers on the squid's legs. That's my final answer. Let me have the point.

55:08Lock it in. Okay, so she called the police. Three officers responded. And then I sort of saw one of the cops nudge it with his foot. And I thought, he's not going to nudge it if it's a body. She said the identity of the object became clear once it was flipped over. It's an object now, see. You could tell it was a sex doll, she said. The dummy was so heavy that it required all three officers to drag it back to a patrol vehicle. Wow. Sex on the beach. Sex on the beach. It's a cocktail because people have so much sex on the beach. He just had double points for getting that exact as well. Oh, yeah.

55:42Yeah, so I got double for the last one. Free, free. Free, free. Two more stories. This could be a draw. I've actually, I've got three more stories. Oh, perfect then. Short one here. Okay. His name's Alfie, but. Oh, that's, you know. That's vice. I can't change that. Do you know what I mean? Like, we laugh at each other, but not for things we can't change. That's too much. You spent five minutes laughing about my lips. That's too far. No, it's too far. Five minutes laughing about my lips. It's too far. When you can't change it, it's too far. Do you know what I mean? My lips. Yeah. You know. You gave my teeth a shout out when you were performing on stage once.

56:14Well, you did that to yourself You did what to myself You put teeth on you You put tattoos on you That's not something you can't change Why have you brought up the tattoos? Because I was saying it's fine if you take the mick out of my tattoos Okay I never would do that because I respect you Are you allowed to say things about my lip? Are you allowed to say things about my lip? What is he going on about? I can't understand him I cannot understand him Put your teeth in I've got teeth. I don't know. Tell me about my... That'd be the opposite. My teeth are showing more because there's no lip covering them.

56:57Gummy, if anything. It's so nasty. It's the end of the day and we're getting nasty. You're getting nasty. Come on, keep reading, Lipby. No, it's lack of lips, isn't it? Lipless. Yeah, lipless makes more sense. If you're going to insult me, Do it right. Happy lipless. A mishap happened. It's not enjoyable, is it? No, sorry. It's not nice. Didn't you pronounce peas? Or is it like pea? Yeah, I've still... Where's that puppet from? You look like a puppet, though, because instead of your lip doing anything, your bottom mouth just opens. All of our mouths open from the jaw. That's how mouths move. Do you think your upper head...

57:40Go to give me a kiss. Go like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, they appear. Yeah, they're like Fucking hell, they appear I can kiss you I bet you're a good kisser I bet you're a good kisser That's weird as well Why is that weird? Go back to insulting me Why is that weird? Okay A mishap happened It's like a dog's erection Comes out Your lip I got that Now you're thinking about dog's cocks Imagine that You're going to kiss a dog's cock Why? No, no Because it would look like It would look like nothing Wouldn't it? It would just look like absolutely nothing And suddenly there's a lip And there's a dick Bang move up oh god that was so terrible and you're in frame you're in this frame a guy came and asked me a guy came and asked me for a photo recently and he went I've always got the podcast on in the car and stuff and his girlfriend was there and she went she doesn't listen to it though and she went yeah look sometimes we're just like driving around and I just keep hearing wank wank wank I'm sorry and now they're going to be listening to this She's not going to want to be listening to it.

58:42And she's going to hear Jack go, imagine you're there. Yeah, I know what I said. I know what I said. I can see why people don't listen. A mishap happened on a United Airlines flight from Los Angeles International Airport to Shanghai Pudong International Airport. Data showed the flight took off on time just before 2pm, but was diverted to San Francisco, where it landed just after 5pm. Do you know what's happened so far? Not really. flight's gone in the air three hours later had to go back yeah yeah we're good there were 257 passengers and 13 crew members on board why do you think the plane had to turn back i promise you i'm not just trying to be crude for the sake of it but i think there is a reason why this is on the list and i think somebody had such bad bowel movements that they stunk the flight out so bad that people were being violently sick and they turned round and returned home.

59:39Okay. That's really good. It's only good if it's right, mate. Could be a bubble hat. Pilot. It's the wrong pilot. It will be something like that. It's the wrong pilot. What do you mean? What does that mean? He's supposed to be on another plane. He's accidentally flown the wrong one and come back. Okay, so it's actually such a bland thing. Brilliant. But I'd never thought about this. Why not be real? I've never thought about this before. Right. But it's a thing, obviously. United said in a brief statement that the pilot didn't have their passport. So the plane had to return and someone else then had to fly it with a passport.

1:00:23The plane left Saturday evening, six hours behind schedule, and all of the passengers were given meal vouchers and compensation for the inconvenience. inconvenience. I have never thought about the fact that the pilot, the guy flying it, has to have his passport at all times. Well, that's one thing you would think the pilot would always keep on him. I guess it's like your driver's license. Well, I don't take my driver's license. But pilot license should be enough. Yeah. No, I think it's good. I like these stories of high security. Yeah, I do. Yeah, because you kind of like with the back to the Doritos and the gun.

1:00:55Like if I was at school and somebody wrongfully got accused of having a gun, the police came in, shut the school down, turned up to be Doritos. Ultimately, I would find it a good thing after the initial annoyance, because I know they're looking after us safely. But in that case, they've only turned around to save him the bother when he gets to China. Yeah, maybe what they should have done is landed, right? Carried on, gone. Everyone else, it's not your fault, you get in, and then pilot, you're not allowed, you've got to turn this fucker around and go back. That's something I thought of before.

1:01:26You know how, like, if you go to another a country and outstay your welcome or whatever. Say you go to America and you've got a visa that lasts you three months, but you stay four months. They're going to deport you, yeah? Yeah. Is that not like a free flight home? Can you not just book a single, overstay your welcome, and then they're like, you need to get home. We're putting you on a flight home. It's expensive though, isn't it? You could also, yeah, they'd probably bill you. Do they charge you? They'd probably bill you, and you'd probably get into some legal misstep. Also, you're out, well, you'd have to save up enough money, go out knowing, because you probably couldn't work.

1:01:55Do you know what I mean? so you get a work visa then but then you carry on you're enjoying it so much you forget to extend your visa that's a good question what if you go to an all inclusive and you get the wristband right and then you just carry on living in the hotel but you just sleep in like a tent round the back on the beach but every day you're having like the all inclusive food you're having the you're having the pool and you just live there forever that's a good movie as well yeah that's a good movie as well do they have all inclusives you could call it all inclusive purposes I don't like that at all and I really wanted to because your last one was bang on mate but I don't understand that whatsoever what do you mean?

1:02:33the phrase is all intensive purposes oh it's nothing like inclusive but if oh no I really wanted to like it so you're just staying I'm so disappointed in a tent do they have all inclusive places in the UK? yeah could someone who lives near one just go pay for a week You need the wristband though. You need to pay originally. Yeah, so you paid for the first one, but you only live around the corner. That's a YouTube video, isn't it? How long can I stay at an all-inclusive? Or a 24-hour gym, sleep in the loo. There you go. Someone's going to do that. I did think, and this might be insensitive, if a homeless person...

1:03:15Oh no, yeah, true. I was thinking, I haven't thought this through obviously, but I was thinking, if a homeless person could maybe get like£20 a month together, right easier said than done could they just get a gym membership and could they then use the gym as much as they want to have showers I think to sign up you need any form of direct debit you need proof that you can pay it fair enough right so that's a point to Alfie because he was accurate you were accurate does that make it 4-3 to Alf 4-3 with two to go oh my god okay the next one's a biggie I might just go defensive yeah yeah well I'm losing actually you should go defensive I'll go ball in the corner now, yeah.

1:03:55Yeah, and go really obvious. Okay, the next one's massive, so I'm going to do the smaller of the two, because then if Alfie wins, we're done anyway. Okay. Two parents open the door to police, and they're told their son has been found dead by the Spanish authorities. The mum, refusing to believe it, decided to call her son's mobile. What do you think happened? Well, I think we know what happened, don't we? He answers. he answers but that's all i've got can i give that as an answer no she found out the police have knocked on her door somewhere in england yeah knocked on her door and said i'm sorry to tell you this but your son has been found dead in spain by the spanish authority i'm gonna be really boring here sorry listeners i'm gonna say that they knocked on the wrong door she called up someone.

1:04:47Happened. He was fine. But, twist again. What's the next twist? Matey, who answers the phone, knew the boy that had died. So the parents did. So then they had to go around and tell some other parents. No, the parents wouldn't go and tell the other parents. The police would go, okay, we need to go and tell them. Why would they go, oh, do you mind? We've just done this one. Do you mind going to tell his mate's parents? He don't half shut you down, does he, when you go on a little... When you have some imagination. Yeah. I was really invested in that. Yeah. Could be a film. Yeah. Again, what would you call it?

1:05:22Yeah. The Wrong Boy. It's actually bang on again. Thank you. So yeah, it's a good hit, Ray. What do you think happened, Alfie? Maybe like, the boy is out in Spain because the mum wouldn't go, if the boy wasn't in Spain, right, the mum would go, in Spain? Why is he in Spain? She might not know. Nah, you'd know if your son was in Spain. My mum wouldn't. my mum don't know I've got a podcast does she not? eight years mum she didn't know? I don't know don't know what she knows I hope she hasn't listened Jesus who cares? not me right move on yeah but you brought that up god massively what do you think happened right he's out in Spain someone's got his ID and has passed away and they looked at his ID in his pocket and it's this guy oh Oh, that's brilliant.

1:06:15That is brilliant. Nathan Blake, 35, had just stepped out of the bath on the evening of August 16th when he received a surreal phone call from his mother to say that two officers had arrived at their home to deliver devastating but incorrect news that her son had died. What followed was a terrifying night of confusion during which a call to the British consulate revealed a bizarre twist. A man had been living under Mr Blake's identity for the past three years and had recently died in Spain. In 2022, the imposter was arrested in Barcelona and had provided Spanish police with Mr. Blake's name and passport details.

1:06:52He then went on to commit several offences under the stolen identity. It's understood. While it remains unclear how the man obtained Mr. Blake's personal information, it's believed the identity theft may have occurred during a stag trip to Barcelona just months earlier. Oh my God. When was that? 2022 stolen and he'd been doing it for so last year. holy shit you've got that bang on that's mad well i thought maybe he'd given his id to a mate to go out there and party but you're still pretty good pretty good i read more into this one because it is quite interesting but he's now having to like sort out loads of legalities because if he tries to go to spain again they have him in their records of doing all these crimes oh wow because the guy but surely he can go look it's him he's taken my fucking yeah so that's what he's now having to sort to he has to basically prove that he didn't do all these things but i wasn't in Spain then.

1:07:41I wasn't there. So he's having to pay all this legal fees and stuff to get it. Wow. Why was it him? Why him? The guy just happened to manage to get his stuff during... They think it was whilst he was on a stag, dude. The guy managed to steal his stuff. And he died. That's so scary. The criminal then died. And when they found him, they didn't know who it was, but they found him with identification, which happened to be this guy in England. Wow. 5-3 to Alphie... to Vice Spice. Vice Spice Baby. That's good, that. Vice Spice Baby. That's good. We had women running away from their partners and faking their own deaths.

1:08:17We had hedgehogs that we thought were poos that turned out to be hats. We had planes that had pilots on going to the wrong place because they forgot their bloody passport. And we had a man stealing another man's identity only to die and the original bloke's parents being told that their son had died. That was good, that. Yeah, and I only got told one answer. What? That's good. What? What? Huh? What'd you say? No, I was worried I was going to win by one. Why have you done that? I was just worried. What? What's he said? Why have you done that? What's he said? What you said? Why have you said that?

1:08:51What? What? Nah, it's just... What? What's happened? What's happened? What's happened? I've lost this. I've got to go, guys, so... It's good. It's been good. It's been good. Yeah. All right, it's been Jackmates Happy Hour with Stevie White and Alfie Indra and me. Jackmate, what's happened? Fee, at this point in the edit, cut in the bit when Jack was in the toilet. Just at the end. Nice. Thanks for watching, everyone.

1:09:15Which one was it? Do you know the mad thing? It wasn't even the ID one. It was a sex doll one. Pricks. Pricks. I was proud of you. Fucking hate doing this shit little pod.

1:09:34Jack Maite's happy hour And we're back Streaming on Peacock May I present to you the award winning staff Of the Toledo Truth Teller Slap me, let's draw something loose Ay yes, I like that The certified fresh series returns Your boss, you always like this Or is this just an I own this, isn't it Oysters, everybody There is a certain satisfaction when you work with someone. Maybe we could be a family. You sadistic pig! The Paper. New season streaming September 9th, only on Peacock. This show gives me a reason to laugh. I'm not giving up. I am selling the building. The final season of FX is the bear.

1:10:17The restaurant is flooded. Everything's either going to be okay... No! Stop! Or not. We are outgunned and we are outmanned. We have each other. FX's The Bear, the final season. All episodes now streaming on Disney+.